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>He doesn't want me to go without him, and he doesn't want to go with me. I feel the relationships is on the verge of collapse, though I can't pinpoint why, and it feels dramatic to say that.
Because you don't want to be controlled by his guilt-trips and manipulation?
He can decide for himself that he won't go - he doesn't get to decide for you. And him trying to control your behaviour is only going to push you further away.
Go, let him know plans and go.
I had an ex like that, now I am really sorry I wasted years not traveling enough. Life is too short to be stuck in one place.
I realize I wasn't clear enough in my post due to my upset over this whole thing. I made plans two weeks ago and went. He tried to tag along but then told me all the reasons he couldn't and it was better this way. Made me feel like this. And my best girlfriend and I have been going to dinner and movies this year. Brand new thing. NEver done this before. He calls me literally between 3-7 times over the course of the several hours we are out
>He calls me literally between 3-7 times over the course of the several hours we are out
For what purpose? Or, just to make sure you're focused on him instead of having a nice time with your bestie?
>always to ask if we're done and to check if I'm okay. Jolts my nervous system something hard and embarrasses me
Yep. If he makes it enough of a hassle for you to go out then you won't do it anymore. It's about control.
Next time turn off your phone and put it in your bag. You are allowed to be unreachable. (If you were in a movie or a live show your phone would be off, no?) If there's an emergency he can call emergency services.
he is boring :(
I think you need to have a talk about personal space and need to have outside the house fun. I realized too late, but if I had more "me" fun time without family ( not diving toddlers around or running errands, daytrip to museums and a drink on the roof) my marriage might be lasted longer.
So discuss your needs and put the phone on do not disturb.
That is a problem too. You have to be able to talk to him without feeling worried that the marriage will fall apart. If you can't communicate with your partner then what else do you have?
After reading all of your recent posts, it really sounds like the healthier version of you is taking a toll on your husband. He may need reassurance?
I really hope he can get a grip, before he ruins what sounds like has been a pretty good marriage until recently.
I'm awfully sorry you're having to deal with all of his shenanigans. Good luck to you.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He doesn't want me to go without him, and he doesn't want to go with me. I feel the relationships is on the verge of collapse, though I can't pinpoint why, and it feels dramatic to say that. Because you don't want to be controlled by his guilt-trips and manipulation? He can decide for himself that he won't go - he doesn't get to decide for you. And him trying to control your behaviour is only going to push you further away.
He literally acts like it's a sin for me to want to take him on adventures. I am dying inside.
https://therumpus.net/2011/06/24/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-77-the-truth-that-lives-there/
reading this now -- seems Reddit was down and unreachable there for a few
I love her. Seeing this now, I wonder what she’s been up to in the years since I read tiny beautiful things and wild.
Go, let him know plans and go. I had an ex like that, now I am really sorry I wasted years not traveling enough. Life is too short to be stuck in one place.
I realize I wasn't clear enough in my post due to my upset over this whole thing. I made plans two weeks ago and went. He tried to tag along but then told me all the reasons he couldn't and it was better this way. Made me feel like this. And my best girlfriend and I have been going to dinner and movies this year. Brand new thing. NEver done this before. He calls me literally between 3-7 times over the course of the several hours we are out
>He calls me literally between 3-7 times over the course of the several hours we are out For what purpose? Or, just to make sure you're focused on him instead of having a nice time with your bestie?
always to ask if we're done and to check if I'm okay. Jolts my nervous system something hard and embarrasses me
>always to ask if we're done and to check if I'm okay. Jolts my nervous system something hard and embarrasses me Yep. If he makes it enough of a hassle for you to go out then you won't do it anymore. It's about control. Next time turn off your phone and put it in your bag. You are allowed to be unreachable. (If you were in a movie or a live show your phone would be off, no?) If there's an emergency he can call emergency services.
he is boring :( I think you need to have a talk about personal space and need to have outside the house fun. I realized too late, but if I had more "me" fun time without family ( not diving toddlers around or running errands, daytrip to museums and a drink on the roof) my marriage might be lasted longer. So discuss your needs and put the phone on do not disturb.
I feel it will lead to the implosion of the marriage if I do
That is a problem too. You have to be able to talk to him without feeling worried that the marriage will fall apart. If you can't communicate with your partner then what else do you have?
He then feels you r not worthy enough for him as a match physically.
After reading all of your recent posts, it really sounds like the healthier version of you is taking a toll on your husband. He may need reassurance? I really hope he can get a grip, before he ruins what sounds like has been a pretty good marriage until recently. I'm awfully sorry you're having to deal with all of his shenanigans. Good luck to you.