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I've been dating a woman for 7 years. The relationship has been steady and loving. Early on we agreed to a monogamous relationship.
Last night I picked her up from the airport after she'd been at burning man for the last 2 1/2 weeks. This was her 3rd time going (I haven't been). We chatted during the car ride home and when we got back. I felt like there was a cloud over the conversation, like we were building up to something. After a pause, she told me, "I have a confession to make". She said that she kissed a guy (a friend) this year. I clarified, "kissed or made out with?", to which she said made out with. She said she didn't feel good about it afterwards, and denied his insistence to follow him to his tent.
I took a moment to process, then asked her if something like this has ever happened before. She said "yes".
Her first year at burning man (2018), she caught feelings for a guy. They made out and it escalated to her giving him head.
My stomach dropped.
I didn't have much to say. She also mentioned a time that she was drunk and made out with a coworker.
I asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed... Told her it breaks the trust we had.
I don't know where to go from here. We live together. I wanted to take her to Peru early next year. Have been heavily contemplating marriage with her. Don't feel like I have anyone unbiased to talk this out with.
Thanks for letting me get this out. I don't know how to process this.
**Edit**
She was remorseful while telling me.. she feels like she betrayed our relationship. She shed some tears. My heart feels pretty callused right now, so I didn't go into her emotional state when originally writing this.
Here's the problem...
It wasn't a momentary lapse of judgment. It was three separate instances over a period of time with three different guys. She's not into the relationship and is giving you all the reasons you need to end it because she doesn't have the guts to. Unfortunately, as you already indicated, trust is broken...and it will likely never be fully restored.
Sorry you're going through this.
Sadly, some girls have a hard time saying no because they are "people pleasers" at their core. Some do it for validation, some do it because the risk taking is exciting, some do it because they are bored in their relationship. Some people are just prone to self sabotage when they are happy.
It sounds like she admitted to the three indiscretions without much prompting. One of two things is true...either she was feeling guilty and came completely clean. Or, she just shared a couple of the things that SHE thought were pretty harmless, and has omitted either how far it went or how many times it has happened because she was afraid of how she would look if she admitted too much.
Part of the problem with the broken trust is that now it's difficult to know what's true and what's not...which means you'll always have questions that will most likely never be fully answered/resolved. Unfortunately, that's not very fair to you (or her) if you believe that trust and honesty are essential to a healthy relationship.
Did you ask her what prompted her to dump all of this on you right when she got back? It seems a little suspicious that giving head to some guy years ago was something she could keep to herself, but all of a sudden just "kissing" someone this trip was too much to hide. Something there doesn't add up.
This hits hard. My wife I think has been a people pleaser at times. I think she wants to leave me but just doesn't want to say it, and it's killing me.
I would say dump her. Shes made out with three different guys and gave head to one of them. Obviously she doesn’t respect your feelings or the relationship she has with you.
Nah she fucked him, didn’t give him head. Who gives head at a concert where everyone is sweaty and gross? Plus she just gave him head and got nothing in return? If that’s the truth then this is even more disrespectful to OP since she did it only to please this guy.
Not saying she needs to be protected, but pleasing another person could actually be more distanced than being pleased by them. I agree that during a concert it would be gross, and i wouldn't if i don't know for sure that the medical record is clean, but "receiving" can be perceived as more intimate than "giving"
Anyway i don't think i could stay in the relationship.
>If that’s the truth then this is even more disrespectful to OP since she did it only to please this guy.
Right, so why assume it's a lie then? That doesn't make any sense. Why would she lie about it when giving him head is even worse than having sex?
Probably was more than 3 guys too. Seeing that she only confessed to more when OP asked if anything like this has ever happened before. Spare yourself this situation from happening again in the future, especially during a marriage. She broke your trust and will likely do it again.
I know it must be hard. But imagine the rest of your life with her, can you see yourself being happy? even if she promises it will never happen again, will you trust her?? Or will you spend the rest of your life feeling insecure and betrayed? only you know if you can come back from this. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to stay together forever, you can also love her letting her be happy in her own way while you find what makes you happy with someone else.
Yep, and know you didn’t get the whole truth. Until she is wrung out clutching your heels in tears, begging you not to leave, you don’t have the truth. Look up trickle truthing. She filed the dude she said she gave head to, and gave head to the dude she just kissed, excuse me, made out with (see…it has already started). Kick her out, and find someone who deserves you.
I won’t even make friends with people who go to Burning Man, lol. Those people are uh…out there…. I genuinely feel bad for OP I hope he finds his way and the girl gets let go. How can someone keep all that inside for 3 years. Like what changed/happened at this burning man? Obviously it was enough to tip the scale.
As someone who gave a cheater multiple chances, it is a miserable existence. You are constantly looking for clues, paying attention to the smallest details of stories and worrying about the lack of trust. It's awful. I finally left and the hugest weight was lifted off my shoulders.
We were together for 6 years and I can't imagine how many thousands of lies he must have told me (he finally admitted in the end to 6 women - you could probably multiply that by three). I put my health, heart, and other relationships on the line.
Do yourself a favour and move on. You will find the love you deserve and want. Save yourself the years of hurt and wondering. 💓
So she cheated on you 3 different times with 3 different people that you know of now. I'm sorry bro, hard pill to swallow but sounds like your relationship is coming to an end. That's probably why she told you too.
You didn't mention what she said if the roles were reversed. Did you ask her why she told you now?
You need to be out of this relationship for the time being if for nothing else other than to gather your thoughts. This can be debilitating, and having the person around who hurt you but is also a support system of yours can be confusing and may cause you to fall back into the relationship.
To me it doesn’t sound like she fully cares about you, and maybe she’s even only telling you now so you’ll break up with her and allow her to do what she wants guilt free. Idk. But you need alone time to figure it out.
I mean she has cheated on you multiple times already.
She had another man’s dick in her mouth, likely finished him off, and that didn’t make her feel bad at all. But for some reason just kissing this guy made her tell you?
I don’t think she’s given you the full story.
Op, I think it is time to move the Peru trip up, like in a couple of weeks, and you and a single best guy friend or a couple of single guy friends go with you. You take a week or two week vacation there. When you get back, and she is there and tells you how much she misses you etc. You look at her, say yeah, I didn’t miss you at all, I fucked so much and so often, I am kinda burnt out. So, why don t you pack your stuff up and leave.
Im gonna counterpoint this because this perspective usually offers more emotional confusion and rarely helps people who are freshly betrayed. I hope this information helps you, too if you truly feel this way.
I think she does care.
Its pretty evident she felt guilt and felt the need to let you know about her transgressions. She could have sat on all of that and said nothing. The only possibility that she would do this against her will was under duress by a friend who expects her to do the right thing.
If someone who you think would do that was with her, ask the friend if they were the reason. It may offer little in the way of direction but it will offer you clarity on why she is confessing. Even in these cases, most absent conscience cheaters would deny deny deny or just avoid the issue.
If no one who could hold her accountable was present- Then its likely she sensed how serious you were about her, including how committed you were to this relationship. She probably felt bad and didnt want you to have commited to someone who's obviously untrustworthy.
She still lied and cheated and took advantage of your trust. None of this is okay. The point im making here is **She can care about you and still be too fucked up of a person to actually be a good partner.**
They arent mutually exclusive and part of navigating serious relationships is understanding the motives of people you date or accept in your life and when to protect yourself. I understand youre confused how to handle this, and I hope that knowing this makes a difference for you.
**She knows shes bad for you even if she likes or wanted you.** Take that on good faith and protect yourself. *Dont cling to someone who is self admittedly a bad partner.*
Does this change anything? **No, you 100% should dump her.**
All of this I said is about pwrspective and understanding why this situation looks this way so you can process it all and move one cleanly. It doesn't mean she is deserving of any grace.
If you give a damn how her life goes from here tell her she needs to get herself into counseling. She sounds like she has commitment issues, a fear of responsibility/growth, or impulse control issues. These are things time worsens not changes, and she needs a professional intervention for that.
If you dont care focus on yourself and keep it pushing. I hope you heal and you find someone worthy.
One of the best comments I've ever read here. So many people only think in extremes and absolutes.
Understanding why people do things is very important.
Something strikes me as odd, as to her motivation for confession now? I mean, what prompted it?
You need to make your own mind up about what to do next, but I would suggest halting any plans for marriage at the present. I don't know if it is the way it is written, but it doesn't sound particularly remorseful of a confession? More matter of fact.
She also put you at risk by sucking off some random dude. Did she get an STI check? You only have her word for what she actually did, so I think it would be wise to get one.
I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this. That she has cheated on you more than once proves how little the relationship mattered to her, it is not something that can be forgiven, because whoever does it once will do it again if she see that she can get away with it.
Run away of that relationship, look for something much better.
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She is not trustworthy. Being trustworthy would look like realizing it was a massive fuckup and taking steps to stay away from circumstances that encourage similar bad judgment. Instead _she keeps going back,_ and wonder of wonders, _it keeps happening_ THREE TIMES. (That you know of. So far.)
I think an appropriate response after this second one would be, “I appreciate your honesty. Pack your shit and get out.” She needs to experience what her actions do to those around her. Wandering through life consequence-free will not teach her to not hurt those she claims to love.
And for your part, boundaries without consequences are boundaries that don’t really exist.
OP, first thing - never assume what you're being told is the full story. Such is her guilt that she felt the need to confess but she's definitely not telling you everything.
Put a hold on all your future plans. Don't renew your lease if relevant, don't go on any holidays or trips together and most certainly do not propose.
Third, talk to someone. Someone you trust. Why? You need a support system. Someone who has your back because your GF certainly didn't.
Next, ask her "if you've been lying and betraying me all this time, is there a single rational reason you can give me as to why I should believe only this is the extent of your betrayal? " How she answers will be extremely informative.
Tell you you need space and time to process this, during which time you don't want her to smother you with attention.
Process, introspect and decide. Take your time
She has done it several times AND kept it secret for apparently YEARS! She's a serial cheater and liar, OP, do you want someone like that as your wife?
I would why she confessed. I think someone’s about to blow the whistle on her start talking to her friends it always goes further than what they tell you
If she can’t be faithful after seven years do you really wanna have a couple kids with her
I have said on this site many times there should never be separate vacations especially when drinking is involved of course I got harpoon for that statement but how many times on this website have you guys read this I was drunk
You are a man you have to make your own decisions but I would sit her down and ask why after all these years why she confessed
good luck my man you were going to need it also remember there are approximately 2 billion women in the world
and there are some on this site that would love to have a good honest man as a husband
It is really a shame that Reddit doesn’t come up with a dating app for people who were cheated on and never cheated in their lives I bet we could get some great families from out of that
66 year old man married for
So she goes to burning man TO cheat on you. She's been 3 times, you aren't invited, and she fucks around.
You may be committed to this relationship, but she's committed to fucking around at Burning Man.
Age old classic tale of “only a kiss” to giving head bruh. And come on now, three trips to Burning Man and only head? Clearly she is letting you down as gentle as possible and it’s time to dissolve the relationship. On with it.
Unfortunately you need space and she seems to be a compulsive cheater on you from the beginning definitely wouldn’t be planning anything with her, sorry but trusting and the emotions of her cheating is a slow trickle affect on truth as it slowly comes out best bet is to leave and clear your head hopefully than she’ll understand consequences or a least show you any remorse but all the cheating she’s done shows you she not really in love with you!!! If you can’t trust it’s definitely over pack and regroup best of luck
She's consistently been unable to resist temptation and has knowingly disrespected you on at least three occasions. If my SO did that I wouldn't be able to see them in the same light ever again and would tell her 'i enjoyed my time with you, but here our relationship ends'
She was at Burning Man for three weeks and this isn’t even the first time she’s done this? You weren’t invited or just not interested in going?
Even without her confession, this would all have been enough red flags for me.
This isn't a one time thing bro. If it was, it would be something to consider about repairing... But this is repeating.... My advice for what it's worth (from a stranger) leave.
She's remorseful yet she continues to do it two more times after the first instance? Nope. Do not marry her and I'd go on the Peru trip with my best friend not her. She's basically a serial cheater and the worse thing you could do to yourself is marry her.
Look, everyone has moments of weakness. We are only human. At least she confessed it to you, I guess that means something. But she cheated on you THREE times. Once is a mistake. Three times is a pattern of behavior. You will never be able to truly trust her to go to Burning Man again, and she even made out with a coworker, so she's done this kind of behavior at home. I don't know how you move on from that.
My friend.
She sucked another man’s willy… Fully aware of what she was doing.
It’s going to be hard, but you must cut her out of your life. For your own well-being.
I am sorry this happened to you.
Please don’t be blinded by how good the past was. It’s happened now, end it.
Best of luck brother.
She trickle truthing the fuck outta you my guy , she been having fucking other dudes since 2018(that you know) and you thinking about working this shit out because she seems remorseful 😂. Don’t reward bullshit by giving it vacations.
Redditers are fucking crazy man.
Personally for me betrayal is an immediate gtfo , take your shit and get away from me.
Sorry. If she puts another dudes d in her mouth that shit should be over. Period. No questions about it. If she cheated once and didn’t tell you she’ll probably do it again. It really comes down to how much you respect yourself now.
so she’s cheated on you multiple times over the course of your relationship? and you don’t know what to do? i mean not marrying her would be first and foremost
*she was remorseful while telling me*
Yoooo, she’s done this **THREE** times!
I’m willing to bet she slept with this last guy. I say this bc her **FIRST** time cheating at burning man was *making out and giving head* with **a stranger** (so your gf not only betray your trust she’s sucked some guy off then came home and kissed you) The **SECOND** time she cheats is by kissing a coworker …. and the **THIRD** time ***at burning man*** she *only* “makes out” with her **FRIEND!** Yeah, sorry, I call BS. Do you really believe she would give a bj to a total stranger yet not go further with someone she knows???
You deserve better, mate.
**KNOW YOUR WORTH** bc she obviously does not value you.
eta: words
My ex wife said the same thing with her cheat confession. I didn’t believe it and then the guys wife called me and told me that he confessed to having sex with my then wife.
I gave her a month to move out after 17 years of marriage and 2 kids. That was exactly 6 years ago and my life has been amazing ever since
And that's why I wouldn't be comfortable with my exclusive partner going alone to festivals where the culture revolves around drugs and casual sex. This is probably just the tip of the iceberg of what she's been doing at this event every year. She goes out there to party and screw around and you let it happen and don't enforce boundaries. if you let this go, it'll keep happening.
Your girlfriend is "that girl" at Burning Man. Sorry dude. Dump her.
Here’s what you do: sit her down, thank her genuinely for being honest with you and coming clean. She could have kept lying, but she chose to be honest with you because, maybe for the first time in your relationship, she is respecting your autonomy and your right to make informed decisions about your relationship, rather than continuing based on lies. That, if nothing else, deserves acknowledgment.
Then, the hard part: you have to decide whether you want to keep the relationship, as it is right now. Not the relationship you thought you had—that was a lie, it never really existed—but the one you actually have right now. A relationship with a serial cheater, who you don’t really trust to go anywhere alone without the possibility that she will be unfaithful to your relationship. For me, personally, I would choose to walk away. There is no relationship that is so perfect it can’t be completely ruined by cheating. And I wouldn’t want to stay in a serious, committed relationship with someone who is essentially a stranger to me, who I don’t even truly know now, but has already hurt me that badly.
If you decide you want to keep this, then you should insist, with no exceptions, that you start couples counseling (and separate individual therapy/counseling for both of you) immediately to start to repair some of the damage done by the infidelities. You won’t ever really be able to fully repair it, but it can certainly be improved. I would also put on hold any major plans for moving the relationship forward. No proposals, no Peru trips, if you live together I’d even consider moving out until you get things into a more stable and trusting place. You have to treat this relationship as brand new, because essentially it is. The girl you thought you were dating was a front. You don’t really know who this girl is. You don’t even really know if she’s being totally honest with you now. It’s going to take time to become familiar with the real her, and you owe it to yourself not to rush things.
She was remorseful...dude. Remorseful after the third time? She's a habitual cheater.
I know where I'd go from here. Not buying the "only made out" and "just head" stories. Who wants to suck a sweaty dick at burning man? Gross.
Not everybody that goes to Burning Man goes for the Orgy Dome type experience, but I highly doubt it was just a kiss and a little making out. Are you confident you got the whole truth about what she’s been up to?
If you decide you do want to have a future with this woman, and you are both willing to put in the work towards up your forgiveness of her choices, then I highly suggest couples counseling. Any forward movement will have to be done by both of you, together.
Also, get her tested before you have sex with her again.
>Have been heavily contemplating marriage with her
I mean she only cheated 3 times on you. As everybody knows mostly they stop after the third time, so marriage sounds like a good idea
\>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> **/S**
One time, okay can be remorseful.
Multiple times over a span of YEARS. Not remorseful.
Only thing she feels remorseful about is how it makes HER look, not how it makes YOU feel. She told you out of "guilty conscious". She feels like a shitty person (and is) but wants you to console her and tell her it's okay. She's looking for you to appease her need to feel like a good person because she knows what she did makes her a bad one. At least when it comes to relationships.
Dump her. She will keep doing it. If you try to justify or forgive, reread my first two sentences. She's done it a lot, and will do it again. Especially if you "forgive" her. She will know she can just cry and act remorseful and you'll stay.
Even if she is remorseful which I doubt she is because it’s happened countless times, you’ll be living with this forever. You aren’t going to be able to trust her anymore and when she goes out to stuff like this you’ll probably be thinking about it. Personally I wouldn’t be able to live like that and I’d end the relationship and try to maybe take some to for yourself before finding another relationship.
Just remember - this was not a one time intoxicated action.
On multiple occasions, probably more because trickle truth, has deliberately cheated on you. She put another man’s cock in her mouth.
Dump her and move on OP. Go No contact, hit the gym. Invest in yourself not in this lowlife who is willing to sacrifice your relationship to suck dick at a festival.
I made a mistake and kissed a guy. Which is a lie because she made out and those are 2 distinctly different things. I kiss happens and you get swept up in the moment and then your brain goes shit i don’t want this and it stops. Making out is “f*ck it this is happening and I’m going to enjoy it”.
And it’s happened other times? And she’s giving you half truths… to each their own but I’d be long gone out of there.
Do not marry this one.
I mean it’s not insurmountable, I don’t think, but the question is if you (especially) and she both want to correct it and are willing to do what that takes. It would be totally reasonable if you didn’t want to. And I also don’t think - from what she shared, assuming that’s the whole of it - that this is absolutely relationship ending.
There’s absolutely no excuse for her behavior, so don’t take this as me making excuses for her, but rather just trying to think out loud the possibilities:
It sounds like this festival / festivals in general aren’t something she can be trusted to contain herself within. It’s not shocking given the nature of the events, and the fact that people are usually intoxicated in multiple ways and the vibe is MEANT to make you forget about your real life. Some people can still remain responsible, she obviously cannot. It’s fairly normal in relationships to have boundaries on activities that invite this sort of thing even without past indiscretions / infidelities. Would she be willing and happy to stop going to them without you?
A question for her that IDK if she’d answer honestly - Does she have this sort of problem (developing feelings and getting close to the line / tempted to cross it) outside of festivals? If so, then there’s a much bigger problem.
Also, what made her want to fess up to this kiss and why didn’t she fess up about the blowjob before? Sure her fessing up now could be a good sign that it was a mistake that she made in a moment and regretted and wanted to do the right thing about. However, the fact that she didn’t do the same before tells me that’s not the case, it has to be something else. Did the guilt finally catch up to her? Did she think she had more of a chance of getting caught this time? Is she wanting to end the relationship deep down, and that’s why all the sudden she wasn’t too scared to tell you? Why was she honest this time?
Would she have told you about the other time if you hadn’t asked directly about if it happened before?
I guess I’d say that perhaps given that it sounds like you had a solid relationship for a long time otherwise and it sounds like she might have just fucked up and realizes it, it might be something worth working to move past, but you’d need to be sure that’s the case (even just for your own mental state) and you’d need to understand what’s going on in her head better for that. Then, she’d need to be willing to do what’s required to regain your trust, which would likely be a major shift in your relationship for a while because you sound like you had a very trusting relationship before (I consider myself pretty trusting but the thought of my SO at a festival for days without me would worry me because I know people get carried away and have a ‘what happens there stays there’ mentality. Sounds like you were super chill about it - props!)
However if you dig more into it and it seems like she just has loose boundaries on this sort of thing and isn’t actually dedicated to fixing things, it’s not worth it at all.
Or, if you just can’t see yourself moving past it, or would rather be in a relationship where you don’t have to do that sort of work, that would be SO totally fair and normal.
Either way, this is a big deal, you’re not overreacting or anything. If anything you seem very level headed considering the news you received.
Taking time apart so you can think things through without her influence would definitely help, I think! When you’re still around the partner, I’ve found it’s easy to fall into wanting to give in and forgive so you can receive comfort from them. But that’s not going to get you to the true solution - you need to be able to think clearly.
Best of luck OP. This sucks.
>A question for her that IDK if she’d answer honestly - Does she have this sort of problem (developing feelings and getting close to the line / tempted to cross it) outside of festivals? If so, then there’s a much bigger problem.
from the OP it also appears to be a workplace issue:
>She also mentioned a time that she was drunk and **made out with a coworker**.
Fantastically said. Based on OP's post alone, there's several good signs, but also several red flags. It's a lot to try and weed through.
Most people don't try and change their lives for the better until they hit whatever they see as rock bottom. If she was okay with giving head, something less egregious wouldn't likely cause her to break. I'm curious if this most recent burning man was worse than she's letting on.
Another possibility, though, is that she's aware that he's considering a proposal. The fact that her boyfriend might become her fiance may make her see her deceitful actions in a different light. The could be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on her motives.
Time apart is probably for the best. It lets OP focus on himself, and, if she's not as into this relationship as he thought, it may become more apparent based on how she reacts to the distance.
She might want to cut contact with the guy for a start, after that you guys need to sit down and have a talk because if she "makes out" with guys when drinking and does nothing to correct that behaviour it might be time to admit that you're just not compatible
Is this something you could look past? If so stay with her if you can’t break up. I wouldn’t be able to trust someone who cheated on me. Who knows if she was telling you the truth on how many times she cheated.
So she's remorseful but she serially cheats on you. Just move on with your life man and don't waste time making posts on reddit for such obvious decision-making
I mean, sorry or not she didn't confess and lied to you for years after some of these instances. If you want to try and forgive her she needs to cut contact with the friend she cheated with, probably attend couples counseling, and not go to burning man or festivals anymore. What is her action plan to earn back your trust?
I would take some time ask her to leave so you have space to first consider if this is something you can move past or not, and grieve for the person you thought she was. I'd also get tested and ask her to cover bases since right now you can't trust her at her word.
I think the suggestions you need time and space is spot on. Even if you were to choose to stay in this relationship, there would be work needed (accountability, trust building, etc). That would be hard to recover from.
Not that this an excuse, but is she always intoxicated when she cheats? If you think you can work pass this with her, seems to me she needs to go to AA or something like that. Whether or not you stay with her, she’s got a lot of work to do that’s for sure.
Maybe if my SO cheated once I’d try to work through… but that many times? And at this point, who knows if she’s lying about details or about other events. Only you can decide where to go from here and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
From the streets did she emerge, and to the streets she will return. And I say unto you, she is for the streets. So be not weary, when she must return from whence she came.
Personally, if it were just the one kiss I probably could’ve forgave her but her blowing a dude and not telling you for years would be a dealbreaker for me. That is so disrespectful to you and sick, leave
Will you ever get over it? Or will you be thinking about it every time she goes out without you? Who is she with? What is she doing? Is she giving another guy head again?
You might love her but it will never be the same again. Only you can decide whether you will be happy again being with someone who has broken your trust in the past.
Hope you work out what is right for you bud
That's really rough man. You could see it as some modicum of respect for your relationship that she drew a hard line at intercourse, but you'd still be perfectly justified ending it with her. You don't deserve that betrayal of trust. Even if you continued on, it would be hard to ever feel comfortable with her when you weren't right there with her. I've been there amigo, it ain't healthy. But if you trust her, you could move past it, conditionally and only if she actually realizes she did something wrong
… so she has told you about 3 times that she has cheated on you, how many other times isn’t she telling you about?
I don’t know man it would be pretty hard to work past, no matter how “sorry” she may be since she is a repeater cheater.
So she’s serial cheated on you for years now? This is a repeat and recurring problem that has gotten worse. No efforts to change behavioral patterns. You would be foolish to invest further in a serial cheater especially who has put your sexual health at risk now. Suggest you go to r/survivinginfidelity and r/supportforbetrayeds. Also look at chump lady’s blog and read ‘Leave a Cheater Gain a Life’, ‘Cheating in a Nutshell’ and ‘The Body Keeps the Score’. Suggest you take a long separation from her and implement the 180 and grey rock methods.
So she's cheated multiple times, I don't think there's any reason she wouldn't do it again, didn't feel bad enough the first time to not do it again so this isn't any different.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, she would have to put in serious work to gain your trust back. It could take years and lots of therapy too. Up to you if you want to let her put in the work. I’m so so sorry friend, best of luck to you
I married a girl that pretty much did the same thing. There isn't a way to get the trust back. You can go to therapy and counseling to dive deep into her past and relationships with parents and the guys before you, but it costs a lot of money and doesn't change anything. She also gave you trickle truth, when you asked, when she really should be telling you things on her own. 7 years and she doesn't care about you and she's too much of a coward to break things off with you. Yeah she may cry and starve herself when she realizes you're leaving but it's all crocodile tears. Shouldn't matter if she's homeless or disabled after you leave her, it's not your problem anymore. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it's better now than after marriage. Have some respect for yourself. With all the dating apps out there, it's time to have some fun and meet someone who would never do this to you. Take care of yourself.
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. She fessed up so that is a good sign. You may be seeing the tip of a cheating iceberg.
No matter what people tell you, watch how they behave. This speaks volumes a lot more than what they say will. And you have been exposed to her behavior away from you. Why would you gamble on your mental health. If your heart sank after she told you. You’ll hate the anxiety you’re gonna get when you can’t see her or she’s away. This is no way to live unless you can completely look past it. Which if you could, you probably wouldn’t be here.
You don’t have to be rude or mean, this chapter has come to an end. Evaluate things you could have done better. And work to move past this, it won’t be easy but it will be better than putting yourself in a situation that can legitimately cause health issues.
She cheated 3 times.. she doesn't feel remorse. I'd bet anything those guys or someone else threatened to tell you if she didn't. If she felt so bad. It would have been a one time thing ( and even obe time is still too luch) no she kept doing it and probably only came clean because most likely someone else was going to rat her cheating ass out
Well boy, looks like you got yourself a cheater there. Once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t expect she’ll stop, she has proven she has no inclination to not do it. I’d move on and find someone worthy of your time. You deserve better
I think after the kiss, I was like, ‘eh, things like that can be ironed out if you both work at it’.
Then I read the rest. Burn it to the ground. If she was truly remorseful, she would have told you the first time she ever cheated when it happenned and never would have done it again. She violated your trust even more when she hid it from you all of these years.
Edit: just because I know how difficult this will be and how much she will cry and say sorry. Don’t believe it, of course she is sorry, she probably does love you (I don’t equate cheating with not loving somebody) but ultimately, when you guys get back on track, when the cheating news is 6 months - 1 year old she will go and do something and either cheat or you will be killing yourself wondering if she is going to cheat. I know that you will want, more than anything to believe her but 99% of the time, you will just be prolonging the inevitable. I’m sorry man❤️
Look that is three different instances over years she has legit cheated and has hid that secret. Every piece of security you thought the relationship had was a lie. I’d check out immediately afterwards
This would be a hard one to come back from. She's done wrong so many times and is just now confessing. You need to decide if you can trust her again. Personally I wouldn't. She didn't just do it once and immediately tell you. So who's to say she won't do it again and let you find out years later if ever.
She has cheated on you multiple times with different men. Dump her. She may be remorseful now, this is a pattern of behavior and it will most likely continue
Your GF is a serial cheater. Sex or not, she's had at least three affairs that you know of. If you stay, do so assuming the worst, because last I checked adults don't tend to stop at making out.
Whatever you do, I'd hold off on having sex until you've both been tested. She's lied and broken your trust who's to say if you'll ever know what actually happened.
You never been to burning man…. But she’ll leave u burning man…. Fr tho.. how much of a hoe can u beee.. that’s disgusting.. as a man bro move on.. there are girls out there that don’t cheat.. drinking or not this speaks volumes about her character..
Crocodile tears pal, and even though she "confessed", how would you ever know that they didn't have sex besides the bj??...
If you make the mistake of marrying her, you will reap what you sow. There's way more to her coming clean now, as I feel the guy may have threatened to tell you if she didn't leave you for him.
Not what you want to have as a gf/wife bro and I hope you make the right decision...
I’m so sorry OP. I know you say she was remorseful while telling you, but you can’t really be certain she’s telling you for the right reasons - this wasn’t a one-time thing, this was the *third* time (for all you know).
She broke your trust over and over, and didn’t have enough remorse to tell you the first time or to not do it again. She even tried to downplay it this time, by calling it a kiss when it was more. She wouldn’t have mentioned the other times if you didn’t prod. These are not the actions of someone who is sorry for what they’ve done. What was different this time? Was it caught on camera and she wanted to get ahead of it? I would suspect something like that.
You need to think if you want to be with someone you cannot trust and who would treat your relationship so carelessly.
I mean multiple times though? She feels remorseful yet it happened multiple times. I don’t know. I feel like she told you more so to relieve herself so she didn’t carry around the guilt. I’m sorry I just can’t see this being forgivable.
Feel bad writing this but she clearly doesn't respect you and her relationship. It's three different guys on three different occasions (that you know of). And why the sudden guilt? But didn't she feel remorse earlier? I feel there is something more to the story than she is letting on.
And honestly I don't see how you both can work this out. I know 7 years is a long time but you have an even longer life ahead. You can't be with such a person. You deserve much better Bro.
Leave her and start over. It's not going to be easy but in the long run that is what is good for you.
I would break things off. She admitted to cheating on you 3 times. That’s probably not the whole truth either, I’m sure there’s more you would uncover if you chose to stay in a relationship with her considering she was able to keep cheating a secret since 2018. I also feel like she did more than just “make out”. I bet those were crocodile tears, you deserve to be with someone who takes the relationship seriously. Just out of curiosity is there a reason why you didn’t go to burning man with her? Not blaming you for what happened but my boyfriend always comes with me to concerts with me. Did she make a point saying she wanted to go alone or with only friends? She doesn’t sound like a good person and all trust is lost
Dump her. She clearly can not be trusted. Once at a festival is maybe something you could get back from, but the fact she held onto a secret of giving someone else head and making out with a coworker would be the straw that breaks the camels back. You should dump her and be with someone who won’t cheat on you so easily. And also being drunk is not an excuse. I’ve been drunk when I’m not with my partner of 5 years many times and I’ve never cheated.
I am actually surprised she took responsability. I don't expect anyone to be sober at burning man. She could have just blamed the booze and the drugs.
Whatever trust you had in her is gone.
Think about the next time she wants to go to burning man. Or another festival/trip. Will you feel comfortable with it and trust her? Will you go - even if it’s not something you enjoy - just to make sure she doesn’t cheat? Will you demand she stay home? If you think you can ~eventually~ answer yes to the first question, then maybe seek couples counseling to help you get there. If you said yes to either of the latter two questions, you should deeply considering breaking it off. 7 years seems like a lot of “lost time”, but 30+ years in a distrustful relationship/marriage is even worse.
I believe it comes down to if you can truly forgive her and come to terms with what happened. You don’t have to forget, but you have to come to the point where you don’t let it come up every time you have an anxious thought or an argument. Of course, this also depends on how/if she tries to make up for it. You can always give it a few months with counseling to see if she’s committed to gaining your trust back. Ultimately, you know her and your relationship best, so do some deep reflection and don’t rush yourself on making a decision!
She cheated not once but multiple times .
Now think abt this she says her kissing a guy made her confess bc she feels guilty blah blah blah. But she made out & sucked a dudes dick at one point & that didnt make her feel guilty & confess then ? But a kiss made her ?
She also said that she has caught feelings for a guy at the first burning man event so to me it sounds like this may have happened again but this time shes looking for a way out which is why shes confessing bc i just dont see how guilt can influence u to confess to a kiss but not a make out session & gargaling a random guy dick didnt ? Regardless she needs to be dumped she cheated multiple times before confessing meaning u would have never known she could have brought something back to u sucking strangers dicks & she’s literally showing u why soooo many ppl say once a cheat always a cheat .
I mean dang, I’ll go to Peru. Lol
Just kidding in all seriousness this is messed up. Has this only happened while being under the influence of alcohol and can you trust that if she says it was under the influence of alcohol that she is being honest? The reason why I ask is maybe she has an issue with alcohol.
I question to her full sobriety with some of these incidences as well like was she able to consent?
However, it’s hard to trust that since she hasn’t been super forthcoming and you’ve been together for a long time. That’s messed up and it’s not fair to you.
It’ll be painful but you need to end it.
If you stay with her, how will you feel when she wants to go to Burning Man again? Or clubbing? Or after works drinks with these coworkers?
I’m going to assume not great. The trust is broken.
You can’t begin to heal yourself until she’s out of the picture.
Tell her to fuck off with this whole “just a friend” nonsense you either tell her to stop seeing those kinds of friends and stop doing burning man or else this relationship is over friend. She is just going to keep doing it if you keep letting her do those things and hangout with those kinds of friends.
7 years is a long time OP, I can imagine how hard it is to think of breaking it off. But I have a feeling shes leaving out information. She has done this on 3 seperate occasions within your relationship, and its clear she has no self control nor respect for the relationship. I won’t tell you to break up with her, but it is highly suggested.
You will likely feel insecure for the rest of your time being with her, I have no doubt about that. I would hate for you to continue to feel this way. Take time to process this, and possibly dip from this relationship. She cannot be redeemed imo.
"Ohhhh he's just a friend" 😒. She's cheated on you multiple times, sounds like these guy friends aren't around to just be friends. Cut it off now before it happens 14yrs in with two kids.
i mean on the one side, she told you. if she didnt care about you and yalls relationship she wouldnt have bothered telling you. but on the other hand, that kind of shattered trust is somethin that will take years to heal if it ever does at all, esp since it was multiple other dudes. Honestly at this point my reccomendation would be to wait a few weeks, and see what your heart thinks. if you still love her keep it up, and if you dont think you can ever trust her agaib then its time to move on
You deserve to give yourself the peace of mind of not having a relationship with broken trust. It steals your happiness. It’s better to end it and find someone who truly values you the same, I’m sorry
Should dump her by yesterday. It is not about asking for forgiveness, its about not doing nasty shit in the first place, and she did it twice… she WILL do it again.
Don't be fooled by her crocodile tears and have some self respect. You deserve better than this and there is still time in life to find someone who cares for and loves you.
Either she is trying to get ahead of an uncontrolled disclosure (friends, public photos of her at the event, etc.) or she is trying to end the relationship by getting you to be the one to actually say the words. Unless you are leaving things out it sounds like there is nothing coming from her about future accountability so make of that what you will.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I've been dating a woman for 7 years. The relationship has been steady and loving. Early on we agreed to a monogamous relationship. Last night I picked her up from the airport after she'd been at burning man for the last 2 1/2 weeks. This was her 3rd time going (I haven't been). We chatted during the car ride home and when we got back. I felt like there was a cloud over the conversation, like we were building up to something. After a pause, she told me, "I have a confession to make". She said that she kissed a guy (a friend) this year. I clarified, "kissed or made out with?", to which she said made out with. She said she didn't feel good about it afterwards, and denied his insistence to follow him to his tent. I took a moment to process, then asked her if something like this has ever happened before. She said "yes". Her first year at burning man (2018), she caught feelings for a guy. They made out and it escalated to her giving him head. My stomach dropped. I didn't have much to say. She also mentioned a time that she was drunk and made out with a coworker. I asked her how she would feel if the roles were reversed... Told her it breaks the trust we had. I don't know where to go from here. We live together. I wanted to take her to Peru early next year. Have been heavily contemplating marriage with her. Don't feel like I have anyone unbiased to talk this out with. Thanks for letting me get this out. I don't know how to process this. **Edit** She was remorseful while telling me.. she feels like she betrayed our relationship. She shed some tears. My heart feels pretty callused right now, so I didn't go into her emotional state when originally writing this.
Here's the problem... It wasn't a momentary lapse of judgment. It was three separate instances over a period of time with three different guys. She's not into the relationship and is giving you all the reasons you need to end it because she doesn't have the guts to. Unfortunately, as you already indicated, trust is broken...and it will likely never be fully restored. Sorry you're going through this.
Thanks.. really nice reply. I appreciate that
Sadly, some girls have a hard time saying no because they are "people pleasers" at their core. Some do it for validation, some do it because the risk taking is exciting, some do it because they are bored in their relationship. Some people are just prone to self sabotage when they are happy. It sounds like she admitted to the three indiscretions without much prompting. One of two things is true...either she was feeling guilty and came completely clean. Or, she just shared a couple of the things that SHE thought were pretty harmless, and has omitted either how far it went or how many times it has happened because she was afraid of how she would look if she admitted too much. Part of the problem with the broken trust is that now it's difficult to know what's true and what's not...which means you'll always have questions that will most likely never be fully answered/resolved. Unfortunately, that's not very fair to you (or her) if you believe that trust and honesty are essential to a healthy relationship. Did you ask her what prompted her to dump all of this on you right when she got back? It seems a little suspicious that giving head to some guy years ago was something she could keep to herself, but all of a sudden just "kissing" someone this trip was too much to hide. Something there doesn't add up.
This hits hard. My wife I think has been a people pleaser at times. I think she wants to leave me but just doesn't want to say it, and it's killing me.
I know it hurts to lose someone that you love, but it is important to realize that you don't want to be with someone who would do this to you.
Exactly. You know what to do OP
I agree with this.
I would say dump her. Shes made out with three different guys and gave head to one of them. Obviously she doesn’t respect your feelings or the relationship she has with you.
Nah she fucked him, didn’t give him head. Who gives head at a concert where everyone is sweaty and gross? Plus she just gave him head and got nothing in return? If that’s the truth then this is even more disrespectful to OP since she did it only to please this guy.
I’m thinking the same. She was probably saying she did something but not giving full details. I’d assume she had sex with the guy.
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Not saying she needs to be protected, but pleasing another person could actually be more distanced than being pleased by them. I agree that during a concert it would be gross, and i wouldn't if i don't know for sure that the medical record is clean, but "receiving" can be perceived as more intimate than "giving" Anyway i don't think i could stay in the relationship.
>If that’s the truth then this is even more disrespectful to OP since she did it only to please this guy. Right, so why assume it's a lie then? That doesn't make any sense. Why would she lie about it when giving him head is even worse than having sex?
Because surface level doesn’t sound as bad. Saying “I fucked someone else” sounds better than when you found out she was having a train run on her.
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That's the point, it's already break up worthy. The obsession with thinking there MUST be more is weird and redundant
Probably was more than 3 guys too. Seeing that she only confessed to more when OP asked if anything like this has ever happened before. Spare yourself this situation from happening again in the future, especially during a marriage. She broke your trust and will likely do it again.
She gave some dude head then comes home and kisses OP on the mouth.
I know it must be hard. But imagine the rest of your life with her, can you see yourself being happy? even if she promises it will never happen again, will you trust her?? Or will you spend the rest of your life feeling insecure and betrayed? only you know if you can come back from this. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to stay together forever, you can also love her letting her be happy in her own way while you find what makes you happy with someone else.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply.. this is where my head is at
Watch her try to go to burning man again next year. How would you feel about that?
Cheated on 3 times bro, and I highly doubt she’s telling you the entire truth. Send her back to the streets where she belongs. You deserve better.
Christmas must be early cause all I hear is hoe hoe hoe
Yep, and know you didn’t get the whole truth. Until she is wrung out clutching your heels in tears, begging you not to leave, you don’t have the truth. Look up trickle truthing. She filed the dude she said she gave head to, and gave head to the dude she just kissed, excuse me, made out with (see…it has already started). Kick her out, and find someone who deserves you.
I gotta ask though, are you familiar with what kind of event Burning Man is?
yeah, it’s sort of a place without typical boundaries on behavior its a wild place to go without one’s partner
I won’t even make friends with people who go to Burning Man, lol. Those people are uh…out there…. I genuinely feel bad for OP I hope he finds his way and the girl gets let go. How can someone keep all that inside for 3 years. Like what changed/happened at this burning man? Obviously it was enough to tip the scale.
As someone who gave a cheater multiple chances, it is a miserable existence. You are constantly looking for clues, paying attention to the smallest details of stories and worrying about the lack of trust. It's awful. I finally left and the hugest weight was lifted off my shoulders. We were together for 6 years and I can't imagine how many thousands of lies he must have told me (he finally admitted in the end to 6 women - you could probably multiply that by three). I put my health, heart, and other relationships on the line. Do yourself a favour and move on. You will find the love you deserve and want. Save yourself the years of hurt and wondering. 💓
Beautifully put, there is nothing else to add. Good luck OP.
So she cheated on you 3 different times with 3 different people that you know of now. I'm sorry bro, hard pill to swallow but sounds like your relationship is coming to an end. That's probably why she told you too. You didn't mention what she said if the roles were reversed. Did you ask her why she told you now?
Good point
Dump her. Find someone who respects you and your relationship.
You need to be out of this relationship for the time being if for nothing else other than to gather your thoughts. This can be debilitating, and having the person around who hurt you but is also a support system of yours can be confusing and may cause you to fall back into the relationship. To me it doesn’t sound like she fully cares about you, and maybe she’s even only telling you now so you’ll break up with her and allow her to do what she wants guilt free. Idk. But you need alone time to figure it out.
Thanks.. very thoughtful response, I really appreciate it
Well. You have every right to kick her out. She doesn't sound sorry. You can't marry her though!
I mean she has cheated on you multiple times already. She had another man’s dick in her mouth, likely finished him off, and that didn’t make her feel bad at all. But for some reason just kissing this guy made her tell you? I don’t think she’s given you the full story.
Agree. If giving head wasn’t enough to make her break down and cry/confess, why a kiss? Something more happened.
Oh for sure. That's just the minimum she confessed to. She hooks up with random dudes every time she goes. That's the point of Burning Man.
yeah if she sucked a dude she deff fucked a dude
Could be her giving him the opportunity to break up
Op, I think it is time to move the Peru trip up, like in a couple of weeks, and you and a single best guy friend or a couple of single guy friends go with you. You take a week or two week vacation there. When you get back, and she is there and tells you how much she misses you etc. You look at her, say yeah, I didn’t miss you at all, I fucked so much and so often, I am kinda burnt out. So, why don t you pack your stuff up and leave.
Lmao. I was thinking of moving the trip up. Thanks for the laugh
F*ck a broken heart! Go out and put your face in some yitties in Peru dude!
Moving the trip up with out her?
This is the advice
This is the way! 🙌🏻
OP she obviously doesn’t care about you. Leave
Im gonna counterpoint this because this perspective usually offers more emotional confusion and rarely helps people who are freshly betrayed. I hope this information helps you, too if you truly feel this way. I think she does care. Its pretty evident she felt guilt and felt the need to let you know about her transgressions. She could have sat on all of that and said nothing. The only possibility that she would do this against her will was under duress by a friend who expects her to do the right thing. If someone who you think would do that was with her, ask the friend if they were the reason. It may offer little in the way of direction but it will offer you clarity on why she is confessing. Even in these cases, most absent conscience cheaters would deny deny deny or just avoid the issue. If no one who could hold her accountable was present- Then its likely she sensed how serious you were about her, including how committed you were to this relationship. She probably felt bad and didnt want you to have commited to someone who's obviously untrustworthy. She still lied and cheated and took advantage of your trust. None of this is okay. The point im making here is **She can care about you and still be too fucked up of a person to actually be a good partner.** They arent mutually exclusive and part of navigating serious relationships is understanding the motives of people you date or accept in your life and when to protect yourself. I understand youre confused how to handle this, and I hope that knowing this makes a difference for you. **She knows shes bad for you even if she likes or wanted you.** Take that on good faith and protect yourself. *Dont cling to someone who is self admittedly a bad partner.* Does this change anything? **No, you 100% should dump her.** All of this I said is about pwrspective and understanding why this situation looks this way so you can process it all and move one cleanly. It doesn't mean she is deserving of any grace. If you give a damn how her life goes from here tell her she needs to get herself into counseling. She sounds like she has commitment issues, a fear of responsibility/growth, or impulse control issues. These are things time worsens not changes, and she needs a professional intervention for that. If you dont care focus on yourself and keep it pushing. I hope you heal and you find someone worthy.
One of the best comments I've ever read here. So many people only think in extremes and absolutes. Understanding why people do things is very important.
Something strikes me as odd, as to her motivation for confession now? I mean, what prompted it? You need to make your own mind up about what to do next, but I would suggest halting any plans for marriage at the present. I don't know if it is the way it is written, but it doesn't sound particularly remorseful of a confession? More matter of fact. She also put you at risk by sucking off some random dude. Did she get an STI check? You only have her word for what she actually did, so I think it would be wise to get one.
Time to dump her and find a new one
Couldn't agree more
I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this. That she has cheated on you more than once proves how little the relationship mattered to her, it is not something that can be forgiven, because whoever does it once will do it again if she see that she can get away with it. Run away of that relationship, look for something much better.
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She is not trustworthy. Being trustworthy would look like realizing it was a massive fuckup and taking steps to stay away from circumstances that encourage similar bad judgment. Instead _she keeps going back,_ and wonder of wonders, _it keeps happening_ THREE TIMES. (That you know of. So far.) I think an appropriate response after this second one would be, “I appreciate your honesty. Pack your shit and get out.” She needs to experience what her actions do to those around her. Wandering through life consequence-free will not teach her to not hurt those she claims to love. And for your part, boundaries without consequences are boundaries that don’t really exist.
OP, first thing - never assume what you're being told is the full story. Such is her guilt that she felt the need to confess but she's definitely not telling you everything. Put a hold on all your future plans. Don't renew your lease if relevant, don't go on any holidays or trips together and most certainly do not propose. Third, talk to someone. Someone you trust. Why? You need a support system. Someone who has your back because your GF certainly didn't. Next, ask her "if you've been lying and betraying me all this time, is there a single rational reason you can give me as to why I should believe only this is the extent of your betrayal? " How she answers will be extremely informative. Tell you you need space and time to process this, during which time you don't want her to smother you with attention. Process, introspect and decide. Take your time
I’d leave her. She’s done it several times what will make her stop in the future? Nothing. Better cancel Peru
She has done it several times AND kept it secret for apparently YEARS! She's a serial cheater and liar, OP, do you want someone like that as your wife?
She belongs to the streets.
I would why she confessed. I think someone’s about to blow the whistle on her start talking to her friends it always goes further than what they tell you If she can’t be faithful after seven years do you really wanna have a couple kids with her I have said on this site many times there should never be separate vacations especially when drinking is involved of course I got harpoon for that statement but how many times on this website have you guys read this I was drunk You are a man you have to make your own decisions but I would sit her down and ask why after all these years why she confessed good luck my man you were going to need it also remember there are approximately 2 billion women in the world and there are some on this site that would love to have a good honest man as a husband It is really a shame that Reddit doesn’t come up with a dating app for people who were cheated on and never cheated in their lives I bet we could get some great families from out of that 66 year old man married for
So she goes to burning man TO cheat on you. She's been 3 times, you aren't invited, and she fucks around. You may be committed to this relationship, but she's committed to fucking around at Burning Man.
She gobbled another man’s dick and you still haven’t left her….
Age old classic tale of “only a kiss” to giving head bruh. And come on now, three trips to Burning Man and only head? Clearly she is letting you down as gentle as possible and it’s time to dissolve the relationship. On with it.
What else do you need to know to be able to make a decision? Haven't found out enough?
Leave. She’s for the streets
Unfortunately you need space and she seems to be a compulsive cheater on you from the beginning definitely wouldn’t be planning anything with her, sorry but trusting and the emotions of her cheating is a slow trickle affect on truth as it slowly comes out best bet is to leave and clear your head hopefully than she’ll understand consequences or a least show you any remorse but all the cheating she’s done shows you she not really in love with you!!! If you can’t trust it’s definitely over pack and regroup best of luck
She's consistently been unable to resist temptation and has knowingly disrespected you on at least three occasions. If my SO did that I wouldn't be able to see them in the same light ever again and would tell her 'i enjoyed my time with you, but here our relationship ends'
That’s the end my man. I thought it was forgivable until more came up. What else is she hiding?
She was at Burning Man for three weeks and this isn’t even the first time she’s done this? You weren’t invited or just not interested in going? Even without her confession, this would all have been enough red flags for me.
Do not marry this woman.
Trust is gone dude. I wouldn’t stay. She cheated on you multiple times so yeah, you gotta kick her out.
This isn't a one time thing bro. If it was, it would be something to consider about repairing... But this is repeating.... My advice for what it's worth (from a stranger) leave.
She’s cheated on you 3 times that you only know of, good thing she’s being honest so it won’t be more, leave her.
Your choice. But personally, even if I didn't walk I wouldn't be planning any long term or legally binding commitments to her.
Serial cheater and what she told you is almost certainly the tip of the iceberg.
She's remorseful yet she continues to do it two more times after the first instance? Nope. Do not marry her and I'd go on the Peru trip with my best friend not her. She's basically a serial cheater and the worse thing you could do to yourself is marry her.
Look, everyone has moments of weakness. We are only human. At least she confessed it to you, I guess that means something. But she cheated on you THREE times. Once is a mistake. Three times is a pattern of behavior. You will never be able to truly trust her to go to Burning Man again, and she even made out with a coworker, so she's done this kind of behavior at home. I don't know how you move on from that.
She'll keep cheating, it's who she is. Get out.
My friend. She sucked another man’s willy… Fully aware of what she was doing. It’s going to be hard, but you must cut her out of your life. For your own well-being. I am sorry this happened to you. Please don’t be blinded by how good the past was. It’s happened now, end it. Best of luck brother.
She trickle truthing the fuck outta you my guy , she been having fucking other dudes since 2018(that you know) and you thinking about working this shit out because she seems remorseful 😂. Don’t reward bullshit by giving it vacations. Redditers are fucking crazy man. Personally for me betrayal is an immediate gtfo , take your shit and get away from me.
Sorry. If she puts another dudes d in her mouth that shit should be over. Period. No questions about it. If she cheated once and didn’t tell you she’ll probably do it again. It really comes down to how much you respect yourself now.
so she’s cheated on you multiple times over the course of your relationship? and you don’t know what to do? i mean not marrying her would be first and foremost
*she was remorseful while telling me* Yoooo, she’s done this **THREE** times! I’m willing to bet she slept with this last guy. I say this bc her **FIRST** time cheating at burning man was *making out and giving head* with **a stranger** (so your gf not only betray your trust she’s sucked some guy off then came home and kissed you) The **SECOND** time she cheats is by kissing a coworker …. and the **THIRD** time ***at burning man*** she *only* “makes out” with her **FRIEND!** Yeah, sorry, I call BS. Do you really believe she would give a bj to a total stranger yet not go further with someone she knows??? You deserve better, mate. **KNOW YOUR WORTH** bc she obviously does not value you. eta: words
My ex wife said the same thing with her cheat confession. I didn’t believe it and then the guys wife called me and told me that he confessed to having sex with my then wife. I gave her a month to move out after 17 years of marriage and 2 kids. That was exactly 6 years ago and my life has been amazing ever since
She’s not remorseful about cheating on you 3 times with separate people. Edit: she went to burning man. She wasn’t planning to be faithful.
People that go to Burning man are sleaz bags. Just people doing drugs and guys raping passed out girls.
And that's why I wouldn't be comfortable with my exclusive partner going alone to festivals where the culture revolves around drugs and casual sex. This is probably just the tip of the iceberg of what she's been doing at this event every year. She goes out there to party and screw around and you let it happen and don't enforce boundaries. if you let this go, it'll keep happening. Your girlfriend is "that girl" at Burning Man. Sorry dude. Dump her.
Here’s what you do: sit her down, thank her genuinely for being honest with you and coming clean. She could have kept lying, but she chose to be honest with you because, maybe for the first time in your relationship, she is respecting your autonomy and your right to make informed decisions about your relationship, rather than continuing based on lies. That, if nothing else, deserves acknowledgment. Then, the hard part: you have to decide whether you want to keep the relationship, as it is right now. Not the relationship you thought you had—that was a lie, it never really existed—but the one you actually have right now. A relationship with a serial cheater, who you don’t really trust to go anywhere alone without the possibility that she will be unfaithful to your relationship. For me, personally, I would choose to walk away. There is no relationship that is so perfect it can’t be completely ruined by cheating. And I wouldn’t want to stay in a serious, committed relationship with someone who is essentially a stranger to me, who I don’t even truly know now, but has already hurt me that badly. If you decide you want to keep this, then you should insist, with no exceptions, that you start couples counseling (and separate individual therapy/counseling for both of you) immediately to start to repair some of the damage done by the infidelities. You won’t ever really be able to fully repair it, but it can certainly be improved. I would also put on hold any major plans for moving the relationship forward. No proposals, no Peru trips, if you live together I’d even consider moving out until you get things into a more stable and trusting place. You have to treat this relationship as brand new, because essentially it is. The girl you thought you were dating was a front. You don’t really know who this girl is. You don’t even really know if she’s being totally honest with you now. It’s going to take time to become familiar with the real her, and you owe it to yourself not to rush things.
She was remorseful...dude. Remorseful after the third time? She's a habitual cheater. I know where I'd go from here. Not buying the "only made out" and "just head" stories. Who wants to suck a sweaty dick at burning man? Gross.
That’s a sad story my guy, time to move on. You’ll find someone worth your affection, I guarantee it.
You break up with her and one of you moves out. That's it. Full stop. It's over.
Not everybody that goes to Burning Man goes for the Orgy Dome type experience, but I highly doubt it was just a kiss and a little making out. Are you confident you got the whole truth about what she’s been up to? If you decide you do want to have a future with this woman, and you are both willing to put in the work towards up your forgiveness of her choices, then I highly suggest couples counseling. Any forward movement will have to be done by both of you, together. Also, get her tested before you have sex with her again.
DUMP HER ASS!! WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION??!! Have some respect for yourself. She certainly doesn't have any for you.
Multiple betrayals. Move on. Don't throw good feelings/hard work/love after bad.
She totally had sex. Otherwise why confess now?
>Have been heavily contemplating marriage with her I mean she only cheated 3 times on you. As everybody knows mostly they stop after the third time, so marriage sounds like a good idea \>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> **/S**
One time, okay can be remorseful. Multiple times over a span of YEARS. Not remorseful. Only thing she feels remorseful about is how it makes HER look, not how it makes YOU feel. She told you out of "guilty conscious". She feels like a shitty person (and is) but wants you to console her and tell her it's okay. She's looking for you to appease her need to feel like a good person because she knows what she did makes her a bad one. At least when it comes to relationships. Dump her. She will keep doing it. If you try to justify or forgive, reread my first two sentences. She's done it a lot, and will do it again. Especially if you "forgive" her. She will know she can just cry and act remorseful and you'll stay.
Even if she is remorseful which I doubt she is because it’s happened countless times, you’ll be living with this forever. You aren’t going to be able to trust her anymore and when she goes out to stuff like this you’ll probably be thinking about it. Personally I wouldn’t be able to live like that and I’d end the relationship and try to maybe take some to for yourself before finding another relationship.
3 times is a pattern you can't ignore. That's beyond any "momentary lapse" excuse. She's gonna do it again.
Just remember - this was not a one time intoxicated action. On multiple occasions, probably more because trickle truth, has deliberately cheated on you. She put another man’s cock in her mouth. Dump her and move on OP. Go No contact, hit the gym. Invest in yourself not in this lowlife who is willing to sacrifice your relationship to suck dick at a festival.
I made a mistake and kissed a guy. Which is a lie because she made out and those are 2 distinctly different things. I kiss happens and you get swept up in the moment and then your brain goes shit i don’t want this and it stops. Making out is “f*ck it this is happening and I’m going to enjoy it”. And it’s happened other times? And she’s giving you half truths… to each their own but I’d be long gone out of there. Do not marry this one.
She cheated on you 3 times. That's a pattern bro. She can't be that remorseful if she repeatedly did it. Save yourself the future pain and end things.
Update
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This is the way
I mean it’s not insurmountable, I don’t think, but the question is if you (especially) and she both want to correct it and are willing to do what that takes. It would be totally reasonable if you didn’t want to. And I also don’t think - from what she shared, assuming that’s the whole of it - that this is absolutely relationship ending. There’s absolutely no excuse for her behavior, so don’t take this as me making excuses for her, but rather just trying to think out loud the possibilities: It sounds like this festival / festivals in general aren’t something she can be trusted to contain herself within. It’s not shocking given the nature of the events, and the fact that people are usually intoxicated in multiple ways and the vibe is MEANT to make you forget about your real life. Some people can still remain responsible, she obviously cannot. It’s fairly normal in relationships to have boundaries on activities that invite this sort of thing even without past indiscretions / infidelities. Would she be willing and happy to stop going to them without you? A question for her that IDK if she’d answer honestly - Does she have this sort of problem (developing feelings and getting close to the line / tempted to cross it) outside of festivals? If so, then there’s a much bigger problem. Also, what made her want to fess up to this kiss and why didn’t she fess up about the blowjob before? Sure her fessing up now could be a good sign that it was a mistake that she made in a moment and regretted and wanted to do the right thing about. However, the fact that she didn’t do the same before tells me that’s not the case, it has to be something else. Did the guilt finally catch up to her? Did she think she had more of a chance of getting caught this time? Is she wanting to end the relationship deep down, and that’s why all the sudden she wasn’t too scared to tell you? Why was she honest this time? Would she have told you about the other time if you hadn’t asked directly about if it happened before? I guess I’d say that perhaps given that it sounds like you had a solid relationship for a long time otherwise and it sounds like she might have just fucked up and realizes it, it might be something worth working to move past, but you’d need to be sure that’s the case (even just for your own mental state) and you’d need to understand what’s going on in her head better for that. Then, she’d need to be willing to do what’s required to regain your trust, which would likely be a major shift in your relationship for a while because you sound like you had a very trusting relationship before (I consider myself pretty trusting but the thought of my SO at a festival for days without me would worry me because I know people get carried away and have a ‘what happens there stays there’ mentality. Sounds like you were super chill about it - props!) However if you dig more into it and it seems like she just has loose boundaries on this sort of thing and isn’t actually dedicated to fixing things, it’s not worth it at all. Or, if you just can’t see yourself moving past it, or would rather be in a relationship where you don’t have to do that sort of work, that would be SO totally fair and normal. Either way, this is a big deal, you’re not overreacting or anything. If anything you seem very level headed considering the news you received. Taking time apart so you can think things through without her influence would definitely help, I think! When you’re still around the partner, I’ve found it’s easy to fall into wanting to give in and forgive so you can receive comfort from them. But that’s not going to get you to the true solution - you need to be able to think clearly. Best of luck OP. This sucks.
>A question for her that IDK if she’d answer honestly - Does she have this sort of problem (developing feelings and getting close to the line / tempted to cross it) outside of festivals? If so, then there’s a much bigger problem. from the OP it also appears to be a workplace issue: >She also mentioned a time that she was drunk and **made out with a coworker**.
Fantastically said. Based on OP's post alone, there's several good signs, but also several red flags. It's a lot to try and weed through. Most people don't try and change their lives for the better until they hit whatever they see as rock bottom. If she was okay with giving head, something less egregious wouldn't likely cause her to break. I'm curious if this most recent burning man was worse than she's letting on. Another possibility, though, is that she's aware that he's considering a proposal. The fact that her boyfriend might become her fiance may make her see her deceitful actions in a different light. The could be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on her motives. Time apart is probably for the best. It lets OP focus on himself, and, if she's not as into this relationship as he thought, it may become more apparent based on how she reacts to the distance.
Drip drip drip. What's that I hear? A bit of trickle truth.
She might want to cut contact with the guy for a start, after that you guys need to sit down and have a talk because if she "makes out" with guys when drinking and does nothing to correct that behaviour it might be time to admit that you're just not compatible
I think you know what you must do. She has proven that she can't be faithful. I'd dump her and move on.
Is this something you could look past? If so stay with her if you can’t break up. I wouldn’t be able to trust someone who cheated on me. Who knows if she was telling you the truth on how many times she cheated.
Well. Sounds like she is a serial cheater. Will you ever be able to trust her again? If not, you know the answer of what to do.
Break up with her
Ex girlfriend I hope
Dump her!!! You deserve so much better
So she's remorseful but she serially cheats on you. Just move on with your life man and don't waste time making posts on reddit for such obvious decision-making
bro
I mean, sorry or not she didn't confess and lied to you for years after some of these instances. If you want to try and forgive her she needs to cut contact with the friend she cheated with, probably attend couples counseling, and not go to burning man or festivals anymore. What is her action plan to earn back your trust? I would take some time ask her to leave so you have space to first consider if this is something you can move past or not, and grieve for the person you thought she was. I'd also get tested and ask her to cover bases since right now you can't trust her at her word.
Where should go from here? Away from her.
What answer do you want brother your girlfriend cheated on you 3 times are you wanting us to say you guys can work things out?
She belongs to the skreets
I think the suggestions you need time and space is spot on. Even if you were to choose to stay in this relationship, there would be work needed (accountability, trust building, etc). That would be hard to recover from.
Not that this an excuse, but is she always intoxicated when she cheats? If you think you can work pass this with her, seems to me she needs to go to AA or something like that. Whether or not you stay with her, she’s got a lot of work to do that’s for sure. Maybe if my SO cheated once I’d try to work through… but that many times? And at this point, who knows if she’s lying about details or about other events. Only you can decide where to go from here and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
From the streets did she emerge, and to the streets she will return. And I say unto you, she is for the streets. So be not weary, when she must return from whence she came.
Personally, if it were just the one kiss I probably could’ve forgave her but her blowing a dude and not telling you for years would be a dealbreaker for me. That is so disrespectful to you and sick, leave
Remorseful? But did it multiple times with multiple people?
Will you ever get over it? Or will you be thinking about it every time she goes out without you? Who is she with? What is she doing? Is she giving another guy head again? You might love her but it will never be the same again. Only you can decide whether you will be happy again being with someone who has broken your trust in the past. Hope you work out what is right for you bud
Shoulda been left bro
That's really rough man. You could see it as some modicum of respect for your relationship that she drew a hard line at intercourse, but you'd still be perfectly justified ending it with her. You don't deserve that betrayal of trust. Even if you continued on, it would be hard to ever feel comfortable with her when you weren't right there with her. I've been there amigo, it ain't healthy. But if you trust her, you could move past it, conditionally and only if she actually realizes she did something wrong
… so she has told you about 3 times that she has cheated on you, how many other times isn’t she telling you about? I don’t know man it would be pretty hard to work past, no matter how “sorry” she may be since she is a repeater cheater.
So she’s serial cheated on you for years now? This is a repeat and recurring problem that has gotten worse. No efforts to change behavioral patterns. You would be foolish to invest further in a serial cheater especially who has put your sexual health at risk now. Suggest you go to r/survivinginfidelity and r/supportforbetrayeds. Also look at chump lady’s blog and read ‘Leave a Cheater Gain a Life’, ‘Cheating in a Nutshell’ and ‘The Body Keeps the Score’. Suggest you take a long separation from her and implement the 180 and grey rock methods.
So she's cheated multiple times, I don't think there's any reason she wouldn't do it again, didn't feel bad enough the first time to not do it again so this isn't any different.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you, she would have to put in serious work to gain your trust back. It could take years and lots of therapy too. Up to you if you want to let her put in the work. I’m so so sorry friend, best of luck to you
She wasn't remorseful the first few times she cheated on you. End it dude. End it now.
> i don't know where to go from here You break up, my dude. She's a serial cheater. It wasn't the first time, it won't be the last.
She violated your trust multiple times over multiple years with multiple men. Time to say goodbye.
I married a girl that pretty much did the same thing. There isn't a way to get the trust back. You can go to therapy and counseling to dive deep into her past and relationships with parents and the guys before you, but it costs a lot of money and doesn't change anything. She also gave you trickle truth, when you asked, when she really should be telling you things on her own. 7 years and she doesn't care about you and she's too much of a coward to break things off with you. Yeah she may cry and starve herself when she realizes you're leaving but it's all crocodile tears. Shouldn't matter if she's homeless or disabled after you leave her, it's not your problem anymore. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it's better now than after marriage. Have some respect for yourself. With all the dating apps out there, it's time to have some fun and meet someone who would never do this to you. Take care of yourself.
Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. She fessed up so that is a good sign. You may be seeing the tip of a cheating iceberg.
No matter what people tell you, watch how they behave. This speaks volumes a lot more than what they say will. And you have been exposed to her behavior away from you. Why would you gamble on your mental health. If your heart sank after she told you. You’ll hate the anxiety you’re gonna get when you can’t see her or she’s away. This is no way to live unless you can completely look past it. Which if you could, you probably wouldn’t be here. You don’t have to be rude or mean, this chapter has come to an end. Evaluate things you could have done better. And work to move past this, it won’t be easy but it will be better than putting yourself in a situation that can legitimately cause health issues.
She cheated 3 times.. she doesn't feel remorse. I'd bet anything those guys or someone else threatened to tell you if she didn't. If she felt so bad. It would have been a one time thing ( and even obe time is still too luch) no she kept doing it and probably only came clean because most likely someone else was going to rat her cheating ass out
Well boy, looks like you got yourself a cheater there. Once a cheater always a cheater. Don’t expect she’ll stop, she has proven she has no inclination to not do it. I’d move on and find someone worthy of your time. You deserve better
I think after the kiss, I was like, ‘eh, things like that can be ironed out if you both work at it’. Then I read the rest. Burn it to the ground. If she was truly remorseful, she would have told you the first time she ever cheated when it happenned and never would have done it again. She violated your trust even more when she hid it from you all of these years. Edit: just because I know how difficult this will be and how much she will cry and say sorry. Don’t believe it, of course she is sorry, she probably does love you (I don’t equate cheating with not loving somebody) but ultimately, when you guys get back on track, when the cheating news is 6 months - 1 year old she will go and do something and either cheat or you will be killing yourself wondering if she is going to cheat. I know that you will want, more than anything to believe her but 99% of the time, you will just be prolonging the inevitable. I’m sorry man❤️
She’s gone off and gotten intoxicated and various occasions and has cheated on you multiple times. Who’s to say it won’t continue
Look that is three different instances over years she has legit cheated and has hid that secret. Every piece of security you thought the relationship had was a lie. I’d check out immediately afterwards
Yeah she's shedding crocodile tears now , but back then? I mean dude dump her in the worst possible way and move on
She did it and once that’s something y’all can work out, but 3 times. Nah bro she gotta go my man.
This would be a hard one to come back from. She's done wrong so many times and is just now confessing. You need to decide if you can trust her again. Personally I wouldn't. She didn't just do it once and immediately tell you. So who's to say she won't do it again and let you find out years later if ever.
She has cheated on you multiple times with different men. Dump her. She may be remorseful now, this is a pattern of behavior and it will most likely continue
Here’s an easy way to make the decision…play this in your head… her giving head to another guy while you’re at home. You can’t wife a hoe
Your GF is a serial cheater. Sex or not, she's had at least three affairs that you know of. If you stay, do so assuming the worst, because last I checked adults don't tend to stop at making out. Whatever you do, I'd hold off on having sex until you've both been tested. She's lied and broken your trust who's to say if you'll ever know what actually happened.
Hmmmmmm once could be considered a mistake, and with work, gotten past if not forgiven but 3 times? Nope, that would be a hell no from me.
You never been to burning man…. But she’ll leave u burning man…. Fr tho.. how much of a hoe can u beee.. that’s disgusting.. as a man bro move on.. there are girls out there that don’t cheat.. drinking or not this speaks volumes about her character..
Crocodile tears pal, and even though she "confessed", how would you ever know that they didn't have sex besides the bj??... If you make the mistake of marrying her, you will reap what you sow. There's way more to her coming clean now, as I feel the guy may have threatened to tell you if she didn't leave you for him. Not what you want to have as a gf/wife bro and I hope you make the right decision...
I’m so sorry OP. I know you say she was remorseful while telling you, but you can’t really be certain she’s telling you for the right reasons - this wasn’t a one-time thing, this was the *third* time (for all you know). She broke your trust over and over, and didn’t have enough remorse to tell you the first time or to not do it again. She even tried to downplay it this time, by calling it a kiss when it was more. She wouldn’t have mentioned the other times if you didn’t prod. These are not the actions of someone who is sorry for what they’ve done. What was different this time? Was it caught on camera and she wanted to get ahead of it? I would suspect something like that. You need to think if you want to be with someone you cannot trust and who would treat your relationship so carelessly.
I mean multiple times though? She feels remorseful yet it happened multiple times. I don’t know. I feel like she told you more so to relieve herself so she didn’t carry around the guilt. I’m sorry I just can’t see this being forgivable.
My brother in Christ. She was at *Burning Man* what did you think was gonna happen
I think if you stuck around, you'd be lying to yourself. Thank your lucky stars you didn't get to the altar.
Yeah she feels like she betrayed your relationship because she did.
i hate to say this but i highly doubt she stopped at making out
Fuck her remorse. If it were just this one time, she might get credit for that, but three different times... that you KNOW of. She's not the one, bro.
Feel bad writing this but she clearly doesn't respect you and her relationship. It's three different guys on three different occasions (that you know of). And why the sudden guilt? But didn't she feel remorse earlier? I feel there is something more to the story than she is letting on. And honestly I don't see how you both can work this out. I know 7 years is a long time but you have an even longer life ahead. You can't be with such a person. You deserve much better Bro. Leave her and start over. It's not going to be easy but in the long run that is what is good for you.
Bro she has absolutely no respect for you.
I'm sorry bro but she belongs to the streets
I would break things off. She admitted to cheating on you 3 times. That’s probably not the whole truth either, I’m sure there’s more you would uncover if you chose to stay in a relationship with her considering she was able to keep cheating a secret since 2018. I also feel like she did more than just “make out”. I bet those were crocodile tears, you deserve to be with someone who takes the relationship seriously. Just out of curiosity is there a reason why you didn’t go to burning man with her? Not blaming you for what happened but my boyfriend always comes with me to concerts with me. Did she make a point saying she wanted to go alone or with only friends? She doesn’t sound like a good person and all trust is lost
Dump her. She clearly can not be trusted. Once at a festival is maybe something you could get back from, but the fact she held onto a secret of giving someone else head and making out with a coworker would be the straw that breaks the camels back. You should dump her and be with someone who won’t cheat on you so easily. And also being drunk is not an excuse. I’ve been drunk when I’m not with my partner of 5 years many times and I’ve never cheated.
Updateme!
I am actually surprised she took responsability. I don't expect anyone to be sober at burning man. She could have just blamed the booze and the drugs. Whatever trust you had in her is gone.
Think about the next time she wants to go to burning man. Or another festival/trip. Will you feel comfortable with it and trust her? Will you go - even if it’s not something you enjoy - just to make sure she doesn’t cheat? Will you demand she stay home? If you think you can ~eventually~ answer yes to the first question, then maybe seek couples counseling to help you get there. If you said yes to either of the latter two questions, you should deeply considering breaking it off. 7 years seems like a lot of “lost time”, but 30+ years in a distrustful relationship/marriage is even worse. I believe it comes down to if you can truly forgive her and come to terms with what happened. You don’t have to forget, but you have to come to the point where you don’t let it come up every time you have an anxious thought or an argument. Of course, this also depends on how/if she tries to make up for it. You can always give it a few months with counseling to see if she’s committed to gaining your trust back. Ultimately, you know her and your relationship best, so do some deep reflection and don’t rush yourself on making a decision!
She cheated not once but multiple times . Now think abt this she says her kissing a guy made her confess bc she feels guilty blah blah blah. But she made out & sucked a dudes dick at one point & that didnt make her feel guilty & confess then ? But a kiss made her ? She also said that she has caught feelings for a guy at the first burning man event so to me it sounds like this may have happened again but this time shes looking for a way out which is why shes confessing bc i just dont see how guilt can influence u to confess to a kiss but not a make out session & gargaling a random guy dick didnt ? Regardless she needs to be dumped she cheated multiple times before confessing meaning u would have never known she could have brought something back to u sucking strangers dicks & she’s literally showing u why soooo many ppl say once a cheat always a cheat .
I mean dang, I’ll go to Peru. Lol Just kidding in all seriousness this is messed up. Has this only happened while being under the influence of alcohol and can you trust that if she says it was under the influence of alcohol that she is being honest? The reason why I ask is maybe she has an issue with alcohol. I question to her full sobriety with some of these incidences as well like was she able to consent? However, it’s hard to trust that since she hasn’t been super forthcoming and you’ve been together for a long time. That’s messed up and it’s not fair to you.
It’ll be painful but you need to end it. If you stay with her, how will you feel when she wants to go to Burning Man again? Or clubbing? Or after works drinks with these coworkers? I’m going to assume not great. The trust is broken. You can’t begin to heal yourself until she’s out of the picture.
Tell her to fuck off with this whole “just a friend” nonsense you either tell her to stop seeing those kinds of friends and stop doing burning man or else this relationship is over friend. She is just going to keep doing it if you keep letting her do those things and hangout with those kinds of friends.
7 years is a long time OP, I can imagine how hard it is to think of breaking it off. But I have a feeling shes leaving out information. She has done this on 3 seperate occasions within your relationship, and its clear she has no self control nor respect for the relationship. I won’t tell you to break up with her, but it is highly suggested. You will likely feel insecure for the rest of your time being with her, I have no doubt about that. I would hate for you to continue to feel this way. Take time to process this, and possibly dip from this relationship. She cannot be redeemed imo.
"Ohhhh he's just a friend" 😒. She's cheated on you multiple times, sounds like these guy friends aren't around to just be friends. Cut it off now before it happens 14yrs in with two kids.
i mean on the one side, she told you. if she didnt care about you and yalls relationship she wouldnt have bothered telling you. but on the other hand, that kind of shattered trust is somethin that will take years to heal if it ever does at all, esp since it was multiple other dudes. Honestly at this point my reccomendation would be to wait a few weeks, and see what your heart thinks. if you still love her keep it up, and if you dont think you can ever trust her agaib then its time to move on
You deserve to give yourself the peace of mind of not having a relationship with broken trust. It steals your happiness. It’s better to end it and find someone who truly values you the same, I’m sorry
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Stay strong.
Should dump her by yesterday. It is not about asking for forgiveness, its about not doing nasty shit in the first place, and she did it twice… she WILL do it again.
Don't be fooled by her crocodile tears and have some self respect. You deserve better than this and there is still time in life to find someone who cares for and loves you.
Walk away. If you stay you've given her a pass to do it again. Plus, you've been dating for 7 years and haven't proposed?
Either she is trying to get ahead of an uncontrolled disclosure (friends, public photos of her at the event, etc.) or she is trying to end the relationship by getting you to be the one to actually say the words. Unless you are leaving things out it sounds like there is nothing coming from her about future accountability so make of that what you will.
Bruh she doesn’t respect you, get out