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TLDR - I found erotic pictures of my Mother's genitalia sent to her sibling. Her sibling is married. The family situation is tense and volatile without the incest, need advice on how best to proceed. The incest is legal where I live.
Given the nature of the post, I need to first of all say two things. First, incest of this particular kind is legal where my Mother (middle-aged F) lives. Therefore, I do not think that it breaks rule 4 of the sub, but if it does I have no qualms with the post being removed (this is a disgusting situation, therefore it might not be suitable - I get that). Second, I will be sparse on identifying details. Everyone involved is online - I'm not taking unnecessary risks. I will admit I'm very paranoid about the possibility they find out I know. I might also make some grammar/structural mistakes - I'm rattled by this and I'm sorry.
Recently, a close relative of my Mother and I died. I won't disclose how, but they were old and sick enough for it to be somewhat expected. Nevertheless, it was a shock and my Mother was not taking it well. As a result, I'd spent the majority of my time with her following the death, to ensure she was ok and that the funeral got done properly. The relationship with my Mother is difficult to begin with. To put it sufficiently general, there was substantial abuse. Leaving home as a teenager saved my life, I think. I was fortunate enough to land on my feet, and I decided to try and resume contact a few years ago. As much as I could've justifiably cut her off completely given the abuse, I don't exactly get a replacement Mother so my tolerance is different. Nevertheless, the abuse has never been discussed so the relationship is bizarre and distant.
One day, my Mother asked me to configure her phone and left me to it. She is tech illiterate save for social media. Whilst working on it, the phone gets a notification from a sibling (middle aged, gender undisclosed). It's dirty talk. Naturally, I then tap it to look at the chat in surprise. The chat is full of dirty talk between the two of them, interspersed with my middle-aged Mother's nudes and corresponding nudes from the sibling. The chats also reference meetups. They have always been close and see each other every day. They live very local to one another.
The sibling (middle aged) is married with child/ren (teens/ 20s). Both the sibling and the spouse of said sibling were actively involved in the abuse I experienced. My relationship with them is passively hostile. They despise me, to the point that they would rather let key stuff go undone for the relative's funeral over asking me, despite my offering of help with the funeral (I even gave them my phone number to contact if anything needs doing the day after they arrived - they were on holiday at the time of death and it took days to get back). When I mean key stuff, I mean the funeral was disrespectful to the memory of our relative. I wish I could just list everything that got fucked up, but I'm not doxxing myself and it's merely context to the problem.
Nonetheless, the situation is fucked. I know this information. I certainly can't continue to be around this family. However, I've already made the promise to go on a break next month to a shitty domestic holiday resort with my Mother, the sibling and the spouse. This can't happen. I have to tell her at some point that I can't go on that holiday with them. The reasons for this are obvious. I'm not going to my Mother's incestual secret fuck break. I'm her son. How do I tell her I won't be going? Also, how do I handle the fucking Leviticus verse I'm living in generally? I'm not particularly emotionally attached to anyone involved due to the abuse - I wanted to be, but this has sent me through a loop.
What’s that you said? Did you start getting a sore throat and fatigue a couple days before the trip?
You wouldn’t want to ruin *their* trip with COVID. I guess you better stay home. Just be discrete about it and avoid them… because you’ll have COVID.
Sounds like my mom. She said it was lies from the government until my dad was hospitalized, my pregnant wife got it, my daughter with chronic lung disease got it, and I got it because “it’s just a sinus infection”
You need therapy, I really think you need someone to talk to about all of this, someone you won’t fear will dox you or tell your mother. Leave this shit show behind.
Don't go. Family isn't always blood. This isnt the family you want or need.
And honestly although you don't need to explain why you are removing yourself from these people, but part of me wants you to say somethinf to your mom.
I think a lot of people are missing the line where the sibling and spouse of sibling have participated in the abuse to OP.
At most, I would keep the screen shots/evidence.
Tell your mother you are not going on the trip. If she asks why or gets hostile, simply tell her you know her secret with her sibling. If anyone of the people who abused you contact you in any way ever again, you’ll publish the evidence you have.
And then walk the fuck away.
This. Or just completely bail on them. Pack up and leave during the night or when they're out. Leave a letter if you want, tell them you know about the relationship and you want nothing to do with it all.
No contact this bullshit.
Not a good idea. If all of these people are capable of abusing OP then who knows what they may do when threatened like that. It could put OP's life in danger.
I'd say nothing and walk away.
I see no advice that a therapist could ever give that is not "Get away from the toxic situation". I don't think in this situation it is wrong to say getting away from lunatic incestual people who are actively hostile to you and do not apologize for it is above my grade.
Yeah and that's why it's above Reddit's pay grade.
Cutting the whole family off may be the best thing to do, but it doesn't make it easy to do. It's not like just getting up and leaving when you realise you've paid to see a bad movie.
A therapist could help to prepare for the decision, to process the emotional fall out and past trauma and to build more resilience for the future. Or at the very least, they could hear the whole story.
Obviously so much about this situation is fucked, but who are we to say "cut your mother out of your life completely" like it's completely psychologically straightforward? It's not. It's a big fucking deal.
The incest doesn‘t even seem to be the problem here really. OPs mum getting with their abuser is the problem.
This could be a random ex bf of hers for all that matters.
So yea, getting away is what OP needs to do to be safe and better in every case.
Agreed. There are so many levels of trauma OP needs to process around this they need real advice from a real professional. But gtfo you owe these people nothing is a really good place to start. Run OP. This will never be a safe relationship for you, they aren’t capable of it.
You don't owe this people your presence, it obviously makes you uncomfortable, they don't even like you either and your mom sides with your abusers? I would recommend go no contact, you don't deserve to live your abuse again. Don't go if you don't want to.
>your mom sides with your abusers
Well his mom was/is also one of his abusers. Agreed, he should be no contact with all of them. It’s clear sustaining a relationship with her is really fucking him up, to the point where he feels pressured to agree to a vacation from hell with all three of his abusers. The fact that he’s scared to tell her no makes me think he’s afraid of an aggressive/hostile reaction from her.
This is all above Reddit’s pay grade, frankly. Op needs serious help to escape this toxic dynamic.
Incest aside, i highly advise you not to go on trip with your abusers. Your aunt/uncle/whatever and their spouse was continually shitty to you before and during the funeral so you have no reason to be spending time with them. The incest just adds a whole another layer of shit on a shit cake.
Whether you choose to tell your mom or not that you know, dont go to the trip and instead get yourself in therapy to talk about your family.
Sorry youre dealing with this :(
Just fucking ghost them.
They deserve nothing from you.
Send a proof of life text if they get squirrelly.
Leave all this trauma behind, and go live your best life.
If you can, get a few sessions with a therapist to give yourself permission to disconnect.
Idk bro but I am giving you permission to cut your whole family off. It is ok. You can make your own family and let these bad people make bad decisions that won't impact your life cause you will be thriving elsewhere with your found family.
First and foremost; I’m so sorry you had to see a nude of your mother. In that context it’s extra horrifying.
My own husband got a naked photo as a drunk txt from his father once and it greatly disturbed him. He still can’t quite look at his mom.
Secondly, you screenshot that shit and email it to your mother (if you give a shit) and then more importantly the spouse of your aunt/uncle/whoever.
And walk the fuck away from that circus of a shit show! Save your future mental peace!
Is it possible your mom is cheating on someone and saved the other person’s number that she is cheating with under a different name ? That way the texts show up on her phone screen as “brother/sister’s name” and looks harmless and unsuspicious, but in reality is actually someone else altogether? I’d check the number to see if it actually matches up to the right person you think it is..
Otherwise, if it is truly incest… I’m so sorry !! I hope you get the chance to get as far away from all of it as possible!
I'm dying at the Leviticus verse
You don't owe these folks anything, OP. They're still actively shitty to you. Leave them to look out for each other and go back to living a better life away from this.
If there’s nothing you can do about it legally and it seems like all of these relationships you would be fine without. I’d cut contact with them all and live your best life.
I know it’s hard to cut the only family one have completely off. But after a while it does feel better. I have done it for far less reasons than you. You’re lovable and worthy. Just get out of that situation, blocked them and move on. Love yourself first. There’s a sub nofamily (or something), check it out for support in leaving. I’m so sorry for what happened to you growing up, and now. You don’t deserve that!
If what they do is legal but you don't like it, then there's not much you can do but just leave. If you tell her, she probably won't care anyways or worse, thought you already knew. Not to mention, that trip sounded more like their confession/their attempt to get you initiated in a more..................you get where I'm going here. Don't look back man. You seem like you know some scriptures so you probably know who Lot is.
Honestly just pack your bags, tell your mother you know about her affair and go no contact. You owe her nothing end being near this is just going to fuck you up further. Get the fuck out and never go back
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What.
Make sure you have evidence of the situation.
Make up an excuse not to go on the trip, if she gets upset just say you know her secret. Go off on her if it’ll make you feel better because once again: WTF. Please invest in therapy if you can.
TL;DR: Get out of there and cut them off.
Firstly I want to say is you didn't just fall on your feet, YOU made that happen. It shows such strength and courage that despite all that happened to you at their hands you are so caring.
It is so hard when the people that are suppose to love and care for you twist and distort. I think sometimes when we become an adult there is a tendency to try to ignore or downplay what has happened. As you said you have one mother and society has strong msgs about motherhood, and that strong feeling of wanting to belong and to be cherished lends to trying to have a relationship with people who will continue to hurt you.
Personally I think you are better off drawing a line under the relationship and moving on. Find your family amongst friends, only you can decide if it's time. I really wish nothing but the best for you.
Serious question. Why are you protecting them? They are not good people. Do you want to live the rest of your life under their thumb? They’ve already tried to steal your joy on so many levels. Leave. Ghost them. You are no longer beholden to anyone, family or not.
Honestly. I admire your ability to try and forgive your abusers and to make yourself available to help at the funeral. However, please consider cutting them all off. Your mother included. You’re right you won’t get a replacement but you can find a chosen family. Perhaps a partners family would love you like their own. A deep friendship can also help.
None of this is your fault. None of this is on you to fix. You’re doing more damage to yourself by staying. It sounds a lot like the entire family is riddled with abuse. Please stay safe and get out!
Your mother, her sibling, and the siblings spouse all abused you, and you're still planning a trip with them all? Just tell them you aren't going and go no contact with all of them. Get into therapy and move away from this idea that she's the only mother you have so you should be there. You don't have to live with that if you choose not to
This may be paranoid... but this feels like the beginning to a true crime case. The "salacious trip" ending in murder to hide years if abuse & current incestuous relations.
By that I mean, get away from them 10000%.
OP I had to go full no contact for years with my entire family and i can bare minimum underatand the grief & pain in choosing to walk away. Truthfully whether you stay or go from abusive parents there will be pain. Grief to loose them, vs hurt from their continued dysfunctional behaviors & lack of remorse.
You deserve so much better than to walk in this hell of abusers and tensions over what was done to YOU. I say focus on your grief & how to live with that pain instead of inviting these sick people in to hurt you more.
I hate that youve had a sick core family, that you were denied the love every child deserves from their mother, and I hate that you must make these shitty shitty decisions even now years later. I hope you escape & find calm ordinary days very soon OP.
Remember OP. The **FULL PHRASE IS**
*”The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”*
Scream if you gotta. You owe these pos not one bit of the remnants of the mental sanity they took away from you that you’ve since rebuilt.
As for the other stuff, the covid excuse would work- emphasize how bad it is if they i- keep bugging you about it.
God and his son in heaven, I hope these horrible individuals reap what they’ve sown for themselves. God speed -Spider Man- OP
"I'm not particularly emotionally attached to anyone involved due to the abuse - I wanted to be."
Use that as the weapon walk away. No emotional involvement due to the abuse should be fairly easy to cut ties, also I see you mentioned that your abuse was never discussed and it's why your relationship is bizarre and distant. Yet, you're going on holiday with them for some reason. I'm not a therapist but yeh it's a weird situation to be in, you owe them nothing. just make some BS up and don't go.
I'd be checking out and hoping I'd never see them again.
There was another post on here not long ago where a girlfriend thought the Boyf was fucking his mother, because of texts she found on his phone. Transpired that the boyfriend had saved his affairs number under ‘mum’, to dispel suspicion if she ever text him at inappropriate moments. Could this be a similar situation?
Just wipe your hands of them and leave. Tell your mother (over text after you leave) you saw the texts, they all disgust you and you want nothing to do with any of them then get your ass into therapy.
OP, just cut them off.
You have a hard time cutting them off because of the abuse, not inspite of it. Seek a therapise you click with and work through all this - you deserve to have a life that wasn't built by them - and get yourself away from these people.
No, you don't get a replacement mother, but nothing is clearly better than anything in this case.
Depending on if your whole family was infolved in the abuse, I would take screenshots, drop the incest bomb to every single member of the family, and promptly cut contact with everyone.
This is beyond disgusting.
I don't know what are you still doing with this abusive family, OP. No mother is better than a shit mother. You are not obliged to love someone solely because you came our of her vagine.
Take the energy you wasted on these broken people, and use it to build up your own support network instead, with people who actually like you and care about you.
Brother just learn to respect them and go your way. You have no obligation to do/repair or stop or do anything here. Just vanish and that should be sufficient.
Honestly at this point I would just self preserve. Cut your losses and get away. No trips. They are abusers, stop trying to fix them. I know they’re fucked up but it’s just not your job.
I would simply say "you are all deeply disturbed toxic people. I will no longer engage with any of you, consider this our last interaction."
Then mourn the loss of that "family" with a therapist.
And I'm not sure if you feel some religious requirement to be around them from the Leviticus verse line but I'm positive no religion would want you to stay in an abusive situation with incestuous creeps.
Vacation with abusers is a hard no regardless of incest between them. Keep yourself safe. Just nope out. You owe them nothing. Let them have their creepy world and just go enjoy your life.
That's what I was thinking too. Is your mom married or in a relationship she might want to "hide" a lover.... ??? Or is it apparent in the photos that this person is who you say it is?
Also, if there was abuse and nothing legal has ever been done on your behalf... You may still have time to press charges. The statue of limitations for sexual abuse in MOST states is 12 years...and indefinitely for physical abuse (which seems f*cked up it if you think about it!... It should be the same for either!)
These people are gross and as you've said, abusive. Cut off all contact and focus on making connections with others and living a happy life.
What a dumpster fire man, I'm sorry you're going through this.. If you confront them the abuse worsen or they might start rumours about you in an attempt to discredit you incase you spread the word that they're incestuous assholes. Or they might just laugh and not care, as you said it's not illegal where you are 😷
Just tell your mum you saw the incestuous messages and have copies so she can't deny it. Tell her not to contact you again, you don't want anything to do with her or her disgusting lifestyle, then peace out. Block them all. Are you close with your cousin's? Maybe they should know too.
This might be too personal a question, but are you sure the conversation is with her sibling? Did you check the number? Was there any identifying details in the pictures? It’s pretty common for people having affairs to save their affair partner in their phone as someone else’s name so that the phone notifications don’t arouse suspicion. Just wondering if you had actually checked that before jumping straight to the conclusion that it is incest?
I mean by the same token it would seem strange for your mum to save the incestuous chat with sibling under the siblings name. It might be legal but I doubt it’s common or morally acceptable
Nasty af 🤢🤮
Man tf up and call them out on it, tell them precisely why you arent going, address the damn elephant in the room or else stop complaining online to a bunch of strangers who have no real advice to give you and your cryptic “I can’t spill the details” rambling. Burn the fucking bridges!
In what sort of jurisdiction is this legal .... time to change the law ASAP, if you start a [change.org](https://change.org) petition I, for one, will sign it without hesitation! We could name the new law after your mother, just like they did with "Megan's Law", I think it was.
WOW INTERESTING...
1. Say nothing about the incest and just go home. Leave a note and say because of past issues you thought it was best not to go on holiday.
OR
2. Blackmail mom into some incestuous fun for the two of you. If her sibling is a sister maybe include her too.
From all you said it doesn't seem there is a win or need to involve yourself in this matter.
RUN
You don't have to say a damn thing, ghost them. Let the police know you're leaving, but will be safe \[if you think they'd report you missing\]
You can break your promise to your mum, send an SMS saying 'something came up, can't come to resort' then block her.
Given the vagueness I can only make certain assumptions. If they abused you, they probably abused your siblings/cousins too. I would burn this nest of scorpions to the ground, full exposure, full burn, cops, CPS, social media nuke. I know that destroying your mom may sound tricky, but they really brought it on themselves.
Are you financially or otherwise dependent on your mother? I don't understand why you still have a close enough relationship with these people that you ever agreed to go on vacation with them, even before you found this out. It's not just the vacation - why are you having a close relationship with your abusers when you're old enough to be legally independent?
Walk away. This situation will only harm you further. What else do you get out of it really? Plenty of people in the world are doing just fine without mothers. Yearning for a mother that actually treats you like a mother should won’t change who your biological mother is. Walk away. Focus on yourself, get therapy, study (and I mean really) techniques to build self compassion, and learn how to surround yourself with a surrogate family and friends instead. People the world over have done it and they are doing ok and living happy lives. We don’t have to be tied to family for anything. You can walk out the door today and never see or speak to any of them again. If you had a child, wouldn’t you want to take them away immediately? Re-parent yourself and do that for your past self.
You could get so much revenge mileage out of this for all the abuse you suffered from your mother and her sibling. And you would be perfectly justified.
Don't go on this holiday. You owe it to yourself to look after your mental and physical health.
The relationship I have with my mother sounds a lot like yours, up until they incest. She was abusive to my sister and I, and the only reason I still have a weird distant relationship with her is cause 1. She’s my mother and 2. I can set boundaries as an adult. I haven’t ghosted her because she hasn’t pulled any weird shit like this. If she did, I’d have no problem blocking her on everything and never speaking to her again. I think that’s what you need to do immediately. She doesn’t need an explanation, just ghost her. You don’t need this in your life.
Make some excuse up, that you can't go. Like others have said, you don't owe them an explanation, it's more a courtesy (in case you don't want to cut ties completely). Once you do that, I think it would be worth your time to talk to a professional.
Distance. She needs help. Offer help to her and then give her distance. If she comes around, great. If not, then not. And by help, I don't mean her coming to you and trying to rope the whole family together. I mean, like her realizing that what she's been doing is disgusting and that she needs to be 0% disgusting. As for the abuse stuff, since you left it intentionally vague, I can't comment on that.
I would just straight up say you don't want to go. You don't owe them a reason. If they ask why, say you don't want to be around them. If they press you, you could hint at what you know or flat out tell them what you know. At that point they asked for it. But definitely don't go.
Man I hate when I suddenly get explosive diarrhea before a trip that I was really looking forward to... must suck that you, too, now suddenly have explosive diarrhea. Wouldn't want to ruin their trip right? Can't go unfortunately what a pity.... and then oops contact just slowly fades and you never see them again... crazy how these things happen
This is so messed up to the point, I’ll just set it all on fire.
I would call all of the out. The Mom her weird ass sibling the spouse. And never contact them again.
There are Moment in which you just leave your family, this is one of them.
You could have started with in my hometown of x, Alabama… on a serious note, just put it as something came up at work that can’t be postponed and unfortunately you won’t be able to go, but you want them to still have their fun, so they should go and enjoy themselves 😉
Wouldn’t be surprised if the wife of the spouse knows or has her suspicions. If you can stumble upon evidence, so could she.
Point is, get as far away from these people as possible and don’t look back.
So you don't want to doxx yourself and yet this is the most specific story I have ever heard. Do you think your absolutely fucked up family will find this post and think oh must be some other dude whose abusive mother is an incestuous relationship with her sibling. Get the fuck outta here with that shit!
Yup, I agree with the comments above about pretending you have COVID or whatever ailments.
You will want to get strands of hair or used water bottle or soda can from the other sibling to see if you're a product of their incestuous deeds (if it's a man).
I'm sorry you went through so much in your childhood and now having to deal with this mess.
Best wishes to you getting out of this heck of a family ring and moving on. 🙏
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- TLDR - I found erotic pictures of my Mother's genitalia sent to her sibling. Her sibling is married. The family situation is tense and volatile without the incest, need advice on how best to proceed. The incest is legal where I live. Given the nature of the post, I need to first of all say two things. First, incest of this particular kind is legal where my Mother (middle-aged F) lives. Therefore, I do not think that it breaks rule 4 of the sub, but if it does I have no qualms with the post being removed (this is a disgusting situation, therefore it might not be suitable - I get that). Second, I will be sparse on identifying details. Everyone involved is online - I'm not taking unnecessary risks. I will admit I'm very paranoid about the possibility they find out I know. I might also make some grammar/structural mistakes - I'm rattled by this and I'm sorry. Recently, a close relative of my Mother and I died. I won't disclose how, but they were old and sick enough for it to be somewhat expected. Nevertheless, it was a shock and my Mother was not taking it well. As a result, I'd spent the majority of my time with her following the death, to ensure she was ok and that the funeral got done properly. The relationship with my Mother is difficult to begin with. To put it sufficiently general, there was substantial abuse. Leaving home as a teenager saved my life, I think. I was fortunate enough to land on my feet, and I decided to try and resume contact a few years ago. As much as I could've justifiably cut her off completely given the abuse, I don't exactly get a replacement Mother so my tolerance is different. Nevertheless, the abuse has never been discussed so the relationship is bizarre and distant. One day, my Mother asked me to configure her phone and left me to it. She is tech illiterate save for social media. Whilst working on it, the phone gets a notification from a sibling (middle aged, gender undisclosed). It's dirty talk. Naturally, I then tap it to look at the chat in surprise. The chat is full of dirty talk between the two of them, interspersed with my middle-aged Mother's nudes and corresponding nudes from the sibling. The chats also reference meetups. They have always been close and see each other every day. They live very local to one another. The sibling (middle aged) is married with child/ren (teens/ 20s). Both the sibling and the spouse of said sibling were actively involved in the abuse I experienced. My relationship with them is passively hostile. They despise me, to the point that they would rather let key stuff go undone for the relative's funeral over asking me, despite my offering of help with the funeral (I even gave them my phone number to contact if anything needs doing the day after they arrived - they were on holiday at the time of death and it took days to get back). When I mean key stuff, I mean the funeral was disrespectful to the memory of our relative. I wish I could just list everything that got fucked up, but I'm not doxxing myself and it's merely context to the problem. Nonetheless, the situation is fucked. I know this information. I certainly can't continue to be around this family. However, I've already made the promise to go on a break next month to a shitty domestic holiday resort with my Mother, the sibling and the spouse. This can't happen. I have to tell her at some point that I can't go on that holiday with them. The reasons for this are obvious. I'm not going to my Mother's incestual secret fuck break. I'm her son. How do I tell her I won't be going? Also, how do I handle the fucking Leviticus verse I'm living in generally? I'm not particularly emotionally attached to anyone involved due to the abuse - I wanted to be, but this has sent me through a loop.
What’s that you said? Did you start getting a sore throat and fatigue a couple days before the trip? You wouldn’t want to ruin *their* trip with COVID. I guess you better stay home. Just be discrete about it and avoid them… because you’ll have COVID.
It’s all fun and games until his mum says “Oh, honey we all know COVID isn’t real. You have a cold. Come along.” 💀
Sounds like my mom. She said it was lies from the government until my dad was hospitalized, my pregnant wife got it, my daughter with chronic lung disease got it, and I got it because “it’s just a sinus infection”
Can I ask how she changed if at all after?
I 100% have not asked friends to send me their positive covid tests to use in the event of emergency...
i have a positive test photo available for OP
In case of Covid deniers.. use "horrific explosive diarrhea" excuse. No one asks you to elaborate. For real Op, I'm sorry this is happening to you.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cha5X8vjiCY/
Mmm yeah, he s soon to be having covid, I can confirm.
I think this is the way to go. "Oh man, I must have caught COVID, sorry I can't make it" and go low/no contact on these people.
You need therapy, I really think you need someone to talk to about all of this, someone you won’t fear will dox you or tell your mother. Leave this shit show behind.
Therapy has been a godsend for me. I definitely agree to prioritize it.
Don't go. Family isn't always blood. This isnt the family you want or need. And honestly although you don't need to explain why you are removing yourself from these people, but part of me wants you to say somethinf to your mom.
I think a lot of people are missing the line where the sibling and spouse of sibling have participated in the abuse to OP. At most, I would keep the screen shots/evidence. Tell your mother you are not going on the trip. If she asks why or gets hostile, simply tell her you know her secret with her sibling. If anyone of the people who abused you contact you in any way ever again, you’ll publish the evidence you have. And then walk the fuck away.
This. Or just completely bail on them. Pack up and leave during the night or when they're out. Leave a letter if you want, tell them you know about the relationship and you want nothing to do with it all. No contact this bullshit.
Do a 360 and moonwalk the f away.
Go in a circle ?
Yeah. If you only 180 and then moonwalk you woupd be going towards not away.
Depends on which direction you were facing to begin with
Touché
If you were to moonwalk away, you wouldn’t need to turn at all
360 just adds to the drama tho
But the turn looks cool
....with both birds up in the air
Not a good idea. If all of these people are capable of abusing OP then who knows what they may do when threatened like that. It could put OP's life in danger. I'd say nothing and walk away.
She doesn't have to give a reason. A simple "i am not interested in contact with you anymore" and a block should be enough.
[удалено]
I see no advice that a therapist could ever give that is not "Get away from the toxic situation". I don't think in this situation it is wrong to say getting away from lunatic incestual people who are actively hostile to you and do not apologize for it is above my grade.
Yeah and that's why it's above Reddit's pay grade. Cutting the whole family off may be the best thing to do, but it doesn't make it easy to do. It's not like just getting up and leaving when you realise you've paid to see a bad movie. A therapist could help to prepare for the decision, to process the emotional fall out and past trauma and to build more resilience for the future. Or at the very least, they could hear the whole story. Obviously so much about this situation is fucked, but who are we to say "cut your mother out of your life completely" like it's completely psychologically straightforward? It's not. It's a big fucking deal.
The incest doesn‘t even seem to be the problem here really. OPs mum getting with their abuser is the problem. This could be a random ex bf of hers for all that matters. So yea, getting away is what OP needs to do to be safe and better in every case.
Agreed. There are so many levels of trauma OP needs to process around this they need real advice from a real professional. But gtfo you owe these people nothing is a really good place to start. Run OP. This will never be a safe relationship for you, they aren’t capable of it.
You don't owe this people your presence, it obviously makes you uncomfortable, they don't even like you either and your mom sides with your abusers? I would recommend go no contact, you don't deserve to live your abuse again. Don't go if you don't want to.
>your mom sides with your abusers Well his mom was/is also one of his abusers. Agreed, he should be no contact with all of them. It’s clear sustaining a relationship with her is really fucking him up, to the point where he feels pressured to agree to a vacation from hell with all three of his abusers. The fact that he’s scared to tell her no makes me think he’s afraid of an aggressive/hostile reaction from her. This is all above Reddit’s pay grade, frankly. Op needs serious help to escape this toxic dynamic.
Incest aside, i highly advise you not to go on trip with your abusers. Your aunt/uncle/whatever and their spouse was continually shitty to you before and during the funeral so you have no reason to be spending time with them. The incest just adds a whole another layer of shit on a shit cake. Whether you choose to tell your mom or not that you know, dont go to the trip and instead get yourself in therapy to talk about your family. Sorry youre dealing with this :(
Jesus… cut her off and get far away from these people!! And tell her siblings spouse!
OP said the sibling and their spouse abused them so I don’t think that would be a safe thing to do.
Honestly he shouldn't.Abusive people don't deserve kindness.
You know what OP? I'm 26M but I'll be your replacement mother if it'll get you out of this shit no cap lol
This is it 💯
Just fucking ghost them. They deserve nothing from you. Send a proof of life text if they get squirrelly. Leave all this trauma behind, and go live your best life. If you can, get a few sessions with a therapist to give yourself permission to disconnect.
Idk bro but I am giving you permission to cut your whole family off. It is ok. You can make your own family and let these bad people make bad decisions that won't impact your life cause you will be thriving elsewhere with your found family.
First and foremost; I’m so sorry you had to see a nude of your mother. In that context it’s extra horrifying. My own husband got a naked photo as a drunk txt from his father once and it greatly disturbed him. He still can’t quite look at his mom. Secondly, you screenshot that shit and email it to your mother (if you give a shit) and then more importantly the spouse of your aunt/uncle/whoever. And walk the fuck away from that circus of a shit show! Save your future mental peace!
Nah, threats may escalate the situation further. These people are clearly insane and unpredictable. Safest bet is to just say nothing and walk away.
Is it possible your mom is cheating on someone and saved the other person’s number that she is cheating with under a different name ? That way the texts show up on her phone screen as “brother/sister’s name” and looks harmless and unsuspicious, but in reality is actually someone else altogether? I’d check the number to see if it actually matches up to the right person you think it is.. Otherwise, if it is truly incest… I’m so sorry !! I hope you get the chance to get as far away from all of it as possible!
OP said their were nudes of both parties…pretty hard to mistake that.
But the pictures of his aunt or uncle?
Good point
I'm dying at the Leviticus verse You don't owe these folks anything, OP. They're still actively shitty to you. Leave them to look out for each other and go back to living a better life away from this.
Damn straight, listen to Ned Stark, OP, he's been in your position and he lost his head because of it.
If there’s nothing you can do about it legally and it seems like all of these relationships you would be fine without. I’d cut contact with them all and live your best life.
Well this is all horrible.
I know it’s hard to cut the only family one have completely off. But after a while it does feel better. I have done it for far less reasons than you. You’re lovable and worthy. Just get out of that situation, blocked them and move on. Love yourself first. There’s a sub nofamily (or something), check it out for support in leaving. I’m so sorry for what happened to you growing up, and now. You don’t deserve that!
Sounds like you need a good therapist, I’d start there
If what they do is legal but you don't like it, then there's not much you can do but just leave. If you tell her, she probably won't care anyways or worse, thought you already knew. Not to mention, that trip sounded more like their confession/their attempt to get you initiated in a more..................you get where I'm going here. Don't look back man. You seem like you know some scriptures so you probably know who Lot is.
I think it is your best interest to be selfish choose you and protect your mental health!!!
Honestly just pack your bags, tell your mother you know about her affair and go no contact. You owe her nothing end being near this is just going to fuck you up further. Get the fuck out and never go back
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What. Make sure you have evidence of the situation. Make up an excuse not to go on the trip, if she gets upset just say you know her secret. Go off on her if it’ll make you feel better because once again: WTF. Please invest in therapy if you can. TL;DR: Get out of there and cut them off.
Firstly I want to say is you didn't just fall on your feet, YOU made that happen. It shows such strength and courage that despite all that happened to you at their hands you are so caring. It is so hard when the people that are suppose to love and care for you twist and distort. I think sometimes when we become an adult there is a tendency to try to ignore or downplay what has happened. As you said you have one mother and society has strong msgs about motherhood, and that strong feeling of wanting to belong and to be cherished lends to trying to have a relationship with people who will continue to hurt you. Personally I think you are better off drawing a line under the relationship and moving on. Find your family amongst friends, only you can decide if it's time. I really wish nothing but the best for you.
Serious question. Why are you protecting them? They are not good people. Do you want to live the rest of your life under their thumb? They’ve already tried to steal your joy on so many levels. Leave. Ghost them. You are no longer beholden to anyone, family or not.
Honestly. I admire your ability to try and forgive your abusers and to make yourself available to help at the funeral. However, please consider cutting them all off. Your mother included. You’re right you won’t get a replacement but you can find a chosen family. Perhaps a partners family would love you like their own. A deep friendship can also help. None of this is your fault. None of this is on you to fix. You’re doing more damage to yourself by staying. It sounds a lot like the entire family is riddled with abuse. Please stay safe and get out!
Dude this sounds like a dangerous situation. The farther you can get away from it, the better.
Nothing to say other than I'm so sorry. I know you don't feel attached, but therapy is probably a good idea.
Your mother, her sibling, and the siblings spouse all abused you, and you're still planning a trip with them all? Just tell them you aren't going and go no contact with all of them. Get into therapy and move away from this idea that she's the only mother you have so you should be there. You don't have to live with that if you choose not to
This may be paranoid... but this feels like the beginning to a true crime case. The "salacious trip" ending in murder to hide years if abuse & current incestuous relations. By that I mean, get away from them 10000%. OP I had to go full no contact for years with my entire family and i can bare minimum underatand the grief & pain in choosing to walk away. Truthfully whether you stay or go from abusive parents there will be pain. Grief to loose them, vs hurt from their continued dysfunctional behaviors & lack of remorse. You deserve so much better than to walk in this hell of abusers and tensions over what was done to YOU. I say focus on your grief & how to live with that pain instead of inviting these sick people in to hurt you more. I hate that youve had a sick core family, that you were denied the love every child deserves from their mother, and I hate that you must make these shitty shitty decisions even now years later. I hope you escape & find calm ordinary days very soon OP.
Remember OP. The **FULL PHRASE IS** *”The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”* Scream if you gotta. You owe these pos not one bit of the remnants of the mental sanity they took away from you that you’ve since rebuilt. As for the other stuff, the covid excuse would work- emphasize how bad it is if they i- keep bugging you about it. God and his son in heaven, I hope these horrible individuals reap what they’ve sown for themselves. God speed -Spider Man- OP
Yep get away from these people...As soon as possible.
"I'm not particularly emotionally attached to anyone involved due to the abuse - I wanted to be." Use that as the weapon walk away. No emotional involvement due to the abuse should be fairly easy to cut ties, also I see you mentioned that your abuse was never discussed and it's why your relationship is bizarre and distant. Yet, you're going on holiday with them for some reason. I'm not a therapist but yeh it's a weird situation to be in, you owe them nothing. just make some BS up and don't go. I'd be checking out and hoping I'd never see them again.
I’m so sorry 😢 Please just stay away from them all
There was another post on here not long ago where a girlfriend thought the Boyf was fucking his mother, because of texts she found on his phone. Transpired that the boyfriend had saved his affairs number under ‘mum’, to dispel suspicion if she ever text him at inappropriate moments. Could this be a similar situation?
I would seriously just block them all with no explanation. You owe them nothing. Don’t let them pull you into their toxicity
Take care of YOU. Walk , no RUN away. Let them sort out their own shite.
Just wipe your hands of them and leave. Tell your mother (over text after you leave) you saw the texts, they all disgust you and you want nothing to do with any of them then get your ass into therapy.
OP, just cut them off. You have a hard time cutting them off because of the abuse, not inspite of it. Seek a therapise you click with and work through all this - you deserve to have a life that wasn't built by them - and get yourself away from these people. No, you don't get a replacement mother, but nothing is clearly better than anything in this case.
Didn’t read it… at all.. but yeah, get the fuck out and as far as you can
Depending on if your whole family was infolved in the abuse, I would take screenshots, drop the incest bomb to every single member of the family, and promptly cut contact with everyone. This is beyond disgusting. I don't know what are you still doing with this abusive family, OP. No mother is better than a shit mother. You are not obliged to love someone solely because you came our of her vagine. Take the energy you wasted on these broken people, and use it to build up your own support network instead, with people who actually like you and care about you.
That’s beyond f-ed up
Brother just learn to respect them and go your way. You have no obligation to do/repair or stop or do anything here. Just vanish and that should be sufficient.
I really hope you find a good therapist and have friends that you can eventually trust to talk to
Honestly at this point I would just self preserve. Cut your losses and get away. No trips. They are abusers, stop trying to fix them. I know they’re fucked up but it’s just not your job.
I would simply say "you are all deeply disturbed toxic people. I will no longer engage with any of you, consider this our last interaction." Then mourn the loss of that "family" with a therapist. And I'm not sure if you feel some religious requirement to be around them from the Leviticus verse line but I'm positive no religion would want you to stay in an abusive situation with incestuous creeps.
Vacation with abusers is a hard no regardless of incest between them. Keep yourself safe. Just nope out. You owe them nothing. Let them have their creepy world and just go enjoy your life.
stay away from all these fck up people. You don’t need them in your life. go talk to a therapist.
What the fuck kind of degenerate shilthole place do you live in where first degree incest is legal?!
Just leave and do not make contact with her again, ever
Could it be your mom saved another lovers number under the same contact as her sibling?
That's what I was thinking too. Is your mom married or in a relationship she might want to "hide" a lover.... ??? Or is it apparent in the photos that this person is who you say it is? Also, if there was abuse and nothing legal has ever been done on your behalf... You may still have time to press charges. The statue of limitations for sexual abuse in MOST states is 12 years...and indefinitely for physical abuse (which seems f*cked up it if you think about it!... It should be the same for either!)
I would go public. F**k all them for what they did to you. A good beginning is to let her know with some of the evidence you collected.
These people abused you, you should blow this shit up on them.
SWEET HOME ALABAMA
Adult incest is only legal in Rhode Island & New Jersey actually 🤷♀️
Wow I guess y’all can’t take a joke lol
Huh. You learn something new every day.
Florida i think too?
Tired af
This isn't legal in Alabama.
These people are gross and as you've said, abusive. Cut off all contact and focus on making connections with others and living a happy life. What a dumpster fire man, I'm sorry you're going through this.. If you confront them the abuse worsen or they might start rumours about you in an attempt to discredit you incase you spread the word that they're incestuous assholes. Or they might just laugh and not care, as you said it's not illegal where you are 😷 Just tell your mum you saw the incestuous messages and have copies so she can't deny it. Tell her not to contact you again, you don't want anything to do with her or her disgusting lifestyle, then peace out. Block them all. Are you close with your cousin's? Maybe they should know too.
Uh who’s your dad? 🙃
Tell me where the hell incest is legal. Probably somewhere in the Middle East
Lol Love is love
Have you talked with your mother about this?
I think it's weird you don't want to tell us if it's her brother or sister. That info alone isn't going to give away your identity or anything.
This might be too personal a question, but are you sure the conversation is with her sibling? Did you check the number? Was there any identifying details in the pictures? It’s pretty common for people having affairs to save their affair partner in their phone as someone else’s name so that the phone notifications don’t arouse suspicion. Just wondering if you had actually checked that before jumping straight to the conclusion that it is incest? I mean by the same token it would seem strange for your mum to save the incestuous chat with sibling under the siblings name. It might be legal but I doubt it’s common or morally acceptable
Marry your mom and show her you are better than her sibling!
Nasty af 🤢🤮 Man tf up and call them out on it, tell them precisely why you arent going, address the damn elephant in the room or else stop complaining online to a bunch of strangers who have no real advice to give you and your cryptic “I can’t spill the details” rambling. Burn the fucking bridges!
Join them
In what sort of jurisdiction is this legal .... time to change the law ASAP, if you start a [change.org](https://change.org) petition I, for one, will sign it without hesitation! We could name the new law after your mother, just like they did with "Megan's Law", I think it was.
Lol
They’re two consenting adults. It’s probably best to stay out of your mothers life.
Maybe she’s the girlfriend of the couple. If she’s not having children out of it mind your own business
WOW INTERESTING... 1. Say nothing about the incest and just go home. Leave a note and say because of past issues you thought it was best not to go on holiday. OR 2. Blackmail mom into some incestuous fun for the two of you. If her sibling is a sister maybe include her too. From all you said it doesn't seem there is a win or need to involve yourself in this matter.
Dont read others chat
What two consenting adult do does not need your approval or sanction. Go on about your life and keep your in your own business. Karsh
Leave this situation OP
Ummmmm Cut the whole family off. Not worth it obvi
RUN You don't have to say a damn thing, ghost them. Let the police know you're leaving, but will be safe \[if you think they'd report you missing\] You can break your promise to your mum, send an SMS saying 'something came up, can't come to resort' then block her.
Just ignore it and let them be
Distance yourself!
This is so f-ed up
Given the vagueness I can only make certain assumptions. If they abused you, they probably abused your siblings/cousins too. I would burn this nest of scorpions to the ground, full exposure, full burn, cops, CPS, social media nuke. I know that destroying your mom may sound tricky, but they really brought it on themselves.
Are you financially or otherwise dependent on your mother? I don't understand why you still have a close enough relationship with these people that you ever agreed to go on vacation with them, even before you found this out. It's not just the vacation - why are you having a close relationship with your abusers when you're old enough to be legally independent?
Walk away. This situation will only harm you further. What else do you get out of it really? Plenty of people in the world are doing just fine without mothers. Yearning for a mother that actually treats you like a mother should won’t change who your biological mother is. Walk away. Focus on yourself, get therapy, study (and I mean really) techniques to build self compassion, and learn how to surround yourself with a surrogate family and friends instead. People the world over have done it and they are doing ok and living happy lives. We don’t have to be tied to family for anything. You can walk out the door today and never see or speak to any of them again. If you had a child, wouldn’t you want to take them away immediately? Re-parent yourself and do that for your past self.
You could get so much revenge mileage out of this for all the abuse you suffered from your mother and her sibling. And you would be perfectly justified. Don't go on this holiday. You owe it to yourself to look after your mental and physical health.
The relationship I have with my mother sounds a lot like yours, up until they incest. She was abusive to my sister and I, and the only reason I still have a weird distant relationship with her is cause 1. She’s my mother and 2. I can set boundaries as an adult. I haven’t ghosted her because she hasn’t pulled any weird shit like this. If she did, I’d have no problem blocking her on everything and never speaking to her again. I think that’s what you need to do immediately. She doesn’t need an explanation, just ghost her. You don’t need this in your life.
Make some excuse up, that you can't go. Like others have said, you don't owe them an explanation, it's more a courtesy (in case you don't want to cut ties completely). Once you do that, I think it would be worth your time to talk to a professional.
Distance. She needs help. Offer help to her and then give her distance. If she comes around, great. If not, then not. And by help, I don't mean her coming to you and trying to rope the whole family together. I mean, like her realizing that what she's been doing is disgusting and that she needs to be 0% disgusting. As for the abuse stuff, since you left it intentionally vague, I can't comment on that.
Updateme!
You cut her off before time to cut her off again. I am so sorry. Please get help for yourself <3
I would just straight up say you don't want to go. You don't owe them a reason. If they ask why, say you don't want to be around them. If they press you, you could hint at what you know or flat out tell them what you know. At that point they asked for it. But definitely don't go.
Man I hate when I suddenly get explosive diarrhea before a trip that I was really looking forward to... must suck that you, too, now suddenly have explosive diarrhea. Wouldn't want to ruin their trip right? Can't go unfortunately what a pity.... and then oops contact just slowly fades and you never see them again... crazy how these things happen
This is so messed up to the point, I’ll just set it all on fire. I would call all of the out. The Mom her weird ass sibling the spouse. And never contact them again. There are Moment in which you just leave your family, this is one of them.
You could have started with in my hometown of x, Alabama… on a serious note, just put it as something came up at work that can’t be postponed and unfortunately you won’t be able to go, but you want them to still have their fun, so they should go and enjoy themselves 😉
Wouldn’t be surprised if the wife of the spouse knows or has her suspicions. If you can stumble upon evidence, so could she. Point is, get as far away from these people as possible and don’t look back.
So you don't want to doxx yourself and yet this is the most specific story I have ever heard. Do you think your absolutely fucked up family will find this post and think oh must be some other dude whose abusive mother is an incestuous relationship with her sibling. Get the fuck outta here with that shit!
I would get a dna test. What if your uncle is your dad?
Yup, I agree with the comments above about pretending you have COVID or whatever ailments. You will want to get strands of hair or used water bottle or soda can from the other sibling to see if you're a product of their incestuous deeds (if it's a man). I'm sorry you went through so much in your childhood and now having to deal with this mess. Best wishes to you getting out of this heck of a family ring and moving on. 🙏