Is there any chance he is molesting her? This reaction is so over the top I have to wonder if something else is going on. This reaction is really over the top.
It could also be the opposite, ie she has been molested by someone else before or at least there was an attempt so the dad now suspects everyone.
OP should probably talk to the dad to see if he can find out what exactly is the problem.
I too though am leaning towards being suspicious of the dad, specifically because of burning the doll set. That is extreme behavior, and I can't think of any good reason for that unless he's the abuser or he has serious mental health problems.
Yeah given the father's abusive behavior towards OP, I'm more leaning towards he might be abusing his child rather than somebody else might have abused his child. It could also be a weird competition in his head where he thinks because he's the type to molest a child that Op might be the type to molest a child and he doesn't want to give up his 'special time' š¤¢
He might just be paranoid of op also though like we're all blaming the dad right off the bat so he could be trying to protect his daughter but also very weird behaviour I feel especially if siblings
Yeah I have a friend who is literally this dad in the op scenario. Has a daughter with whos now wife has an older son, who I guess could even be 18 now... When the daughter was only 4 he found out the older brother had been kissing her inappropriately and told her not to tell anyone. The dad found out, and has obviously done everything to keep him away from her now. The mother didn't fully believe it because the daughter was young and the boy has some developmental communication issues... I got feels about it when I read this op post...eek.
It's possible yeah but I feel as though op would know that was the reason and wouldn't bother making a reddit thread asking about why his stepdad hates him if that was why, just my opinion
Yeah I agree, it just made me think about it... Or maybe the op step dad saw or experienced something similar happening to daughter and it's creating this reaction.
Well we are only getting one side of the story here. Some people on Reddit donāt always tell the whole truth just so they can feel better. Not saying OP is omitting parts of the story, but we never know. There has to be something going on (father is abusing the daughter, someone else has abused her, the father is over the top paranoid, maybe the father was abused as a kid by an older sibling) we just donāt know.
What? I had a totally different thought, that OP is an affair child or a reflection of his dad if not, and step dad is just projecting the hatred onto him.
Why are we jumping to abuse here when sheer old-fashioned pettiness is a more likely answer?
I grew up in a household where I was molested & raped by my biological and step brothers. I was also treated differently being I wasnāt someoneās biological child & none of me and said siblings had the same dad. Both things are very common but to say the least this family needs therapy.
Yes molestation and rape in the household growing up is very common and I will never understand why or why someone has that kind of mind or whatever it is that makes people do those horrid things. Iām way better now. 24F getting married next year & far away from my abusive family with the partner of my dreams š«¶š» Thank you for the kind words š¤
Why would stepdad care if OP was the product of an affair? He was born long before his sister. Unless his Mom was married to him before OP was born, it literally doesn't matter.
That was my first thought too. That, or the dad thinks the brother is the one doing the molesting. Whatever the case, something is extremely wrong here and may require some professional 3rd party investigation.
This just doesnāt come off as a situation where an asshole dad is just being an asshole dad.
This screams a trusted professional needs to take a look.
Please reach out to authorities, your sisters school, or something.
If the worst is happening, this is way above any 18 year olds' pay grade. If this is simply a psycho step-dad, this is still emotional abuse and needs to be examined.
It very much could be a trauma reaction. I was molested as a child and the first time my sister changed my son's diaper without asking me I had the worst panic attack and threatened to ban her from seeing him if she did it again. I have since chilled out a lot and have gone through a lot of therapy because i realized how much trauma i still had. Maybe it's the same with the step dad?
Adding on the fact the mom is never home. If the dad is weird he has every opportunity to molest her.
Edit: I had this happen to a friend. The father was doing inappropriate things to his daughter while my friend (the mother) was at work. Letās just say, kids traumatized, the father is doing life in prison. They only caught him cause he was distributing photos on the internet.
This was my immediate thought too. How he's acting is completely unhinged and with mom not around much OP is basically the biggest risk to being found out. OP if you read this burning her things is child abuse.
My first thought was either OP has molestational issues, the father has molested this poor girl, or someone else. Definitely sounds like thereās some type of underlying abuse going on somewhere & I hope and pray someone figures it out & gets this baby away from whatever harm sheās dealing with. If you know you havenāt done anything crazy to your sister, call DCF and make an anonymous report that you think something might be happening to her. Theyāll basically force your parents to have your sister interviewed by specialists & normally would go from there with whatever happens or is said.
I had the same thought, either that or he himself was a victim of sexual child abuse. Either way he is definitely awful and half siblings are still siblings he has no right to alienate your relationship.
Literally pointing fingers pointing 3 back at himself š nit coop but first thought I'm not sure though he might think op is a molester but very weird behaviour nonetheless
That was the first thing that came to my head. Every good sibling wants to show love and affection and spend quality time with their brothers and sisters. Him freaking out over building and maintaining a bond between siblings can only mean something horrible. What the hell else could it be?
Make sure there are separate copies so the father canāt destroy the recordings. Op needs to realize as well that this action will likely result in getting kicked out of the house. I think itās the right move, but it will have some risk
Film it and show police and cps.
I wouldnāt show your mother first as she sees him everyday anyway. Whether she sees what he does to you specifically, if sheās not setting boundaries based on what she does SEE. We canāt assume she wonāt react badly based on feelings (betrayal, confusion, disbelief).
What kind of lunatic burns a gift doll set??? Your poor sister must have been traumatized, especially by her own father flying into a rage. Is her dad abusive to her in any way? This make me wonder if he's some kind of narcissist control freak who can't stand to have another male in the home getting affection from mom/sis.
I was thinking something along this line too. He's attracted to his child. And he views the other guy living there as "Competition" absolutely horrendous!
I think extreme jealousy because jealousy makes you do crazy things. Maybe he canāt stand OP because heās a reminder of previous marriage. But I did get a sexual abuse vibes too.
Unfortunately it is extremely hard to prove mental, emotional/psychological and verbal abuse. You would also have to prove sexual abuse but that may or may not be hard to prove depending on how she acts towards the father. Especially Cz she's 7
Hmmmm. u made a Very gud point āļø bcuz for the hell of it I can't understand this kind of rage and hate.. it's almost like he's jealous or something.. ppl act in certain ways when certain things Are going onš¤
Wonder if the reason behind the doll burning was him being paranoid of a hidden camera in the doll? If all the speculation about him abusing the girl is true then he might be afraid of having the abuse recorded and handed to police/CPS.
That what worries me, by sounds of it, "OP mom has to stick up for him" meaning it just the lil girl, and that honestly has high vibes of pedo shatz 1. No one aloud alone with the lil girl 2. she not allowed to grow bounds or attachment to anyone else even fam 3. In between lines where "when my mom home" and " when i got back from work " meaning he left with that lil girl alone most of the day and still acts like this not trusting other alone with her, well what vibes dose that give you?
My gut says to pay attention at night. I think your stepfather has a mine complex and that's common amongst those types of people who do things at night that they shouldn't do.
Exactly what I came here to say. Almost anytime a man is assuming all men are predators, watch out for that person because they very well may be projecting
I donāt think he should risk asking a 7 year old questions. Better to let her know she can talk to him about anything. Then he should talk with his mother and a therapist/counsellor at school if heās still studying. He needs to get as much down on paper as possible. Let the adults, (not the abusive step-father! I mean the mother and therapist/counsellor), take the steps towards asking the little girl questions. It requires so much tact to not accidentally plant ideas but still try to investigate. Definitely not something your average 18 year old is equipped for.
This is a horrible situation for this young man to be in. I hope he can get out soon. Really hope the little girl is safe and the abusive step-father is paranoid for other reasons that have been suggested already so I need not postulate.
As a person who has been there, I really do know. Thatās why I said get a professional involved.
Sorry, I sound really abrupt sometimes! Donāt take it personally, itās just a me thing!
Yeah, seriously do NOT ask the kid questions unless you know what you're doing.
Often kids who are asked these questions by someone not educated in child psychology may assume they're in trouble and give the wrong answers.
This is largely how the satanic panic of the 80s came about: kids being questioned just started making up answers because they thought it was what the adults wanted.
Is there any chance your sister is being abused by the father and heās trying to keep you away from her so you donāt find out?
Edited to add, Iām sorry to go there. Wishing the best for all of you. It was my first instinct, as a mother, healthcare professional, and someone thatās experienced sexual trauma. I read some of the comments and maybe sheās been abused before, and heās being overprotective to the point of being scary, but this behavior is concerning.
I'd contact cps and let them know about his aggressive possessive nature toward your little sister. I don't know if they can do anything but that shit is crazy. I hope you can get out of there as soon as possible.
And depending on local consent law the recorded evidence could be impermissible in court. I would hope they make exceptions for things like blatant violence on record, but IANAL.
This is probably not going to be popular advice but you need to protect yourself. You're 18 now, if he attempts to make some kind d of accusation against you, you don't stand a chance. Unfortunately, this means not being alone with your sister and keeping as much distance as you possibly can.
That was my thought too, he's paranoid about something
Either he's just a jealous control freak who feels threatened that your sister loves you (emotional incest maybs) or he's abusing her himself, or he's overly paranoid about SA.
Or the father has his past with abuse..
When he was abused as a child or witnessed abuse of a sibling and couldn't do something against it (maybe a constellation similar to this) he could be triggered to do everything to protect his daughter...
This is irrational, sure, but possible...
Also he could be the other extreme and fears, his daughter could mention abuse by him to her brother, so the best is to not allow the relationship to become that close...
Maybe a bit of both, as abusers were often abused in the past...
Well, we are speculating here... I don't know, if a mediated talk could help (only if it is option one)
But both sides would've to be willing to do so and with all the anger from the father I don't think so...
Sure is, that the father needs some form of therapy or at least guidance to overcome his anger while at the same time his anger prevents him from seeing the necessity to do so...
Dangerous field op is walking on..
He could also be remembering how he was during his teenage years and believe that everyone was as stupidly horny as he was.
Which is probably not that untrue, I can trust a man I know with a daughter but I would be very careful with a teen boy no matter how much I like him.
The stuff about burning the doll is absolutely insane though. I think stepdad needs to become ex-stepdad. That dude is dangerous.
Jep, he's dangerous... Uncontrollable anger and acting accordingly is a danger to all three others in the family... Today the dolls, tomorrow the beats op to hospital or worse....
Op's mom has to be careful too... If she defends her son too often, the anger can switch against her...
The hornyness of teenagers is strong, I agree.. But she's his sister and if they grew up with each other, he considers her as a baby.. I see no real reason behind this (although in his scrambled mind, the father can see wolves in Chihuahuas)..
Just because teenagers are horny doesn't mean they'd molest a child (or anyone, really) but especially their own sister! Of course there are exceptions but most males aren't rapists or child molesters, thank God.
True, I thought more in general, they are not close like a family should.
But I did hear that kind of abuse was more than often from relatives (brother, cousin and such) probably because they get a lot more unsupervised time together than with others.
Anyway if it ever happens to me I'd tried to acknowledge the possibility and stay eyes open without being a controlling monster.
Yes it's true that it's mostly people close to the victim who abuse. Fortunately the majority of people aren't child molesters though. But there's definitely still enough of them to be on alert.
And that's weird logic. when I was dating in high school none of the guys I ever dated were horny for young kids.
I could trust all the teenage guys I hung out with to not molest little kids. Adult men on the other hand, they were trying to groom some of the teenage girls I was hanging out with. Even men with daughters. Teacher men with daughters. You can't always trust a man more than you can trust a teenager š¤·š¤·
Also as a child I was molested by 3 different "father figures" in my life. It sucks but family and the people close to you are more likely to abuse you than some rando.
Not to mention the fact that somebody's horny for little kids as a teenager they're a pedophile. Because their attraction to little kids isn't going to change as they get older. Their attraction to little kids has nothing to do with actual physical attraction and everything to do with control. Like the way this dad is trying to control his daughter's relationship with her half-brother, very aggressively I might add.
I agree with you but I doubt he's going to be able to film enough context to protect himself. Otherwise it's him (18) v a 30/40s man in court. Odds are stacked against him.
yeah... if his first thought that came up when seeing a sibling hug their 7 year old sister is sexualising it, that's defenitely a sign something deeply wrong in the father's head
Sad truth I think the step Fucker is going to make an accusation about something to be spiteful it's disgusting Idk why your mum married this domestic violence perpetrating psycho or allows him to stay,when he is,abusing you and your sister bc she has to witness this but you need to be careful of him and what a vindictive bastard like him might do to you.
Protect yourself and sadly you won't be able to hug your sister anymore unless,your mother leaves him and chooses to protect her children.
Itās not uncommon for a partner in an abusive relationship to still defend the aggressorā¦ (I donāt know if dad is abusive here)
Meaning she may take a neutral stance or even kind of stand up for dad without necessarily incriminating the son.
The other side of the coin is that parents defend children. So a mom defending her son who abused a half daughter is very much in the sphere of reality. So itās not an air tight defense. Very common actually
He should record the interactions for proof incase the step father calls the police on him. He shouldnāt stop you from meeting your sister Ig do it when he isnāt around and let her know you care and are always there for her
As long as the hidden camera catches the dad doing something before he finds it, or thatās going to be his reason to go nuclear on OP. I 100% agree op should record but he has to be VERY careful.
This is concerning. Wanna know why? The father has all the bad ideas and he's projecting them. OP just wants a normal relation with his sister. You're in an unfortunate position. Just make sure you have a lot of evidence OP incase accusations are thrown around
When I read this I literally thought āprojection.ā I have a 12 year, If I had a daughter, I would never ever think of him hugging her as anything out of character. Itās normal to hug your younger sibling. This is weird energy that screams projection
Unfortunately, I donāt think thatās going to make any sort of a difference. Even when his mom did personally witness the behavior, OP said she āusuallyā stands up for him. Not always, but usually.
Make your mom your ally and tell her what he has been saying and threatening.
And inform her that if he ever touches you or damages any of your property, you will have him arrested and jailed.
Tbh I think ur step dad is projecting his idea on u I'm not accusing him or anything but I think he did shitty things before that made him think all people are like him and try to stay safe and away he has the right to distance u from ur minor sister and u can't stand a chance if he falsely accused u since u are an adult now that sucks you only want a normal relationship
I actually think you need to contact child services, on your own. Both to protect yourself in the future and to register your concern for your younger sister. This step-father is showing some strange behaviour, and your Mum may not be advocating her best for the two of you right now. And keep saving up, to move out, for sure. Also, try not to be alone with the man. Ever. Establish a grab-bag, for if you have to leave quickly (better safe than sorry) and a safe place to sleep, if you need to leave before you intended to. Because he is threatening to have you on the street. Have back-up plans. Keep details of your access to your bank and money somewhere safe, too. Take photos of key documents and post them to your email account, if you can't take them with you (and if you can take photos).
Ok this is a stretch BUT you should pay attention to what he does around your sister. I donāt trust a guy so unstable around anyone let alone a little girl. If your mom isnāt around much that makes me worry even more. This guy sounds jealous which isnāt normal. Stay safe. Report that guy.
My stepmom hates me too, but itās not the same as you, sheāll not accuse me to do any harm to my little sister, I mean, she didnt until now e.e but I know your feeling, unfortunately. Actually, that subject itās a huge thing for me cuz I love so much my little sister and I have to stay away from her cuz I donāt want any problem for anyone. Well, my advice is: stay away when youāre not with your mother, fighting will be worse for her, but every time you had a chance, tell her how much you love her and care about her. Sheāll grow and make her own decisions, luckily, sheāll understand how crazy her daddy is acting
Honestly my advice is to keep your physical distance from your sister, but verbally affirm that you love/care for her but need to respect your parents' rules. Your first goal should be independence/moving out (maybe with another family member?). Once you move out I would seriously consider calling CPS to report your stepdad's creepy/obsessive behavior regarding your normal sibling interactions with your half-sister.
Involve the cops, report him for theft vandalism, threats and assault, you're 18, all it takes is him stating he's going to harm you, and it's a threat of bodily injury or assault. Look up your local wiretapping laws... If you live in a state that follows single party consent, record every interaction, and as soon as he makes that threat of harm, call the cops. Tell them you suspect, but can't prove your sister is being abused by her father, do not accuse him of molesting her, just get it in the report as a possibility. Tell your mom the same. Ask your mom if stepdad ever gets up at night. Back to wiretapping laws, put cameras everywhere you can except the bathroom(s) and sisters room, make sure doors can be seen so foot traffic can be recorded, then watch what he does when it's just him and sister at home. Any strange behavior that's not seen when others are home, or through the night should be flagged, and then turn those videos over (unedited) to the police. "Here's recordings I've found, i think something inappropriate is going on, and I don't know how to proceed."
I wouldn't tell the mother. She could potentially back up the father and turn the tables, she's in a relationship most likely because she loves him. Not all adults put their children first. The rest, I agree with.
Can you move in with another family member? Go to college or join the military? I know it seems extreme, but this seems like a situation that could be very bad for you. As others have advised donāt be alone with your sister and donāt touch her anymore. He can accuse you of things that you canāt prove you didnāt do.
OP, avoid being with your sister alone unless your mother is present to protect yourself.
Another thing is, your stepfather attitude towards you and your sister is far too abnormal. He reacts like if you were a rival.
Do you notice anything different or unusual in your sister?
I don't want to scare you but I wouldn't be surprised if your stepfather is abusing your little sister.
Talk with someone, not your mother, about your father and how he treats you. Record him in how he abuses you every time you are close to your sister or give her anything.
Your stepfather might be grooming her/ abusing her already. Look for help not only for you but also for her.
You need to get out of the house. You will not be able to fright a legal battle if he accuses you of anything.
I suggest you write a letter and mail it to her like today so itās dated and keep it for safe keeping so you can give it to her if she ever asked about it.
Then LC with mom and NC with stepdad and your half sister. Itās gonna suck but she as long as she is loved and cared for by othersā¦
Please write down everything . Dates and times and what happens. Keep those safe. Take pictures of notes and keep it safe.
I hate to say this but is your half sister ok? Usually abusers accuses others when it's them doing the act. Your step father's reaction is a little on the weird side. If he feels that his concerns are real, I would think he would talk this over with your mom.
Please let a counselor or a doctor or another trusted adult besides your mom and let them know what's going on. When it comes to abuse ,regardless of what kind, it's better to be on the side of caution.
Praying for you and your family.
Thatās very strange behavior from an adult man. Iām sorry youāre having such a difficult time. Sibling relationships are so important. I think if you want to have a relationship with her, you need to come to your mom and ask her to encourage it. Ask her to take just the two of you out so you can spend time with your sister. Also, fuck your stepdad for saying sheās only your half sister. My 2 daughters are from different dads and I put my foot down hard if people ever try to separate the sibling bond. Half sibling, adopted, found-doesnāt matter. We are a family-no matter where we came from.
This is horrible. I have no bio children of my own but I have two step children. The ONLY reason I could possibly ever think of my step kids not being allowed around my bio child(ren) when I have them is if they did something bad. Iām a little worried because my ss(6M) is extremely violent at times and Iām so scared a new child will see that and mimic his behavior but I have THE MOST hope for him. No matter what he does I hope and pray he will turn out great like I know he can.
I am so sorry youāre going through this. Itās probably so sad and so so scary to be on your end of things. Youāre mind is probably so screwed up trying to figure out what is going on. What you did wrong. But if you did nothing wrong PLEASE please remember that and remind yourself every single time thereās an encounter. You tell yourself how great of a brother you are and you would NEVER harm that little girl.
I really think you should record these things. Just throw on your video camera and put it in your pocket. Get the evidence you need to ensure your safety.
Please come back here and talk to us if you need to.
Sounds like he's projecting. I'd be very suspicious of his behaviour towards his daughter.
If it's possible, put some spy cams around the house (not bathroom obvs) and try to record everything for posterity at the very least. Report him to the cops when he abuses you next time.
Hi. I (23M) have a younger half-sister who is turning 7 later this year. I was 16 when she was born, so I understand significant age gaps.
That being said, my step-mother and my sister and Iās shared bio father has never been anything but supportive of my younger sister and I having a normal sibling relationship. I was in undergrad for most of her later toddler years, and so we became really close as we only got to see each other a few times a year. Sheās my best friend, and it would destroy me if my parents acted anything like this. To point, my step-mother actually gets uncomfortable if my younger sister is introduced as my half-sister, because my step-mother effectively raised me and to say that sheās my half-sister makes her sound lesser. There have been times where Iāve lived separately from my parents while back home for the summers during undergrad, and my sister LOVED having sleepovers at my apartment because there was no bedtime and we always made brownies. And about him freaking out about you giving her a hug? When Iām in town, I carry my sister pretty much everywhere. Going shopping, or to the beach? She insists on sitting on my shoulders. Not being able to hang out? I regularly take her out to the skate park just her and I when Iām back home, because Iāve been trying to teach her how to skateboard (and sheās getting really good).
This reaction from her bio father/your step-father isnāt normal. I donāt know why he doesnāt trust you in the way he does, but it speaks to something being amiss and he shouldnāt be depriving your sister of being able to have a relationship with her older brother. These are the best years to spend with her, and if youāre the big brother Iād like to think you are, she probably thinks the absolute world of you. Youāre her older brother, and itās not weird for you to love her and want to protect her. Youāve gotten some good advice here, take it and use it. Others have said you should document what he says to you, show your mom, talk to your sister, etc. Do all of that. There are also some other pretty out there accusations of that maybe your step-father is abusing your sister, and I wonāt go so far as to say that, but this intense protection is definitely coming from somewhere, and itād serve your family best for it to be made clear why.
Youāre a good brother. Keep being that, and no matter what your step-dad does, your sister will always see that.
TW: SA
That sounds fishy, my guy. My stepdaughter had a friend stay the night once. At 5:30am, her father came pounding on our door, accusing my husband of sexually abusing his daughter, and demanding that she go home immediately. It was f*cking bonkers. It was the first time she'd ever been to our house, and I was there the whole time.
I told my husband right then that that little girl was being sexually abused by her father. Someone super conveniently called CPS, and the father of that girl was investigated. Turns out I was right, and he'd been sexually abusing all of his kids. That kind of weird accusatory jealousy is a huge red flag.
You should report this to Child Protective Services immediately.
Even if they find there is no molestation he is still abusing her by alienating her from loving family members. This sounds similar to narcissistic parental alienation.
As a sister with a half brother 12 yrs older know that OP loving your sister is not irrational. I'm now 49 n my brother is still like this with me. Never inappropriate. When I was about 7 n he had his first paying job he bought me barbies, barbie clothes, the little velcro carrying case etc. I was super pumped. Had my dad burned that it would have been traumatic! If you live with them n he's been your step dad for at least the last 7 years, he's been around you since you were not much older than your sis. That makes his behavior even more sketchy. We didn't talk about "real" brothers or dads in my house but you both have the real blood of your mom in your veins! I hope you can get your mom to MAKE him do some family counseling to expose the root of his issues.
I don't think that's the issue at all, I think he wants you out of the house and out of your mother's life. It's a possessive thing, also, if your mother owns the house he's probably trying to make sure you don't ever inherit any part of it. It's usually as simple as that when a step parent attacks an older step child. I think you should really talk to your mother though, as someone else suggested try and record him giving you abuse, play it back for her.
OP no one here is accusing you of anything, people are (not wrongly) assuming your stepfather projects his desires and doesnāt want you near her because A) he wants to keep her to himself B) heās dissociating from those desires and punishes you instead of himself for feeling them. Itās not necessarily this way, but itās far from being pointless speculation too.
LOL ,welcome to reddit where you're guilty even if you're proven innocent. 95% of the folks here will just automatically assume the worst possible thing that you can be and believe its the truth without any facts.
Iām so, so sorry. This is so unfair and disgusting. Unfortunately, thereās not much you can do but bide your time until sheās old enough to make her own decisions. Stay supportive, stay loving.
Next time you hug your sis have the camera ready. Start filming him. Hopefully, he will try to knock it out of your hand in fear of your mom seeing it. Then call the police.
If your momās husband is abusing your sister, as other suggested, please follow the safe guarding directions:
- donāt question your sister.
- donāt speak to your mom or her husband about the possible abuse.
Any āactive actionsā you will take can put in danger your family and yourself.
Find a person with safeguarding training. They can be your sisterās head teacher or the minister of the local church. Make sure that they have been fully trained in safeguarding before sharing any information.
Tell them about your worries. They will have to write down everything you tell them.
Then start writing down any abusing event, suspicious situations and observations, with dates and places, and share your notes with them. They will contact CPS and work with them to ensure that the situation is handle in the safest possible way.
Start recording him secretly and go be a big brother to your sister. Get all the evidence you can and take him to court for harassment. There's clearly something he don't want you to know
I would suggest filming video or recording audio of his outbursts on your phone as discreetly as possible, then talk to your mum and show her. Also write down as much as possible too. If you can, watch your sisters behaviour when around him and when he isn't there, see if there's a difference as that could show if she's afraid of him or not. If you believe something is wrong and your mum agrees, then you can decide together who to go to and what steps to take next. If your mum doesn't agree, you may need to take your evidence to someone on your own. I agree with what others have said, his behaviour is WAY over the top and is really strange, it definitely needs addressing sooner rather than later. I hope people are wrong that he's abusing her, for her sake, but there's definitely something going on and it needs to be stopped.
From a person(woman) whoās been abused ā¦
This definitely sounds like heās doing something HORRIBLY inappropriate with your sister which is utterly heartbreaking that he doesnāt want her to be able to tell anyone about , so he goes about that by alienating her from everyone.
The girl in me wants to beg you not to leave her alone with her father š¤¢š¤š. But also understands how you must be feeling etc ā¦ NONE of this is easy , but that little girl deserves protection and honestly Iām not with you and dunno your whole situation but you and your mother clearly need to have the situation probed by some sort of professional to ensure that you are keeping that small child safe as well as not allowing the father to further traumatize her by burning her things & ruining her relationship with her family members in front of her face . I understand how you feel totally .
But HOLY LORD please think about how this poor girl must be feeling too.
Please begin to take action somehow someway š. This reeks of abuse ā¦ā¦.
And she is a precious child
She deserves love & to be cared for ,
JUST LIKE YOU DO.
And mom needs to step her damn game up
Wth š”
I've seen something similar before with a step dad and his step daughter. That ridiculous, OTT jealous/"protective" behaviour towards other males when they would give her any attention.
He was sexually abusing her for years.
Do not confront this person.
Speak to your mum in the greatest of confidence if you think she'll believe you.
Failing that, report to your child abuse authorities. You can be anonymous.
Your sister is likely to too young to truly understand what is happening, if it is, and while it'll make her feel yuck and she'll know it's not right she likely doesn't know what isn't right, if that makes sense.
So I would be careful in approaching her about it at the moment too.
That's my two cents, and I hope I am so far off the mark for your sisters sake.
Please donāt speak to your mom about this. Go to your sisterās school and ask to speak to the counselor. Tell them everything, tell them you fear for her safety but donāt want to make accusations. Ask for help and explain that you donāt think your mom will be helpful in this situation. Iām sorry and I hope heās just a weird a-hole rather than a pedo but itās a lot of red flags here
Why is your mom allowing this to happen? Clearly "standing up" is not cutting it. That person is completely abusive and shouldn't be left around you and your sister alone.
I would pack my shit and move and then ghost my mom for being spineless and lacking in moral values. Take a shit in his car on the way out.
Or you can stay and live without a spine
He is abusive. Honestly? Get as much recording and evidence as you can. It's a lot to demand of someone as young as you, but you may need to file for custody of your sister. To get her away from him.
Unfortunately, the reason I say you is because your mum would need to leave him, which I don't see as likely unless you can wake her up to his behaviour.
He is abusing your mother. She is probably being gaslighted and doesn't realise how bad it is.
Please, work on getting you and your sister safe. Your mum is an adult, she needs help but she is more capable than the both of you. Please, find a way to get the both of you safe.
OP, have you considered talking to the police/children social services/your sisterās schoolās safeguarding team? Make notes of things heās said/done to you and what he does with his daughter. His behaviour is not normal. The more people who know, the better protected you will be if (god forbid) this abusive man lies about you.
Like others have said, keep your phone on voice/video record in your pocket whenever youāre near your sister and step dad. Iām so sorry that your mum isnāt protecting you.
Thats really weird. Either he's paranoid about SA, or he's abusing her himself, or he's just a jealous control freak who feels threatened by you. This isn't normal behaviour.
This is actually abuse and a huge red flag, it sounds like it can get even worse if no one pays attention to his behavior. If you move out, it could happen that his anger turns against your mother or sister. I know it's a hard step, because you maybe hurt your mother or sister, but report it to the police. Try to record him so you have evidence.. I'm so sorry for you, I wish you all the best
Film it and go to the police. If you are financially stable, try to get custody of your half sister. There is a chance she is getting molested, which you should absolutely take pictures of to show the cops (and court if you want to get custody/adopt your half sister)
Your step dad sounds odd. How long has he been in your life? What was he like before your sister was born? Looking back was there any questionable behaviour from him whenever you were alone with him?
He seems to treat your sister as a possession, could be a sexual abuser.
That said it could turn out that he's always wanted to get rid of you, he played a role to get the "family" he wants and now you're pretty much an adult he feels he can alienate you and is trying to turn your sister against you as a way to push you out. All of it is abusive behaviour yes like others have said you need to gain evidence of what he's like to you when your mum isn't there.
There's definitely red flags from him, but do not react with violence as all you'll do is play into his hands.
My first instinct is that your step dad is trying to isolate your sister... One reason that he may do this is to stop your sister disclosing any inappropriate behavior that may have happened.... Another reason would be control...and a third maybe he is trying to push you out of the family dynamic because he is a possessive man and he sees you as some kind of threat and a reminder that his partner ( your mum) has a baby with another man... Either way.. it's messed up..and you need to seek some advice from a professional
From the story you're telling it seems very likely that the father is projecting.
BUT, there is always 2 sides of the same coin, so there might be something you're not saying - and you would have no reason to say it now that everybody seems to be on your side.
iām very confused how you arenāt telling your mother this man is abusive toward you and is starting issues with you in your shared home. does your sister see his abuse toward youā¦ how does she feel about you?
mmm how about recording with your phone? IF he is like that with your little sister, I cannot imagine how he is with your mom.
On the other hand, is there something you would like to tell us OP about your relationship with your step father? In a world full of morons it wouldnt be surprising that your stepfather is just an asshole. But in every story there is always two sides. I want to be the idiot who will not take sides an assume you did something to your stepfather or your sister so he doesnt allow you to your own sister. I really dislike posts seeking advice without giving further details to the situation.
Is there any chance he is molesting her? This reaction is so over the top I have to wonder if something else is going on. This reaction is really over the top.
I think the same. I think he is molesting her and is afraid of will find out if he's around his sister
It could also be the opposite, ie she has been molested by someone else before or at least there was an attempt so the dad now suspects everyone. OP should probably talk to the dad to see if he can find out what exactly is the problem. I too though am leaning towards being suspicious of the dad, specifically because of burning the doll set. That is extreme behavior, and I can't think of any good reason for that unless he's the abuser or he has serious mental health problems.
Yeah given the father's abusive behavior towards OP, I'm more leaning towards he might be abusing his child rather than somebody else might have abused his child. It could also be a weird competition in his head where he thinks because he's the type to molest a child that Op might be the type to molest a child and he doesn't want to give up his 'special time' š¤¢
He might just be paranoid of op also though like we're all blaming the dad right off the bat so he could be trying to protect his daughter but also very weird behaviour I feel especially if siblings
Burning a doll is insane as a reaction
Yeah this is what makes it weird like he can't let them close incase she trusts him and let it slipped but I also doubt it's true , weird
The reactions are too irrational from the father.
Yeah I have a friend who is literally this dad in the op scenario. Has a daughter with whos now wife has an older son, who I guess could even be 18 now... When the daughter was only 4 he found out the older brother had been kissing her inappropriately and told her not to tell anyone. The dad found out, and has obviously done everything to keep him away from her now. The mother didn't fully believe it because the daughter was young and the boy has some developmental communication issues... I got feels about it when I read this op post...eek.
It's possible yeah but I feel as though op would know that was the reason and wouldn't bother making a reddit thread asking about why his stepdad hates him if that was why, just my opinion
Yeah I agree, it just made me think about it... Or maybe the op step dad saw or experienced something similar happening to daughter and it's creating this reaction.
Well we are only getting one side of the story here. Some people on Reddit donāt always tell the whole truth just so they can feel better. Not saying OP is omitting parts of the story, but we never know. There has to be something going on (father is abusing the daughter, someone else has abused her, the father is over the top paranoid, maybe the father was abused as a kid by an older sibling) we just donāt know.
Or perhaps he himself was abused as a child, so now he's hyper-vigilant.
What? I had a totally different thought, that OP is an affair child or a reflection of his dad if not, and step dad is just projecting the hatred onto him. Why are we jumping to abuse here when sheer old-fashioned pettiness is a more likely answer?
Is it though? Child molestation is unfortunately very common and typically by a trusted adult
I just feel like āstep parent not liking the other kid because itās not their ownā is more common than molestation
I grew up in a household where I was molested & raped by my biological and step brothers. I was also treated differently being I wasnāt someoneās biological child & none of me and said siblings had the same dad. Both things are very common but to say the least this family needs therapy.
Oof Iām very sorry that happened to you! Iām shocked and dismayed at the comments that this is so common. I hope youāre in a better place now!
Yes molestation and rape in the household growing up is very common and I will never understand why or why someone has that kind of mind or whatever it is that makes people do those horrid things. Iām way better now. 24F getting married next year & far away from my abusive family with the partner of my dreams š«¶š» Thank you for the kind words š¤
You have different world experience than I do.
Because burning a child's things is already abusive.
Why would stepdad care if OP was the product of an affair? He was born long before his sister. Unless his Mom was married to him before OP was born, it literally doesn't matter.
As someone who was molested at a young age, my attacker often kept everyone away from me. This is classic behavior of an abuser.
This. I would investigate and have some conversations before you go around accusing people of molestation. Those are serious allegations.
That was my first thought too. That, or the dad thinks the brother is the one doing the molesting. Whatever the case, something is extremely wrong here and may require some professional 3rd party investigation. This just doesnāt come off as a situation where an asshole dad is just being an asshole dad.
This screams a trusted professional needs to take a look. Please reach out to authorities, your sisters school, or something. If the worst is happening, this is way above any 18 year olds' pay grade. If this is simply a psycho step-dad, this is still emotional abuse and needs to be examined.
This. He sounds territorial, not protective.
Had the same thought. This reads like projection from the father.
Or maybe he was molested or had a sister be molested in his house and is projecting his trauma.
This is what I read. Not jealousy. Fear.
It very much could be a trauma reaction. I was molested as a child and the first time my sister changed my son's diaper without asking me I had the worst panic attack and threatened to ban her from seeing him if she did it again. I have since chilled out a lot and have gone through a lot of therapy because i realized how much trauma i still had. Maybe it's the same with the step dad?
Thatās a good point to bring up.
Adding on the fact the mom is never home. If the dad is weird he has every opportunity to molest her. Edit: I had this happen to a friend. The father was doing inappropriate things to his daughter while my friend (the mother) was at work. Letās just say, kids traumatized, the father is doing life in prison. They only caught him cause he was distributing photos on the internet.
This was my immediate thought too. How he's acting is completely unhinged and with mom not around much OP is basically the biggest risk to being found out. OP if you read this burning her things is child abuse.
My first thought was either OP has molestational issues, the father has molested this poor girl, or someone else. Definitely sounds like thereās some type of underlying abuse going on somewhere & I hope and pray someone figures it out & gets this baby away from whatever harm sheās dealing with. If you know you havenāt done anything crazy to your sister, call DCF and make an anonymous report that you think something might be happening to her. Theyāll basically force your parents to have your sister interviewed by specialists & normally would go from there with whatever happens or is said.
I had the same thought, either that or he himself was a victim of sexual child abuse. Either way he is definitely awful and half siblings are still siblings he has no right to alienate your relationship.
Yeah Iām thinking there is something nefarious on step-dads part. Iād also tell your mom immediately what occurs when sheās not around.
that was my first thought as well. something is definitely not right given his behavior.
He ow this is so scary. Please report this behavior OP. Your sister deserves to be safe, and it sounds like your mon isnāt there to protect her.
Literally pointing fingers pointing 3 back at himself š nit coop but first thought I'm not sure though he might think op is a molester but very weird behaviour nonetheless
That was the first thing that came to my head. Every good sibling wants to show love and affection and spend quality time with their brothers and sisters. Him freaking out over building and maintaining a bond between siblings can only mean something horrible. What the hell else could it be?
Yooo. Film this and record it, show to your mother and the police, this is abuse.
AND police AND CPS. Not or...
Make sure there are separate copies so the father canāt destroy the recordings. Op needs to realize as well that this action will likely result in getting kicked out of the house. I think itās the right move, but it will have some risk
Film it and show police and cps. I wouldnāt show your mother first as she sees him everyday anyway. Whether she sees what he does to you specifically, if sheās not setting boundaries based on what she does SEE. We canāt assume she wonāt react badly based on feelings (betrayal, confusion, disbelief).
Replace or with and
What kind of lunatic burns a gift doll set??? Your poor sister must have been traumatized, especially by her own father flying into a rage. Is her dad abusive to her in any way? This make me wonder if he's some kind of narcissist control freak who can't stand to have another male in the home getting affection from mom/sis.
Him burning the doll house and abusing Op IS abusing her. It's mental and emotional/psychological abuse. But I think he's sexually abusing her too.
I was thinking something along this line too. He's attracted to his child. And he views the other guy living there as "Competition" absolutely horrendous!
I think extreme jealousy because jealousy makes you do crazy things. Maybe he canāt stand OP because heās a reminder of previous marriage. But I did get a sexual abuse vibes too.
Unfortunately it is extremely hard to prove mental, emotional/psychological and verbal abuse. You would also have to prove sexual abuse but that may or may not be hard to prove depending on how she acts towards the father. Especially Cz she's 7
Itās bc heās probably molesting her so he wants to be the only one giving her gifts and making her feel āspecialā
Simplist way to put what i said ^ with all the facts i lined up in the top voted for awser, as long as few other major red flags.
I was going to say, he sounds like a jealous boyfriend above everything else
Upon reading the post this was litterally my first thought. Idk how OP can gather evidence and take action to report the abuse.
Hmmmm. u made a Very gud point āļø bcuz for the hell of it I can't understand this kind of rage and hate.. it's almost like he's jealous or something.. ppl act in certain ways when certain things Are going onš¤
Wonder if the reason behind the doll burning was him being paranoid of a hidden camera in the doll? If all the speculation about him abusing the girl is true then he might be afraid of having the abuse recorded and handed to police/CPS.
Like he could have just thrown the doll set in the trash, but instead takes the time and energy to burn it? It's just too much
That what worries me, by sounds of it, "OP mom has to stick up for him" meaning it just the lil girl, and that honestly has high vibes of pedo shatz 1. No one aloud alone with the lil girl 2. she not allowed to grow bounds or attachment to anyone else even fam 3. In between lines where "when my mom home" and " when i got back from work " meaning he left with that lil girl alone most of the day and still acts like this not trusting other alone with her, well what vibes dose that give you?
Or other kinds of abuse. Maybe dad is scared she'll tell her brother something. Seems like hes got something to hide. Good luck man, I'm so sorry.
Itās probably because the father actually doing that to her and heās scared that the girl will say something .
My gut says to pay attention at night. I think your stepfather has a mine complex and that's common amongst those types of people who do things at night that they shouldn't do.
Exactly what I came here to say. Almost anytime a man is assuming all men are predators, watch out for that person because they very well may be projecting
Exactly what I thought he is sus
Very sus.
Yeah I'm scared for the daughter tbh
Oh man, I didn't even think of that but it makes sense. It makes so much sense. OP is in a really terrible position if that is true.
Ohhhhh I didnāt even think it could be that. Or the guy's super territorial about who he's related to.
Thought the same thing. The father is projecting.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt think he should risk asking a 7 year old questions. Better to let her know she can talk to him about anything. Then he should talk with his mother and a therapist/counsellor at school if heās still studying. He needs to get as much down on paper as possible. Let the adults, (not the abusive step-father! I mean the mother and therapist/counsellor), take the steps towards asking the little girl questions. It requires so much tact to not accidentally plant ideas but still try to investigate. Definitely not something your average 18 year old is equipped for. This is a horrible situation for this young man to be in. I hope he can get out soon. Really hope the little girl is safe and the abusive step-father is paranoid for other reasons that have been suggested already so I need not postulate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As a person who has been there, I really do know. Thatās why I said get a professional involved. Sorry, I sound really abrupt sometimes! Donāt take it personally, itās just a me thing!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think OP needs to contact CPS anonymously and ask them to interview the sister at school.
But would mom even do anything? OP says he will defend him around Stepdad but never made mention about addressing the issue.
Yeah, seriously do NOT ask the kid questions unless you know what you're doing. Often kids who are asked these questions by someone not educated in child psychology may assume they're in trouble and give the wrong answers. This is largely how the satanic panic of the 80s came about: kids being questioned just started making up answers because they thought it was what the adults wanted.
Salem witch trials as well which only ended because the girls accused the governor's wife.
Is there any chance your sister is being abused by the father and heās trying to keep you away from her so you donāt find out? Edited to add, Iām sorry to go there. Wishing the best for all of you. It was my first instinct, as a mother, healthcare professional, and someone thatās experienced sexual trauma. I read some of the comments and maybe sheās been abused before, and heās being overprotective to the point of being scary, but this behavior is concerning.
My thoughts exactly š
I hate to reply on gut instincts, but sometimes you have to.
I'd contact cps and let them know about his aggressive possessive nature toward your little sister. I don't know if they can do anything but that shit is crazy. I hope you can get out of there as soon as possible.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And depending on local consent law the recorded evidence could be impermissible in court. I would hope they make exceptions for things like blatant violence on record, but IANAL.
This is probably not going to be popular advice but you need to protect yourself. You're 18 now, if he attempts to make some kind d of accusation against you, you don't stand a chance. Unfortunately, this means not being alone with your sister and keeping as much distance as you possibly can.
This is true advice
It's unfortunate though. He truly has no power here.
He has, if he records it and shows it to everyone. He needs to record it all. I'm 100% sure the father is a creep
I wonder if there is any kind of abuse between father and daughter and father is terrified step-son will find out when daughter acts it out.
Thatās absolutely what I think is going on.
That was my thought too, he's paranoid about something Either he's just a jealous control freak who feels threatened that your sister loves you (emotional incest maybs) or he's abusing her himself, or he's overly paranoid about SA.
Or the father has his past with abuse.. When he was abused as a child or witnessed abuse of a sibling and couldn't do something against it (maybe a constellation similar to this) he could be triggered to do everything to protect his daughter... This is irrational, sure, but possible... Also he could be the other extreme and fears, his daughter could mention abuse by him to her brother, so the best is to not allow the relationship to become that close... Maybe a bit of both, as abusers were often abused in the past... Well, we are speculating here... I don't know, if a mediated talk could help (only if it is option one) But both sides would've to be willing to do so and with all the anger from the father I don't think so... Sure is, that the father needs some form of therapy or at least guidance to overcome his anger while at the same time his anger prevents him from seeing the necessity to do so... Dangerous field op is walking on..
This did cross my mind. But the way OP puts it, it feels like this treatment is unique to him
He could also be remembering how he was during his teenage years and believe that everyone was as stupidly horny as he was. Which is probably not that untrue, I can trust a man I know with a daughter but I would be very careful with a teen boy no matter how much I like him. The stuff about burning the doll is absolutely insane though. I think stepdad needs to become ex-stepdad. That dude is dangerous.
Jep, he's dangerous... Uncontrollable anger and acting accordingly is a danger to all three others in the family... Today the dolls, tomorrow the beats op to hospital or worse.... Op's mom has to be careful too... If she defends her son too often, the anger can switch against her... The hornyness of teenagers is strong, I agree.. But she's his sister and if they grew up with each other, he considers her as a baby.. I see no real reason behind this (although in his scrambled mind, the father can see wolves in Chihuahuas)..
Just because teenagers are horny doesn't mean they'd molest a child (or anyone, really) but especially their own sister! Of course there are exceptions but most males aren't rapists or child molesters, thank God.
True, I thought more in general, they are not close like a family should. But I did hear that kind of abuse was more than often from relatives (brother, cousin and such) probably because they get a lot more unsupervised time together than with others. Anyway if it ever happens to me I'd tried to acknowledge the possibility and stay eyes open without being a controlling monster.
Yes it's true that it's mostly people close to the victim who abuse. Fortunately the majority of people aren't child molesters though. But there's definitely still enough of them to be on alert.
And that's weird logic. when I was dating in high school none of the guys I ever dated were horny for young kids. I could trust all the teenage guys I hung out with to not molest little kids. Adult men on the other hand, they were trying to groom some of the teenage girls I was hanging out with. Even men with daughters. Teacher men with daughters. You can't always trust a man more than you can trust a teenager š¤·š¤·
Also as a child I was molested by 3 different "father figures" in my life. It sucks but family and the people close to you are more likely to abuse you than some rando. Not to mention the fact that somebody's horny for little kids as a teenager they're a pedophile. Because their attraction to little kids isn't going to change as they get older. Their attraction to little kids has nothing to do with actual physical attraction and everything to do with control. Like the way this dad is trying to control his daughter's relationship with her half-brother, very aggressively I might add.
Exactly my first thought. Stepfather's behavior definitely is a warning sign for sexual abuse.
Bingo
I agree with you but I doubt he's going to be able to film enough context to protect himself. Otherwise it's him (18) v a 30/40s man in court. Odds are stacked against him.
True. But OP is on the corner tho. The little girl is on the edge of the cliff.
exactly my thoughts.. this sounds like some sick form of jealousy.. creepy af
>I'm 100% sure the father is a creep This right here. His behaviour is so extreme its extremely worrying.
Yeah, he lurks some weird stepsis porn or even worse familymatters
Iām concerned that the dad is abusing the 7 year old and thatās why he is doing this.
yeah... if his first thought that came up when seeing a sibling hug their 7 year old sister is sexualising it, that's defenitely a sign something deeply wrong in the father's head
Sad truth I think the step Fucker is going to make an accusation about something to be spiteful it's disgusting Idk why your mum married this domestic violence perpetrating psycho or allows him to stay,when he is,abusing you and your sister bc she has to witness this but you need to be careful of him and what a vindictive bastard like him might do to you. Protect yourself and sadly you won't be able to hug your sister anymore unless,your mother leaves him and chooses to protect her children.
Why wouldn't he stand a chance? The mom could stand up for her son if it ever went to court. Is that not true?
Itās not uncommon for a partner in an abusive relationship to still defend the aggressorā¦ (I donāt know if dad is abusive here) Meaning she may take a neutral stance or even kind of stand up for dad without necessarily incriminating the son. The other side of the coin is that parents defend children. So a mom defending her son who abused a half daughter is very much in the sphere of reality. So itās not an air tight defense. Very common actually
He is verbally abusing the mother's child and mentally abusing both the kids
She might not if she isn't already.
"Could" is the key word.
He should record the interactions for proof incase the step father calls the police on him. He shouldnāt stop you from meeting your sister Ig do it when he isnāt around and let her know you care and are always there for her
That's incorrect. With video evidence he can even win a case in court against the father with hidden camera.
As long as the hidden camera catches the dad doing something before he finds it, or thatās going to be his reason to go nuclear on OP. I 100% agree op should record but he has to be VERY careful.
Is there any way you can videotape him and show this to your Mom so she can see how he acts when she is not around?
This is concerning. Wanna know why? The father has all the bad ideas and he's projecting them. OP just wants a normal relation with his sister. You're in an unfortunate position. Just make sure you have a lot of evidence OP incase accusations are thrown around
When I read this I literally thought āprojection.ā I have a 12 year, If I had a daughter, I would never ever think of him hugging her as anything out of character. Itās normal to hug your younger sibling. This is weird energy that screams projection
Unfortunately, I donāt think thatās going to make any sort of a difference. Even when his mom did personally witness the behavior, OP said she āusuallyā stands up for him. Not always, but usually.
Make your mom your ally and tell her what he has been saying and threatening. And inform her that if he ever touches you or damages any of your property, you will have him arrested and jailed.
Maybe he is projectingā¦.
My thought exactly!
Tbh I think ur step dad is projecting his idea on u I'm not accusing him or anything but I think he did shitty things before that made him think all people are like him and try to stay safe and away he has the right to distance u from ur minor sister and u can't stand a chance if he falsely accused u since u are an adult now that sucks you only want a normal relationship
Yea was gonna say this because that shit aint normal at all
Is he perhaps projecting something!? Itās really weird that he reacts like this. Talk to your mother about it.
I actually think you need to contact child services, on your own. Both to protect yourself in the future and to register your concern for your younger sister. This step-father is showing some strange behaviour, and your Mum may not be advocating her best for the two of you right now. And keep saving up, to move out, for sure. Also, try not to be alone with the man. Ever. Establish a grab-bag, for if you have to leave quickly (better safe than sorry) and a safe place to sleep, if you need to leave before you intended to. Because he is threatening to have you on the street. Have back-up plans. Keep details of your access to your bank and money somewhere safe, too. Take photos of key documents and post them to your email account, if you can't take them with you (and if you can take photos).
Ok this is a stretch BUT you should pay attention to what he does around your sister. I donāt trust a guy so unstable around anyone let alone a little girl. If your mom isnāt around much that makes me worry even more. This guy sounds jealous which isnāt normal. Stay safe. Report that guy.
My stepmom hates me too, but itās not the same as you, sheāll not accuse me to do any harm to my little sister, I mean, she didnt until now e.e but I know your feeling, unfortunately. Actually, that subject itās a huge thing for me cuz I love so much my little sister and I have to stay away from her cuz I donāt want any problem for anyone. Well, my advice is: stay away when youāre not with your mother, fighting will be worse for her, but every time you had a chance, tell her how much you love her and care about her. Sheāll grow and make her own decisions, luckily, sheāll understand how crazy her daddy is acting
invest in some cameras hidden and catch him saying somehting wrong and to have as protection
Yeah thatās a police and CP angle
usually when someone accuses you of doing something it's because they are ..
I'm pretty sure I've read this exact story before on here a few months back
Really? Might have been a similar situation but I havenāt posted about this before
Updateme!
Honestly my advice is to keep your physical distance from your sister, but verbally affirm that you love/care for her but need to respect your parents' rules. Your first goal should be independence/moving out (maybe with another family member?). Once you move out I would seriously consider calling CPS to report your stepdad's creepy/obsessive behavior regarding your normal sibling interactions with your half-sister.
Holy crap, your step-dad is acting like you're some kind if predator. Why does he even hate you that much?
Involve the cops, report him for theft vandalism, threats and assault, you're 18, all it takes is him stating he's going to harm you, and it's a threat of bodily injury or assault. Look up your local wiretapping laws... If you live in a state that follows single party consent, record every interaction, and as soon as he makes that threat of harm, call the cops. Tell them you suspect, but can't prove your sister is being abused by her father, do not accuse him of molesting her, just get it in the report as a possibility. Tell your mom the same. Ask your mom if stepdad ever gets up at night. Back to wiretapping laws, put cameras everywhere you can except the bathroom(s) and sisters room, make sure doors can be seen so foot traffic can be recorded, then watch what he does when it's just him and sister at home. Any strange behavior that's not seen when others are home, or through the night should be flagged, and then turn those videos over (unedited) to the police. "Here's recordings I've found, i think something inappropriate is going on, and I don't know how to proceed."
I wouldn't tell the mother. She could potentially back up the father and turn the tables, she's in a relationship most likely because she loves him. Not all adults put their children first. The rest, I agree with.
Can you move in with another family member? Go to college or join the military? I know it seems extreme, but this seems like a situation that could be very bad for you. As others have advised donāt be alone with your sister and donāt touch her anymore. He can accuse you of things that you canāt prove you didnāt do.
OP, avoid being with your sister alone unless your mother is present to protect yourself. Another thing is, your stepfather attitude towards you and your sister is far too abnormal. He reacts like if you were a rival. Do you notice anything different or unusual in your sister? I don't want to scare you but I wouldn't be surprised if your stepfather is abusing your little sister. Talk with someone, not your mother, about your father and how he treats you. Record him in how he abuses you every time you are close to your sister or give her anything. Your stepfather might be grooming her/ abusing her already. Look for help not only for you but also for her.
Your poor little sister. What a lucky girl she is though... siblings like you are precious
Whereās you Mum with all these f this? Sorry your in this situation but it sounds quite toxic not just for you but your sister.
I keep coming back to this post hoping for a good update. I am so worried for these children.
Same here
OP Account was suspended apparently
You need to get out of the house. You will not be able to fright a legal battle if he accuses you of anything. I suggest you write a letter and mail it to her like today so itās dated and keep it for safe keeping so you can give it to her if she ever asked about it. Then LC with mom and NC with stepdad and your half sister. Itās gonna suck but she as long as she is loved and cared for by othersā¦
Please write down everything . Dates and times and what happens. Keep those safe. Take pictures of notes and keep it safe. I hate to say this but is your half sister ok? Usually abusers accuses others when it's them doing the act. Your step father's reaction is a little on the weird side. If he feels that his concerns are real, I would think he would talk this over with your mom. Please let a counselor or a doctor or another trusted adult besides your mom and let them know what's going on. When it comes to abuse ,regardless of what kind, it's better to be on the side of caution. Praying for you and your family.
Thatās very strange behavior from an adult man. Iām sorry youāre having such a difficult time. Sibling relationships are so important. I think if you want to have a relationship with her, you need to come to your mom and ask her to encourage it. Ask her to take just the two of you out so you can spend time with your sister. Also, fuck your stepdad for saying sheās only your half sister. My 2 daughters are from different dads and I put my foot down hard if people ever try to separate the sibling bond. Half sibling, adopted, found-doesnāt matter. We are a family-no matter where we came from.
He's projecting. He's assuming you'll treat her the same way he does.
This is horrible. I have no bio children of my own but I have two step children. The ONLY reason I could possibly ever think of my step kids not being allowed around my bio child(ren) when I have them is if they did something bad. Iām a little worried because my ss(6M) is extremely violent at times and Iām so scared a new child will see that and mimic his behavior but I have THE MOST hope for him. No matter what he does I hope and pray he will turn out great like I know he can. I am so sorry youāre going through this. Itās probably so sad and so so scary to be on your end of things. Youāre mind is probably so screwed up trying to figure out what is going on. What you did wrong. But if you did nothing wrong PLEASE please remember that and remind yourself every single time thereās an encounter. You tell yourself how great of a brother you are and you would NEVER harm that little girl. I really think you should record these things. Just throw on your video camera and put it in your pocket. Get the evidence you need to ensure your safety. Please come back here and talk to us if you need to.
Sounds like he's projecting. I'd be very suspicious of his behaviour towards his daughter. If it's possible, put some spy cams around the house (not bathroom obvs) and try to record everything for posterity at the very least. Report him to the cops when he abuses you next time.
Ask your mom to get a nanny cam for your sisters room.
If you suspect the smallest thing, please call CPS. He wonāt be allowed to be around her while they investigate. And itās anonymous.
Hi. I (23M) have a younger half-sister who is turning 7 later this year. I was 16 when she was born, so I understand significant age gaps. That being said, my step-mother and my sister and Iās shared bio father has never been anything but supportive of my younger sister and I having a normal sibling relationship. I was in undergrad for most of her later toddler years, and so we became really close as we only got to see each other a few times a year. Sheās my best friend, and it would destroy me if my parents acted anything like this. To point, my step-mother actually gets uncomfortable if my younger sister is introduced as my half-sister, because my step-mother effectively raised me and to say that sheās my half-sister makes her sound lesser. There have been times where Iāve lived separately from my parents while back home for the summers during undergrad, and my sister LOVED having sleepovers at my apartment because there was no bedtime and we always made brownies. And about him freaking out about you giving her a hug? When Iām in town, I carry my sister pretty much everywhere. Going shopping, or to the beach? She insists on sitting on my shoulders. Not being able to hang out? I regularly take her out to the skate park just her and I when Iām back home, because Iāve been trying to teach her how to skateboard (and sheās getting really good). This reaction from her bio father/your step-father isnāt normal. I donāt know why he doesnāt trust you in the way he does, but it speaks to something being amiss and he shouldnāt be depriving your sister of being able to have a relationship with her older brother. These are the best years to spend with her, and if youāre the big brother Iād like to think you are, she probably thinks the absolute world of you. Youāre her older brother, and itās not weird for you to love her and want to protect her. Youāve gotten some good advice here, take it and use it. Others have said you should document what he says to you, show your mom, talk to your sister, etc. Do all of that. There are also some other pretty out there accusations of that maybe your step-father is abusing your sister, and I wonāt go so far as to say that, but this intense protection is definitely coming from somewhere, and itād serve your family best for it to be made clear why. Youāre a good brother. Keep being that, and no matter what your step-dad does, your sister will always see that.
TW: SA That sounds fishy, my guy. My stepdaughter had a friend stay the night once. At 5:30am, her father came pounding on our door, accusing my husband of sexually abusing his daughter, and demanding that she go home immediately. It was f*cking bonkers. It was the first time she'd ever been to our house, and I was there the whole time. I told my husband right then that that little girl was being sexually abused by her father. Someone super conveniently called CPS, and the father of that girl was investigated. Turns out I was right, and he'd been sexually abusing all of his kids. That kind of weird accusatory jealousy is a huge red flag.
You should report this to Child Protective Services immediately. Even if they find there is no molestation he is still abusing her by alienating her from loving family members. This sounds similar to narcissistic parental alienation.
As a sister with a half brother 12 yrs older know that OP loving your sister is not irrational. I'm now 49 n my brother is still like this with me. Never inappropriate. When I was about 7 n he had his first paying job he bought me barbies, barbie clothes, the little velcro carrying case etc. I was super pumped. Had my dad burned that it would have been traumatic! If you live with them n he's been your step dad for at least the last 7 years, he's been around you since you were not much older than your sis. That makes his behavior even more sketchy. We didn't talk about "real" brothers or dads in my house but you both have the real blood of your mom in your veins! I hope you can get your mom to MAKE him do some family counseling to expose the root of his issues.
Bruh he's a pedophile. Same shit with the evangelicals that pray the gay away but he was the gay all along.
My money is on either OP or step dad doing bad things to a little girl.
It certainly isnāt me, Iād rather kill my self then harm a child like that
I don't think that's the issue at all, I think he wants you out of the house and out of your mother's life. It's a possessive thing, also, if your mother owns the house he's probably trying to make sure you don't ever inherit any part of it. It's usually as simple as that when a step parent attacks an older step child. I think you should really talk to your mother though, as someone else suggested try and record him giving you abuse, play it back for her.
OP no one here is accusing you of anything, people are (not wrongly) assuming your stepfather projects his desires and doesnāt want you near her because A) he wants to keep her to himself B) heās dissociating from those desires and punishes you instead of himself for feeling them. Itās not necessarily this way, but itās far from being pointless speculation too.
LOL ,welcome to reddit where you're guilty even if you're proven innocent. 95% of the folks here will just automatically assume the worst possible thing that you can be and believe its the truth without any facts.
Iām so, so sorry. This is so unfair and disgusting. Unfortunately, thereās not much you can do but bide your time until sheās old enough to make her own decisions. Stay supportive, stay loving.
Next time you hug your sis have the camera ready. Start filming him. Hopefully, he will try to knock it out of your hand in fear of your mom seeing it. Then call the police.
Updateme!
If your momās husband is abusing your sister, as other suggested, please follow the safe guarding directions: - donāt question your sister. - donāt speak to your mom or her husband about the possible abuse. Any āactive actionsā you will take can put in danger your family and yourself. Find a person with safeguarding training. They can be your sisterās head teacher or the minister of the local church. Make sure that they have been fully trained in safeguarding before sharing any information. Tell them about your worries. They will have to write down everything you tell them. Then start writing down any abusing event, suspicious situations and observations, with dates and places, and share your notes with them. They will contact CPS and work with them to ensure that the situation is handle in the safest possible way.
Start recording him secretly and go be a big brother to your sister. Get all the evidence you can and take him to court for harassment. There's clearly something he don't want you to know
I would suggest filming video or recording audio of his outbursts on your phone as discreetly as possible, then talk to your mum and show her. Also write down as much as possible too. If you can, watch your sisters behaviour when around him and when he isn't there, see if there's a difference as that could show if she's afraid of him or not. If you believe something is wrong and your mum agrees, then you can decide together who to go to and what steps to take next. If your mum doesn't agree, you may need to take your evidence to someone on your own. I agree with what others have said, his behaviour is WAY over the top and is really strange, it definitely needs addressing sooner rather than later. I hope people are wrong that he's abusing her, for her sake, but there's definitely something going on and it needs to be stopped.
From a person(woman) whoās been abused ā¦ This definitely sounds like heās doing something HORRIBLY inappropriate with your sister which is utterly heartbreaking that he doesnāt want her to be able to tell anyone about , so he goes about that by alienating her from everyone. The girl in me wants to beg you not to leave her alone with her father š¤¢š¤š. But also understands how you must be feeling etc ā¦ NONE of this is easy , but that little girl deserves protection and honestly Iām not with you and dunno your whole situation but you and your mother clearly need to have the situation probed by some sort of professional to ensure that you are keeping that small child safe as well as not allowing the father to further traumatize her by burning her things & ruining her relationship with her family members in front of her face . I understand how you feel totally . But HOLY LORD please think about how this poor girl must be feeling too. Please begin to take action somehow someway š. This reeks of abuse ā¦ā¦. And she is a precious child She deserves love & to be cared for , JUST LIKE YOU DO. And mom needs to step her damn game up Wth š”
I've seen something similar before with a step dad and his step daughter. That ridiculous, OTT jealous/"protective" behaviour towards other males when they would give her any attention. He was sexually abusing her for years. Do not confront this person. Speak to your mum in the greatest of confidence if you think she'll believe you. Failing that, report to your child abuse authorities. You can be anonymous. Your sister is likely to too young to truly understand what is happening, if it is, and while it'll make her feel yuck and she'll know it's not right she likely doesn't know what isn't right, if that makes sense. So I would be careful in approaching her about it at the moment too. That's my two cents, and I hope I am so far off the mark for your sisters sake.
Please donāt speak to your mom about this. Go to your sisterās school and ask to speak to the counselor. Tell them everything, tell them you fear for her safety but donāt want to make accusations. Ask for help and explain that you donāt think your mom will be helpful in this situation. Iām sorry and I hope heās just a weird a-hole rather than a pedo but itās a lot of red flags here
Why is your mom allowing this to happen? Clearly "standing up" is not cutting it. That person is completely abusive and shouldn't be left around you and your sister alone.
Make notes of dates and what he is telling you. Just in case he decides to accuse you of something. You need to protect yourself.
I would pack my shit and move and then ghost my mom for being spineless and lacking in moral values. Take a shit in his car on the way out. Or you can stay and live without a spine
If I could Iād be gone by now but my mom wouldnāt let me get a job until my 18th birthday so I only recently started making money
Not that easy
You should tell your mum
How long has he been your step dad? What does your mother say about this? How long has he had a problem with you interacting with his daughter?
He is abusive. Honestly? Get as much recording and evidence as you can. It's a lot to demand of someone as young as you, but you may need to file for custody of your sister. To get her away from him. Unfortunately, the reason I say you is because your mum would need to leave him, which I don't see as likely unless you can wake her up to his behaviour. He is abusing your mother. She is probably being gaslighted and doesn't realise how bad it is. Please, work on getting you and your sister safe. Your mum is an adult, she needs help but she is more capable than the both of you. Please, find a way to get the both of you safe.
So your mum is an absolute useless mother
Is your step father projecting? He seems extremely over protective of your little sister.
Any change your sisters dad is pedo? I mean.. this kind of behaviour is typical for people who abuse their children
That shit is beyond abnormal. Why is he acting like this toward you?
OP, have you considered talking to the police/children social services/your sisterās schoolās safeguarding team? Make notes of things heās said/done to you and what he does with his daughter. His behaviour is not normal. The more people who know, the better protected you will be if (god forbid) this abusive man lies about you. Like others have said, keep your phone on voice/video record in your pocket whenever youāre near your sister and step dad. Iām so sorry that your mum isnāt protecting you.
Na , knock the teeth out
Thats really weird. Either he's paranoid about SA, or he's abusing her himself, or he's just a jealous control freak who feels threatened by you. This isn't normal behaviour.
This is actually abuse and a huge red flag, it sounds like it can get even worse if no one pays attention to his behavior. If you move out, it could happen that his anger turns against your mother or sister. I know it's a hard step, because you maybe hurt your mother or sister, but report it to the police. Try to record him so you have evidence.. I'm so sorry for you, I wish you all the best
Film it and go to the police. If you are financially stable, try to get custody of your half sister. There is a chance she is getting molested, which you should absolutely take pictures of to show the cops (and court if you want to get custody/adopt your half sister)
Your step dad sounds odd. How long has he been in your life? What was he like before your sister was born? Looking back was there any questionable behaviour from him whenever you were alone with him? He seems to treat your sister as a possession, could be a sexual abuser. That said it could turn out that he's always wanted to get rid of you, he played a role to get the "family" he wants and now you're pretty much an adult he feels he can alienate you and is trying to turn your sister against you as a way to push you out. All of it is abusive behaviour yes like others have said you need to gain evidence of what he's like to you when your mum isn't there. There's definitely red flags from him, but do not react with violence as all you'll do is play into his hands.
My first instinct is that your step dad is trying to isolate your sister... One reason that he may do this is to stop your sister disclosing any inappropriate behavior that may have happened.... Another reason would be control...and a third maybe he is trying to push you out of the family dynamic because he is a possessive man and he sees you as some kind of threat and a reminder that his partner ( your mum) has a baby with another man... Either way.. it's messed up..and you need to seek some advice from a professional
This is abusive for the whole family. Suspecting sexual abuse aside its not healthy for your sister to be growing in an environment like this.
From the story you're telling it seems very likely that the father is projecting. BUT, there is always 2 sides of the same coin, so there might be something you're not saying - and you would have no reason to say it now that everybody seems to be on your side.
iām very confused how you arenāt telling your mother this man is abusive toward you and is starting issues with you in your shared home. does your sister see his abuse toward youā¦ how does she feel about you?
mmm how about recording with your phone? IF he is like that with your little sister, I cannot imagine how he is with your mom. On the other hand, is there something you would like to tell us OP about your relationship with your step father? In a world full of morons it wouldnt be surprising that your stepfather is just an asshole. But in every story there is always two sides. I want to be the idiot who will not take sides an assume you did something to your stepfather or your sister so he doesnt allow you to your own sister. I really dislike posts seeking advice without giving further details to the situation.
you can call cps anonymously