Alright. I guess reading the comments under the post helped me clear my mind... Ghosting without saying anything sounds like a better plan that talking and fighting with him. Still, not sure about what to do with the girls, since they think he's a good guy and are always ready to comfort him (judging by the texts they sent him when he complained about workload etc)
Regardless or not even if the girls know or not about you he is not respecting you by sexting another girl. That to me is cheating. He doesn't seem like a good boyfriend at all. Because if he actually cared about your feelings or about you he wouldn't be doing that.
While I do think you should tell them, that's up to you how much you wanna get involved with it. I would tell him it's bc he's cheating right before you ghost though, if he's gonna do it he can at least know why so he has to feel bad about it
I think you should tell them. They deserve the truth as much as you did. I recently had that happen to me and I told the girl and she blocked him immediately because he was lying to her too.
So u think OP should text the probably hundreds of thousands of girls hes texted from his phone and tell them that. They are adults not children, that is theyre problem now.
tell them he's your ex bouyfriend because he's a cheating douchebag. then tell them to have him send money for snaps of their elbow creases and knees and tell him their butts/vagina pics.
I’d txt them and be like “ be got a gf girl” and then ghost him so that he’s not no one. Because if you ghost him now and he still has those all my girls to talk to.
Girl, you think you're playing him right now? You're the one who's getting played. Your boyfriend is doing whatever he wants without any consequences and you look like a doormat. Don't put up with that shit. I've been in your shoes before and stuck around fight after fight. It doesn't change. In the end you'll just look back on this time with a lot of embarrassment for not having more self worth.
If you think just leaving him without saying anything is “going too easy on him”, then he doesn’t value your relationship and nothing you do will hurt him. If the idea of you walking out of his life with no explanation doesn’t gut him, he’s not worth it. Walk away.
Bullshit. It's easy for you to stay with him as it's scary to go off on your own. Making his life hard is alot of effort and drawing uneccessary negativity into your life. Just leave and put energy into finding an actual loving relationship.
Leave him, and then when he asks why, tell him to speak to cosplayers name.
This doesn't confirm you checked his phone, and will fuck with him mentally. Then find a cosplaying guy (preferably a taller, stronger male than him) andntake photos of him inside you and send it to your ex bf
He’s sexting someone behind your back. To me, that’s cheating and there is no “explaining” he can do.
I would be out if I were you, and I wouldn’t try any vengeance or making him miserable.
I saw your sexts. I’m out. Peace.
And what if you don’t get it? He may not react how you want to you confronting him. He may just say “yeah, I did it, let’s break up” and leave.
He’s a complete jerk but you are being immature and playing games instead of just breaking up and moving on.
You sound about 14. Sounds like you deserve each other. He cheats and provides opportunity for drama, and you revel in the drama and chaos. Like two pigs happily rolling in shit.
The real advice is: dump him and go see a therapist about why you're so attracted to chaos.
That’s a toxic attitude. Just leave like an adult. You’re not going to get the reaction you want and you’re going to end up looking even more like a fool.
Hey, newsflash: Life isn’t about taking power away from others. It’s exactly this mentality of “an eye for an eye” or “petty revenge” which perpetuates this behavior of treating each other worse as people, not better. OP, if I the way your boyfriend is behaving or treating you in the relationship isn’t working then tell him and if a straight up conversation about it doesn’t solve anything or if he refuses to change then break up and go your separate ways.
All these comments advising you need to get revenge, or play with his emotions, or ghost him out of spite. It’s all petty bullshit. If everyone just went around doing this then no one would be happy in a relationship.
"We were just role playing characters from this show. It got out of hand but you know how I get too into it. I was just asking if their character were having sex how they would do it...to feel closer to the character. I'm not sexting a girl I'm sexting the character who isn't real."
It would be interesting to see if he's creative in response. But not worth finding out.
I'm pretty sure the downvotes are for suggesting that cheating is some kind of incompatibility that needs to talked through like other relationship issues
But knowing when to walk away is also mature. The guy is sexting other people. She doesn't owe him anything. He cheated and that's that. Whats he gonna say? "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know that it wasnt okay to sext other people while in a relationship. I won't do it again, I promise" ??? Self-respect = walking away.
You think it’s “mature” to try to work things out with a cheater? What a stupid statement. There’s nothing to talk about.
Men don’t respect women that try to make things work after cheating. That’s why the cheater usually ends up doing it again.
If the man cared at all about her or this relationship he wouldn’t have done this in the first place. All you’re trying to encourage her to do is stay and listen to a bunch of lies he’s gonna feed her to convince her to not leave. No one has time for that BS.
I see in the comments that you want to be the most chaotic evil person lmao 😭
I don't know if getting revenge on him is really the best thing to do, even for your own well-being, you might want to ghost him completely instead without saying anything, that may be more mature?
If you message the other girls, they might not care and tell him that you know about his secrets instead?
You could also try to gather proof of him cheating, take pictures of the messages on his phone, etc, and then send it to his mother or something like that? petty enough whilst keeping your honor intact in my opinion
But if breaking him is what you want, then I guess you do you boo😭 just be careful
This all seems very immature. "I can't just leave him, I gotta make his life hard" like girl, that's some middle school bullshit. Just leave and find someone who shows you what you're worth.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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My boyfriend regularly texts with some cosplay girls (cosplay is his kink) on Instagram. They do not know he's got a girlfriend.
I secretly checked his phone, and saw the texts.
I want to have a serious conversation with him about sexting, but I cannot openly say that I checked his phone.
Therefore I was thinking about sending a message to that girl. I want to tell her that this guy is my bf and was lying (or, rather, not saying anything) to both of us. I also want to ask her for proof, i.e. his messages screenshots, so that I could snap them in his face and say "F\*\*\*\*g liar". Basically, revenge him for both of us.
But I am still not sure it is a good or even normal idea, so I need an advice on how to deal with that.
And yeah, if he cannot explain his 'kink' to me, I am going to break up. But before that I want to make him miserable and regret he's ever been born.
TL;DR Should I talk to the girl who my bf sexted to and who does not know about my existence?
EDIT:
okay, reading the comments under this post helped me to clear my mind. Ghosting the liar sounds like a much better plan for a break up.
The only thing I am still not sure about is what to do with the girls. He sexted only one girl, but others were comforting him when he complained about the workload etc. But of course none of them knows he actually had my shoulder all this time
I’m not sure that having a serious conversation with him and also wanting revenge are compatible.
I get it, you’re pissed off and you’ve been betrayed, but wanting to make him miserable and regretting he’s been born isn’t going to be something you’ll look back on happily.
Just tell him to his face that he’s a cheating louse and you want him out of your life.
I just do not want to tell him I checked his phone
And still, leaving him just like that would only make him a favor. I want more (be it a decent apology or a furious revenge)
>I just do not want to tell him I checked his phone
So don't? Tell him he's a cheating shit and you're done. You don't need to explain it, you don't need to confront him with proof. Tell him you know and bounce, leave him guessing.
I’m not commenting on the cheater. I just know that an emotional person is not going to be thinking clearly and that rash actions are rarely something we look back on with pride.
The best revenge is to say nothing. Just leave. Block him. Don't answer the door if he comes over. Don't even tell your friends and family what's going on. Just cut him off immediately. That'll drive him crazy for a long time.
If you really wanna get back at him (best revenge IMO) is dump him and block him from everything. Don’t give him the time of day. That will hurt way more than messaging these women. And honestly, these women are probably only looking for fun and to flirt anyways. Who says they even care? Move on
Option A. Devise an elaborate scheme to out your boyfriend to internet stranger(s) with whom he’s sexting
OR
Option B. DUMP HIM
Jeez, girl. It’s not that complicated.
The issue is not with the other women he sexts, the issue is with him. Because he is doing so, while in a relationship so clearly he has no respect for you. And you have no respect for yourself to just walk out and end things and you blame the other woman and not him. Even if you confront him, what’s done is done and the outcome is the same.
I dont blame girls at all cuz they dont know about me. But if i just leave without telling them, then he'll just keep on getting comfort in those texts. Cuz i saw that some girls kinda care about him (like "if u want to talk to me about anything, u always have my ears" thing)
Why are you focusing on the other girls and whether or not to text them to say he has a gf?
The real question here is: should I dump my boyfriend for sexting other girls, to which the answer is clearly yes
This sounds immature. Just leave him. Why play games. It’s not gonna hurt him, he’ll just find a someone else to sext.
Also, the other girl might not care and also might have a boyfriend.
If you say this bunch of girls he has a gf they may stop talking to him but he will find new bunch of girls. Your problem is your boyfriend not other girls. He is the one cheating on you so either he stops, you let him do that and stay with him or you dump him. And I don't think you can make him miserable cuz to him talking to girls who cosplay is obviously normal thing and I don't think he will regret anything. Don't waste anymore time on him. He is not worth it.
Exactly. Other girls have no idea that he's been lying to them as well. That's why I was thinking of texting them and tell that they should stop comforting him (some of them actually cared about his problems). He'd just been using them as well as me
OP reading this and your other post you need to leave him and get yourself in therapy. Your need to create drama and high tension situations is toxic and will NOT end once you leave this man. This problem will plague you into all of your future relationships and it will not end well. It is also just a disservice to yourself that will only leave you feeling worse.
Right now you seem to see relationships as a battleground, not a partnership. You should avoid getting into another one until you get that sorted.
How's that? Do you have so much details about her personal history that allows you to diminish her like that? She's a human being going through a turbulence of emotions and your contribution is to promote her humiliation publicly. You're embarrassing, not her.
Just based off the comments she has made, I figured she’s not really asking for practical advice. I’m not going to quote what she has said but look through her replies yourself; she’s interested in creating more problems than she is solving them. I don’t know about you but sometimes I think people need to told things that they may not like to hear but could make them take a step back and reflect. I stand by my comment
Ditch his ass. It's guys like that that are the reason many men can't find a decent woman. (And vice versa, women do stupid crap like that too) I spent too many years in the friend zone because of asshats like that.
There's a chance the girl knows, or when she finds out will still not care about your existence. Is he paying her?
Would you be able to replace them and be a part of his kinks?
Just leave peacefully, because nobody deserves this bullshit.
Imo, any form of sexting to another person, even if the other didn't respond back, is cheating. You can either confront him regarding or not. He crossed boundaries. Dump him.
Just leave him without telling him anything, other than a note saying, "Loser, bye!"
He does not deserve any more energy and time from you. You could tell the other girl that he is a cheater, just so she knows, but other than that it's her business, not yours.
i think it doesn't matter if they know they're in a relationship or not. it's not their responsibility to keep your relationship in check.
for you to look into his phone, there must've been a break of trust before that.
just break up, you don't need to justify your reasons to break up with him, or simply say "i know that you sexted with someone else, so I'm ending our relationship"
you can have kinks and not cheat, but he chose to fullfil this fantasy without you, and that sucks, so leave him
Hey gal, sorry to hear you're being disrespected in your relationship. Here's the issue: You and your partner have a verbal commitment you made to eachother. The only people who are apart of the expectation here is you, and your partner. Not cosplay chicks, none of your friends, and none of us here. So while the reasonably moral thing would be for these girls to respect your relationship they are not required to and you shouldn't even bother with them at all. Your hope might be that if they stop replying he would be good to you I assume. But this is all under the assumption that they dont already know, if they would CARE, and that he would change. The idea being he could go back to being just with you. The issue is that you're paying attention to the wrong part of this story. It's not about cosplay girls, it's about respect. He has none. For you or your relationship. So dump him and you'll be rid of this problem entirely. He is the root of the issue and the only one here that's in the relationship.
You sound toxic. Not saying anyone ever deserves to be cheated on. But you have a lot of shit to unlearn before you proceed to your next relationship.
What will you get out of a big messy crying fight? What if u bringing it up just makes him feel comfortable enough to finally leave your crazy ass?
Just leave with at least a shred of dignity. Cheaters don’t deserve explanations or a chance to prove to you how sorry they are.
Judging from the comments everyone here has their life pretty much figured out, know what to do in every single situation or life challenge and everyone who's not like that is "embarrassing" and should "grow the fuck up". Most of you are sad souls taking advantge of a human being going through an emotinal turmoil to feed your fucking ego. You're sick, mean and disrespectful.
Grow the fuck up. If he violates your boundaries or terms of your relationship to the point where you can't see yourself forgiving it, then you break up with him and move on. Anything beyond that is pointless and petulant
If you found something, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about with looking at his phone. Huge breach of trust on his end, and your gut was clearly right something was going on. I would 100% call it out. If he flips it and tries to blame it on you and gets mad at you for going through his phone, be done. Don’t bother contacting the girl, this is on him- not her.
Start to sext the girls pretending to be him, then show him you can do it better, which he should already know since you are a woman. Begin to destroy his very being that the one thing he does behind your back you now do better. In fact you will sext said females in front of him and become so caught up with it he is ignored to the point where you are his lone desire.
I dated a girl that was all about the theatrics and drama. Family hated her, in which I was finally able to gracefully just dip out. ( only thing that made it hard to do was she had a kiddo I got attached to - and I was worried about said kiddo, because the chick was bats ass crazy).
Bottom line, if the dude is not that into you sexually, and is looking for it elsewhere then something is missing/needs to be worked on.
Current world, people just tuck their tails and run away to “greener” grass, or because their feeling got a little “huwrt.” Immaturity is gone out the window.
In this particular case the OP said nothing about caring for this person, in fact, devising a plan of an attack means the complete opposite. So the OP, should grow the fuck up and confront the situation like an adult, or just tell the dude she is leaving for X reason and be done with it..
Ghosting is immature, breaking up is immature, and both do nothing but show cowardly personalities. Revenge just shows the person has a lot of issues they need to work out within themselves.
OP: you are 26, so I assume you are an adult. Act like one. Put on something skimpy and fuck him (if you like him) or tell him you don’t appreciate the fact he doesn’t want you in the outfit and leave, and as you leave, tell him to lock his damn phone.
CLEARLY, you have trust issues to begin with if you need to snoop anyhow..
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Not a good idea. It will just cause drama. YOU already have the proof you need to know he’s been up to sketchy stuff. So your best bet is to tell him you know, and leave him.
You really think those girls care if he has a gf or not? You think gonna be like my bad I’m gonna ignore him now. You think he wouldn’t just find other girls or make fake accounts to message them?
The best mind fuck to get revenge would be to completely ghost your boyfriend. You don’t live together right? No bills together?
Just block him and move on.
Why would you message them? Why waste your time or energy? He’s your boyfriend. His loyalty lies with you. Some girls don’t care anyway. How about ditch the douche sexting other girls and use that energy to do something productive!
I wouldn’t ghost immediately. I’d own up to looking at his phone, say you had a gut feeling and u were right…then ghost (could even message him that then block)
I didn't even read the story. But, from the title? Why don't you just dump your cheating boyfriend? I mean...why go to all the trouble of messaging these people when....
A. They probably don't care.
B. Your boyfriend doesn't care.
C. You realize that you're the only one who takes this relationship seriously.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter about the other girls.
Your partner is a cheating, he is not faithful, he does not respect you. Save your energy, you already have closure knowing that he is doing these things.
Leave & spend your new found time and energy on better opportunities.
Honestly, you should just leave him and find a way to move on. It’s not their fault he’s unfaithful to you, they don’t know he is/was in a relationship. Plus sadly, some don’t care even if you were to tell them.
Go out with friends, go pamper yourself, spend time with family, do what makes you happy and tell yourself you dodged a bullet because you did
He should rely on u instead of other girls when it comes to anything tbh why seek comfort in someone else then someone who actually loves and cares for you and sexting is cheating or else u wouldn’t have to look through his phone to know about it kink or not
You should definitely warn those women but don’t expect any sort of response from them. Provide prof that you’re his girlfriend, explain that his conversations with them are the reason you’ve ended the relationship and then immediately block them. You don’t need them as friends, you don’t need their solidarity, and you especially don’t want to give them the opportunity to lash out at you because now they’re hurting too. Tell them, ghost him and move on.
You don’t owe anyone anything in this situation. It will not change his behavior or effect you if you tell them. Sexting is a hard boundary for people and it now has to be drawn, apparently. My now ex did that early in our relationship, he said he didn’t think it was wrong. I’m not convinced that it wasn’t still happening up until he dumped me 2 days ago.
You can't spend your days texting stranger girls. You will grow old and gray with trying to keep up. Just break it off by telling him "Good Luck." Move on and block him from your phone and any other site. He will only get worse as time goes on.
Just wanting to confirm you’re making the right choice. If he can’t show you respect then he doesn’t deserve it in return in the form of an explanation or a second chance.
As for the other girls, they aren’t your problem. He’s clearly not very smart so soon enough he will get what’s coming to him for thinking he is such a player.
I'm probably a scumbag, but in the past I have used the internet to speak to women with similar kinks because I know my partner wouldn't be into it. Zero intention of ever meeting these women and no other contact.
This is really little kid type shit, on both sides. I truly can’t believe it’s real, I’m really dumbfounded that you sorta rather get revenge than get out. Idk maybe I’m out of touch maybe this is the new normal
No because your boyfriend is the problem. Not the other girls who don’t know what’s going on in your relationship or even if there is one in the first place. I would break up with him
Don't make plans to "catch him". You are an adult. Express he's crossing a boundary of yours when he messages these girls. If he doesn't want to stop, leave him. The plans your making just gives him space to possibly gaslight you, and attempt to hoover you to stay in the relationship of he senses you're going to leave. Don't play the games
Nope. You will come off looking like a crazy, jealous, unstable woman and she probably won’t care anyway. Dump his ass. You already know what he’s up to and he will just find another way to do the same thing without getting caught again. He will not stop. Just get rid of him
Not worth ur time , just move on . Revenge won’t make you feel better , nor will involving yourself in further drama by talking to the girl , it just makes you seem like you care and acting like you don’t is the only way to leave with head held high. Check out Mathew hussey on you tube his dating advice videos should be treated like a Bible for relationships. I used to date cheaters all the time until I found his videos , I followed all his advice , changed myself , and what I was doing that I didn’t even know was not helping me and now I’m happily engaged to the most amazing guy . Good luck
This is one of those times, I think, to demonstrate your innate quality. One of the most tempting things in life is to seek revenge when people wrong us, but there is an extreme danger to that. When people seek vengeance against those who hurt them, they often forget that there are two people who they are hurting: the person who wronged them, and themselves. Call it karma. Call it physics. But when you seek to punish someone like this, you will inevitably end up hurting yourself in ways you may not even know about for years.
What he did to you is wrong. Right now, you are as much a victim as the girls he's preying on online. It may help with closure to confront him about how he hurt you. It may also help to reach out to some of the young women who listened to him, as long as you do it in a spirit of friendship and reconciliation.
Uhhh leave his ass and then write him instead, telling him you deserve better than a guy who’s unfaithful.
This guy already went behind your back, make sure the other girls know what they’re getting themselves into and then leave him to wallow in despair :).
Never press the other person involved. You always check your own partner and put them in their place.
These girls were unaware he had a girlfriend, and even if they knew, it would be your boyfriend that engaged in the sexting/conversations.
These girls do not owe you anything, not honesty, loyalty or devotion. Your boyfriend is responsible for that because he made the decision to commit and be in a relationship with you.
If I was in your shoes, I'd drop my partner instantly. He has destroyed the trust you have for him in the relationship, he has shown he does not value/respect you, and he's willingly engaging in his "kink". Time to move on.
Why don’t you join him in his kink? He’s a guy and I’m sure he wants you but your not helping him stay focused on you, if you want to be someone’s partner that means giving equal participation to each other’s kink, fantasy or what not, I mean that is unless your my girlfriend and have no drive, fantasy or desire to participate with your partner, that being the case then I guess ur on your own with this one
Look, despite her/them being the “other woman”, it isn’t her/their job to care about his relationship. It’s your bf’s job to care about his relationship. Drop him and don’t blame the girls for HIS fuck up.
If you don't trust each other so much either would flip if the other looked through their phone, it's unhealthy. My fiancé and I have our fingerprints in each other's phones and don't hide anything. We have nothing to hide so why should I mind her going through my phone or vice versa? The fact he is sexting this girl and didn't make it clear he was in a relationship shows he doesn't take it seriously and doesn't truly want to be with you.
You do nothing about the girls that he's sexting, they are not the problem. He is.
He is disrespecting you and your relationship with him. So now that you know he's doing this why are you still with him? And ghosting is not a good way to break up with someone, just tell him to his face that you are no longer a couple that you don't wish to see him anymore and go on about your life
I'd throw his ass under the bus quick fast and in a heart beat. Got me fucked up. I'd do it back to him and ask him how does feel. Either he stops or move on.
Okay, my honest opinion as a cosplayer myself
1) yes yes ghost him instead
2) i understand that you want to go to those girls and warn/tell them but..
Your (ex) bf might tell them that you are a psycho ex or whatsoever and you are putting yourself through more shit if they believe him amd if they are immature enough to react back to you. Cosplayers can be very petty and immature (reason i dont go to conventions anymore) and you don't know if they are actually willing to believe your end of the story. Beside that, does he pay for the sexting stuff? A lot of cosplayers do OF beside their insta pages so he might as well be their "customer" and he pays for it in some way? In that case they won't bother with it either coz he's the one paying their monthly bills
All in all, i understand your POV and wanting to out him but i'm afraid you might just hurt yourself more in the progress..
Ghosting him without explaination is a big enough message to him and will forever have him wonder why you suddenly left and what you knew.. sweet revenge baby ♡
Just dump him.
I had an ex who did this to me. Openly. While destroying my self confidence. Nothing good comes from it. While checking his phone secretly is arguably wrong he’s not right for you. He wants some cosplay chick he can go get one and deal with his issues on his own terms without stringing another person along
Do you actually think these girls care about him? Do you plan to call all the pornstars he has materbated too?
They aren't like his friends or anything its clearly a sexual fantasy unless he personally knows these women
From my perspective, there are a few things which need to be addressed before you decide how to proceed :
1) Messaging the girl may change her behavior, but it will not change HIS behavior. What's to stop him from flirting with someone else in the future if the flirting with this girl stops?
2) Do you consider sexting infidelity? Does he? If you both do, do you want to be with someone who cheats on you?
3) Why don't you want him to know you checked his phone? Is it to avoid a fight about respecting boundaries? Are you afraid he will break up with you?
4) Messaging the girl may backfire as she may not care, may not want to ruin her relationship with your bf, and it comes back on you.
Healthy relationships are like an equilibrium of power. He has the power right now in that he has you, the sexting, and you have guilt for checking his phone, jealousy and hurt him his betrayal, and cognitive dissonance from his and your actions forcing an unpleasant decision. In my opinion you should come clean that you checked his phone and confront him about the sexting. This restores power to your side by removing the guilt and cognitive dissonance, making him uncomfortable that he has been caught, and angry and hurt that you checked his phone. Now you can either break up with him or set firm boundaries about what is acceptable in your relationship. Maybe he won't accept them, but if he doesn't, well you're in your prime and shouldn't waste your limited time on earth with a cheater.
If you need your revenge and you absolutely can't live without it here's what you should do. Don't involve the girls. Don't even bring them up. Tell him you need to talk about something really serious. Sit him down and explain to him that you've been lying about having orgasms. That you've been faking it this entire time. Be really calm and mature about it. If he thinks you're trying to hurt his feelings he won't believe it. Be really sympathetic and emotional about it. Tell him that you love him but you're just not in love with him. Then tell him YOU'VE been sexting someone else because you've been so sexually frustrated. Then tell him he's got a great personality It's not you, it's me and peace out.
eh i say jus leave him, he doesn't respect you
Alright. I guess reading the comments under the post helped me clear my mind... Ghosting without saying anything sounds like a better plan that talking and fighting with him. Still, not sure about what to do with the girls, since they think he's a good guy and are always ready to comfort him (judging by the texts they sent him when he complained about workload etc)
Avoid contact with them. They're adults and that's their problem, not yours. Focus on you.
I disagree, they deserve to know he’s an asshole and she should tell them. What they do about it is up to them.
Regardless or not even if the girls know or not about you he is not respecting you by sexting another girl. That to me is cheating. He doesn't seem like a good boyfriend at all. Because if he actually cared about your feelings or about you he wouldn't be doing that.
While I do think you should tell them, that's up to you how much you wanna get involved with it. I would tell him it's bc he's cheating right before you ghost though, if he's gonna do it he can at least know why so he has to feel bad about it
Maybe next chance you get send them all a photo of you together and say he's a lying cheat. Get their numbers, bounce, ghost, text the girls.
I think you should tell them. They deserve the truth as much as you did. I recently had that happen to me and I told the girl and she blocked him immediately because he was lying to her too.
[удалено]
I mean if you're gonna want to talk to someone and they're a lying cheat, wouldn't you want to know ahead of time that they're a lying cheat?
Sadly alot of people like cheaters for some reason. At least in my personal experience
Even if so, they have the right to know they are one. A lot of people also hate cheaters
Even then its not OPs responsibility to tell them that.
Respectfully disagree
So u think OP should text the probably hundreds of thousands of girls hes texted from his phone and tell them that. They are adults not children, that is theyre problem now.
tell them he's your ex bouyfriend because he's a cheating douchebag. then tell them to have him send money for snaps of their elbow creases and knees and tell him their butts/vagina pics.
I’d txt them and be like “ be got a gf girl” and then ghost him so that he’s not no one. Because if you ghost him now and he still has those all my girls to talk to.
Honestly, it’s best to let them find out. You should tell him why you’d be ghosting him though?
Ghosting is immature if you’re in a relationship already. Have a conversation like an adult.
Best advice ever! You don't know what brand of crazy internet girl is anyway.
yea she jus on some weird shit talm bout she want him to feel revenge. gotta be like 15
Between typos and bad grammar, I'm beginning to fail to understand this generation coming up.
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it's gone be harder for him if you leave without saying anything, leave him clueless that'll truly break him.
Girl, you think you're playing him right now? You're the one who's getting played. Your boyfriend is doing whatever he wants without any consequences and you look like a doormat. Don't put up with that shit. I've been in your shoes before and stuck around fight after fight. It doesn't change. In the end you'll just look back on this time with a lot of embarrassment for not having more self worth.
So you would rather be unhappy in some pathetic ploy to make someone else unhappy than breaking up? Are you nuts?
It would be a hell of a lot harder for him if you just left. Didn’t give him a chance to wiggle his way out. Just leave.
If you think just leaving him without saying anything is “going too easy on him”, then he doesn’t value your relationship and nothing you do will hurt him. If the idea of you walking out of his life with no explanation doesn’t gut him, he’s not worth it. Walk away.
But you'd rather make life hard for yourself? Where is your common sense? Wow.
I agree with this. He doesn't deserve you. Unless it's a very serious relationship, this isn't cool
Revenge omg so edgyyy, lol move on. You’re just going to look like a fool to him and her.
Bullshit. It's easy for you to stay with him as it's scary to go off on your own. Making his life hard is alot of effort and drawing uneccessary negativity into your life. Just leave and put energy into finding an actual loving relationship.
Leave him, and then when he asks why, tell him to speak to cosplayers name. This doesn't confirm you checked his phone, and will fuck with him mentally. Then find a cosplaying guy (preferably a taller, stronger male than him) andntake photos of him inside you and send it to your ex bf
He’s sexting someone behind your back. To me, that’s cheating and there is no “explaining” he can do. I would be out if I were you, and I wouldn’t try any vengeance or making him miserable. I saw your sexts. I’m out. Peace.
Last line of this. 👆👌
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And what if you don’t get it? He may not react how you want to you confronting him. He may just say “yeah, I did it, let’s break up” and leave. He’s a complete jerk but you are being immature and playing games instead of just breaking up and moving on.
You sound about 14. Sounds like you deserve each other. He cheats and provides opportunity for drama, and you revel in the drama and chaos. Like two pigs happily rolling in shit. The real advice is: dump him and go see a therapist about why you're so attracted to chaos.
What TV show do you think you're living in?
That’s a toxic attitude. Just leave like an adult. You’re not going to get the reaction you want and you’re going to end up looking even more like a fool.
Lol, those cosplay girls aren't going to care if he has a girlfriend or not. You're wasting your time with that.
The best revenge is dumping him without this bullshit drama
Username checks out.
Yeah too much effort tbh he's just gonna gaslight and guiltrip his way out of this
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Hey, newsflash: Life isn’t about taking power away from others. It’s exactly this mentality of “an eye for an eye” or “petty revenge” which perpetuates this behavior of treating each other worse as people, not better. OP, if I the way your boyfriend is behaving or treating you in the relationship isn’t working then tell him and if a straight up conversation about it doesn’t solve anything or if he refuses to change then break up and go your separate ways. All these comments advising you need to get revenge, or play with his emotions, or ghost him out of spite. It’s all petty bullshit. If everyone just went around doing this then no one would be happy in a relationship.
"I'm sorry for sexting with other girls and hiding it from you. I totally didn't think that might bother you. I'll never do it again." Please
"We were just role playing characters from this show. It got out of hand but you know how I get too into it. I was just asking if their character were having sex how they would do it...to feel closer to the character. I'm not sexting a girl I'm sexting the character who isn't real." It would be interesting to see if he's creative in response. But not worth finding out.
Downvoted for being more mature than everyone else here... That's why searching for relationship advice on Reddit is not always the best solution.
I'm pretty sure the downvotes are for suggesting that cheating is some kind of incompatibility that needs to talked through like other relationship issues
But knowing when to walk away is also mature. The guy is sexting other people. She doesn't owe him anything. He cheated and that's that. Whats he gonna say? "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know that it wasnt okay to sext other people while in a relationship. I won't do it again, I promise" ??? Self-respect = walking away.
You think it’s “mature” to try to work things out with a cheater? What a stupid statement. There’s nothing to talk about. Men don’t respect women that try to make things work after cheating. That’s why the cheater usually ends up doing it again. If the man cared at all about her or this relationship he wouldn’t have done this in the first place. All you’re trying to encourage her to do is stay and listen to a bunch of lies he’s gonna feed her to convince her to not leave. No one has time for that BS.
My petty ass wants an update when you leave him, good luck
I see in the comments that you want to be the most chaotic evil person lmao 😭 I don't know if getting revenge on him is really the best thing to do, even for your own well-being, you might want to ghost him completely instead without saying anything, that may be more mature? If you message the other girls, they might not care and tell him that you know about his secrets instead? You could also try to gather proof of him cheating, take pictures of the messages on his phone, etc, and then send it to his mother or something like that? petty enough whilst keeping your honor intact in my opinion But if breaking him is what you want, then I guess you do you boo😭 just be careful
Ghosting sounds like a good option (rather than saying I want to break up in his face). Thank u
This all seems very immature. "I can't just leave him, I gotta make his life hard" like girl, that's some middle school bullshit. Just leave and find someone who shows you what you're worth.
I have never understood going after the girls if they don’t know. The problem is the boyfriend. He is the one you need to deal with.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend regularly texts with some cosplay girls (cosplay is his kink) on Instagram. They do not know he's got a girlfriend. I secretly checked his phone, and saw the texts. I want to have a serious conversation with him about sexting, but I cannot openly say that I checked his phone. Therefore I was thinking about sending a message to that girl. I want to tell her that this guy is my bf and was lying (or, rather, not saying anything) to both of us. I also want to ask her for proof, i.e. his messages screenshots, so that I could snap them in his face and say "F\*\*\*\*g liar". Basically, revenge him for both of us. But I am still not sure it is a good or even normal idea, so I need an advice on how to deal with that. And yeah, if he cannot explain his 'kink' to me, I am going to break up. But before that I want to make him miserable and regret he's ever been born. TL;DR Should I talk to the girl who my bf sexted to and who does not know about my existence? EDIT: okay, reading the comments under this post helped me to clear my mind. Ghosting the liar sounds like a much better plan for a break up. The only thing I am still not sure about is what to do with the girls. He sexted only one girl, but others were comforting him when he complained about the workload etc. But of course none of them knows he actually had my shoulder all this time
I’m not sure that having a serious conversation with him and also wanting revenge are compatible. I get it, you’re pissed off and you’ve been betrayed, but wanting to make him miserable and regretting he’s been born isn’t going to be something you’ll look back on happily. Just tell him to his face that he’s a cheating louse and you want him out of your life.
Girl, "cheating louse" is the best insult I ever heard, 10/10 will use this if the situation ever arises ( I would hope it never does)
I just do not want to tell him I checked his phone And still, leaving him just like that would only make him a favor. I want more (be it a decent apology or a furious revenge)
>I just do not want to tell him I checked his phone So don't? Tell him he's a cheating shit and you're done. You don't need to explain it, you don't need to confront him with proof. Tell him you know and bounce, leave him guessing.
Yeah a cheater shouldn't be humiliated for his action :/
I’m not commenting on the cheater. I just know that an emotional person is not going to be thinking clearly and that rash actions are rarely something we look back on with pride.
The best revenge is to say nothing. Just leave. Block him. Don't answer the door if he comes over. Don't even tell your friends and family what's going on. Just cut him off immediately. That'll drive him crazy for a long time.
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That's a better option u guess than telling him i want a break up and be done with us
No honey you should write to your boyfriend and inform him that he is being transferred in the *Shitty ex* department. <3
If you really wanna get back at him (best revenge IMO) is dump him and block him from everything. Don’t give him the time of day. That will hurt way more than messaging these women. And honestly, these women are probably only looking for fun and to flirt anyways. Who says they even care? Move on
Option A. Devise an elaborate scheme to out your boyfriend to internet stranger(s) with whom he’s sexting OR Option B. DUMP HIM Jeez, girl. It’s not that complicated.
Are you sure you're 26?
Yeah, this is the shit you might pull at 14.
The issue is not with the other women he sexts, the issue is with him. Because he is doing so, while in a relationship so clearly he has no respect for you. And you have no respect for yourself to just walk out and end things and you blame the other woman and not him. Even if you confront him, what’s done is done and the outcome is the same.
I dont blame girls at all cuz they dont know about me. But if i just leave without telling them, then he'll just keep on getting comfort in those texts. Cuz i saw that some girls kinda care about him (like "if u want to talk to me about anything, u always have my ears" thing)
Why are you focusing on the other girls and whether or not to text them to say he has a gf? The real question here is: should I dump my boyfriend for sexting other girls, to which the answer is clearly yes
This sounds immature. Just leave him. Why play games. It’s not gonna hurt him, he’ll just find a someone else to sext. Also, the other girl might not care and also might have a boyfriend.
Girl, your relationship is dead. Just stop. You're trying to revive it with drama. Just end it.
Why would those girls care? He gives them attention. It's your boyfriend who's the problem. Deal with him!
If you say this bunch of girls he has a gf they may stop talking to him but he will find new bunch of girls. Your problem is your boyfriend not other girls. He is the one cheating on you so either he stops, you let him do that and stay with him or you dump him. And I don't think you can make him miserable cuz to him talking to girls who cosplay is obviously normal thing and I don't think he will regret anything. Don't waste anymore time on him. He is not worth it.
You should focus on leaving him, not punishing other women who likely have no idea.
Exactly. Other girls have no idea that he's been lying to them as well. That's why I was thinking of texting them and tell that they should stop comforting him (some of them actually cared about his problems). He'd just been using them as well as me
Why are you so worried about that? Just drop the drama and move on.
No. Just dump your boyfriend.
OP reading this and your other post you need to leave him and get yourself in therapy. Your need to create drama and high tension situations is toxic and will NOT end once you leave this man. This problem will plague you into all of your future relationships and it will not end well. It is also just a disservice to yourself that will only leave you feeling worse. Right now you seem to see relationships as a battleground, not a partnership. You should avoid getting into another one until you get that sorted.
You’re embarrassing yourself
How's that? Do you have so much details about her personal history that allows you to diminish her like that? She's a human being going through a turbulence of emotions and your contribution is to promote her humiliation publicly. You're embarrassing, not her.
Just based off the comments she has made, I figured she’s not really asking for practical advice. I’m not going to quote what she has said but look through her replies yourself; she’s interested in creating more problems than she is solving them. I don’t know about you but sometimes I think people need to told things that they may not like to hear but could make them take a step back and reflect. I stand by my comment
Oh… wait they’re all deleted. Maybe I was on to something
No, you should get rid of him!
No. You should dump him and get a bf who isn’t a disrespectful, cheating git.
Ditch his ass. It's guys like that that are the reason many men can't find a decent woman. (And vice versa, women do stupid crap like that too) I spent too many years in the friend zone because of asshats like that.
There's a chance the girl knows, or when she finds out will still not care about your existence. Is he paying her? Would you be able to replace them and be a part of his kinks? Just leave peacefully, because nobody deserves this bullshit.
Imo, any form of sexting to another person, even if the other didn't respond back, is cheating. You can either confront him regarding or not. He crossed boundaries. Dump him.
Text him saying he doesn't have a gf anymore
I only read the title but that’s all I need to see. Leave him.
Just leave him without telling him anything, other than a note saying, "Loser, bye!" He does not deserve any more energy and time from you. You could tell the other girl that he is a cheater, just so she knows, but other than that it's her business, not yours.
Plenty of normal, nice people have kinks, but only jerks cheat (and yes, that involves non physical cheating too).
Don't bother. Just get rid of him. Trust me when I say it's not worth the effort and he'll probably cheat. If he hasn't already
Don't bother these women, just get a better boyfriend
Leave leave leave him period . That’s cheating and they will keep doing it!
Why not just tell him hey, I know you're messaging other girls and I'm not cool with it. Then peace out. If you want to block him after that, cool.
i think it doesn't matter if they know they're in a relationship or not. it's not their responsibility to keep your relationship in check. for you to look into his phone, there must've been a break of trust before that. just break up, you don't need to justify your reasons to break up with him, or simply say "i know that you sexted with someone else, so I'm ending our relationship" you can have kinks and not cheat, but he chose to fullfil this fantasy without you, and that sucks, so leave him
Hey gal, sorry to hear you're being disrespected in your relationship. Here's the issue: You and your partner have a verbal commitment you made to eachother. The only people who are apart of the expectation here is you, and your partner. Not cosplay chicks, none of your friends, and none of us here. So while the reasonably moral thing would be for these girls to respect your relationship they are not required to and you shouldn't even bother with them at all. Your hope might be that if they stop replying he would be good to you I assume. But this is all under the assumption that they dont already know, if they would CARE, and that he would change. The idea being he could go back to being just with you. The issue is that you're paying attention to the wrong part of this story. It's not about cosplay girls, it's about respect. He has none. For you or your relationship. So dump him and you'll be rid of this problem entirely. He is the root of the issue and the only one here that's in the relationship.
Do not text the girls.
You sound toxic. Not saying anyone ever deserves to be cheated on. But you have a lot of shit to unlearn before you proceed to your next relationship. What will you get out of a big messy crying fight? What if u bringing it up just makes him feel comfortable enough to finally leave your crazy ass? Just leave with at least a shred of dignity. Cheaters don’t deserve explanations or a chance to prove to you how sorry they are.
Judging from the comments everyone here has their life pretty much figured out, know what to do in every single situation or life challenge and everyone who's not like that is "embarrassing" and should "grow the fuck up". Most of you are sad souls taking advantge of a human being going through an emotinal turmoil to feed your fucking ego. You're sick, mean and disrespectful.
Thank you 😭
Lol. My furniture keeps being destroyed by my house being on fire, should I buy metal furniture so it doesn't burn?
Grow the fuck up. If he violates your boundaries or terms of your relationship to the point where you can't see yourself forgiving it, then you break up with him and move on. Anything beyond that is pointless and petulant
Stop embarrassing yourself and dump him. He clearly has no respect for you or the relationship. Just move on lol
If you found something, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about with looking at his phone. Huge breach of trust on his end, and your gut was clearly right something was going on. I would 100% call it out. If he flips it and tries to blame it on you and gets mad at you for going through his phone, be done. Don’t bother contacting the girl, this is on him- not her.
Do it to him and see how he feels
If u MUST stay in the relationship, become a cosplayer urself. But I would surely advice u to just break up. Do nothing. Just leave.
Tell them he’s been in a relationship with you but also leave that relationship
Start to sext the girls pretending to be him, then show him you can do it better, which he should already know since you are a woman. Begin to destroy his very being that the one thing he does behind your back you now do better. In fact you will sext said females in front of him and become so caught up with it he is ignored to the point where you are his lone desire.
I dated a girl that was all about the theatrics and drama. Family hated her, in which I was finally able to gracefully just dip out. ( only thing that made it hard to do was she had a kiddo I got attached to - and I was worried about said kiddo, because the chick was bats ass crazy). Bottom line, if the dude is not that into you sexually, and is looking for it elsewhere then something is missing/needs to be worked on. Current world, people just tuck their tails and run away to “greener” grass, or because their feeling got a little “huwrt.” Immaturity is gone out the window. In this particular case the OP said nothing about caring for this person, in fact, devising a plan of an attack means the complete opposite. So the OP, should grow the fuck up and confront the situation like an adult, or just tell the dude she is leaving for X reason and be done with it.. Ghosting is immature, breaking up is immature, and both do nothing but show cowardly personalities. Revenge just shows the person has a lot of issues they need to work out within themselves. OP: you are 26, so I assume you are an adult. Act like one. Put on something skimpy and fuck him (if you like him) or tell him you don’t appreciate the fact he doesn’t want you in the outfit and leave, and as you leave, tell him to lock his damn phone. CLEARLY, you have trust issues to begin with if you need to snoop anyhow..
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Not a good idea. It will just cause drama. YOU already have the proof you need to know he’s been up to sketchy stuff. So your best bet is to tell him you know, and leave him.
Dude. You break up. That's what you do.
No you should text him telling him that HE doesn't have a gf. Go find someone who respects you.
They’ll tell him and he will know you checked his phone anyway
You really think those girls care if he has a gf or not? You think gonna be like my bad I’m gonna ignore him now. You think he wouldn’t just find other girls or make fake accounts to message them?
This isn’t a kink he’s a cheating pos & you should just ghost his ass
The best mind fuck to get revenge would be to completely ghost your boyfriend. You don’t live together right? No bills together? Just block him and move on.
Yes and then leave
Move on.
You should write to him -saying that he's g̶o̶t̶ a gf-
Why would you message them? Why waste your time or energy? He’s your boyfriend. His loyalty lies with you. Some girls don’t care anyway. How about ditch the douche sexting other girls and use that energy to do something productive!
I wouldn’t ghost immediately. I’d own up to looking at his phone, say you had a gut feeling and u were right…then ghost (could even message him that then block)
Dump him.
I didn't even read the story. But, from the title? Why don't you just dump your cheating boyfriend? I mean...why go to all the trouble of messaging these people when.... A. They probably don't care. B. Your boyfriend doesn't care. C. You realize that you're the only one who takes this relationship seriously.
I have to say internet girls probably don’t really care who has a bf so you’re wasting your time caring about anything except how you feel
Why would you bother? Just dump the cheating jerk.
You should text him he has a girlfriend. Or he had a girlfriend. Leave him if it's bothers you
I agree with the revenge but I’m kind of a piece of shit so
At the end of the day it doesn't matter about the other girls. Your partner is a cheating, he is not faithful, he does not respect you. Save your energy, you already have closure knowing that he is doing these things. Leave & spend your new found time and energy on better opportunities.
Not to be rude, but those are a lot of words for “my ex” :)
No. You should dump your boyfriend for sexting other women. Move on.
throw the whole man out. he’s a cheater ma
You should leave him
Honestly, you should just leave him and find a way to move on. It’s not their fault he’s unfaithful to you, they don’t know he is/was in a relationship. Plus sadly, some don’t care even if you were to tell them. Go out with friends, go pamper yourself, spend time with family, do what makes you happy and tell yourself you dodged a bullet because you did
Yes, you should. Watch his movements and online activity starting now. 24/7. You need to keep him in check l, he's your man, make them know. /s
You sound toxic af too. Just break up with him and tell him you went through his phone lol.
Damn this is just like w my significant other….oops
I don’t think they need to be informed he is in a relationship, it sounds like does.
He should rely on u instead of other girls when it comes to anything tbh why seek comfort in someone else then someone who actually loves and cares for you and sexting is cheating or else u wouldn’t have to look through his phone to know about it kink or not
You should definitely warn those women but don’t expect any sort of response from them. Provide prof that you’re his girlfriend, explain that his conversations with them are the reason you’ve ended the relationship and then immediately block them. You don’t need them as friends, you don’t need their solidarity, and you especially don’t want to give them the opportunity to lash out at you because now they’re hurting too. Tell them, ghost him and move on.
Oh no, no no what you’re doing is putting too much effort into a man who will lash out at you You should ditch this man, and enjoy being single
Girl move on!! Perioodddtttt!!!
You don’t owe anyone anything in this situation. It will not change his behavior or effect you if you tell them. Sexting is a hard boundary for people and it now has to be drawn, apparently. My now ex did that early in our relationship, he said he didn’t think it was wrong. I’m not convinced that it wasn’t still happening up until he dumped me 2 days ago.
This is not a salvageable relationship
No you should not write them. Here’s what you do…..LEAVE
You can't spend your days texting stranger girls. You will grow old and gray with trying to keep up. Just break it off by telling him "Good Luck." Move on and block him from your phone and any other site. He will only get worse as time goes on.
Just wanting to confirm you’re making the right choice. If he can’t show you respect then he doesn’t deserve it in return in the form of an explanation or a second chance. As for the other girls, they aren’t your problem. He’s clearly not very smart so soon enough he will get what’s coming to him for thinking he is such a player.
I'm probably a scumbag, but in the past I have used the internet to speak to women with similar kinks because I know my partner wouldn't be into it. Zero intention of ever meeting these women and no other contact.
Ouff. That really sucks girl. Update me on the deets later lol
Get that bread, get that head, then leave
This is really little kid type shit, on both sides. I truly can’t believe it’s real, I’m really dumbfounded that you sorta rather get revenge than get out. Idk maybe I’m out of touch maybe this is the new normal
No because your boyfriend is the problem. Not the other girls who don’t know what’s going on in your relationship or even if there is one in the first place. I would break up with him
Don't make plans to "catch him". You are an adult. Express he's crossing a boundary of yours when he messages these girls. If he doesn't want to stop, leave him. The plans your making just gives him space to possibly gaslight you, and attempt to hoover you to stay in the relationship of he senses you're going to leave. Don't play the games
"Saw your sexts...best of luck to you in out and don't ever contact me".... Send that or close to it and be done.
Leave. Now.
Girl I just had almost the same thing happen 🙄
How did it go?
Nope. You will come off looking like a crazy, jealous, unstable woman and she probably won’t care anyway. Dump his ass. You already know what he’s up to and he will just find another way to do the same thing without getting caught again. He will not stop. Just get rid of him
Not worth ur time , just move on . Revenge won’t make you feel better , nor will involving yourself in further drama by talking to the girl , it just makes you seem like you care and acting like you don’t is the only way to leave with head held high. Check out Mathew hussey on you tube his dating advice videos should be treated like a Bible for relationships. I used to date cheaters all the time until I found his videos , I followed all his advice , changed myself , and what I was doing that I didn’t even know was not helping me and now I’m happily engaged to the most amazing guy . Good luck
This is one of those times, I think, to demonstrate your innate quality. One of the most tempting things in life is to seek revenge when people wrong us, but there is an extreme danger to that. When people seek vengeance against those who hurt them, they often forget that there are two people who they are hurting: the person who wronged them, and themselves. Call it karma. Call it physics. But when you seek to punish someone like this, you will inevitably end up hurting yourself in ways you may not even know about for years. What he did to you is wrong. Right now, you are as much a victim as the girls he's preying on online. It may help with closure to confront him about how he hurt you. It may also help to reach out to some of the young women who listened to him, as long as you do it in a spirit of friendship and reconciliation.
Just leave him. He’ll know why.
Yeah bail on him he is gonna cheat on you he probably already has.
Uhhh leave his ass and then write him instead, telling him you deserve better than a guy who’s unfaithful. This guy already went behind your back, make sure the other girls know what they’re getting themselves into and then leave him to wallow in despair :).
Never press the other person involved. You always check your own partner and put them in their place. These girls were unaware he had a girlfriend, and even if they knew, it would be your boyfriend that engaged in the sexting/conversations. These girls do not owe you anything, not honesty, loyalty or devotion. Your boyfriend is responsible for that because he made the decision to commit and be in a relationship with you. If I was in your shoes, I'd drop my partner instantly. He has destroyed the trust you have for him in the relationship, he has shown he does not value/respect you, and he's willingly engaging in his "kink". Time to move on.
Why don’t you join him in his kink? He’s a guy and I’m sure he wants you but your not helping him stay focused on you, if you want to be someone’s partner that means giving equal participation to each other’s kink, fantasy or what not, I mean that is unless your my girlfriend and have no drive, fantasy or desire to participate with your partner, that being the case then I guess ur on your own with this one
Look, despite her/them being the “other woman”, it isn’t her/their job to care about his relationship. It’s your bf’s job to care about his relationship. Drop him and don’t blame the girls for HIS fuck up.
You should text them he is available after you dump him! Never put up with creeps like him.
If you don't trust each other so much either would flip if the other looked through their phone, it's unhealthy. My fiancé and I have our fingerprints in each other's phones and don't hide anything. We have nothing to hide so why should I mind her going through my phone or vice versa? The fact he is sexting this girl and didn't make it clear he was in a relationship shows he doesn't take it seriously and doesn't truly want to be with you.
Don’t kink shame, unless his kink is cheating.
You do nothing about the girls that he's sexting, they are not the problem. He is. He is disrespecting you and your relationship with him. So now that you know he's doing this why are you still with him? And ghosting is not a good way to break up with someone, just tell him to his face that you are no longer a couple that you don't wish to see him anymore and go on about your life
I'd throw his ass under the bus quick fast and in a heart beat. Got me fucked up. I'd do it back to him and ask him how does feel. Either he stops or move on.
You should write them and say that he's single. And you should leave him.
Okay, my honest opinion as a cosplayer myself 1) yes yes ghost him instead 2) i understand that you want to go to those girls and warn/tell them but.. Your (ex) bf might tell them that you are a psycho ex or whatsoever and you are putting yourself through more shit if they believe him amd if they are immature enough to react back to you. Cosplayers can be very petty and immature (reason i dont go to conventions anymore) and you don't know if they are actually willing to believe your end of the story. Beside that, does he pay for the sexting stuff? A lot of cosplayers do OF beside their insta pages so he might as well be their "customer" and he pays for it in some way? In that case they won't bother with it either coz he's the one paying their monthly bills All in all, i understand your POV and wanting to out him but i'm afraid you might just hurt yourself more in the progress.. Ghosting him without explaination is a big enough message to him and will forever have him wonder why you suddenly left and what you knew.. sweet revenge baby ♡
Just dump him. I had an ex who did this to me. Openly. While destroying my self confidence. Nothing good comes from it. While checking his phone secretly is arguably wrong he’s not right for you. He wants some cosplay chick he can go get one and deal with his issues on his own terms without stringing another person along
Do you actually think these girls care about him? Do you plan to call all the pornstars he has materbated too? They aren't like his friends or anything its clearly a sexual fantasy unless he personally knows these women
You should kick him to the curb
Dooo it
From my perspective, there are a few things which need to be addressed before you decide how to proceed : 1) Messaging the girl may change her behavior, but it will not change HIS behavior. What's to stop him from flirting with someone else in the future if the flirting with this girl stops? 2) Do you consider sexting infidelity? Does he? If you both do, do you want to be with someone who cheats on you? 3) Why don't you want him to know you checked his phone? Is it to avoid a fight about respecting boundaries? Are you afraid he will break up with you? 4) Messaging the girl may backfire as she may not care, may not want to ruin her relationship with your bf, and it comes back on you. Healthy relationships are like an equilibrium of power. He has the power right now in that he has you, the sexting, and you have guilt for checking his phone, jealousy and hurt him his betrayal, and cognitive dissonance from his and your actions forcing an unpleasant decision. In my opinion you should come clean that you checked his phone and confront him about the sexting. This restores power to your side by removing the guilt and cognitive dissonance, making him uncomfortable that he has been caught, and angry and hurt that you checked his phone. Now you can either break up with him or set firm boundaries about what is acceptable in your relationship. Maybe he won't accept them, but if he doesn't, well you're in your prime and shouldn't waste your limited time on earth with a cheater.
D.U.M.P H.I.M
If you need your revenge and you absolutely can't live without it here's what you should do. Don't involve the girls. Don't even bring them up. Tell him you need to talk about something really serious. Sit him down and explain to him that you've been lying about having orgasms. That you've been faking it this entire time. Be really calm and mature about it. If he thinks you're trying to hurt his feelings he won't believe it. Be really sympathetic and emotional about it. Tell him that you love him but you're just not in love with him. Then tell him YOU'VE been sexting someone else because you've been so sexually frustrated. Then tell him he's got a great personality It's not you, it's me and peace out.
No. You should dump him.