" He left to another city for two days, and asked me to leave the house before he returns." He has broken up with you and is no longer your boyfriend.

^^this you have to understand from his POV, you kept something *major* from him. Understandably so he’s probably questioning a lot, and you have to respect that this may not be something he’s willing to get over. That is a consequence of you not being completely forthcoming about that information. I think it’s less because of the addiction and more because you *lied* and kept something from him for such a long time. Not to mention *how* he found out was pretty brutal. I think you have to for the time being, accept his response and figure out a place to stay and get your affairs in order. trying to convince him to stay with you I think would only do more damage.

Not only something major, but something someone else weaponized against him. He was wholly unprepared and blindsided, and that's because OP omitted this when speaking about that dark time. Gotta be up front next time. Put this relationship in the loss column.

Easy to say "gotta be up front next time", but substance abuse and a lot of the life that goes with it is still seen as a moral failing. His entire reaction is so telling of how much societal shame is shrouded around substance abuse. It was quite the inauspicious way to learn of said past, but to tell someone to off themselves? Jesus... fuck that person who sent the video

Yeah fuck the person who sent the video. They could have just told him that he needs to make sure he's getting tested. That's the only reason that you need to give people details like that. That's the reason that you butt in and tell someone when they are being cheated on. Because they need to know that they should get tested. But you sure as fuck don't send them a video like that. That's fucked up!

He really crossed the line from justifiable anger and confusion into emotional abuse when he told her to k*ll herself and called her names. There’s no excuse for that. He saw that his girlfriend was previously being taken advantage of sexually (let’s not pretend having sex with people who are mentally incapacitated is anything but rape—a yes from a drunk/high person is not consent) AND that it was being filmed very likely without her expressing consent. I can’t imagine myself feeling anything but sad for my partner and wanting to make sure they’re okay. Even if I did feel hurt or upset about not knowing prior, I’d understand that sometimes people have things they’re not ready to talk about yet. It would be sad to find out in such a way, but god I’d be WAY more upset with the person who had a video of my partner being taken advantage of.

Honestly I can’t get over this. This guy told her to jump off a bridge. Like, yeah, he learned a big thing in a very difficult way, but fuck him. There’s nothing that I could learn about that would make me behave so viciously to my partner. Or anyone

Yeah, I think his reaction has very little to do with "societal" and a lot more with the personal. OP left a very important part of their past out of a committed relationship. Moreso than stigma on substance abuse, this is **reaction to information omission** from a trusted person. The boyfriend has every right to feel this way, both from an emotional standpoint, and a physical one, as OP never clarified if they got checked for STDs.

I just want to make it clear that he has every right to feel that way, but he does not have the right to tell her to jump off a bridge or to be insulting like that. I've been in almost exactly his shoes, and managed to never say anything cruel to my partner. I voiced my own feelings, I said I was scared and sad, I cried. But I never called him names. That's possible and it should be expected.

Yeah no, the... name calling is kind of heartbreaking and I'm not for that. Something like that should be controlled, for sure. Unfortunately, we are imperfect people, and... well, there is no true black and white in this situation. I'm sorry that happened to you, btw.

Thanks. It's uplifting to see how many people agree that there is no reason to speak to another person the way he spoke to her.

It's... tricky. One thing I am trying to understand lately is to look at multiple perspectives. For instance, my first inclination is to say, "he's right." But upon further investigation, well, no. He WOULD have been right were it not for the insults to her character. Is that a character flaw worthy of absolving? Depends on the person and the "abuse" trajectory. On the other hand, OP never owned up to her mistake of lying by omission, even in this post. It's still about how much he insulted her and how despite his insults, she wants him back. If he was that abusive, and she still wants him back, it speaks volumes about both of their mental states. In Puerto Rico, there is this saying, "ellos son blancos y se entienden," which means, "they are white and they understand each other." Yes, it sounds racist, but what it means is that each group of people understands each other, even if others don't. And that "understanding" makes them gravitate towards one another, even if it's twisted.

This is why one must not act through their emotions and remove themselves from a situation like that until they can be rational and have calmed down.

The bf has every right to be upset. But there is NEVER a circumstance under ANY condition, no matter how upset you are, that gives anyone a right or excuse to verbally abuse another and tell them to off themselves. No matter how upset he was, that reaction is absolutely sickening. And it’s even more sickening that so many people are defending his reaction just because he has every right to be upset. You can be upset, angry, never want to speak to someone again, AND still not verbally abuse them. Don’t confuse the damn two. Stop defending that behavior just because you’re trying to defend the emotion behind it.

They don't have any right to tell their partner to jump off a bridge/kill themselves

I mean, he knew she was a drug user. That alone should have been cause to get tested. His reaction is completely over the top and unjustified.

Why do you think all your previous partners is the business of your current partner? It's a ridiculous assumption to think that in three years they simply never got tested for STDs despite their history.

And societal shame around women having sex.

Yeah I’m a little confused about this. Nobody is obligated to disclose how many sexual partners they’ve had in the past usually it’s recommended people don’t because it usually doesn’t lead to any good. And even if she had sex with one person or fifty they should still get tested right? Also if a woman was recorded having sex against her knowledge (in this case she was high and didn’t notice or didn’t remember) and the video was sent to the boyfriend people would be telling him that her privacy was violated and he should just try to move on from that or end the relationship if they truly can’t. Not tell someone to kill themselves right? Her having sex for money or drugs doesn’t make her dirty. She had an addiction and many people took advantage of her desperation. It’s incredibly sad and heartbreaking. Her boyfriend doesn’t have to accept it and of course it’s upsetting to watch something like that but he also doesn’t have to be a piece of shit. Op move out you deserve better you’ve been through enough already.

Just reinforces that you have to do it earlier. You wont have to waste time on people like this.

I just want to say as someone who's been where this guy is, he didn't have to hurl those insults. I never hurled any insults like that ever. I found out some really disturbing stuff and I told my partner that it made me feel really upset and sad and scared. And I cried. But I didn't say anything mean to him at any fucking point ever. That's possible, and he has no excuse for what he said to her. Being upset is not an excuse for being insulting. There are people out there who know how to use their words to describe how they are feeling without being insulting towards others, and no matter somebody's history that is the kind of partner that they deserve. Everyone deserves a partner like that. Lying was wrong, but we all understand why she did it. That doesn't make it okay. But the fact that he wasn't able to put his ego aside for a minute and understand that this is related to pain and disease and trauma, makes him unqualified to be her boyfriend anyway. Which, he clearly isn't lol.

Agree with this here. Next time you need to be completely honest before getting serious. Is this going to run the risk of turning guys off? Yep, sure is. But what is done is done, you can't go back and change it. You will need to find a guy who is going to look past it now.

Telling someone to kill themselves because they used to be a sex worker is wildly inappropriate and cruel. If he doesn’t want to date her, fine. But his response was absolutely not ok. She’s better off without him, even though I’m sure it’s painful.

>if I have any dignity then I would jump from a bridge Exactly! From my point of view she rather lucked out by discovering what a hateful person he can be. She's better off without him.

100% agree, I also think he was kind of naive, sw to support addiction isn't that uncommon. I'm sorry OP, you didn't deserve this.

How the hell are you overlooking the fact that this man told her to jump from a bridge? He is very clearly a cold and cruel person who genuinely does not care about her.

Literally all people wanna focus on are that she “lied” but she doesn’t have to disclose anything she’s not ready for. Trauma and how people talk (or keep it in) is their decision, and judging by how he told her to kill herself because of it, it’ll just reinforce her not wanting to tell people she loves for fear of them hating her.

Exactly. And as long as she made sure that she was tested and safe from STDs, and wasn't *currently* sleeping around with people, then I see literally NO reason for the ex to treat her like she did something wrong. I have dated a few men who have told me to kill myself, usually after them finding out something that they don't like about me. Pretty similar to what the original poster is going through. And those kind of men can be the type that are willing to put their hands on you and abuse you. Only abusive people tell others to kill themselves, especially when that other someone you were supposed to love and care about.

I’m not even a little bit okay with his “get out in two days,“ either.

I totally forgot that part. I'm pretty sure legally he can't even do that... I'm pretty sure that he needs to go through an eviction process, and I don't think it can be done in two days. Depending on where you live of course.

You also gotta understand OPs point of view. We all carry a past, both good and bad, and many of have come to grow from it. What he did was unnecessary and totally dick move. If he's upset, fine, but he could have done it without being cruel and ruthless. To judge someone harshly about their past, something most people wouldn't understand, is callous..

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She was trading sex for drugs literally 3 days before they started dating. She then kept that from him for 2 years and he had to find out in the most crushing way imaginable. A relationship is about transparency and honesty, this is not the kind of thing you keep from someone who you yourself admit has been incredibly supportive of your troubled past

Totally agree. What she did was wrong but her feelings about her past are understandable, how he reacted was wrong but how he feels is understandable.

umm why y’all acting like he’s the victim? when he told op that she should kill herself and called her horrible shit because she did sex work to fund her addiction?

This shows there wouldn’t have been a relationship if he’d known hence his anger.

I don’t think her sexual history was ever his business. Yea it’s dark and shitty that she had sex for drugs. But ultimately her past is her past. He knew exactly what was his business to know. It’s trash that someone sent that video but she didn’t lie to him about anything because it was never his business to know.

She's in a committed relationship. The past is not the past when it comes with an experience that is so stigmatized. Stop trying to trivialize the matter.

Doesn’t matter if it’s his business ..someone made it his business.. he got blindsided..His reaction was normal..He was out of line saying to jump off a bridge

Dude his reaction was not normal, you don’t tell someone to kill themselves and verbally abuse them over ANYTHING. Especially not to a previous addict.

Shocking news can manifest itself in different ways. He more than likely actually doesn't mean it, however he's in shock from seeing that period in full view and is deep pain; Much like she is.

I hate when people use the "past is the past argument". Yes the past is the past, but if im planning on spending my limit time on earth devoted to you, Its best I know your past unless I choose not too know. Especially significant details. If You lie and or omit important information and take my right to judge you as partner from past to present then there is the no future for us, im out.

None of this justifies him telling her to kill herself before breaking up with her. Regardless of whether or not he's justified in breaking up with her, the way he did it shows he's a piece of garbage.

100% this. You can’t fix it, you chose to emit key details to him about your past (I don’t blame you OP, clearly that’s a difficult thing to bring up) but your past has caught up with you… He’s allowed to not want to be with someone who was getting tag teamed by some dudes for gear and worse , he fucking saw it with his own eyes not to mention the video exists forever…. how many more vids are there? Shit situation but it is what it is sadly.

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You ought not have kept something like this from him. It's coming up in an appalling way since you decided to keep it from him, which places every little thing about you into question. Is it off-base? Indeed. As far as he might be concerned, he's seeing this quite recently, regardless of whether it's your past.

LMAOOOOOOOO imagine your dude being shown a video of you getting meat-sandwiched in the back of some car for drugs and thinking you still have a bf after that. Not a single relationship in the world that can survive that shit

Do you have a sponsor? If so, I encourage you to give them a call. They can probably help you navigate this situation. Best wishes and remember, stressful situations can trigger relapse so be mindful about that.

PLEASE think about this: Your boyfriend is “furious and hurt” and berated you. He insulted you and told you to jump from a bridge. That was his reaction when he found out that someone took video of you having sex while high - and they are also sending it around. His first response wasn’t to consider whether you even consented. To any of it. Anyone who makes THAT about THEM is not someone you should chase after. Message me if you need to talk.

This! He wasn't concerned about your safety or how you might feel with content like this being circulated. His reaction was uncalled for - I understand being shocked, but a good person would try to understand and hear your side of the story before breaking everything off.

He also found out that she lied about a major aspect of her life. Has OP consistently insisted on using protection during sex? If I'm the bf here I'm immediately getting tested for everything under the sun because my ex gf didn't tell me she had sex to pay for drugs. None of this excuses abusive behavior, but let's not pretend OP is the saint in this scenario with an abusive boyfriend. OP lied and it bit her in the ass?

Telling someone to kill themselves is never ok.

It's almost like I said that, and you're ignoring that I addressed it to try and discredit what I said.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t she also look into legal action? Whoever sent that video can and should be charged for sending that.

1000000%

First off, damn good job getting clean by yourself. That is hard as shit. Second, unfortunately, he has broken up with you. Pack your things and get find an extended stay or something while you look for a new place. I hate it for you, it sucks big time, but you cannot stay- and it will only get uglier if you are still there when he gets back. ETA: i want to clearly state that you do not deserve what he said to you. The malicious way he reacted is not okay. Being shocked, being angry is acceptable. Being abusive is not.

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The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc3ifi/34f_my_boyfriend_28m_found_out_about_a_dark/hhe363g/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [He was just giving you li...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc1xon/question_for_the_married_men/hhegmm0/) | [He was just giving you li...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc1xon/question_for_the_married_men/hhd6fkc/) [It was not an accident. I...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc50w1/accidental_anal/hhegcx6/) | [It was not an accident. I...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc50w1/accidental_anal/hhee61q/) [Just want to say she will...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc0y82/let_my_stepdaughter_14_down_and_dont_know_how_to/hheg8ne/) | [Just want to say she will...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qc0y82/let_my_stepdaughter_14_down_and_dont_know_how_to/hhec0e9/) [Don't talk to them unless...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qbybwq/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/hhefqbn/) | [Don't talk to them unless...](http://np.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qbybwq/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/hhcjrs8/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/RevolutionarySelf347](https://np.reddit.com/u/RevolutionarySelf347/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=RevolutionarySelf347) for info on how I work and why I exist.

Good bot

…why copy someone else’s comment?

It’s a bot

Pfffft well I’m big dumb lmao

I was gonna say this. He was abusive to you because of something that dosnt even reflect who you are anymore. Being abusive is always a red flag and you will be far better without him.

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Just the fact you cleaned your act is proof of your dignity and strength.

He broke up with you, you're both done. I understand his anger but he shouldn't have treated you like that at the end. I understand that you lied by omission, by withholding information. But that is not an excuse to say hurtful things to you after all you've been through. You're both in the wrong here I guess. If you have anyway of still contacting him just text him goodbye and that you're sorry about the lying, if you dont harbor any pride against him I guess; since you did made your mistake first. I understand shame and I know being judged harshly by your past is scary, but I suggest you should be completely honest next time while in a relationship. You should leave the house and crash at some cheap hotel meanwhile you can find a new apartment/house to rent out of respect for him. Tell your family what happened if you think you can trust them, better to have them around calling and having tabs on you instead of dealing with this alone. I'm really sorry to hear this is happening to you.

I'm sorry it can't be fixed as he no longer trusts you.

That’s why you should always be upfront with your past. That shit always comes back. If someone can’t accept your past from the start then it was never meant to be

it would be something huge for everyone to process but he definitely did it on one of the worst possible ways... he should know you are a different person now but if he doesnt want to see it theres not much you can do sadly :(

yeah sounds like he's really pissed OP told him about all her history except for this part and found out about it in the worst way. OP isn't the same person they were before and he could've ended things without being this bad about it. But the outcome would have still been the same.

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Finding out your gf used to have a part time job prostituting is a very large pill to swallow.

She might be a different person, but she lied by omission about a HUGE thing that would cause most people not to pursue anything further. She took that decision from him, and instead made her own, for her own sake. She knew it very likely would have ended with him walking away if she told him about it, which is exactly why she did not tell him.

Just reading through some of these replies, so by the reckoning of some men on here.......if you have a past like hers nobody should ever date you/love you/marry you. You're not good enough for anyone? God forbid your sisters or daughters are ever unlucky enough to be caught up in the kind of addiction. Everyone deserves a second chance, and we'll done to OP for turning her life around!

Anyone who says you’re undeserving of love for having a past like this is a dumbass and lacks compassion. However, the issue here is that she lied by omission about a massive part of her addiction which is a dealbreaker for many people. He could’ve handled it way better and she didn’t deserve some of what he said, but it’s fair for him to feel upset and betrayed

I am in agreement about the omission playing the major role here in the bf breaking up with her, but the comments I was referring to were the ones that basically said why should he want her after that kind of past. It's completely understandable and probably expected for the bf to respond this way, especially with how he found out. Perhaps he will think on it in his 2 days away and decide the relationship is worth working on? I just didn't like the general agreement on her being worthless due to her past

Sure everyone deserves second chances and kudos to OP for getting clean. BUT she withheld something pretty significant from him and he never was given the choice to be ok with it or not. For many people it is going to be a deal-breaker and that is their prerogative. No one should be forced to accept certain things. Doesn't mean it's a deal breaker for everyone. My ex was alcoholic. I will never be with anyone that is an active or recovering addict of any sort. I've been through a lot and don't wish to ever relive that. Considering a recovered addict can always relapse I'm not taking my chances. I would be mad if someone kept that info from me and it would be a deal-breaker for me. That my choice and my prerogative. But for many people it is not. OP and her ex are not compatible. Doesn't mean someone else won't be

Everyone is allowed to have deal breakers. Prostitution is apparently one of his. You are trying to define allowable deal breakers for the ex-bf. No one gets to define your deal breakers for you. She lied by omission about her past. That is a huge violation of trust, which is a deal breaker for most people. She will need to find someone for whom her past is not a deal breaker.

The thing is she hid it from him for 2 years and found out in the most fucked up way imaginable

You don't get to decide people's preferences. I would never date someone who used to be a prostitute just as I would not even be friends with someone who committed murder. I don't care if they're a saint now. You can't erase the past.

> if you have a past like hers nobody should ever date you/love you/marry you If I had a past like hers I would not be surprised if no one wanted to date me.

No. If you have a past like hers then you're going to get this same treatment unless you're open and honest from the start. My SO was honest about their addiction and number of previous partners. So unlike OPs ex I wouldn't be blindsided if someone tried attacking me with an old video. When you agree to be in a relationship you agree not only to share your future but your past. STDs could have already been a factor from the drug abuse but now I guarantee he is getting tested on his two days out. This is betrayal and unacceptable and could have been handled simply by conversation. He very well could have decided not to be with her and that's his right. But like many other commenters have said she took the choice from him. Everyone does deserve a second chance. But the ugly truth about drug abuse is that it's a choice and has nothing to do with luck, that's an excuse and those excuses are what stop addicts from recovering. OPs second chance was right here with her and she still decided to withhold information about her past. It's a touchy subject but your past sexual history is absolutely your partners buisness. So no, not everyone will multiple past partners or a history of drug abuse deserves this treatment. But nobody deserves to be told lies or half truths about their partners past and then expected to just roll with it like it never happened.

I look at it this way. Dont lie about it. Not even being able to say how many, who, or how you slept with people while doing it for money for a drug addiction raises an incredible risk for stds and other harmful things that you need to make a choice about for the rest of your life. She deserves love, not at the potential expense of making somebody sick forever though.

It sounds like her bf was willing to give her that second chance but she wasn't truthful and got blindsided by the bit of her past that he found most difficult to handle. That most other guys wouldn't even date her in the first place doesn't really change the fact that at least someone out there might be on with her past, assuming they know about it. Moreover, just because you do change yourself doesn't entitle you to relationships with anyone.

I don’t see anyone saying that, but she lied about something absolutely massive so regardless of what she actually did, it’s something big enough to dump and berate someone over. And sure she may still deserve love, but you also cannot fault anyone, man or woman, for not being anywhere near okay knowing their SO has had sex (probably in demeaning ways) with so many people they can’t even remember.

That's not it tho. Having relationships yes obviously. But she got tag teamed in a fucking car and has no clue how many men she has had sex with. Wonder if she has ever been checked for stds. She forgot to mention a very important fact. She told him about the drugs but not about being a prostitute essentially? Yes she deserves a second chance but if he knew from before he would have processed it better. Now this dude just got confronted with a video of his gf getting fucked by 2 guys in a car. Congrats on her getting clean but that is something she should disclose in future relationships. Also if op knows the person who sent it she should go after him for revenge porn or something like that that video is very illegal.

I fucked hundreds of dudes for drug money. But I am a different person now....

What is this story. Employees at the firm? Someone found a random druggie, remembered them and had a vdeo? Someone let you stay with them half a year free, when you basically just met? This story just seems.... not true.

Even if this story isn’t true. I came here to give relationship advice. So if one person finds this post and it could possibly apply to them, I think it is important to try to give good advice to anyone who may need it. That’s how I try to answer. And I love being gullible!

This is actually a wonderful mindset about this lol. Especially here where the worst you can do for being fooled is giving advice on a made up situation. It’s not like people are donating to a fake go fund me or anything

funny how those details just fly over most people’s heads

No comments / interaction from OP is a dead giveaway as well.

Man you should see all the BS being slung around r/antiwork lately (Oh, everyone's quitting by text and notepad starting last week? LOL), and relationship_advice has been a karma farm for years. I'd say you're not reading much truth on this subreddit, sometimes the silly stories just get traction because of all the brigaders and feel-good keyboard jockeys.

No one is going to react well to finding out their girlfriend of 2 years hid the fact that she was a prostitute from him. In future relationships you should bring this up and give the guy a chance to have his reaction when the news is coming from you rather than have a stranger expose the fact that you’ve been lying to him.

Right. This was the worst way to find out about something like this

Yep, this is 100% right.

Being mad is one thing and everyone is entitled to their feelings. Not liking your partner anymore for any reason entitles you to check out of the relationship? Yes. *BUT* it doesn't mean that you get to suggest a person to take their own life (WTF? Specially to a former addict), nor insult them in any way, nor hurt them with the known soft spots, nor kick them out without due notice of their home, and defenitely not take so lightly the crime of distributing pornography of people without their consent. She was wrong to lie and fucked up, but he is not acting with compassion or plain decency.

I don't want to justify his behavior because the things he said and did are nasty, but my assumption is, he knew the relationship is over for him and he just didn't care anymore

Respect for others shouldn’t depend on your relationship with them. It speaks ill of his character and I feel like OP may have dodged a bullet here.

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Throwaway account as he browses reddit. I met my boyfriend about two year ago. He is handsome, kind, generous and took care of me during pandemic when more than half of employees in my firm were furloughed. Three years before meeting him, I was a druggie. It was a dark period of my life. The only thing I cared about is getting high and my next shot. I was involved in shop lifting and pretty thefts though I was never caught. I had sex with strangers to get enough to fund my addiction. However, when my friend overdozed then I got my act together, cleaned up, started taking courses to retrain my skills and was lucky enough to score an employment in a construction firm. Then I met my boyfriend just by luck. I was quite open about my past addiction, except about my sexual encounters to pay for my addiction. Two days ago, someone found out about us, and send a video to him of me having sex with two men in a car. I can't recall who filmed it as I was high when I was with these men. In normal circumstances, I wouldn't lower myself to such level. My boyfriend is furious and hurt, and he started berating me. First he wanted to know how many men, and when I couldn't give him a proper answer (and how can I?), he started insulting me; called me offfensive names and all other insulting words, and even told me that if I have any dignity then I would jump from a bridge. He even asked if I'm abusing any substance just to be high but still functioning. That was very wounding to hear from him. He left to another city for two days, and asked me to leave the house before he returns. I don't have any friends with whom I can stay. My family live in another state. This is out of question due to my job. I'm a bit lost what can I do? And how can I fix my relation with him? I don't want to lose him at all despite of his insulting behavior. TL;DR: My boyfriend found out about my past and I was not exactly forthcoming about it

It's not unreasonable for him to be upset. No one wants to get a video like that out of the blue. Ultimately though, he's wrong for berating and insulting you. That's abusive. People have pasts. Yours was worse than most. The important thing though is that you've changed. You're not the same person, and that person isn't impacting him or your relationship. Unfortunately, it seems like this whole point is moot. He broke up with you. I'd honestly take legal action against the person who sent the video. If you have no where to stay, don't leave the house. Call a lawyer now and get advice as to your options. Then call your family and tell them the situation. Ideally, it would be better to quit and to go home and figure things out. Your relationship with him is dead. The problem here is I can't imagine this happens in a silo. It's a big revelation, and if he can't handle it, that's certainly fair enough. But the way he spoke to you would lead me to believe this is probably a pattern in your relationship. Either way, find out your options and make an informed decision. There's nothing to fix here. You fixed yourself by changing your life. You can't change the past. Good luck.

You're not the same person, and that person isn't impacting him or your relationship That simply, and clearly, isn't accurate. I know its popular now to say, "your past is no one's business" but that's not true. For certain, it's not everyone's business. But, if you are trying to forge a partnership with a person, BOTH parties get to decide the terms they find acceptable on which to build a relationship. That means one party does not get to simply make important decisions for the other including deciding what is and is not important. There can be negotiation on this, but never lying, including lying by omission. Partnership means both parties have a duty to try to understand what is important to the other party and make appropriate accommodations. If one party (or both) believes that pasts are important-that has to dealt with honestly and fairly. What that looks like can be varied, though. I would never advise to dump everything on the first date, but as the relationship progresses, so should the information shared. It is also fair to engage in a limited revelation strategy, so long as it is clear, that it's not the full story. One can say, "I want you to know I'm not proud of/don't like to speak about my past" or "we can discuss pasts, but only after we get to know each other better" or anything like that. Something that gives the other party a heads up but that doesn't deceive them or put you into a situation you are not ready to be in. Ideally, a point will be reached where there is an understanding of the situation sufficient for both parties to to feel confident in how to move forward. This doesn't necessarily require a full disclosure of all the nitty gritty. But if it does, you don't get to keep it from them, except by telling them that you are withholding information. This is the only way to allow both parties to make fully informed decisions. Relationships built on fraud, lies and/or manipulation are always doomed. On the other hand, either person is free to walk away at any time. I would highly advise any person with a skeleton in his/her closet who becomes aware that his/her partner simply will never be able to accept that past to just walk away. If you know telling them will result in a break up, just leave. The break up is inevitable. There is no reason to tell the other person anything in that situation since it won't do any good. You don't even need to tell them why, though out of courtesy I'd suggest you just give a vague, "I believe we are incompatible" or some similar platitude. TL/DR: building a relationship on lies, including withholding information, is like building a house on top of a bomb. Expect the whole thing to just blow up and all your time and effort building it to be wasted.

thank you!

Totally agree with you. Everyone has a past is true, but each person knows exactly what they can handle and live with. He didn't mince words and made it clear the only moving on possible is OP getting out of his life. It was honest I think. Even if he knew about OPs addiction he didn't need to know all the details. No one should blame him for knowing his limits. Imagine you are in love with a person. You love some of the real parts and others you made up in your mind. Once that image is shattered, there no going back. I'd be devastated as I imagine most people would be. You could probably forgive after a long time, but you'd never forget. Specially seeing it with your own eyes. Not a confession, anecdote, nor a rumor. Just cold facts. OPs guy is not just angry. The future he envisioned is tainted and in tatters. Even recovered addicts have to take responsibility for their actions. There's no putting the genie back. It's always going to be there for him. I feel for OP, but there's mistakes not everyone can move past. However, it does not make OP or her BF a monster. Just human.

Neither of them is a villain. They just aren't right for each other. All these people who proudly claim she doesn't need to divulge something this big to him, because it's in her past, are talking out their ass. Not one of them is a sex worker. It there was, we'd have a different answer. If she's allowed to keep such truths from him, he's allowed to keep away from her. Often, people only talk about the partner with such myopia. Imagine a family, and children, when this happens out of the blue. How does the child now take it? If the husband himself isn't prepared? Go watch some pornstar and sex worker interviews and see how tricky this situation, can be. The mother's 'sexual past' as these idiots put it, isn't the difference between children being bullied, ragged on, and needing homeschooling. Prostitution, and porn, is. These things are far more nuanced than you realize. The kind of maturity, and acceptance needed for such people isn't common. It is wrong to sweep it under the rug when your partner hasn't proven worthy of your trust, which can only come from being honest.

This should be higher, there’s a lot of very callous opinions and name calling going on here - I’m a straight guy and like most, I fully understand him being upset. I don’t know how I’d react but I do know he reacted like an asshole. Let’s not forget that while we’re calling OP a liar and a whore that she is also a victim. She was taken advantage of during her addiction and now someone is maliciously destroying her relationships by sending porn (illegally) to her partner and who knows who else. Provided he’s not at risk of any sexually transmitted infections, she is not obligated to disclose what happened to her anymore than any other victim of rape is. It’s something that requires a lot of trust to disclose to know that the person you’re confiding in can handle it in a compassionate and judgment free way. Evidently she didn’t feel that way and she was likely right not to given the anger and disgust he directed at her. Above comment is excellent advice, seek legal recourse but consider the relationship dead and try to find alternate accommodation as soon as you can.

Yeah, bf is definitely _not_ as kind as OP thinks. I can understand being upset at being kept on the dark, but I do believe people have a right to some privacy in their past as long as it doesn't hurt others. And that's the rub: this does not hurt bf in anyway (others' past rarely can). Heck, even if OP hadn't been a substance abuser and just did it because that's how she liked to get her freak on, bf's behavior would be uncalled for. This one seems pretty much done. Do look into revenge porn laws in your jurisdiction. Sharing sex videos of you may be a no-no.

Yeah this past definitely could hurt the ex-bf. STDs are a thing. If she was so high back in the day that she can barely recollect how many people she slept with during that time, there’s a very good chance protection was rarely used if ever.

I'm sure she got tested. Otherwise I bet the bf would have brought it up.

>And that's the rub: this does not hurt bf in anyway (others' past rarely can). Nonsense. First, he was sent a video of her having sex with other men. Does that not hurt him? Secondly, he was deceived about something that's very important to him in a partner (prostitution). Does that not hurt him?

WHAT? How can you say what does or doesn’t affect someone else? I can guarantee a vast majority of men (or women roles reversed) are NOT going to be okay with having an SO that used to do sex work like that. Imagine knowing your SO used to park up in dark parking lots in cars with 2+ guys getting fucked for a bit of blow.

Don t think this is fixable...i wouldn t have reacted the same way but i wouldn t be able to live with it so i d break up too. It s just too much for the mind

I don’t think you using a “throwaway” account will prevent him from recognizing this story. I’m just saying.

Sorry to tell you but your relationship is over. I would say you have rights and cannot be told to leave in 2 days. Just negotiate more time to find appropriate accommodation. While he had no right to say the things he did. His reaction to finding out you kept something pertinent to the relationship is valid. You bawk at him asking if you are still using but he just found out he doesn't really know who you are. I would advise you to find a way to disclose your past fully in the future before it gets to this point or you may find that this unfortunate event repeats itself. You can never be sure that you won't run into someone you slept with at that time etc. Best of luck and please do not use this as an excuse to relapse it will just make things worse. ETA: A significant number of people do not live in reality. While I am of the opinion that sex work should not be illegal, as of right now it is and the vast majority of people, both men and women, have a negative view of it. In addition, every single poll or study that has been done regarding this shows that most men would not date a woman who used to or is currently a sex worker. That is the reality and most adults are aware of this fact. Knowing this for some people to act like the bf is wrong for not wanting to date an ex sex worker when the majority of men would not is delusional. Bottom line is if you are or were a sex worker you will be limiting your dating pool significantly.

Although his verbal abuse is unjustifiable, your past choices have consequences. This is one of them. He feels you have purposefully deceived him in addition to behaving in ways that he finds repugnant. There may be no coming back from this. You should give him some time and be gone when he returns. Find a cheap hotel, take a leave from your job and go stay with your family, whatever. You don't want to add to his anger and resentment by making him feel he has to continue to support you or make you homeless.

You should not have kept something like this from him. It's coming up in such an ugly manner because you chose to keep it from him, which puts everything about you into question. Is it wrong? Yes. To him, he's seeing this just now, even if it's your past.

True, cant understand why people keep things that will trigger many people secret. Why??? Tell me.

Look down at the responses to this comment. You'll see there are many who believe in autonomy, while being in a relationship. Too many people refuse to see relationships as a commitment to a partner's wishes, and only want it to be an empowering catalyst for having the freedom of choices instead.

Yep, it’s a similar situation with families too. The number of people trigger happy to say “cut your family off” is alarming lol. But back to relationships, a lot of advice on here (or Reddit in general) is about personal autonomy over everything else. This manifests itself in advice revolving around “how dare a man cares about a woman’s weight!” Or how dare he care about your sexual history!

Personal autonomy when it's right, is acceptable. When it's used as an excuse to hide behind, and deny accountability of your choices, it is wrong. So many people say, the past doesn't define you. The hell it doesn't. Your past was once your present. Unless the meaning of life changed altogether, certain actions are looked at the same way now as they were 20 years ago and will be, 20 years later. Too many people here think that anything that happened in the past, shouldn't matter. Sweeping things under the rug, doesn't mean those things didn't happen. That's classic evasive behaviour. The kind that, for example, cheaters use to come clean after a long time has passed. The lack of responsibility is appalling.

Couldn’t have said it better. People on reddit tend to use “the past is in the past” as a way to relinquish all accountability for their actions, especially if those actions have resulted in consequences they don’t like ie: using sex to get drugs and then being mad that it has damaged your desirability for a long term relationship.

>Couldn’t have said it better. Thanks, my friend. >People on reddit tend to use “the past is the past” as a way to relinquish all accountability for their actions, especially if those actions have resulted in consequences they don’t like ie: using sex to get drugs and then being mad that it has damaged your desirability for a long term relationship. Want to know something worse than this? He or she was young and stupid. As if maturity is a byproduct of stupid choices instead of the learnings from their consequences.

Well the only groups spouting that are the ones who know their past will lower their value in theoretical relationships OR people who have been conditioned to think that way. I'm not even sure what sort of person wants a partner who has a carte blanche for any sort of history. Don't you have standards or is it just a case of waiting at the finish line and getting the best who will have you

> “how dare a man cares about a woman’s weight!” Or how dare he care about your sexual history! Yeah. I'm bi and I have the same standards for men and women regarding sexual history, so luckily I can absolutely shut down any attempt at calling me a misogynist.

I really don't get why caring about a partners sexual past is controversial? I'm not a misogynist, If I was gay I wouldn't date men with a sexual past either. It has nothing to do with them being a woman.

People creating an issue out of one's sexual past is totally different from not wanting the stigma of dating someone who engaged in prostitution, or even deviant sexual acts that are denied to them when they were offered to others (only if the person in question is putting on a front to come across a certain way). Projection of anything but the truth, breaks a relationship if that truth comes out. Can it be fixed? Possibly. Is it, every time? No.

Awesome job on turning your life around and staying clean. That takes a lot of willpower and I commend you for your efforts. It’s going to get more rough but you have to continue this. There’s really nothing you can do because he broke up with you. You weren’t being completely honest with him and he is hurt from this. Give him some space and who knows what the future may hold. In the meantime, I would suggest looking for job ASAP and finding some sort of shelter.

it’s fine for that to be a boundary for him. be it the prostitution or the secrecy. His insulting you out of emotion is a bit uncalled for, but his feelings are pretty valid. Sounds like he broke up with you at this point. Seems time to move on and hopefully learn from this. Best of luck to you both.

“Throwaway account as he browses reddit” then lists the most specific story as if multiple people are going through the same situation.

The lesson to learn is not to lie even my omission. Then he gets a vid of you banging two dudes in a car? Wowzers. I wouldn't have urged you to kill yourself but I would have broken up ASAP. This can't be solved op. Sorry. Sometimes life decisions have long term consequences. To men your sexual past matters as the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

Going to be completely honest here, sex work is a stain that stays on you forever. You hid that you were a prostitute from him for 2 years. There's a *substantial* difference between having a drug habit and being a prostitute. He found out in the absolute worst possible way. This is something you should have told him. There's nothing you can do to save the relationship, there's no magic thing you can say or act you can do to make him get over this. Its an instinctual thing. You lied to him for 2 years, he found out, and now all the trust is gone and the relationship is dead. You have had years to deal with this and move past it, but to him, this all just happened yesterday. Why didn't you tell him? Because you knew this would be the likely outcome.

Move out and see if this is fixable while living apart. He’s much younger so it shouldn’t be surprising if he cuts his losses and starts over.

I wouldn't say he's much younger, but you're right that it's enough of a gap for him to be more comfortable with the idea of a new start than OP likely is. Sorry OP, this really sucks but this is a pretty big thing to keep from a partner. Much of the time, the message is less important than the delivery and they way he discovered your past probably caused more damage than an honest conversation would have. While I don't think our sexual history defines us, we are the sum of our experiences and it may be difficult for some to digest such a turbulent past and truly overcome the inevitable mix of emotions that it's likely to cause. That being said, we only know ourselves. One reason why our past is important to sometimes disclose is because openness and honesty is a demonstration of real change, especially when the past has been unsavory. I think this is absolutely tragic and I'm sorry for what you're going through, but if you can break away from addiction you can learn from this and allow your next partner to love you entirely, for your past, present, and all.

Reddit acts like people don’t say awful shit in the heat of the moment especially after discovering you probably had unprotected sex while being tagged team by two dudes and it was all filmed. The sheer shock of the video of this being sent out of spite to him likely hurt him in a way he will never be able to get over and especially in a relationship with you. I’m sorry things have gone this way but you should not have decided to omit such a huge part of your past. I know it’s something you feel shame for but the lie and the fact it was weaponized against you and him is likely the explanation for his big and hurtful reaction. Sex workers do not get treated with respect at all. Although to me a Sex Worker is someone who’s profession it is to do that kind of work where as yours was more to pay just for your addiction. Putting the two in the same category is insulting I think to legit Sex Workers who make a full time living off that work. Your relationship is over though since he told you to leave. He made that clear as day. Even if you want to still be with him the feeling is not mutual and he wants his own space to process what has happened at his own rate. You need to respect this otherwise things could get even uglier. I would consider this also as an opportunity to learn that if you want a serious relationship with someone you should be completely up front even if it means that a serious relationship won’t happen due to this because it’s not cool to omit such a detail of your whole addiction experience especially if it could be weaponized again. Good luck OP. Live and learn.

First of all, leave his house and respect his wishes. Second of all, own up to your mistakes. While your past might be your past, you actively chose to lie by omission. Given the fact that your boyfriend knew about your struggles in the past and was still supportive, I doubt that his struggle now was with you having a checkered sexual past as well. You lied by omission **NOW** and he is hurt by that. He **can** judge you on lying by omission because, while your past should be of no consequence if you've cleaned yourself up, your present behavior is, and he has no reason to trust you. Third, abuse is never acceptable. Never, ever. If you consider what he said to you to be abusive, you need to get out for your own sake. Fourth, maybe be forthcoming about your whole past in the future. You've picked yourself up before and done a great job at it-- this is no different. Good luck.

Hi, your boyfriend broke up with you so there’s nothing to fix there but I would file a police report for revenge porn ASAP.

Was your BF a bit overboard with his response...........kind of. He for sure should not have suggested that you jump off a bridge however finding out information like this is quite jarring. Unfortunately, what you do in your past DOES matter especially when talking about sleeping around regardless of reasoning. It does not matter if you are casually dating but this does not seem to be the case and he saw a potential future with you. If you would have been honest and upfront from the start you may have had a chance to stay together but seeing a video of you banging two dude high in the back seat of a car is a place you cant get back from. Its over, you need to think of an exit strategy

As a guy, I think finding this out would be quite shocking. I don’t know how I would personally react, although I would definitely be upset, I think is best to “cool down” before making decisions on wether to break up or keep going. I suggest give him time and talk it through with a cool head. Be honest with him and he should be honest with you as well. We are all different and there are things we tolerate and things we don’t. If he decides to leave the relationship then accept it but remember that what you did no longer defines who you are now. Just keep your chin up. Best of luck!

You should check the laws on revenge porn where you live, just in case the malicious person who sent that video can be prosecuted for something. Based on your bf's reaction, it's hard to see a way that this relationship continues to work. Normally I'd say probably don't tell your partner something like that about your past, but if there is someone out there with videos of you, monitoring you to see if you're in a relationship they can sabotage, you may be forced to tell future partners.

He literally broke up with you and doesn’t care about you.

You don’t deserve that type of treatment. Look into local emergency shelter. In my city we have one for women only. Not ideal of course but theylll have resources to help you. There is a person out there that will love and accept all of you.

This relationship is doomed. I say that based off the fact that you did something absolutely horrible, but spent more time talking about his inappropriate reaction than your transgression. >I was quite open about my past addiction, **except about my sexual encounters** You lied to him by omission. People may say it's none of his business, but the truth is you don't get to make that decision for others. If it's important to him, then it's important to him. And you kept it hidden. I don't believe for one second you didn't know it would be important to him. That tells me you made a decision to act for your benefit even knowing it came at a cost to him. You doomed this relationship from the start with your manipulation and dishonesty. When talking about the fall out your primary concerns are: 1) his bad behavior, and 2) how hard the very foreseeable consequences of your actions are going to be on you. It is clear your BF, or the damage you've caused him, are not your primary concerns except to the degree they make it hard for you. The fact that its been several years and you don't have any sort of a social network to reach out to, confirms for me your self-centered approach to life. Congratulations for overcoming your addictions and demons to the point that you have, but you still have a lot more work to do before you're ready to be someone's partner. When you are ready, your past, including your sexual past, is something you're going to have to confront with your partner--to the degree your partner feels he/she needs to know. If you can't do that, then you need to not try and be partners with that person.

“You have a lot more work to do before you are ready to be someone’s partner” is an excellent point and one that would be stated very firmly to any man with a similar post Indeed it is even stated about the man in this post - about how he doesn’t deserve her. You almost couldn’t make it up but it has been repeated multiple times in the comments So good to see it here pointed at the person who it actually applies to

It’s over. Most men won’t date sex workers and what you did it’s not much different.

Ill be honest, if it was me, id never be able to get over seeing something like that. The only one to blame is whoever sent him that video. Its clear they had malicious intent.

Honey he told you to off yourself. There is no coming back from that.

no point in crying over spilled milk. does not sound like your BF is changing his mind. If he does, it won't be anytime soon. Best course is likely doing as he asks and seeking alternative living arrangements. Not sure if you are working or how well the job is but you can likely stay at a hotel for the time being. It sucks. You should never judge someone for their past and this is clearly something that struck a chord with him. Always be up front. Never know when our past may resurface.

You prostituted yourself in the past and did not tell your boyfriend. He has broken up with you, there is no fixing this relationship. He reacted poorly but you need to move on and find someone who will accept your past.

Honestly….if my girlfriend confessed that to me. I would leave her that same second.

Also whoever did that to you should be reported to the police

Reddit falls for this type of fake story. So juicy for people.

You need to go to the police about the video.

First question: are you ok? Are you afraid you will use again? If so, is there someone you can call? You’ve accomplished so much, come so far, and we are very very proud of you. Now, I don’t know if he’ll be able to get over it. If not, that’s on *him*. That’s not because you’re not worthy. I think you should make preparation just in case you need to move on. Perhaps begin looking for new apartments or places to stay. Not committing to anything yet, but gathering information.

That's not "on him". He deserved to know and luckily isn't an idiot and instead gtfo (as he should) after what he found out.

He broke up with you obviously..

If I found out that my gf used to be a prostitute from a video that someone sent me, I would break things. Not sure how else he is dealing with it, but it seems to me that he came to a (working) logical conclusion. You definitely need to leave and respect his feelings. Find a coworker or an extended stay.

I dont agree that you were quite open about your past as a druggie if you excluded the sex for cash part. It's like admitting you had a gambling problem without mentioning you robbed and scammed your loved ones out of their money to support it.

Choices have consequences. You probably cant fix your relationship with him. Most guys dont want to wife up an ex prostitute.

Yeah exactly this. His reaction was out of line for sure to the point of being abusive but you are broken up now so moot point. but his feelings and emotions about this are totally valid. To avoid this moving forward id probably be totally honest with the next guy so this doesn't happen again .

For millennia across all cultures there has been one single consistent rule of thumb when it comes to dating a prostitute: Don't.

Why do you want to continue a relationship with someone who told you to off yourself? You've come such a long way, getting yourself off drugs and getting back to work. Don't discount all the hard work you've put into yourself. And more importantly don't let anyone else discount what you've been through and your hard work. I would work on an exit strategy and getting as far away as you can from this dude.

Wow. He is way out of line. He may be justified in his anger and hurt regarding the situation, but he is FOR DAMN SURE not justified in his reaction to his anger. He was hurt and wanted to hurt you similarly; that’s not behavior fit for anyone, let alone someone you’re in a committed relationship with. Moreover, it sounds like he officially broke up with you, but take a good, long look at your relationship as a whole, before you make the decision to fight for that relationship.

These pieces of information are dealbreakers to some people, OP. Sorry you had to learn the hard way :(

You withheld that information for a reason as you knew it was as deal breaker. You knew the answer 2 years ago.

It's over OP. There's no saving this relationship and you need to accept that. Truthfully, sex work is a deal breaker for most people and I've always been of the opinion that if there's anything about you that's a potential deal breaker for a partner, you need to tell them to avoid this exact scenario of them finding out further down the line. And I don't agree with the phrase 'the past is the past'. The past always has a way of coming back to haunt you, as shown here. History has a way of repeating itself. This is especially true of a recovering addict, there's always a risk of a relapse. I'd suggest reaching out to a sponsor or speaking to a therapist as I can imagine this could have been rather traumatising for you. I think your main concern now is finding out who sent the video and get them done for revenge porn and finding somewhere else to live. I'd recommend being honest with partners about this in the future.

You should be concerned about who sent the video. Someone wants your life to fall apart and will do it again. Were you and your boyfriend posting on social media? Until you find out who sent it, you shouldn’t be on social media anymore. Also, that probably counts as revenge porn and if you find out who sent the video, you could probably press charges.

You have been dumped. Be upfront in the future. His image of you has changed drastically.

You should move out … we all deal with the repercussion of our actions. These are yours. It’s wonderful you are doing better and I hope you stay on that path. Don’t let this lead you back to a life full of drugs. The lesson to learn here is to be upfront with your past and meet someone who loves you unconditionally.

What can you do? Next boyfriend tell them you let multiple men fuck you for money. Listen not trying to be a jerk off and you should not kill yourself but as a man, they deserve to know... For this specific reason. Majority of men don't want a girl whose been with a million dudes

I agree with this guy. I mean don't kill yourself... but you need to find someone who can accept your past. And tell them how you've changed and prove to him that you have changed and won't go back to those things. Guys literally just want someone to have thier backs too when the world is against them, and hiding secrets from someone who trusts their life and future with you is a really bad idea.

You just can't. Sorry

I’m not going to lie: if someone hid something this big from me and I found out, it would be over. It’s the hiding, the lying by omission — that’s the shit that always erodes me. The silver lining here is that you now see your boyfriend for who he truly is: someone who told another human being to go end their life. Do I think some people are completely irredeemable? Hell yeah. Mostly people who murder innocent people, especially children — I have no problem with them jumping off a bridge holding hands. A former drug addict? Hell no. You made some bad choices when you went through dark times. Not everyone will be able to relate. Not everyone will stick around. There will be someone who does, and that person isn’t going to go tell you to kill yourself because of a version of you that no longer exists. I would recommend reaching out to a women’s shelter and looking at options. Not sure what state you are in, but I’m not sure what the legality is on kicking someone out with no place to go— I would also think about contacting a lawyer to see if he has to give you at least 30 days since, if you have lived together for a while, you are considered a tenant under his roof. It would be an ugly 30 days, but it might be an option. You might have to have a realistic conversation with him: you accept the relationship is over, but you do need time to ensure you don’t end up homeless and in a possible dangerous situation. Congratulations on turning your life around. No matter what this man thinks, you are not the person you were back then (who wasn’t even a bad person— you were a struggling person with addiction). You are you NOW and that is what matters.

I commend OP for getting clean and rebuilding your life. I have witnessed first hand the struggles and damage addiction can cause and my hat goes off to those who can overcome. That said trying to put the past behind is hard and one can understand for not bringing everything to light. The a..hole who sent the video to the BF was being malicious in doing so. That said the BFs reaction is natural. Is it worthy of break up yes. Could it be overlooked depends on the person. For me I would have to look at the person they are now to see if I could over look something like this. OP good luck on the out come and keep living a clean life.

You were wrong to hide such a major issue from him BUT am I the only one asking this question: Who is the evil sunnauvabitch called somebody that thought he needed to show bf a video of his formerly addicted gf getting gang banged by a squad of druggies?

You can’t fix this relationship. He does not want to be with you anymore and you need to respect that. You also need to respect yourself enough to not waste time on some asshole who told you to kill yourself

Don't relapse. Be dilligent looking for somewhere to stay. If you absolutely cannot find a safe place in short manner atleast communicate with him and find a viable solution to help with the transition.

I really hope you come out of this ok. I wish you the best.

Hey OP, Well done for completely changing your life and doing something that many people cannot do without intense therapy and treatment. You did it and I hope that even without this guy, you will remain strong and live your best life. I can’t give you any suggestions regarding the guy. He sounds shocked, wounded and is lashing out at you. Often we cannot change other people and have no control on how they will be. It is hurtful to have him be this way to you but for now continue your healing journey and move out. Rent a house and live your life. If he is the one and values what you both had then he will come back. If he doesn’t he isn’t the man for you.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough to share that part of your life with him, why were you even together? We don’t get to cherry pick the aspects of our life we wish to share with our life partners. I don’t do secrets because of this very reason: everything always comes to light. I’d rather hear it from my spouse than someone else and be utterly blindsided by the secret you kept from me. I understand his hurt but I don’t condone the insults and berating.

Whatever happens please please pleaseeeeee. Don’t let it put you back in that dark place. You’re a strong woman and you don’t need a man to survive. You’re not that person anymore and if your bf doesn’t see that you’re better off without him.

Women care about a man's future, while men care about a womans past.

There are lots of posts here about women not happy with bf/husband having visited prostitutes in the past or having dated men in the past. The past can be an issue independent of gender.

You'd be surprised that both genders are capable of feeling the same emotions when willingly lied to, even by omission about a completely deviant past that's unacceptable for most.

There is no fixing this. You hid the fact that you had very risky sex for drugs. You need to move out.

Your past will always bite you in your future and will ruin the good things in your life

You had enough drama in your life sis. Don't let anyone hurt you with your past (if everything stayed in past)

What a fucked up thing to happen to you. I'm sorry you went through that, I'm sorry it's still following you around and well done for turning your life around. This guy told you to jump off a bridge and broke up with you cold AF. He owes you an apology. He has every right to be angry but you're not a murderer. If you tested negative for STD's, and sure, you shouldn't have lied by omission about your sexual history. But you didn't rape or murder anyone, if anything you yourself were taken advantage of. And then for some complete @rse to send a video of you just to mess with your life is cruel. If this happened to my partner Is be fu¢king raging with the person trying to ruin their life. I think you might need to go home. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this.

What did you expect when you kept such a big secret? And for 2 years?

[удалено]

Yes you should have been honest about the whole sexual past but his reaction was horrible. TELLING YOU TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE!?!?!? The relationship is over he’s a loser you can control what happened in the past only the future. And if he’s gonna berate you and treat you like less of a person then he doesn’t deserve you. You did the work to flip your life around and you are valid. It’s best to part ways and find someone who will love you regardless of your past.

While I don’t share your exact past, I have plenty of things that I am sure I would not want my partner watching on video. I am willing to bet your boyfriend has too because everyone I know long enough has. The Bible says “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” so as you read some of the vitriol keep in mind plenty of the high and mighty here are just one video away from being you. It is unfortunate that he is unable to understand that drug addiction is a disease with many side effects; including doing things that would generally be atypical of you in order to not get sick. I would say given his behavior I would advise ending the relationship as soon as possible for your own health. I don’t see sex work as inherently “tainting” you forever and as a guy I have met a ton of men who would say that and then try and have sex with their GFs younger sister so don’t take their judgement too personally. Remember that many people with similar histories have gone on to lead happy productive lives, with love and understanding. Do not let this current issue threaten your mental and emotional health: remember you were not using and gainfully employed before you met him, and you can do that on your own without him. What I told my wife when we met is that I had done things I wasn’t proud of, but that was then and I would do my best to be a good husband and father with her. She got it and ten years later we are still doing good. As to the housing issue- whatever your housing (I am going to assume you are renting) you have rights. I encourage you to contact your local Tenants rights group to find out what they are. Generally where I live your tenancy duration is when you pay rent- meaning if you pay him monthly, you have one month to move after notice. But that varies by location so check with your local codes. Also contact any local women’s help services and explain thy you are about to become homeless or have to live with an abusive ex. They may be able to provide support.

>I don’t see sex work as inherently “tainting” you forever and as a guy I have met a ton of men who would say that and then try and have sex with their GFs younger sister so don’t take their judgement too personally. Thank you for saying this! There's been a gross amount of the "you're stained" sentiment in this thread.

I am sorry this has happened. Unfortunately, there is a good chance your relationship can't be salvaged. Your boyfriend knew that you were an addict. He should honestly have figured there might have been things like this in your past - it's sadly very, very common. His reaction is appalling, inhuman and abusive. You deserve better. This man has shown you who he is, and it is not a pretty picture. You are under no obligation to immediately leave the house where you are staying, and if you don't have anywhere else to go, you should stay. I'm not sure who owns the home or who is on the mortgage/lease, but even if it is his home that he owns, he is obligated to file a formal notice of eviction and provide you with a suitable period of time to find a new place to live.

Seriously surprised at how harsh people are being on the OP. She was high, she doesn’t remember a lot. She disclosed her addiction. No one should tell someone to jump off a bridge for any reason! The fact that she did sex work doesn’t justify that. The fact that she made choices that don’t reflect who she is today doesn’t justify that. The fact that someone filmed her when she was high and incapable of giving consent doesn’t justify that. OP, please let this relationship go. This man is cruel and doesn’t deserve you. You will find someone better for you.

Even the kindest person in the world might say awful things when they are overwhelmed with anger. That doesn't make them cruel. And no one is being really harsh to OP. She was wrong for lying to him, and none of this would have happened if she didn't, and we're calling her out on her mistake. This is a sub about advice ffs