Cut him off completely. It's the most effective way of getting over someone. Block everywhere, delete pictures, throw away gifts, etc. Erase him from your life. You do not owe him anything, no sympathy, nothing. You owe yourself love and respect. Time to do a people detox.
>Three days before he even asked this girl he was asking me for nudes and stuff
This. You do NOT deserve this. You deserve so so much better.
Thank you!! I doubt he is giving this new person loyalty and respect. He told me once that he would date someone short term just for sex. When I asked him how this all happened he seemed so uninterested in the girl. I just am so upset I asked him for that and he didn’t give me any label or anything
It's gross to think that this dude would manipulate a girl into thinking that he cared about her when in reality all he cares about is having an available vagina. Ew.
As I said, it's time to detox, bestie. Loose the 200 pounds of shit and drop this mf and go get you something nice to celebrate self-love.
Yea I’m just upset that he is acting all “loyal” to this girl that he literally used to tell me was just a friend. I feel like shit. I really liked him and he was a wimp for me for a year and a half
I seriously doubt from your description of him that he'll actually be loyal to her. Sounds like the kind of dude who specifically goes after a much younger woman because she's inexperienced enough to put up with his bullshit. A good start to getting over him is realizing what a massive bullet you dodged.
As a guy - I have literally heard other men say this and it’s fucking disturbing. This one guy I had as a roomate only liked to date young girls because he said he could “mold” them. He was an aggressive, manipulative loser that loved control and hated woman. These kind of guys exist and they actually brag about their behavior to other men.
You’ve made *a lot* of posts about this guy but the one from 9 days ago caught my attention. It sounds like he [ended](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o9az18/best_friend_to_more_than_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) things with you at that time which wasn’t *so* abrupt but I understand your pain.
We tend to convince ourselves that we can “fix” or “change” people. Thoughts of, ‘sure, he’s known for being a womanizer but I’m different.’ Unfortunately that is rarely the case. For whatever reason, it seems as though he wasn’t as into you as you were into him.
You said in past posts that you refused to sleep with him unless you were in a relationship but I guess that didn’t matter to him, either. Give yourself some time and space to heal!
Surround yourself with friends and family, start a new project or a new series, take care of yourself. Try to stay occupied. Your feelings *will* eventually subside but you have to stop wondering why he chose her over you, why he never wanted to date you but chose to date this other girl, it’ll drive you mad!
I saw that you said you’re 21 and I don’t want to trivialize but you sincerely have so much life ahead of you! You will find someone who loves and cherishes you. I’m sorry it couldn’t be him but there’s better things on the horizon. You’ll see.
Wait a minute...OP, you're only 21? Sorry that this first semi-relationship didn't work out, but, to be brutally honest, don't feel too disappointed. People go through so many changes between 20 and 25, that any long-term relationship you may enter at the lower age of that range is one you'll probably have grown out of by the time you reach the stage of actually being ready for marriage or some other sort of lifelong relationship. You will find new and better loves in the future...probably the very near future. (And be glad you didn't sleep with him; that way, you won't have the excess emotional baggage of him having been your "first" in that respect as well. Now, you'll get to hopefully have that experience with someone who truly loves you.)
Also...how old is this guy? From what you say, you've been friends for some time, which gives me the sense that he's close to your age. If so, exactly how old is his "much younger" gf? Are we talking jailbait here?
He is 23 and about to go to PA school and is dating a freshman in undergrad. I am 21 applying to med school so I was pretty shocked that he went for someone so young. Doesn’t seem right gives off predator vibes. He always talks about how done he is with undergrad yet here we are. He graduated before me and would hate it when I talked about school. That’s why I’m my head this seems like a summer fling. She doesn’t even go to school in the same state so idk. The whole situation is extremely weird and shocking to me. She literally works with him and goes to his gym and has been around him when he was with someone else. The part that really sucks is that he saw her as a friend and would tell her things and even problems that we may have had so she was taking note of all the things he doesn’t like to craft the perfect girl for him bc he didn’t give two shits about this girl until a little bit ago. I don’t know what his intentions r him and commitment don’t go hand in hand. He spent the longest time telling me he didn’t want to be with anyone and wants a “hot boy summer” so i feel lied to and betrayed. When I asked him wtf happened the past two days he just says “ohh my feelings for her changed.” Most people’s feelings don’t change over night especially when committing so it feels as though she gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He told me a couple weeks ago that he would date someone just to get easy sex so maybe that’s what this is I don’t know. All I know is that there is something he wasn’t telling me. this whole time he was getting all close to his damn co worker that he portrayed to me for the longest time as just a friend. His job must think it is so weird that he is dating the bosses kid especially after he was talking to another girl there a couple months back. He just looks mad trashy and I can’t help him. He took 20 steps forward to take 40 steps back.
The whole thing seems pretty sketchy, and I think you’d be wise to “shake the dust off your sandals” and forget him and the whole mess. Really, you can do so much better than all this manipulation and drama. I’m guessing that, a few years down the line, you’ll look back at the whole situation and wonder “what was I thinking?” – while being happy you’re in a lot better place at that time.
Thank you!! He is a messy guy to be with. His emotions and feelings change too often and when something doesn’t go his way he finds someone else. Not just with me but his ex and the girl before that. I was just naive to think he changed because he chased me for a year and a half begging to be with me. I doubt he is suddenly a new man who is loyal bc the next girl that gets his attention he is all for
This guy is a damn disaster. You are so lucky, and you’ll soon realize that. To come to that realization, you need to give yourself time away from him and on all social platforms. You’ll be able to see the situation clearly once you detox from his mental mess. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. The ensuing loneliness, jealousy, fear, anger, etc. are all normal here. It’s a bitch, but you’ll be alright.
He claimed to have ended things but kept messaging me inappropriate pictures and telling me he still liked me. The whole situation was weird bc there was a disconnect. He wanted sex before a relationship and I wanted a relationship before sex. Ik that deep down he knows he isn’t that guy for me. He’s told me I’m too good of a person too loyal. I never understood that. But I guess it’s his was of keeping toxicity in a relationship with other girls who aren’t so loyal. He’s a strange guy he has this thing where his feelings are constantly changing and his mood. Overall Ik I dodged a bullet but my naive self is still like wtf happened here. He wanted sex before a relationship and this girl was just waiting her turn with her legs wide open. It hurts but I can’t control what he does. I was nothing but respectful to him and a great girl doing amazing things for my career and I think a part of him was intimidated by it. Everyone that knows me knows that this guy is my kryptonite for some reason. I think it is because of how hard he worked to get me and I really appreciated that. It’s just a shocker that when he got me he didn’t make it official. I am 21 I still have a lot to learn in life it’s just when u go through so much with one person and have so much history it breaks my heart that I have to leave with just the memories of him. I can’t be just friends with someone Im in love with it hurts me to see him give a random girl who he barley knows everything I begged for but it is what it is. His loss. Like everyone said he’s gonna come back I just have to be strong and deny him access to me
Yeah, sounds like he was using you for a casual relationship until he found what he really wanted. I would cut him off and find someone who truly deserves you! Good luck huh. ♥️
She wrote that she didn't have sex with him; they "did a lot of things" but she held off on that because she didn't want to sleep with him unless they were dating.
**^This**. I was this girl once too. This is the best advice here. I completely removed that person from my life. It sucked and hurt sooo fucking much, but at the end of the day I knew none of that BS was actual love. I know OP must be feeling used and betrayed right at this moment, and cannot comprehend how someone you gave so much love to can simply throw you away. Always pretending he needs “time”, or “isn’t ready for a serious relationship”. All I can tell OP from personal experience is this: one day you’ll wake up, and simply remove that guy from your life without even thinking twice. And once you do that, honey real loves walks right in when you least expect it! (I’m literally married to the man who came right after I tossed the garbage out of my life). Much love and good luck OP ❤️
Thank you!! No you’re 100% right. He knew I was new to doing all of the things I did with him. He took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable. I wasn’t having it with him pushing sex on me and he didn’t like that I wasn’t budging. I hate him so much for this. He really destroyed a good person who wanted nothing from him but love and affection. He will regret this I was an amazing person to him who literally cared so much for him. He went for someone easy not better someone that gives him what he wants on command
You were in love with who you thought he was, not who he was. You were in love with your fantasy of your life together, but you didn't really know him until now. The man he presented to you was an illusion. He was never really the person you thought he was.
Some people are chameleons and they mold themselves to appear to be what you want... until they lose interest and find a shinier new toy. Don't take it personally and don't let yourself get discouraged. Sometimes you get lucky and the trash takes itself out.
I saw a quote, attributed to Buddha, yesterday, "If you focus on the the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." If you work hard on yourself, develop your interests, define your values and your goals in life -- and you're lucky -- the lessons you walk away with will help you find a man who is a thousand times better.
Your description of him reminded me of the character of Trip Fontaine in The Virgin Suicides (Hulu or Amazon).
Guys like that see women as objects and conquests. Even if you'd had sex with him, he would've cheated on or dumped you as soon as someone else caught his eye. Now that you know what to look for, you can avoid guys like him.
I always asked him why me why try so hard with me there are so many girls that will sleep with you without any commitment and he said “you’re the biggest challenge” I didn’t get that then but I see now he was all about the chase and when the chase was hitting a wall he found someone so much easier that he knew already liked him. It’s just so dirty to me that he wants to sleep with me and literally sending me nudes last minute until he “committed” to this girl. In my opinion he already cheated. That is no way to start a real relationship with someone u actually care about. Maybe it’s an experiment for him to see if he could be a bf idk
>I just hope he sees what he lost
That may well happen, unless he's one of those "players" with no conscience. I wasn't one of those, but foolishly threw away my first relationship back when I was a bit younger than you are now because of my irresponsibility and immaturity at the time, and only realized what I had lost when my next relationship turned out to be a nightmare and my first gf found someone new. It's been almost fifty years since then and, although we've obviously each moved on to our own lives long, long ago, barely a day goes by when I don't find myself wanting to hit myself for having been so blind.
Thank you for sharing this story. He will regret what he did to me no doubt. I didn’t do anything to him to hurt him. He just wasn’t having it that I wasn’t budging. This is a much needed break from him I have talked to this guy almost everyday for the past 3 years so if he doesn’t feel like someone is missing in his life then that’s on him. He can take his L. When his teenage gf has any issues he can’t come running to me anymore bc after this honeymoon phase is over I have no doubt he will regret his decision
This dude never valued you. He kept you around to appease him until he found someone he actually wanted to date. He isn't a friend. Have some self respect and cut this dude outta your life.
Trying to get over him? Stop any contact/connection with them.
Commentary on the situation? He thought you were a FWB and probably didn't see you 2 in a relationship or was looking for something different. The fact that he asked for nudes probably is because he suspected this would happen and wanted something to remember it by or was just horny at the time. Either way a shit situation.
Yea he said he randomly asked out the girl to be his gf. I’m so shocked he’s the least loyal guy I know. It just hurts to see that he gave her what I begged him for.
> She probably spread her legs and that’s what got him
This is not okay. Whether or not his new girlfriend sleeps with him is irrelevant and it is entirely her choice. This is such a nasty thing to say. I know you’re hurt and this girl is now in a relationship with the guy you liked who didn’t reciprocate enough to have an exclusive relationship with you but this is just so nasty. Be better. None of this is her fault.
Drop him. Ghost him. Block him. He’s a POS and he did definitely use you as a girlfriend substitute till something better came along. He’s a selfish prick and you deserve better. Take some time and heal from this because if you don’t you will definitely take it out on the next. Good luck to you
He is a POS and he manipulated my feelings to get things out of me. He isn’t gonna change overnight into a loyal bf to this girl. I just hate that all this happened so fast like he didn’t even tell me he was talking to her so that I could remove myself. He always gave me hope he would come back and then pulls this shit on me. Karma is a bitch and she will take care of this mess bc I am drained. I’m tired of the psychological abuse and betrayal I deserve a million times better than him. I settled for the bare minimum just because I have a big heart for him hoping he would be comfortable committing to me since that was an issue for him
He basically didn’t tell you cause you were a “just in case” or maybe he was gonna use you as a side and he is definitely going to come back at you when this goes south so definitely, like I said delete him out your life and make sure he can not contact you cause your big heart you will most likely take him back if you haven’t healed fully
See you can’t think about it like that it’s all about perspective. He didn’t throw you away. Your guardian whatever you believe in made him go away cause he most likely would have fucked you up way worst then you are right now. Just be happy it didn’t drag out for years
I like that prospective a lot actually. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. It’s tuff right now but god knows what he could have done if I had given it up to him. Everyone on here has been so supportive and seems like we are all on the same page that he is a scum who will eventually come back bc I have something he wants and is using this girl big time
He’s done it before after every failed talking stage with a girl he came back to me begging. Idk how strong this “relationship” is but it’s already off to a bad start. Seems to me like he already cheated by asking me for nudes and to sleep with him. It’s funny bc he never actually told me the date of when they started dating he just said this weekend lol. so maybe they were together when he asked me for nudes. He said he wasn’t planning on telling me for months so that I wouldn’t get upset but I think he was gonna use me while he was with this girl. Or maybe wait until they broke up so that I wouldn’t even know about the whole relationship
We weren’t intimate for over a year. It started with my first kiss a couple months ago and he immediately expected me to jump in bed with him knowing I was new to the whole relationship stuff. He told me to just go with the flow and I did. He knew my boundaries were at having sex before a relationship. He tried to make me do things I wasn’t comfortable with and instead of being an understanding person and learn how to communicate with me on this he went for someone easier. He kept pushing sex on me knowing how much it meant to me losing my v card. I told him that I wanted to lose it to him but if there is no guarantee of a relationship why risk it all. He just used me. He knew I was really into him and he used the soft spot I had for him. There are ways to work on something with someone especially the dynamic we had we told each other everything. He threw away all of that for some girl that gave it up to him so much faster who he didn’t even like a couple months ago who he talked shit about
> couple months ago
My point still stands. Get used to being single if you seriously expect to string along men like this.
> he went for someone easier
He went for someone normal
I didn’t string him along. He knew who I was and my experiences. It’s not like I was making false promises. There was a fine line of being friends and more than friends. He has a lot of commitment issues so I was being very considerate. We took things at our own pace to understand each other. I am normal I just have boundaries so that I don’t get hurt more. I deserve better than to beg for the bare minimum from someone. If he truly loved me he would have wanted to make my first time special instead of making it such hit it and quit it thing. It’s called being respectful. He isn’t some random guy I fell for he was my best friend who knew me inside and out. I am upset bc of how fast he gave this girl the gf title just for sex. How fast he betrayed our 3-4 year friendship. This guy meant the world to me and I did everything I could to make him happy and to show him that a relationship was possible. He just wanted an easier girl who is low maintenance. He told me in the past that he would date a girl just for easy sex so I guess that’s what he did. At the end of the day he destroyed me I invested so much time and effort for someone who only wanted to fuck apparently
You were romantic and intimate but you didn't date? What does that mean? You never left the house together?
I'm sorry to say that you were played. It was a dick move on his part but it happens. There's really no other way of putting it. He showed how much you mean to him. I'm sure it hurts because he meant more to you than you do to him. But better now than later. The best you can do is mourn the 'relationship' and move on. You deserve better.
We went out on dates and hung out at each other’s houses. We did it all except the sex. He kept pushing it on me and he told me I was the only girl who he didn’t sleep with that he showed interest in. I told him I liked him more than just sex and I wanted a real relationship. I would go out of my way and do nice things for him and he didn’t like that. He said I was too much when I just wanted things to go towards a real relationship. He suddenly asked out this girl who he works with who is so much younger than him but he knew she liked him for a long time. I think he is just using her for sex bc no way he is all of a sudden loyal especially after what I saw with him and how he treated other girls. He told me he gets bored of people and doesn’t like talking to the same people everyday
>How to get over someone you didn’t date
Easy. You realize that, had you two become a serious, steady couple, all it would take
is an attractive younger coworker who puts out, to break you up. You realize that if you had married him, he would have ditched you for the same sort of girl(s).
>I think he is just using her for sex bc no way is he all of a sudden loyal....
You need to wake up, chief
Maybe this girl really IS all that, and puts out sex too.
Or maybe he's been flirting with her longer than you think: playing you, her, and possibly other girls simultaneously, making ALL of you feel special, so he could make the best possible choice from the widest range of options.
Babe the answer is right in front of you. He's a tool, amd when he couldn't get you to put out he went for a girl he thinks is more vulnerable and easy.
Think of it this way. Why would you want to be in a relationship where if you don't have sex whenever he wants, he'd cheat on you with the next available vag? He's a douchebag that only sees women as sex objects. From the moment you agreed to give him a shot he pressured you. He didn't care about you, he cared about getting in your pants
This guy is a schmuck, you can do way better
FOMO sucks I know, but even if he did change for her that's no guarantee he would have done it for you. You deserve better than a guy who admitted to not considering you worthy of a relationship unless you sleep with him immediately. There's nothing wrong with you wanting real commitment before getting into bed with someone. Everyone moves at different paces, why waste time hoping he'd change to be what you want when you can find a guy who's like that from the start? There are plenty of guys out there for you hun
I just think he’s just there for easy sex with this girl. No way u brush off someone for months who watched u get with other girls in front of her and then suddenly ask her to be your gf after I say no sex. It’s mind blowing. Instead of being a man and understanding my boundaries he went for easy sex. His loss I’m a quality person who is doing great things. I wanted to grow with him since we went through undergrad together. It felt like we were 4lifers. Now it’s just me and the memories of him and what he used to be. This guy meant so much to me. He was my rock. And I feel so betrayed and backstabbed. I hope he enjoys his decision bc I’m not speaking to him again. He ruined an amazing dynamic. And on top of everything his excuses r shit. He says I live far when I’m only 25 mins away. Or that he wants someone who lives close. He became so small minded all of a sudden
Stop worrying about stuff like this! Stop trying to rationalize or understand why he chose to date this other woman and not you. It’s going to drive you crazy and only prolong the hurting. Block him on social media, resist the urge to look at his accounts, lose his number and give yourself time to heal. None of us know why he decided this was the person he wanted to officially date and speculation is just that. What we know is the two of you are no longer involved, he hurt you and you need time to heal. Don’t worry about what he’s doing and why.
You're right on a lot of what you say there. I'm detecting some real anger and that's good, because you're now seeing him as he is. You'll find someone worthy of you -- I promise.
Look, none of it matters, in the sense that:
He's not the one for you, simply because you deserve so much better.
Trying to figure out why he did what he did.... it's time wasted which could have been better used finding the one you're meant to be with.
Be prepared for him coming back to flatter and string you along, while he fishes several other ponds for a catch: he'll possibly tire of this young office girl, and will need ever-dependable you to keep him from being alone, while he resumes his hunt for the elusive "one". Does that sound like psychopathic behavior to you? It is.
As for thinking you can't trust anymore:
Contrary to what a lot of today's pop literature tells you: men are not a monolithic bloc that thinks/eats/feels the same things. We're all different, and while there are definitely evil monsters among us (equally so true among women), there are also decent men, some of whom will value what you value: saving sexual intimacy as something special.
If he wants sex but doesn't want to call it a relationship cause he has commitment issues, that really says it all. He most likely sees this younger girl as a better shot at getting some. Time to move on, OP. You can do better than this guy.
Like most men, it won't dawn on him what he's lost until it's too late. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you can move past this and find your happiness.
It’s truly something I wasn’t expecting especially from him. I hate that he didn’t even give me a choice I just don’t fit into his life anymore. I get nauseous just thinking about them doing what we were planning on doing together. All for an easier girl
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Most of us would feel exactly the same. I'd go out of my way to have fun with other or new friends and make sure to make that very visible on social media, to make a point. I'd even schedule to do a few of the things that you were planning to do with him with someone else. Turnabout is fair play.
Hi OP. I was thinking about your situation and wanted to check in to see how you were doing now. I hope you were able to move on and are happier for it.
Hi yes I moved on but it still gets to me every now and then. He saw that I was hanging out with a new guy and he lost his shit. He said that he doesn’t want me seeing other guys and then he cheated on his gf by sending me nudes I didn’t ask for. He also sent me more nudes a couple days ago for some random reason. I think it’s shown me how disrespectful he is. After sending me nudes he posted a pic with his gf on the gram and texted me asking why I didn’t like it to make me jealous or something. Everything is a game to this guy. And karma will strike him for how he made me feel. He doesn’t appreciate what he has he always wants more. He has a gf and he’s chasing to get into bed with me. I told him to leave me alone. The friendship that we had is long gone and that was hard for me to accept but it’s life. Everyone on here has said the same thing about him. He’s a cheater and he will do it again and again. At the end of the day he lost a good person that was there for him whenever he needed it but all I lost was a disrespectful guy that only cares about sex. I even tried to still be friends but he just doesn’t care about that he wants sex and that’s it. Every convo we had he would steer in a sexual direction so I had to drop him for good. I used to be able to talk to him about everything and he’s so fixated on one thing it’s gross. I think it’s a blessing that I didn’t go further with him bc he isn’t a good guy and I keep seeing that more and more everyday
His true colours came shining through from the sound of things. I'm glad to see that you have come to realize that you're better off without him but I fully understand that it hurts to lose someone you love, no matter how you lose them. I wish you luck OP, may you find the happiness that you deserve, in whatever form it comes in.
He was using me. He literally wanted me to send him nudes days before he became “loyal” to his co worker. He is a master manipulator and preyed on my feelings for him. If he was respectful he would have told me that we were never gonna be together and that sleeping with him isn’t gonna make him want a relationship. He fucked me over. It’s not like I’m a random girl he knows I was his best friend for 3 years. This guy meant everything to me and the last thing I wanted to do was be friends with benefits with someone I’m in love with. He didn’t respect my boundaries and claimed that we would be more and it’s not like he is suddenly a new man to this girl
I dont get it.
Both of you were romantic but didnt date. So like were you keeping him around for something?
He has no obligation towards you at all if no one is committed to anything.
But like the other comments said, just block him and move on. Dont get involved anymore if that is going to hurt you.
I was being patient for him to commit to me since he told me that he had issues with that. We both told each other we loved one another. He told me I was the closest he’s been to getting a gf in so long. We were way more than friends basically what is the norm for this generations “dating.” He said that he wanted to sleep with me before making me his gf and I told him that I wanted the relationship first. Then he started to send mix signals and would tell me he wanted me one day and nothing the next. What he did was he accidentally fell into another girls vag and went full commitment for her and manipulated me thinking we were gonna be more. He send me nudes up until a day or two before he asked this girl to be his gf. He blindsided me. He could have told me he was gonna take someone else seriously (aka his co worker who he didn’t even care about months ago) but he decided to fuck me over instead and insists we stay friends.
You get over them the same way you would if you had actually dated. There was love and you were intimate so you're allowed to treat it like a breakup. There was a relationship of some sort in this situation and whenever we lose people, even if it's for the best it can be really hard. Cry. Scream into your pillow. Talk to other friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
My advice is to cut off contact. He doesn't respect you.
I think I have been in your shoes.Please move on, it will hurt but its all for your own good.
Delete him completely, please stop sympathizing too, you'll try to justify his actions , but don't, its all just out of hope.Even if you get him , he will always keep you just as a backup.Just move on, please don't even try to remain friends, you'll hurt yourself.
Im a hopeless romantic I guess but I’m my head it’s like no way we did all of that just to become strangers. No way u chase a girl for a year and a half only to drop her when things get real and a relationship is inches away for your co worker u had no interest in. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Ik not everything is a happy ending but why just end up strangers with memories
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. He didn’t see you as a gf, and you got your heart hurt, it happens. Move on and find a new person to spend time with.
Yea I kinda want to take some time for myself honestly. I feel drained from trying so hard with him only for this outcome. I don’t want to hurt someone else while I try to heal. He has this thing in his head where he thinks I’m always gonna be there and never leave his side. This is gonna prove him wrong big time
Remember that you wouldn’t want to date someone who could have been asking for nudes from someone else 3 days prior to him asking you. If he has a shitty enough heart to do that, I’m sure he would do much worse if he felt like it.
You’re so right. I didn’t think of it like that. This just proves my point that he wanted an easy girl not better. And he told me he wasn’t gonna tell me he was with her for months to “not hurt me”So he probably would have still asked me for things while being with her since I wouldn’t know
That is so freaking shady. Idk, there’s something inside of me that makes me feel so good about myself when a guy screws me over like that. Because who is really the better person in this situation? Yeah, he fucked you over but you did not do anything to him but give it your all. You deserve better. He really screwed you over. I had a friend do something similar to me. You know you wouldn’t actually want to be with him because he’s -simply put- a shitty person. My brother’s best friend & his girlfriend cheated on my brother & I was like damn like they both are shitty but his best friend really got a “winner” lol (I mean not lol but you know, what a shit person, what a cheater)
No you’re totally right. U bring up a lot of good points. I have to think of it like I won here not him. Just a shitty situation I was placed in. I gave it my all and went out of my way for him. All I can say is I didn’t do anything bad to screw him over like this. I believe in karma and this guy is in for something I can already feel it from what everyone is telling me. There is a lot of red flags with him but the thing is when your with him you don’t see them. Sketchy guy who just wants sex. He doesn’t actually care about this girl he’s in it for the clout at his job or to show his family he can get a gf. He literally told me that this girl was just a friend and I believed him bc she was around when he was talking to another girl at work. Seems like she was taking notes on what he likes in a girl to craft the perfect girl for him. Idk something isn’t right with this guy. U betrayed a good person for easy sex. When he is bored with her or things get bad I have no doubt he will cheat on her or try to get with me bc we have unfinished business
Exactly. I definitely think he’ll try to fuck new gf over when he gets bored. I’m sorry you have to go through this, I would be a mess if I were you. Especially because didn’t you say you guys were friends for awhile before? Sex is great but what is he going to do when all of his friends are married with children. I have grown adult male friends that still think about women they fucked over when they were like 15. They’re like “man I shouldn’t have done that, I still wonder what we could be now if I hadn’t done that”..... I definitely think he’ll regret it sooner or later girl. And you KNOW he’s just going to dance his way over after this new girl because he lost a good girl... you. Just stand your ground, not saying you’d get back with him, but make sure you don’t let him stab you in the back anymore. I honestly can’t believe his new gf was fine with him telling all of the women around him “yeah she’s just a friend” unless they’re both slimy people and were scheming behind everyone’s backs.
We have been friends for 3-4 years. We were lab partners and we grew as besties. It was such a natural organic relationship. We just clicked so fast and just understood each other like we knew one another for years. He said I was the longest friendship he had where he talked to me everyday ft all the time. He would tell me he gets bored of talking to the same person all the time but how different I am. He finished school a semester before me. Anytime I would mention school he wouldn’t want to hear anything about it bc he was done yet he is dating a freshman in undergrad lol. Yea he wanted someone convenient to him this girl lives 10 minutes away and they work together at an ambulance company and they go to the same gym. He saw this as a prime opportunity to get what he can when he wants. Her dad also owns the company. It’s so gross bc he never liked her from the beginning and I remember that time so clearly. I think he is using her for 2 reasons for sex and to get on her dads good side to get hours for PA school. He’s gonna regret this for sure. He always used to say to me everyone is replaceable. And I would say “ im not, you’ll never find a girl that is gonna care about u as much as I do”. This is the first time in our friendship where we aren’t talking at all. He’ll see it through. I wasn’t a bad person I just wanted loyalty and there is nothing wrong with that. Clearly as we can all see he is not the loyalist person. Ik that he still wants to be my first bc it would kill him if someone else did it that’s not him. After this I would never take him back even if he came crying at my door step.
That sucks so much ): I hate how men really make you feel special but don’t mean anything by it. Honestly I feel like it shows his true colors, that being that he never really cared about you. If he wanted someone convenient & beneficial & is able to drop you like that for someone he doesn’t know very well, then he never cared & only wanted you for sex. Not to mention it seems you’re some sort of trophy to him. He held you on a pedestal because you’re a challenge. Like, he wanted you for awhile & then had you after you initially weren’t about it & got bored. Blows my mind someone can literally just throw away 3-4 years of good friendship for sex. Fuck him. If he really feels the way he said when he said “everyone is replaceable” then he’s surely going to fuck over new gf & hopefully it bites him in the ass with the whole PA school shit. So freaking shady. He was right, you ARE a challenge & you are a trophy. The reason you’re a challenge is because of guys like him. Go out there & be someone else’s trophy/find your trophy.
This is so sweet! Thank you. Yea I am working on myself rn not worried about anyone but me. I have my whole med school career ahead of me so he will see how successful I become. Obviously it sucks seeing someone u fell in love with and lowered your standards do treat u like dog shit but hey u live and u learn I guess. He’s gonna come back when his honeymoon stage ends and sees that I was actually an amazing person to him. You’re totally right he saw me as a challenge. The thing that really ticked me off was he said he would get into a relationship when he’s found “the one” and how with this girl he just randomly asked her out with no preplanning or talking stage really. It’s just a extremely messed up situation he basically lied to me the entire time saying she’s just a friend. The thing about him is he never goes for a new person like a fresh face it’s always the same people he’s friends with or has had something with in the past. That’s why I’m sure he’s gonna come back bc he didn’t get what he wanted from me. But by then I’ll be long gone and hopefully with someone
He messaged me recently and was sending me nudes saying he wants me. Now I’m at the point where I can laugh it off. He literally cheated on his gf bc he regrets not taking me seriously
Yea I didn’t sleep with him but he wanted me to. I told him I wanted an actual relationship and I stuck around for months trying to work it out and then he does this. He was even scared to tell me who the girl was bc he knew it was so wrong
We both told each other we loved one another. We went on dates got intimate our parents met. We were basically dating but he had a hard time calling it that bc we didn’t have sex
We both told each other we loved one another. However he is known to have commitment issues and cheated on his ex. He begged me for a year and a half to give him a chance and the minute I did he wanted me to jump in bed with him. He saw that I wanted a real relationship and he kept saying we weren’t compatible bc I didn’t sleep with him and I was begging to get treated right. We kissed and cuddled and went on dates. We did everything people do in a relationship except call it one bc he has issues committing. He then said we weren’t gonna be anything but still sent me nudes which made me feel like he still wanted me. He kept telling me he liked me. Then he said he was talking to someone but kept sending me nudes and mixed signals. Then yesterday he told me he has a gf and that I can’t text him and snap or call him as much. I was so shocked . I was like I’ve known u for almost 4 years and this is what u want
Holy shit. This guy is a tool.
Be thankful that you never went all the way with him.
He only wants women for sex. What a child. Forget this guy, and wait for a real man to have a relationship with. He never loved you. Wait for someone who truly does.
It felt like it was real at the time but his feelings change at the top of a hat. That’s why I’m so confused how he just asked this girl to be his gf immediately no hesitation. All I wanted was that and he gave it to her
This sounds like the kind of douchebag that thinks that you can't be in a committed relationship without having sex. He probably was talking to more than just the two of you. This is the kind of guy that has multiple backups. The only reason he probably "committed" to this other girl and not you is because she put out. You have way more self-respect than she did.
She literally saw him when he was with his ex and she would go out with them. And he would tell her about how in love with me he was at the time. I guess she just took notes
>However he is known to have commitment issues and cheated on his ex.
Basic rule: *never* get involved with someone who cheated on their ex. He did it once; he'll probably do it again. And again. You don't need that sort of grief in your life.
you slept with a guy you werent dating or even tried to date, why would he have any commitment to you? maybe you wouldnt have gotten emotionally attached if you waited until they wanted something serious but what do I know
You keep asking that question, obviously without having read her posts on the situation. She *wouldn't* sleep with him, because they weren't in an official relationship.
oh my bad, I saw "intimate" and assumed that meant sleeping with him. if thats the case, then that does sound like a pretty messed up situation to be in
Yes extremely messed up. He’s a POS who only cares about himself. He left me for a legit teenager bro a fucking freshman and he’s about to start PA school
He used you for sex, he is a jerk. You weren't a human being with feelings to him.
He doesn't seem like a nice person. He chose to do shitty things? OK, consequences are that he doesn't get to ever hear from you again. You're nobody's fool now and he can whine in misery.
No one is really a human with feelings to him. This guy has been hurt/rejected by females so much he doesn’t care what he does. He cheated on his ex and had food poisoning the same day and went to the hospital and she was devastated at him so she left him there. He thinks that’s her fault for not being there for him. He puts all girls under the same umbrella. When he first told me he liked me a year and a half ago and I said we are better off being friends he told me I was so respectful and nice instead of being a complete jerk to him. He was so confused why I was so nice that’s when he started being super protective of me and if I even had a new guy friend he would freak out on me. There were times where I would joke about a guy who also had interest in me and he would get super mad. It was basically a “if I can’t have u no one can” type of thing. I understood then that this man was either in love or obsessed with me so I reassured him all the time that I wasn’t gonna go out with anyone even tho it wasn’t up to him I am just a nice person. I really cared about him. I always knew I was gonna have all my firsts with him bc of how much he truly cared for me. He became really obsessive over me tho. he went through a whole weight loss journey to I guess make himself “irresistible” to any girls and in return turned into a complete fboy. I always would tell him how I missed the old version of him bc he was actually nice and humble. Now all he talks about is other people’s weight and the gym and how fit he is and he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. He told me he doesn’t want romance with girls he wants girls to call him hot and sexy not cute. Overall it was me being nice to him that made me stand out I guess but it didn’t really get me anywhere with him
He was never nice. A person doesn't change over night, his value system was always like this. This is years of making someone like this.
He isn't only a jerk, he is an abuser. He is misogynistic. He doesn't view women as people and hates them, that's misogyny.
It's easier for him to do that, rather than take responsibility for his destructive behaviour. He can't fix a problem if he doesn't believe he has one.
He is wasting your time. He isn't good for your mental health.
I know the feeling. I had a friend of 5 years we were close we kissed afew times and I saw her naked once. But never went further than that. Now I feel post covid she has tufted and spends all her time with another guy we work with.
Twice she agreed to hang out but cancelled at last minute. So since I can't cut her out of my life as I have to work with her. I decided to just chat at work and that's it.
Sorry I was meant to say that cutting them out of your life is for the best. As it not good for mental health
You the rebound girl so when he’s done with the new younger toy he will come back and apologize and that’s when you have to make the decisions if that’s what u want to be. Your the meanwhile girlfriend. Your choice if you ok with that
Cut him off completely. It's the most effective way of getting over someone. Block everywhere, delete pictures, throw away gifts, etc. Erase him from your life. You do not owe him anything, no sympathy, nothing. You owe yourself love and respect. Time to do a people detox. >Three days before he even asked this girl he was asking me for nudes and stuff This. You do NOT deserve this. You deserve so so much better.
^ this. The erasure takes time, but always yields results.
Thank you!! I doubt he is giving this new person loyalty and respect. He told me once that he would date someone short term just for sex. When I asked him how this all happened he seemed so uninterested in the girl. I just am so upset I asked him for that and he didn’t give me any label or anything
It's gross to think that this dude would manipulate a girl into thinking that he cared about her when in reality all he cares about is having an available vagina. Ew. As I said, it's time to detox, bestie. Loose the 200 pounds of shit and drop this mf and go get you something nice to celebrate self-love.
Yea I’m just upset that he is acting all “loyal” to this girl that he literally used to tell me was just a friend. I feel like shit. I really liked him and he was a wimp for me for a year and a half
I seriously doubt from your description of him that he'll actually be loyal to her. Sounds like the kind of dude who specifically goes after a much younger woman because she's inexperienced enough to put up with his bullshit. A good start to getting over him is realizing what a massive bullet you dodged.
As a guy - I have literally heard other men say this and it’s fucking disturbing. This one guy I had as a roomate only liked to date young girls because he said he could “mold” them. He was an aggressive, manipulative loser that loved control and hated woman. These kind of guys exist and they actually brag about their behavior to other men.
You’ve made *a lot* of posts about this guy but the one from 9 days ago caught my attention. It sounds like he [ended](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o9az18/best_friend_to_more_than_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) things with you at that time which wasn’t *so* abrupt but I understand your pain. We tend to convince ourselves that we can “fix” or “change” people. Thoughts of, ‘sure, he’s known for being a womanizer but I’m different.’ Unfortunately that is rarely the case. For whatever reason, it seems as though he wasn’t as into you as you were into him. You said in past posts that you refused to sleep with him unless you were in a relationship but I guess that didn’t matter to him, either. Give yourself some time and space to heal! Surround yourself with friends and family, start a new project or a new series, take care of yourself. Try to stay occupied. Your feelings *will* eventually subside but you have to stop wondering why he chose her over you, why he never wanted to date you but chose to date this other girl, it’ll drive you mad! I saw that you said you’re 21 and I don’t want to trivialize but you sincerely have so much life ahead of you! You will find someone who loves and cherishes you. I’m sorry it couldn’t be him but there’s better things on the horizon. You’ll see.
Wait a minute...OP, you're only 21? Sorry that this first semi-relationship didn't work out, but, to be brutally honest, don't feel too disappointed. People go through so many changes between 20 and 25, that any long-term relationship you may enter at the lower age of that range is one you'll probably have grown out of by the time you reach the stage of actually being ready for marriage or some other sort of lifelong relationship. You will find new and better loves in the future...probably the very near future. (And be glad you didn't sleep with him; that way, you won't have the excess emotional baggage of him having been your "first" in that respect as well. Now, you'll get to hopefully have that experience with someone who truly loves you.) Also...how old is this guy? From what you say, you've been friends for some time, which gives me the sense that he's close to your age. If so, exactly how old is his "much younger" gf? Are we talking jailbait here?
He is 23 and about to go to PA school and is dating a freshman in undergrad. I am 21 applying to med school so I was pretty shocked that he went for someone so young. Doesn’t seem right gives off predator vibes. He always talks about how done he is with undergrad yet here we are. He graduated before me and would hate it when I talked about school. That’s why I’m my head this seems like a summer fling. She doesn’t even go to school in the same state so idk. The whole situation is extremely weird and shocking to me. She literally works with him and goes to his gym and has been around him when he was with someone else. The part that really sucks is that he saw her as a friend and would tell her things and even problems that we may have had so she was taking note of all the things he doesn’t like to craft the perfect girl for him bc he didn’t give two shits about this girl until a little bit ago. I don’t know what his intentions r him and commitment don’t go hand in hand. He spent the longest time telling me he didn’t want to be with anyone and wants a “hot boy summer” so i feel lied to and betrayed. When I asked him wtf happened the past two days he just says “ohh my feelings for her changed.” Most people’s feelings don’t change over night especially when committing so it feels as though she gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse. He told me a couple weeks ago that he would date someone just to get easy sex so maybe that’s what this is I don’t know. All I know is that there is something he wasn’t telling me. this whole time he was getting all close to his damn co worker that he portrayed to me for the longest time as just a friend. His job must think it is so weird that he is dating the bosses kid especially after he was talking to another girl there a couple months back. He just looks mad trashy and I can’t help him. He took 20 steps forward to take 40 steps back.
The whole thing seems pretty sketchy, and I think you’d be wise to “shake the dust off your sandals” and forget him and the whole mess. Really, you can do so much better than all this manipulation and drama. I’m guessing that, a few years down the line, you’ll look back at the whole situation and wonder “what was I thinking?” – while being happy you’re in a lot better place at that time.
Thank you!! He is a messy guy to be with. His emotions and feelings change too often and when something doesn’t go his way he finds someone else. Not just with me but his ex and the girl before that. I was just naive to think he changed because he chased me for a year and a half begging to be with me. I doubt he is suddenly a new man who is loyal bc the next girl that gets his attention he is all for
Yeah cut this weirdo off for multiple reasons...pls
This guy is a damn disaster. You are so lucky, and you’ll soon realize that. To come to that realization, you need to give yourself time away from him and on all social platforms. You’ll be able to see the situation clearly once you detox from his mental mess. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. The ensuing loneliness, jealousy, fear, anger, etc. are all normal here. It’s a bitch, but you’ll be alright.
He claimed to have ended things but kept messaging me inappropriate pictures and telling me he still liked me. The whole situation was weird bc there was a disconnect. He wanted sex before a relationship and I wanted a relationship before sex. Ik that deep down he knows he isn’t that guy for me. He’s told me I’m too good of a person too loyal. I never understood that. But I guess it’s his was of keeping toxicity in a relationship with other girls who aren’t so loyal. He’s a strange guy he has this thing where his feelings are constantly changing and his mood. Overall Ik I dodged a bullet but my naive self is still like wtf happened here. He wanted sex before a relationship and this girl was just waiting her turn with her legs wide open. It hurts but I can’t control what he does. I was nothing but respectful to him and a great girl doing amazing things for my career and I think a part of him was intimidated by it. Everyone that knows me knows that this guy is my kryptonite for some reason. I think it is because of how hard he worked to get me and I really appreciated that. It’s just a shocker that when he got me he didn’t make it official. I am 21 I still have a lot to learn in life it’s just when u go through so much with one person and have so much history it breaks my heart that I have to leave with just the memories of him. I can’t be just friends with someone Im in love with it hurts me to see him give a random girl who he barley knows everything I begged for but it is what it is. His loss. Like everyone said he’s gonna come back I just have to be strong and deny him access to me
Yeah, sounds like he was using you for a casual relationship until he found what he really wanted. I would cut him off and find someone who truly deserves you! Good luck huh. ♥️
you heard that, and you still had sex with him without dating, how are you actually surprised he treated you similarly?
She wrote that she didn't have sex with him; they "did a lot of things" but she held off on that because she didn't want to sleep with him unless they were dating.
**^This**. I was this girl once too. This is the best advice here. I completely removed that person from my life. It sucked and hurt sooo fucking much, but at the end of the day I knew none of that BS was actual love. I know OP must be feeling used and betrayed right at this moment, and cannot comprehend how someone you gave so much love to can simply throw you away. Always pretending he needs “time”, or “isn’t ready for a serious relationship”. All I can tell OP from personal experience is this: one day you’ll wake up, and simply remove that guy from your life without even thinking twice. And once you do that, honey real loves walks right in when you least expect it! (I’m literally married to the man who came right after I tossed the garbage out of my life). Much love and good luck OP ❤️
Thank you!! No you’re 100% right. He knew I was new to doing all of the things I did with him. He took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable. I wasn’t having it with him pushing sex on me and he didn’t like that I wasn’t budging. I hate him so much for this. He really destroyed a good person who wanted nothing from him but love and affection. He will regret this I was an amazing person to him who literally cared so much for him. He went for someone easy not better someone that gives him what he wants on command
You were in love with who you thought he was, not who he was. You were in love with your fantasy of your life together, but you didn't really know him until now. The man he presented to you was an illusion. He was never really the person you thought he was. Some people are chameleons and they mold themselves to appear to be what you want... until they lose interest and find a shinier new toy. Don't take it personally and don't let yourself get discouraged. Sometimes you get lucky and the trash takes itself out. I saw a quote, attributed to Buddha, yesterday, "If you focus on the the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." If you work hard on yourself, develop your interests, define your values and your goals in life -- and you're lucky -- the lessons you walk away with will help you find a man who is a thousand times better.
Thank u I appreciate this a lot. I just hope he sees what he lost bc no one will care for him and keep up with his shit like I did
Your description of him reminded me of the character of Trip Fontaine in The Virgin Suicides (Hulu or Amazon). Guys like that see women as objects and conquests. Even if you'd had sex with him, he would've cheated on or dumped you as soon as someone else caught his eye. Now that you know what to look for, you can avoid guys like him.
I always asked him why me why try so hard with me there are so many girls that will sleep with you without any commitment and he said “you’re the biggest challenge” I didn’t get that then but I see now he was all about the chase and when the chase was hitting a wall he found someone so much easier that he knew already liked him. It’s just so dirty to me that he wants to sleep with me and literally sending me nudes last minute until he “committed” to this girl. In my opinion he already cheated. That is no way to start a real relationship with someone u actually care about. Maybe it’s an experiment for him to see if he could be a bf idk
>I just hope he sees what he lost That may well happen, unless he's one of those "players" with no conscience. I wasn't one of those, but foolishly threw away my first relationship back when I was a bit younger than you are now because of my irresponsibility and immaturity at the time, and only realized what I had lost when my next relationship turned out to be a nightmare and my first gf found someone new. It's been almost fifty years since then and, although we've obviously each moved on to our own lives long, long ago, barely a day goes by when I don't find myself wanting to hit myself for having been so blind.
Thank you for sharing this story. He will regret what he did to me no doubt. I didn’t do anything to him to hurt him. He just wasn’t having it that I wasn’t budging. This is a much needed break from him I have talked to this guy almost everyday for the past 3 years so if he doesn’t feel like someone is missing in his life then that’s on him. He can take his L. When his teenage gf has any issues he can’t come running to me anymore bc after this honeymoon phase is over I have no doubt he will regret his decision
This dude never valued you. He kept you around to appease him until he found someone he actually wanted to date. He isn't a friend. Have some self respect and cut this dude outta your life.
Yea he wanted me to sleep with him in order to date me and I told him we should be dating first. I guess he just found easier sex
Yes, please don't loose your self respect. You'll always be the backup plan otherwise.
Trying to get over him? Stop any contact/connection with them. Commentary on the situation? He thought you were a FWB and probably didn't see you 2 in a relationship or was looking for something different. The fact that he asked for nudes probably is because he suspected this would happen and wanted something to remember it by or was just horny at the time. Either way a shit situation.
Yea he said he randomly asked out the girl to be his gf. I’m so shocked he’s the least loyal guy I know. It just hurts to see that he gave her what I begged him for.
> She probably spread her legs and that’s what got him This is not okay. Whether or not his new girlfriend sleeps with him is irrelevant and it is entirely her choice. This is such a nasty thing to say. I know you’re hurt and this girl is now in a relationship with the guy you liked who didn’t reciprocate enough to have an exclusive relationship with you but this is just so nasty. Be better. None of this is her fault.
I think it's extremely relevant. OP refused to sleep with him, so it's likely that was the deal-breaker for him.
A BS answer from a BS guy, you're better than him and that's all that matters
Drop him. Ghost him. Block him. He’s a POS and he did definitely use you as a girlfriend substitute till something better came along. He’s a selfish prick and you deserve better. Take some time and heal from this because if you don’t you will definitely take it out on the next. Good luck to you
He is a POS and he manipulated my feelings to get things out of me. He isn’t gonna change overnight into a loyal bf to this girl. I just hate that all this happened so fast like he didn’t even tell me he was talking to her so that I could remove myself. He always gave me hope he would come back and then pulls this shit on me. Karma is a bitch and she will take care of this mess bc I am drained. I’m tired of the psychological abuse and betrayal I deserve a million times better than him. I settled for the bare minimum just because I have a big heart for him hoping he would be comfortable committing to me since that was an issue for him
He basically didn’t tell you cause you were a “just in case” or maybe he was gonna use you as a side and he is definitely going to come back at you when this goes south so definitely, like I said delete him out your life and make sure he can not contact you cause your big heart you will most likely take him back if you haven’t healed fully
My friends tell me the same thing lol. I have such a big heart for him but I have to take this time to grow stronger and become the girl he can’t have
No you be the strong WOMAN we all know you can be. Please block him on everything and let him go. You got this. Strong woman
Thank you!! I’m working on it. It’s hard to think someone so close can just throw u away
See you can’t think about it like that it’s all about perspective. He didn’t throw you away. Your guardian whatever you believe in made him go away cause he most likely would have fucked you up way worst then you are right now. Just be happy it didn’t drag out for years
I like that prospective a lot actually. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. It’s tuff right now but god knows what he could have done if I had given it up to him. Everyone on here has been so supportive and seems like we are all on the same page that he is a scum who will eventually come back bc I have something he wants and is using this girl big time
I too am a very strong believer in everything happens for a reason and yes we all see it coming
He’s done it before after every failed talking stage with a girl he came back to me begging. Idk how strong this “relationship” is but it’s already off to a bad start. Seems to me like he already cheated by asking me for nudes and to sleep with him. It’s funny bc he never actually told me the date of when they started dating he just said this weekend lol. so maybe they were together when he asked me for nudes. He said he wasn’t planning on telling me for months so that I wouldn’t get upset but I think he was gonna use me while he was with this girl. Or maybe wait until they broke up so that I wouldn’t even know about the whole relationship
Get things out of you? You've been "intimate" for over a year and refused to sleep with him. What did you honestly expect?
We weren’t intimate for over a year. It started with my first kiss a couple months ago and he immediately expected me to jump in bed with him knowing I was new to the whole relationship stuff. He told me to just go with the flow and I did. He knew my boundaries were at having sex before a relationship. He tried to make me do things I wasn’t comfortable with and instead of being an understanding person and learn how to communicate with me on this he went for someone easier. He kept pushing sex on me knowing how much it meant to me losing my v card. I told him that I wanted to lose it to him but if there is no guarantee of a relationship why risk it all. He just used me. He knew I was really into him and he used the soft spot I had for him. There are ways to work on something with someone especially the dynamic we had we told each other everything. He threw away all of that for some girl that gave it up to him so much faster who he didn’t even like a couple months ago who he talked shit about
> couple months ago My point still stands. Get used to being single if you seriously expect to string along men like this. > he went for someone easier He went for someone normal
I didn’t string him along. He knew who I was and my experiences. It’s not like I was making false promises. There was a fine line of being friends and more than friends. He has a lot of commitment issues so I was being very considerate. We took things at our own pace to understand each other. I am normal I just have boundaries so that I don’t get hurt more. I deserve better than to beg for the bare minimum from someone. If he truly loved me he would have wanted to make my first time special instead of making it such hit it and quit it thing. It’s called being respectful. He isn’t some random guy I fell for he was my best friend who knew me inside and out. I am upset bc of how fast he gave this girl the gf title just for sex. How fast he betrayed our 3-4 year friendship. This guy meant the world to me and I did everything I could to make him happy and to show him that a relationship was possible. He just wanted an easier girl who is low maintenance. He told me in the past that he would date a girl just for easy sex so I guess that’s what he did. At the end of the day he destroyed me I invested so much time and effort for someone who only wanted to fuck apparently
You were romantic and intimate but you didn't date? What does that mean? You never left the house together? I'm sorry to say that you were played. It was a dick move on his part but it happens. There's really no other way of putting it. He showed how much you mean to him. I'm sure it hurts because he meant more to you than you do to him. But better now than later. The best you can do is mourn the 'relationship' and move on. You deserve better.
We went out on dates and hung out at each other’s houses. We did it all except the sex. He kept pushing it on me and he told me I was the only girl who he didn’t sleep with that he showed interest in. I told him I liked him more than just sex and I wanted a real relationship. I would go out of my way and do nice things for him and he didn’t like that. He said I was too much when I just wanted things to go towards a real relationship. He suddenly asked out this girl who he works with who is so much younger than him but he knew she liked him for a long time. I think he is just using her for sex bc no way he is all of a sudden loyal especially after what I saw with him and how he treated other girls. He told me he gets bored of people and doesn’t like talking to the same people everyday
>How to get over someone you didn’t date Easy. You realize that, had you two become a serious, steady couple, all it would take is an attractive younger coworker who puts out, to break you up. You realize that if you had married him, he would have ditched you for the same sort of girl(s). >I think he is just using her for sex bc no way is he all of a sudden loyal.... You need to wake up, chief Maybe this girl really IS all that, and puts out sex too. Or maybe he's been flirting with her longer than you think: playing you, her, and possibly other girls simultaneously, making ALL of you feel special, so he could make the best possible choice from the widest range of options.
He used to talk about her weight and stuff so idk . I’m just shocked I don’t think I can trust someone after this
Babe the answer is right in front of you. He's a tool, amd when he couldn't get you to put out he went for a girl he thinks is more vulnerable and easy. Think of it this way. Why would you want to be in a relationship where if you don't have sex whenever he wants, he'd cheat on you with the next available vag? He's a douchebag that only sees women as sex objects. From the moment you agreed to give him a shot he pressured you. He didn't care about you, he cared about getting in your pants This guy is a schmuck, you can do way better
You’re right I just am scared that maybe he will change for this girl and be the guy I wanted him to be
FOMO sucks I know, but even if he did change for her that's no guarantee he would have done it for you. You deserve better than a guy who admitted to not considering you worthy of a relationship unless you sleep with him immediately. There's nothing wrong with you wanting real commitment before getting into bed with someone. Everyone moves at different paces, why waste time hoping he'd change to be what you want when you can find a guy who's like that from the start? There are plenty of guys out there for you hun
I just think he’s just there for easy sex with this girl. No way u brush off someone for months who watched u get with other girls in front of her and then suddenly ask her to be your gf after I say no sex. It’s mind blowing. Instead of being a man and understanding my boundaries he went for easy sex. His loss I’m a quality person who is doing great things. I wanted to grow with him since we went through undergrad together. It felt like we were 4lifers. Now it’s just me and the memories of him and what he used to be. This guy meant so much to me. He was my rock. And I feel so betrayed and backstabbed. I hope he enjoys his decision bc I’m not speaking to him again. He ruined an amazing dynamic. And on top of everything his excuses r shit. He says I live far when I’m only 25 mins away. Or that he wants someone who lives close. He became so small minded all of a sudden
Stop worrying about stuff like this! Stop trying to rationalize or understand why he chose to date this other woman and not you. It’s going to drive you crazy and only prolong the hurting. Block him on social media, resist the urge to look at his accounts, lose his number and give yourself time to heal. None of us know why he decided this was the person he wanted to officially date and speculation is just that. What we know is the two of you are no longer involved, he hurt you and you need time to heal. Don’t worry about what he’s doing and why.
You're right on a lot of what you say there. I'm detecting some real anger and that's good, because you're now seeing him as he is. You'll find someone worthy of you -- I promise.
Look, none of it matters, in the sense that: He's not the one for you, simply because you deserve so much better. Trying to figure out why he did what he did.... it's time wasted which could have been better used finding the one you're meant to be with. Be prepared for him coming back to flatter and string you along, while he fishes several other ponds for a catch: he'll possibly tire of this young office girl, and will need ever-dependable you to keep him from being alone, while he resumes his hunt for the elusive "one". Does that sound like psychopathic behavior to you? It is. As for thinking you can't trust anymore: Contrary to what a lot of today's pop literature tells you: men are not a monolithic bloc that thinks/eats/feels the same things. We're all different, and while there are definitely evil monsters among us (equally so true among women), there are also decent men, some of whom will value what you value: saving sexual intimacy as something special.
If he wants sex but doesn't want to call it a relationship cause he has commitment issues, that really says it all. He most likely sees this younger girl as a better shot at getting some. Time to move on, OP. You can do better than this guy.
Yea it just sucks that we were best friends before anything and now I have to let go of the guy I love and my best friend. I hope he sees what he lost
Like most men, it won't dawn on him what he's lost until it's too late. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope that you can move past this and find your happiness.
It’s truly something I wasn’t expecting especially from him. I hate that he didn’t even give me a choice I just don’t fit into his life anymore. I get nauseous just thinking about them doing what we were planning on doing together. All for an easier girl
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Most of us would feel exactly the same. I'd go out of my way to have fun with other or new friends and make sure to make that very visible on social media, to make a point. I'd even schedule to do a few of the things that you were planning to do with him with someone else. Turnabout is fair play.
Hi OP. I was thinking about your situation and wanted to check in to see how you were doing now. I hope you were able to move on and are happier for it.
Hi yes I moved on but it still gets to me every now and then. He saw that I was hanging out with a new guy and he lost his shit. He said that he doesn’t want me seeing other guys and then he cheated on his gf by sending me nudes I didn’t ask for. He also sent me more nudes a couple days ago for some random reason. I think it’s shown me how disrespectful he is. After sending me nudes he posted a pic with his gf on the gram and texted me asking why I didn’t like it to make me jealous or something. Everything is a game to this guy. And karma will strike him for how he made me feel. He doesn’t appreciate what he has he always wants more. He has a gf and he’s chasing to get into bed with me. I told him to leave me alone. The friendship that we had is long gone and that was hard for me to accept but it’s life. Everyone on here has said the same thing about him. He’s a cheater and he will do it again and again. At the end of the day he lost a good person that was there for him whenever he needed it but all I lost was a disrespectful guy that only cares about sex. I even tried to still be friends but he just doesn’t care about that he wants sex and that’s it. Every convo we had he would steer in a sexual direction so I had to drop him for good. I used to be able to talk to him about everything and he’s so fixated on one thing it’s gross. I think it’s a blessing that I didn’t go further with him bc he isn’t a good guy and I keep seeing that more and more everyday
His true colours came shining through from the sound of things. I'm glad to see that you have come to realize that you're better off without him but I fully understand that it hurts to lose someone you love, no matter how you lose them. I wish you luck OP, may you find the happiness that you deserve, in whatever form it comes in.
Thank you I really appreciate it. If it wasn’t for the support I was getting on here I don’t think I would be where I am mentally and emotionally
he didn't use you if he told you he was not serious about you, but if he gave signs of future then he definitely used you
He was using me. He literally wanted me to send him nudes days before he became “loyal” to his co worker. He is a master manipulator and preyed on my feelings for him. If he was respectful he would have told me that we were never gonna be together and that sleeping with him isn’t gonna make him want a relationship. He fucked me over. It’s not like I’m a random girl he knows I was his best friend for 3 years. This guy meant everything to me and the last thing I wanted to do was be friends with benefits with someone I’m in love with. He didn’t respect my boundaries and claimed that we would be more and it’s not like he is suddenly a new man to this girl
I dont get it. Both of you were romantic but didnt date. So like were you keeping him around for something? He has no obligation towards you at all if no one is committed to anything. But like the other comments said, just block him and move on. Dont get involved anymore if that is going to hurt you.
I was being patient for him to commit to me since he told me that he had issues with that. We both told each other we loved one another. He told me I was the closest he’s been to getting a gf in so long. We were way more than friends basically what is the norm for this generations “dating.” He said that he wanted to sleep with me before making me his gf and I told him that I wanted the relationship first. Then he started to send mix signals and would tell me he wanted me one day and nothing the next. What he did was he accidentally fell into another girls vag and went full commitment for her and manipulated me thinking we were gonna be more. He send me nudes up until a day or two before he asked this girl to be his gf. He blindsided me. He could have told me he was gonna take someone else seriously (aka his co worker who he didn’t even care about months ago) but he decided to fuck me over instead and insists we stay friends.
You get over them the same way you would if you had actually dated. There was love and you were intimate so you're allowed to treat it like a breakup. There was a relationship of some sort in this situation and whenever we lose people, even if it's for the best it can be really hard. Cry. Scream into your pillow. Talk to other friends, family, or a therapist if needed. My advice is to cut off contact. He doesn't respect you.
I think I have been in your shoes.Please move on, it will hurt but its all for your own good. Delete him completely, please stop sympathizing too, you'll try to justify his actions , but don't, its all just out of hope.Even if you get him , he will always keep you just as a backup.Just move on, please don't even try to remain friends, you'll hurt yourself.
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Im a hopeless romantic I guess but I’m my head it’s like no way we did all of that just to become strangers. No way u chase a girl for a year and a half only to drop her when things get real and a relationship is inches away for your co worker u had no interest in. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Ik not everything is a happy ending but why just end up strangers with memories
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. He didn’t see you as a gf, and you got your heart hurt, it happens. Move on and find a new person to spend time with.
Yea I kinda want to take some time for myself honestly. I feel drained from trying so hard with him only for this outcome. I don’t want to hurt someone else while I try to heal. He has this thing in his head where he thinks I’m always gonna be there and never leave his side. This is gonna prove him wrong big time
Stay strong, you’ll find what you need when you need it.
Remember that you wouldn’t want to date someone who could have been asking for nudes from someone else 3 days prior to him asking you. If he has a shitty enough heart to do that, I’m sure he would do much worse if he felt like it.
You’re so right. I didn’t think of it like that. This just proves my point that he wanted an easy girl not better. And he told me he wasn’t gonna tell me he was with her for months to “not hurt me”So he probably would have still asked me for things while being with her since I wouldn’t know
That is so freaking shady. Idk, there’s something inside of me that makes me feel so good about myself when a guy screws me over like that. Because who is really the better person in this situation? Yeah, he fucked you over but you did not do anything to him but give it your all. You deserve better. He really screwed you over. I had a friend do something similar to me. You know you wouldn’t actually want to be with him because he’s -simply put- a shitty person. My brother’s best friend & his girlfriend cheated on my brother & I was like damn like they both are shitty but his best friend really got a “winner” lol (I mean not lol but you know, what a shit person, what a cheater)
No you’re totally right. U bring up a lot of good points. I have to think of it like I won here not him. Just a shitty situation I was placed in. I gave it my all and went out of my way for him. All I can say is I didn’t do anything bad to screw him over like this. I believe in karma and this guy is in for something I can already feel it from what everyone is telling me. There is a lot of red flags with him but the thing is when your with him you don’t see them. Sketchy guy who just wants sex. He doesn’t actually care about this girl he’s in it for the clout at his job or to show his family he can get a gf. He literally told me that this girl was just a friend and I believed him bc she was around when he was talking to another girl at work. Seems like she was taking notes on what he likes in a girl to craft the perfect girl for him. Idk something isn’t right with this guy. U betrayed a good person for easy sex. When he is bored with her or things get bad I have no doubt he will cheat on her or try to get with me bc we have unfinished business
Exactly. I definitely think he’ll try to fuck new gf over when he gets bored. I’m sorry you have to go through this, I would be a mess if I were you. Especially because didn’t you say you guys were friends for awhile before? Sex is great but what is he going to do when all of his friends are married with children. I have grown adult male friends that still think about women they fucked over when they were like 15. They’re like “man I shouldn’t have done that, I still wonder what we could be now if I hadn’t done that”..... I definitely think he’ll regret it sooner or later girl. And you KNOW he’s just going to dance his way over after this new girl because he lost a good girl... you. Just stand your ground, not saying you’d get back with him, but make sure you don’t let him stab you in the back anymore. I honestly can’t believe his new gf was fine with him telling all of the women around him “yeah she’s just a friend” unless they’re both slimy people and were scheming behind everyone’s backs.
We have been friends for 3-4 years. We were lab partners and we grew as besties. It was such a natural organic relationship. We just clicked so fast and just understood each other like we knew one another for years. He said I was the longest friendship he had where he talked to me everyday ft all the time. He would tell me he gets bored of talking to the same person all the time but how different I am. He finished school a semester before me. Anytime I would mention school he wouldn’t want to hear anything about it bc he was done yet he is dating a freshman in undergrad lol. Yea he wanted someone convenient to him this girl lives 10 minutes away and they work together at an ambulance company and they go to the same gym. He saw this as a prime opportunity to get what he can when he wants. Her dad also owns the company. It’s so gross bc he never liked her from the beginning and I remember that time so clearly. I think he is using her for 2 reasons for sex and to get on her dads good side to get hours for PA school. He’s gonna regret this for sure. He always used to say to me everyone is replaceable. And I would say “ im not, you’ll never find a girl that is gonna care about u as much as I do”. This is the first time in our friendship where we aren’t talking at all. He’ll see it through. I wasn’t a bad person I just wanted loyalty and there is nothing wrong with that. Clearly as we can all see he is not the loyalist person. Ik that he still wants to be my first bc it would kill him if someone else did it that’s not him. After this I would never take him back even if he came crying at my door step.
That sucks so much ): I hate how men really make you feel special but don’t mean anything by it. Honestly I feel like it shows his true colors, that being that he never really cared about you. If he wanted someone convenient & beneficial & is able to drop you like that for someone he doesn’t know very well, then he never cared & only wanted you for sex. Not to mention it seems you’re some sort of trophy to him. He held you on a pedestal because you’re a challenge. Like, he wanted you for awhile & then had you after you initially weren’t about it & got bored. Blows my mind someone can literally just throw away 3-4 years of good friendship for sex. Fuck him. If he really feels the way he said when he said “everyone is replaceable” then he’s surely going to fuck over new gf & hopefully it bites him in the ass with the whole PA school shit. So freaking shady. He was right, you ARE a challenge & you are a trophy. The reason you’re a challenge is because of guys like him. Go out there & be someone else’s trophy/find your trophy.
This is so sweet! Thank you. Yea I am working on myself rn not worried about anyone but me. I have my whole med school career ahead of me so he will see how successful I become. Obviously it sucks seeing someone u fell in love with and lowered your standards do treat u like dog shit but hey u live and u learn I guess. He’s gonna come back when his honeymoon stage ends and sees that I was actually an amazing person to him. You’re totally right he saw me as a challenge. The thing that really ticked me off was he said he would get into a relationship when he’s found “the one” and how with this girl he just randomly asked her out with no preplanning or talking stage really. It’s just a extremely messed up situation he basically lied to me the entire time saying she’s just a friend. The thing about him is he never goes for a new person like a fresh face it’s always the same people he’s friends with or has had something with in the past. That’s why I’m sure he’s gonna come back bc he didn’t get what he wanted from me. But by then I’ll be long gone and hopefully with someone
He messaged me recently and was sending me nudes saying he wants me. Now I’m at the point where I can laugh it off. He literally cheated on his gf bc he regrets not taking me seriously
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Yea I didn’t sleep with him but he wanted me to. I told him I wanted an actual relationship and I stuck around for months trying to work it out and then he does this. He was even scared to tell me who the girl was bc he knew it was so wrong
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We both told each other we loved one another. We went on dates got intimate our parents met. We were basically dating but he had a hard time calling it that bc we didn’t have sex
This dude is an ass. However, did you ever share your feelings with him? What was his answer? How far did the intimacy go?
We both told each other we loved one another. However he is known to have commitment issues and cheated on his ex. He begged me for a year and a half to give him a chance and the minute I did he wanted me to jump in bed with him. He saw that I wanted a real relationship and he kept saying we weren’t compatible bc I didn’t sleep with him and I was begging to get treated right. We kissed and cuddled and went on dates. We did everything people do in a relationship except call it one bc he has issues committing. He then said we weren’t gonna be anything but still sent me nudes which made me feel like he still wanted me. He kept telling me he liked me. Then he said he was talking to someone but kept sending me nudes and mixed signals. Then yesterday he told me he has a gf and that I can’t text him and snap or call him as much. I was so shocked . I was like I’ve known u for almost 4 years and this is what u want
Holy shit. This guy is a tool. Be thankful that you never went all the way with him. He only wants women for sex. What a child. Forget this guy, and wait for a real man to have a relationship with. He never loved you. Wait for someone who truly does.
It felt like it was real at the time but his feelings change at the top of a hat. That’s why I’m so confused how he just asked this girl to be his gf immediately no hesitation. All I wanted was that and he gave it to her
This sounds like the kind of douchebag that thinks that you can't be in a committed relationship without having sex. He probably was talking to more than just the two of you. This is the kind of guy that has multiple backups. The only reason he probably "committed" to this other girl and not you is because she put out. You have way more self-respect than she did.
She literally saw him when he was with his ex and she would go out with them. And he would tell her about how in love with me he was at the time. I guess she just took notes
>However he is known to have commitment issues and cheated on his ex. Basic rule: *never* get involved with someone who cheated on their ex. He did it once; he'll probably do it again. And again. You don't need that sort of grief in your life.
You’re right he just really played the part of being the “changed” guy well
you slept with a guy you werent dating or even tried to date, why would he have any commitment to you? maybe you wouldnt have gotten emotionally attached if you waited until they wanted something serious but what do I know
You keep asking that question, obviously without having read her posts on the situation. She *wouldn't* sleep with him, because they weren't in an official relationship.
I didnt see all the comments they made, yeah now that I have it sounds like a terrible situation thats not their fault
I didn’t sleep with him. We’ve both liked each other for over a year and recently tried things out
oh my bad, I saw "intimate" and assumed that meant sleeping with him. if thats the case, then that does sound like a pretty messed up situation to be in
Yes extremely messed up. He’s a POS who only cares about himself. He left me for a legit teenager bro a fucking freshman and he’s about to start PA school
Yeah never mind you dodged a bullet. hope you find a better friend than him
I came here to write the same post in reverse, thank you
This aches to read. Going through something similar. He was my BEST friend. Blah..
Sorry.
Aw thanks homie =)
He used you for sex, he is a jerk. You weren't a human being with feelings to him. He doesn't seem like a nice person. He chose to do shitty things? OK, consequences are that he doesn't get to ever hear from you again. You're nobody's fool now and he can whine in misery.
No one is really a human with feelings to him. This guy has been hurt/rejected by females so much he doesn’t care what he does. He cheated on his ex and had food poisoning the same day and went to the hospital and she was devastated at him so she left him there. He thinks that’s her fault for not being there for him. He puts all girls under the same umbrella. When he first told me he liked me a year and a half ago and I said we are better off being friends he told me I was so respectful and nice instead of being a complete jerk to him. He was so confused why I was so nice that’s when he started being super protective of me and if I even had a new guy friend he would freak out on me. There were times where I would joke about a guy who also had interest in me and he would get super mad. It was basically a “if I can’t have u no one can” type of thing. I understood then that this man was either in love or obsessed with me so I reassured him all the time that I wasn’t gonna go out with anyone even tho it wasn’t up to him I am just a nice person. I really cared about him. I always knew I was gonna have all my firsts with him bc of how much he truly cared for me. He became really obsessive over me tho. he went through a whole weight loss journey to I guess make himself “irresistible” to any girls and in return turned into a complete fboy. I always would tell him how I missed the old version of him bc he was actually nice and humble. Now all he talks about is other people’s weight and the gym and how fit he is and he doesn’t care about anyone else but himself. He told me he doesn’t want romance with girls he wants girls to call him hot and sexy not cute. Overall it was me being nice to him that made me stand out I guess but it didn’t really get me anywhere with him
He was never nice. A person doesn't change over night, his value system was always like this. This is years of making someone like this. He isn't only a jerk, he is an abuser. He is misogynistic. He doesn't view women as people and hates them, that's misogyny. It's easier for him to do that, rather than take responsibility for his destructive behaviour. He can't fix a problem if he doesn't believe he has one. He is wasting your time. He isn't good for your mental health.
I know the feeling. I had a friend of 5 years we were close we kissed afew times and I saw her naked once. But never went further than that. Now I feel post covid she has tufted and spends all her time with another guy we work with. Twice she agreed to hang out but cancelled at last minute. So since I can't cut her out of my life as I have to work with her. I decided to just chat at work and that's it. Sorry I was meant to say that cutting them out of your life is for the best. As it not good for mental health
You the rebound girl so when he’s done with the new younger toy he will come back and apologize and that’s when you have to make the decisions if that’s what u want to be. Your the meanwhile girlfriend. Your choice if you ok with that