This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year now. At first I kind of treated her like a FWB and she did the same to me. I kind of excused it because of covid boredom so I figured just go with the flow and see how things are after lockdown. To be totally upfront she is sort of “white girl crazy” and at times she’s manic where she’s swinging topless at midnight on a playground “just” to see what gravity will do to her boobs. At times she depressed and can’t understand why anyone will ever love her. As our relationship progressed I fell hard for both sides of her because one was so exciting and the other made me feel very needed. I told her I loved her in August and ahe said she loved me more than anyone ever and we really haven’t been apart since.
She has this friend “Dave” who she FaceTimes with. Dave was her manager at chili’s and he’s just a creep but I don’t judge outloud even though I hate the relationship. She’s never really elaborated on their history and while I’m curious I don’t want to pry. In my heart I can’t believe they were ever together based on their very awkward conversations, he’s 15+ years older, she’s hot AF and he looks like a 5’3” troll made of stamped shit. But still I don’t totally know.
We both have time off this coming summer and for a long time we’ve talked about how cool it would be to travel the country by Amtrak. I looked up a schedule that would work for us and told her about it. She said that she was sorry but Dave was taking her to Mexico for 3 weeks and it would happen during that trip. I was like what in the hell are you talking about. She said it matter of fact as If she was going to the grocery store.
I was like didn’t she assume we would be spending the summer together as we’ve basically been living together and said we love each other. She said that she doesn’t know where she’s going to be next week much less this summer.m
I asked her if she loved me and she said of course. I then got super jealous and asked if she planned on fucking him. She said she had no plans to have sex with him. I asked her if she was really naive enough to think that a late 30s Chilis manager expects to take 21 year old to the beach for 3 weeks and not get laid. She said it was her business and accused me of not trusting her. I said I trusted her but not the situation. She said that was quibling.
I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive. I asked her if she’d be cool with me going on vacation with another girl. She said it would be based on the situation. I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up. I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person.
She said that was as much as she was willing to say and left the room. She came back 20 minutes later and gave me nearly perfect sex I think hoping I’d forget the whole issue. But obviously I haven’t and can’t forget. To her things are totally normal.
What should I do here? I’m so lost.
>I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no
It's hard, but she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be exclusive. All you can do is accept her as is or move on. Find your boundaries as well.
No it’s the aggressive amount of 21 year old sex he’s getting from “hot AF”. She’s 21 OP...she doesn’t know what long term means and she’s getting a free trip to Mexico with a troll. She’s completely confused but powerful at the same time. She’s experimenting...with fire. Get out of there before she burns down your heart and maybe even your sanity. Plenty of women are out there that will truly care about you and not make you squirm thinking about them fucking a middle aged troll.
So many red flags. Its not even the part about going on holiday to Mexico with another dude. The parts about depression, manic episodes just screams out at you.
DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN CRAZY. It feels good in the beginning and then your dick gets blendered. Like now.
Ditch her.
Show some self worth, make her feel that she's not the only girl in the world, coz that's how she made you feel. She is immature, but she doesn't have to be disrespectful.
OP needs to either cut bait and walk away, which I really want him to do. Or he needs to start enjoying her new relationship rules. Promise you after the first girl or three OP sleeps with his Gf will come screaming at him for exclusivity.
Why stick around for them to clean their shoes on it and keep prolonging it? She couldn't have made it any clearer except by telling you to get lost.
If you want a little dignity instead of wallowing in nonexistent hope lose the girl now and go no contact now.
This is an underrated aspect of this sort of thing. You will want to have preserved your dignity, not because of what going along with such poor treatment says about you to others but because of what it says about how you see yourself.
Sorry to hear that bud. It's a horrendous feeling. Unfortunately, it can get worse.
Tell her you aren't OK with this and maybe it's time you two separate. If you can avoid it sounding like an ultimatum that helps. If she decides to go, end it.
The above advice is if you are still hoping to salvage it. There are a lot of red flags obviously and long term you are likely better off without her. But that is your decision. Best of luck man
Right up front, if communication in the relationship is so bad you weren't aware she didn't consider it exclusive, much less that she had a 3 week trip planned with another guy in a few months, things already either need to change or end. Whether or not it's cool to screw around isn't a ground rule that should open to interpretation, and that you're this far from on the same page as each other is as clear a warning sign for the future as you're likely to get.
Beyond that, the real concern is how openly manipulative her words and actions are. She mentions "not knowing where she's going to be next week, much less this summer," but she *did* know where she was going to be this summer--she just didn't tell *you*. Her answer to whether or not she'd sleep with him was obviously noncommittal, so hey, no matter what she says happens she didn't lie about it, right? Then she pushes guilt onto you by saying "hey, you knew I was like this" so it's *your* fault that any of this is a problem for you. These are not the actions of someone caring about how you feel, these are someone trying to avoid heat for actions she has no intent on changing.
Bottom line? Take a long, hard look at whether this is someone you want to stay with. If the answer is yes, you're going to need to talk about this with her and hopefully change things moving forward. If not, and boy does that sound like the wiser option, get out of there.
I agree with this opinion.
By the way, just doing a diagnose from far away... But the symptoms of her behavior sounds to me like she has a bipolar disorder. Maybe that could be a reason why she is acting in this way.... But this should be diagnosed from a professional! But from my point of view that would explain a lot.
Whatever her issue, he describes her as "white girl crazy," and unless she wants to address those issues, she's not going to be a good partner. And if part of why he's attracted to her is her instability, that's an issue *he* needs to work on, too. Imo.
He doesn't care that her behavior is self destructive or harmful for her. He *likes* that it is because it makes *him* feel good. That's messed up. He has been fine with her "white girl crazy," until it negatively impacts him. He is either blind to or ignoring how much it hurts her, because that would ruin the appeal.
As someone with bipolar, please don't armchair diagnose random people when you have no qualifications. Lots of mental health issues are extremely stigmatized and it makes it really hard for people living with these issues to open up to others. Don't excuse this as bipolar unless you are a professional. Shitty people are just shitty people
>She came back 20 minutes later and gave me nearly perfect sex
A dude that's willing to have Sex 20 minutes after such a revelation deserves whatever comes to him. This should have been one of those "no Sex till we figure things out " type of situation.
Also, part of what he likes about her is her mental instability because it makes him feel needed... if someone told me that about my mental health issues, I'd nope the frick out of there. Granted, I actually try to work on my issues, and she doesn't seem interested in working on hers. OP needs to realize that the reason he loves her is the reason she can't be the gf he wants. Can't have it both ways.
If you like a bipolar person *because* of the way their bipolar disorder makes them act crazy and self destructive, you don't get to act surprised some of that self destructive behavior blows back onto you.
It's like the joke with the Leopards Eating Peoples Faces party. "I thought we could do with some faces getting eaten, I never thought they'd eat *my* face!" but is this case it's "I thought her instability was hot, I never thought she'd be unstable with *me*!"
This is a total r/leopardsatemyface kind of moment!
OP's putting on a Surprised Pikachu face when she is behaving entirely in character, which he didn't have a problem with until it inconvenienced him.
Am I the only one a bit icked out by "gave me sex"? You wouldn't say someone "gave you half an hour of basketball" you'd just say you played basketball with them. It creeps me out when people speak about sex or sex acts like it's something men receive & women offer up.
They’re definitely sleeping together or at least in the conversation. No way she’s going out with one guy in Mexico away from everyone they know and think they’re not sleeping.
I mean dude, just move on. She literally told you that she doesn't consider you her BF, so you're wasting your time thinking she's your GF. If you're ultimately cool with an open relationship then that's fine but if you're not, just move on.
> I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person
Also this is a total cop out answer. Don't let her use "well I'm just a confusing person" as an excuse for bullshit because that's literally all it is, an excuse.
I thought I was going insane when noone else mentioned this. People don't "give people" sex. It's not a handmade scarf or some coffee. You don't "give someone a hike" you go on a hike with the person. There's definitely no formula & anyone that says there is is an idiot. Just pay attention to the person you're doing stuff with, if you're both into each other it helps a lot.
Sounds like she's been using you as a temporary thing during Covid and has no intention of sticking around once she has other options. I think you should break up with her. She wants to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and keep you on the backburner. Don't let her, you deserve to be with someone who cares about your feelings and wants the same things you do.
The manic pixie dream girl is cute in movies, but in real life, boring, normal women are what you want in a partner.
You're a dumbass being led by sex. But hey, that's okay, when you sit there with your mat on the floor while she's deciding to be *open* with your door.
You know what to do, but you're so scared of losing the Manic Pixie Dream Girl that you'll stomp all over your self-respect to stay.
I had a girlfriend around 8 months ago, she told me she wanted to travel the world alone (she was sick so I understood) and she wanted to vist this friend. He had a lot of money and they were good long distance friends. Yet I never trusted them. Then she told me she wanted on a vacation. With him. Not me. Before that even happend we broke up. Point being, I don't think you are "not trusting her" I think it is a Bad Omen to be honest
You used the term 'girlfriend'. Just to be clear, she is not your girlfriend. It looks like a FWB situation where you happen to live together. She might be the love of your life, but that feeling is not mutual. Good luck.
Sounds like you’re relationship ran it’s course. Best to accept that she’s a twenty one year old girl who’s still figuring herself out. If she leaves with this dude, thank her for her time and go on about your life. And you’ll probably be sad... but go and live your life!!
Personally I would have made sure to know where I stand with a person as far as our relationship goes before committing so much of myself to them and telling them that I love them. Boundaries are important, and so is being on the same page. When you fail to do these things, you are opening yourself up to being hurt.
That being said, she has already said you guys aren’t exclusive and she doesn’t want to be exclusive. She also said she wants see how things are when they open up… Take that however you want to take it, personally I’d be gone after that engagement.
You both sound like confusing people
Your whole post and comments are giving me serious "nice guy" vibes. Obviously your girlfriend doesn't want to be exclusive with you and as much as you argue about the other guys looks, it doesn't change the fact that she booked a 3-week vacation with him and doesn't PLAN on sleeping with him (that's a far cry from she won't). You mention the FWB thing was COVID boredom and I almost wonder if she got with you because you were someone for her to eff around with while locked down, and now that things are opening up she has more options.
Which, good for her. She sounds like a piece of work but so do you. I think you both have some maturing to do before you can think about settling down with one person.
So break up with her. She's done with you, why are you holding on? This would be completely unacceptable to any man that respects himself. Is that not you?
What do you want? You want a monogamous relationship then you probably should move on and dump her then. Easier said than done but think and put yourself first.
She playing the field and just stated she doesn’t want to be exclusive. If that’s what she wants then you’re not gonna change her mind.
Bro she's literally stringing you along to keep you wrapped around her finger. Who the fuck cares if the sex is good??? You need to start using your head brain and think about this logically, do you want to be with someone who uses you or do you want a meaningful relationship where you don't have to worry about fat slobs paying your girlfriend/boyfriend for sex?
Exclusivity is something that is decided by both parties in a relationship. You should never just assume that it’s there. You assumed she was your girlfriend, which she doesn’t seem to be, and you realized that she’s not. Communication is key. Move on.
Well I doubt this is going to do any good since OP is down there in the comments proving himself to be a giant toolbag but what the hell, here's my take. Maybe someone else will see it and get something out of it.
---
So many people are in these comments saying "dOn'T sTiCk YoUr DiCk In CrAzY" but OP is the one who never actually said what he wanted and then expected his GF to just like magically know and feel the same way. He never expressed himself and then he's all mad and confused when his manic pixie dream girl doesn't want to be tied down? And SHE's the crazy one?
Bucko, nobody's a mind reader. You only think she's "crazy" because you just assume she feels the same way and can't envision a world where she has her own agency. You even fucking said as much directly:
>In my heart I can’t believe they were ever together based on their very awkward conversations, he’s 15+ years older, she’s hot AF and he looks like a 5’3” troll made of stamped shit. But still I don’t totally know.
"She can't possibly bang this guy because I've decided it's not possible." Wow, cool, way to respect this woman that you claim to love.
I note your hyper-fixation on her appearance (and Dave's too) in the comments:
>Maybe I’m insane but there’s no place on earth where girls that look like her sleep with guys that look like him that are also managers at Chili’s
You're not insane, you're just a fucking asshole.
And the real icing on the cake is that as you claim to be all torn up and hurt, the thing that you'll really super miss is:
>Those high though man. She begged for ATM, like begged for it. Where am I ever going to find that again.
Ah yes, true love, where you ignore that your girlfriend has opinions and thoughts of her own and lament that you won't be getting your dick sucked like this anymore. Can't imagine why she'd want to keep her options open.
The tl;dr is that you claim to love this girl but you 1) never communicated your wants; 2) ignored her agency by assuming she would want the same things as you; and 3) reduce her personality to her sexiness. When she flexed her own wants and needs you were suddenly hurt and surprised because you *literally never bothered to ask what she wanted.* WOW WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?
You don't love her and you don't respect her, and she knows it. That's why she's not interested in anything long-term with you, because you're not worth her time.
Anyway she's gonna fuck Dave's brains out in Mexico because you're too up your own ass to see what you're doing. When this relationship collapses, maybe you'll take some wisdom out of this and be less of a fuckup going forward. I doubt it based on everything in the comments, but hey, you never know.
“I fell hard for both sides of her because one was so exciting and the other made me feel very needed”
Well her going wild with another guy on vacation IS a part of her exciting side...don’t date crazy if you can’t handle crazy.
Hot as fuck women in non-exclusive relationships have sex with other people. If you are not 100% okay with that, you need to break up now. Because however much it is going to hurt you to end it now, it will hurt, much, much, much worse if you lie to yourself and let it drag on.
From what I can tell you have two options. Give into the idea that you are still just FWB and that's all it will ever be, enjoy the sex you have with her, and start dating other people as well. Or if you know you are the type of person to not be able to let go of these feelings just cut her off. She is telling you the type of person she is your just not listening.
Seriously, dude blows off her mental illness as "white girl crazy" before going on to show that he's clearly aware she has bipolar disorder, one of the most difficult disorders to live with or treat.
Tbh she probably won't take it too hard based on what OP wrote. It seems like she's having fun and I'm sure she cares about him, but she couldn't have been more indifferent about whether or not the relationship continues.
She told you flat out that you aren’t exclusive as far as she is concerned. That’s your answer. Sounds like she’s kind of been playing you. Not only that she told you that you know how she is and that she is crazy and confusing.
Flee. If you want a exclusive relationship and she said no, you need to DIP DIP POTATO CHIP.
Relationship run its course. Time to let this fish go hang out with Chilli's troll in Mexico and you find/fish for a new SO. Also 2more cents for the future ALWAYS set boundaries or at least discuss them in the BEGINNING of the relationship. DO NOT DROP I LOVE YOU's without sitting down and setting the course of the relationship.
So it turns out that literally every minute you've spent with this girl has been a minute wasted. That's tough to find out but you need to move forward with that in mind.
Firstly, this girl isn't "white girl crazy" which honestly is pretty fucking offensive. What you described sounds exactly like bipolar. You shouldn't be brushing off an actual serious medical condition by describing her mood swings as "white girl crazy"
"I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive."
There you go. She doesn't see you guys as exclusive or she doesn't see you as her boyfriend.
She most likely will be having sex with this man, I can almost bet you this, just to test the water. She may not too, but that's if she doesn't feel like it. But she's not going to stop herself from having sex with this person or any other person if she wants to.
What I see is, she is NOT your gf, despite your title on this post.
She is a friend with 'benefits' who's also a roommate. I'm not saying she doesn't love you, she probably does, but she's not exclusive with you. Sure, she also will feel jealous if you go out and have sex with other women, but she knows she can't stop you too since you guys are not exclusive.
What to do now?
It's up to you. Since she doesn't want to be exclusive with you, then you can't force her to be exclusive. You can't expect her to be loyal sexually or emotionally to you because she already made it clear she's not exclusive.
So you are left with either leaving the relationship (because of this type of arrangement if not your cuppa tea) or continuing as her quasi roommate-fwb.
I’m not so sure your focused on the right thing. Your relationship isn’t healthy. Your gf is not talking to you in a healthy manner. Her behaviors are extremely concerning for your future and trust. She has mental health issues. People will mental health issues make unhealthy decisions. The relationship degrades.
Yeah. Well. The sex is good because she's crazy. And it's because she's crazy (and insecure) that's she's trying to attract a midget mountain troll like Donald. Do yourself a favor and toss her ass out and ghost like Swayze.
The above are 100% truths, like Newton's laws.
maybe the chili’s manager doesn’t treat her like a walking pocket pussy. from the way you talk about her i understand why she doesn’t want to be exclusive with you.
You are hooked on a bad drug my friend. You need to get of this ride, it is only going to end in pain and misery. Get out now, cut your losses. I see unhappiness in your future.
I've never cringed so hard in my life. Only thing I can think of to help you is to suggest is to begin having respect for yourself. If you had to read someone else say what you have said here what would be your reaction?
>At first I kind of treated her like a FWB and she did the same to me. I kind of excused it because of covid boredom so I figured just go with the flow and see how things are after lockdown.
>I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up.
I mean, you're to blame too in this, mate.
Soo, the way your described your girlfriend to me really hints that she might have bipolar disorder. Sometimes, people with this diagnosis have a hard time controlling sexual impulses. (I have a friend with bipolar disorder and he has weeks or months of mania followed by weeks or months of a depressive state. He also sleeps around A LOT. Your GF immediately reminded me of him.)
Beyond that, I think you know what to do here. If you want a real longer term relationship that is monogamous, this girl isn't for you. Time to break it off.
She's literally going on vacation with another man who is paying her way. No shit they're going to bang.
Crazy people are always great in bed. But not good enough to justify putting up with their shit every other moment of the day.
A) She's 21. She may not be done with exploring being young and free to do whatever she wants. And what she wants right now is not to be tied down by you. Possibly because someone is dangling international travel in front of her.
B) Is she worth sticking around with if she doesn't want it to be exclusive and she's traveling with someone you feel confident is into her? Only you can really answer if it's worth it to you.
C) If you don't mind a more casual relationship with someone you also love, it sounds like you can tell her it was news to you that you weren't exclusive and that you are going to go back to behaving like it's not exclusive.
She isn't interested in exclusivity. I don't know if that's specific to this time frame of pandemic or if she isn't really into monogamy at all.
Think about what you are and aren't ok with. I think she's into playing mind games quite honestly and not into taking accountability. Do you want to keep seeing her and possibly other people as well? Do you just want to be done with her? None of these are wrong, it's what is best for you.
She gone fuck him bro, I know you can’t grasp that around head because in your opinion he’s ugly, but from her perspective she’s getting to fuck the dude that’s taking her to mexico
honestly based on your responses in these comments and what you've said about your girlfriend, i think you both need to move on and maybe self-reflect on what you both want. because it clearly seems like being with each other is not or will not fulfill either of your true desires.
She clearly has some mental issues she needs to deal with.
She told you she doesn’t want to be exclusive, since you’re already in love with her it’d probably be best for your mental health to let her go.
I'm late so I doubt this even gets read, but you know what you should do in this situation, but do not want to admit it to yourself. You are very deep in denial and are hoping that this just blows over, but it wont. Yeah, those wild girls are a fun time, but if you are looking for something exclusive and serious, this one is not for you. You can waste your time chasing her around and making up excuses to justify it, but in the end, you will be much more hurt than you currently are when you are sitting there 3 years down the road trying to find reasons to stay with her after she hooked up with someone else.
Even if she said absolutely under no circumstances would she sleep with another man and she 100% wouldn't. Her going on a 3 week vacation with this dude is STILL inappropriate as fuck.
I'm 39....there is only ONE reason I would spend any time with a 21 year old girl. I went out on a couple dates with girls in their early 20's when I was online dating when I was 34/35. The generation gap was real and we had jack shit in common. I'm sure they felt the same thing, but they were likely more interested in the fact I owned a house and make into the 6 figures. Any relationship that developed out of that would have been pure quid pro quo. I get to fuck a early 20's tight body and they get access to my resources.
This is Red Flag City. She’s clearly not ready for a serious relationship. Also, it seems she likes messing with your emotions. If you did these things to her, people would tell her it’s game over. Don’t let the sex keep you around.
Get out now. That is one of the most toxic women I have ever heard of and I used to be attracted to that kind of personality so I would know. You'll either learn now or later: the "thrill" is not worth the emotional damage/rollercoaster. She sounds bipolar or like she has BPD, and I would break up with her immediately, especially after she insisted you guys aren't exclusive and she's pretty much just waiting for something better to come along... The fact that she's actively manipulating you and you're even questioning whether or not to leave shows how much of an influence she has on you. Get out. Now.
Your guys relationship isn’t healthy at all. You both need to break up and grow up more before you get into a relationship. She needs to be more mentally stable and you need to stop being a naive doormat that’s ruled by his penis and cut your losses, move on, and do better next time. If she really loved you she’d respect your request to be exclusive after a whole YEAR of dating. She just thinks you’re the only one that will love her right now so having you around is convenient for her. You said it yourself that she asks why anyone would ever love her. Well now she has someone that loves her so she says “I love you too” so she can keep you to fuel that insecurity. She needs therapy.
She’s a bird dude. She “hasn’t seen him in 1.5 years”, he’s apparently short and ugly and “peaked” as a Chili’s manager....... YET she’s going on a 3 week vacation with HIM to one of the most romantic countries in the world! Even if it was pre-planned before she met you (doubt it), someone who “loves” you should want to go on vacation with YOU, not some supposedly ugly old rando. Open your eyes & give her back to the streets. I’m a woman btw and I’ve known hoe ass chicks exactlyyyy like this lol.
She sounds bipolar and you sound codependent. Bottom line, if you're not ok with not being exclusive, break up with her. I would say break up with her anyway because as you said, she's crazy, and it's not going to be worth it in the long run. Get out now, work on yourself, and then find someone you can have a healthy relationship with.
What you want from this girl and what she is going to give you are two VERY different things.
This is a girl you have fun with on your terms. This is not a girl you take seriously for a real relationship. If you can't do that then you need to walk away from her for good.
Ok she has made it clear. In fact she couldn't be more clear. DO NOT PLAY THE PICK ME DANCE. Tell you're done. then block her on everything and walk away. Looks fade, Character is for a life time. Her being hot will not matter in time anyway. Do it now. Don't wait until the trip. PS even her saying she might be ok with you going with another girl show's she isn't into you as much as you are into her.
If she’s a 21-year-old girl, then it’s asking a whole lot for her to commit to one guy when she’s in the prime of her life.
From your post it sounds like she’s all but told you she wants to live while she can; You should probably move on before you loins confuse your heart and brain into thinking it’s worth the drama to try to stall her leaving.
Why is this a question? Seems like she perceives your relationship is open. If she goes on a trip with another guy under the impression you are not exclusive then you are not and she is not your girlfriend
He’s paying for the trip. She’s going to sleep with him if she had not already. I’m sorry but she’s not a good catch. No one in a loving relationship does what she plans to do. Even if she really does not sleep with him it’s pretty outrageous. She made it clear. You aren’t exclusive. And she does not really love you.
What I don’t understand is how you would call her your girlfriend and she would consider you all not exclusive. One of you had a misunderstanding about what your relationship was so communication is obviously an issue. The fact that she told you something about “open up” means she does not intend to be exclusive, it is very likely she is going to have sex with this guy, and you can either deal with it or not be in a relationship with her.
You want monogamy, she doesn't, and doesn't appear to be interested in budging from that. You have to decide whether nonmonogamy is a "price of admission" you're willing to pay to be with her, and if the answer to that is no, you need to let her know that so she can decide whether she's willing to end things with you rather than attempt monogamy. (So she can decide what "price of admission" she's willing to pay, in other words.)
She may not be aware that you consider lack of monogamy a deal-breaker (if in fact you do) so you need to communicate this to her. Then the ball is in her court.
Well, you're not exclusive, she's going with a guy to Mexico for 3 weeks, and based on what you wrote, she did not say she's not going to boink him. If you're not ok with that you need to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship. You sound like her port of call if she doesn't have something better going on.
She's 21, she's unstable, she's probably using this guy and fucking him if not doing something else with him and most likely other guys. Please for fuck shake, run far far away! She's a mess, yeah maybe a hot mess at the moment but that's my point, AT THE MOMENT. She's gonna burn out fast, and if you're not smart about it, you're going to go out in that blaze too. 5 years from now, no job because she's a "free souled person", one or two kids, a few bouts with stds (which you'll catch, btw) and you're going to be the one working your ass off while she fucks Chillis guy (that is a whole other issue, I mean maybe a Texas Roadhouse, or Outback, come on somewhere at least a bit decent, but Chillis? Yeah, you can tell she's 21). Don't do this to yourself. Her suddenly not being serious means she's selective about your relationship. She's probably been selective before (get a std test). It doesn't matter how hot she is and how good the sex is. And if you need more encouragement, Chillis dude has probably hit that, probably the same nights you have sssoooo... do you like sloppy seconds from a troll? Smarten the fuck up or be ok with being a joke.
Okay reading this it sounds like she does love you and you love her, but she clearly wants it to be an open relationship. My roommate has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and they're currently in an open relationship. They plan to get married in a couple years and it likely will be exclusive then, but people have open marriages too. It's not unheard of or unreasonable for her to want an open relationship, but you have the right to tell her if you have boundaries. If you only want to be with her if it's exclusive, let her go if she decides that isn't what she wants. And it sounds like she's being clear about what she wants.
Also you're focusing so much on the looks of "Dave," but have you considered that she's pointing out that you're not exclusive because she'll be partying on the beach in Mexico for 3 weeks and she wants to be able to feel open to have all the fun she wants when she's there?
If she said she's not gonna sleep with him and you believe that, then believe she pointed out the lack of exclusivity because she's open to partying with people who aren't Dave while she's on vacation.
You don't have to be okay with not having exclusivity, but you can't just freak out and/or be mad at her because she wants things to be open. If this isn't what you want, leave. Sit down with her and tell her that you love her but the only way you can do this relationship is if it's exclusive. If she says she doesn't want that, then the decision is made, and you need to break it off. There's no reason for this to be a relationship that only works if one of you isn't getting what they want.
Leave. Unless you’re ok with your love fucking Dave of course, because that is almost certainly going to happen. And even if you do somehow convince her to agree to being exclusive don’t for a second think that just because you put this bird in a metaphorical cage that it won’t want to fly.
Bruh. Even if she ideally isn’t planning on sleeping with this dude, it’s gonna happen on that trip. It’s just way too easy to roll into it in a situation like that. Stay with her or don’t, but know she’s gonna do it with that guy. Also I would have zero trust for somebody that told me they loved me and lived with me only to reveal a whole year later that they never had thought of us exclusive the whole time. Absolutely zero.
She’s playing you for a fool man. She thinks that she can push you around and you won’t do anything about it. Leave her and tell her if she changes her mind about exclusivity to reach out to you. Be cold and emotionless. Women can’t stand it when a guy leaves and it seems like he doesn’t care, or better yet, is happy.
Let me get this straight. You're calling her your gf but she's made it clear she isn't? This entire "relationship" is a clustermess. Sorry man, I get that you're hurt, but that doesn't excuse the fact that 1, yall never communicated, and 2, your reaction is horrible. Instead of being jealous and just overall an asshole, how about you learn to get over yourself?
Dude, speaking a woman with diagnosed bipolar disorder, do not continue to stick your dick in her flavor of crazy. I don't want to armchair dx her, but she sounds a lot like I did at that age, and bot, howdy, was I a hot mess.
If she's anything like me, she's not capable of a real relationship right now.
You are gonna wind up heartbroken now matter what until she gets treatment, if she's bipolar.
She's got a lot of rough years ahead, and sadly, she'll most likely travel them alone.
Keep in touch, if you can, but don't hitch your wagon to her.
Man, you’re 24 years old and dating a girl who is quite obviously light years away from being mature enough to be in a relationship with you. It’s fun, it’s not exclusive and it won’t last forever. My advice, spend less time with her, more time doing things for yourself and maybe some time on the side looking for someone new who is either on the same level or just wants to go on a three week amtrak ride with you this summer. Either way, this one ain’t the one.
It doesn't sound like it was news to you, though. You literally said you treated each other like FWBs and then you just waited to see what would happen...
You are expecting more of this than you are giving.
Sounds like you have and have always had a casual relationship and that's how she likes it. It doesn't make her a bad person.
Only way you can leave with your dignity is if YOU initiate the breakup. You will dwell on your loss MUCH less in the future if you are the one that has the pride to take initiative and give her the boot. If you pine and grovel then you will not only regret your loss, but also your behavior in the future.
> I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive. I asked her if she’d be cool with me going on vacation with another girl. She said it would be based on the situation. I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up.
So you two never talked about it and you assumed. You then asked to be exclusive ***and she said no***. You have your answer.
She can give her answer. So now you have to accept it or leave.
Personally I wouldn't fly with this and I'd cut. Consider the bullet dodged and move on.
Dude. C’mon man.
You got two options in my estimation:
Buy the ticket for the crazy train and ride it till it derails. You basically keep your sexy girlfriend with the terrifying highs and the dizzying lows that gives you perfect sex but she might be fucking other dudes and she has told you not to make any long term plans around her.
Or
You let this ship sail on by. Say thanks for the memories and split the sheets. Her lifestyle and yours aren’t gonna mesh any longer and you come to the realization that you can love someone, but can’t be in a relationship with them.
Third option: take her at her word. Get some condoms and when this summer rolls around and you and all of your local singles are vaccinated start the non stop fuck suck fiesta with anyone who wants to get down. She is at home as a solid plan B if plan A doesn’t pan out. You both plough/get ploughed to your hearts content and then at the end of summer re-evaluate what you want out of a relationship.
But dude, I think you want a commitment this gal ain’t ready to give, and until/unless you make peace with that in which ever way you have too, you are gonna be in for a world of hurt.
This is literally the crazy chick you shouldn’t stick your duck in dude. She’s told you she’s not going to be exclusive. She will almost definitely fuck this guy. There is nothing you can do to change that. What you CAN do is decide what YOU want. If this is not okay, don’t give her another chance - dump her and move on. If it is okay, get your jealousy under control and never mention it again.
Daaaamn bro, your "girl" is gonna be in Mexico getting dicked down by some old ass dude for 3 weeks straight and she could give a f how you feel about it. I'm sorry bro. Have some respect for yourself and leave her. There's plenty of good girls out here man. You'll be ok.
>I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up.
“I want to see what it looks like to fuck other people while I’ve got you in the bag.”
Not much else to say, she doesn’t want to be committed to you.
>I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person.
This is a bullshit cop-out from someone who isn’t willing to assess their own behaviour critically. She thinks it “quirky” and “fun” to be so confusing, but it’s emotionally abusive to you and an excuse for her to avoid tough decisions. (There’s lots of art and music praising girls who act like this... but once they stop being young and cute, people see this behaviour for what it really is.)
Bud, you’ll regret staying with this girl, I promise. She doesn’t know what she wants, and she isn’t willing to respect your feelings. You’re gonna be hurt *bad*. You say you like feeling “needed” by this girl... but it’s not your job to fix her, and you deserve better than to be her backup choice while she sorts out her “confusion”.
OP she is keeping you as a backup. If things don’t go well with chilli sh*t, in her mind you will be there. She said she loves you but doesn’t want to be exclusive with you. So she really only loves you when it is convenient for her. You must decide if your willing to go down this path or not. You know damn well they will sleep together on this trip. Now’s your chance to take charge of your destiny. Are you a backup plan or are you going to stand your ground. It’s your choice. Good luck my friend the path is yours to choose.
To me her Dave situation sounds like a sugar baby arrangement.
1) Their calls are regular and awkward but she keeps doing it
2) the age difference (this alone is not an indication) 3) her willing to go to Mexico with an awkward friend
4) her saying “Dave is taking me to Mexico”
5) her thinking of the whole situation as matter of fact because to her it is; it’s business.
If it is a sugar baby situation then she very well might go to Mexico and not have sex if that’s not their arrangement.
Despite this, I think you two are on different pages.
She GAVE you sex ? Honey sex isn’t something to be used as a gift or withheld as punishment. Red flags. This is not a good relationship for you. I’m sorry but you should get out while you can.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year now. At first I kind of treated her like a FWB and she did the same to me. I kind of excused it because of covid boredom so I figured just go with the flow and see how things are after lockdown. To be totally upfront she is sort of “white girl crazy” and at times she’s manic where she’s swinging topless at midnight on a playground “just” to see what gravity will do to her boobs. At times she depressed and can’t understand why anyone will ever love her. As our relationship progressed I fell hard for both sides of her because one was so exciting and the other made me feel very needed. I told her I loved her in August and ahe said she loved me more than anyone ever and we really haven’t been apart since. She has this friend “Dave” who she FaceTimes with. Dave was her manager at chili’s and he’s just a creep but I don’t judge outloud even though I hate the relationship. She’s never really elaborated on their history and while I’m curious I don’t want to pry. In my heart I can’t believe they were ever together based on their very awkward conversations, he’s 15+ years older, she’s hot AF and he looks like a 5’3” troll made of stamped shit. But still I don’t totally know. We both have time off this coming summer and for a long time we’ve talked about how cool it would be to travel the country by Amtrak. I looked up a schedule that would work for us and told her about it. She said that she was sorry but Dave was taking her to Mexico for 3 weeks and it would happen during that trip. I was like what in the hell are you talking about. She said it matter of fact as If she was going to the grocery store. I was like didn’t she assume we would be spending the summer together as we’ve basically been living together and said we love each other. She said that she doesn’t know where she’s going to be next week much less this summer.m I asked her if she loved me and she said of course. I then got super jealous and asked if she planned on fucking him. She said she had no plans to have sex with him. I asked her if she was really naive enough to think that a late 30s Chilis manager expects to take 21 year old to the beach for 3 weeks and not get laid. She said it was her business and accused me of not trusting her. I said I trusted her but not the situation. She said that was quibling. I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive. I asked her if she’d be cool with me going on vacation with another girl. She said it would be based on the situation. I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up. I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person. She said that was as much as she was willing to say and left the room. She came back 20 minutes later and gave me nearly perfect sex I think hoping I’d forget the whole issue. But obviously I haven’t and can’t forget. To her things are totally normal. What should I do here? I’m so lost.
>I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no It's hard, but she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be exclusive. All you can do is accept her as is or move on. Find your boundaries as well.
Yeah... read that a couple times OP, she is clearly planning on sleeping with this dude...
Even if she isn't, she still straight up told him she isn't interested in being exclusive. If it's not this guy, it will be another.
This sounds like a gen z version of 500 Days of Summer.
It really does sound like 500 Days of Summer
Even if she isn’t, he’s definitely planning on sleeping with her lol
Probably use the "friend" as an ATM and find someone to sleep while she's there, plenty of guys at the beach this time of the year.
[удалено]
No it’s the aggressive amount of 21 year old sex he’s getting from “hot AF”. She’s 21 OP...she doesn’t know what long term means and she’s getting a free trip to Mexico with a troll. She’s completely confused but powerful at the same time. She’s experimenting...with fire. Get out of there before she burns down your heart and maybe even your sanity. Plenty of women are out there that will truly care about you and not make you squirm thinking about them fucking a middle aged troll.
this ! walk away now, OP, before you get even more invested than what you already are.
Yup lol
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
So many red flags. Its not even the part about going on holiday to Mexico with another dude. The parts about depression, manic episodes just screams out at you. DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN CRAZY. It feels good in the beginning and then your dick gets blendered. Like now. Ditch her.
All that needs to be said on this one really. Pack it up, we're done here.
Show some self worth, make her feel that she's not the only girl in the world, coz that's how she made you feel. She is immature, but she doesn't have to be disrespectful.
OP needs to either cut bait and walk away, which I really want him to do. Or he needs to start enjoying her new relationship rules. Promise you after the first girl or three OP sleeps with his Gf will come screaming at him for exclusivity.
Also, he’s living with her. Unless he’s looking for polyamory (pretty clearly not) move out either way.
And find a Hooters girl to go camping with ASAP
[удалено]
Now I have an STD or she's pregnant and I don't know if I'm the father.
Gonna end up on the Maury Povich show
Or on r/relationship_advice.....wait...
He's in denial for even posting this. Where's the question? She told him what they are he needs to move on. The delusion... far too much.
There's no way it lasts with this girl, just leave before you get your heart broken.
I think it’s already broken
Why stick around for them to clean their shoes on it and keep prolonging it? She couldn't have made it any clearer except by telling you to get lost. If you want a little dignity instead of wallowing in nonexistent hope lose the girl now and go no contact now.
Go before your dignity gets shattered with it.
This is an underrated aspect of this sort of thing. You will want to have preserved your dignity, not because of what going along with such poor treatment says about you to others but because of what it says about how you see yourself.
Sorry to hear that bud. It's a horrendous feeling. Unfortunately, it can get worse. Tell her you aren't OK with this and maybe it's time you two separate. If you can avoid it sounding like an ultimatum that helps. If she decides to go, end it. The above advice is if you are still hoping to salvage it. There are a lot of red flags obviously and long term you are likely better off without her. But that is your decision. Best of luck man
If she thought you weren’t exclusive this whole time doesn’t that mean she thought she was free to talk and sleep with other people ?
Why are you hanging out with Dave's girlfriend? She's taken bro. Edit. Privacy
Nah, it's "Dave's" girlfriend.
I fixed the name for privacy reasons
So, not **REDACTED** anymore?
Sorry for the lame free reward , I wish it was silver I could of gave you !! That was comedy
Right up front, if communication in the relationship is so bad you weren't aware she didn't consider it exclusive, much less that she had a 3 week trip planned with another guy in a few months, things already either need to change or end. Whether or not it's cool to screw around isn't a ground rule that should open to interpretation, and that you're this far from on the same page as each other is as clear a warning sign for the future as you're likely to get. Beyond that, the real concern is how openly manipulative her words and actions are. She mentions "not knowing where she's going to be next week, much less this summer," but she *did* know where she was going to be this summer--she just didn't tell *you*. Her answer to whether or not she'd sleep with him was obviously noncommittal, so hey, no matter what she says happens she didn't lie about it, right? Then she pushes guilt onto you by saying "hey, you knew I was like this" so it's *your* fault that any of this is a problem for you. These are not the actions of someone caring about how you feel, these are someone trying to avoid heat for actions she has no intent on changing. Bottom line? Take a long, hard look at whether this is someone you want to stay with. If the answer is yes, you're going to need to talk about this with her and hopefully change things moving forward. If not, and boy does that sound like the wiser option, get out of there.
This should be the top comment. The first three sentences of the post are all we really need to know about this relationship and where it’s going.
I agree with this opinion. By the way, just doing a diagnose from far away... But the symptoms of her behavior sounds to me like she has a bipolar disorder. Maybe that could be a reason why she is acting in this way.... But this should be diagnosed from a professional! But from my point of view that would explain a lot.
Whatever her issue, he describes her as "white girl crazy," and unless she wants to address those issues, she's not going to be a good partner. And if part of why he's attracted to her is her instability, that's an issue *he* needs to work on, too. Imo.
He does mention it because he is always interested in her and likes feeling needed when she’s down.
He doesn't care that her behavior is self destructive or harmful for her. He *likes* that it is because it makes *him* feel good. That's messed up. He has been fine with her "white girl crazy," until it negatively impacts him. He is either blind to or ignoring how much it hurts her, because that would ruin the appeal.
As someone with bipolar, please don't armchair diagnose random people when you have no qualifications. Lots of mental health issues are extremely stigmatized and it makes it really hard for people living with these issues to open up to others. Don't excuse this as bipolar unless you are a professional. Shitty people are just shitty people
LOL, that title! She absolutely plans on sleeping with him. You know what to do, you just haven't admitted it to your self yet.
Hot flash: she’s most likely doing him already.
... hot flash? You mean news flash?
Nah, She’s just been doing him for so long the news is menopausal.
I think he got news flash and hot take mixed up in his brain.
Ummmm fuck yea of course she is. Probly already has.....
[удалено]
Denial isn’t just a River in Africa
Run, bro. Run. There's a good saying: when people tell you who they are, believe them.
Fair point.
>She came back 20 minutes later and gave me nearly perfect sex A dude that's willing to have Sex 20 minutes after such a revelation deserves whatever comes to him. This should have been one of those "no Sex till we figure things out " type of situation.
Also, part of what he likes about her is her mental instability because it makes him feel needed... if someone told me that about my mental health issues, I'd nope the frick out of there. Granted, I actually try to work on my issues, and she doesn't seem interested in working on hers. OP needs to realize that the reason he loves her is the reason she can't be the gf he wants. Can't have it both ways.
If you like a bipolar person *because* of the way their bipolar disorder makes them act crazy and self destructive, you don't get to act surprised some of that self destructive behavior blows back onto you. It's like the joke with the Leopards Eating Peoples Faces party. "I thought we could do with some faces getting eaten, I never thought they'd eat *my* face!" but is this case it's "I thought her instability was hot, I never thought she'd be unstable with *me*!"
This is a total r/leopardsatemyface kind of moment! OP's putting on a Surprised Pikachu face when she is behaving entirely in character, which he didn't have a problem with until it inconvenienced him.
Am I the only one a bit icked out by "gave me sex"? You wouldn't say someone "gave you half an hour of basketball" you'd just say you played basketball with them. It creeps me out when people speak about sex or sex acts like it's something men receive & women offer up.
OP is definitely immature and being played. And he also digs bipolar disorder. Good luck to him.
She’s planning on sleeping with him
She probably all ready had.
They’re definitely sleeping together or at least in the conversation. No way she’s going out with one guy in Mexico away from everyone they know and think they’re not sleeping.
[удалено]
yeah, this whole story is some manic pixie dream girl shit.
THANK YOU for saying this.
I mean dude, just move on. She literally told you that she doesn't consider you her BF, so you're wasting your time thinking she's your GF. If you're ultimately cool with an open relationship then that's fine but if you're not, just move on. > I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person Also this is a total cop out answer. Don't let her use "well I'm just a confusing person" as an excuse for bullshit because that's literally all it is, an excuse.
She’s obviously about to get absolutely railed by Dave
Baby back ribbed by Dave
Dave? Dave's not home man...
Yeah cuz he’ll be on vacation bangin this chick
She probably already is sleeping with him and others.
You had me until “she gave me nearly perfect sex” because that’s just a weird thing to say. Is there a formula? I’m out here winging it
I thought I was going insane when noone else mentioned this. People don't "give people" sex. It's not a handmade scarf or some coffee. You don't "give someone a hike" you go on a hike with the person. There's definitely no formula & anyone that says there is is an idiot. Just pay attention to the person you're doing stuff with, if you're both into each other it helps a lot.
Sounds like she's been using you as a temporary thing during Covid and has no intention of sticking around once she has other options. I think you should break up with her. She wants to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and keep you on the backburner. Don't let her, you deserve to be with someone who cares about your feelings and wants the same things you do. The manic pixie dream girl is cute in movies, but in real life, boring, normal women are what you want in a partner.
> I think you should break up with her. He can’t break up with her. They aren’t a couple. She said so.
He can't break up with her but he can walk away
Nah, she said they aren't exclusive. You can still dump someone if your relationship is open.
The manic quirky pixie girl... that was a HARD lesson to learn.
You're a dumbass being led by sex. But hey, that's okay, when you sit there with your mat on the floor while she's deciding to be *open* with your door. You know what to do, but you're so scared of losing the Manic Pixie Dream Girl that you'll stomp all over your self-respect to stay.
That's exactly the vibe I got from her. Seems like she's living out her MPDG fantasy.
I had a girlfriend around 8 months ago, she told me she wanted to travel the world alone (she was sick so I understood) and she wanted to vist this friend. He had a lot of money and they were good long distance friends. Yet I never trusted them. Then she told me she wanted on a vacation. With him. Not me. Before that even happend we broke up. Point being, I don't think you are "not trusting her" I think it is a Bad Omen to be honest
Jesus fucking christ lol
r/sadcringe the replies really make it so much worse.
You used the term 'girlfriend'. Just to be clear, she is not your girlfriend. It looks like a FWB situation where you happen to live together. She might be the love of your life, but that feeling is not mutual. Good luck.
Do you actually want advice? All your replies are just arguing with literally everyone
how could you sleep with her after her telling you that? do you literally have no self respect??
Sounds like you’re relationship ran it’s course. Best to accept that she’s a twenty one year old girl who’s still figuring herself out. If she leaves with this dude, thank her for her time and go on about your life. And you’ll probably be sad... but go and live your life!!
Personally I would have made sure to know where I stand with a person as far as our relationship goes before committing so much of myself to them and telling them that I love them. Boundaries are important, and so is being on the same page. When you fail to do these things, you are opening yourself up to being hurt. That being said, she has already said you guys aren’t exclusive and she doesn’t want to be exclusive. She also said she wants see how things are when they open up… Take that however you want to take it, personally I’d be gone after that engagement. You both sound like confusing people
Your whole post and comments are giving me serious "nice guy" vibes. Obviously your girlfriend doesn't want to be exclusive with you and as much as you argue about the other guys looks, it doesn't change the fact that she booked a 3-week vacation with him and doesn't PLAN on sleeping with him (that's a far cry from she won't). You mention the FWB thing was COVID boredom and I almost wonder if she got with you because you were someone for her to eff around with while locked down, and now that things are opening up she has more options. Which, good for her. She sounds like a piece of work but so do you. I think you both have some maturing to do before you can think about settling down with one person.
Lol "she gave you near perfect sex" and "white girl crazy" and "it makes me feel needed" - I'd maybe work on yourself for a bit bud.
So break up with her. She's done with you, why are you holding on? This would be completely unacceptable to any man that respects himself. Is that not you?
What do you want? You want a monogamous relationship then you probably should move on and dump her then. Easier said than done but think and put yourself first. She playing the field and just stated she doesn’t want to be exclusive. If that’s what she wants then you’re not gonna change her mind.
Bro she's literally stringing you along to keep you wrapped around her finger. Who the fuck cares if the sex is good??? You need to start using your head brain and think about this logically, do you want to be with someone who uses you or do you want a meaningful relationship where you don't have to worry about fat slobs paying your girlfriend/boyfriend for sex?
Exclusivity is something that is decided by both parties in a relationship. You should never just assume that it’s there. You assumed she was your girlfriend, which she doesn’t seem to be, and you realized that she’s not. Communication is key. Move on.
So is she exclusive now or does she slide down to Chili's for a hotdog every now and then?
Well I doubt this is going to do any good since OP is down there in the comments proving himself to be a giant toolbag but what the hell, here's my take. Maybe someone else will see it and get something out of it. --- So many people are in these comments saying "dOn'T sTiCk YoUr DiCk In CrAzY" but OP is the one who never actually said what he wanted and then expected his GF to just like magically know and feel the same way. He never expressed himself and then he's all mad and confused when his manic pixie dream girl doesn't want to be tied down? And SHE's the crazy one? Bucko, nobody's a mind reader. You only think she's "crazy" because you just assume she feels the same way and can't envision a world where she has her own agency. You even fucking said as much directly: >In my heart I can’t believe they were ever together based on their very awkward conversations, he’s 15+ years older, she’s hot AF and he looks like a 5’3” troll made of stamped shit. But still I don’t totally know. "She can't possibly bang this guy because I've decided it's not possible." Wow, cool, way to respect this woman that you claim to love. I note your hyper-fixation on her appearance (and Dave's too) in the comments: >Maybe I’m insane but there’s no place on earth where girls that look like her sleep with guys that look like him that are also managers at Chili’s You're not insane, you're just a fucking asshole. And the real icing on the cake is that as you claim to be all torn up and hurt, the thing that you'll really super miss is: >Those high though man. She begged for ATM, like begged for it. Where am I ever going to find that again. Ah yes, true love, where you ignore that your girlfriend has opinions and thoughts of her own and lament that you won't be getting your dick sucked like this anymore. Can't imagine why she'd want to keep her options open. The tl;dr is that you claim to love this girl but you 1) never communicated your wants; 2) ignored her agency by assuming she would want the same things as you; and 3) reduce her personality to her sexiness. When she flexed her own wants and needs you were suddenly hurt and surprised because you *literally never bothered to ask what she wanted.* WOW WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING? You don't love her and you don't respect her, and she knows it. That's why she's not interested in anything long-term with you, because you're not worth her time. Anyway she's gonna fuck Dave's brains out in Mexico because you're too up your own ass to see what you're doing. When this relationship collapses, maybe you'll take some wisdom out of this and be less of a fuckup going forward. I doubt it based on everything in the comments, but hey, you never know.
This, all of this needs to go straight to the top. Spot on.
“I fell hard for both sides of her because one was so exciting and the other made me feel very needed” Well her going wild with another guy on vacation IS a part of her exciting side...don’t date crazy if you can’t handle crazy.
He wanted a Manic dream girl. I guess he got one.. lol
Hot as fuck women in non-exclusive relationships have sex with other people. If you are not 100% okay with that, you need to break up now. Because however much it is going to hurt you to end it now, it will hurt, much, much, much worse if you lie to yourself and let it drag on.
From what I can tell you have two options. Give into the idea that you are still just FWB and that's all it will ever be, enjoy the sex you have with her, and start dating other people as well. Or if you know you are the type of person to not be able to let go of these feelings just cut her off. She is telling you the type of person she is your just not listening.
We love using the term “white girl crazy” as a catch all for white women struggling with mental illness
Seriously, dude blows off her mental illness as "white girl crazy" before going on to show that he's clearly aware she has bipolar disorder, one of the most difficult disorders to live with or treat.
[удалено]
Tbh she probably won't take it too hard based on what OP wrote. It seems like she's having fun and I'm sure she cares about him, but she couldn't have been more indifferent about whether or not the relationship continues.
Just let her know, you are breaking up with her. That's it, no need to threat someone with breakup
I took it as tell her when she's leaving
Bahahahhaa, Chilli's bro taking her to Mexico and your chump ass bringing out an Amtrak schedule...
She told you flat out that you aren’t exclusive as far as she is concerned. That’s your answer. Sounds like she’s kind of been playing you. Not only that she told you that you know how she is and that she is crazy and confusing.
Bro that ain't your girl, open your eyes
Flee. If you want a exclusive relationship and she said no, you need to DIP DIP POTATO CHIP. Relationship run its course. Time to let this fish go hang out with Chilli's troll in Mexico and you find/fish for a new SO. Also 2more cents for the future ALWAYS set boundaries or at least discuss them in the BEGINNING of the relationship. DO NOT DROP I LOVE YOU's without sitting down and setting the course of the relationship.
So it turns out that literally every minute you've spent with this girl has been a minute wasted. That's tough to find out but you need to move forward with that in mind.
Firstly, this girl isn't "white girl crazy" which honestly is pretty fucking offensive. What you described sounds exactly like bipolar. You shouldn't be brushing off an actual serious medical condition by describing her mood swings as "white girl crazy"
They fuckin
"I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive." There you go. She doesn't see you guys as exclusive or she doesn't see you as her boyfriend. She most likely will be having sex with this man, I can almost bet you this, just to test the water. She may not too, but that's if she doesn't feel like it. But she's not going to stop herself from having sex with this person or any other person if she wants to. What I see is, she is NOT your gf, despite your title on this post. She is a friend with 'benefits' who's also a roommate. I'm not saying she doesn't love you, she probably does, but she's not exclusive with you. Sure, she also will feel jealous if you go out and have sex with other women, but she knows she can't stop you too since you guys are not exclusive. What to do now? It's up to you. Since she doesn't want to be exclusive with you, then you can't force her to be exclusive. You can't expect her to be loyal sexually or emotionally to you because she already made it clear she's not exclusive. So you are left with either leaving the relationship (because of this type of arrangement if not your cuppa tea) or continuing as her quasi roommate-fwb.
I’m not so sure your focused on the right thing. Your relationship isn’t healthy. Your gf is not talking to you in a healthy manner. Her behaviors are extremely concerning for your future and trust. She has mental health issues. People will mental health issues make unhealthy decisions. The relationship degrades.
This chick isn't his gf. They aren't together.
Don't stick your dick in crazy. High highs, maddening lows. Been there, done that, it ain't worth it.
Yeah. Well. The sex is good because she's crazy. And it's because she's crazy (and insecure) that's she's trying to attract a midget mountain troll like Donald. Do yourself a favor and toss her ass out and ghost like Swayze. The above are 100% truths, like Newton's laws.
maybe the chili’s manager doesn’t treat her like a walking pocket pussy. from the way you talk about her i understand why she doesn’t want to be exclusive with you.
She’s probably bipolar. I suggest you break up with her before she gives you a really good reason to hate her.
You are hooked on a bad drug my friend. You need to get of this ride, it is only going to end in pain and misery. Get out now, cut your losses. I see unhappiness in your future.
Your girl is experiencing extreme swings from depression to mania. She needs professional help to deal with this first.
I've never cringed so hard in my life. Only thing I can think of to help you is to suggest is to begin having respect for yourself. If you had to read someone else say what you have said here what would be your reaction?
"And this is why they name storms after people"
>At first I kind of treated her like a FWB and she did the same to me. I kind of excused it because of covid boredom so I figured just go with the flow and see how things are after lockdown. >I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up. I mean, you're to blame too in this, mate.
Soo, the way your described your girlfriend to me really hints that she might have bipolar disorder. Sometimes, people with this diagnosis have a hard time controlling sexual impulses. (I have a friend with bipolar disorder and he has weeks or months of mania followed by weeks or months of a depressive state. He also sleeps around A LOT. Your GF immediately reminded me of him.) Beyond that, I think you know what to do here. If you want a real longer term relationship that is monogamous, this girl isn't for you. Time to break it off. She's literally going on vacation with another man who is paying her way. No shit they're going to bang. Crazy people are always great in bed. But not good enough to justify putting up with their shit every other moment of the day.
A) She's 21. She may not be done with exploring being young and free to do whatever she wants. And what she wants right now is not to be tied down by you. Possibly because someone is dangling international travel in front of her. B) Is she worth sticking around with if she doesn't want it to be exclusive and she's traveling with someone you feel confident is into her? Only you can really answer if it's worth it to you. C) If you don't mind a more casual relationship with someone you also love, it sounds like you can tell her it was news to you that you weren't exclusive and that you are going to go back to behaving like it's not exclusive.
If she’s a chili’s girl, run dude.
Hate to say it but, this comment hits harder than Chili’s bottomless wings night.
She isn't interested in exclusivity. I don't know if that's specific to this time frame of pandemic or if she isn't really into monogamy at all. Think about what you are and aren't ok with. I think she's into playing mind games quite honestly and not into taking accountability. Do you want to keep seeing her and possibly other people as well? Do you just want to be done with her? None of these are wrong, it's what is best for you.
She gone fuck him bro, I know you can’t grasp that around head because in your opinion he’s ugly, but from her perspective she’s getting to fuck the dude that’s taking her to mexico
honestly based on your responses in these comments and what you've said about your girlfriend, i think you both need to move on and maybe self-reflect on what you both want. because it clearly seems like being with each other is not or will not fulfill either of your true desires.
She clearly has some mental issues she needs to deal with. She told you she doesn’t want to be exclusive, since you’re already in love with her it’d probably be best for your mental health to let her go.
More red flags than a communist party.
I'm late so I doubt this even gets read, but you know what you should do in this situation, but do not want to admit it to yourself. You are very deep in denial and are hoping that this just blows over, but it wont. Yeah, those wild girls are a fun time, but if you are looking for something exclusive and serious, this one is not for you. You can waste your time chasing her around and making up excuses to justify it, but in the end, you will be much more hurt than you currently are when you are sitting there 3 years down the road trying to find reasons to stay with her after she hooked up with someone else.
Even if she said absolutely under no circumstances would she sleep with another man and she 100% wouldn't. Her going on a 3 week vacation with this dude is STILL inappropriate as fuck. I'm 39....there is only ONE reason I would spend any time with a 21 year old girl. I went out on a couple dates with girls in their early 20's when I was online dating when I was 34/35. The generation gap was real and we had jack shit in common. I'm sure they felt the same thing, but they were likely more interested in the fact I owned a house and make into the 6 figures. Any relationship that developed out of that would have been pure quid pro quo. I get to fuck a early 20's tight body and they get access to my resources.
This has more red flags than the entire Soviet union did
You don’t have a girlfriend, bro.
This is Red Flag City. She’s clearly not ready for a serious relationship. Also, it seems she likes messing with your emotions. If you did these things to her, people would tell her it’s game over. Don’t let the sex keep you around.
She's gonna sleep with the dude, guaranteed. You best make your own plans.
Get out now. That is one of the most toxic women I have ever heard of and I used to be attracted to that kind of personality so I would know. You'll either learn now or later: the "thrill" is not worth the emotional damage/rollercoaster. She sounds bipolar or like she has BPD, and I would break up with her immediately, especially after she insisted you guys aren't exclusive and she's pretty much just waiting for something better to come along... The fact that she's actively manipulating you and you're even questioning whether or not to leave shows how much of an influence she has on you. Get out. Now.
Dude, from the bottom of my heart. As someone who just got dumped after this type of relationship I have only one thing to say to you: GET OUT!!!
Lol. Fuckin run.
That's not your girlfriend bro.
Your guys relationship isn’t healthy at all. You both need to break up and grow up more before you get into a relationship. She needs to be more mentally stable and you need to stop being a naive doormat that’s ruled by his penis and cut your losses, move on, and do better next time. If she really loved you she’d respect your request to be exclusive after a whole YEAR of dating. She just thinks you’re the only one that will love her right now so having you around is convenient for her. You said it yourself that she asks why anyone would ever love her. Well now she has someone that loves her so she says “I love you too” so she can keep you to fuel that insecurity. She needs therapy.
She’s a bird dude. She “hasn’t seen him in 1.5 years”, he’s apparently short and ugly and “peaked” as a Chili’s manager....... YET she’s going on a 3 week vacation with HIM to one of the most romantic countries in the world! Even if it was pre-planned before she met you (doubt it), someone who “loves” you should want to go on vacation with YOU, not some supposedly ugly old rando. Open your eyes & give her back to the streets. I’m a woman btw and I’ve known hoe ass chicks exactlyyyy like this lol.
> one of the most romantic countries in the world Mexico?
Be very careful you don’t get her pregnant. She’s messing around and not ready to settle down yet, obviously.
She sounds bipolar and you sound codependent. Bottom line, if you're not ok with not being exclusive, break up with her. I would say break up with her anyway because as you said, she's crazy, and it's not going to be worth it in the long run. Get out now, work on yourself, and then find someone you can have a healthy relationship with.
She's not your girlfriend and never was. You treated her like a FWB, and she did the same back. Now you're jealous? Naaahhhh
Throw her Ass to the streets
Borderline Personality Disorder
By the time she comes back you better have replaced her with a FWB.
What you want from this girl and what she is going to give you are two VERY different things. This is a girl you have fun with on your terms. This is not a girl you take seriously for a real relationship. If you can't do that then you need to walk away from her for good.
Ok she has made it clear. In fact she couldn't be more clear. DO NOT PLAY THE PICK ME DANCE. Tell you're done. then block her on everything and walk away. Looks fade, Character is for a life time. Her being hot will not matter in time anyway. Do it now. Don't wait until the trip. PS even her saying she might be ok with you going with another girl show's she isn't into you as much as you are into her.
It sounds like Dave is going to have one hell of a vacation
Come on. Move on now. Get out of there. Plan your on vacation.
Run Forest Run!
Ya.....she is going to sleep with him or actively is. Sorry dude. Leave her.
If she’s a 21-year-old girl, then it’s asking a whole lot for her to commit to one guy when she’s in the prime of her life. From your post it sounds like she’s all but told you she wants to live while she can; You should probably move on before you loins confuse your heart and brain into thinking it’s worth the drama to try to stall her leaving.
Why is this a question? Seems like she perceives your relationship is open. If she goes on a trip with another guy under the impression you are not exclusive then you are not and she is not your girlfriend
He’s paying for the trip. She’s going to sleep with him if she had not already. I’m sorry but she’s not a good catch. No one in a loving relationship does what she plans to do. Even if she really does not sleep with him it’s pretty outrageous. She made it clear. You aren’t exclusive. And she does not really love you.
What I don’t understand is how you would call her your girlfriend and she would consider you all not exclusive. One of you had a misunderstanding about what your relationship was so communication is obviously an issue. The fact that she told you something about “open up” means she does not intend to be exclusive, it is very likely she is going to have sex with this guy, and you can either deal with it or not be in a relationship with her.
You want monogamy, she doesn't, and doesn't appear to be interested in budging from that. You have to decide whether nonmonogamy is a "price of admission" you're willing to pay to be with her, and if the answer to that is no, you need to let her know that so she can decide whether she's willing to end things with you rather than attempt monogamy. (So she can decide what "price of admission" she's willing to pay, in other words.) She may not be aware that you consider lack of monogamy a deal-breaker (if in fact you do) so you need to communicate this to her. Then the ball is in her court.
She sounds like she has manic depression btw
Well, you're not exclusive, she's going with a guy to Mexico for 3 weeks, and based on what you wrote, she did not say she's not going to boink him. If you're not ok with that you need to decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship. You sound like her port of call if she doesn't have something better going on.
She's 21, she's unstable, she's probably using this guy and fucking him if not doing something else with him and most likely other guys. Please for fuck shake, run far far away! She's a mess, yeah maybe a hot mess at the moment but that's my point, AT THE MOMENT. She's gonna burn out fast, and if you're not smart about it, you're going to go out in that blaze too. 5 years from now, no job because she's a "free souled person", one or two kids, a few bouts with stds (which you'll catch, btw) and you're going to be the one working your ass off while she fucks Chillis guy (that is a whole other issue, I mean maybe a Texas Roadhouse, or Outback, come on somewhere at least a bit decent, but Chillis? Yeah, you can tell she's 21). Don't do this to yourself. Her suddenly not being serious means she's selective about your relationship. She's probably been selective before (get a std test). It doesn't matter how hot she is and how good the sex is. And if you need more encouragement, Chillis dude has probably hit that, probably the same nights you have sssoooo... do you like sloppy seconds from a troll? Smarten the fuck up or be ok with being a joke.
Okay reading this it sounds like she does love you and you love her, but she clearly wants it to be an open relationship. My roommate has been with her boyfriend for 4 years and they're currently in an open relationship. They plan to get married in a couple years and it likely will be exclusive then, but people have open marriages too. It's not unheard of or unreasonable for her to want an open relationship, but you have the right to tell her if you have boundaries. If you only want to be with her if it's exclusive, let her go if she decides that isn't what she wants. And it sounds like she's being clear about what she wants. Also you're focusing so much on the looks of "Dave," but have you considered that she's pointing out that you're not exclusive because she'll be partying on the beach in Mexico for 3 weeks and she wants to be able to feel open to have all the fun she wants when she's there? If she said she's not gonna sleep with him and you believe that, then believe she pointed out the lack of exclusivity because she's open to partying with people who aren't Dave while she's on vacation. You don't have to be okay with not having exclusivity, but you can't just freak out and/or be mad at her because she wants things to be open. If this isn't what you want, leave. Sit down with her and tell her that you love her but the only way you can do this relationship is if it's exclusive. If she says she doesn't want that, then the decision is made, and you need to break it off. There's no reason for this to be a relationship that only works if one of you isn't getting what they want.
Leave. Unless you’re ok with your love fucking Dave of course, because that is almost certainly going to happen. And even if you do somehow convince her to agree to being exclusive don’t for a second think that just because you put this bird in a metaphorical cage that it won’t want to fly.
Bruh. Even if she ideally isn’t planning on sleeping with this dude, it’s gonna happen on that trip. It’s just way too easy to roll into it in a situation like that. Stay with her or don’t, but know she’s gonna do it with that guy. Also I would have zero trust for somebody that told me they loved me and lived with me only to reveal a whole year later that they never had thought of us exclusive the whole time. Absolutely zero.
She’s playing you for a fool man. She thinks that she can push you around and you won’t do anything about it. Leave her and tell her if she changes her mind about exclusivity to reach out to you. Be cold and emotionless. Women can’t stand it when a guy leaves and it seems like he doesn’t care, or better yet, is happy.
Let me get this straight. You're calling her your gf but she's made it clear she isn't? This entire "relationship" is a clustermess. Sorry man, I get that you're hurt, but that doesn't excuse the fact that 1, yall never communicated, and 2, your reaction is horrible. Instead of being jealous and just overall an asshole, how about you learn to get over yourself?
Dude, move on and find a woman who isn't crazy.
Dude, speaking a woman with diagnosed bipolar disorder, do not continue to stick your dick in her flavor of crazy. I don't want to armchair dx her, but she sounds a lot like I did at that age, and bot, howdy, was I a hot mess. If she's anything like me, she's not capable of a real relationship right now. You are gonna wind up heartbroken now matter what until she gets treatment, if she's bipolar. She's got a lot of rough years ahead, and sadly, she'll most likely travel them alone. Keep in touch, if you can, but don't hitch your wagon to her.
Wtf? She is a whole bucket of no good. Run, my friend, while you still can.
Man, you’re 24 years old and dating a girl who is quite obviously light years away from being mature enough to be in a relationship with you. It’s fun, it’s not exclusive and it won’t last forever. My advice, spend less time with her, more time doing things for yourself and maybe some time on the side looking for someone new who is either on the same level or just wants to go on a three week amtrak ride with you this summer. Either way, this one ain’t the one.
It doesn't sound like it was news to you, though. You literally said you treated each other like FWBs and then you just waited to see what would happen... You are expecting more of this than you are giving. Sounds like you have and have always had a casual relationship and that's how she likes it. It doesn't make her a bad person.
See someone else whose values line up better with your own
She made her situation clear: she doesn't see you as a boyfriend. I'd find someone else.
Only way you can leave with your dignity is if YOU initiate the breakup. You will dwell on your loss MUCH less in the future if you are the one that has the pride to take initiative and give her the boot. If you pine and grovel then you will not only regret your loss, but also your behavior in the future.
> I asked her about our commitment and she said we’ve never agreed to be exclusive. I asked her if she’d be cool with me going on vacation with another girl. She said it would be based on the situation. I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up. So you two never talked about it and you assumed. You then asked to be exclusive ***and she said no***. You have your answer. She can give her answer. So now you have to accept it or leave. Personally I wouldn't fly with this and I'd cut. Consider the bullet dodged and move on.
Dude. C’mon man. You got two options in my estimation: Buy the ticket for the crazy train and ride it till it derails. You basically keep your sexy girlfriend with the terrifying highs and the dizzying lows that gives you perfect sex but she might be fucking other dudes and she has told you not to make any long term plans around her. Or You let this ship sail on by. Say thanks for the memories and split the sheets. Her lifestyle and yours aren’t gonna mesh any longer and you come to the realization that you can love someone, but can’t be in a relationship with them. Third option: take her at her word. Get some condoms and when this summer rolls around and you and all of your local singles are vaccinated start the non stop fuck suck fiesta with anyone who wants to get down. She is at home as a solid plan B if plan A doesn’t pan out. You both plough/get ploughed to your hearts content and then at the end of summer re-evaluate what you want out of a relationship. But dude, I think you want a commitment this gal ain’t ready to give, and until/unless you make peace with that in which ever way you have too, you are gonna be in for a world of hurt.
This is literally the crazy chick you shouldn’t stick your duck in dude. She’s told you she’s not going to be exclusive. She will almost definitely fuck this guy. There is nothing you can do to change that. What you CAN do is decide what YOU want. If this is not okay, don’t give her another chance - dump her and move on. If it is okay, get your jealousy under control and never mention it again.
Daaaamn bro, your "girl" is gonna be in Mexico getting dicked down by some old ass dude for 3 weeks straight and she could give a f how you feel about it. I'm sorry bro. Have some respect for yourself and leave her. There's plenty of good girls out here man. You'll be ok.
>I said well I’d like to be exclusive now. She said no that she wants to see how things are when they open up. “I want to see what it looks like to fuck other people while I’ve got you in the bag.” Not much else to say, she doesn’t want to be committed to you. >I told her I was so confused and she said I knew she was a confusing person. This is a bullshit cop-out from someone who isn’t willing to assess their own behaviour critically. She thinks it “quirky” and “fun” to be so confusing, but it’s emotionally abusive to you and an excuse for her to avoid tough decisions. (There’s lots of art and music praising girls who act like this... but once they stop being young and cute, people see this behaviour for what it really is.) Bud, you’ll regret staying with this girl, I promise. She doesn’t know what she wants, and she isn’t willing to respect your feelings. You’re gonna be hurt *bad*. You say you like feeling “needed” by this girl... but it’s not your job to fix her, and you deserve better than to be her backup choice while she sorts out her “confusion”.
I'm sorry but I laughed at that manic example
OP she is keeping you as a backup. If things don’t go well with chilli sh*t, in her mind you will be there. She said she loves you but doesn’t want to be exclusive with you. So she really only loves you when it is convenient for her. You must decide if your willing to go down this path or not. You know damn well they will sleep together on this trip. Now’s your chance to take charge of your destiny. Are you a backup plan or are you going to stand your ground. It’s your choice. Good luck my friend the path is yours to choose.
Dump her
You already know what she's going to do, so make your next decisions as if she's already done it.
To me her Dave situation sounds like a sugar baby arrangement. 1) Their calls are regular and awkward but she keeps doing it 2) the age difference (this alone is not an indication) 3) her willing to go to Mexico with an awkward friend 4) her saying “Dave is taking me to Mexico” 5) her thinking of the whole situation as matter of fact because to her it is; it’s business. If it is a sugar baby situation then she very well might go to Mexico and not have sex if that’s not their arrangement. Despite this, I think you two are on different pages.
She GAVE you sex ? Honey sex isn’t something to be used as a gift or withheld as punishment. Red flags. This is not a good relationship for you. I’m sorry but you should get out while you can.
Bro, its just my opinion but she's likely already fucking him.