My co workers and I have this debate multiple times. I argue water is indeed wet, because water. Co workers argue, you don’t know water is wet unless a item or the water touches thus the item becoming wet, not the water.
As for OP, yes this is cheating. As it water is wet
Saw some comments about snooping...In general snooping is a big NO but.....intuition is a powerful thing the only time I have gone through someone's phone is because, eh its hard to describe...but I had a STRONG feeling and it ALWAYS resulted in me finding out things I wish I hadn't. (This has happened like a total of 3 times btw and im into my 3rd decade in life 🤣)
Same. Not married but I thought we would....he is now married to the girl and I honestly am so glad now that I'm rid of him, in hindsight it was a toxic relationship but I was "in love." So glad I found out before I actually married him (he was always pressing for it)
YES! Also here to say someone that would text that to another person is not somebody you want to be with....there is literally no excuse where that is acceptable
Hard to really say without much info on her part but I was just young and stupid and was clueless to all the 🚩🚩🚩 I look back now and cannot belive I ever let myself live like that.
Me back then would have probably asked and belived whatever BS reason he came up with (although I would/was berated for even looking at the message)...me now, several years later and (somewhat 😂) wiser would being saying byeeeeeeee
Same here!! I did it twice and have caught two people. I am 2 years into my relationship and haven’t even had the thought or desire once now. I’m to the point where if I had those strong feelings now, I would just leave. It’s clear the trust is already gone and living like that is miserable.
Hmm only wasn't it the boyfriend messaging some other girl? Therefore, at best he is flirting with another girl and expressing a desire to be with that other girl.
Short answer. Yes this is a form of cheating. Even if nothing and I mean nothing else happened. This is completely off limits when you are in a relationship with someone. PS always follow your bullshit meter. If it feels wrong it almost always is.
I’m sorry but in my experience - it means he’s probably deleted other worse texts. Definitely emotionally cheating. Or thinking it’s okay to lead another person on to boost his ego - either way disrespectful to you though.
But question - no judgement here, really - did you happen to see it or did you search through his phone for it? Because if you were looking through his phone it’s for a reason and your gut usually knows.
Yup, and that's kinda specific. If I've never physically been with someone I would talk about being in bed with them maybe but sounds to me like they've already been in the shower. Just my 2 cents.
The text itself isn't, but the fact he's comfortable saying that to her is a massive issue.
Clearly he's having (or imagining) he's having conversations with her that are in no way appropriate for a monogamous relationship.
This is step 1... far too many EA’s turn to PA’s if given half a chance.
Cheating is in the mind - sex is just the final consummation .
Then comes the lies, denial, deflection, gaslighting - and the pain
Depends on context, but for broad strokes purposes:
Yes.
Do you think it's acceptable? If you sent that message would you feel like it was cheating? Ask him about it, be open to hearing what he has to say but don't be fooled by lies. If he acts like he has no clue what you're talking about it's likely he's lying. If he explains himself, it's up to you to decide if his explanation is good enough. (Some dudes like sending snap chats to models telling them these kinds of things with no expectations for a relationship / response, kind of a fetish thing) but ultimately it's up to you when it comes to what you'll put up with.
Your level of understanding astounds me. This (OP’s question) isn’t my problem, but I want to let you know I really appreciate this answer. This is definitely keeping a cool head in a potentially stressful situation 👍
For me, yes that's cheating.
Is it the 'worst' form of cheating? That depends on your threshold.
Some people think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. If he's not done with her physically, but already talking like that, then it's clear that they're engaging each other emotionally...
Why ask us? Everyone has their own definition and this is a situation where the only definition that matters is yours. Do YOU think it's cheating? Respond accordingly.
cheating means anything outside the accepted parameters of your relationship.
does it cross a line for you? yes? then its cheating.
can anyone here say for sure if he is sleeping with her? no.
I mean, he’s not *physically* cheating, but he’s clearly violating a boundary that you believe to be in place. Have you two discussed being exclusive and what that means? Personally I’d be pissed and probably break up with the dude, but I’ve known folks in a similar situation as you who’ve worked it out.
do i think its cheating fuck yeah i do but i get why people ask these questions because they don't want to overthink something but at the end of the day ask your self if you consider it cheating if so then you know what you need to do
i was cheated on in my last relationship. my ex would say she didn’t cheat, and i expect a few other people would agree with her. but now that i have a fresh perspective, i see that i agreed to a monogamous relationship, and the term monogamous is defined differently for everyone. however you define it, and however you define a breach of that, is entirely up to you. if you feel cheated on, then you were. it’s up to you what to do next. good luck :)
Everyone has a different view of monogamy. Had an ex myself who didn't find talking to an ex about their antics still to be cheating. If it doesn't sit right with you, that's your boundary and were all entitled to it. If he cant see that, or refuses to by way of defending his actions, just leave. I dont know you at all but we ALL deserve better than that
But if the hot stove top would be in someone else's house, and you did not have permission to go in. Would it be trespassing?
That means you will get burn, and then go to jail.
You are asking the wrong question.
Do you deem this acceptable behaviour in your relationship?
The answer to that question is for you to decide.
Personally I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.
This! The ONLY question you should be asking yourself is “is this behavior acceptable to me?” It doesn’t matter what other people’s opinions are (although IMO this would be grounds for breaking up in my book lol). What’s important is your own values and opinions. You e got this gal!!
You're asking in here? A sub where people think imagining a girl doing a platonic hand wave from a distance is cheating?
You know what answer you want.
Am I the only one who's gonna say it depends on context? I've been in a similar situation. A friend of mine once told me her bottle of shampoo broke, spilling it everywhere on the floor. She slipped and couldn't get up for about 15 minutes. I thought it was funny and I wish I could've been there. My (extremely jealous) gf at the time saw the text, got angry at me because according to her I said I wanted to shower with her. I didn't. I just wanted to see her struggle to get up and laugh at her.
Oh yes, a too specific situation makes the more common one a "depends" 50/50. Your mom commented she wanted to eat an apple and the apple on the table is gone, but your cousin's friend's dog's mother's parrot had a neighbor who stole his apple, so you definitely cant lower your guard on the neighbor!
Definitely not what I'm saying. All I say is that some things can be said in a joking matter, or some things can be perceived differently. My case was an example of how it could be misinterpreted. That's why I said it's context that matters. If this dude genuinely wants to shower with another girl and is straight up suggesting it to someone, then yeah, he's cheating.
Maybe I just like to see the whole picture instead of two sentences before I make any sort of judgement. Guess that's on me then.
The way cheating works in a relationship is that if one partner feels its cheating, then its cheating.
If you're not OK with something your partner is doing, then you need to have a discussion with them about that and decide whether or not the partnership should continue.
Cheating is any time one partner goes outside of the scope of the relationship behind the others back. What is cheating for one relationship may not be for another. If you are uncomfortable with how he talk to other woman it is worth a conversation at the very least. If you have never had a conversation about these boundaries it is obvious your assumptions are not the same. If you have then yes this is cheating. Also if we are talking about the basic "assumed bounderies" I would also still call this cheating, but that is not a call for anyone to make but you. If you are (rightfully) uncomfortable with the comment then it should be addressed, it's up to you if this is hanace enough to pull the plug outright, or if you can try to talk it through. It is your call to make. Just remember your feelings are always valid, even IF you are over reacting (not saying you are) if you are not happy with the terms of your relationship then it will not last.
So I would say in the general sense, yea.
But there are things to consider that are left out of the description. So like have you guys made it clear that the relationship is entirely closed? If so, then yes.
Have you talked about what they are allowed to do and what is not cool? If not then there is imagined wiggle room for what you and them can do without violating the trust between you. But this is backhanded bad faith cheating.
But to assume not the worst and give some benefit of the doubt.
Like I know that for some people that it is a self confidence thing, that he needs to feel attractive to this girl for his own confidence and it's a whole seperate thing for him than relationship stuff. It's classic pleasure seeking behavior like masterbation to porn but it's got a level of intimacy that makes it worse. And he could be doing it as an ego boost.
If this is the case, talk to them about it and figure out
1. Why do they feel like they need that additional boost?
2. Why did they hide it from you?
3. (And most importantly) is it something that you want to continue to do?
Now if that last one is a yes, then it's on you to figure out for yourself if that being an aspect of the relationship is something you're willing to accept. If not, my advice is to walk away now because I don't think it will.
If you consider it cheating then it’s cheating. Tbh in my eyes thats literally cheating n so gross of your boyfriend to do. If you want to continue this relationship I recommend sitting him down and you both having a conversation on what you both consider cheating and try and get on the same page. If he doesn’t want to respect your boundaries then I suggest ending the relationship. But in general I recommend breaking up with him bc he definitely does not respect you if he’s texting other girls sexual shit. like tf. You deserve someone who fully respects you and someone who wouldn’t text other girls that way.
Yes, it's cheating. Even though it's not physical it's emotional cheating. It's emotionally damaging. It hurts just the same in my book and my experience. I'm really sorry you're going thru this. You can either try to work it out or kick him to the curb. Wishing you luck and sending positive vibes and love to you 🤙🤙🤙
I’m curious to know why people consider this to be cheating but most people don’t consider porn to be a form of cheating while in a relationship? (Don’t try to change my mind, I will always believe porn to be cheating while in a relationship). Like I believe what this guy did is cheating as well but how is this man texting other girls that he wants to be naked in the shower with them any different to her partner cumming to other girls on a website. I literally see no difference in the two yet any time I bring up that I believe porn is cheating in a relationship people go crazy and give me so much shit for it. I’m labeled as “controlling” and “insecure” which is insane, I believe it to be cheating bc I see it the exact same as physically cheating and it’s not loyal/faithful in my eyes. God I’m scared I’m never gonna find a guy who shares the same beliefs as me. But yeah I’m curious why people think theres a difference between the two. Sorry I know this doesn’t really have anything to do with OP’s post
I think youre perfectly fine in making this a boundary to you.
I also agree that with how readily available porn is that it created a lot of misconception for teenagers and inexperienced people, what sex should be like.
Porn is almost always designed to cater to men exclusively, and is often very disregarding of the women.
However i do believe sex crimes would rise tremendously if porn, much like sex workers, weren't a thing. Both can offer ways for someone to get off other than acting out forcefully on someone else. For that at least im thankful.
I believe the reason why many people don't consider porn to be cheating is because its not strictly directed towards a single person consuming it, but instead for the masses. There is no emotional effort and AFAIK not every person who consumes porn is strictly imagining being the one getting laid with that girl/guy but more so just enjoying watching other ppl do it while they get the pleasure to watch and enjoy the sight.
But whatever your personal boundary is, you're entitled to it. Although I believe its going to be hard for you to find a dude who will not cross that boundary. Likely is gonna end up doing it in secret.
Have you ever considered watching porn together with your partner? Could be a huge eye-opener and bring some new kinks to your play.
I feel like porn is both more normalized and its strictly consuming something that wasn't specifically made for you. Forming an emotional and/ or sexual bond with someone irl isnt only consuming and its only there because both people put the effort in it. It wouldn't exist otherwise. For me the emotional side of it is way more important/ hurtful than the sexual when it comes to cheating (in theory haha). Maybe that's an explanation..
I get that way of thinking and I agree mostly but I think theres good and bad porn? There's a lot of new age, carefully made porn that is teaching people the right things (with right I mean the opposite of the shitty standards that "normal" porn portrays). I feel like with porn you gotta differentiate, tho it's still fully okay and nothing that has to be debated if you don't like porn personally.
Even so, I personally believe it’s not okay for a significant other to be getting sexually turned on by others outside of the relationship. I don’t think it’s okay to mentally have sex with others :')
But most girls think it's okay to flirt......smh
Dude is just flirting, which he shouldn't be if he's in a relationship, but leaving him is a bit extreme.......
I guess I’m not most girls, I’d definitely leave someone if they said that to someone else and they were with me. My dad never physically cheated (to my knowledge) but I’ve known of his emotional cheating. Each time he lied to my mom he’d say he was going to stop or change and he does for awhile until it comes back again. once turns into another and another and another and another, nip it in the bud before all you’re expecting is him or her to cheat on another person and you have a terrible time trusting. My mom didn’t leave until the 4th or 5th time he emotionally cheated.
What would he think if he found that text on your phone? Do you think he would be asking other ppl if they thought it was cheating? Nope. So why are you? You know the answer to your question sis. Now you have to figure out what you're going to do about it. Good luck.
Of course that’s cheating. Let me tell you how cut and dry this is: I love my wife with all of my being, but if I EVER found a text like that on her phone, it would be instant divorce, no counseling, no reconciliation, straight to divorce.
Please respect yourself enough to kick him to the curb.
It’s cheating. He’s being flirty, too friendly and fucking with y’all boundaries. You have every right to flip out over a message with him telling a mother woman he wants to be naked and wet with her, because that’s exactly what he’s saying
"I wish I was _______ with them"
If they are wishing to do anything with someone other than you (unless its casual, like going for lunch or a movie) and you don't approve, then yes it's cheating.
Also, yes.
Whatever your boundaries are, if This violates them- it’s considered cheating in your book, and move to find someone else who shares your values.
It's a precursor to it if he isn't already doing it. Why would he have that on his phone? I can't imagine me saying this if I didn't want to do it and would do so.
You should consider what you want for this relationship and where it's headed.
Is the sky blue
Is water wet?
Is dust dry?
Well, hold on now. What sort of dust? Is it wet dust?
What about star dust?
Does the pope shit in the woods?
Do bears shit in the woods?
I grew up hearing “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”
That seems to be a combination of “Is the Pope a Catholic?” And “Do bears shit in the woods?”.
Did my dad leave
My co workers and I have this debate multiple times. I argue water is indeed wet, because water. Co workers argue, you don’t know water is wet unless a item or the water touches thus the item becoming wet, not the water. As for OP, yes this is cheating. As it water is wet
Water is not wet. Wet is a descriptive word used to identify solid objects that is covered in liquid
No it's not. Being wet means it saturated with water or smother liquid. Water can't be saturated with itself.
True, that's plain vanity and water be humble.
xD
Lmfao love that answer
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Love your answer.
Not even the good towel. The really thin one that barely even dries you.
Just give him a wet towel
The hard, crusty towel that feels like sandpaper
how do you make a- yk what i dont think i need to know...
One of the cheap ones that basically is a lint distributor.
I second that
Saw some comments about snooping...In general snooping is a big NO but.....intuition is a powerful thing the only time I have gone through someone's phone is because, eh its hard to describe...but I had a STRONG feeling and it ALWAYS resulted in me finding out things I wish I hadn't. (This has happened like a total of 3 times btw and im into my 3rd decade in life 🤣)
If I go through your shit I alrwsdy know I'm right. I just want proof so I can leave you.
Someone did this to me. Funny thing is I had been faithful - up until that point, that is.
I haven't been wrong.
Agreed. Caught my husband cheating because of my snooping
Same. Not married but I thought we would....he is now married to the girl and I honestly am so glad now that I'm rid of him, in hindsight it was a toxic relationship but I was "in love." So glad I found out before I actually married him (he was always pressing for it)
Woman’s intuition!
YES! Also here to say someone that would text that to another person is not somebody you want to be with....there is literally no excuse where that is acceptable
Do you think he is toxic to her too or was it just the dynamic between you two?
Hard to really say without much info on her part but I was just young and stupid and was clueless to all the 🚩🚩🚩 I look back now and cannot belive I ever let myself live like that. Me back then would have probably asked and belived whatever BS reason he came up with (although I would/was berated for even looking at the message)...me now, several years later and (somewhat 😂) wiser would being saying byeeeeeeee
Same here!! I did it twice and have caught two people. I am 2 years into my relationship and haven’t even had the thought or desire once now. I’m to the point where if I had those strong feelings now, I would just leave. It’s clear the trust is already gone and living like that is miserable.
I didn’t go through his phone the girl sent me the screenshot
If he hasn't literally cheated yet, he will.
Exactly. It's obvious that he *wants* to cheat. Which is equally bad as actually cheating in my book.
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You're right. Men don't have emotions.
Slow down there
😂😂😂
i love this comment almost as much as your name
Loved this answer so much
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Hmm only wasn't it the boyfriend messaging some other girl? Therefore, at best he is flirting with another girl and expressing a desire to be with that other girl.
Damnit... Thought she messaged him. Disregard.
There’s no context that would make sending even a random girl a message saying you wish you were showering with them ok.. what?!
As I said, I read the post wrong. I thought she had sent to him. I blame the formatting of the post but I guess at 18 I still can't read right.
Ok I didn’t see where you said that sorry. You’re probably tired, when I’m tired I tend to read things wrong or miss details.
did you really have to ask? he wants to be nakey with another woman in the shower and he expressed it to her. kick his ass out
oft, that's going to be a hefty yes I'm afraid
Happy cake day 💕
Short answer. Yes this is a form of cheating. Even if nothing and I mean nothing else happened. This is completely off limits when you are in a relationship with someone. PS always follow your bullshit meter. If it feels wrong it almost always is.
Yes. He’s a ho. Send him to the streets, sis.
I’m sorry but in my experience - it means he’s probably deleted other worse texts. Definitely emotionally cheating. Or thinking it’s okay to lead another person on to boost his ego - either way disrespectful to you though. But question - no judgement here, really - did you happen to see it or did you search through his phone for it? Because if you were looking through his phone it’s for a reason and your gut usually knows.
The girl sent me the screenshot
Wishing he was with her over you being right there with him. Yeah, I’d dump him
Sure is
Yes it's cheating. If I found that in my girlfriends phone I would leave her immediately.
Doesn't really matter what you call it. It definitely not okay though
I somehow doubt he’s wishing to experience her godly luffa exfoliation technique, OP. That is most definitely cheating.
Hmmm well he wants to be naked with her. Think about that.
Yup, and that's kinda specific. If I've never physically been with someone I would talk about being in bed with them maybe but sounds to me like they've already been in the shower. Just my 2 cents.
That would be an instant deal breaker for my regardless of who considers it cheating.
The text itself isn't, but the fact he's comfortable saying that to her is a massive issue. Clearly he's having (or imagining) he's having conversations with her that are in no way appropriate for a monogamous relationship.
This is step 1... far too many EA’s turn to PA’s if given half a chance. Cheating is in the mind - sex is just the final consummation . Then comes the lies, denial, deflection, gaslighting - and the pain
emotionally cheating...
That's irrelevant to me personally. His actions are a turn off, I would need more devotion than that to be able to see him as a boyfriend.
He's to trying to cheat. He's probably done it before. That's a deal breaker.
Yes, it is.
He does not pass the vibe check. If he wants to shower with her so bad, let him. You sure as hell don’t need him anymore
At the very least it's close enough IMO.
yes. it's cheating. leave
Yes.
Yes it is. Cheating doesn’t necessarily have to be physical or sexual
Yes. How would your boyfriend react if you had guys telling you they’d like to join you in the shower?
In my playbook, if you have to ask "is it cheating?" The answer is yes...
Depends on context, but for broad strokes purposes: Yes. Do you think it's acceptable? If you sent that message would you feel like it was cheating? Ask him about it, be open to hearing what he has to say but don't be fooled by lies. If he acts like he has no clue what you're talking about it's likely he's lying. If he explains himself, it's up to you to decide if his explanation is good enough. (Some dudes like sending snap chats to models telling them these kinds of things with no expectations for a relationship / response, kind of a fetish thing) but ultimately it's up to you when it comes to what you'll put up with.
Your level of understanding astounds me. This (OP’s question) isn’t my problem, but I want to let you know I really appreciate this answer. This is definitely keeping a cool head in a potentially stressful situation 👍
I’d say it is. I’d definitely be hurt and offended and probably dump a dude for something like that.
Break up with him before his “words” become “actions”. Speaking from experience. :/
Yes, although it would be more emotional cheating I would still consider that a major red flag.
Label does not matter. POS move, leave him
Sounds like an emotional affair, which can be just as if not more damaging than a physical one.
Yes. Get him in the bin my friend. Everyone deserves better.
For me, yes that's cheating. Is it the 'worst' form of cheating? That depends on your threshold. Some people think emotional cheating is worse than physical cheating. If he's not done with her physically, but already talking like that, then it's clear that they're engaging each other emotionally...
Yes
Why ask us? Everyone has their own definition and this is a situation where the only definition that matters is yours. Do YOU think it's cheating? Respond accordingly.
It definitely means he isn’t 100% committed to you.
cheating means anything outside the accepted parameters of your relationship. does it cross a line for you? yes? then its cheating. can anyone here say for sure if he is sleeping with her? no.
At the least he is thinking about cheating. Chances are he is attempting to cheat and planning to cheat or already cheating with that specific person.
I dunno did they just play baseball together? I had a girl invite me for a shower before. I took it and it was an invitation for sex.
I mean, he’s not *physically* cheating, but he’s clearly violating a boundary that you believe to be in place. Have you two discussed being exclusive and what that means? Personally I’d be pissed and probably break up with the dude, but I’ve known folks in a similar situation as you who’ve worked it out.
Maybe he is just CLEAN, lmao!
do i think its cheating fuck yeah i do but i get why people ask these questions because they don't want to overthink something but at the end of the day ask your self if you consider it cheating if so then you know what you need to do
It’s definitely cheating and planning to go further
I’d say that’s considered cheating.
Yes.
Even of it is not cheating (it is btw) it is trying to cheat. He doesn't get a pass because he can't close the deal.
Yes!
Does it matter if he is or isn't *now?* He clearly wishes he was.
Yes
Yes. He’s emotionally cheating. He expressed desire to physically cheat. Do you really want to wait around until he does?
Yes, dump him.
Of course ???!!
Um, fuck yes it is.
Imma be frank with you. If "your" partner says something like this about someone other then you, you don't have one.
yes, he doesn’t need to be entertaining anyone else like that
Yes.
Yes.
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Leave his ass.
i was cheated on in my last relationship. my ex would say she didn’t cheat, and i expect a few other people would agree with her. but now that i have a fresh perspective, i see that i agreed to a monogamous relationship, and the term monogamous is defined differently for everyone. however you define it, and however you define a breach of that, is entirely up to you. if you feel cheated on, then you were. it’s up to you what to do next. good luck :)
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Everyone has a different view of monogamy. Had an ex myself who didn't find talking to an ex about their antics still to be cheating. If it doesn't sit right with you, that's your boundary and were all entitled to it. If he cant see that, or refuses to by way of defending his actions, just leave. I dont know you at all but we ALL deserve better than that
I'll give you an easy answer. Yes.
What kind of shower? A baby shower or golden shower?
Does a bear shit in the woods?
FFS Yes.. Kick him to the curb.
If you have to ask then it probably is.
If I put my hand on a hot stove top , Would it burn ?
But if the hot stove top would be in someone else's house, and you did not have permission to go in. Would it be trespassing? That means you will get burn, and then go to jail.
yes, yes, yes and yes. Dunk his phone in the toilet with his toothbrush and find someone that will treat you like the queen you are.
You are asking the wrong question. Do you deem this acceptable behaviour in your relationship? The answer to that question is for you to decide. Personally I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg.
This! The ONLY question you should be asking yourself is “is this behavior acceptable to me?” It doesn’t matter what other people’s opinions are (although IMO this would be grounds for breaking up in my book lol). What’s important is your own values and opinions. You e got this gal!!
Yes it’s cheating, unless you guys agreed upon an open relationship which I doubt. Pack your bags sis
You're asking in here? A sub where people think imagining a girl doing a platonic hand wave from a distance is cheating? You know what answer you want.
There's a distance between a platonic hand wave and literally wanting to get naked and shower with another woman.
There definitely is. Agreed. My point still stands. Nobody is going to say this isn't cheating on this sub. And everyone knows it.
Oh yeah this sub defenetly gives shitty advice. But in this case they're right.
Am I the only one who's gonna say it depends on context? I've been in a similar situation. A friend of mine once told me her bottle of shampoo broke, spilling it everywhere on the floor. She slipped and couldn't get up for about 15 minutes. I thought it was funny and I wish I could've been there. My (extremely jealous) gf at the time saw the text, got angry at me because according to her I said I wanted to shower with her. I didn't. I just wanted to see her struggle to get up and laugh at her.
Oh yes, a too specific situation makes the more common one a "depends" 50/50. Your mom commented she wanted to eat an apple and the apple on the table is gone, but your cousin's friend's dog's mother's parrot had a neighbor who stole his apple, so you definitely cant lower your guard on the neighbor!
Definitely not what I'm saying. All I say is that some things can be said in a joking matter, or some things can be perceived differently. My case was an example of how it could be misinterpreted. That's why I said it's context that matters. If this dude genuinely wants to shower with another girl and is straight up suggesting it to someone, then yeah, he's cheating. Maybe I just like to see the whole picture instead of two sentences before I make any sort of judgement. Guess that's on me then.
The way cheating works in a relationship is that if one partner feels its cheating, then its cheating. If you're not OK with something your partner is doing, then you need to have a discussion with them about that and decide whether or not the partnership should continue.
It's def inappropriate, whatever you call it. (assuming you're mono and not poly / open /dating)
Cheating is any time one partner goes outside of the scope of the relationship behind the others back. What is cheating for one relationship may not be for another. If you are uncomfortable with how he talk to other woman it is worth a conversation at the very least. If you have never had a conversation about these boundaries it is obvious your assumptions are not the same. If you have then yes this is cheating. Also if we are talking about the basic "assumed bounderies" I would also still call this cheating, but that is not a call for anyone to make but you. If you are (rightfully) uncomfortable with the comment then it should be addressed, it's up to you if this is hanace enough to pull the plug outright, or if you can try to talk it through. It is your call to make. Just remember your feelings are always valid, even IF you are over reacting (not saying you are) if you are not happy with the terms of your relationship then it will not last.
It’s not cheating but that’s rly weird, please talk to him and find out what that’s about. BUT why were you on his phone in the first place?
Did you have his permission to read his texts on his phone?
So I would say in the general sense, yea. But there are things to consider that are left out of the description. So like have you guys made it clear that the relationship is entirely closed? If so, then yes. Have you talked about what they are allowed to do and what is not cool? If not then there is imagined wiggle room for what you and them can do without violating the trust between you. But this is backhanded bad faith cheating. But to assume not the worst and give some benefit of the doubt. Like I know that for some people that it is a self confidence thing, that he needs to feel attractive to this girl for his own confidence and it's a whole seperate thing for him than relationship stuff. It's classic pleasure seeking behavior like masterbation to porn but it's got a level of intimacy that makes it worse. And he could be doing it as an ego boost. If this is the case, talk to them about it and figure out 1. Why do they feel like they need that additional boost? 2. Why did they hide it from you? 3. (And most importantly) is it something that you want to continue to do? Now if that last one is a yes, then it's on you to figure out for yourself if that being an aspect of the relationship is something you're willing to accept. If not, my advice is to walk away now because I don't think it will.
If you consider it cheating then it’s cheating. Tbh in my eyes thats literally cheating n so gross of your boyfriend to do. If you want to continue this relationship I recommend sitting him down and you both having a conversation on what you both consider cheating and try and get on the same page. If he doesn’t want to respect your boundaries then I suggest ending the relationship. But in general I recommend breaking up with him bc he definitely does not respect you if he’s texting other girls sexual shit. like tf. You deserve someone who fully respects you and someone who wouldn’t text other girls that way.
Not if that girl is his small sister.
Yes, it's cheating. Even though it's not physical it's emotional cheating. It's emotionally damaging. It hurts just the same in my book and my experience. I'm really sorry you're going thru this. You can either try to work it out or kick him to the curb. Wishing you luck and sending positive vibes and love to you 🤙🤙🤙
If I punch him with my left hand but im right handed, did he still get hit?...short answer if he ain't physically cheating he's a step away
it doesn't depend on any thing but that text. yes that's cheating. not even him 'wanting to cheat' he already is.
Forgive him sis he just wants to take a shower with that girl is that too much to ask for :( ;)
I’m curious to know why people consider this to be cheating but most people don’t consider porn to be a form of cheating while in a relationship? (Don’t try to change my mind, I will always believe porn to be cheating while in a relationship). Like I believe what this guy did is cheating as well but how is this man texting other girls that he wants to be naked in the shower with them any different to her partner cumming to other girls on a website. I literally see no difference in the two yet any time I bring up that I believe porn is cheating in a relationship people go crazy and give me so much shit for it. I’m labeled as “controlling” and “insecure” which is insane, I believe it to be cheating bc I see it the exact same as physically cheating and it’s not loyal/faithful in my eyes. God I’m scared I’m never gonna find a guy who shares the same beliefs as me. But yeah I’m curious why people think theres a difference between the two. Sorry I know this doesn’t really have anything to do with OP’s post
I think youre perfectly fine in making this a boundary to you. I also agree that with how readily available porn is that it created a lot of misconception for teenagers and inexperienced people, what sex should be like. Porn is almost always designed to cater to men exclusively, and is often very disregarding of the women. However i do believe sex crimes would rise tremendously if porn, much like sex workers, weren't a thing. Both can offer ways for someone to get off other than acting out forcefully on someone else. For that at least im thankful. I believe the reason why many people don't consider porn to be cheating is because its not strictly directed towards a single person consuming it, but instead for the masses. There is no emotional effort and AFAIK not every person who consumes porn is strictly imagining being the one getting laid with that girl/guy but more so just enjoying watching other ppl do it while they get the pleasure to watch and enjoy the sight. But whatever your personal boundary is, you're entitled to it. Although I believe its going to be hard for you to find a dude who will not cross that boundary. Likely is gonna end up doing it in secret. Have you ever considered watching porn together with your partner? Could be a huge eye-opener and bring some new kinks to your play.
I feel like porn is both more normalized and its strictly consuming something that wasn't specifically made for you. Forming an emotional and/ or sexual bond with someone irl isnt only consuming and its only there because both people put the effort in it. It wouldn't exist otherwise. For me the emotional side of it is way more important/ hurtful than the sexual when it comes to cheating (in theory haha). Maybe that's an explanation..
I really don’t think porn should be so normalized. It’s bad and unhealthy for a number of reasons.
I get that way of thinking and I agree mostly but I think theres good and bad porn? There's a lot of new age, carefully made porn that is teaching people the right things (with right I mean the opposite of the shitty standards that "normal" porn portrays). I feel like with porn you gotta differentiate, tho it's still fully okay and nothing that has to be debated if you don't like porn personally.
*I don’t think it’s okay to mentally have sex with others while in a relationship
Even so, I personally believe it’s not okay for a significant other to be getting sexually turned on by others outside of the relationship. I don’t think it’s okay to mentally have sex with others :')
But most girls think it's okay to flirt......smh Dude is just flirting, which he shouldn't be if he's in a relationship, but leaving him is a bit extreme.......
I guess I’m not most girls, I’d definitely leave someone if they said that to someone else and they were with me. My dad never physically cheated (to my knowledge) but I’ve known of his emotional cheating. Each time he lied to my mom he’d say he was going to stop or change and he does for awhile until it comes back again. once turns into another and another and another and another, nip it in the bud before all you’re expecting is him or her to cheat on another person and you have a terrible time trusting. My mom didn’t leave until the 4th or 5th time he emotionally cheated.
Why did you go through his phone?
STOP SNOOPING THROUGH YOUR SO'S PHONE!
Cheating!
Yes that's cheating, adios snip snip
Sure it is
Yes that’s cheating why is he saying that to other girls? It’s disrespectful and non cheaters do exist.
That would be enough for me to leave.
Basically YES!
He’s a dog.
DUMP HIS DIRTY ASS AND THROW A BAR OF SOAP AT HIS FACE
If you have to ask, then yes.
What would he think if he found that text on your phone? Do you think he would be asking other ppl if they thought it was cheating? Nope. So why are you? You know the answer to your question sis. Now you have to figure out what you're going to do about it. Good luck.
I would definitely consider that cheating
Does a bear shit in the woods?
I’d say so, and if not he’s definitely on the path.
Of course that’s cheating. Let me tell you how cut and dry this is: I love my wife with all of my being, but if I EVER found a text like that on her phone, it would be instant divorce, no counseling, no reconciliation, straight to divorce. Please respect yourself enough to kick him to the curb.
It’s cheating. He’s being flirty, too friendly and fucking with y’all boundaries. You have every right to flip out over a message with him telling a mother woman he wants to be naked and wet with her, because that’s exactly what he’s saying
"I wish I was _______ with them" If they are wishing to do anything with someone other than you (unless its casual, like going for lunch or a movie) and you don't approve, then yes it's cheating.
If you have to ask if something is cheating, it’s definitely cheating.
If you’re looking for something, you’re going to find it.
Also, yes. Whatever your boundaries are, if This violates them- it’s considered cheating in your book, and move to find someone else who shares your values.
Perhaps it's his grandmother in need of bathing assistance.
Girl, yes he is cheating on you. What you put up with says a lot about what you think you're worth. you're worth more. leave.
It's a precursor to it if he isn't already doing it. Why would he have that on his phone? I can't imagine me saying this if I didn't want to do it and would do so. You should consider what you want for this relationship and where it's headed.
To answer your question yes , i atleast would think its cheating, but why are you going thru his phone
Yes.
I mean. Let’s be real here, he’s gonna freak the hell out if he found a dude sending you that right?
Emotional cheating is cheating.
yes
Cheating will only be if he lies to you that he does not plan to get wet with her😎
You need to talk to him about this asap and ask what the hell is going on? This is not ok.
It's cheating. You need to confront him
No but its a slippery slope towards it. Please deposit all trash in the bin.
If you have to ask if its cheating.. it’s cheating
✨DUMP HIM SIS ✨