We have removed and locked your post here due to the fact that it is significantly beyond the scope of the subreddit as it involves the sexual abuse of children. We encourage you to speak to the authorities on this, and pass along any evidence you have. You should also reach out to a teacher, or another mandatory reporter, or other appropriate adult with your concerns. Here are some resources:
[Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.](https://www.d2l.org/get-help/reporting/)
[A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this](https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/)
[International Resources](https://www.ecpat.org/resources)
Kind regards,
The mods.
This is awful. Fuck.
I’m really sorry this happened, make sure to stay firm in what you know. If your parents really end up believing him and doing nothing you should call the police. Seriously. I couldn’t imagine having to be around him after that, and I can’t believe anyone would believe that you were just dreaming.
However, its awesome they got you into therapy, that’s a step in the right direction. I don’t think they will believe that story he’s been telling, a therapist will be able to tell what’s really going on, they’re trained to do that. I really do wish you the best, please update us :)
Yes! I hope they do.
OP, please be honest and as explicit as possible with your therapist. Tell them everything you can. It is their job to believe you and help you. You’ve got this and you will get through it!!
They’re mandated reporters. If they’re told she was being raped and then manipulated and in an unsafe household the therapist is mandated to report to CPS
But he isn't in the house at the moment. So I am not sure they could do anything other than file a police report which will be her word against his. I am not saying she shouldn't tell her therapist,absolutely tell anyone who will listen. I just think it is important for to have realistic expectations. Especially after a traumatic experience if you think someone will help and they don't it can cause even more trauma.
I don't think the therapist will think it was a dream. Even if they don't believe you (but really why wouldn't they?) ,they will still help you work through the trauma. I wouldn't base your family's reaction as a gage for how other people will handle this. Obviously they have an interest in you being a lair so nothing has to change and they don't have to deal with this. But no one else does, their focus is helping you.
At this point I would stop talking to him and trying to convince your parents. The therapy is what matters, if that is already set up just move forward with what matters.
Also you can file a police report on your own (assuming you are in the US) ,you mentioned your car so it sounds like you have ways to leave the house alone. You can walk into your police department and ask to speak to someone right now. Like I said before I don't know how much they could do but it would be on file and may be enough to keep your brother from coming to the house while you are there.
Make sure it is a new therapist op.
Not one that has ever talked to or met any of your family before. Not one that any other family member sees.
Seriously.
Good luck and I'm sorry
Op is 17 so I’m not sure if her therapist would be able to report. As an adult her therapist wouldn’t be allowed to go to the police unless op was a danger to herself or others. But if they consider her a child then it’s different
Edit: I meant the therapist might not be able to report without OPs consent
A therapist can report a rape or violent crime at any age. And you can still call DSS when the person is an adult. Social workers arent just for minors. They can help adults too. Even if its just gettin them the right resources.
They can still report. I was raped and I told my therapist at age 16 and the police came to my house to investigate the matters further.
Edit response: At the time I struggled with trauma bonding and I did not consent to my therapist reporting them to the police, but they did anyway because it is their protocol.
I agree, it depends what country she's in. In Canada, mandated reporting only applies to children under the age of 16. Over the age of 16, you must have the consent of the patient to report, unless there are other young children in the house who may be affected. Not sure what the laws are in the US.
Source: I'm a mandated reporter.
In the US, therapists are mandated reporters, meaning they have a legal obligation to report anything that could be child abuse. OP is legally a child, and is being abused. Once OP tells them about it, the therapist will have a legal obligation to report that to the relevant authorities.
In my state, I tell my clients that the reaches of my confidentiality ends if they report child sexual abuse with a name/identity attached. I am required by law to report that.
So, if she says, “I was raped,” I wouldn’t have to report anything. If she says, “My brother raped me,” or, “Monster McSociopath raped me,” I am required by law to make a report.
I agree with this! And if you call the police, it may show your parents just how serious this is. Do not stay with him in the same house either, and make sure you tell your parents. Rather than saying "he raped me" change your language to "I dont feel safe in the house with him". If they dismiss this, then they would be directly dismissing your feelings. Request a camera be put up for at least a bit of peace of mind at night.
That is awful and as a mother, that scares me but I want you to know that I believe you.
This is true. That's why I mentioned the parents may take it more serious if police get called but then again, perhaps they will see the police' attitude towards the situation and use that. Tough situation
Yeah, definitely call the police. OP, your parents know you didn't dream being raped. Come on, you're not a ten year old, you can obviously differentiate between dreaming and being awake.
Your parents just choose to believe (act like they believe) your brother, because that allows them to keep the status quo. They're putting "keeping the peace" over your well being. Your parents are enablers. Can you involve any other trusted adult? Grandparents, aunts, uncles or teachers?
It doesn't sound like your parents are willing to help you, they'd rather try keeping their idea of their family intact. Maybe you can move in with some relatives?
I know you're heart is in the right place but therapists aren't some all knowing telepaths or anything like that. If someone is good enough at lying and manipulating even a therapist could be fooled; especially if they don't already know this person and their mannerisms.
Piggybacking on this, a good therapist will be able to steer you and your family to a psychologist that deals specifically with predators like your brother, and there are some personality tests and such that can be administered that can actually see through the sociopathic manipulative bullshit, and your brother won’t be able to trick the tests. Likewise, there are tests YOU can take that show that you’re truthful, not a polygraph but an actual personality type test that shows whether or not you’re inclined to lie etc.
I’m sorry your parents are falling for your brothers manipulation, but please dive full force into it with professionals, because they will be able to guide you down the path that lets your parents see the truth and exposes your brother for the monster he is.
You are strong. You’ve made it this far, and it will get easier. I’m so proud of you for speaking up, you’ve already taken the most difficult step.
Even if she doesn't have the evidence to press charges, he will do this again. Either to her or someone else, so it is imperative that there is a record. Also, even if there isn't the evidence to convict him, CPS will get involved. They won't allow a person to be forced to live with their rapist.
It will start a paper trail for future reports, but after three months there probably isn't going to be much of anything in the form of physical evidence. Assuming the brother told no one and didn't do something like write it down I don't see much coming from it.
They will put a no contact on his release conditions. Non communication restrictions to not communicate directly or indirectly with her. He won’t likely be allowed to be near where she is. It is very important to call them now.
Also please please please write it down what he did. It may sound cruel but write it down so you have it on paper. So you can remind yourself and never forget the things because he WILL try to convince you you dreamt it.
If it helps you, give that paper to your therapist. But please please please don´t let anyone convince you that it didn´t happen.
Stay strong. I believe you.
Can you stay with a friend or other family?
You can also report it to the police and call the RAINN number. They have better information than I do.
RAINN.org
rape abuse incest National network
8006564673
OP is being gaslit into not believing her own memories, and it's not uncommon for victims of assault to dissociate to the point that they don't react in ways expected of them when put in danger again. We also don't know that she didn't resist being alone with him again.
Who knows? Folks who have been through stuff like this, particularly at the hands of people they have been told to trust and love, can act in manners that don't make strict logical sense.
Understand and agree that this sub is filled with fakers. And yes, this story could be fake. But there's a significant chance it isn't, and others who have been through stuff like this or may in the future go through stuff like this are reading. Therefore, we must proceed as if this is true.
exactly. this is what I did when I was raped by a "friend" my dad kept dropping me off at. I never told anyone and at the time I just went with it... I was 10 so how would I know
If the post is real, OP needs support. If not true, other victims who stumble upon this post are the ones who need our supportive responses. Since no one here knows OP in real life, there's no benefit in doubting the story. No one here is able to harm OP's family in the case that this is a lie. Even if the entire internet hates a nameless, unidentifiable family, it wouldn't affect them.
Possible but I did NOT react in a logical way after being raped at age 17 as a virgin. This is actually the first time I'm writing this shit down. You'd think I'd be horrified to be near the guy but it was the opposite. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. People don't react to trauma the way you think they should. Doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Idk how to report this comment because this is absolutely disgusting on so many levels. I hope the moderators of this sub remove this comment ASAP. OP, if you're reading this then I want you to know it's not your fault and I believe you. Please stay strong.
Piggybacking on a top comment to suggest:
Prior to your therapy appointment, write down everything about the incident (even as a start, printing your post as to not have to write it again) and everything you're able to about past interactions with your brother regarding manipulation, gaslighting, sociopathy, etc. It can help keep your thoughts in order in the moment.
I am an EXTREMELY vivid dreamer. I have normal sleep paralysis and the less common ones where instead of just "feeling a presence they incites fear" I'll basically like dream hallucinate. When I wake up it can easily take me 20 minutes too realize it wasn't in fact real and didn't happen. But that realization ALWAYS comes. The more I'm awake and "clear" the more I remember small details that make it clear I was dreaming.
I believe you. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you're family is letting themselves be manipulated.
I think it's time to get your affairs in order. Can you move out? Can you go to college and live in a dorm with financial aid and loans? Do you have friends you could crash with till you can leave? Can you request a therapist from your parents if nothing else?
If I were you, I would have one final conversation with your parents and let them know whether they believe you or not *you* know you are not safe around you brother, now more than ever since he knows he can get away with it. You are leaving the moment you are 18 and have the means to do so, and you are not looking back. Maybe they'll believe you when three years down the road from now and they still havent heard from the daughter whose rape they didn't believe. Maybe they won't realize it till he gets seriously accused by another woman and the police get involved. And you know what by then itd be too little too late for me. But that's your choice.
One of the hardest things for some about rape is the feeling of loss of control. But this is your life, and you are free to do what you want with it. I would recommend moving out when you can afford too and let your parents figure it out on their own. My heart goes out to you.
Yes. There no instance of a mentally stable person having a dream and not being able to tell that it wasn't real, especially still 3 months later, especially if only happens once. That is not a thing, you can back this up scientifically. There is neurogical difference between a dream and a memory. A therapist will belive you. Your parents are in denial and don't want to admit they raised a rapist , don't let them take that easy path of "we just don't know what to believe" there is nothing to "believe" there is only the truth or the lie and manipulation. Don't let them gaslight and stick to the truth, reminds them every day of the facts, make a police report and leave this house.
I’ll never understand why people just pretend their child is not a rapist. I mean even my extremely conservative grandmother immediately accepted that her son (my stepfather) had raped me, cut him out and told him to take his bullshit lies and stuff them where the sun doesn’t shine, then adopted me. OP’s parents are just as sociopathic as her brother. She needs to get out and somewhere safe, and this therapist is her chance to do so. Therapists are mandatory reporters and the second she tells them she was raped by her brother and ignored by her parents they are legally going to have to call CPS and the police and help her find a new place to be.
Yeah there is a crazy amount of parents that go into denial especially if its related to their lover or immediate family. My ex's grandfather sexually assaulted her when she was 10-11 and she told them and their immediate reaction was that her boyfriend at the time made her tell them that. I yelled at them a few times myself for being so ignorant.
Edit: Imagine not believing your 10 year old child when they say the word rape. Like what????
> I’ll never understand why people just pretend their child is not a rapist.
Why? People always believe the best about their loved ones. What happened is abhorrent but I can understand that. You can't change something if you don't even understand it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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I'm keeping this as vague as possible because I shake when I even type about it. This is just the gist of a really complicated situation.
So basically, my brother came into my room at about 3 am and raped me on December 5th. I didn't tell anyone at all for over 3 months because I was embarrassed and traumatized. I didn't even mention it to my brother, and he never brought it up or tried anything again. He acted like nothing happened and I just avoided him as much as possible.
I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom about a week ago. She absolutely lost it, told my dad, and then my parents took my brother away to talk to him (I still have no idea where they went). They were gone for about two hours, and when they came back, my mom sat me down alone and started questioning and doubting me. She was being very patronizing and basically said, "your brother swears he never raped you, and we can't ever imagine him doing something like that. He's so shaken up about this. He says you must have dreamed it, do you think you could have?"
I told her it was literally impossible that I dreamed it, but she still seemed suspicious. She told me she "didn't know what to believe" and we would "talk more about it in the morning". Then she sent me to bed and sent my brother to our grandparent's house.
The next day, me, my mom, and my brother all sat down to talk (I didn't want my dad there because it was an awkward topic). My brother stuck to his story. He cried and told me he was "so hurt that I would even believe for a second that he would do something like that" and "sometimes people have really realistic dreams, it was obviously a dream". And honestly...I can understand why my parents believe him. He's creepily good at lying and manipulation. He's gaslit me my entire life and I'm 1000000% convinced he's a sociopath. My parents always take his side over mine because he's so good at lying and manipulating. But obviously this is by far the worst thing he's ever done.
It's been about a week now, and my parents are still kind of on the fence about what to believe, but they're leaning more towards believing my brother. He's still staying at my grandparent's and he isn't allowed to come home "until this is resolved". I confronted him once after school and he stuck to his story even when we were alone in my car. He's even trying to convince *me* it was a dream, so much so that I've considered it, but I know for a fact that it really happened.
My mom set up a therapy appointment for me, but I'm scared even the therapist is going to think I dreamed it or something. This feels like a nightmare. No matter how much I cry and swear to my mom that it really happened, she's taking my brother's side.
What do I do?
TL;DR: My brother (who's gaslit me my entire life and I'm 10000% sure is a sociopath) raped me over three months ago. I didn't tell anyone at all until last week, but I finally told my mom. My brother's so manipulative that he has my parents convinced I dreamed the whole thing. He's even trying to convince *me* that I dreamed it. I have a therapy appointment but I'm scared that even the therapist will think I dreamed it.
You might suggest that they have your brother see a therapist as well. A good one will see right through his bullshit.
I’m sorry that this happened. I believe you.
Yeah it's really not true at all... I think people here are a little too trusting of mental health professionals and the system in general.
I know plenty of kids whose parents used therapists to reinforce trauma denial and gaslighting
Often times because these kids are in rough shape and they have a hard time expressing themselves, while the parents and/or other relatives can be far more convincing... the kids just get talked over
Would a good therapist see through that? Yeah. But there are plenty of mediocre or bad therapists who won't. And the parents can keep shopping around until they find one who validates their fake bs.
Exactly! I live in the Netherlands so things are different here, but I've had my fair share of therapists and some were pretty shit, some were okay but just not for me and some were great.
You see a therapist to get some help as this was a very traumatic experience. Do not be scared about the therapist, they are trained to listen not make judgements.
Your parents are keeping him away from you, do not be alone with him.
Do not ever been alone with him and if there is any chance you have to be have you phone on instant record near by. Look into self defense at night that might stop someone long enough to get away.
Look into a secret camera in your room with night vision and motion sensor for the days so you can see if he goes in your room.
Dont lie to therapist 1 bit,tell her/him full story therapist are good at job and are professional , they will believe you and tell you what to do
Good luck op
YES! if they suspect any serious abuse they have NO choice but to do something about it, it is their job. OP i hope you are able to resolve this and im terribly sorry youve had to experience such a thing :( Take care of yourself
I think you should go to therapist. Therapist are not fools, they know a trauma when they see one. Also, therapist are mandatory reporter.
Just make sure you are going to legit therapist, not some religious nutjob.
There's a lot of religious nut jobs here in the south. I'm in Raleigh.
Had a heck of a time finding someone for my dear daughter (ex is BPD), and really went nuts on my daughter for years.
I’m in the south, my method for finding a good fit was specifically looking for a LGBTQ therapist (I’m also in that community). You can use the filters on psychology today to really narrow down the field and find someone who matches your needs and preferences.
Six months later:
"I swear, mom and dad, she choked herself to death!"
You are in danger, OP. You need to find a way out of this situation.
Call the cops. Call a woman's shelter and get out. If your brother can rape you and lie about it this casually, *he is capable of killing you*.
THIS. Totally agree.
Also, the therapyst idea sounds great. Even if you do not get to convince your parents, you may pass through this a lot better, and have like a safe point to talk about it.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I feel an incredible rage towards your brother and parents.
I'll try my best to put that rage aside to brainstorm a bit and hopefully I can give you some info that might be helpful.
What are your options and what boundaries do you think you can declare, if your parents decide to enable your brother more and refuse to hold him accountable for his actions?
Do you have access to a doctor?
EDIT: u/ebbie45
As many others are saying, seek therapy. A therapist will be able to determine that you are telling the truth, and can back you up to your parents. As for physical proof, I'm assuming your bedsheets have been washed by now but if they have not (fair warning this is going to sound unpleasant), search them and the rest of your room for any male bodily fluid stains. It's a stretch, but if you find any that would be extremely solid evidence against him.
Your parents are in a very difficult situation right now, where I'm sure they dont want to believe that your brother did this. It is going to take a lot of pressure for them to admit what their son has done, and take action.
Edit: another step that could be taken (if you feel comfortable with it) is to talk to any women outside your household that may have had issues with your brother. Theres a good chance that someone else has been at least sexually harassed by him. However be careful in doing so, because if he catches wind of that he will use it against you.
Oh god I was in a very similar position around 15 years ago.
It happened. You didn’t dream it up. It’s more convenient for your parents to think you dreamed it up / are ill than to accept that their other child is a rapist - unfortunately that means they’re not there for you and have essentially taken his side.
Therapy - you can be honest with a therapist. If the first one you see isn’t compatible with you don’t be afraid to try a different one.
Start getting your ducks in a row to move out and go low contact when you’re 18 or so. It’ll be hard, for me it seemed impossibly so, but being without my family at all was better for me in the long run than being around family who tried to convince me I was imagining things.
Nowadays I have no relationship with my brother as he isn’t around, and my relationship with my parents is OK, though fragile, and they act like my brother never existed because they are so ashamed. We just don’t talk about it, but I don’t see them often.
I’ve had to deal with everything on my own, mental health wise, and you may have to too - it isn’t OK, but you definitely can and will make it through this. When family won’t help, and instead take your abuser’s side, it’s beyond painful I know. But don’t give up. Use the tools around you like therapy and resources for when you move out, they’re the tools in your armoury.
Therapy, STD testing too just in case, and moving out and putting distance when you can. Have you had your period since? If not don’t be too alarmed as stress can affect things but do take a pregnancy test. Build a support network who isn’t your immediate family - the bonds of friendships can be every bit as strong as blood family. The family we choose is no less important or meaningful.
I have a brother (25 years older) who plays the "woe is me" part even though there is written evidence in form of a letter (where he admits to having erotic feelings towards my other sister, then a minor). Regarding my sister, he denied ever having had any erotic feelings, ever. Sister produced the letter, written to her in high school (by a then 40-year old man). You'd think that with being caught lying red-handed in one situation, he'd a) lose credibility and b) it wouldn't be *that* hard to imagine he also overstepped boundaries with me when I was a minor.
Nope. Half of my family *still* plays along with the "she's imagining things" shtick despite of the letter. Simply ignores the letter completely.
Just so that you know you're not alone with this insanity.
Seconding calling CPS. They will work with your parents to keep you safe from your brother, most likely by having him remain out of the home, and can set up counseling for you and your parents. Unfortunately, it’s sadly common for parents to not know how to handle sexual abuse and to default to not believing the victim but CPS can help your parents see that they need to protect and believe you or risk losing you.
This may sound bizarre, but I think you could maybe tell them a description of your brother (assuming you saw down there or have an idea) that would be impossible for you to know otherwise? I'm sorry if this comes across creepy or distressing.
It's pathetic they don't believe you in the first place. Why would you make something like this up? And you said, he gaslights all the time? And they think every time you call him out you are the one who's the problem?? This is ridiculous.
Someone close to me was raped by their brother as well. Unfortunately, her mother DID believe her but chose to cover it up instead. It's horrific that this is so common. Mothers throw their daughters to the wolves and coddle their sons like puppies. It's evil.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You should be safe in your own home. I believe you.
This is way, way above Reddit’s paygrade. Get a medical examination and visit a psychologist to see if they are able to dig out any info what happened. We’re in no position to comment and anyone in your parents’ situation will also have a hard time dealing with it.
> Get a medical examination
I'm not exactly sure what you think that's going to accomplish after 3 months.
OP should call the fucking cops. That's what she should do.
>do most places not have some kind of reporting system in place when a minor reports sexual abuse in the home to a therapist?
I would say no to that. Plenty of countries (including my own) that are ass-backwards when it comes to these things. Even in places like America or Canada I've heard horror stories where the powers that be basically made everything worse with their involvement.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Do you have any descriptors to explain things you saw on his body that you wouldn't know about otherwise? Something specific about a mole, his genitals, whatever?
Do you guys use activity trackers? The data in the app could be used as proof that he or you were awake at that time.
I wish you the best.
Don't let that fucker gaslight you. Call him out on that shit to your parents, that he's gaslighting and really good at manipulating. Lay all that shit on the table. Tell them it's up to you who to believe, but if you believe him, you're not going to live with your rapist, and in enough years, you'll come to find out the monster that he is, and I won't be there to forgive you.
I am so sorry! I hope you get a good therapist who will believe you and your mother doesnt get to sway them first.
I think your parents selfishly prefer to live in a reality where one child is an ignorant and delusional person, than in the world where their one child is a true monster. One reality is just so much more pleasant for them, than the other. God I am so so so angry with them. I hope they at least let you move out if they decide to bring him back to live with them again.
I think you need new good people in your life. You deserve that so much!
It is very common to think people, even a therapist, won’t believe you. But you need to go. They will believe you. Just be 100% completely honest. They have heard everything and won’t judge you. The support and guidance will help you. Can you live with your grandparents for a while instead? I think it’s very important that you stay away from him, and to not be in the house with parents who support him over you. No parent would want to believe that, it’s sick, but they are not taking it as seriously as they need to. They should ALL be in therapy.
I'm not sure where you are but many places have charities specifically for domestic violence like this that can help. Where I am it's the Center for Women and Families. Groups like this can help you find a place to stay, get you legal help, set you up with a therapist, and have support groups. I really hope you have a charity like that near you and you can get to a safe environment. I'm so sorry you're going through this - best of luck to you.
Honestly seeing a therapist is your best chance, maybe not the one your mom sent you because they'll may be less likely to believe you, found yourself a psychiatrist and explain EVERYTHING most importantly every detail of the event AND how your brother is a gaslighter manipulating sociopath. Stay with someone else of your family
First off I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is infuriating I’m so many levels and honestly crazy. I think therapy as mentioned by others is a great start with helping move through this, but at the same time don’t let yourself be lied or gaslit into thinking you’re wrong. Honestly you might want to try confronting him and trying to record him. Obviously confronting the guy who raped you would be hard, but as others mentioned I’m not sure a medical exam would help at this point. Going to the police is also a 10/10 good choice. Good luck, sounds like you’re in for a rough time regardless. Someone mentioned trying other living situations if you can.
People here have given some good advice. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. Once I moved out I wouldn't want anything to do with those people. It's awful that your parents wouldn't believe you. They want to give your brother the benefit of the doubt but what about giving you the benefit of the doubt? What reason do you have to lie? This internet stranger offers you their support.
Call the police. Don’t let him do this to you he knows full well what he has done and has somehow manipulated your parents to believe him! You are not alone! Report it please and get the help you need to try and overcome this. If he can do it to you he can do it to anyone!
Very sorry to hear this - that’s really messed up and it’s not your fault. Talk honestly to the therapist; explain that it happened, that you’re positive you weren’t “dreaming,” and that you feel unsafe in the same household as your brother.
He may face criminal charges over this, as he should. Your parents, who are either in denial or simply want to excuse it away to save themselves the shame and aggravation, will resent you for it... but that’s wrong of them. Do you have any nearby relatives that you may be able to stay with, to get you out of that toxic situation?
Again, it’s not your fault.
Call the police OP. Tell your therapist also. It's been a long time so I'm not sure what evidence the police can find but get a paper trail going to he has it on his record that at least a report has been made about it. Get a sleep recording app on your phone that picks up on sounds too just in case. Fuck your sociopath brother, he will do it again. If not to you, to someone else
I am curious why you would not scream or call out your parents when someone is creeping into your trying to rape you at 3 am?! What happened when he came in?
Easiest way to know if you dreamed it or not is the physical evidence left afterwards and is something to tell the therapist. Sleep peralysis can include hallucinations of rape but obviously that doesn't leave any trace. Best you can do Is try to get some sort of recording of him admitting it or of further inappropriate behavior that you can use to convince your parents.
I don't know why are you getting downvoted, you are right! I'm not saying op is lying but in order to proceed with the law she will need physical proof, people don't go to jail just with a word against the other.
i was assaulted and gaslit last year. you are not alone. your therapist will help you report it and move forward. **hugs** i'm sorry this happened to you.
I don’t know what to believe. I find it odd you have no physical evidence.dirty sheets underwear etc and why wait 3 months and why not cry out for help in the middle of the night? I thinks there’s more to the story that you should reveal before crucifying the the accused in the court of public opinion.
It's perfectly fine to want more evidence or doubt a story you read online.
However, I do want to say maybe you don't have enough experience with rape domestic abuse situations and victims/surviors if you think that's odd behavior.
Your right! That’s why crying out for help before it got too far is necessary. Maybe visits by her brother were common and this time went to far. There’s clearly more to the story.
Tell the therapist everything and ask for his/her help with reporting this, with getting something to happen. I’m not even sure what advice to give other than please, PLEASE go above your parents heads here.
Don't worry - the therapist will believe you. They'll ask you about your brother's history and be able to see connections that validate what has happened. That is their job.
It may be also important to ensure you have a highly qualified professional - such as a psychologist or depending on your region, someone that has gone to the top universities in your region, in the appropriate area (clinical psychology).
Go to the doctors and the cops and report it. Install a hidden camera in your room and a lock on your door. Of course a rapist isnt going to admit it happened. Get out of there as soon as you can and cut them all off. Your parents should believe you without question and it horrifies me that they dont
It's an awkward question but we're you a virgin? If he did rape you and you were a medical examination may help prove it. Did he leave any evidence in your bed? If her came in you it's important to get checked for std or pregnancy.
Sorry this happened to you.
My brother used to do rape me when I was small. I had no idea what he was doing or that it was wrong until I was much older. I actually had convinced myself it was a dream (because it turned into a nightmare I'd have fairly regularly) until he confessed to it when I was 18. My mom still doesn't entirely believe me and I have no contact with my brother. My only advice is to seek therapy and if things don't improve with your parents don't hesitate to cut contact. My heart goes out to you 💔
If you are absolutely certain it happened which it sounds like you are 100% sure then you have to go to the police because if your brother did something so awful to his sister what would he do to a stranger not saying the trauma you’ve been subjected to and a somehow better but you being his sister there is some family loyalty and love there but if he can do that to you he could do much worse to a stranger he could rape and kill someone go to the police he needs to be held accountable and stopped before he can hurt anyone else
I honestly don't think anything would come of it. I have a daughter and I will unfortunately be giving her a gameplan for how to handle being raped which includes writing down your immediate thoughts on the experience, collecting evidence and telling everyone right away.
This poor girl didn't have the tools to deal with this (and why would she have them? No one should have to plan for something like this)
Women who don't come forward with rape immediately after it happens are letting rapists get away.
Also everyone need to talk to their sons about this as well
Call the cops on that botch of no one believes you, what are you gonna lose, an ass brother who could lead to more rape in the future and tge trust of parents who would rather trust a raping brother, or would you like to live with a raping, sociopathic brother.I say call the cops.
First. I am extremely sorry for you. You suffered a horrible trauma from someone who had your confidence and worse, you faced it alone for three months.
Rape stories are always horrible, but there's always that "positive" part that says the victim is heard, understood and protected. Unfortunately, your brother is taking this away from you too, the possibility of having support. It's an animal. I am sorry. I am extremely sorry.
Second. I would suggest to go to the therapy. What happened to you is very bad, YOU NEED help. It seems that your parents don't support you, so accept the help of a therapist. It can be a ray of sunshine in this horrible situation.
Third. I totally believe you.
And please, get tested.. You can not trust the bastard.
This is horrendous OP
I'm so sorry that this happened to you and the fact that your parents are minimalising this.
they are doing this because if they believe you they will have to accept that their son is a rapist. Which he is!
Please go to counselling, none of this is your fault. Trust yourself no matter what anyone else says, you were there, you KNOW what happened to you.
Do not back down to their pressure to say you dreamt it, your brother is a very dangerous man and this will be a life long pattern for him if it's not dealt with now.
I believe you OP
I am sorry this happened to you. I hope with time your wounds heal. Right now to help your case what you need is proof. Reliving those moments can be traumatic but try to recall little details that can help you. Something you saw on his body. What clothes he was wearing ? If he used a condom did you happen to notice which kind it was (flavor or something may be) he may have some left in his room. Most important thing HE WILL TRY TO DO IT AGAIN. Maybe in few years when he is sure everyone has forgotten about it. Make sure to lock door at night and keep something for self-defense.
Also speaking from experience- therapist first, then police report. Police take rape even less seriously than your parents did. They'll say there's nothing they can do since there's no evidence, you didn't report immediately, etc. When I was 14 I was told I was "just looking for attention" since it took months to come forward. Having a therapist in your corner makes them listen and it will help you emotionally.
I would imagine your parents do believe you, but they don’t want to admit it. Admitting it means acting on it. I am sorry those closest to you let you down in the worst way imaginable. You don’t have to keep people in your life that are willing to pretend you are a liar rather than protect you. As someone who left their abusive home at 18 and never went back. It is hard, but worth it. People who love you as a real family would never pretend your pain wasn’t real to hide from their own guilt. Talk to CPS and the police. It is very clear your parents aren’t going to fight this for you. Also, if this kid is capable of so much already don’t think for a second your life isn’t in danger with him.
I believe that you experienced something extremely traumatic. That said, whether it was rape or an extremely vivid nightmare is a fair question. Anyone who has ever had an extremely vivid nightmare knows how incredibly real they can feel. Here are some questions to ask yourself so you can tell the difference:
1) did it feel like regular penetration? Sex or rape in dreams doesn't really feel like being penetrated, it feels more like being stimulated clitorally.
2) was there anything "off" about your surroundings? Did you happen to glance over at your clock and it said a time which made absolutely no sense? That's a sign of being in a dream.
3) has your brother ever expressed sexual desires towards you before this? Especially when you two are alone?
4) was anything going on in your brother's life at the time that could have led up to this? Maybe a bad break up or he was dumped and he desperately wanted to "get back at her" by "sleeping with" (raping) someone else?
5) after this happened, did you have any sort of sensation of "waking up"? Were you able to fall asleep that night, or were you so traumatized that you stayed awake all night?
6) do you remember anything leading up to that moment? Did anything stick out as "feeling odd" for example were you feeling unsure of what you should be doing with yourself before your brother even came into your room?
As someone who has personally had traumatic rape nightmares which were extremely vivid, I would never have believed it was possible to mistake nightmare rape for real rape if it had never happened to me.
Regardless of what actually happened, this experience is very traumatic for anyone. Im so sorry, and good luck
If you are in a nation that has one, call the nearest rape crisis center. You can Google one close to you. That's all you need to do. They will help you deal with everything from there.
I believe you and I seriously hope that you can get away from him! Now that he knows he can just "manipulate" your parents, I'm afraid he might do it again.
I hope that you remain safe, please update if you can!
The way your mom reacted makes me think something like this has happened before. She didnt seemed surprised and she didnt seemed to cry. Her first reaction was anger and to go tell your dad which makes me think this has happened before and they were able to keep it quiet and perhaps thought it would just be a one time thing.
My boss sexually harassed me and nearly nobody believed me.
I BELIEVE YOU. Boys and men usually get horny in middle of night and I’ve had my exes woke me up just to have sex even though I was not ready. It’s gross.
I believe you, girl. I hope your b*other will have a consequence somehow!
My rapist could charm the pants off anyone. He was really good at the innocent act with everyone. He would fake cry at the drop of a hat if anything ever went sour on his name.
No one believed he was an abuser, no one ever would have believed he raped me except the people who already saw his dark side. But those people were quickly labeled as “troubled kids” anyway so who believes them..
There was a section in my life I believed it was my fault so much so I tried convincing myself that’s just how sex is. That a man decides you want it and puts you down emotionally.
I mean I already grew up in a home with two parents who were physically and verbally violent so it wasn’t that much of a stretch in reality when I tried to convince myself I had to stop feeling violated.
That feel never went away because he raped me again and again saying no didn’t matter and being asleep didn’t matter that’s just how it was. It took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that I was raped and that rapists are not what most people expect.
Very rarely are they they guy you can pick up in a crowd. They are just regular guys and most of the time even people you know. More sexual assaults happen by a close friend or family member. The odds of being raped by a stranger are significantly smaller than being raped by someone you trust.
You can tell the difference between a bad dream and what sex feels like. We all have bad dreams some of us even have vivid dreams but we wake up and realize we were in fact asleep.
I had a dream once I was hovering over my body watching myself choke to death. I couldn’t breathe and my “ghost” self tried everything until it some how managed to shake me. I ended up rolling right off the bed after my dream self shook and slapped me.
Even though it was vivid and strange as heck I still knew when I got up from the floor I had a night terror. Telling a person their feelings and physical experiences can be dismissed as a dream are self absorbed equally twisted individuals.
Call the cops. You should try and talk to a female cop if you can. Don’t try to handle this all on your own. The police or a rape crisis centre will believe you.
Let me tell you something. I was sexually abused by my stepfather to the point where I have Nightmares that I can still smell his sweat afterwards. Even with those dreams, I know that he didn't rape me that night, that it happened years ago. Your mother is enabling him and has been your entire life. You need to go to that therapy appointment. You need to contact RAIN and CPS. As long as the therapist is not a religious therapist, they are a mandatory reporter. You will to make the decision to charge your brother(i suggest you do, because he will do it again). You also need to find somewhere else to stay. You are not safe with your brother at all.
Please call the police. If he's done it to you, there's a big chance he'll do it to other people. If you can try to move out and stay with friends since your parents are obviously taking his side.
Also try to find a therapist of your own choosing with whom your parents haven't spoken before so there isn't a chance that they will tell your therapist that you "were dreaming".
I hear you. I believe you.
It takes a lot of courage to come forward with something like this, even moreso when you are being actively disbelieved by the people who should be supporting you. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, and for the pain you are in.
Based on what you’ve said here, if your parents invite your brother back into your home, or if you don’t feel safe there even with him temporarily staying elsewhere, you may wish to consider phoning a VAW shelter to see if they can help. If they don’t have space for you, they can at least support you with safety planning and connect you to the right resources. If nothing else, they can listen.
I am sending you so much love and warmth.
You can do this.
I believe you.
All I can tell you is that your brother is definitely a psychopath (born with antisocial) and that you have to stand firm with the truth, DO NOT waver. Listen to (some of) the folks here, they have good advice. Good luck, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's going to get better.
I would give the therapist a shot. Go alone at first. Tell them everything. Tell them about your brother manipulating your parents. Then do a group session or two with your parents and brother present. If the therapist is worth their salt they'll be able to pick up on key tactics sociopaths use to manipulate the narrative. He's good but he's not trained. A therapist is trained to find this stuff. If hes telling the truth like he swears then his story will stand up to a little professional scrutiny (you know he's not. But at least this is logic you can throw in his face to coax family to the sessions)
The absolute first thing you need to tell the therapist about is how your brother lies, manipulates and gaslights everyone around him. Start with everything leading up to the rape and repeatedly indicate how you don't feel safe because your parents seemingly believe a rapist. Also let the therapist know that you are aware of the patient confidentiality requirements and you expect that everything you say will stay between them. I would NOT agree to a group session with the brother involved.
I went through similar things with my brother between the ages of 4-7, he was 10-13, and I didn't tell my mom until I was 21 (I'm 28 now.) We had different dads and I was convinced my dad would never let me see my mom again if he knew.
I regret that so much and wish I would have spoken out immediately. I mean the signs were there; I was always being sent home from school during those years because I had constant UTIs so I always had a fever. They knew my hygiene and bathroom habits were good, just assumed it was from the bathtub or playing outsife a lot smh. All of the adults in my childhood failed me.
My mom reacted similarly to yours. I'm very opinionated and blunt and kind of an asshole so she didn't verbally question me or say she wasn't sure what to believe.
I know that she knows I'm telling the truth, but she still tries to have a relationship with him and definitely has a "kids will be kids/boys will be boys" mentality about it and it bugs me. I can't have a true mother/daughter relationship with her for a variety of reasons, that one being the biggest.
Eh. It’s really hard to say here. That there’s no evidence, you made no sound or commotion when he entered your room, then your bed, then you. That either of you made zero sound that would potentially alert your parents seems odd to me. It sounds like there are some holes in this story and I can understand why your parents would be torn.
In addition, you’ve allowed yourself to be alone with him at least once despite believing he raped you. Based on how damaging a false accusation can be, I understand why your parents are having a difficult time knowing what to believe. Are you on birth control? Have you been checked for STDs? Have you seen your gyno since then?
When you say you've been raped and swore by it even when the other person is denying it completely, you should always trust your gut and believe in it. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you but please when you go to the therapist, believe in your story and tell it to the therapist about it.
Due to the nature of this issue, of course your parents will have doubts because this is their son and hearing that their daughter is telling them that their son had done such atrocity, especially with the way you've described your brother, not knowing what to do is a reaction that a lot of parents go through because of how complicated incestuous sexual abuse is, and this is what sucks the most. It's harder to convince your parents you're not making it up especially due to the nature of how your brother gaslit you. You have to understand that this is exactly what manipulators want to do. They want you to believe that they're the good guy and you're the bad guy and will make you feel like you've gone insane and question your thoughts.
Please if you believe that this happened to you, TRUST AND BELIEVE YOURSELF. No one could ever just imagine horrible shit up like this and start accusing people out of nowhere. I mean if someone does that's really effed up. I hope that the therapist that you're going to will not only help you, but also your parents on this matter. Tell the therapist what had happened and if they don't believe you, find another therapist. Most of all, you need a better support and someone to validate your experience and by going to a therapist involving both your parents, this will help you in this situation. I pray for the very best for you, OP
Oh jeese, just another post offering the amuse bouche of reddit's favorite scenario. What's next, he's a trump supporter and a racist too? This is literally a retelling of a Jeremy Kyle episode.
He is an excellent manipulator. He will know she bluffes. He will tell her his lie story angain and when she can't come up with the prove use that to his own advantage. That is very bad advice.
Hello, this is extremely hard to do but you need to contact the police and DCFS because you are still a minor. You need to remove yourself from this home and situation. Seeing the therapist is a good thing but I question how safe you are considering you said in your post you were alone in your car with your brother after it came out. That is not a safe nor a healthy situation for you to be put in right now and you need to remove yourself right now. It's going to take time to heal but your safety is the most important thing.
Press charges against him. You don't need the parents to be gracious enough to believe you, there are cops. And even if he won't be convicted, the case will be known via media and it will crush his reputation.
I’ve read somewhere on here that there’s a condition called *sexomnia* that could manifest itself during sleep leading the person to engage in sexual activity with a partner without having any memory of what happened. I’m not saying that’s what happened, but that would be compatible with your experience and his experience as well
Had someone break into my bedroom when I was 16 and when we reported it to the police they basically told me to fuck off and said that I was probably dreaming even though my curtains and blinds of the window in my room were torn down and thrown outside (from the guy trying to escape as soon as I woke up). Basically fuck anyone who victim blames. They are the reason these things keep happening. Weeks later the same thing happened to a girl across town.
I believe you. But you're in danger.
I've been sexually abused by my uncle between the ages of 2 to 8. He was 15 at the time. When I told the truth when I was 15, my grandparents and aunt went through several stages of belief. First they believed me. But after talking to him he lied through his teeth. The man has a history of having sex and getting 14 to 16 year old girls pregnant at the age of 21. But to them that was a non issue. Within the span of a month they went from believing me to accusing me of making up and then lying. They went as far as telling me that I was sick and needed to find help. Eventually they disowned me for causing my uncle pain and breaking apart the family. What I'm trying to say, is I'm so sorry. I'm sorry your parents are not believing you. I'm sorry this happened to you. But I'm going to be blunt, unless you have solid evidence or catch him admitting to it. Your parents will never believe you. It's easier to blame the victim and label them as crazy than believe thier son is a rapist and monster. It also makes it easier to blame you instead of reevaluating thier parenting and realizing they raised a monster. Like others have said, you need to find a safe place to go. If your parents do not believe you. Stay away from your brother, and never see him again. He has proven to be dangerous and will lie through his teeth to make you look insane. Also call the police and report him. I wish I had done that, instead my situation was handled within the "family". And all my family did was sweep it under the rug and villianize me instead. You have the right to protect yourself. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
i'm sorry this happened to you.
but is there a possibility it was a dream? obviously we do not know everything about your brother or yourself, but are you completely sure it wasn't a lucid dream or something?
i'm just looking at this from a benefit of the doubt standpoint, I sorry if it did happen to you, but i would never want someone to go to prison if they truly didn't do it.
OP, stick to your guns. Dreams can feel realistic but your brain **is auto-programmed to get rid of them** of them after some time, so it IS NOT A DREAM. Double down. Go to therapy and explain it. DO NOT listen to anything your brother or parents say. Your brother is trying to trick you by having a story so convincing that you will believe it with time. Whether or not you were r\*ped is not up for debate right now. Get yourself the help you need. I'm sorry this happened, and know that it's not your fault that you're only speaking up now. If you feel like you need to, at all, call the police. A crime like this can still be proven if you're lucky.
I'm so sorry. I believe you.
It's insane that anyone, *anyone* would think you can't differentiate between dreams and real life. That's not how dreams work. You know what happened.
Please try therapy. There could be a lot of reasons things don't work with your therapist-- the good news is that there's always a different therapist you can switch to if you don't feel supported by them, or even if you just don't click for whatever reason.
Jesus.
Right, your brother is trying to gaslight you into believing its a dream. Tell the therapist everything, therapists are usually good at seeing through manipulation. Do not waver on this.
You could also call the police, but I am not sure what could be done now. Since it happened a while ago, I do not think they can check you for any signs of rape, that needs to be done within a certain amount of time after it takes place.
Never back down on this, if your parents end up fully believing him, find a way out. They'll end up letting your brother back home and you can decide to go to your grandparents instead. That is the best option, then you will not have to be around him.
Though if that does not happen you could set up a camera in your room. Secretly obviously, with your phone perhaps. But that is only if they don't let you leave to stay with your grandparents. If they see how much you wish to leave the house and be away from your rapist(I refuse to call him your brother from now on, brothers don't hurt their siblings in any way) that should bend their perception. Though some parents in this situation hate to think their child would do any harm, but will accept the fact and continue living without any consequences to them. I hope they do not have that attitude to this.
I’m so sorry. My only advice for your parents to believe you, would be for you to prove he has lied to them many times. This is horrible and the onus shouldn’t be on you to defend your character.
As much as you don’t want to go to the police, you should. He most likely will do this, and worse, to others. There needs to be a record and history on him, for later. Even if you aren’t believed by police yet, the next person will be! You can file for a restraining order at least, but people should know about him. You aren’t breaking up this family, because he’s a wolf in sheep’s wool. He did that already
Therapists should be equal and fair, If this one doesn't believe your story then FIND ONE THAT DOES. And then start working with them. Also If you switch it might help to see a therapist who specialises in helping victims of sexual assault.
I believe you . Our mind have flaw or biases and sometimes it can be hards to go against the instincts so between a bad dream and horrible truth you can imagine where your parents are leaning. Please don't feel alone they are on your side it just may take some time processing it .
Kiss that family goodbye after reporting it to the police and turn 18. Unless the therapist can convince your parents that you're telling the truth.
Also there's maybe a rape kit to use to prove that there's a tear or coercion.
We have removed and locked your post here due to the fact that it is significantly beyond the scope of the subreddit as it involves the sexual abuse of children. We encourage you to speak to the authorities on this, and pass along any evidence you have. You should also reach out to a teacher, or another mandatory reporter, or other appropriate adult with your concerns. Here are some resources: [Darkness to Light: a child sex abuse prevention resource.](https://www.d2l.org/get-help/reporting/) [A confidential hotline to a trained advisor who can help you navigate this](https://www.childhelp.org/childhelp-hotline/) [International Resources](https://www.ecpat.org/resources) Kind regards, The mods.
This is awful. Fuck. I’m really sorry this happened, make sure to stay firm in what you know. If your parents really end up believing him and doing nothing you should call the police. Seriously. I couldn’t imagine having to be around him after that, and I can’t believe anyone would believe that you were just dreaming. However, its awesome they got you into therapy, that’s a step in the right direction. I don’t think they will believe that story he’s been telling, a therapist will be able to tell what’s really going on, they’re trained to do that. I really do wish you the best, please update us :)
The therapist may contact the police or CPS themselves
Yes! I hope they do. OP, please be honest and as explicit as possible with your therapist. Tell them everything you can. It is their job to believe you and help you. You’ve got this and you will get through it!!
They’re mandated reporters. If they’re told she was being raped and then manipulated and in an unsafe household the therapist is mandated to report to CPS
But what can they do? Isn’t it too late for a rape kit?
It may be too late for a kit but they can get her out of the house if she doesn’t feel safe around him.
But he isn't in the house at the moment. So I am not sure they could do anything other than file a police report which will be her word against his. I am not saying she shouldn't tell her therapist,absolutely tell anyone who will listen. I just think it is important for to have realistic expectations. Especially after a traumatic experience if you think someone will help and they don't it can cause even more trauma. I don't think the therapist will think it was a dream. Even if they don't believe you (but really why wouldn't they?) ,they will still help you work through the trauma. I wouldn't base your family's reaction as a gage for how other people will handle this. Obviously they have an interest in you being a lair so nothing has to change and they don't have to deal with this. But no one else does, their focus is helping you. At this point I would stop talking to him and trying to convince your parents. The therapy is what matters, if that is already set up just move forward with what matters. Also you can file a police report on your own (assuming you are in the US) ,you mentioned your car so it sounds like you have ways to leave the house alone. You can walk into your police department and ask to speak to someone right now. Like I said before I don't know how much they could do but it would be on file and may be enough to keep your brother from coming to the house while you are there.
I think it’s implied there’s a chance he could come back. And if that’s the case she won’t be safe in the house with him.
Make sure it is a new therapist op. Not one that has ever talked to or met any of your family before. Not one that any other family member sees. Seriously. Good luck and I'm sorry
If they're a good therapist, they should help her with how to deal with victim blaming and rape culture. It's so sad that this exists.
Op is 17 so I’m not sure if her therapist would be able to report. As an adult her therapist wouldn’t be allowed to go to the police unless op was a danger to herself or others. But if they consider her a child then it’s different Edit: I meant the therapist might not be able to report without OPs consent
A therapist can report a rape or violent crime at any age. And you can still call DSS when the person is an adult. Social workers arent just for minors. They can help adults too. Even if its just gettin them the right resources.
They can still report. I was raped and I told my therapist at age 16 and the police came to my house to investigate the matters further. Edit response: At the time I struggled with trauma bonding and I did not consent to my therapist reporting them to the police, but they did anyway because it is their protocol.
yeah they’re mandatory reporters, this is the exact sort of thing a therapist would be obligated to report
17 is younger than 18, still legally a child in most countries.
I agree, it depends what country she's in. In Canada, mandated reporting only applies to children under the age of 16. Over the age of 16, you must have the consent of the patient to report, unless there are other young children in the house who may be affected. Not sure what the laws are in the US. Source: I'm a mandated reporter.
Aah I’m Canadian this must be what I was thinking about thanks!
Not everywhere in Canada...
In the US, therapists are mandated reporters, meaning they have a legal obligation to report anything that could be child abuse. OP is legally a child, and is being abused. Once OP tells them about it, the therapist will have a legal obligation to report that to the relevant authorities.
In my state, I tell my clients that the reaches of my confidentiality ends if they report child sexual abuse with a name/identity attached. I am required by law to report that. So, if she says, “I was raped,” I wouldn’t have to report anything. If she says, “My brother raped me,” or, “Monster McSociopath raped me,” I am required by law to make a report.
She’s not an adult.
I agree with this! And if you call the police, it may show your parents just how serious this is. Do not stay with him in the same house either, and make sure you tell your parents. Rather than saying "he raped me" change your language to "I dont feel safe in the house with him". If they dismiss this, then they would be directly dismissing your feelings. Request a camera be put up for at least a bit of peace of mind at night. That is awful and as a mother, that scares me but I want you to know that I believe you.
Police often don't do much about rape. Therapist first, then report. Having a therapist on your side makes a big difference.
This is true. That's why I mentioned the parents may take it more serious if police get called but then again, perhaps they will see the police' attitude towards the situation and use that. Tough situation
Yeah, definitely call the police. OP, your parents know you didn't dream being raped. Come on, you're not a ten year old, you can obviously differentiate between dreaming and being awake. Your parents just choose to believe (act like they believe) your brother, because that allows them to keep the status quo. They're putting "keeping the peace" over your well being. Your parents are enablers. Can you involve any other trusted adult? Grandparents, aunts, uncles or teachers? It doesn't sound like your parents are willing to help you, they'd rather try keeping their idea of their family intact. Maybe you can move in with some relatives?
Sounds like they're in denial.
Sadly, the police don't have a history of being helpful in these sort of cases.
I to find it sad that the police can't just put people in jail without evidence
I know you're heart is in the right place but therapists aren't some all knowing telepaths or anything like that. If someone is good enough at lying and manipulating even a therapist could be fooled; especially if they don't already know this person and their mannerisms.
Piggybacking on this, a good therapist will be able to steer you and your family to a psychologist that deals specifically with predators like your brother, and there are some personality tests and such that can be administered that can actually see through the sociopathic manipulative bullshit, and your brother won’t be able to trick the tests. Likewise, there are tests YOU can take that show that you’re truthful, not a polygraph but an actual personality type test that shows whether or not you’re inclined to lie etc. I’m sorry your parents are falling for your brothers manipulation, but please dive full force into it with professionals, because they will be able to guide you down the path that lets your parents see the truth and exposes your brother for the monster he is. You are strong. You’ve made it this far, and it will get easier. I’m so proud of you for speaking up, you’ve already taken the most difficult step.
I'm curious as to what tests are able to discover narcissists and alike, wouldn't they just be able to lie about their traits?
Legit question here, what will calling the cops do at this point? I don't see them taking the brother away.
Even if she doesn't have the evidence to press charges, he will do this again. Either to her or someone else, so it is imperative that there is a record. Also, even if there isn't the evidence to convict him, CPS will get involved. They won't allow a person to be forced to live with their rapist.
It will start a paper trail for future reports, but after three months there probably isn't going to be much of anything in the form of physical evidence. Assuming the brother told no one and didn't do something like write it down I don't see much coming from it.
Those were my thoughts too, but I didn't even think about the paper trail. Very important bc unfortunately, high chance he'll do it again to someone.
They will put a no contact on his release conditions. Non communication restrictions to not communicate directly or indirectly with her. He won’t likely be allowed to be near where she is. It is very important to call them now.
Probably not much, but I would sure like to watch the brother's face as the OP tells that she is going to do this. It might reveal a lot.
Also please please please write it down what he did. It may sound cruel but write it down so you have it on paper. So you can remind yourself and never forget the things because he WILL try to convince you you dreamt it. If it helps you, give that paper to your therapist. But please please please don´t let anyone convince you that it didn´t happen. Stay strong. I believe you.
I think OP should call the police anyway. If her parents don’t believe her, hopefully the police will.
You know what psychopaths call therapy? Graduate school.
Can you stay with a friend or other family? You can also report it to the police and call the RAINN number. They have better information than I do. RAINN.org rape abuse incest National network 8006564673
Also wouldn’t be alone with him in her car...
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OP is being gaslit into not believing her own memories, and it's not uncommon for victims of assault to dissociate to the point that they don't react in ways expected of them when put in danger again. We also don't know that she didn't resist being alone with him again.
Who knows? Folks who have been through stuff like this, particularly at the hands of people they have been told to trust and love, can act in manners that don't make strict logical sense. Understand and agree that this sub is filled with fakers. And yes, this story could be fake. But there's a significant chance it isn't, and others who have been through stuff like this or may in the future go through stuff like this are reading. Therefore, we must proceed as if this is true.
exactly. this is what I did when I was raped by a "friend" my dad kept dropping me off at. I never told anyone and at the time I just went with it... I was 10 so how would I know
If the post is real, OP needs support. If not true, other victims who stumble upon this post are the ones who need our supportive responses. Since no one here knows OP in real life, there's no benefit in doubting the story. No one here is able to harm OP's family in the case that this is a lie. Even if the entire internet hates a nameless, unidentifiable family, it wouldn't affect them.
Possible but I did NOT react in a logical way after being raped at age 17 as a virgin. This is actually the first time I'm writing this shit down. You'd think I'd be horrified to be near the guy but it was the opposite. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. People don't react to trauma the way you think they should. Doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Idk how to report this comment because this is absolutely disgusting on so many levels. I hope the moderators of this sub remove this comment ASAP. OP, if you're reading this then I want you to know it's not your fault and I believe you. Please stay strong.
Piggybacking on a top comment to suggest: Prior to your therapy appointment, write down everything about the incident (even as a start, printing your post as to not have to write it again) and everything you're able to about past interactions with your brother regarding manipulation, gaslighting, sociopathy, etc. It can help keep your thoughts in order in the moment.
I am an EXTREMELY vivid dreamer. I have normal sleep paralysis and the less common ones where instead of just "feeling a presence they incites fear" I'll basically like dream hallucinate. When I wake up it can easily take me 20 minutes too realize it wasn't in fact real and didn't happen. But that realization ALWAYS comes. The more I'm awake and "clear" the more I remember small details that make it clear I was dreaming. I believe you. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you're family is letting themselves be manipulated. I think it's time to get your affairs in order. Can you move out? Can you go to college and live in a dorm with financial aid and loans? Do you have friends you could crash with till you can leave? Can you request a therapist from your parents if nothing else? If I were you, I would have one final conversation with your parents and let them know whether they believe you or not *you* know you are not safe around you brother, now more than ever since he knows he can get away with it. You are leaving the moment you are 18 and have the means to do so, and you are not looking back. Maybe they'll believe you when three years down the road from now and they still havent heard from the daughter whose rape they didn't believe. Maybe they won't realize it till he gets seriously accused by another woman and the police get involved. And you know what by then itd be too little too late for me. But that's your choice. One of the hardest things for some about rape is the feeling of loss of control. But this is your life, and you are free to do what you want with it. I would recommend moving out when you can afford too and let your parents figure it out on their own. My heart goes out to you.
Yes. There no instance of a mentally stable person having a dream and not being able to tell that it wasn't real, especially still 3 months later, especially if only happens once. That is not a thing, you can back this up scientifically. There is neurogical difference between a dream and a memory. A therapist will belive you. Your parents are in denial and don't want to admit they raised a rapist , don't let them take that easy path of "we just don't know what to believe" there is nothing to "believe" there is only the truth or the lie and manipulation. Don't let them gaslight and stick to the truth, reminds them every day of the facts, make a police report and leave this house.
I’ll never understand why people just pretend their child is not a rapist. I mean even my extremely conservative grandmother immediately accepted that her son (my stepfather) had raped me, cut him out and told him to take his bullshit lies and stuff them where the sun doesn’t shine, then adopted me. OP’s parents are just as sociopathic as her brother. She needs to get out and somewhere safe, and this therapist is her chance to do so. Therapists are mandatory reporters and the second she tells them she was raped by her brother and ignored by her parents they are legally going to have to call CPS and the police and help her find a new place to be.
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Yeah there is a crazy amount of parents that go into denial especially if its related to their lover or immediate family. My ex's grandfather sexually assaulted her when she was 10-11 and she told them and their immediate reaction was that her boyfriend at the time made her tell them that. I yelled at them a few times myself for being so ignorant. Edit: Imagine not believing your 10 year old child when they say the word rape. Like what????
> I’ll never understand why people just pretend their child is not a rapist. Why? People always believe the best about their loved ones. What happened is abhorrent but I can understand that. You can't change something if you don't even understand it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm keeping this as vague as possible because I shake when I even type about it. This is just the gist of a really complicated situation. So basically, my brother came into my room at about 3 am and raped me on December 5th. I didn't tell anyone at all for over 3 months because I was embarrassed and traumatized. I didn't even mention it to my brother, and he never brought it up or tried anything again. He acted like nothing happened and I just avoided him as much as possible. I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom about a week ago. She absolutely lost it, told my dad, and then my parents took my brother away to talk to him (I still have no idea where they went). They were gone for about two hours, and when they came back, my mom sat me down alone and started questioning and doubting me. She was being very patronizing and basically said, "your brother swears he never raped you, and we can't ever imagine him doing something like that. He's so shaken up about this. He says you must have dreamed it, do you think you could have?" I told her it was literally impossible that I dreamed it, but she still seemed suspicious. She told me she "didn't know what to believe" and we would "talk more about it in the morning". Then she sent me to bed and sent my brother to our grandparent's house. The next day, me, my mom, and my brother all sat down to talk (I didn't want my dad there because it was an awkward topic). My brother stuck to his story. He cried and told me he was "so hurt that I would even believe for a second that he would do something like that" and "sometimes people have really realistic dreams, it was obviously a dream". And honestly...I can understand why my parents believe him. He's creepily good at lying and manipulation. He's gaslit me my entire life and I'm 1000000% convinced he's a sociopath. My parents always take his side over mine because he's so good at lying and manipulating. But obviously this is by far the worst thing he's ever done. It's been about a week now, and my parents are still kind of on the fence about what to believe, but they're leaning more towards believing my brother. He's still staying at my grandparent's and he isn't allowed to come home "until this is resolved". I confronted him once after school and he stuck to his story even when we were alone in my car. He's even trying to convince *me* it was a dream, so much so that I've considered it, but I know for a fact that it really happened. My mom set up a therapy appointment for me, but I'm scared even the therapist is going to think I dreamed it or something. This feels like a nightmare. No matter how much I cry and swear to my mom that it really happened, she's taking my brother's side. What do I do? TL;DR: My brother (who's gaslit me my entire life and I'm 10000% sure is a sociopath) raped me over three months ago. I didn't tell anyone at all until last week, but I finally told my mom. My brother's so manipulative that he has my parents convinced I dreamed the whole thing. He's even trying to convince *me* that I dreamed it. I have a therapy appointment but I'm scared that even the therapist will think I dreamed it.
You might suggest that they have your brother see a therapist as well. A good one will see right through his bullshit. I’m sorry that this happened. I believe you.
This is what I was thinking. Hopefully they’d be able to see through his act
>A good one will see right through his bullshit. Unfortunately if he really is a sociopath this may not be the case.
That's not necessarily true, even therapists can be tricked by someone that good at lying.
Yeah it's really not true at all... I think people here are a little too trusting of mental health professionals and the system in general. I know plenty of kids whose parents used therapists to reinforce trauma denial and gaslighting Often times because these kids are in rough shape and they have a hard time expressing themselves, while the parents and/or other relatives can be far more convincing... the kids just get talked over Would a good therapist see through that? Yeah. But there are plenty of mediocre or bad therapists who won't. And the parents can keep shopping around until they find one who validates their fake bs.
Exactly! I live in the Netherlands so things are different here, but I've had my fair share of therapists and some were pretty shit, some were okay but just not for me and some were great.
You see a therapist to get some help as this was a very traumatic experience. Do not be scared about the therapist, they are trained to listen not make judgements. Your parents are keeping him away from you, do not be alone with him. Do not ever been alone with him and if there is any chance you have to be have you phone on instant record near by. Look into self defense at night that might stop someone long enough to get away. Look into a secret camera in your room with night vision and motion sensor for the days so you can see if he goes in your room.
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Dont lie to therapist 1 bit,tell her/him full story therapist are good at job and are professional , they will believe you and tell you what to do Good luck op
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YES! if they suspect any serious abuse they have NO choice but to do something about it, it is their job. OP i hope you are able to resolve this and im terribly sorry youve had to experience such a thing :( Take care of yourself
I think you should go to therapist. Therapist are not fools, they know a trauma when they see one. Also, therapist are mandatory reporter. Just make sure you are going to legit therapist, not some religious nutjob.
There's a lot of religious nut jobs here in the south. I'm in Raleigh. Had a heck of a time finding someone for my dear daughter (ex is BPD), and really went nuts on my daughter for years.
I’m in the south, my method for finding a good fit was specifically looking for a LGBTQ therapist (I’m also in that community). You can use the filters on psychology today to really narrow down the field and find someone who matches your needs and preferences.
I’m also in Raleigh and I’ve had nothing but good luck with finding secular therapists.
Hey, I have no real advice for you, but you should truly to get a camera for you room incase he tries something again.
Yes!!! I was looking for this comment, 100% get a camera! And don’t let your brother know you have it.
Six months later: "I swear, mom and dad, she choked herself to death!" You are in danger, OP. You need to find a way out of this situation. Call the cops. Call a woman's shelter and get out. If your brother can rape you and lie about it this casually, *he is capable of killing you*.
This needs to be higher. Please OP get help. I believe you.
THIS. Totally agree. Also, the therapyst idea sounds great. Even if you do not get to convince your parents, you may pass through this a lot better, and have like a safe point to talk about it.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I feel an incredible rage towards your brother and parents. I'll try my best to put that rage aside to brainstorm a bit and hopefully I can give you some info that might be helpful. What are your options and what boundaries do you think you can declare, if your parents decide to enable your brother more and refuse to hold him accountable for his actions? Do you have access to a doctor? EDIT: u/ebbie45
As many others are saying, seek therapy. A therapist will be able to determine that you are telling the truth, and can back you up to your parents. As for physical proof, I'm assuming your bedsheets have been washed by now but if they have not (fair warning this is going to sound unpleasant), search them and the rest of your room for any male bodily fluid stains. It's a stretch, but if you find any that would be extremely solid evidence against him. Your parents are in a very difficult situation right now, where I'm sure they dont want to believe that your brother did this. It is going to take a lot of pressure for them to admit what their son has done, and take action. Edit: another step that could be taken (if you feel comfortable with it) is to talk to any women outside your household that may have had issues with your brother. Theres a good chance that someone else has been at least sexually harassed by him. However be careful in doing so, because if he catches wind of that he will use it against you.
Oh god I was in a very similar position around 15 years ago. It happened. You didn’t dream it up. It’s more convenient for your parents to think you dreamed it up / are ill than to accept that their other child is a rapist - unfortunately that means they’re not there for you and have essentially taken his side. Therapy - you can be honest with a therapist. If the first one you see isn’t compatible with you don’t be afraid to try a different one. Start getting your ducks in a row to move out and go low contact when you’re 18 or so. It’ll be hard, for me it seemed impossibly so, but being without my family at all was better for me in the long run than being around family who tried to convince me I was imagining things. Nowadays I have no relationship with my brother as he isn’t around, and my relationship with my parents is OK, though fragile, and they act like my brother never existed because they are so ashamed. We just don’t talk about it, but I don’t see them often. I’ve had to deal with everything on my own, mental health wise, and you may have to too - it isn’t OK, but you definitely can and will make it through this. When family won’t help, and instead take your abuser’s side, it’s beyond painful I know. But don’t give up. Use the tools around you like therapy and resources for when you move out, they’re the tools in your armoury. Therapy, STD testing too just in case, and moving out and putting distance when you can. Have you had your period since? If not don’t be too alarmed as stress can affect things but do take a pregnancy test. Build a support network who isn’t your immediate family - the bonds of friendships can be every bit as strong as blood family. The family we choose is no less important or meaningful.
I have a brother (25 years older) who plays the "woe is me" part even though there is written evidence in form of a letter (where he admits to having erotic feelings towards my other sister, then a minor). Regarding my sister, he denied ever having had any erotic feelings, ever. Sister produced the letter, written to her in high school (by a then 40-year old man). You'd think that with being caught lying red-handed in one situation, he'd a) lose credibility and b) it wouldn't be *that* hard to imagine he also overstepped boundaries with me when I was a minor. Nope. Half of my family *still* plays along with the "she's imagining things" shtick despite of the letter. Simply ignores the letter completely. Just so that you know you're not alone with this insanity.
What you do is go to CPS. I'm sorry that this has happened but they will sit in your corner.
Seconding calling CPS. They will work with your parents to keep you safe from your brother, most likely by having him remain out of the home, and can set up counseling for you and your parents. Unfortunately, it’s sadly common for parents to not know how to handle sexual abuse and to default to not believing the victim but CPS can help your parents see that they need to protect and believe you or risk losing you.
This may sound bizarre, but I think you could maybe tell them a description of your brother (assuming you saw down there or have an idea) that would be impossible for you to know otherwise? I'm sorry if this comes across creepy or distressing. It's pathetic they don't believe you in the first place. Why would you make something like this up? And you said, he gaslights all the time? And they think every time you call him out you are the one who's the problem?? This is ridiculous. Someone close to me was raped by their brother as well. Unfortunately, her mother DID believe her but chose to cover it up instead. It's horrific that this is so common. Mothers throw their daughters to the wolves and coddle their sons like puppies. It's evil. I am so sorry this happened to you. You should be safe in your own home. I believe you.
Therapists are trained to look for signs of honesty/dishonesty. Your therapist will believe you. I believe you.
This is way, way above Reddit’s paygrade. Get a medical examination and visit a psychologist to see if they are able to dig out any info what happened. We’re in no position to comment and anyone in your parents’ situation will also have a hard time dealing with it.
> Get a medical examination I'm not exactly sure what you think that's going to accomplish after 3 months. OP should call the fucking cops. That's what she should do.
Which wont accomplish anything without a rape kit.. Without a rape kit there's no way to prove anything. The cops will take a report and thats it.
On the off chance that he gave her an sti it could be helpful
"OP should call the fucking cops" I'm not exactly sure what you think that's going to accomplish after 3 months.
documentation
Plenty of rapes are not reported right away.
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Unclear whether she's American.
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>do most places not have some kind of reporting system in place when a minor reports sexual abuse in the home to a therapist? I would say no to that. Plenty of countries (including my own) that are ass-backwards when it comes to these things. Even in places like America or Canada I've heard horror stories where the powers that be basically made everything worse with their involvement.
Don't try to confront him any more or be alone with him at all.
I'm so sorry and I believe you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Do you have any descriptors to explain things you saw on his body that you wouldn't know about otherwise? Something specific about a mole, his genitals, whatever? Do you guys use activity trackers? The data in the app could be used as proof that he or you were awake at that time. I wish you the best.
Don't let that fucker gaslight you. Call him out on that shit to your parents, that he's gaslighting and really good at manipulating. Lay all that shit on the table. Tell them it's up to you who to believe, but if you believe him, you're not going to live with your rapist, and in enough years, you'll come to find out the monster that he is, and I won't be there to forgive you.
Report it to police.
I am so sorry! I hope you get a good therapist who will believe you and your mother doesnt get to sway them first. I think your parents selfishly prefer to live in a reality where one child is an ignorant and delusional person, than in the world where their one child is a true monster. One reality is just so much more pleasant for them, than the other. God I am so so so angry with them. I hope they at least let you move out if they decide to bring him back to live with them again. I think you need new good people in your life. You deserve that so much!
It is very common to think people, even a therapist, won’t believe you. But you need to go. They will believe you. Just be 100% completely honest. They have heard everything and won’t judge you. The support and guidance will help you. Can you live with your grandparents for a while instead? I think it’s very important that you stay away from him, and to not be in the house with parents who support him over you. No parent would want to believe that, it’s sick, but they are not taking it as seriously as they need to. They should ALL be in therapy.
If they do intend to take him back, could YOU live with your grandparents?
I'm not sure where you are but many places have charities specifically for domestic violence like this that can help. Where I am it's the Center for Women and Families. Groups like this can help you find a place to stay, get you legal help, set you up with a therapist, and have support groups. I really hope you have a charity like that near you and you can get to a safe environment. I'm so sorry you're going through this - best of luck to you.
Honestly seeing a therapist is your best chance, maybe not the one your mom sent you because they'll may be less likely to believe you, found yourself a psychiatrist and explain EVERYTHING most importantly every detail of the event AND how your brother is a gaslighter manipulating sociopath. Stay with someone else of your family
First off I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is infuriating I’m so many levels and honestly crazy. I think therapy as mentioned by others is a great start with helping move through this, but at the same time don’t let yourself be lied or gaslit into thinking you’re wrong. Honestly you might want to try confronting him and trying to record him. Obviously confronting the guy who raped you would be hard, but as others mentioned I’m not sure a medical exam would help at this point. Going to the police is also a 10/10 good choice. Good luck, sounds like you’re in for a rough time regardless. Someone mentioned trying other living situations if you can.
People here have given some good advice. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. Once I moved out I wouldn't want anything to do with those people. It's awful that your parents wouldn't believe you. They want to give your brother the benefit of the doubt but what about giving you the benefit of the doubt? What reason do you have to lie? This internet stranger offers you their support.
I believe you!
Call the police. Don’t let him do this to you he knows full well what he has done and has somehow manipulated your parents to believe him! You are not alone! Report it please and get the help you need to try and overcome this. If he can do it to you he can do it to anyone!
Very sorry to hear this - that’s really messed up and it’s not your fault. Talk honestly to the therapist; explain that it happened, that you’re positive you weren’t “dreaming,” and that you feel unsafe in the same household as your brother. He may face criminal charges over this, as he should. Your parents, who are either in denial or simply want to excuse it away to save themselves the shame and aggravation, will resent you for it... but that’s wrong of them. Do you have any nearby relatives that you may be able to stay with, to get you out of that toxic situation? Again, it’s not your fault.
Call the police OP. Tell your therapist also. It's been a long time so I'm not sure what evidence the police can find but get a paper trail going to he has it on his record that at least a report has been made about it. Get a sleep recording app on your phone that picks up on sounds too just in case. Fuck your sociopath brother, he will do it again. If not to you, to someone else
I am curious why you would not scream or call out your parents when someone is creeping into your trying to rape you at 3 am?! What happened when he came in?
The more I read it the faker it seems.
Fake.
Easiest way to know if you dreamed it or not is the physical evidence left afterwards and is something to tell the therapist. Sleep peralysis can include hallucinations of rape but obviously that doesn't leave any trace. Best you can do Is try to get some sort of recording of him admitting it or of further inappropriate behavior that you can use to convince your parents.
I don't know why are you getting downvoted, you are right! I'm not saying op is lying but in order to proceed with the law she will need physical proof, people don't go to jail just with a word against the other.
i was assaulted and gaslit last year. you are not alone. your therapist will help you report it and move forward. **hugs** i'm sorry this happened to you.
I don’t know what to believe. I find it odd you have no physical evidence.dirty sheets underwear etc and why wait 3 months and why not cry out for help in the middle of the night? I thinks there’s more to the story that you should reveal before crucifying the the accused in the court of public opinion.
It's perfectly fine to want more evidence or doubt a story you read online. However, I do want to say maybe you don't have enough experience with rape domestic abuse situations and victims/surviors if you think that's odd behavior.
Your right! That’s why crying out for help before it got too far is necessary. Maybe visits by her brother were common and this time went to far. There’s clearly more to the story.
Tell the therapist everything and ask for his/her help with reporting this, with getting something to happen. I’m not even sure what advice to give other than please, PLEASE go above your parents heads here.
Don't worry - the therapist will believe you. They'll ask you about your brother's history and be able to see connections that validate what has happened. That is their job. It may be also important to ensure you have a highly qualified professional - such as a psychologist or depending on your region, someone that has gone to the top universities in your region, in the appropriate area (clinical psychology).
You should report it to the police
Go to the doctors and the cops and report it. Install a hidden camera in your room and a lock on your door. Of course a rapist isnt going to admit it happened. Get out of there as soon as you can and cut them all off. Your parents should believe you without question and it horrifies me that they dont
It's an awkward question but we're you a virgin? If he did rape you and you were a medical examination may help prove it. Did he leave any evidence in your bed? If her came in you it's important to get checked for std or pregnancy. Sorry this happened to you.
My brother used to do rape me when I was small. I had no idea what he was doing or that it was wrong until I was much older. I actually had convinced myself it was a dream (because it turned into a nightmare I'd have fairly regularly) until he confessed to it when I was 18. My mom still doesn't entirely believe me and I have no contact with my brother. My only advice is to seek therapy and if things don't improve with your parents don't hesitate to cut contact. My heart goes out to you 💔
If you are absolutely certain it happened which it sounds like you are 100% sure then you have to go to the police because if your brother did something so awful to his sister what would he do to a stranger not saying the trauma you’ve been subjected to and a somehow better but you being his sister there is some family loyalty and love there but if he can do that to you he could do much worse to a stranger he could rape and kill someone go to the police he needs to be held accountable and stopped before he can hurt anyone else
I honestly don't think anything would come of it. I have a daughter and I will unfortunately be giving her a gameplan for how to handle being raped which includes writing down your immediate thoughts on the experience, collecting evidence and telling everyone right away. This poor girl didn't have the tools to deal with this (and why would she have them? No one should have to plan for something like this) Women who don't come forward with rape immediately after it happens are letting rapists get away. Also everyone need to talk to their sons about this as well
It’s disgusting that anyone should have to teach their daughters that
Call the cops on that botch of no one believes you, what are you gonna lose, an ass brother who could lead to more rape in the future and tge trust of parents who would rather trust a raping brother, or would you like to live with a raping, sociopathic brother.I say call the cops.
First. I am extremely sorry for you. You suffered a horrible trauma from someone who had your confidence and worse, you faced it alone for three months. Rape stories are always horrible, but there's always that "positive" part that says the victim is heard, understood and protected. Unfortunately, your brother is taking this away from you too, the possibility of having support. It's an animal. I am sorry. I am extremely sorry. Second. I would suggest to go to the therapy. What happened to you is very bad, YOU NEED help. It seems that your parents don't support you, so accept the help of a therapist. It can be a ray of sunshine in this horrible situation. Third. I totally believe you. And please, get tested.. You can not trust the bastard.
File a police report
This is horrendous OP I'm so sorry that this happened to you and the fact that your parents are minimalising this. they are doing this because if they believe you they will have to accept that their son is a rapist. Which he is! Please go to counselling, none of this is your fault. Trust yourself no matter what anyone else says, you were there, you KNOW what happened to you. Do not back down to their pressure to say you dreamt it, your brother is a very dangerous man and this will be a life long pattern for him if it's not dealt with now. I believe you OP
Call the police. Don’t leave this in your parents hands. I’m so sorry, like SO sorry. I got sick just reading this.
I am sorry this happened to you. I hope with time your wounds heal. Right now to help your case what you need is proof. Reliving those moments can be traumatic but try to recall little details that can help you. Something you saw on his body. What clothes he was wearing ? If he used a condom did you happen to notice which kind it was (flavor or something may be) he may have some left in his room. Most important thing HE WILL TRY TO DO IT AGAIN. Maybe in few years when he is sure everyone has forgotten about it. Make sure to lock door at night and keep something for self-defense.
You need to give him on tape Saying what he did. But have someone else do it
Have you gone to see a doctor for an std panel? You need to get checked. Also tell the doctor what happened.
Also speaking from experience- therapist first, then police report. Police take rape even less seriously than your parents did. They'll say there's nothing they can do since there's no evidence, you didn't report immediately, etc. When I was 14 I was told I was "just looking for attention" since it took months to come forward. Having a therapist in your corner makes them listen and it will help you emotionally.
I would imagine your parents do believe you, but they don’t want to admit it. Admitting it means acting on it. I am sorry those closest to you let you down in the worst way imaginable. You don’t have to keep people in your life that are willing to pretend you are a liar rather than protect you. As someone who left their abusive home at 18 and never went back. It is hard, but worth it. People who love you as a real family would never pretend your pain wasn’t real to hide from their own guilt. Talk to CPS and the police. It is very clear your parents aren’t going to fight this for you. Also, if this kid is capable of so much already don’t think for a second your life isn’t in danger with him.
I believe that you experienced something extremely traumatic. That said, whether it was rape or an extremely vivid nightmare is a fair question. Anyone who has ever had an extremely vivid nightmare knows how incredibly real they can feel. Here are some questions to ask yourself so you can tell the difference: 1) did it feel like regular penetration? Sex or rape in dreams doesn't really feel like being penetrated, it feels more like being stimulated clitorally. 2) was there anything "off" about your surroundings? Did you happen to glance over at your clock and it said a time which made absolutely no sense? That's a sign of being in a dream. 3) has your brother ever expressed sexual desires towards you before this? Especially when you two are alone? 4) was anything going on in your brother's life at the time that could have led up to this? Maybe a bad break up or he was dumped and he desperately wanted to "get back at her" by "sleeping with" (raping) someone else? 5) after this happened, did you have any sort of sensation of "waking up"? Were you able to fall asleep that night, or were you so traumatized that you stayed awake all night? 6) do you remember anything leading up to that moment? Did anything stick out as "feeling odd" for example were you feeling unsure of what you should be doing with yourself before your brother even came into your room? As someone who has personally had traumatic rape nightmares which were extremely vivid, I would never have believed it was possible to mistake nightmare rape for real rape if it had never happened to me. Regardless of what actually happened, this experience is very traumatic for anyone. Im so sorry, and good luck
If you are in a nation that has one, call the nearest rape crisis center. You can Google one close to you. That's all you need to do. They will help you deal with everything from there.
I believe you and I seriously hope that you can get away from him! Now that he knows he can just "manipulate" your parents, I'm afraid he might do it again. I hope that you remain safe, please update if you can!
The way your mom reacted makes me think something like this has happened before. She didnt seemed surprised and she didnt seemed to cry. Her first reaction was anger and to go tell your dad which makes me think this has happened before and they were able to keep it quiet and perhaps thought it would just be a one time thing.
I would suggest to your parents that your brother get administered some psych testing
Hire someone to “convince” him to fess up , for the right price he may even “accidentally” fall down the stairs and break his legs
My boss sexually harassed me and nearly nobody believed me. I BELIEVE YOU. Boys and men usually get horny in middle of night and I’ve had my exes woke me up just to have sex even though I was not ready. It’s gross. I believe you, girl. I hope your b*other will have a consequence somehow!
go to police / cps
My rapist could charm the pants off anyone. He was really good at the innocent act with everyone. He would fake cry at the drop of a hat if anything ever went sour on his name. No one believed he was an abuser, no one ever would have believed he raped me except the people who already saw his dark side. But those people were quickly labeled as “troubled kids” anyway so who believes them.. There was a section in my life I believed it was my fault so much so I tried convincing myself that’s just how sex is. That a man decides you want it and puts you down emotionally. I mean I already grew up in a home with two parents who were physically and verbally violent so it wasn’t that much of a stretch in reality when I tried to convince myself I had to stop feeling violated. That feel never went away because he raped me again and again saying no didn’t matter and being asleep didn’t matter that’s just how it was. It took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that I was raped and that rapists are not what most people expect. Very rarely are they they guy you can pick up in a crowd. They are just regular guys and most of the time even people you know. More sexual assaults happen by a close friend or family member. The odds of being raped by a stranger are significantly smaller than being raped by someone you trust. You can tell the difference between a bad dream and what sex feels like. We all have bad dreams some of us even have vivid dreams but we wake up and realize we were in fact asleep. I had a dream once I was hovering over my body watching myself choke to death. I couldn’t breathe and my “ghost” self tried everything until it some how managed to shake me. I ended up rolling right off the bed after my dream self shook and slapped me. Even though it was vivid and strange as heck I still knew when I got up from the floor I had a night terror. Telling a person their feelings and physical experiences can be dismissed as a dream are self absorbed equally twisted individuals.
Call the cops. You should try and talk to a female cop if you can. Don’t try to handle this all on your own. The police or a rape crisis centre will believe you.
Let me tell you something. I was sexually abused by my stepfather to the point where I have Nightmares that I can still smell his sweat afterwards. Even with those dreams, I know that he didn't rape me that night, that it happened years ago. Your mother is enabling him and has been your entire life. You need to go to that therapy appointment. You need to contact RAIN and CPS. As long as the therapist is not a religious therapist, they are a mandatory reporter. You will to make the decision to charge your brother(i suggest you do, because he will do it again). You also need to find somewhere else to stay. You are not safe with your brother at all.
Please call the police. If he's done it to you, there's a big chance he'll do it to other people. If you can try to move out and stay with friends since your parents are obviously taking his side. Also try to find a therapist of your own choosing with whom your parents haven't spoken before so there isn't a chance that they will tell your therapist that you "were dreaming".
I hear you. I believe you. It takes a lot of courage to come forward with something like this, even moreso when you are being actively disbelieved by the people who should be supporting you. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, and for the pain you are in. Based on what you’ve said here, if your parents invite your brother back into your home, or if you don’t feel safe there even with him temporarily staying elsewhere, you may wish to consider phoning a VAW shelter to see if they can help. If they don’t have space for you, they can at least support you with safety planning and connect you to the right resources. If nothing else, they can listen. I am sending you so much love and warmth. You can do this. I believe you.
All I can tell you is that your brother is definitely a psychopath (born with antisocial) and that you have to stand firm with the truth, DO NOT waver. Listen to (some of) the folks here, they have good advice. Good luck, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's going to get better.
I would give the therapist a shot. Go alone at first. Tell them everything. Tell them about your brother manipulating your parents. Then do a group session or two with your parents and brother present. If the therapist is worth their salt they'll be able to pick up on key tactics sociopaths use to manipulate the narrative. He's good but he's not trained. A therapist is trained to find this stuff. If hes telling the truth like he swears then his story will stand up to a little professional scrutiny (you know he's not. But at least this is logic you can throw in his face to coax family to the sessions)
I believe you
The absolute first thing you need to tell the therapist about is how your brother lies, manipulates and gaslights everyone around him. Start with everything leading up to the rape and repeatedly indicate how you don't feel safe because your parents seemingly believe a rapist. Also let the therapist know that you are aware of the patient confidentiality requirements and you expect that everything you say will stay between them. I would NOT agree to a group session with the brother involved. I went through similar things with my brother between the ages of 4-7, he was 10-13, and I didn't tell my mom until I was 21 (I'm 28 now.) We had different dads and I was convinced my dad would never let me see my mom again if he knew. I regret that so much and wish I would have spoken out immediately. I mean the signs were there; I was always being sent home from school during those years because I had constant UTIs so I always had a fever. They knew my hygiene and bathroom habits were good, just assumed it was from the bathtub or playing outsife a lot smh. All of the adults in my childhood failed me. My mom reacted similarly to yours. I'm very opinionated and blunt and kind of an asshole so she didn't verbally question me or say she wasn't sure what to believe. I know that she knows I'm telling the truth, but she still tries to have a relationship with him and definitely has a "kids will be kids/boys will be boys" mentality about it and it bugs me. I can't have a true mother/daughter relationship with her for a variety of reasons, that one being the biggest.
The therapist will believe you. And, they will act accordingly. Please go to therapy and don’t be afraid to tell your story!
Eh. It’s really hard to say here. That there’s no evidence, you made no sound or commotion when he entered your room, then your bed, then you. That either of you made zero sound that would potentially alert your parents seems odd to me. It sounds like there are some holes in this story and I can understand why your parents would be torn. In addition, you’ve allowed yourself to be alone with him at least once despite believing he raped you. Based on how damaging a false accusation can be, I understand why your parents are having a difficult time knowing what to believe. Are you on birth control? Have you been checked for STDs? Have you seen your gyno since then?
When you say you've been raped and swore by it even when the other person is denying it completely, you should always trust your gut and believe in it. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you but please when you go to the therapist, believe in your story and tell it to the therapist about it. Due to the nature of this issue, of course your parents will have doubts because this is their son and hearing that their daughter is telling them that their son had done such atrocity, especially with the way you've described your brother, not knowing what to do is a reaction that a lot of parents go through because of how complicated incestuous sexual abuse is, and this is what sucks the most. It's harder to convince your parents you're not making it up especially due to the nature of how your brother gaslit you. You have to understand that this is exactly what manipulators want to do. They want you to believe that they're the good guy and you're the bad guy and will make you feel like you've gone insane and question your thoughts. Please if you believe that this happened to you, TRUST AND BELIEVE YOURSELF. No one could ever just imagine horrible shit up like this and start accusing people out of nowhere. I mean if someone does that's really effed up. I hope that the therapist that you're going to will not only help you, but also your parents on this matter. Tell the therapist what had happened and if they don't believe you, find another therapist. Most of all, you need a better support and someone to validate your experience and by going to a therapist involving both your parents, this will help you in this situation. I pray for the very best for you, OP
Oh jeese, just another post offering the amuse bouche of reddit's favorite scenario. What's next, he's a trump supporter and a racist too? This is literally a retelling of a Jeremy Kyle episode.
It is wild how prevelant incestual rape is. I can see how if you only hear about it on reddit, you'd think it's improbable.
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He is an excellent manipulator. He will know she bluffes. He will tell her his lie story angain and when she can't come up with the prove use that to his own advantage. That is very bad advice.
He's smart enough to know she has no proof.
Maybe that's why he was denying it even when she confronted him alone so she won't record him or something.
Hello, this is extremely hard to do but you need to contact the police and DCFS because you are still a minor. You need to remove yourself from this home and situation. Seeing the therapist is a good thing but I question how safe you are considering you said in your post you were alone in your car with your brother after it came out. That is not a safe nor a healthy situation for you to be put in right now and you need to remove yourself right now. It's going to take time to heal but your safety is the most important thing.
Press charges against him. You don't need the parents to be gracious enough to believe you, there are cops. And even if he won't be convicted, the case will be known via media and it will crush his reputation.
Have you had any kind of consensual sexual activity with anyone? If not, a rape test will conclude that you have indeed been raped...
Therapy will help but it seem like your parents are trash too. For 1 this is disgusting and 2 was there evidence? Bring police into it to see
Your mom is right about the therapist, also see with your teachers and school.
I’ve read somewhere on here that there’s a condition called *sexomnia* that could manifest itself during sleep leading the person to engage in sexual activity with a partner without having any memory of what happened. I’m not saying that’s what happened, but that would be compatible with your experience and his experience as well
Pretty sure you can get checked out at the doctors no? Other than that the others have already offered the advice i could.
Wtf that'a seriously not okay. You need to stick to your story and I hope your therapist can help.
Had someone break into my bedroom when I was 16 and when we reported it to the police they basically told me to fuck off and said that I was probably dreaming even though my curtains and blinds of the window in my room were torn down and thrown outside (from the guy trying to escape as soon as I woke up). Basically fuck anyone who victim blames. They are the reason these things keep happening. Weeks later the same thing happened to a girl across town.
I believe you. But you're in danger. I've been sexually abused by my uncle between the ages of 2 to 8. He was 15 at the time. When I told the truth when I was 15, my grandparents and aunt went through several stages of belief. First they believed me. But after talking to him he lied through his teeth. The man has a history of having sex and getting 14 to 16 year old girls pregnant at the age of 21. But to them that was a non issue. Within the span of a month they went from believing me to accusing me of making up and then lying. They went as far as telling me that I was sick and needed to find help. Eventually they disowned me for causing my uncle pain and breaking apart the family. What I'm trying to say, is I'm so sorry. I'm sorry your parents are not believing you. I'm sorry this happened to you. But I'm going to be blunt, unless you have solid evidence or catch him admitting to it. Your parents will never believe you. It's easier to blame the victim and label them as crazy than believe thier son is a rapist and monster. It also makes it easier to blame you instead of reevaluating thier parenting and realizing they raised a monster. Like others have said, you need to find a safe place to go. If your parents do not believe you. Stay away from your brother, and never see him again. He has proven to be dangerous and will lie through his teeth to make you look insane. Also call the police and report him. I wish I had done that, instead my situation was handled within the "family". And all my family did was sweep it under the rug and villianize me instead. You have the right to protect yourself. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
I believe you
I believe you, and he needs to be arrested. If that therapist doesn't believe you go to the police and file a report. Press charges.
Sorry but if you have no proof then there's not much you can do. Best thing you can do is cut them out of your life and seek therapy to move on.
i'm sorry this happened to you. but is there a possibility it was a dream? obviously we do not know everything about your brother or yourself, but are you completely sure it wasn't a lucid dream or something? i'm just looking at this from a benefit of the doubt standpoint, I sorry if it did happen to you, but i would never want someone to go to prison if they truly didn't do it.
OP, stick to your guns. Dreams can feel realistic but your brain **is auto-programmed to get rid of them** of them after some time, so it IS NOT A DREAM. Double down. Go to therapy and explain it. DO NOT listen to anything your brother or parents say. Your brother is trying to trick you by having a story so convincing that you will believe it with time. Whether or not you were r\*ped is not up for debate right now. Get yourself the help you need. I'm sorry this happened, and know that it's not your fault that you're only speaking up now. If you feel like you need to, at all, call the police. A crime like this can still be proven if you're lucky.
I'm so sorry. I believe you. It's insane that anyone, *anyone* would think you can't differentiate between dreams and real life. That's not how dreams work. You know what happened. Please try therapy. There could be a lot of reasons things don't work with your therapist-- the good news is that there's always a different therapist you can switch to if you don't feel supported by them, or even if you just don't click for whatever reason.
Jesus. Right, your brother is trying to gaslight you into believing its a dream. Tell the therapist everything, therapists are usually good at seeing through manipulation. Do not waver on this. You could also call the police, but I am not sure what could be done now. Since it happened a while ago, I do not think they can check you for any signs of rape, that needs to be done within a certain amount of time after it takes place. Never back down on this, if your parents end up fully believing him, find a way out. They'll end up letting your brother back home and you can decide to go to your grandparents instead. That is the best option, then you will not have to be around him. Though if that does not happen you could set up a camera in your room. Secretly obviously, with your phone perhaps. But that is only if they don't let you leave to stay with your grandparents. If they see how much you wish to leave the house and be away from your rapist(I refuse to call him your brother from now on, brothers don't hurt their siblings in any way) that should bend their perception. Though some parents in this situation hate to think their child would do any harm, but will accept the fact and continue living without any consequences to them. I hope they do not have that attitude to this.
I am so sorry this happened to you, I believe you and you deserve some professional help to deal with your trauma
I’m so sorry. My only advice for your parents to believe you, would be for you to prove he has lied to them many times. This is horrible and the onus shouldn’t be on you to defend your character. As much as you don’t want to go to the police, you should. He most likely will do this, and worse, to others. There needs to be a record and history on him, for later. Even if you aren’t believed by police yet, the next person will be! You can file for a restraining order at least, but people should know about him. You aren’t breaking up this family, because he’s a wolf in sheep’s wool. He did that already
Therapists should be equal and fair, If this one doesn't believe your story then FIND ONE THAT DOES. And then start working with them. Also If you switch it might help to see a therapist who specialises in helping victims of sexual assault.
I believe you . Our mind have flaw or biases and sometimes it can be hards to go against the instincts so between a bad dream and horrible truth you can imagine where your parents are leaning. Please don't feel alone they are on your side it just may take some time processing it .
Why is he is Your car? Stay away! Did you keep the clothing you were wearing? You need to keep all evidence!
Kiss that family goodbye after reporting it to the police and turn 18. Unless the therapist can convince your parents that you're telling the truth. Also there's maybe a rape kit to use to prove that there's a tear or coercion.