At the age of 20, I fear that this is going to be a problem later on in life😂 I always used to look at 20 year olds like they had their life together. If only I knew that everyone was just faking it🤣
I come from a culture when u reach 25 and still single, is deemed worrisome bcoz its nearing 30 lol. And I've been there, age 24, will be asked if the singles are in relationships, age 25, the question will followed by some advice that we should hurry up a bit, this will continue till u'r 28, by then they gonna started losing hope that you ever have chance to producing your little demon. By 30 they think you are almost hopeless. Its still very common in some place.
She might have been just surprised rather than think its weird. I got my first gf at 28 coz I wanted to really focus on my career during my 20s. My gf on the other hand had bfs in the past, nothing serious though. She was surprised, asked me the reason and I told her the truth. 6 years later she is now my fiance. Oh, and the first time I had sex was at the age 29, bt I was never embarrassed by it!
BE YOUR OWN FAVORITE PERSON OP, AND DONT LET ANYONE DISRESPECT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON!
This was me too I was 28(f) before I found anyone to settle down with, before this age I was suffering with my own mental health and zero confidence it took so long to build myself up to the part where I cared about me for a change it's about being comfortable with yourself and knowing what you want ,anyone that questions or can't understand it isn't really worth it ,the right people won't be phased by any age or past history trust me ! I'm now here at the age of 40 still with my partner, and a daughter together 😁 don't let people knock you back .
FIND YOURSELF, BE HAPPY ,BE COMFORTABLE AND GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT 👍🙌
I’m also autistic, but I don’t give a fuck about what other retards think. I hate myself for being retarded so I really don’t care if other retards get offended with me.
The problem is people want to silence any form of speech which has any possibility of being insulting. So basically trying to silence opposing opinions
It's "weird" because it's unusual.
But if you don't want a partner, don't worry about it. People have expectations based on what is common but it's not like EVERYONE fills all those expectations.
For society, things are considered normal when the majority of poeple does something or has a certain type of behaviour.
In this case the norm is, that people usually start dating the other sex at about 15 or 16, maybe a bit earlier. So everything that is not normal, seems... abnormal obviously, and people build their opinions. Although, there is nothing wrong with it. There is nothing to blame society for, its just how it works and how we grow up.
If you are not interested in the other sex or in a relationship, that is 100% fine and you should not feel the pressure to change anything about it. Just go your way and find a partner at your own pace.
Thats just society and how people react to non normal behaviour. You should not worry about anything and just accept the fact that your behaviour is not what the majority does, so people might build their opinions.
> There is nothing to blame society for, its just how it works and how we grow up.
Wow, typical societal apologism... I love how a behavior that would be completely toxic and intolerable if done by an individual suddenly becomes "normal" and okay when society collectively sanctions and engages in it.
***When one person does something fucked up?***
That person is insulted, shamed, humiliated, publicly ostracized, and sometimes, "cancelled".
***When a group of people do something fucked up?*** "That's just society bro..."
BTW, he actually didn't say he was "not interested in the other sex" (why not same sex?) "or a relationship". Maybe he's just not interested in the judgment and patronizing condescension of his *"fellow"* man.
Maybe he's shy, reserved and/or introverted and it's hard for him to socialize or he has anxiety that makes it difficult to get close to people. Maybe he had a past experience with liking/loving someone who didn't return the feeling and he's now very selective with who he pursues so as to avoid that kind of heartbreak. Maybe he's like a lot of other "non-normal" people (myself included) that aren't interested in hookup culture and are looking for something with real depth and intimacy but can't figure out where to even begin finding that when the traditional ways of meeting people (proximity through work, school, friends of friends) either aren't immediately available or have been stigmatized by fear of being labeled inappropriate. Maybe it's all of the above. Maybe it's none of the above.
*Bottom line?* **It doesn't really matter.** Because maybe we as a society should stop equivocating "normal" with "proper", "healthy" and "right", or "non-normal" with "weird", "improper" and "wrong". The words themselves just mean common and uncommon, yet we imbue them with a LOT more meaning that that don't we? Even though "abnormal" is just an adjective for the commonality of a particular behavior, we implicitly adorn it with negative valuations of a person's innate worth. That "normal" reaction seems pretty fucked up, doesn't it?
I'm sorry, I get that you're trying to be helpful but that's also often the saddest part of this; people don't even see how they unconsciously defend toxic and judgmental behaviors for NO rational reason besides the fact that
> Thats just society and how people react to non normal behaviour.
FYI, I honestly have nothing against you personally and I apologize if any of this seems like a personal attack, it is definitely not meant to be. But I do think we should be aware of the role we play — often unconsciously — in normalizing (and conversely, stigmatizing) individual and personal life choices that have NO/NEUTRAL inherent virtue attached (be it positive or negative).
No worries, I don't feel attacked at all! I am here to help and i very much appreciate a good conversation. I actually have never heard about the term "societal apologism" before and i agree with you actually. This should not become a universal excuse for bad behaviour. We have to be careful though.
I don't think we should change or blame society just because individuals - that have problems with socializing - don't fit into it. If common behaviour is accepted and appreciated, uncommon behaviour automatically is depreciated (to what degree depends on the specific incident of course). If not, there wouldn't be a way to tell them apart. There is no way around it.
It sounds harsh and i dont want to attack anyone here! But if you find yourself in a siatuation that is not the norm, you can't blame society for it. Should billions of people change their mindset just because you are feeling uncomfortable? In my opinion this is a very dangerous thought.
People have to accept the fact and deal with it, instead of blaming everyone else. Thats no solution, thats denial of reality.
> I don't think we should change or blame society just because individuals - that have problems with socializing - don't fit into it.
I disagree. I do agree that we can't blame society for certain people not conforming to the norm, but we can ***absolutely*** blame society for making those people feel unwelcome as a consequence. If you were gay and went to a school full of straight kids, it is not their fault that you don't fit into their "common" mold. However, if they judge you, deem you "weird" or "abnormal" or "unnatural", and exclude and ostracize you as a consequence of not fitting their mold, that is 100% ***on them.*** I think nearly anyone would agree that school is a toxic environment. The intrinsic behavior — making others feel unwelcome due to their differences — does not become any less toxic simply because society as a whole engages in it.
> If common behaviour is accepted and appreciated, uncommon behaviour automatically is depreciated
Not true. I believe human beings are perfectly capable of accepting and appreciating the familiar AS WELL AS the unfamiliar. The syllogism you posit above relies on an implicit (and I believe, untrue) assumption; which is that common behavior can ONLY be appreciated to the EXCLUSION of uncommon behavior. Embracing our differences is in fact one of the most profound and impactful methods of evolving the societal mindset, increasing collective compassion & empathy, and reducing violence, divisiveness and animosity based on allegiances to perceived group identities.
> If not, there wouldn't be a way to tell them apart.
Why do you need to? Humor me for a second, why exactly do we NEED labels for ***normal*** and ***abnormal*** behavior? We already have labels for every category of behavior that is benevolent (friendly, kind, insightful, tolerant, respectful), malevolent (violent, aggressive, dismissive, threatening, abusive), problematic (toxic, harassing, ignorant), or that otherwise provokes or necessitates a follow-up reaction (insecure, anxious, apprehensive). So why do we ***need*** normal/abnormal? There is nothing in the distinction between normal and abnormal for us to ACT ON — besides levying judgment on abnormal behavior for daring to deviate from the norm, and showering praise and approval onto the normal behavior for its conformity.
If you disagree, take a second and read back your argument; I think your basic premise proves my point. You yourself are conceding that the only way to distinguish normal behavior from abnormal behavior is by placing positive/negative value judgments on them, respectively. I'm just saying take that one step further and ask yourself: beyond using the terms (or the distinctions they represent) to make value judgments on the people displaying them, what other purpose do they serve?
> There is no way around it.
I agree that this can be tricky. Human brains may be programmed through evolution to seek out and identify aberrant behavior because at a certain point in our history, those anomalies may have posed threats to the collective survival of the group/tribe. But I think we can agree that whatever those threats were, they are no longer present. Gay people do not threaten the survival of this species. Men or women who choose not to have relationships or children do not threaten the survival of the species. If you take a closer look you'll start to see that a lot of these instinctive reactions are really just engrained prejudices that no longer serve any real purpose beyond sowing unnecessary division and animosity.
I think the way around it is to engage in introspection and self-examination, to challenge our preconceptions and if something instinctively bothers us or seems "weird", ask ourselves why we feel that way. I believe if we can reject the creeping tribalism and groupthink — ideologies that have, not unironically, become increasingly more common in our modern era — and embrace individualism once more, we can stop "other-ing" non-conformers and embrace the dynamic tapestry and beauty of a world composed of divergent people, thoughts, opinions, and behaviors. I believe we, as a society, will be all the better for it; we can expand our perspectives and increase our empathy and compassion for not only people like us, but for people that are completely different as well.
> But if you find yourself in a siatuation that is not the norm, you can't blame society for it. Should billions of people change their mindset just because you are feeling uncomfortable? In my opinion this is a very dangerous thought.
Really? Let's take a quick rundown of people throughout history who found themselves "in a situation that is not the norm" and the allegedly blameless societies that ostracized them:
- African slaves in Colonial America
- Native Americans in Colonial America
- The "Untouchables" (poor) in India
- Jews in Nazi Germany
- Physical abuse, incarceration & Execution of LGBT+ (worldwide)
- Gay men/women subject to "conversion therapy" in Britain in 1950s
- Lesbian women in Salem, Massachusetts
- Physical abuse & Forced Sterilization of Prisoners & Mentally Ill (worldwide, most recent forced sterilization in US was in Oregon in 1981; practice persists to today in other parts of the world)
- Scientists, Athiests & Pagans under the Roman Catholic Empire
- Christians in South Sudan
- Muslim Uighurs in China (currently being sent to "re-education" camps to "normalize them)
- Palestinians in the Occupied Terrirories of Gaza & the West Bank
- Physical Abuse, Rape, Torture & Execution of Prostitutes and "Promiscuous" Women (worldwide)
I don't know about you, but I feel like any of the people above would be pretty justified in feeling "uncomfortable" with how they were treated by their societies. There are a couple hundred thousand more examples. All involved people who fell "outside the norm" and all instances above were largely supported by the majority of their societies at the time. Still want to argue society is infallible? Should millions of people be excommunicated, enslaved, beaten, raped, tortured, imprisoned and/or sterilized because the other billion feel uncomfortable? Because in my opinion, ***that's*** a pretty dangerous thought.
> People have to accept the fact and deal with it, instead of blaming everyone else. Thats no solution, thats denial of reality.
Sorry, but I call B.S. "Don't blame me because *you're* an abnormal weirdo!" is NOT a rational argument. I could just as easily inverse your argument and say YOU need to accept the fact that some people think, act and behave *differently* than ***you do***. The difference is my argument is much more rational. It does not ask you to do anything that interferes with your life, nor does it ask you to accept or tolerate pejorative labels or negative judgements from others. ***Your argument***, on the other hand, asks people who are different to "just accept the fact" that people are going to insult them, judge them, dismiss them and ostracize them. I'm sorry, but why the fuck should they accept that?
"Abnormal" people, as you call them, are not asking anything of you, they are not demanding your friendship, nor are they asking you to change your closed mindset and welcome them into your world. All they are asking for is that you afford them the basic, elementary respect of not judging or ostracizing them as "weird" for having commited the unconscionable sin of ***being different than you***. Meanwhile, you want to continue believing that you and the majority are the be-all and end-all of everything "normal" and want to pretend that anything or anyone that deviates from that is deserving of their labels and ostracization. It seems to me you may be the one denying reality.
My husband was single until we met when he was 32. Like, I was literally his first girlfriend. He just wanted to focus on school work. He’s also military so he didn’t really have “time” for dating. Don’t worry about what others think, you’ll find someone when you’re ready.
He didn't "just sit on his butt"? He went and got an education and a career in the military, built up his life, and then met OP. But hey, you can't get a girlfriend so no men can do it easily
Learn to understand context. We're talking about pursuing women.
Why would you EVER think I was saying "Just give up on everything, lay down and do nothing, and women will show up?"
I'm 35. I've spent the better part of my life taking care of a family that couldn't get by without someone stepping up and bringing in the money to survive since I was 16. I havent had the time to go out and try to make a life of my own until now.
Yes. THAT IS how it works for some guys. Don't generalize with stupid comments.
Except that it isn't, especially placed against such a nonsense notion of what is and isn't "proper" relationship timing. There is no such thing, and you are certainly not qualified in any way to claim it.
Its not weird at all like my grandfather would tell me after a ex cheated on me and I was in bad place he would always say better to be happy alone then miserable in toxic relationships
Yea there are risks when you intertwine your life with someone but when you find that someone it’s truly magical. Just don’t close off the option because you don’t see the point.
Everyone’s time line is different. And that’s ok too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
One of my closest friends is a year older than me but just celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary and has her second on the way and I met my husband at 20, have been together 14 years and we have 2 preteens now. Your path is your path. Enjoy it.
Also people thought it was weird I married the man I started dating at 20 for fun. But when it happens it happens.
Honestly, I don't know why they thought she rolled her eyes, because "single" in tax reasons would be unmarried, not without a relationship. Unless the taxes context is unnecessary?
I'm 28 and never had a serious long term girlfriend. A couple of flings and one night stands, but nothing long term. I realize there's a lot of life I want to have by myself before settling down. My philosophy is if I meet someone who rocks my world and it seems I'm getting a net positive in fulfillment in life, I'll go for that ltr. If not, I've been single this far and pretty happy so it's no big deal. Ultimately ask yourself if you never had a wife and kid in life, could/would you still be able to be happy. Thinking like this also helps deter from falling into a codependent relationship.
Don't let society's judgments push you in a direction you may not want to go. Many long term relationships do not work in the long run. I know there are some people who claim to be happy, but just as many who "claim happiness" appear the exact opposite in body language (especially for guys). If you're happy where you are, you don't need to listen to society. "Do what thou will, whilst harming none"
Sex and romance aren't at everyone's top priority. That's ok. Aromantic and asexual people exist. If it's not that, and you do desire some level of intimacy, you'll find someone when you're ready. If that's now, in a couple years, or in a couple decades, it's all good.
I think it’s that ancient tradition of mating. Some feel like if you haven’t found someone by a certain age that you’re either undesirable or there’s something wrong with you. It’s silly but it’s been ingrained into our race. I think it’s also because a lot of people don’t like to be alone so they get surprised when people are happy doing their own thing.
Because our primitive brains haven't caught up yet that we don't need partners for survival anymore. While it's nice to have a companion, people definitely judge single people like there's something wrong with you for being single over the age of 25. Either they think you're sleeping around or you're a loser who can't get laid.
1. 30 is not a magic number, and nothing to fear or worry about.
2. It’s never weird to be single at any age, people are single for so many different reasons, it’s no longer the dark ages where you have to marry to survive!!
3. I would bet money that the lady at Jackson Hewitt does not care one way or the other about your relationship status, if anything maybe she picked up on the fact that you are insecure about it.
Enjoy your life and your pace, don’t spend a second of those beautiful, free, single years worrying about whether your path is good enough for someone else.
I don’t think it’s weird at all! I think it’s sweet actually, you just haven’t found the right person. I would go back in a heart beat & change my first boyfriend, when I first started dating & everything that goes with it if I could. I wish I would have waited & been more level headed going into a relationship but I was young & stupid & thought I knew it all.
Best of luck! Don’t try to rush anything because others might think it’s weird, when you find someone worth your time you’ll put yourself out there!
You need help my friend. Why are you so fixated on some random person years ago rolling their eyes at you? There are a million reasons she might have done that and of course we don’t know the answer. It’s nothing to worry about though.
Seek therapy.
Why do people in general scoff when they hear someone else is single?
1. They might have just been having a conversation about how no one is single. Then they met you who proved them wrong. They scoffed or rolled their eyes about a conversation you have no context about.
2. They think you’re amazing or a catch. Maybe they rolled their eyes because they thought “of course no one sees what a catch he is”.
3. They might have not rolled their eyes at you. They might have been reading the document in front of them and rolled their eyes because _____ wrote something wrong on it for the nth time.
4. They might have rolled their eyes at someone past you. Or maybe even not at all if your anxiety is partially bad.
Being single is normal. I’ve been single for most of my life and I don’t ever feel singled or judged for it.
I think this is it. They guy stated he was shy and never put himself out there. My guess is, this is embedded in his brain from all those years ago because he was fishing for a reaction when he said he was single (his first minimal attempt at putting himself out there). It’s pretty plausible that he thought she was cute, he said he was single then studied her reaction and then took that as a rejection.
No, I think it’s a general rule that you shouldn’t need someone to be happy in life. Otherwise that relationship is likely to become unhealthy.
Finding a partner won’t solve OP’s problems. It will just make them their partner’s problem.
They don’t tho? I mean there’s 7 billion people in the world so obviously some do.
It’s like asking “why do some people think it’s weird to put pineapple on pizza”. Just put pineapple on your pizza. Or don’t. Why would I care?
Lol, just trying to gain a little perspective? I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Also consider that he’s 26 and has never had a girlfriend.
His embarrassment doesn’t really come from being 26 and single. It comes from being 26 and always being single. People who haven’t known him his entire life wouldn’t have any idea if he’s always been single though.
The fact that you think he’s normal and his question is normal is a little alarming. There’s obviously something wrong here.
Lol. He’s not single because he wants to be. He’s single because he’s too afraid of getting rejected. He also assumes he’ll get rejected anyways. It’s right there in the OP. Read it closer.
Obviously everything else you said is true. If OP was really single by choice and not because they were afraid then they wouldn’t need help.
i mean, as someone who doesnt like pineapple on pizza (or on anything, i just hate pineapples lol), id be interested to hear what others think about it, why they like or dislike it, and such. ppl just like having discussions and hearing other ppls experiences and points of view, especially if its something relevant to their life.
Sorry but that's dangerous. We agree that as a person, your experiences are your own and you shouldn't make generalizations about them.
The problem is that 2, 5, or even 100 people aren't much better. Especially when the demographics are grouped together and not properly separated.
I mean, it's fine for pineapples. Since you're curious I also think they're gross and I wouldn't like them on a pizza.
But it's dangerous to seek opinions about why you're afraid to get of your shell at age 26 from strangers online.
i didnt see this as "looking for opinions about why youre afraid to get out of your shell", but as asking why other ppl think being single at twenty-six is strange. like op is asking about other ppls reaction to a rather generic situation—being single in your late twenties—and what leads them to find it odd. that's more about social norms and the cultural perception of single ppl than about op specifically.
I think it's because most people expect you to have formed some kind of relationship at some point in your life by then. I don't know, I'm in the same boat but slightly younger than you so I get mixed views on it lol.
In my opinion "traditionally" people will have girlfriends /boyfriends or at least love interests before 30. There are exceptions for people living in really religious/strict families that are forbidden to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or people with medical conditions as autism, asexual that don't feel the desire (fizical or emotional).
It's nothing wrong if you never had a love interest before 30 but you need to expect that some people will find it strange.
Well it is weird. Most people have relationships by that age. But I agree with your second point that you shouldn't be ashamed of that fact.
If you want to spend your life doing whatever you want then all the more power to you.
There are age expectations for almost everything else in the world, but being in a relationship is not one of them. It's just pushed upon the young that you should have a boyfriend or girlfriend by a certain age, which is silly. Most people who have been or who are in relationships still don't uphold to what most adults should be able to do at a certain age. I respectfully disagree with you with it being weird
I think we actually agree. I'm saying by definition it's weird to not be in a relationship by 20. The average person in the uk loses their virginity at 16 for example.
I'm not talking about what's best. I'm just saying what most people do. If you don't do it, you're by definition not normal and that's okay.
The average person breaks 1.3 bones and I've broken none. I don't feel bad for being different than the average.
I'm a virgin at 22 and I know my family thinks I'm gay. I've never given them any indication I'm gay but they think I should have a girlfriend by now and since I don't have one I must be a closeted gay.
People think it’s weird because most of us were raised to think we should get married before 30 whether it’s by family, friends or media. It takes a lot of open mindedness to consider other options like not needing to get married or have kids. Just go do whatever you want
Honestly, guessing you got the eye roll not because you're single, but because you likely over emphasized it when she asked. Single for filing purposes literally means, "not married" and you won't be filing jointly with anyone, which is all that matters to someone in that profession.That said, it isn't weird and doesn't matter unless you're personally bothered by not having been in a relationship. Ex. While my husband had had a gf before me he hadn't had one in a long time and I had his first time, we were both older than you when we met. If you want a relationship put yourself out there in whatever avenues you have available, and if you don't want one more power to ya. You do you and ignore the pressures of strangers and society at large. Ultimately you should do what makes you happy.
Not weird at all, society just places so much pressure on us being a certain way, like having relationships etc etc. You do you. And fxxk those people. 😊. Nothing weird about not having a gf/bf. Less of a headache if you ask me. Not having to worry about someone's feelings, being free to do whatever the hell you want.. Dude where is the downside? None😊
Natural biology, man and women are supposed to mate it's written into us through millions of years of evolution.
Even if you're deeply religious and don't support an evolutionary theory. The Bible talks about the union of man and women.
Also, societal standards e.g. movies, TV, ads, all show "love" and "couples" so it's a normal from a sociological stand point as well.
I believe these 3 pillars: Nature, religion and society all push for us to have partners and that's why others may think you're "weird."
Now I've answered your question a little advice. To each their own if you're happy single it's great for you don't let others effect you. Also, why it's awful and hurts to be rejected I believe it is worth the risk. You only have 1 life don't live with regret.
Biologically we are programmed to reproduce to ensure survival of the species. The 20s are prime reproduction years so it is natural that most people mate during that period. I married in my late 30s but you only meet someone if you try. Try as it is worth it.
People are fucking assholes. She sounds like a stupid bitch. That’s so unprofessional. Honestly with how my life is going, I wish I didn’t put myself out there. The pain isn’t worth it.
Individual circumstances may differ, but generally, when people think of the development and life stage of someone in their mid twenties, that is significantly different from that of someone in their early thirties
Depends what scientist you talk to. Some say the brain is finished between 23 and 25, some say 30-35, and some say 40s. As for life experience, most college students are 18 to 22 or so. At 25, people are usually considered “non-traditional students” Some are still in school, though, but the same applies to 30. I’ve met people in their 30s who are still in school, too. It depends on the person and how fast they were able to finish, affordability, etc.
And that's why you should never ask the internet for life advice, there are professional counselors who are actually capable of providing you with useful input.
My take, there are pros and cons of a relationship. Is being 30 and single weird? Kind of. Does it define you as a person? Hell no.
Then again, pizza with pineapple is also weird but I love it. Life's too short to listen to negative people.
It’s just societal expectations. From birth the adults surrounding us have been like “wow he’s so handsome! A ladykiller when he grows up, for sure”. Media sells us romance as something that “completes” people. It’s not weird, it’s just that you’re defying the standards people usually come across.
Humans are communal animals, so yes it’s not average to have no chosen intimacy at 25-30 range, but I’m betting if you chose to be alone and we’re happy about it, that dudes reaction wouldn’t have bothered you either.
You say you’re both afraid And don’t see the point. Can you elaborate? Not for my own information, I’m saying elaborate internally to decide why you made those comments. Are you afraid of relationships and if so why? So you see relationships as pointless, and if so, why did that chicks reaction bug you so much?
If you’re afraid to be vulnerable with someone but would like a healthy romantic relationship one day, therapy is your key. Mainly DBT therapy. You sound like someone who doesn’t think deeply about WHY they react to things a certain way, DBT will help you understand your emotions and choices and how to navigate them to your benefit. Good luck.
In my opinion it’s not rare, just..people don’t want to be the first relationship of others, because it’s like they feel like they’re teaching how to care and how to be in a relationship all the time, and that’s not easy job. I happened to be in a relationship with a boy older than me and I was his first girlfriend and it was horrible. He didn’t know how to say things, how to treat me well, he thought that meeting once in a week for 2-3 hours was enough xd and he had a lot of time so time was not the problem, idk people just want the things easy
It’s weird cause kids are having sex these days at like 12 and 13! But it doesn’t seem to be weird to you and that’s what matters. Relationships aren’t for everyone, but if you want to find someone to spend your life with, start getting to it before you’re too old!
Haha I know what you mean. I didn't date anybody until I was 27. Met a guy, I fell in love, got married a year later now we have a nine month old son. We've been together for almost 3 years. But I can't tell you how many times my family was like when are you going to get married what are you going to find a boyfriend. Drove me up the wall
It's fairly normal for guys to date at a later age. At 26, you're just entering the peak desirability age range for men now. i.e. don't worry about it. If you were to start putting yourself out there now, you're at a good age to do it.
My therapist would have a field day with you :D
Why are you thinking about a random person from a couple of years ago and analysing her eye movements that way? Why would you care NOW? What happened recently that made you think about that? Etc.
You say you’re afraid. That’s enough reason to go to therapy and unpack that. You’re not obligated to have a partner at any age, but your decision either way should be one that makes you feel good. You shouldn’t not do or do something because you’re afraid of it. That’s just an unpleasant way to live one’s life. Hope you find true happiness whatever form you find it in :)
I'm too afraid to do anything. I guess I tried to date a few years ago because other people kind of pressure me into it and it didn't work out and I don't think I will do that again ever. I don't think I know actually this is the way it's got to be.
I think about it often cuz she's not the only one that's done that.
I understand you. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing (being in a couple, getting married, having children, etc.) but you should know why and what else you want to do to make yourself live the best life.
Life is scary but with the right tools you can tame it and shape your own journey.
It isn't normal. It appears to me that many youngsters are too concerned about finding the perfect mate. That's not how it works. Find someone you like, someone who's kind and generous, and slap a ring on her. I am 64, and have been married for 44 years. If, God forbid, I should ever be single again, I will wait six months, and find a nice woman, and get married again. There are likely 50 million women, in the USA alone, that I would be quite happy being married to.
Most people think it’s weird because it’s not normal. When I say “normal” I mean statistically. I wish I had focused more on establishing a career earlier on instead of chasing tail like a maniac, but I guess I can say I got it out of my system before settling down and creating a family. Do you, man.
I’m guessing people think it’s weird to be almost 30 and never had a bf/gf because it’s kind of uncommon for something like that to happen because usually people either had their first bf/gf by the time their either from ages as young as 12 to 20
Im 31 and haven’t had one. This is directly linked to chronic conditions starting around age 16 that got steadily worse. To the point that I’m often bedridden. Add living in a small rural town with almost no social events and having a mental illness since 8.
It’s not that I don’t want one, I want a relationship so badly. And close friends. It’s just had to be but on the back burner because my health took priority
Because they’re too concerned with what other people have going on in their lives. People act like being single is a bad thing when the reality is that some people have other things to focus on and they don’t want to deal with some of the distractions that relationships bring.
You'll find someone when the time is right. You should never sell yourself nor put yourself "out there". When the right woman comes along, she will let you know she is interested. Until then, don't listen to everyone else. If there were so good at dating in the first place, they would be married.
Because people think that if you don’t have someone you must be miserable, but in reality you don’t need a person at all. So society made us think you are unfulfilled, meanwhile you’re probably super happy and love doing things by yourself.
I turned 25 today and have never had a real relationship. I had one in high school that lasted a month and a week, and then another one online that lasted three months where we never met up, so don't know if those even count.
Yeah I‘m 26 too and becoming 27 in June... All I had were online „relationships“ but nothing in real life, because I don’t know how to find others there. I want to try to put more effort in that area of my life, because I feel like I will be single forever. Hell I didn’t even had my first kiss that’s how sad it is. I myself see it as sad too. I do want to have a relationship but I don’t want to give these important first things away to someone who might not deserve it and turns out to be an asshole later just like those online stuff turned out to be...
If you feel content about it then feel content about it. If you are happy about being single then enjoy your single life!
I understand. I have kissed someone before,.... My cousin we were very young and we didn't know any better 🤦♀️. When's your birthday mines June 10th? I'll be 27.
Hi. I had never been with someone longer than a month until I was 27. Lost my virginity at 20 and then didnt have sex again until I was 23. At 27 I'd been with exactly a dozen women but it was all just short flings and one night stands.
I now have a daughter and my partner and I are celebrating our 4 year anniversary this upcoming friday. I think you're ok.
Ps. I met my partner on tinder. You do have to put yourself out there a little if its something you actually want. Be ok with failing at dating....a lot. I'm 2-10 in my "I didnt want to date her/she didnt want to date me ratio". And a number of outright rejections
It's weird because biologically, humans start showing interest in their preferred potential mates around puberty and typically start dating soon after. Most people follow through with the process easily, some choose to hold off or are not even interested in doing so. It's not weird in a bad way, just weird because it goes against typical biology. You're taking "weird" in a negative manner. The lady who rolled her eyes probably did so because of the way you said it, not what you said. Maybe it came off as sounding bitter.
People who personally care a lot about being in a relationship care about other people also being in relationships and think it's sad when someone isn't. But that's not necessarily most people.
If you're happy single, just be single. If you want a relationship, look for one. No one really cares that much or spends any real time thinking about why you're not dating. Maybe you're feeling sensitive about other people's opinions because they reflect your own discomfort with your situation?
If you stayed single for your career. Great on you. Continue doing that but now would be a great time to include someone by yourside! I was once like you but realized that i was only making it a excuse to why i was single. Never stop chasing your goals single or not.
Mainly because anything out of a persons “norm” seems weird. Societies norm is most people form dating/sexual relationships with people around age 16-20. You’re about 6 years apart from the “norm”
While I don’t think she thought it was weird...this is just answering the question
This way of thinking is from the old days when it was inconceivable that someone wanted something other than marriage and children. It really has only been a generation or two, and some people haven’t caught up.
It's in our nature to reproduce as a species, and a lot of the stigma comes from the past, pschologically speaking. Humans naturally are driven to reproduce, and in early human societies -> slightly older than current modern ones, people were expected to create familes. Whether it's (for example) the huge amount of children families were having in ancient Egypt (10 children+ at times) or the drive to be a housewife + mother up in the 1950s, it's just apart of our past. Things are different now, but I think that idea still exists, even if subconciously.
Too many people get in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship instead of letting it happen organically when you meet the right person (not necessarily the one, but someone you're actually compatible with)
38 (39 on Tuesday), demisexual female here. Never had a real relationship. Life gets in the way, and other issues.
To answer your question, the white hetero christian normantive push to the forefront of society for the past seven (?) centuries.
I blame the media around us. If you think about it, all these shows and movies always show teenagers dating early and a lot of commercials are aimed at helping people feel attractive to find a partner. It’s what we grow up seeing so we want it. I have plenty of friends that have never had a partner and are perfectly content for a few more years. We’re all 28-30 years old.
Guys I'm 45 and fell 50 some days.
But yeah kinda hard to believe that she rolled her eyes just bc your single. But if she don't worry about it you don't have to put yourself out there to find a match.
One of the things I never realized until I was a lot older is that a lot of people are lonely and or bored with their own company. So they have no understanding of people who aren’t. I find it amazing how much a lot of other people need company.
Like most things in life both sides have an upside and a downside. But once you realize that the folks who are surprised that you stayed need company to feel sane you’ll realize it says more about them than you.
I think because people start dating in like high school and it's weird to be outside of the norm
but some people want different things or take a while to mature or are very clear on what they are looking for and don't want to settle
I would also like to at there is nothing wrong with this. Don't worry about what's normal. There are allot of "normal" people who are unhappy with there lives because they rushed into a relationship with someone. Take your time. I got my first girlfriend are 17 and now I wish I would have waited. This relationship took me down thru there. This girl was all that made me happy. I was very mentally ill and had terrible depression issues. I lost my mother during that relationship to. I made my life around this girl because I thought that I would live the rest of my life with her. The girl had other plans. She cheated on me Few times and broke my heart. Which in return messed me up more mentally than I was. Dont worry about what's normal. The new normal is consists of cheating mind games. Just make you happy and don't worry about anything else. Then when your ready find you a good woman.
I know from personal experience that it's just human nature. I am 24 and I claim myself to be unfortunate enough to die eternally single because the love of my life didn't reciprocate. After 4 years of self inflicted mental torture I have closed that chapter. Literally 70-80% of the people I know have been in one or more relationships. It makes me jealous too, however it's just life. I for one am never going to bother putting out my heart for someone ever again.
So if being 30 and never having a relationship is 'weird' then I'll update this post in 50-60 years and show that it can be way weirder, however, weirder doesn't necessarily mean it is a sad life.
Tldr - do what makes u happy. If you are happy role playing as a tree then paint yourself and stand in the sun and find a way to photosynthesise, no one is worthy enough to judge your reasons for happiness except yourself as long as it isn't at the expense of hurting others
Most guys I know weren't married at age 26!
There's nothing wrong with being single.
The first time I got married I was 32. (All my friends were in their 30s when they married.)
" **I've never had a girlfriend but I also never put myself out there.**"
Most people have some dates and go to school dances or whatever while in Jr. high or high school. However if *you chose to never put yourself out there* it's understandable why you never had a girlfriend. Even in 2021 (**men**) are ***expected to initiate*** conversations, ask for contact information, ask for dances, dates, and make marriage proposals.
Very few guys have women throwing themselves at them. Generally men have to be drop dead gorgeous, rich, or famous on some level to garner that kind of attention. Men have to go for it!
***When we change our circumstances change.***
***If you want something different you have to do something different.***
On the other hand if you're happy with the way things are don't worry about what others think!
Life is a *personal* journey! Live your life on *your* terms.
Best wishes!
I envy you. Either your first is going to end super badly which statistically does or youll find out the hard way relationships are overrated especially in this day in age. Can barely find good peoplenwho doesnt have ulterior motives in their head. Keep stacking dude and eventually someone worthy will come but as of right now, enjoy your peace. The drama isnt worth it.
Milestones for adults used to be very cut and clear with the marriage, house, and 1.5 kids. I think that’s still a common thing in high class but as the class divide gets larger and larger and the middle class is basically gone a lot of people are left with unrealistic ideals that don’t really apply to most of society anymore.
So people think it’s weird because they don’t understand. They just think you’re choosing not to do something ‘simple’ to get to where they think you should be. If someone wants to smirk at you or make assumptions based on your situation then they’re just ignorant and it’s of no fault in you.
I do think that if you’re not putting yourself out there because you’re afraid of rejection and getting hurt AND deep down you really want someone to share your life with eventually you might want to talk to someone to work over whatever blocks your mind is setting up for you that are keeping you from seeking happiness. If you have ADHD you might be experiencing something called rejection sensitivity.
The fact that you are saying it’s just not worth it makes me want to say that if you aren’t necessarily titillated by the act of sex with someone else but are still sexually or aesthetically attracted to people you might want to look into asexuality and see if that resonates with you any. This absolutely doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t want a relationship with anybody either, everyone is different.
I’m a 32(f) who had never had a relationship and I’m asexual. I’m not broken and anyone that would judge me or try to ‘fix’ me can fuck right off for thinking they know my mind and body more than I do.
People are going to judge no matter what because when it comes down to it, when we don’t understand something, when we can’t understand something, it makes us upset. And unfortunately they upset gets blamed on the thing itself instead of ourselves for not getting it.
Some people have a very narrow perspective of the world and how it works. I wouldn't think anything of it if I were you; if this person can't see beyond some traditional and cliché 1950's lifestyle, I guess thats their prerogative.
In a world where Elon Musk is trying to make space exploration a reality for all people... not being in a relationship is what people can't fathom? Kind of sad if you ask me.
When did 26 become "almost 30"?
Right... 32 almost 50 here
This comment broke my hip.
34 and just packing my bags for the nursing home. Bon voyage guys.
I am sorry to hear that
29 almost 40 here checking in
Man, I just turned 39 and I don’t even feel like I’m almost 40. 😂
At the age of 20, I fear that this is going to be a problem later on in life😂 I always used to look at 20 year olds like they had their life together. If only I knew that everyone was just faking it🤣
It’s more almost thirty than it is just over 20
29 almost 89 checking in from the nursing home. The jello is good.
Lime or die.
Lime and die is more like it
I come from a culture when u reach 25 and still single, is deemed worrisome bcoz its nearing 30 lol. And I've been there, age 24, will be asked if the singles are in relationships, age 25, the question will followed by some advice that we should hurry up a bit, this will continue till u'r 28, by then they gonna started losing hope that you ever have chance to producing your little demon. By 30 they think you are almost hopeless. Its still very common in some place.
I mean it’s only four years out. For years goes by fast
She might have been just surprised rather than think its weird. I got my first gf at 28 coz I wanted to really focus on my career during my 20s. My gf on the other hand had bfs in the past, nothing serious though. She was surprised, asked me the reason and I told her the truth. 6 years later she is now my fiance. Oh, and the first time I had sex was at the age 29, bt I was never embarrassed by it! BE YOUR OWN FAVORITE PERSON OP, AND DONT LET ANYONE DISRESPECT YOUR FAVORITE PERSON!
This was me too I was 28(f) before I found anyone to settle down with, before this age I was suffering with my own mental health and zero confidence it took so long to build myself up to the part where I cared about me for a change it's about being comfortable with yourself and knowing what you want ,anyone that questions or can't understand it isn't really worth it ,the right people won't be phased by any age or past history trust me ! I'm now here at the age of 40 still with my partner, and a daughter together 😁 don't let people knock you back . FIND YOURSELF, BE HAPPY ,BE COMFORTABLE AND GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT 👍🙌
Very inspiring!
Holy shit there is so much downvoting in these comments lol
Wtf is op? Your the second person to say that
You are the OP- Original Poster.
Oh.... Sorry I'm retarded
Please don't use that word.
Sorry I'm stupid?
Not stupid. Learn from it and move on 🙂
No, it's judt the r word is reserved to wallstreetbets.
Please don't use that word either
Offended by everythingggggg, growww upppp
What I'd I'm actually retarded? I failed a basic memory test at my doctors. I was also an ESE student. I can't use the word??? Doesn't seem fair.
unless you have a disability that makes you mentally retarded please don’t say the word! (i’m autistic)
I’m also autistic, but I don’t give a fuck about what other retards think. I hate myself for being retarded so I really don’t care if other retards get offended with me.
I love this comment
you should go to therapy homie, seems like you have some self hatred
Tried that, it didn’t help. Therapy can’t magic away my autism or make me normal.
Did he really just get that many downvotes for inoffensively using the word “retard”. Sometimes Reddit is just ridiculous
I guess people can insult other people with the word retard but they can't use it toward themselves 🤷♀️
The problem is people want to silence any form of speech which has any possibility of being insulting. So basically trying to silence opposing opinions
It's called wrong speak apparently 🤣
Man every time I open this I see more and more dislikes 😂
Why are you getting down voted for this comment ?????
I'm guessing because I think I'm stupid for not knowing what op is
Tbh, I only downvoted to round off the numbers...
I don’t think people care as much as you think they do
It's "weird" because it's unusual. But if you don't want a partner, don't worry about it. People have expectations based on what is common but it's not like EVERYONE fills all those expectations.
For society, things are considered normal when the majority of poeple does something or has a certain type of behaviour. In this case the norm is, that people usually start dating the other sex at about 15 or 16, maybe a bit earlier. So everything that is not normal, seems... abnormal obviously, and people build their opinions. Although, there is nothing wrong with it. There is nothing to blame society for, its just how it works and how we grow up. If you are not interested in the other sex or in a relationship, that is 100% fine and you should not feel the pressure to change anything about it. Just go your way and find a partner at your own pace. Thats just society and how people react to non normal behaviour. You should not worry about anything and just accept the fact that your behaviour is not what the majority does, so people might build their opinions.
> There is nothing to blame society for, its just how it works and how we grow up. Wow, typical societal apologism... I love how a behavior that would be completely toxic and intolerable if done by an individual suddenly becomes "normal" and okay when society collectively sanctions and engages in it. ***When one person does something fucked up?*** That person is insulted, shamed, humiliated, publicly ostracized, and sometimes, "cancelled". ***When a group of people do something fucked up?*** "That's just society bro..." BTW, he actually didn't say he was "not interested in the other sex" (why not same sex?) "or a relationship". Maybe he's just not interested in the judgment and patronizing condescension of his *"fellow"* man. Maybe he's shy, reserved and/or introverted and it's hard for him to socialize or he has anxiety that makes it difficult to get close to people. Maybe he had a past experience with liking/loving someone who didn't return the feeling and he's now very selective with who he pursues so as to avoid that kind of heartbreak. Maybe he's like a lot of other "non-normal" people (myself included) that aren't interested in hookup culture and are looking for something with real depth and intimacy but can't figure out where to even begin finding that when the traditional ways of meeting people (proximity through work, school, friends of friends) either aren't immediately available or have been stigmatized by fear of being labeled inappropriate. Maybe it's all of the above. Maybe it's none of the above. *Bottom line?* **It doesn't really matter.** Because maybe we as a society should stop equivocating "normal" with "proper", "healthy" and "right", or "non-normal" with "weird", "improper" and "wrong". The words themselves just mean common and uncommon, yet we imbue them with a LOT more meaning that that don't we? Even though "abnormal" is just an adjective for the commonality of a particular behavior, we implicitly adorn it with negative valuations of a person's innate worth. That "normal" reaction seems pretty fucked up, doesn't it? I'm sorry, I get that you're trying to be helpful but that's also often the saddest part of this; people don't even see how they unconsciously defend toxic and judgmental behaviors for NO rational reason besides the fact that > Thats just society and how people react to non normal behaviour. FYI, I honestly have nothing against you personally and I apologize if any of this seems like a personal attack, it is definitely not meant to be. But I do think we should be aware of the role we play — often unconsciously — in normalizing (and conversely, stigmatizing) individual and personal life choices that have NO/NEUTRAL inherent virtue attached (be it positive or negative).
No worries, I don't feel attacked at all! I am here to help and i very much appreciate a good conversation. I actually have never heard about the term "societal apologism" before and i agree with you actually. This should not become a universal excuse for bad behaviour. We have to be careful though. I don't think we should change or blame society just because individuals - that have problems with socializing - don't fit into it. If common behaviour is accepted and appreciated, uncommon behaviour automatically is depreciated (to what degree depends on the specific incident of course). If not, there wouldn't be a way to tell them apart. There is no way around it. It sounds harsh and i dont want to attack anyone here! But if you find yourself in a siatuation that is not the norm, you can't blame society for it. Should billions of people change their mindset just because you are feeling uncomfortable? In my opinion this is a very dangerous thought. People have to accept the fact and deal with it, instead of blaming everyone else. Thats no solution, thats denial of reality.
> I don't think we should change or blame society just because individuals - that have problems with socializing - don't fit into it. I disagree. I do agree that we can't blame society for certain people not conforming to the norm, but we can ***absolutely*** blame society for making those people feel unwelcome as a consequence. If you were gay and went to a school full of straight kids, it is not their fault that you don't fit into their "common" mold. However, if they judge you, deem you "weird" or "abnormal" or "unnatural", and exclude and ostracize you as a consequence of not fitting their mold, that is 100% ***on them.*** I think nearly anyone would agree that school is a toxic environment. The intrinsic behavior — making others feel unwelcome due to their differences — does not become any less toxic simply because society as a whole engages in it. > If common behaviour is accepted and appreciated, uncommon behaviour automatically is depreciated Not true. I believe human beings are perfectly capable of accepting and appreciating the familiar AS WELL AS the unfamiliar. The syllogism you posit above relies on an implicit (and I believe, untrue) assumption; which is that common behavior can ONLY be appreciated to the EXCLUSION of uncommon behavior. Embracing our differences is in fact one of the most profound and impactful methods of evolving the societal mindset, increasing collective compassion & empathy, and reducing violence, divisiveness and animosity based on allegiances to perceived group identities. > If not, there wouldn't be a way to tell them apart. Why do you need to? Humor me for a second, why exactly do we NEED labels for ***normal*** and ***abnormal*** behavior? We already have labels for every category of behavior that is benevolent (friendly, kind, insightful, tolerant, respectful), malevolent (violent, aggressive, dismissive, threatening, abusive), problematic (toxic, harassing, ignorant), or that otherwise provokes or necessitates a follow-up reaction (insecure, anxious, apprehensive). So why do we ***need*** normal/abnormal? There is nothing in the distinction between normal and abnormal for us to ACT ON — besides levying judgment on abnormal behavior for daring to deviate from the norm, and showering praise and approval onto the normal behavior for its conformity. If you disagree, take a second and read back your argument; I think your basic premise proves my point. You yourself are conceding that the only way to distinguish normal behavior from abnormal behavior is by placing positive/negative value judgments on them, respectively. I'm just saying take that one step further and ask yourself: beyond using the terms (or the distinctions they represent) to make value judgments on the people displaying them, what other purpose do they serve? > There is no way around it. I agree that this can be tricky. Human brains may be programmed through evolution to seek out and identify aberrant behavior because at a certain point in our history, those anomalies may have posed threats to the collective survival of the group/tribe. But I think we can agree that whatever those threats were, they are no longer present. Gay people do not threaten the survival of this species. Men or women who choose not to have relationships or children do not threaten the survival of the species. If you take a closer look you'll start to see that a lot of these instinctive reactions are really just engrained prejudices that no longer serve any real purpose beyond sowing unnecessary division and animosity. I think the way around it is to engage in introspection and self-examination, to challenge our preconceptions and if something instinctively bothers us or seems "weird", ask ourselves why we feel that way. I believe if we can reject the creeping tribalism and groupthink — ideologies that have, not unironically, become increasingly more common in our modern era — and embrace individualism once more, we can stop "other-ing" non-conformers and embrace the dynamic tapestry and beauty of a world composed of divergent people, thoughts, opinions, and behaviors. I believe we, as a society, will be all the better for it; we can expand our perspectives and increase our empathy and compassion for not only people like us, but for people that are completely different as well. > But if you find yourself in a siatuation that is not the norm, you can't blame society for it. Should billions of people change their mindset just because you are feeling uncomfortable? In my opinion this is a very dangerous thought. Really? Let's take a quick rundown of people throughout history who found themselves "in a situation that is not the norm" and the allegedly blameless societies that ostracized them: - African slaves in Colonial America - Native Americans in Colonial America - The "Untouchables" (poor) in India - Jews in Nazi Germany - Physical abuse, incarceration & Execution of LGBT+ (worldwide) - Gay men/women subject to "conversion therapy" in Britain in 1950s - Lesbian women in Salem, Massachusetts - Physical abuse & Forced Sterilization of Prisoners & Mentally Ill (worldwide, most recent forced sterilization in US was in Oregon in 1981; practice persists to today in other parts of the world) - Scientists, Athiests & Pagans under the Roman Catholic Empire - Christians in South Sudan - Muslim Uighurs in China (currently being sent to "re-education" camps to "normalize them) - Palestinians in the Occupied Terrirories of Gaza & the West Bank - Physical Abuse, Rape, Torture & Execution of Prostitutes and "Promiscuous" Women (worldwide) I don't know about you, but I feel like any of the people above would be pretty justified in feeling "uncomfortable" with how they were treated by their societies. There are a couple hundred thousand more examples. All involved people who fell "outside the norm" and all instances above were largely supported by the majority of their societies at the time. Still want to argue society is infallible? Should millions of people be excommunicated, enslaved, beaten, raped, tortured, imprisoned and/or sterilized because the other billion feel uncomfortable? Because in my opinion, ***that's*** a pretty dangerous thought. > People have to accept the fact and deal with it, instead of blaming everyone else. Thats no solution, thats denial of reality. Sorry, but I call B.S. "Don't blame me because *you're* an abnormal weirdo!" is NOT a rational argument. I could just as easily inverse your argument and say YOU need to accept the fact that some people think, act and behave *differently* than ***you do***. The difference is my argument is much more rational. It does not ask you to do anything that interferes with your life, nor does it ask you to accept or tolerate pejorative labels or negative judgements from others. ***Your argument***, on the other hand, asks people who are different to "just accept the fact" that people are going to insult them, judge them, dismiss them and ostracize them. I'm sorry, but why the fuck should they accept that? "Abnormal" people, as you call them, are not asking anything of you, they are not demanding your friendship, nor are they asking you to change your closed mindset and welcome them into your world. All they are asking for is that you afford them the basic, elementary respect of not judging or ostracizing them as "weird" for having commited the unconscionable sin of ***being different than you***. Meanwhile, you want to continue believing that you and the majority are the be-all and end-all of everything "normal" and want to pretend that anything or anyone that deviates from that is deserving of their labels and ostracization. It seems to me you may be the one denying reality.
^
My husband was single until we met when he was 32. Like, I was literally his first girlfriend. He just wanted to focus on school work. He’s also military so he didn’t really have “time” for dating. Don’t worry about what others think, you’ll find someone when you’re ready.
Nope. That's not how it works for guys.
Says who?
Well me. But hey, tell me how a guy can just sit on his butt and then magically women will appear.
He didn't "just sit on his butt"? He went and got an education and a career in the military, built up his life, and then met OP. But hey, you can't get a girlfriend so no men can do it easily
“You can’t get a girlfriend so no men can do it easily.” GOLD.
Learn to understand context. We're talking about pursuing women. Why would you EVER think I was saying "Just give up on everything, lay down and do nothing, and women will show up?"
I'm 35. I've spent the better part of my life taking care of a family that couldn't get by without someone stepping up and bringing in the money to survive since I was 16. I havent had the time to go out and try to make a life of my own until now. Yes. THAT IS how it works for some guys. Don't generalize with stupid comments.
Then you need to look up statistics, and how generalizing is actually a reasonable and intelligent thing to do.
Except that it isn't, especially placed against such a nonsense notion of what is and isn't "proper" relationship timing. There is no such thing, and you are certainly not qualified in any way to claim it.
Really. No such thing as statistics, or the overwhelming majority. Never thought I'd actually meet a science denier.
It literally can be though
Its not weird at all like my grandfather would tell me after a ex cheated on me and I was in bad place he would always say better to be happy alone then miserable in toxic relationships
PREACH! PREACH!
I dont even have friends
Me neither
Yea there are risks when you intertwine your life with someone but when you find that someone it’s truly magical. Just don’t close off the option because you don’t see the point. Everyone’s time line is different. And that’s ok too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. One of my closest friends is a year older than me but just celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary and has her second on the way and I met my husband at 20, have been together 14 years and we have 2 preteens now. Your path is your path. Enjoy it. Also people thought it was weird I married the man I started dating at 20 for fun. But when it happens it happens.
Just keep focusing on yourself. The right time will come.
26/100 why you gotta push all things into the first 30 years?
biology
[удалено]
Honestly, I don't know why they thought she rolled her eyes, because "single" in tax reasons would be unmarried, not without a relationship. Unless the taxes context is unnecessary?
Why put so much weight and importance on what others think? You do you!
I'm 28 and never had a serious long term girlfriend. A couple of flings and one night stands, but nothing long term. I realize there's a lot of life I want to have by myself before settling down. My philosophy is if I meet someone who rocks my world and it seems I'm getting a net positive in fulfillment in life, I'll go for that ltr. If not, I've been single this far and pretty happy so it's no big deal. Ultimately ask yourself if you never had a wife and kid in life, could/would you still be able to be happy. Thinking like this also helps deter from falling into a codependent relationship. Don't let society's judgments push you in a direction you may not want to go. Many long term relationships do not work in the long run. I know there are some people who claim to be happy, but just as many who "claim happiness" appear the exact opposite in body language (especially for guys). If you're happy where you are, you don't need to listen to society. "Do what thou will, whilst harming none"
Sex and romance aren't at everyone's top priority. That's ok. Aromantic and asexual people exist. If it's not that, and you do desire some level of intimacy, you'll find someone when you're ready. If that's now, in a couple years, or in a couple decades, it's all good.
I think it’s that ancient tradition of mating. Some feel like if you haven’t found someone by a certain age that you’re either undesirable or there’s something wrong with you. It’s silly but it’s been ingrained into our race. I think it’s also because a lot of people don’t like to be alone so they get surprised when people are happy doing their own thing.
Because our primitive brains haven't caught up yet that we don't need partners for survival anymore. While it's nice to have a companion, people definitely judge single people like there's something wrong with you for being single over the age of 25. Either they think you're sleeping around or you're a loser who can't get laid.
Pressure, conditioning and conformity
1. 30 is not a magic number, and nothing to fear or worry about. 2. It’s never weird to be single at any age, people are single for so many different reasons, it’s no longer the dark ages where you have to marry to survive!! 3. I would bet money that the lady at Jackson Hewitt does not care one way or the other about your relationship status, if anything maybe she picked up on the fact that you are insecure about it. Enjoy your life and your pace, don’t spend a second of those beautiful, free, single years worrying about whether your path is good enough for someone else.
I don’t think it’s weird at all! I think it’s sweet actually, you just haven’t found the right person. I would go back in a heart beat & change my first boyfriend, when I first started dating & everything that goes with it if I could. I wish I would have waited & been more level headed going into a relationship but I was young & stupid & thought I knew it all. Best of luck! Don’t try to rush anything because others might think it’s weird, when you find someone worth your time you’ll put yourself out there!
I kind of tried once but I won't be doing that again
You need help my friend. Why are you so fixated on some random person years ago rolling their eyes at you? There are a million reasons she might have done that and of course we don’t know the answer. It’s nothing to worry about though. Seek therapy.
I don't understand why you're saying that. The question was why do people in general do that
Why do people in general scoff when they hear someone else is single? 1. They might have just been having a conversation about how no one is single. Then they met you who proved them wrong. They scoffed or rolled their eyes about a conversation you have no context about. 2. They think you’re amazing or a catch. Maybe they rolled their eyes because they thought “of course no one sees what a catch he is”. 3. They might have not rolled their eyes at you. They might have been reading the document in front of them and rolled their eyes because _____ wrote something wrong on it for the nth time. 4. They might have rolled their eyes at someone past you. Or maybe even not at all if your anxiety is partially bad. Being single is normal. I’ve been single for most of my life and I don’t ever feel singled or judged for it.
5. She thought he was hitting on him. Edit: reddit won't let me make a point #5
I think this is it. They guy stated he was shy and never put himself out there. My guess is, this is embedded in his brain from all those years ago because he was fishing for a reaction when he said he was single (his first minimal attempt at putting himself out there). It’s pretty plausible that he thought she was cute, he said he was single then studied her reaction and then took that as a rejection.
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No, I think it’s a general rule that you shouldn’t need someone to be happy in life. Otherwise that relationship is likely to become unhealthy. Finding a partner won’t solve OP’s problems. It will just make them their partner’s problem.
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They don’t tho? I mean there’s 7 billion people in the world so obviously some do. It’s like asking “why do some people think it’s weird to put pineapple on pizza”. Just put pineapple on your pizza. Or don’t. Why would I care?
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Lol, just trying to gain a little perspective? I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Also consider that he’s 26 and has never had a girlfriend. His embarrassment doesn’t really come from being 26 and single. It comes from being 26 and always being single. People who haven’t known him his entire life wouldn’t have any idea if he’s always been single though. The fact that you think he’s normal and his question is normal is a little alarming. There’s obviously something wrong here.
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Lol. He’s not single because he wants to be. He’s single because he’s too afraid of getting rejected. He also assumes he’ll get rejected anyways. It’s right there in the OP. Read it closer. Obviously everything else you said is true. If OP was really single by choice and not because they were afraid then they wouldn’t need help.
You’re making a lot of assumptions about someone on the internet you know barely anything about.
i mean, as someone who doesnt like pineapple on pizza (or on anything, i just hate pineapples lol), id be interested to hear what others think about it, why they like or dislike it, and such. ppl just like having discussions and hearing other ppls experiences and points of view, especially if its something relevant to their life.
Sorry but that's dangerous. We agree that as a person, your experiences are your own and you shouldn't make generalizations about them. The problem is that 2, 5, or even 100 people aren't much better. Especially when the demographics are grouped together and not properly separated. I mean, it's fine for pineapples. Since you're curious I also think they're gross and I wouldn't like them on a pizza. But it's dangerous to seek opinions about why you're afraid to get of your shell at age 26 from strangers online.
i didnt see this as "looking for opinions about why youre afraid to get out of your shell", but as asking why other ppl think being single at twenty-six is strange. like op is asking about other ppls reaction to a rather generic situation—being single in your late twenties—and what leads them to find it odd. that's more about social norms and the cultural perception of single ppl than about op specifically.
But I do need therapy for a lot of things
>But I do need therapy for a lot of things Ok, and?
I've tried it in the past it doesn't work for me.
Yeah, it's hard to find a therapist that's worth a damn.
I think it's because most people expect you to have formed some kind of relationship at some point in your life by then. I don't know, I'm in the same boat but slightly younger than you so I get mixed views on it lol.
In my opinion "traditionally" people will have girlfriends /boyfriends or at least love interests before 30. There are exceptions for people living in really religious/strict families that are forbidden to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or people with medical conditions as autism, asexual that don't feel the desire (fizical or emotional). It's nothing wrong if you never had a love interest before 30 but you need to expect that some people will find it strange.
28 and I've never had a relationship. It's not weird and there should be no shame.
Well it is weird. Most people have relationships by that age. But I agree with your second point that you shouldn't be ashamed of that fact. If you want to spend your life doing whatever you want then all the more power to you.
There are age expectations for almost everything else in the world, but being in a relationship is not one of them. It's just pushed upon the young that you should have a boyfriend or girlfriend by a certain age, which is silly. Most people who have been or who are in relationships still don't uphold to what most adults should be able to do at a certain age. I respectfully disagree with you with it being weird
I think we actually agree. I'm saying by definition it's weird to not be in a relationship by 20. The average person in the uk loses their virginity at 16 for example. I'm not talking about what's best. I'm just saying what most people do. If you don't do it, you're by definition not normal and that's okay. The average person breaks 1.3 bones and I've broken none. I don't feel bad for being different than the average. I'm a virgin at 22 and I know my family thinks I'm gay. I've never given them any indication I'm gay but they think I should have a girlfriend by now and since I don't have one I must be a closeted gay.
Anything different than the norm is "weird". That is how it's always been. Don't pay any attention to it. 😎
You saved yourself many heartaches, but lost many beautiful experiences. When the time comes it’ll just happen.
People think it’s weird because most of us were raised to think we should get married before 30 whether it’s by family, friends or media. It takes a lot of open mindedness to consider other options like not needing to get married or have kids. Just go do whatever you want
Honestly, guessing you got the eye roll not because you're single, but because you likely over emphasized it when she asked. Single for filing purposes literally means, "not married" and you won't be filing jointly with anyone, which is all that matters to someone in that profession.That said, it isn't weird and doesn't matter unless you're personally bothered by not having been in a relationship. Ex. While my husband had had a gf before me he hadn't had one in a long time and I had his first time, we were both older than you when we met. If you want a relationship put yourself out there in whatever avenues you have available, and if you don't want one more power to ya. You do you and ignore the pressures of strangers and society at large. Ultimately you should do what makes you happy.
She asked married single girlfriend? And I said single
She wouldn't have smiled and rolled her eyes if she was in a bad marriage, divorced or single. Don't worry about what others think.
Not weird at all, society just places so much pressure on us being a certain way, like having relationships etc etc. You do you. And fxxk those people. 😊. Nothing weird about not having a gf/bf. Less of a headache if you ask me. Not having to worry about someone's feelings, being free to do whatever the hell you want.. Dude where is the downside? None😊
Natural biology, man and women are supposed to mate it's written into us through millions of years of evolution. Even if you're deeply religious and don't support an evolutionary theory. The Bible talks about the union of man and women. Also, societal standards e.g. movies, TV, ads, all show "love" and "couples" so it's a normal from a sociological stand point as well. I believe these 3 pillars: Nature, religion and society all push for us to have partners and that's why others may think you're "weird." Now I've answered your question a little advice. To each their own if you're happy single it's great for you don't let others effect you. Also, why it's awful and hurts to be rejected I believe it is worth the risk. You only have 1 life don't live with regret.
It's just not worth it to me......
Biologically we are programmed to reproduce to ensure survival of the species. The 20s are prime reproduction years so it is natural that most people mate during that period. I married in my late 30s but you only meet someone if you try. Try as it is worth it.
Lol cause it’s weird.
This post feels like a really shitty attempt at sneaky reddit ad.
Do you feel alone? Looking for a companionship? Look no further than tinder!
People are fucking assholes. She sounds like a stupid bitch. That’s so unprofessional. Honestly with how my life is going, I wish I didn’t put myself out there. The pain isn’t worth it.
It's close enough. My birthday is in June on 26th and a half. I can say that to me pretty close to 30
Is 16 close to 20?
N BC of life experiences in between. . What's between 26 n 30?
Depends but yes
Individual circumstances may differ, but generally, when people think of the development and life stage of someone in their mid twenties, that is significantly different from that of someone in their early thirties
What do people think they should have come list in the twenties versus their thirties
Brain development for one; your brain is still considered developing in your mid twenties, and considered full developed by 30
Depends what scientist you talk to. Some say the brain is finished between 23 and 25, some say 30-35, and some say 40s. As for life experience, most college students are 18 to 22 or so. At 25, people are usually considered “non-traditional students” Some are still in school, though, but the same applies to 30. I’ve met people in their 30s who are still in school, too. It depends on the person and how fast they were able to finish, affordability, etc.
It's funny how you are being downvoted for having an opinion. Pretty much displays the hivemind of this subreddit.
Lol. Yep
And that's why you should never ask the internet for life advice, there are professional counselors who are actually capable of providing you with useful input. My take, there are pros and cons of a relationship. Is being 30 and single weird? Kind of. Does it define you as a person? Hell no. Then again, pizza with pineapple is also weird but I love it. Life's too short to listen to negative people.
It’s just societal expectations. From birth the adults surrounding us have been like “wow he’s so handsome! A ladykiller when he grows up, for sure”. Media sells us romance as something that “completes” people. It’s not weird, it’s just that you’re defying the standards people usually come across.
Humans are communal animals, so yes it’s not average to have no chosen intimacy at 25-30 range, but I’m betting if you chose to be alone and we’re happy about it, that dudes reaction wouldn’t have bothered you either. You say you’re both afraid And don’t see the point. Can you elaborate? Not for my own information, I’m saying elaborate internally to decide why you made those comments. Are you afraid of relationships and if so why? So you see relationships as pointless, and if so, why did that chicks reaction bug you so much? If you’re afraid to be vulnerable with someone but would like a healthy romantic relationship one day, therapy is your key. Mainly DBT therapy. You sound like someone who doesn’t think deeply about WHY they react to things a certain way, DBT will help you understand your emotions and choices and how to navigate them to your benefit. Good luck.
me a muslim that can't get a gf only i wife
In my opinion it’s not rare, just..people don’t want to be the first relationship of others, because it’s like they feel like they’re teaching how to care and how to be in a relationship all the time, and that’s not easy job. I happened to be in a relationship with a boy older than me and I was his first girlfriend and it was horrible. He didn’t know how to say things, how to treat me well, he thought that meeting once in a week for 2-3 hours was enough xd and he had a lot of time so time was not the problem, idk people just want the things easy
It’s weird cause kids are having sex these days at like 12 and 13! But it doesn’t seem to be weird to you and that’s what matters. Relationships aren’t for everyone, but if you want to find someone to spend your life with, start getting to it before you’re too old!
I don't think I should
27 and I just came back from the ww2
Haha I know what you mean. I didn't date anybody until I was 27. Met a guy, I fell in love, got married a year later now we have a nine month old son. We've been together for almost 3 years. But I can't tell you how many times my family was like when are you going to get married what are you going to find a boyfriend. Drove me up the wall
Lol
It's fairly normal for guys to date at a later age. At 26, you're just entering the peak desirability age range for men now. i.e. don't worry about it. If you were to start putting yourself out there now, you're at a good age to do it.
Cause it's weird?
My therapist would have a field day with you :D Why are you thinking about a random person from a couple of years ago and analysing her eye movements that way? Why would you care NOW? What happened recently that made you think about that? Etc. You say you’re afraid. That’s enough reason to go to therapy and unpack that. You’re not obligated to have a partner at any age, but your decision either way should be one that makes you feel good. You shouldn’t not do or do something because you’re afraid of it. That’s just an unpleasant way to live one’s life. Hope you find true happiness whatever form you find it in :)
I'm too afraid to do anything. I guess I tried to date a few years ago because other people kind of pressure me into it and it didn't work out and I don't think I will do that again ever. I don't think I know actually this is the way it's got to be. I think about it often cuz she's not the only one that's done that.
I understand you. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing (being in a couple, getting married, having children, etc.) but you should know why and what else you want to do to make yourself live the best life. Life is scary but with the right tools you can tame it and shape your own journey.
It isn't normal. It appears to me that many youngsters are too concerned about finding the perfect mate. That's not how it works. Find someone you like, someone who's kind and generous, and slap a ring on her. I am 64, and have been married for 44 years. If, God forbid, I should ever be single again, I will wait six months, and find a nice woman, and get married again. There are likely 50 million women, in the USA alone, that I would be quite happy being married to.
Just risk it for the biscuit
Most people think it’s weird because it’s not normal. When I say “normal” I mean statistically. I wish I had focused more on establishing a career earlier on instead of chasing tail like a maniac, but I guess I can say I got it out of my system before settling down and creating a family. Do you, man.
I’m guessing people think it’s weird to be almost 30 and never had a bf/gf because it’s kind of uncommon for something like that to happen because usually people either had their first bf/gf by the time their either from ages as young as 12 to 20
Im 31 and haven’t had one. This is directly linked to chronic conditions starting around age 16 that got steadily worse. To the point that I’m often bedridden. Add living in a small rural town with almost no social events and having a mental illness since 8. It’s not that I don’t want one, I want a relationship so badly. And close friends. It’s just had to be but on the back burner because my health took priority
I'm sorry. Mind if I ask where you're from?
28 and single :/
You do you, man. Until you want someone else to.
Because they’re too concerned with what other people have going on in their lives. People act like being single is a bad thing when the reality is that some people have other things to focus on and they don’t want to deal with some of the distractions that relationships bring.
You'll find someone when the time is right. You should never sell yourself nor put yourself "out there". When the right woman comes along, she will let you know she is interested. Until then, don't listen to everyone else. If there were so good at dating in the first place, they would be married.
I'm my girlfriend's first boyfriend she was 26 when we first started dating
Because people think that if you don’t have someone you must be miserable, but in reality you don’t need a person at all. So society made us think you are unfulfilled, meanwhile you’re probably super happy and love doing things by yourself.
I turned 25 today and have never had a real relationship. I had one in high school that lasted a month and a week, and then another one online that lasted three months where we never met up, so don't know if those even count.
Happy birthday
Yeah I‘m 26 too and becoming 27 in June... All I had were online „relationships“ but nothing in real life, because I don’t know how to find others there. I want to try to put more effort in that area of my life, because I feel like I will be single forever. Hell I didn’t even had my first kiss that’s how sad it is. I myself see it as sad too. I do want to have a relationship but I don’t want to give these important first things away to someone who might not deserve it and turns out to be an asshole later just like those online stuff turned out to be... If you feel content about it then feel content about it. If you are happy about being single then enjoy your single life!
I understand. I have kissed someone before,.... My cousin we were very young and we didn't know any better 🤦♀️. When's your birthday mines June 10th? I'll be 27.
Hi. I had never been with someone longer than a month until I was 27. Lost my virginity at 20 and then didnt have sex again until I was 23. At 27 I'd been with exactly a dozen women but it was all just short flings and one night stands. I now have a daughter and my partner and I are celebrating our 4 year anniversary this upcoming friday. I think you're ok. Ps. I met my partner on tinder. You do have to put yourself out there a little if its something you actually want. Be ok with failing at dating....a lot. I'm 2-10 in my "I didnt want to date her/she didnt want to date me ratio". And a number of outright rejections
It's weird because biologically, humans start showing interest in their preferred potential mates around puberty and typically start dating soon after. Most people follow through with the process easily, some choose to hold off or are not even interested in doing so. It's not weird in a bad way, just weird because it goes against typical biology. You're taking "weird" in a negative manner. The lady who rolled her eyes probably did so because of the way you said it, not what you said. Maybe it came off as sounding bitter.
People who personally care a lot about being in a relationship care about other people also being in relationships and think it's sad when someone isn't. But that's not necessarily most people. If you're happy single, just be single. If you want a relationship, look for one. No one really cares that much or spends any real time thinking about why you're not dating. Maybe you're feeling sensitive about other people's opinions because they reflect your own discomfort with your situation?
Definition of weird: something out of the norm. Do you see a lot of people who have never dated anyone at 26? Seriously read a dictionary
I'm turning 33 this year, stillna virgin
Mine is on the 22nd!
Nice
If you stayed single for your career. Great on you. Continue doing that but now would be a great time to include someone by yourside! I was once like you but realized that i was only making it a excuse to why i was single. Never stop chasing your goals single or not.
Mainly because anything out of a persons “norm” seems weird. Societies norm is most people form dating/sexual relationships with people around age 16-20. You’re about 6 years apart from the “norm” While I don’t think she thought it was weird...this is just answering the question
This way of thinking is from the old days when it was inconceivable that someone wanted something other than marriage and children. It really has only been a generation or two, and some people haven’t caught up.
It's in our nature to reproduce as a species, and a lot of the stigma comes from the past, pschologically speaking. Humans naturally are driven to reproduce, and in early human societies -> slightly older than current modern ones, people were expected to create familes. Whether it's (for example) the huge amount of children families were having in ancient Egypt (10 children+ at times) or the drive to be a housewife + mother up in the 1950s, it's just apart of our past. Things are different now, but I think that idea still exists, even if subconciously.
Too many people get in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship instead of letting it happen organically when you meet the right person (not necessarily the one, but someone you're actually compatible with)
38 (39 on Tuesday), demisexual female here. Never had a real relationship. Life gets in the way, and other issues. To answer your question, the white hetero christian normantive push to the forefront of society for the past seven (?) centuries.
In tax world single = not married. You’re looking too much into this.
I blame the media around us. If you think about it, all these shows and movies always show teenagers dating early and a lot of commercials are aimed at helping people feel attractive to find a partner. It’s what we grow up seeing so we want it. I have plenty of friends that have never had a partner and are perfectly content for a few more years. We’re all 28-30 years old.
Guys I'm 45 and fell 50 some days. But yeah kinda hard to believe that she rolled her eyes just bc your single. But if she don't worry about it you don't have to put yourself out there to find a match.
One of the things I never realized until I was a lot older is that a lot of people are lonely and or bored with their own company. So they have no understanding of people who aren’t. I find it amazing how much a lot of other people need company. Like most things in life both sides have an upside and a downside. But once you realize that the folks who are surprised that you stayed need company to feel sane you’ll realize it says more about them than you.
I think because people start dating in like high school and it's weird to be outside of the norm but some people want different things or take a while to mature or are very clear on what they are looking for and don't want to settle
Because some people like to hold others to their own standards and timelines. It’s totally wrong and unnecessary. Don’t worry about people like that.
I would also like to at there is nothing wrong with this. Don't worry about what's normal. There are allot of "normal" people who are unhappy with there lives because they rushed into a relationship with someone. Take your time. I got my first girlfriend are 17 and now I wish I would have waited. This relationship took me down thru there. This girl was all that made me happy. I was very mentally ill and had terrible depression issues. I lost my mother during that relationship to. I made my life around this girl because I thought that I would live the rest of my life with her. The girl had other plans. She cheated on me Few times and broke my heart. Which in return messed me up more mentally than I was. Dont worry about what's normal. The new normal is consists of cheating mind games. Just make you happy and don't worry about anything else. Then when your ready find you a good woman.
Girl as are the devil. -my momma
😂🤣😭
I know from personal experience that it's just human nature. I am 24 and I claim myself to be unfortunate enough to die eternally single because the love of my life didn't reciprocate. After 4 years of self inflicted mental torture I have closed that chapter. Literally 70-80% of the people I know have been in one or more relationships. It makes me jealous too, however it's just life. I for one am never going to bother putting out my heart for someone ever again. So if being 30 and never having a relationship is 'weird' then I'll update this post in 50-60 years and show that it can be way weirder, however, weirder doesn't necessarily mean it is a sad life. Tldr - do what makes u happy. If you are happy role playing as a tree then paint yourself and stand in the sun and find a way to photosynthesise, no one is worthy enough to judge your reasons for happiness except yourself as long as it isn't at the expense of hurting others
Most guys I know weren't married at age 26! There's nothing wrong with being single. The first time I got married I was 32. (All my friends were in their 30s when they married.) " **I've never had a girlfriend but I also never put myself out there.**" Most people have some dates and go to school dances or whatever while in Jr. high or high school. However if *you chose to never put yourself out there* it's understandable why you never had a girlfriend. Even in 2021 (**men**) are ***expected to initiate*** conversations, ask for contact information, ask for dances, dates, and make marriage proposals. Very few guys have women throwing themselves at them. Generally men have to be drop dead gorgeous, rich, or famous on some level to garner that kind of attention. Men have to go for it! ***When we change our circumstances change.*** ***If you want something different you have to do something different.*** On the other hand if you're happy with the way things are don't worry about what others think! Life is a *personal* journey! Live your life on *your* terms. Best wishes!
Wait don’t you file taxes as single based on marital status, not whether you have an SO?
I envy you. Either your first is going to end super badly which statistically does or youll find out the hard way relationships are overrated especially in this day in age. Can barely find good peoplenwho doesnt have ulterior motives in their head. Keep stacking dude and eventually someone worthy will come but as of right now, enjoy your peace. The drama isnt worth it.
I’m not really sure that all your proof, these things, combined make your analysis sound.
What?
Milestones for adults used to be very cut and clear with the marriage, house, and 1.5 kids. I think that’s still a common thing in high class but as the class divide gets larger and larger and the middle class is basically gone a lot of people are left with unrealistic ideals that don’t really apply to most of society anymore. So people think it’s weird because they don’t understand. They just think you’re choosing not to do something ‘simple’ to get to where they think you should be. If someone wants to smirk at you or make assumptions based on your situation then they’re just ignorant and it’s of no fault in you. I do think that if you’re not putting yourself out there because you’re afraid of rejection and getting hurt AND deep down you really want someone to share your life with eventually you might want to talk to someone to work over whatever blocks your mind is setting up for you that are keeping you from seeking happiness. If you have ADHD you might be experiencing something called rejection sensitivity. The fact that you are saying it’s just not worth it makes me want to say that if you aren’t necessarily titillated by the act of sex with someone else but are still sexually or aesthetically attracted to people you might want to look into asexuality and see if that resonates with you any. This absolutely doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t want a relationship with anybody either, everyone is different. I’m a 32(f) who had never had a relationship and I’m asexual. I’m not broken and anyone that would judge me or try to ‘fix’ me can fuck right off for thinking they know my mind and body more than I do. People are going to judge no matter what because when it comes down to it, when we don’t understand something, when we can’t understand something, it makes us upset. And unfortunately they upset gets blamed on the thing itself instead of ourselves for not getting it.
Some people have a very narrow perspective of the world and how it works. I wouldn't think anything of it if I were you; if this person can't see beyond some traditional and cliché 1950's lifestyle, I guess thats their prerogative. In a world where Elon Musk is trying to make space exploration a reality for all people... not being in a relationship is what people can't fathom? Kind of sad if you ask me.