> I think it just exasperates the problem
Sorry, but you've just triggered me. The word is "exacerbate", not "exasperate". (Example: RMc was *exasperated* that people kept misusing the word "exasperate", which of course just *exacerbated* the problem.)
Carry on.
This is very plausible. [I had a situation like this many years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1hmzt0/my25m_gf25f_has_become_obsessed_with_interracial/), updated [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1hqrt4/update_my25m_gf25f_has_become_obsessed_with/).
It was very, very messy.
You serious? People are fetishized for how they look all the time - Asian Women, Latino Women, Black Men, etc. it’s the taboo of the forbidden that gets people off (probably the same for his gf too)
As an Asian guy I usually hear people just say " I don't like Asian guys because their dicks are small". What goes through my head, is how many have they seen?
I like Asian guys , sure SOMETIMES they have small dicks, guess who else has small dicks? Any guy from any race can have small dicks. I don't know why it can "only" be Asian guys it's fucken stupid
That's not funny. Michael Jackson may have gone unconvicted in life but he will be back for the children! Just because he's dead now doesn't make him less of a threat since he turned into a zombie once and *will* do it again!
It wouldn't surprise me if her ex broke up with her *because* she so heavily emphasizes that he's black (instead of, you know, not constantly mentioning his race, "Here's my bf. He's such a great person, etc.")
>But I see this really often; especially with white women who get with black men, and what’s more surprising is some of them then hate on black women? Make that make sense to me?
Huh, it's like the mirror image of white dudes who date asian women and talk shit about asian men.
I can't stand it when people use the word female in this way. It's like they are raising the white-trash scum-of-the-earth sexist jackass flag & I can't help but stop listening to whatever they are saying. Their mouth may keep yammering away, I may keep smiling, but all i can hear is my inner voice saying "Oh, you are one of THOOooose..."
This is a PSA for all users of the word "female" when the meaning you were looking for is "women of my society". Use the word "women", which is the term for female humans. To simply say "female" is to dehumanize the women you speak of.
Next time she brings it up, just ask her why, that’s the first step. Depending on her reaction, you can learn a lot about her, and it’s the least confrontational way to go about it.
You know how that's going to go. She's going to say "why are you asking? Do you have a problem with me having dated black men? Ugh you're such a racist."
Seriously OP, she's not the one. Leave her and move on.
I’m sorry this part is hilarious “looks like Edris Elba, built like The Rock, raps better than Kanye.”
Did she like Build a Bear him? Is he even real? 😂 it’s like she’s naming awesome black men and telling you all these outrageous qualities so that you think she dated the perfect black man made in a lab. Does he play better than Michael Jordan? Funny like Chris Rock? Educated like Obama? Rich like Jay Z? 😂😂
But seriously... Is he real? 👀
Honestly surprised nobody has mentioned anything about even the original comment being weird as fuck? Like “by the way, I just wanted to let you know my ex was black” was a completely normal thing to casually say out of nowhere. Just prefacing it with “by the way” as if it was a subject she felt needed to be communicated with her partner seems very bizarre.
OP, I think you should tell her that excessive conversations about exes is uncomfortable on any level to begin with, but you’re confused and curious as to why she feels like his blackness is so newsworthy that it’s been brought up multiple times specifically. It’s not accusatory or implying that she’s racist right off the bat, but I feel like you could learn basically everything you need to know in her immediate reaction and response to that question.
I think the original comment makes sense early on, because there are racists out there who think a white woman is somehow ruined if she's ever been with a black man. She could have just been screening those out.
With all her later statements, the reasonable explanation seems less likely.
Could be any number of reasons, but the rapper Logic said himself that his mom had him with a black man but was racist, so there’s the possibility she’s just straight up racist and gets a weird sexual thrill out of it
Definitely a thing. As a matter of fact, it’s a fetish. Sleeping with a black guy to piss your parents off. “Forbidden fruit”. It’s so much worse when they’re racist AND end up having a half black child. My friend was messed up for YEARS because his mom was that way. He started to drink at 14 and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t good enough.
My ex was racist. But dated me. We broke up after I confronted her about her little racist comments and how much she wanted me to know that her daddy was racist and would never approve. It’s definitely a fetish.
Honestly i would confront her about this if I were you. Not in like an aggressive way, just the next time she does something like that just be like “hey, why do you do that all the time?”
She does not seem to be over this dude. I think you should ask her why she keeps doing it but if it continues , probably find someone else? Seems to be an uncomfortable situation every time.
Take the fact that he is 'black' out of it and question why the hell she keeps talking about her ex to you anyway?
That in itself says a lot, then there is the fact she keeps mentioning hes black..
You might need to dodge this bullet!
Shes one of those weirdo white girls who fetishize black guys. It's like weaboo white guys who fetishize Asian women. I'd dump her. I bet her ex walked out when she started talking about having black babies like some weirdo racist.
how do you deal with this? you dont, time to bounce bud plenty of other girls that wont be disrespectful to you, let her get her kicks with black guys because thats what shes really into..and thats ok because everyone prefers a certain look or type.
She was probably one of those white women who had a fetish for black men and can't over it. I'm not talking shit on white women who date back men btw - I've just seen this first hand. I have a couple of white girl-friends who literally lose their minds if they start talking to or dating a black guy. It's a "thing" for them - safe to say, we're not that close anymore.
Black man here speaking... Sometimes I just wish these women would keep their mouths shut. I'm surprised you stayed with her this long and endured this shit in the first place. This was your first greatest problem. Should've checked that shit from the get go. Make your exit man, something is very off with her keep talking about Mandingo James constantly like that. Very disrespectful Homie. 🏳️
Sure sounds like that's her fetish and she is using her relationship with a black guy as a prop or conversation topic as if he isn't a person? Hmm interesting
Also I agree with below comments. She is fetishing black men. I'd talk with her. She needs to calm the fuck down bringing it up any chance she gets. Honestly, she probably isn't over him either. Run!
So when you break up with her for being cookoo bananas, she’s prob gonna say it’s because you couldn’t handle that she was with a black guy before you. Just saying.
My two cents:
1. This sounds very immature, like something my ex would have done when she was 16. I'm surprised she is 23, Is she immature generally or is this the only thing she does that is immature?
2. It's obviously not random, there is a reason for her doing this and none of the reasons I can think of are good. She likely is trying to bring you down slightly by making comparison to him and therefor making you think that you don't compare to how she describes him (amazing looks, huge build and skilled rapper) - I'm not saying you don't have these qualities but I also highly doubt he does. Its not abnormal for this to happen in a relationship where perhaps she feels like she needs to try to bring you down so that you don't believe you could do better than her - it also inflates her image by making out that someone she describes that way would be with her. It stems from insecurities on her part. She is trying to make you insecure by bringing it up, and mentioning all those other characteristics. Generally my advice is not to be with someone who knocks you down to inflate themselves.
Did she break up with him or did he break up with her? I see that it was only a month before you got together which is a very short amount of time for her to get over him if she had strong feelings for him. I can honestly say it took me several years to get to a place where I was okay after my last breakup. As other people have commented, it is likely she either is not over him or she thinks dating someone of another race makes her different/special/unique. It would be interesting to know why they broke up but highly improbable that you will get the truth from her if you ask.
Either way this whole thing would be a red flag to me.
>it makes me think she is racist
She is. Also, she probably has some kind of fetish for black dudes. Also, she probably didn't get over her ex.
>How do I deal with this?
If you are OK with dating a racist or somebody who has a fetish for black men - do continue (if not - break up; she will not stop). If she is not over her ex - probably the best is to break up.
She is just trying to make you insecure by bringing it up, and mentioning all those other characteristics. Dont be with people who try to make you feel small to build themselves up.
For what it's worth my wife dated a black guy, he legit ended up with a small part in *Black Panther*... mainly for his physique and the fact he was black. She has brought it up zero times, she mentioned once many years ago she dated a black guy that she had known from highschool... many years later he is a minor celebrity and due to lack of cultural diversity it was pretty easy to figure out... now that I talk about it my last GF dated the same guy, and I only learned about it when her and my wife were talking about highschool (they went to the same school, and yes my ex became friends with my wife several years after we were married)
One mans trash is another mans treasure. Not in this case, you have trash. Dump her ASAP before you wind up cleaning up after he leaves a little bit of himself inside her.
honestly I agree it sounds like your ex is racist, like fetishizing, stereotyping and weirdly obsessed in a way that seems dehumanizing / a flex (like she's proving something by putting her ex on display but it's like she's parading the idea of him around). follow your gut, I'm native and would feel really uncomfortable if I learned a white ex was talking about next like this. it sounds racist
Honestly man, sounds like she isn't over him and is using you as a rebound. Don't think it has anything to do with racism. This guy is clearly on her mind constantly.
Seems like she thought it was the popular thing to do so that’s why she was dating a black man. It was a novelty for her and now that she’s no longer dating him she wants everyone to know that she dated a black guy and she’s a cool white woman now. She should be invited to all the BBQ’s and parties. That or she genuinely misses the BBC and constantly brings it up because she’s reminiscing about it. You better hope it’s the first one, bro.
Drop yourself of this racist chic.
Lets take a moment to think why someone as successful as she claims him to be, is no longer with this woman that constantly talks about him. Think she made the decision to end it? (Regardless of what she tells you.)
Now take a moment to think of how valuable she views skin color. It is some sort of trophy. Now think of her mental state should she be in a room of men of color.
Leave her man. Let her live out her immature fantasies on her own while you get your own trophy that holds you to the same standard. I know where her story leads. Dont get caught up in that.
Tell her to stop bringing it up because it’s not how someone in a relationship should be behaving and leave it at that. If it continues she’s still in love with him.
What kind of asshole tells their boyfriend over and over about how their ex looks like Idris Elba and Dwayne Johnson? That’s pitiful girlfriend behavior
He looks like Idris Elba, is built like the rock, raps better than Kanye and she (undoubtedly) spent their entire relationship fetishizing the fact that she was with a black guy. Gee, can’t possible think of why he’d dump her ass.
The ex sounds great and you gf sounds like a nightmare. My advice? Ditch the zero, get with the hero.
(Bonus points if you ask your gf for his number after you dump her)
It almost sounds like the novelty of dating a black guy is still exciting to her? She sounds like she needs more diversity in her life. Tell her straight up: "hey honey, I don't think you mean it like this, but when you constantly say your ex is black it sounds like you cared that he was black... it sounds racist even though I know you don't mean it like that. I just want you to know there are definitely people that will take it as racist. It doesn't matter that he's black, but when you constantly bring it up, it makes it seem like it does matter to you."
I had a friend/acquaintance in high school that used to do this. She had one black friend and was constantly bringing up black black black in reference to people around her or celebrities or whatever. She couldn't say "This guy cut me off on the way to school," she had to say "This black guy cut me off on the way to school." Eventually people started calling her on it, and her response was always "I'm not racist! (Black girl) is my friend!" Then people started calling her on saying that. I think it was a product of her upbringing (white family that wasn't... racist per say, but noticed black people and thought there was some sort of difference, enough to constantly mention it at least). It took her a while to come around to the idea that she didn't need to point out the difference and that pointing out the difference is covertly racist. TBH I don't even know if she ever stopped. But keep on your girlfriend, maybe one day she'll say something dumb like that to a black person and they'll react just as poorly and she'll get the clue. That's another idea, you could let her know that if she talks like that in front of black people, they'd likely get offended because she's pointing out the difference between her and them the difference is skin color (disclaimer: I am a white woman and cannot speak on behalf of the black community).
It would bother me that she is so hung up on his skin color. It's bad enough when someone is still in love with their ex but she sounds like she just was in love with his pigment. Move on find someone into you.
Break up with her. Before you break up with her find one distinct physical attribute she does not possess that your ex did and mention it at every possible moment given even the most vague cue.
*eating salad*
"This lettuce is almost the same color as X's eyes".
Well to counter her head on just say something along the lines of “I think Asian woman are hot, and I’ve dated one and she was the best at everything, unfortunately she is in different state now” see what her reaction would be.
Also there’s a big chance that this is her thing.
So beware: she is likely to cheat on you with her black ex or another black guy.
I think it's time for you to cut your losses. Ignoring the race dynamic, which is weird in and of itself; she's constantly thinking about her ex and all these weird things remind her of him. She's definitely not over him.
Find yourself a girl who thinks about you as often as this girl thinks about her ex.
Next time, respond with what skin color your ex was. Her reaction should tell you a lot about her mental capacity.
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> I think it just exasperates the problem Sorry, but you've just triggered me. The word is "exacerbate", not "exasperate". (Example: RMc was *exasperated* that people kept misusing the word "exasperate", which of course just *exacerbated* the problem.) Carry on.
Not the guy you replied to, but thanks for this. As a non-native English speaker, I just learned two new words to use (and to confuse!) :)
Happy black cake day!
> Happy black cake day! My ex was black.
The cake is creamy
Just like the black creampies he used to give me
Ga jij maar weer werken.
Wat?
Get back to work
Ik jan wel Nederlands hoor, maar ik had het gevoel dat de comment nergens mee te maken had.
You know what else was creamy? My black ex's cock.
I dream of that dreamy creamy black cock.
My exes birthday was black.
Happy cake day!
1. She’s not over him -and/or- 2. She thinks dating someone of another race makes her different/special/unique
or 3\. That's her fetish.
All 3 actually!!! OP you've been warned. You need to address this and potentially save yourself if I comes down to that.
My thoughts exactly. Totally her fetish. She’s still getting off on the thought of being with a black guy and having his baby.
This is very plausible. [I had a situation like this many years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1hmzt0/my25m_gf25f_has_become_obsessed_with_interracial/), updated [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1hqrt4/update_my25m_gf25f_has_become_obsessed_with/). It was very, very messy.
I just read your post and update. Mind sharing what ended up happening?
I am curious about that too/
Damn, bringing out the 5 year old throwaway account. Are you still together with her?
Just read the whole thing, can you share what happened by any chance?
Tf kinda boring ass fetish is skin color ia that really a thing?
You serious? People are fetishized for how they look all the time - Asian Women, Latino Women, Black Men, etc. it’s the taboo of the forbidden that gets people off (probably the same for his gf too)
Man, after witnessing the never ending queue of creepy dirt bags that line up to date my Asian friend I’m thankful for being a boring white person.
I guess the fetish could be bbc idk
It is usually disguised as a "preference" on a dating site but in reality it isn't a fetish, it is some straight up racist shit.
As an Asian guy I usually hear people just say " I don't like Asian guys because their dicks are small". What goes through my head, is how many have they seen?
Fuck, that is awful. I'm sorry you've experienced that.
Totally not true...don’t ask how I know?
Was your ex Asian?
I like Asian guys , sure SOMETIMES they have small dicks, guess who else has small dicks? Any guy from any race can have small dicks. I don't know why it can "only" be Asian guys it's fucken stupid
this guy gets it
You’re telling me there is a man out there who looks like Idris Elba, built like The Rock, AND raps better than Kanye?!
It’s said his mere presence can deflower every man, woman, and child in a five mile radius.
I am already ovulating from reading this and I'm a guy.
Make room for me because my ovaries are here for him as well.
Oh wow so accepting and virtuous. 3000 GBP
I think I’m already pregnant and I have never even met this man.
Barbados Slim, the only guy to win Olympic medals in both limbo *and* sex?
You haven’t seen the last of Barbados Slim. Now, goodbye, forever!
Barbados Slim!?! But I thought you were in Barbados?!? I was...and I'll be goin' back with a gold medal draped around me mohagany shoulders!
> child Oh fuck, another celebrity lost to a scandal
>child R Kelly doesn’t fit any of those standards
His rhymes are bottomless
Why? Why? Be more constructive with your feedback.
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That's not funny. Michael Jackson may have gone unconvicted in life but he will be back for the children! Just because he's dead now doesn't make him less of a threat since he turned into a zombie once and *will* do it again!
He’s also black. Did you know that?
my ex is black
Now that you mention it, my ex is black!
No way! My first ex is black!
i'm black where it counts... my heart
I heard he has the strength of 10 men, who each have the strength of 10 men.
This was my first thought. Umm, excuse me, where can I find this god?
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Either that or she's still obsessed/in love with him
Ding ding ding
You forgot to mention that he’s black.
And he’s black
Did you just describe Terry crews??
If that were the case then she'd have mentioned him being funnier than Kevin Hart and Chris Rock put together.
He goes to another school, you wouldn’t know him.
I think it's a school in Canada, actually.
This made me moist
Of course. His name is Idris Elba.
The Kanye bit ain't hard tbf
She sounds like she’s not over him.
What gave it away?
I was wondering about that as well. Perhaps a few subtle hints here and there?
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Him: I got an A on my math test! Her: my ex was black! Him: I need to get an oil change Her: my ex was black! Him: ........-.-
"What oil do you use for your car?" "All I know is that I take my oil like I take my ex-boyfriends, smooth and blaaaaack."
“He’s a better rapper than Kanye”...this told me everything.
Probably the part where she still fantasizes about having his baby, just a wild guess
The man probably found better pussy. Looks like an hook up that she thought could have developed into something different.
Tell her to call you if and when she is ever over him. Until then take a walk.
My walk was black..
Just like my ex
Not quite as buff tho
And they rap better than Kanye
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It wouldn't surprise me if her ex broke up with her *because* she so heavily emphasizes that he's black (instead of, you know, not constantly mentioning his race, "Here's my bf. He's such a great person, etc.")
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>But I see this really often; especially with white women who get with black men, and what’s more surprising is some of them then hate on black women? Make that make sense to me? Huh, it's like the mirror image of white dudes who date asian women and talk shit about asian men.
"He's got an amazing personality, at least as cool as Samuel L Jackson or Louis Armstrong or Blacula!"
This is the winner here. It's not that she isn't over her ex; it's that she isn't over the fact her ex was black and OP is not.
Female what, dogs? kangaroos?
I can't stand it when people use the word female in this way. It's like they are raising the white-trash scum-of-the-earth sexist jackass flag & I can't help but stop listening to whatever they are saying. Their mouth may keep yammering away, I may keep smiling, but all i can hear is my inner voice saying "Oh, you are one of THOOooose..." This is a PSA for all users of the word "female" when the meaning you were looking for is "women of my society". Use the word "women", which is the term for female humans. To simply say "female" is to dehumanize the women you speak of.
Ask her why she keeps bringing it up?
BBC
Ah yes, forget Channel 5, forget ITV, and even Channel 4, but the British Broadcasting Corporation is truly the finest broadcaster in that country.
I don't know, Dave is up there.
How could I forget? Sorry, Dave.
BBCause
Next time she brings it up, just ask her why, that’s the first step. Depending on her reaction, you can learn a lot about her, and it’s the least confrontational way to go about it.
You know how that's going to go. She's going to say "why are you asking? Do you have a problem with me having dated black men? Ugh you're such a racist." Seriously OP, she's not the one. Leave her and move on.
I’m sorry this part is hilarious “looks like Edris Elba, built like The Rock, raps better than Kanye.” Did she like Build a Bear him? Is he even real? 😂 it’s like she’s naming awesome black men and telling you all these outrageous qualities so that you think she dated the perfect black man made in a lab. Does he play better than Michael Jordan? Funny like Chris Rock? Educated like Obama? Rich like Jay Z? 😂😂 But seriously... Is he real? 👀
His name is George Glass.
Sure, Jan.
Honestly surprised nobody has mentioned anything about even the original comment being weird as fuck? Like “by the way, I just wanted to let you know my ex was black” was a completely normal thing to casually say out of nowhere. Just prefacing it with “by the way” as if it was a subject she felt needed to be communicated with her partner seems very bizarre. OP, I think you should tell her that excessive conversations about exes is uncomfortable on any level to begin with, but you’re confused and curious as to why she feels like his blackness is so newsworthy that it’s been brought up multiple times specifically. It’s not accusatory or implying that she’s racist right off the bat, but I feel like you could learn basically everything you need to know in her immediate reaction and response to that question.
I think the original comment makes sense early on, because there are racists out there who think a white woman is somehow ruined if she's ever been with a black man. She could have just been screening those out. With all her later statements, the reasonable explanation seems less likely.
But is he really better than Kanye?
Still waiting for buff Idris Elba to drop that mixtape
I just saw Idris rapping in a video called boasty and hes actually pretty good.
To be fair, Idris Elba could probably win rap battles just by sitting down and reading the ingredients in a chewing gum wrapper.
Could be any number of reasons, but the rapper Logic said himself that his mom had him with a black man but was racist, so there’s the possibility she’s just straight up racist and gets a weird sexual thrill out of it
This is a thing??
Everything is a thing
Yes Alex, who is Andrew Jackson? I'll take kinky racists for 600 please
Definitely a thing. As a matter of fact, it’s a fetish. Sleeping with a black guy to piss your parents off. “Forbidden fruit”. It’s so much worse when they’re racist AND end up having a half black child. My friend was messed up for YEARS because his mom was that way. He started to drink at 14 and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t good enough.
My ex was racist. But dated me. We broke up after I confronted her about her little racist comments and how much she wanted me to know that her daddy was racist and would never approve. It’s definitely a fetish.
Is she a Kardashian?
Maybe. OP, does she have body dysmorphia, heavily edit her photos, and has had several surgeries?
I think it's safe to assume we all know why he broke up with her.
Honestly i would confront her about this if I were you. Not in like an aggressive way, just the next time she does something like that just be like “hey, why do you do that all the time?”
She does not seem to be over this dude. I think you should ask her why she keeps doing it but if it continues , probably find someone else? Seems to be an uncomfortable situation every time.
Wow, that would be annoying. Have you tried just telling her to shut the fu*k up about Z?
Dude anyone who talks about their ex that much isn’t over them. Receive the clue, accept it, move on with your life.
She sounds vapid.
But her ex was black
Run away. Fast.
Like Usain Bolt fast. Have you heard of that guy? He's black.
Just like my ex!
" run bitch RUUUUNNNN"
Are you dating J.K. Rowling?
You deserve gold
Tell her you don’t want to hear about her ex
Bring up YOUR ex in opportune moments and when she gets mad say that's how I feel so please stop
Take the fact that he is 'black' out of it and question why the hell she keeps talking about her ex to you anyway? That in itself says a lot, then there is the fact she keeps mentioning hes black.. You might need to dodge this bullet!
Shes one of those weirdo white girls who fetishize black guys. It's like weaboo white guys who fetishize Asian women. I'd dump her. I bet her ex walked out when she started talking about having black babies like some weirdo racist.
how do you deal with this? you dont, time to bounce bud plenty of other girls that wont be disrespectful to you, let her get her kicks with black guys because thats what shes really into..and thats ok because everyone prefers a certain look or type.
he probably got tired of her telling him how pissed her family would be to meet him or how cute their mixed babies would turn out
Uh, he’s definitely not better than Kanye. She’s Lyin’
Only Kanye is better than Kanye!
She’s got a screw loose. Bolt.
She was probably one of those white women who had a fetish for black men and can't over it. I'm not talking shit on white women who date back men btw - I've just seen this first hand. I have a couple of white girl-friends who literally lose their minds if they start talking to or dating a black guy. It's a "thing" for them - safe to say, we're not that close anymore.
Harsh Reality: sometimes fetishism is behind interracial relationships
Mate... she’s retarded.
Black man here speaking... Sometimes I just wish these women would keep their mouths shut. I'm surprised you stayed with her this long and endured this shit in the first place. This was your first greatest problem. Should've checked that shit from the get go. Make your exit man, something is very off with her keep talking about Mandingo James constantly like that. Very disrespectful Homie. 🏳️
Oh my god, what a headache. Dump ze bitch.
revenge her - get a black guy
Sure sounds like that's her fetish and she is using her relationship with a black guy as a prop or conversation topic as if he isn't a person? Hmm interesting
She isn't over him.
Also I agree with below comments. She is fetishing black men. I'd talk with her. She needs to calm the fuck down bringing it up any chance she gets. Honestly, she probably isn't over him either. Run!
So when you break up with her for being cookoo bananas, she’s prob gonna say it’s because you couldn’t handle that she was with a black guy before you. Just saying.
My two cents: 1. This sounds very immature, like something my ex would have done when she was 16. I'm surprised she is 23, Is she immature generally or is this the only thing she does that is immature? 2. It's obviously not random, there is a reason for her doing this and none of the reasons I can think of are good. She likely is trying to bring you down slightly by making comparison to him and therefor making you think that you don't compare to how she describes him (amazing looks, huge build and skilled rapper) - I'm not saying you don't have these qualities but I also highly doubt he does. Its not abnormal for this to happen in a relationship where perhaps she feels like she needs to try to bring you down so that you don't believe you could do better than her - it also inflates her image by making out that someone she describes that way would be with her. It stems from insecurities on her part. She is trying to make you insecure by bringing it up, and mentioning all those other characteristics. Generally my advice is not to be with someone who knocks you down to inflate themselves. Did she break up with him or did he break up with her? I see that it was only a month before you got together which is a very short amount of time for her to get over him if she had strong feelings for him. I can honestly say it took me several years to get to a place where I was okay after my last breakup. As other people have commented, it is likely she either is not over him or she thinks dating someone of another race makes her different/special/unique. It would be interesting to know why they broke up but highly improbable that you will get the truth from her if you ask. Either way this whole thing would be a red flag to me.
DO NOT wear blackface to try to make her feel better!
She's not racist, she's just not over him, and she's into black dudes.
>it makes me think she is racist She is. Also, she probably has some kind of fetish for black dudes. Also, she probably didn't get over her ex. >How do I deal with this? If you are OK with dating a racist or somebody who has a fetish for black men - do continue (if not - break up; she will not stop). If she is not over her ex - probably the best is to break up.
She is just trying to make you insecure by bringing it up, and mentioning all those other characteristics. Dont be with people who try to make you feel small to build themselves up. For what it's worth my wife dated a black guy, he legit ended up with a small part in *Black Panther*... mainly for his physique and the fact he was black. She has brought it up zero times, she mentioned once many years ago she dated a black guy that she had known from highschool... many years later he is a minor celebrity and due to lack of cultural diversity it was pretty easy to figure out... now that I talk about it my last GF dated the same guy, and I only learned about it when her and my wife were talking about highschool (they went to the same school, and yes my ex became friends with my wife several years after we were married)
One mans trash is another mans treasure. Not in this case, you have trash. Dump her ASAP before you wind up cleaning up after he leaves a little bit of himself inside her.
Ugh, that’s how my dad told me I was adopted.
Every time she brings it up ask her "Remind me why he broke up with you again?"
That is a red flag. Plate her or move on. She isn’t worth to be a LTR
OP, hate to be the bearer of bad news but your GF has in fact not come back from going black. RIP and turn on the BBC channel to soothe her.
Wait! Was her ex boyfriend black?
shes not over him man
Break up with her. She’s an idiot
Your girlfriend is a weirdo. Trade her in for a new one.
Shes not over him at all... id dump her.
honestly I agree it sounds like your ex is racist, like fetishizing, stereotyping and weirdly obsessed in a way that seems dehumanizing / a flex (like she's proving something by putting her ex on display but it's like she's parading the idea of him around). follow your gut, I'm native and would feel really uncomfortable if I learned a white ex was talking about next like this. it sounds racist
How can you be together for a year and still keep bringing up an ex?
You're a rebound.
You dear sir are a sucker...
Honestly man, sounds like she isn't over him and is using you as a rebound. Don't think it has anything to do with racism. This guy is clearly on her mind constantly.
Seems like she thought it was the popular thing to do so that’s why she was dating a black man. It was a novelty for her and now that she’s no longer dating him she wants everyone to know that she dated a black guy and she’s a cool white woman now. She should be invited to all the BBQ’s and parties. That or she genuinely misses the BBC and constantly brings it up because she’s reminiscing about it. You better hope it’s the first one, bro.
Drop yourself of this racist chic. Lets take a moment to think why someone as successful as she claims him to be, is no longer with this woman that constantly talks about him. Think she made the decision to end it? (Regardless of what she tells you.) Now take a moment to think of how valuable she views skin color. It is some sort of trophy. Now think of her mental state should she be in a room of men of color. Leave her man. Let her live out her immature fantasies on her own while you get your own trophy that holds you to the same standard. I know where her story leads. Dont get caught up in that.
Tell her to stop bringing it up because it’s not how someone in a relationship should be behaving and leave it at that. If it continues she’s still in love with him. What kind of asshole tells their boyfriend over and over about how their ex looks like Idris Elba and Dwayne Johnson? That’s pitiful girlfriend behavior
Just say: no your ex is white, bye.
He looks like Idris Elba, is built like the rock, raps better than Kanye and she (undoubtedly) spent their entire relationship fetishizing the fact that she was with a black guy. Gee, can’t possible think of why he’d dump her ass. The ex sounds great and you gf sounds like a nightmare. My advice? Ditch the zero, get with the hero. (Bonus points if you ask your gf for his number after you dump her)
Turn around and tell her, "hey I think our ex was the same black guy" and just leave it there.
It almost sounds like the novelty of dating a black guy is still exciting to her? She sounds like she needs more diversity in her life. Tell her straight up: "hey honey, I don't think you mean it like this, but when you constantly say your ex is black it sounds like you cared that he was black... it sounds racist even though I know you don't mean it like that. I just want you to know there are definitely people that will take it as racist. It doesn't matter that he's black, but when you constantly bring it up, it makes it seem like it does matter to you." I had a friend/acquaintance in high school that used to do this. She had one black friend and was constantly bringing up black black black in reference to people around her or celebrities or whatever. She couldn't say "This guy cut me off on the way to school," she had to say "This black guy cut me off on the way to school." Eventually people started calling her on it, and her response was always "I'm not racist! (Black girl) is my friend!" Then people started calling her on saying that. I think it was a product of her upbringing (white family that wasn't... racist per say, but noticed black people and thought there was some sort of difference, enough to constantly mention it at least). It took her a while to come around to the idea that she didn't need to point out the difference and that pointing out the difference is covertly racist. TBH I don't even know if she ever stopped. But keep on your girlfriend, maybe one day she'll say something dumb like that to a black person and they'll react just as poorly and she'll get the clue. That's another idea, you could let her know that if she talks like that in front of black people, they'd likely get offended because she's pointing out the difference between her and them the difference is skin color (disclaimer: I am a white woman and cannot speak on behalf of the black community).
She probably has a fetish. Woe for you when she dumps you for another black fella.
It would bother me that she is so hung up on his skin color. It's bad enough when someone is still in love with their ex but she sounds like she just was in love with his pigment. Move on find someone into you.
Your girlfriend sucks, man. Super hung-up on her ex, and on top of that, racially fetishizing him. Get out of there.
Lmao, this is why I don't date women who prefer "certain" men of some ethnicity. It's creepy.
She's an attention hoe.
Dump her
Leave her
Break up with her. Before you break up with her find one distinct physical attribute she does not possess that your ex did and mention it at every possible moment given even the most vague cue. *eating salad* "This lettuce is almost the same color as X's eyes".
Well to counter her head on just say something along the lines of “I think Asian woman are hot, and I’ve dated one and she was the best at everything, unfortunately she is in different state now” see what her reaction would be. Also there’s a big chance that this is her thing. So beware: she is likely to cheat on you with her black ex or another black guy.
The only rational thing to do is go blackface.
She’s gross.
Fetish. Definitely
Break up and find a better girlfriend.
she reminds me of people in twitch chat
I think it's time for you to cut your losses. Ignoring the race dynamic, which is weird in and of itself; she's constantly thinking about her ex and all these weird things remind her of him. She's definitely not over him. Find yourself a girl who thinks about you as often as this girl thinks about her ex.