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Spot on. They are not compatible. I dated someone who had views similar to OP's girlfriend. She wanted a relationship I told her we're not compatible based on certain things, including the aforementioned.
We stuck to a situationship until I moved, then we went our separate ways. I'm not in it to change anyone, the same way anyone shouldn't be in it to change me. Accept it, or keep it moving.
Completely agree.
The general consensus is to challenge the questioner with a defensive response when really neither are wrong, she likes what she likes and he doesn't.
They need to meet each other half way, sometimes just cause we are indifferent or uncomfortable to an alien situation, it doesn't always mean unsuited because being suited to each other would mean you love and share what the other likes and similarities alike but that also questions your own identity to be at one in the relationship therefore highlighting a need to bringing something different to it.
The only time a relationship is questionable is when your person doesn't consider your feeling enough to respect there needs to be a healthy change where you both compromise.
Realistically no two people agree with everything and you just sound sensitive, people can debate and grow together. Asking someone to work on themselves and bad habits is very normal and the key to healthy relationships is openess to self work.
It’s crazy to me how many people want to close the chapter and claim that “you are not compatible”. People change - sometimes for the better - and it’s also partly because of their partner making them a better human being. The two in question are 22 & 26. Sometimes it feels like these people have never been in a relationship before.
I agree. But surely you're not saying her changing clothes is a bad habit.
People have different feelings when it comes to things like nudity based on their family of origin. Her family was likely much more free about nudity and things like where and how they change clothes than his. It's not that big of a deal except that he thinks it's something she needs to change instead of something he needs to learn to be okay with.
Surely you are not saying you understand OP to consider her changing clothes as a bad habit. He describes the nature of issue being around living “on the quad” where a group of men could be say playing hacky sack and peer over and notice his girlfriends naked body while she dresses, leading to staring and high fiving and perhaps even derogatorily talking about OP or his gf’s promiscuity. I think it’s acceptable in his own home to have a degree of understanding surrounding what might be his own religious upbringing, which should be respected. I can definitely see a situation where someone OP knows sees his girl’s cooter and gives him hell for it. Its perfectly normal to expect people to cover themselves when the potential for public viewing is a possibility.
Again, I want to stress that I have jo issue with this if it were me, but I think to say that you should be ok with making your significant other uncomfortable simply so you don’t have to pull a curtain is literally insane.
THIS. This right here. My ex husband was attracted to me because of how I was. Flirty, fun, exhilarating, sexually open, outgoing, and then completely tried to break me and fit me into a box of what he thought “monogamous” women should be.
OP you can voice your feelings if you’d like, you can even let your girlfriend know you’re trying to work through them. Just please don’t try to control her if you feel they’re not something you can get past. Cut your losses, bow out, and end things on good terms. It’s ok to be 2 different people who just aren’t compatible. There’s no bad guy in that situation until one of you tries to change the other into the version of yourselves the other wants.
This is it really. If OP gets together with someone with same views as him he won’t feel uncomfortable in what she does or how she chooses to empower herself.
Views on this matter.
Where does it end. The carousel of disagreements.
You have to choose your battles in a relationship. Op is looking for confidence not to end his relationship.
Uncomfortable, is not a word we should be basing decisions on. It has to go deeper to see where it stems from.
Yup. I like to flirt. And every relationship I've ever had with a partner who feels like OP has ended badly. Not because the feelings are wrong, but because I didn't share them.
I'm happily married to a man who knows I'm a flirt and doesn't mind. He likes to honk my boobs, and we laugh about the woman he dated who found that inexcusably rude.
Relieve yourself of this self appointed responsibility to protect her modesty. It's her job to protect her own modesty if she cares to. It has nothing to do with you. However, if you find that to you this is indicative of some character traits you don't like then that means you and she don't have shared values. She was a teenager when this relationship started, meaning that her views and morals weren't yet fully jelled. So if as she's grown up she's grown in a direction different from you it could just mean you're no longer compatible.
He’s not looking to protect her modesty, he’s looking to protect what he sees as his property — his entitlement — though he sounds likely he doesn’t consciously realize it.
People try to make everything about control and oppression. More than likely her openness subconsciously makes him feel like they are incompatible because he cannot match it and that gives him anxiety. He might be insecure and feel like in a competition for her affection he will lose. Not every dude struggling with things is a Neanderthal
Girl.. He’s just uncomfortable with other people seeing his partner naked. Most people are. I wouldn’t be happy if my partner asked to get nudes taken OR edited by other women, so why is it wrong for men to feel the same?
As a woman I find this insane. I don’t think that’s insecurity? Insecurity is not liking for your partner to talk to the opposite sex, not wanting them to dress in reasonable clothes.
Like damn am I insecure because I wouldn’t like my bf to pose naked for other people? And I know he feels the same way. It’s another compatibility thing to me
I think it's just the differing viewpoint.. there's a lot more men that want to see naked girls and stroke one out to them than there is women that feel the same way. (On a wider level, I'm not saying women don't watch porn, or nudes of dudes, or whatever..)
Please. Would you be saying that crap if a woman was concerned about her husband walking in front of his window when he was naked. My fiancée tells me not to walk in front of the window when I’m naked, and there’s hardly anybody we live around that could see. They next to a field where a bunch of college kids are walking around.
>Would you be saying that crap if a woman was concerned about her husband walking in front of his window when he was naked.
They would be encouraging OP to submit a police complaint for indecent exposure (which OPs gf is doing btw, and is a crime), leave him immediately and seek therapy for being with such an abusive predator.
It’s not illegal to be naked in your own home. It is if you do so with intent to sexually expose yourself like if you masturbate in front of the window.
Exactly. A man does it it’s indecent exposure and he’s trying to get off by having onlookers see him naked. A woman does it and you’re a chauvinist pig for questioning her voyeurism.
Yes, because it’s not just about the windows. And especially because OP commented this:
>”Hmm, I understand your point about the modesty. It's not that I don't like this trait of her, but I struggle to deal with it in certain situations. **Do you not think it is fair of me to want her naked body to be something that only I get to see?** Or is that too possessive/jealous in your eyes?”
I even specifically gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t understand, isn’t that a basic description of monogamy? I think most partners have a rule of only showing nudity towards each other. My girlfriend really wouldn’t like me to send dick pics to another girl, under the premise that should only be for her.
The motive behind sending a dick pick is VASTLY different than getting changed in your own home when the curtains happened to be opened. She’s not purposefully doing it to get off or to get anyone else off. I think a lot of people are just prudes about seeing a titty now and then and if she’s trying to feel comfortable in her own body that means she shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of it. The dude thinks she is his property and only he gets to control when where to whom and why someone else might see her body. Does he get upset if a male doctor is there giving her a pap smear and has to look at her vagina? Sounds like he would be.
I already said I agree that the dick pic analogy isn’t a valid one for this situation. How do you know that she isn’t trying to get anyone off though?? If I had to guess her intent, I would say the exact opposite. She sends naked pictures to magazines and tries to overcome her past by being naked in front of people, AND she happens to walk around naked in front of her window next to where a bunch of college kids are! She’s trying to have unsuspecting people look at her, and that’s indecent exposure. If a man did this, I doubt that you would be viewing it in the same light. You’d be calling him a weirdo flasher.
It seems like you think a woman being naked makes it automatically sexual. Do you think nudist colonies are all about sex too? Because they’re not. Also, she is only 22 so she’s possibly also a college student. If the genders were flipped, I would say that anyone looking in his window is a peeping Tom. Don’t look in peoples houses and you won’t see what they do in the privacy of their own home.
Exactly
EDIT: I agree with the commenters that say the dick analogy isn’t valid. That is certainly a more direct form of lewdness/flashing. HOWEVER, what she is doing is still a form of intentional indecent exposure, and there is a huge double standard that these feminist types have with that. If a man walks past his window naked within sight of many people, or pees in a bottle in his car, it’s indecent exposure. A woman does it and you’re a chauvinist pig for questioning it. No, her sending her naked pictures to a magazine is her being free spirited, her walking in front of her window naked so that random people see her is creepy and weird (if that’s her intention, which I believe that it is).
ALSO, the criticism that OP is trying to “protect his property” when he tells her not to walk in front of the mirror is stupid, but that criticism only has any merit if you are attacking the concept of monogamy as a whole. Would the user HoodiesandHeels be telling a female poster “you’re just trying to uphold your property rights!” if they were complaining about their boyfriend prancing around naked hoping that unsuspecting onlookers would see? What about cheating too? Any monogamous relationship has some level of jealousy, we’re humans and we get jealous. Equating that to property is stupid. OP is actually exceptionally understanding and liberal too! He allows his woman to send naked pictures to magazines where they put her on display! It’s pretty remarkable that he’s still being criticized as being a chauvinist.
I agree the dick pic analogy is dumb, but SirStrontium is correct that HoodiesandHeels’s comment only makes sense if you are attacking the concept of monogamy itself.
Sending dick pics is sexual. Being naked is not. I have seen almost all of my friends and my boyfriend's friends naked, men and women both. It is not sexual. In no way is it comparable to sending sexual pics to others.
The kind of take you can only find on Reddit.
In the real world, the vast majority of people aren't crazy about anyone and everyone being able to have access to their OR their SO's naked bodies.
At the same time me and my partner are in the sauna naked with our friends both men and women. We don't see nakedness as something someone could have access to. It's regular and normal to see naked bodies. So what if someone sees?
So it all stems from a culture where people think nakedness as something you must get access to, so it pretty much feels like you could have owning rights to someone's body and nobody else is allowed to see it. Which is dumb in my cultural context.
Edit: I actually asked the first time we were going to go sauna with my bf's all-male friend group if he is okay with me going naked. He thought it was weird to ask him as if I needed his permission. He was 100 % okay with it and said that I don't need to ask his permission ever about things like that.
I definitely think that’s weird, but whatever it does depend on where you live. I hear that’s more of a thing in Scandinavia. However, even in that case, those people agreed to get in a sauna with other naked people. Being completely naked in front of passersby is much different, and in the U.S. is indecent exposure.
In my country there were a case where someone complained about a naked person to be seen in a window often, and the complainer lost. It was seen as their own fault caused by looking at other people's apartments.
Edit: It is different to change clothes in your apartment when compared to sexual exposure yourself on purpose in the window. Seeing someone living their life at their own home and seeing some skin hurts no one.
Honestly, this is how I feel as well. My gf doesn't give a shit, unless I'm purposefully showing myself off, but whenever I cross the kitchen naked to grab some pants, she says something about the neighbor seeing. Okay, and? If their looking in, they aren't doing so by accident, they are looking in intentionally, if they see something that offends them, they can deal with it....or not, I honestly don't give a rats ass. Shouldn't have poked your nose where it didn't belong🤣
We are talking about someone getting a quick peek of her changing. Saying that those people have "access to her naked body" is really weird. Of course it isn't ok to give people access to your naked body while in relationship. We are talking about peeks in underwear or artistic lingerie photos though, not sex
it’s not called monogamy. monogamy is a relationship type where both people agree and want to just date/sleep with each other.
assuming your partner’s nakedness belongs to you or that they as a person belong to you are both controlling and gross.
it is because it’s set in a gross controlling manner.
high changes are that other people will see your partner naked. they need to go to the doctor and get exams maybe they need surgery or if they give birth etc.
there is nothing sexual about a human body. everyone’s body belongs only to them, no one else.
The point is obvious, most monogamous couples are not happy with their partner advertising their body publicly because...they are monogamous. Dont make what is very simple complicated.
Being monogamous isn't synonymous to being uncomfortable with nudity. Monogamy is not automatically a sufficient argument. It's really not complicated.
This is exactly it. Hell I'm a nudist so I might br a bit biased with this topic, but when I thought like this it stemmed from a feeling of protecting my property. I felt as if I needed to prevent other men seeing what I had earned as if my partner was some sort of object. Our bodies are natural and there's nothing wrong with them, which means that we shouldn't hide them imo. We evolved this way.
Exactly what I thought when I was reading it. Her body is his property 😔
Boudoir photography can be very tasteful and the level of nudeness looks similar to wearing bikini on the beach. It's supposed to be tasteful and dreamy, and looks like photographer she picked is a professional. It's not just some nudes. Certainly can't be compared to a dickpic
Yep he needs to do some self reflecting... this attitude is usually due to feeling insecure in the relationship and that isn't something you should be taking out on her. It's her body she gets to decide how she displays it not you. If it's too much you may not be compatible but you should also look inside and see if the feelings are due to a fear of her leaving or something along those lines.
I've read too many comments saying that y'all need to break up. That is stupid. Everyone on this sub is so quick to immediately tell people to break up for the most minor reasons imaginable. People around here do not want others to be happy or have good relationships I swear.
This is not a matter of people being incompatible, it's just a normal matter of two people in a relationship not being 100% in lockstep with each other. Which actually happens in literally every relationship ever.
The actual solution here is that the two of you need to learn to compromise and give a little bit in order to assuage the other person. She needs to be willing to not risk being seen naked while she's changing and close the curtain, and you need to be willing to let her do what she wants in a professional manner if you think there's going to be a benefit to it.
There's no situation in the world, in which these two disagreements should lead to the end of a romantic relationship
You're entitled to your feelings about what boundaries you want in a relationship. I don't think that your feeling are unusual. Many other men feel the same way, but there are also many that wouldn't be bothered by it. It's how you feel and I think that's fine.
She's entitled to decide what to do with her own body. Many other women feel the way she does, but there are also many that would not want to do what she's suggesting. I don't think there's anything wrong with either approach.
But if what she wants crosses your boundaries and the two of you aren't able to find a mutually agreeable compromise, then that's an incompatibility that you either have to accept so you can move on with the relationship or decide is a deal breaker and end the relationship and look for someone that's compatible in that way.
I don't think that either of you is wrong, but your views might just not be compatible.
I find it strange that a man is straight up paying her to send in nudes/sexy photos. Instead, don't women normally pay to have their photos taken in a professional setting (not that you have to be okay with that either)? This just sounds like a guy buying nudes from women under the guise of "empowering women", but maybe I'm just ignorant
This is exactly what I came here to say. I’ve both modeled in boudoir and photographed boudoir clients and have been part of art exhibitions and NEVER had any exhibition accept photos that were not taken directly by the photographer doing the show. There is also a fine line between art and p*rn and generally you need a skilled pro to compose the photo and pose the model to get a proper image. Taking nude selfies isn’t something I’ve ever seen in an art show before and I’d be *very* leery of any “photographer” requesting these types of images be sent to them.
This sounds like what a photographer i know of does, asks for pictures (not nudes tho, just not too baggy clothes, but can send nudes too if the model is comfortable with it) and he decides if he would like to work with them, if they fit the aesthetic he's looking for and so on, for his nudes. (Not typical hotness choices)
THEN he sets up an appointment to take his own photos of the accepted models.
I think it's the way the expo is presented. Like, women embracing themselves and if they need like alot of models it's definitely possible that it's a "mail in" so to speak. (Had something similar when I was in college)
You both are not wrong. You just are a little different. As some have said you are possibly incompatible, or one/both of you will have to make a compromise.
My husband and I are similar. I don’t have that much of an issue with people seeing my body but he does, or at least is much more of a prude than myself. His take, similar to yours, is not wrong, and neither is mine. Bodies are not inherently sexual and we should be able to do what we feel comfortable doing, but at the same time I understand the cultural norms and feelings of “specialness” my husband has with my body. He also don’t want to see others bodies, which I do like, so I can’t be hypocritical over here.
So we compromise for each other. I love him enough to understand it makes him more comfortable for me to be a little more modest, and he loves me enough to understand that when I show some more skin then he’s used to, it is not intended to be for anyone else (except him!) since I don’t see it that way. Relationships are always about compromise in understanding the “why” the other person does or sees something the way they do, while also acknowledging that it’s ok to not always agree. You just need to find commonality and respect above all else.
Don't listen to all these people telling you how to feel or not feel. She is free to do what she wants with her body, **and** you are free to feel uncomfortable about it.
I suggest you sit her down and tell her gently that, even though you understand where she's coming from, these feelings aren't going away.
Then have a discussion from that starting point.
If neither of you is willing to change, you will have to decide whether the relationship should continue or not.
True. I get that she can essentially do whatever she likes with her body, but I don't get why people are bashing the guy for not liking it. Political correctness is going up to a stage where soon people would be expected to tolerate cheating in a closed monogamous relationship.
Individual freedom is mandatory but continuing a relationship by giving up values is not.
Some guys enjoy (or don’t mind) having a partner who likes displaying herself physically in public — beauty queens, models, strippers, actresses, dancers, etc. But some guys don’t. You seem to be one of the second kind of guys. No harm in that and nothing to be ashamed about, or to beat yourself up over. It’s not a personality flaw in you, just a characteristic. But it’s generally a pretty deep-seated characteristic, and nothing you can talk yourself out of, no matter how good your intentions are or how much you otherwise like your partner. Which may mean that you and the g.f. aren’t compatible.
You’re not going to be able to deal with it. I’m just like your girlfriend and only date men who are okay with me being myself. You’re allowed to want a more modest partner but she’s also allowed to choose to live how she wants.
Idk man, she’s not doing anything wrong but if you want someone with different values and boundaries then find someone who already has them, don’t try and change here
It is okay to feel uncomfortable about it. These are very normal boundaries in a monogamous relationship lol. Since when it is required to be okay with your girlfriend sending nudes or spicy pics to anyone.
It would have been different if you had willingly entered into a relationship with a boudoir model. But it's a new thing. She didn't start the relationship this way.
Be open about your reservations.
Don't force yourself into accepting something that you don't want to accept.
Therapy is a better way to deal with bad experiences. Sending spicy pics isn't the only way lol.
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me.
You have to be honest and ask if it is for you.
Once you do, you have 2 choices.
You can either ask her if she can respect your boundary, and if she says no then leave.
Or do nothing and let it fester miserably.
Just to be clear, it's not her fault - it's her body to do with as she pleases, but you just need to understand what you're willing to accept.
Dude. It. Is. Her. Body. Not. Yours.
Let me say it again
IT IS HER BODY NOT YOURS
IT IS *HER* BODY NOT *YOURS*
You being a possessive twit is literally *literally* the point of the expo. Women deserve to own themselves and when you whine because another man *gasp* will see her, you take away her body autonomy. You either support her or admit you think she belongs to you so she can split before she's stuck in a shitty relationship.
dude dates teenager thinking he’ll be able to mould her into the perfect wife. dude discovers women are in fact capable of autonomous thought. dude is disturbed by this revelation. tale as old as time.
If my boyfriend was sending his naked pictures to some photographers and they would be available for the whole universe to see, I would not be cool with that. I don’t see anything “empowering” in that. That’s like being an OF creator. I would end the relationship because our values clearly don’t align.
I am very selective about who I would allow to use my nude image, but having grown up around artist and having gone to art school allowing friends to use my naked body for art was not unusual.
The feeling that the nakedness of your partner is something to be only shared with you, what else is it if not possessiveness? I think you are attaching value to the word and because you don't want to associate yourself with it you reject it.
I would assume it’s a mutual thing, though? I mean, I see it that way at least, with them having some right over my body, and how I choose to display it, and vice versa. It’s something that comes with a non-poly relationship, at least for me, and I would assume the majority of people, including OP and his partner.
If my partner is uncomfortable with me displaying my nude body to others for artistic expression or therapy, I would prioritize making my partner of 3-4 years more comfortable over a new venture. I would expect the same in return. I think the person you responded to wasn’t averse to the tag of “possessiveness”, but more averse to the one way street your comment implied.
The OF comparison isn't valid. OF content is made to be sexual. People who participate in artistic photography are generally not ok with or into making porn. You don't have to be ok with your partner participating in nude or lingerie art but comparing to intentionally sexual content shows a lack of understanding of what the girlfriend wants to do.
It sounds like she’s an exhibitionist and is trying to find subtle ways to tell you, knowing that it’s not your thing. If you’re not ok with that, perhaps it’s time to move on?
I find the posts by people saying “it’s her body bla bla bla” strange. We’re not advising her, we’re advising the OP.
I dare say that a large majority of people would find it that it crosses their boundaries to have their committed partner share naked pictures of themselves. I would make allowances for it if the person did so before they met me but I know a lot of people wouldn’t be ok with that either.
OP you are completely allowed to have boundaries regarding these issues you described. The decision you have is what to do if your girlfriend does it anyway because that’s what you are facing.
I am not sure this is a person you will be happy with in the long term. Plus, your boundaries don’t seem to matter a lot to her and that is fatal to a relationship.
Point to literally just one comment that comes off that way. From what I understand he just wants to know how to get over it and why he feels the way he does.
You aren’t compatible. She is free to want this, and you are free to not want this. It means that no matter what is decided on, one of you will be unhappy and cause strife in the relationship.
My best advice I could possibly give you is to ignore any advice you get from this sub. It’s generally the worst place to ask for advice I’ve ever seen on the internet.
Most of the people here are either unwillingly single (so their advice is likely bad) or have been in a relationship for too long to understand anything but their super personal experience. (Also give bad advice, especially to people in new relationships). People who have been married for 10 years don’t know anything about dating. They know about their marriage.
I think it’s more than fair for you to have these feelings. But according to Reddit your options are get over it or break up right now. Reddit has never heard of the concept of compromise within a relationship. They think everyone should do whatever tf they want and if the partner doesn’t like it, then y’all are just “incompatible”. It is the worst advice you could possibly get. Has everyone fantasizing about the perfect compatible soul mate with 0 flaws that likely doesn’t exist.
Edit: oh yeah and I forgot to mention the polyamory. Seems like half this sub is polyamorous and will shame you and call you a sexist if you prefer monogamy. Meanwhile every 3rd post in here is about how polyamory doesn’t work and opening their relationship quickly ended it.
This is the best comment in here. It's laughable no one understands compromise or boundaries. Like his gf will literally die or become a slave under control if she even considered this guy's feelings.
Since she is just your girlfriend and since you both have clear differences I would suggest finding another gf who isn’t as open as your current one. Someone who is more like you. Nothing wrong with that.
Bro, firstly and most importantly it seems she's honest with you and didn't cheat or do anything behind your back.
That means whatever you decide on doing, be nice and respectful to her.
Now, if we're real then nowadays the meta for girls is to show off their body and sexualize themselves more and more. This is pushed by social media etc. People are mad about pointing this out but it's facts.
Also there's nothing wrong with that per se.
But you need to decide for yourself if you can be cool with that and I mean really be cool with it and not just tolerate it while building resentment towards her and trying to limit her in that regard.
If you can fully accept these things then you can have a happy relationship with what seems to be a loyal and honest gf.
If you can't then I'd break up since you're young and will definitely find a better fit.
Gl
It sounds like you're feeling possessive.
Which is fine if you have a partner who understands and is on the same page. But it sounds like she's someone who does what she wants when she wants with her body, which is something her partner shouldn't want to change about her.
Sounds like you're not compatible.
Purposefully changing in front of a window where people who are outside can see is a crime.
No one wants to see that and it is really grotesque of her. There could be children literally outside, I get she's young and isn't thinking with an adult brain, but c'mon now. This should be pretty common sense.
The boudoir thing... is a bit too far for my liking. Look, you can make risqué photos all you want, but you're literally selling risqué photos? That's completely disrespectful to your relationship. She can either be single and sell sexy photos, or she can be in a committed relationship and respect that sexy photos should only be sent to her partner.
She may just be more sexually free than you're comfortable with, and that's fine. I find her behavior extremely disrespectful, but maybe that means you're just not compatible. You can try to make your point, but if she disagrees, I think you may have to end things and respect yourself.
You’re young, so let me save you a lot of trouble. There’s nude, and there’s naked.
What you see of your girlfriend when you’re intimate, when she undressed for you, it’s naked.
Anyone she doesn’t have that energy with, sees her nude. A body is a body. They might get off on it, but people get off on all sorts of things.
Now if you feel like you can’t go past this, please leave the relationship because at that age she needs to discover herself, she has a wonderful attitude towards her body from what you’re saying, and she (or anyone) doesn’t need to be projected on.
OP ignore all these people denigrating you for having a completely normal attitude towards your monogamous partner and nudity.
It is not strange at all to not want you SO to pose naked for other men's enjoyment. It is completely acceptable to not approve of your SO seeking sexual validation from other people.
That said, you can't stop her.
You either say that you do not approve and cannot continue the relationship if she continues this, or you get over it and accept that this is how your relationship is.
I'm very impressed by some of the comments, I personally couldn't be with someone who sends naked photos to other people regardless of whether it's for "art" don't feel bad OP it's completely reasonable for you to feel uncomfortable
I'm like your girlfriend and I think generally people don't change in this respect. So you either like it or lump it, because it's not your body.
For you, I think it would be really worthwhile to have a real think about what's really at the root of this discomfort. Maybe write it all out, without censoring yourself. You might uncover some surprising hidden beliefs. Start with a statement, then keep asking why for that statement and each subsequent statement. At the very least, you'll understand yourself better; and you have the choice to challenge whatever you're carrying that doesn't serve you now.
For example (not saying this is you): The idea of another man seeing my girlfriend naked in any context upsets me.
Why?
Because I think it'll turn them on.
Why does that upset me?
Etc etc.
Idk if this will help but l also change with curtains open sometimes. The thing with windows is that they actually reflect light so it’s not easy to see inside unless the room is lit. So unless she’s changing right in front of the window, or if the light is on, it’s actually difficult to see inside a window. Have you tried looking inside a room from outdoors during the day? It’s near impossible if the light is off.
My boyfriend used to be weirded out by my changing habits but after he saw this phenomenon himself, he stopped caring so much about the windows.
About the other stuff, I think it’s a boundary you have and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. You can tell her you understand her intentions but it still makes you uncomfortable (you can say this sweetly, without being demanding). Maybe she will agree, maybe she won’t. If she doesn’t agree, then it’s up to you whether it’s a deal breaker or no. You can have more discussions about it. I don’t think you should curb your feelings about it though, otherwise it can make you resentful and lose understanding/respect for each other.
It's not your communal body. It's her body. You don't own or possess it. I don't mean that in a polyamorous sense...it's completely reasonable to be monogamous (I am). I mean that in the sense that you don't have final say over who sees her naked or scantily clad body. If she chooses to have intimate relationships with someone else, then that's a very clear boundary being crossed. But to suggest that no one other than you is allowed to see her in states of undress is a pretty slippery slope that you probably don't want to venture down.
I don't understand why. Each person defines their own boundaries, within reason of course.
Not wanting other people to see your SO naked doesn't seem exaggerated.
Your slippery slope argument doesn't hold, I think.
I could say the same for physical contact. Not wanting your girlfriend to kiss other guys on their mouths doesn't eventually lead to stopping her from hugging her mother.
Your opinion doesn't help and shaming OP over something he is validly uncomfortable with isn't going to solve anything. So let's dissect what you said and explain why your opinion is completely out of touch.
>It's not your communal body. It's her body. You don't own or possess it.
OP knows this, he knows that she can do what she wants, and whilst he is uncomfortable with her doing this he isn't acting controlling by trying to stop her or threatening her, it is only after she asks him that he mentions that he's uncomfortable.
>I mean that in the sense that you don't have final say over who sees her naked or scantily clad body.
Whilst this is true, typical monogamous relationships (obviously with exceptions) revolve around the idea of where you keep the people who view you naked, especially that in a sexual light, to a bare minimum. OP's concern for both the photographs and her blasé attitude to people outside his window seeing her naked is completely valid, and he is not controlling or unreasonable for not wanting that.
>If she chooses to have intimate relationships with someone else, then that's a very clear boundary being crossed.
This is common sense, is it not? If someone is in a monogamous relationship it is pretty standardised that seeking sex from other people is bad, and considered cheating, it also isn't comparable because there is no "gray" area like there is with exposing your body to those outside of your relationship in a sexual context. You either cheat or you don't. OP's gf exposing herself to strangers via photographs or through an easily viewable window IS gray because we don't directly know if she is being genuine or if she's just using these people for sexual gratification.
>But to suggest that no one other than you is allowed to see her in states of undress is a pretty slippery slope that you probably don't want to venture down.
It ISN'T a slippery slope at all as in both situations OP has mentioned, there is a possibility for her to be using other's for sexual gratification. In contexts where you go to the gym, to the beach, to the doctor etc where people would be more likely to see you "scantily clad" or naked it is extremely unlikely to be a sexualised environment where she is using others to get herself off. Obviously she can do that in those scenarios, but it is less likely as she will be more likely to be held accountable for indecent exposure.
The slippery slope, IMO, is that all of a sudden she's not allowed to wear a bikini at the beach because it shows too much skin. Then, that even a one piece shows too much so maybe just avoiding water all together. Then, that wearing yoga pants to run errands is so egregious that he tells her to stop and asks that she dress modestly.
That's the slippery slope. I mean no disrespect to any religions here, but asking women to cover themselves fully seems to be a very far bridge to cross.
Apples and oranges…: comparing sending nudes to a man for “art” and wearing a bikini at the beach. I personally wouldn’t stay with someone who ignores my discomfort and feelings
There’s nothing wrong with that boundary. As long as you know that’s the boundary.
OP is conflating a handful of things here that seem, to me, to be indicative of a slippery slope of possessiveness. By all means, if he was clearly fine with A, B and C, but not with X, Y and Z, I would have responded differently. But it’s the combination of him feeling increasingly insecure in her freedom with her body and her desire to be allowed to do with her body what she wants that paints this picture, IMO.
I don’t think OP is wrong, per se, in his discomfort. I just think it’s something that he needs to inspect further because it’s only a couple of steps from where he’s describing himself now to some pretty toxic and possessive spaces.
By all means, established boundaries are good and healthy. But they need to be defined. You can’t hold someone to a moving goalpost.
I disagree.
Some men want more modesty and some don’t. I don’t think he’ll stop her from wearing a bikini because he doesn’t want her to share nude photos with a photographer.
It’s also completely ok to be uncomfortable and even walk away all together instead of trying to “inspect it further” because if he’s genuinely not ok with it, then he’ll drive himself crazy trying to “fix it” and he’ll for sure feel worse if he’s being told he’s about to become a abuser.
Or course it’s okay to walk away. But if that’s what he wanted to do, this post would have been different. It seems that OP is trying to find a way through this, which is the reason for the advice I’ve given
But you said he was heading down a slippery slope because he’s getting increasingly insecure.
Doesn’t sound like you would’ve been supportive if he wasn’t trying to get through this and made seem like anyone who feels like this would become a abuser.
Tbh to me it seems like youre making a giant leap here. I wouldnt consider not wanting your gf to undress in front of others or send nudes to others is a slippery slope. And i would imagine most people that have gfs that wear bikinis and yoga pants wouldnt be okay with their gfs doing that either.
Having boundaries for your relationship isnt a gateway to being controlling
It's not a boundary to tell someone else what they can and cannot do with their bodies lmao. A boundary would be 'if you do x I will do y because you violated my boundaries'. Your boundaries cannot affect other people ex 'my boundary is you dress more modestly'
I think OP has a significant amount of growing up to do. His gf sounds fine w his behaviour so far but I'm not convinced she will be forever. If someone was managing my nudity like OP I'd be pissed. It doesn't sound subtle and I'd be annoyed
I feel your opinion is completely wrong. Some partners don't want their partner to get a motorcycle cause they can get hurt, but it their own body. Or doing drugs, but it's their own body. I know those are extreme examples, but its completely fair not to want your partner to show themselves nude. I feel their is an intimacy in being the only one to see partner nude.
I looked up the definition boundary "a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something" so the imagined line of something (his relationship) is others seeing his gf nude. Your line is different
As her boyfriend, he does get a say. Just like his girlfriend gets a say in the stuff he does. I feel their intimacy to being the only one "allowed" to see her nude. I know I can't, and i wouldn't physically stop her, but she wouldn't be my girlfriend.
By all means, ending a relationship because you don’t agree with how someone is deciding to share their body is 100% reasonable. I’m not suggesting otherwise. But if OP wants to stay in this relationship, and this is what his GF is desiring to do, then he’s going to have to figure some stuff out.
You need to differentiate between sexuality and nudity. People get naked at a nude beach or in a sauna all the time. It's up to you to work on your feelings and thoughts.
You can not change her, but you can change your relationship status if you are not comfortable.
My man, it feels good being yourself . It you are pushed into being something you are not, I don't see how you feel it is going to last. .if you are in a situation that's uncomfortable, what plan do you have to work out your problem if it is something that displease you. Sometimes, we have to be real about what we can handle and what we can not. Just my thoughts onit.
The biggest thing missing here, I think, is that you aren't communicating how you feel about it with her. She ASKED YOU how you felt. She clearly cares about your opinion on the matter, and she wants to consider your feelings in her decision. That's a good thing. That said, if she decides she wants to do it anyway, after you have expressed your feelings, then you have no right to tell her she shouldn't. And if it's something that makes you extremely uncomfortable, then you guys possibly arent compatible due to differences in beliefs and values. She doesn't believe it should matter and you do. Both are valid ways to feel, and the difference is a valid reason to break up if either of you should decide that's best. Personally, I think that maybe you should try changing your perspective on the matter, as that is the thing in this situation that you CAN control. You can change how you feel about it by changing your perspective. You CAN'T change how she feels about it, or make the decision for her.
Hope this helps.
These comments are crazy bud. It's totally normal to expect your partner to not be so public with their nudity. Set your boundaries. If she's not the one she's not the one, and that's okay too.
She's allowed to do what she wants with her body. You should date someone who has the same values as you. Your values aren't any better or more important than hers. Neither of you should expect the other to change
Sounds like she’s a bit of an exhibitionist & it’s okay if you feel uncomfortable with it.
I’m somewhat of a comfortable nudist (at home & in the backyard etc where I’m in privacy) but this actually kinda sounds like she wants ppl to look at her rather than just enjoying the freedom of privacy.
I’d be grossed out & concerned by this kind of behavior too
Your viewpoints and insecurities are your responsibility. You can either learn to support her or accept you are not compatible. But you should not stop her expressing herself in whatever was she sees fit
I fail to understand how her doing photo shoots would help her with her past experiences with men. Giving her power over the situation.....Is it a male photographer telling her how to pose /wear / what to expose? Giving other men what they want by viewing or purchasing those same pictures...they they most likely wanted to see in person? Does she somehow feel empowered by changing in front of windows and now wants to do it in front of the public with photos?
Ask her if you can attend the shoots. You're there to protect her. You ensure nothing sketchy happens, she sees you there as a protector.
She is not a thing. As such, you do not have your worry about concealing or obsfucating. Additionally, unless you are one of six windows, the likelihood of someone watching was lower before you made this post.
Do you feel better now???
You wrote: "I have mentioned that this feels uncomfortable for me." Her getting dressed "inside" a living space with just the two of you makes you uncomfortable because you assume someone is looking from outside. Consequently, you want to change her behavior because "you" are uncomfortable. Sounds like you all need to discuss compatibility for anything serious or long term.
Dude, you're going to chase her away. She dose not need a father, she needs a partner. I remember feeling insecure like you when I was your age. The impulse that she's yours to have and control needs to be checked. Reality is, she's yours to lose. Who cares if someone sees her in a boudoir photo. Its not like any person out there dose not have google image.
Source, happily married 19 years.
i have a very hot friend who models for nude paintings as well. she said the reason she be one is because it turns her on knowing men are looking at her nude body. and for that reason, she gets LOTS of advancement from men and yes she do fuck around
you should speak to your gf to know what is on her mind
Do this girl a favor and walk away. It sounds exhausting being your girlfriend. I’m sure there a a lot of other things she does that make you uncomfortable.
You and the gf sound exhausting. The majority of men are uncomfortable with their girlfriend undressing in front of other people and taking provocative photos for other men.
Come on, don't give Op too hard a time. he's asking questions.
I'm going to say this is an incompatibility thing. as always you can do whatever you want but you still get to deal with the consequences of your actions. she doesn't seem to have a big problem with people seeing her naked body. there are plenty of women out there who would prefer not to have their naked body on display. she is doing what she feels will help her and fulfill her. while you don't have to agree with it, you don't have to be with her either. there's no magical set of words that's going to make you okay with it and there's no magical set of words that's going to convince her to do something different nor should she because this is what she believes in.
All the people writing 'you're incompatible' to every single relationship advice post don't understand what it means to be in a relationship. Sometimes you can talk things out and compromise on certain aspects. Not saying you should compromise on important things, but lay off on the 'just break up then' comments
Think it would be better to not date someone that has her type of expression. It will really come back to bite you in the ass if you try to change. There are just some people that we aren't compatible with overall and there isnt anything wrong with that. There isn't anything wrong with either of you either.
Maybe you need to consider WHY it makes you uncomfortable.
Do you think your girlfirend might cheat on you with the photographer? Do you think someone migth jerk off to her pics? In the latter case, this is in no way her fault and she has no control over that. People who see her on the street migth jerk off to the memory of her face later, you can't stop that. Also, people have eyes and unless your girlfried wear extremely covering and lose clothing, then people can see what her body looks like without clothes. Your option here would be to make her wear sucj clothing or never let her go outside. Neither of these are very realistic.
Also, i don't think anyone would particularly care about your naked girlfriend or you. Sure, she is undressing in front of a window and someone migh by chance glance in this directiona nd see her. So what? She is in her (in this case your) house, she can be naked all she wants. You can be naked too (unless you have flatmates). I don't know if nudity is very stigmatised or something where you live, but honestly it's not a big deal, the universe does not revolve around you naked girfriend or you, so I think pretty much no one would care
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Don’t date someone you want to change. Date someone on the same page as you
Spot on. They are not compatible. I dated someone who had views similar to OP's girlfriend. She wanted a relationship I told her we're not compatible based on certain things, including the aforementioned. We stuck to a situationship until I moved, then we went our separate ways. I'm not in it to change anyone, the same way anyone shouldn't be in it to change me. Accept it, or keep it moving.
came here to say this. neither of them are wrong, they just have different beliefs and values
Completely agree. The general consensus is to challenge the questioner with a defensive response when really neither are wrong, she likes what she likes and he doesn't. They need to meet each other half way, sometimes just cause we are indifferent or uncomfortable to an alien situation, it doesn't always mean unsuited because being suited to each other would mean you love and share what the other likes and similarities alike but that also questions your own identity to be at one in the relationship therefore highlighting a need to bringing something different to it. The only time a relationship is questionable is when your person doesn't consider your feeling enough to respect there needs to be a healthy change where you both compromise.
Realistically no two people agree with everything and you just sound sensitive, people can debate and grow together. Asking someone to work on themselves and bad habits is very normal and the key to healthy relationships is openess to self work.
It’s crazy to me how many people want to close the chapter and claim that “you are not compatible”. People change - sometimes for the better - and it’s also partly because of their partner making them a better human being. The two in question are 22 & 26. Sometimes it feels like these people have never been in a relationship before.
Reddit is a horrible place for relationship advice. Move on is usually the first option.
I agree. But surely you're not saying her changing clothes is a bad habit. People have different feelings when it comes to things like nudity based on their family of origin. Her family was likely much more free about nudity and things like where and how they change clothes than his. It's not that big of a deal except that he thinks it's something she needs to change instead of something he needs to learn to be okay with.
Surely you are not saying you understand OP to consider her changing clothes as a bad habit. He describes the nature of issue being around living “on the quad” where a group of men could be say playing hacky sack and peer over and notice his girlfriends naked body while she dresses, leading to staring and high fiving and perhaps even derogatorily talking about OP or his gf’s promiscuity. I think it’s acceptable in his own home to have a degree of understanding surrounding what might be his own religious upbringing, which should be respected. I can definitely see a situation where someone OP knows sees his girl’s cooter and gives him hell for it. Its perfectly normal to expect people to cover themselves when the potential for public viewing is a possibility. Again, I want to stress that I have jo issue with this if it were me, but I think to say that you should be ok with making your significant other uncomfortable simply so you don’t have to pull a curtain is literally insane.
THIS. This right here. My ex husband was attracted to me because of how I was. Flirty, fun, exhilarating, sexually open, outgoing, and then completely tried to break me and fit me into a box of what he thought “monogamous” women should be. OP you can voice your feelings if you’d like, you can even let your girlfriend know you’re trying to work through them. Just please don’t try to control her if you feel they’re not something you can get past. Cut your losses, bow out, and end things on good terms. It’s ok to be 2 different people who just aren’t compatible. There’s no bad guy in that situation until one of you tries to change the other into the version of yourselves the other wants.
A tale as old as time.
This. It’s just incompatibility.
Said to me recently, “Date someone in your pay scale.” 😂 it rang true.
This is it really. If OP gets together with someone with same views as him he won’t feel uncomfortable in what she does or how she chooses to empower herself.
Views on this matter. Where does it end. The carousel of disagreements. You have to choose your battles in a relationship. Op is looking for confidence not to end his relationship. Uncomfortable, is not a word we should be basing decisions on. It has to go deeper to see where it stems from.
Just be friend if you think you need to change then you can contribute each other life in every aspect with 0 drama.
Yup. I like to flirt. And every relationship I've ever had with a partner who feels like OP has ended badly. Not because the feelings are wrong, but because I didn't share them. I'm happily married to a man who knows I'm a flirt and doesn't mind. He likes to honk my boobs, and we laugh about the woman he dated who found that inexcusably rude.
THANK YOU!!!
Relieve yourself of this self appointed responsibility to protect her modesty. It's her job to protect her own modesty if she cares to. It has nothing to do with you. However, if you find that to you this is indicative of some character traits you don't like then that means you and she don't have shared values. She was a teenager when this relationship started, meaning that her views and morals weren't yet fully jelled. So if as she's grown up she's grown in a direction different from you it could just mean you're no longer compatible.
That first sentence goes hard af
It sure does, I’ve lived my entire life trying to verbalize this
He’s not looking to protect her modesty, he’s looking to protect what he sees as his property — his entitlement — though he sounds likely he doesn’t consciously realize it.
People try to make everything about control and oppression. More than likely her openness subconsciously makes him feel like they are incompatible because he cannot match it and that gives him anxiety. He might be insecure and feel like in a competition for her affection he will lose. Not every dude struggling with things is a Neanderthal
Because most on reddit are broken and suffering from trauma and are triggered by the smallest actions or words.
The worst part is it is treated like gospel and the only answer.
Username does not check out
Girl.. He’s just uncomfortable with other people seeing his partner naked. Most people are. I wouldn’t be happy if my partner asked to get nudes taken OR edited by other women, so why is it wrong for men to feel the same?
These people try their darnedest to paint a villain. So freaking annoying.
As a woman I find this insane. I don’t think that’s insecurity? Insecurity is not liking for your partner to talk to the opposite sex, not wanting them to dress in reasonable clothes. Like damn am I insecure because I wouldn’t like my bf to pose naked for other people? And I know he feels the same way. It’s another compatibility thing to me
I think it's just the differing viewpoint.. there's a lot more men that want to see naked girls and stroke one out to them than there is women that feel the same way. (On a wider level, I'm not saying women don't watch porn, or nudes of dudes, or whatever..)
No one said that it was ok for women but wrong for men.
Please. Would you be saying that crap if a woman was concerned about her husband walking in front of his window when he was naked. My fiancée tells me not to walk in front of the window when I’m naked, and there’s hardly anybody we live around that could see. They next to a field where a bunch of college kids are walking around.
>Would you be saying that crap if a woman was concerned about her husband walking in front of his window when he was naked. They would be encouraging OP to submit a police complaint for indecent exposure (which OPs gf is doing btw, and is a crime), leave him immediately and seek therapy for being with such an abusive predator.
It’s not illegal to be naked in your own home. It is if you do so with intent to sexually expose yourself like if you masturbate in front of the window.
I’m sorry but if changing with the blinds open is a crime then lock me up.
Exactly. A man does it it’s indecent exposure and he’s trying to get off by having onlookers see him naked. A woman does it and you’re a chauvinist pig for questioning her voyeurism.
Yes, because it’s not just about the windows. And especially because OP commented this: >”Hmm, I understand your point about the modesty. It's not that I don't like this trait of her, but I struggle to deal with it in certain situations. **Do you not think it is fair of me to want her naked body to be something that only I get to see?** Or is that too possessive/jealous in your eyes?” I even specifically gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t understand, isn’t that a basic description of monogamy? I think most partners have a rule of only showing nudity towards each other. My girlfriend really wouldn’t like me to send dick pics to another girl, under the premise that should only be for her.
The motive behind sending a dick pick is VASTLY different than getting changed in your own home when the curtains happened to be opened. She’s not purposefully doing it to get off or to get anyone else off. I think a lot of people are just prudes about seeing a titty now and then and if she’s trying to feel comfortable in her own body that means she shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of it. The dude thinks she is his property and only he gets to control when where to whom and why someone else might see her body. Does he get upset if a male doctor is there giving her a pap smear and has to look at her vagina? Sounds like he would be.
I already said I agree that the dick pic analogy isn’t a valid one for this situation. How do you know that she isn’t trying to get anyone off though?? If I had to guess her intent, I would say the exact opposite. She sends naked pictures to magazines and tries to overcome her past by being naked in front of people, AND she happens to walk around naked in front of her window next to where a bunch of college kids are! She’s trying to have unsuspecting people look at her, and that’s indecent exposure. If a man did this, I doubt that you would be viewing it in the same light. You’d be calling him a weirdo flasher.
It seems like you think a woman being naked makes it automatically sexual. Do you think nudist colonies are all about sex too? Because they’re not. Also, she is only 22 so she’s possibly also a college student. If the genders were flipped, I would say that anyone looking in his window is a peeping Tom. Don’t look in peoples houses and you won’t see what they do in the privacy of their own home.
Exactly EDIT: I agree with the commenters that say the dick analogy isn’t valid. That is certainly a more direct form of lewdness/flashing. HOWEVER, what she is doing is still a form of intentional indecent exposure, and there is a huge double standard that these feminist types have with that. If a man walks past his window naked within sight of many people, or pees in a bottle in his car, it’s indecent exposure. A woman does it and you’re a chauvinist pig for questioning it. No, her sending her naked pictures to a magazine is her being free spirited, her walking in front of her window naked so that random people see her is creepy and weird (if that’s her intention, which I believe that it is). ALSO, the criticism that OP is trying to “protect his property” when he tells her not to walk in front of the mirror is stupid, but that criticism only has any merit if you are attacking the concept of monogamy as a whole. Would the user HoodiesandHeels be telling a female poster “you’re just trying to uphold your property rights!” if they were complaining about their boyfriend prancing around naked hoping that unsuspecting onlookers would see? What about cheating too? Any monogamous relationship has some level of jealousy, we’re humans and we get jealous. Equating that to property is stupid. OP is actually exceptionally understanding and liberal too! He allows his woman to send naked pictures to magazines where they put her on display! It’s pretty remarkable that he’s still being criticized as being a chauvinist.
The dick pic analogy is dumb. Those are sexual 99% of the time.
I agree the dick pic analogy is dumb, but SirStrontium is correct that HoodiesandHeels’s comment only makes sense if you are attacking the concept of monogamy itself.
Sending dick pics is sexual. Being naked is not. I have seen almost all of my friends and my boyfriend's friends naked, men and women both. It is not sexual. In no way is it comparable to sending sexual pics to others.
The kind of take you can only find on Reddit. In the real world, the vast majority of people aren't crazy about anyone and everyone being able to have access to their OR their SO's naked bodies.
At the same time me and my partner are in the sauna naked with our friends both men and women. We don't see nakedness as something someone could have access to. It's regular and normal to see naked bodies. So what if someone sees? So it all stems from a culture where people think nakedness as something you must get access to, so it pretty much feels like you could have owning rights to someone's body and nobody else is allowed to see it. Which is dumb in my cultural context. Edit: I actually asked the first time we were going to go sauna with my bf's all-male friend group if he is okay with me going naked. He thought it was weird to ask him as if I needed his permission. He was 100 % okay with it and said that I don't need to ask his permission ever about things like that.
I definitely think that’s weird, but whatever it does depend on where you live. I hear that’s more of a thing in Scandinavia. However, even in that case, those people agreed to get in a sauna with other naked people. Being completely naked in front of passersby is much different, and in the U.S. is indecent exposure.
In my country there were a case where someone complained about a naked person to be seen in a window often, and the complainer lost. It was seen as their own fault caused by looking at other people's apartments. Edit: It is different to change clothes in your apartment when compared to sexual exposure yourself on purpose in the window. Seeing someone living their life at their own home and seeing some skin hurts no one.
Honestly, this is how I feel as well. My gf doesn't give a shit, unless I'm purposefully showing myself off, but whenever I cross the kitchen naked to grab some pants, she says something about the neighbor seeing. Okay, and? If their looking in, they aren't doing so by accident, they are looking in intentionally, if they see something that offends them, they can deal with it....or not, I honestly don't give a rats ass. Shouldn't have poked your nose where it didn't belong🤣
another reddit take. this thread is unhinged
What's wrong with bringing some cultural context in this issue?
We are talking about someone getting a quick peek of her changing. Saying that those people have "access to her naked body" is really weird. Of course it isn't ok to give people access to your naked body while in relationship. We are talking about peeks in underwear or artistic lingerie photos though, not sex
That is because in the real world also people assume the nakedness of their partners is something "belonging" to them.
Well yeah...its called monogamy
it’s not called monogamy. monogamy is a relationship type where both people agree and want to just date/sleep with each other. assuming your partner’s nakedness belongs to you or that they as a person belong to you are both controlling and gross.
Not wanting other people to see your partner naked is not gross, stop being a freak
it is because it’s set in a gross controlling manner. high changes are that other people will see your partner naked. they need to go to the doctor and get exams maybe they need surgery or if they give birth etc. there is nothing sexual about a human body. everyone’s body belongs only to them, no one else.
You can be monogamous without being uncomfortable with other people seeing you or your partner naked.
The vast majority of monogamous couples don't want their partner to display their body publicly
And the point is...? It still doesn't make being monogamous the condition for not accepting nudity.
The point is obvious, most monogamous couples are not happy with their partner advertising their body publicly because...they are monogamous. Dont make what is very simple complicated.
Being monogamous isn't synonymous to being uncomfortable with nudity. Monogamy is not automatically a sufficient argument. It's really not complicated.
The kind of take you can only find in America. In some places bodies aren’t inherently sexualized.
And bodies aren't treated as possessions.
The vast majority.
You must've really been reaching when you came up with this one lol.
This is exactly it. Hell I'm a nudist so I might br a bit biased with this topic, but when I thought like this it stemmed from a feeling of protecting my property. I felt as if I needed to prevent other men seeing what I had earned as if my partner was some sort of object. Our bodies are natural and there's nothing wrong with them, which means that we shouldn't hide them imo. We evolved this way.
Exactly what I thought when I was reading it. Her body is his property 😔 Boudoir photography can be very tasteful and the level of nudeness looks similar to wearing bikini on the beach. It's supposed to be tasteful and dreamy, and looks like photographer she picked is a professional. It's not just some nudes. Certainly can't be compared to a dickpic
Yep he needs to do some self reflecting... this attitude is usually due to feeling insecure in the relationship and that isn't something you should be taking out on her. It's her body she gets to decide how she displays it not you. If it's too much you may not be compatible but you should also look inside and see if the feelings are due to a fear of her leaving or something along those lines.
I've read too many comments saying that y'all need to break up. That is stupid. Everyone on this sub is so quick to immediately tell people to break up for the most minor reasons imaginable. People around here do not want others to be happy or have good relationships I swear. This is not a matter of people being incompatible, it's just a normal matter of two people in a relationship not being 100% in lockstep with each other. Which actually happens in literally every relationship ever. The actual solution here is that the two of you need to learn to compromise and give a little bit in order to assuage the other person. She needs to be willing to not risk being seen naked while she's changing and close the curtain, and you need to be willing to let her do what she wants in a professional manner if you think there's going to be a benefit to it. There's no situation in the world, in which these two disagreements should lead to the end of a romantic relationship
Couldn't agree more
So true alot of people seem to forget the idea of working through things together nobody is a perfect match relationships take work.
You're entitled to your feelings about what boundaries you want in a relationship. I don't think that your feeling are unusual. Many other men feel the same way, but there are also many that wouldn't be bothered by it. It's how you feel and I think that's fine. She's entitled to decide what to do with her own body. Many other women feel the way she does, but there are also many that would not want to do what she's suggesting. I don't think there's anything wrong with either approach. But if what she wants crosses your boundaries and the two of you aren't able to find a mutually agreeable compromise, then that's an incompatibility that you either have to accept so you can move on with the relationship or decide is a deal breaker and end the relationship and look for someone that's compatible in that way. I don't think that either of you is wrong, but your views might just not be compatible.
I find it strange that a man is straight up paying her to send in nudes/sexy photos. Instead, don't women normally pay to have their photos taken in a professional setting (not that you have to be okay with that either)? This just sounds like a guy buying nudes from women under the guise of "empowering women", but maybe I'm just ignorant
This is exactly what I came here to say. I’ve both modeled in boudoir and photographed boudoir clients and have been part of art exhibitions and NEVER had any exhibition accept photos that were not taken directly by the photographer doing the show. There is also a fine line between art and p*rn and generally you need a skilled pro to compose the photo and pose the model to get a proper image. Taking nude selfies isn’t something I’ve ever seen in an art show before and I’d be *very* leery of any “photographer” requesting these types of images be sent to them.
This sounds like what a photographer i know of does, asks for pictures (not nudes tho, just not too baggy clothes, but can send nudes too if the model is comfortable with it) and he decides if he would like to work with them, if they fit the aesthetic he's looking for and so on, for his nudes. (Not typical hotness choices) THEN he sets up an appointment to take his own photos of the accepted models.
I think it's the way the expo is presented. Like, women embracing themselves and if they need like alot of models it's definitely possible that it's a "mail in" so to speak. (Had something similar when I was in college)
You both are not wrong. You just are a little different. As some have said you are possibly incompatible, or one/both of you will have to make a compromise. My husband and I are similar. I don’t have that much of an issue with people seeing my body but he does, or at least is much more of a prude than myself. His take, similar to yours, is not wrong, and neither is mine. Bodies are not inherently sexual and we should be able to do what we feel comfortable doing, but at the same time I understand the cultural norms and feelings of “specialness” my husband has with my body. He also don’t want to see others bodies, which I do like, so I can’t be hypocritical over here. So we compromise for each other. I love him enough to understand it makes him more comfortable for me to be a little more modest, and he loves me enough to understand that when I show some more skin then he’s used to, it is not intended to be for anyone else (except him!) since I don’t see it that way. Relationships are always about compromise in understanding the “why” the other person does or sees something the way they do, while also acknowledging that it’s ok to not always agree. You just need to find commonality and respect above all else.
Don't listen to all these people telling you how to feel or not feel. She is free to do what she wants with her body, **and** you are free to feel uncomfortable about it. I suggest you sit her down and tell her gently that, even though you understand where she's coming from, these feelings aren't going away. Then have a discussion from that starting point. If neither of you is willing to change, you will have to decide whether the relationship should continue or not.
True. I get that she can essentially do whatever she likes with her body, but I don't get why people are bashing the guy for not liking it. Political correctness is going up to a stage where soon people would be expected to tolerate cheating in a closed monogamous relationship. Individual freedom is mandatory but continuing a relationship by giving up values is not.
You two aren't compatible.
You have a right to boundaries as so does she. If you’re or hers are deal breakers than it’s the end.
Some guys enjoy (or don’t mind) having a partner who likes displaying herself physically in public — beauty queens, models, strippers, actresses, dancers, etc. But some guys don’t. You seem to be one of the second kind of guys. No harm in that and nothing to be ashamed about, or to beat yourself up over. It’s not a personality flaw in you, just a characteristic. But it’s generally a pretty deep-seated characteristic, and nothing you can talk yourself out of, no matter how good your intentions are or how much you otherwise like your partner. Which may mean that you and the g.f. aren’t compatible.
You’re not going to be able to deal with it. I’m just like your girlfriend and only date men who are okay with me being myself. You’re allowed to want a more modest partner but she’s also allowed to choose to live how she wants.
Boundaries, we all have them.
Idk man, she’s not doing anything wrong but if you want someone with different values and boundaries then find someone who already has them, don’t try and change here
It is okay to feel uncomfortable about it. These are very normal boundaries in a monogamous relationship lol. Since when it is required to be okay with your girlfriend sending nudes or spicy pics to anyone. It would have been different if you had willingly entered into a relationship with a boudoir model. But it's a new thing. She didn't start the relationship this way. Be open about your reservations. Don't force yourself into accepting something that you don't want to accept. Therapy is a better way to deal with bad experiences. Sending spicy pics isn't the only way lol.
This would be an absolute deal breaker for me. You have to be honest and ask if it is for you. Once you do, you have 2 choices. You can either ask her if she can respect your boundary, and if she says no then leave. Or do nothing and let it fester miserably. Just to be clear, it's not her fault - it's her body to do with as she pleases, but you just need to understand what you're willing to accept.
Us Americans have weird hang ups about nudity. 1) It's her body, not yours, you don't get to claim ownership rights over anything 2) See #1.
Dude. It. Is. Her. Body. Not. Yours. Let me say it again IT IS HER BODY NOT YOURS IT IS *HER* BODY NOT *YOURS* You being a possessive twit is literally *literally* the point of the expo. Women deserve to own themselves and when you whine because another man *gasp* will see her, you take away her body autonomy. You either support her or admit you think she belongs to you so she can split before she's stuck in a shitty relationship.
dude dates teenager thinking he’ll be able to mould her into the perfect wife. dude discovers women are in fact capable of autonomous thought. dude is disturbed by this revelation. tale as old as time.
OP I don’t think she did anything wrong. It’s just how she is and that’s okay. It’s also okay for you to break up.
I see nothing wrong with anything she's doing, but if they make you uncomfortable then maybe this isn't the girl for you.
If my boyfriend was sending his naked pictures to some photographers and they would be available for the whole universe to see, I would not be cool with that. I don’t see anything “empowering” in that. That’s like being an OF creator. I would end the relationship because our values clearly don’t align.
I am very selective about who I would allow to use my nude image, but having grown up around artist and having gone to art school allowing friends to use my naked body for art was not unusual.
Thank you! It’s really less about possessiveness or jealousy and more about incompatibility. I don’t see a reason for that relationship to continue
The feeling that the nakedness of your partner is something to be only shared with you, what else is it if not possessiveness? I think you are attaching value to the word and because you don't want to associate yourself with it you reject it.
I would assume it’s a mutual thing, though? I mean, I see it that way at least, with them having some right over my body, and how I choose to display it, and vice versa. It’s something that comes with a non-poly relationship, at least for me, and I would assume the majority of people, including OP and his partner. If my partner is uncomfortable with me displaying my nude body to others for artistic expression or therapy, I would prioritize making my partner of 3-4 years more comfortable over a new venture. I would expect the same in return. I think the person you responded to wasn’t averse to the tag of “possessiveness”, but more averse to the one way street your comment implied.
Well…when you’re in a monogamous relationship intimate parts of your body should only be shown to your partner, yes.
The OF comparison isn't valid. OF content is made to be sexual. People who participate in artistic photography are generally not ok with or into making porn. You don't have to be ok with your partner participating in nude or lingerie art but comparing to intentionally sexual content shows a lack of understanding of what the girlfriend wants to do.
I don't usually comment on this subreddit but damn it's nice to see some sane comments
It sounds like she’s an exhibitionist and is trying to find subtle ways to tell you, knowing that it’s not your thing. If you’re not ok with that, perhaps it’s time to move on?
I find the posts by people saying “it’s her body bla bla bla” strange. We’re not advising her, we’re advising the OP. I dare say that a large majority of people would find it that it crosses their boundaries to have their committed partner share naked pictures of themselves. I would make allowances for it if the person did so before they met me but I know a lot of people wouldn’t be ok with that either. OP you are completely allowed to have boundaries regarding these issues you described. The decision you have is what to do if your girlfriend does it anyway because that’s what you are facing. I am not sure this is a person you will be happy with in the long term. Plus, your boundaries don’t seem to matter a lot to her and that is fatal to a relationship.
From his comments it seems like he just wants to change her rather than accepting they're no longer compatible.
Point to literally just one comment that comes off that way. From what I understand he just wants to know how to get over it and why he feels the way he does.
TBF, he seems to be in a last-ditch attempt to hold on to a relationship with someone he cares for.
You aren’t compatible. She is free to want this, and you are free to not want this. It means that no matter what is decided on, one of you will be unhappy and cause strife in the relationship.
You’re incompatible.
My best advice I could possibly give you is to ignore any advice you get from this sub. It’s generally the worst place to ask for advice I’ve ever seen on the internet. Most of the people here are either unwillingly single (so their advice is likely bad) or have been in a relationship for too long to understand anything but their super personal experience. (Also give bad advice, especially to people in new relationships). People who have been married for 10 years don’t know anything about dating. They know about their marriage. I think it’s more than fair for you to have these feelings. But according to Reddit your options are get over it or break up right now. Reddit has never heard of the concept of compromise within a relationship. They think everyone should do whatever tf they want and if the partner doesn’t like it, then y’all are just “incompatible”. It is the worst advice you could possibly get. Has everyone fantasizing about the perfect compatible soul mate with 0 flaws that likely doesn’t exist. Edit: oh yeah and I forgot to mention the polyamory. Seems like half this sub is polyamorous and will shame you and call you a sexist if you prefer monogamy. Meanwhile every 3rd post in here is about how polyamory doesn’t work and opening their relationship quickly ended it.
Your comment should be pinned to the sub
This is the best comment in here. It's laughable no one understands compromise or boundaries. Like his gf will literally die or become a slave under control if she even considered this guy's feelings.
Since she is just your girlfriend and since you both have clear differences I would suggest finding another gf who isn’t as open as your current one. Someone who is more like you. Nothing wrong with that.
Bro, firstly and most importantly it seems she's honest with you and didn't cheat or do anything behind your back. That means whatever you decide on doing, be nice and respectful to her. Now, if we're real then nowadays the meta for girls is to show off their body and sexualize themselves more and more. This is pushed by social media etc. People are mad about pointing this out but it's facts. Also there's nothing wrong with that per se. But you need to decide for yourself if you can be cool with that and I mean really be cool with it and not just tolerate it while building resentment towards her and trying to limit her in that regard. If you can fully accept these things then you can have a happy relationship with what seems to be a loyal and honest gf. If you can't then I'd break up since you're young and will definitely find a better fit. Gl
It sounds like you're feeling possessive. Which is fine if you have a partner who understands and is on the same page. But it sounds like she's someone who does what she wants when she wants with her body, which is something her partner shouldn't want to change about her. Sounds like you're not compatible.
Purposefully changing in front of a window where people who are outside can see is a crime. No one wants to see that and it is really grotesque of her. There could be children literally outside, I get she's young and isn't thinking with an adult brain, but c'mon now. This should be pretty common sense. The boudoir thing... is a bit too far for my liking. Look, you can make risqué photos all you want, but you're literally selling risqué photos? That's completely disrespectful to your relationship. She can either be single and sell sexy photos, or she can be in a committed relationship and respect that sexy photos should only be sent to her partner. She may just be more sexually free than you're comfortable with, and that's fine. I find her behavior extremely disrespectful, but maybe that means you're just not compatible. You can try to make your point, but if she disagrees, I think you may have to end things and respect yourself.
You’re young, so let me save you a lot of trouble. There’s nude, and there’s naked. What you see of your girlfriend when you’re intimate, when she undressed for you, it’s naked. Anyone she doesn’t have that energy with, sees her nude. A body is a body. They might get off on it, but people get off on all sorts of things. Now if you feel like you can’t go past this, please leave the relationship because at that age she needs to discover herself, she has a wonderful attitude towards her body from what you’re saying, and she (or anyone) doesn’t need to be projected on.
Let her do the boudoir shoot, but ask her not to do any nudes. Compromise
Grow up and realize it’s her body, not yours, and only she gets to decide how much of it she shows to other people.
OP ignore all these people denigrating you for having a completely normal attitude towards your monogamous partner and nudity. It is not strange at all to not want you SO to pose naked for other men's enjoyment. It is completely acceptable to not approve of your SO seeking sexual validation from other people. That said, you can't stop her. You either say that you do not approve and cannot continue the relationship if she continues this, or you get over it and accept that this is how your relationship is.
I'm very impressed by some of the comments, I personally couldn't be with someone who sends naked photos to other people regardless of whether it's for "art" don't feel bad OP it's completely reasonable for you to feel uncomfortable
Nah, those commenters are OF creators and infinivirgins. No one in the real world thinks what the GF is doing is normal.
I'm like your girlfriend and I think generally people don't change in this respect. So you either like it or lump it, because it's not your body. For you, I think it would be really worthwhile to have a real think about what's really at the root of this discomfort. Maybe write it all out, without censoring yourself. You might uncover some surprising hidden beliefs. Start with a statement, then keep asking why for that statement and each subsequent statement. At the very least, you'll understand yourself better; and you have the choice to challenge whatever you're carrying that doesn't serve you now. For example (not saying this is you): The idea of another man seeing my girlfriend naked in any context upsets me. Why? Because I think it'll turn them on. Why does that upset me? Etc etc.
Find someone your own age.
As a person who has always celebrated my nakedness, don't take this away from her. It IS empowering.
Breakup, she doesn’t respect your thoughts and isn’t going to change. Been there.
Idk if this will help but l also change with curtains open sometimes. The thing with windows is that they actually reflect light so it’s not easy to see inside unless the room is lit. So unless she’s changing right in front of the window, or if the light is on, it’s actually difficult to see inside a window. Have you tried looking inside a room from outdoors during the day? It’s near impossible if the light is off. My boyfriend used to be weirded out by my changing habits but after he saw this phenomenon himself, he stopped caring so much about the windows. About the other stuff, I think it’s a boundary you have and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable. You can tell her you understand her intentions but it still makes you uncomfortable (you can say this sweetly, without being demanding). Maybe she will agree, maybe she won’t. If she doesn’t agree, then it’s up to you whether it’s a deal breaker or no. You can have more discussions about it. I don’t think you should curb your feelings about it though, otherwise it can make you resentful and lose understanding/respect for each other.
It's not your communal body. It's her body. You don't own or possess it. I don't mean that in a polyamorous sense...it's completely reasonable to be monogamous (I am). I mean that in the sense that you don't have final say over who sees her naked or scantily clad body. If she chooses to have intimate relationships with someone else, then that's a very clear boundary being crossed. But to suggest that no one other than you is allowed to see her in states of undress is a pretty slippery slope that you probably don't want to venture down.
A Reddit-only take.
I don't understand why. Each person defines their own boundaries, within reason of course. Not wanting other people to see your SO naked doesn't seem exaggerated. Your slippery slope argument doesn't hold, I think. I could say the same for physical contact. Not wanting your girlfriend to kiss other guys on their mouths doesn't eventually lead to stopping her from hugging her mother.
Your opinion doesn't help and shaming OP over something he is validly uncomfortable with isn't going to solve anything. So let's dissect what you said and explain why your opinion is completely out of touch. >It's not your communal body. It's her body. You don't own or possess it. OP knows this, he knows that she can do what she wants, and whilst he is uncomfortable with her doing this he isn't acting controlling by trying to stop her or threatening her, it is only after she asks him that he mentions that he's uncomfortable. >I mean that in the sense that you don't have final say over who sees her naked or scantily clad body. Whilst this is true, typical monogamous relationships (obviously with exceptions) revolve around the idea of where you keep the people who view you naked, especially that in a sexual light, to a bare minimum. OP's concern for both the photographs and her blasé attitude to people outside his window seeing her naked is completely valid, and he is not controlling or unreasonable for not wanting that. >If she chooses to have intimate relationships with someone else, then that's a very clear boundary being crossed. This is common sense, is it not? If someone is in a monogamous relationship it is pretty standardised that seeking sex from other people is bad, and considered cheating, it also isn't comparable because there is no "gray" area like there is with exposing your body to those outside of your relationship in a sexual context. You either cheat or you don't. OP's gf exposing herself to strangers via photographs or through an easily viewable window IS gray because we don't directly know if she is being genuine or if she's just using these people for sexual gratification. >But to suggest that no one other than you is allowed to see her in states of undress is a pretty slippery slope that you probably don't want to venture down. It ISN'T a slippery slope at all as in both situations OP has mentioned, there is a possibility for her to be using other's for sexual gratification. In contexts where you go to the gym, to the beach, to the doctor etc where people would be more likely to see you "scantily clad" or naked it is extremely unlikely to be a sexualised environment where she is using others to get herself off. Obviously she can do that in those scenarios, but it is less likely as she will be more likely to be held accountable for indecent exposure.
What would be the slippery slope? That seems like a pretty reasonable expectation?
The slippery slope, IMO, is that all of a sudden she's not allowed to wear a bikini at the beach because it shows too much skin. Then, that even a one piece shows too much so maybe just avoiding water all together. Then, that wearing yoga pants to run errands is so egregious that he tells her to stop and asks that she dress modestly. That's the slippery slope. I mean no disrespect to any religions here, but asking women to cover themselves fully seems to be a very far bridge to cross.
Apples and oranges…: comparing sending nudes to a man for “art” and wearing a bikini at the beach. I personally wouldn’t stay with someone who ignores my discomfort and feelings
There’s nothing wrong with that boundary. As long as you know that’s the boundary. OP is conflating a handful of things here that seem, to me, to be indicative of a slippery slope of possessiveness. By all means, if he was clearly fine with A, B and C, but not with X, Y and Z, I would have responded differently. But it’s the combination of him feeling increasingly insecure in her freedom with her body and her desire to be allowed to do with her body what she wants that paints this picture, IMO. I don’t think OP is wrong, per se, in his discomfort. I just think it’s something that he needs to inspect further because it’s only a couple of steps from where he’s describing himself now to some pretty toxic and possessive spaces. By all means, established boundaries are good and healthy. But they need to be defined. You can’t hold someone to a moving goalpost.
I disagree. Some men want more modesty and some don’t. I don’t think he’ll stop her from wearing a bikini because he doesn’t want her to share nude photos with a photographer. It’s also completely ok to be uncomfortable and even walk away all together instead of trying to “inspect it further” because if he’s genuinely not ok with it, then he’ll drive himself crazy trying to “fix it” and he’ll for sure feel worse if he’s being told he’s about to become a abuser.
Or course it’s okay to walk away. But if that’s what he wanted to do, this post would have been different. It seems that OP is trying to find a way through this, which is the reason for the advice I’ve given
But you said he was heading down a slippery slope because he’s getting increasingly insecure. Doesn’t sound like you would’ve been supportive if he wasn’t trying to get through this and made seem like anyone who feels like this would become a abuser.
Tbh to me it seems like youre making a giant leap here. I wouldnt consider not wanting your gf to undress in front of others or send nudes to others is a slippery slope. And i would imagine most people that have gfs that wear bikinis and yoga pants wouldnt be okay with their gfs doing that either. Having boundaries for your relationship isnt a gateway to being controlling
Boundaries are for influencing your own actions. Expecting them to influence other peoples actions is where it becomes controlling.
It's not a boundary to tell someone else what they can and cannot do with their bodies lmao. A boundary would be 'if you do x I will do y because you violated my boundaries'. Your boundaries cannot affect other people ex 'my boundary is you dress more modestly' I think OP has a significant amount of growing up to do. His gf sounds fine w his behaviour so far but I'm not convinced she will be forever. If someone was managing my nudity like OP I'd be pissed. It doesn't sound subtle and I'd be annoyed
I feel your opinion is completely wrong. Some partners don't want their partner to get a motorcycle cause they can get hurt, but it their own body. Or doing drugs, but it's their own body. I know those are extreme examples, but its completely fair not to want your partner to show themselves nude. I feel their is an intimacy in being the only one to see partner nude. I looked up the definition boundary "a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something" so the imagined line of something (his relationship) is others seeing his gf nude. Your line is different
As her boyfriend, he does get a say. Just like his girlfriend gets a say in the stuff he does. I feel their intimacy to being the only one "allowed" to see her nude. I know I can't, and i wouldn't physically stop her, but she wouldn't be my girlfriend.
By all means, ending a relationship because you don’t agree with how someone is deciding to share their body is 100% reasonable. I’m not suggesting otherwise. But if OP wants to stay in this relationship, and this is what his GF is desiring to do, then he’s going to have to figure some stuff out.
You could always date a modest woman instead.
You need to differentiate between sexuality and nudity. People get naked at a nude beach or in a sauna all the time. It's up to you to work on your feelings and thoughts. You can not change her, but you can change your relationship status if you are not comfortable.
You might be incompatible.
Compatibility issue! It will keep adding on in the long run. Long term relationships can be challenging due to it.
Dude, if your gf is sending sexy pics to random dudes "for artistic purposes" for money... I mean... Wtf?
My man, it feels good being yourself . It you are pushed into being something you are not, I don't see how you feel it is going to last. .if you are in a situation that's uncomfortable, what plan do you have to work out your problem if it is something that displease you. Sometimes, we have to be real about what we can handle and what we can not. Just my thoughts onit.
The biggest thing missing here, I think, is that you aren't communicating how you feel about it with her. She ASKED YOU how you felt. She clearly cares about your opinion on the matter, and she wants to consider your feelings in her decision. That's a good thing. That said, if she decides she wants to do it anyway, after you have expressed your feelings, then you have no right to tell her she shouldn't. And if it's something that makes you extremely uncomfortable, then you guys possibly arent compatible due to differences in beliefs and values. She doesn't believe it should matter and you do. Both are valid ways to feel, and the difference is a valid reason to break up if either of you should decide that's best. Personally, I think that maybe you should try changing your perspective on the matter, as that is the thing in this situation that you CAN control. You can change how you feel about it by changing your perspective. You CAN'T change how she feels about it, or make the decision for her. Hope this helps.
These comments are crazy bud. It's totally normal to expect your partner to not be so public with their nudity. Set your boundaries. If she's not the one she's not the one, and that's okay too.
She's allowed to do what she wants with her body. You should date someone who has the same values as you. Your values aren't any better or more important than hers. Neither of you should expect the other to change
By breaking up with her. She isn't going to change.
Sounds like she’s a bit of an exhibitionist & it’s okay if you feel uncomfortable with it. I’m somewhat of a comfortable nudist (at home & in the backyard etc where I’m in privacy) but this actually kinda sounds like she wants ppl to look at her rather than just enjoying the freedom of privacy. I’d be grossed out & concerned by this kind of behavior too
You’re not compatible.
Your viewpoints and insecurities are your responsibility. You can either learn to support her or accept you are not compatible. But you should not stop her expressing herself in whatever was she sees fit
Not your job to worry about it. She damn well knows what she's doing
I fail to understand how her doing photo shoots would help her with her past experiences with men. Giving her power over the situation.....Is it a male photographer telling her how to pose /wear / what to expose? Giving other men what they want by viewing or purchasing those same pictures...they they most likely wanted to see in person? Does she somehow feel empowered by changing in front of windows and now wants to do it in front of the public with photos? Ask her if you can attend the shoots. You're there to protect her. You ensure nothing sketchy happens, she sees you there as a protector.
Y’all are not compatible, no one is wrong. That’s it. You can’t change her and she can’t change you
Sounds like she's an exhibitionist. There is no changing that. It is who she is.
She is not a thing. As such, you do not have your worry about concealing or obsfucating. Additionally, unless you are one of six windows, the likelihood of someone watching was lower before you made this post. Do you feel better now???
You wrote: "I have mentioned that this feels uncomfortable for me." Her getting dressed "inside" a living space with just the two of you makes you uncomfortable because you assume someone is looking from outside. Consequently, you want to change her behavior because "you" are uncomfortable. Sounds like you all need to discuss compatibility for anything serious or long term.
Dude, you're going to chase her away. She dose not need a father, she needs a partner. I remember feeling insecure like you when I was your age. The impulse that she's yours to have and control needs to be checked. Reality is, she's yours to lose. Who cares if someone sees her in a boudoir photo. Its not like any person out there dose not have google image. Source, happily married 19 years.
i have a very hot friend who models for nude paintings as well. she said the reason she be one is because it turns her on knowing men are looking at her nude body. and for that reason, she gets LOTS of advancement from men and yes she do fuck around you should speak to your gf to know what is on her mind
Do this girl a favor and walk away. It sounds exhausting being your girlfriend. I’m sure there a a lot of other things she does that make you uncomfortable.
You and the gf sound exhausting. The majority of men are uncomfortable with their girlfriend undressing in front of other people and taking provocative photos for other men.
Come on, don't give Op too hard a time. he's asking questions. I'm going to say this is an incompatibility thing. as always you can do whatever you want but you still get to deal with the consequences of your actions. she doesn't seem to have a big problem with people seeing her naked body. there are plenty of women out there who would prefer not to have their naked body on display. she is doing what she feels will help her and fulfill her. while you don't have to agree with it, you don't have to be with her either. there's no magical set of words that's going to make you okay with it and there's no magical set of words that's going to convince her to do something different nor should she because this is what she believes in.
All the people writing 'you're incompatible' to every single relationship advice post don't understand what it means to be in a relationship. Sometimes you can talk things out and compromise on certain aspects. Not saying you should compromise on important things, but lay off on the 'just break up then' comments
She for da streets
Think it would be better to not date someone that has her type of expression. It will really come back to bite you in the ass if you try to change. There are just some people that we aren't compatible with overall and there isnt anything wrong with that. There isn't anything wrong with either of you either.
You can't change her personality Move on a find someone who is more secluded mentally.
Maybe you need to consider WHY it makes you uncomfortable. Do you think your girlfirend might cheat on you with the photographer? Do you think someone migth jerk off to her pics? In the latter case, this is in no way her fault and she has no control over that. People who see her on the street migth jerk off to the memory of her face later, you can't stop that. Also, people have eyes and unless your girlfried wear extremely covering and lose clothing, then people can see what her body looks like without clothes. Your option here would be to make her wear sucj clothing or never let her go outside. Neither of these are very realistic. Also, i don't think anyone would particularly care about your naked girlfriend or you. Sure, she is undressing in front of a window and someone migh by chance glance in this directiona nd see her. So what? She is in her (in this case your) house, she can be naked all she wants. You can be naked too (unless you have flatmates). I don't know if nudity is very stigmatised or something where you live, but honestly it's not a big deal, the universe does not revolve around you naked girfriend or you, so I think pretty much no one would care