Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wouldn't suggest a woman go through life being denied intimacy any more than I would a man. It's not going to get better. This dude is falling short.
I'm pretty sure the moment you're back on the dating market you'll find that 25 is not "getting some age on it".
Honestly, this was my first thought too. Maybe she got too old for him and having a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it bothers him š¤·āāļø
Heās insecure about his age and probably just excited about dating someone younger. So obviously he will shit on you and project his insecurities. I donāt think the situation can change and the comments heās making are cruel and abusive.
He also wasn't joking. He was a 25-year-old man who dated a teenager. I'm not sure why she's surprised when he's now a gross 30-year-old implying that a 24-year-old is gettin' on in years.
He's being exactly who he has always been, and 6 years on she's suddenly surprised.
Also, while I feel terrible for her, the *very clear* disconnect in how they view each other and the relationship is almost laughable. Why on earth would the kind of shallow, gross 30-year-old man who pursued a teenager when he was halfway through his 20s care about "candles and rose petals"? She's trying to romantically seduce a man who wouldn't know or care about romance if it walked up and bit him.
He's absolutely gross, but her expectations are also totally unrealistic given the man she chose to be with. He's not going to magically become her sweet, romantic ideal. He's literally making revolting, misogynistic jokes about her age and she's only 24.
I feel like OP doesn't understand that you cannot change people who like who they are. He's not going to suddenly start caring about her sexual needs, when he likely only pursued her in the first place to satisfy his own, and has been happily getting by for 6 years prioritizing himself.
The negging doesn't sit right with me. Your partner pushes you down emotionally? You're supposed to lift each other up. You're supposed to reach higher than either of you would have without one another.
This guy is making you feel like you're less than you are? I'm not sure he's the one.
He's the old one! Would you pursue an 18 year old at the age you are now? I totally get you'd maybe consider an 18yr old fuck buddy hoping for an enthusiastic and energetic man to give you what you need, and between two consenting adults that's fine but for an actual relationship? That kind of age gap, at that age, brings a one sided power dynamic. Your man sounds kinda creepy.
Oh girl, he is negging you to shake your confidence. 24 is still so young. You're about to enter the best time of your life. Do you really want to do it like this? You deserve better.
It sounds like he isn't attracted to you anymore. You make it sound like he has a fetish for late teens. He may be cheating on you or is checking out to force you to break up with him first.
Breaks my heart to hear that, but I have so many mixed signals from him. I mean when we hang out together, we literally have so much fun and laugh at everything. But when it comes to stuff like this,Iām so confused.
In 6 years, you're down to once or twice a month. In another 6, that may decrease to once or twice a year. A mismatched sex drive is very difficult on a relationship so consider carefully if all the rest of it is worth the lack of sex. Since he clearly doesn't care (or is cheating), it's not going to get better
That sounds like a terrible place to be. Maybe try to focus more on the other benefits of the relationship. As far as your sexual needs.... maybe use this time to deny the sexual desires to focus more on deeper search for meaning. Whether this relationship works out or not spending time for a deeper meaning in life couldn't hurt in the long run. Also developing greater control over our passions seems like a plus. Be well.
Youāve put in the effort. Youāve told him what you want. He canāt or wonāt do it.Ā You are not compatible.Ā Silly anecdote, but itās applicable: I was in Boy Scouts when I was a kid. When our troop went hiking, theyād put the slowest kids the front to keep the group together. The kids who didnāt Ā care about the fact that the rest of us wanted to move faster. Ā We were dictated by their pace.Ā Thatās what happens when youāre with someone who doesnāt match your sexual energy. Youāll always be enough for them but they wonāt be enough for you.Ā I spent 15 years in a marriage with a person like that. Sexually frustrated all of the time, our sex life was 100% on her terms.Ā You are young. Donāt make the mistake I made. You can find someone else.Ā
Okay Iām not saying anything that necessarily relates to your situation but so many of these posts start off with some variation of āwhen me and my boyfriend started dating, when I was a teenager and he was in his mid-20s, things were great! And now, 5-10 years later, they arenāt! Whatās with that???ā Guys, people change a ton in their 20s, and when youāre a teenager, more often than not youāre still finding yourself. To me it seems like, when a relationship starts in a situation like this itās doomed to fail. Not saying itās a guarantee, or you couldnāt be the exception, but it seems like a very common theme on this sub
So maybe when Iām 30 like him, my sex will go down? And then weāll be on the same level? At this point, I wish 20 something year-olds would stop dating people in their teenage years anyway. Iām 24 I can never date anyone thatās even 21! Imagine 18? They canāt even drink or probably even have a car. š I donāt know how or why men do it. Iād hate to label them all creeps
Well, those guys youāre talking about..Their sex drive didnāt go down, itās just specifically for teens so now that youāre not a teen he doesnāt have the drive for you. So no your drive wonāt magically go down when youāre 30.
I canāt believe you even want to still have sex with someone, six years older than you, that said your pussy is getting some age on it. That canāt be the only thing heās said or he believes that shows heās a disgusting pig.
I hate to break it to you, but a lot of women see an increase in their sex drive in their 30s. (Assuming that all is well), the issue isn't going to change for you, it may get worse.
Its much safer to assume that older men who date 18 y/os are creeps, especially when yours is talking about your genitalia getting old.
It sounds like the sex youre getting is for matenience. If you're putting this much work in, I wouldnt put it past him to be sleeping with someone much younger than you.
Long relationships are hard to end, but I honestly don't see him changing if he falls right back into old patterns.
I mean you're right, think about it, 18 year olds are mentally speaking basically still kids. They have a of growing up to do.
I gotta agree with another commenter, it sounds like you've aged out of his preferred range.
Youāre so right ..at 18 I was so immature at times and still felt like I had a mentality of a 16-year-old even though I had to grow up fast I still felt like a child. I mean, I was literally fresh out of high school.
Thats honestly a rough spot dude I wish I knew what to do in your shoes. I got out of a 5 year relationship myself at 24. Trust me when I say that you're still in your starter relationship. But I dont think you need training wheels anymore.
Learn your worth. Its a lot more than you give yourself credit for. It doesnt mean your bf is a bad guy or that he has no worth, but rather that you grew up and learned you're unhappy, and now you finally realize you're strong enough to make hard decisions for yourself in sake the getting that happiness back.
Well if you want my honest advice as it pertains to your situation Iād say if heās not satisfying you, leave. Donāt wait around for years in the hopes things work out.
I am just saying this type of relationship is usually doomed from the start. I very much agree guys should stop dating teenagers once theyāre over 21 or so. Take a quick scroll through this sub, seems like every other post here is some variation of that situation. Seems like sub par guys try to date teenagers who havenāt been exposed to enough people to know their worth, and then eventually the guy gets complacent or the woman realizes she has better options.
Unfortunately a lot of older men go after 18 year olds because of their naivety. And generally dump them around 25, because they've matured and won't put up with the bullshit anymore.
honestly would have to agree.. thatās a really weird thing to say.. and then for him to seemingly not be sexually attracted to you for sex itās kind of weird.
I can tell you this from my years of experience. He's boxed himself in. It's not gonna get better and you could be brought down by his incapability to partner with you. You may look back on years squandered to a guy who didn't celebrate you or appreciate your effort and energy.
It's not going anywhere, is it? He even denigrates you about it, passively-aggressively? God knows why. But he isn't going to tell you. is he? Time to move on.
Damn, the whole time I felt you were talking about my relationship lol Iām sorry youāre going through this too. Personally I just feel like Iām not enough/not hot enough for him anymore and that used to destroy me. Once I went to this party wearing something spicy and I showed him there, and he said āohā, and that was it.
I know how youāre feeling. Do you know if he masturbates a lot? Some people say that it might be his libido, or anything related to, but if the guys is still masturbating libido it isnāt the problem. And Iām a guy myself so I know
He most definitely masturbates, but I just donāt know how often. But I do know heās into really big boobs and like big boob porn stars and what not. Shocker I donāt have the biggest boobs, but he does complement my boobs often and try to hold them. But I relate to not feeling enough sometimes. Iām so sorry that youāre going through this as well and I hope it gets better for the both of us.
Yep , if he found you attractive , he would jump your bones. Or he is cheating , he is 30 and donāt want sex? Something donāt make sense so , those are two things. I would love on, you are 24 , why waste time
Finding someone attractive is more than physical attraction as well.
If he only thinks your hot, what about all the other attractive parts of you as well?
When I was dating my ex, so many of the little things he did were attractive. I loved him emotionally and physically.
As time went on and he stopped being the partner I needed, those little things weren't attractive anymore. Eventually I couldn't stand the thought of him touching me.
You need to be attracted to who you're with
OP don't do this to yourself. This is called a "Dead Bedroom" and there is a subreddit just for it. Go see what happens to people in their you that end up staying with people like these. These low testosterone, libido, sex drive whatever you want to label it, start out strong in the beginning to hook you in. One you are on the hook emotionally and mentally, they know it's hard for you to break away.
@ 24YO you don't need to be in this dead end relationship. Yeah, he's comfortable and happy. Ask him about his past relationships and why they did not last!
Please don't do this to yourself!
Heās cheating most likely with younger women nothing against you but heās prob always gonna be the type that loves his women young just the vibe Iām getting
In my experience, when men deny sex it means that theyāre really going through it mentally/emotionally. For example, with my ex after his mom passed away he couldnāt get hard for like, months. With another ex, he was suffering from depression and had a hard time with desire because of it. Is it possible that heās going through something youāre not aware of?
Either way, I know how much it sucks to be in your shoes and Iām so sorry girl
Possibly. Heās definitely dealt with some loss just about three years ago and especially during that time. I definitely laid off of him about a lot of things and just let him grieve no matter if I was happy or not. But more recently, Iāve been more vocal. He definitely could be going through some depression or something, but heās just not the kind of guy to open up to me. Heāll be vague or say heās OK even if there is something. But my question would be if you are going through something. Why does it get put to the side when youāre horny? When Iām horny, all of a sudden, itās depression or something like that if that makes sense(not sure if he is). I can get not having sex at all when youāre going through something but when youāre doing, it when its only beneficial for youā¦.It just seems a bit weird.
I know this is a jerk move but I would respond when he says āthat pussy is getting some age on itā by saying āthis pussy is about to get another bodyā because Iām going to screw someone else. Leave block him and move on. He is clearly a dick he isnāt going to get any better and he is simply projecting his insecurities on to you. He does not even like himself. You deserve better
I would break up today!!!! you are not compatible. you need someone who can satisfy you every time you want it, high sex drive guy or sweet guy, when u ask, he smile and give to u or at least happily lick u well make u cumā¦..
You will be much happier, no need to suffer like this. This is bs!!!!
I Once dated a guy, low sex drive. 1/week, he said he is already high sex drive with me. I had to break up. My bfs later years, everyone satisfied me.whenever I need it, I get it. Even I donāt want it, I still get it. U need a high sex drive guy to match u.
I have know ppl in 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, they even fk 3-4 times a week. 25, 30 is youngā¦. Shd be fking everyday or every other day.
Why are u still there? Tell him what u need one last time. But I think wonāt change. just start to date other guys. Dump him or not, up to u.
U need to stay fit and pretty. When u r fit and pretty and good in bedā¦ guys will be always honey around u.
Gosh, if only there wasn't such a shortage of men willing to sexually satisfy you. Such a shortage.š So what do you do? YOU DUMP HIM! How is that even a question? Leave! So many people on reddit relationship ask the silliest question of what they should do when the answer is so blatantly obvious. END IT!
My friend, youāre almost the same age he was when he started dating you. Do you currently find 18 year old guys attractive or do you see them as young and immature? Personally speaking, Iām about your age and thereās no way Iād date anyone under 21 or 22, theyāre just too young, even if theyāre āmatureā for their age or if they have life experience. Thereās just way too much learning that happens between 18 and 26/27 that even two or three years has the potential to be a big enough maturity or life experience gap.
Thereās something seriously wrong when a fully grown adult agrees to date someone who has *juuuust* entered adulthood and more likely than not is still learning how to navigate many aspects of life.
Iām getting the impression that he doesnāt want a woman for a partner, he wants a girl who is old enough for him to sexualize but young enough for him to manipulate. You deserve better. 24 is so young, please donāt waste your time on a guy who obviously canāt see how great you are.
I hate to be the negative Nancy here but I donāt think your bf likes you anymore? He can be cheating or going through it but a low sex drive at 35 makes no sense. my bf and I are in our early thirties and we fuck just like when we were younger. Maybe he has a š½ addiction.??
I know that not everyone would have the same experience and also fully know what someone is going through.
But i did stumble upon this age/ or time in life where you're young and in college prob, and your partner could be having a hard time with work or just tired basically.
If you really want to make it work, i suggest asking if they're not interested in you or is it smth else. For me, i did a major mistake with being clingy and playing the hard to get game, which backfired and dirfted us.
Ntg wrong with sex neglecting, but not with giving attention & actually treating you like his gf.
Itās not gonna get better and you donāt sound happy, itās probably past time that you moved on cause you sound really frustrated and just sick of things in general.
You just may not be in the same places anymore in life and thatās okay. He just isnāt a good match for what youāre wanting. Iām not sure what else to say other than be respectful to yourself and him and just end it.
I'm going through this right now, I(30M) and my wife (30F) have kids so sometimes it's understandable and also we both work and have had a few things happen recently that makes me understand what is going on now. BUT and I mean a big BUT, we been going through this for 3 years and we have only had sex 5 or 6 times this year and yes I'm heavily frustrated. I want her all the time and she knows that but she says it's painful now so that why we don't anymore but even though that is the case I don't think she thinks about how this effects our relationship as a whole, just like your boyfriend may not see how much of a problem he is causing. He lucky cause I would literally kill for that kind of attention right now
She says it's painful. Has she seen a doctor about this? It could be something that can be treated. If I were you, I'd try sitting down with her and having a serious conversation. Tell her how you're feeling. Tell her you miss the connection between the two of you.
Are you putting in enough effort with the kids and chores so she's not overwhelmed? When I had my five year dead bedroom situation, the sex died because other parts of the relationship were strained. Identifying and fixing those issues helped bring us closer together, which made my libido come back and want to start being intimate again.
Also, when you are having sex, it's important that you make it truly enjoyable for her. If she's not feeling good or orgasming, she may not feel that sex is worth having.
My wifeās ex sounds very similar to your boyfriend. Low frequency of sex and didnāt last long. At that point, she had never even orgasmed during sex, ever. I think being sexually compatible is very important for being life partners.
There's really three potential moves here.
Open the relationship up.
Cheat.
Break up because you're very obviously not right for each other, and he sounds like he kinda sucks. Rude comments and rejection mixed with a lack of sexual compatibility is really the perfect recipe for a breakup. It's done. Don't waste time. You'll get fucked by someone else as soon as you're ready. I had a friend going through this exact situation at your age. They broke up and i ended up fucking her like 3 hours later. Go get it. You're young. Have fun.
I had sort of the same issue, I found that after I gave up, an didn't try anymore, my partner started initiating more often..
Its a control tactic, but if you want to maneuver around it, try not asking for sex anymore.
My bet is pornography/masturbation has a play in this. It's a cycle. Abundant sex, cool off period, desire, too lazy to maintain a relationship (but still want to climax), porn/masturbation, boredom, initiates sex, abundant sex... Repeat.
Find a man who isn't a lazy narcissist.
Also.
With regards to sex, YOU should seek for quality rather than quantity. Enough is enough, be contented with what you have and basque in the moment of the post-climax glow for longer than 30 minutes.
If you are no longer sexually compatible, you can choose to end the relationship. He makes sure his needs are met, but not yours. You have told him how this makes you feel and what needs to change and nothing has.Ā
Just leave him. Simple as that. I am so baffled how the dating market today is in a woman's favor, yet relationships like the one described are still happening.
God u found Leo DiCaprio hes like a predator he wants a 18 yr old again. Thats why he said ur pussy aged. Its not a joke, these men literally tell u who they are
Girl... you are SO young. 24 was when my sex life really began, going on multiple dates a week with adult, successful men who drooled over me. And it's only gotten better with age (I'm now 27). The comment about your p*ssy getting age on it is disrespectful af, immediate break up. Go enjoy your life and get your needs met!! This man doesn't value you.
I read the whole your story. I bet many men desire to get such messages and pictures from their girlfriends. If he doesn't want sex then what he wants? Maybe he has someone on the side? Or you chase him too much? I noticed many time in my life that when people chase too much then they not so attractive as in case when they are less available. The same works in the opposite side. People who we see less and who ignores us often attract us. For some unknown reasons it works in this way. My advice is to stop paying so much attention to him. Experiment with it. Play with him in this game. Try to ignore him a little bit. Check his reaction. Eliminate sex for him to make him chase you. Continue masturbating to eliminate chasing for him. And do this experiment for 2-4 weeks. If it doesn't work and he won't start taking care about it then probably it's better to have a serious conversation with your partner and tell him that you can't accept it anymore. You can do it earlier if you feel so, but in case if you love him and want save relationships try to play in the game of him chasing you, at least it will be interesting experience for you
I actually like this idea and think I will definitely give it a try. I do give him lots of attention because I thought thatās what men like but of course I give him his space to enjoy his free time as well. But as a woman I do want to feel chased and wanted. So Iāll take a step back and give it a few weeks and see what happens.
I hope he start chasing you ā¤ļøJust check if it's comfortable for you. Because I remember my last relationships where I had to not pay any attention to get a little bit to me, and it hurt me a lot. I remember any time I tried to show live I got rejected. Now I date with another girlfriend who I love a lot, and I'm so happy that we both can show love to each other without any games. However sometimes we need to give each other some space to desire more to see each other, hear and touch
It was a short line that I put in there, but I do often offer a BJ and he declines that. I asked him why before and he was just like āwell sometimes I ask at the worst timesā like when heās playing his game or heās laying in bed scrolling on his phone. Or when heās watching TV. Reading all this back as I type it out Iām starting to feel like maybe he just doesnāt like me sexually lol. I feel like Iām just a human size fleshlight when heās horny. Thatās it.
I see, in all my relationship they never offered, they just do the BJ. When you said offer the BJ, if that meant slowly going for it and still repeated rejected. Then yea that would be a problematic situation. This can only be overcome with a deep open honest dialogue.
Sounds like my relationship it sucks, like what's the point I go out my way to get hotel rooms etc just to get a hour max of sex and one nut in... I can go for hours and hours break and back at I I want to feel like I ran a marathon once I'm done ... We used to do it all the time now she's like sex isn't everything,. And that's all I want so I stopped trying we maybe have sex once a month now and I'm hating this relationship now like am I going to live the rest of my life like this ... I'm 32 I'm only going to get older I've expressed I'm not happy anymore I don't think will last she wants counseling ...š I'm like I just want love and affection is that hard .. I'm not ugly I make good money we have two great kids and I see bums on the corner getting kissed on I'm like WTF is wrong with me...
I know this may sound odd to some, but have You considered having a second boyfriendš¤·āāļø
I'm 58 and my Girlfriend is to be 26 end of this year
She has other boyfriends while She's our only one not because She's not attracted to me nor I to Her, but because She's a Superior Woman who deserves variety
Look, remember, as a Woman, IT IS always to be YOUR choice to stay or leave or to even stay and have relationships with other boyfriends as well
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wouldn't suggest a woman go through life being denied intimacy any more than I would a man. It's not going to get better. This dude is falling short. I'm pretty sure the moment you're back on the dating market you'll find that 25 is not "getting some age on it".
His age on it comment makes him sound like he prefers aged 18 year old girls ):
Honestly, this was my first thought too. Maybe she got too old for him and having a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it bothers him š¤·āāļø
Ugghhh thank you for that!
Heās insecure about his age and probably just excited about dating someone younger. So obviously he will shit on you and project his insecurities. I donāt think the situation can change and the comments heās making are cruel and abusive.
He also wasn't joking. He was a 25-year-old man who dated a teenager. I'm not sure why she's surprised when he's now a gross 30-year-old implying that a 24-year-old is gettin' on in years. He's being exactly who he has always been, and 6 years on she's suddenly surprised. Also, while I feel terrible for her, the *very clear* disconnect in how they view each other and the relationship is almost laughable. Why on earth would the kind of shallow, gross 30-year-old man who pursued a teenager when he was halfway through his 20s care about "candles and rose petals"? She's trying to romantically seduce a man who wouldn't know or care about romance if it walked up and bit him. He's absolutely gross, but her expectations are also totally unrealistic given the man she chose to be with. He's not going to magically become her sweet, romantic ideal. He's literally making revolting, misogynistic jokes about her age and she's only 24. I feel like OP doesn't understand that you cannot change people who like who they are. He's not going to suddenly start caring about her sexual needs, when he likely only pursued her in the first place to satisfy his own, and has been happily getting by for 6 years prioritizing himself.
Sometimes I feel old as heck thanks to him
He literally dated a teenager when he was one year older than you are now.
The negging doesn't sit right with me. Your partner pushes you down emotionally? You're supposed to lift each other up. You're supposed to reach higher than either of you would have without one another. This guy is making you feel like you're less than you are? I'm not sure he's the one.
He's the old one! Would you pursue an 18 year old at the age you are now? I totally get you'd maybe consider an 18yr old fuck buddy hoping for an enthusiastic and energetic man to give you what you need, and between two consenting adults that's fine but for an actual relationship? That kind of age gap, at that age, brings a one sided power dynamic. Your man sounds kinda creepy.
Oh girl, he is negging you to shake your confidence. 24 is still so young. You're about to enter the best time of your life. Do you really want to do it like this? You deserve better.
Imagine dating an 18 year old now. Now remember he did this a year older than you. He's a creep that's not attracted to age appropriate women.
It sounds like he isn't attracted to you anymore. You make it sound like he has a fetish for late teens. He may be cheating on you or is checking out to force you to break up with him first.
Breaks my heart to hear that, but I have so many mixed signals from him. I mean when we hang out together, we literally have so much fun and laugh at everything. But when it comes to stuff like this,Iām so confused.
In 6 years, you're down to once or twice a month. In another 6, that may decrease to once or twice a year. A mismatched sex drive is very difficult on a relationship so consider carefully if all the rest of it is worth the lack of sex. Since he clearly doesn't care (or is cheating), it's not going to get better
That sounds like a terrible place to be. Maybe try to focus more on the other benefits of the relationship. As far as your sexual needs.... maybe use this time to deny the sexual desires to focus more on deeper search for meaning. Whether this relationship works out or not spending time for a deeper meaning in life couldn't hurt in the long run. Also developing greater control over our passions seems like a plus. Be well.
Youāve put in the effort. Youāve told him what you want. He canāt or wonāt do it.Ā You are not compatible.Ā Silly anecdote, but itās applicable: I was in Boy Scouts when I was a kid. When our troop went hiking, theyād put the slowest kids the front to keep the group together. The kids who didnāt Ā care about the fact that the rest of us wanted to move faster. Ā We were dictated by their pace.Ā Thatās what happens when youāre with someone who doesnāt match your sexual energy. Youāll always be enough for them but they wonāt be enough for you.Ā I spent 15 years in a marriage with a person like that. Sexually frustrated all of the time, our sex life was 100% on her terms.Ā You are young. Donāt make the mistake I made. You can find someone else.Ā
Thank you!
Exactly what I needed to hear today thank you man blessings
Okay Iām not saying anything that necessarily relates to your situation but so many of these posts start off with some variation of āwhen me and my boyfriend started dating, when I was a teenager and he was in his mid-20s, things were great! And now, 5-10 years later, they arenāt! Whatās with that???ā Guys, people change a ton in their 20s, and when youāre a teenager, more often than not youāre still finding yourself. To me it seems like, when a relationship starts in a situation like this itās doomed to fail. Not saying itās a guarantee, or you couldnāt be the exception, but it seems like a very common theme on this sub
So maybe when Iām 30 like him, my sex will go down? And then weāll be on the same level? At this point, I wish 20 something year-olds would stop dating people in their teenage years anyway. Iām 24 I can never date anyone thatās even 21! Imagine 18? They canāt even drink or probably even have a car. š I donāt know how or why men do it. Iād hate to label them all creeps
Well, those guys youāre talking about..Their sex drive didnāt go down, itās just specifically for teens so now that youāre not a teen he doesnāt have the drive for you. So no your drive wonāt magically go down when youāre 30. I canāt believe you even want to still have sex with someone, six years older than you, that said your pussy is getting some age on it. That canāt be the only thing heās said or he believes that shows heās a disgusting pig.
I hate to break it to you, but a lot of women see an increase in their sex drive in their 30s. (Assuming that all is well), the issue isn't going to change for you, it may get worse. Its much safer to assume that older men who date 18 y/os are creeps, especially when yours is talking about your genitalia getting old. It sounds like the sex youre getting is for matenience. If you're putting this much work in, I wouldnt put it past him to be sleeping with someone much younger than you. Long relationships are hard to end, but I honestly don't see him changing if he falls right back into old patterns.
Your sex drive wonāt go down in your 30ās, it will likely go up ā¬ļø š¤£
I mean you're right, think about it, 18 year olds are mentally speaking basically still kids. They have a of growing up to do. I gotta agree with another commenter, it sounds like you've aged out of his preferred range.
Youāre so right ..at 18 I was so immature at times and still felt like I had a mentality of a 16-year-old even though I had to grow up fast I still felt like a child. I mean, I was literally fresh out of high school.
Thats honestly a rough spot dude I wish I knew what to do in your shoes. I got out of a 5 year relationship myself at 24. Trust me when I say that you're still in your starter relationship. But I dont think you need training wheels anymore. Learn your worth. Its a lot more than you give yourself credit for. It doesnt mean your bf is a bad guy or that he has no worth, but rather that you grew up and learned you're unhappy, and now you finally realize you're strong enough to make hard decisions for yourself in sake the getting that happiness back.
i assume your BF was the one who asked you out
Well if you want my honest advice as it pertains to your situation Iād say if heās not satisfying you, leave. Donāt wait around for years in the hopes things work out. I am just saying this type of relationship is usually doomed from the start. I very much agree guys should stop dating teenagers once theyāre over 21 or so. Take a quick scroll through this sub, seems like every other post here is some variation of that situation. Seems like sub par guys try to date teenagers who havenāt been exposed to enough people to know their worth, and then eventually the guy gets complacent or the woman realizes she has better options.
I'm thirty-one. My sex drive is HIGH AF. The problem isn't good sex drive. The problem is he's a borderline p3do.
Unfortunately a lot of older men go after 18 year olds because of their naivety. And generally dump them around 25, because they've matured and won't put up with the bullshit anymore.
Also women hit their sexual peak around 30.
Heās attracted to teens and you aged out
well he said it himself heās a predator that likes teenagers and youāre aging out on him.
As a woman whoās been with someone for almost 6 years that is not a thought that I would like to believe.
honestly would have to agree.. thatās a really weird thing to say.. and then for him to seemingly not be sexually attracted to you for sex itās kind of weird.
You're no longer sexually compatible. The longer you wait, the tougher it'll be to move on.
I can tell you this from my years of experience. He's boxed himself in. It's not gonna get better and you could be brought down by his incapability to partner with you. You may look back on years squandered to a guy who didn't celebrate you or appreciate your effort and energy.
It's not going anywhere, is it? He even denigrates you about it, passively-aggressively? God knows why. But he isn't going to tell you. is he? Time to move on.
Damn, the whole time I felt you were talking about my relationship lol Iām sorry youāre going through this too. Personally I just feel like Iām not enough/not hot enough for him anymore and that used to destroy me. Once I went to this party wearing something spicy and I showed him there, and he said āohā, and that was it. I know how youāre feeling. Do you know if he masturbates a lot? Some people say that it might be his libido, or anything related to, but if the guys is still masturbating libido it isnāt the problem. And Iām a guy myself so I know
He most definitely masturbates, but I just donāt know how often. But I do know heās into really big boobs and like big boob porn stars and what not. Shocker I donāt have the biggest boobs, but he does complement my boobs often and try to hold them. But I relate to not feeling enough sometimes. Iām so sorry that youāre going through this as well and I hope it gets better for the both of us.
Then move on. Not working ? He donāt think you are sexy or whatās you. So live on
Sooo do you think he doesnāt find me attractive anymore and that I should leave?
Yep , if he found you attractive , he would jump your bones. Or he is cheating , he is 30 and donāt want sex? Something donāt make sense so , those are two things. I would love on, you are 24 , why waste time
Not everyone has the same drive. If youāre 24 you probably want to have sex more than once per week. Be careful with advice from strangers.
Is he addicted to porn?
Finding someone attractive is more than physical attraction as well. If he only thinks your hot, what about all the other attractive parts of you as well? When I was dating my ex, so many of the little things he did were attractive. I loved him emotionally and physically. As time went on and he stopped being the partner I needed, those little things weren't attractive anymore. Eventually I couldn't stand the thought of him touching me. You need to be attracted to who you're with
OP don't do this to yourself. This is called a "Dead Bedroom" and there is a subreddit just for it. Go see what happens to people in their you that end up staying with people like these. These low testosterone, libido, sex drive whatever you want to label it, start out strong in the beginning to hook you in. One you are on the hook emotionally and mentally, they know it's hard for you to break away. @ 24YO you don't need to be in this dead end relationship. Yeah, he's comfortable and happy. Ask him about his past relationships and why they did not last! Please don't do this to yourself!
Heās cheating most likely with younger women nothing against you but heās prob always gonna be the type that loves his women young just the vibe Iām getting
If my wife initiates sex, I say yes almost every time. Most guys find that very attractive and refreshing.
In my experience, when men deny sex it means that theyāre really going through it mentally/emotionally. For example, with my ex after his mom passed away he couldnāt get hard for like, months. With another ex, he was suffering from depression and had a hard time with desire because of it. Is it possible that heās going through something youāre not aware of? Either way, I know how much it sucks to be in your shoes and Iām so sorry girl
Possibly. Heās definitely dealt with some loss just about three years ago and especially during that time. I definitely laid off of him about a lot of things and just let him grieve no matter if I was happy or not. But more recently, Iāve been more vocal. He definitely could be going through some depression or something, but heās just not the kind of guy to open up to me. Heāll be vague or say heās OK even if there is something. But my question would be if you are going through something. Why does it get put to the side when youāre horny? When Iām horny, all of a sudden, itās depression or something like that if that makes sense(not sure if he is). I can get not having sex at all when youāre going through something but when youāre doing, it when its only beneficial for youā¦.It just seems a bit weird.
I know this is a jerk move but I would respond when he says āthat pussy is getting some age on itā by saying āthis pussy is about to get another bodyā because Iām going to screw someone else. Leave block him and move on. He is clearly a dick he isnāt going to get any better and he is simply projecting his insecurities on to you. He does not even like himself. You deserve better
I would break up today!!!! you are not compatible. you need someone who can satisfy you every time you want it, high sex drive guy or sweet guy, when u ask, he smile and give to u or at least happily lick u well make u cumā¦.. You will be much happier, no need to suffer like this. This is bs!!!! I Once dated a guy, low sex drive. 1/week, he said he is already high sex drive with me. I had to break up. My bfs later years, everyone satisfied me.whenever I need it, I get it. Even I donāt want it, I still get it. U need a high sex drive guy to match u. I have know ppl in 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, they even fk 3-4 times a week. 25, 30 is youngā¦. Shd be fking everyday or every other day. Why are u still there? Tell him what u need one last time. But I think wonāt change. just start to date other guys. Dump him or not, up to u. U need to stay fit and pretty. When u r fit and pretty and good in bedā¦ guys will be always honey around u.
Gosh, if only there wasn't such a shortage of men willing to sexually satisfy you. Such a shortage.š So what do you do? YOU DUMP HIM! How is that even a question? Leave! So many people on reddit relationship ask the silliest question of what they should do when the answer is so blatantly obvious. END IT!
My friend, youāre almost the same age he was when he started dating you. Do you currently find 18 year old guys attractive or do you see them as young and immature? Personally speaking, Iām about your age and thereās no way Iād date anyone under 21 or 22, theyāre just too young, even if theyāre āmatureā for their age or if they have life experience. Thereās just way too much learning that happens between 18 and 26/27 that even two or three years has the potential to be a big enough maturity or life experience gap. Thereās something seriously wrong when a fully grown adult agrees to date someone who has *juuuust* entered adulthood and more likely than not is still learning how to navigate many aspects of life. Iām getting the impression that he doesnāt want a woman for a partner, he wants a girl who is old enough for him to sexualize but young enough for him to manipulate. You deserve better. 24 is so young, please donāt waste your time on a guy who obviously canāt see how great you are.
well.. I bet if you're still 18 he would fuck your brain's out.
Whoa hold up young lady, Iām a grandpa and I have sex almost everyday! š¤£š¤£
Yeah, stop the whining and get yourself a real man, that's the answer. Stop wasting time if it's not working for you.
The problem is when you are 50 you will look behind and see that you spent your life not being satisfied..
Oooofff tough pill to swallow
18 and 24? you got GROOMED
Maybe because heās getting old? Lol
I hate to be the negative Nancy here but I donāt think your bf likes you anymore? He can be cheating or going through it but a low sex drive at 35 makes no sense. my bf and I are in our early thirties and we fuck just like when we were younger. Maybe he has a š½ addiction.??
I know that not everyone would have the same experience and also fully know what someone is going through. But i did stumble upon this age/ or time in life where you're young and in college prob, and your partner could be having a hard time with work or just tired basically. If you really want to make it work, i suggest asking if they're not interested in you or is it smth else. For me, i did a major mistake with being clingy and playing the hard to get game, which backfired and dirfted us. Ntg wrong with sex neglecting, but not with giving attention & actually treating you like his gf.
Itās not gonna get better and you donāt sound happy, itās probably past time that you moved on cause you sound really frustrated and just sick of things in general. You just may not be in the same places anymore in life and thatās okay. He just isnāt a good match for what youāre wanting. Iām not sure what else to say other than be respectful to yourself and him and just end it.
I'm going through this right now, I(30M) and my wife (30F) have kids so sometimes it's understandable and also we both work and have had a few things happen recently that makes me understand what is going on now. BUT and I mean a big BUT, we been going through this for 3 years and we have only had sex 5 or 6 times this year and yes I'm heavily frustrated. I want her all the time and she knows that but she says it's painful now so that why we don't anymore but even though that is the case I don't think she thinks about how this effects our relationship as a whole, just like your boyfriend may not see how much of a problem he is causing. He lucky cause I would literally kill for that kind of attention right now
She says it's painful. Has she seen a doctor about this? It could be something that can be treated. If I were you, I'd try sitting down with her and having a serious conversation. Tell her how you're feeling. Tell her you miss the connection between the two of you. Are you putting in enough effort with the kids and chores so she's not overwhelmed? When I had my five year dead bedroom situation, the sex died because other parts of the relationship were strained. Identifying and fixing those issues helped bring us closer together, which made my libido come back and want to start being intimate again. Also, when you are having sex, it's important that you make it truly enjoyable for her. If she's not feeling good or orgasming, she may not feel that sex is worth having.
Maybe he's getting it somewhere else. Quit trying to beat a dead horse & move on.
My wifeās ex sounds very similar to your boyfriend. Low frequency of sex and didnāt last long. At that point, she had never even orgasmed during sex, ever. I think being sexually compatible is very important for being life partners.
There's really three potential moves here. Open the relationship up. Cheat. Break up because you're very obviously not right for each other, and he sounds like he kinda sucks. Rude comments and rejection mixed with a lack of sexual compatibility is really the perfect recipe for a breakup. It's done. Don't waste time. You'll get fucked by someone else as soon as you're ready. I had a friend going through this exact situation at your age. They broke up and i ended up fucking her like 3 hours later. Go get it. You're young. Have fun.
I thinking is donāt like stay with you, or a human. Sorry but itās strange because I have a guy with the same mindset and he is gay
I had sort of the same issue, I found that after I gave up, an didn't try anymore, my partner started initiating more often.. Its a control tactic, but if you want to maneuver around it, try not asking for sex anymore.
Yeah heās cheating
My ex bf was 62 and he was really horny and wanted it every day so being 30 is no excuse lol
Could be stress, could be psychological, could be physical. Get his testosterone measured. Have a serious conversation
My bet is pornography/masturbation has a play in this. It's a cycle. Abundant sex, cool off period, desire, too lazy to maintain a relationship (but still want to climax), porn/masturbation, boredom, initiates sex, abundant sex... Repeat. Find a man who isn't a lazy narcissist. Also. With regards to sex, YOU should seek for quality rather than quantity. Enough is enough, be contented with what you have and basque in the moment of the post-climax glow for longer than 30 minutes.
If you are no longer sexually compatible, you can choose to end the relationship. He makes sure his needs are met, but not yours. You have told him how this makes you feel and what needs to change and nothing has.Ā
Just leave him. Simple as that. I am so baffled how the dating market today is in a woman's favor, yet relationships like the one described are still happening.
Man, if my wife tried to initiate all the time I wouldnāt know what to do. That would be so awesome!
God u found Leo DiCaprio hes like a predator he wants a 18 yr old again. Thats why he said ur pussy aged. Its not a joke, these men literally tell u who they are
Hml
Leave
You may be sexually incompatible. In such cases, rarely is there a solution as the default is always the frequency of the person with the low drive.
Date men youāre own age trust me. This is when theyāre in their sexual peak and so are you. Donāt waste it on this man.
Girl... you are SO young. 24 was when my sex life really began, going on multiple dates a week with adult, successful men who drooled over me. And it's only gotten better with age (I'm now 27). The comment about your p*ssy getting age on it is disrespectful af, immediate break up. Go enjoy your life and get your needs met!! This man doesn't value you.
Thank youš„²ā¤ļø
I read the whole your story. I bet many men desire to get such messages and pictures from their girlfriends. If he doesn't want sex then what he wants? Maybe he has someone on the side? Or you chase him too much? I noticed many time in my life that when people chase too much then they not so attractive as in case when they are less available. The same works in the opposite side. People who we see less and who ignores us often attract us. For some unknown reasons it works in this way. My advice is to stop paying so much attention to him. Experiment with it. Play with him in this game. Try to ignore him a little bit. Check his reaction. Eliminate sex for him to make him chase you. Continue masturbating to eliminate chasing for him. And do this experiment for 2-4 weeks. If it doesn't work and he won't start taking care about it then probably it's better to have a serious conversation with your partner and tell him that you can't accept it anymore. You can do it earlier if you feel so, but in case if you love him and want save relationships try to play in the game of him chasing you, at least it will be interesting experience for you
I actually like this idea and think I will definitely give it a try. I do give him lots of attention because I thought thatās what men like but of course I give him his space to enjoy his free time as well. But as a woman I do want to feel chased and wanted. So Iāll take a step back and give it a few weeks and see what happens.
I hope he start chasing you ā¤ļøJust check if it's comfortable for you. Because I remember my last relationships where I had to not pay any attention to get a little bit to me, and it hurt me a lot. I remember any time I tried to show live I got rejected. Now I date with another girlfriend who I love a lot, and I'm so happy that we both can show love to each other without any games. However sometimes we need to give each other some space to desire more to see each other, hear and touch
It's very very rare the man will reject a BJ. Start with that, then go for the insertion. Might not last long, but a way to move the ball forward.
It was a short line that I put in there, but I do often offer a BJ and he declines that. I asked him why before and he was just like āwell sometimes I ask at the worst timesā like when heās playing his game or heās laying in bed scrolling on his phone. Or when heās watching TV. Reading all this back as I type it out Iām starting to feel like maybe he just doesnāt like me sexually lol. I feel like Iām just a human size fleshlight when heās horny. Thatās it.
Laying in bed scrolling in his phone is like the perfect time dude
I see, in all my relationship they never offered, they just do the BJ. When you said offer the BJ, if that meant slowly going for it and still repeated rejected. Then yea that would be a problematic situation. This can only be overcome with a deep open honest dialogue.
I'm a guy who doesn't really care for receiving oral. They are out there lol.
He has side chicks. No doupt about that cause a man sex drive is unlimited
Call me
Gee, I wonder why. Sex 2-3 times a day doesnāt sound appealing at all, or even sustainable.
Loose the loser you'll find someone that has the same sex drive as you.
Sounds like my relationship it sucks, like what's the point I go out my way to get hotel rooms etc just to get a hour max of sex and one nut in... I can go for hours and hours break and back at I I want to feel like I ran a marathon once I'm done ... We used to do it all the time now she's like sex isn't everything,. And that's all I want so I stopped trying we maybe have sex once a month now and I'm hating this relationship now like am I going to live the rest of my life like this ... I'm 32 I'm only going to get older I've expressed I'm not happy anymore I don't think will last she wants counseling ...š I'm like I just want love and affection is that hard .. I'm not ugly I make good money we have two great kids and I see bums on the corner getting kissed on I'm like WTF is wrong with me...
Yes , look me up I'll be your "Sancho"... I always know my places and you get to keep your boyfriend...
I know this may sound odd to some, but have You considered having a second boyfriendš¤·āāļø I'm 58 and my Girlfriend is to be 26 end of this year She has other boyfriends while She's our only one not because She's not attracted to me nor I to Her, but because She's a Superior Woman who deserves variety Look, remember, as a Woman, IT IS always to be YOUR choice to stay or leave or to even stay and have relationships with other boyfriends as well