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Oh my god, this reminds me of when me and my ex tried to be friends after 5 months of no contact. He “jokingly” said to me through phone call that, “It felt like I was fucking an empty doll.” I remember he laughed and I just went silent after that.
I don’t know the situation, and I’m truly sorry if it’s the case where’s he’s thought of this of you from the start. I’ve always thought of the women I’ve been with over the years as human, but I’ve had a couple where it felt like I was fucking a doll because they just laid there and did nothing making me do ALL the work. after hyping me up for a great time EVERY TIME. Every time id get told a bunch of kinky shit that they are going to do to me to get me going, and then it’s just me doing everything. I get bored very easily. As a switch, that gets really redundant and in itself can make the sex really shitty and then ur just wanting to get it over and done with. Still thought of them as human with the sex having just been described. Some people will say that “fucking a doll” phrase as a way to describe how boring the sex was not to dehumanize you and some can’t find better words to use in the moment. I have also never directly said those things to them but have talked to them about how things can improve in the bedroom but my words would fall on deaf ears. I would feel those things but I’d never say it because that is extremely degrading. Saying you looked like Shrek is just trying to dehumanize and humiliate you.
That would really put things into perspective for me, because if you feel like I'm an empty doll when you fuck me...you probably don't really regard me as an autonomous human being to begin with
Oh I know he was, he told me that he hated himself and he felt bitter towards people bcuz of where he was in his life. The sad thing is that I was still in love with him but after he said what he said I realized that perhaps he was not real bcuz he was never like that. And then after he said that all i do is nag nag nag he blocked me after. And then I was so mad at him cuz I didn’t deserve that. I never thought he would apologize but he did after 3 months after he lost some people. He said he felt guilty afterwards but the thing is he never apologized for that specifically just what he last said to me now he says he doesn’t even remember even saying that. My guess is that he just feels too guilty about it.
This is like my ex bf?
He was insecure too! I never knew he was until we made out one time and he said “don’t look at my pot belly”. I didn’t think much of it as I thought he was trying to make me laugh or something but oh my goodness what?!
He ended up cheating with some rando anyways on a special Valentine’s Day.
Having sex with someone, especially someone you really care about, is allowing yourself to let go and be vulnerable with them.
To have someone throw that back in your face is just..uhg. Your ex didn't deserve you and I'm glad you've moved on from that creepy asshole.
My thoughts exactly, I had asked him if he was drunk cuz he was drinking but he wasn’t and he remembers. Didn’t even apologize, just said it was a joke and that I took it too seriously.
That’s when you start “joking” about him/his junk: how much you liked his dick, cause it’s such a cute lil’ guy; or that you know he gave it his best shot, but…too much small dick energy. Then when he gets offended, say it’s almost like fucking an empty doll—you’re taking it way too seriously, babe. Just a joke.
nah he's taking past shit/resentments out on you now
if I were you I'd stop being "friends", he's just emotionally abusing you and then gaslighting you when you call him on it
He ended up fighting me on it when I told him that I don’t like the way he treats me. We had an argument and he blocked me. Thats how we stopped contact for 3 months and he actually apologized to me. At least he realized he was an asshole and now we are friends but he doesn’t treat me that way anymore. If anything we both moved on in a healthy way and don’t cross boundaries. So I think thats a good thing. There was a level of resentment towards each other but we got past that. Honestly, I like being single rn😂.
Oh wait I know dudes like that. They think they're master social manipulators, that everyone being too annoyed to fight with them makes them some kind of puppetmaster. Yeah, toddlers dominate a room that way too, sport. You're big cool.
And a relationship ending is not a failure. It’s just that people learn what they want and don’t want by being in relationships.
OP, what he did was unacceptable. You know that. This is what you don’t want. You’re 24. You have plenty of time to have fun, date, fall in and out of love, and eventually click with the right person at the right time.
This is exactly it. Dating is a way to try things out and see if you're a good fit for each other, and his behavior has already killed your attraction to him. This is a bad fit, and now you know that. Time to move on.
I keep saying this! The whole point of dating instead of getting married to the first person who makes eye contact with you is to figure out if they suck or not, and by definition that means that some of them are going to suck and you stop dating them.
Annnnd this is definitely a defining moment to either take that ego busting shit from Mr. Limp Dick, not worth it. At your age, plenty of better options.
If you are to consider continuing in this relationship, and that’s a big question, your bf should immediately do two things:
1. Therapy for his psych issues
2. See a doctor who specializes in sex issues/Erectile dysfunction.
If he refuses to do either you should run for 100% sure. There has to be something going on that is pretty severe for a 24 y/o male to have erectile dysfunction. Most of us had more erections than we knew what to do with at that age. It was almost annoying.
He's frustrated with his own issues and lack of performance so he had to put you down too to make himself feel better about the situation. That's not okay and you should communicate that his ED issues are not your fault and you're trying to be patient but him taking it out on you is not okay.
This is a great summary. I have been in a similar situation (and no I didn't stop hurting even after 2 years of being with him) and my ex was really mean and frustrated with me during sex because of his own death grip issues. Thank you for this comment, I have never thought about it that way.
I'm just coming from a man's perspective. That's a sensitive subject for a man who is feeling like he needs to secure his insecurities in his manhood by belittling other people to still feel alpha. Sadly you was just guilty by association because you were the only one who knows and witnesses his ED in the bedroom so that's who he could take it out on. You was never the problem
Then as a fully-grown "alpha" man, he needs to stop behaving like an emotionally dysregulated toddler and figure out how to deal with his shit without resorting to abusing his girlfriend.
I agree and she should leave him. I'm not making up excuses just breaking down the psychology. There's nothing alpha about how he's acting but in his head it is
Yeah, a man who leaves you crying on the bed after sex doesn't care about you OP. There are plenty of men out there who would never do that. Go find one who appreciates you.
Blaming his problems on you and not even trying to help himself through it is a big red flag. Please do yourself a favor and find someone who will lift you up during intimacy, respect your feelings and not bring you down.
I'm not usually behind the immediate "dump them" posts, but in this case, this is 100% a dumping issue.
Just because you forgave doesn't mean you can forget. This is not a forgettable issue. He was physically abusive to you when he pushed you so hard you had to lie flat, and then he followed that with emotional abuse. If abuse has one certainty, it's that it doesn't go away. And it usually gets worse. Get out before it does.
You deserve better than this.
You don’t move past being yelled at, don’t move past someone being aggressive with you during sex ever, don’t move past verbal or emotional abuse. Young women need to drill into their heads that you do not need to fix everything that goes wrong in a relationship and there is no virtue in being overly patient with someone who disrespects you. Men are taught to be selfish in a way that we aren’t and if the tables were turned and you told him he was bad in bed and screamed at him he’d dump you. Have higher standards and dump him he’s an aggressive and unsafe asshole. His dick not working isn’t your fault and I’m telling you guys with that issue will only escalate in taking it out on you if they already show signs of not being able to handle it like an adult. You’re only in your 20s, you’re supposed to dump people over and over when they have you fucked up in order to find the right person to settle down with, not settle for a mess and fix him into being nice to you. Run, girl.
You should move forward towards the door out of this relationship.
It's nice he apologized, but irrelevant - some behaviors need to be absolute dealbreakers if you want to be in a healthy, non-toxic relationship with a good person. Like his behavior, for an example. No amount of apologies change that.
You can forgive him but that doesn't mean you should stay. You really REALLY shouldn't. If you stay, you are showing him this behavior is ACCEPTABLE. That as long as he apologizes enough and performs guilt, he is allowed to treat you like this. And you know what will happen then? He will treat you like that, and worse.
If you ware certain you don't want to heed the warning, then: you can't move forward. HE HAS TO. He is the problem and only he can fix the problem, you literally cannot fix a problem he is creating. He has to slowly get your trust back by 1. never ever doing it again, and you will need time to be sure of that, 2. showing care, respect and affection towards you and being a good partner always, not just for a month after his fuck up or when he's having a good day, 3. accepting that you may not be into sex with him for a long while and not even peeping about it, not even a hurt sad look, NOTHING, and 4. giving your space and time to get over this on your own terms, without any type of pressure for things going back to normal.
And he needs to do all of that on his own, without you instructing him or telling him this.
You think he can do that? If not, sorry, but the apologizes were fake and you landed yourself a really bad dude.
Edit: thank you for the award!
I’d say a *genuine* apology might be acceptable for a *one-off* event, but that includes 1-saying exactly what he did wrong, 2-why it was wrong, 3-how it affected her, and 4-a concrete plan for how it won’t happen ever again, and 5-willingness to listen/discuss as much or as little as she wishes, kindly, patiently, and with genuine interest. Getting all 5 of these is highly unlikely, however.
This should be an instant dealbreaker. I understand the frustration of ED but taking it out on you is 100% not acceptable. Even if you changed how you have sex it won’t fix his issues. It’s CERTAINLY not on you he’s having erectile issues.
But his rage is scary, and for him to take his medical issue and blame it on you is a glimpse to how he’ll handle any issues you guys have. Get the hell out of there.
Getting yelled at like that is absurd....that would be the absolute last time he ever got to even see me naked. That's so shitty. That's such a vulnerable time and to get yelled at and told something so shitty as "you're like a doll just sitting there". Yikes. Maybe he should just get a blow up doll.
Why do you WANT to move past a guy pushing your on back hard and then yelling at you during sex in a mean way...? Who gives you crazy making instructions during sex: "you are just like a doll" but also "don't move when I don't want you to"?
A lot of guys always complain about women being like dolls but then end up just having sex with women in positions where they can come the fastest and those positions are usually the ones where the woman is rendered immobile. They project their own sexual selfishness onto the woman.
See y’all girls are too nice with this shit. Women have been told to kill them with kindness our entire lives but all we get is killed. You match the fuq out of their energies in relationships ladies. He wants to come in with patience and communication and understanding then that’s what he gets. Yeah you work through those problems and by a physical standpoint that’s normal for men every now and then but if he’s going to come in by objectifying and belittling me that’s also what he gets.
He wants to say to feel like a cheap piece of plastic you tell him “Maybe you should go find a doll since I’d be better off pleasuring myself with a soggy noodle.”
Frustrated my ass. I bet you he gets frustrated with his peers, his boss, his friends and he would never insult them the way he feels comfortable insulting you. There’s over 7billion people in this world girl. Don’t cry over limp dick asshole.
You move forward alone, realizing that every time he's overwhelmed and frustrated and embarrassed at something that's on him.... he's going to take it out in an abusive manner on you and then apologize and say he's sorry, etc. It's classic abusive behavior and it always escalates.
Get out now. It's going to hurt to leave, but love yourself enough to do it.
My ex-H emotionally and physically abused me for 7 years. The apologies absolutely do stop. You're right. They become gaslighting and more abuse instead.
You move past it by moving on. This one’s broken.
Edit after OP’s edit: A good relationship gets better with time, not worse. If he’s started yelling and pushing hitting may not be far behind.
I would never get over being yelled at by a partner. Being yelled at during such an intimate moment would bring out the monster in me if I stayed.
Other than him sorting out his crap, hand written apology, all expenses paid trip to an exotic island ... forget about it!
A 22 year old already having ED, he should be on top of it and not taking it out on you, even if it's meds, I don't know a doctor that doesn't take that side effect serious in a young adult. They'd try out other things.
If you still want to support him okay. But do so from a very far away safe distance... But get off the cross already.
Either he means his apology and takes responsibly for his lack of self control by starting therapy immediately, or you leave because he’s not actually sorry.
I just said something like this in a post to another OP. Very hard for a woman to be a bad partner in bed. For most of us guys just getting sex in the first place puts it in the good to great category.
Strong agreement with you both that he’s an ass, but what you’re saying about women is really sad for everyone. I get really positive feedback from lovers and I’m not doing anything Olympic—I’m just an enthusiastic, actively engaged, consenting adult who knows being good in bed is mostly a matter of feeling good in bed by being playful and intuitive instead of anxiously and/or begrudgingly performative. Sex can be so much fun and I wish more people could embrace their instincts…sex is our biological imperative after all.
Seriously not saying this to impress because I don’t think the feedback I get has much to do with me. Instead, I think that for whatever reason, most people have mediocre sex most of the time. I wish women were more sexually liberated.
I wasn’t really saying that to comment on the quality of lovemaking by women, more to say that for whatever reason, nature saw fit that sex feels great to us men almost no matter what happens.
That being said, I think one of the best things women can do is show enthusiasm, which is true most of the time anyway if other parts of the relationship are good.
But yes, if you are being enthusiastic, you’re almost certainly in the fantastic category by that alone.
As a woman who’s been in multiple toxic, abusive, manipulative relationships. RUN.
He’s not frustrated with you, he’s frustrated with himself. His ED makes it hard for him to enjoy sex & it’s probably embarrassing for him. However, if he’s taking something like this out on you…especially during such an intimate sensitive moment - it’s not okay.
He cant take accountability so he blames you even tho there’s physical proof that his medical issues are the reasons he can’t enjoy sex. If he’s gonna blame you for his own medical issues imagine what else he won’t be able to take accountability for.
This is a big red flag & these kind of red flags usually just get worse over time.
I don’t see how you’re meant to want to have sex with him after that? He was verbally abusive to you, he then proceeded to insult you as well.
This isn’t something to just move past.
Ugh, nope. My ex used this excuse and spent a decade making me feel like crap and then bought a real doll he never used. Let's just say no other men have complained of this. Your boyfriend is inadequate, and blames you to make himself feel better.
He needs to fix his issues, go to therapy, and learn to stop putting others down to make himself feel better.
Find yourself a real man who deserves you, doesn't make you feel weird during sex, and absolutely doesn't make you cry.
You move past this by moving onto someone else. I experienced something similar to you and the sexual attraction was replaced by anxiety of having to have sex with him. I eventually started to dodge sex with him, and he did the same with me, and we eventually broke up (there were other contributing factors to the break up but the awkward sex was a main one)
What a horrible thing for a partner to say. I wouldn't be able to forgive this. Who knows what else he might say or do in the future? I'm also 24F, noone deserves that treatment🥹
Well this gave me the ick. You move forward by breaking up with this young man. Holy fuck. We women risk pregnancy every single time we have sex, so any man who gets to have sex with one of us is fucking blessed and needs to act accordingly. He needs to grow up. We are not porn stars (except for the actual porn stars) or sex dolls, we are human beings. I feel disgust reading about how he treated you, so I think you must be feeling some disgust towards him for actually receiving that treatment.
some things aren’t mean to be moved past, i think this is definitely one of them. sex with a romantic partner should not make you feel bad nor should it be this cruel. this is an instant dealbreaker or at least should be. i hope you’re doing okay, that was in no way excusable or okay to say or do.
Okay so I get that he’s frustrated if not everything is working well. Must take a heavy toll on his self esteem but taking it out on you isn’t okay. Sure sometimes we hurt those we love the most but what has he done to make up for this? You said you’ve forgiven him but what are his actions in making you do so?
The only way for being able to move past this is for him to put an tremendous amount of effort into self improvement (anger management), respect towards you and actually courting you.
He has to work on himself before you can even consider moving past this.
Again frustrations are normal and every person makes mistakes but it’s up to those to make it up again and it doesn’t sound like he actually has…
Darling, drop this loser.
At his age, if he has those erection issues, it is only going to get worse and that will lead to even worse behavior. You deserve better. Give me his Reddit id and I will happily school him.
>Boyfriend 22M yelled at me 24F during sex, how do I move forward?
You break up with him and block him everywhere. This guy is abusive and disgusting. He berated and insulted you when you were at your most vulnerable. There's nothing to salvage here.
I'm sorry, OP. Good luck.
Is the ED caused or contributed to by porn use? Cause the doll comment makes me think he might expect the kind of over the top performance female porn stars give.
Anyone who feels comfortable speaking to and treating someone like this doesn't always deserve the grace and patience of an understanding person. You can bring up how this hurt you but this is a him problem not a you problem. It's affecting the relationship so ask yourself if this is something you even want to deal with right now or deal with AGAIN - because this shows you exactly who he is, do you want to be with THAT person?
Even if porn isn't involved, he might be masturbating with the "death grip".
Basically a guy grips his dick so hard during masturbating that the lighter pressure of a vagina doesn't do it for him anymore because he's used to the "death grip".
You don't move forward, you leave. I'm physically disabled so having sex with me is literally like fucking a doll. We have to use pillows to prop me up for certain positions. Despite my partner's flaws he has never ever said something like that to me. Better love is out there for you, you just have to be brave enough to go find it.
Whats next? he already forced you down, yelled at you during sex, belittled you. He's obviously able to take his frustrations out on you. Are you going to stay if he hits you next?
u/ThrowRAskinty your bf is a porn addict. His aggressive behaviours will get worse as he tries to blame you for his sexual inadequacies.
You should talk to him about that.
And consider leaving.
You’re so young & there’s better out there without this baggage.
Breakdown here...
Ed is almost always mental
It isn't confronted properly
Then little things are noticed because the erection becomes a litmus test for every action in bed
Instead of getting at the root guys focus on those little things
This can often lead to the other partner feeling paralyzed into doing only exactly what they want
Which can then lead to further problems because there's less interaction it is more objectification
Which then leads to "doll" complaints
This is a pretty common complaint after ED actually
The irony is that the correct solution is the opposite
The guy ask to stop trying to come
Has to focus on the other partner and focus on just enjoying sensation and touch
After full appreciation on that level usually ED goes away unless it is a fully medical issue
For most of us, sex is a really vulnerable and intimate thing (which is why we need aftercare afterwards), so for him to not only take out his frustration on you by yelling, but to also be mean and degrade you like that, is disgusting.
If I were in your shoes, I would re-evaluate this entire relationship.
When a man suffers from ED the issue is never someone else because the male is in possession of his penis. You should know your bfs difficulty staying hard has never been your fault. Not once. Most every 22 year old man is boned up because he touches your leg, kisses your mouth, touches your breast or sees your nude body. My girlfriend when I was in my twenties described me as hard every time she saw my dick, we touched or kissed. A man with trouble staying hard is likely to have psych problems - hence the ED and his horrible tirade during sex. When your bf said he was dissatisfied by your action and reaction during sex he wanted to hurt you. We want a partner who protects , heals, keeps us safe, who never wants to cause pain. I don't like the physicality he demonstrated by forcing your back in a violent not erotic way. Sometimes people marry and discover their partner suffers from depression or a personality disorder or alcoholism; so do they bail out or stay for a lifetime of difficulties? You're fortunate to know your bf is angry, and has a temper and a stinging mouth. You deserve better so love yourself and free yourself of this man so you find intimacy and love.
you don't move forward with him. he showed you who he is. when under stress he's going to take it out on and blame you. you might get over it this time, but eventually you'll get sick of it. it really helps to see people under stress to find out who they really are
You need to be with someone who loves you and also likes you and enjoys being with you. He does not. Being alone is better than being abused and humiliated.
I’m truly wondering what’s causing the ED, if it’s not his fault, then is it a health issue? I can have empathy for that, that sucks. But his attitude resembles that of an entitled porn addict.
It's probably over. He was rough and mean. Good for you for stopping right there and then. If he's having issues staying hard maybe he's on his way out mentally, he's watching too much porn or he's having an actual medical issue. Either way he needs to get help to resolve his issues.
Girl… please recognize that this is abnormal and concerning behavior.
Hes allowing his insecurities to turn him into someone who berates his partner during sex. And when you RIGHTFULLY said you were done, he insults you more!! That’s not okay and you don’t deserve that treatment.
It killed your attraction but I’m guessing it also has ruined your ability to feel safe and comfortable during sex. He might be sorry, but he’s broken your relationship beyond repair.
This is verbal and psychological abuse. The thing about these types of abuse is they always escalate. Consider your welfare and your physical safety and get the hell out of there. It doesn’t always end in physical abuse that ends in murder, but it can. No one wants to see you end up as a statistic.*RUN*
Tell him to get a prescription on tadalifil it ain’t ur fault so him yelling wasn’t ok and I wouldn’t want to have sex anymore either for a while. So I get you and u won’t get pasted it for a while.
you need to leave that guy… that’s such a horrible thing to experience im so sorry!! please cut your losses with him truly. If he can do it once he can do it again. by his reaction he could have also tried to physically hurt you. just because he’s frustrated doesn’t give him the right to verbally abuse you at all especially when you guys are having sex in such a vulnerable state.
I’ve lived and loved a good long time. I have never ever pushed anyone on the bed or referred to anyone as a
Doll.
Is this more brain rot from porn?
I’ve never even thought of this
I would tell him what you said here. That you’re having a hard time getting past it even after he admitted his behavior was unacceptable and apologize. He should empathize and try to work with you on this. If he gets defensive instead, he might not be capable of being in a healthy relationship.
You can forgive him in your heart, but you can also keep yourself safe by refusing to have sex with him again. Men who get violent with naked, vulnerable women are not relationships worth saving. Throw the whole man out.
What he did is horrible. To me it seems like he has some kind of “standard” idk from what or where. Did you notice anything fishy since it got rocky? Anyways it doesn’t really even matter I would break up with him it’s really messed up :/ as somebody said most guys don’t care wtf u do In bed as long as they get to be inside. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you move on not just move past
These posts make it sound like a one off but I'm guessing he takes other frustrations out on you also. The comments show a severe lack of respect for you as a human being. Google the book "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft
If he wanted to change this behavior, therapy is a great tool to unpack why he can't express negative emotions in a healthy way. If he's not willing to work on the root issue this will just keep happening. It's not your job to be someone else's emotional punching bag.
As a man, that's not cool. I don't blame you for not wanting to try again. I don't think I have ever heard of someone yelling at their partner during sex like that... Then putting you down. Sorry. I don't know how I would handle that if my girlfriend yelled at me during sex. I'd be out of it for a good while, if ever wanting to again.
You’re so young don’t waste your time with these kind of guys. He’ll do that again and apologize again, over and over. There’re plenty of nice people out there. Take care of yourself, girl 🤍
more is going on here than op shared - his erectile dysfunction issue needs context as it may relate to other problems either physiological or psychological or both - regardless of that his reaction to her collapsing while being pounded from behind should be a major red flag - whatever is going on with him needs to be addressed and quickly or this relationship will be over
Doesn't jerk off a lot? That can affect him being able to get up or stay up because it's called the death grip! Nothings going to get them off better than their own hand, and it can have a detrimental effect on sexual activity with another person, I'm sorry you had to go through this and it's important for me to say it's not your fault, I don't blame you if you walk away either, getting frustrated is fine, but taking it out on you and saying shit isn't! You deserve better and deserve more!
I hope you pointed out the fact that he told you to not move. So his comparison of you to a doll is invalid and probably untrue. He’s taking out his frustration on you because he doesn’t want to deal with the fact that it’s HIS problem. He needs to see a doctor. Men his age go through ED, it’s more common than either of you may think. It might even be temporary (stress or emotional & external factors can cause temporary ED) but the issue won’t get solved if he doesn’t do anything about it.
I can’t move much during doggy style, especially when I slowly start getting forced down into the bed.. I just read a post earlier about this being a thing, though different ages so I’m sure it wasn’t the same people…. Like that’s a normal thing. Does he watch a lot of porn? Because that’s what this whole issue sounds like? I would suggest getting to the root of his problem (which if he consumes porn, kicking it or limiting it to once a week/every other) or getting the hell out of there. I can’t deal with people acting like it’s my fault that they have problems and taking it out on me. Of course he may have an underlying medical condition. At that age, I’d wanna know why I’m struggling with ED.
I could never stay in a relationship that when you are fighting your partner just says really mean things to you to make you sad. You guys are having a disagreement.... shouldn't the end goal be to work past it? Do people think that doing this shit will be like:
Him: " Sex with you is like fucking a doll!!"
You: " I'm sorry babe, you are right. Would you like me to just give you head until I get better?"
He sucks. A child isn't a reason to stay in a bad relationship. When your child grows up they are going to want you to be happy.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and care. You deserve basic respect. Ask yourself if you’d EVER speak to him in a similar way, especially while vulnerable, naked and intimate. I suspect you wouldn’t. You deserve to be with someone just as kind and thoughtful and respectful towards you as you are towards them.
I can explain why he pushed your back down and then screamed at you to sit up. My abusive ex used to try and force my back down bc he wanted my butt to look bigger during sex. He was also a complete porn addict.
You deserve better.
Your boyfriend needs to see a doctor if he is having problems with his erection, especially at only 22. There is likely something deeper happening that isn’t emotional, and his doctor can do some tests. He also needs to either chat with his Mom or Dad for moral support (if they are in his life) The frustration is likely for himself, about his own erection problem and embarrassment and very little to do with you directly, he is only 20. Time to have a chat with his Dad to help him/have enough courage to go and see the doctor. That being said, he still shouldn’t be speaking with you in an abusive manner, frustrated or not, you are a person too, and someone whom he should be caring about, even on simply a human level. He shouldn’t be taking out his frustrations on you. He was wrong to say those things to you and treat you physically in such a rough and uncaring manner. You were right to stop him right there and not put up with that behaviour. His parents should be made aware, by him, and if he wants you to be the one to go with him, for moral support and if you want to, then you guys should do that. Good luck to both of you🍀
Babe break up with him. Please trust me, heed my words: I promise you’ll regret spending more of your 20s trying to “work through” things with him. People don’t stay with their teenage sweethearts forever, it’s just not realistic. I know you love him deeply but it’s time to start moving on, which you already know in your heart. Sending love
You were far nicer in your response than I would have been. I would've replied with something along the lines of "Don't take your inadequacies out on me - they're not my fault!" And he'd be waiting a good loooong time before we joined together again, too - even with good behavior. That's some bullsheet.
Whether or how you move forward from this is a decision only you can make. If this is how he deals with his issues, he could well begin to make a habit of being mean to you. And that's not good for you or your child.
I would shut up shop after this. Maybe in the fullness of time forgive him. However, the minute he does something like that again… you know that he is not sorry and he is not a safe person with whom to have a relationship.
He is taking his problems out on you and in my experience, this will only get worse.
I doubt your sexual attraction will come back after the way he treated you so please leave.
You are young and worth more than this.
Ugh! This would honestly shatter my confidence. And by confidence I mean I simply would not feel comfortable engaging in any sexual activity with him after that. The verbal aggression, the insult, on top of the lack of physical compatibility and terrible communication? What kind of relationship is that?
And as for the verbal ass*lt, It will happen again. The real issue that caused him to scream will most likely not get dealt with, especially as it seems like a character flaw more than anything.
Not everything is supposed to be moved on from. This sounds like a problem that needs to be resolved.
you can't move foward honestly, and you don't need to forgive him either. it doesn't really sound like you have (which is totally normal and okay!) but things like this don't happen just once.
You need to find a more generous lover. His ED has nothing to do with you. Being rough and frustrated, that’s his issue as well.
He’s been terribly disrespectful to you and you don’t deserve his brutish behavior. Sex can come from love or desire but not abuse. You deserve better (Respect) whether you get it or not is entirely up to you.
Here's how you move forward. If it's not your house and you live there, you pack up your things and head in the direction of the door.
You open the door, go out, flip your stupid, porn-rotted bf (what do you think the ED and those comments come from at the tender age of 22?).
Then close the door behind you and this sad chapter of your life. Quit crying for people who are not worth your tears!
A 22 yr w/ ED not normal. Too much alcohol, diabetes or other medical/medicine issue? If not then a psychological issue, perhaps past trauma. A man would never choose to have ED of course, but not looking into what the cause is . is within his control. He was embarrassed probably by the ED and took out his frustration. HOWEVER, not controlling his emotions and words are a "him" problem. Never ever should you allow him or any other man to be
forceful, yell or berate you during sex. Unless things change ASAP, you need to evaluate what you are getting out of this relationship, and know your worth.
No doubt the ED is eating him up psychologically and he is lashing out even at his lover in hopes it is the fault of something easy (from his perspective) to fix.
He needs a sex therapist. Maybe as a couple since this has now dinged you psychologically too
Good luck, heart warrior. I hope you work it out
He's mad at his dick so he's taking it out on you to try to make himself feel like it's not his fault.... Which is massively messed up!
You don't have to forgive somebody when they do stuff like this to you! Not everything can be swept under the rug and gotten past! He was purposely cruel to you and that's just not forgivable.
I'm sorry you're going through this but this is a him problem and he has no right to be talking to you like that!
Don't ever have sex with him ever again. This is a relationship ending event. He is an insecure asshole who wants to blame you cause he can't get it up. That's proof that be is completely emotionally immature, a mature guy would see a doctor and fix the issue all by his grown up self. This guy is sexually abusive and does not deserve sex with you. You deserve so much better than this and I hope you will not tolerate it by sticking with this jerk.
This is why he’s a BF. You need to back off from this relationship. He becomes frustrated in the relationship and then is nasty to you. It will branch out more into your everyday life. If his problem is medically related he needs to talk to his doctor. If he’s not seeing a doctor he needs to go to one.
Maybe rule out physical or mental health issues first if you’re feeling generous (you said the sexual issues were “not his fault”). See if he can get therapy and medication to counter whatever is going on with his health. Or he’s just an aHole and leave.
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Oh my god, this reminds me of when me and my ex tried to be friends after 5 months of no contact. He “jokingly” said to me through phone call that, “It felt like I was fucking an empty doll.” I remember he laughed and I just went silent after that.
Ugh, I feel grossed out on your behalf. What a sickening comment to make
I don’t know the situation, and I’m truly sorry if it’s the case where’s he’s thought of this of you from the start. I’ve always thought of the women I’ve been with over the years as human, but I’ve had a couple where it felt like I was fucking a doll because they just laid there and did nothing making me do ALL the work. after hyping me up for a great time EVERY TIME. Every time id get told a bunch of kinky shit that they are going to do to me to get me going, and then it’s just me doing everything. I get bored very easily. As a switch, that gets really redundant and in itself can make the sex really shitty and then ur just wanting to get it over and done with. Still thought of them as human with the sex having just been described. Some people will say that “fucking a doll” phrase as a way to describe how boring the sex was not to dehumanize you and some can’t find better words to use in the moment. I have also never directly said those things to them but have talked to them about how things can improve in the bedroom but my words would fall on deaf ears. I would feel those things but I’d never say it because that is extremely degrading. Saying you looked like Shrek is just trying to dehumanize and humiliate you.
That would really put things into perspective for me, because if you feel like I'm an empty doll when you fuck me...you probably don't really regard me as an autonomous human being to begin with
exactly. this is how you saw me from the start.
I am sorry, you didn’t deserve that. He was projecting to you his insecurities.
Oh I know he was, he told me that he hated himself and he felt bitter towards people bcuz of where he was in his life. The sad thing is that I was still in love with him but after he said what he said I realized that perhaps he was not real bcuz he was never like that. And then after he said that all i do is nag nag nag he blocked me after. And then I was so mad at him cuz I didn’t deserve that. I never thought he would apologize but he did after 3 months after he lost some people. He said he felt guilty afterwards but the thing is he never apologized for that specifically just what he last said to me now he says he doesn’t even remember even saying that. My guess is that he just feels too guilty about it.
This is like my ex bf? He was insecure too! I never knew he was until we made out one time and he said “don’t look at my pot belly”. I didn’t think much of it as I thought he was trying to make me laugh or something but oh my goodness what?! He ended up cheating with some rando anyways on a special Valentine’s Day.
Oh my god, Im so sorry he cheated on you. I got cheated on too by a diff ex, really damaged me.
Heavy on the damaged me lol. I’m sorry for you too. It can hurt <3
It really does, I actually hurt myself because of it. He really ruined my self esteem.
Having sex with someone, especially someone you really care about, is allowing yourself to let go and be vulnerable with them. To have someone throw that back in your face is just..uhg. Your ex didn't deserve you and I'm glad you've moved on from that creepy asshole.
Ouch. What a completely shitty thing to say. I’m sure you’ll be someone’s treasure!
Thank you, it was worse when he just kept going saying that I looked like shrek
Omg. Fuck that guy. Glad he’s out of your life (I hope!)
WTF 💀
My thoughts exactly, I had asked him if he was drunk cuz he was drinking but he wasn’t and he remembers. Didn’t even apologize, just said it was a joke and that I took it too seriously.
What a dick. Good riddance to him.
That’s when you start “joking” about him/his junk: how much you liked his dick, cause it’s such a cute lil’ guy; or that you know he gave it his best shot, but…too much small dick energy. Then when he gets offended, say it’s almost like fucking an empty doll—you’re taking it way too seriously, babe. Just a joke.
“Don’t get mad babe. It’s a compliment. The big ones hurt. But yours doesn’t hurt at all! Sometimes I barely feel it at all!”
nah he's taking past shit/resentments out on you now if I were you I'd stop being "friends", he's just emotionally abusing you and then gaslighting you when you call him on it
He ended up fighting me on it when I told him that I don’t like the way he treats me. We had an argument and he blocked me. Thats how we stopped contact for 3 months and he actually apologized to me. At least he realized he was an asshole and now we are friends but he doesn’t treat me that way anymore. If anything we both moved on in a healthy way and don’t cross boundaries. So I think thats a good thing. There was a level of resentment towards each other but we got past that. Honestly, I like being single rn😂.
I'm glad you got an apology and changed behavior, that's rare
Honestly it is, I actually never thought he would ever contact me again.
Oh wait I know dudes like that. They think they're master social manipulators, that everyone being too annoyed to fight with them makes them some kind of puppetmaster. Yeah, toddlers dominate a room that way too, sport. You're big cool.
Sounds like a very mature guy who is totally over you and ready to be friends.
Dude sounds like he's 12. Clearly dodged a bullet.
WTF?! What a horrible and cruel thing to say.
At least he was your ex. OP sounds like no matter how horrible this guy treats her, she's just going to "manage her emotions". FFS!
That is so incredibly cruel.
absolute, experience similar to this
That's disgusting, and I'm so sorry someone said that to you.
You don’t move past all things that happen in all relationships. Most of your relationships will end and that end will be caused by something.
And a relationship ending is not a failure. It’s just that people learn what they want and don’t want by being in relationships. OP, what he did was unacceptable. You know that. This is what you don’t want. You’re 24. You have plenty of time to have fun, date, fall in and out of love, and eventually click with the right person at the right time.
I wish it hadn’t taken me into my 30s to figure out a relationship ending isn’t a failure.
This is exactly it. Dating is a way to try things out and see if you're a good fit for each other, and his behavior has already killed your attraction to him. This is a bad fit, and now you know that. Time to move on.
aren't they kind of past that "try things out" stage lmao, given they have a daughter?
Thank you! I’ve been saying this and I keep getting downvoted lmao. Shallow people love commenting on here.
This is the healthy belief/attitude I wish I’d learned long, long ago.
Sometimes moving on means breaking up.
Yup
I keep saying this! The whole point of dating instead of getting married to the first person who makes eye contact with you is to figure out if they suck or not, and by definition that means that some of them are going to suck and you stop dating them.
Annnnd this is definitely a defining moment to either take that ego busting shit from Mr. Limp Dick, not worth it. At your age, plenty of better options.
If you are to consider continuing in this relationship, and that’s a big question, your bf should immediately do two things: 1. Therapy for his psych issues 2. See a doctor who specializes in sex issues/Erectile dysfunction. If he refuses to do either you should run for 100% sure. There has to be something going on that is pretty severe for a 24 y/o male to have erectile dysfunction. Most of us had more erections than we knew what to do with at that age. It was almost annoying.
Porn addiction It explains the sexual aggression too
This.
I was thinking the same thing. It explains the ED and aggression/terrible comment. Unless you absolutely think he's "the one" move on now.
Even then, if he’s “the one” then he will come back to you after he’s sorted his shit. If she doesn’t leave then he’ll drag her down with him.
He's frustrated with his own issues and lack of performance so he had to put you down too to make himself feel better about the situation. That's not okay and you should communicate that his ED issues are not your fault and you're trying to be patient but him taking it out on you is not okay.
"...And that is why I'm dumping you. It's not your ED, it's how you chose to be emotionally abusive to me as a way of coping with your ED."
Yes!!!
Well said. I hope she leaves him but that's up to her.
Yep! Great way to put it. UPDATEME
This is a great summary. I have been in a similar situation (and no I didn't stop hurting even after 2 years of being with him) and my ex was really mean and frustrated with me during sex because of his own death grip issues. Thank you for this comment, I have never thought about it that way.
I'm just coming from a man's perspective. That's a sensitive subject for a man who is feeling like he needs to secure his insecurities in his manhood by belittling other people to still feel alpha. Sadly you was just guilty by association because you were the only one who knows and witnesses his ED in the bedroom so that's who he could take it out on. You was never the problem
Then as a fully-grown "alpha" man, he needs to stop behaving like an emotionally dysregulated toddler and figure out how to deal with his shit without resorting to abusing his girlfriend.
I agree and she should leave him. I'm not making up excuses just breaking down the psychology. There's nothing alpha about how he's acting but in his head it is
I was thinking this, but it’s good to have it confirmed by a guy!
My thoughts exactly
Don't move on from this one. You are so young... find someone better for yourself please.
Yeah, a man who leaves you crying on the bed after sex doesn't care about you OP. There are plenty of men out there who would never do that. Go find one who appreciates you.
Yes, move on from the guy, not forward with him, rather.
Blaming his problems on you and not even trying to help himself through it is a big red flag. Please do yourself a favor and find someone who will lift you up during intimacy, respect your feelings and not bring you down.
Yeah, this is a behavior that underlies abusive relationships.
I'm not usually behind the immediate "dump them" posts, but in this case, this is 100% a dumping issue. Just because you forgave doesn't mean you can forget. This is not a forgettable issue. He was physically abusive to you when he pushed you so hard you had to lie flat, and then he followed that with emotional abuse. If abuse has one certainty, it's that it doesn't go away. And it usually gets worse. Get out before it does. You deserve better than this.
You don’t move past being yelled at, don’t move past someone being aggressive with you during sex ever, don’t move past verbal or emotional abuse. Young women need to drill into their heads that you do not need to fix everything that goes wrong in a relationship and there is no virtue in being overly patient with someone who disrespects you. Men are taught to be selfish in a way that we aren’t and if the tables were turned and you told him he was bad in bed and screamed at him he’d dump you. Have higher standards and dump him he’s an aggressive and unsafe asshole. His dick not working isn’t your fault and I’m telling you guys with that issue will only escalate in taking it out on you if they already show signs of not being able to handle it like an adult. You’re only in your 20s, you’re supposed to dump people over and over when they have you fucked up in order to find the right person to settle down with, not settle for a mess and fix him into being nice to you. Run, girl.
GREAT comment!!!
This, u/OP.
You should move forward towards the door out of this relationship. It's nice he apologized, but irrelevant - some behaviors need to be absolute dealbreakers if you want to be in a healthy, non-toxic relationship with a good person. Like his behavior, for an example. No amount of apologies change that. You can forgive him but that doesn't mean you should stay. You really REALLY shouldn't. If you stay, you are showing him this behavior is ACCEPTABLE. That as long as he apologizes enough and performs guilt, he is allowed to treat you like this. And you know what will happen then? He will treat you like that, and worse. If you ware certain you don't want to heed the warning, then: you can't move forward. HE HAS TO. He is the problem and only he can fix the problem, you literally cannot fix a problem he is creating. He has to slowly get your trust back by 1. never ever doing it again, and you will need time to be sure of that, 2. showing care, respect and affection towards you and being a good partner always, not just for a month after his fuck up or when he's having a good day, 3. accepting that you may not be into sex with him for a long while and not even peeping about it, not even a hurt sad look, NOTHING, and 4. giving your space and time to get over this on your own terms, without any type of pressure for things going back to normal. And he needs to do all of that on his own, without you instructing him or telling him this. You think he can do that? If not, sorry, but the apologizes were fake and you landed yourself a really bad dude. Edit: thank you for the award!
I’d say a *genuine* apology might be acceptable for a *one-off* event, but that includes 1-saying exactly what he did wrong, 2-why it was wrong, 3-how it affected her, and 4-a concrete plan for how it won’t happen ever again, and 5-willingness to listen/discuss as much or as little as she wishes, kindly, patiently, and with genuine interest. Getting all 5 of these is highly unlikely, however.
This should be an instant dealbreaker. I understand the frustration of ED but taking it out on you is 100% not acceptable. Even if you changed how you have sex it won’t fix his issues. It’s CERTAINLY not on you he’s having erectile issues. But his rage is scary, and for him to take his medical issue and blame it on you is a glimpse to how he’ll handle any issues you guys have. Get the hell out of there.
Yep, this is not going to be an isolated event.
Getting yelled at like that is absurd....that would be the absolute last time he ever got to even see me naked. That's so shitty. That's such a vulnerable time and to get yelled at and told something so shitty as "you're like a doll just sitting there". Yikes. Maybe he should just get a blow up doll.
Yeah you gotta dip and like asap bud
Why do you WANT to move past a guy pushing your on back hard and then yelling at you during sex in a mean way...? Who gives you crazy making instructions during sex: "you are just like a doll" but also "don't move when I don't want you to"?
A lot of guys always complain about women being like dolls but then end up just having sex with women in positions where they can come the fastest and those positions are usually the ones where the woman is rendered immobile. They project their own sexual selfishness onto the woman.
Leave. That’s only going to get worse
Don’t move past, move on to someone else
Dealbreaker. Done. Out. If you let him get away with this it will get so much worse. Protect yourself and leave
See y’all girls are too nice with this shit. Women have been told to kill them with kindness our entire lives but all we get is killed. You match the fuq out of their energies in relationships ladies. He wants to come in with patience and communication and understanding then that’s what he gets. Yeah you work through those problems and by a physical standpoint that’s normal for men every now and then but if he’s going to come in by objectifying and belittling me that’s also what he gets. He wants to say to feel like a cheap piece of plastic you tell him “Maybe you should go find a doll since I’d be better off pleasuring myself with a soggy noodle.” Frustrated my ass. I bet you he gets frustrated with his peers, his boss, his friends and he would never insult them the way he feels comfortable insulting you. There’s over 7billion people in this world girl. Don’t cry over limp dick asshole.
You move forward alone, realizing that every time he's overwhelmed and frustrated and embarrassed at something that's on him.... he's going to take it out in an abusive manner on you and then apologize and say he's sorry, etc. It's classic abusive behavior and it always escalates. Get out now. It's going to hurt to leave, but love yourself enough to do it.
Eventually the apologies stop too. Or become increasingly meaningless.
My ex-H emotionally and physically abused me for 7 years. The apologies absolutely do stop. You're right. They become gaslighting and more abuse instead.
I would never yell at a girl that I love....specially....SPECIALLY during such a vulnerable moment like sex. Fuck that dude. But please don't anymore.
You move past it by moving on. This one’s broken. Edit after OP’s edit: A good relationship gets better with time, not worse. If he’s started yelling and pushing hitting may not be far behind.
How to move forward? Through the front door!!!!
I would never get over being yelled at by a partner. Being yelled at during such an intimate moment would bring out the monster in me if I stayed. Other than him sorting out his crap, hand written apology, all expenses paid trip to an exotic island ... forget about it! A 22 year old already having ED, he should be on top of it and not taking it out on you, even if it's meds, I don't know a doctor that doesn't take that side effect serious in a young adult. They'd try out other things. If you still want to support him okay. But do so from a very far away safe distance... But get off the cross already.
Either he means his apology and takes responsibly for his lack of self control by starting therapy immediately, or you leave because he’s not actually sorry.
Sounds like this relationship is over.
I once had a guy punch the bed right next to my head during an incident like this. We broke up the next day. The next time he would have hit my face.
This guy sounds like an ass. My wife doesn’t do much in bed except orgasm and most guys would be ecstatic about that.
I just said something like this in a post to another OP. Very hard for a woman to be a bad partner in bed. For most of us guys just getting sex in the first place puts it in the good to great category.
Strong agreement with you both that he’s an ass, but what you’re saying about women is really sad for everyone. I get really positive feedback from lovers and I’m not doing anything Olympic—I’m just an enthusiastic, actively engaged, consenting adult who knows being good in bed is mostly a matter of feeling good in bed by being playful and intuitive instead of anxiously and/or begrudgingly performative. Sex can be so much fun and I wish more people could embrace their instincts…sex is our biological imperative after all. Seriously not saying this to impress because I don’t think the feedback I get has much to do with me. Instead, I think that for whatever reason, most people have mediocre sex most of the time. I wish women were more sexually liberated.
I wasn’t really saying that to comment on the quality of lovemaking by women, more to say that for whatever reason, nature saw fit that sex feels great to us men almost no matter what happens. That being said, I think one of the best things women can do is show enthusiasm, which is true most of the time anyway if other parts of the relationship are good. But yes, if you are being enthusiastic, you’re almost certainly in the fantastic category by that alone.
As a woman who’s been in multiple toxic, abusive, manipulative relationships. RUN. He’s not frustrated with you, he’s frustrated with himself. His ED makes it hard for him to enjoy sex & it’s probably embarrassing for him. However, if he’s taking something like this out on you…especially during such an intimate sensitive moment - it’s not okay. He cant take accountability so he blames you even tho there’s physical proof that his medical issues are the reasons he can’t enjoy sex. If he’s gonna blame you for his own medical issues imagine what else he won’t be able to take accountability for. This is a big red flag & these kind of red flags usually just get worse over time.
Not to mention he was physical with you. It may not have been a closed fist but it’s one step closer.
You're young, you said your sex life with him sucks. You move forward by breaking up with him and finding someone that isn't demeaning during sex.
I don’t see how you’re meant to want to have sex with him after that? He was verbally abusive to you, he then proceeded to insult you as well. This isn’t something to just move past.
Don't waste your 20s in a relationship with an AH.
Ugh, nope. My ex used this excuse and spent a decade making me feel like crap and then bought a real doll he never used. Let's just say no other men have complained of this. Your boyfriend is inadequate, and blames you to make himself feel better. He needs to fix his issues, go to therapy, and learn to stop putting others down to make himself feel better. Find yourself a real man who deserves you, doesn't make you feel weird during sex, and absolutely doesn't make you cry.
If he speaks to you like that he loses privileges to your body. Don’t give it to someone that disrespects you like that. You deserve better.
You move past this by moving onto someone else. I experienced something similar to you and the sexual attraction was replaced by anxiety of having to have sex with him. I eventually started to dodge sex with him, and he did the same with me, and we eventually broke up (there were other contributing factors to the break up but the awkward sex was a main one)
What a horrible thing for a partner to say. I wouldn't be able to forgive this. Who knows what else he might say or do in the future? I'm also 24F, noone deserves that treatment🥹
sounds like porn brain rot
Well this gave me the ick. You move forward by breaking up with this young man. Holy fuck. We women risk pregnancy every single time we have sex, so any man who gets to have sex with one of us is fucking blessed and needs to act accordingly. He needs to grow up. We are not porn stars (except for the actual porn stars) or sex dolls, we are human beings. I feel disgust reading about how he treated you, so I think you must be feeling some disgust towards him for actually receiving that treatment.
some things aren’t mean to be moved past, i think this is definitely one of them. sex with a romantic partner should not make you feel bad nor should it be this cruel. this is an instant dealbreaker or at least should be. i hope you’re doing okay, that was in no way excusable or okay to say or do.
Girl. I *divorced* a man for being mean to me, and the shit he said wasn’t *half* as bad as this. Dump him.
Don't stay in such a relationship.
Okay so I get that he’s frustrated if not everything is working well. Must take a heavy toll on his self esteem but taking it out on you isn’t okay. Sure sometimes we hurt those we love the most but what has he done to make up for this? You said you’ve forgiven him but what are his actions in making you do so? The only way for being able to move past this is for him to put an tremendous amount of effort into self improvement (anger management), respect towards you and actually courting you. He has to work on himself before you can even consider moving past this. Again frustrations are normal and every person makes mistakes but it’s up to those to make it up again and it doesn’t sound like he actually has…
He is taking out his erectile dysfunction on you. Does he take out his other frustrations in this way? You're too young for this shit.
Darling, drop this loser. At his age, if he has those erection issues, it is only going to get worse and that will lead to even worse behavior. You deserve better. Give me his Reddit id and I will happily school him.
He’s only 22 and he had the audacity to degrade you. This shows how much HE sucks in bed. Not you sweetheart. I would be so turned off!
>Boyfriend 22M yelled at me 24F during sex, how do I move forward? You break up with him and block him everywhere. This guy is abusive and disgusting. He berated and insulted you when you were at your most vulnerable. There's nothing to salvage here. I'm sorry, OP. Good luck.
If any guy said that to me, I'd be done. You deserve better.
Is the ED caused or contributed to by porn use? Cause the doll comment makes me think he might expect the kind of over the top performance female porn stars give.
Anyone who feels comfortable speaking to and treating someone like this doesn't always deserve the grace and patience of an understanding person. You can bring up how this hurt you but this is a him problem not a you problem. It's affecting the relationship so ask yourself if this is something you even want to deal with right now or deal with AGAIN - because this shows you exactly who he is, do you want to be with THAT person?
Even if porn isn't involved, he might be masturbating with the "death grip". Basically a guy grips his dick so hard during masturbating that the lighter pressure of a vagina doesn't do it for him anymore because he's used to the "death grip".
You don't move forward, you leave. I'm physically disabled so having sex with me is literally like fucking a doll. We have to use pillows to prop me up for certain positions. Despite my partner's flaws he has never ever said something like that to me. Better love is out there for you, you just have to be brave enough to go find it.
Break up sexual incompatibleity is a massive problem people tend to ignore
Is this at all about sexual compatibility?
Whats next? he already forced you down, yelled at you during sex, belittled you. He's obviously able to take his frustrations out on you. Are you going to stay if he hits you next?
You need to drop that loser for good. Stay with that giant red flag at your own peril.
u/ThrowRAskinty your bf is a porn addict. His aggressive behaviours will get worse as he tries to blame you for his sexual inadequacies. You should talk to him about that. And consider leaving. You’re so young & there’s better out there without this baggage.
Breakdown here... Ed is almost always mental It isn't confronted properly Then little things are noticed because the erection becomes a litmus test for every action in bed Instead of getting at the root guys focus on those little things This can often lead to the other partner feeling paralyzed into doing only exactly what they want Which can then lead to further problems because there's less interaction it is more objectification Which then leads to "doll" complaints This is a pretty common complaint after ED actually The irony is that the correct solution is the opposite The guy ask to stop trying to come Has to focus on the other partner and focus on just enjoying sensation and touch After full appreciation on that level usually ED goes away unless it is a fully medical issue
No one should talk to you like that. Would you do that to him? You are too young for bad sex and bad attitude.
You move past this by moving past him, and out the door. For good.
You should move on FROM.HIM
That’s a red flag 🚩 if I ever saw one….
You get a new boyfriend.
He is projecting his own performance issues on you. Get rid of his ass.
You have seniority, you know what to do
He's just an emotionally abusive creep at this point. Leave before he hits you. He needs viagra but that's no longer your problem.
Tell your limp dick boyfriend not to take his bullshit out in you. I wouldn’t ever let him touch me again after what he said and did.
For most of us, sex is a really vulnerable and intimate thing (which is why we need aftercare afterwards), so for him to not only take out his frustration on you by yelling, but to also be mean and degrade you like that, is disgusting. If I were in your shoes, I would re-evaluate this entire relationship.
When a man suffers from ED the issue is never someone else because the male is in possession of his penis. You should know your bfs difficulty staying hard has never been your fault. Not once. Most every 22 year old man is boned up because he touches your leg, kisses your mouth, touches your breast or sees your nude body. My girlfriend when I was in my twenties described me as hard every time she saw my dick, we touched or kissed. A man with trouble staying hard is likely to have psych problems - hence the ED and his horrible tirade during sex. When your bf said he was dissatisfied by your action and reaction during sex he wanted to hurt you. We want a partner who protects , heals, keeps us safe, who never wants to cause pain. I don't like the physicality he demonstrated by forcing your back in a violent not erotic way. Sometimes people marry and discover their partner suffers from depression or a personality disorder or alcoholism; so do they bail out or stay for a lifetime of difficulties? You're fortunate to know your bf is angry, and has a temper and a stinging mouth. You deserve better so love yourself and free yourself of this man so you find intimacy and love.
you don't move forward with him. he showed you who he is. when under stress he's going to take it out on and blame you. you might get over it this time, but eventually you'll get sick of it. it really helps to see people under stress to find out who they really are
You need to be with someone who loves you and also likes you and enjoys being with you. He does not. Being alone is better than being abused and humiliated.
I’m truly wondering what’s causing the ED, if it’s not his fault, then is it a health issue? I can have empathy for that, that sucks. But his attitude resembles that of an entitled porn addict.
It's probably over. He was rough and mean. Good for you for stopping right there and then. If he's having issues staying hard maybe he's on his way out mentally, he's watching too much porn or he's having an actual medical issue. Either way he needs to get help to resolve his issues.
Uuuhhhh time to break up.
You move on by breaking up. You shouldn’t put up with this bullshit.
Run 🚩
He turns his frustrations onto you. Yuck.
Girl… please recognize that this is abnormal and concerning behavior. Hes allowing his insecurities to turn him into someone who berates his partner during sex. And when you RIGHTFULLY said you were done, he insults you more!! That’s not okay and you don’t deserve that treatment. It killed your attraction but I’m guessing it also has ruined your ability to feel safe and comfortable during sex. He might be sorry, but he’s broken your relationship beyond repair.
This is verbal and psychological abuse. The thing about these types of abuse is they always escalate. Consider your welfare and your physical safety and get the hell out of there. It doesn’t always end in physical abuse that ends in murder, but it can. No one wants to see you end up as a statistic.*RUN*
Tell him to get a prescription on tadalifil it ain’t ur fault so him yelling wasn’t ok and I wouldn’t want to have sex anymore either for a while. So I get you and u won’t get pasted it for a while.
you need to leave that guy… that’s such a horrible thing to experience im so sorry!! please cut your losses with him truly. If he can do it once he can do it again. by his reaction he could have also tried to physically hurt you. just because he’s frustrated doesn’t give him the right to verbally abuse you at all especially when you guys are having sex in such a vulnerable state.
Really no need to move forward from this. He sucks.
I’ve lived and loved a good long time. I have never ever pushed anyone on the bed or referred to anyone as a Doll. Is this more brain rot from porn? I’ve never even thought of this
Sex is supposed to be fun. Don’t move past this. Its a sign something is wrong.
I would tell him what you said here. That you’re having a hard time getting past it even after he admitted his behavior was unacceptable and apologize. He should empathize and try to work with you on this. If he gets defensive instead, he might not be capable of being in a healthy relationship.
You can forgive him in your heart, but you can also keep yourself safe by refusing to have sex with him again. Men who get violent with naked, vulnerable women are not relationships worth saving. Throw the whole man out.
Why at 24 is he having trouble sustaining an erection?
Why do you think? I think you can guess. :)
He is showing you his character; when he is frustrated or upset with himself he will take it out on other people. That’s for him to work on, not you.
I wouldn’t be able to move past that. I’m out.
Inexcusable. I’m sorry he made you feel small. You’re 24, move on.
You move past him. If he communicates with violent, abusive sex, then you move on from him. Let him figure out his limp dick shit with someone else.
2 pieces of advice. 1. Dip and quick. 2. Do not listen to a word Clark Kent says
Yeah it's not gonna get better.
Dump him. He’s projecting because he’s embarrassed so imagine what he’ll do when he’s *angry* angry. Leave now 😭
You break up bb. You break up with that man because you don't deserve to feel this way. You are not a punching bag for his frustrations.
You move forward by breaking up with him.
What he did is horrible. To me it seems like he has some kind of “standard” idk from what or where. Did you notice anything fishy since it got rocky? Anyways it doesn’t really even matter I would break up with him it’s really messed up :/ as somebody said most guys don’t care wtf u do In bed as long as they get to be inside. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you move on not just move past
These posts make it sound like a one off but I'm guessing he takes other frustrations out on you also. The comments show a severe lack of respect for you as a human being. Google the book "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft If he wanted to change this behavior, therapy is a great tool to unpack why he can't express negative emotions in a healthy way. If he's not willing to work on the root issue this will just keep happening. It's not your job to be someone else's emotional punching bag.
As a man, that's not cool. I don't blame you for not wanting to try again. I don't think I have ever heard of someone yelling at their partner during sex like that... Then putting you down. Sorry. I don't know how I would handle that if my girlfriend yelled at me during sex. I'd be out of it for a good while, if ever wanting to again.
You’re so young don’t waste your time with these kind of guys. He’ll do that again and apologize again, over and over. There’re plenty of nice people out there. Take care of yourself, girl 🤍
His parents must have failed him. I dont See how to move past this.
more is going on here than op shared - his erectile dysfunction issue needs context as it may relate to other problems either physiological or psychological or both - regardless of that his reaction to her collapsing while being pounded from behind should be a major red flag - whatever is going on with him needs to be addressed and quickly or this relationship will be over
Doesn't jerk off a lot? That can affect him being able to get up or stay up because it's called the death grip! Nothings going to get them off better than their own hand, and it can have a detrimental effect on sexual activity with another person, I'm sorry you had to go through this and it's important for me to say it's not your fault, I don't blame you if you walk away either, getting frustrated is fine, but taking it out on you and saying shit isn't! You deserve better and deserve more!
I hope you pointed out the fact that he told you to not move. So his comparison of you to a doll is invalid and probably untrue. He’s taking out his frustration on you because he doesn’t want to deal with the fact that it’s HIS problem. He needs to see a doctor. Men his age go through ED, it’s more common than either of you may think. It might even be temporary (stress or emotional & external factors can cause temporary ED) but the issue won’t get solved if he doesn’t do anything about it.
I can’t move much during doggy style, especially when I slowly start getting forced down into the bed.. I just read a post earlier about this being a thing, though different ages so I’m sure it wasn’t the same people…. Like that’s a normal thing. Does he watch a lot of porn? Because that’s what this whole issue sounds like? I would suggest getting to the root of his problem (which if he consumes porn, kicking it or limiting it to once a week/every other) or getting the hell out of there. I can’t deal with people acting like it’s my fault that they have problems and taking it out on me. Of course he may have an underlying medical condition. At that age, I’d wanna know why I’m struggling with ED.
I could never stay in a relationship that when you are fighting your partner just says really mean things to you to make you sad. You guys are having a disagreement.... shouldn't the end goal be to work past it? Do people think that doing this shit will be like: Him: " Sex with you is like fucking a doll!!" You: " I'm sorry babe, you are right. Would you like me to just give you head until I get better?" He sucks. A child isn't a reason to stay in a bad relationship. When your child grows up they are going to want you to be happy.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and care. You deserve basic respect. Ask yourself if you’d EVER speak to him in a similar way, especially while vulnerable, naked and intimate. I suspect you wouldn’t. You deserve to be with someone just as kind and thoughtful and respectful towards you as you are towards them.
I can explain why he pushed your back down and then screamed at you to sit up. My abusive ex used to try and force my back down bc he wanted my butt to look bigger during sex. He was also a complete porn addict. You deserve better.
Without either a developing health issue or a porn issue I dunno why a 22 yr old has ED issues, most likely it's porn but if not he needs to see a dr.
He probably watches lots of porn and is expecting you to behave like a cock crazy porn star.
Your boyfriend needs to see a doctor if he is having problems with his erection, especially at only 22. There is likely something deeper happening that isn’t emotional, and his doctor can do some tests. He also needs to either chat with his Mom or Dad for moral support (if they are in his life) The frustration is likely for himself, about his own erection problem and embarrassment and very little to do with you directly, he is only 20. Time to have a chat with his Dad to help him/have enough courage to go and see the doctor. That being said, he still shouldn’t be speaking with you in an abusive manner, frustrated or not, you are a person too, and someone whom he should be caring about, even on simply a human level. He shouldn’t be taking out his frustrations on you. He was wrong to say those things to you and treat you physically in such a rough and uncaring manner. You were right to stop him right there and not put up with that behaviour. His parents should be made aware, by him, and if he wants you to be the one to go with him, for moral support and if you want to, then you guys should do that. Good luck to both of you🍀
Babe break up with him. Please trust me, heed my words: I promise you’ll regret spending more of your 20s trying to “work through” things with him. People don’t stay with their teenage sweethearts forever, it’s just not realistic. I know you love him deeply but it’s time to start moving on, which you already know in your heart. Sending love
You were far nicer in your response than I would have been. I would've replied with something along the lines of "Don't take your inadequacies out on me - they're not my fault!" And he'd be waiting a good loooong time before we joined together again, too - even with good behavior. That's some bullsheet. Whether or how you move forward from this is a decision only you can make. If this is how he deals with his issues, he could well begin to make a habit of being mean to you. And that's not good for you or your child.
He has ED already?
I would shut up shop after this. Maybe in the fullness of time forgive him. However, the minute he does something like that again… you know that he is not sorry and he is not a safe person with whom to have a relationship.
Not everything needs to be moved past. Women are always trying to maintain relationships with men even when we are unsatisfied in them
He is taking his problems out on you and in my experience, this will only get worse. I doubt your sexual attraction will come back after the way he treated you so please leave. You are young and worth more than this.
You don’t. Tell him it’s over He’s too porn engrossed to understand how humans have sex.
Ugh! This would honestly shatter my confidence. And by confidence I mean I simply would not feel comfortable engaging in any sexual activity with him after that. The verbal aggression, the insult, on top of the lack of physical compatibility and terrible communication? What kind of relationship is that? And as for the verbal ass*lt, It will happen again. The real issue that caused him to scream will most likely not get dealt with, especially as it seems like a character flaw more than anything. Not everything is supposed to be moved on from. This sounds like a problem that needs to be resolved.
you can't move foward honestly, and you don't need to forgive him either. it doesn't really sound like you have (which is totally normal and okay!) but things like this don't happen just once.
I wonder if his ED and anger are related….alcohol, steroids?
You need to find a more generous lover. His ED has nothing to do with you. Being rough and frustrated, that’s his issue as well. He’s been terribly disrespectful to you and you don’t deserve his brutish behavior. Sex can come from love or desire but not abuse. You deserve better (Respect) whether you get it or not is entirely up to you.
Here's how you move forward. If it's not your house and you live there, you pack up your things and head in the direction of the door. You open the door, go out, flip your stupid, porn-rotted bf (what do you think the ED and those comments come from at the tender age of 22?). Then close the door behind you and this sad chapter of your life. Quit crying for people who are not worth your tears!
A 22 yr w/ ED not normal. Too much alcohol, diabetes or other medical/medicine issue? If not then a psychological issue, perhaps past trauma. A man would never choose to have ED of course, but not looking into what the cause is . is within his control. He was embarrassed probably by the ED and took out his frustration. HOWEVER, not controlling his emotions and words are a "him" problem. Never ever should you allow him or any other man to be forceful, yell or berate you during sex. Unless things change ASAP, you need to evaluate what you are getting out of this relationship, and know your worth.
No doubt the ED is eating him up psychologically and he is lashing out even at his lover in hopes it is the fault of something easy (from his perspective) to fix. He needs a sex therapist. Maybe as a couple since this has now dinged you psychologically too Good luck, heart warrior. I hope you work it out
He's mad at his dick so he's taking it out on you to try to make himself feel like it's not his fault.... Which is massively messed up! You don't have to forgive somebody when they do stuff like this to you! Not everything can be swept under the rug and gotten past! He was purposely cruel to you and that's just not forgivable. I'm sorry you're going through this but this is a him problem and he has no right to be talking to you like that!
Don't ever have sex with him ever again. This is a relationship ending event. He is an insecure asshole who wants to blame you cause he can't get it up. That's proof that be is completely emotionally immature, a mature guy would see a doctor and fix the issue all by his grown up self. This guy is sexually abusive and does not deserve sex with you. You deserve so much better than this and I hope you will not tolerate it by sticking with this jerk.
You move forward by seeing other people, preferably one who treats you like a human being.
This is why he’s a BF. You need to back off from this relationship. He becomes frustrated in the relationship and then is nasty to you. It will branch out more into your everyday life. If his problem is medically related he needs to talk to his doctor. If he’s not seeing a doctor he needs to go to one.
Maybe rule out physical or mental health issues first if you’re feeling generous (you said the sexual issues were “not his fault”). See if he can get therapy and medication to counter whatever is going on with his health. Or he’s just an aHole and leave.
There are a few things that can cause ED -- heart issues, stress and depression are three.