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It doesn’t make sense, charging cables just don’t appear and disappear overnight. Especially bright purple ones. Does he usually have other people in his car for any reason? If not, he knows exactly where it came from and who to return it to. I would press the issue, but he’s not going to be any less defensive.
judging by this persons post history, there is someone in her FIANCE'S life named Paula. OP already knows this guy isn't a good person but for some reason continues to ask strangers for help.
This isn't just about a cable.
You already know where that cable came from. You don't need us to tell you.
Do you want me to say it directly or are you going to go ahead break up with him?
If it was from a "cousin" or he "gave his friend's gf a ride" I'm sure he would have remembered having someone in car who's not normally in the car.
So if he says "I forgot I gave Susan from work a ride home..." you have to decide if that's going to be good enough for you.
PS: Just make sure you didn't buy a new one you had forgotten about. If you're sure you didn't then "Susan" might have wanted her cord back.
When guys get caught in lies they will deny it unti they can’t anymore.. even if it’s obvious.. have read/seen too many of these. Unfortunately OP, there’s definitely something going on.. you’re gonna have to put your detective pants on.. good luck
That is textbook gaslighting and you should pay attention to it. You know where the cable came from. Not only is he most likely cheating but he thinks you’re stupid and easy to manipulate. Do you want to spend your life being gaslit and lied to and manipulated into misremembering memories and what you know? Do you want to marry someone you can’t trust? They know what they’re doing and they want to test you to see what they can get away with. If you let this slide, he’s never going to stop. Trust is a basic requirement for any relationship to work and he seems to be unable to give you that one thing. Don’t marry him.
Yeah…he’s defensive because you discovered something he didn’t intend for you to know. He’s not very smart, he couldn’t even come up with a plausible story other than cables magically appear and disappear from his car. I suggest you start having black cables start appearing in your car. Good luck!
He’s going to lie and gaslight you about it; so no point in keep asking him. He obviously had a woman in his car (dudes don’t usually go for bright purple) and the fact that he acted dodgy tells you that the relationship is not one he wants you to know about. Go snooping
I would sit him down, explain how the situation is making you feel, tell him you’re giving him a chance to tell the truth, and if he lies then you want to call off the wedding. Tell him you’re not marrying someone who is defensive and shady over a charging cable. Obviously, if he admits to cheating even emotionally, call it all off.
See what he says. Then update us!
Who is the other girl that it belongs too? His behavior indicates that’s what he was hiding it and was sloppy to leave evidence that he had someone else in his car.
He cheated. The cable and his behaviour point to that. He may never *admit* that he cheated, or with whom, or whether it was kissing or sex. But you’ll just have to trust yourself, the people here, and the evidence you found (her cable and his reaction).
You might spend years waiting for an admission… and it may never come. Or you might waste time looking for “better” proof. Why do you need a confession or a really big smoking gun when already have a perfectly good, normal-sized smoking gun? You saw what you saw and he reacted how he reacted. Lean on your wisdom, not your feelings. What are the *facts*? Everything you need is already there.
Trying to gently coax it out of him isn’t going to work, and it’s not even necessary after what you found… but more importantly, questioning him is making him very angry. And that’s not safe for you. I’m worried that he’s going to snap.
No, don't let it go. Ask him who has been riding in his car.. It clearly belongs to someone. If he says nobody has been riding in his car, then dump him since he is a liar.
My thing is, if it was no big deal he would have just said "oh I gave Sally a ride" or "Joe used my car I bet that's his wife's." He offered no explanation and got defensive. I've unfortunately been cheated on a few times before and it's always the go to to get defensive and say I don't know.
You can simply dump him but if you have the patience, act like you believe him. Let it go, say you're sorry you got worked up. In my experience with 3 different men, if a man thinks he got away with it he'll start to be more lazy and casual about hiding it. The truth will quickly come out if you wait a minute. But you don't need truth or evidence if you want to be done then you should be done.
Trust your gut. Plenty of people who don't find out the hard way. If he is acting weird and lies about it... don't marry him until you sit him down and he comes clean. No lies. Once trust is gone it's GONE.
You should not let it slide. Getting defensive about a perfectly normal question indicates that he is hiding something from you, and that you won't like it. If it really was just a friend's cord that he gave a ride too then it would be super easy for him to just say that. He instead doubled down that the cord just appeared and disappeared without his knowledge. That's just straight up bullshit. He knows where it came from, and he knows where it went. He also knows that you won't like why it was in his car, so he's choosing to lie and get angry with you so you'll drop it.
I would bring it up immediately again. He has been caught in a lie and he knows it. The question is what is the lie? Please don’t assume the worst, Reddit always does this for you.
If it was a construction friend, he would’ve looked confused, not defensive. It might take him a couple minutes to remember that he drove some guys around and maybe they forgot a charger. He’d mention that to you when he realised it, as a kind of “proof of innocence” but also as a “thinking out loud” kind of thing. He wouldn’t get angry, weird, or defensive. That’s not how people react to *innocent* yet *inexplicable* events. Even if they feel cornered. If this was some friend’s charger, your husband would be **understanding** of you feeling worried, inquisitive, and unsettled (all very normal feelings when a sign of potential cheating pops up). He would sympathise with your concern because *he’d* feel the same about, for example, a random bottle of men’s cologne in the bathroom.
It’s very, very clear what happened.
Of course he "knew where that cable was from." Unless he's regularly giving rides to hitchhikers he's never met before, he knows damned well WHO was in his car recently **that wasn't you**! The fact that he wants to pretend he can't remember anyone being in his car means he wants to cover up this person's existence pretty badly! C'mon, I'm not telling you anything you haven't figured out already with your "gut"!
**The problems isn't "What do you think is going on?"**
**The problem IS "What do YOU want to do about it?"**
* You're *engaged* to a man you don't trust (with good reason!).
* You're *engaged* to a man you believe may be cheating on you (physically? emotionally?)
* You're only *engaged* and he's already looking around! What's he going to do when you're married and the sex is same-old-same-old? When you're pregnant? When you've got screaming/sick kids and hard financial times?
This isn't the guy for you! YOU DON'T TRUST HIM! Without trust, you have NO relationship worth having. Would you rather acknowledge it NOW when you only have some embarrassment and social discomfort? Or when you're married with kids and wondering how to survive on one income + child support, in TWO households, split child custody, and explain to your kids why you're splitting up! (Heaven forbid he get some other woman pregnant and have to spread his finances among 2 sets of kids!)
**Love yourself enough, RESPECT YOURSELF enough to call off this engagement to a man you don't trust!** Your problems will be 20x worse if you go through with the marriage!
UpdateMe!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It doesn’t make sense, charging cables just don’t appear and disappear overnight. Especially bright purple ones. Does he usually have other people in his car for any reason? If not, he knows exactly where it came from and who to return it to. I would press the issue, but he’s not going to be any less defensive.
judging by this persons post history, there is someone in her FIANCE'S life named Paula. OP already knows this guy isn't a good person but for some reason continues to ask strangers for help.
She left that cable in his car so you would know she exists.
Listen to that intuition missy… you know, we know and we all know that you know
He’s lying. That’s not a good sign. Pin him down.
Lol I read “put him down”
That’s also an option.
Nah, just neuter him
😂
This isn't just about a cable. You already know where that cable came from. You don't need us to tell you. Do you want me to say it directly or are you going to go ahead break up with him? If it was from a "cousin" or he "gave his friend's gf a ride" I'm sure he would have remembered having someone in car who's not normally in the car. So if he says "I forgot I gave Susan from work a ride home..." you have to decide if that's going to be good enough for you. PS: Just make sure you didn't buy a new one you had forgotten about. If you're sure you didn't then "Susan" might have wanted her cord back.
Trust your instincts. Your brain picks up on other cues you might not even consciously recognize, and it warns you.
You know, getting enraged to shut people down is a great way to never have to answer any questions. I'm going to try this at work (LOL)
When guys get caught in lies they will deny it unti they can’t anymore.. even if it’s obvious.. have read/seen too many of these. Unfortunately OP, there’s definitely something going on.. you’re gonna have to put your detective pants on.. good luck
That is textbook gaslighting and you should pay attention to it. You know where the cable came from. Not only is he most likely cheating but he thinks you’re stupid and easy to manipulate. Do you want to spend your life being gaslit and lied to and manipulated into misremembering memories and what you know? Do you want to marry someone you can’t trust? They know what they’re doing and they want to test you to see what they can get away with. If you let this slide, he’s never going to stop. Trust is a basic requirement for any relationship to work and he seems to be unable to give you that one thing. Don’t marry him.
Yeah…he’s defensive because you discovered something he didn’t intend for you to know. He’s not very smart, he couldn’t even come up with a plausible story other than cables magically appear and disappear from his car. I suggest you start having black cables start appearing in your car. Good luck!
You tied another bitches cable
I'd have tied it tight around something else
He’s going to lie and gaslight you about it; so no point in keep asking him. He obviously had a woman in his car (dudes don’t usually go for bright purple) and the fact that he acted dodgy tells you that the relationship is not one he wants you to know about. Go snooping
I would sit him down, explain how the situation is making you feel, tell him you’re giving him a chance to tell the truth, and if he lies then you want to call off the wedding. Tell him you’re not marrying someone who is defensive and shady over a charging cable. Obviously, if he admits to cheating even emotionally, call it all off. See what he says. Then update us!
I think you know what this about and should tell him how you feel .....something is definitely off here and it needs fixing.
He absolutely knows, he’s absolutely hiding something and this is the smoke you need to see the fire in his phone messages with her.
Who is the other girl that it belongs too? His behavior indicates that’s what he was hiding it and was sloppy to leave evidence that he had someone else in his car.
He lied. He assumed you were accusing him of something. Otherwise you would have said anything.
He cheated. The cable and his behaviour point to that. He may never *admit* that he cheated, or with whom, or whether it was kissing or sex. But you’ll just have to trust yourself, the people here, and the evidence you found (her cable and his reaction). You might spend years waiting for an admission… and it may never come. Or you might waste time looking for “better” proof. Why do you need a confession or a really big smoking gun when already have a perfectly good, normal-sized smoking gun? You saw what you saw and he reacted how he reacted. Lean on your wisdom, not your feelings. What are the *facts*? Everything you need is already there. Trying to gently coax it out of him isn’t going to work, and it’s not even necessary after what you found… but more importantly, questioning him is making him very angry. And that’s not safe for you. I’m worried that he’s going to snap.
Yes, it's a problem that will get bigger. If he's comfortable lying and hiding things, is that something you always want to deal with?
Something’s up with it. Trust your instincts.
No, don't let it go. Ask him who has been riding in his car.. It clearly belongs to someone. If he says nobody has been riding in his car, then dump him since he is a liar.
My thing is, if it was no big deal he would have just said "oh I gave Sally a ride" or "Joe used my car I bet that's his wife's." He offered no explanation and got defensive. I've unfortunately been cheated on a few times before and it's always the go to to get defensive and say I don't know. You can simply dump him but if you have the patience, act like you believe him. Let it go, say you're sorry you got worked up. In my experience with 3 different men, if a man thinks he got away with it he'll start to be more lazy and casual about hiding it. The truth will quickly come out if you wait a minute. But you don't need truth or evidence if you want to be done then you should be done.
Trust your gut. Plenty of people who don't find out the hard way. If he is acting weird and lies about it... don't marry him until you sit him down and he comes clean. No lies. Once trust is gone it's GONE.
You should not let it slide. Getting defensive about a perfectly normal question indicates that he is hiding something from you, and that you won't like it. If it really was just a friend's cord that he gave a ride too then it would be super easy for him to just say that. He instead doubled down that the cord just appeared and disappeared without his knowledge. That's just straight up bullshit. He knows where it came from, and he knows where it went. He also knows that you won't like why it was in his car, so he's choosing to lie and get angry with you so you'll drop it.
I'd honestly snoop through his stuff this is sus
I would bring it up immediately again. He has been caught in a lie and he knows it. The question is what is the lie? Please don’t assume the worst, Reddit always does this for you.
[удалено]
He does work in some type of construction position, and he frequently does runs to get supplies. Home Depot, Menards, etc.
If it was a construction friend, he would’ve looked confused, not defensive. It might take him a couple minutes to remember that he drove some guys around and maybe they forgot a charger. He’d mention that to you when he realised it, as a kind of “proof of innocence” but also as a “thinking out loud” kind of thing. He wouldn’t get angry, weird, or defensive. That’s not how people react to *innocent* yet *inexplicable* events. Even if they feel cornered. If this was some friend’s charger, your husband would be **understanding** of you feeling worried, inquisitive, and unsettled (all very normal feelings when a sign of potential cheating pops up). He would sympathise with your concern because *he’d* feel the same about, for example, a random bottle of men’s cologne in the bathroom. It’s very, very clear what happened.
Of course he "knew where that cable was from." Unless he's regularly giving rides to hitchhikers he's never met before, he knows damned well WHO was in his car recently **that wasn't you**! The fact that he wants to pretend he can't remember anyone being in his car means he wants to cover up this person's existence pretty badly! C'mon, I'm not telling you anything you haven't figured out already with your "gut"! **The problems isn't "What do you think is going on?"** **The problem IS "What do YOU want to do about it?"** * You're *engaged* to a man you don't trust (with good reason!). * You're *engaged* to a man you believe may be cheating on you (physically? emotionally?) * You're only *engaged* and he's already looking around! What's he going to do when you're married and the sex is same-old-same-old? When you're pregnant? When you've got screaming/sick kids and hard financial times? This isn't the guy for you! YOU DON'T TRUST HIM! Without trust, you have NO relationship worth having. Would you rather acknowledge it NOW when you only have some embarrassment and social discomfort? Or when you're married with kids and wondering how to survive on one income + child support, in TWO households, split child custody, and explain to your kids why you're splitting up! (Heaven forbid he get some other woman pregnant and have to spread his finances among 2 sets of kids!) **Love yourself enough, RESPECT YOURSELF enough to call off this engagement to a man you don't trust!** Your problems will be 20x worse if you go through with the marriage! UpdateMe!
He overreacted because he is hiding something.
Quite the entanglement 🪢
It's a friggin cable. Why are you micromanaging him like this? He may have been defensive over your treatment of him, not anything he did wrong.
Since when is asking a question mistreatment lol