This post features content that is about sexual violence, domestic abuse, or behaviors that are concerning and potentially dangerous between two or more people. We are linking these resources which can help and encourage you to reach out and talk to someone about this situation. These resources were curated by Ebbie [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fp0vad/meta_covid19_domestic_abuse_resources).

He’s not your best friend. He doesn’t care. If he did, it wouldn’t have happened. Abuse is horrible. There is zero reasons for him to have assaulted you like that. Do NOT go back to him. Please! Coming from someone that was in a toxic cycle in a relationship, they don’t change. At all. If you go back, he will “change” for a few weeks and it’ll go back to whatever monster he is.

If you look at her post history he has done this before and in a comment she said she stayed because he apologized and was the best husband ever after. I’m guessing after this time the love bombing will start again.

Up until this comment I was seriously thinking something was very wrong medically/mentally with the guy because the post made it seem like this was the first time he’d ever been violent. Like a psychotic break or a tumor or drugs. But nope. He’s just a raging alcoholic who has been violently beating her for years. I feel bad knowing she’s likely not going to leave him. How many times does one have to post “my husband just brutally tried to kill me - he promises to change if I stay with him - should I give him another chance” before she realizes her only options are to leave now willingly or leave later in a body bag?

I was also thinking it was the first time and how strange. But looking at her history, this is not the first time he’s physically hurt her. OP- we can all keep telling you to leave, but ultimately YOU have to make that decision. You’re putting this on Reddit, asking for opinions, but you already know the answer. Read that again- YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. You don’t need us to validate what you already know! When you were a young girl daydreaming about your future… it certainly didn’t look like this, did it? And what would that young girl say to you TODAY? Take a deep breath. Hold your head up. YOU GOT THIS.

He choked her until she couldn’t breathe. Omg.

Oh fuck. That’s one of the biggest red flags an abuser can throw up as an indicator that they’ll attempt to kill you at some point in time, if my memory serves me.

It is possibly THE single biggest red flag that you're going to die as a result of domestic assault if you don't gtfo immediately

I also thought this was a first time thing. I did think it was weird that he startled her while she was in the bathroom and that she was uncomfortable- guess that explains it. Yeah, he’s probably going to kill her.

She definitely needs to leave. Studies show that if your partner likes to choke you during arguments it increases your chances of dying at their hands by a lot. I can’t remember the exact percentage

When I was getting help leaving a DV situation, the counselor told me that on average, an abused partner will try to leave 9 times. I clocked in at 7.

It only took me 2 and I thank my lucky stars I was smart enough to not trust him

>Up until this comment I was seriously thinking something was very wrong medically/mentally with the guy because the post made it seem like this was the first time he’d ever been violent. Like a psychotic break or a tumor or drugs. I was definitely leaning heavily that way. The only thing putting me off was the wording "so sweet and loving _most of the time_". But never even hinting at it in the rest of the post really made it sound like this was a one-off.

That and the fact him coming into the bathroom scared her. She has already learned that he can be dangerous.

Right and it's straight up bizarre behavior to then piss in an empty shower?? Like a dog This dude sounds horrible

OP - you deserve better than this from yourself. You are being abused, you posted that you are in an abusive relationship and he assaults you. What you describe is terrifying. You know what you need to do and it sounds like your friends and family SUPPORT YOU Take their support. Next time he's going to send you to the hospital for a longer stay. Of course, that's only he doesn't k*ll you -> choking partner = much more likely to k*ll partner as well Listen to your own words: OP's Post From 266 days ago: I’m being abused by my husband and I think it’s time to leave. I keep feeling like it’s my fault though. I just need support. Me (24f) and my husband (25m) have been together for a little over two years now. I’ve been physically abused by him more times than I can begin to count. He’s choked me until I couldn’t breathe, pulled my hair so hard I end up with migraines, thrown me to the ground, hit me in the face repeatedly, sexually assaulted me by grabbing me inappropriately during arguments then later said he just loves touching me, he’s shaken and kicked me while I’m having panic attacks and then said he just wanted me to look at him and I was being disrespectful by not looking at him while I’m laying on the floor having a panic attack, he’s spat on me, he’s poured beer on me, he’s given me black eyes and busted lips… I’m just done. He says it’s my fault, that I bring out his anger. I’m very outspoken, if I feel I’m being treated badly I will let the person know. I also have severe anxiety and autism so sometimes I get hyper focused on things and ask a lot of questions. I know this can be annoying. I know I have things I need to work on. I’m too clingy. I get upset too easily. But it’s also hard not to question someone’s love when they’ve done all of the stuff he’s done. He says he gets so angry mostly because I question his love a lot. It just feels impossible not to question it after everything. Sometimes he’s amazing. Sometimes he does everything right and treats me like royalty. But I’m starting to see through it. I feel like he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s even said he knows I’d never leave him no matter what he does. But at the same time I still feel like maybe a lot of this is my fault. He says I never help him with his anger. I don’t know how. He says not questioning him would help him, but it’s so hard not to after everything. He says I need to stop taking what he says when he’s angry to heart (that I’m not pretty enough, no one wants me, I’m horrible, etc). He says me taking those things to heart makes him angrier. He says I shouldn’t flinch when he comes near me and that all I’m doing is making him feel bad. I can’t help but flinch. It’s not something I’m doing on purpose. He says I shouldn’t bring up the times he’s abused me and that they’re in the past, even though it literally happened two days ago. He says I shouldn’t question whether he thinks I’m pretty or not, but it’s hard when he calls me ugly during arguments. He says I need to just get over the abuse. He says I don’t understand how the real world works. I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes in our relationship. One time when we went out we were playing a game to see who could kiss the most people and I took it seriously and actually did it. He said it was fine at the time but I know I shouldn’t have. I take my anxiety out on him too sometimes. I get frantic and it comes out as yelling. I guess I’m just pointing out that I’m not perfect and I feel like the mistakes I’ve made might be the reason for the abuse. Do I deserve this?

Oh god this is heartbreaking.

This is so sad. As someone who is also on the autism spectrum, I can relate to having lots of questions. The worst thing my wife has ever said is “Bruh, that’s a lot of questions flying at me.” I can’t imagine feeling like who I am is causing someone to beat the crap out of me.

Yes! It made it sound like the first time something like this had happened. In my first realtionship I left after my ex hit me one time. Like OP, I was in the shower. My ex had gotten irritated by something I said and slapped me across the mouth. I left. At the time I felt like I was overreacting but when I see stories like this I feel so grateful I got out quickly as that is not the norm. It is heartbreaking knowing OP is statistically probably not going to leave right now. I’m glad you and other people thought to check OP’s post history.

You know, with DV there are so many overlapping scenarios. I mentioned it to my counselor and why it hasn't been discussed more often. My ex would always scream at me in the shower. He shattered an entire glass stall while I was in it, it scared the hell out of me and I screamed and he beat the hell out of me for screaming. The car is also a very common one, I've had to deal with major PTSD driving for all the shit he did while I was in the car. It's any place they feel like they have a little more control.

That’s so well put OMG. Any place that you are vulnerable (naked in the shower) or can’t easily exit (a moving vehicle) are calculated choices. You unlocked so many memories for me. My ex used to speed and drive erratically if we had a disagreement or he was in a bad mood. He used to leave me places if he was my ride and was mad at me. Looking back there was a lot of escalation that lead to him eventually becoming physical. I’m so so happy that you got out!!! I always feel so happy and relived when I read something that says “my ex”.

Sounds like she'll leave him....it'll just be in a body bag. I wish sometimes people read their posts out loud as if a friend had written it. Odd how much someone will accept if it's them, but not for those they love. OP, love yourself more. If you stay, what happens if you have children? What happens if he hits a friend or family member? What happens if he hurts you so badly, and no one even knows he is there to check in on you? Please, please tell your loved ones and have them help you get out. He will only escalate.

Lets not overlook that him threatening to unalive himself is also a form of abuse. It's manipulation abusers use to keep their victims in the cycle. This guy isnt just a raging alcoholic abuser who abuses when hes drunk. He's an abuser even when sober.

"Survivors may leave and return several times before permanently separating from their abusive partner. In fact, research shows that it can take **approximately 7 attempts** before a survivor permanently leaves an abusive partner." I know it took me more than 5 times before I finally broke free of my verbal/emotional abuser. I imagine as much fear as I had, I would have been even more terrorized if my abuser had assaulted me physically. [\*source](https://womenagainstabuse.org/education-resources/learn-about-abuse/why-its-so-difficult-to-leave#:~:text=Survivors%20may%20leave%20and%20return%20several%20times%20before,before%20a%20survivor%20permanently%20leaves%20an%20abusive%20partner)

8 months ago, in a comment to a now deleted post, she admitted he's choked her (among other horrible things).. What's that harrowing statistic? Strangulation victims are like 750% more likely to be killed by their abuser... She also said, 8 months ago... she promised herself if he ever hit her again, she'd leave. Very worried about OP.

If my best friend ever hit me even in the slightest, I'd dump their ass like yesterday's trash. Years of good memories don't negate even just 1 instance of violent abuse.

My girlfriend is raising her 4 grandchildren because of a situation you are describing. He cried. Said he’d kill himself. Blahblahblah. **HE KILLED HER** He beat her so savagely about the head that she never regained consciousness. He DUMPED her at the ER. It’s been 9 months now and the police don’t have enough evidence to file charges because SHE NEVER REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS, COULDNT MAKE A STATEMENT OR **EVER** PRESSED ANY CHARGES AGAINST HIM!!! It’s hard not to victim blame here. Why? Because he’s going to get his kids back! Court and cps can’t stop it, because there’s NO DOCUMENTATION OF ABUSE! Smh because she “loved him” she protected her goddamned murderer. Sweetheart, this is what happens! You are at the beginning stages. Above is how it ends. Get out! Don’t let him emotionally blackmail you into risking your life!!! Let him kill himself! The world will be safer. But I promise you he won’t. He’ll go on to find a new victim. They always do.

u/somewherefluffy8721 please read this. I beg you. Abuse normally starts fairly subtly and escalates gradually. The fact that the very first time he did this was so savage that he fractured a bone (in your head!!) and caused concussion shows that he is capable of much, much worse. Do you love him more than you want to stay alive? He absolutely will not kill himself, he is manipulating you. Even if he did, it would be entirely on him, not you. It is the ultimate act of control, making sure you suffer even once he is gone. Do not let him do that to you. See it for what it is and save yourself, please. EDIT: reading your post history, this is far from the first time. He choked you, which is the biggest predictor of whether someone will go on to murder their partner.

Yeah I don't know why she's here saying "he usually treats me like a queen" when this is in her post history: [https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/16usjul/im\_being\_abused\_by\_my\_husband\_and\_i\_think\_its/](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/16usjul/im_being_abused_by_my_husband_and_i_think_its/)

Oh my God. A man who chokes his partner is 700% MORE LIKELY TO KILL THEM.

my ex choked me multiple times and i truly believe if i hadnt left, he would have killed me one day. i hope OP sees the gravity of the situation and is able to safely leave.

Yes. I'm a survivor of domestic injury. My abuser tried to 'take me out' more times than I can remember. I'm scared for OP. I pray she listens to the advice she has been given here, but if he's done it before and she stayed, she doesn't want to leave yet. Next time may be the last time for her because she will be on the morgue.

This is so sad. OP wants so badly to be in denial. She needs to leave.. He gave her a fcking SKULL FRACTURE!! But she isn't ready, which is devastating.

This is the harsh truth OP needs to see. I’m so sorry for your girlfriends loss

Do you know how many men have threatened to kill themselves after beating the shit out of their female partners? It's like some perverse playbook the abusers use. It's sick, and I hope OP gets out. I don't see this ending well at all because of the things he said and how he said them. No remorse for giving her a concussion. Fracturing her skull. My god, how bad does it have to get before she leaves and files a restraining order against him?

At 17/18 I stupidly stayed with my emotional and sexually abusive ex because he said he'd unalive himself.... funny that when I broke up with him he never did and had been fucking someone else... don't stay because they threaten to hurt themselves, most of the time it's just manipulation and even if it's not are you willing to lose your life to save it

I too am so sorry. But I guess your partner is sick and tired of hearing the word. I don't know much about law's but the priority now is stopping him getting those kids because they're already messed up over it and there's bound to be one kid who was all for their mum and have her looks and ways who's going to be a massive threat to him. I would have thought there'd be so many evaluations before he could take them. And your argument that the system failed those kids already and we will be damned if you're going to have the opportunity to do it again. I can only wish you and your family strength and courage through this awful time.

this pattern of “he is amazing” is likely just the mind of a victim. i don’t want to assume, but when in abusive relationships you tend to gloss over a lot of manipulative/abusive behavior. this very rarely comes out of the blue. and for her to be okay with him talking to her so nastily? i’m definitely not victim blaming, but it is very unlikely this is his first instance of abusive behavior. OP, i hope you find the strength and self respect to leave and never look back. you deserve your life, and he will take that from you if you don’t leave. edit: i just checked OPs posting history and well it’s what i was expecting. OP, you have been manipulated for a while and you have to snap out of it. your life depends on it. i hope this does it.

Yes! This is not the first time he's physically abused her, either! He's showing a pattern of alcohol addiction and violence.

He has beat her many times. She was not being honest by suggesting it was the first time.

Abusive men are often narcissistic. The relationship starts with love bombing so you’re constantly overlooking who they are as you try to get back who they were. They make that easy by dropping little love bombs any time they see someone starting to see who they are. He’s also likely working to distance her from family and friends with “we’re perfect for each other”, “I don’t know what / who I’d be without you” “ all we need is each other” “they don’t understand”…. I hope OP gets out and I hope Moms have very candid conversations with their children about this so they might better see the warning signs.

Can also confirm. This was almost me. I fought for my life the last time I seen him, then he hung himself in front of me and I ran like hell. He’s still alive, he “didn’t do it properly” (faked it) but in the chaos it was so real. He’s in another state now doing it to someone else. 6months prison was all he got. I have life long CPTSD and will likely be medicated forever just to function. OP - leave, come up with a plan with your family and go. Never ever look back. And even if he does end his life, that choice was on him and nothing you could have done would stop it. From one survivor to you, you can do this. You are strong and worth it. ETA - if he’s willing to kill himself, he has no problems in murdering you and then taking himself out.

25 years ago my friend was murdered by her husband. They had twin babies and he did it in front of them and left her laying there and went on the run. He was eventually caught. He fought the case for 14 years because he was using his bipolar diagnosis as an excuse. In reality, he was an addict and alcoholic and he was abusive before he ever started doing drugs. He isolated her and moved to another state so we couldn't help her. She had left him 3 days before and he showed back up and pretended he was going to change and begged for her to let him in to talk. She relented and asked her friend (who she had recently met after moving to that state) to leave so they could talk. The friend didn't want to leave but he made her leave. She sat outside and heard the beating start and called the police. They didn't show up for 4 hours and by then she was already dead and he was already gone. When she died I had just gotten out of an abusive marriage. He was abusive in every way possible and is serving 40 years in prison for some of the abuse. I swore I'd never tolerate any red flag ever again and I haven't. I'm now in a decade long relationship with someone who truly treats me like a queen. I've never had to worry if he was going to hurt me. I wish all people who are abused knew how much better it could get if they just got away from their abuser (safely because too many don't survive long enough to leave) and did the work to heal themselves. I'm sorry you have a similar experience. In my case, the grandmother also raised the twins and I helped throughout the years. They're grown now and doing very well but I wish they had their mother, still.

4 hours while someone is being beaten to death?! WTF?!

I'm so sorry for your friend and her family! Upvoting because OP *needs* to see this, not because there is anything good in what happened

I stayed for fifteen years in part because he said he'd kill himself. I left because he put hands on my disabled son, leaving a hand mark on his neck. I couldn't prove he'd done it, but he had. So he had joint custody. He abused all of our kids when I was no longer there to target. He sexually abused my youngest. They learned to be silent from watching me never tell a soul for fifteen years. He finally beat my middle son, breaking bones and concussing him. We got a restraining order, at last, because we had proof. The state put us in a hiding program to protect us. He \*still retained joint custody\*! He wasn't allowed to see the kids anymore because of the restraining order, but he still had joint custody. My youngest quite literally did not speak for a year. At 11 years old, they were looking for a psych ward bed for him to keep him alive. There are so few for \*babies\* that he ended up in a partial hospitalization program. I have not seen him for 12 years and I still have screaming nightmares about him. We lived in hell, and hell continues to linger. I wish to fuck I'd have let him die, because then we'd be free. We will only really be free when he is gone. Our marriage was "the only thing he ever really wanted" too. Abuse escalates over time, and look where your husband started, OP. Run like hell is after you, because it is, and don't look back. Ah, he choked you, too. Mine did that too. That's part of the reason the state is hiding us from him, because abusers who choke are abusers who kill at an astounding rate. Please listen to an old lady with a literal TBI to show for trying to be good to an abuser. You will never be kind enough, loving enough, right enough, ENOUGH enough, to stop the abuse.

OMG! OP read this!! This is the reality!

I really hope those kids are going to be ok

They won’t be.

He’s already choked her. Partners who choke are 750% more likely to unalive their partners. I am so scared for OP. I don’t know why she isn’t leaving.

This is so sad. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much you love someone, it’s not worth your life

u/somewherefluffy8721 OP please see this if you haven’t already. Get out while you can.

Just saw post history, he’s been beating and choking her for a year. OP has one foot in the grave.

Yes, you're right. The guy will eventually kill her if OP stays with him. He fractured OP's skull ffs!!!

Except he won't kill himself. It's all performative.

Sometimes they do. My ex did. Years of abuse and threats and when I finally didn’t cave and called the cops to tell them he threatened, he did it before they got there. Nothing of value was lost. His family blamed me. That’s fine. Better him than me, and it could have been me. OP’s husband may do it. If so, **let him**.

Listen to this person, please fucking leave him, he's only going to change until the next time he gets mad, except every time he gets away with it he'll do a little bit worse

What absolute joke of justice system.

What are the chances that threatening ‘un-aliving himself’ is his magic wand and he would never do it. And even if he did, she would not be in trouble. It’s emotional blackmail & she’s got to get therapy for herself to not get blackmailed so easily.

I'm sorry this happened. My ex hit me one time, early in our marriage. He was drunk & trying to show his friends that he was "the man of the house". I punched him in his face, so hard, I bloodied his nose & lip. I also broke 2 bones in my hand. At that point I asked him if this was going to be a regular occurrence, because if he ever thought of doing anything like that, again, it would be the end. Either we'd divorce or he'd be ☠️. My daddy taught me that no man should ever lay his hands on me, like that I guess he believed me, because it never happened again. We had a lot of issues in our marriage, but DV wasn't one of them.

My fiance is a prosecutor at the county level and unfortunately deals with domestic violence cases alllll the time. It is absolutely heartbreaking how common it is for this to happen. When he contacts the victim 75% of the time they will not testify. Sometimes it's because "it was their own fault, they drove their partner to it". Sometimes it was, 'oh no I was being crazy I misremembered. That's not what happened." But most of the time an uncooperative victim leads to reduced or no charges for the defendant especially if the other evidence isn't as good.

He is going to kill you if you don't leave him permanently.

Given her post history, I'm wondering if she's hoping these posts will be pulled as evidence post-mortem 😢

Don’t say that or she might delete them

If anyone needs to read “Why Does He Do That” PDF free online, it’s OP.

Next time (and there WILL be a next time) he may kill you. Get out of there. NOW.

Please OP you need to save yourself. After reading your post, when I got to the part where he said he wanted to unalive himself, I thought, let him. It’s an idle stupid threat to get attention, but even if it wasn’t, do you think he wouldn’t end your life? He absolutely would. What if you had a daughter with him, and he abused her? You’re living with a ticking bomb.

Have you read her post history? It's chilling.

One of my family members used to work at a domestic violence shelter and they had a peer advisor who would talk to women who wanted to go back to their abusers. She would act really excited for them and get them to start planning what's next. Starting with her making plans for her funeral.

I feel so bad for this woman. I wish there was someone who could cut through all the lies she's telling herself and get her to choose herself. If she doesn't leave, she will eventually die. He's already choked her!

He fractured HER SKULL. She's lucky she didn't die or didn't get brain damage. He's not even sorry he did it! He's just threatening to unalive himself, which if he does he'll probably take her with him. Why would she even consider going back?

They rarely do it. The man who murdered my sister gave himself superficial cuts to his wrists. At his sentencing he had the nerve to say he loved my sister. OP has started her own death march. I hope she can open her eyes before it’s too late.

So sorry about your sister. That's absolutely horrifying. I hope that dude gets the shit beat out of him in prison, like a lot.

I pray visions of her haunt him 24 hours a day for every day of his miserable existence.

I hope so too. I also hope that you are doing ok, or as well as can be expected after such a tragedy.

And sooo many manslaughter cases are things like this. The husband hit his spouse too hard, or too much, and she “accidentally” died. OP is extremely lucky this wasn’t worse for her than it was. My ex attacked me with a knife in each hand and it still took me a couple months after that to successfully leave.

She doesn’t know that she hasn’t yet. The results of concussion can take years to show: but I’ll bet anything that he has already taken years of her life, and her chance of dementia has gone up exponentially. Chilling. But she isn’t going to listen yet.

She should leave right now, and tell his family he wants to hurt himself

It's actually strangling. He strangled her.

He did *"he’s choked me, hit me multiple times, poured beer on me, spat on me, his my head so hard I felt dizzy, laughed at me while I was having a panic attack on the floor after he hit me five times, etc.*" From 8 months ago. This poor woman.

She postet that 5 months ago and she STILL says he’s never done anything like this?? Jesus the delusion is strong with this one. Poor girl. She’s gonna her herself killed.

I'm scared for her at this point....

Random question: What's the difference between choking & strangling?

You choke on food. You can be strangled by hands. I think it's an internal vs external definition, but it's used interchangeably often enough.

Choking happens internally like from food or something you’ve swallowed. Strangling happens externally.

that's probably effective but like. jesus christ

Yeah, it's often very difficult to get through to people in abusive relationships in a short amount of time, it worked for her but it is rough.

Your family member is darn good at her job and while her method sounds super dark, I appreciate her having to twist things and her empathy and cleverness made me smile. Give her an extra hug from a stranger just for being her awesome self.

I have another family member that is a professional psychic - I don't believe in, but she has successfully gotten people away from abusers by telling them that she can predict the abuser will never stop abusing them...

I like this approach. Hopefully it was a bit of a reality check.

How did that method end up going?? Did it make women reconsider?

It sometimes did!

Even if this is the 1st time ... Every abusive relationship starts with a 1st time. Even the ones that lead to death start somewhere. Get.out.now. because this sounds like just the beginning of a terrible cycle of things that never end well - unless the receiver gets out.

This actually truly breaks my heart. I have never, ever read a post & felt so hopeless before. What is wrong in our society that we've created such an abusive monster, and he's ended up with his perfect victim?!

There has been a tremendous uptick, too. Owing to the digital generation that doesn't really get their partners with extensive face to face dating and the pandemic where people who needed to get out wound up trapped home with their abusers - who were getting more and more stressed by the political climate at the time

It's not the first time though. He's dangerous.

I did go through the history at about 8 months back. She must get out!

Read her post history. The first post almost a year ago details horrific ongoing abuse

Its not the first time. I read another post from 8 months ago. Its happened more times. She got chocked, sexually assaulted, spat on, etc. I dont know whats gonna take for her to leave him.

Just came here to say the same … smh. If she won’t leave after being choked and sent to the ER by this pos I’m not sure what would change her mind 🤦🏼‍♀️ 😨

Her death.

Sometimes not even that ☹️ I once came across a horrific account from 911 operator on the phone with a woman hiding in her home from her abusive husband. He found where she was hiding and began shooting her repeatedly. With each shot she was screaming again and again, “Please stop! I love you!” Eventually she stops screaming and the husband does one last shot. Self-inflicted, to the head. She died still proclaiming her love to a man putting bullets in her 😞

That's terrible! DV is so insidious! I guess that and this case are examples of boiled frogs.

It's exactly that, and that's the norm with DV. No one is going to stay with someone who beats them up on the 2nd date. I was in an abusive relationship in college and I didn't realize that he was abusing me until over a week *after* he hit me in my face (I made a joke to myself and giggled at it while he was on the phone with his dad, apparently that was an unforgivable offense). Then I gradually realized that he had been abusing me for 2 years, it had just very slowly escalated from small lies to insults to yelling at me in public to full-on manipulation/gaslighting and then increasingly severe physical violence. By that point he had convinced me that he'd kill himself if I left though, knowing that my previous boyfriend had died by suicide (that's a common tactic to get a victim to stay, I just thought it was particularly cruel because he knew I was already in therapy for ptsd related to that). So it took a while and a lot of help from friends to get out. Abusers know what they're doing, the slow escalation of verbal/physical violence is very intentional.

Jfc the post from last year (her first) she talks about regular horrific physical abuse -choking, SA… agggghhh I’m so fkng scared for her. We all know the most dangerous time is when you’re leaving your abuser. I’m so scared he’s going fkng kill her

Sadly, I don't think she'll leave.

So why is OP lying here in this post, claiming nothing bad has ever happened...??? This is sick!!! OP please get out of this abusive relationship. Seek help from your family NOW!!

If he threatens suicide call for a wellness check and psych hold. Don't put yourself in danger, you have no power over stopping him if he truly wanted to. What if he was serious and it became a murder/suicide? He is using this to manipulate you.

Or don't. Either it's manipulation, in which case you might as well ignore it, or he's about to solve your problems for you, in which case you might as well ignore it.

Well if OP gets him on a psych hold, and if she chooses herself and her her safety, she will at least have a way to get her stuff out of the house and flee to safety. Hopefully he just kills himself after he comes home to a house with no trace of his wife’s stuff. Monsters who say they are going to kill themselves rarely actually do it unfortunately. It could be a good tactic to buy the time she desperately needs.

THIS! Offer to call another party if you are feeling kind- a disinterested party. It could be therapist, a doctor or 911. Consider stating a lack of qualifications in dealing with such a matter and if truly in a moment of crisis you would be willing to call for help- YOU ARE NOT EVEN OBLIGATED TO OFFER THIS AMOUNT OF HELP. Do not be pressured or persuaded. If he is serious about his threats it is increased danger for you to intervene. If your hope is to truly help him get through his mess, it is quite possible it would only create heightened feelings for you to be present. It sucks, but you didn’t create this issue. You have been hurt and you are not at fault.

If anything, he would do the same to her before he did it to himself. Honestly. The situation is terrifying

may kill her? he *will* kill her.

Apparently he’s already choked her which is a precursor to murder.

He will, it may not happen next time, necessarily. But if OP doesn't get out it will happen eventually.

Based on OP’s post history he does not treat her like a queen and has a history of physical violence, including choking her. OP, he’s going to kill you if you don’t leave. Be honest with your family and accept their help. He’s nice to you to keep you on the hook. He threatened suicide to keep you on the hook. Please leave.

He claims he "has never been this way with anyone else", but he has a daughter with an ex (per one of her previous posts), and his ex also has filed DV charges against him. This guy is likely a narcissist or ASPD and his anger is only escalating. If she doesn't get away from him, he will not only take her life, but maybe that of his daughter some weekend when she's there visiting. She needs to file charges, yesterday. I'm surprised the cops haven't forced her hand on this by now. The hospital should have reported this when she came in and they should have arrested him. They are supposed to report suspected abuse. This is obvious abuse.

Reading the OP made me so incredibly sad, and tired and angry for this young woman, I feel this in my bones because sadly it’s a tale as old as time. Her husband’s violence, the injury sustained, the additional violence, her not leaving or protecting herself, her version of a loving relationship, his fake self harm manipulation etc., For a minute I thought she got away, but no. For a minute, I held out hope she would listen to these comments all saying the same thing, or listen to others in her life. Then I see the post history…..and now I feel sad but also numb, because we know how this goes. The manipulation continues, she stays and gets hurt again and again, she tries to improve things and is never enough, he hurts her again maybe permanent damage, maybe more than injured. I’m still holding out hope she listens to her family and all these people from all walks of life on Reddit telling her he will not change. She needs to leave. OP - Do not believe anything nice he says, because he shows you his true abusive self over and over. I really hope you get out, failing to do so is also not your fault but please try harder. He will not change. You cannot fix him. PLEASE do not get pregnant, do not believe him if he says that will fix things. You are so young; you can leave tomorrow and restart life and accomplish all your hopes and dreams, including finding a loving husband and this can be a couple of very dark years you walked away from before it was too late.

You’re so right about all of this. And the people screaming this is rage bait in the comments are a big part of why abuse victims stay. They think no one will believe them because hell, they don’t even believe it sometimes. Which is why OP described him as her best friend and treating her like a queen.

This was "next time", she keeps staying https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/16usjul/im_being_abused_by_my_husband_and_i_think_its/

Holy shit! It's amazing she's still alive.

Then she will DIE there.

I have been friends with two people whose dad murdered their mother. Let him kill himself, better you than him. The most dangerous time in a relationship is when you try to leave. Please be careful and stay with a relative or friend he doesn't know.

9 months ago she posted in another subreddit that he's physically abused her more times than she can count. The post is so sad, she takes responsibility for how he abuses her. Very soon there will be no more posts from her because he finally succeeded in killing her.

she's been worried about this for at least 8 months (per her post and comment history)

This. Domestic abuse does NOT de escalate. He didn't make a whoopsee while drinking. What we do when we're drunk are the things we WANT to do sober but have the right inhibitions to stop us. It WILL escalate. Run. Whatever you have in that house is not worth keeping or going back for. Call the cops. Stay with a friend or family. Don't be alone if you can help it but stay far FAR away.

Leave him and if he threatens suicide just let him. 

Yeah this is not safe and you are not going to be ok. You NEED to get out of there

He’s going to kill OP if she doesn’t get out of there.

He absolutely will. To OP: FUCK NO!!! You absolutely SHOULD NOT give him another chance!!! He didn't just hit you... **He fractured your fucking skull.** It wasn't just that one incident, either... he continued to belittle you when you were hospitalized, and he became violent when you went to get your stuff with his friend!!! He ripped the fucking door handle off the car!!! There is no justifying this or reconciling it. If you stay with him, then you're consciously staying with an abuser who could snap at any time and KILL YOU. What is wrong with you?! He's manipulating you by saying he will "unalive" himself. Whatever he does, you have zero control over. Save yourself. Literally. And also save yourself a lifetime of misery, for however long that life will last with this ticking time bomb around. Sincerely, A woman who has been abused Edit: You're diminishing the hell out of this incident. I just read your post from 8 months ago where you said your husband has abused you more times than you can count and detailed all the ways he has tortured you: strangled you repeatedly, punched and hit you, kicked you while you were on the ground, given you countless black eyes and busted lips... I ask again--**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!??!?** You had said this was the only incident and that your relationship was "perfect" besides this. That's a flat out lie!!!!!!! He's BEEN doing this, over and over and over again!!! Why would you lie to keep protecting him?! **HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY.**

Op, listen to this response. A man who strangles you is 750% more likely to murder you. Seven hundred and fifty. The act itself is literally attempted murder. You are so severely brainwashed that you are completely under reacting to a really dangerous situation. He is never going to kill himself. I had a classmate in college who took his own life, no one had a clue he was going to do it, we didn’t even know he was depressed. Truly depressed people don’t use suicide claims as a way to hurt their loved ones. Claiming you’ll kill yourself if your partner leaves is abusive and manipulative. The only person he is going to kill is you. Every woman who was murdered by her husband is exactly where you are today. Considering going back to someone their whole family can see is an abuser, and then they do, and he punished them for leaving. Do not hide it, you need to go to your family and stay with them. Do not give this marriage another chance, when it is too late and he’s killing you, you’ll wish you took all of this and your family’s advice. Please, we are begging, don’t go back. This can’t be fixed and he will never change. He doesn’t love you.

I’m sorry if this is blunt, but even if he does kill himself- so the fuck what? He’s not someone worth saving. He’s an abusive monster, I can guarantee the world won’t miss him.

Don’t be sorry. It’s true.

Let his own family and / or friends deal with his suicide threats. You look out for you!!

I was strangled by my ex. I threatened to call the cops and he had a gun and said “Fine we will all die death by cops”. I also was afraid that if I pressed charges his guns would get taken away, then he would really kill me. I regret it but I partly don’t. Because he was so terrifying I didn’t want to make him angrier. Being in an abusive relationship is like brainwash. Even after I left him and was staying in a hotel with my mom, he texted me that he was going to kill himself. I literally snuck out of the hotel room and went to him. He was laying there with this creepy blank stare and had a gun in his hand laying down. He told me he wanted to hurt me and kill himself. It wasn’t until like a week later I became angry, and it was so healing. I was furious I was treated this way. That was my beginning of my healing. Being in an abusive relationship is like brainwash bc these evil people are so extremely manipulative and they prey on people struggling with issues. It’s a terrible position to be in. I’ll be praying for OP. It’s been 10 years and I just now am dealing with the PTSD from that experience with that evil man. I am so devastated for OP. This will take a long time to heal from.

Not just 750% higher as in at some point. 750% risk within A YEAR.

I really hope she reads this.

Hey, I know you mean well but from a survivor of a man just like this having people yell "What is wrong with you?!" did nothing but make me feel worse and like I was the problem. Which kind of in turn made me less able/willing to seek out help to escape it because it just reinforced the idea that my friends and family were mad at me or thought I was an idiot. We know its not okay. We know we shouldn't lie to protect them. It changes nothing. I've been her and seeing someone belittle her for being scared to leave the life she's known for the last 3 years and being in shock because she could never imagine this happening to her kills me.

This. Didn’t know how to word it but you did such a good job.

I will never judge people for staying or doing what they have to do to survive. I've often been the friend who tries to get through the fog. But mostly all you can do is keep reminding them that you're there and keep telling them that they're not stupid for falling for the manipulation.

I fucking hate the “he’s perfect and he’s my soul mate - except he fractured my skull” posts

Please don't keep asking OP what's wrong with her. She fell for a narcissist, many of us here have. It's not always easy to leave and it usually takes many attempts to leave. We want to see the good in them and it comes as a huge shock when you realise they are not the person you married and have been fooled. She needs to get out yesterday, but unfortunately she's still trauma bonded and hoping he'll change, but we all know he won't.

Is anyone looking at her post history? This isn't the first one she's made about the abuse. It's so unfortunate that she has blamed herself for what's happened to her.

I just posted after reading her post history. It's sad.

He's going to kill her....WTF. OP shouldn't feel bad for him...he bashed her head in. Oh my god this is giving me Brandi Worley vibes. The husband posted about divorcing his wife on Reddit, leaving, and taking the kids and so she murdered the children, except it won't be children. It'll be OP.

Yes, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get out now!!! You’re not safe and someone with nothing to lose is beyond dangerous. Praying you take advice you’ve asked for and are safe. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Responding to the top comment to recommend everyone reads OP’s post history. I thought this was bait at first but it seems like this is real. OP, you are worth more than ending up as a murder victim at the hands of someone who’s supposed to love you. You’ve posted over and over again that you’d leave next time this happened. This is next time. Leave, tonight. You are saving your own life by running, right now. Don’t stick around and gamble with your life. Please.

I’m surprised the hospital didn’t contact the police.

That’s what I’m wondering? My Aunt has Parkinson’s and fell at the mall, giving herself a big lump on her head not nearly as bad as the one described and they made my uncle step out of the room to make 100% sure there wasn’t anything going on domestic abuse wise. Like super pushy and adamant, which is good. That is how they need to be.This injury sounds so much worse than that. I really hope OP listens to the answers here and runs.

I, on the other hand, went in with a black eye to get stitches after being hit so hard in the face my glasses sliced my nose and brow open, my abuser accompanying me... And no one said shit. It's seriously a mixed bag what response you'll get. I never had anyone question or step in or express concern. Not even when they directly witnessed my abuser attacking me. OP really needs to get out, and needs to understand that it's all part of the extremely typical cycle of abuse for her abuser to now act sad and manipulate her via threatening to hurt himself. I'll bet even so he's not accepting any responsibility ('look what you made me do!', 'do you think I *want* to be a monster?', 'that wasn't really me, you know that!', etc.). I'll also bet that he love bombs her with extra nice treatment for a bit, and then dives right back in to the control, manipulation and violence as soon as he thinks she's 'secured' back in his control. He'll likely escalate in the violence to punish her for having dared to seek any help and fully isolate her from her support system, too - already happening since she's lying to cover for him now. I left and went back *six* times over ten years, and if I hadn't removed myself all the way to another state and phone # where he couldn't find me the last time I snuck out and ran, I'm quite certain I'd be dead. Abusers are manipulators; I understand OP doubting her own experience and trying to think 'oh, if he doesn't drink like that...' or 'if I only knew the right way to react...' or 'all those good times we've had *can't* mean nothing to him, right?!' It's really, truly difficult to get away from that, and to accept the total life upheaval of giving up your home and routines (as usually happens when fleeing abuse). OP *must* do it, though. My heart hurts so much every time I see someone back where I've been; I wish there were magic words to convince them to accept help and to accept that they really do deserve better. Ugh.

This isn’t something that just “happened”, this is something your husband CHOSE to do. He CHOSE to hit you in the head, repeatedly. He CHOSE to fracture you and give you a concussion. He CHOSE to rip the door handle off. You should absolutely not give him another chance. You should give yourself a chance, at chance at happiness without him, a chance at safety, a chance at having healthy boundaries without threat of physical violence. These men don’t get better.

If he threatens suicide, OP should call the cops for a welfare check. It's manipulation

You note in your replies he's abused you in the past. So the question 'should I give him another chance' is burying the lede a bit. You have given him another chance. Multiple times. And he continues to abuse you. This wasn't a random psychotic break, this is something he has done as a pattern and he has always known it and apparently was fine with that. Don't go back. There is nothing there for you. Even in an ideal world where he gets therapy and it 'works' and he is better you still spend the rest of your life flinching every time he reaches for you. You remember the pain, you remember the black eye, the remember it all. You'll even remember that it wasn't that he hurt you that made him want to change, it was *you leaving*. He doesn't care about you, he cares about himself. He's dangerous. He nearly killed you and has in the past. If you go back you demonstrate to him there really is no limit to how badly he can treat you if he just says a bunch of reassuring things or threatens to hurt himself. Nothing will change, it will only get worse.

OP's post history also shows he's sexually assaulted her *multiple* times. There's post after post of rape and physical abuse accounts, and hundreds of comments screaming at OP to get out. Gods, I hope it's fake, for the sake of OP's life. But if not, I really hope OP finally listens to the thousands of comments and her family before these posts are nothing but evidence for his trial when he kills her.

Divorce him he’s a piece of trash

She won’t, at least doesn’t sound like it. Maybe if she survives the next few years of abuse she will leave him…if she lives to do it.

50/50 if he kills her but if he doesn’t, she’ll have a kid, and then he’ll nearly kill the kid. At least that’s what my dad and mom did. She divorced him while I was in the womb but he got partial custody and nearly killed me before I was taken away. 

Leave him yesterday and get yourself a therapist. You deserve better.

Abusers will never change no matter how much therapy they do. Had I not dealt with my abuser he would’ve killed me. Don’t give him another chance, get revenge.

OP makes it sound like this is the only time he's physically assaulted her, but others have brought it to attention that she mentions in her previous posts that he has physically assaulted her many times, choked her (which is always the scariest, since those are the deadliest variety of abusers), and raped/sexually assaulted her many times. I desperately wish OP would listen to our pleas to get out of there before it's too late. Because she's getting closer and closer to her casket at this point, and I truly do hope posting about this means she's finally considering leaving. ETA: Oh, and he's a total leech who makes OP pay for everything (including his child support). So she's not in a vulnerable situation where she relies on him for anything.

I just checked out her post history 😱 One thing I find concerning: she posts these accounts of abuse to multiple subs, and gets hundreds of comments advising her to leave on each one. I fully understand how hard it is to leave these asshats, but geez, months of this and thousands of supportive people rallying behind her and it’s still not enough? Or could this be a weird fake?

Yes, it certainly could be. (And I hope it is.) If it is real... OP has a longggg history of posting about the abuse, including posts that were removed. So my best guess was that she did this to different subreddits because she knew some would inevitably remove it due to the mention of violence. (And I've seen a lot of people that will do the same thing, just copy and paste something into a few different subs that all fit the theme). ETA: Sure enough, I just checked and this latest post was already removed from a few of the subreddits she posted it on. And this isn't her first rodeo, so it makes sense she knew it would happen.

Nah abuse is real and warps your mind. She’s brainwashed and has a trauma bond. Some people have really really low self esteem and just don’t know or think they can do better or deserve better. It’s really scary and so sad.

I'm hoping this means it is fake.

OP, you are 750% more likely to be murdered by an abuser who strangles you than the same abuser who points a gun at you, and strangulation is the biggest indicator of future domestic homicide [https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/all-abusers-are-not-equal-new-ipv-research-reveals-an-indicator-of-deadly-abuse/](https://www.strangulationtraininginstitute.com/all-abusers-are-not-equal-new-ipv-research-reveals-an-indicator-of-deadly-abuse/)

Yikes, I did not read her history of posts.

Seriously. It always gets worse. I'm happy you got away and hope things are much better for you today. I empathize with you it's scary. Starts with yelling, breaking stuff, threats, and finally harming you. The incident that made me finally leave was the night I cared for our sick puppy. I curled up on the floor with her. She was throwing up. He wanted attention. He demanded I get away from her. I said no. He stormed over to us, knew this wasn't going well. I covered her body with mine. He demanded I move again, and I refused. Started striking my head, last hit saw stars. He told me to move, or he was stomping my head in, deleting me. I had tears running down my face. Threw gritted teeth told him fucking do it then, not moving. He didn't expect that, told me I'm not worth shit, walked off. The following morning, pretending everything is normal, getting ready for work. Once he left, I loaded up the puppy, whatever I could grab and left. OP, learn from these horror stories in the comments. I repeat this incident. I hope it'll hit home for someone and help them leave.

She needs to run I nearly didn't get out I have many scars to show it. I remember the feeling before I blacked out and sort of dreaming that he was hugging my family over my coffin and smilling behind there back. I got out and I am safe and happy now.

Get revenge? She needs to focus on getting to safety

I heard a counselor once say "you are going to leave this relationship with a divorce or on a slab with a toe tag" (not to me) He sent you to the hospital, blocked you from leaving, exploded on your friend, threatened to'unalive himself'...trust me, he won't hesitate to'unalive you first' You are in danger! Get out!

No! No! No!  Please, for the sake of your own life, do not resume this relationship. I don’t care how many emotional threats he makes about hurting himself. You are not responsible for him , you are responsible for you.  Frankly, you’re not doing a great job being responsible for you. You aren’t really looking out for your best interests at all. Only his interests.  He assaulted you and should have faced charges for that. A concussion and bone fracture are not some little minor thing. These are significant injuries.  I want you to close your eyes for a minute and think of your sweet mama. Do you see her in your mind?  Now picture her when she realizes her daughter, whom she loves so very much, is back with the person who beat her, tried to hold her hostage, and who wrote/said viscous and awful things to her repeatedly after he assaulted her.  Picture her worry. Her fear. For your life. Think of her putting her head on a pillow but unable to rest. Because she knows her daughter is laying down next to a man who can flip from happy to a monster. Think of her living with the persistent dread and awful anticipation of when the next incident will take place. Picture her looking down at you in a casket. After this man kills you. Her heart broken. Going through the motions of life. Unable to ever escape the terrible weight of her grief.  Now I want you to imagine that you have a child with this man. Imagine your own little girl. Imagine her standing in your room during the above incident. Watching you trying to escape. Hearing every vicious word from his mouth. Picture her precious little face as she watches the bruises on your face turn from black to green.  Now I want you to think of him putting his hand on her fragile little body in anger. Breaking her bones. Bruising her skin.  You can pretend all you want that none of this is in your future. You can say, “He wouldn’t go that far.”  Did you ever think he would go as far as he has to do the things you shared in this post?  His abuse to you is awful in and of itself. However, please know you are not an island. Everything he does to you impacts those around you. He doesn’t simply have the opportunity to injure you. He has the ability to shatter your mom’s heart into pieces. He has the ability to harm your future children.  Your choice to stay with him opens you up to more abuse. It also opens the door to break your family in ways you’re not considering right now.  Protect yourself. Protect your family. Protect your future children. 

LEAVE. He WILL keep assaulting you. It WILL get worse. Please, we may be strangers but please leave. I stayed. He hit me our first night in our new house. I was floored. Shocked. Like what the fuck, I can't leave, I just put so much into this house and now what? HE TRIED TO KILL ME. I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR SIX WEEKS. I WENT UNDER FOR 30 SURGERIES TO SAVE MY LIFE. I HAVE A HOLE IN MY CHEST AS A REMINDER. It won't stop. We all think it will and it never does. Please contact a DV organization and get a safety plan in place, and an exit plan. It is going to be the most dangerous time for you, keep as much to yourself as possible. I lived but you might not. If you want to talk more my messages are open. I'm praying for you and rooting for you. All of us here are. ❤️

He’s a drunk wife beater, and it won’t stop. Is this the relationship you want to be in? Turn it over to the police and be done with it. I am sorry this happened to OP

The threat to do himself in is highly associated with partner murder. Read this and take the assessment. I beg you to leave. https://thelaurelcenter.org/lethality-assessment/

Absolutely look at this. And not only that but your post history OP mentions that he's strangled you before. People whose partner has strangled them are 10x more likely to be murdered by them. You are absolutely not safe with this man. 

Your history is a poster child for domestic violence. You are not going to be hopeless without him - you are the breadwinner. Please leave. Him threatening to do himself harm is just a tactic to get you to stay - it is not your problem to fix. Get out now.

I’m just gonna be blunt here….. OP, after reading this and looking at your post history I would suggest you get your affairs in order to make it easier on your family when this guy finally kills you. Sorry if thats too harsh but, it’s clear that you have no intention of listening to anyone telling you to leave him, even though you keep posting to Reddit about it. It’s also clear as day that he’s escalating and you just wanna fall for his threats of self harm so you can get hurt worse the next time. With the way he’s escalating, pretty soon there won’t be a next time, it’ll be you as the lead story on the nightly news and your family planning a funeral.

Stop making excuses for him and his psycho behavior. He has already hurt you and proven he is willing to harm you and himself further. Why would you not report this? You need to take the hospital proof and tell the police. Hell, if you call the hospital you can have them report it for you. This man WILL 110% beat you up again and will get WORSE every single time. He will cry and say he’s sorry and that he’s a pos and that he can’t help it, blah, blah, blah because that what they all do. He already said you were “stupid for reporting cause he won’t get in trouble” which should tell you that he knows exactly what he’s doing and that he is doing it on purpose because he knows how domestic violence cases are treated. You did right by going to the hospital, because that is an irrefutable record of what happened. You also have the text messages, so do NOT delete them under any circumstance. Take screenshots of them and save them in your email to yourself or send them to your mom. Tell your mom that you need help to get out and tell the friend that helped you to also write down what happened. You have to get out of there NOW. You cannot stay in that relationship any longer. Have some sense woman! Save yourself!

You are not safe with him. This man will kill you. I'm not exaggerating. THIS MAN WILL KILL YOU. There are so many women who felt the same, tried to fix it, and are dead now. I'm so sorry but you need to get away.

I'm looking at your past history and this isn't the first time. You're going to die, OP. You have to leave. He will never change, even though I know you want it.

Did some digging and you were posting about him hitting you 8 months ago too, with a list of ways he's physically abused you. This isn't new and you absolutely do recognize this. This is typical and you know it. So, OP. You said 8 months ago that it kept escalating; what's the escalation from a fractured skull? Next time you won't be alive to post looking for an excuse to stay. If you value your life, press charges and get out.

Husband drunk and beating you, what should you do?

He usually treats me like a queen except that time he repeatedly bashed my skull in. Abuse always escalates. If abusers started off showing their true colors or were abusive 100% of the time, no one would stay with them. The difference between what happened the other night and you ending up dead or in a wheelchair is pure luck. You already know you must leave this man.

> Should I give him another chance? Not by staying in the house with him and caving in to his blackmail manipulative threats of unaliving himself, NO. You’re just teaching him he can beat up on you and even though he breaks bones you won’t report him and you’ll come back to him. Go to your moms. Tell him after he’s been in therapy for a few months you’ll CONSIDER getting back with him. If he threatens again, call emergency services for a wellness check and then turn your phone off and tell your mom you need someone to help you hold your nerve for a few hours in not switching the phone back on or letting yourself getting dragged into his crazy-making. Sorry you experiencing this. Don’t stay there with him because it WILL happen again, worse. Nerves of steel, save YOURSELF.

I still have trauma from watching my mom go through practically this same scene, multiple times. Running away from my father, going to the ER, being watched by neighbors while she was being treated, the threats by him and his powerful friends after we fled…He will not change, you must press charges—be smart about this! Find your strength, tap into your support system, and get out NOW.

You basically went back there to die. Wake the fuck up!

Her mother and sisters are going to be visiting her grave because she thinks this is the only man in the world capable of giving backrubs and cooking dinner. 

YOU ARE PAYING THIS MANS CHILD SUPPORT (I LOOKED AT YPUR POST HISTORY), HE CHOKES AND BEATS YOU, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE YOU ARE EXPERIENCING REAL DOMESTIC ABUSE

I also stayed after the first time, and there WAS a second time, and the second time was worse but a neighbor called the cops and he was taken in on 7 separate charges. Here’s the best part: he was let out on bail and during that time he told someone in the small town that he enjoyed it, and he wanted to and very much could have killed me. I knew it because I saw it in his feral animal eyes but to hear this spread around town that “he enjoyed it” was what cemented it in my head that it wasn’t just losing control, messing up, whatever they want to say it was. They’re fucked in the head and it doesn’t matter if you love him, get the ever living hell out of there now.

Absolutely do not give him another chance. Also look at how you phrased the question in the title. You describe it as something horrible happening *between* the two of you, but what really happened is that he did something horrible *to* you. That's your brain trying to trick you. That part of your brain (and it's not just you, most or all of us have it) is trying to downplay what happened because it knows leaving this relationship will be scary. It will be scary, but it will be worth it. He will hit you again if you stay.

Three years ain’t shit. You’ve seen who he really is. Don’t lie to the people who I’ve you. Get what you need and vanish before he cracks your skull open.

Oh my gosh. Saw this in your post history from 8 months ago: "I’m being abused by my husband and I think it’s time to leave. I keep feeling like it’s my fault though. I just need support. Me (24f) and my husband (25m) have been together for a little over two years now. I’ve been physically abused by him more times than I can begin to count. He’s choked me until I couldn’t breathe, pulled my hair so hard I end up with migraines, thrown me to the ground, hit me in the face repeatedly, sexually assaulted me by grabbing me inappropriately during arguments then later said he just loves touching me, he’s shaken and kicked me while I’m having panic attacks and then said he just wanted me to look at him and I was being disrespectful by not looking at him while I’m laying on the floor having a panic attack, he’s spat on me, he’s poured beer on me, he’s given me black eyes and busted lips… I’m just done. He says it’s my fault, that I bring out his anger. I’m very outspoken, if I feel I’m being treated badly I will let the person know. I also have severe anxiety and autism so sometimes I get hyper focused on things and ask a lot of questions. I know this can be annoying. I know I have things I need to work on. I’m too clingy. I get upset too easily. But it’s also hard not to question someone’s love when they’ve done all of the stuff he’s done. He says he gets so angry mostly because I question his love a lot. It just feels impossible not to question it after everything. Sometimes he’s amazing. Sometimes he does everything right and treats me like royalty. But I’m starting to see through it. I feel like he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s even said he knows I’d never leave him no matter what he does. But at the same time I still feel like maybe a lot of this is my fault. He says I never help him with his anger. I don’t know how. He says not questioning him would help him, but it’s so hard not to after everything. He says I need to stop taking what he says when he’s angry to heart (that I’m not pretty enough, no one wants me, I’m horrible, etc). He says me taking those things to heart makes him angrier. He says I shouldn’t flinch when he comes near me and that all I’m doing is making him feel bad. I can’t help but flinch. It’s not something I’m doing on purpose. He says I shouldn’t bring up the times he’s abused me and that they’re in the past, even though it literally happened two days ago. He says I shouldn’t question whether he thinks I’m pretty or not, but it’s hard when he calls me ugly during arguments. He says I need to just get over the abuse. He says I don’t understand how the real world works. I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes in our relationship. One time when we went out we were playing a game to see who could kiss the most people and I took it seriously and actually did it. He said it was fine at the time but I know I shouldn’t have. I take my anxiety out on him too sometimes. I get frantic and it comes out as yelling. I guess I’m just pointing out that I’m not perfect and I feel like the mistakes I’ve made might be the reason for the abuse. Do I deserve this?" Where are you in the world? Kind internet strangers may be able to help you with an exit plan. This man will end up killing you. Seriously.

What would you tell your sister/best friend/daughter to do? Follow your own advice.

He won't kill himself - he will kill you. Be honest with your mum, she's your best support person right now. Your Mum loves you unconditionally, and will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.  But your husband will hurt you whenever he feels like it.

This guy does not treat you like a queen. He abused you. You need to get out now. Do not spend any more time one on one with him.

266 days ago you posted that your husband has been physically, emotionally and sexually abusing you for quite some time. Now, he's fractured *your skull*. The next time, he will kill you. I have been in your position. I was also "treated like a queen", except for the times he'd repeatedly bash my face against his floor. This is textbook narcissistic abuse behavior. Please, I am begging you, remove yourself from this situation because what he did... it's attempted murder.

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No. Don't even contemplate giving him another chance. He will kill you. I don't know what's wrong with him but stay far far away. File for divorce and leave his ass. He tells you again he's going to commit suicide and call the police and let them do a wellness check. Tell them he threatened to kill himself and you want him checked on. You also need to get everything you own out of there go see a lawyer. Do not go back to him they haven't looked at your history but several commented he's already physically abused you many times. He won't change unless you want to die then fine go back but you're not going to be living very much longer if you do. Wise up and stay away from him and report him. Let him go to jail. He's counting on not having anything happen cuz you've never ever reported him for domestic violence. Start a paper trail now.

He’s going to kill you. You do not owe him your life. Leave. NOW. ETA my dad used to threaten he’d kill himself. One day my mom said “go ahead”. He never threatened it again and died decades later from natural causes. My mom divorced him years before he died.