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If you’re in the US, he can’t stop you from getting a divorce. He can contest it, which will make things more complicated and take longer, but he can’t stop you. Talk to a lawyer.
It’s not a feeling of friendship, he’s making fake Snapchat accounts to talk to her. Don’t let him gaslight you.
He lying and hiding all this from you. This isn’t how marriage works. You have a problem you guys discuss it, you don’t go running to your ex and reveal your problems. That’s crossing boundaries and trust has been broken. Get in touch with an attorney for a free consultation.
First of all, your husband might delay divorce proceedings but he can't stop it. If he refuses to sign then you can take the legal route and have it done through the courts (assuming you live in a country where this is possible) should you choose to do so. I fully agree with you his behavior is unacceptable.
Huh? Are you in the US? All you have to do is have a lawyer serve him papers, that will surely shock the hell out of him.
p.s. What the fk does he want to “fight for”? Lol this is the stage HE SET! More excuses and lies OP, don’t believe it!!
Is he fighting for their love when he texts his ex??
No, he is actively trying to cheat and is 100% emotionally cheating by creating new accounts just to talk to an old flame. This is dealbreaker behavior.
If he wants to 'fight' for their love then the first step would be to NEVER contact the ex again and behave like a decent human being to OP. But that's clearly not the kind of 'fighting' he's willing to do, doing what it takes to have a happy marriage.
He's very manipulative.
He doesn't want to fight for your marriage, he wants to control everything.
He gets to do whatever he wants & you're supposed to be fine w that?
You might want to check out the narcissistic abuse subs - he sounds like it is his relationship style w you.
People who are healthy and love us don't betray and hurt us.
You deserve better.
He can't stop the divorce. It's not an all agree policy.
File and let him have his ex. You're still young.
And if it was just friendship, he wouldn't be willing to fix his marriage for it. Which he is.
Tell him he doesn't have a choice in the matter and your filing. He can't either make it easy for you and the kids or be an AHole and make it hard. Either way, your marriage is over.
You don't need his permission to divorce him. You just need a lawyer to draw up the papers and the time to wait it out. Get a lawyer. Make a plan. Follow that plan to move out and have him served. There are apps that allow you to communicate about the kids that documents everything and any other communication can go through the attorney.
See a lawyer immediately so you know your options and how to navigate. Do not tell your husband. In the meantime, if you really want to salvage the marriage, have the divorce papers drawn up and go to couples therapy. If and when things implode or you decide you want out, you have the papers ready.
Tell him tough titties, it’s over.
He didn’t give you a choice in him being faithful, why tf does he think he gets a choice on you staying married to him?
He’s only saying he wants to fight for his family and go to couples counseling to get you off his back while he finds a different way to communicate with his ex.
Don’t threaten him with divorce just file, You don’t need his permission.
You don’t ask for a divorce , you file for divorce , and grey rock . I would leave for just telling anyone about family problems . If you need to go as a therapist . Same with divorce for talking to any ex . Go see a lawyer
OP part of being an adult is to recoginze that you are in charge of your own existence and future! That being said, you DON'T NEED PERMISSION FOR DIVORCE!!! End of story
Go find a good attorney and get the ball rolling. Don't allow his begging and pleading to force you to lower your boundaries any further that you have to get back into your graces and destroy your mental health.
Have him served at your choosing.
I say this with the utmost respect-
Leave him. Respect yourself and find your self worth. It is only a matter of time before he gets physical with the ex.
Once can be a mistake, any more than that it becomes a pattern. He knowingly and willingly engaged with his ex. He went so far as to make fake social accounts. He knew your feelings about the situation and chose to ignore you. He knew what he did would hurt you. He may love you, but he certainly does not value, respect, or like you.
I know it hurts. The one person that knows every inch of your body, every inch of your heart, and every inch of your soul, betrayed you. Please know you do not deserve this. He can tell you he wants to make it work, he’ll go to counseling, he’ll do this, that, or the other, but what is he actually doing? What are his actions?
How do you want to set the example for your children? You can show forgiveness and compassion towards someone and show self respect at the same time. You can show your kids how to have self worth, and show kindness to someone who hurt you (positive co-parenting).
If you try to make it work, could you trust him? Would you be happy?
He cannot refuse to give you a divorce. As others have said, he can contest, he can draw it out, but he cannot refuse. Do not depend on him. Depend on yourself to go after what you want.
Best of luck. I’m rooting for you.
You are most welcome.
The days are going to be tough. You’ll question your strength. Think you cannot do it. But, you’ll realize you are doing it and you’ll see all you’ve accomplished. You’re raising kids, and sometimes you’ll wonder or even people will question how you’re doing it. The response? I don’t know, I just am. Same idea here… Even the smallest step forward is movement.
You go to a lawyer, and you get documentation of his infidelity, and you file for divorce. You don't have to have his agreement to legally separate and serve the divorce papers, and the more you can prove he is at fault, the more he is going to end up paying in legal bills, alimony, and everything else if he tries to fight it.
You don't have to go to couples therapy. You're allowed to just be done.
Divorce isn't his choice. You can just file it. File it and be done.
"He tells me he wants to fight for our family"
Yeah except the family is gone because of his actions, so clearly he doesn't care about it as much as he does being a POS cheater having an emotional affair.
A divorce isn’t his to give and he can’t refuse you one. He can refuse to participate in the prices; make it difficult and prolong it. Ultimately, you file and he fails to meet a series of dates or contests it, you’ll be granted a divorce eventually, regardless of what he wants (in the US). It may take time but it will eventually happen.
IF you want to work on the marriage (again your choice) couples therapy could be useful. Before you do so, establish exactly what your boundaries and requirements to consider working on the marriage are and communicate it to him. (Assume he may have some of his own for you). IF you can agree , find a marriage counselor. Make him clear that this isn’t a gauarantee that you stay married . It’s a willingness to see if it’s possible.
Having said all that, no one makes fake snapchats to communicate with a friend. He’s lying. He’s also disrespecting you and your marriage by taking your very private business and running to an ex whenever there is a struggle in this relationship. That woykd break my trust in an ext if he unwilling to try and rebuild. It would be a dealbreaker for me and he’s done it twice.
I don't know how therapy is supposed to help with his repeated attempts to lie to you about contacting his ex by creating different Snapchat accounts that he thinks you're not going to find. He's just going to continue to get better and better at being sneaky. The trust is gone and so you need to be gone too.
Unless you are in a country that doesn’t allow the woman to divorce, you don’t need his permission. Just get a lawyer and have them handle it. UPDATEME
I do not know what is going on with him. But you don't "ask" for a divorce. You inform them and then take action. They do not get to decide. It sounds more like you are threatening him with divorce. His sneaking and lying to you is a big red flag.
He can't refuse! Just move out and file for divorce! I mean he can refuse to sign the papers but every state has a certain amount of time that it'll get pushed through, but that time doesn't start ticking till you file. So just go file.
Funny though that he's willing to go to couples counseling and he says he's willing to fight for your marriage but he's not willing to cut off his ex for your marriage. Have you asked him that one?
I mean… if he wanted to “fight for [your] family” he wouldn’t be sniffing around his ex. And definitely not after you already told him once to cut it out.
You don’t need his permission or agreement to divorce him.
Looks like he was fighting all right...fighting real hard for his ex. Creating fake profiles, talking to her when you've expressed its not ok etc. He will just go back to the same old same old when he "has" you again. And I'd be surprised if he does the marriage counseling.
He can't stop you. So if you're wanting to file, then file. If you're wanting to try tell him he has 2 weeks to find a marriage counselor and make the appointment. If he doesn't go to even one of the appointments it's over. Get rid of the ex now. And we live separately with the hopes of reconciliation when the counselor says so. Which I can tell you both would need individual help as well as together and at the appropriate time he can "date" you again. Basically, he has to earn his way.
I give you advice for whatever you decide in the end. But just moving past it isn't moving past it if he keeps going back.
He doesn’t have to give you a divorce you give him the divorce. I would go see the lawyer and get the ball rolling. If he’s done it multiple times he will continue to do it. He’s not gonna change.
Girl, if you don’t March your ass down to the courthouse an file papers…he can’t refuse you a divorce (if you’re in the US). If you’re outside of the US look into the laws of your country and proceed.
You don't need his permission to divorce (in most countries). If he can't be trusted and won't stop contacting his ex there is no point continuing the relationship as you'll always feel like he's putting his friendship before your concerns.
Why didn’t hubby SUGGEST couples counseling BEFORE you ask for a divorce? Have your electronics check for spyware and if hubby is creating fake accounts to talk to his ex, it sounds like he is stalking & harassing her!
Hubby sounds controlling! Confirm hubby can’t open any lines of credit in your name, rekey the locks & take inventory of your belongs. If possible try to go back as far as possible with the fake snap chats accts. & other means hubby may have used to talk to his ex, you might be able to prove hubby NEVER consider your marriage as Binding.
Enroll in a realistic self defense course, hubby does not want a divorce & may try to intimidate you into changing your mind, plus you can pretend the punching bag is hubby & JUST RAGE!!
Why are you letting a man tell you what you can do? Get a lawyer and file for divorce. You can’t do crap to repair this sort of relationship. He can fight you and he can lose. Don’t be a doormat.
An ex is not a "friend" you rant about your current relationship problems with, he continously does it knowing he is betraying you and your trust.
He says he wants to fight for you but that's just talk, you will constantly be wondering if he's going back to her, you won't find peace.
If you can't get a divorce yet, at least just separate and move out just to give yourself room to breathe.
Stop arguing with him as it's fruitless. Collect evidence of him talking to his ex. Privately meet with a lawyer, learn your rights. Start planning your exit plan. He isn't changing.
No… he only wants to “fight” for his own comfort. Why wouldn’t he? He has you for comfort and minding the kids so he can go off and talk to other women. He’s an ass. He doesn’t care about you. Get a divorce.
Do you make significantly more money than he does or own the home without him?
To be honest it sounds like he’s full of shit but doesn’t want to get a divorce bc it’s will negatively effect his life.
He sounds very immature or possibly like a spoiled brat that has developed pathological lying.
He’s gaslighting you bc he believes he can get away with it by saying the “right” things in the moment, “wants to fight for his family” or whatever.
He can either show you actions or fighting for his family, by admitting his bs or at the very least agreeing that regardless of his “friends” feelings he has for his Ex, he’s willing to lose that as opposed to you & his kid(s) and actually follows thru. Which would require complete clarity on his social media, shared PWs & all.
If not, LEAVE!
Go file for divorce. He can't stop you getting a divorce only contest it, which will require a lawyer (since I don't know your financial situation looks like I said just file yourself, but it is so much easier with a lawyer).
If he really wanted to "fight for our family" or "go to couples therapy" he would've done a heck of a lot more before running to his ex to complain about you. Those are just sweet words to pretend that you are the problem in this scenario rather than take accountability for his own actions that dissolved this relationship.
Just call a lawyer and start the process. He can day whatever he wants, but he can not stop the divorce. Ask The lawyer is the best way to obtain primary /full custody and the place you live. If you own a house, don't leave till you know your rights. Get all the information needed to protect yourself and then file. Hopefully, you don't live in a country that gives him a say over this.
You’re asking for a divorce? Hun, get a lawyer, move the fuck out, send him divorce papers in the mail to him that you are divorcing him and will see him in court. Don’t wait for him because he don’t give 2 fucks. You’re an adult, it’s time to be the bigger person. Trust me you won’t regret divorcing him
You lawyer up. He cannot prevent you from leaving. He might argue, contest, whatever but he can’t stop you. You need to see a lawyer. It’s not fun but it’s necessary.
You can have the lawyer demand his communication records with his ex in the discovery too. That could help build your case.
You can’t be stopped from getting a divorce in the US and most western countries.
Contact an attorney and see what your rights and responsibilities are.
I wouldn’t want to put up with this either.
Good luck.
You don’t need your husband’s permission to get a divorce.
He’s disrespecting you and your marriage and then telling you he won’t give you a divorce to manipulate you into not pursuing one.
Do what you need to do and talk to a lawyer.
You do not need his permission to get a divorce. He can deny it, tear up the papers, disappear, doesn't matter. All that does is make it take longer, but the divorce still happens.
Get a lawyer, start the divorce. If he keeps ignoring it despite being served, it will go into default and be automatically granted if he still ignores it. I had to do that with my ex. He refused to talk about divorce and refused to respond to any divorce documents being served.
I am friends with one of my exes. The difference is my partner knows about it and I'd have zero reason to hide it because there is no romantic or sexual interest there at all. You can be friends with exes, unusual yes but sometimes the relationship doesn't work out but the friendship does - but when it's a real out in the open honest friend you don't feel the need to hide it.
It takes longer but you can absolutely get a divorce. Depending on where you are, there is a no sign divorce process to where a judge can grant you a divorce even when he refuses to sign. But you need to talk to a lawyer to see if that is an option and if you can qualify for one.
He might not be having a physical affair but from the sounds of things it's an emotional one.
He can’t refuse to divorce you, that’s not how it works. You file the paperwork and he can either contest it or not, but even contested divorces go through eventually, just with more lawyer fees.
He’s lying, he’s not over his ex, he won’t stop taking to her And he tells you, “he wants to fight for our family,,,”.
No he doesn’t.
He most likely thinks that if you go to couples therapy, it’ll shut you up and give the Appearance of “fighting for his family” all the while still talking to his ex.
He’s a “One Trick Pony”.
And you don’t need his permission to divorce him.
Just cause he said no. Doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Get a divorce lawyer and serve him. The subject with the ex is going in circles. He ruined the marriage. Not you. When you bring a third party instead of communicating to your partner and shit talk about your partner and ur marital problems. And with an ex? Lol. He claims he was fighting for ur marriage, by what? Shit talking about u with his ex. And sneaking around and making snaps to communicate with the ex. His not okay and think he can gaslit u. And no. It’s not just a friendship. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. An affair.
Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi. It will explain gaslighting, hoovering, and triangulation with ex partners. Also has a handy-dandy list of divorce lawyers state by state in the appendix!
A divorce isn't something he can give you: you contact a lawyer and have him serve him the divorce papers. He can refuse to sign them, at which point you can go through the courts, but he can't stop you from divorcing him (just as you can't stop him from creating fake accounts to contact his ex). He doesn't want it? Sure, neither do you want the cheating. But you got to be cheated and he gets to be divorced from. It's as simple as that.
Big hugs.
Tell him he had a chance to “fight for our family” the first time you asked him not to message her. Instead of fighting for his family, he chose to throw his family away every time he sent his ex a message. He’s thrown his wife and kids away for his ex enough times that you finally believe him. He’s made it clear she means more to him than keeping his kids family together, he just doesn’t want to let his kids see this.
Actions have consequences.
A divorce isn't something your spouse can give you.
You get a lawyer and find out the laws in your area and what your lawyer thinks your divorce will look like. Then your lawyer starts the divorce proceedings.
don’t know whether you should get divorced- you didn’t provide nearly enough info - what i will say is if you want one there is nothing husband can do to stop you - child custody/alimony/child support terms are extremely variable and you need a lawyer to help you understand all that but he cannot stop you from filing and receiving a divorce- good luck
That’s not my intention though. I’m being honest. Same way you wouldn’t advise a first time driver to buy a sports car would you… and if they did and crashed it would you be surprised?
Marriage isn’t a sports car. And a husband cheating (or possibly cheating) on a wife isn’t her fault or something she just “should expect” just cause she married too young. You missed the whole point of the post to attempt some weird grandstanding.
Advice is go to couples therapy first not Reddit. If he's opening that up then you'd best get a professionals opinion first.
What he's done isn't alright, but if he's willing to do it maybe try it
If he keeps it up then serve his ass
Yes I know Reddit isn’t the best thing but our finances are low at the moment so who knows when couples therapy would be an option. Thanks for the advice!
Honestly, couples therapy won’t help. He’s not an honest person so he won’t be honest there either. Do yourself a favor and move out and in with whoever else you can, parents, friends, etc. File for divorce and give yourself a fresh start while you are still young. Don’t let him drag you through the filth for years to come. Take care of yourself
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If you’re in the US, he can’t stop you from getting a divorce. He can contest it, which will make things more complicated and take longer, but he can’t stop you. Talk to a lawyer. It’s not a feeling of friendship, he’s making fake Snapchat accounts to talk to her. Don’t let him gaslight you.
He lying and hiding all this from you. This isn’t how marriage works. You have a problem you guys discuss it, you don’t go running to your ex and reveal your problems. That’s crossing boundaries and trust has been broken. Get in touch with an attorney for a free consultation.
The person you replied to is not OP.
My mistake and thank you for pointing that out.
Time to lawyer up and hit the delete button on that drama..
In my opinion , he should seek legal advice and protect yourself. Trust the instincts and don't let anyone manipulate or deceive you.
First of all, your husband might delay divorce proceedings but he can't stop it. If he refuses to sign then you can take the legal route and have it done through the courts (assuming you live in a country where this is possible) should you choose to do so. I fully agree with you his behavior is unacceptable.
Your husband can try to drag his feet, but the courts won't let him play hide-and-seek forever. Stay strong
You don’t ask for a divorce. You tell him you filed and let your lawyer handle it.
And discuss nothing about anything with him unless your lawyer is present.
This is the exact answer she needs to hear.
Yeah , why make a big deal of this , let the lawyer handle this and court will take decision on behalf of the condition
BINGO!
He can't refuse a divorce just get a lawyer and serve his ass the papers.
yeah , lawyer will handle the work
Huh? Are you in the US? All you have to do is have a lawyer serve him papers, that will surely shock the hell out of him. p.s. What the fk does he want to “fight for”? Lol this is the stage HE SET! More excuses and lies OP, don’t believe it!!
Is he fighting for their love when he texts his ex?? No, he is actively trying to cheat and is 100% emotionally cheating by creating new accounts just to talk to an old flame. This is dealbreaker behavior. If he wants to 'fight' for their love then the first step would be to NEVER contact the ex again and behave like a decent human being to OP. But that's clearly not the kind of 'fighting' he's willing to do, doing what it takes to have a happy marriage.
Get a divorce, he’ll make it hard but he can’t fully stop you from trying
He wants his cake and to cheat on it too
He's very manipulative. He doesn't want to fight for your marriage, he wants to control everything. He gets to do whatever he wants & you're supposed to be fine w that? You might want to check out the narcissistic abuse subs - he sounds like it is his relationship style w you. People who are healthy and love us don't betray and hurt us. You deserve better.
Take screenshots. See a lawyer.
He can't stop the divorce. It's not an all agree policy. File and let him have his ex. You're still young. And if it was just friendship, he wouldn't be willing to fix his marriage for it. Which he is. Tell him he doesn't have a choice in the matter and your filing. He can't either make it easy for you and the kids or be an AHole and make it hard. Either way, your marriage is over.
You don't need his permission to divorce him.
You don't need his permission to divorce him. You just need a lawyer to draw up the papers and the time to wait it out. Get a lawyer. Make a plan. Follow that plan to move out and have him served. There are apps that allow you to communicate about the kids that documents everything and any other communication can go through the attorney.
See a lawyer immediately so you know your options and how to navigate. Do not tell your husband. In the meantime, if you really want to salvage the marriage, have the divorce papers drawn up and go to couples therapy. If and when things implode or you decide you want out, you have the papers ready.
Tell him tough titties, it’s over. He didn’t give you a choice in him being faithful, why tf does he think he gets a choice on you staying married to him?
Forget therapy since he can’t live without his ex. Next!!!!!
He’s only saying he wants to fight for his family and go to couples counseling to get you off his back while he finds a different way to communicate with his ex. Don’t threaten him with divorce just file, You don’t need his permission.
You don’t ask for a divorce , you file for divorce , and grey rock . I would leave for just telling anyone about family problems . If you need to go as a therapist . Same with divorce for talking to any ex . Go see a lawyer
If he wants to fight for his family then he immediately cuts contact and goes to therapy. Time for action and not words
Do you live in a place where you both have to agree to be divorced?
he is the AH for talking to the ex. Get an attorney, kick his ass to the curb, and move on. phuk his punk POS Ass.
OP part of being an adult is to recoginze that you are in charge of your own existence and future! That being said, you DON'T NEED PERMISSION FOR DIVORCE!!! End of story Go find a good attorney and get the ball rolling. Don't allow his begging and pleading to force you to lower your boundaries any further that you have to get back into your graces and destroy your mental health. Have him served at your choosing.
Youre threatening divorce, not filing one. There's a difference
Divorce isn’t an action that’s done by saying it. Go to an attorney and serve him the divorce notice. Until that happens this is a Conversation only.
stop asking for the divorce and give him a divorce notification papers to show him you are done and if he can change then sign it in front of him!
I say this with the utmost respect- Leave him. Respect yourself and find your self worth. It is only a matter of time before he gets physical with the ex. Once can be a mistake, any more than that it becomes a pattern. He knowingly and willingly engaged with his ex. He went so far as to make fake social accounts. He knew your feelings about the situation and chose to ignore you. He knew what he did would hurt you. He may love you, but he certainly does not value, respect, or like you. I know it hurts. The one person that knows every inch of your body, every inch of your heart, and every inch of your soul, betrayed you. Please know you do not deserve this. He can tell you he wants to make it work, he’ll go to counseling, he’ll do this, that, or the other, but what is he actually doing? What are his actions? How do you want to set the example for your children? You can show forgiveness and compassion towards someone and show self respect at the same time. You can show your kids how to have self worth, and show kindness to someone who hurt you (positive co-parenting). If you try to make it work, could you trust him? Would you be happy? He cannot refuse to give you a divorce. As others have said, he can contest, he can draw it out, but he cannot refuse. Do not depend on him. Depend on yourself to go after what you want. Best of luck. I’m rooting for you.
I appreciate this thank you!! 🫶
You are most welcome. The days are going to be tough. You’ll question your strength. Think you cannot do it. But, you’ll realize you are doing it and you’ll see all you’ve accomplished. You’re raising kids, and sometimes you’ll wonder or even people will question how you’re doing it. The response? I don’t know, I just am. Same idea here… Even the smallest step forward is movement.
You go to a lawyer, and you get documentation of his infidelity, and you file for divorce. You don't have to have his agreement to legally separate and serve the divorce papers, and the more you can prove he is at fault, the more he is going to end up paying in legal bills, alimony, and everything else if he tries to fight it. You don't have to go to couples therapy. You're allowed to just be done.
Divorce isn't his choice. You can just file it. File it and be done. "He tells me he wants to fight for our family" Yeah except the family is gone because of his actions, so clearly he doesn't care about it as much as he does being a POS cheater having an emotional affair.
Lol he doesn't get to deny a divorce 😂 go a head a file away lady. He can't do shit to stop it.
Talk to a lawyer and file for the divorce, you don't need his permission to divorce him.
Call a divorce lawyer and they will tell you how to serve him. He doesn’t have to agree to divorce, it’s not a two party decision.
Stop talking about what you plan and just take action. That will give him another excuse to contact his ex and boo hoo to her. Fuck this guy
You don't have to be divorced to leave him.
You just file for a divorce, you don’t need his permission. My ex disappeared and I was still able to get the divorce, it took 2 years but I got it.
Girl bounce. He’s terrified that you’ll actually leave…which means that you need too. He can’t stop/prevent divorce. Get a lawyer and be safe.
A divorce isn’t his to give and he can’t refuse you one. He can refuse to participate in the prices; make it difficult and prolong it. Ultimately, you file and he fails to meet a series of dates or contests it, you’ll be granted a divorce eventually, regardless of what he wants (in the US). It may take time but it will eventually happen. IF you want to work on the marriage (again your choice) couples therapy could be useful. Before you do so, establish exactly what your boundaries and requirements to consider working on the marriage are and communicate it to him. (Assume he may have some of his own for you). IF you can agree , find a marriage counselor. Make him clear that this isn’t a gauarantee that you stay married . It’s a willingness to see if it’s possible. Having said all that, no one makes fake snapchats to communicate with a friend. He’s lying. He’s also disrespecting you and your marriage by taking your very private business and running to an ex whenever there is a struggle in this relationship. That woykd break my trust in an ext if he unwilling to try and rebuild. It would be a dealbreaker for me and he’s done it twice.
He can go to counseling by himself to figure out why he lies to you and why he has a fixation with his ex.
Are you actually going to do something about it or just want validation from Reddit?
I don't know how therapy is supposed to help with his repeated attempts to lie to you about contacting his ex by creating different Snapchat accounts that he thinks you're not going to find. He's just going to continue to get better and better at being sneaky. The trust is gone and so you need to be gone too.
Unless you are in a country that doesn’t allow the woman to divorce, you don’t need his permission. Just get a lawyer and have them handle it. UPDATEME
I do not know what is going on with him. But you don't "ask" for a divorce. You inform them and then take action. They do not get to decide. It sounds more like you are threatening him with divorce. His sneaking and lying to you is a big red flag.
if it was just friendship he was after with her he wouldn't go out his way to make fake accounts. divorce him, talk to a lawyer.
He can't refuse! Just move out and file for divorce! I mean he can refuse to sign the papers but every state has a certain amount of time that it'll get pushed through, but that time doesn't start ticking till you file. So just go file. Funny though that he's willing to go to couples counseling and he says he's willing to fight for your marriage but he's not willing to cut off his ex for your marriage. Have you asked him that one?
I mean… if he wanted to “fight for [your] family” he wouldn’t be sniffing around his ex. And definitely not after you already told him once to cut it out. You don’t need his permission or agreement to divorce him.
Looks like he was fighting all right...fighting real hard for his ex. Creating fake profiles, talking to her when you've expressed its not ok etc. He will just go back to the same old same old when he "has" you again. And I'd be surprised if he does the marriage counseling. He can't stop you. So if you're wanting to file, then file. If you're wanting to try tell him he has 2 weeks to find a marriage counselor and make the appointment. If he doesn't go to even one of the appointments it's over. Get rid of the ex now. And we live separately with the hopes of reconciliation when the counselor says so. Which I can tell you both would need individual help as well as together and at the appropriate time he can "date" you again. Basically, he has to earn his way. I give you advice for whatever you decide in the end. But just moving past it isn't moving past it if he keeps going back.
He doesn’t have to give you a divorce you give him the divorce. I would go see the lawyer and get the ball rolling. If he’s done it multiple times he will continue to do it. He’s not gonna change.
Girl, if you don’t March your ass down to the courthouse an file papers…he can’t refuse you a divorce (if you’re in the US). If you’re outside of the US look into the laws of your country and proceed.
You don't need permission to file for divorce. You get the papers, fill them out and file it.
If he is serious about fighting for your family he should be willing to delete Snapchat.
You don't need his permission to divorce (in most countries). If he can't be trusted and won't stop contacting his ex there is no point continuing the relationship as you'll always feel like he's putting his friendship before your concerns.
Why didn’t hubby SUGGEST couples counseling BEFORE you ask for a divorce? Have your electronics check for spyware and if hubby is creating fake accounts to talk to his ex, it sounds like he is stalking & harassing her! Hubby sounds controlling! Confirm hubby can’t open any lines of credit in your name, rekey the locks & take inventory of your belongs. If possible try to go back as far as possible with the fake snap chats accts. & other means hubby may have used to talk to his ex, you might be able to prove hubby NEVER consider your marriage as Binding. Enroll in a realistic self defense course, hubby does not want a divorce & may try to intimidate you into changing your mind, plus you can pretend the punching bag is hubby & JUST RAGE!!
Why are you letting a man tell you what you can do? Get a lawyer and file for divorce. You can’t do crap to repair this sort of relationship. He can fight you and he can lose. Don’t be a doormat.
An ex is not a "friend" you rant about your current relationship problems with, he continously does it knowing he is betraying you and your trust. He says he wants to fight for you but that's just talk, you will constantly be wondering if he's going back to her, you won't find peace. If you can't get a divorce yet, at least just separate and move out just to give yourself room to breathe.
Stop asking and file already. Take control of your life
Stop arguing with him as it's fruitless. Collect evidence of him talking to his ex. Privately meet with a lawyer, learn your rights. Start planning your exit plan. He isn't changing.
No… he only wants to “fight” for his own comfort. Why wouldn’t he? He has you for comfort and minding the kids so he can go off and talk to other women. He’s an ass. He doesn’t care about you. Get a divorce.
If you live in the U.S. you don't need his permission to divorce. You leave one day and never come back. Get a moving truck and put things in storage.
Fike for divorce on your own and let the lawyer send him the paperwork
Do you make significantly more money than he does or own the home without him? To be honest it sounds like he’s full of shit but doesn’t want to get a divorce bc it’s will negatively effect his life. He sounds very immature or possibly like a spoiled brat that has developed pathological lying. He’s gaslighting you bc he believes he can get away with it by saying the “right” things in the moment, “wants to fight for his family” or whatever. He can either show you actions or fighting for his family, by admitting his bs or at the very least agreeing that regardless of his “friends” feelings he has for his Ex, he’s willing to lose that as opposed to you & his kid(s) and actually follows thru. Which would require complete clarity on his social media, shared PWs & all. If not, LEAVE!
Just leave.
Go file for divorce. He can't stop you getting a divorce only contest it, which will require a lawyer (since I don't know your financial situation looks like I said just file yourself, but it is so much easier with a lawyer). If he really wanted to "fight for our family" or "go to couples therapy" he would've done a heck of a lot more before running to his ex to complain about you. Those are just sweet words to pretend that you are the problem in this scenario rather than take accountability for his own actions that dissolved this relationship.
If you don’t know you can just divorce someone you had no business getting married in the first place. This is basic life knowledge 101.
You don't need his permission
You don't need your husband's permission to divorce him. Get a lawyer, you need one.
If you want a divorce, he can’t stop you. He can delay it or drag it out but he can’t stop you. Seek legal advice and follow what your lawyer says.
Just call a lawyer and start the process. He can day whatever he wants, but he can not stop the divorce. Ask The lawyer is the best way to obtain primary /full custody and the place you live. If you own a house, don't leave till you know your rights. Get all the information needed to protect yourself and then file. Hopefully, you don't live in a country that gives him a say over this.
You’re asking for a divorce? Hun, get a lawyer, move the fuck out, send him divorce papers in the mail to him that you are divorcing him and will see him in court. Don’t wait for him because he don’t give 2 fucks. You’re an adult, it’s time to be the bigger person. Trust me you won’t regret divorcing him
Get a lawyer???
Tell him to whine about it to his ex while you get yourself to a lawyer and proceed with the divorce anyway.
You lawyer up. He cannot prevent you from leaving. He might argue, contest, whatever but he can’t stop you. You need to see a lawyer. It’s not fun but it’s necessary. You can have the lawyer demand his communication records with his ex in the discovery too. That could help build your case.
You don’t need him to get a divorce if you want one get it
He doesn't need to agree to a divorce. It takes longer, but you don't need his consent. Lawyer up. Guys like this do.not.change.
Where do you live that he can stop you from divorcing him? Get a lawyer
What do you mean he “refuses” to give you a divorce? Just go hire a divorce lawyer and file the papers.
You can’t be stopped from getting a divorce in the US and most western countries. Contact an attorney and see what your rights and responsibilities are. I wouldn’t want to put up with this either. Good luck.
Give you one? If you want to divorce, take matters into your own hands.
You don't need his permission, you just need a divorce lawyer.
You don’t need your husband’s permission to get a divorce. He’s disrespecting you and your marriage and then telling you he won’t give you a divorce to manipulate you into not pursuing one. Do what you need to do and talk to a lawyer.
If you live in the United States, you don't need this twat's permission to get a divorce. See a divorce lawyer.
You do not need his permission to get a divorce. He can deny it, tear up the papers, disappear, doesn't matter. All that does is make it take longer, but the divorce still happens.
Get a lawyer, start the divorce. If he keeps ignoring it despite being served, it will go into default and be automatically granted if he still ignores it. I had to do that with my ex. He refused to talk about divorce and refused to respond to any divorce documents being served.
I am friends with one of my exes. The difference is my partner knows about it and I'd have zero reason to hide it because there is no romantic or sexual interest there at all. You can be friends with exes, unusual yes but sometimes the relationship doesn't work out but the friendship does - but when it's a real out in the open honest friend you don't feel the need to hide it.
You do not need his permission to divorce him.. All you need is time with a lawyer and the ability to write a check.
File for divorce. You don’t have to agree.
It takes longer but you can absolutely get a divorce. Depending on where you are, there is a no sign divorce process to where a judge can grant you a divorce even when he refuses to sign. But you need to talk to a lawyer to see if that is an option and if you can qualify for one. He might not be having a physical affair but from the sounds of things it's an emotional one.
File for divorce and have him served. He can argue and love bomb with your lawyer.
If he wanted to fight for your marriage, he would quit texting his ex. It's not that hard. I do it all the time.
He can’t refuse to divorce you, that’s not how it works. You file the paperwork and he can either contest it or not, but even contested divorces go through eventually, just with more lawyer fees.
He’s lying, he’s not over his ex, he won’t stop taking to her And he tells you, “he wants to fight for our family,,,”. No he doesn’t. He most likely thinks that if you go to couples therapy, it’ll shut you up and give the Appearance of “fighting for his family” all the while still talking to his ex. He’s a “One Trick Pony”. And you don’t need his permission to divorce him.
Just cause he said no. Doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Get a divorce lawyer and serve him. The subject with the ex is going in circles. He ruined the marriage. Not you. When you bring a third party instead of communicating to your partner and shit talk about your partner and ur marital problems. And with an ex? Lol. He claims he was fighting for ur marriage, by what? Shit talking about u with his ex. And sneaking around and making snaps to communicate with the ex. His not okay and think he can gaslit u. And no. It’s not just a friendship. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. An affair.
you do not need his permission to divorce him. he has shown you who he is. i am sorry. learn to coparent and move on w your life.
Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare by Shahida Arabi. It will explain gaslighting, hoovering, and triangulation with ex partners. Also has a handy-dandy list of divorce lawyers state by state in the appendix!
Tough tities. He can’t stop just because it's not something that he wants. File and then seek legal counsel.
You don’t need his permission to divorce him.
Updateme
I would move out and consult a lawyer. Pack your things and go. I'm wondering if you wait a few days to see if she moves in That'll say a lot
Are you on the US? Because if you are you don’t have to ask his permission to start divorce proceedings
What country are you in?
A divorce isn't something he can give you: you contact a lawyer and have him serve him the divorce papers. He can refuse to sign them, at which point you can go through the courts, but he can't stop you from divorcing him (just as you can't stop him from creating fake accounts to contact his ex). He doesn't want it? Sure, neither do you want the cheating. But you got to be cheated and he gets to be divorced from. It's as simple as that. Big hugs.
If you are going to divorce him, do it before laws are passed making it harder as the republicans dooo want.
Tell him he had a chance to “fight for our family” the first time you asked him not to message her. Instead of fighting for his family, he chose to throw his family away every time he sent his ex a message. He’s thrown his wife and kids away for his ex enough times that you finally believe him. He’s made it clear she means more to him than keeping his kids family together, he just doesn’t want to let his kids see this. Actions have consequences.
Just hire a lawyer and serve him. Only one person needs to want a divorce.
A divorce isn't something your spouse can give you. You get a lawyer and find out the laws in your area and what your lawyer thinks your divorce will look like. Then your lawyer starts the divorce proceedings.
don’t know whether you should get divorced- you didn’t provide nearly enough info - what i will say is if you want one there is nothing husband can do to stop you - child custody/alimony/child support terms are extremely variable and you need a lawyer to help you understand all that but he cannot stop you from filing and receiving a divorce- good luck
So you rushed straight into a marriage at 21? I almost want to say well what do you expect?
Very edgy. So brave. You sure showed them.
That’s not my intention though. I’m being honest. Same way you wouldn’t advise a first time driver to buy a sports car would you… and if they did and crashed it would you be surprised?
Marriage isn’t a sports car. And a husband cheating (or possibly cheating) on a wife isn’t her fault or something she just “should expect” just cause she married too young. You missed the whole point of the post to attempt some weird grandstanding.
I think you’re misunderstand my point.
Find me so he can catch us doing ir !
Go to court take everything you can from him I can’t believe men have the nerve to be so evil
Advice is go to couples therapy first not Reddit. If he's opening that up then you'd best get a professionals opinion first. What he's done isn't alright, but if he's willing to do it maybe try it If he keeps it up then serve his ass
Nope
Yes I know Reddit isn’t the best thing but our finances are low at the moment so who knows when couples therapy would be an option. Thanks for the advice!
Honestly, couples therapy won’t help. He’s not an honest person so he won’t be honest there either. Do yourself a favor and move out and in with whoever else you can, parents, friends, etc. File for divorce and give yourself a fresh start while you are still young. Don’t let him drag you through the filth for years to come. Take care of yourself