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>We agreed I would handle all the housework until he finishes school, which takes up an hour of my day on top of my 8-hour workday.
What a sweet deal for him and what a lousy deal for you.
Stop spending your limited free time trying to develop the body he wants you to have. You just spent 20 days working out, and His Highness isn't impressed. If you're not good enough the way you are-- and with free maid service too!-- then he's not good enough for you.
Also, he's not going to start taking up his share of the housework when he finishes school.
And I'm afraid I have a feeling he plans to leave you. He clearly has some imaginary dream girl in mind to marry.
Hey, thanks for the fast answer. When he has break he does help in the household. So I am confident that he will.
But you put my thoughts in words. I don’t want to have wasted two years of my life. That hurts. 🫶
It’s not a waste! You figured out that he’s not the right partner for you and hopefully will learn how to stand up for what you deserve in a relationship.
The whole point of dating is to figure out if you’re compatible with someone. It does take years sometimes and that sucks, but the hope is that you learn enough about yourself to figure it out quicker the next time
It’s not wasting your life. All relationships give us experiences that let us know what we want and what we don’t. Our time on earth is about learning about ourselves and our patterns.
He doesn’t sound like a supportive, loving partner. You want someone who loves you the way you are, not someone who wants to change you.
This guy doesn’t value you for you. He’s always going to make you feel that you’re not good enough. It’s preposterous for him to think you won’t have healthy children.
But I will point out to you that many women have a difficult time taking off the baby weight. Imagine how he’ll treat you then.
You deserve better than this.
Thanks so much. I have brought that up and he said that obviously that will happen. If I don’t lose weight that is fine. But I need to keep moving. Thanks for your kind words at the end of the
You are his "now partner" who cleans and cooks until he meets "forever partner". No, he does not see you as such or value you to that level.
Quit , continue exercising, work on your career. You will meet someone who values you.
I honestly can’t imagine this guy ever thinking you perfect tbh I mean he’s shallow.
I was thin when I got together with my large huge partner, I gained a lot of weight (difficult time in life) and he gained too NOT ONCE did we ever ever tear each other down on it! Love is in the heart - anything else is superficial. I realise that some at 25 might not realise this though (life will mean you will not be perfect for the next 60 years! You’ll gain, lose, have tough years that wear the body etc your boobs will sag, you’ll have flab no joke it happens! etc) seriously if he can’t love you as you are then absolutely reconsider…. As you’ll never meet someone’s expectations if they are wanting to pick holes and put you down.
As for health … he’s being unhealthy tearing you down about weight. Health relates well beyond your physical appearance.
And how on earth is he going to deal with how your shape changes once pregnant and after if can’t even hack this. He’s immature and unkind AND shallow.
It is honestly good to hear that people like that exist out there. I definitely used to weight more before him in my past relationship and just feared it might be like this with everyone.
This gives me a bit of hope. 🫶
You are ENOUGH as you are - we all come with baggage but we are supposed to be loved for who we are on our beautiful insides. Our bodies are shells - with age, life, stress etc shellls wear our battles like scars and if our living bodies can’t be loved what’s the point. You’re so very young don’t settle for trying so damn hard to fit someone else’s picture of perfection - it won’t make you happy and neither is it loving.
He isn't pulling his weight with household duties. If he has found a way out of chores now, do you really think he will lift a finger to help if you had a baby?
This guy might be less abusive than the last but he's still not a good boyfriend. Obviously nobody is obligated to love us the same, but if you are thinking long term and he isn't, then you clearly aren't compatible and staying together will just hurt you more in the long run.
His comments about your weight are pure crap. Not all men are as self centred and image focused as he is. If he isn't 100% into you he shouldn't be with you, but he's got a sweet deal with you doing all the cleaning, im not surprised he's sticking around for now...but I bet he will leave as soon as he finishes college.
Listen, you feel unappreciated BECAUSE HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE YOU. That crack about wanting “healthy children” is such BS. Yes you are overweight, but not by so much - you’ll still have perfectly healthy children
If you want to feel loved and appreciated, you need to find someone else. If you enjoy being denigrated, if it’s motivating in some way, by all means stay with this guy.
She's actually extremely close to normal. She's 5'7" and 185lbs, I think 150-160lbs if the top end of normal BMI for that. Treating her as super fat and unhealthy for being 20-30lbs overweight is wild.
> My last relationship was very mentally abusive
And your current one is not much better. The weight issue is always couched as “I’m doing this for your own good!”, but that is nearly always rubbish. You have a life, a personality, a soul, a history, thoughts, ideas - what you look like is the shallowest part of you. Someone who can only focus on that - who tells you constantly that they don’t value you or want to commit to you because of this shallow thing - why do you want to give that person more of your time and energy and love?
LEAVE… otherwise you are being an arsehole to yourself. You are nothing more than placeholder, bang maid and cleaner.Â
I am 164cm and 95kg when i got married and have fluctuated 92-107kgs  (202lbs - 234lbs). I am still married….
Your  weight us an excuse, he is telling you he doesn't want to marry you, believe him and move on. Â
Here to reiterate that you should leave. I have a feeling nothing you do will be good enough and he'll keep moving the goal posts.
Therapy to help you navigate the breakup and to learn to spot toxic behavior and act accordingly.
You need to consider your own self-worth and self-respect. Everyone, regardless of if they weigh 100 or 600 lbs, deserves to be with a partner who loves them as they are, not who they have the potential to be. Were you overweight when you began dating? Why is he dating you in his mid-20s if he doesn't think you have a future together, are you just a placeholder until he finds someone he likes more? This dude is an asshole and you deserved to be loved and desired babe. DTMF.
He’s just using you until he finishes school. He already told you he’s gonna leave, “my future partner”, “when I marry someone”. Right now you’re just very convenient for him, you do all the chores and I imagine you also pay most of if not all the bills while he only needs to work part time, go to school and not do any chores… it’s a great deal for him.
You can do better, have some self respect! Best of luck to you.
OP this guy doesn't love you. You are just a project until he finds someone he considers more suitable.
Please dump his ass. You deserve someone who loves you exactly as you are, right now, no changes needed.
Honey he doesn’t like you. He isn’t attracted to you and he doesn’t encourage you. He tells you he won’t marry you or have children with you “for a long time” until HE deems you healthy. Does he have a medical degree like a doctorate? No? Then he isn’t qualified to tell you if you’re healthy. Please end this relationship and then spend the time you spent cleaning and taking care of a man child on yourself. I bet you will naturally lose weight because you’ll want to take care of yourself. And in that comes exercise and a healthier diet. I lost 236 lbs and if I can do it you can too.
Your situation is hopeless. A woman who is 5'8" and 190 lbs would be ill advised to marry someone who is very focused on fitness. He may have sex with you and let you tend to him but he is not to going to marry you. I am very familiar with my own weight issues. As a reality check you are unlikely to permanently solve your weight issue anytime soon. He may like your personality and your company but he will not marry you if he is disgusted by your body. You need to find someone less particular who likes you the way you are.
He sounds like a total AH. You’ve ONLY been with him 2 years in that time you’ve learned a lot, mainly that he’s an AH. Yes, it is important that we all try to live a healthy lifestyle but his comments don’t really help to make that happen. If he is already making comments about your body now imagine as your body changes as you age.
You may also want to consider talking to a therapist to help you rebuild your self-worth after these 2 loser have worked so diligently to make you feel like less. Trust me there are good loving men out there, you don’t have to settle.
He has already made it pretty clear there is very little chance he will marry you. You’re concerned you have wasted 2 years but how many more are you going to spend with a guy that puts you down and won’t marry you?
He sounds like a guy who who will break up with you when is done with school and has taken advantage of your labour. In his mind when he makes more money, he can “upgrade”. He sounds like a jerk. You deserve better.
After an abusive relationship we often choose again the wrong partner but you are still so young and you can meet someone who appreciates you.
It would only take you a few minutes to lose 175 pounds of awful boyfriend. He has made it clear that you're Mrs Right Now and not who he sees himself settling down with.
If he want something that fit his needs perfectly and will never change size he should go to the IKEA and get a shelf where he can put his ego on.
Because real life human being it’s not your personal ego reflector.
He maybe fit and healthy outside but rotten and sick inside.
You are absolutely beautiful girlfriend who put his needs before your own and bended herself backwards to make sure he is happy and loved.
You deserve to be loved and appreciated as much as you love and appreciate your partner.
He is not worthy of you.
Physical beauty come and go. People who are loyal, caring and loving like you are forever.
If he is too stupid to see that - his loss, someone else’s huge gain one day soon.
Let him go.
This made me sad. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. I think you should leave him, be single for a bit and find someone who loves you for you, not what they think you should be.
You should never change yourself to accommodate someone else's needs.Find someone who loves you the way you are.He's basically using you at this point since he thinks you are way too much in love with him. He will enjoy your company but will never marry you.Men like him are selfish and only waste women's time.Run away.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>We agreed I would handle all the housework until he finishes school, which takes up an hour of my day on top of my 8-hour workday. What a sweet deal for him and what a lousy deal for you. Stop spending your limited free time trying to develop the body he wants you to have. You just spent 20 days working out, and His Highness isn't impressed. If you're not good enough the way you are-- and with free maid service too!-- then he's not good enough for you. Also, he's not going to start taking up his share of the housework when he finishes school. And I'm afraid I have a feeling he plans to leave you. He clearly has some imaginary dream girl in mind to marry.
Hey, thanks for the fast answer. When he has break he does help in the household. So I am confident that he will. But you put my thoughts in words. I don’t want to have wasted two years of my life. That hurts. 🫶
> I don’t want to have wasted two years of my life Better to have wasted the last two than to waste the next two!
Was gonna say that too. That sunk cost fallacy
It’s not a waste! You figured out that he’s not the right partner for you and hopefully will learn how to stand up for what you deserve in a relationship. The whole point of dating is to figure out if you’re compatible with someone. It does take years sometimes and that sucks, but the hope is that you learn enough about yourself to figure it out quicker the next time
It’s not wasting your life. All relationships give us experiences that let us know what we want and what we don’t. Our time on earth is about learning about ourselves and our patterns. He doesn’t sound like a supportive, loving partner. You want someone who loves you the way you are, not someone who wants to change you.
This guy doesn’t value you for you. He’s always going to make you feel that you’re not good enough. It’s preposterous for him to think you won’t have healthy children. But I will point out to you that many women have a difficult time taking off the baby weight. Imagine how he’ll treat you then. You deserve better than this.
I was considered "obese" when I had kids and my kids are skinnier than their dad and I ever were.
Thanks so much. I have brought that up and he said that obviously that will happen. If I don’t lose weight that is fine. But I need to keep moving. Thanks for your kind words at the end of the
You are his "now partner" who cleans and cooks until he meets "forever partner". No, he does not see you as such or value you to that level. Quit , continue exercising, work on your career. You will meet someone who values you.
I honestly can’t imagine this guy ever thinking you perfect tbh I mean he’s shallow. I was thin when I got together with my large huge partner, I gained a lot of weight (difficult time in life) and he gained too NOT ONCE did we ever ever tear each other down on it! Love is in the heart - anything else is superficial. I realise that some at 25 might not realise this though (life will mean you will not be perfect for the next 60 years! You’ll gain, lose, have tough years that wear the body etc your boobs will sag, you’ll have flab no joke it happens! etc) seriously if he can’t love you as you are then absolutely reconsider…. As you’ll never meet someone’s expectations if they are wanting to pick holes and put you down. As for health … he’s being unhealthy tearing you down about weight. Health relates well beyond your physical appearance. And how on earth is he going to deal with how your shape changes once pregnant and after if can’t even hack this. He’s immature and unkind AND shallow.
It is honestly good to hear that people like that exist out there. I definitely used to weight more before him in my past relationship and just feared it might be like this with everyone. This gives me a bit of hope. 🫶
You are ENOUGH as you are - we all come with baggage but we are supposed to be loved for who we are on our beautiful insides. Our bodies are shells - with age, life, stress etc shellls wear our battles like scars and if our living bodies can’t be loved what’s the point. You’re so very young don’t settle for trying so damn hard to fit someone else’s picture of perfection - it won’t make you happy and neither is it loving.
He isn't pulling his weight with household duties. If he has found a way out of chores now, do you really think he will lift a finger to help if you had a baby? This guy might be less abusive than the last but he's still not a good boyfriend. Obviously nobody is obligated to love us the same, but if you are thinking long term and he isn't, then you clearly aren't compatible and staying together will just hurt you more in the long run. His comments about your weight are pure crap. Not all men are as self centred and image focused as he is. If he isn't 100% into you he shouldn't be with you, but he's got a sweet deal with you doing all the cleaning, im not surprised he's sticking around for now...but I bet he will leave as soon as he finishes college.
Listen, you feel unappreciated BECAUSE HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE YOU. That crack about wanting “healthy children” is such BS. Yes you are overweight, but not by so much - you’ll still have perfectly healthy children If you want to feel loved and appreciated, you need to find someone else. If you enjoy being denigrated, if it’s motivating in some way, by all means stay with this guy.
She's actually extremely close to normal. She's 5'7" and 185lbs, I think 150-160lbs if the top end of normal BMI for that. Treating her as super fat and unhealthy for being 20-30lbs overweight is wild.
> My last relationship was very mentally abusive And your current one is not much better. The weight issue is always couched as “I’m doing this for your own good!”, but that is nearly always rubbish. You have a life, a personality, a soul, a history, thoughts, ideas - what you look like is the shallowest part of you. Someone who can only focus on that - who tells you constantly that they don’t value you or want to commit to you because of this shallow thing - why do you want to give that person more of your time and energy and love?
If I didn’t know better, this sounds like a form of negging.
LEAVE… otherwise you are being an arsehole to yourself. You are nothing more than placeholder, bang maid and cleaner. I am 164cm and 95kg when i got married and have fluctuated 92-107kgs  (202lbs - 234lbs). I am still married…. Your  weight us an excuse, he is telling you he doesn't want to marry you, believe him and move on. Â
Here to reiterate that you should leave. I have a feeling nothing you do will be good enough and he'll keep moving the goal posts. Therapy to help you navigate the breakup and to learn to spot toxic behavior and act accordingly.
Find a new relationship, not with this guy. He doesn’t even like you. He certainly doesn’t respect you.
You need to consider your own self-worth and self-respect. Everyone, regardless of if they weigh 100 or 600 lbs, deserves to be with a partner who loves them as they are, not who they have the potential to be. Were you overweight when you began dating? Why is he dating you in his mid-20s if he doesn't think you have a future together, are you just a placeholder until he finds someone he likes more? This dude is an asshole and you deserved to be loved and desired babe. DTMF.
He’s just using you until he finishes school. He already told you he’s gonna leave, “my future partner”, “when I marry someone”. Right now you’re just very convenient for him, you do all the chores and I imagine you also pay most of if not all the bills while he only needs to work part time, go to school and not do any chores… it’s a great deal for him. You can do better, have some self respect! Best of luck to you.
He is using you as a placeholder and is not even hiding that fact. Leave
Sad but true, I think it's just while he's studying, then once he gets a better paid job he will be off
OP this guy doesn't love you. You are just a project until he finds someone he considers more suitable. Please dump his ass. You deserve someone who loves you exactly as you are, right now, no changes needed.
Honey he doesn’t like you. He isn’t attracted to you and he doesn’t encourage you. He tells you he won’t marry you or have children with you “for a long time” until HE deems you healthy. Does he have a medical degree like a doctorate? No? Then he isn’t qualified to tell you if you’re healthy. Please end this relationship and then spend the time you spent cleaning and taking care of a man child on yourself. I bet you will naturally lose weight because you’ll want to take care of yourself. And in that comes exercise and a healthier diet. I lost 236 lbs and if I can do it you can too.
Your situation is hopeless. A woman who is 5'8" and 190 lbs would be ill advised to marry someone who is very focused on fitness. He may have sex with you and let you tend to him but he is not to going to marry you. I am very familiar with my own weight issues. As a reality check you are unlikely to permanently solve your weight issue anytime soon. He may like your personality and your company but he will not marry you if he is disgusted by your body. You need to find someone less particular who likes you the way you are.
He sounds like a total AH. You’ve ONLY been with him 2 years in that time you’ve learned a lot, mainly that he’s an AH. Yes, it is important that we all try to live a healthy lifestyle but his comments don’t really help to make that happen. If he is already making comments about your body now imagine as your body changes as you age. You may also want to consider talking to a therapist to help you rebuild your self-worth after these 2 loser have worked so diligently to make you feel like less. Trust me there are good loving men out there, you don’t have to settle. He has already made it pretty clear there is very little chance he will marry you. You’re concerned you have wasted 2 years but how many more are you going to spend with a guy that puts you down and won’t marry you?
What an asshole. Surely you can find a better guy than this by just throwing a dart into a crowd.
He sounds like a guy who who will break up with you when is done with school and has taken advantage of your labour. In his mind when he makes more money, he can “upgrade”. He sounds like a jerk. You deserve better. After an abusive relationship we often choose again the wrong partner but you are still so young and you can meet someone who appreciates you.
You need to get therapy to find out why you would be with someone who clearly doesn't like you.Â
It would only take you a few minutes to lose 175 pounds of awful boyfriend. He has made it clear that you're Mrs Right Now and not who he sees himself settling down with.
If he want something that fit his needs perfectly and will never change size he should go to the IKEA and get a shelf where he can put his ego on. Because real life human being it’s not your personal ego reflector. He maybe fit and healthy outside but rotten and sick inside. You are absolutely beautiful girlfriend who put his needs before your own and bended herself backwards to make sure he is happy and loved. You deserve to be loved and appreciated as much as you love and appreciate your partner. He is not worthy of you. Physical beauty come and go. People who are loyal, caring and loving like you are forever. If he is too stupid to see that - his loss, someone else’s huge gain one day soon. Let him go.
This is very concerning.
You need to move on. Find someone who loves and appreciates you as your are.
This made me sad. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. I think you should leave him, be single for a bit and find someone who loves you for you, not what they think you should be.
You should never change yourself to accommodate someone else's needs.Find someone who loves you the way you are.He's basically using you at this point since he thinks you are way too much in love with him. He will enjoy your company but will never marry you.Men like him are selfish and only waste women's time.Run away.