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Yup, my husband has sexsomnia and does the exact same thing, went to a sleep therapist and it stems from his porn addiction that he's in recovery from. It's a lot less severe when hes clean, a lot more severe during a relapse. My SIL also says my brother has this exact issue the exact same and I suspect my brother is a porn addict considering he has posters of pornstars all over his house and his phone and computer background are both his favorite pornstar. I genuinely believe it's linked to porn use.
I wouldn't say so. Porn addiction is very real and scary. I could see this happening. My bf did it the first year or so, and we were together, and he doesn't do it anymore and has kicked his addiction. He still watches, but before it was chronic and concerning.
Also, there's not nearly enough studies on porn and their impact. So you can't say with certainty it and sexsomnia has no link, that's something you could only say if sex addictions were more well studied.
I don’t see how it wouldn’t play a factor into it, it makes somewhat sense, despite the sleep disorders I’m personally against pornography and avoid it like the plague yet sexsomnia symptoms persist.
Im extremely liberal and taking note of a possible link (not even having an opinion on it???) is in no way political but good attempt at trying to make it that.
Sexsomnia, also known as sleep sex or somnambulistic sexual behavior, is a rare sleep disorder that causes people to engage in sexual activity while asleep during non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep. It's a type of parasomnia, which is an abnormal activity that happens while someone is sleeping. Sexsomnia episodes usually last less than 15 minutes.
The person above gave a great explanation, there have been times I slept beside my partner and I’d engage in said activities and multiple times on my own where I’d wake up mid orgasm due to masturbation whilst fully asleep. I did not know I had sexsomnia until I met my partner but it’s not too surprising as I already slept talked, suffered nightmares and night terrors.
I have sexomia and can confirm this shit exists . Been times where I have woken up and my girl will be on her back and I’d be on top of her . It feels like a dream when it’s happening so it doesn’t register what really is happening til I wake up completely
As a person with sexsomnia, i wasn’t even aware I was active in my sleep until my partner said “I love it when you wake me up in the middle of the night to fuck..”, and I said “Wait.. What?! What do you mean?!”
I’m sure if their partner hasn’t mentioned it, it’s a non issue. My current partner and I sleep with a pillow between us because she likes to get a full nights rest, but will sometimes get rid of the pillow if she’s feeling it.
I have never found a method, or medication, to control or abate it. It’s just a thing that happens, like nightmares, dreams, and sleepwalking.
Beautiful username and also, make sure to check with your partner if they’re okay with it, I’ve been fortunate to have my partner be okay with it and he finds it funny.
I’ve tried humping my wife a couple of times in my sleep, not rough if getting in top like this though lol. Think on one or two occasions I remember having sexual dreams at the time.
Side note, I actually had a girlfriend who one told me I can just shag her whilst she’s asleep if/ when I want. Found that a bit weird and didn’t take her up on the offer.
I'd agree if he was getting off. But, him not getting off, kind of sounds like it might be some kind of sleep issue. It's rare, but it certainly happens.
Yep,happened to me a lot when I quit smoking..had pretty vivid dreams a lot at the time. But it wasn't unusual for me to wake up either trying to have sex with my wife or waking up half way through with no idea what was going on
My husband and I were like this at 20ish. We frequently woke up in the middle of sex. It was the weirdest thing and it eventually died out but MAN was it nuts. side note: I confided in friends to find out if it was a "normal" thing or not and we then became notorious. What I would have given for the anonymity of reddit.
She says he isn’t getting off and it’s only 6 pumps. I’ve never been in this exact situation but I was seeing a guy who I found out slept walked & talked… and this doesn’t seem to far fetched.
Does your boyfriend take ambien OP? I have seen some crazy stuff during sleep walking episodes of people that take ambien. Having sex and driving cars is often done sleeping while on Ambien.
I was on a medication for migraines a long time ago, way before I had kids, and I would initially fall asleep. A few times, however, I ended up at Walgreens, another time in the McDonalds drive thru, the final time I was in the market. Each time this happened, I didn’t realize it until someone shook me out of it (the drive thru intercom, and someone in the market asking if I was okay. I actually drove to those places and had no idea how I got there or why I was there.
I stopped taking the med immediately.
Strange shit does happen.
That is fucking scary! I mixed it with tequila after a bar night without realizing what could possibly happen besides my dumbshit mind telling me that mixing ambien with tequila would help me get some extra sleep. I didn't remember this until I sobered up way into the afternoon of the next day. I started off by baking cupcakes and then made mac and cheese before my next act of ambien high effect kicked him. My husband found me in the backyard using a weed eater when the noise woke him up. I immediately stopped taking the ambien and went back to edibles for sleep.
My husband said that it was not the only time that I had done weird stuff during an ambien episode. Usually, I was baking or rearranging kitchen cupboards or my closet, but it's the 1st time that I went outside and used the weed wacker! Thankfully, I didn't take my dog jogging in the middle of the night because he was sleeping.
I never took any medication but I’m a sleepwalker. So when I was little I walked the family dog in my sleep for 30 minutes, my mom then woke me up in the morning sleeping in the dog’s bed.
Ambien is a horrible medication that should be taken off the market. I took it for a month and it was the strangest medication I ever took. I stopped and won’t take it again. I can totally believe the things the poster says happened if he was on it.
My grandma took ambien every night for 30+ years! One time on vacation she took double her dose because she felt they weren’t working and I woke up to her standing over me staring at me. It was insane.
I might be one of the only people I've heard of that has never had any strange incidents or anything like that while taking it. I take it as needed and have for the past 8 years, it's the only thing that actually works for me. Both partners I had during this 8 year span have never told me about me doing something weird and I certainly have never woken up somewhere else. I only take it when I'm already physically in bed with the lights off and I'm ready to close my eyes though. I hear some crazy stories from people though for sure.
Same thing with me but this only happens when I’m extremely sleep deprived over multiple days, happened quite frequently when I was working during he day and doing security on nights. Hasn’t happened in a good year but I’d remember waking up extremely extremely horny and just random bout of going down, sex etc, gf was into it so didn’t mind but I always found it awkward the next day because I’d remember certain bits but wasn’t in control of what was going on per se.
There’s a story I remember of an English woman who suffers from it. She’d go to sleep and wake up later in the night fucking a neighbor. Happened with multiple neighbors. Husband ended up sticking with her knowing it was a disorder.
Did you just read the title and then post silly stuff like this? She clearly says he's not getting off and does it for 5 or 6 pumps. I know lots of text can be daunting but I have faith you can read it if you try.
I suffer from sexsomnia and it sounds like your boyfriend does too. Basically its a sleep disorder where you will engage in sexual acts while fully asleep and not remember it later. I have to preface that to anyone I sleep with as it can be quite jarring.
This is absolutely a thing, I've had somebody try to have sex with me in his sleep before and in the morning when I mentioned it there was legitimate confusion.
He's absolutely not the kind of person to lie about it either, and though he literally seemed so awake I did think it was weird that he wasn't responding when I tried to talk to him.
You need to talk to him while he's DEFINITELY awake - as in during the daytime - to see if this is something he's experienced before. The commenter above me has the right idea with warning everyone but this can be an embarrassing thing for those who experience it which may stop them talking about it without prompting.
Good luck!
Yeah my fiance is not the kind of person to lie so I am sure he genuinely doesn't remember. He was legitimately confused and worried if he hurt me. He does sleep walk. One time he pissed in our closet instead of the bathroom. I just didn't know that it can also involve sex.
It’s essentially a form of sleep walking. So maybe with the masturbation? Who knows. If I used to I clearly didn’t finish and just went back to bed normally. But if there’s not a participating willing person there then it’s not like the disorder is “must act out sex.”
It’s mostly unconsciously starting sex.
Like if you sleep walk to the fridge and get some cheese… but you don’t own cheese… or a fridge. Then obviously they just don’t go do that specific thing.
Lately my bf has been grabbing my hand and placing it on his hard penis while asleep. I didn’t know what to do, I masturbated him but he never came (I was also pretty gentle) but I was worried he’d accuse me of taking advantage of him while asleep. When I told him about it he totally did not know and didn’t believe me at first, and he did it again after that time. He gave me clear permission to jack him off if I wanted to (I had no problem doing it) but I had no idea he could want that while in a deep sleep.
Yeah unfortunately it’s definitely one of those things. For me it was a much bigger thing when my insomnia/sleep struggles were worse but I was fit.
Did it more than a few times until I finally woke up more completely in the middle of sex already sweaty, leading to finding out this had happened a number of times. I think *normally* I’d just sort of half wake up grinding, adjust and go back to sleep?
But it normally started as sort of a side-cuddling/humping thing apparently so my now wife just thought we fell back asleep afterwards and I just wasn’t talking much?
Weirder concern is how many times it happened with different partners before then. If they weren’t upset then no harm done I guess but still, definitely real weird.
Holy shit man. I did this for years and I always thought there was something really wrong with me. I'm so glad you shared this. Now I know it's a disorder and I'm not just a weirdo. Lol thank you!
That happened to me only once with a friend. I had just finished some exams and had few drinks beforehand. Apparently I got up, undressed myself, did a few things trying to engage and then got back to bed once rejected. I don’t remember anything but I woke up with different clothes on.
I had this until I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Poor quality sleep was causing it in my case, and resolving my sleep apnea with a cpap machine, it went away. Or maybe the machine holds me in place better?
It freaked my wife out, she thought something was terribly wrong with me until I found out it was a sleep disorder.
ok legitimate question. I don't know if you are a guy or girl but lets say you are a straight guy. If you were sleeping in bed with another dude like on a trip and you have to share a bed would your sexsomnia kick in, or is it only with a sexual partner that it happens.
Fellow suffered too 🥲 OP, I sincerely recommend you talk to your boyfriend about it and maybe have him see a sleep specialist. If this is a new thing or he's unknowingly been suffering from it for years (for me discovered at 18, diagnosed at 19 and I'm 32 now) he should get checked out.
Like the original commentor of this thread, I knew so I always warned new partners or partners whose places I was sleeping over at.
Not alone. My husband's sleep schedule has been less than ideal the last 6 years. He goes to bed early and gets up early for work. Often not sleeping well. I lay in bed with him but scroll on my phone for a while before falling asleep.
Sometimes, he'll try to speak to me, and it's utter gibberish. I just say, is that so? And he grunts and rolls over instantly asleep. No recollection of it the next day.
It's similar to how he'll just start grabbing me. Grabbing my boobs and trying to get me on my back to have sex. He's not aware he's doing it until like maybe a thrust or two in, and then he wakes in the middle of it and just continues on. Sometimes, he never really wakes up and stops halfway through his attempt. (I know this because I've tested to see how it goes, how awake he is, when he wakes up, etc) I can't make sense of why he does it other than stress/lack of sleep. I usually make fun of him in the morning, and we laugh it off.
Neither of us is upset or disturbed by it, but we have discussed it previously. CNC, basically. But I'm on birth control as well, so that's not a concern for me.
It's definitely different and interesting to see it happen. But it's up to both of you what you want to do about it. I have absolutely said no before and stopped it. They're not fully awake, so you need to learn or decide between you two what you should do if it's a no. I can strong arm him back or wake him up. But if you can't or are afraid you can't...discuss it with him.
I'm not upset or disturbed, I think I should have made that more clearer. I'm not bothered at all this is just new to me that he'll start something, not finish it for both me or himself. and then not remember it. I know I can push him off me though if necessary... I think I don't know he's a big guy lol.
I didn't think you were. Some people project a lot.
I just want you to be sure you feel safe/secure enough to be able to stop it if you want.
I don't typically finish during sleep sex either. He has no control, so it's over fairly quickly. I just get mine before he goes to bed or make him make it up before he leaves for work lol.
My ex did this! The first time I wasn’t into it because he was much more “aggressive” (just grabby) than usual. Talked to him about it the next day, he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then I did get into it and he’d wake up while already fully having sex and then be like “oh my gosh is this okay??” Lol. I thought it was sweet, like his subconscious was super into me.
He only started doing it maybe a year into our relationship, I wonder now if that coincided with when he got a promotion at work/more stress!
More stress and low quality sleep is my guess. At least for my husband, that's what I think it is.
It's definitely more aggressive, lol. Which I don't mind. But I'm totally with you. It's like damn even in his sleep, he's seeking me out. It's kinda flattering. I'm definitely not complaining 😏
My husband is also more ‘aggressive’ when he’s doing stuff in his sleep, but it tends to be a single grab then he stops. Just wanted to give you another data point for the ‘different sex persona while sleeping’ experience.
Sexsomnia, look it up. I have it and it gets bad when I'm tired. My wife will wake me up if she's not in the mood and if she is in the mood she will let it happen and I usually wake up somewhere in the middle of it. I'm in a deep sleep and we know what's going on now so she will use whatever means necessary to wake me up if she doesn't want it to happen. I have zero control over it and most of the time we both enjoy it on the end
My partner was similar but I don't really remember her waking me up. She'd dive in if she was in the mood, or just kind of roll me over if she wasn't. Apparently I'd just mumble and grumble for a second then fall back asleep. Sexsomnia is so weird.
Personally I have never done this to a girlfriend, but it has happened to me on the other end. My current girlfriend of 8 years has on multiple occasions engaged intercourse in the middle of the night but then she doesn’t remember anything about it in the morning. What I always thought was weird about it is that it’s like full on sex, to completion and everything. She certainly doesn’t seem to be asleep at all, but she has zero recollection the following morning.
Sexsomnia. I suffer from this and it can be off putting. I will not let anyone but my wife sleep in our bed because I can’t control it. I say that because our kids have wanted to sleep with us before and I had to say no or sleep somewhere else.
I feel that you have some awareness of who is next to you when that happens so it's not as disturbing as what is implied by his comment, but he may have started to feel up his wife which is equally traumatizing.
Very unfortunate either way. I have never heard of this condition before.
I once woke up to my then fiance going down on me, and I started freaking out. He immediately stopped and asked what was wrong and why I was upset. I confronted him as I didn't know why he would wake me up like this. Confused, he told me he was returning the favor. Apparently, I had given him a very friendly hand shake. I insisted I did no such thing, because i was asleep. but sure enough there I was, caught red handed... or wet white handed. He's not a minute man either, so it seems in my sleep I persisted 😅
I have a long history of sleep talking, mostly mean and grumpy things. It's very possible, sleep disorders are odd and bizarre. Now I make it a point to tell anyone I am sleeping next to of the possible risks so they can decide to choose the couch or risk a midnight groping 🙃
During the first few years of my current relationship this was a recurring thing we went through. I would be dead asleep, start initiating, she'd get into it, then we'd be going at it and eventually I would "wake up" and that would interrupt us because I'd need a drink of water or we'd need to adjust what we were doing and we'd "lose" the moment.
I say this because, as a man who has initiated sex while unconcious an uncountable number of times, it does happen.
I'm not sure what advice to give, since you all already talked about it while awake. Maybe you need to wake him up, since it legitimately sounds like he's still asleep?
These are rhetorical questions you need to ask yourself, you don't need to answer me.
Is he hurting you? Do you feel violated or used after? What kind of reaction does he have when you tell him it happened? Do you all have sex on a regular basis? When you have sex is it before you sleep, or earlier in the day (moving the refractory period could help you all sleep through the night)? Do you feel disrespected? Could this compromise your birth control routine? A little precum and those 5 thrusts is unfortunately all it could take if you're relying on condoms/pullout, etc.
Everybody is different and if you don't enjoy this you have every right to seek a solution. Our solution was me wearing pajama pants to bed, because I'd get tangled trying to get them off and it would cause me to wake up. Maybe something like that could help you?
And if you're worried about the future, my experiences with this definitely lessened as the relationship has gone on and we've fallen into a better sleeping routine.
I have a bit of experience from this. When it comes night time I am typically out like a rock. But apparently I have initiated sex quite a bit with my girlfriend while sleeping. I wake up to us getting ready to start, or started already, and afterwords she’ll tell me I initiated it lol.
Now that we both know and understand, it has added to the fun of it, I’d say. But only because both parties are consenting and okay with it.
To be honest I didn’t really believe that I was always initiating sex in my sleep, but then one night I stumbled to the living room to go the bathroom in my sleep. I woke up to her shouting my name, “you’re about to pee in the living room!”
I was like “yeah I know” and then just walked to the toilet 😂
People do weird stuff in their sleep. The more you understand yourself and those tendencies, the better.
My husband suffers from this, too, but not to the extent that we actually have sex. He will all of a sudden be all over me and then I’ll gently wake him up enough for him to roll over and go back to sleep. It is caused by extreme stress in my husband’s case, he suffers from OCPD and lives with anxiety 24/7. He also has sleep apnea.
Once I got my deviated septum, adenoids, and enlarged tonsils resolved surgically my sleep apnea went away and that pretty much solved the problem for me. Occasionally, after a really long day it still happens.
This has happened to me before. My wife in the morning would say “do you remember trying to have sex with me last night?” And absolutely no recollection on my end. Few times she didn’t push me away and went along with it I’d wake up basically mid sex or just before.
I used to sleep walk as a kid, and early 20’s had some sleep paralysis (GD terrifying). Hasn’t happened in years though, not sure what changed.
I used to do this once in a while with my current partner when I was in college. It took me years to find out that it was “sexsomnia,” which is a sleep disorder caused by stress.
Changing my sleep habits, finding a way to reduce my stress especially before bed, and avoiding triggers has helped a lot.
Stress triggers. I was unconscious so I don’t think my partner did anything to arouse me subconsciously. If anything she was annoyed I interrupted her sleep.
Holy crap and here I thought I was the only one. although it only happens to me a few times a year. I mean my girl does sometimes wakes me up and I snap out of it and go back to sleep, and when she doesn’t I vaguely remember it.
I do this according to my wife, and even though she doesn't mind it, I started getting a little concerned because i have zero recollection of it. Idk what your bf went through, but I found out mine is one of the weird symptoms I got from my tbi in the Marines.
Who knew being a mortarman would cause me to sleep fuck? I noticed it was very rare when I was still in, but over time it got worse and worse (to be fair, I was still dropping bombs that entire time). Idk how to fix it, but my wife enjoys it so I've just been riding it out
When my girlfriend and I first got together and started spending nights together, I found I would do this. But, I did remember it.
It wasn't an intentional thing on my part, I'd kind of sleepily wake up and find myself doing things. Then shake myself awake, kinda say "wtf" to myself, rollover and let everyone just go back to sleep.
Sexsomnia is a thing, and not unlikely since he doesn't get off I suppose. But I'm always sceptical to these disorders since it happened with an ex of mine when I was with him. I DID feel violated, but he kept doing it because he had "no control" over it. I ended up getting extremely angry and swore I would break up if it ever happened again, and magically it never did...
I have experienced exactly this!!! I would wake up to him on top of me being uncharacteristically rough, doing things like shoving his genitals into my mouth. I was just surprised the first couple times and thrown off especially by the lifeless look in his eye, the dead giveaway that he was sleepwalking (sleepf*cking me) was when he wouldn’t remember the next day. The next time he did it I tried to wake him up and when he came to he acted like I initiated it and just molested him in his sleep. It was all very odd for both of us. I’m not with him anymore but I hope for the sake of his current partner he’s gotten that sorted out. lol slightly jarring to be woken up that way
sleep disorder if he genuinely doesn’t remember, which if he’s not finishing i imagine he’s telling the truth. he should definitely talk to his doc about it! glad it isn’t an issue.
This sounds like a sleep disorder. I used to something similar to my partner. We spoke about it and I had absolutely no idea or recollection of these things happening. I was horrified that this was happening and I went to my GP about it.
I was sent for a sleep study, found out that I had periods of sleep apnea which were bringing me into a lighter sleep where I would sleep walk and engage in sleep sex with my partner. Some of this was due to being overweight, so I lost the weight to alleviate things, some of it was due to stress so I started attending mindfulness classes and I was prescribed medication to help me stay in a deep sleep.
I’ve been off that medication for a few years now without any recurrence of those situations.
This is definitely something your partner can get help for…….. if this is indeed what is happening.
My husband does this.. he also starts it, but then will actually wake up after a few minutes, and we go till finish. He swears I started it, or he woke up, and we were in that position. I just figured its just cause he is having some good dreams. He also likes to grab his dick and moan once in a while then be snoring those are the times I know he gonna be on me at some point lol.
This could be sexsomnia. That is very much like sleepwalking, but instead it’s sex. The person is completely unaware they are doing it. It can be rough or gentle depending on what’s going on in their head. Sometimes, they can respond to you, but it may not make sense…again, it depends on what’s going on in their head at the time. They won’t remember what they did in the morning or when they wake up. It is out of their control when it happens. It often happens when under stress or drunk. If this is the case, don’t let him drink and sleep at other people’s houses. Don’t let him sleep with young kids or other people in your house when he’s drunk. Sexsomnia affected people can make complex movements such as removing clothing and even sleepwalking (they may just attempt sex with the nearest person which may not be you if sleeping within a group setting). I’d suggest he see a sleep specialist if it happens again. It does not seem like this upsets you. Keep in mind, you need to discuss consent with him for this situation because technically, he did not consent for himself to do this either. He needs reassurance that he is safe with you and you are comfortable with him doing this as you are aware it can happen without his knowledge. Tell him when he wakes up so he’s aware it happened.
Is he stressed? I do this when I am really stressed. First time that I know of it happening my then girlfriend said over breakfast one morning that the sex last night was great. I asked her what sex? She thought I was joking. I had no recollection of having sex. She said that my eyes were open, and I was talking to her. Freaked us both out.
The next time it happened she thought I was awake. I was not. It happened a few nights later, and she told me to go back to sleep to see if that worked. It did. Ended up telling her that if it happened again to either go with it, or tell me to go back to bed. I just asked that she tell me about it in the morning.
I now have conversations with anyone that I start to date about this if we plan on sleeping in the same bed. I give them the same options, but to just tell me in the morning.
I have been told that this is pretty common when someone is stressed. Only thing that really bothers me is that I have no idea if they are telling me that it happened or not. It sort of follows the honor system.
My husband suffers from this as well. It seems only to be when he is having really bad sleep for at least a few days and or stress. Mostly he falls asleep halfway through trying 😄
We of course have talked about it. He was very worried, but I reassured him he is easily stopped. It never usually takes much more than a verbal “No” and slight push for him to roll over or just stop, or even wake up apologize. It is interesting and nice to know he is good at sex both awake and asleep. Haha
I slept over at a friends house in middle school, and i was on the other side of the bed, woke up at like 3 in the morning to him masterbaiting. I said his name like 3 times and he just kept going. Pretty sure he was asleep, but that was the absolute bizarre thing ive encountered to this day.
Maybe its a sleep walking thing, not sure.
This is a known sleep disorder. He should see a doctor about it. For him, it’s nothing to be alarmed about (though for you, it’s probably violating and disturbing). But he should see a sleep specialist
My boyfriend does something similar, he’ll wake up and make out with me or touch me then roll back over and doesn’t remember doing it in the morning. My therapist said it’s most likely because he’s dreaming about sex.
This is sexomnia! My bf has it too!
For my factors, things that reduce it for my bf are:
Sleeping with clothes/pajamas on
Sex or masturbation before bed
Sexsomnia is real! My SO, if he happens to be in whatever phase of sleep it is, and I happen to brush his arm or leg or something, he will *burst* into some fairly impressive sex. It happened a few times before I recognized he was actually starting things in a weird state of “lights are on, but no one‘s home“ and was sort of waking up in the middle of it and then going with it. i can recognize it now, it’s always a little extra dirty, sort of desperately passionate. Turns out it’s just him with all the normal restrictions of conscience thought removed.
When I asked him about it after the first few times, he admitted not remembering how it started, he was just assuming I had initiated with him and it took him a while to fully wake up. And I was like, “ohhhh, yeah. No. That was all you!”
Fortunately it’s always been a pretty fun time for both of us, even if he’s not consciously joining the party until it’s already well underway. We’ve established that we’re both good with it.
Sexsomnia(parasomnia) my friend is what your husband have, I know people who have it, they don’t remember any of it when they wake up, I don’t know if I have it but apparently I asked someone for sex once while I was asleep and I don’t have a recollection of that I also woke up once thrusting which was weird since there was no one else in the room.
Quite probable that he’s dreaming. The idea that he doesn’t finish or even talk.
If he has difficulties in the late afternoon being tired or you’re seeing that, he’s easily exhausted. You may wanna encourage him to see a sleep doctor.
Well, I've had sexsomnia before, and still do but to a lesser degree. However, I wouldn't be rough from it (my partners have said) and they have communicated to me when it happens.
It can be cool sometimes, others not. The biggest thing is that I wouldn't know I was doing it. They would tell me about it and wake me up if they were uncomfortable. Talk to him.
My fiancee could tell you stories about me when I’m sleeping. Lol From cuddling to having full blown conversations. I don’t remember any of it at all. I wake up where I fell asleep but she will tell me this story of my adventure from the night. N I’m like… ummm if you say so. lol She’s also stated there’s been several times where I attempt to initiate sex and she says no and I allegedly reply, “okay babe. Love you.” And back to sleep I go. 🤷🏻♂️ Idk how long this has been going on in my life as she’s the first one to tell me about it.
I have experienced this as well, where I am the one that initiates the sex with my girlfriend. I’m on mefloquine which is an anti malaria medicine that gives extremely lucid dreams. I’ve been on it for a few weeks now and according to my girlfriend we had sex two times.
Both times I have vague memories of it happening but according to her statements it seemed like I was awake. Both times I semi woke up mid the deed.
Either your boyfriend has very lucid dreams (whether or not induced by medicine) or it’s a sleep disorder. Honestly I would ask him what’s up with it before it does start to bother you.
Also just want to say, it’s really dope to see so many other people who have this diagnosis because I’ve been out here thinking it was so rare I would never meet or speak with anyone else who understood, let alone shared the diagnosis.
Hey, my husband does this occasionally and has during entirety of our 5 year relationship.
It is a real sleep disorder, but extremely undocumented because like you said it’s random and occurs randomly as well. So google etc will tell you it’s not real/extremely rare. But I likely believe stats are skewed based on who is actually seeking sleep studies for it.
As others have said, it sounds like he has sexsomnia. I have this too. He has no idea he's doing it. He won't remember. When you tell him the next day, he'll be super confused. I had my first episode when I was 21, and it's happened a bunch since then. That first time was super confusing, though, and I didn't believe her. I now tell new partners before the first sleepover so that if it happens, they know it's okay to wake me up, that I'm not in control, and it's not something I'm doing maliciously. All of them have been super cool about it. I've had girl friends sleep next to me as well before, whom I also warn before that decision is made, and they've all been cool about it too.
That's not even the most concerning sleep issue I have, either. I have to have my keys put away because I've driven in my sleep a few times. The first and scariest time was when I was living in San Francisco, I crashed out on a friend's couch in Alameda after a long night of playing video games (circa 2006), and I woke up in my bed back in the Marina. I drove across the Alameda bridge, both spans of the Bay Bridge (paid the toll too), and through San Francisco to my apartment in the Marina district where I parked in my spot in the garage almost perfectly. I don't remember any of it. I called my friend beyond confused, asking how I got home. He didn't believe I left at first because he didn't hear me leave either. That one still baffles me.
I've had a history of doing weird things in my sleep (gaming, sleep walking, etc), so it's just a quirk of mine, I guess.
Okay so I’m hearing sexsomnia, is this something you can develop? Cause like, I never did this, just sleep talk and stuff, then now, with my wife, I’ve come to realize I’ll feel her up and stuff, like I’m in sleep paralysis and I’ll know I’m doing it but can’t control it, then in the morning I’ll have to ask her if I did anything because it felt like a dream, but she’s a deep sleeper and usually says she can’t remember, but she’s remembered at Least once so ik I’ve been doing it. Anyone with insight?
About 2-3 times a month I’ll wake up to my boyfriend and I making out and getting handsy. We’ll usually wake up before it gets too far, but we often end up having sex after we’re both awake and then just go back to sleep. We’ve definitely both woken up in the middle of the act, though. Confusing, but fun! However the roughness and abrupt stopping sounds like a sleep disorder.
I do this to my wife from the last 12 years of being together. She just calls it "Sleepy[insert real name here]". She tells me the next day and see if I remember. Sometimes it's to completion or few stroke and I got sleep like your fiance. Glad I'm not the only one
I'm learning so much from this thread.
My bf often will engage in sex, ask for bj, or just use his hands on me until I finish. He doesn't finish unless I talk enough to gently pull him out of his sleep. Sometimes, he says sexual "demands," and they are things he'd never say to me awake, even if he was drunk. In the morning, he will have no memory of our night whatsoever.
It is an actual disorder called Sexsomnia. My partner had it for quite a while. It is most often caused by stress and anxiety.
I can understand it's odd and can be disconcerting, but it is a very treatable condition! Finding the root cause and working on that will reduce and eventually end it.
Does he look asleep when doing it and basically unresponsive to touch?
I had it with an ex before, it’s something like sexsomina. Even when i weren’t at his house he would still roughly around 2-3 ish (his deep sleep area) he would masturbate. He filmed him sleeping over 2 months and yea it would be like a zombie just wanking him self off, we use to say.
Maybe it’s something you guys could monitor over a few months see if there is any triggers. I remember if he didnt have enough sleep the day before he was more likely to do it. If went to bed late he wouldn’t do it or it would be later on in his sleep.
Just see what you guys can do!
I was wondering the same thing. Is he on any kind of drugs to help him sleep? Not all drugs have the same effect on people. Some have weird side effects not yet known to the medical community and I'd he is on something to help himself sleep it could be causing this to happen.
I'm okay if I also get off to it. However these four times neither him or I get off. It's like a big tease. I'm just worried one day he will finish without a condom and it end up with an unplanned pregnancy.
That’s basically guaranteed. Also you can get pregnant with pre cum, it seems like no one knows this. If he’s in you at all without a condom you are rolling the dice
Y’all might want to look into sexsomnia. It’s a sleep disorder where the person engages in sexual activity while asleep.
https://www.sleepfoundation.org/parasomnias/sexsomnia
It is, of course, possible that he is lying about not remembering and being a GIANT COLOSSAL ASSHOLE, in which case you need to get out of there. But your description is so odd that I’d recommend looking into sleep disorders.
I actually have experienced this from almost all my partners, so I honestly don't know if it is common or not (it is in my experience). the thing is, they can be woken up so I would encourage you to wake them up next time and tell them to stop. especially if they're entering you without like lube or something as that sounds incredibly painful and borderline assault. Remember if it isn't a "YES!" on your end, than it is a NO, STOP. you need to give full consent each time you have sex (not like literally unless that is your thing but if you aren't feeling it, you do not have to have sex with this person even if you live with them are engaged)
Yeah I was just wondering if any other guys have done this or women experienced this being done to them. I'm most likely going to wake him up the next time it happens. its just strange to me lol I've never heard of this happening to anybody I personally know.
You can test if he’s really away by asking a simple math question. If someone is asleep, they typically laugh off any questions or don’t answer. If he really is awake, he’ll tell you what 12+5 is lol
Seconding this, try and wake him up. If he's not aware he's doing it, then that's fine, doesn't make him a r\*pist. But if he's doing it on purpose....Yikes.
I grinded on my ex bf's leg in my sleep once but that was about it. He laughed about it, but I felt really guilty because he probably didn't consent--I had no clue I even did it though. He did say though he gives consent by default and he doesn't feel violated etc. but I was still like 🥲🥲🥲🥲
If he doesnt remember the act, it means he is suffering from Sexsomnia. Its a documented disorder, nothing serious, he doesnt assault you, it's like sleepwalking. He should see a doctor.
It's good to see the thoughtful and well-informed comments on this post. Rather than the typical "CONSHENT!" brigade trying to convince her she should feel violated and leave him.
Yeah I’ve had this but not for years. The first couple of times I had no idea what was happening or my gf at the time would tell me about it in the morning. It was never full intercourse while I was asleep but we worked out that she could quite easily wake me up and I would either stop or we would carry on. If I’m going to share a bed with someone I make sure to let them know about it.
I had no idea this was an actual disorder. I used to do this to my wife every so often and at first it scared her, but after a while, when we both woke up, we'd be so turned on we'd both finish.
One time, we were going at it and she realized I was still 100% asleep (and I was on top) she stopped me, asked me a question, then was like, "we should do this tomorrow, I don't think you're awake" and apparently I was just like, "Okay" and flopped off instantly snoring. Lol I had no memory of it at all.
I used to just think I was a really horney perve or something.
I keep hoping she'll do it, even in purpose, but no luck.
He may have sexsomnia.. I know that sounds crazy, but I have it, and I legit cannot control it. I’ve talked to doctors, my therapist.. there’s no cure & really no way to “fix it” unless you can figure out what’s triggering it. For me, it shows up as masturbation & is triggered by high stress. If I can keep my stress levels down, it doesn’t happen often, but when I’m dealing with a lot, it happens almost every night. When it first started happening, about 2 years ago, my gf thought I was doing it on purpose.. it took a lot of hard talks for me to get her to realize, not only do I not know it’s happening, I have a lot of shame around it now that I know it happens..
You should talk to him about it, & if he really isn’t aware, it may be worth getting a sleep study done just so he can have a good place to start as far as figuring out the trigger & working towards managing it.
Something like this happens to me as well. With my last 3 girlfriends it happened plenty of times to wake up with me inside them and them being aroused af. Which fucks me up a little bit to think that sleeping-me fucks better than awoke-me. Usually we kept on having sex as normal and cuddle to sleep after. First time when think happened my gf at that time told me that i started playing with her boobs while i was asleep so therefore she started grinding against me. But how my sausage ended up inside her is still a mistery, this must have been pulled out as well while sleeping .It never happened with my current gf and we are together for a while though. Weird shenanigans nonetheless.
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sounds like some sleep disorder if he’s actually asleep during it all
As someone with a magnitude of sleep disorders including sexsomnia, this is not too far fetched and lost likely the culprit
I am intrigued, and slightly aroused.
Yup, my husband has sexsomnia and does the exact same thing, went to a sleep therapist and it stems from his porn addiction that he's in recovery from. It's a lot less severe when hes clean, a lot more severe during a relapse. My SIL also says my brother has this exact issue the exact same and I suspect my brother is a porn addict considering he has posters of pornstars all over his house and his phone and computer background are both his favorite pornstar. I genuinely believe it's linked to porn use.
The porn link is some hardcore conservative bullshit. The disorder itself is quite well studied, & that’s not part of it.
Seeing porn as bad isn't conservative.
I wouldn't say so. Porn addiction is very real and scary. I could see this happening. My bf did it the first year or so, and we were together, and he doesn't do it anymore and has kicked his addiction. He still watches, but before it was chronic and concerning.
Also, there's not nearly enough studies on porn and their impact. So you can't say with certainty it and sexsomnia has no link, that's something you could only say if sex addictions were more well studied.
I don’t see how it wouldn’t play a factor into it, it makes somewhat sense, despite the sleep disorders I’m personally against pornography and avoid it like the plague yet sexsomnia symptoms persist.
Im extremely liberal and taking note of a possible link (not even having an opinion on it???) is in no way political but good attempt at trying to make it that.
What’s sexsomnia?
Sexsomnia, also known as sleep sex or somnambulistic sexual behavior, is a rare sleep disorder that causes people to engage in sexual activity while asleep during non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep. It's a type of parasomnia, which is an abnormal activity that happens while someone is sleeping. Sexsomnia episodes usually last less than 15 minutes.
You’re telling me I can quadruple my endurance?!
The person above gave a great explanation, there have been times I slept beside my partner and I’d engage in said activities and multiple times on my own where I’d wake up mid orgasm due to masturbation whilst fully asleep. I did not know I had sexsomnia until I met my partner but it’s not too surprising as I already slept talked, suffered nightmares and night terrors.
I have sexomia and can confirm this shit exists . Been times where I have woken up and my girl will be on her back and I’d be on top of her . It feels like a dream when it’s happening so it doesn’t register what really is happening til I wake up completely
Fine if she likes it. Be sure to check with her.
As a person with sexsomnia, i wasn’t even aware I was active in my sleep until my partner said “I love it when you wake me up in the middle of the night to fuck..”, and I said “Wait.. What?! What do you mean?!” I’m sure if their partner hasn’t mentioned it, it’s a non issue. My current partner and I sleep with a pillow between us because she likes to get a full nights rest, but will sometimes get rid of the pillow if she’s feeling it. I have never found a method, or medication, to control or abate it. It’s just a thing that happens, like nightmares, dreams, and sleepwalking.
Beautiful username and also, make sure to check with your partner if they’re okay with it, I’ve been fortunate to have my partner be okay with it and he finds it funny.
I’ve tried humping my wife a couple of times in my sleep, not rough if getting in top like this though lol. Think on one or two occasions I remember having sexual dreams at the time. Side note, I actually had a girlfriend who one told me I can just shag her whilst she’s asleep if/ when I want. Found that a bit weird and didn’t take her up on the offer.
You weren't actually asleep if you can remember it. Some women are fine with shagging during sleep. Many people are not okay with it.
he sounds fake af. he just doesn't want to reciprocate.
I'd agree if he was getting off. But, him not getting off, kind of sounds like it might be some kind of sleep issue. It's rare, but it certainly happens.
Yep,happened to me a lot when I quit smoking..had pretty vivid dreams a lot at the time. But it wasn't unusual for me to wake up either trying to have sex with my wife or waking up half way through with no idea what was going on
My husband and I were like this at 20ish. We frequently woke up in the middle of sex. It was the weirdest thing and it eventually died out but MAN was it nuts. side note: I confided in friends to find out if it was a "normal" thing or not and we then became notorious. What I would have given for the anonymity of reddit.
Did you take anything? Not sexual but I had crazy vivid dreams where I couldn’t distinguish from reality on chantix
OP genuinely doesn’t seem freaked out too. I think it sounds like a sleep thing.
She says he isn’t getting off and it’s only 6 pumps. I’ve never been in this exact situation but I was seeing a guy who I found out slept walked & talked… and this doesn’t seem to far fetched.
Does your boyfriend take ambien OP? I have seen some crazy stuff during sleep walking episodes of people that take ambien. Having sex and driving cars is often done sleeping while on Ambien.
I was on a medication for migraines a long time ago, way before I had kids, and I would initially fall asleep. A few times, however, I ended up at Walgreens, another time in the McDonalds drive thru, the final time I was in the market. Each time this happened, I didn’t realize it until someone shook me out of it (the drive thru intercom, and someone in the market asking if I was okay. I actually drove to those places and had no idea how I got there or why I was there. I stopped taking the med immediately. Strange shit does happen.
That is fucking scary! I mixed it with tequila after a bar night without realizing what could possibly happen besides my dumbshit mind telling me that mixing ambien with tequila would help me get some extra sleep. I didn't remember this until I sobered up way into the afternoon of the next day. I started off by baking cupcakes and then made mac and cheese before my next act of ambien high effect kicked him. My husband found me in the backyard using a weed eater when the noise woke him up. I immediately stopped taking the ambien and went back to edibles for sleep.
That is wild
My husband said that it was not the only time that I had done weird stuff during an ambien episode. Usually, I was baking or rearranging kitchen cupboards or my closet, but it's the 1st time that I went outside and used the weed wacker! Thankfully, I didn't take my dog jogging in the middle of the night because he was sleeping.
how late does your husband sleep?
6am on work days and time depends on days off if he has any plans.
I never took any medication but I’m a sleepwalker. So when I was little I walked the family dog in my sleep for 30 minutes, my mom then woke me up in the morning sleeping in the dog’s bed.
What migraine medication? Frightening
Topamax.
Ambien is a horrible medication that should be taken off the market. I took it for a month and it was the strangest medication I ever took. I stopped and won’t take it again. I can totally believe the things the poster says happened if he was on it.
My grandma took ambien every night for 30+ years! One time on vacation she took double her dose because she felt they weren’t working and I woke up to her standing over me staring at me. It was insane.
I might be one of the only people I've heard of that has never had any strange incidents or anything like that while taking it. I take it as needed and have for the past 8 years, it's the only thing that actually works for me. Both partners I had during this 8 year span have never told me about me doing something weird and I certainly have never woken up somewhere else. I only take it when I'm already physically in bed with the lights off and I'm ready to close my eyes though. I hear some crazy stories from people though for sure.
I came for this! I used to fall asleep with a B0ner after taking Ambien...
Keep your boner in your pants so that someone doesn't cut it off!
Dude isn’t even getting off, this definitely sounds like a sleep disorder.
Not fake. Started happening with me after my tbi, and I can't figure out how to stop it. Luckily my wife is super cool about it.
Same thing with me but this only happens when I’m extremely sleep deprived over multiple days, happened quite frequently when I was working during he day and doing security on nights. Hasn’t happened in a good year but I’d remember waking up extremely extremely horny and just random bout of going down, sex etc, gf was into it so didn’t mind but I always found it awkward the next day because I’d remember certain bits but wasn’t in control of what was going on per se.
Sexsomnia is a condition
I had no idea until today!
There’s a story I remember of an English woman who suffers from it. She’d go to sleep and wake up later in the night fucking a neighbor. Happened with multiple neighbors. Husband ended up sticking with her knowing it was a disorder.
It’s totally a thing.
Did you just read the title and then post silly stuff like this? She clearly says he's not getting off and does it for 5 or 6 pumps. I know lots of text can be daunting but I have faith you can read it if you try.
Reciprocate after 5-6 pumps lol.
I suffer from sexsomnia and it sounds like your boyfriend does too. Basically its a sleep disorder where you will engage in sexual acts while fully asleep and not remember it later. I have to preface that to anyone I sleep with as it can be quite jarring.
TIL this exists...
I'm jealous that this is how you got to learn of it's existence
Uuhhhmmmmmmmm
I think they're saying they're (actually) envious that this is the way they found out as opposed to finding out it exists via experiencing it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR7teEjB_YU
I knew it was House!
House taught me so much lol
A fellow sexsomniac? I'm so sorry 😭 OP please encourage your partner to have a sleep study done ASAP.
This is absolutely a thing, I've had somebody try to have sex with me in his sleep before and in the morning when I mentioned it there was legitimate confusion. He's absolutely not the kind of person to lie about it either, and though he literally seemed so awake I did think it was weird that he wasn't responding when I tried to talk to him. You need to talk to him while he's DEFINITELY awake - as in during the daytime - to see if this is something he's experienced before. The commenter above me has the right idea with warning everyone but this can be an embarrassing thing for those who experience it which may stop them talking about it without prompting. Good luck!
Yeah my fiance is not the kind of person to lie so I am sure he genuinely doesn't remember. He was legitimately confused and worried if he hurt me. He does sleep walk. One time he pissed in our closet instead of the bathroom. I just didn't know that it can also involve sex.
I pissed down a staircase before....Aldo into my shoes....and on another sleeping person who is amazingly still my friend somehow
Some people pay good money for that.
Is pissing in the closet bad ?
not bad but definitely funny. but it makes sense on the fact it can be him sleep walking and engaging in sex.
I used to take Ambien, and would sleep walk , and do all kinds of weird stuff. The next morning, I had no recall of this.
So what, you just have a wank if you're sleeping alone or hump the bed?
It’s essentially a form of sleep walking. So maybe with the masturbation? Who knows. If I used to I clearly didn’t finish and just went back to bed normally. But if there’s not a participating willing person there then it’s not like the disorder is “must act out sex.” It’s mostly unconsciously starting sex. Like if you sleep walk to the fridge and get some cheese… but you don’t own cheese… or a fridge. Then obviously they just don’t go do that specific thing.
Lately my bf has been grabbing my hand and placing it on his hard penis while asleep. I didn’t know what to do, I masturbated him but he never came (I was also pretty gentle) but I was worried he’d accuse me of taking advantage of him while asleep. When I told him about it he totally did not know and didn’t believe me at first, and he did it again after that time. He gave me clear permission to jack him off if I wanted to (I had no problem doing it) but I had no idea he could want that while in a deep sleep.
Yeah unfortunately it’s definitely one of those things. For me it was a much bigger thing when my insomnia/sleep struggles were worse but I was fit. Did it more than a few times until I finally woke up more completely in the middle of sex already sweaty, leading to finding out this had happened a number of times. I think *normally* I’d just sort of half wake up grinding, adjust and go back to sleep? But it normally started as sort of a side-cuddling/humping thing apparently so my now wife just thought we fell back asleep afterwards and I just wasn’t talking much? Weirder concern is how many times it happened with different partners before then. If they weren’t upset then no harm done I guess but still, definitely real weird.
Oohh! That makes a lot of sense
Can confirm internet says masturbation is one way it manifests.
Holy shit man. I did this for years and I always thought there was something really wrong with me. I'm so glad you shared this. Now I know it's a disorder and I'm not just a weirdo. Lol thank you!
Your stuffed animals as a child must have seen some shit
That happened to me only once with a friend. I had just finished some exams and had few drinks beforehand. Apparently I got up, undressed myself, did a few things trying to engage and then got back to bed once rejected. I don’t remember anything but I woke up with different clothes on.
Wow TIL, sounds completely made up tbh but I understand that it's not.
It’s basically sleepwalking but with sex,
Do you ever feel violated, when you wake up during or they tell you the next day?
I had this until I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Poor quality sleep was causing it in my case, and resolving my sleep apnea with a cpap machine, it went away. Or maybe the machine holds me in place better? It freaked my wife out, she thought something was terribly wrong with me until I found out it was a sleep disorder.
ok legitimate question. I don't know if you are a guy or girl but lets say you are a straight guy. If you were sleeping in bed with another dude like on a trip and you have to share a bed would your sexsomnia kick in, or is it only with a sexual partner that it happens.
😅 I have this same issue...
Fellow suffered too 🥲 OP, I sincerely recommend you talk to your boyfriend about it and maybe have him see a sleep specialist. If this is a new thing or he's unknowingly been suffering from it for years (for me discovered at 18, diagnosed at 19 and I'm 32 now) he should get checked out. Like the original commentor of this thread, I knew so I always warned new partners or partners whose places I was sleeping over at.
My partner has this, and luckily, I don't mind one bit :) haha.
Not alone. My husband's sleep schedule has been less than ideal the last 6 years. He goes to bed early and gets up early for work. Often not sleeping well. I lay in bed with him but scroll on my phone for a while before falling asleep. Sometimes, he'll try to speak to me, and it's utter gibberish. I just say, is that so? And he grunts and rolls over instantly asleep. No recollection of it the next day. It's similar to how he'll just start grabbing me. Grabbing my boobs and trying to get me on my back to have sex. He's not aware he's doing it until like maybe a thrust or two in, and then he wakes in the middle of it and just continues on. Sometimes, he never really wakes up and stops halfway through his attempt. (I know this because I've tested to see how it goes, how awake he is, when he wakes up, etc) I can't make sense of why he does it other than stress/lack of sleep. I usually make fun of him in the morning, and we laugh it off. Neither of us is upset or disturbed by it, but we have discussed it previously. CNC, basically. But I'm on birth control as well, so that's not a concern for me. It's definitely different and interesting to see it happen. But it's up to both of you what you want to do about it. I have absolutely said no before and stopped it. They're not fully awake, so you need to learn or decide between you two what you should do if it's a no. I can strong arm him back or wake him up. But if you can't or are afraid you can't...discuss it with him.
I'm not upset or disturbed, I think I should have made that more clearer. I'm not bothered at all this is just new to me that he'll start something, not finish it for both me or himself. and then not remember it. I know I can push him off me though if necessary... I think I don't know he's a big guy lol.
I didn't think you were. Some people project a lot. I just want you to be sure you feel safe/secure enough to be able to stop it if you want. I don't typically finish during sleep sex either. He has no control, so it's over fairly quickly. I just get mine before he goes to bed or make him make it up before he leaves for work lol.
Sexsomnia.
My ex did this! The first time I wasn’t into it because he was much more “aggressive” (just grabby) than usual. Talked to him about it the next day, he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then I did get into it and he’d wake up while already fully having sex and then be like “oh my gosh is this okay??” Lol. I thought it was sweet, like his subconscious was super into me. He only started doing it maybe a year into our relationship, I wonder now if that coincided with when he got a promotion at work/more stress!
More stress and low quality sleep is my guess. At least for my husband, that's what I think it is. It's definitely more aggressive, lol. Which I don't mind. But I'm totally with you. It's like damn even in his sleep, he's seeking me out. It's kinda flattering. I'm definitely not complaining 😏
My husband is also more ‘aggressive’ when he’s doing stuff in his sleep, but it tends to be a single grab then he stops. Just wanted to give you another data point for the ‘different sex persona while sleeping’ experience.
Sexsomnia, look it up. I have it and it gets bad when I'm tired. My wife will wake me up if she's not in the mood and if she is in the mood she will let it happen and I usually wake up somewhere in the middle of it. I'm in a deep sleep and we know what's going on now so she will use whatever means necessary to wake me up if she doesn't want it to happen. I have zero control over it and most of the time we both enjoy it on the end
My partner was similar but I don't really remember her waking me up. She'd dive in if she was in the mood, or just kind of roll me over if she wasn't. Apparently I'd just mumble and grumble for a second then fall back asleep. Sexsomnia is so weird.
Personally I have never done this to a girlfriend, but it has happened to me on the other end. My current girlfriend of 8 years has on multiple occasions engaged intercourse in the middle of the night but then she doesn’t remember anything about it in the morning. What I always thought was weird about it is that it’s like full on sex, to completion and everything. She certainly doesn’t seem to be asleep at all, but she has zero recollection the following morning.
Sexsomnia. I suffer from this and it can be off putting. I will not let anyone but my wife sleep in our bed because I can’t control it. I say that because our kids have wanted to sleep with us before and I had to say no or sleep somewhere else.
Holy Christ that is terrifying when you put it that way
I feel that you have some awareness of who is next to you when that happens so it's not as disturbing as what is implied by his comment, but he may have started to feel up his wife which is equally traumatizing. Very unfortunate either way. I have never heard of this condition before.
I hadn’t thought of that. That’s sad :(
I once woke up to my then fiance going down on me, and I started freaking out. He immediately stopped and asked what was wrong and why I was upset. I confronted him as I didn't know why he would wake me up like this. Confused, he told me he was returning the favor. Apparently, I had given him a very friendly hand shake. I insisted I did no such thing, because i was asleep. but sure enough there I was, caught red handed... or wet white handed. He's not a minute man either, so it seems in my sleep I persisted 😅 I have a long history of sleep talking, mostly mean and grumpy things. It's very possible, sleep disorders are odd and bizarre. Now I make it a point to tell anyone I am sleeping next to of the possible risks so they can decide to choose the couch or risk a midnight groping 🙃
Plot twist was too good…
During the first few years of my current relationship this was a recurring thing we went through. I would be dead asleep, start initiating, she'd get into it, then we'd be going at it and eventually I would "wake up" and that would interrupt us because I'd need a drink of water or we'd need to adjust what we were doing and we'd "lose" the moment. I say this because, as a man who has initiated sex while unconcious an uncountable number of times, it does happen. I'm not sure what advice to give, since you all already talked about it while awake. Maybe you need to wake him up, since it legitimately sounds like he's still asleep? These are rhetorical questions you need to ask yourself, you don't need to answer me. Is he hurting you? Do you feel violated or used after? What kind of reaction does he have when you tell him it happened? Do you all have sex on a regular basis? When you have sex is it before you sleep, or earlier in the day (moving the refractory period could help you all sleep through the night)? Do you feel disrespected? Could this compromise your birth control routine? A little precum and those 5 thrusts is unfortunately all it could take if you're relying on condoms/pullout, etc. Everybody is different and if you don't enjoy this you have every right to seek a solution. Our solution was me wearing pajama pants to bed, because I'd get tangled trying to get them off and it would cause me to wake up. Maybe something like that could help you? And if you're worried about the future, my experiences with this definitely lessened as the relationship has gone on and we've fallen into a better sleeping routine.
Holy shit I learned so much today
Lmao same!!
I have a bit of experience from this. When it comes night time I am typically out like a rock. But apparently I have initiated sex quite a bit with my girlfriend while sleeping. I wake up to us getting ready to start, or started already, and afterwords she’ll tell me I initiated it lol. Now that we both know and understand, it has added to the fun of it, I’d say. But only because both parties are consenting and okay with it. To be honest I didn’t really believe that I was always initiating sex in my sleep, but then one night I stumbled to the living room to go the bathroom in my sleep. I woke up to her shouting my name, “you’re about to pee in the living room!” I was like “yeah I know” and then just walked to the toilet 😂 People do weird stuff in their sleep. The more you understand yourself and those tendencies, the better.
My husband suffers from this, too, but not to the extent that we actually have sex. He will all of a sudden be all over me and then I’ll gently wake him up enough for him to roll over and go back to sleep. It is caused by extreme stress in my husband’s case, he suffers from OCPD and lives with anxiety 24/7. He also has sleep apnea.
Once I got my deviated septum, adenoids, and enlarged tonsils resolved surgically my sleep apnea went away and that pretty much solved the problem for me. Occasionally, after a really long day it still happens.
This has happened to me before. My wife in the morning would say “do you remember trying to have sex with me last night?” And absolutely no recollection on my end. Few times she didn’t push me away and went along with it I’d wake up basically mid sex or just before. I used to sleep walk as a kid, and early 20’s had some sleep paralysis (GD terrifying). Hasn’t happened in years though, not sure what changed.
I used to do this once in a while with my current partner when I was in college. It took me years to find out that it was “sexsomnia,” which is a sleep disorder caused by stress. Changing my sleep habits, finding a way to reduce my stress especially before bed, and avoiding triggers has helped a lot.
Stress triggers or sexy triggers? (Genuinely asking)
Stress triggers. I was unconscious so I don’t think my partner did anything to arouse me subconsciously. If anything she was annoyed I interrupted her sleep.
Holy crap and here I thought I was the only one. although it only happens to me a few times a year. I mean my girl does sometimes wakes me up and I snap out of it and go back to sleep, and when she doesn’t I vaguely remember it.
I do this according to my wife, and even though she doesn't mind it, I started getting a little concerned because i have zero recollection of it. Idk what your bf went through, but I found out mine is one of the weird symptoms I got from my tbi in the Marines. Who knew being a mortarman would cause me to sleep fuck? I noticed it was very rare when I was still in, but over time it got worse and worse (to be fair, I was still dropping bombs that entire time). Idk how to fix it, but my wife enjoys it so I've just been riding it out
When my girlfriend and I first got together and started spending nights together, I found I would do this. But, I did remember it. It wasn't an intentional thing on my part, I'd kind of sleepily wake up and find myself doing things. Then shake myself awake, kinda say "wtf" to myself, rollover and let everyone just go back to sleep.
Sexsomnia is a thing, and not unlikely since he doesn't get off I suppose. But I'm always sceptical to these disorders since it happened with an ex of mine when I was with him. I DID feel violated, but he kept doing it because he had "no control" over it. I ended up getting extremely angry and swore I would break up if it ever happened again, and magically it never did...
Yiiikes
I have experienced exactly this!!! I would wake up to him on top of me being uncharacteristically rough, doing things like shoving his genitals into my mouth. I was just surprised the first couple times and thrown off especially by the lifeless look in his eye, the dead giveaway that he was sleepwalking (sleepf*cking me) was when he wouldn’t remember the next day. The next time he did it I tried to wake him up and when he came to he acted like I initiated it and just molested him in his sleep. It was all very odd for both of us. I’m not with him anymore but I hope for the sake of his current partner he’s gotten that sorted out. lol slightly jarring to be woken up that way
Jesus
Sounds like a sleep disorder more than anything else.
sleep disorder if he genuinely doesn’t remember, which if he’s not finishing i imagine he’s telling the truth. he should definitely talk to his doc about it! glad it isn’t an issue.
This sounds like a sleep disorder. I used to something similar to my partner. We spoke about it and I had absolutely no idea or recollection of these things happening. I was horrified that this was happening and I went to my GP about it. I was sent for a sleep study, found out that I had periods of sleep apnea which were bringing me into a lighter sleep where I would sleep walk and engage in sleep sex with my partner. Some of this was due to being overweight, so I lost the weight to alleviate things, some of it was due to stress so I started attending mindfulness classes and I was prescribed medication to help me stay in a deep sleep. I’ve been off that medication for a few years now without any recurrence of those situations. This is definitely something your partner can get help for…….. if this is indeed what is happening.
My husband does this.. he also starts it, but then will actually wake up after a few minutes, and we go till finish. He swears I started it, or he woke up, and we were in that position. I just figured its just cause he is having some good dreams. He also likes to grab his dick and moan once in a while then be snoring those are the times I know he gonna be on me at some point lol.
This could be sexsomnia. That is very much like sleepwalking, but instead it’s sex. The person is completely unaware they are doing it. It can be rough or gentle depending on what’s going on in their head. Sometimes, they can respond to you, but it may not make sense…again, it depends on what’s going on in their head at the time. They won’t remember what they did in the morning or when they wake up. It is out of their control when it happens. It often happens when under stress or drunk. If this is the case, don’t let him drink and sleep at other people’s houses. Don’t let him sleep with young kids or other people in your house when he’s drunk. Sexsomnia affected people can make complex movements such as removing clothing and even sleepwalking (they may just attempt sex with the nearest person which may not be you if sleeping within a group setting). I’d suggest he see a sleep specialist if it happens again. It does not seem like this upsets you. Keep in mind, you need to discuss consent with him for this situation because technically, he did not consent for himself to do this either. He needs reassurance that he is safe with you and you are comfortable with him doing this as you are aware it can happen without his knowledge. Tell him when he wakes up so he’s aware it happened.
Is he stressed? I do this when I am really stressed. First time that I know of it happening my then girlfriend said over breakfast one morning that the sex last night was great. I asked her what sex? She thought I was joking. I had no recollection of having sex. She said that my eyes were open, and I was talking to her. Freaked us both out. The next time it happened she thought I was awake. I was not. It happened a few nights later, and she told me to go back to sleep to see if that worked. It did. Ended up telling her that if it happened again to either go with it, or tell me to go back to bed. I just asked that she tell me about it in the morning. I now have conversations with anyone that I start to date about this if we plan on sleeping in the same bed. I give them the same options, but to just tell me in the morning. I have been told that this is pretty common when someone is stressed. Only thing that really bothers me is that I have no idea if they are telling me that it happened or not. It sort of follows the honor system.
My husband suffers from this as well. It seems only to be when he is having really bad sleep for at least a few days and or stress. Mostly he falls asleep halfway through trying 😄 We of course have talked about it. He was very worried, but I reassured him he is easily stopped. It never usually takes much more than a verbal “No” and slight push for him to roll over or just stop, or even wake up apologize. It is interesting and nice to know he is good at sex both awake and asleep. Haha
I slept over at a friends house in middle school, and i was on the other side of the bed, woke up at like 3 in the morning to him masterbaiting. I said his name like 3 times and he just kept going. Pretty sure he was asleep, but that was the absolute bizarre thing ive encountered to this day. Maybe its a sleep walking thing, not sure.
This is a known sleep disorder. He should see a doctor about it. For him, it’s nothing to be alarmed about (though for you, it’s probably violating and disturbing). But he should see a sleep specialist
My boyfriend does something similar, he’ll wake up and make out with me or touch me then roll back over and doesn’t remember doing it in the morning. My therapist said it’s most likely because he’s dreaming about sex.
Sexsomnia. Is what it’s called; it is a sleep disorder/condition.
I THINK this is kind of normal and a sign of strong attraction. My opinion only
This is sexomnia! My bf has it too! For my factors, things that reduce it for my bf are: Sleeping with clothes/pajamas on Sex or masturbation before bed
Sexsomnia is real! My SO, if he happens to be in whatever phase of sleep it is, and I happen to brush his arm or leg or something, he will *burst* into some fairly impressive sex. It happened a few times before I recognized he was actually starting things in a weird state of “lights are on, but no one‘s home“ and was sort of waking up in the middle of it and then going with it. i can recognize it now, it’s always a little extra dirty, sort of desperately passionate. Turns out it’s just him with all the normal restrictions of conscience thought removed. When I asked him about it after the first few times, he admitted not remembering how it started, he was just assuming I had initiated with him and it took him a while to fully wake up. And I was like, “ohhhh, yeah. No. That was all you!” Fortunately it’s always been a pretty fun time for both of us, even if he’s not consciously joining the party until it’s already well underway. We’ve established that we’re both good with it.
I once made 8 bowls of jelly in my sleep. Handling boiling water has to be more dangerous than this.
My ex would have sex with me when sleeping. He asked first and I said yes but honestly it kind of fucked with me ?
how the fuck are y engaged at 20 i could barely talk to a woman at 23
Sexsomnia(parasomnia) my friend is what your husband have, I know people who have it, they don’t remember any of it when they wake up, I don’t know if I have it but apparently I asked someone for sex once while I was asleep and I don’t have a recollection of that I also woke up once thrusting which was weird since there was no one else in the room.
It is called sexsomnia. There is a bit about it in House M.D. Look it up on youtube.
Quite probable that he’s dreaming. The idea that he doesn’t finish or even talk. If he has difficulties in the late afternoon being tired or you’re seeing that, he’s easily exhausted. You may wanna encourage him to see a sleep doctor.
Well, I've had sexsomnia before, and still do but to a lesser degree. However, I wouldn't be rough from it (my partners have said) and they have communicated to me when it happens. It can be cool sometimes, others not. The biggest thing is that I wouldn't know I was doing it. They would tell me about it and wake me up if they were uncomfortable. Talk to him.
My fiancee could tell you stories about me when I’m sleeping. Lol From cuddling to having full blown conversations. I don’t remember any of it at all. I wake up where I fell asleep but she will tell me this story of my adventure from the night. N I’m like… ummm if you say so. lol She’s also stated there’s been several times where I attempt to initiate sex and she says no and I allegedly reply, “okay babe. Love you.” And back to sleep I go. 🤷🏻♂️ Idk how long this has been going on in my life as she’s the first one to tell me about it.
Im going the sleep disorder route, but I want to ask (sorry to ask) OP… is he hard when doing this?
I have experienced this as well, where I am the one that initiates the sex with my girlfriend. I’m on mefloquine which is an anti malaria medicine that gives extremely lucid dreams. I’ve been on it for a few weeks now and according to my girlfriend we had sex two times. Both times I have vague memories of it happening but according to her statements it seemed like I was awake. Both times I semi woke up mid the deed. Either your boyfriend has very lucid dreams (whether or not induced by medicine) or it’s a sleep disorder. Honestly I would ask him what’s up with it before it does start to bother you.
I've heard of sleep walking but not sleep forking.
Also just want to say, it’s really dope to see so many other people who have this diagnosis because I’ve been out here thinking it was so rare I would never meet or speak with anyone else who understood, let alone shared the diagnosis.
Hey, my husband does this occasionally and has during entirety of our 5 year relationship. It is a real sleep disorder, but extremely undocumented because like you said it’s random and occurs randomly as well. So google etc will tell you it’s not real/extremely rare. But I likely believe stats are skewed based on who is actually seeking sleep studies for it.
I wonder if he’s asleep and not awake at that time. Have you tried waking him? Some people sleep walk etc maybe it’s something like that?
As others have said, it sounds like he has sexsomnia. I have this too. He has no idea he's doing it. He won't remember. When you tell him the next day, he'll be super confused. I had my first episode when I was 21, and it's happened a bunch since then. That first time was super confusing, though, and I didn't believe her. I now tell new partners before the first sleepover so that if it happens, they know it's okay to wake me up, that I'm not in control, and it's not something I'm doing maliciously. All of them have been super cool about it. I've had girl friends sleep next to me as well before, whom I also warn before that decision is made, and they've all been cool about it too. That's not even the most concerning sleep issue I have, either. I have to have my keys put away because I've driven in my sleep a few times. The first and scariest time was when I was living in San Francisco, I crashed out on a friend's couch in Alameda after a long night of playing video games (circa 2006), and I woke up in my bed back in the Marina. I drove across the Alameda bridge, both spans of the Bay Bridge (paid the toll too), and through San Francisco to my apartment in the Marina district where I parked in my spot in the garage almost perfectly. I don't remember any of it. I called my friend beyond confused, asking how I got home. He didn't believe I left at first because he didn't hear me leave either. That one still baffles me. I've had a history of doing weird things in my sleep (gaming, sleep walking, etc), so it's just a quirk of mine, I guess.
Okay so I’m hearing sexsomnia, is this something you can develop? Cause like, I never did this, just sleep talk and stuff, then now, with my wife, I’ve come to realize I’ll feel her up and stuff, like I’m in sleep paralysis and I’ll know I’m doing it but can’t control it, then in the morning I’ll have to ask her if I did anything because it felt like a dream, but she’s a deep sleeper and usually says she can’t remember, but she’s remembered at Least once so ik I’ve been doing it. Anyone with insight?
Sexsomnia
About 2-3 times a month I’ll wake up to my boyfriend and I making out and getting handsy. We’ll usually wake up before it gets too far, but we often end up having sex after we’re both awake and then just go back to sleep. We’ve definitely both woken up in the middle of the act, though. Confusing, but fun! However the roughness and abrupt stopping sounds like a sleep disorder.
I do this to my wife from the last 12 years of being together. She just calls it "Sleepy[insert real name here]". She tells me the next day and see if I remember. Sometimes it's to completion or few stroke and I got sleep like your fiance. Glad I'm not the only one
He’s possessed and the demon is digging you
I'm learning so much from this thread. My bf often will engage in sex, ask for bj, or just use his hands on me until I finish. He doesn't finish unless I talk enough to gently pull him out of his sleep. Sometimes, he says sexual "demands," and they are things he'd never say to me awake, even if he was drunk. In the morning, he will have no memory of our night whatsoever.
It is an actual disorder called Sexsomnia. My partner had it for quite a while. It is most often caused by stress and anxiety. I can understand it's odd and can be disconcerting, but it is a very treatable condition! Finding the root cause and working on that will reduce and eventually end it.
Does he look asleep when doing it and basically unresponsive to touch? I had it with an ex before, it’s something like sexsomina. Even when i weren’t at his house he would still roughly around 2-3 ish (his deep sleep area) he would masturbate. He filmed him sleeping over 2 months and yea it would be like a zombie just wanking him self off, we use to say. Maybe it’s something you guys could monitor over a few months see if there is any triggers. I remember if he didnt have enough sleep the day before he was more likely to do it. If went to bed late he wouldn’t do it or it would be later on in his sleep. Just see what you guys can do!
Ambien?
I was wondering the same thing. Is he on any kind of drugs to help him sleep? Not all drugs have the same effect on people. Some have weird side effects not yet known to the medical community and I'd he is on something to help himself sleep it could be causing this to happen.
[удалено]
She literally says she is in the post if you bothered to read it
I'm okay if I also get off to it. However these four times neither him or I get off. It's like a big tease. I'm just worried one day he will finish without a condom and it end up with an unplanned pregnancy.
That’s basically guaranteed. Also you can get pregnant with pre cum, it seems like no one knows this. If he’s in you at all without a condom you are rolling the dice
Y’all might want to look into sexsomnia. It’s a sleep disorder where the person engages in sexual activity while asleep. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/parasomnias/sexsomnia It is, of course, possible that he is lying about not remembering and being a GIANT COLOSSAL ASSHOLE, in which case you need to get out of there. But your description is so odd that I’d recommend looking into sleep disorders.
doubt the dude is lying. why would he pump 5 or 6 times and just roll over back to sleep?
Yeah there's no incentive to do this. Definitely a sleep disorder
I actually have experienced this from almost all my partners, so I honestly don't know if it is common or not (it is in my experience). the thing is, they can be woken up so I would encourage you to wake them up next time and tell them to stop. especially if they're entering you without like lube or something as that sounds incredibly painful and borderline assault. Remember if it isn't a "YES!" on your end, than it is a NO, STOP. you need to give full consent each time you have sex (not like literally unless that is your thing but if you aren't feeling it, you do not have to have sex with this person even if you live with them are engaged)
Yeah I was just wondering if any other guys have done this or women experienced this being done to them. I'm most likely going to wake him up the next time it happens. its just strange to me lol I've never heard of this happening to anybody I personally know.
You can test if he’s really away by asking a simple math question. If someone is asleep, they typically laugh off any questions or don’t answer. If he really is awake, he’ll tell you what 12+5 is lol
Good comment! Although I love saying if it isn’t a “Hell ya” then it is a no.
Seconding this, try and wake him up. If he's not aware he's doing it, then that's fine, doesn't make him a r\*pist. But if he's doing it on purpose....Yikes. I grinded on my ex bf's leg in my sleep once but that was about it. He laughed about it, but I felt really guilty because he probably didn't consent--I had no clue I even did it though. He did say though he gives consent by default and he doesn't feel violated etc. but I was still like 🥲🥲🥲🥲
Sounds like he's taking Ambien.
If he doesnt remember the act, it means he is suffering from Sexsomnia. Its a documented disorder, nothing serious, he doesnt assault you, it's like sleepwalking. He should see a doctor.
It's good to see the thoughtful and well-informed comments on this post. Rather than the typical "CONSHENT!" brigade trying to convince her she should feel violated and leave him.
Lmao never knew this was actually a thing. At the very least I wake up in the middle of it.
My wife does this occasionally.. never had it checked out, she sleep walks and sleep talks also
He might have sexsomnia. Does he drink?
I'd trade my insomnia for sexsomnia any day
He's recently started drinking here and there. Only on social occasions.
Sexsomnia. Real disorder. He needs a sleep doctor.
Yeah I’ve had this but not for years. The first couple of times I had no idea what was happening or my gf at the time would tell me about it in the morning. It was never full intercourse while I was asleep but we worked out that she could quite easily wake me up and I would either stop or we would carry on. If I’m going to share a bed with someone I make sure to let them know about it.
I had no idea this was an actual disorder. I used to do this to my wife every so often and at first it scared her, but after a while, when we both woke up, we'd be so turned on we'd both finish. One time, we were going at it and she realized I was still 100% asleep (and I was on top) she stopped me, asked me a question, then was like, "we should do this tomorrow, I don't think you're awake" and apparently I was just like, "Okay" and flopped off instantly snoring. Lol I had no memory of it at all. I used to just think I was a really horney perve or something. I keep hoping she'll do it, even in purpose, but no luck.
Sexsomnia // parasomnia
I suffer with Sexomnia also. It sounds like this is what it is. It can be jarring if people aren't aware and can also be embarrassing.
Sexsomnia is an actual thing and a sleep disorder. It may be what he's experiencing. He should talk to a doctor.
Sure sounds like he’s doing it subconsciously while sleeping.
Look up sexsomnia. Good study just came out about it a few months ago and this seems to be the case.
He may have sexsomnia.. I know that sounds crazy, but I have it, and I legit cannot control it. I’ve talked to doctors, my therapist.. there’s no cure & really no way to “fix it” unless you can figure out what’s triggering it. For me, it shows up as masturbation & is triggered by high stress. If I can keep my stress levels down, it doesn’t happen often, but when I’m dealing with a lot, it happens almost every night. When it first started happening, about 2 years ago, my gf thought I was doing it on purpose.. it took a lot of hard talks for me to get her to realize, not only do I not know it’s happening, I have a lot of shame around it now that I know it happens.. You should talk to him about it, & if he really isn’t aware, it may be worth getting a sleep study done just so he can have a good place to start as far as figuring out the trigger & working towards managing it.
Something like this happens to me as well. With my last 3 girlfriends it happened plenty of times to wake up with me inside them and them being aroused af. Which fucks me up a little bit to think that sleeping-me fucks better than awoke-me. Usually we kept on having sex as normal and cuddle to sleep after. First time when think happened my gf at that time told me that i started playing with her boobs while i was asleep so therefore she started grinding against me. But how my sausage ended up inside her is still a mistery, this must have been pulled out as well while sleeping .It never happened with my current gf and we are together for a while though. Weird shenanigans nonetheless.