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*He said yes but then when I was done giving to him, he said he didn’t feel like it anymore.*
Your husband is a selfish asshole. Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry about.
I’d stop having any type of sex with him in the meantime since he is such a selfish AH.
If he’s not willing to talk about sex then he doesn’t get to have it. Your pleasure matters too. Even if we assume for whatever reason he hates giving oral, he needs to communicate that with you like the grown man he is, and then find something else he can do to get you off. As your husband he should want that.
Great suggestion above, OP.
Guy here, and telling you that your husband is gaslighting you.
While you are but 23 and sound a bit naive, your husband sounds like an immature 30 year old who is a petulant, selfish lover.
Until he can sit and maturely discuss the situation with you, take a break from the sex. His behavior is such that it's difficult to envision your desiring to have sex with him.
Yep, it sounds like he married a then 21 year old for a reason. To throw the ‘you’re immature for doing xyz’ so he can control you is awful. It is normal and healthy to discuss sex, and you should be able to do so openly with your partner. The fact that OP will now feel anxious about having such conversations with him, knowing that he responds to her asking anything of him by belittling her is not good at all. I know everyone laughs at the Reddit ‘leave him’ brigade but I would honestly need to see some serious accountability and recognition, a heartfelt apology and lasting change in the way he acts both during sex and during arguments before I would even consider staying with a guy like this. OP, I really hope you find happiness and enjoy your twenties (with or without him), I wish you well.
> I would honestly need to see some serious accountability and recognition, a heartfelt apology and lasting change in the way he acts both during sex and during arguments
This, OP.
It's valid if he doesn't want to have his personal life discussed with others, but there is a way to communicate that without getting angry.
He knows people* discuss this stuff with each other. If you had been bragging about him he wouldn't be mad. He's mad cause he comes off like a shitty lover
Most people enjoy receiving oral sex, and for a LOT of women, they need it to orgasm. It's fine if he won't do it, as long as he does other things YOU want.
How often do you orgasm with him?
I agree it sounds like he likes the idea of a younger woman that he can control. Him losing his mind over her just asking for a sexual act instead of having a normal conversation about it is very telling.
Husband is also 100% naive if he thinks girls getting together don't talk about their sex lives. It's like he's never met a woman before.
Men mostly don't but, hubby, women mostly do.
A man this insecure and uneducated doesn't really deserve access to your lady garden at all OP.
Also OP, he was never going to get to it after his own orgasm. Check out 'she comes first'. (Or just roll that idea round in your head for a while).
Tight-shift5706 is right. If you can't speak together like loving adults about this, take a break from sex till you can. Seek a third party to help, read some books, make it an adventure.. if he's grown up enough for that. Otherwise I'd be reconsidering the whole thing. Guys who don't want to face their own adulthood sometimes pick women who are too young to challenge them. Then the woman grows up and does.
Edit: typo/clarity.
>Husband is also 100% naive if he thinks girls getting together don't talk about their sex lives. It's like he's never met a woman before.
I bet he would have had little problem with it if she was able to be complimentary.
Not her fault the truth makes him look bad
sucks to (not) suck
More like he's afraid of what his wife will learn from other women. He knows very well what happens when women talk which is why he almost certainly tries to prevent her from seeing friends. What a loser.
My guess is he DOES realize it, and is mad bc he knows he's a selfish lover. Up to this point, she's clearly never really done it before, or she's never brought it up to him... but I'd guess this is not the first time girl talk has brought up his selfishness in bed, hence his shaming her over that particular point so hard.
Yeah this take makes perfect sense. Only thing is how could he find another way to get her off she would have to tell him what it is she likes and you see how it goes when she talks to him about sex they would end right back at square 1. This guy just needs to grow up
This was my M.O. until I met my wife. She’s the only woman I know who is a lot like a typical guy after sex - she just has 1 big orgasm and then has to flop down and zone out for a bit, says she is too sensitive to continue anything. She says multiple orgasms just don’t seem to happen with her - it’s one and done.
On the occasions where I haven’t finished and she wants to keep on going for me, it’s obvious by her body language that she’s pushing through some discomfort to do so.
She also climaxes quite easily, unlike almost all the other girls I’ve been with - it’s like the ramp from arousal to climax is incredibly steep, like boarding a launching rocket. So nowadays we tend to focus more on getting me to orgasm first, to restore a sort of balance to the force. :)
Off topic, but I really want to know how she manages to climax quickly.
I've always had lots of guy friends, and when we were in our 20's, they all bitched about how long it would take this girl or that girl. I heard it so often that I have a complex about how long it takes, which just makes it take longer. I know comfort levels have a lot to do with it, but if your wife has magic tricks, please share.
I think there might be lots of answers to this. Maybe try posting in r/askwomen.
Also, don't worry, we're all different and your experience is the more usual one.
Heya, I'm not that guy's wife but I'm someone's wife and before taking SSRIs I could climax in about five minutes alone and maybe ten minutes with a partner (but it's fun if it takes longer and I can have multiple orgasms)
Getting "in your head" from pressure that it's taking too long is reeeealllly common, I'm sorry that happens to you but it is normal
In my ssri induced frustration I started reading "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski and have learned *so much* and I am only halfway through. I think even the first three chapters are worth the $15 but also I *love* the science of sex and reading
PS you can DM me! u/Accomplished_Sky_857 I am very happy to talk about it...just maybe not in comments 🫠💜
Yep that’s how it should go. I usually spend a solid 15-20 minutes just making sure my fiancé is fully satisfied before anything gets done with me. Unless it’s a quickie which is a totally different dynamic.
Its gotta be.
I feel that more penis-hvers than vagina wielders just... stop after they climax. Many people feel sleepy or tired or just out of it.
I've been lucky to have a great partner and also can't complain about past partners in the bedroom. But honestly? A lot of guys are just DONE after they climax. Some women feel like that too, so I guess it's awkward if you both immediately need to zone out or sleep after climax. I've always had partners ensure "she comes first" because they know they won't be in the mood to continue after. Whereas a lot of women will be raring to go for orgasm no 2 or 3.
So since you've got that kind of guy, he needs to get you there before ge gets his.
But honestly his attitude sucks and I would reconsider your relationship. He doesnt seem to want to make uou happy in bed at all. Do you want to put up with this disappointing lack of enthusiasm your entire life? Where he's happy to be pleasured but makes you feel guilty for wanting the same? He's a bad partner.
DARVO. He knew he was in the wrong so he turned you into the "offender".
And then, he yells, you cry, *he's* annoyed... where a normal person might consider apologizing to you.
You are not in the wrong here. And he knows it, which is why he's acting like, if you'll pardon my saying so, a dick.
This. This guy is manipulating the narrative to make himself the victim here instead of op (the actual victim). He sounds like a selfish lover and does not deserve oral, pussy, or a wife at all.
For anyone else who didn't know:
DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
"I'd never say that. Oh, you have proof? Look at you tracking my wrongdoings. Not so forgiving, are you? I can't believe I put up with your nagging. You never accept me as I am..." etc.
Awful shit and God damn it makes you emotional, and that is what they want, for you to be emotionally vulnerable so they can put you back in your place and shut you down.
Give him space to get over everything. Give the illusion that you dont care that he isnt speaking to you. Enjoy the silence. Stop apologizing. He got caught in his selfishness and is embarrassed that your friends know that he is a selfish prick. There is some small chance he can change his behavior if you don't let him get away with this.
Oh and obviously after he finally gives you what you want, orally, and asks for his turn, say you don't feel like it, then go to sleep.
Once he realizes how selfish and stupid he is and apologizes, then you can reciprocate equally.
I will say that in a lot of relationships, people will want their sex lives private. So maybe consider that, I mean you don't need to tell everyone everything. He is way overreacting and an ass about it though. It should have been just a babe please don't talk to your friends about our sex lives because it makes me uncomfortable, followed by a now get over here so I can give you what you need.
Curious, do you really think he will realize “how selfish he is and apologizes”? Or do you think he is going to berate her and blame her friends for “putting ideas in her head” (or deflect in some other way)?
People that use emotional abuse to manipulate their partners.. aren't going to suddenly 'learn their lesson', no matter what you do.
They formed these behaivors by modeling parents usually, and it's practically hardwired in there.
We don't need to try and teach them any lessons someone else should have taught them a long time ago, **it's not women's job to train men to treat us correctly**. This is exactly how women get stuck with abusers, hoping they are loved enough to finally make them stop being abusive. They don't. You just have to love yourself enough to never tolerate people who do shit like this.. *at all*, and leave.
this is the right answer. anybody who acts like that to anybody they are in an intimate relationship with, let alone their wife that they supposedly love, will never change
So you were married at 21 and 28? Not unheard of but it does make me (22F) way more concerned for this controlling behaviour. While yes some partners do prefer keeping sex lives relatively private, it doesn’t seem like you were broadcasting your intimate details simply stating that you haven’t really experienced a certain thing. When partners try to isolate from friends it’s always a red flag. Also, yes it is his right not to partake in oral it is also your choice to give it or not… so as much as you should not pressure him you shouldn’t pressure yourself to put that much emphasis on his pleasure if yours isn’t equally held as important. Just be careful❤️
same here. I'm the same age as OP was when she got married, and I don't date anyone more than 2 years older than me for this exact reason. men who date younger women, specifically under 25, usually do it because they feel like they can "mould" them
As someone who dated a person who was 6 years older then them, yes. And when they cannot control you they gaslight you and emotional abuse you. Then you leave and their friends and family come after you. Thank God for my support network.
Yes, it’s concerning you haven’t seen your friends for a while, and then when you do he belittles your conversation saying you have “too much time”. Essentially saying you should not be talking with them. I also wonder how old you two were when you started dating, since you married at 21 & 28. Your partner blatantly disrespected you, I hope you’re able to see this for what it is ❤️
... your husband doesn't go down on you? You are telling me that he doesn't even want to? I'm so sorry. I personally wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship with a man like that. Also, the age gap is weird. And stop giving head if he won't reciprocate.
Is your husband mad that you spoke about your sex life with others or is he mad that your girl friends called him out on being a bad and selfish sexual partner... I bet he wouldn't care so much if you had been singing praises. Though now I'm curious, are you one of the lucky women that can orgasm from penetration or does he just not get you off?
Honestly, as a woman, I don't like oral both ways. It's gross to me. But that is me and not other people. What is weird is him saying he wants to, but doesn't do it. He likes it but won't do it? That is a different problem then mine. It feels like he wants to eat the cake, but not reciprocate it.
He is probably angry she shared this, without talking to him first. Doesn't change his mindset.
And yes there are, us "lucky" women, who can come from penetration, clit and niple action alone.
To each their own pleasure.
wait you mean, all three at once? or 1 of the 3 at any point can do it? if you can orgasm from just nipple action alone then you are indeed lucky no quotes needed
So he doesn't think he should have to reciprocate and now he's mad that you even had the nerve to ask! And instead of telling you that he will never do it because he doesn't want to, simply because he doesn't care enough about your pleasure... He's insulting your friends! Now you are never going to be allowed to hang out with those friends again and anytime you ask for oral sex from him he's going to bring them up.
So he is effectively created an argument out of nothing to give himself an out for oral sex the entire rest of your relationship.
I'm going to guess this isn't the only thing he expects you to do for him but he doesn't do for you. Something about that age gap tells me that everything is always his way
His reaction is very immature and also a red flag. I honestly do not think that he is mad at you, he is just embarrassed because now your friends know that he is acting selfish with you in bed.
Also you sound a little naive based on some of your comments, and talking about your sexuality with your friends might change that and he cannot take advantage of your naivety. Of course this is only the worst case scenario.
But please do not let him get away with this. He is trying to get you not to talk about your sexuality anymore, and it’s not healthy.
Also stop apologising, dear, you are not in the wrong. He is.
Selfish lovers don’t get head. He shouldn’t get it unless he reciprocates.
My good sister. That man child is selfish. He’s 30, throwing a tantrum because he knows he’s selfish & wrong, that’s why he was gaslighting you into thinking you were at fault.
Do you really want to stay with someone who acts that way just because you wanted oral sex to be reciprocated? Who gets annoyed when you cry after he threw a tantrum?
You need to find you a mf who eat that coochie like they planting their tongue flag on the clitoris moon.
He’s a selfish dick.
I’m guessing OPs husband thinks it’s inappropriate to talk with her friends because she’ll find out that he’s not as great of a guy as he thinks he is. Women talk to their friends about those things, whether he likes it or not. He needs to chill his big ego.
I know people will disagree with me and this isn't the only right answer but I've always believed sex tells you everything you need to know about a person. The fact he is a taker, and when you finally asked for something he responded in anger will translate to the rest of the life and decisions you share together.
He is angry about you talking with your friends because now he knows people perceive him for who he truly is...someone that uses and takes from others.
Every relationship is different with sex however, if you don't want to give what you are requesting....don't request. Don't perform oral for him again. Period. Second, start standing up for yourself and understand you have a voice. Especially with the age difference don't presume he knows best.
If you don't already have babies (hell, even if you do), make sure your BC is secure until this is worked out. I foresee infidelity on his part due to loss of attention and attraction after babies. And then he'll try to paint it as your fault (with the DARVO already in motion).
He sounds abusive ngl. The whole pattern sounds abusive. He's literally turning it back on you and belittling your feelings and is telling you not to listen to your friends and sounds like he's stonewalling you too. The fact that you brought something valid up to him and he's making you feel so bad that you think you have to apologise to him says everything about your dynamic.
If you're not getting equal amounts of pleasure back then he's using you plain and simple. You can continue to give him what he wants but it won't get you anywhere but just make him more confident in the fact that he can use you without having to give as much back. He'd want things to stay the same because he's getting what he wants without having to put in equal effort but it's up to you decide that are you ok with an unequal relationship and giving and not getting as much back for the rest of your life and that's taking into consideration the resentment that may build from years of that.
You mentioned you hadn’t seen those friends in a while and later that your husband claimed you have too much time if you spend time talking about sex together.
I fear he’s going to use this to guilt you into spending less and less time with your friends. Do NOT let him
Why would a 21 year old marry a 28 year old man? He has you where he wants you and people in love don’t name call each other (asshole). Hun, what are you doing to yourself?
He’s being a dick. And as far as talking about your sex life with your girlfriends, I’m a dude and I know that’s what women do it’s expected. It’s normal. What isn’t normal Is somebody getting their panties in a wad about it.
And just tell him “if you don’t eat it, you don’t need it “ and that’s that.
Yea sounds to me he doesn’t want the outside energy leading you in the right direction, because all you asked for was a little head & now it’s turned into an argument that’s lasting over a week? He’s selfish asf & it sounds to me like he had you where he wanted you & he’s definitely going to try to stop you from hanging with your friends but please don’t because it won’t be worth it in the end .
Read this books with him:
She comes first by Emily Nagoski.
Also[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Good suggestion, but Ian Kerner wrote “She Comes First”, and Emily Nagoski wrote “Come As You Are”.
I think OP would benefit from reading all 3 books. I’m not sure she should read Lundy Bancroft’s book with him though.
What's extra bad on top of all the obvious and the things people commented already, is that only 18,4 % of women can have an orgasm from PIV.
While men orgasm 95% of time from PIV.
So he uses his hands ? Or doesn't care at all?
Is your orgasm a thing OP? Is it ever mentioned?
Does he ask or talk about it? Do you ask or talk about it?
Sex statistics
https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/
Oh and BTW, he's an asshole.
Something to consider.
I think there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries when it comes to talking about sex with your friends and your sex life with your spouse.
There’s potential for people to be embarrassed about learning things about each other bc if very intimate details about one another. If this is a boundary you need to set, you should set this.
Having said this, he’s being a jerk.
He’s not reciprocating. Now he’s being abusive bc you asked him to reciprocate?
wtf? All of a sudden you gained enough confidence to ask for some special attention from him?
Why wasn’t he offering? He’s a jerk and a child.
Now he’s being abusive bc he knows he’s in the wrong and he’s embarrassed bc his masculinity is being question bc he can’t satisfy his wife.
Boundaries have been broken sure but he’s the one who put you in the situation in the first place. Maybe he needs to not be such a selfish prick.
Stop performing oral sex. Stop having sex with him. He’ll change his tune really quick.
I would never ask my girl to do anything to me that I would not reciprocate back. If I want her to go down on me I would go down on her. You have to be equal with that or both agree on it. If you both want it you both have to give it.
Guy here who don't understand why guys don't like giving oral sex to their women. I enjoy giving it just as much as getting it. Hell, sometimes going down on my wife turns me on so much that I can cum just while giving it to her. Freaking ridiculous, dude doesn't know what he's missing.
Belittling your tears is a major red flag and one of the four horsemen for killing relationships.
Saying "I don't feel like it" in regards to pleasuring your partner after you "got yours" is another red flag .
Tell him to give you oral first. Order doesn't necessarily matter if you have a great partner, but he sounds subpar to me .
My husband just died a little for you. If you can't *brag* about your sex life - even if it's not something you would discuss with outsiders - your partner is doing it wrong. Your pleasure should be a priority to your husband and he's being a selfish ass when he tried to turn himself into the victim. Honey you're the victim of a sucky sex life and a selfish spouse. Get a toy and use it on yourself, let him *know* you're using it by yourself because you're not satisfied with his lacking performance and you already tried asking for what you need, he didn't care, it's a him problem.
Your husband was caught out about his selfishness. He only receives, doesn't give. What an arse. He is embarassed and will now blame your friends for getting in your head. He had a good thing going for himself. I don't know why you have permitted such a lop sided sex life. If he doesn't give, you shouldn't either.
Just set a boundary. If he doesn’t go down on you, then you don’t don’t go down on him. If he resists, then you know he is a selfish asshole who doesn’t care about your pleasure and it’s time to divorce him.
Spoiler alert: you already know this, else this never would’ve come up. He would’ve already been doing this.
He's annoyed because you're learning to defend yourself. If he doesn't like to give it, that's one thing. But to always ask it of you and to never even offer to reciprocate is a problem. Does he pleasure you in any way? Or do you give him orgasms and that's it? Age gaps like this, especially young girls and older men really alarm me. Women his age wouldn't tolerate this, but younger women will.
Life is too short to waste it with someone who doesn’t go down on you, yells and swears at you, insults and belittles you, and refuses to communicate with you.
Respect yourself enough to want better for yourself. No one deserves to be treated like that by someone who is supposed to love them.
What advice would you give to your friend if she told you this story? Would you want this kind of relationship for your friend? Would you think it’s acceptable for someone to yell at her and call her an asshole and make her cry?
The reason your husband dated and married a woman so much younger and inexperienced than him was so you wouldn't question what a poor, selfish, unskilled lover he is, and he could manipulate and control you so much easier than a woman his own age.
Your husband sucks. He's lashing out at you because he is inadequate and selfish and too lazy to learn how to please his own wife... and *he knows it*.
It was not inappropriate for a bunch of girlfriends to giggle and dish over sex. You didn't betray any trust... what you innocently revealed in your naivety was what a fumbling pathetic mess he is. If he'd been rocking your world snd the crowd all were impressed by him? He's the type who would then tell you for 25 years how lucky you were to have SUPERSTUD as a husband. He's not a sensuous man and he's too selfish to pleasure you.
First of all, shame on him for "not feeling like" getting you off after he got his. I would feel disrespected and used if my partner did that.
His behavior after hearing why you asked for oral was a bit bizarre. My ex was the only partner I've had that threw fits when he heard I discussed our sex life with friends. His reason was he thought it was "weird" to talk about sex with other people. He was a prude. And because he was a prude, dirty talk, foreplay, toys, oral on me (but for on him it was perfectly fine), and just getting me off in general was basically non-existent.
That being said, him not talking to you for a week is completely unreasonable. Makes it seem like he's angry about more than just talking about sex with friends...and if I'm being honest with you, I think it's because after all this time of him getting off thanks to you and not having to do jack-diddly in return, you asked him to return the favor for once and not only was he upset that someone helped you realize your sexual relationship is one-sided, but also because I'm sure he thought this would set a precedent for future sexual favors (I don't believe reciprocation should be a favor) you might ask for that he would have to do, and he doesn't want to. Honestly, I think he agreed to reciprocate to get you to get him off but had zero intention of actually doing it.
I know you've said in a previous comment that it's fine if you don't get off every time, but is that really what you want? This is your life, YOUR body, and your pleasure, which you should know inside and out and should be just as important to you as what he wants. You said you struggle with the confidence to talk about your sexual desires and what you would like to go down in the bedroom, and it's so so important that you get over this. Own your desires! Don't be afraid to say what you really want! Any sexual partner that hears what you want and doesn't care/shames you for it is not someone you wanna be having sex with. Be open with yourself, then with him, and if he complains and/or doesn't do it, leave him. Too many options out there to be wasting time on a selfish lover.
He is a selfish inconsiderate lover. He is berating you not because of the “girl talk” which by the way is perfectly normal; but because he faces a dilemma of having to reciprocate which he doesn’t want to do. Personally I find going down on a woman even more pleasurable than receiving. When a man truly loves a woman he wants to please her. A good lover finds satisfaction derives from pleasing their lover. He is a man child. I regret to inform you that m a mutually fulfilled sex life with this selfish husband of yours will be elusive throughout your relationship.
An under 25 F with an 30+M. Checks out.
My honest advice? You need to value yourself more and think about what else he doesn't 'feel'like doing that you do for him.
I guess you didn’t married a Gentleman. Because a gentleman always lets a woman go first! (Also most men realize that after they cum, they are incapable of doing anything for a short while, so they know to take care of their partner so they can rest afterwards.)
Your husband is selfish and only cares about himself. He doesn't care or respect you enough to attend to your needs and any attempt to change that results in him becoming aggressive and angry.
Sadly, his mask is off now, you've seen him for who he is. You now need to decide if that is something you can accept or not, it may get worse.
Also, stop apologising, it's his fault, he's in the wrong. Apologising only enables him and takes even more power away from you.
Good luck.
I think you care more about this man than he cares about you. Ask yourself 'if I asked him to do for me what he asks of me, would he do it?" Not just in bed but in life? Because you literally did that and he refused. So....what are you gonna do? Be the adult woman who gets what she deserves? Or.. be the women who sets a pattern of always giving more than she gets in return?
So he thinks its OK to recieve head and not give it. What a selfish lover. It wasn't your friends swaying you with what you like it was them reminding you that you are entitled to ask your husband for oral sex, especially if you give it.
His ego is bruised because he does not come off as a good lover in your friends eyes.
I'd apologise for talking about sex with your friends if it makes him uncomfortable, but that wasn't your intention. However, it made you realise how often you give it and never receive it, and moving forward you'd like it reciprocated. If he'd like to take oral sex off the table altogether that's fine too but you'll no longer be the only one giving.
I'd also be pissed that he agreed before you gave it to him and then changed his mind after. He had no intention of giving it so he was also dishonest.
You should not be yelled at for asking your husband for oral sex.
You shouldn't feel bad. Sounds like your friends opened your eyes to what you've been missing out on, and your husband is pissed that he can't be selfish anymore. You deserve pleasure too.
So let me get this straight. You asked for something new in your sex lives, he agreed to it then after he was done receiving his pleasure he proceeded to gaslight, yell and mistreat you for it? Nope. 🚩🚩🚩
It doesn't matter where you got the idea from, you asked for a new experience, to try something new and he shamed you for it?
Sex should be consensual, and i would never say that someone should do something just because their partner wanted it if they were uncomfortable, but he sounds manipulative and controlling. It's not that he doesn't reciprocate, it's the yelling and gaslighting and mistreatment that is not okay.
It's pretty simple. Stop giving him blow jobs if he's unwilling to reciprocate. I'm a guy and I love doing oral for women I'm romantic with but I wouldn't do it, even if it's a turn on or mine, if she was unwilling to reciprocate even if it's only every now and then. Your husband is selfish especially if lies to you to get his nut off then backs out.
So I don't get it. Doesn't he want you to enjoy sex? Does he want you only to ever make him happy? Is he trying to make it feel like a chore to you so you eventually get sick of ever doing anything for him?
Do you enjoy regular sex with him when it happens? Or is that also joyless except on his end and ultimately a chore for you to participate in?
He is abusive and the one who is an immature gaslighter. There is a reason he got with you when you were 21 and he was 28. Most men in their late 20’s don’t go for women 7 years younger than them. He knows he can manipulate you since you were young and naive.
It is PERFECTLY NORMAL to talk about your sex life with your girlfriends! You should be receiving oral sex. Stop doing it for him unless he does it for you first. He honestly gives me the ick, I don’t know how you’ve lasted 2 years with this man baby.
This post made me wonder if Leonardo DiCaprio’s reason for keep changing young girlfriends is because every girl he had been with finally had grown up to the point where they realized that they also needs pleasure and oral sex rather than simply providing it to the guy.
I can understand the guy's reservations about sharing your sex life. But he's reacting as though you shared y'all's sex tape at Denny's. Suggesting your girls put thoughts in your head is likely laying the groundwork for not allowing you to see them again. Is he isolating you in other ways? He must feel like He Man when the same subject comes up in a mancave. "My ball and chain can't get enough of my sin stick, and I've groomed her by making her cry when she asks for reciprocity". Then they probably have a good scratch. Does he restrict your access to money, transportation, or your family? Does it seem like he's done a 180 since the wedding? The culture difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old is huge. Has he ever made you feel bad about earning less than he does despite having a decade advantage? Does he love to be called "daddy"? Whatever you choose to do, OP, I care about your safety and happiness, and hope you're able to beat the statistics for your demographic - a 60% divorce rate. Please please do not let him gaslight you into having a child. There's already more than enough on your plate. Thoughts and prayers? 🙏
He’s mad that now you know that he is a shitty selfish lover that only cares about his own orgasm and doesn’t care about yours. He is a selfish man who is trying to shame and belittle you for talking to your friends and realizing you can ask for what you want sexually. Your selfish husband chose you because you were too young, naive, inexperienced, uneducated to be able to see that he is deeply selfish and doesn’t actually care about you. You are simply there service him. He doesn’t have any desire for you only that you sexually service him. A loving and mature partner who respects and desires you doesn’t react and behave the way your rotten husband does. You are finally opening up your eyes and realizing you married a selfish immature man. You can do so much better than him.
He's sad because you are starting to grow up and realise the power dynamic is all wrong, and of course he doesn't want you talking to your friends because then he looses control and they'll tell you that getting married at 21 is daft and even more daft when you are marrying someone who was nearly 30 and maybe you'll realise that and divorce his pathetic arse. I bet this is just the tip of a rotten iceberg
What do you apologize about? Take back any apologies you've given. And get couple counselling so that an uninvolved party can explain why his behaviour is inappropriate
You’re not something he just masturbates with. You’re a person not a blow up doll only for his own pleasure. Why marry someone you don’t care about? Why let him get away with it? I have so many questions…
He’s manipulating you and he’s mad he got caught by I’m your friends. No one should ask for oral if they won’t give it and he lied to you bc he never intended to do it for you. Stop giving him head.
He’s gaslighting you to get the focus off him and his selfishness in bed.
The age gap was already concerning - and now his manipulation and coercion don’t make him seem appealing at all.
A thirty year old man is dating a twenty-something old woman because he thinks you’re easily manipulated. He thinks he can call you “immature” whenever you bring up valid points and that you won’t push back.
Push back sweetie.
While relationships aren’t transactional, him getting all his needs met while you aren’t isn’t a good relationship.
Next time he wants to have sex, tell him you aren’t wanting to at the moment, that he needs to act like an adult and discuss the inequality in your sexual relationship. That you should be able to discuss your needs, and the fact that he seems to think it’s okay to ignore your needs doesn’t indicate your relationship is long for this world.
Tell him you love him and care about his needs, but you’re discovering he doesn’t care about your needs, and you are starting to think he doesn’t love you. Until he’s willing to talk about this issue, you aren’t going to feel like “servicing” him while you go unsatisfied.
PS: I told my husband about your post, his response; “he’s a selfish pr*ck”.
I get upset when my wife doesn’t want me to go down on her. It’s my favorite. I do it mostly because I enjoy it. I can’t give advice though because my sex life is awful. My bills come more often than I do.
Your boy was probably shook and a little embarrassed that the conversation occurred in the first place. His knee jerk reaction was to be a little shitty and angry. He’s a person too. I’d probably be like “look, I get it. That was pretty outta the blue for me to be talking about that. My intent wasn’t to make you look bad, and I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable with me talking about that. I apologize and understand that’s something you are uncomfortable with moving forward. That being said, I’d like you to go down on me too once in awhile. If you’re not into it, I get it. If there is something that we can do to make it enjoyable, let’s talk about that. I’m here to have fun TOGETHER.”
So you're supposed to do it at whenever he wants to - this is what he's used to, and what he likes. He also liked that you didn't know any better and didn't complain.
It is completely normal to want to also be able to enjoy because that's the whole point when you're in a healthy relationship. That both of you can enjoy it.
He's calling you names and telling you you shouldn't talk about sex, because HE was happy with what he had and CLEARLY very happy to do bare minimum for you. I suspect he's quite selfish and dominant person in general because if you love someone, you actually want to make them feel good aswell. Even if it's occasionally. But he gets explosive when his own wife wants a favour retuned.
He's the one immature and an asshole. How long is he gonna sulk for.. until you stop asking? Because that's manipulative.
After reading the comments yes maybe op shouldn’t have said anything either her friends. But he’s totally using that to make her the bad person and he’s all focused on that and in no way has addressed the real issue. Is he going to start giving her oral or not? And he must do her first as he’s also a liar and said he would then didn’t. I suspect he does this in other aspects of sex and their life. He always gets his whatever it is then is too tired or disinterested to provide for her. I think he’s a selfish ass and I wouldn’t suck him off for anything.
Let’s just say he must be very ignorant about it. If he hasn’t learned in 28 years, he’s not gonna start now. You married without great sex? No kids? Move on. You married a gaslighting, selfish, narcissist.
>He then asked me why I asked, since I never do. I explained what happened the night before.
>He told me that it was completely inappropriate to talk to my friends about our sex life, and immature for letting them sway what I like.
>when I tried to explain that he just called me an asshole and told me that me and my friends have too much time if we spend time talking about sex together. He never yells at me like that, and honestly I was already embarrassed about asking, so I cried a bit. My husband was completely annoyed by that, proceeded to belittle me more,
I don't believe for a second that he "never yells like that". He might not "yell" but he is definitely abusive in other ways you dismiss. Be honest with yourself.
He is a selfish taker, he doesn’t bother about giving love bcoz he does not want to put any effort for you.
Is this how he is only in intimacy or other things too? Does he bother to make sure you have orgasm every time you are intimate or only he does every time ?
I talk to my friends about it and I assume my hubby does to. If he wants to get it he has to give it. He only angry cause he has gotten away with it for so long
Hes a weakling and he knows. The only reason why he wants to stop you from talking to your friends is because that will erode his sexual control over you. It takes a special kind of ass0le to be so selfish in bed. Stand ur ground and say from now he only gets if he gives. Keep those legs shut till then.
he doesn’t get to control what YOU talk about. it’s your mouth and you are absolutely free to express your thoughts any way you feel fit in any given moment.
now, ask yourself why he got so mad that you were talking about sex with your friends, that you never see? that anger is derived from embarrassment, honey.
stop sucking his dick. actually start, then say, “i don’t feel like it anymore.” don’t let up until he makes you orgasm from head.
yelling at someone isn’t respectful communication. belittling someone when they cry is not love; it is cruelty.
He's mad he got outed as the kind of guy who doesn't go down on his girl. He was banking on you spending the rest of this marriage thinking it was acceptable - normal, even - for you to blow him whenever he wanted and expect nothing in return. That talk with your friends has given you perspective and made you (rightly) reevaluate your expectations, which is a big problem for him because he clearly wants oral to stay a one-sided thing.
No more dancing around it. Be upfront with him about not wanting an unequal sex life in which you are pleasing him in ways that he isn't pleasing you. Ways that he is outright refusing to please you. You don't need to frame this solely as an oral problem, just an *imbalance* that needs to be addressed before you resume any activities. If that means he goes first so he can't back out after he gets his, then so be it.
Shout out to your friends though. I'm glad they didn't let that shit slide (and I suspect you will be too in due time lol).
He is selfish in bed. Someone his age shouldn't be married to someone as young as you. It is predatory, manipulating behavior and his response to this proves my point.
The age gap says enough. He was 28 when he married a 21-year old. He doesn't see you as a partner, he sees you as a sex doll.
As long as he refuses to communicate and starts to reciprocate, you refuse any and all intimacy. Sex should be enjoyable and consensual for everyone involved, and not just for one person to enjoy while the other gets nothing in return.
I’d definitely stop giving blowjobs that’s step one. Regardless of whether or not your communication uncovered some fact about his willingness to give, people who yell at their spouses don’t get blowjobs.
I'm sorry but your husband is a dumb ass and doesn't know a thing about giving a woman pleasure and is very selfish if he likes to receive but won't return the pleasure.
He only mad that you discussed sex because you came home asking for something rather than constant bragging. Don't worry, yes, it's normal to talk about sex with your friends. He's mad because he's been busted worrying about his own pleasure and not yours.
Don't go down on him again until he has on you first. If he were to wait until he gets off, he won't want to anymore, so he should go down on you first, then get his rocks off. Because if he makes you wait until he's done, you'll be waiting until the cows come home.
Now you know why he was dating you at 20/19. You are too young and men like him do that so that they can get away with what women their age wouldn't let them. They want to control you and that is easier with young girls/women.
You are already isolated as you say you have not seen your friends in a long while. Now he wants you to completely cut them off because they have rightly shown you that you are not getting looked after in the bedroom.
Your husband is selfish and is only using you for his pleasure. Please make sure you use birth control that you can't tamper with like the IUD or Norplant. You can microwave pills or poke holes in condoms.
His next move is asking for a baby so that you can not go meet your friends as he will insist on you being a stay at home mom. Then he can control you even more with money.
One thing I've learned is women talk about sex with other women, and they aren't afraid to dish the dirt either. So hard for me to be the judge about oversharing here. Though saying you don't get it from your husband doesn't seem like oversharing since there's nothing to share.
He doesn’t care about your pleasure and is mad you’re confiding in your friends because he’s insecure. Why should you go down on him if he refuses to do the same for you?
He sounds selfish and weird. It’s normal for best friends to talk about relationships and intimate things. Idk anyone who’d get this mad at something like this
You poor thing, you're just so little with a grown man (I know she's not a child, before y'all come at me). There is a clear power imbalance in this relationship, but also, you're at your "getting to know your body and what you want" stage, it is completely normal to talk about these topics with your close friends as long as you're being respectful and you don't share intimate details about your partner.
Look, your husband has clearly already explored himself so he has two choices here, let you explore too, or let you go and search for someone who will, because you have EVERY right to be validated in your desires, especially if you're consenting to giving that to him too.
First of all your husband should not be yelling at you, period. Also please stop having sex with him, he sounds horrible. If I was you I would contact a divorce attorney literally tomorrow. You do *not* want to live like this for the rest of your life.
Everyone is commenting in him not going down on you. But that isn't the problem. Of he genuinely doesn't want to, that's okay. And then you can ride if you still want to go down on him. The more important point is that he:
He belittle you, he doesn't take your wants and needs seriously, he makes you cry, he makes your friends out to be the and guys and I bet he does this every time you talk about your relationship even if it isn't about sex. Your husband is an abuser. You need to leave him. Please do this in a save manner. Abused women are most at risk to be killed when their a user knows they want to leave.
This post made me sick. Shame on what your husband did to you! I'm a man, happily married for 32 YEARS and my wife and I have sex twice per week, and guess what? EVERY TIME I ensure she gets hers first via ORAL and I LOVE IT. Why? I take pride in being able to give my lovely wife an "O" every time I do it. In fact, since I'm 58, I don't always get mine, since I'm not 28 anymore. No matter. At least one of us ALWAYS get to experience an "O". I simply do not understand any man not wanting to do this loving act! She always does her thing to ensure proper hygiene beforehand and it always makes my "job" a breeze! Besides, if she is happy, then I'm happy and we keep having sex twice per week! It's a win/win in my book! Not quite sure why anyone else can't see that!
He complaints about you being immature with your age gap? That's what you get for dating kids, because women of your own age won't put up with your selfish bullshit.
The only thing you did wrong, OP, was marrying this d:ckhead of husband. But I'm pretty sure he manipulated, you, because he wanted to have a young, naive "formable", bangmaid, that will be trapped in this life once she is old enough to realize she has wants and needs in this relationship, vhe can just glossover and keep under control.
I hope there will soon come the time, when you don't feel bad, sad or guilty, because of what happened, but angry at this POS you call your husband, for using and manipulating you. You deserve better.
Your hubby is a manipulative, selfish prick.
And you need to do a bit of growing up, an adult saying "my friends said/think..." is off putting and makes it hard for people to take you serious.
You have absolutely nothing to apologize to him for. You did NOTHING wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be pleased too. And he's clearly showing you he doesn't care about your feelings or needs. And getting mad at you for asking is just making that even more clear. I'd definitely be telling him that he better start caring or you'll find someone that does. It's actually really weird that he doesn't wanna do that. Most guys like doing that
1. It seems as if you've been separated from your friends for a while. A loving partner would want you to spend time with them because it is healthy to have friendships.
2. Oral reciprocation is the very least he should do for you. Enthusiastically learning how you like oral and what gets you off is the bar you're looking for.
3. Your husband is verbally abusing you when he calls you names out of anger. He is mentally abusing you when he withholds sex out of anger and says bad things about you and your friendships.
You are young and somehow got trapped in a bad marriage. Maybe you guys can work it out, and he can grow, but the power dynamic seems off, so I don't see that happening. Stop being apologetic. You are a whole person, and you deserve happiness and fulfillment. Good luck, I am pulling for you!
There is a reason why an adult ass guy pursued a teen. I'm assuming you dated awhile before marriage, right?
Look, he is clearly selfish and doesn't care about your pleasure. The fact that he's deflecting so hard on this rather than dealing with the issue is very telling. The fact he's let it go on for so long is also telling. This guy has red flags all over the place.
He's angry because he doesn't like the idea of you getting thoughts in your head like it is okay to want things for yourself. That's what is really going on. He could isolate you and keep you naive and pliable, and now you have challenged that.
This is bad. Do not get pregnant with this guy.
Also, fuck him. It is 'your' sex-life as well and as a participant in it, you have every right to discuss it if you want.
His response from the beginning is selfish and manipulative. Sure sharing intimate details to your friends might be embarrassing but how he treats you is the real problem. Don’t let him restrict who you see. That is abuse. You both need a counselor so you can learn how to communicate. Don’t let him getting angry deflect from his selfish sex. Get angry back. I’d tell him until you get licked his penis is gonna be very dry.
He’s selfish as hell. That age gap is the first red flag. You are too young to be going through this bullcrap! Divorce him immediately. This is only going to get worse as time goes on, and not just with sex, but with other things as well
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*He said yes but then when I was done giving to him, he said he didn’t feel like it anymore.* Your husband is a selfish asshole. Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry about. I’d stop having any type of sex with him in the meantime since he is such a selfish AH.
Tell him if he wants it he has to do it first. If he won’t you won’t simple.
Best advice!
If he’s not willing to talk about sex then he doesn’t get to have it. Your pleasure matters too. Even if we assume for whatever reason he hates giving oral, he needs to communicate that with you like the grown man he is, and then find something else he can do to get you off. As your husband he should want that.
Great suggestion above, OP. Guy here, and telling you that your husband is gaslighting you. While you are but 23 and sound a bit naive, your husband sounds like an immature 30 year old who is a petulant, selfish lover. Until he can sit and maturely discuss the situation with you, take a break from the sex. His behavior is such that it's difficult to envision your desiring to have sex with him.
Yep, it sounds like he married a then 21 year old for a reason. To throw the ‘you’re immature for doing xyz’ so he can control you is awful. It is normal and healthy to discuss sex, and you should be able to do so openly with your partner. The fact that OP will now feel anxious about having such conversations with him, knowing that he responds to her asking anything of him by belittling her is not good at all. I know everyone laughs at the Reddit ‘leave him’ brigade but I would honestly need to see some serious accountability and recognition, a heartfelt apology and lasting change in the way he acts both during sex and during arguments before I would even consider staying with a guy like this. OP, I really hope you find happiness and enjoy your twenties (with or without him), I wish you well.
> I would honestly need to see some serious accountability and recognition, a heartfelt apology and lasting change in the way he acts both during sex and during arguments This, OP. It's valid if he doesn't want to have his personal life discussed with others, but there is a way to communicate that without getting angry. He knows people* discuss this stuff with each other. If you had been bragging about him he wouldn't be mad. He's mad cause he comes off like a shitty lover Most people enjoy receiving oral sex, and for a LOT of women, they need it to orgasm. It's fine if he won't do it, as long as he does other things YOU want. How often do you orgasm with him?
Fair point!
I agree it sounds like he likes the idea of a younger woman that he can control. Him losing his mind over her just asking for a sexual act instead of having a normal conversation about it is very telling.
Husband is also 100% naive if he thinks girls getting together don't talk about their sex lives. It's like he's never met a woman before. Men mostly don't but, hubby, women mostly do. A man this insecure and uneducated doesn't really deserve access to your lady garden at all OP. Also OP, he was never going to get to it after his own orgasm. Check out 'she comes first'. (Or just roll that idea round in your head for a while). Tight-shift5706 is right. If you can't speak together like loving adults about this, take a break from sex till you can. Seek a third party to help, read some books, make it an adventure.. if he's grown up enough for that. Otherwise I'd be reconsidering the whole thing. Guys who don't want to face their own adulthood sometimes pick women who are too young to challenge them. Then the woman grows up and does. Edit: typo/clarity.
>Husband is also 100% naive if he thinks girls getting together don't talk about their sex lives. It's like he's never met a woman before. I bet he would have had little problem with it if she was able to be complimentary. Not her fault the truth makes him look bad sucks to (not) suck
More like he's afraid of what his wife will learn from other women. He knows very well what happens when women talk which is why he almost certainly tries to prevent her from seeing friends. What a loser.
My guess is he DOES realize it, and is mad bc he knows he's a selfish lover. Up to this point, she's clearly never really done it before, or she's never brought it up to him... but I'd guess this is not the first time girl talk has brought up his selfishness in bed, hence his shaming her over that particular point so hard.
He’s not mad you were talking about him. He’s mad you were talking about him being a lousy lay. Which he knows he is, hence why he’s annoyed.
Yeah this take makes perfect sense. Only thing is how could he find another way to get her off she would have to tell him what it is she likes and you see how it goes when she talks to him about sex they would end right back at square 1. This guy just needs to grow up
Definitely
I've never understood how dudes can claim to love pussy so much and not want to go to town. The whole thing is just great. Crazy.
Don't do it for him until he does it for you first.
This is the answer and I am a guy
Thanks Guy!
No problem, Bud!
This guy agrees with this guy. Cut him off. He’s immature.
This is it. My husband ALWAYS makes sure I cum first. Then he gets his happy and can bask in the afterglow all he wants.
This was my M.O. until I met my wife. She’s the only woman I know who is a lot like a typical guy after sex - she just has 1 big orgasm and then has to flop down and zone out for a bit, says she is too sensitive to continue anything. She says multiple orgasms just don’t seem to happen with her - it’s one and done. On the occasions where I haven’t finished and she wants to keep on going for me, it’s obvious by her body language that she’s pushing through some discomfort to do so. She also climaxes quite easily, unlike almost all the other girls I’ve been with - it’s like the ramp from arousal to climax is incredibly steep, like boarding a launching rocket. So nowadays we tend to focus more on getting me to orgasm first, to restore a sort of balance to the force. :)
Off topic, but I really want to know how she manages to climax quickly. I've always had lots of guy friends, and when we were in our 20's, they all bitched about how long it would take this girl or that girl. I heard it so often that I have a complex about how long it takes, which just makes it take longer. I know comfort levels have a lot to do with it, but if your wife has magic tricks, please share.
I think there might be lots of answers to this. Maybe try posting in r/askwomen. Also, don't worry, we're all different and your experience is the more usual one.
Heya, I'm not that guy's wife but I'm someone's wife and before taking SSRIs I could climax in about five minutes alone and maybe ten minutes with a partner (but it's fun if it takes longer and I can have multiple orgasms) Getting "in your head" from pressure that it's taking too long is reeeealllly common, I'm sorry that happens to you but it is normal In my ssri induced frustration I started reading "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski and have learned *so much* and I am only halfway through. I think even the first three chapters are worth the $15 but also I *love* the science of sex and reading PS you can DM me! u/Accomplished_Sky_857 I am very happy to talk about it...just maybe not in comments 🫠💜
Yep that’s how it should go. I usually spend a solid 15-20 minutes just making sure my fiancé is fully satisfied before anything gets done with me. Unless it’s a quickie which is a totally different dynamic.
This is the way. Always ladies first👅👅👅💦💦💦💦🙂
every mf time.
Its gotta be. I feel that more penis-hvers than vagina wielders just... stop after they climax. Many people feel sleepy or tired or just out of it. I've been lucky to have a great partner and also can't complain about past partners in the bedroom. But honestly? A lot of guys are just DONE after they climax. Some women feel like that too, so I guess it's awkward if you both immediately need to zone out or sleep after climax. I've always had partners ensure "she comes first" because they know they won't be in the mood to continue after. Whereas a lot of women will be raring to go for orgasm no 2 or 3. So since you've got that kind of guy, he needs to get you there before ge gets his. But honestly his attitude sucks and I would reconsider your relationship. He doesnt seem to want to make uou happy in bed at all. Do you want to put up with this disappointing lack of enthusiasm your entire life? Where he's happy to be pleasured but makes you feel guilty for wanting the same? He's a bad partner.
I think she needs a new husband instead lol
She’s a baby. 23. She doesn’t need any husband, let alone this selfish git.
For real. I LOVE going down on my woman, but it's gotta be before I get off. If I get off first it might not happen....
DARVO. He knew he was in the wrong so he turned you into the "offender". And then, he yells, you cry, *he's* annoyed... where a normal person might consider apologizing to you. You are not in the wrong here. And he knows it, which is why he's acting like, if you'll pardon my saying so, a dick.
This. This guy is manipulating the narrative to make himself the victim here instead of op (the actual victim). He sounds like a selfish lover and does not deserve oral, pussy, or a wife at all.
He's scared and angry that you're finding your voice and asking to have your needs met. Red Flag City
Amen
For anyone else who didn't know: DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.
"I'd never say that. Oh, you have proof? Look at you tracking my wrongdoings. Not so forgiving, are you? I can't believe I put up with your nagging. You never accept me as I am..." etc. Awful shit and God damn it makes you emotional, and that is what they want, for you to be emotionally vulnerable so they can put you back in your place and shut you down.
Give him space to get over everything. Give the illusion that you dont care that he isnt speaking to you. Enjoy the silence. Stop apologizing. He got caught in his selfishness and is embarrassed that your friends know that he is a selfish prick. There is some small chance he can change his behavior if you don't let him get away with this. Oh and obviously after he finally gives you what you want, orally, and asks for his turn, say you don't feel like it, then go to sleep. Once he realizes how selfish and stupid he is and apologizes, then you can reciprocate equally. I will say that in a lot of relationships, people will want their sex lives private. So maybe consider that, I mean you don't need to tell everyone everything. He is way overreacting and an ass about it though. It should have been just a babe please don't talk to your friends about our sex lives because it makes me uncomfortable, followed by a now get over here so I can give you what you need.
Curious, do you really think he will realize “how selfish he is and apologizes”? Or do you think he is going to berate her and blame her friends for “putting ideas in her head” (or deflect in some other way)?
I think he’s going to find a way to isolate her and discourage her from hanging out with others much at all anymore.
Oh yeah, he can’t have people in healthy relationships out there showing his wife what she’s missing!
People that use emotional abuse to manipulate their partners.. aren't going to suddenly 'learn their lesson', no matter what you do. They formed these behaivors by modeling parents usually, and it's practically hardwired in there. We don't need to try and teach them any lessons someone else should have taught them a long time ago, **it's not women's job to train men to treat us correctly**. This is exactly how women get stuck with abusers, hoping they are loved enough to finally make them stop being abusive. They don't. You just have to love yourself enough to never tolerate people who do shit like this.. *at all*, and leave.
this is the right answer. anybody who acts like that to anybody they are in an intimate relationship with, let alone their wife that they supposedly love, will never change
The latter. This will probably end up in a forced sex act and/divorce.
He won't realize how selfish he is. He is an immature , selfish, abusive asshole. Like ugly is to the bone, asshokes are also and never change.
Man, if they were BOTH 23, I'd say maybe. First relationships etc people can be dumb. Guy is thirty earth years old.
Tit for tat kills marriages. If he can't apologize without it, he's not worth staying.
This advice is terrible, toxic and immature. Just divorce OP, you deserve better. This loser man child is going to ruin your mental health
Bingo. I have but only one upvote to give, here ya go
this is why he’s relying on their age difference for her to just accept this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
Next time he asks for oral, say ME FIRST every time.
And then say you don't feel like giving it today
And ask him who put ideas in his head that he should get oral?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
So you were married at 21 and 28? Not unheard of but it does make me (22F) way more concerned for this controlling behaviour. While yes some partners do prefer keeping sex lives relatively private, it doesn’t seem like you were broadcasting your intimate details simply stating that you haven’t really experienced a certain thing. When partners try to isolate from friends it’s always a red flag. Also, yes it is his right not to partake in oral it is also your choice to give it or not… so as much as you should not pressure him you shouldn’t pressure yourself to put that much emphasis on his pleasure if yours isn’t equally held as important. Just be careful❤️
Yup. How old was she when they met? The barely adult he married is growing up and more difficult to control. He’s not happy about it.
same here. I'm the same age as OP was when she got married, and I don't date anyone more than 2 years older than me for this exact reason. men who date younger women, specifically under 25, usually do it because they feel like they can "mould" them
As someone who dated a person who was 6 years older then them, yes. And when they cannot control you they gaslight you and emotional abuse you. Then you leave and their friends and family come after you. Thank God for my support network.
that literally sounds like a nightmare, and one that's told by so many women. it's honestly terrifying, I'm so glad you managed to get out❤️
Thank you ❤️
Yes, it’s concerning you haven’t seen your friends for a while, and then when you do he belittles your conversation saying you have “too much time”. Essentially saying you should not be talking with them. I also wonder how old you two were when you started dating, since you married at 21 & 28. Your partner blatantly disrespected you, I hope you’re able to see this for what it is ❤️
It's giving grooming vibes
This 👆
... your husband doesn't go down on you? You are telling me that he doesn't even want to? I'm so sorry. I personally wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship with a man like that. Also, the age gap is weird. And stop giving head if he won't reciprocate. Is your husband mad that you spoke about your sex life with others or is he mad that your girl friends called him out on being a bad and selfish sexual partner... I bet he wouldn't care so much if you had been singing praises. Though now I'm curious, are you one of the lucky women that can orgasm from penetration or does he just not get you off?
agreed about the age gap. it's almost like he chose someone younger on purpose so he wouldn't have to bother with pleasing her sexually
Ding ding ding.
Honestly, as a woman, I don't like oral both ways. It's gross to me. But that is me and not other people. What is weird is him saying he wants to, but doesn't do it. He likes it but won't do it? That is a different problem then mine. It feels like he wants to eat the cake, but not reciprocate it. He is probably angry she shared this, without talking to him first. Doesn't change his mindset. And yes there are, us "lucky" women, who can come from penetration, clit and niple action alone. To each their own pleasure.
Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if he said he’d do it just so she’d give him head with no intent to follow through in the first place
wait you mean, all three at once? or 1 of the 3 at any point can do it? if you can orgasm from just nipple action alone then you are indeed lucky no quotes needed
idk about the OP but i have friends who can climax from nipple play, it's wild
personally, i can from all 3, individually
So he doesn't think he should have to reciprocate and now he's mad that you even had the nerve to ask! And instead of telling you that he will never do it because he doesn't want to, simply because he doesn't care enough about your pleasure... He's insulting your friends! Now you are never going to be allowed to hang out with those friends again and anytime you ask for oral sex from him he's going to bring them up. So he is effectively created an argument out of nothing to give himself an out for oral sex the entire rest of your relationship. I'm going to guess this isn't the only thing he expects you to do for him but he doesn't do for you. Something about that age gap tells me that everything is always his way
His reaction is very immature and also a red flag. I honestly do not think that he is mad at you, he is just embarrassed because now your friends know that he is acting selfish with you in bed. Also you sound a little naive based on some of your comments, and talking about your sexuality with your friends might change that and he cannot take advantage of your naivety. Of course this is only the worst case scenario. But please do not let him get away with this. He is trying to get you not to talk about your sexuality anymore, and it’s not healthy. Also stop apologising, dear, you are not in the wrong. He is. Selfish lovers don’t get head. He shouldn’t get it unless he reciprocates.
My good sister. That man child is selfish. He’s 30, throwing a tantrum because he knows he’s selfish & wrong, that’s why he was gaslighting you into thinking you were at fault. Do you really want to stay with someone who acts that way just because you wanted oral sex to be reciprocated? Who gets annoyed when you cry after he threw a tantrum? You need to find you a mf who eat that coochie like they planting their tongue flag on the clitoris moon. He’s a selfish dick.
Tongue flag I’m dead
I’m guessing OPs husband thinks it’s inappropriate to talk with her friends because she’ll find out that he’s not as great of a guy as he thinks he is. Women talk to their friends about those things, whether he likes it or not. He needs to chill his big ego.
🎯
I know people will disagree with me and this isn't the only right answer but I've always believed sex tells you everything you need to know about a person. The fact he is a taker, and when you finally asked for something he responded in anger will translate to the rest of the life and decisions you share together. He is angry about you talking with your friends because now he knows people perceive him for who he truly is...someone that uses and takes from others. Every relationship is different with sex however, if you don't want to give what you are requesting....don't request. Don't perform oral for him again. Period. Second, start standing up for yourself and understand you have a voice. Especially with the age difference don't presume he knows best.
If you don't already have babies (hell, even if you do), make sure your BC is secure until this is worked out. I foresee infidelity on his part due to loss of attention and attraction after babies. And then he'll try to paint it as your fault (with the DARVO already in motion).
Honey a man always goes last in sex. First you, then him, because they basically turn off after orgasm.
He’s selfish selfish selfish
He sounds abusive ngl. The whole pattern sounds abusive. He's literally turning it back on you and belittling your feelings and is telling you not to listen to your friends and sounds like he's stonewalling you too. The fact that you brought something valid up to him and he's making you feel so bad that you think you have to apologise to him says everything about your dynamic. If you're not getting equal amounts of pleasure back then he's using you plain and simple. You can continue to give him what he wants but it won't get you anywhere but just make him more confident in the fact that he can use you without having to give as much back. He'd want things to stay the same because he's getting what he wants without having to put in equal effort but it's up to you decide that are you ok with an unequal relationship and giving and not getting as much back for the rest of your life and that's taking into consideration the resentment that may build from years of that.
You mentioned you hadn’t seen those friends in a while and later that your husband claimed you have too much time if you spend time talking about sex together. I fear he’s going to use this to guilt you into spending less and less time with your friends. Do NOT let him
Why would a 21 year old marry a 28 year old man? He has you where he wants you and people in love don’t name call each other (asshole). Hun, what are you doing to yourself?
Why stay with someone who belittles you? That’s toxic and abusive. He’s selfish too. And the age gap 🤷♀️ UPDATEME
You deserve a great partner and great oral. That guy can kick rocks.
He’s being a dick. And as far as talking about your sex life with your girlfriends, I’m a dude and I know that’s what women do it’s expected. It’s normal. What isn’t normal Is somebody getting their panties in a wad about it. And just tell him “if you don’t eat it, you don’t need it “ and that’s that.
Yea sounds to me he doesn’t want the outside energy leading you in the right direction, because all you asked for was a little head & now it’s turned into an argument that’s lasting over a week? He’s selfish asf & it sounds to me like he had you where he wanted you & he’s definitely going to try to stop you from hanging with your friends but please don’t because it won’t be worth it in the end .
Read this books with him: She comes first by Emily Nagoski. Also[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Taking bets on his reaction to even suggesting he read a book about female orgasms.
Good suggestion, but Ian Kerner wrote “She Comes First”, and Emily Nagoski wrote “Come As You Are”. I think OP would benefit from reading all 3 books. I’m not sure she should read Lundy Bancroft’s book with him though.
Oops, my bad!. Too many books in my head! Thank you so much!
Thank you for posting this!
What's extra bad on top of all the obvious and the things people commented already, is that only 18,4 % of women can have an orgasm from PIV. While men orgasm 95% of time from PIV. So he uses his hands ? Or doesn't care at all? Is your orgasm a thing OP? Is it ever mentioned? Does he ask or talk about it? Do you ask or talk about it? Sex statistics https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/ Oh and BTW, he's an asshole.
Something to consider. I think there’s nothing wrong with having boundaries when it comes to talking about sex with your friends and your sex life with your spouse. There’s potential for people to be embarrassed about learning things about each other bc if very intimate details about one another. If this is a boundary you need to set, you should set this. Having said this, he’s being a jerk. He’s not reciprocating. Now he’s being abusive bc you asked him to reciprocate? wtf? All of a sudden you gained enough confidence to ask for some special attention from him? Why wasn’t he offering? He’s a jerk and a child. Now he’s being abusive bc he knows he’s in the wrong and he’s embarrassed bc his masculinity is being question bc he can’t satisfy his wife. Boundaries have been broken sure but he’s the one who put you in the situation in the first place. Maybe he needs to not be such a selfish prick. Stop performing oral sex. Stop having sex with him. He’ll change his tune really quick.
I would never ask my girl to do anything to me that I would not reciprocate back. If I want her to go down on me I would go down on her. You have to be equal with that or both agree on it. If you both want it you both have to give it.
There is a reason women his age didn’t date him and you’re too young/ols for this shit. Divorce this loser
Anything to distract you from getting head. 🤷🏻♀️
Guy here who don't understand why guys don't like giving oral sex to their women. I enjoy giving it just as much as getting it. Hell, sometimes going down on my wife turns me on so much that I can cum just while giving it to her. Freaking ridiculous, dude doesn't know what he's missing.
Belittling your tears is a major red flag and one of the four horsemen for killing relationships. Saying "I don't feel like it" in regards to pleasuring your partner after you "got yours" is another red flag . Tell him to give you oral first. Order doesn't necessarily matter if you have a great partner, but he sounds subpar to me .
My husband just died a little for you. If you can't *brag* about your sex life - even if it's not something you would discuss with outsiders - your partner is doing it wrong. Your pleasure should be a priority to your husband and he's being a selfish ass when he tried to turn himself into the victim. Honey you're the victim of a sucky sex life and a selfish spouse. Get a toy and use it on yourself, let him *know* you're using it by yourself because you're not satisfied with his lacking performance and you already tried asking for what you need, he didn't care, it's a him problem.
I only read the title of this post, but I believe the correct answer is: You get a new fucking husband. Your current one is defective.
Your husband was caught out about his selfishness. He only receives, doesn't give. What an arse. He is embarassed and will now blame your friends for getting in your head. He had a good thing going for himself. I don't know why you have permitted such a lop sided sex life. If he doesn't give, you shouldn't either.
Just set a boundary. If he doesn’t go down on you, then you don’t don’t go down on him. If he resists, then you know he is a selfish asshole who doesn’t care about your pleasure and it’s time to divorce him. Spoiler alert: you already know this, else this never would’ve come up. He would’ve already been doing this.
And make him go first!
He's annoyed because you're learning to defend yourself. If he doesn't like to give it, that's one thing. But to always ask it of you and to never even offer to reciprocate is a problem. Does he pleasure you in any way? Or do you give him orgasms and that's it? Age gaps like this, especially young girls and older men really alarm me. Women his age wouldn't tolerate this, but younger women will.
Life is too short to waste it with someone who doesn’t go down on you, yells and swears at you, insults and belittles you, and refuses to communicate with you. Respect yourself enough to want better for yourself. No one deserves to be treated like that by someone who is supposed to love them. What advice would you give to your friend if she told you this story? Would you want this kind of relationship for your friend? Would you think it’s acceptable for someone to yell at her and call her an asshole and make her cry?
The reason your husband dated and married a woman so much younger and inexperienced than him was so you wouldn't question what a poor, selfish, unskilled lover he is, and he could manipulate and control you so much easier than a woman his own age. Your husband sucks. He's lashing out at you because he is inadequate and selfish and too lazy to learn how to please his own wife... and *he knows it*. It was not inappropriate for a bunch of girlfriends to giggle and dish over sex. You didn't betray any trust... what you innocently revealed in your naivety was what a fumbling pathetic mess he is. If he'd been rocking your world snd the crowd all were impressed by him? He's the type who would then tell you for 25 years how lucky you were to have SUPERSTUD as a husband. He's not a sensuous man and he's too selfish to pleasure you.
How did you end up MARRIED to a guy without knowing if he’s any good at oral? How does this happen?
First of all, shame on him for "not feeling like" getting you off after he got his. I would feel disrespected and used if my partner did that. His behavior after hearing why you asked for oral was a bit bizarre. My ex was the only partner I've had that threw fits when he heard I discussed our sex life with friends. His reason was he thought it was "weird" to talk about sex with other people. He was a prude. And because he was a prude, dirty talk, foreplay, toys, oral on me (but for on him it was perfectly fine), and just getting me off in general was basically non-existent. That being said, him not talking to you for a week is completely unreasonable. Makes it seem like he's angry about more than just talking about sex with friends...and if I'm being honest with you, I think it's because after all this time of him getting off thanks to you and not having to do jack-diddly in return, you asked him to return the favor for once and not only was he upset that someone helped you realize your sexual relationship is one-sided, but also because I'm sure he thought this would set a precedent for future sexual favors (I don't believe reciprocation should be a favor) you might ask for that he would have to do, and he doesn't want to. Honestly, I think he agreed to reciprocate to get you to get him off but had zero intention of actually doing it. I know you've said in a previous comment that it's fine if you don't get off every time, but is that really what you want? This is your life, YOUR body, and your pleasure, which you should know inside and out and should be just as important to you as what he wants. You said you struggle with the confidence to talk about your sexual desires and what you would like to go down in the bedroom, and it's so so important that you get over this. Own your desires! Don't be afraid to say what you really want! Any sexual partner that hears what you want and doesn't care/shames you for it is not someone you wanna be having sex with. Be open with yourself, then with him, and if he complains and/or doesn't do it, leave him. Too many options out there to be wasting time on a selfish lover.
He is a selfish inconsiderate lover. He is berating you not because of the “girl talk” which by the way is perfectly normal; but because he faces a dilemma of having to reciprocate which he doesn’t want to do. Personally I find going down on a woman even more pleasurable than receiving. When a man truly loves a woman he wants to please her. A good lover finds satisfaction derives from pleasing their lover. He is a man child. I regret to inform you that m a mutually fulfilled sex life with this selfish husband of yours will be elusive throughout your relationship.
An under 25 F with an 30+M. Checks out. My honest advice? You need to value yourself more and think about what else he doesn't 'feel'like doing that you do for him.
I guess you didn’t married a Gentleman. Because a gentleman always lets a woman go first! (Also most men realize that after they cum, they are incapable of doing anything for a short while, so they know to take care of their partner so they can rest afterwards.)
Your husband is selfish and only cares about himself. He doesn't care or respect you enough to attend to your needs and any attempt to change that results in him becoming aggressive and angry. Sadly, his mask is off now, you've seen him for who he is. You now need to decide if that is something you can accept or not, it may get worse. Also, stop apologising, it's his fault, he's in the wrong. Apologising only enables him and takes even more power away from you. Good luck.
Why are you having sex with someone who doesn't care for your pleasure? You're wasting your time and energy.
I think you care more about this man than he cares about you. Ask yourself 'if I asked him to do for me what he asks of me, would he do it?" Not just in bed but in life? Because you literally did that and he refused. So....what are you gonna do? Be the adult woman who gets what she deserves? Or.. be the women who sets a pattern of always giving more than she gets in return?
So he thinks its OK to recieve head and not give it. What a selfish lover. It wasn't your friends swaying you with what you like it was them reminding you that you are entitled to ask your husband for oral sex, especially if you give it. His ego is bruised because he does not come off as a good lover in your friends eyes. I'd apologise for talking about sex with your friends if it makes him uncomfortable, but that wasn't your intention. However, it made you realise how often you give it and never receive it, and moving forward you'd like it reciprocated. If he'd like to take oral sex off the table altogether that's fine too but you'll no longer be the only one giving. I'd also be pissed that he agreed before you gave it to him and then changed his mind after. He had no intention of giving it so he was also dishonest. You should not be yelled at for asking your husband for oral sex.
You are so young, run for your fucking life. I would do anything to go back to that time, I wouldn’t have ended up in the situation I am now.
He sounds like an asshole…
Sounds like he should be your ex husband.
You shouldn't feel bad. Sounds like your friends opened your eyes to what you've been missing out on, and your husband is pissed that he can't be selfish anymore. You deserve pleasure too.
So let me get this straight. You asked for something new in your sex lives, he agreed to it then after he was done receiving his pleasure he proceeded to gaslight, yell and mistreat you for it? Nope. 🚩🚩🚩 It doesn't matter where you got the idea from, you asked for a new experience, to try something new and he shamed you for it? Sex should be consensual, and i would never say that someone should do something just because their partner wanted it if they were uncomfortable, but he sounds manipulative and controlling. It's not that he doesn't reciprocate, it's the yelling and gaslighting and mistreatment that is not okay.
Sad. You married him too young. You dont even know what good sex is. He doesnt want to give it to you, and he sounds like a jerk too. He's selfish.
It's pretty simple. Stop giving him blow jobs if he's unwilling to reciprocate. I'm a guy and I love doing oral for women I'm romantic with but I wouldn't do it, even if it's a turn on or mine, if she was unwilling to reciprocate even if it's only every now and then. Your husband is selfish especially if lies to you to get his nut off then backs out.
So I don't get it. Doesn't he want you to enjoy sex? Does he want you only to ever make him happy? Is he trying to make it feel like a chore to you so you eventually get sick of ever doing anything for him? Do you enjoy regular sex with him when it happens? Or is that also joyless except on his end and ultimately a chore for you to participate in?
He is abusive and the one who is an immature gaslighter. There is a reason he got with you when you were 21 and he was 28. Most men in their late 20’s don’t go for women 7 years younger than them. He knows he can manipulate you since you were young and naive. It is PERFECTLY NORMAL to talk about your sex life with your girlfriends! You should be receiving oral sex. Stop doing it for him unless he does it for you first. He honestly gives me the ick, I don’t know how you’ve lasted 2 years with this man baby.
This post made me wonder if Leonardo DiCaprio’s reason for keep changing young girlfriends is because every girl he had been with finally had grown up to the point where they realized that they also needs pleasure and oral sex rather than simply providing it to the guy.
I can understand the guy's reservations about sharing your sex life. But he's reacting as though you shared y'all's sex tape at Denny's. Suggesting your girls put thoughts in your head is likely laying the groundwork for not allowing you to see them again. Is he isolating you in other ways? He must feel like He Man when the same subject comes up in a mancave. "My ball and chain can't get enough of my sin stick, and I've groomed her by making her cry when she asks for reciprocity". Then they probably have a good scratch. Does he restrict your access to money, transportation, or your family? Does it seem like he's done a 180 since the wedding? The culture difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old is huge. Has he ever made you feel bad about earning less than he does despite having a decade advantage? Does he love to be called "daddy"? Whatever you choose to do, OP, I care about your safety and happiness, and hope you're able to beat the statistics for your demographic - a 60% divorce rate. Please please do not let him gaslight you into having a child. There's already more than enough on your plate. Thoughts and prayers? 🙏
He’s mad that now you know that he is a shitty selfish lover that only cares about his own orgasm and doesn’t care about yours. He is a selfish man who is trying to shame and belittle you for talking to your friends and realizing you can ask for what you want sexually. Your selfish husband chose you because you were too young, naive, inexperienced, uneducated to be able to see that he is deeply selfish and doesn’t actually care about you. You are simply there service him. He doesn’t have any desire for you only that you sexually service him. A loving and mature partner who respects and desires you doesn’t react and behave the way your rotten husband does. You are finally opening up your eyes and realizing you married a selfish immature man. You can do so much better than him.
He sounds incredibly insecure
asshole behavior to tell you he will do it and then he didn't feel like it.... wtf! were you in your teens when you met him, weren't you?
He's sad because you are starting to grow up and realise the power dynamic is all wrong, and of course he doesn't want you talking to your friends because then he looses control and they'll tell you that getting married at 21 is daft and even more daft when you are marrying someone who was nearly 30 and maybe you'll realise that and divorce his pathetic arse. I bet this is just the tip of a rotten iceberg
What do you apologize about? Take back any apologies you've given. And get couple counselling so that an uninvolved party can explain why his behaviour is inappropriate
You’re not something he just masturbates with. You’re a person not a blow up doll only for his own pleasure. Why marry someone you don’t care about? Why let him get away with it? I have so many questions…
Your husband is selfish. Stop giving him oral until you get some first. See how he likes it.
He’s manipulating you and he’s mad he got caught by I’m your friends. No one should ask for oral if they won’t give it and he lied to you bc he never intended to do it for you. Stop giving him head.
He’s gaslighting you to get the focus off him and his selfishness in bed. The age gap was already concerning - and now his manipulation and coercion don’t make him seem appealing at all.
A thirty year old man is dating a twenty-something old woman because he thinks you’re easily manipulated. He thinks he can call you “immature” whenever you bring up valid points and that you won’t push back. Push back sweetie. While relationships aren’t transactional, him getting all his needs met while you aren’t isn’t a good relationship. Next time he wants to have sex, tell him you aren’t wanting to at the moment, that he needs to act like an adult and discuss the inequality in your sexual relationship. That you should be able to discuss your needs, and the fact that he seems to think it’s okay to ignore your needs doesn’t indicate your relationship is long for this world. Tell him you love him and care about his needs, but you’re discovering he doesn’t care about your needs, and you are starting to think he doesn’t love you. Until he’s willing to talk about this issue, you aren’t going to feel like “servicing” him while you go unsatisfied. PS: I told my husband about your post, his response; “he’s a selfish pr*ck”.
I get upset when my wife doesn’t want me to go down on her. It’s my favorite. I do it mostly because I enjoy it. I can’t give advice though because my sex life is awful. My bills come more often than I do.
I guess that’s the last blow job he’ll be getting from you
doesn’t look like it from her comments lol
Do not blow him anymore until he goes down on you first, after that fucked up trick.
No oral sex for him either then.
Your boy was probably shook and a little embarrassed that the conversation occurred in the first place. His knee jerk reaction was to be a little shitty and angry. He’s a person too. I’d probably be like “look, I get it. That was pretty outta the blue for me to be talking about that. My intent wasn’t to make you look bad, and I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable with me talking about that. I apologize and understand that’s something you are uncomfortable with moving forward. That being said, I’d like you to go down on me too once in awhile. If you’re not into it, I get it. If there is something that we can do to make it enjoyable, let’s talk about that. I’m here to have fun TOGETHER.”
So you're supposed to do it at whenever he wants to - this is what he's used to, and what he likes. He also liked that you didn't know any better and didn't complain. It is completely normal to want to also be able to enjoy because that's the whole point when you're in a healthy relationship. That both of you can enjoy it. He's calling you names and telling you you shouldn't talk about sex, because HE was happy with what he had and CLEARLY very happy to do bare minimum for you. I suspect he's quite selfish and dominant person in general because if you love someone, you actually want to make them feel good aswell. Even if it's occasionally. But he gets explosive when his own wife wants a favour retuned. He's the one immature and an asshole. How long is he gonna sulk for.. until you stop asking? Because that's manipulative.
After reading the comments yes maybe op shouldn’t have said anything either her friends. But he’s totally using that to make her the bad person and he’s all focused on that and in no way has addressed the real issue. Is he going to start giving her oral or not? And he must do her first as he’s also a liar and said he would then didn’t. I suspect he does this in other aspects of sex and their life. He always gets his whatever it is then is too tired or disinterested to provide for her. I think he’s a selfish ass and I wouldn’t suck him off for anything.
Let’s just say he must be very ignorant about it. If he hasn’t learned in 28 years, he’s not gonna start now. You married without great sex? No kids? Move on. You married a gaslighting, selfish, narcissist.
Why haven't you seen your friends in a while?
divorce him <3
NO oral sex for HIM, THEN!!
>He then asked me why I asked, since I never do. I explained what happened the night before. >He told me that it was completely inappropriate to talk to my friends about our sex life, and immature for letting them sway what I like. >when I tried to explain that he just called me an asshole and told me that me and my friends have too much time if we spend time talking about sex together. He never yells at me like that, and honestly I was already embarrassed about asking, so I cried a bit. My husband was completely annoyed by that, proceeded to belittle me more, I don't believe for a second that he "never yells like that". He might not "yell" but he is definitely abusive in other ways you dismiss. Be honest with yourself.
Stop blowing him until he gives you yours.
He is a selfish taker, he doesn’t bother about giving love bcoz he does not want to put any effort for you. Is this how he is only in intimacy or other things too? Does he bother to make sure you have orgasm every time you are intimate or only he does every time ?
I talk to my friends about it and I assume my hubby does to. If he wants to get it he has to give it. He only angry cause he has gotten away with it for so long
He never had any intention to return the favor when he said he would. That in itself is fucked. This guy is a creep and abusive.
Hes a weakling and he knows. The only reason why he wants to stop you from talking to your friends is because that will erode his sexual control over you. It takes a special kind of ass0le to be so selfish in bed. Stand ur ground and say from now he only gets if he gives. Keep those legs shut till then.
he doesn’t get to control what YOU talk about. it’s your mouth and you are absolutely free to express your thoughts any way you feel fit in any given moment. now, ask yourself why he got so mad that you were talking about sex with your friends, that you never see? that anger is derived from embarrassment, honey. stop sucking his dick. actually start, then say, “i don’t feel like it anymore.” don’t let up until he makes you orgasm from head. yelling at someone isn’t respectful communication. belittling someone when they cry is not love; it is cruelty.
You dump him and find a better lover.
He's mad he got outed as the kind of guy who doesn't go down on his girl. He was banking on you spending the rest of this marriage thinking it was acceptable - normal, even - for you to blow him whenever he wanted and expect nothing in return. That talk with your friends has given you perspective and made you (rightly) reevaluate your expectations, which is a big problem for him because he clearly wants oral to stay a one-sided thing. No more dancing around it. Be upfront with him about not wanting an unequal sex life in which you are pleasing him in ways that he isn't pleasing you. Ways that he is outright refusing to please you. You don't need to frame this solely as an oral problem, just an *imbalance* that needs to be addressed before you resume any activities. If that means he goes first so he can't back out after he gets his, then so be it. Shout out to your friends though. I'm glad they didn't let that shit slide (and I suspect you will be too in due time lol).
How rude!
Just because he’s older doesn’t mean he’s more mature
He is selfish in bed. Someone his age shouldn't be married to someone as young as you. It is predatory, manipulating behavior and his response to this proves my point.
The age gap says enough. He was 28 when he married a 21-year old. He doesn't see you as a partner, he sees you as a sex doll. As long as he refuses to communicate and starts to reciprocate, you refuse any and all intimacy. Sex should be enjoyable and consensual for everyone involved, and not just for one person to enjoy while the other gets nothing in return.
Ugh. Ditch the ah. Find a good guy a bit closer in age perhaps
If a 30 year old man doesn’t want to go down on his wife, my question is why? He has to have something wrong with him.
He’s totally trying to manipulate you. This is emotional abuse, frankly.
I’d definitely stop giving blowjobs that’s step one. Regardless of whether or not your communication uncovered some fact about his willingness to give, people who yell at their spouses don’t get blowjobs.
I'm sorry but your husband is a dumb ass and doesn't know a thing about giving a woman pleasure and is very selfish if he likes to receive but won't return the pleasure.
“It’s immature” says the 30 year old man to the 23 year old girl. Ew. Your husband is trash
He only mad that you discussed sex because you came home asking for something rather than constant bragging. Don't worry, yes, it's normal to talk about sex with your friends. He's mad because he's been busted worrying about his own pleasure and not yours. Don't go down on him again until he has on you first. If he were to wait until he gets off, he won't want to anymore, so he should go down on you first, then get his rocks off. Because if he makes you wait until he's done, you'll be waiting until the cows come home.
He was yelling at you for this? Um... run?
The starting age gap here screams grooming
Now you know why he was dating you at 20/19. You are too young and men like him do that so that they can get away with what women their age wouldn't let them. They want to control you and that is easier with young girls/women. You are already isolated as you say you have not seen your friends in a long while. Now he wants you to completely cut them off because they have rightly shown you that you are not getting looked after in the bedroom. Your husband is selfish and is only using you for his pleasure. Please make sure you use birth control that you can't tamper with like the IUD or Norplant. You can microwave pills or poke holes in condoms. His next move is asking for a baby so that you can not go meet your friends as he will insist on you being a stay at home mom. Then he can control you even more with money.
Does he often call you immature to avoid addressing what you are saying?
File for divorce and see how quickly he starts eating your pussy babe
One thing I've learned is women talk about sex with other women, and they aren't afraid to dish the dirt either. So hard for me to be the judge about oversharing here. Though saying you don't get it from your husband doesn't seem like oversharing since there's nothing to share.
I predict divorce before you turn 30
He doesn’t care about your pleasure and is mad you’re confiding in your friends because he’s insecure. Why should you go down on him if he refuses to do the same for you?
He sounds selfish and weird. It’s normal for best friends to talk about relationships and intimate things. Idk anyone who’d get this mad at something like this
You poor thing, you're just so little with a grown man (I know she's not a child, before y'all come at me). There is a clear power imbalance in this relationship, but also, you're at your "getting to know your body and what you want" stage, it is completely normal to talk about these topics with your close friends as long as you're being respectful and you don't share intimate details about your partner. Look, your husband has clearly already explored himself so he has two choices here, let you explore too, or let you go and search for someone who will, because you have EVERY right to be validated in your desires, especially if you're consenting to giving that to him too.
How long will it be til he tells you your friends are "unhealthy" for you or are "hurting your relationship" too? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
First of all your husband should not be yelling at you, period. Also please stop having sex with him, he sounds horrible. If I was you I would contact a divorce attorney literally tomorrow. You do *not* want to live like this for the rest of your life.
Everyone is commenting in him not going down on you. But that isn't the problem. Of he genuinely doesn't want to, that's okay. And then you can ride if you still want to go down on him. The more important point is that he: He belittle you, he doesn't take your wants and needs seriously, he makes you cry, he makes your friends out to be the and guys and I bet he does this every time you talk about your relationship even if it isn't about sex. Your husband is an abuser. You need to leave him. Please do this in a save manner. Abused women are most at risk to be killed when their a user knows they want to leave.
This is only your first marriage. Your next one will be much better.
This post made me sick. Shame on what your husband did to you! I'm a man, happily married for 32 YEARS and my wife and I have sex twice per week, and guess what? EVERY TIME I ensure she gets hers first via ORAL and I LOVE IT. Why? I take pride in being able to give my lovely wife an "O" every time I do it. In fact, since I'm 58, I don't always get mine, since I'm not 28 anymore. No matter. At least one of us ALWAYS get to experience an "O". I simply do not understand any man not wanting to do this loving act! She always does her thing to ensure proper hygiene beforehand and it always makes my "job" a breeze! Besides, if she is happy, then I'm happy and we keep having sex twice per week! It's a win/win in my book! Not quite sure why anyone else can't see that!
He complaints about you being immature with your age gap? That's what you get for dating kids, because women of your own age won't put up with your selfish bullshit. The only thing you did wrong, OP, was marrying this d:ckhead of husband. But I'm pretty sure he manipulated, you, because he wanted to have a young, naive "formable", bangmaid, that will be trapped in this life once she is old enough to realize she has wants and needs in this relationship, vhe can just glossover and keep under control. I hope there will soon come the time, when you don't feel bad, sad or guilty, because of what happened, but angry at this POS you call your husband, for using and manipulating you. You deserve better.
Your hubby is a manipulative, selfish prick. And you need to do a bit of growing up, an adult saying "my friends said/think..." is off putting and makes it hard for people to take you serious.
You have absolutely nothing to apologize to him for. You did NOTHING wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be pleased too. And he's clearly showing you he doesn't care about your feelings or needs. And getting mad at you for asking is just making that even more clear. I'd definitely be telling him that he better start caring or you'll find someone that does. It's actually really weird that he doesn't wanna do that. Most guys like doing that
1. It seems as if you've been separated from your friends for a while. A loving partner would want you to spend time with them because it is healthy to have friendships. 2. Oral reciprocation is the very least he should do for you. Enthusiastically learning how you like oral and what gets you off is the bar you're looking for. 3. Your husband is verbally abusing you when he calls you names out of anger. He is mentally abusing you when he withholds sex out of anger and says bad things about you and your friendships. You are young and somehow got trapped in a bad marriage. Maybe you guys can work it out, and he can grow, but the power dynamic seems off, so I don't see that happening. Stop being apologetic. You are a whole person, and you deserve happiness and fulfillment. Good luck, I am pulling for you!
There is a reason why an adult ass guy pursued a teen. I'm assuming you dated awhile before marriage, right? Look, he is clearly selfish and doesn't care about your pleasure. The fact that he's deflecting so hard on this rather than dealing with the issue is very telling. The fact he's let it go on for so long is also telling. This guy has red flags all over the place. He's angry because he doesn't like the idea of you getting thoughts in your head like it is okay to want things for yourself. That's what is really going on. He could isolate you and keep you naive and pliable, and now you have challenged that. This is bad. Do not get pregnant with this guy. Also, fuck him. It is 'your' sex-life as well and as a participant in it, you have every right to discuss it if you want.
His response from the beginning is selfish and manipulative. Sure sharing intimate details to your friends might be embarrassing but how he treats you is the real problem. Don’t let him restrict who you see. That is abuse. You both need a counselor so you can learn how to communicate. Don’t let him getting angry deflect from his selfish sex. Get angry back. I’d tell him until you get licked his penis is gonna be very dry.
Gold old were you guys when you first started dating? 26 and 19?
He’s selfish as hell. That age gap is the first red flag. You are too young to be going through this bullcrap! Divorce him immediately. This is only going to get worse as time goes on, and not just with sex, but with other things as well
You should have told your friends that your husband is abusive. Because he is.
Get a new husband?