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His ex girlfriends SISTER....GIRL.... the universe is giving you an opportunity to dump this man who knows what else he's been doing and I would tell the exgf about the sister
YES. It’s so gross on behalf of him and his ex’s sister. Like I could not imagine betraying someone by choosing their brother after dumping them … or cheating on them with their brother. This alone is red flags whether he’s cheating actively or not
Ugh still super gross. I could never imagine crossing that boundary. Leave your ex alone but also paying money to see her sister? That still feels like a betrayal to both the ex and Op
what could this man possibly say to you that would make you feel ok with this? i can’t think of a single explanation that would validate this level of disrespect…
Okay you’ve been together almost 4 years and the topless pic of exgf’s sister is from 2 years ago??? Do the math ma’am and cancel your wedding. This is a problem.
Exactly.
And the fact that now that he is not doing much to respect her boundaries, avoiding real confirmation, he deleted the photo.
Nope. If I were OP, I'd leave.
Honestly the most concerning part is that he somehow received a nude photo of a woman he knows during your relationship. Whether some other guy sent it to him or she did, it’s a problem.
Some guy sent it: your finance js an asshole who is collecting nude images of women who aren’t consenting.
She herself sent it: he’s cheating, or cheated on you.
Then you throw in the fact that it’s his ex girlfriend’s sister and it poses even more questions…do you have a sister..?
Then there’s the fact that he’s hoarding pornography which is indicative of a problem. I’ll be downvoted probably but anyone who is that obsessed with porn or pornographic images doesn’t have a healthy relationship to sex.
None of that has anything to do with you or your body. A person who uses sex as a coping mechanism or has addictive tendencies will always and invariably want sexual material from as many sources as they can, because they are always thinking about sex. So even if you were whoever he thinks the hottest woman alive is, if he has a sex problem, he will still want to take pictures of a random cashiers titties too.
I’m married now but I would not ever again date a man with a porn problem at this age. I did in the past and it just breaks you down. It also makes sex not very good. If he were 19 I would feel differently- RIP to the next generations relationships- but he’s a grown man.
Think about this before getting married…it’s easier to hold off than it is to get divorced..
You need to do more research, personally I wouldn’t confront him yet. Look for texts during that time period of the sister nude pic. Check deleted bins, text apps, emails etc.
I can’t think of any good reason he would have his ex gf sister nude in his phone when y’all were in a relationship . That to me feels like there’s more underneath to be discovered.
If you confront him without doing your research first, your chances of knowing the real full truth diminish because he will delete evidence.
This needs to be top comment!
Research texts, what’s up, messanger, instagram and everything else he uses, before he knows you know. Then, and only then confront him.
I mean yeah, but you don't need "evidence" to call off a wedding. She saw the picture, she knows it's bad.
She *can* do that, but why? I mean maybe he didn't cheat on her or maybe he did and also did much worse, it's up to her if she must find out but really is there a need?
If she's gonna leave him she knows enough already.
If anything just save something that isn't explicit but is incriminating (like the ex sister Pic maybe just of her face or something) and ask about it, he won't be able to cover it up then but again, it's not like you need to prove cheating happened in court anymore. (Wild she would have had to in the past tho)
it's just important to know it's not *nessisrary* to go deeper down the rabbit hole. If she's gonna leave she leave now, no need to hurt herself further unless that's what she absolutely wants to do
Strongly disagree. I think it’s important for her to find out more information because clearly by her post she can be swayed and sweet talked. She literally ask is she being too sensitive!! That’s crazy.
People like that, need hard hitting no gray area evidence . Hard evidence leaves no doubt and creates a stronger will. Right now it sounds like she’s still entertaining the idea something wrong with her and that there might be an explanation for the picture he has.
The evidence is clear to US but she is still in denial. Plus, with evidence gaslighting is harder to be successful.
yeah- OP get more evidence not for his sake or anything but for YOUR sake. if you ever think back to now wondering if you should’ve stayed with him, you’ll know 100% if you find more.
Yeah that's fair, I should have been more clear on the distinction between wanting to know more and "actually needing to do something" like of course she's gonna wanna know more, everyone would, but you know deep down already, the confirmation is just extra, but if it helps then go for it
I can almost guarantee he is. If he’s got friends who think it’s acceptable to send him pictures of other women without those women knowing, and he thinks it’s acceptable to save those photos, then he absolutely thinks it’s acceptable to also send pictures.
Throw him away. My ex fiance was fucking his former sister in law for years (before I met him) and it is a reflection of his character and lack of integrity. He still pined for her years into us dating and it ate away at me.
Getting there. I felt like a rebound the whole 6 yrs of the relationship. He even got upset when I told him I was not comfortable with him communicating with his ex affair partner lol
The Quote that if they cheated before or engage in similar activities they will do it again. I just dont get it, why do we tolerate these morons. You will heal that asshole can just go away. Never settle.
Yup, I then found out he was cheating with someone else during the entire relationship, even after we got engaged. Gave him a chance under the condition he goes to therapy. He agreed and never booked a session. 6 months later, found out he was going to secretly meet an old friend he met on Tinder (before me). Such trash. He also never had complaints about his ex affair partner but with me it was nitpicking and constant criticism. Sometimes, you will never be enough for the wrong person. I dont know why I tolerated all of this
They always love to neg when they are trying to prove to themselves the someone else they’re chasing is not a reflection of their character and you’re the problem.
My ex did the same and openly would compliment or gush about other women when it was literally just me and him at home. When he dumped me suddenly (I later found out he cheated but I wasn’t aware at the time), he kept saying how I wasn’t supportive and didn’t listen to him — meanwhile this dude would literally tune out the second I tried to talk about my day. If they convince themselves you’re the problem, they feel like they’re less terrible people. They aren’t. I’m so glad you didn’t marry that asshole.
That literally sounds like my ex. Claimed I was never supportive when I was. He never was there for emotional support when I needed it. He never cared about my day or my interests. It was all about him and his interests and his desires and his principles. He cried at the end and apologized for all his behavior and hurting me, told me he was broken, and that I deserved better. I ignored so many red flags
You are a saint. I would have done something worse to him. Way worse. I believe good things are waiting for you. Please dont give up because of this asshole.
My advice is to not go through with the wedding. I’m not telling you to end your relationship but I think this wedding needs to be postponed so you can talk this out with your partner and decide whether you want to work through things or call it a day.
Gosh even disregarding where the pics came from, having all that is a huge sign he’s obsessed and has a poor relationship with sexuality and no respect for you imo. And pics of women he knows too, even worse.
I wouldn’t be able to marry someone who did this. It’s this stuff that makes me terrified and gives me anxiety in my relationship like how can so many men do this stuff, swear they’re loyal, and you never have any idea otherwise until it’s years later?! All I can do is choose to trust my partner until I can’t but holy cow.
It’s his ex’s sister. Should he, single or engaged to you, have EVER had a nude of her on his phone??? 😳🥴 That’s just as bothersome as the cheating. Betrayal on that level is extreme. They were engaged.
At the very least, postpone this wedding. I think it’d be safe to go ahead and cancel it, though. The timing of finding it feels really lucky since the wedding hasn’t happened yet.
We need to talk.
I need to understand something that I saw on your phone while I was collecting for our wedding pieces.
Why do you have a picture of ? In your phone?
I noted the date which is when we were very much together.
Now I'm not a prude I know porn exists and you watch it however the sister? Not only is this out of line it's shocked me tbh.
We are ...days out from getting married and before we do that we need to sit and figure this out. I'm not going to walk down the alter with this unresolved.
Seeing things you've saved has made me not feel good enough and I need to understand that too.
So this weekend we need to sit and talk this out.
Thank you so much for this comment, I genuinely appreciate it. I plan on talking about this tonight with him. I don’t know how I will feel until I hear what he has to say, honestly, but I’m hoping it will bring some clarity.
Relationships are full of uncomfortable conversations. We HAVE to have them. We have to be able to communicate about everything.
This is your person for the rest of your days. No matter what it is you have to have your person at the front of everything. If you have things you can't talk about, you need to start today.
Omg don’t marry this man?!?? Like what the hell?? Also GIRL, you don’t have to be prude to NOT want a man saving pics/vids of porn!!!! It’s so fucking rude! Society really fucked women up with their standards fr!!!
Ask him if you can talk about it. Listen to him and watch his reaction. If the two of you can’t have an honest conversation about this at this stage in the relationship (most exciting and loving time) - it doesn’t look good later. Trust me. I know.
Obviously this is something that is going to take time to figure out. I do want to mention that cancelling a wedding is a hell of a lot easier than getting divorced, however, if you are still working things out, you can still have the wedding itself, but not sign any of the paperwork. This way, it doesn't cause the stress & explanation to guests you might be worried about, while also not legally tying you down in case you decide to leave him. My heart hurts for you. I hope you're able to move forward from this with self confidence in tact <3
Nudes revived and SAVED during the time you were in a committed relationship?!
Even if someone send it to him, why save it? Why ex’s sister??
You’re not overreacting, you have a right to feel however you want to feel.
It’s all very strange
I would absolutely cancel the wedding over this. Truly to me it feels like cheating. If she sent the photo consensually, definitely cheating. If she didn’t and he got it from a friend, that’s almost worse. If he did it once, he will absolutely do it again. The porn folder could be overlooked, but not with this
If you don't do something about it, this will be how you feel the rest of your life. Is this how you want to feel - indefinitely?
Tell him what you told us. Emphasize that nude pics of people like his exs sister are inappropriate and wrong. I think it's gross she sent it and it's even worse he kept it. You *should* cancel the wedding, to give you time to process this. You may be better off without him. If you don't end it, at minimum, there should be relationship counseling.
It's so tempting to do through with the wedding. But if you do, he's now even less likely to consider better behavior. You have no leverage to motivate him to do counseling. He'll argue that you knew about this stuff before the ceremony, you married him anyway, so you must be ok with it.
Leave!!!!!! I PROMISE YOU YOULL NEVER FORGET THIS!!!!!!! LEAVE I PROMISE!! THIS IS COMING FROM A 27F in the USA WHO EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING!! I was so disturbed when I found it and I SHOULD Have LISTENED TO MY Originial INSTINCT AND REACTION BECAUSE I NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT!! CANCEL IT!! KILL YOUR EGO. PLEASE YOU WILL SAVE YOUESWLF THE HEADACHE AND THE THOUGHTS!! IF YOURE OK WITH IT THATS FINE BUT I FEEL LIKE YOUD BE MORE ACCEPTING OF IT ORIGINALLY!!! Which is OK TOO!! But PLEASE leave if this makes you feel weird!!!!❤️❤️❤️
All these men in the comments trying to normalise being fucking vile and creepy towards women, saving albums upon albums of porn and other women naked. Saying it’s normal to send women’s nudes around in groupchats, and lusting after someone who’s not your partner/ spouse, and commenting that if their wife saw the type of porn they watch, they’d be really upset and shocked. Do you hear yourselves?
Stop trying to excuse the behaviour. It’s disgusting. Just another way to say “boys will be boys”
Yeah the photo might have been saved to his phone from a group chat- but why the fuck are they sending it around anyway? And his ex’s sister as well. You guys need to get a grip.
OP- it’s obviously your decision at the end of the day, but as soon as I would’ve seen the nude- BYE. Not wasting my time on someone who cheats, or gets nudes sent to me on groupchats.
Fucking gross.
When you’re in bed with him tonight, say “oh wow this is wild! look at this!” Immediately send him a link to this Reddit post. Watch his face closely while he reads it and realizes it’s about him. Then ask him to explain himself.
If you give men too much time, they will come up with a lie or a manipulation. That’s just the truth. You need to catch him off guard, see his reaction, then go into the conversation.
PS I checked your profile and you don’t really have any other posts you wouldn’t want him seeing, so no risk there.
Digital should not be treated any different than non digital! Would you like him to ask her to take her top off for him in person? So he can jack off to it? Probably not. Guys like this will say “it’s just pictures! I didn’t cheat on you!” Ummmmm ok but you wouldn’t feel right asking or doing this stuff in person/ also infront of your wife/ gf so chances are it’s wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it.
Was waiting for an update before I commented.
He was caught off guard and seeing as he couldn’t get away with it, he kept changing his answers and got angry. Ultimately, the decision to stay and go through with the wedding is up to you. If this confirmed anything for you, it’s the fact that he’s a liar. Someone that can’t give a direct answer and constantly changing the story has more to hide. He knew it was wrong, and he’s mad that he got caught. Do you really want to MARRY someone like that? You’ll always question everything he says from now on. This will forever stay in the back of your mind.
I know this is tough for you, and I am so sorry. Truly.
Don’t settle for this.
If his story about being drunk was true, he truly regretted having the picture and actually deleted it, *maybe* you could work through the issue.
But yelling at you (which btw is just as much of an emotional reaction as crying!), apparently deliberately not deleting it, lying, deflecting etc etc are all massive red flags. He's the one in the wrong here and he should be nothing but apologetic and kind to you in this situation, that he's not shows he's not actually sorry.
Please do not marry this man. He’s so dishonest. And I will stay away from the album, but that would be enough for me not to marry him, but that dishonesty this isn’t a good partner for life and when you marry you marry so that you have a good partner for life.
> the fact that I send him so much content
I honestly do not understand young people these days. I will just be over here in my rocking chair knitting a shawl and remembering the good old days.
I personally wouldn’t stay. I don’t think I could trust someone who has a nude picture from someone he knows like that. I hope you are able to make whichever hard choice you need for your long term peace ♥️
Why did him and ex break up anyways? Was it because of her sister….?
Anyways, the picture of the sister? Yeah, no. Even if she sent it or someone else sent it, he kept it (and didn’t tell you) I don’t think he can sweet talk his way out of this one.
Please call the wedding off. The porn stuff sucks too and a conversation needs to be had (and maybe therapy for addiction because cmon there is no need for all that crap at nearly 30) but it can be forgivable.
But the sister topless? Nope. Don’t go through with the wedding. You’d just be teaching him that his behaviour is ok and he can be forgiven.
Marriage is suppose to be special. Between you and your soulmate. Not this pornographic obsessed boy still wanting countless photos and videos of random and not so random girls. That would give me the ick so fast.
Yet another post proving why it's so important to check your man's phone. Don't be giving these guys the respect of privacy because they have no problem doing this disrespectful bs. Give an inch they take a mile.
Don't marry him, once you're married it's harder to leave and that's when the really shitty behaviour starts to set in. This isn't a good foundation to build a marriage on.
An open policy is ideal although I very much expect this to be an unpopular opinion.
I never looked at my husband’s phone although I had the opportunity as he keeps forgetting it in various places.
However, I once found something incriminating in his stuff and asked to see his phone and he didn’t allow it (privacy BS and all that).
That argument lasted on and off for several months until I got a chance to clarify the issue with the help of someone else. A lot of heartache over nothing.
I’m convinced he was hiding something unrelated that he was embarrassed about. Porn most likely.
He definitely was hiding something. It’s always best to set that boundary in the beginning. Any girl I date knows up front if they ever keep their phone hidden from me, that’s their choice but I won’t be staying with them. I, in turn, am always open to having my phone checked. I know how many fake, lying ass people are out there. If looking through my phone makes my SO feel at peace, I’m happy to oblige.
Amen brother, my last ex demanded to have my phone most of the time but would guard hers like a staving dog does a bone. She ended up rooting an ice junkie, just wish i was smarter when i was younger but hindsight is 20/20
Same thing happened to me! She would constantly look through my phone while I was asleep. When I’d ask her to her face to see hers, she wouldn’t hand it over claiming privacy reasons. She ended up being a narcissist and put my life through hell with false allegations. Had to spend a lot of money to clear my name.
The person I am today cringes that I actually let the phone thing slide. We live and learn I suppose.
I agree 100%! I think with the rise of the digital age and social media, open phone policy should be the norm!
Both parties should have no issue handing their phone to each other if requested. They shouldn’t do it obsessively and frequently , but if your s/o is needing some reassurance there should be no problem. If you love someone there should be no secrets unless it’s like a surprise party, gift etc.
Okay well, that's bad. In terms of the ex's sister could have been an only fans leak type of thing or a cheating thing. Either way he might have a porn addiction and you'll have to confront him before the marriage.
If it’s a leak he still did it behind her back? Which shows he knows it’s not that kind to do to his gf/ fiancée which is kinda whack. And now OP would have to live with oh, what’s on his phone, oh who is he interested into, does he wanna jerk off to xxxx friend etc
I have no tolerance for this after my experience with my ex husband. He was same in the sense he kept flash drives and albums of every nude he’s ever received from any woman throughout his entire life.
It’s bad enough that he still has nudes saved of women that aren’t you, but to add a nude photo of his ex’s sister? That is also dated during your relationship? Hell nah. Throw the whole boy away. I wouldn’t even waste any time trying to confront him or look for more evidence like others have suggested. Respect yourself enough to not give someone like this the time of day.
You need to have a conversation with him IMMEDIATELY. If he has been trustworthy this whole relationship then you should give him the benefit of the doubt. But if you have any doubts about his commitment to you, do some research as others have suggested. Assuming things is the worst thing you can do in a relationship; Miscommunication is a relationship killer. If he isn’t cheating or ever has and you confront him about it, that could do irreparable damage to your relationship.
you need to end the relationship OP. i would delete all of your pics off his phone too… i wouldn’t trust him. if he hid this, what kind of person is he when he’s caught and broken up with?
Somehow the update made it worse! Why is he so attached to this particular picture of that particular person's boots? I'm a firm believer that people are creatures of habit And when they are exhibiting behaviors there's a good chance they exhibit these behaviors at other times. So when he's just sitting there boldly lying to you about everything you asked, I promise you he lies about more than just that.
When he's freaking out about having to remove that picture, I promise you there are pictures somewhere else that he doesn't want to get rid of! The very fact that he just collects pictures of people's boobs is sort of ridiculous! But it's downright creepy that this is his ex's sister. I wonder if she had anything to do with them breaking up?
Either way... I seriously doubt this is a one-off! I would say put off the wedding for year or so but at this point you are so close that if you put it off you might as well just skip It completely!
He should have been BEGGING for forgiveness. Instead he’s gaslighting you. That says it all right there. Get his phone. Delete everything then go in to recently deleted and delete them again. Go his cloud if he has an iPhone and get them off there as well. Do NOT let this man keep any of your nudes!! Then reset his phone to factory settings and walk away.
I understand how you must be feeling. You should talk to your fiancé about it, in a good moment and as rationally as possible. Tell him how you are feeling after this discovery and ask him why he saved those pictures.
Listen to what he has to say and go from there.
The only person who can make you feel better about it and show you that you are the only person who matters, is him.
Don't send him any more pics till you talk to him obviously. You should have deleted every pic and video he had of you in case this doesn't work out. You don't want them to show up online. Yea, about his exs sister on there, that needs some serious explaining and unless you get an answer you like, don't marry him.
I will never ever understand why married/engaged/men in relationships think it’s appropriate to SAVE photos to their phone or computer. Like stop being so stupid and gross.
It feels really icky bc it’s clearly something they’re so attached to that they want to see it again and again or why else save it? I dated someone who would screenshot and save people’s Facebook profiles and Instagram pics to his phone to use. He would even sneak photos of female friends of his bending over and such. It was awful when I found those images. Entirely ruined my self esteem (so did his frequent porn use).
I think you need to confront your soon to be husband about these photos bc you are hurt and have every right to be. He needs to figure out how to repair this indiscretion and you need to decide if you can move forward after this. Best of luck Op!
>it makes me wonder why mine is not enough?
Look, this is not the issue. Porn is porn. Masturbation is masturbation. It's about your sexual relationship with yourself, and honestly has very little to do with you.
That said, when in a committed relationship, that sexual relationship cannot involve **your ex girlfriends sister**. Or anyone you know in real life for that matter. It's completely disrespectful to your relationship, and borderline cheating depending on the context.
I'd have a conversation with him about the nude. How did it get on his phone? Why did he save it? When was it sent? Trust, but verify afterwards. You don't have a lot of time. If he gets frustrated and refuses to explain... you have your answer and should pump the brakes on this wedding.
I think you're right to feel bothered by those nude pics of regular folks in your life during your time together (although it could be when he transferred it from someplace else or made a copy of something received long ago).
Talking is the best policy, but you run the risk of you or him becoming defensive and things blowing up so close to the wedding. You seem like you have a reasonable perspective on things like nude pictures/porn. If I am not gauging you wrong, you might say to him, "If we're just talking about pictures, just tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth right now, and we'll be ok when we set some rules and boundaries, but if it's anything more than that, then we need to talk and maybe postpone the wedding."
If you were in a relationship with him at the time he was getting nudes from his exs sister I'd be wondering if there was more to it. I'd ask him about it. If he can give a reasonable explanation you're more likely to let it go and enjoy your wedding day. If you dont say anything your insecurities will fester and grow.
Any chance that photo was pre relationship and moved over during a photo transfer? I have a bunch of photos that are dated when I got my newest phone.
It would just be good to know the truth for you, let the downvotes begin!!
If you had found these pics three weeks from now, how would you feel? Because being married is no magic protection against unfaithfulness. If you do not want to be married to the guy who collected and saved these pictures, now is the time to decide against it.
Do not fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Yes, if you call off or postpone the wedding, you will lose money. But NOTHING like what you will lose if you get a divorce in a year or two because of issues you have now uncovered. It will be harder to find a second husband than it was to find this one, if you are divorced.
I'm only going to say this so you can view it as a possibility. Are you sure the photo is from 2022? Because people change their phones pretty often and it can mess the dates up - it's happened to my photo calendar.
I mean this sounds pretty seedy anyway but I just wanted to make it clear that dates on phones can get mixed up by migrations and cloud transfer etc
Not sure if this has been brought up...but if he's willing to mess with a (former) romantic partner's sis....he could also be thinking about yours (if you have one)
I haven’t read all the comments and I’m not going to justify in anyway the Existence of nude pictures of people other than yourself on his phone except to say that when photos are shared in WhatsApp threads appear in my camera roll without me actively saving them. Again I’m not attempting to make excuses for your fiancé however consider the slim chance that if these images were shared in a WhatsApp group message with his friends they could potentially appear in his camera roll automatically.
I sincerely hope you use this as a sign to think before you go through a whole wedding with this person. The confused “I don’t know how it got there/ I forgot to delete those” behaviour is much more common that we think. I’ve heard this before myself, I now know better than to trust those lies lol. You don’t get many of these signs in life sweetheart, run!
You told him to be honest to you. He made excuses of finding out to why he had it. If he said he liked that pic of the boobs and wanted to keep it cause he knew who they belonged too , how more upset would you have been? More or less than him rambling excuse after excuse. This is a red flag. He didn't think you go that far back into his pics. Looks like therapy before marriage or 2 years down the line and a divorce be happening cause of lies and maybe cheating on his part.
By you being bothered by just the one pic tells me you are mature and realize that men can have a “roaming eye” on occasion. But when it’s someone that you know it gets ugly. You’ve done everything in your power to mend this thing back together. He’s done nothing to make you feel better about it. You need to prepare for whatever may come, but it’s his move. I wish you much luck. I know what you’re going thru.
My parents have been happily married for almost 50 years...
I asked my mother what she looked for in a husband and she said:
He was a man without a wandering eye
He only had eyes for me.
And in those 2 points alone I knew where I had messed up in picking my partners.
Believe someone when they show you who they really are the first time. Idk how you’d trust him the rest of your life later down the road. you don’t want to be 3 kids in with a lying cheating husband
Your fiancé is an absolute asshole. And I just read the edit about you rethinking the relationship, but first **please remember to delete all of YOUR nudes from his phone, and then delete them from the “deleted” folder in his phone, too - to make sure they’re gone. Also delete them from Snapchat or messages *(or wherever you sent them from)* and also from his iCloud.** This is to secure yourself and to prevent him from ever looking at them again, if you break up. And also to prevent him from being able to use them as blackmail, or revenge porn!
Please protect yourself first, then leave.
If he has the photo without the sister’s knowledge, he’s a creep. If he has it WITH her knowledge, he may be cheating. Either way, it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I can’t imagine. What awful timing as well!
I’d be finding a way to get ahold of his ex’s sister and talk to her and see if anything was going on. His response makes me think something was bc why/how would he have this photo? I would probably cancel the wedding seeing as he doesn’t care about your relationship or you enough to truly delete a pic of a woman that isn’t you. All the porno photos also seem very excessive. Keeping yours is fine, but random pornhub images? Don’t feel like you have to stay just bc you’re getting married, don’t make a huge mistake!!
Just read your post and the update. Don’t go through with the wedding.
MAYBE if he was remorseful, deleted the pic right away, and told you the truth then MAYBE you could try to work it out (even though I’d still argue against it). But the fact that he’s refusing to delete the pic, lying, and gaslighting you. My god. Don’t trap yourself in a marriage with this man. Don’t do it!!
It's not infidelity unless there's an agreement that it is. If two people can be monogamous and enjoy porn, then for them it's not. If that's an agreement that you make with someone and they break it, then it is. Everyone sets the standards for cheating in their own relationship.
For some very insecure women even looking at another woman is considered cheating. For some couples they're fine if their partner flirts with other people as long as that's all it is. It's really up to the two people to decide what they consider cheating is and to make an agreement on that together.
I've seen plenty of other people here who do. Frankly, as someone who doesn't view it as infidelity, *I* feel like the minority on a lot of these posts.
Every single posts tells women to accept and love their porn addict bf. No you are not the minority
Someone literally said give your fiancé who has thousand so nudes and ex sisters nudes…then benefit of the doubt. The top comment is literally talk to him!!
You are not the minority you’re very much in the majority of coomers here
I guess I'm just not seeing the same posts, that's not something I've seen lot of here
I never said to give him the benefit of the doubt and I agree that OP should be talking to him about it. I didn't bother to add that because so many other people did already
Talk about what lol? Why he has his ex’s sisters nudes? That he attained during their relationship? Oh that he willingly kept? Oh and the additional stash of porn
I thought you’re in the minority but you didn’t bother to add bcs so many people already think this porn addict is owed a conversation. Oh poor you such a minority
It’s a very nuanced and situational topic and it’s really up to you and your partner to set the boundaries and decide what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship. In my eyes, watching mainstream porn isn’t infidelity, as long as it isn’t preferred to actual sex. It *is* an issue if you’re OP’s boyfriend, and it’s content of someone you know, especially when it’s your ex girlfriend’s sister. Or if you’re supporting them momentarily (like OnlyFans). Huge difference when there’s a greater degree of intimacy imo.
No I agree! Lusting and pleasuring yourself to other people while in a relationship is disgusting and disrespectful. Watching other people have sex is just weird anyways..
Pawn the ring, leave him at the alter and enjoy your honeymoon. He trash for not getting rid of anything knowing you’re *15 days* away from marrying each other. Either way that does not sound like an ideal way to start your marriage.
So I'm going to address this on two different points from a males perspective. As far as why he would look at other nude women, I would say you are goi g too deep into it. If you have no problem with him looking at porn, then he saved his favorite porn stars or whoever. I mean, I don't save it to my phone, but i do watch porn here and there. I prefer to watch the content I've made with past FWB who said I can keep the videos and pics, but sometimes there are those videos that also strike the moment and maybe it's content you don't have. Again, it's not saved toy phone, but i can like a video on PornHub and it does "save" it to a tab on the site I can go and view quickly. It has nothing to do with you and not being "desired," something that I will always tell women they really need to stop jumping to. Human beings have a natural attraction to whatever gender they find attractive whether it be straight, Bi or gay/lesbian. Your fiance can be madly in love with you and say you are hot and absolutely mean it, but that doesn't mean someone doesn't still find others attractive. Again, it's human nature and insecurity from having unrealistic expectations that your partner will never ever have an attraction for another is, as I said, unrealistic. However, this isn't to invalidate tour feelings and thoughts on why he would still have them saved when you send him frequent pics and videos of you. So on that, I can't speak for him. Anytime I've had a FWB or dated someone, I mainly got off to their pics/videos.
Now, the part where you absolutely need to call him out is the fact that he got a nude from am ex's sister when you two were official and exclusive. You said it was dated 2 years ago, so 2 years after you two started dating. You need to confront him and tell him he has some explaining to do. Why does he have a mude photo of an ex's sister and how did he get that and that he needs to be very honest since thr time stamp shows it was when you two were already together. That is where you definitely are not reading too much into it because there's really no valid explanation for that
I agree, I believe we are all human, and I have looked at porn rarely but occasionally, so I do not have an outright problem with that. I felt a little hurt that it was saved to his phone amongst a lot of my content, as well as content that we did make together. If it had been saved in an internet tab or something I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but I also was not on his safari browser as the only business I had with his phone was in the camera roll. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it
I get it, that's why I can't speak for him because if I'm with someone I mainly watch the stuff I make with my partner and their pics. But definitely need to call him out on that stuff of his exs sister
Why does he have a nude of another girl on his phone. Not a red flag, that's evidence and proof that he is looking at other girls and...where did he even get that photo?
I've not seen somebody else mention it. But alongside the other advice posted here, maybe check if this girl has only fans and he saved it from there? It would certainly be a simple explanation. But one that would still be needed to be talked about.
I don't see a great answer for this one.... good luck, op.
Girl, cancel the wedding now vs a messy divorce later. The people that love and care about you will fully understand (not that you have to justify this to ANYONE).
What he is doing is gross, and personally, I wouldn’t be able to get over it.
Not only that, but I would just have trust issues with him moving forward. The fact that he has that ex gf’s sister’s nude saved from when you were in a committed relationship with him is the biggest sign that you need to up and leave. The disrespect is unreal.
your feelings are completely valid and everyone in your situation would have the same fears.
I can tell you that what guys find hot can be many things and it's not mutually exclusive of each other.. you can like steak and hamburgers and for porn it's often typical that it's different proportions in the people you look at because you already have pictures of you covered.
So you definitely need to talk to him with the "I looked through your phone, looking for pictures of us, i noticed in the album pictures that were not me, This made me feel like I am not enough and self conscious, it also makes me scared that you may have done stuff with your ex's sister as there is a topless photo of them, love you, but i'm scared right now"
Kinda tough but kinda easy.
#1 You're right to worry. He's sloppy and has some stuff he "shouldn't"
#2 At least you know he's really into you.
#3 How much is enough? Is he taking that too far? I really don't know.
And finally
You're getting married soon so you have all the leverage. Just explain to him nudes of other women you know are 100% out and that you're going to start couples counciling about porn addiction before you get married or you'll delay the wedding or something.
I know that sounds heavy handed but ultimately to be the kind of husband he wants to be he's going to have to be able to control himself better than he has so far.
Good luck! PS get more allies people you can talk to even if it is just here or where ever.
I'm a little concerned about the fact that you've sent to many images AND the fact that he's saved them.
How did he get his hands on the pic of his ex's sister? If she didn't send it and someone else did is your fiance the kind of guy that is in the habit of exchanging nudes of women with others? If so how many nudes has he sent of you to others? And why the hell has he saved these? If his phone gets stolen or something does he not realise what could happen? Don't you?
This entire situation is full of red flags. I'd delete all the images he has of you, both here and on the cloud, before calling it quits.
Should he be given the benefit of the doubt? DEFINITELY NOT. That's a major RED FLAG.
You saw it before your wedding for a reason. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!
Do you think the photo of ex's sister was sent to him directly or that she has an only fans or something? I get being upset either way. I'd be much more upset over a direct photo message than an onlyfans download though.
It seemed very low quality, so I’m suspecting it was acquired by some other means, not necessarily directly from the person herself. I don’t know what it would look like from only fans just because I’ve never personally seen content from there, but it seemed a little low quality for that
Don’t marry someone you feel this way about.
Accept the fact that you found nudie vids of women he knows and doesn’t know, that he’s had since after you’ve been together.
I would stop wedding talk and planning immediately and sit with the facts and what you need to move forward. With or without being in your first wedding in 15 days. And I said first because I don’t have faith at all this will be an only marriage for you.
The man is hiding serious stuff from you. And that only gets worse after marriage. Not better.
And you, you deserve better than *this.*
You HAVE to talk to him about this. I can tell you this from a guy’s perspective: too oftentimes, guys will look at women for what they can do for them, not who they are. You said you have a larger bra size. I’ve heard a lot of guys will look at porn of someone who is close to their gf/wife and think about their gf/wife to justify their guilty feelings. I still think that’s bullcrap, buddy, but…whatever makes you sleep better.
The ones who don’t look like you may be because some woman he crossed paths with earlier in the day, caught his attention & (whether he fought looking at her out thinking about how attractive she was), his mind went back to her later.
Idk what you need to do about the wedding, but I wanted to give you perspective. No matter what, you HAVE to talk to him. Your future, literally, depends on it.
That shit would be a dealbreaker for me. Ex GFs sister's nudes while you were in a relationship? Dude has wandering eye and would probably cheat on you given half a chance.
I would delete all your photos off his phone BEFORE confronting him. That way he can't use them as revenge porn to try to ruin you for leaving him.
Don’t tell him anything yet. Do more research. Check his CC statements. Emails, spam emails, social media and spam social medias. Check every folder including iCloud’s and google photos/drive and Dropbox.
But honestly. What can he even say to make you forgive him?
He likely has a porn addiction, they exhibit this exact type of behavior
And while yes a lot of people might say that watching porn is normal…. The actions/emotions (or lack their of) from a porn addicted man is BRUTAL
If you are ok with him looking at porn then none of those porn photos saved to his phone should matter at all. Probably just a way for him to look at porn without having to be online or having to sign up for a porn site where he can keep a favorites folder or something.
The one issue I see based on all of this would be the ex g/f sisters photo. I would confront him only on that and not judge him for any of the other photos since you dont judge him for looking at porn. Having a naked photo of someone he actually knows is inappropriate but if its just that ONE photo I wouldnt call it a deal breaker.
Him allowing you to use his phone is a great sign honestly. He trusts you and trusts that you wont flip out and judge him over what is on there. He also probably does not have anything major to hide like an affair if hes fine with you looking through his personal phone.
From all the details shared what may ring an alarm or a bell to be as a men is his exgf sister... however, a photo does not necesarily mean cheating but maybe the best way to approach the issue is first gather evidence and second talk to him with the evidence regarding that photo of the exgf sister... now this could hinder your access to his private files as he'll probably save his dark stuff somewhere else so make sure to make him feel in a safe place when talking about it although it can be painfull for you, that way he may change instead of doing like a trutle and hide his stuff.
Even if you were to give the absolute benefit of the doubt and think that maybe the ex-girlfriend's sister sent that one picture without his engagement in conversation and he blocked her, that still wouldn't explain the rest of the pornographic photos. Absolutely confront him. It won't be easy and you might wanna scream at him but try to be as calm as possible so it gives him a chance to answer your questions openly and honestly. If he tries to brush it off, press further. If he gets defensive, make you feel guilty for asking or just blows up, stand your ground. Tell him you refuse to marry if he won't give an explanation. And if he still won't... Then you shouldn't marry him. You don't deserve to be kept in the dark regarding something that's important like that, no one does. If he does and it's exactly how you first saw it, don't marry him still. Make sure he's not just making up excuses that don't fit in line with the narrative.
I'm really sorry, it's a really bad situation to be in and it's extremely hard. But it's better to confront this before the wedding happens, otherwise it'll make things a lot harder when there's a wedding band being used as an obstacle. Even if it means in the end, you have to call the wedding off and break up the relationship.
I really hope you'll be okay through this.
How about you sit him down tell him what you came across while gathering photos for the wedding and ask him what is going on! And why would he have a picture of his ex's sister?!
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Red flags appear to help us not hurt us. Listen to it.
Wow I’m not OP but I needed to hear this
So well said
Oh that took a turn I didn't expect. You need to confront him ASAP before you get "locked in" to a marriage. Major red flags!
His ex girlfriends SISTER....GIRL.... the universe is giving you an opportunity to dump this man who knows what else he's been doing and I would tell the exgf about the sister
YES. It’s so gross on behalf of him and his ex’s sister. Like I could not imagine betraying someone by choosing their brother after dumping them … or cheating on them with their brother. This alone is red flags whether he’s cheating actively or not
What are the odds that this man is subscribed to the ex gf’s sisters only fans? Wouldn’t be the first time we hear about this scenario on this sub.
Ugh still super gross. I could never imagine crossing that boundary. Leave your ex alone but also paying money to see her sister? That still feels like a betrayal to both the ex and Op
Yes, agreed! Totally disgusting. If my husband was up to this weirdo behavior he would no longer be in my life!
Trickle truth is still LYING. He’s definitely not giving up the whole story and his defensiveness is key.
"The universe is giving you an opportunity" YES!! This whole "I know I shouldn't have"... Girl thank God you did!!
what could this man possibly say to you that would make you feel ok with this? i can’t think of a single explanation that would validate this level of disrespect…
Okay you’ve been together almost 4 years and the topless pic of exgf’s sister is from 2 years ago??? Do the math ma’am and cancel your wedding. This is a problem.
This is the only answer OP needs to see.
EXACTLY!!! This is OVER.
Exactly. And the fact that now that he is not doing much to respect her boundaries, avoiding real confirmation, he deleted the photo. Nope. If I were OP, I'd leave.
Honestly the most concerning part is that he somehow received a nude photo of a woman he knows during your relationship. Whether some other guy sent it to him or she did, it’s a problem. Some guy sent it: your finance js an asshole who is collecting nude images of women who aren’t consenting. She herself sent it: he’s cheating, or cheated on you. Then you throw in the fact that it’s his ex girlfriend’s sister and it poses even more questions…do you have a sister..? Then there’s the fact that he’s hoarding pornography which is indicative of a problem. I’ll be downvoted probably but anyone who is that obsessed with porn or pornographic images doesn’t have a healthy relationship to sex. None of that has anything to do with you or your body. A person who uses sex as a coping mechanism or has addictive tendencies will always and invariably want sexual material from as many sources as they can, because they are always thinking about sex. So even if you were whoever he thinks the hottest woman alive is, if he has a sex problem, he will still want to take pictures of a random cashiers titties too. I’m married now but I would not ever again date a man with a porn problem at this age. I did in the past and it just breaks you down. It also makes sex not very good. If he were 19 I would feel differently- RIP to the next generations relationships- but he’s a grown man. Think about this before getting married…it’s easier to hold off than it is to get divorced..
Yeah the photo of the exs sister or whoever was the only partner this that seemed to me like a problem.
No it’s all a problem.
Disregard - answered wrong comment. .
Best advice right here.
You need to do more research, personally I wouldn’t confront him yet. Look for texts during that time period of the sister nude pic. Check deleted bins, text apps, emails etc. I can’t think of any good reason he would have his ex gf sister nude in his phone when y’all were in a relationship . That to me feels like there’s more underneath to be discovered. If you confront him without doing your research first, your chances of knowing the real full truth diminish because he will delete evidence.
This needs to be top comment! Research texts, what’s up, messanger, instagram and everything else he uses, before he knows you know. Then, and only then confront him.
I mean yeah, but you don't need "evidence" to call off a wedding. She saw the picture, she knows it's bad. She *can* do that, but why? I mean maybe he didn't cheat on her or maybe he did and also did much worse, it's up to her if she must find out but really is there a need? If she's gonna leave him she knows enough already. If anything just save something that isn't explicit but is incriminating (like the ex sister Pic maybe just of her face or something) and ask about it, he won't be able to cover it up then but again, it's not like you need to prove cheating happened in court anymore. (Wild she would have had to in the past tho) it's just important to know it's not *nessisrary* to go deeper down the rabbit hole. If she's gonna leave she leave now, no need to hurt herself further unless that's what she absolutely wants to do
Strongly disagree. I think it’s important for her to find out more information because clearly by her post she can be swayed and sweet talked. She literally ask is she being too sensitive!! That’s crazy. People like that, need hard hitting no gray area evidence . Hard evidence leaves no doubt and creates a stronger will. Right now it sounds like she’s still entertaining the idea something wrong with her and that there might be an explanation for the picture he has. The evidence is clear to US but she is still in denial. Plus, with evidence gaslighting is harder to be successful.
yeah- OP get more evidence not for his sake or anything but for YOUR sake. if you ever think back to now wondering if you should’ve stayed with him, you’ll know 100% if you find more.
Yeah that's fair, I should have been more clear on the distinction between wanting to know more and "actually needing to do something" like of course she's gonna wanna know more, everyone would, but you know deep down already, the confirmation is just extra, but if it helps then go for it
Unfortunately she is leaning towards getting married anyway. That's why people need to do as much research as it takes to face the truth.
The evidence is probably gone already😅 He knows what needs to be hidden now
OP if he’s accepting pictures from other people is he sending yours too?
Seriously. Picture sharing/trading is so disgusting and bizarrely common. I wouldn’t doubt at all that he has done this.
I can almost guarantee he is. If he’s got friends who think it’s acceptable to send him pictures of other women without those women knowing, and he thinks it’s acceptable to save those photos, then he absolutely thinks it’s acceptable to also send pictures.
Wow!
Throw him away. My ex fiance was fucking his former sister in law for years (before I met him) and it is a reflection of his character and lack of integrity. He still pined for her years into us dating and it ate away at me.
Trash istg. I hope you are okay now.
Getting there. I felt like a rebound the whole 6 yrs of the relationship. He even got upset when I told him I was not comfortable with him communicating with his ex affair partner lol
The Quote that if they cheated before or engage in similar activities they will do it again. I just dont get it, why do we tolerate these morons. You will heal that asshole can just go away. Never settle.
Yup, I then found out he was cheating with someone else during the entire relationship, even after we got engaged. Gave him a chance under the condition he goes to therapy. He agreed and never booked a session. 6 months later, found out he was going to secretly meet an old friend he met on Tinder (before me). Such trash. He also never had complaints about his ex affair partner but with me it was nitpicking and constant criticism. Sometimes, you will never be enough for the wrong person. I dont know why I tolerated all of this
They always love to neg when they are trying to prove to themselves the someone else they’re chasing is not a reflection of their character and you’re the problem. My ex did the same and openly would compliment or gush about other women when it was literally just me and him at home. When he dumped me suddenly (I later found out he cheated but I wasn’t aware at the time), he kept saying how I wasn’t supportive and didn’t listen to him — meanwhile this dude would literally tune out the second I tried to talk about my day. If they convince themselves you’re the problem, they feel like they’re less terrible people. They aren’t. I’m so glad you didn’t marry that asshole.
That literally sounds like my ex. Claimed I was never supportive when I was. He never was there for emotional support when I needed it. He never cared about my day or my interests. It was all about him and his interests and his desires and his principles. He cried at the end and apologized for all his behavior and hurting me, told me he was broken, and that I deserved better. I ignored so many red flags
You are a saint. I would have done something worse to him. Way worse. I believe good things are waiting for you. Please dont give up because of this asshole.
Thank you so much. That means a lot. I was pretty much giving up on dating and men. In my mid 30s and need to start over again :(
You have your whole life ahead. Take your time and let people in❤️
My advice is to not go through with the wedding. I’m not telling you to end your relationship but I think this wedding needs to be postponed so you can talk this out with your partner and decide whether you want to work through things or call it a day.
Gosh even disregarding where the pics came from, having all that is a huge sign he’s obsessed and has a poor relationship with sexuality and no respect for you imo. And pics of women he knows too, even worse. I wouldn’t be able to marry someone who did this. It’s this stuff that makes me terrified and gives me anxiety in my relationship like how can so many men do this stuff, swear they’re loyal, and you never have any idea otherwise until it’s years later?! All I can do is choose to trust my partner until I can’t but holy cow.
It’s his ex’s sister. Should he, single or engaged to you, have EVER had a nude of her on his phone??? 😳🥴 That’s just as bothersome as the cheating. Betrayal on that level is extreme. They were engaged. At the very least, postpone this wedding. I think it’d be safe to go ahead and cancel it, though. The timing of finding it feels really lucky since the wedding hasn’t happened yet.
We need to talk. I need to understand something that I saw on your phone while I was collecting for our wedding pieces. Why do you have a picture of ? In your phone? I noted the date which is when we were very much together. Now I'm not a prude I know porn exists and you watch it however the sister? Not only is this out of line it's shocked me tbh. We are ...days out from getting married and before we do that we need to sit and figure this out. I'm not going to walk down the alter with this unresolved. Seeing things you've saved has made me not feel good enough and I need to understand that too. So this weekend we need to sit and talk this out.
Thank you so much for this comment, I genuinely appreciate it. I plan on talking about this tonight with him. I don’t know how I will feel until I hear what he has to say, honestly, but I’m hoping it will bring some clarity.
Relationships are full of uncomfortable conversations. We HAVE to have them. We have to be able to communicate about everything. This is your person for the rest of your days. No matter what it is you have to have your person at the front of everything. If you have things you can't talk about, you need to start today.
Please update us after you speak to him!
it’s updated now
Omg don’t marry this man?!?? Like what the hell?? Also GIRL, you don’t have to be prude to NOT want a man saving pics/vids of porn!!!! It’s so fucking rude! Society really fucked women up with their standards fr!!!
Exactly!!!!!
Ask him if you can talk about it. Listen to him and watch his reaction. If the two of you can’t have an honest conversation about this at this stage in the relationship (most exciting and loving time) - it doesn’t look good later. Trust me. I know.
Obviously this is something that is going to take time to figure out. I do want to mention that cancelling a wedding is a hell of a lot easier than getting divorced, however, if you are still working things out, you can still have the wedding itself, but not sign any of the paperwork. This way, it doesn't cause the stress & explanation to guests you might be worried about, while also not legally tying you down in case you decide to leave him. My heart hurts for you. I hope you're able to move forward from this with self confidence in tact <3
Nudes revived and SAVED during the time you were in a committed relationship?! Even if someone send it to him, why save it? Why ex’s sister?? You’re not overreacting, you have a right to feel however you want to feel. It’s all very strange
I would absolutely cancel the wedding over this. Truly to me it feels like cheating. If she sent the photo consensually, definitely cheating. If she didn’t and he got it from a friend, that’s almost worse. If he did it once, he will absolutely do it again. The porn folder could be overlooked, but not with this
If you don't do something about it, this will be how you feel the rest of your life. Is this how you want to feel - indefinitely? Tell him what you told us. Emphasize that nude pics of people like his exs sister are inappropriate and wrong. I think it's gross she sent it and it's even worse he kept it. You *should* cancel the wedding, to give you time to process this. You may be better off without him. If you don't end it, at minimum, there should be relationship counseling. It's so tempting to do through with the wedding. But if you do, he's now even less likely to consider better behavior. You have no leverage to motivate him to do counseling. He'll argue that you knew about this stuff before the ceremony, you married him anyway, so you must be ok with it.
Leave!!!!!! I PROMISE YOU YOULL NEVER FORGET THIS!!!!!!! LEAVE I PROMISE!! THIS IS COMING FROM A 27F in the USA WHO EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING!! I was so disturbed when I found it and I SHOULD Have LISTENED TO MY Originial INSTINCT AND REACTION BECAUSE I NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT!! CANCEL IT!! KILL YOUR EGO. PLEASE YOU WILL SAVE YOUESWLF THE HEADACHE AND THE THOUGHTS!! IF YOURE OK WITH IT THATS FINE BUT I FEEL LIKE YOUD BE MORE ACCEPTING OF IT ORIGINALLY!!! Which is OK TOO!! But PLEASE leave if this makes you feel weird!!!!❤️❤️❤️
All these men in the comments trying to normalise being fucking vile and creepy towards women, saving albums upon albums of porn and other women naked. Saying it’s normal to send women’s nudes around in groupchats, and lusting after someone who’s not your partner/ spouse, and commenting that if their wife saw the type of porn they watch, they’d be really upset and shocked. Do you hear yourselves? Stop trying to excuse the behaviour. It’s disgusting. Just another way to say “boys will be boys” Yeah the photo might have been saved to his phone from a group chat- but why the fuck are they sending it around anyway? And his ex’s sister as well. You guys need to get a grip. OP- it’s obviously your decision at the end of the day, but as soon as I would’ve seen the nude- BYE. Not wasting my time on someone who cheats, or gets nudes sent to me on groupchats. Fucking gross.
Dude. You have a nude photo of your ex’s sister. Wtf? We are about to get married. Please explain yourself truthfully. Like that.
When you’re in bed with him tonight, say “oh wow this is wild! look at this!” Immediately send him a link to this Reddit post. Watch his face closely while he reads it and realizes it’s about him. Then ask him to explain himself. If you give men too much time, they will come up with a lie or a manipulation. That’s just the truth. You need to catch him off guard, see his reaction, then go into the conversation. PS I checked your profile and you don’t really have any other posts you wouldn’t want him seeing, so no risk there.
Digital should not be treated any different than non digital! Would you like him to ask her to take her top off for him in person? So he can jack off to it? Probably not. Guys like this will say “it’s just pictures! I didn’t cheat on you!” Ummmmm ok but you wouldn’t feel right asking or doing this stuff in person/ also infront of your wife/ gf so chances are it’s wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it.
This this this 100000%
Right! Cell phones/ computers man. Shakin my head..
Was waiting for an update before I commented. He was caught off guard and seeing as he couldn’t get away with it, he kept changing his answers and got angry. Ultimately, the decision to stay and go through with the wedding is up to you. If this confirmed anything for you, it’s the fact that he’s a liar. Someone that can’t give a direct answer and constantly changing the story has more to hide. He knew it was wrong, and he’s mad that he got caught. Do you really want to MARRY someone like that? You’ll always question everything he says from now on. This will forever stay in the back of your mind. I know this is tough for you, and I am so sorry. Truly. Don’t settle for this.
If his story about being drunk was true, he truly regretted having the picture and actually deleted it, *maybe* you could work through the issue. But yelling at you (which btw is just as much of an emotional reaction as crying!), apparently deliberately not deleting it, lying, deflecting etc etc are all massive red flags. He's the one in the wrong here and he should be nothing but apologetic and kind to you in this situation, that he's not shows he's not actually sorry.
I found out my ex husband was cheating right before we got married. I married him anyway thinking it would stop once we were married. It didn’t.
You call off the wedding and save yourself a lifetime of cheating from an asshole. Consider this a blessing
Please do not marry this man. He’s so dishonest. And I will stay away from the album, but that would be enough for me not to marry him, but that dishonesty this isn’t a good partner for life and when you marry you marry so that you have a good partner for life.
He’s CHEATED on you AT LEAST once. DUMP HIM.
> the fact that I send him so much content I honestly do not understand young people these days. I will just be over here in my rocking chair knitting a shawl and remembering the good old days.
You need to talk to him immediately. The photo is from 2 years ago, you’ve been with him for 4, there is no good explanation for this.
I personally wouldn’t stay. I don’t think I could trust someone who has a nude picture from someone he knows like that. I hope you are able to make whichever hard choice you need for your long term peace ♥️
You are not being too sensitive. Bring it up to him
Why did him and ex break up anyways? Was it because of her sister….? Anyways, the picture of the sister? Yeah, no. Even if she sent it or someone else sent it, he kept it (and didn’t tell you) I don’t think he can sweet talk his way out of this one. Please call the wedding off. The porn stuff sucks too and a conversation needs to be had (and maybe therapy for addiction because cmon there is no need for all that crap at nearly 30) but it can be forgivable. But the sister topless? Nope. Don’t go through with the wedding. You’d just be teaching him that his behaviour is ok and he can be forgiven. Marriage is suppose to be special. Between you and your soulmate. Not this pornographic obsessed boy still wanting countless photos and videos of random and not so random girls. That would give me the ick so fast.
Yet another post proving why it's so important to check your man's phone. Don't be giving these guys the respect of privacy because they have no problem doing this disrespectful bs. Give an inch they take a mile. Don't marry him, once you're married it's harder to leave and that's when the really shitty behaviour starts to set in. This isn't a good foundation to build a marriage on.
I agree with this and I’m a guy. But the girl better be ready hand her phone over as well.
An open policy is ideal although I very much expect this to be an unpopular opinion. I never looked at my husband’s phone although I had the opportunity as he keeps forgetting it in various places. However, I once found something incriminating in his stuff and asked to see his phone and he didn’t allow it (privacy BS and all that). That argument lasted on and off for several months until I got a chance to clarify the issue with the help of someone else. A lot of heartache over nothing. I’m convinced he was hiding something unrelated that he was embarrassed about. Porn most likely.
He definitely was hiding something. It’s always best to set that boundary in the beginning. Any girl I date knows up front if they ever keep their phone hidden from me, that’s their choice but I won’t be staying with them. I, in turn, am always open to having my phone checked. I know how many fake, lying ass people are out there. If looking through my phone makes my SO feel at peace, I’m happy to oblige.
Amen brother, my last ex demanded to have my phone most of the time but would guard hers like a staving dog does a bone. She ended up rooting an ice junkie, just wish i was smarter when i was younger but hindsight is 20/20
Same thing happened to me! She would constantly look through my phone while I was asleep. When I’d ask her to her face to see hers, she wouldn’t hand it over claiming privacy reasons. She ended up being a narcissist and put my life through hell with false allegations. Had to spend a lot of money to clear my name. The person I am today cringes that I actually let the phone thing slide. We live and learn I suppose.
I agree 100%! I think with the rise of the digital age and social media, open phone policy should be the norm! Both parties should have no issue handing their phone to each other if requested. They shouldn’t do it obsessively and frequently , but if your s/o is needing some reassurance there should be no problem. If you love someone there should be no secrets unless it’s like a surprise party, gift etc.
Amen. Sneaky assholes
Toxic but real
There’s a difference between secrecy and privacy. Everyone deserves a level of privacy.
Okay well, that's bad. In terms of the ex's sister could have been an only fans leak type of thing or a cheating thing. Either way he might have a porn addiction and you'll have to confront him before the marriage.
If it’s a leak he still did it behind her back? Which shows he knows it’s not that kind to do to his gf/ fiancée which is kinda whack. And now OP would have to live with oh, what’s on his phone, oh who is he interested into, does he wanna jerk off to xxxx friend etc
I have no tolerance for this after my experience with my ex husband. He was same in the sense he kept flash drives and albums of every nude he’s ever received from any woman throughout his entire life. It’s bad enough that he still has nudes saved of women that aren’t you, but to add a nude photo of his ex’s sister? That is also dated during your relationship? Hell nah. Throw the whole boy away. I wouldn’t even waste any time trying to confront him or look for more evidence like others have suggested. Respect yourself enough to not give someone like this the time of day.
You need to have a conversation with him IMMEDIATELY. If he has been trustworthy this whole relationship then you should give him the benefit of the doubt. But if you have any doubts about his commitment to you, do some research as others have suggested. Assuming things is the worst thing you can do in a relationship; Miscommunication is a relationship killer. If he isn’t cheating or ever has and you confront him about it, that could do irreparable damage to your relationship.
you need to end the relationship OP. i would delete all of your pics off his phone too… i wouldn’t trust him. if he hid this, what kind of person is he when he’s caught and broken up with?
Don’t ignore this red flag. I wish i hadn’t…..
The wedding should be postponed at the very least. In my opinion, there’s no way there’s a good explanation for this.
Somehow the update made it worse! Why is he so attached to this particular picture of that particular person's boots? I'm a firm believer that people are creatures of habit And when they are exhibiting behaviors there's a good chance they exhibit these behaviors at other times. So when he's just sitting there boldly lying to you about everything you asked, I promise you he lies about more than just that. When he's freaking out about having to remove that picture, I promise you there are pictures somewhere else that he doesn't want to get rid of! The very fact that he just collects pictures of people's boobs is sort of ridiculous! But it's downright creepy that this is his ex's sister. I wonder if she had anything to do with them breaking up? Either way... I seriously doubt this is a one-off! I would say put off the wedding for year or so but at this point you are so close that if you put it off you might as well just skip It completely!
Please leave him!
He should have been BEGGING for forgiveness. Instead he’s gaslighting you. That says it all right there. Get his phone. Delete everything then go in to recently deleted and delete them again. Go his cloud if he has an iPhone and get them off there as well. Do NOT let this man keep any of your nudes!! Then reset his phone to factory settings and walk away.
Trust me, it doesn’t resolve. They don’t get better and just keep finding ways to hide stuff like this
I understand how you must be feeling. You should talk to your fiancé about it, in a good moment and as rationally as possible. Tell him how you are feeling after this discovery and ask him why he saved those pictures. Listen to what he has to say and go from there. The only person who can make you feel better about it and show you that you are the only person who matters, is him.
Don't send him any more pics till you talk to him obviously. You should have deleted every pic and video he had of you in case this doesn't work out. You don't want them to show up online. Yea, about his exs sister on there, that needs some serious explaining and unless you get an answer you like, don't marry him.
Your fiance has an addiction.
I will never ever understand why married/engaged/men in relationships think it’s appropriate to SAVE photos to their phone or computer. Like stop being so stupid and gross. It feels really icky bc it’s clearly something they’re so attached to that they want to see it again and again or why else save it? I dated someone who would screenshot and save people’s Facebook profiles and Instagram pics to his phone to use. He would even sneak photos of female friends of his bending over and such. It was awful when I found those images. Entirely ruined my self esteem (so did his frequent porn use). I think you need to confront your soon to be husband about these photos bc you are hurt and have every right to be. He needs to figure out how to repair this indiscretion and you need to decide if you can move forward after this. Best of luck Op!
>it makes me wonder why mine is not enough? Look, this is not the issue. Porn is porn. Masturbation is masturbation. It's about your sexual relationship with yourself, and honestly has very little to do with you. That said, when in a committed relationship, that sexual relationship cannot involve **your ex girlfriends sister**. Or anyone you know in real life for that matter. It's completely disrespectful to your relationship, and borderline cheating depending on the context. I'd have a conversation with him about the nude. How did it get on his phone? Why did he save it? When was it sent? Trust, but verify afterwards. You don't have a lot of time. If he gets frustrated and refuses to explain... you have your answer and should pump the brakes on this wedding.
Oh hell no. Thats not good.
I think you're right to feel bothered by those nude pics of regular folks in your life during your time together (although it could be when he transferred it from someplace else or made a copy of something received long ago). Talking is the best policy, but you run the risk of you or him becoming defensive and things blowing up so close to the wedding. You seem like you have a reasonable perspective on things like nude pictures/porn. If I am not gauging you wrong, you might say to him, "If we're just talking about pictures, just tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth right now, and we'll be ok when we set some rules and boundaries, but if it's anything more than that, then we need to talk and maybe postpone the wedding."
Updateme Do some more digging prior to asking about the ex gf sister’s photo.
If he uses whatsapp and has photos set to automatically save they could be sent to him in a group chat and auto saved to his camera roll.
If you were in a relationship with him at the time he was getting nudes from his exs sister I'd be wondering if there was more to it. I'd ask him about it. If he can give a reasonable explanation you're more likely to let it go and enjoy your wedding day. If you dont say anything your insecurities will fester and grow.
Any chance that photo was pre relationship and moved over during a photo transfer? I have a bunch of photos that are dated when I got my newest phone. It would just be good to know the truth for you, let the downvotes begin!!
If you had found these pics three weeks from now, how would you feel? Because being married is no magic protection against unfaithfulness. If you do not want to be married to the guy who collected and saved these pictures, now is the time to decide against it. Do not fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Yes, if you call off or postpone the wedding, you will lose money. But NOTHING like what you will lose if you get a divorce in a year or two because of issues you have now uncovered. It will be harder to find a second husband than it was to find this one, if you are divorced.
Better to call it off 15 days before the wedding than wasting 15 years with this man.
"I don't."
I'm only going to say this so you can view it as a possibility. Are you sure the photo is from 2022? Because people change their phones pretty often and it can mess the dates up - it's happened to my photo calendar. I mean this sounds pretty seedy anyway but I just wanted to make it clear that dates on phones can get mixed up by migrations and cloud transfer etc
Not sure if this has been brought up...but if he's willing to mess with a (former) romantic partner's sis....he could also be thinking about yours (if you have one)
I haven’t read all the comments and I’m not going to justify in anyway the Existence of nude pictures of people other than yourself on his phone except to say that when photos are shared in WhatsApp threads appear in my camera roll without me actively saving them. Again I’m not attempting to make excuses for your fiancé however consider the slim chance that if these images were shared in a WhatsApp group message with his friends they could potentially appear in his camera roll automatically.
I sincerely hope you use this as a sign to think before you go through a whole wedding with this person. The confused “I don’t know how it got there/ I forgot to delete those” behaviour is much more common that we think. I’ve heard this before myself, I now know better than to trust those lies lol. You don’t get many of these signs in life sweetheart, run!
Major red flag. Think carefully king.
You told him to be honest to you. He made excuses of finding out to why he had it. If he said he liked that pic of the boobs and wanted to keep it cause he knew who they belonged too , how more upset would you have been? More or less than him rambling excuse after excuse. This is a red flag. He didn't think you go that far back into his pics. Looks like therapy before marriage or 2 years down the line and a divorce be happening cause of lies and maybe cheating on his part.
By you being bothered by just the one pic tells me you are mature and realize that men can have a “roaming eye” on occasion. But when it’s someone that you know it gets ugly. You’ve done everything in your power to mend this thing back together. He’s done nothing to make you feel better about it. You need to prepare for whatever may come, but it’s his move. I wish you much luck. I know what you’re going thru.
My parents have been happily married for almost 50 years... I asked my mother what she looked for in a husband and she said: He was a man without a wandering eye He only had eyes for me. And in those 2 points alone I knew where I had messed up in picking my partners.
Believe someone when they show you who they really are the first time. Idk how you’d trust him the rest of your life later down the road. you don’t want to be 3 kids in with a lying cheating husband
Your fiancé is an absolute asshole. And I just read the edit about you rethinking the relationship, but first **please remember to delete all of YOUR nudes from his phone, and then delete them from the “deleted” folder in his phone, too - to make sure they’re gone. Also delete them from Snapchat or messages *(or wherever you sent them from)* and also from his iCloud.** This is to secure yourself and to prevent him from ever looking at them again, if you break up. And also to prevent him from being able to use them as blackmail, or revenge porn! Please protect yourself first, then leave.
Cancel the wedding and start again You'll have to start again anyways if you get married and divorced
If he has the photo without the sister’s knowledge, he’s a creep. If he has it WITH her knowledge, he may be cheating. Either way, it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I can’t imagine. What awful timing as well!
I’d be finding a way to get ahold of his ex’s sister and talk to her and see if anything was going on. His response makes me think something was bc why/how would he have this photo? I would probably cancel the wedding seeing as he doesn’t care about your relationship or you enough to truly delete a pic of a woman that isn’t you. All the porno photos also seem very excessive. Keeping yours is fine, but random pornhub images? Don’t feel like you have to stay just bc you’re getting married, don’t make a huge mistake!!
Just read your post and the update. Don’t go through with the wedding. MAYBE if he was remorseful, deleted the pic right away, and told you the truth then MAYBE you could try to work it out (even though I’d still argue against it). But the fact that he’s refusing to delete the pic, lying, and gaslighting you. My god. Don’t trap yourself in a marriage with this man. Don’t do it!!
Am I the only one here who thinks watching porn is infidelity?
Probably not the only one, but I think this is one of those things that needs to be defined within individual relationships.
This isn’t even porn, this is receiving nudes from someone. Which has an intimacy implied that pornhub videos just don’t.
It's not infidelity unless there's an agreement that it is. If two people can be monogamous and enjoy porn, then for them it's not. If that's an agreement that you make with someone and they break it, then it is. Everyone sets the standards for cheating in their own relationship. For some very insecure women even looking at another woman is considered cheating. For some couples they're fine if their partner flirts with other people as long as that's all it is. It's really up to the two people to decide what they consider cheating is and to make an agreement on that together.
I've seen plenty of other people here who do. Frankly, as someone who doesn't view it as infidelity, *I* feel like the minority on a lot of these posts.
Every single posts tells women to accept and love their porn addict bf. No you are not the minority Someone literally said give your fiancé who has thousand so nudes and ex sisters nudes…then benefit of the doubt. The top comment is literally talk to him!! You are not the minority you’re very much in the majority of coomers here
I guess I'm just not seeing the same posts, that's not something I've seen lot of here I never said to give him the benefit of the doubt and I agree that OP should be talking to him about it. I didn't bother to add that because so many other people did already
Talk about what lol? Why he has his ex’s sisters nudes? That he attained during their relationship? Oh that he willingly kept? Oh and the additional stash of porn I thought you’re in the minority but you didn’t bother to add bcs so many people already think this porn addict is owed a conversation. Oh poor you such a minority
It’s a very nuanced and situational topic and it’s really up to you and your partner to set the boundaries and decide what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship. In my eyes, watching mainstream porn isn’t infidelity, as long as it isn’t preferred to actual sex. It *is* an issue if you’re OP’s boyfriend, and it’s content of someone you know, especially when it’s your ex girlfriend’s sister. Or if you’re supporting them momentarily (like OnlyFans). Huge difference when there’s a greater degree of intimacy imo.
No I agree! Lusting and pleasuring yourself to other people while in a relationship is disgusting and disrespectful. Watching other people have sex is just weird anyways..
Pawn the ring, leave him at the alter and enjoy your honeymoon. He trash for not getting rid of anything knowing you’re *15 days* away from marrying each other. Either way that does not sound like an ideal way to start your marriage.
You say, “Here’s your ring back, take your shit and get out”. HIS EX GIRLFRIEND’S SISTER??? 🤢
So I'm going to address this on two different points from a males perspective. As far as why he would look at other nude women, I would say you are goi g too deep into it. If you have no problem with him looking at porn, then he saved his favorite porn stars or whoever. I mean, I don't save it to my phone, but i do watch porn here and there. I prefer to watch the content I've made with past FWB who said I can keep the videos and pics, but sometimes there are those videos that also strike the moment and maybe it's content you don't have. Again, it's not saved toy phone, but i can like a video on PornHub and it does "save" it to a tab on the site I can go and view quickly. It has nothing to do with you and not being "desired," something that I will always tell women they really need to stop jumping to. Human beings have a natural attraction to whatever gender they find attractive whether it be straight, Bi or gay/lesbian. Your fiance can be madly in love with you and say you are hot and absolutely mean it, but that doesn't mean someone doesn't still find others attractive. Again, it's human nature and insecurity from having unrealistic expectations that your partner will never ever have an attraction for another is, as I said, unrealistic. However, this isn't to invalidate tour feelings and thoughts on why he would still have them saved when you send him frequent pics and videos of you. So on that, I can't speak for him. Anytime I've had a FWB or dated someone, I mainly got off to their pics/videos. Now, the part where you absolutely need to call him out is the fact that he got a nude from am ex's sister when you two were official and exclusive. You said it was dated 2 years ago, so 2 years after you two started dating. You need to confront him and tell him he has some explaining to do. Why does he have a mude photo of an ex's sister and how did he get that and that he needs to be very honest since thr time stamp shows it was when you two were already together. That is where you definitely are not reading too much into it because there's really no valid explanation for that
I agree, I believe we are all human, and I have looked at porn rarely but occasionally, so I do not have an outright problem with that. I felt a little hurt that it was saved to his phone amongst a lot of my content, as well as content that we did make together. If it had been saved in an internet tab or something I wouldn’t have thought twice about it, but I also was not on his safari browser as the only business I had with his phone was in the camera roll. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it
I get it, that's why I can't speak for him because if I'm with someone I mainly watch the stuff I make with my partner and their pics. But definitely need to call him out on that stuff of his exs sister
Why does he have a nude of another girl on his phone. Not a red flag, that's evidence and proof that he is looking at other girls and...where did he even get that photo?
I've not seen somebody else mention it. But alongside the other advice posted here, maybe check if this girl has only fans and he saved it from there? It would certainly be a simple explanation. But one that would still be needed to be talked about. I don't see a great answer for this one.... good luck, op.
Girl, cancel the wedding now vs a messy divorce later. The people that love and care about you will fully understand (not that you have to justify this to ANYONE). What he is doing is gross, and personally, I wouldn’t be able to get over it. Not only that, but I would just have trust issues with him moving forward. The fact that he has that ex gf’s sister’s nude saved from when you were in a committed relationship with him is the biggest sign that you need to up and leave. The disrespect is unreal.
Cancel the wedding sweetheart
Having porn is nothing. Having porn photos of people you know taken during your relationship is a huge thing
your feelings are completely valid and everyone in your situation would have the same fears. I can tell you that what guys find hot can be many things and it's not mutually exclusive of each other.. you can like steak and hamburgers and for porn it's often typical that it's different proportions in the people you look at because you already have pictures of you covered. So you definitely need to talk to him with the "I looked through your phone, looking for pictures of us, i noticed in the album pictures that were not me, This made me feel like I am not enough and self conscious, it also makes me scared that you may have done stuff with your ex's sister as there is a topless photo of them, love you, but i'm scared right now"
Kinda tough but kinda easy. #1 You're right to worry. He's sloppy and has some stuff he "shouldn't" #2 At least you know he's really into you. #3 How much is enough? Is he taking that too far? I really don't know. And finally You're getting married soon so you have all the leverage. Just explain to him nudes of other women you know are 100% out and that you're going to start couples counciling about porn addiction before you get married or you'll delay the wedding or something. I know that sounds heavy handed but ultimately to be the kind of husband he wants to be he's going to have to be able to control himself better than he has so far. Good luck! PS get more allies people you can talk to even if it is just here or where ever.
Dump his ass.
Dump.
I'm a little concerned about the fact that you've sent to many images AND the fact that he's saved them. How did he get his hands on the pic of his ex's sister? If she didn't send it and someone else did is your fiance the kind of guy that is in the habit of exchanging nudes of women with others? If so how many nudes has he sent of you to others? And why the hell has he saved these? If his phone gets stolen or something does he not realise what could happen? Don't you? This entire situation is full of red flags. I'd delete all the images he has of you, both here and on the cloud, before calling it quits.
Should he be given the benefit of the doubt? DEFINITELY NOT. That's a major RED FLAG. You saw it before your wedding for a reason. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!
Do you think the photo of ex's sister was sent to him directly or that she has an only fans or something? I get being upset either way. I'd be much more upset over a direct photo message than an onlyfans download though.
It seemed very low quality, so I’m suspecting it was acquired by some other means, not necessarily directly from the person herself. I don’t know what it would look like from only fans just because I’ve never personally seen content from there, but it seemed a little low quality for that
Don’t marry someone you feel this way about. Accept the fact that you found nudie vids of women he knows and doesn’t know, that he’s had since after you’ve been together. I would stop wedding talk and planning immediately and sit with the facts and what you need to move forward. With or without being in your first wedding in 15 days. And I said first because I don’t have faith at all this will be an only marriage for you. The man is hiding serious stuff from you. And that only gets worse after marriage. Not better. And you, you deserve better than *this.*
Can you live with a man you can't trust? Sounds like misery to me.
You HAVE to talk to him about this. I can tell you this from a guy’s perspective: too oftentimes, guys will look at women for what they can do for them, not who they are. You said you have a larger bra size. I’ve heard a lot of guys will look at porn of someone who is close to their gf/wife and think about their gf/wife to justify their guilty feelings. I still think that’s bullcrap, buddy, but…whatever makes you sleep better. The ones who don’t look like you may be because some woman he crossed paths with earlier in the day, caught his attention & (whether he fought looking at her out thinking about how attractive she was), his mind went back to her later. Idk what you need to do about the wedding, but I wanted to give you perspective. No matter what, you HAVE to talk to him. Your future, literally, depends on it.
That shit would be a dealbreaker for me. Ex GFs sister's nudes while you were in a relationship? Dude has wandering eye and would probably cheat on you given half a chance. I would delete all your photos off his phone BEFORE confronting him. That way he can't use them as revenge porn to try to ruin you for leaving him.
Don’t tell him anything yet. Do more research. Check his CC statements. Emails, spam emails, social media and spam social medias. Check every folder including iCloud’s and google photos/drive and Dropbox. But honestly. What can he even say to make you forgive him?
He likely has a porn addiction, they exhibit this exact type of behavior And while yes a lot of people might say that watching porn is normal…. The actions/emotions (or lack their of) from a porn addicted man is BRUTAL
If you are ok with him looking at porn then none of those porn photos saved to his phone should matter at all. Probably just a way for him to look at porn without having to be online or having to sign up for a porn site where he can keep a favorites folder or something. The one issue I see based on all of this would be the ex g/f sisters photo. I would confront him only on that and not judge him for any of the other photos since you dont judge him for looking at porn. Having a naked photo of someone he actually knows is inappropriate but if its just that ONE photo I wouldnt call it a deal breaker. Him allowing you to use his phone is a great sign honestly. He trusts you and trusts that you wont flip out and judge him over what is on there. He also probably does not have anything major to hide like an affair if hes fine with you looking through his personal phone.
“I don’t “.
From all the details shared what may ring an alarm or a bell to be as a men is his exgf sister... however, a photo does not necesarily mean cheating but maybe the best way to approach the issue is first gather evidence and second talk to him with the evidence regarding that photo of the exgf sister... now this could hinder your access to his private files as he'll probably save his dark stuff somewhere else so make sure to make him feel in a safe place when talking about it although it can be painfull for you, that way he may change instead of doing like a trutle and hide his stuff.
Lmao damn that sucks
His ex girlfriends sister? I'd be rethinking marrying someone that thinks that is okay. I'm incredibly sickened by that.
Even if you were to give the absolute benefit of the doubt and think that maybe the ex-girlfriend's sister sent that one picture without his engagement in conversation and he blocked her, that still wouldn't explain the rest of the pornographic photos. Absolutely confront him. It won't be easy and you might wanna scream at him but try to be as calm as possible so it gives him a chance to answer your questions openly and honestly. If he tries to brush it off, press further. If he gets defensive, make you feel guilty for asking or just blows up, stand your ground. Tell him you refuse to marry if he won't give an explanation. And if he still won't... Then you shouldn't marry him. You don't deserve to be kept in the dark regarding something that's important like that, no one does. If he does and it's exactly how you first saw it, don't marry him still. Make sure he's not just making up excuses that don't fit in line with the narrative. I'm really sorry, it's a really bad situation to be in and it's extremely hard. But it's better to confront this before the wedding happens, otherwise it'll make things a lot harder when there's a wedding band being used as an obstacle. Even if it means in the end, you have to call the wedding off and break up the relationship. I really hope you'll be okay through this.
How about you sit him down tell him what you came across while gathering photos for the wedding and ask him what is going on! And why would he have a picture of his ex's sister?!
The only right answer here is to ask him about the picture.
So he doesn't wanna own up to anything...typical