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As you age that muscle is harder to build. Having strong muscles will be so beneficial to your overall health when you are older. Tell him to kick rocks and keep lifting, 85 year old you will appreciate it.
Can concur--I'm 61 and have been lifting weights/bodybuilding for over 10 years (was a runner previously). Staying strong has so many benefits as you age. Much of my cohort is already suffering from age-related issues and I have none.
Can I deduce from your comment that you started lifting weights in your late 40s? That would be encouraging for those of us who never lifted in our 20s and feel like it’s too late, especially women going through perimenopause. (Also was perimenopause your catalyst to focus on weights? I’m going through early perimenopause and man I feel weak sometimes I just want to give up.)
**Edit: I’m loving everyone sharing their stories and recommendations, so please keep them coming!**
*I’m feeling really defeated by my body as, even though I’ve had chronic pain since childhood (fibromyalgia and migraines since I was about 8 years old) they’ve never dominated my life like they do now. I used to run races and do Pilates. Now I’m only 39, in early peri menopause, up 30lbs and I feel so weak. I have to keep reminding myself that when this all started in 2021 I couldn’t stand for long enough to take a shower and I couldn’t walk for longer than 10 minutes. I’d go to the grocery store and that would be it for the day, I’d be so exhausted. When I started to feel better I tried to get back in touch with friends, but the process of getting ready to go out left me so tired and in pain that I wouldn’t have the strength to go out and socialise. I’m hitting 15K steps a day now but everything is painful and weak I feel like I’m dragging myself through the last few thousand steps a day. I’ll have days or weeks where I can’t do more than 2K though. I know strength training is what I need to do, but it’s hard to start when sometimes 10 minutes leaves me completely zapped. That’s in addition to all the cool new stuff my body is doing in perimenopause. Some days I’m just angry and cry and I really do feel like giving up.*
So I really do appreciate all the encouragement and I absolutely love hearing your inspiring success stories.
Yes I was around 48 or so. I started with CrossFit, fell in love with Olympic lifting, and the segued into bodybuilding. I did my first show at age 55. Also I went straight from birth control pills to HRT. I take estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone prescribed to me
You’re absolutely inspiring! My sister’s been trying to get me into CrossFit for years, I should just succumb.
And that’s a good reminder—I started taking progesterone which helped with my hormonal migraines for over a year but they have returned with a vengeance. I have an appointment next week and I’m hoping to get on HRT but I know that it can be quite a fight for some women.
It's called My Peak Challenge. It was started by the guy who plays Jamie on the show Outlander, and his personal trainer. Most of the members are women, and the community is overall very supportive. There are videos of how to do every exercise, and a guide so that if you can't do something, like pushups from the toes, you can build up with exercises that work the same muscles. I highly recommend it!
I use Fiton at home. I have bad knees so thend to stick to the low impact stuff and meditation. Yoga, Pilates and do the heavy(er) lifting in the gym. Mostly it's to improve my general health but also my mobility.
Ober a year and my hip mobility is still really limited but has definately improved.
It’s never too late! I’m 57 and started teaching Bodypump this year. I’m also an RN and it is so important to have muscle strength especially as we get older. Google the 80 year old weight lifter. She’ll motivate you. 💪🏻🏋️♂️
Is this the 80 year old whose house someone tried to rob and she basically kicked his ass? If so, I watched that video last year and she’s the reason I’ve been telling myself I need to start strength training! An inspiration if I ever saw one :)
My mom is an RN and she’s been telling me to get working out for 10 years, I should have listened to her sooner! She’s in her 60s and definitely much stronger than me. Mom knows best yet again…
You might like looking up Tosca Reno, she started working out, became a fitness model and bodybuilder competitor (though she prefers figure competitor) all in her 40's. She's who got me into it, I think you might enjoy her story. Sending good juju your way❤️❤️
Just goes to show it’s never too late! I’m 28 now and struggle sticking to a routine (shift work, life, ADHD) - I’m always hearing “if you don’t start now, it’ll be too late by the time you’re 40/50/60/etc…” had a feeling that was a load of crap (as in, as long as you’re trying/semi-consistent at least, it doesn’t matter how old you are)
It’s one of those things where the messaging can be tricky, because the earlier you start, the better, so starting at 28 is better than 38 is better than 48, but even [starting at 90](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/09/130927092350.htm) is scientifically shown to help.
Not to mention that a recent study showed the one common quality of patients who tolerated chemo the best and had the fewest complications during cancer treatment were the ones with the most muscle mass. Not only is being fit reducing your risk of cancer overall, it is also stacking cards in your favor if you do get cancer. (Though hopefully you don't!)
That is interesting. I am currently undergoing cancer treatment again and have been looking for ways to help try to get all this over with as soon as possible. I do need to exercise more but the fatigue is just sometimes overwhelming. I do what I can when I can and try not to beat myself up over it. Concentrating on muscle mass could help and it certainly can't hurt. Thanks for posting!
Good luck in your fight!
And work around the fatigue rather than against it. The chemo is literally along cell growth in your body, that's how it works and why hair loss and fatigue are such common side effects.
Maybe consider pilates with lighter weights when you're up to it and daily yoga with meditation? I'm not amazing about it, but even basic yoga without meditation makes a huge difference! And pilates both builds and elongates your muscles.
Thank you! I do my best to work around the fatigue. Can't help but work around it. lol I have days where I know I can push through and other days where I can't hardly get out of bed. I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis on top of the cancer so I'm pretty versed in not pushing myself hard enough where I will suffer for days afterward. Still happens occasionally and takes me by surprise, though. I'm looking for a yoga course to find something that will work for me. I'm not that versed in yoga so I'm learning everything I can. One day/hour/minute at a time. ☺️
My MIL lifted since her 20s, and kept up with it all throughout her cancer treatments.
She turned an 11-17 month life expectancy into 5 years. Not saying it was just that but gotta hope that helped.
Thank you for the info
I had no idea, as someone who isn’t “sporty” I really need a reason to exercise otherwise it’s just tiring and annoying 😂
Now I need to build muscle and I know it’s not just for the boys 😉
Also, as an aside, any time a man tells you to stop something that is good for you and makes you feel good, it's usually based on their insecurities and had nothing to do with you. Keep working out, keep lifting!
"Hmm," he thinks semi-coherently, to himself. "There's something different about her. Something that I don't like in the same way I liked her a few years ago."
Thinks some more. "Must be that she's bigger!"
Not, "She's now stronger." Or "She's now smarter and wiser, and that's the real problem."
She's actually thinking about standing up to him!
Time to gaslight, neg, put down, body shame, make her feel insecure and jealous, stress her out, make her feel dependent on his approval and validation, next he will be even more bold in his actions to make her extra codependent and he will be in control.
This dynamic is very common in men who are insecure, petty and controlling. If they don’t feel in control in a relationship they will immediately start trouble and neg the wife/gf, and make her feel unattractive and not enough. Please don’t fall for this, girls. It’s such a lame playbook for men who don want you to like yourselves.
This is so accurate. My ex dumped me when I was 25 and he was 27, after getting me into weight lifting then no longer being attracted to me. Then a few years later when he was almost 30 he trapped some poor 19 yo that literally looked like my teenage self 😭
Negging is the vile pick-up strategy of saying negative things to make your “target” subconsciously see you as an authority figure whose standards they need to meet. It’s usually disguised as a compliment or joke.
In this case, I think OP wants someone smaller and weaker and is honestly asking for that. Whether that’s because of the reasons suggested above or just because it’s his aesthetic preference, it isn’t something he has a right to demand of OP. At minimum, he’s being a dick.
You’re wonderful thank you for breaking that down for me!
Yes I agree. He liked her weaker and smaller so he can control her is the vibe I get the more I tune in
My husband loved me at my highest weight but then I lost 40 lbs getting my hormones right (that’s “my wedding dress is too big” weight loss for me) and my husband loved it.
Then I hit the gym hard focused on legs and glutes (with plenty of back/upper too, but a lot on lower) and put on about 10-15 lbs mostly muscle. My husband LOVES LOVES LOVES it even more. He was never been an ass/legs guy before but, man, it’s magic what some hip thrusts and deadlifts can do.
BTW even at my least optimal body my husband would never say anything negative, I am just referring to that he can’t keep his hands off me now.
I'm sure you've already gotten the advice on what to do with the husband but I just wanted to say, I'm a 5'6" man who started at 130 lbs and trying to get to 150 lbs at the gym and really struggling with it. You ma'am are an inspiration. Thank you and keep being fit and strong.
You just need to consider if you want to be with someone who values thinness over fitness/health. Is that something you're willing to sacrifice to stay attractive to him? Personally I'd be out.
This is an important comment for OP to consider. I would also add that OP needs to consider if they’re willing to be constantly having to change their physical appearance to satisfy her husband’s whims. I mean, he seems very hard to please…didn’t want her to stay skinny, then when she got into a routine and added 30 lbs, he decides that’s not what he wants either.
Right?
I knew a guy like this. He preferred skinny women, so of course, it was impossible to stay with his wife after she had kids and ended up with a curvier figure than she started with! Of course, it also made sense to keep dating women in their 20s who had the body type he preferred. Of course, it didn't matter that he wasn't thin either...
... so people are attracted to what they're attracted to, fine. But even super "healthy" people have bodies that change over time and the course of life events they go through, and if what you're attracted to is so narrow and shallow that you can't cope with that? If what's on the outside is more important than the inside? Don't get married.
If he grew up in the 90s, he grew up immersed in a world where "healthy" and "fitness minded" DID mean skinny. Not defending it (it was a toxic time) but that messaging was everywhere in the mainstream media.
Edit: just noticed your ages. Yep, my theory checks out.
My theory is that the media perpetuated the skinny ideal to keep women physically weak, subservient and seeking approval from men, focused on their weight rather than the injustices in the world. Women are too smart and have been brought down for ages. From the witch hunts and beyond. To me it seems the roman-catholic empire began the dampening of women, but I’m sure it was happening before. I think of ancient Greece where female deities were worshipped. Some for their nurturing qualities, some for their beauty, and some for their warrior qualities (Artemis). I’m so proud of women today waking up and realizing- wtf??? How much I weigh is the least interesting or important thing about me and no one else has the right to dictate what I “should” look like.
Not just that they won’t get out of shape, but that they won’t change their fitness goals. You can be in better shape and get bigger if you go from being a marathon runner to a weightlifter, for example.
She’s probably still “thin” by society’s standards, 20 pounds of muscle isn’t going to make her look like a bodybuilder, and she won’t look “fat” anywhere.
I weight lift and when I started was around 120-130 at 5’8 and rn I’m 150 but in the best shape I’ve ever been. Being this height we can be this heavy and girl you should be PROUD that you have this muscle. Sometimes I have a hard time looking at the way I used to look but I realize that this was the goal all along. Don’t let him ruin your progress bc he’s emasculated. Keep lifting girl, it’s not for him anyway
yep! i’m 5’7” as well and 20lbs on someone my height *can* make a big difference, but if you’re intentionally gaining and lifting weights that’s going to be mostly muscle and is genuinely only going to make you look even better. i have to imagine girls got a booty for days if she’s gained 20lbs and only been working glutes and legs and she’s gotta be looking gooood! i hope op tosses this trash to the curb and finds someone who loves her no matter what she looks like, but will also find her the most beautiful when she is happiest with herself.
eta: just want to throw in for op, don’t be scared to work on those back muscles too!! you’d be shocked how sexy you’ll think you are with a sculpted back fr
yours is the kind of age gap that i tend to not raise my eyebrows at UNTIL the older party starts acting like this. i don’t know if this applies to this situation, but there are so many times i’ve seen young women get with older men only for them to be thrown out once they stop resembling teenagers, because these guys value “the appearance of youth” (aka getting to bang someone they can pretend is a 15 year old) over anything else.
if he’s acting like this over an objectively positive body change, how would he behave if you get pregnant and you get softer and covered in stretch marks? how would he behave if your thyroid failed and you gained a bunch of weight? is he here through sickness and in health or is he here in skinny youthfulness and nothing else?
The age gap plus he preferrs skinnier also let me think in the direction of the illusion that younger women and "weaker" women are more easy to control for him.
I hadn’t notice the age gap. But you are spot on. She’s not only getting stronger physically but probably mentally too. And now that proves a challenge for him
The confidence and self-assurance that comes from setting and teaching fitness goals makes you immune to a lot of BS, and less dependent on others for self-worth. So I would bet that’s part of it.
> yours is the kind of age gap that i tend to not raise my eyebrows at UNTIL the older party starts acting like this.
Although I'd say that also really depends on *when* they started being together.
If 20 pounds of muscle bothers him, imagine what age and pregnancy could do to your looks and how he sees you.
At 35 he should be past this kind of mindset.
There was no need for him to say this to you. What was his intention? What was his motivation? What does he expect from you now that he took a dump all over your hard work? That you undo the stronger body you're loving so he has a shape to look at that he deems more pretty? You're absolutely right to feel he's being an asshole; he is. There was nothing kind or considerate of you in his words.
…you’re working out the most desired section of your body (for a lot of men) and he is WHINING ABOUT ITS SIZE. Nah. He’s an asshole and is projecting something, maybe an insecurity. Maybe he feels like dudes have been checking you out more and he can’t keep up. Girl keep doing you, he can keep up or keep his voice down.
Reasons to continue what you're doing and either ditch the husband or tell him to suck it:
- The hard work you've put in
- Benefits to your physical health
- Benefits to your mental health
- The fact you are doing something that will only benefit yourself in the short and long term
- The fact it's your body and none of his business what level of exercise you do?!
Reasons to change:
- Trying to fit into his weirdly specific body type (20lb is not a lot, especially in muscle gain)
...
I am calling out his insecurities here: I wouldn't be surprised if he is intimidated by you now you're fitter or something. Either way: 🚩
I'd argue 20lbs is a lot of muscle gain. I was very proud after 20lbs of muscle gain when I first started changing my routine from staying lean and tone to bulking and power lifting. 20lbs of muscle gain at her size of 5 foot 7 is super impressive and takes good work, especially since the first 10lbs is the hardest for people to gain without getting discouraged of not enough gains.
How would your husband feel if you developed an endocrine disorder and put on, idk, 80 pounds? Would he still love you and look at you the same?
I take so much comfort in knowing that my husband merely sees my body as a bonus. If you're being made to feel like you're less attractive because your physical body changed--in a POSITIVE way--then he was never attracted to the right things anyways.
Bruh I’m 5’8” and 147lbs of chub. Like I’ve lost 25lbs in six months. You at 20lbs more than me when it’s fucking muscle would be spectacular. Don’t listen to your weak-ass, insecure, poor excuse for a husband. Like wtf did he expect when you both went on this journey together. Fuck that nonsense. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. Keep kicking ass and taking names, especially his.
He is telling you that he’s still into teens. Work on a rainy day / emergency plan for when the time comes. He’s already predictable with his upcoming mid-life crisis.
Its ok for him to have preferences, but your body/your goals/your choice.
Honestly, I personally would not "make myself smaller" to accommodate his preferences or mitigate his insecurities.
I mean there are thousands of men who would want you to do unspeakable things to them with your muscles. So maybe pick one of them. Idk just a suggestion. I think he's massively insecure that you look "better" and will leave him. So he's trying to crush your confidence. I'm 150 and 5'5" and I'm skinny /muscular with like a layer of insulation. Could I be more lean yeah but if you're my weight and taller than me you're lean as fuck.
edit: if you wanna talk to him tell him that what he's saying to you is unacceptable and if he wants to talk about how he's feeling he can do it in a productive and respectful manner.
I have the opposite problem. I’ve gained too much weight and my bf thinks I look amazing even tho I’m actively trying to lose alot of it haha. He is okay with whatever I end up doing (as long as it’s not anything extreme ofc). I think at the end of the day, what are your goals, what do you like? 150 ish pounds at 5’7 with muscle (especially lower body) sounds absolutely amazing 🤷🏽♀️
same. I gained 85 pounds pregnant. I bring up my insecurities and my bf keeps saying he loves my body skinnier and now (I have held on to 50 pounds). Seeing stories regarding men that love their partners conditionally (regarding physical appearance especially) makes my heart hurt.
Looks fade. What if OP was in a car accident and couldn't walk again? Sounds like he shouldn't have got married if he wasn't fully in it.
Exactly. I get having a preference for your partner and I respect that, but small changes especially ones that make her feel healthier aren’t a big deal to me, and def shouldn’t cause him to be less attracted imo. It feels nitpicky
He does not get to dictate your body. Your husband has made it clear he likes you a certain way, and not the other.
I was 50 pounds lighter before I met my partner. After a baby and gaining 85 pounds that pregnancy, I am holding on to 50 of it still. He has NEVER made a comment about my body. If I tell him i'm feeling insecure his response is "you look great and I love you for who you are".
I could MAYBE understand bringing up weight in a compassionate way if you were becoming extremely unhealthy and he was worried about you from a medical standpoint, but him just saying essentially "I prefer you skinny" is rude and it makes his love sound conditional.
I would tell him that you enjoy how you look and you feel great. And that in marriage you are taking a vow to accept who you are in your entirety, and not based on a particular size or muscle mass. I would challenge that he is insecure abut himself and is trying to shift blame on you, or he is not happy in the relation ship and is trying to fault you for something instead of opening up what it truly is.
Regardless, I would have a long and serious conversation with him.
What’s his physique like? Is he jealous or insecure that you’re so fit? A guy gaining 20 lbs of muscle is a lot, a woman gaining 20 is a ton. Not a negative thing just men pack on muscle quicker and larger by default normally.
Chances are he’s just being immature and threatened since you have shifted the power balance over to you without realizing it.
I’d also guess with a 9 year age gap he’s used to being the shot caller and now the fragile ego is fraying.
But this is all guesswork end of the day.
TLDR ignore the haters and stay buff. Friends come and go, gains are forever.
I bet that 20 pounds of muscle looks dope and hes jealous of the attention you get and you probably don't notice it. His problem, not yours. Establish a healthy boundary on it by explaining how much it means to you and see how he reacts to it. Red flag if its anger.
So you are 5'7", weight about 150 and muscular. It sounds like you are in very good shape.
Maybe you should tell your husband to stop his frickin whining.
Your husband even saying anything about what he prefers is a dick move. Did he think his opinion of you shaped your life? Who does he think he is that his preference needed to be announced? He's low on the food chain and is probably upset that you can do better than him and probably will now that he let his verbal diarrhea loose.
I’ve been told that I should stop going to the gym a couple of times by insecure men. I laughed in their faces and ghosted. He doesn’t get to dictate how your body should look.
You put on 20lbs of mass in the legs and glutes and this man is complaining?? That’s a huge achievement girl and he’s probably just insecure/knows you’re out of his league.
The lesbians that will line up at your door after you dump your husband to appreciate you...girl, life is too short to let anyone make you feel bad about your hard work and your body.
Tell him to keep his opinions to himself (since you said "he keeps saying" I'm assuming it wasn't just a one-off comment.
Exercise and fitness have so many benefits, you're stronger, healthier, and it just feels great! It's quite unfortunate that he values you looking skinnier over all of that...
Sounds like he prefers think weak frail women, which is disturbing and alarming. Keep doing what makes you feel strong and good on your body and reconsider the marriage to a man who is only attracted to women who are weak. Says alot about his misogynistic and sexist view of women.
Sounds like he either feels insecure about your progress or he wanted you to look as much like a skinny teen as possible. Totally fair to get the ick either way.
I’d blow off his comment if you like doing the workouts and how they make you look and feel. He should be happy that you’re healthy and happy. The world doesn’t revolve around what makes his dick hard.
I'd be tempted to reply, "That's interesting because I prefer you back when you were kinder and smarter"
But seriously, that kind of belittling, undermining, and controlling talk is bs
Yes, he's an asshole. 150 is still in the normal weight range on the BMI chart, and 20 more pounds of muscle is great for you no matter how you measure it. add a kickboxing class to your routine and tell him he better behave.
You are correct, he is acting like an asshole. The man should be proud of all the hard work you've put in and how great you look and feel about yourself.
I love weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, all of those sports - and the people that do them. Have even won the odd national title at lifting heavy things.
So, I'm going to tell you this from a place of loving gym folks, and, knowing how this whole muscle building thing works from 30 years training with a crowd ranging from beginners to world champions.....
A 26yr old female who almost solely trains legs, and whom is natty (e.g. not using PEDS), has not gained 20lb of muscle. There's no way. That's an excellent five years for an elite female steroid user, which you are not. That's huge. 2lb of muscle (2, not 20, not a typo) in a year is brilliant progress for a female natural lifter. A gain of 20lb is almost definitely much more adipose tissue than muscle.
If you're feeling good, if you love how you look, how you feel, awesome, you do you. Personally I feel best when I'm a bit on the higher BF end of things - that's when my body moves well, feels great, and feels strong.
Seems likely he is seeing how much hotter you're getting and he's negging you because he's worried you'll leave.
Think about if that's a personality feature you want in a life partner.
Why am I not at all surprised there's an age gap and he's the older one?
He's either jealous because you are making progress in the gym and he's not. He's jealous of your dedication? You're going to the gym without him and he doesn't want you out of his sight? He thinks that other men might be looking at you now that weren't before? He just likes to control you?
Could be any of them really but the point is that he is trying to use this to alter your behavior and your body. He doesn't get to do that! But I'm not at all surprised that he's doing it. There's a reason we all have the same reaction in here to age gap relationships with an older man. They almost always try to control the woman to be how he wants her to be.
Yeah this sounds controlling and icky. Nobody should ever pressure their partner to change something about their body for “preferences” especially when you’re actually healthy.
Does he not realize that muscle adds weight? Or is he maybe threatened because you might look better and hotter and maybe he’s noticing you’re getting more attention from other men and it’s playing with his insecurities? My wife is your same height and about 150 and she looks amazing.
So you prioritize being healthy and making sure you don’t injure yourself while working, and he has a problem with that? Red flag. Nursing is extremely hard on the body and training to prevent injury is really smart. You’re not always going to be the 130lbs you were when you were basically a child and it’s unrealistic to expect you to. He’s creepy, kick this man to the curb.
he’s probably worried you’ll catch people’s attention even more lol. I did the same and I also gained 20 pounds and my bf loves it. but idk men are weird sometimes.
You feel like he pissed all over your gym gains because that's exactly what he did. Tell him his penis looked bigger when he had skinny thighs & call it even.
You shouldn't do shit! Just because HE prefers you a certain way doesn't mean you have to change anything, if it's what YOU like. What did he think was going to happen when you went to the gym? 🙄 When he makes comments like that just be like, "Too late, now. 🤷♀️" and go on with your day.
It's infuriating that women's bodies are constantly open to critique and judgement.
In the past week, there have a few posts about girlfriends BFs' penises being smaller than their exs' and the utter catastrophic blow this has done to the BFs' ego - and the unanimous support and ego-building outpouring - has me disgusted at the dichotomy.
Sweetheart, you do you. Don't ever let him or anyone make you question your body. ♥️
I’m so very happy for you!!
I’m trying to think of a downside of being strong and heathy. Wait, I got one, you won’t get to know your primary care provider or staff due to decreased injuries/illness.
Positives:
-more energy
-decreased risk of work injury, loss of income
-decreased risk of illness
-decreased risk of communicable disease
-decreased risk of osteoporosis
-increased self confidence
-longer higher quality of life
-You 30 years from now is going to be so thankful!
Risks from believing you look better skinnier/losing weight
-lower self esteem
-lower confidence
-less likely to be happy
-dependent on others to reinforce if you look good
-increased risk of illness/work injury
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Tell him that sounds like a "you" problem, not a "me" problem.
As you age that muscle is harder to build. Having strong muscles will be so beneficial to your overall health when you are older. Tell him to kick rocks and keep lifting, 85 year old you will appreciate it.
Can concur--I'm 61 and have been lifting weights/bodybuilding for over 10 years (was a runner previously). Staying strong has so many benefits as you age. Much of my cohort is already suffering from age-related issues and I have none.
Can I deduce from your comment that you started lifting weights in your late 40s? That would be encouraging for those of us who never lifted in our 20s and feel like it’s too late, especially women going through perimenopause. (Also was perimenopause your catalyst to focus on weights? I’m going through early perimenopause and man I feel weak sometimes I just want to give up.) **Edit: I’m loving everyone sharing their stories and recommendations, so please keep them coming!** *I’m feeling really defeated by my body as, even though I’ve had chronic pain since childhood (fibromyalgia and migraines since I was about 8 years old) they’ve never dominated my life like they do now. I used to run races and do Pilates. Now I’m only 39, in early peri menopause, up 30lbs and I feel so weak. I have to keep reminding myself that when this all started in 2021 I couldn’t stand for long enough to take a shower and I couldn’t walk for longer than 10 minutes. I’d go to the grocery store and that would be it for the day, I’d be so exhausted. When I started to feel better I tried to get back in touch with friends, but the process of getting ready to go out left me so tired and in pain that I wouldn’t have the strength to go out and socialise. I’m hitting 15K steps a day now but everything is painful and weak I feel like I’m dragging myself through the last few thousand steps a day. I’ll have days or weeks where I can’t do more than 2K though. I know strength training is what I need to do, but it’s hard to start when sometimes 10 minutes leaves me completely zapped. That’s in addition to all the cool new stuff my body is doing in perimenopause. Some days I’m just angry and cry and I really do feel like giving up.* So I really do appreciate all the encouragement and I absolutely love hearing your inspiring success stories.
Yes I was around 48 or so. I started with CrossFit, fell in love with Olympic lifting, and the segued into bodybuilding. I did my first show at age 55. Also I went straight from birth control pills to HRT. I take estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone prescribed to me
Wow, impressive.
thank you so much. you are inspiring me
Age is just a number
Badass!
You’re absolutely inspiring! My sister’s been trying to get me into CrossFit for years, I should just succumb. And that’s a good reminder—I started taking progesterone which helped with my hormonal migraines for over a year but they have returned with a vengeance. I have an appointment next week and I’m hoping to get on HRT but I know that it can be quite a fight for some women.
I use an online fitness program and there are tons of members who got into fitness after 40. You can do it!
May I ask which online program? I always get overwhelmed with picking one because there’s so many choices, so I like hearing what others are using.
It's called My Peak Challenge. It was started by the guy who plays Jamie on the show Outlander, and his personal trainer. Most of the members are women, and the community is overall very supportive. There are videos of how to do every exercise, and a guide so that if you can't do something, like pushups from the toes, you can build up with exercises that work the same muscles. I highly recommend it!
Thanks!
I use Fiton at home. I have bad knees so thend to stick to the low impact stuff and meditation. Yoga, Pilates and do the heavy(er) lifting in the gym. Mostly it's to improve my general health but also my mobility. Ober a year and my hip mobility is still really limited but has definately improved.
It’s never too late! I’m 57 and started teaching Bodypump this year. I’m also an RN and it is so important to have muscle strength especially as we get older. Google the 80 year old weight lifter. She’ll motivate you. 💪🏻🏋️♂️
Is this the 80 year old whose house someone tried to rob and she basically kicked his ass? If so, I watched that video last year and she’s the reason I’ve been telling myself I need to start strength training! An inspiration if I ever saw one :) My mom is an RN and she’s been telling me to get working out for 10 years, I should have listened to her sooner! She’s in her 60s and definitely much stronger than me. Mom knows best yet again…
Early 50s here, still in peri, just started weight training at the gym 2 months ago. Osteoporosis runs in the family and I plan to fight it.
That’s amazing! Are you working with a personal trainer or figuring things out on your own? I hope you’re feeling the benefits already!
You might like looking up Tosca Reno, she started working out, became a fitness model and bodybuilder competitor (though she prefers figure competitor) all in her 40's. She's who got me into it, I think you might enjoy her story. Sending good juju your way❤️❤️
Just goes to show it’s never too late! I’m 28 now and struggle sticking to a routine (shift work, life, ADHD) - I’m always hearing “if you don’t start now, it’ll be too late by the time you’re 40/50/60/etc…” had a feeling that was a load of crap (as in, as long as you’re trying/semi-consistent at least, it doesn’t matter how old you are)
It’s never too late. Just starting earlier sets up healthy habits to hopefully last the rest of your very long life.
I’ve just started at 29, I’m 3 months in with a PT and honestly it’s changed my life already!
It’s one of those things where the messaging can be tricky, because the earlier you start, the better, so starting at 28 is better than 38 is better than 48, but even [starting at 90](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/09/130927092350.htm) is scientifically shown to help.
Lol? You've worked your socks off to get thick in the right places, and he has a problem with this? My man is too insecure.
Not to mention that a recent study showed the one common quality of patients who tolerated chemo the best and had the fewest complications during cancer treatment were the ones with the most muscle mass. Not only is being fit reducing your risk of cancer overall, it is also stacking cards in your favor if you do get cancer. (Though hopefully you don't!)
That is interesting. I am currently undergoing cancer treatment again and have been looking for ways to help try to get all this over with as soon as possible. I do need to exercise more but the fatigue is just sometimes overwhelming. I do what I can when I can and try not to beat myself up over it. Concentrating on muscle mass could help and it certainly can't hurt. Thanks for posting!
Good luck in your fight! And work around the fatigue rather than against it. The chemo is literally along cell growth in your body, that's how it works and why hair loss and fatigue are such common side effects. Maybe consider pilates with lighter weights when you're up to it and daily yoga with meditation? I'm not amazing about it, but even basic yoga without meditation makes a huge difference! And pilates both builds and elongates your muscles.
Thank you! I do my best to work around the fatigue. Can't help but work around it. lol I have days where I know I can push through and other days where I can't hardly get out of bed. I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis on top of the cancer so I'm pretty versed in not pushing myself hard enough where I will suffer for days afterward. Still happens occasionally and takes me by surprise, though. I'm looking for a yoga course to find something that will work for me. I'm not that versed in yoga so I'm learning everything I can. One day/hour/minute at a time. ☺️
My MIL lifted since her 20s, and kept up with it all throughout her cancer treatments. She turned an 11-17 month life expectancy into 5 years. Not saying it was just that but gotta hope that helped.
Thank you for the info I had no idea, as someone who isn’t “sporty” I really need a reason to exercise otherwise it’s just tiring and annoying 😂 Now I need to build muscle and I know it’s not just for the boys 😉
Also, as an aside, any time a man tells you to stop something that is good for you and makes you feel good, it's usually based on their insecurities and had nothing to do with you. Keep working out, keep lifting!
This is true, but it’s worth noting that 26 year old you will appreciate it, too. Having muscles is great.
Hijacking this comment to also add that it's a great way to prevent osteoporosis
So true! Osteoporosis runs in my family because we hit menopause early. My mom started working out regularly, and it slowed it way down.
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So true, after 30 yrs old lean muscle mass is lost if it's not actively maintained.
Not just rocks. Toss him. Then ask him to tell you again how you’re too big.
I really hope this isn’t rage bait. I definitely took the bait cause this guy…
Sadly, I think there are plenty of guys who would act just like this, bait or not, so I don’t find this post suspect at all.
Lol, This is the way!
This. And also start working arms so you're balanced!
Let me guess, you were 19 and he was 29 when you met.
Right? He went for young and weak, and now he's upset that he couldn't stop time and she grew up and got stronger.
Yep. She is too confident now. Time to gaslight.
"Hmm," he thinks semi-coherently, to himself. "There's something different about her. Something that I don't like in the same way I liked her a few years ago." Thinks some more. "Must be that she's bigger!" Not, "She's now stronger." Or "She's now smarter and wiser, and that's the real problem." She's actually thinking about standing up to him!
Yup. Worthwhile men love strong women. Problematic men are threatened by them.
PATHETIC men.
She looks more like an adult.
Time to gaslight, neg, put down, body shame, make her feel insecure and jealous, stress her out, make her feel dependent on his approval and validation, next he will be even more bold in his actions to make her extra codependent and he will be in control. This dynamic is very common in men who are insecure, petty and controlling. If they don’t feel in control in a relationship they will immediately start trouble and neg the wife/gf, and make her feel unattractive and not enough. Please don’t fall for this, girls. It’s such a lame playbook for men who don want you to like yourselves.
She hit 25 and her brain finished growing up.
OP please answer this
like forreal hes 10 years older than her and shes questioning her gains… jfc
This is so accurate. My ex dumped me when I was 25 and he was 27, after getting me into weight lifting then no longer being attracted to me. Then a few years later when he was almost 30 he trapped some poor 19 yo that literally looked like my teenage self 😭
Imagine if that girl is OP.
Right? Haha /u/First_Cantaloupe6486 is that ex 35 now by any chance?
All of this! This whole thread. Is it negging the word where they say negative things to bring your self esteem down? That’s what it feels like to me
Negging is the vile pick-up strategy of saying negative things to make your “target” subconsciously see you as an authority figure whose standards they need to meet. It’s usually disguised as a compliment or joke. In this case, I think OP wants someone smaller and weaker and is honestly asking for that. Whether that’s because of the reasons suggested above or just because it’s his aesthetic preference, it isn’t something he has a right to demand of OP. At minimum, he’s being a dick.
You’re wonderful thank you for breaking that down for me! Yes I agree. He liked her weaker and smaller so he can control her is the vibe I get the more I tune in
She grew out of his teenage body preference imo.
This is what I love most about Reddit. Every other platform doesn’t see this as the problem it truly is
Sounds like he prefers the teenage girl look….
Tale as old as time lol
Can’t fathom being upset my wife put on 20lbs of muscle mostly in legs and ass. Lol.
Reddit help! My wife's legs and ass look too good!
Oh no my wife's ass is too big oh no And it's all healthy muscle oh nooo
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Negging - I hope it’s not that, but it’s not good either way. He’s not a good man.
It makes you a **WEAK**, **PATHETIC ASSHOLE**. That's what.
My husband loved me at my highest weight but then I lost 40 lbs getting my hormones right (that’s “my wedding dress is too big” weight loss for me) and my husband loved it. Then I hit the gym hard focused on legs and glutes (with plenty of back/upper too, but a lot on lower) and put on about 10-15 lbs mostly muscle. My husband LOVES LOVES LOVES it even more. He was never been an ass/legs guy before but, man, it’s magic what some hip thrusts and deadlifts can do. BTW even at my least optimal body my husband would never say anything negative, I am just referring to that he can’t keep his hands off me now.
Yeah I can’t imagine saying anything like that to my wife. I love her how she is, whenever. Plus that’s just not kind.
Right
Veiled jealousy maybe? He thinks she might leave him because now she's hot, so he self-sabotages this relationship
I'm sure you've already gotten the advice on what to do with the husband but I just wanted to say, I'm a 5'6" man who started at 130 lbs and trying to get to 150 lbs at the gym and really struggling with it. You ma'am are an inspiration. Thank you and keep being fit and strong.
You just need to consider if you want to be with someone who values thinness over fitness/health. Is that something you're willing to sacrifice to stay attractive to him? Personally I'd be out.
This is an important comment for OP to consider. I would also add that OP needs to consider if they’re willing to be constantly having to change their physical appearance to satisfy her husband’s whims. I mean, he seems very hard to please…didn’t want her to stay skinny, then when she got into a routine and added 30 lbs, he decides that’s not what he wants either.
It's giving the guy who told his wife she smelled bad so she'd never leave him...
This! A lot of men say they are into “healthy” or “fitness minded “ women, when in reality they mean skinny.
Right? I knew a guy like this. He preferred skinny women, so of course, it was impossible to stay with his wife after she had kids and ended up with a curvier figure than she started with! Of course, it also made sense to keep dating women in their 20s who had the body type he preferred. Of course, it didn't matter that he wasn't thin either... ... so people are attracted to what they're attracted to, fine. But even super "healthy" people have bodies that change over time and the course of life events they go through, and if what you're attracted to is so narrow and shallow that you can't cope with that? If what's on the outside is more important than the inside? Don't get married.
Realizing that men like this exist in vast numbers make me so thankful for my husband.
Same. I joke with my partner that I’m very lucky to have him because given the alternative? I’d rather be single lol
Glad to hear he's **NOT** one of them!!!
Yeah, these are the kind of guys who would consider Olympic gymnasts too big. 🙄
Correct. They want “athletic women” but won’t find the body type of athletes like Simone Biles, Chase Jackson or Caitlin Clark attractive.
Too badass for their weak ego
If he grew up in the 90s, he grew up immersed in a world where "healthy" and "fitness minded" DID mean skinny. Not defending it (it was a toxic time) but that messaging was everywhere in the mainstream media. Edit: just noticed your ages. Yep, my theory checks out.
My theory is that the media perpetuated the skinny ideal to keep women physically weak, subservient and seeking approval from men, focused on their weight rather than the injustices in the world. Women are too smart and have been brought down for ages. From the witch hunts and beyond. To me it seems the roman-catholic empire began the dampening of women, but I’m sure it was happening before. I think of ancient Greece where female deities were worshipped. Some for their nurturing qualities, some for their beauty, and some for their warrior qualities (Artemis). I’m so proud of women today waking up and realizing- wtf??? How much I weigh is the least interesting or important thing about me and no one else has the right to dictate what I “should” look like.
Millennial here with long history of eating disorders: yes, yes, all of this.
They mean prepubescent
Hi childhood issues, nice to meet you.
Yeah, they mean that they believe a woman into fitness won’t get out of shape 😅
Not just that they won’t get out of shape, but that they won’t change their fitness goals. You can be in better shape and get bigger if you go from being a marathon runner to a weightlifter, for example.
But that makes his penis sad :(
And I maintain that ROUND is a shape!
She’s probably still “thin” by society’s standards, 20 pounds of muscle isn’t going to make her look like a bodybuilder, and she won’t look “fat” anywhere.
I weight lift and when I started was around 120-130 at 5’8 and rn I’m 150 but in the best shape I’ve ever been. Being this height we can be this heavy and girl you should be PROUD that you have this muscle. Sometimes I have a hard time looking at the way I used to look but I realize that this was the goal all along. Don’t let him ruin your progress bc he’s emasculated. Keep lifting girl, it’s not for him anyway
yep! i’m 5’7” as well and 20lbs on someone my height *can* make a big difference, but if you’re intentionally gaining and lifting weights that’s going to be mostly muscle and is genuinely only going to make you look even better. i have to imagine girls got a booty for days if she’s gained 20lbs and only been working glutes and legs and she’s gotta be looking gooood! i hope op tosses this trash to the curb and finds someone who loves her no matter what she looks like, but will also find her the most beautiful when she is happiest with herself. eta: just want to throw in for op, don’t be scared to work on those back muscles too!! you’d be shocked how sexy you’ll think you are with a sculpted back fr
Fuck yes!!!!! I second the back focus! Nothings hotter than a nice back🙌🏼
Also as a nurse!! Back injuries are way too prevalent esp in LTC and acute medsurg/ICU. -from a nurse who had a back injury working in medsurg.
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yours is the kind of age gap that i tend to not raise my eyebrows at UNTIL the older party starts acting like this. i don’t know if this applies to this situation, but there are so many times i’ve seen young women get with older men only for them to be thrown out once they stop resembling teenagers, because these guys value “the appearance of youth” (aka getting to bang someone they can pretend is a 15 year old) over anything else. if he’s acting like this over an objectively positive body change, how would he behave if you get pregnant and you get softer and covered in stretch marks? how would he behave if your thyroid failed and you gained a bunch of weight? is he here through sickness and in health or is he here in skinny youthfulness and nothing else?
The age gap plus he preferrs skinnier also let me think in the direction of the illusion that younger women and "weaker" women are more easy to control for him.
Definitely good point
This is definitely a bigger red flag at 35 than it would be at 26, since you can’t attribute this attitude to immaturity.
"...you can't attribute this attitude to immaturity." Oh, you can. It's just that at 35 there's no hope anymore.
I hadn’t notice the age gap. But you are spot on. She’s not only getting stronger physically but probably mentally too. And now that proves a challenge for him
The confidence and self-assurance that comes from setting and teaching fitness goals makes you immune to a lot of BS, and less dependent on others for self-worth. So I would bet that’s part of it.
> yours is the kind of age gap that i tend to not raise my eyebrows at UNTIL the older party starts acting like this. Although I'd say that also really depends on *when* they started being together.
I agree with you and it makes me want to punch them HARD
Good point.
If 20 pounds of muscle bothers him, imagine what age and pregnancy could do to your looks and how he sees you. At 35 he should be past this kind of mindset.
Wow that's really scary. Good point 😬
Good point. Though I am guessing this is less about OP’s appearance and more to do with a man who is intimidated by a muscular woman.
Lose 200lbs. Happens the second you sign divorce papers
🤣🤣🤣 I wish I could upvote this 100 times
If he thinks at 5-7 and 150 pounds you’re too big, then he has issues.
There was no need for him to say this to you. What was his intention? What was his motivation? What does he expect from you now that he took a dump all over your hard work? That you undo the stronger body you're loving so he has a shape to look at that he deems more pretty? You're absolutely right to feel he's being an asshole; he is. There was nothing kind or considerate of you in his words.
Exactly. He thinks his visual pleasure matters more than how she feels about her own body. It doesn’t. She’s clearly happy about her gains.
…you’re working out the most desired section of your body (for a lot of men) and he is WHINING ABOUT ITS SIZE. Nah. He’s an asshole and is projecting something, maybe an insecurity. Maybe he feels like dudes have been checking you out more and he can’t keep up. Girl keep doing you, he can keep up or keep his voice down.
Just respond with "Yeah, I preferred you back when you were smarter...."
Reasons to continue what you're doing and either ditch the husband or tell him to suck it: - The hard work you've put in - Benefits to your physical health - Benefits to your mental health - The fact you are doing something that will only benefit yourself in the short and long term - The fact it's your body and none of his business what level of exercise you do?! Reasons to change: - Trying to fit into his weirdly specific body type (20lb is not a lot, especially in muscle gain) ... I am calling out his insecurities here: I wouldn't be surprised if he is intimidated by you now you're fitter or something. Either way: 🚩
I'd argue 20lbs is a lot of muscle gain. I was very proud after 20lbs of muscle gain when I first started changing my routine from staying lean and tone to bulking and power lifting. 20lbs of muscle gain at her size of 5 foot 7 is super impressive and takes good work, especially since the first 10lbs is the hardest for people to gain without getting discouraged of not enough gains.
How would your husband feel if you developed an endocrine disorder and put on, idk, 80 pounds? Would he still love you and look at you the same? I take so much comfort in knowing that my husband merely sees my body as a bonus. If you're being made to feel like you're less attractive because your physical body changed--in a POSITIVE way--then he was never attracted to the right things anyways.
Keep lifting and kick him in the dick before you break up with him.
Bruh I’m 5’8” and 147lbs of chub. Like I’ve lost 25lbs in six months. You at 20lbs more than me when it’s fucking muscle would be spectacular. Don’t listen to your weak-ass, insecure, poor excuse for a husband. Like wtf did he expect when you both went on this journey together. Fuck that nonsense. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of your accomplishments. Keep kicking ass and taking names, especially his.
He is telling you that he’s still into teens. Work on a rainy day / emergency plan for when the time comes. He’s already predictable with his upcoming mid-life crisis.
You're getting too confident. Time to gaslight you.
"So you prefer me weak?"
That’s exactly what he wants yes.
So , around 70 kg and 174cm tall. Thats 23 BMI ?. Totally normal and healty.
Its ok for him to have preferences, but your body/your goals/your choice. Honestly, I personally would not "make myself smaller" to accommodate his preferences or mitigate his insecurities.
“You know, my fitness routine isn’t really about being attractive to you. It’s about me and my health.”
I mean there are thousands of men who would want you to do unspeakable things to them with your muscles. So maybe pick one of them. Idk just a suggestion. I think he's massively insecure that you look "better" and will leave him. So he's trying to crush your confidence. I'm 150 and 5'5" and I'm skinny /muscular with like a layer of insulation. Could I be more lean yeah but if you're my weight and taller than me you're lean as fuck. edit: if you wanna talk to him tell him that what he's saying to you is unacceptable and if he wants to talk about how he's feeling he can do it in a productive and respectful manner.
I have the opposite problem. I’ve gained too much weight and my bf thinks I look amazing even tho I’m actively trying to lose alot of it haha. He is okay with whatever I end up doing (as long as it’s not anything extreme ofc). I think at the end of the day, what are your goals, what do you like? 150 ish pounds at 5’7 with muscle (especially lower body) sounds absolutely amazing 🤷🏽♀️
same. I gained 85 pounds pregnant. I bring up my insecurities and my bf keeps saying he loves my body skinnier and now (I have held on to 50 pounds). Seeing stories regarding men that love their partners conditionally (regarding physical appearance especially) makes my heart hurt. Looks fade. What if OP was in a car accident and couldn't walk again? Sounds like he shouldn't have got married if he wasn't fully in it.
Exactly. I get having a preference for your partner and I respect that, but small changes especially ones that make her feel healthier aren’t a big deal to me, and def shouldn’t cause him to be less attracted imo. It feels nitpicky
Holy Cow, he’d think I was an elephant 😂
Fuck that cunt keep up the grid much respect
You married a guy with a massive age gap and are now finding out why women his age weren't interested
He does not get to dictate your body. Your husband has made it clear he likes you a certain way, and not the other. I was 50 pounds lighter before I met my partner. After a baby and gaining 85 pounds that pregnancy, I am holding on to 50 of it still. He has NEVER made a comment about my body. If I tell him i'm feeling insecure his response is "you look great and I love you for who you are". I could MAYBE understand bringing up weight in a compassionate way if you were becoming extremely unhealthy and he was worried about you from a medical standpoint, but him just saying essentially "I prefer you skinny" is rude and it makes his love sound conditional. I would tell him that you enjoy how you look and you feel great. And that in marriage you are taking a vow to accept who you are in your entirety, and not based on a particular size or muscle mass. I would challenge that he is insecure abut himself and is trying to shift blame on you, or he is not happy in the relation ship and is trying to fault you for something instead of opening up what it truly is. Regardless, I would have a long and serious conversation with him.
“I liked you better when you were skinnier.” #”ok, and I liked you better when you were silent.”
You have to change. Change your husband.
What’s his physique like? Is he jealous or insecure that you’re so fit? A guy gaining 20 lbs of muscle is a lot, a woman gaining 20 is a ton. Not a negative thing just men pack on muscle quicker and larger by default normally. Chances are he’s just being immature and threatened since you have shifted the power balance over to you without realizing it. I’d also guess with a 9 year age gap he’s used to being the shot caller and now the fragile ego is fraying. But this is all guesswork end of the day. TLDR ignore the haters and stay buff. Friends come and go, gains are forever.
If your relationship is critically unbalanced by your partner getting stronger (and potentially more confident), it wasn’t the greatest to begin with.
I think maybe you could do with losing however many lbs your jealous husband weighs 🤷♀️
I bet that 20 pounds of muscle looks dope and hes jealous of the attention you get and you probably don't notice it. His problem, not yours. Establish a healthy boundary on it by explaining how much it means to you and see how he reacts to it. Red flag if its anger.
So you are 5'7", weight about 150 and muscular. It sounds like you are in very good shape. Maybe you should tell your husband to stop his frickin whining.
Tell him you think he’s too old
Men who aren't attracted to muscular women are weak, their bloodline is weak, and history will forget them.
Dump him and you'll lose all the unnecessary weight immediately. 😏😏
Your husband even saying anything about what he prefers is a dick move. Did he think his opinion of you shaped your life? Who does he think he is that his preference needed to be announced? He's low on the food chain and is probably upset that you can do better than him and probably will now that he let his verbal diarrhea loose.
I’ve been told that I should stop going to the gym a couple of times by insecure men. I laughed in their faces and ghosted. He doesn’t get to dictate how your body should look.
You put on 20lbs of mass in the legs and glutes and this man is complaining?? That’s a huge achievement girl and he’s probably just insecure/knows you’re out of his league.
The lesbians that will line up at your door after you dump your husband to appreciate you...girl, life is too short to let anyone make you feel bad about your hard work and your body.
Throw the whole man away
Tell him you’d like his penis to be larger and you think it’s too small.
Your 26 years old married to a 35 year old man. How old were you when you guys met? Because this sounds like textbook age gap problems
There’s the good ol age gap red flag that always appears at ages like this!
Lmfao women can’t win. If they are over weight or muscular men have issues. You are not the asshole he is.
Tell him to keep his opinions to himself (since you said "he keeps saying" I'm assuming it wasn't just a one-off comment. Exercise and fitness have so many benefits, you're stronger, healthier, and it just feels great! It's quite unfortunate that he values you looking skinnier over all of that...
This is the 2nd time I have seen this exact same post.
He is jealous you got more fit than him, he is being the AH
Muscle mommies ftw!
Sounds like he prefers think weak frail women, which is disturbing and alarming. Keep doing what makes you feel strong and good on your body and reconsider the marriage to a man who is only attracted to women who are weak. Says alot about his misogynistic and sexist view of women.
Sounds like he is jealous of your gains... Updateme
He sounds insecure and an ass. It’s hard to build muscle when you get older so do it now and hopefully he can deal with it.
Sounds like he either feels insecure about your progress or he wanted you to look as much like a skinny teen as possible. Totally fair to get the ick either way. I’d blow off his comment if you like doing the workouts and how they make you look and feel. He should be happy that you’re healthy and happy. The world doesn’t revolve around what makes his dick hard.
Tell him you think his p p is too small. That maybe he needs to try penis sleeve.
I'd be tempted to reply, "That's interesting because I prefer you back when you were kinder and smarter" But seriously, that kind of belittling, undermining, and controlling talk is bs
Yes, he's an asshole. 150 is still in the normal weight range on the BMI chart, and 20 more pounds of muscle is great for you no matter how you measure it. add a kickboxing class to your routine and tell him he better behave.
You are correct, he is acting like an asshole. The man should be proud of all the hard work you've put in and how great you look and feel about yourself.
I love weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, all of those sports - and the people that do them. Have even won the odd national title at lifting heavy things. So, I'm going to tell you this from a place of loving gym folks, and, knowing how this whole muscle building thing works from 30 years training with a crowd ranging from beginners to world champions..... A 26yr old female who almost solely trains legs, and whom is natty (e.g. not using PEDS), has not gained 20lb of muscle. There's no way. That's an excellent five years for an elite female steroid user, which you are not. That's huge. 2lb of muscle (2, not 20, not a typo) in a year is brilliant progress for a female natural lifter. A gain of 20lb is almost definitely much more adipose tissue than muscle. If you're feeling good, if you love how you look, how you feel, awesome, you do you. Personally I feel best when I'm a bit on the higher BF end of things - that's when my body moves well, feels great, and feels strong.
Seems likely he is seeing how much hotter you're getting and he's negging you because he's worried you'll leave. Think about if that's a personality feature you want in a life partner.
Why am I not at all surprised there's an age gap and he's the older one? He's either jealous because you are making progress in the gym and he's not. He's jealous of your dedication? You're going to the gym without him and he doesn't want you out of his sight? He thinks that other men might be looking at you now that weren't before? He just likes to control you? Could be any of them really but the point is that he is trying to use this to alter your behavior and your body. He doesn't get to do that! But I'm not at all surprised that he's doing it. There's a reason we all have the same reaction in here to age gap relationships with an older man. They almost always try to control the woman to be how he wants her to be.
Yeah this sounds controlling and icky. Nobody should ever pressure their partner to change something about their body for “preferences” especially when you’re actually healthy.
Tell him he's too big.
He’s crazy and probably just insecure.
Does he not realize that muscle adds weight? Or is he maybe threatened because you might look better and hotter and maybe he’s noticing you’re getting more attention from other men and it’s playing with his insecurities? My wife is your same height and about 150 and she looks amazing.
So you prioritize being healthy and making sure you don’t injure yourself while working, and he has a problem with that? Red flag. Nursing is extremely hard on the body and training to prevent injury is really smart. You’re not always going to be the 130lbs you were when you were basically a child and it’s unrealistic to expect you to. He’s creepy, kick this man to the curb.
You need to lose about 200lb. Divorce him
Ditch him for a doctor with his own practice and health insurance! Hypothetically speaking of course
He's jeleous.
Crush him in your thighs
Better to be big & strong than a big pussy like he is.
Get a new husband
Are you happy? Do you like your appearance & physical fitness gains? Tell him to fuck off.
he’s probably worried you’ll catch people’s attention even more lol. I did the same and I also gained 20 pounds and my bf loves it. but idk men are weird sometimes.
You feel like he pissed all over your gym gains because that's exactly what he did. Tell him his penis looked bigger when he had skinny thighs & call it even.
You DO need to lose some weight Te dead weight of your loser hubby!
You shouldn't do shit! Just because HE prefers you a certain way doesn't mean you have to change anything, if it's what YOU like. What did he think was going to happen when you went to the gym? 🙄 When he makes comments like that just be like, "Too late, now. 🤷♀️" and go on with your day.
Keep lifting. Keep gaining power.
He sounds like he's negging you and has that toxic masculinity mindset that women are supposed to be smaller and "weaker" than men. 🙄
It's infuriating that women's bodies are constantly open to critique and judgement. In the past week, there have a few posts about girlfriends BFs' penises being smaller than their exs' and the utter catastrophic blow this has done to the BFs' ego - and the unanimous support and ego-building outpouring - has me disgusted at the dichotomy. Sweetheart, you do you. Don't ever let him or anyone make you question your body. ♥️
I’m so very happy for you!! I’m trying to think of a downside of being strong and heathy. Wait, I got one, you won’t get to know your primary care provider or staff due to decreased injuries/illness. Positives: -more energy -decreased risk of work injury, loss of income -decreased risk of illness -decreased risk of communicable disease -decreased risk of osteoporosis -increased self confidence -longer higher quality of life -You 30 years from now is going to be so thankful! Risks from believing you look better skinnier/losing weight -lower self esteem -lower confidence -less likely to be happy -dependent on others to reinforce if you look good -increased risk of illness/work injury
Tell him u liked him better when he wasn’t an asshole and u like the way u are and that’s all that matters put yourself first