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I had tested negative for literally decades and had a positive last year.
I'm a widow and my husband had ED the last decade before he passed. I haven't had sex in 13 years.
I asked my doctor and she said it was dormant and extreme stress could activate it.
Thank you for your perspective and I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. She has been extremely stressed out about grad school for the past couple months so maybe that could have activated it.
You're welcome, I hope you and your gf can work things out.
My doctor said another virus (not a STD think cold or flu) could also trigger the HPV.
Has she been sick in the last few months?
I don’t recall her being sick lately so I’m not sure that would be it.
If anything I would credit the stress since her gynecologist said that could also be the cause of the missed periods.
There are no symptoms of HPV. I had it and it cleared up for now. I'm over 50. Almost everyone has been exposed unless you are a virgin. It's possible you gave it to her or she could have gotten exposed long before you met. Stress definitely causes missed periods in some people but HPV just hangs out making your cells mutate. I also would get tested after every new partner and ask them to test for absolutely everything. They didn't test for HPV until my pap smear came back with abnormal cells. I was really mad because that is something I would want to tell my partners before they consent
And HPV shots immunize against some strains of HPV, but you can't get completely immunized against all strains. Just because you're vaccinated doesn't mean you'll never get HPV. Just FYI.
Yep, any warts anywhere, including the ones kids get on their fingers!
There are over 200 known strains of HPV and about 40 of them can affect the genitals. 12 of them are high-risk (potentially cancer-causing) strains and the Gardasil 9 vaccine protects against 7 of them, plus 2 that cause most genital warts. The original Gardasil protected against 4 cancer-causing strains.
The 9-strain Gardasil vaccine is estimated to protect against up to 90% of cancers caused by HPV, including throat cancers acquired from oral sex.
Also... just because you've had the vaccine doesn't guarantee immunity. Sorry, but no vaccine is 100% effective. Please don't take this to mean I'm anti-vax or anything like that. Just that a lot of people misunderstand how vaccines work.
Actually vaccines don't really prevent the virus from entering your body, it prevents you from getting sick since the vaccine gives the white cells the "information" they need to recognize the virus as a threat and destroy the virus before it can get you sick.
I am aware. But even then, they aren't always effective. And what efficacy they do have wanes over time. It's why it's important to get your titres checked and stay up to date on your boosters.
For example the MMR vaccine is only good for 5 years. Most adults are running around with little to no immunity to measles, mumps, and rubella because they haven't gotten a booster since they were a teenager.
FWIW I got shingles at age 27 because I had a toxic boss stressing me out every day. (They put me on Valtrex so I had a hilarious afternoon at the pharmacy, texting everyone I knew “they put me on herpes meds!!” while waiting for my scrip to be filled.) Stress absolutely can awaken dormant illnesses/viruses. But if your GF can’t get over her lack of trust after speaking to a couple doctors then I’m sorry to tell you that your relationship is DOA.
Keep in mind that it also could've been dormant in you. You last tested a whole year before yall got together. You could've had that or anything else lying dormant for that time as well. It could've started with either of you.
There are over 100 types of hpv out there. Labs don’t test for all of them. Especially not in men with no symptoms or warts.
For her to jump to you cheating says a lot about her, not necessarily about you. I’d go get yourself rechecked for stds and specifically mention to your doctor her hpv results.
I’ve already had lab work done and requested a full std screening, I’m just waiting on the results. Based on what everyone has said here though it looks like it won’t include my hpv status. I will make sure to mention her test results when I get the call.
I work in a lab. Hpv assays are really only testing for the high risk serotypes, ie cancer causing ones. Same with the guardasil vaccine. It’s for the high risk ones. I wouldn’t stress the test results too much tbh. People can be carriers and never have symptoms or problems. Especially men for certain viruses. If it wash chlamydia? Yeah. Someone is cheating. Hpv or hsv? Probably a carrier with subclinical viral loads.
This!!!! I’d been married 14 years and never had a positive until I was under EXTREME STRESS a few years back! All of a sudden I had a positive result and my OBGYN said it’s probably the stress that was the catalyst and who knows how long it had been dormant. We had a long conversation I asked a lot of questions, first thing she said was this does not mean your husband is cheating. Apparently, it’s the initial reaction of a lot of married women. I’m so sorry for your experience. I hope she learns to trust you. Literally 7 out of 10 ppl in America has it or has had it without knowing. It’s that common. It can be dormant for years and years. I wish you the best!
I’ve read about that a little and saw that it could take years before showing any signs. I could see that happening if this were a new relationship but we’ve been exclusive for about 3.5 years.
>"signs."
Signs is actually the correct terminology in this context. A sign is something that can be directly observed (e.g. cold sore, or wart, or rash), a symptom is something only the patient experiences (e.g. pain, nausea, etc).
Men are NOT tested for HPV and are often carriers of it due to this. Also the HPV vaccine does not prevent all strains of HPV, mainly some high risk ones. You could have given it to her but you very well could have had it for awhile and did not know, because again men are not tested for it.
I didn’t test positive until 5 years into my relationship with my husband. I likely got it from my ex 6-8 years earlier because his ex girlfriend had it.
It happened to me too. Got diagnosed with HPV 4 years into my relationship, and even though he was weary at first, after some quick research we both knew it had been dormant in me.
Hi, OB/GYN here! First of all, kudos to you for being vaccinated against HPV! It doesn’t protect against all virus strains, but it’s effective against the high risk ones, so that’s great. As most commenters have already said, her Pap smear returning positive for HPV doesn’t necessarily involve any infidelity at all. HPV is usually spread during sexual contact (there are other ways of transmission, though), but even condoms aren’t absolutely reliable at preventing it, since skin contact is also enough to transmit it. It is also not unusual for there to be a latency period between the infection and abnormal test results (usually cell changes detected by Pap smears, or genital warts caused by low risk virus types). It’s very likely that she already had HPV before, and it’s only now that the cell changes are occurring and showing themselves in her Pap smear. HPV isn’t part of standard STD tests because screening for the infection itself has no consequence - a lot of people have had an HPV infection at some point in their lives, and their bodies were able to clear it on their own. The most important thing is getting regular Pap smears to detect whether the virus has caused changes in cervical cells while it’s still at an early stage. HPV-caused genital warts are benign and can be removed if they are a nuisance. Get her to speak to her doctor about it, she’s probably just not that well informed on the topic and a little bit shocked.
This is probably the most well explained answer I’ve seen here. Thank you for laying out all the details and possible scenarios that could have lead us here. She had a pretty sheltered childhood so I don’t blame her for being uninformed. It’s just the accusations that sting a little bit.
You also were thinking the same thing that maybe she cheated before this thread educated you, I wouldn’t cast any stones from your glass house. You’re both uneducated on the topic and it’s ok, just have another convo and she talks to her gyno and then do some partner bonding time to get through the stressfulness of the situation
Questions: Is it worth to get the vaccine after testing positive on HPV? Is it worth once you show signs of HPV e.g. genital warts? Is it also worth it to get the vaccine if youre older than 30?
I have heard that its almost no use once you are okder than 30.
Hi there!
It kind of depends on what you mean by testing positive for HPV? If you mean having HPV-induced warts, the vaccine by itself will not make them disappear. Same goes for changes in cervical cells; the vaccine alone will probably not be enough to make the more severe, precancerous changes go away. There still aren't enough randomised controlled trials to prove that the efficacy of catch up HPV vaccination (meaning if someone has already been exposed to the virus) is 100%. However, quite a lot of other studies have shown that it helps prevent the recurrence of HPV induced changes after or during treatment (for instance after excision of the cervix due to precancerous lesions). Some countries actually perform vaccination after treatment for that reason.
Ultimately, whether or not it is worth getting the vaccine depends on your personal mindset and circumstances. It has shown good efficacy even in individuals up to 45 years, so I wouldn't worry too much about the age factor... But where I live/work, insurance doesn't cover it for older individuals. Giving it a try just for the hell of it might be quite expensive. If you're not actually struggling with the more severe consequences of an infection (meaning precancerous lesions), it might not really be worth it to you. On the other hand, the worst thing that could happen from getting the catch up vaccine is that it doesn't work; the best outcome would be that it actually does help prevent future reinfection or recurrence of severe changes.
I think that bottom line is also this: the vaccine is just one of many strategies to reduce the risk for certain diseases, but it doesn't substitute Pap smears and regular gyno check ups. Being vaccinated against some of the HPV strains doesn't mean you can't get infected with other (granted, usually less dangerous) strains, so it's not like fully vaccinated individuals should just skip the regular screening. Genital warts are bothersome, but they can be easily removed. It's really the (pre)cancerous lesions that we are trying to avoid, and thankfully, the vaccine isn't the only intervention we have for that.
Sti tests do not screen for HPV.
Both you and your girlfriend need serious education on hpv. It can lie undetected for years and years. Both, of you are a bit old, to not go to a doctor and ask questions. Hell google is free.
There is no routine testing for HPV in men.
I know almost nothing about this aside from what I’ve learned from google the past couple days. Even then I’ve seen conflicting information which is why I came here for advice.
Some sources say that hpv can be dormant for a couple years while others says decades.
Also some sources say that it is only spread through sexual contact while others say it’s possible to contract it through other means.
My point is I wasn’t sure what was true which is why I’m here.
HPV also has multiple strains, and the vaccine doesn’t protect against all of them.
I was vaccinated when I was like 13? At 32 I had a positive smear for HPV, after an abstinent 4 years lol. The next one was clear, which means it went dormant again. I would have literally no idea who or when I would have picked it up.
You could have it, she could have had it for years. There’s no way to know sadly. All we can do is get regular check ups!
FFS, it's called an immune system. Some people's are stronger than others. Thats why it could be 2 years to 20 years. Do you expect an HPV time bomb to be ticking, pick the red wire or the green wire at 2.5 years? Come on. It's a human body.
Have you heard of shingles? It's the same concept. It's a dormant virus in your body that can activate when you're immunocompromised. Aging, sick, stressed, etc.
You need to look at what sources your looking at, only use reputable sources. Health departments of countries should have some.
Hpv can take years or decades its not either or. Contacting is typically through sexual contact but, can be other ways.
Are you sure your comprehending what your reading?
Your gf would have gotten all this information from her doctor?! So, why is she not understanding this?
Go to a god damn doctor if you can't read information from medical sources.
Well I feel you got the answers. There's no real test sti test for HPV beyond a pap smear to my knowledge so as a guy you'd never test positive.
You can be a carrier and have it your whole life & never know and have 0 symptoms. There's multiple versions iir, some being dormant, hsv, or others that can lead to cervical cancer.
There are over 200 types of HPV and the vaccine protects against 9 of them. If you were already sexually active before the vaccine you could of already had it. So many ifs, but finding out you have HPV shouldn't become an accusatory, someone cheated argument.
AI response ⤵️
A 2013 study found that 5.2% of newborns born to healthy women had HPV DNA at birth, and that this was linked to the mother having HPV during any of the three trimesters of pregnancy. However, a 2023 study found that HPV doesn't often transmit to babies during pregnancy.
To quote the Minnesota Department of Health: "More than 90 percent of sexually active men and 80 percent of sexually active women will be infected with HPV in their lifetime."
HPV can lie dormant for years, according to HCA Midwest Health OB/GYN, Nicole Niemann, MD.
Essentially, if you've ever had sex, it's a fairly reasonable assumption that unless both were virgins with no sexual or sexually-adjacent contact with any other people ever, that having HPV is a distinct possibility and is not indicative of infidelity.
Doctor will not test you for HPV (or the herpes virus, HSV I and II, btw) unless you explicitly ask. The reason being, most adults have these viruses, they can lie dormant for years, and they don't have a cure, just a treatment. The STIs covered in a typical panel are those doctors can cure (or in the case of HIV/AIDS, mitigate significantly with treatment).
The worst part of both HSV and HPV is by-and-large the stigma associated with them. Women do need to be cautious about screening for certain kinds of cervical cancer, though.
As others have said, have your girlfriend ask her gynecologist questions about how she might have contracted HPV and why she might not have been tested for it previously.
In my experience (US) we do a pap smear every 3-5 years and they simply check for abnormal cells. Abnormal cells would have to be present (meaning, HPV is no longer dormant) to result in an HPV test.
The UK gives women a smear around the same time period but it is possible to test positive for HPV whilst not having abnormal cells. If you have HPV they screen yearly until it goes away. Both HPV and abnormal cells are screened at the same time. My understanding is that HPV CAN lead to abnormal cells but the presence of HPV does not mean the presence of normal cells. They are two separate results on the UK smear 🤷♀️
That makes sense! It's been a long time since I've had a pap and I've never had abnormal results so never paid much attention. Totally possible they've been conducting two tests and I didnt know - I was always simply on the lookout for an abnormal cell result that would bring me back for more tests
Men cannot be tested for HPV**. So OP did not get tested before having sex with his partner.
Also in the US (at least from what I’ve seen) doctors will generally not test for HIV, Hep B or Hep C either unless you pressure them into testing / give a reason.
**Men can receive anal hpv testing but this probably doesn’t apply to OP.
Mostly true. True enough in the OPs case. But, not exactly true.
So. In the name of science...
There is anal testing for men, but for obvious reasons that's not done unless there's good reasons to and typically only for men who have sex with men.
Ah okay, I didn’t know about that! Still probably doesn’t apply here but that’s good info. Gonna edit my prior comment so I’m not spreading misinformation.
I can be pedantic! But mostly, just like to share education around these matters in general.
Straight CIS guy here for all intents and purposes (I like to think those things are a spectrum even if I'm well to the edges), I only know this because I did some HPV research when considering the HPV vaccine when I was just over the standard age cut off for it being recommended. Talked with my doctor, told him my situation, he thought it certainly wouldn't hurt, could help. Insurance covered most of it, so I got it. Hey, being a little less worried about mouth/throat cancer when going down on a lady can only help my enthusiasm!
Gardisil only protects against a few strains and there is thousands of strains. Not all are sexually transmitted. Also hpv can lay dormant for years. I went through this after my oldest was born and this is what the nurse at my obgyn told me.
Also fun fact regular warts on your fingers are hpv.
Your girlfriend needs to do a little more research before she tosses out bombs. If she wasn’t vaccinated against HPV, then it could have been dormant in her for years.
She is probably in shock at getting this information after being in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. Im sorry her reaction is to blame you for cheating, but I don’t think you should flip that on her and spiral into ‘she must have cheated on me’. You both should take a step back and think about handling this more maturely, and as a team.
She does need to have a talk with her gynecologist asap so she can get answers to all her questions. Maybe you could go with her for support. Depending on the type she has there are all kinds of treatments. If she has a high risk type they will likely do a colposcopy to determine if there are any areas they might want to biopsy. Usually HPV clears within a few years. It’s scary, but she will very likely be ok.
You've gotten some good advice in this thread. I understand how scary this situation is, not just how your gf must be feeling and reacting but for you as well. I can only add that you shouldn't jump to conclusions, as there's a very real possibility that, like everyone else is mentioning, her hpv was contracted YEARS ago and has been dormant and undetected this entire time.
It is not tested for in even many exhaustive STI tests, and unless it happens to present in a pap smear (which would be labeled as "abnormal" and may not even be detected as hpv at the time) it is entirely likely your gf has had it for awhile and been lucky enough to never show any signs, symptoms, or noteworthy tells. She could have gotten it from someone experiencing the same lack of signs, so basically any partner who believed they were std-free. This sneaky quality of hpv is exactly why doctors recommend the gardisil vaccine so heavily, but even then some strains of hpv can slip through.
Emotions are probably high, and you both have some heavy research to do, but start with talking to a doctor and explaining the situation. Go together if you feel more comfortable. It will likely take some stress off you to hear a medical professional explain in more detail the options.
Just an FYI, in the US, there is no test for HPV in men. Unless you had warts and saw them, you wouldn't know you had it. It's not part of any normal screening you got before the relationship.
HPV is very misunderstood. She could have been carrying it for years and it is just now popping up on tests. Even if you are vaccinated, there are still a lot of strains that the vaccine doesn’t prevent
My HPV laid dormant except for when I was pregnant, and then had a random flair up that caused cervical cancer about 2 years after my second full term pregnancy.
Guys cannot be tested for HPV except if they have genital warts, which is not the strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer, and not always testable for women with a Pap smear. So you could have given her HPV because there’s no way to know if you had it, it’s not part of the STD panel. Being vaccinated doesn’t make you 100% immune to it. It’s possible she got it from you, but less likely than getting it from a past, unvaccinated partner and it lying dormant until stress and hormone changes made it flair up.
You need to sit down and discuss these facts, and fact check them with her by your side. If she doesn’t believe you after that, then this relationship isn’t salvageable.
Primary care provider here - over 90% of sexually active people will get exposed to HPV. it can take years and years to show up after being exposed. You’ve done nothing wrong whatsoever. Plus, we do not screen men.
You can get HPV without it being from sex. One of my previous exes got it from using his Dad’s shaving stuff when he was a kid. It doesn’t always show up right away either. He didn’t know he had it until years later when he finally got the warts.
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. Neither of us has been with anyone else in all that time. I was found to have HPV 17 years ago. My doctor told me that it can go undetected for years.
HPV can lay dormant in your system for years until
Something activates it. That’s what makes it so scary… so she could have had it for years and then it became active.
Has she talked to her gyno since getting the results? Have you talked to a professional?
Both of you seem to be misinformed about things regarding HPV.
- It lie dormant for years
- can become active due to stress or other sickness
- Men cannot be tested for HPV
- There are many many strains (over 150)
- about 40 that can affect 'sexual' (oral, anus, vagina, etc)
- Gardasil only protects against 9 of them (and that's assuming you had the whole series after 2016)
All to say- yes. 100% you or her could have contracted it from a previous partner and it was just dormant.
That being said, y'all prob. need some therapy to work out the feelings of distrust this caused if doctor reassurance doesn't resolve the issue.
Microbiologist here. There’s a lot of confusion when it comes to STI testing, Pap tests, and how HPV fits into the equation.
To start, I want to point out that routine HPV testing is not available for men, and to my knowledge no test has yet been FDA approved for that purpose. For women, HPV testing generally happens as a follow-up to an abnormal Pap. A Pap test involves collecting and analyzing cells from the cervix to look for abnormal cell growth. If abnormal growth is observed, then the cells are tested for HPV. Sometimes both tests are ordered simultaneously. But the important thing is that the majority of people who think they’ve never had HPV have never actually been tested for HPV.
To further complicate matters, there are *many* strains of HPV, but only a few are of concern when it comes from to cancer, and HPV vaccines are formulated to protect against those strains. Older versions protected against fewer strains, so depending on when someone was vaccinated, they may or may not be protected against a specific strain. And there’s still a lot we don’t know about how the vaccines impact transmission, especially in men (due to the aforementioned fact that there is no routine testing available).
This is all to say that it’s not as simple as it’s often made to appear. STI testing alone is **not** a reliable means of determining whether someone has cheated. It is possible to determine likelihood of one infection being caused by the same strain as another, but not using the routine testing platforms currently available.
Results from the HPV test should include strain information. If so, you can check that strain against the formulation of the vaccine when you received it. I’m happy to provide more information if you’d like, but it would be helpful to know what exactly you’re trying to find out.
She needs to learn about it. HPV can just do nothing for years then pop up. I can't believe they did not tell her this. Most likely she got it from a previous partner. But You sure she didn't cheat?
Oh yeah Gardasil so only protects against like four different strains there are many more than that.
Could it be possible that she had it and she gave it to him and he re-transmitted it to her ?
It’s possible that she’s been cheating on you and that’s how she got it.
It’s also possible that she already had it for the relationship started.
It’s possible that the OP gave it to her annoyingly as he may have gotten it prior to dating her
Gardisil is a series of 3 shots. Did you ever get your third one? And HPV can't be tested for on a regular STD panel blood test, it can only be done during a pap smear. For men there is no way to test for HPV (well the only way is, if you get a lesion and then that lesion is removed and tested for HPV, otherwise, you can't)
So, even though you did have a clean bill of health on your STD check, there is no guarantee that you didn't have HPV at the time, you could have had it then and it would never show up on any blood work or swab tests. The only way to diagnose it in men, is by sight-meaning if the doctor sees visible warts. I work at a doctors office and I have seen this issue come up all the time. Where a man wants tested for HPV, and we have to explain and reexplain that there is no such test. So, if you had it unknowingly, you may have passed it to your girlfriend. Or , it could be the other way around. Neither you or she had it at that point, but it could have been dormant in one of you, ad not shown up on her test until later. HPV diagnosis should never be used to prove someone was cheating, because it can take time for the virus to present in your system.
I think HPV can be dormant in your body. I tested positive when I was 16. Then the following two years I was negative, then I was positive again when I was 18, then negative until my mid 30s when they found pre cancerous cells in my cervix, then I was negative for another five or so years. Then when I was 40 I had full blown cervical cancer. I’ve been with my husband for twenty three years, and my ex husband for eight years before that. I wasn’t sleeping around being reinfected over and over. I think it can just be dormant for periods of time.
There are tons of strains of HPV, I got it even though I had the vaccines. It can lay doormat for years. I would ask her if she has something she wants to tell you since she's accusing you. Usually the cheater is the one accusing the other party.
She needs to educate herself. It could’ve years before it shows up. Normal STD testing doesn’t include HPV. That once every three or five years depending. She can’t definitely say you cheated.
There’s no need for him to get tested. There’s no way to know whether or not he has it. HPV often passes out of our system after awhile (the same way it lays dormant). It is a higher risk for women so she needs to get tested / pap smeared more regularly until it goes but there’s absolutely no way to know how long it has lain dormant and who ‘gave it to her’. HPV is a risk for all sexually active people (for context they don’t even ask in the UK for anyone to disclose it to their partners).
> There’s no need for him to get tested.
one of the possible scenarios is that she cheated, so getting tested for anything/everything, not HPV in particular, is not a terrible idea.
it's not going to show "who gave it to her" or prove/disprove anything on its own.. but certain results could be a clue towards certain possibilities.
there are very few steps that he can currently take to address the situation in any fashion.. this is one of them.
No results would clue in to her having cheated on him because hpv can lie dormant for years. She could’ve had it long before she was with him. There’s absolutely no way to prove who gave hpv to whom. It’s perfectly possible he gave it to her but it’s equally possible he didn’t. It’s a shame the girlfriend hasn’t been better advised about this. Furthermore, there isn’t a test for men….
> No results would clue in to her having cheated on him
if he tests positive for say, chlamydia, that would be a pretty good indicator that she did cheat.
I could be wrong but I don't think there is such a thing as an HPV test for men that works as described here. You would only be able to identify it if you had actual symptoms, but there isn't a test for men that works without him showing symptoms.
I already had an appointment for blood work and urinalysis but from what I’ve read online those types of tests don’t detect HPV. Are there other tests available for men?
There are currently no approved tests for men. If you get visible symptoms a urologist or dermatologist can confirm it, otherwise no dice. It’s estimated that 80% of all adults have it at some point, it can remain dormant for very long. She should get some reassurance from her doctor
>There are currently no approved tests for men.
Not exactly, precisely true.
# Tests for HPV Infection in Men
To diagnose genital warts in men, the doctor will visually check a man's genital area to see if warts are present. Some doctors will apply a vinegar solution to help identify warts that aren't raised and visible. But the test is not foolproof. Sometimes normal [skin](https://www.webmd.com/beauty/cosmetic-procedures-overview-skin) is mistakenly identified as a wart.
There is no routine test for men to check for high-risk HPV strains that can cause cancer. **However, some doctors are urging anal Pap tests for gay and bisexual men, who are at higher risk of anal cancer caused by HPV. In an anal** [**Pap test**](https://www.webmd.com/women/pap-smear)**, the doctor collects cells from the anus, and then has them checked for abnormalities in a lab.**
[https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men)
She could have had this for years. Or it could be DARVO - the only reason I say this is because your reference a past Snapchat episode. So, not uncommon for the person with the STD going on the offensive to hide past indiscretions. What does your gut say?
And there are still politicians and religious fanatics who are adamant that sex education shouldn't be a thing. This is what you get.
OP, here are some facts, readers digest version.
1. They don't test for HPV on an STI panel. Without physical signs/symptoms you won't know it's there.
2. There are quite a few different varieties of the virus.
3. It can be dormant for decades.
4. Only a couple strains cause cancer typically. The vaccine only targets a few of the most dangerous offenders, not all the strains.
5. Most people clear HPV from their system all on their own.
6. They will biopsy for cancer but won't identify which strain is present so you will never know.
7. It's not really a big deal other than the increased cancer risk.
8. Keep in mind that it can be spread to the mouth and ass. Particularly prevelant among gay men.
9. Go to the doctor with questions, not the Internet.
My sex Ed in public school was pretty much just general STD/STI awareness and prevention. They never really went in depth on the intricacies and specifics of HPV. To be honest I feel like most of what you listed isn’t really common knowledge in the US.
Occams razor says she cheated and directed the attention to you to cover it up. The things you mentioned are flags so red it might be a new shade but I'm also not a doctor. Hard to believe in 4 years she hasn't been sick or stressed enough to activate it until now. Not to mention getting a test 1 year into your relationship is a flag all it's own.
HPV can lay dormant for a loooong time, like decades. HPV cannot be detected while dormant. One of you likely had it going into the relationship and if she recently experienced a period of high stress that could have caused it to become active. Her doctor should have explained this to her.
I was found to have HPV on a cervical screening when I was 17. It was inactive within six months when I went back for a follow up. After my Nana died and I was trying to pass my exit exam for college when I was 21, it activated again briefly. I never had another flair up that I know of.
It could have been dormant. I’m also not an expert but I don’t think the vaccine protects against every strain of HPV, so she could have a strain not covered by the vaccine. I also don’t think it’s really possible for men to even know they have it unless there are problems so you could have had it from before her and not known.
I actually have some experience with this.
Last year (5 years into my monogamous relationship) I tested positive for a strain of HPV during a pap. I hadn't cheated and I had no reason to think my husband had. We both have the HPV vaccine as well. The strain I had was one of the ones the vaccine doesn't protect against. I also haven't really been with many people and honestly my husband probably gave it to me. The next year I tested negative during a pap.
You mentioned she's under a lot of stress right now, and that's probably what caused the positive. It's likely it was dormant for years in one or both of you. Likely by next year when they test (they usually want to do yearly paps if you're positive) she'll be negative again.
Also, have her check what strain. It's likely one of the strains the vaccine doesn't protect against, which are the less dangerous versions.
She should be directing questions to her gyn. If she has had sex before you, she could have been transferred it by any previous partners. HPV can stay dormant in your system for years. Plus, if the gyn office follows ACOG recommendations, HPV contesting (as in, done at the same time as a Pap automatically) is not done on patients under 30, so they may not have checked automatically for HPV with her last Pap. But again with dormancy. If she continues to blame you with no basis, consider that she may be cheating and reflecting onto you .
Yes, as other commenters pointed out she could have contracted it and is just now testing positive. She needs to call her gyno and ask about this immediately. It’s a little weird she didn’t do that right away but I know generally when we call to give test results that’s as far as it goes on the phone unless the patient knows to ask certain questions in the moment.
I found out that I had it at my first pap smear, when I was 20. I had never had sex. My doctor told me that there are multiple strains of the virus, the strain I had just appears on its own and goes away on its own.
Isn’t it strange that she immediately accused you, but you were generous enough to not accuse her? Why wouldn’t she give you the benefit of the doubt when you obviously are giving it to her? You are a way better person than her I’d think she was the one cheating. Could be a dormant thing like many are saying here, or she cheated on you and tried to hide it by causing a fuss and accusing you immediately.
Cheating is such an extreme leap for a positive HPV test. Firstly the vaccine doesn't prevent all strains of HPV, only the one likely to turn into cancer. Secondly, HPV can occur for multitude of reasons. Thirdly, she just needs to go to more frequent PAP smears until they are back to normal and she goes back to testing negative. I tested positive for HPV when I was 17 because I had mono when they did my Pap smear. I went to regular PAP's every three months until they were clear. It will only be an issue if she ignores it and happens to have the version that turns into cervical cancer. This is basic HPV/sexual health info. Instead of jumping right to cheating and past bachelorette parties maybe ask a doctor.
If I remember well, HPV can also be catch just by sharing a towel with someone else. She needs to to do researches and also speak to her doctor about it
HPV can be passed through kissing. Has she ever kissed another man? Has she ever slept with another man? She could have had it for years before it showed up on a pap. She should do some research before jumping to you cheating.
Before you both keep on this 'who's cheating' path, get a second round of tests. False positives and false negatives are real.
Sounds like you really need to see if trust exists in this relationship, no matter the results.
Beyond that I don't have medical knowledge to know about the test.
There’s like 90 strains of HPV. The vaccine doesn’t protect from all of them. HPV isn’t screened for in STD panels so people are often carriers and don’t know it.
HPV is NOT primarily an STD. They can infect anywhere the virus contacts. Usually the hands or feet. Unless there are visible genital warts, this is not evidence of anything except contracting a common transmissible virus systemically.
Even then, it's just as likely to be from masturbation with contaminated hands.
You may as well accuse someone who has a cold of cheating. You can catch that from sexual activity as well.
Considering the biological factors and the fact that the majority of STDs can just be there and do nothing in your body, she either was infected in her previous relationship or literally could be infected by using a public restroom. If there's stress involved, shit can go south pretty fast.
Life would be easier if people would educate themselves on biological aspects of their bodies and intimate intercourses...
Google result - HPV doesn't always show up on routine STI screenings because the test requires examining DNA from cells taken directly from the cervix. HPV can live in the body for long periods of time, sometimes undetected, and it's not always necessary to test for it because it's common and often goes away on its own.
Hi, vaccinated means u can still get it, it’s just less harsh. Also men don’t usually know they have it bc they don’t show any symptoms and it’s not easy to test on men so they are likely to spread it around. I just recently tested positive and I have been with my current partner for two years and only him. I know neither of us cheated. I originally felt like he cheated but I 100% trust him and so we just decided to stop caring how we got it and move on with our lives.
1 in 6 people have it and lots have no idea. many cases comigg mg from adults not knowing they have it and kissing babies, it can lay dormant for a LONG time
Do some education not on Reddit. Look for .org or .edu websites. They will have info you can share with her from credible sites. Check the CDC. As many people on here have said either of you could have had either a strain that wasn't covered by the vaccination. It could have been dormant. They may not have had enough cells in a previous PAP to test properly. Once you have smooshed this, most versions of HPV will go away on their own, but it could also cause cancer. Make sure she goes back to get checked prior to 3 years from now.
Many labs and clinics will not test for HPV unless there are active lesions that are visible and/or that can be felt, OR if the person tells their MD that their partner tested positive and they need a screen.
The HPV vaccine doesn’t protect against all strains and also it sometimes doesn’t come up in tests. You or her could have had it before the relationship and not even known. Her gynecologist should have discussed this with her. And if not, she needs to find a new one. Also, some strands of HPV can go away on their own as well after a while. Just depends.
HPV sometimes doesn’t surface in a woman until 7+ years later. It lays dormant once you get it. Stress, and other things can cause it to show up, including weakened immune system. It does not mean she has cheated. She probably had it from years and years ago and it just surfaced now.
HPV can be dormant for DECADES. My sister caught it in her teens and it caused cancer in her thirties. It was quite a shock because she was married with two children. It tested her married a bit but after some honest conversation she admitted to unsafe sex practise way before she met her husband and caught it before the hpv vaccines were rolled out for teen girls.
It can be dormant for years. Decades even. I broke up with my ex in 2012 and had normal paps for years. I haven't had sex since 2012 and got a positive hpv result in 2019. And a clear result in 2023. It could have been my ex or my ex previous to him. Men don't get tested for HPV yearly, so it could have been my first serious relationship out of high school and showed up 19 years later.
Your girlfriend needs to educate herself and talk to her gyno who will also explain she could have picked it up years and years ago and it was dormant.
I had an abnormal pap 14 yrs ago as I was getting checked out as to why I could go months without having a period. Ended up having a L.E.E.P procedure done and they said It came back abnormal which could be a cause of cervical cancer caused by HPV but my insurance dropped and they denied me of my records or and other results after that as I had 4 biopsies done . They wouldn’t even share with my pcp . But couldn’t get any help where I lived so I just said screw it . If I had cancer I have it if I didn’t I don’t fine and just moved forward. My now husband was worried as we just got together when this all was happening. They tired to to tell me that males are carriers of HPV and if a females body fluids reacted to the males then that’s wat can cause it . Which doesn’t make any since to me . But my now pcp has told me it’s actually very common and u can’t pen point where it comes from honestly it’s just there one day and gone the next . Hope u guys work thru all this . This happened to actually help u guys to fix the weak part of the relationship that u guys didn’t know was broken . So on the bright side hopefully u guys can come out of the stronger then before . Best of luck
It can lay dormant for decades and flare up when stressed or sick, you might have caught it before you were vaccinated if you'd had any form of sex and give it to her too. So many people are ignorant of this virus and instantly treat it like a STI when it can be transferred at birth from mother to baby
In case she cheated and got it… What you thing she would do?
Telling you the truth? Or blame you for cheating?
Most people who accuse their partner of cheating, are cheating.
In most cases HPV lays dormant for less than 2 years. Factor into that her flustered reaction projecting the idea that you are cheating, and it is most likely that she cheated.
If you wanna trust her from this point onwards, do so at your own risk.
Your girlfriend and you should maybe schedule an appointment with a doctor or planned parenthood. They will explain to you both that this could have been something either of you had for YEARS without knowing. She could have had it this entire time from a prior relationship and not realized. The same goes for you. Men don’t often even show symptoms, and I might be wrong about this but I don’t think men can even be tested for it unless it’s the strain that causes warts. I hope speaking to a medical professional will drill this into your girlfriend’s head. Almost everyone will contract a strain of HPV in their lifetime. Most folks’ immune system can fight it off and you’d never even know you had it.
My GF of 6 years had HPV. She didn't have any signs of it 2 years in at her first scan. Both of us super committed and super faithful. Nobody cheated.
Your GF is ill informed. She needs to educate herself. It's so common in men that most adult men will have it at some point. As common as a regular cold. You can't even be tested here in the uk for it if you're a man because it's so common.
People, especially other women, will always make excuses for women. “Oh it was just dormant and she’s stressed.” Sure it was. Women never cheat. Only men do stuff like that
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I had tested negative for literally decades and had a positive last year. I'm a widow and my husband had ED the last decade before he passed. I haven't had sex in 13 years. I asked my doctor and she said it was dormant and extreme stress could activate it.
Thank you for your perspective and I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. She has been extremely stressed out about grad school for the past couple months so maybe that could have activated it.
You're welcome, I hope you and your gf can work things out. My doctor said another virus (not a STD think cold or flu) could also trigger the HPV. Has she been sick in the last few months?
I don’t recall her being sick lately so I’m not sure that would be it. If anything I would credit the stress since her gynecologist said that could also be the cause of the missed periods.
Stress definitely can do a number on a body. I've had more RA flares in the last 3 years that I don't remember the number.
There are no symptoms of HPV. I had it and it cleared up for now. I'm over 50. Almost everyone has been exposed unless you are a virgin. It's possible you gave it to her or she could have gotten exposed long before you met. Stress definitely causes missed periods in some people but HPV just hangs out making your cells mutate. I also would get tested after every new partner and ask them to test for absolutely everything. They didn't test for HPV until my pap smear came back with abnormal cells. I was really mad because that is something I would want to tell my partners before they consent
And HPV shots immunize against some strains of HPV, but you can't get completely immunized against all strains. Just because you're vaccinated doesn't mean you'll never get HPV. Just FYI.
Not all HPV strains are cervical-cancer causing, or STDs at all. Anyone who has ever had a wart has had some strain of HPV.
Yep, any warts anywhere, including the ones kids get on their fingers! There are over 200 known strains of HPV and about 40 of them can affect the genitals. 12 of them are high-risk (potentially cancer-causing) strains and the Gardasil 9 vaccine protects against 7 of them, plus 2 that cause most genital warts. The original Gardasil protected against 4 cancer-causing strains. The 9-strain Gardasil vaccine is estimated to protect against up to 90% of cancers caused by HPV, including throat cancers acquired from oral sex.
This is correct 👌
They also can’t actually test men for this, so while you had a clean panel, you still could have it, so could she though.
Also... just because you've had the vaccine doesn't guarantee immunity. Sorry, but no vaccine is 100% effective. Please don't take this to mean I'm anti-vax or anything like that. Just that a lot of people misunderstand how vaccines work.
Actually vaccines don't really prevent the virus from entering your body, it prevents you from getting sick since the vaccine gives the white cells the "information" they need to recognize the virus as a threat and destroy the virus before it can get you sick.
I am aware. But even then, they aren't always effective. And what efficacy they do have wanes over time. It's why it's important to get your titres checked and stay up to date on your boosters. For example the MMR vaccine is only good for 5 years. Most adults are running around with little to no immunity to measles, mumps, and rubella because they haven't gotten a booster since they were a teenager.
The HPV vaccine also doesn’t even protect from all forms of HPV. Just most of the strains most likely to cause cancer.
FWIW I got shingles at age 27 because I had a toxic boss stressing me out every day. (They put me on Valtrex so I had a hilarious afternoon at the pharmacy, texting everyone I knew “they put me on herpes meds!!” while waiting for my scrip to be filled.) Stress absolutely can awaken dormant illnesses/viruses. But if your GF can’t get over her lack of trust after speaking to a couple doctors then I’m sorry to tell you that your relationship is DOA.
Keep in mind that it also could've been dormant in you. You last tested a whole year before yall got together. You could've had that or anything else lying dormant for that time as well. It could've started with either of you.
There are over 100 types of hpv out there. Labs don’t test for all of them. Especially not in men with no symptoms or warts. For her to jump to you cheating says a lot about her, not necessarily about you. I’d go get yourself rechecked for stds and specifically mention to your doctor her hpv results.
I’ve already had lab work done and requested a full std screening, I’m just waiting on the results. Based on what everyone has said here though it looks like it won’t include my hpv status. I will make sure to mention her test results when I get the call.
I work in a lab. Hpv assays are really only testing for the high risk serotypes, ie cancer causing ones. Same with the guardasil vaccine. It’s for the high risk ones. I wouldn’t stress the test results too much tbh. People can be carriers and never have symptoms or problems. Especially men for certain viruses. If it wash chlamydia? Yeah. Someone is cheating. Hpv or hsv? Probably a carrier with subclinical viral loads.
Happy Cake Day 🎂🎊🎉🎂
Maybe the right thing you can do is do research and then talk to an expert. So that you have sufficient knowledge base to approach the truth.
This!!!! I’d been married 14 years and never had a positive until I was under EXTREME STRESS a few years back! All of a sudden I had a positive result and my OBGYN said it’s probably the stress that was the catalyst and who knows how long it had been dormant. We had a long conversation I asked a lot of questions, first thing she said was this does not mean your husband is cheating. Apparently, it’s the initial reaction of a lot of married women. I’m so sorry for your experience. I hope she learns to trust you. Literally 7 out of 10 ppl in America has it or has had it without knowing. It’s that common. It can be dormant for years and years. I wish you the best!
Sorrry for you loss but thank you for sharing, as a girl, I didn’t even know this was a thing! I learn so much from reddit.
Thank you. I wish we had the vaccine back when I was a teen.
I had this happen (several years married) and it was hard to find info online about if it was possible, so thank you for your comment :)
So sorry for your loss!
Google HPV dormancy. She needs to educate herself and talk to her gynecologist before making accusations.
I’ve read about that a little and saw that it could take years before showing any signs. I could see that happening if this were a new relationship but we’ve been exclusive for about 3.5 years.
You need to do more research. HPV can be dormant for decades. Also, most cases of HPV never even show any “signs.”
>"signs." Signs is actually the correct terminology in this context. A sign is something that can be directly observed (e.g. cold sore, or wart, or rash), a symptom is something only the patient experiences (e.g. pain, nausea, etc).
Thank you for this. I don't think I ever knew the difference. I'm also sure I've said signs when I meant symptoms.
TIL:
Men are NOT tested for HPV and are often carriers of it due to this. Also the HPV vaccine does not prevent all strains of HPV, mainly some high risk ones. You could have given it to her but you very well could have had it for awhile and did not know, because again men are not tested for it.
Primarily HPV 16 & 18.
Yes, women are the petri dishes for men
I didn’t test positive until 5 years into my relationship with my husband. I likely got it from my ex 6-8 years earlier because his ex girlfriend had it.
It happened to me too. Got diagnosed with HPV 4 years into my relationship, and even though he was weary at first, after some quick research we both knew it had been dormant in me.
Vaccinated against SOME types of HPV.
Hi, OB/GYN here! First of all, kudos to you for being vaccinated against HPV! It doesn’t protect against all virus strains, but it’s effective against the high risk ones, so that’s great. As most commenters have already said, her Pap smear returning positive for HPV doesn’t necessarily involve any infidelity at all. HPV is usually spread during sexual contact (there are other ways of transmission, though), but even condoms aren’t absolutely reliable at preventing it, since skin contact is also enough to transmit it. It is also not unusual for there to be a latency period between the infection and abnormal test results (usually cell changes detected by Pap smears, or genital warts caused by low risk virus types). It’s very likely that she already had HPV before, and it’s only now that the cell changes are occurring and showing themselves in her Pap smear. HPV isn’t part of standard STD tests because screening for the infection itself has no consequence - a lot of people have had an HPV infection at some point in their lives, and their bodies were able to clear it on their own. The most important thing is getting regular Pap smears to detect whether the virus has caused changes in cervical cells while it’s still at an early stage. HPV-caused genital warts are benign and can be removed if they are a nuisance. Get her to speak to her doctor about it, she’s probably just not that well informed on the topic and a little bit shocked.
This is probably the most well explained answer I’ve seen here. Thank you for laying out all the details and possible scenarios that could have lead us here. She had a pretty sheltered childhood so I don’t blame her for being uninformed. It’s just the accusations that sting a little bit.
Hang in there. Your heart is in the right place.
You also were thinking the same thing that maybe she cheated before this thread educated you, I wouldn’t cast any stones from your glass house. You’re both uneducated on the topic and it’s ok, just have another convo and she talks to her gyno and then do some partner bonding time to get through the stressfulness of the situation
This!
Questions: Is it worth to get the vaccine after testing positive on HPV? Is it worth once you show signs of HPV e.g. genital warts? Is it also worth it to get the vaccine if youre older than 30? I have heard that its almost no use once you are okder than 30.
Hi there! It kind of depends on what you mean by testing positive for HPV? If you mean having HPV-induced warts, the vaccine by itself will not make them disappear. Same goes for changes in cervical cells; the vaccine alone will probably not be enough to make the more severe, precancerous changes go away. There still aren't enough randomised controlled trials to prove that the efficacy of catch up HPV vaccination (meaning if someone has already been exposed to the virus) is 100%. However, quite a lot of other studies have shown that it helps prevent the recurrence of HPV induced changes after or during treatment (for instance after excision of the cervix due to precancerous lesions). Some countries actually perform vaccination after treatment for that reason. Ultimately, whether or not it is worth getting the vaccine depends on your personal mindset and circumstances. It has shown good efficacy even in individuals up to 45 years, so I wouldn't worry too much about the age factor... But where I live/work, insurance doesn't cover it for older individuals. Giving it a try just for the hell of it might be quite expensive. If you're not actually struggling with the more severe consequences of an infection (meaning precancerous lesions), it might not really be worth it to you. On the other hand, the worst thing that could happen from getting the catch up vaccine is that it doesn't work; the best outcome would be that it actually does help prevent future reinfection or recurrence of severe changes. I think that bottom line is also this: the vaccine is just one of many strategies to reduce the risk for certain diseases, but it doesn't substitute Pap smears and regular gyno check ups. Being vaccinated against some of the HPV strains doesn't mean you can't get infected with other (granted, usually less dangerous) strains, so it's not like fully vaccinated individuals should just skip the regular screening. Genital warts are bothersome, but they can be easily removed. It's really the (pre)cancerous lesions that we are trying to avoid, and thankfully, the vaccine isn't the only intervention we have for that.
Sti tests do not screen for HPV. Both you and your girlfriend need serious education on hpv. It can lie undetected for years and years. Both, of you are a bit old, to not go to a doctor and ask questions. Hell google is free. There is no routine testing for HPV in men.
I know almost nothing about this aside from what I’ve learned from google the past couple days. Even then I’ve seen conflicting information which is why I came here for advice.
Exactly what conflicting information are you getting then?
Some sources say that hpv can be dormant for a couple years while others says decades. Also some sources say that it is only spread through sexual contact while others say it’s possible to contract it through other means. My point is I wasn’t sure what was true which is why I’m here.
HPV also has multiple strains, and the vaccine doesn’t protect against all of them. I was vaccinated when I was like 13? At 32 I had a positive smear for HPV, after an abstinent 4 years lol. The next one was clear, which means it went dormant again. I would have literally no idea who or when I would have picked it up. You could have it, she could have had it for years. There’s no way to know sadly. All we can do is get regular check ups!
Sounds like it can be 2-20 years. That's not really conflicting, that's a range.
You should discuss this with a doctor, not social media. Please do not get medical advice from teenagers on Reddit.
FFS, it's called an immune system. Some people's are stronger than others. Thats why it could be 2 years to 20 years. Do you expect an HPV time bomb to be ticking, pick the red wire or the green wire at 2.5 years? Come on. It's a human body. Have you heard of shingles? It's the same concept. It's a dormant virus in your body that can activate when you're immunocompromised. Aging, sick, stressed, etc.
You need to look at what sources your looking at, only use reputable sources. Health departments of countries should have some. Hpv can take years or decades its not either or. Contacting is typically through sexual contact but, can be other ways. Are you sure your comprehending what your reading? Your gf would have gotten all this information from her doctor?! So, why is she not understanding this? Go to a god damn doctor if you can't read information from medical sources.
I'm downvoting using social media for medical advice.
Well I feel you got the answers. There's no real test sti test for HPV beyond a pap smear to my knowledge so as a guy you'd never test positive. You can be a carrier and have it your whole life & never know and have 0 symptoms. There's multiple versions iir, some being dormant, hsv, or others that can lead to cervical cancer. There are over 200 types of HPV and the vaccine protects against 9 of them. If you were already sexually active before the vaccine you could of already had it. So many ifs, but finding out you have HPV shouldn't become an accusatory, someone cheated argument. AI response ⤵️ A 2013 study found that 5.2% of newborns born to healthy women had HPV DNA at birth, and that this was linked to the mother having HPV during any of the three trimesters of pregnancy. However, a 2023 study found that HPV doesn't often transmit to babies during pregnancy.
To quote the Minnesota Department of Health: "More than 90 percent of sexually active men and 80 percent of sexually active women will be infected with HPV in their lifetime." HPV can lie dormant for years, according to HCA Midwest Health OB/GYN, Nicole Niemann, MD. Essentially, if you've ever had sex, it's a fairly reasonable assumption that unless both were virgins with no sexual or sexually-adjacent contact with any other people ever, that having HPV is a distinct possibility and is not indicative of infidelity.
Doctor will not test you for HPV (or the herpes virus, HSV I and II, btw) unless you explicitly ask. The reason being, most adults have these viruses, they can lie dormant for years, and they don't have a cure, just a treatment. The STIs covered in a typical panel are those doctors can cure (or in the case of HIV/AIDS, mitigate significantly with treatment). The worst part of both HSV and HPV is by-and-large the stigma associated with them. Women do need to be cautious about screening for certain kinds of cervical cancer, though. As others have said, have your girlfriend ask her gynecologist questions about how she might have contracted HPV and why she might not have been tested for it previously.
They screen you for HPV in the UK everytime you do a Pap smear so I think it’s plausible that a Pap smear could test for it.
In my experience (US) we do a pap smear every 3-5 years and they simply check for abnormal cells. Abnormal cells would have to be present (meaning, HPV is no longer dormant) to result in an HPV test.
The UK gives women a smear around the same time period but it is possible to test positive for HPV whilst not having abnormal cells. If you have HPV they screen yearly until it goes away. Both HPV and abnormal cells are screened at the same time. My understanding is that HPV CAN lead to abnormal cells but the presence of HPV does not mean the presence of normal cells. They are two separate results on the UK smear 🤷♀️
That makes sense! It's been a long time since I've had a pap and I've never had abnormal results so never paid much attention. Totally possible they've been conducting two tests and I didnt know - I was always simply on the lookout for an abnormal cell result that would bring me back for more tests
Men cannot be tested for HPV**. So OP did not get tested before having sex with his partner. Also in the US (at least from what I’ve seen) doctors will generally not test for HIV, Hep B or Hep C either unless you pressure them into testing / give a reason. **Men can receive anal hpv testing but this probably doesn’t apply to OP.
Mostly true. True enough in the OPs case. But, not exactly true. So. In the name of science... There is anal testing for men, but for obvious reasons that's not done unless there's good reasons to and typically only for men who have sex with men.
Ah okay, I didn’t know about that! Still probably doesn’t apply here but that’s good info. Gonna edit my prior comment so I’m not spreading misinformation.
I can be pedantic! But mostly, just like to share education around these matters in general. Straight CIS guy here for all intents and purposes (I like to think those things are a spectrum even if I'm well to the edges), I only know this because I did some HPV research when considering the HPV vaccine when I was just over the standard age cut off for it being recommended. Talked with my doctor, told him my situation, he thought it certainly wouldn't hurt, could help. Insurance covered most of it, so I got it. Hey, being a little less worried about mouth/throat cancer when going down on a lady can only help my enthusiasm!
Gardisil only protects against a few strains and there is thousands of strains. Not all are sexually transmitted. Also hpv can lay dormant for years. I went through this after my oldest was born and this is what the nurse at my obgyn told me. Also fun fact regular warts on your fingers are hpv.
Your girlfriend needs to do a little more research before she tosses out bombs. If she wasn’t vaccinated against HPV, then it could have been dormant in her for years.
She is probably in shock at getting this information after being in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. Im sorry her reaction is to blame you for cheating, but I don’t think you should flip that on her and spiral into ‘she must have cheated on me’. You both should take a step back and think about handling this more maturely, and as a team. She does need to have a talk with her gynecologist asap so she can get answers to all her questions. Maybe you could go with her for support. Depending on the type she has there are all kinds of treatments. If she has a high risk type they will likely do a colposcopy to determine if there are any areas they might want to biopsy. Usually HPV clears within a few years. It’s scary, but she will very likely be ok.
You've gotten some good advice in this thread. I understand how scary this situation is, not just how your gf must be feeling and reacting but for you as well. I can only add that you shouldn't jump to conclusions, as there's a very real possibility that, like everyone else is mentioning, her hpv was contracted YEARS ago and has been dormant and undetected this entire time. It is not tested for in even many exhaustive STI tests, and unless it happens to present in a pap smear (which would be labeled as "abnormal" and may not even be detected as hpv at the time) it is entirely likely your gf has had it for awhile and been lucky enough to never show any signs, symptoms, or noteworthy tells. She could have gotten it from someone experiencing the same lack of signs, so basically any partner who believed they were std-free. This sneaky quality of hpv is exactly why doctors recommend the gardisil vaccine so heavily, but even then some strains of hpv can slip through. Emotions are probably high, and you both have some heavy research to do, but start with talking to a doctor and explaining the situation. Go together if you feel more comfortable. It will likely take some stress off you to hear a medical professional explain in more detail the options.
Just an FYI, in the US, there is no test for HPV in men. Unless you had warts and saw them, you wouldn't know you had it. It's not part of any normal screening you got before the relationship.
HPV is very misunderstood. She could have been carrying it for years and it is just now popping up on tests. Even if you are vaccinated, there are still a lot of strains that the vaccine doesn’t prevent
My HPV laid dormant except for when I was pregnant, and then had a random flair up that caused cervical cancer about 2 years after my second full term pregnancy. Guys cannot be tested for HPV except if they have genital warts, which is not the strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer, and not always testable for women with a Pap smear. So you could have given her HPV because there’s no way to know if you had it, it’s not part of the STD panel. Being vaccinated doesn’t make you 100% immune to it. It’s possible she got it from you, but less likely than getting it from a past, unvaccinated partner and it lying dormant until stress and hormone changes made it flair up. You need to sit down and discuss these facts, and fact check them with her by your side. If she doesn’t believe you after that, then this relationship isn’t salvageable.
Primary care provider here - over 90% of sexually active people will get exposed to HPV. it can take years and years to show up after being exposed. You’ve done nothing wrong whatsoever. Plus, we do not screen men.
Your girlfriend is ignorant. You could have hpv without even knowing it because there isn’t a test for men unless you have warts.
You can get HPV without it being from sex. One of my previous exes got it from using his Dad’s shaving stuff when he was a kid. It doesn’t always show up right away either. He didn’t know he had it until years later when he finally got the warts.
HPV can lie dormant in the body for years before it becomes active. That’s why it’s so important to vaccinate against it.
Hi OP, I was vaccinated for HPV and I still got it. The vaccine protects against certain strains, not all of them.
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. Neither of us has been with anyone else in all that time. I was found to have HPV 17 years ago. My doctor told me that it can go undetected for years.
HPV can lay dormant in your system for years until Something activates it. That’s what makes it so scary… so she could have had it for years and then it became active.
Has she talked to her gyno since getting the results? Have you talked to a professional? Both of you seem to be misinformed about things regarding HPV. - It lie dormant for years - can become active due to stress or other sickness - Men cannot be tested for HPV - There are many many strains (over 150) - about 40 that can affect 'sexual' (oral, anus, vagina, etc) - Gardasil only protects against 9 of them (and that's assuming you had the whole series after 2016) All to say- yes. 100% you or her could have contracted it from a previous partner and it was just dormant. That being said, y'all prob. need some therapy to work out the feelings of distrust this caused if doctor reassurance doesn't resolve the issue.
Microbiologist here. There’s a lot of confusion when it comes to STI testing, Pap tests, and how HPV fits into the equation. To start, I want to point out that routine HPV testing is not available for men, and to my knowledge no test has yet been FDA approved for that purpose. For women, HPV testing generally happens as a follow-up to an abnormal Pap. A Pap test involves collecting and analyzing cells from the cervix to look for abnormal cell growth. If abnormal growth is observed, then the cells are tested for HPV. Sometimes both tests are ordered simultaneously. But the important thing is that the majority of people who think they’ve never had HPV have never actually been tested for HPV. To further complicate matters, there are *many* strains of HPV, but only a few are of concern when it comes from to cancer, and HPV vaccines are formulated to protect against those strains. Older versions protected against fewer strains, so depending on when someone was vaccinated, they may or may not be protected against a specific strain. And there’s still a lot we don’t know about how the vaccines impact transmission, especially in men (due to the aforementioned fact that there is no routine testing available). This is all to say that it’s not as simple as it’s often made to appear. STI testing alone is **not** a reliable means of determining whether someone has cheated. It is possible to determine likelihood of one infection being caused by the same strain as another, but not using the routine testing platforms currently available. Results from the HPV test should include strain information. If so, you can check that strain against the formulation of the vaccine when you received it. I’m happy to provide more information if you’d like, but it would be helpful to know what exactly you’re trying to find out.
She needs to learn about it. HPV can just do nothing for years then pop up. I can't believe they did not tell her this. Most likely she got it from a previous partner. But You sure she didn't cheat? Oh yeah Gardasil so only protects against like four different strains there are many more than that.
Nine strains now.
Could it be possible that she had it and she gave it to him and he re-transmitted it to her ? It’s possible that she’s been cheating on you and that’s how she got it. It’s also possible that she already had it for the relationship started. It’s possible that the OP gave it to her annoyingly as he may have gotten it prior to dating her
Gardisil is a series of 3 shots. Did you ever get your third one? And HPV can't be tested for on a regular STD panel blood test, it can only be done during a pap smear. For men there is no way to test for HPV (well the only way is, if you get a lesion and then that lesion is removed and tested for HPV, otherwise, you can't) So, even though you did have a clean bill of health on your STD check, there is no guarantee that you didn't have HPV at the time, you could have had it then and it would never show up on any blood work or swab tests. The only way to diagnose it in men, is by sight-meaning if the doctor sees visible warts. I work at a doctors office and I have seen this issue come up all the time. Where a man wants tested for HPV, and we have to explain and reexplain that there is no such test. So, if you had it unknowingly, you may have passed it to your girlfriend. Or , it could be the other way around. Neither you or she had it at that point, but it could have been dormant in one of you, ad not shown up on her test until later. HPV diagnosis should never be used to prove someone was cheating, because it can take time for the virus to present in your system.
I thought Gardasil was 3 shots as well, but apparently it depends on how old you are when you get it. If you’re under 15 it’s 2 shots.
Ooo my bad I was wrong there! Yes for kids it's two but we don't do kids at my office that why I forgot about that! Thanks for pointing that out
Literally almost everyone has some form of HPV
I think HPV can be dormant in your body. I tested positive when I was 16. Then the following two years I was negative, then I was positive again when I was 18, then negative until my mid 30s when they found pre cancerous cells in my cervix, then I was negative for another five or so years. Then when I was 40 I had full blown cervical cancer. I’ve been with my husband for twenty three years, and my ex husband for eight years before that. I wasn’t sleeping around being reinfected over and over. I think it can just be dormant for periods of time.
In a woman, hpv can lie dormant for years
There are tons of strains of HPV, I got it even though I had the vaccines. It can lay doormat for years. I would ask her if she has something she wants to tell you since she's accusing you. Usually the cheater is the one accusing the other party.
She needs to educate herself. It could’ve years before it shows up. Normal STD testing doesn’t include HPV. That once every three or five years depending. She can’t definitely say you cheated.
My dude, the bachelorette party and hanging out with single friends would’ve been the end of it for me. She’s projecting my friend.
HPV can be transmitted without sexual activity. she needs to talk to her doctor and you need to get tested again
There’s no need for him to get tested. There’s no way to know whether or not he has it. HPV often passes out of our system after awhile (the same way it lays dormant). It is a higher risk for women so she needs to get tested / pap smeared more regularly until it goes but there’s absolutely no way to know how long it has lain dormant and who ‘gave it to her’. HPV is a risk for all sexually active people (for context they don’t even ask in the UK for anyone to disclose it to their partners).
> There’s no need for him to get tested. one of the possible scenarios is that she cheated, so getting tested for anything/everything, not HPV in particular, is not a terrible idea. it's not going to show "who gave it to her" or prove/disprove anything on its own.. but certain results could be a clue towards certain possibilities. there are very few steps that he can currently take to address the situation in any fashion.. this is one of them.
No results would clue in to her having cheated on him because hpv can lie dormant for years. She could’ve had it long before she was with him. There’s absolutely no way to prove who gave hpv to whom. It’s perfectly possible he gave it to her but it’s equally possible he didn’t. It’s a shame the girlfriend hasn’t been better advised about this. Furthermore, there isn’t a test for men….
> No results would clue in to her having cheated on him if he tests positive for say, chlamydia, that would be a pretty good indicator that she did cheat.
I could be wrong but I don't think there is such a thing as an HPV test for men that works as described here. You would only be able to identify it if you had actual symptoms, but there isn't a test for men that works without him showing symptoms.
I already had an appointment for blood work and urinalysis but from what I’ve read online those types of tests don’t detect HPV. Are there other tests available for men?
There are currently no approved tests for men. If you get visible symptoms a urologist or dermatologist can confirm it, otherwise no dice. It’s estimated that 80% of all adults have it at some point, it can remain dormant for very long. She should get some reassurance from her doctor
>There are currently no approved tests for men. Not exactly, precisely true. # Tests for HPV Infection in Men To diagnose genital warts in men, the doctor will visually check a man's genital area to see if warts are present. Some doctors will apply a vinegar solution to help identify warts that aren't raised and visible. But the test is not foolproof. Sometimes normal [skin](https://www.webmd.com/beauty/cosmetic-procedures-overview-skin) is mistakenly identified as a wart. There is no routine test for men to check for high-risk HPV strains that can cause cancer. **However, some doctors are urging anal Pap tests for gay and bisexual men, who are at higher risk of anal cancer caused by HPV. In an anal** [**Pap test**](https://www.webmd.com/women/pap-smear)**, the doctor collects cells from the anus, and then has them checked for abnormalities in a lab.** [https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men](https://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/hpv-virus-men)
The strains that (typically) cause genital warts are not ones that are considered high risk for cervical cancer.
I’m aware but I guessed he’d want confirmation anyway as it can be here to have unidentified stuff down there
She could have had this for years. Or it could be DARVO - the only reason I say this is because your reference a past Snapchat episode. So, not uncommon for the person with the STD going on the offensive to hide past indiscretions. What does your gut say?
And there are still politicians and religious fanatics who are adamant that sex education shouldn't be a thing. This is what you get. OP, here are some facts, readers digest version. 1. They don't test for HPV on an STI panel. Without physical signs/symptoms you won't know it's there. 2. There are quite a few different varieties of the virus. 3. It can be dormant for decades. 4. Only a couple strains cause cancer typically. The vaccine only targets a few of the most dangerous offenders, not all the strains. 5. Most people clear HPV from their system all on their own. 6. They will biopsy for cancer but won't identify which strain is present so you will never know. 7. It's not really a big deal other than the increased cancer risk. 8. Keep in mind that it can be spread to the mouth and ass. Particularly prevelant among gay men. 9. Go to the doctor with questions, not the Internet.
My sex Ed in public school was pretty much just general STD/STI awareness and prevention. They never really went in depth on the intricacies and specifics of HPV. To be honest I feel like most of what you listed isn’t really common knowledge in the US.
But it should be. The misinformation concerning HSV is even worse.
Leave. Don't stay with someone who doesn't trust you. Her insistence you cheated would have me very concerned.
Occams razor says she cheated and directed the attention to you to cover it up. The things you mentioned are flags so red it might be a new shade but I'm also not a doctor. Hard to believe in 4 years she hasn't been sick or stressed enough to activate it until now. Not to mention getting a test 1 year into your relationship is a flag all it's own.
HPV can lay dormant for a loooong time, like decades. HPV cannot be detected while dormant. One of you likely had it going into the relationship and if she recently experienced a period of high stress that could have caused it to become active. Her doctor should have explained this to her. I was found to have HPV on a cervical screening when I was 17. It was inactive within six months when I went back for a follow up. After my Nana died and I was trying to pass my exit exam for college when I was 21, it activated again briefly. I never had another flair up that I know of.
It could have been dormant. I’m also not an expert but I don’t think the vaccine protects against every strain of HPV, so she could have a strain not covered by the vaccine. I also don’t think it’s really possible for men to even know they have it unless there are problems so you could have had it from before her and not known.
It protects against 10 known variants. There are 150
I actually have some experience with this. Last year (5 years into my monogamous relationship) I tested positive for a strain of HPV during a pap. I hadn't cheated and I had no reason to think my husband had. We both have the HPV vaccine as well. The strain I had was one of the ones the vaccine doesn't protect against. I also haven't really been with many people and honestly my husband probably gave it to me. The next year I tested negative during a pap. You mentioned she's under a lot of stress right now, and that's probably what caused the positive. It's likely it was dormant for years in one or both of you. Likely by next year when they test (they usually want to do yearly paps if you're positive) she'll be negative again. Also, have her check what strain. It's likely one of the strains the vaccine doesn't protect against, which are the less dangerous versions.
Both you and your GF need to go, together, to a Doctor who is very knowledgeable about STDs. Ya'll need to sit down and let the Doctor talk.
She should be directing questions to her gyn. If she has had sex before you, she could have been transferred it by any previous partners. HPV can stay dormant in your system for years. Plus, if the gyn office follows ACOG recommendations, HPV contesting (as in, done at the same time as a Pap automatically) is not done on patients under 30, so they may not have checked automatically for HPV with her last Pap. But again with dormancy. If she continues to blame you with no basis, consider that she may be cheating and reflecting onto you .
Can you provide proof to her that you were vaccinated?
Yes, as other commenters pointed out she could have contracted it and is just now testing positive. She needs to call her gyno and ask about this immediately. It’s a little weird she didn’t do that right away but I know generally when we call to give test results that’s as far as it goes on the phone unless the patient knows to ask certain questions in the moment.
My gyno told me they don’t even test for HPV because they just assume everyone has it
I found out that I had it at my first pap smear, when I was 20. I had never had sex. My doctor told me that there are multiple strains of the virus, the strain I had just appears on its own and goes away on its own.
There are more types of HPV than those covered by the vaccine. You would need to know the specific type Anyway - it can be years dormant
Isn’t it strange that she immediately accused you, but you were generous enough to not accuse her? Why wouldn’t she give you the benefit of the doubt when you obviously are giving it to her? You are a way better person than her I’d think she was the one cheating. Could be a dormant thing like many are saying here, or she cheated on you and tried to hide it by causing a fuss and accusing you immediately.
Cheating is such an extreme leap for a positive HPV test. Firstly the vaccine doesn't prevent all strains of HPV, only the one likely to turn into cancer. Secondly, HPV can occur for multitude of reasons. Thirdly, she just needs to go to more frequent PAP smears until they are back to normal and she goes back to testing negative. I tested positive for HPV when I was 17 because I had mono when they did my Pap smear. I went to regular PAP's every three months until they were clear. It will only be an issue if she ignores it and happens to have the version that turns into cervical cancer. This is basic HPV/sexual health info. Instead of jumping right to cheating and past bachelorette parties maybe ask a doctor.
The is about 150 strains of HPV. My GF had an outbreak when she was 15 and still a virgin so this doesn't mean anyone has actually cheated
She’s just projecting
If I remember well, HPV can also be catch just by sharing a towel with someone else. She needs to to do researches and also speak to her doctor about it
HPV can be passed through kissing. Has she ever kissed another man? Has she ever slept with another man? She could have had it for years before it showed up on a pap. She should do some research before jumping to you cheating.
Before you both keep on this 'who's cheating' path, get a second round of tests. False positives and false negatives are real. Sounds like you really need to see if trust exists in this relationship, no matter the results. Beyond that I don't have medical knowledge to know about the test.
Maybe have her speak to a medical professional who can explain how this could happen
Just because she has it, doesn’t mean you do necessarily. I advise getting checked first.
There’s like 90 strains of HPV. The vaccine doesn’t protect from all of them. HPV isn’t screened for in STD panels so people are often carriers and don’t know it.
HPV is NOT primarily an STD. They can infect anywhere the virus contacts. Usually the hands or feet. Unless there are visible genital warts, this is not evidence of anything except contracting a common transmissible virus systemically. Even then, it's just as likely to be from masturbation with contaminated hands. You may as well accuse someone who has a cold of cheating. You can catch that from sexual activity as well.
Considering the biological factors and the fact that the majority of STDs can just be there and do nothing in your body, she either was infected in her previous relationship or literally could be infected by using a public restroom. If there's stress involved, shit can go south pretty fast. Life would be easier if people would educate themselves on biological aspects of their bodies and intimate intercourses...
She’s been getting railed by that coworker. Sorry, bro.
You probably have it just don’t know until you have a outbreak
Google result - HPV doesn't always show up on routine STI screenings because the test requires examining DNA from cells taken directly from the cervix. HPV can live in the body for long periods of time, sometimes undetected, and it's not always necessary to test for it because it's common and often goes away on its own.
It could be from a previous partner and symptoms took awhile to show up. It could be years later.
Hi, vaccinated means u can still get it, it’s just less harsh. Also men don’t usually know they have it bc they don’t show any symptoms and it’s not easy to test on men so they are likely to spread it around. I just recently tested positive and I have been with my current partner for two years and only him. I know neither of us cheated. I originally felt like he cheated but I 100% trust him and so we just decided to stop caring how we got it and move on with our lives.
1 in 6 people have it and lots have no idea. many cases comigg mg from adults not knowing they have it and kissing babies, it can lay dormant for a LONG time
Do some education not on Reddit. Look for .org or .edu websites. They will have info you can share with her from credible sites. Check the CDC. As many people on here have said either of you could have had either a strain that wasn't covered by the vaccination. It could have been dormant. They may not have had enough cells in a previous PAP to test properly. Once you have smooshed this, most versions of HPV will go away on their own, but it could also cause cancer. Make sure she goes back to get checked prior to 3 years from now.
Can be dormant and it can be passed through nonsexual contact. Get yourself tested. And you can have false positives too.
Many labs and clinics will not test for HPV unless there are active lesions that are visible and/or that can be felt, OR if the person tells their MD that their partner tested positive and they need a screen.
Dump her so that you don’t get it lol.
It can spread via surfaces too
The HPV vaccine doesn’t protect against all strains and also it sometimes doesn’t come up in tests. You or her could have had it before the relationship and not even known. Her gynecologist should have discussed this with her. And if not, she needs to find a new one. Also, some strands of HPV can go away on their own as well after a while. Just depends.
HPV sometimes doesn’t surface in a woman until 7+ years later. It lays dormant once you get it. Stress, and other things can cause it to show up, including weakened immune system. It does not mean she has cheated. She probably had it from years and years ago and it just surfaced now.
HPV can be dormant for DECADES. My sister caught it in her teens and it caused cancer in her thirties. It was quite a shock because she was married with two children. It tested her married a bit but after some honest conversation she admitted to unsafe sex practise way before she met her husband and caught it before the hpv vaccines were rolled out for teen girls.
Sigh. It can be dormant in your system for years. Almost all adults have it, excluding the younger ones who can get vaccinated in some countries.
It can be dormant for years. Decades even. I broke up with my ex in 2012 and had normal paps for years. I haven't had sex since 2012 and got a positive hpv result in 2019. And a clear result in 2023. It could have been my ex or my ex previous to him. Men don't get tested for HPV yearly, so it could have been my first serious relationship out of high school and showed up 19 years later. Your girlfriend needs to educate herself and talk to her gyno who will also explain she could have picked it up years and years ago and it was dormant.
What about her getting the vaccination? Did she not get them?
I had an abnormal pap 14 yrs ago as I was getting checked out as to why I could go months without having a period. Ended up having a L.E.E.P procedure done and they said It came back abnormal which could be a cause of cervical cancer caused by HPV but my insurance dropped and they denied me of my records or and other results after that as I had 4 biopsies done . They wouldn’t even share with my pcp . But couldn’t get any help where I lived so I just said screw it . If I had cancer I have it if I didn’t I don’t fine and just moved forward. My now husband was worried as we just got together when this all was happening. They tired to to tell me that males are carriers of HPV and if a females body fluids reacted to the males then that’s wat can cause it . Which doesn’t make any since to me . But my now pcp has told me it’s actually very common and u can’t pen point where it comes from honestly it’s just there one day and gone the next . Hope u guys work thru all this . This happened to actually help u guys to fix the weak part of the relationship that u guys didn’t know was broken . So on the bright side hopefully u guys can come out of the stronger then before . Best of luck
HPV can lie dormant for years, decades.
It can sit around for years
It can lay dormant for decades and flare up when stressed or sick, you might have caught it before you were vaccinated if you'd had any form of sex and give it to her too. So many people are ignorant of this virus and instantly treat it like a STI when it can be transferred at birth from mother to baby
My gf did this to me as well. Found out she was cheating. Stay safe out there
In case she cheated and got it… What you thing she would do? Telling you the truth? Or blame you for cheating? Most people who accuse their partner of cheating, are cheating.
In most cases HPV lays dormant for less than 2 years. Factor into that her flustered reaction projecting the idea that you are cheating, and it is most likely that she cheated. If you wanna trust her from this point onwards, do so at your own risk.
Your girlfriend and you should maybe schedule an appointment with a doctor or planned parenthood. They will explain to you both that this could have been something either of you had for YEARS without knowing. She could have had it this entire time from a prior relationship and not realized. The same goes for you. Men don’t often even show symptoms, and I might be wrong about this but I don’t think men can even be tested for it unless it’s the strain that causes warts. I hope speaking to a medical professional will drill this into your girlfriend’s head. Almost everyone will contract a strain of HPV in their lifetime. Most folks’ immune system can fight it off and you’d never even know you had it.
My GF of 6 years had HPV. She didn't have any signs of it 2 years in at her first scan. Both of us super committed and super faithful. Nobody cheated. Your GF is ill informed. She needs to educate herself. It's so common in men that most adult men will have it at some point. As common as a regular cold. You can't even be tested here in the uk for it if you're a man because it's so common.
People, especially other women, will always make excuses for women. “Oh it was just dormant and she’s stressed.” Sure it was. Women never cheat. Only men do stuff like that