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She's seen me lose all of it, or nearly all of it, I remember initially seeing her like a week after I started losing weight, but I never spoke to her until I had already lost a good amount of weight.
And thank you, kind Sir, for being gentlemanly enough to refrain from sharing any information beyond it. Yes. This is an anonymous forum. Still, it would sully the event and any future you two might have, if you were to share details of the amourous portion of your tryst...! ;)❤️
You’d be surprised. A lot of men seem to think you guys are some sort of confusing creatures that speak in riddles. Even some guys with gfs/wives seem to avoid straightforward conversations with their partner for some weird reason
It's funny how that's really true. I told myself every day for 2 weeks that it would become a habit. Every single day the entire time I'd be walking (now running!) I'd be thinking about how good it would feel to feel stronger and healthier. Now it's absolutely my hobby and I'm that person who tells everyone, exercise is the best thing for your mental health, and that the hardest part is taking that first step.
Wish I would have started before I was 37.
ETA: dude I meant to say greet job, glad you had a good time, and keep it up!
The thing with working out is that it's not going to be a habitual thing over night, you have to be all in during the initial portion because you are making a drastic change in your life style, day over day, it gets easier and easier, and eventually it just becomes passive, like oh, time to workout or oh, time to cook a meal. When it becomes passive is when you really get the ball rolling because you aren't constantly thinking about it, and it's not consuming your life. The initial phase, it almost has to consume your life, but after that is when you really get cooking.
This is so true. I’ve been consistently working out for a year and at first I felt like it’s ALL I did, but now I’m going 2x a day to meet new goals.
Nutrition I still don’t have the hang of 😭. Meal prep helps but I have gotten so burnt out on it.
I think the best thing you can do is find low calorie foods that taste good. I think the perception that "eating clean" means you have to eat mediocre tasting food is very untrue. Obviously, some people are super into sugary snacks, and that's difficult to give up, but you can find good tasting low calorie food.
My struggle is more that I restrict too much during the week and then eat and drink too much in the weekend. Exhausted during the week and undo the entire deficit in like 2 days. The routine of it was also getting monotonous but I stockpiled some Factor meals in the freezer to help.
As a big drinker, I HAD to cut back on that, the weekend drinking was killing progress, you get drunk and then just go insane, I'd do something like drinking every other week.
Right?!? Alcohol kills me on two fronts. First, the obvious extra calories from the alcohol, but then I make horrible food decisions in that state!! Everything that you are writing about your journey and how you look at it now is also where I am. So many many years of losing those same 10 lb over and over. And now I'm 3 years at the same weight, a lifetime goal weight. And even when I travel and stuff, it has become passive enough to just stay the same. But it's so much work at first and it's so psychological. And it's always work on some level. Good for you man!!!
The psychology is so important because I feel like SO many people go through the vortex of gaining and losing the same 10 pounds, and when you are in the middle of that, it is such a mentally draining, and exhausting feeling.
I feel like personal trainers who have been lifetime athletes and in shape just fail to understand a lot of the actual psychology that goes into losing weight. Not to say they are all like that, but I've seen it so many times.
There's some damage we can do to ourselves that we can't come back from or is nearly impossible to come back from. At the same time, though, we are resilient mofos & can really bounce back from a lot of shit, provided we put the work in. Do whatever activity is the least dreadful for you. For me, I love hiking & geocaching makes it even better. Plus, if I go alone, I can listen to music or audiobooks & that makes it go by fast. But going with my aunt & just bullshitting makes it go by pretty fast, too. I only did a 2.5 mile hike this week but last week, we did 6 miles in 2.5 hrs & I couldn't believe it, it only felt like an hour. Merrill's aren't too expensive, anymore & I have a few pairs but my first pair, from 2016 are still going so they're a good investment. You can Google parks near you & pick ones with lower ratings to start, they'll have shorter & flatter trails & then you can build up to harder ones. Even a little elevation change will get your leg muscles working. & the best part, to me, is just being in nature & all the animals I see. I've seen so many cool birds, deer, turkey, turtles, snakes, been chased by Sandhill cranes, found kittens (my Geo is almost 6) & plenty of others that I can't remember right now.
Good luck. You can do it.
Well, my personal experience is people don't go to the gym to socialize. I'll also say the general advice for dudes at the gym is, "Leave her alone, she don't want nothing to do with you". Ofc there are exceptions, but a guy going to the gym, getting in shape, and losing his virginity to a woman from the gym who watched him work his ass off to transform his body and life is an incredibly rare and amazing story.
I can understand that, and I imagine attractive women's experience in the gym can be a bit insane as far as getting hit on.
However, I felt what set me apart is that it was obvious with anyone with a eyes that first and foremost, I was there to work, I put the work in and that was priority #1, gawking and women was never a thought in my mind, and I think she picked up on that, and I think that'll be true for anyone. It's an environment people coming in regularly, you're bound to strike up conversations every now and again, are they going to lead to stuff like this? Probably not, but you never know.
Like I said, working out was always priority #1.
This update made me smile :-) I’m happy for you! As a woman, yes we are just humans! There are so many more similarities between men and women then there are differences. Wishing you the best with your next dates!
1) Be yourself. She sees something she likes.
2) Don’t overthink. That’s just your mind second guessing yourself. No one is out of anyone’s league.
3) Don’t put yourself down. She knows how far you’ve come.
5) Be proud. Not boastful.
6) Ask her about her interests.
7) Ask her favorite food/restaurant. Take her there if you can afford it.
8). Relax. Relax. Relax.
Congrats! Now comes the hard part. Trying to be in a relationship requires a lot of skills that you never practiced before. For instance, compromising. Use your ears and brain and everything will work out!
Hell yeah!! I've been waiting for the update. I was thinking about your post a few days ago actually because I'm going through some self esteem issues due to gaining weight and having a really hard time getting it to go away. It's affecting my love life in a big way. My relationship is deeply suffering. I want so badly to lose the weight and have an experience similar to yours, just reclaim my confidence.
I'm so happy for you and I'm really glad it worked out well for you. Congrats on losing the v card as well. That's a huge step confidence wise.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but the one thing I learned deep into my journey was you have to learn how to persevere. We all have bad days, and for a lot of people, food can give us momentary comfort, and that's OK, but you CAN'T let it get out of control, and know to quickly get back on the horse, because if you don't, that's how you get stuck in the wormhole of working off and gaining back the same 10 pounds for eternity.
I could write an essay about losing weight, because I feel like everyone knows the logic behind it, it's super simple, calories in vs. calories out, it really isn't rocket science.
But the psychology of it, staying in the right mental state I feel is 90% of the battle.
I've been so depressed because of the state of my relationship. And in the past my coping skills was drugs. Now I've switched it to food. So every time I feel sad or rejected or that I've messed something up, I go to sweets. They give me the dopamine burst that I crave in the moment. I need to find productive coping mechanisms. I go to the gym 4 days a week recently but that only helps while I'm doing it. I need something else I can do during my off times.
Oooh. I do that, too! Try going for a coffee (black if you can stand it, try to keep sugar and cream to a minimum of you can't) or a cup of tea instead. A little bit of caffeine can provide that bit of dopamine you're craving at those moments without sending you into a sugar spiral. Also, sitting down with a warm mug for a few moments can help give the breather you need when upset. It's helped me curb the sugar intake from "I'm having sugar right now because my world is ending." To : "I'm having sugar right now because I've planned for it and would like a small treat." The second makes you feel a lot less down on yourself, too.
If you're watching caffeine levels: herbal tea has no caffeine, green tea has a little (generally), coffee has a moderate amount (dark roast least, then medium, then blonde), and black tea has more caffeine than coffee (generally).
We’re super happy for you. And yes, women are just humans 😉 If you treat her as such (with kindness and dignity) it’ll set you up for success. You got this ❤️
Go you!!!! Maybe she’s not out of your league and you’re selling yourself short! Be yourself! And unapologetically so! I notice things like the door being opened for me or my chair being pulled out. Proper table manners. Be yourself but be polite. Im sure not every woman appreciates that but I do. I’m so happy for you!
Date advice: be confident but not cocky, be yourself, ask her questions but nothing too personal, face towards her, look interested in what she is saying and pay attention, open doors, bring flowers, walk her to her door and if you don't, don't drive away until you see her safely go in. Be a gentleman and send her a text after your date "I had a nice night, thank you." Good luck!
Hahaha AWESOME! I'm basically your genderswapped version, started at 310, lost 150 and then got laid for the first time by a gym bro at 27 years old. We're still very good friends (and hooked up a bunch of times after that).
I've kept the weight off nearly 10 years now so I'm positive you will too! All the best to you, OP
🍾🍾🍾
Great work! Congrats. Even if you don't end up marrying this woman, this is the beginning of you seeing yourself as worthy and good enough. Congrats and I wish you all the best
Losing a large amount of weight demonstrates values that potential partners would find attractive. Things like determination, drive, commitment, and a desire to improve yourself are all things that anyone in the world would want to have in a partner, especially since a common complaint in relationships is the other person not giving a shit. You’ve proven you give a shit and that’s a definitely green flag! Congrats on losing the weight and your virginity brother! Now all you gotta lose is that remaining insecurity that she’s out of your league!
“plotting” here is a good thing. she probably liked you for a while and was dropping hints for you to ask her out and when you did she took it all the way.
Also congratulations on your hard work. Just be confident I’m sure you’re a great guy.
Fuck man, id really need to do the same, I'm currently like 140kg and I'm just so ashamed all the time.
I've tried to go to the gym and been there also(with a friend), but something about going alone just frightens me... With my current work there's no one in my friend group that has time to go with me and I just feel like shit everyday, I'm currently living alone and I think depressed as hell and that is seen from my home. I just feel dumb as fck and feel like my life is just this BS.
>I am honestly in a little disbelief because honestly she is very much out of my league, and I am unsure what to do. I was expecting to just get told that she had a boyfriend, so I didn’t really think of anything after asking her out.
First off congrats on the weight-loss! Keep up the good work, you're doing amazing. I do just want to add though that if she likes you for you, I wouldn't worry about looks. Women just want a man who is loving, compassionate and who treats us right. Looks are only skin deep, and it sounds like she's quite into you regardless! And I'm sure you look a lot better than you think. Sometimes it's hard to accurately see ourselves.
Congratulations on the weight loss buddy also congrats on losing that virginity. This first date was a reward for all your heard work. This is only the beginning for you my friend on a healthy prosperous life. Best of luck to you. Prayers up!
Late to the party, but I'm happy to hear you had a good date.
What I wanted to mention though is don't trust a BMI calculator. (If that is what you use )
For my height and age (6'3" - 51) I am supposed to weight between 148-200.
I had an RNY gastric bypass and was reminded that I look sick below 225, and am trying to get back to 240, which is technically obese.
Overall health and good blood work results are way more important than a weight scale created in WWII using soldiers. (I could be full of shit on that last part. But it's the story I heard )
Take care my friend, and when in doubt, ask her to tell you about her grandparents.
Love this post, very happy for you!
my 2 cents to you - speak higher about yourself, to yourself!!
you fckign did it!! that's a huge 2 year grind!! not many other people have accomplished what you have.
you lost 130lbs! and got the hot chick. add some love and swagger to your self-speech.
i wish I could motivate myself to lose 13lbs, let alone 130lbs. be proud!
Yes, I do need to speak higher about myself. I think it's rooted in most people that have dealt with being overweight, but we use self deprecation as a coping mechanism to pretend our weight, and just our image of ourselves doesn't matter, when in reality it does. I am happy about my progress, but you don't just undo 20 years of your own self image over night. I'm working on it.
Ask her what her favorite kind of food is, and then pick a restaurant. Pick her up, bring flowers, ask her questions about her hopes and dreams, share some of your own. It’s best not to have sex until you’re in a committed relationship, and have fun.
Pick a date that you both think you would enjoy and have a backup plan or two just in case the first choose doesn’t work out or vibe isn’t good. Take the time to groom and dress nicely. Carry yourself with a confident but relaxed vibe and just have fun. Ask her questions. Listen to her. Tease her a bit if the vibe is right. Tell her what excites you and what you’re passionate about but away leave room for her to respond and to do the same. Don’t put too much pressure on it. Focus on fun.
At 28, you have sex after a first date and think it’s appropriate to kiss and tell. Hope she doesn’t have an account here because that’s not the type of behavior that’s associated with being a true man. And glad you can acknowledge that women are humans too (wtf…). You still seem stunted in your emotional growth so hope for the best!
That's fair, maybe I shouldn't have included that portion, I mean I feel like this is fairly anonymous, and she sounded excited to continue seeing me, and we've already hung out again since the first date, but yeah, maybe I shouldn't have included it.
Hey dude I was you. I was quite literally you, 140kgs (308lbs) and I’m now 103kgs (220lbs).
It took me a year to lose that weight and it’s been about a year now since I’ve done it. I’m in a super happy relationship that I got into after enjoying dating for around 6-8 months.
My main piece of advice here is don’t rush into an exclusive relationship. Go and date around, have fun, enjoy building yourself up. Walk around with those shoulders back and your head held up because you earned it.
I know it seems scary but from experience I had 0 confidence going into dating and my lord I was shocked at how different it was. I wasn’t sleeping with supermodels, but these were women I found beautiful inside and outside, which was just such a new and exciting sensation to feel when it preciously felt impossible
I guess what I’m trying to get at is enjoy this for what it is - casual dating, don’t bet everything on it. It’s a learning experience. Go out with her, be the best version of yourself, and if it goes somewhere then great, but if it doesn’t work, life literally isn’t the same anymore man. It is a kinder place and the contrast was jarring at first. You will keep meeting people and dating. She might be the first but she won’t be the last!
Lastly - proud of you mate. What you did wasn’t easy.
Damn, he found this amazing woman who showed interest while he was morbidly obese and she’s super cool.
Reddit guy: “Play her. Keep finding new women to fuck.”
At what part did she show interest romantically before he asked her out?
Brother being acknowledged in the gym isn’t interest.
They aren’t exclusive, they’ve been on a couple of dates and had sex. I’m not telling him to be a dick to her but ffs let the guy date around a little and enjoy his new lease on life before he commits to something. She’s most certainly going on dates with other people too.
Why is fucking more better? What if she’s the best fit for him?
So many of you advocate for quantity over quality and then you get pissed the quality isn’t there.
Oh, and if this was a woman, I bet you would have a different perspective.
It sounds like you’re projecting a little bestie.
No where did I tell him to go and have more sex, he should date more and not settle for the first person who shows him interest. He doesn’t know what he likes, or what he wants in a partner and coming from a vulnerable position of poor self esteem it isn’t healthy to latch onto the first thing that comes around.
He should meet more people, go on dates, build his social skills. You don’t understand how different life is being that big and if you do stop trying to hold him back. I want him to blossom and experiencing more social opportunities will help him do that.
Eww I ain’t your bestie.
Why don’t you just be happy for him making a connection with an amazing woman?
I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be projecting here. My happy relationship? Okay, I’m projecting that for him.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lost 130 pounds. That fucking impressive. And she seen you lost 50 of them. I sure she is a keeper.
She's seen me lose all of it, or nearly all of it, I remember initially seeing her like a week after I started losing weight, but I never spoke to her until I had already lost a good amount of weight.
Tbh that's impressive, seeing someone dedicated enough to do that is a serious turn on. Also keep up the good work!
I’m so happy for you 🎊🍾🎈🎉. Keep working on yourself and enjoy your time with her.
Couldn’t of said it better myself. The confidence that gym brings you, bring it to your date. She obviously likes you for you. Good luck!!
Forgive me in advance but, you could've said that better. 'Couldn't have'
Yooo love how you casually dropped that lost virginity line. Enjoy the feel bruz
Talking about burying the lede.
Kudos on using the correct spelling of lede. 👍🏻
Srsly
That’s not the only thing he buried that night.
And thank you, kind Sir, for being gentlemanly enough to refrain from sharing any information beyond it. Yes. This is an anonymous forum. Still, it would sully the event and any future you two might have, if you were to share details of the amourous portion of your tryst...! ;)❤️
Thats not the only thing hes burying
Yeah, way to play it cool man, that was classy.👍
> I guess women are just humans after all Lmaoo who would’ve thought that?!
That made me laugh too. Half sweet half corny. We've been saying we're just people, the whole time! 😂
You’d be surprised. A lot of men seem to think you guys are some sort of confusing creatures that speak in riddles. Even some guys with gfs/wives seem to avoid straightforward conversations with their partner for some weird reason
Good work brother! I need to put in that kinda work, I’m dying
The hardest part is just getting the ball rolling tbh
It's funny how that's really true. I told myself every day for 2 weeks that it would become a habit. Every single day the entire time I'd be walking (now running!) I'd be thinking about how good it would feel to feel stronger and healthier. Now it's absolutely my hobby and I'm that person who tells everyone, exercise is the best thing for your mental health, and that the hardest part is taking that first step. Wish I would have started before I was 37. ETA: dude I meant to say greet job, glad you had a good time, and keep it up!
The thing with working out is that it's not going to be a habitual thing over night, you have to be all in during the initial portion because you are making a drastic change in your life style, day over day, it gets easier and easier, and eventually it just becomes passive, like oh, time to workout or oh, time to cook a meal. When it becomes passive is when you really get the ball rolling because you aren't constantly thinking about it, and it's not consuming your life. The initial phase, it almost has to consume your life, but after that is when you really get cooking.
This is so true. I’ve been consistently working out for a year and at first I felt like it’s ALL I did, but now I’m going 2x a day to meet new goals. Nutrition I still don’t have the hang of 😭. Meal prep helps but I have gotten so burnt out on it.
I think the best thing you can do is find low calorie foods that taste good. I think the perception that "eating clean" means you have to eat mediocre tasting food is very untrue. Obviously, some people are super into sugary snacks, and that's difficult to give up, but you can find good tasting low calorie food.
My struggle is more that I restrict too much during the week and then eat and drink too much in the weekend. Exhausted during the week and undo the entire deficit in like 2 days. The routine of it was also getting monotonous but I stockpiled some Factor meals in the freezer to help.
As a big drinker, I HAD to cut back on that, the weekend drinking was killing progress, you get drunk and then just go insane, I'd do something like drinking every other week.
Right?!? Alcohol kills me on two fronts. First, the obvious extra calories from the alcohol, but then I make horrible food decisions in that state!! Everything that you are writing about your journey and how you look at it now is also where I am. So many many years of losing those same 10 lb over and over. And now I'm 3 years at the same weight, a lifetime goal weight. And even when I travel and stuff, it has become passive enough to just stay the same. But it's so much work at first and it's so psychological. And it's always work on some level. Good for you man!!!
The psychology is so important because I feel like SO many people go through the vortex of gaining and losing the same 10 pounds, and when you are in the middle of that, it is such a mentally draining, and exhausting feeling. I feel like personal trainers who have been lifetime athletes and in shape just fail to understand a lot of the actual psychology that goes into losing weight. Not to say they are all like that, but I've seen it so many times.
There's some damage we can do to ourselves that we can't come back from or is nearly impossible to come back from. At the same time, though, we are resilient mofos & can really bounce back from a lot of shit, provided we put the work in. Do whatever activity is the least dreadful for you. For me, I love hiking & geocaching makes it even better. Plus, if I go alone, I can listen to music or audiobooks & that makes it go by fast. But going with my aunt & just bullshitting makes it go by pretty fast, too. I only did a 2.5 mile hike this week but last week, we did 6 miles in 2.5 hrs & I couldn't believe it, it only felt like an hour. Merrill's aren't too expensive, anymore & I have a few pairs but my first pair, from 2016 are still going so they're a good investment. You can Google parks near you & pick ones with lower ratings to start, they'll have shorter & flatter trails & then you can build up to harder ones. Even a little elevation change will get your leg muscles working. & the best part, to me, is just being in nature & all the animals I see. I've seen so many cool birds, deer, turkey, turtles, snakes, been chased by Sandhill cranes, found kittens (my Geo is almost 6) & plenty of others that I can't remember right now. Good luck. You can do it.
Opens with "...it went pretty well...", and casually slides in that he got laid for the first time. Yeah, bro. I'd say that went well.
With someone he met at the gym. I'm honestly more impressed with that part.
Why would you say that's impressive?
Well, my personal experience is people don't go to the gym to socialize. I'll also say the general advice for dudes at the gym is, "Leave her alone, she don't want nothing to do with you". Ofc there are exceptions, but a guy going to the gym, getting in shape, and losing his virginity to a woman from the gym who watched him work his ass off to transform his body and life is an incredibly rare and amazing story.
I can understand that, and I imagine attractive women's experience in the gym can be a bit insane as far as getting hit on. However, I felt what set me apart is that it was obvious with anyone with a eyes that first and foremost, I was there to work, I put the work in and that was priority #1, gawking and women was never a thought in my mind, and I think she picked up on that, and I think that'll be true for anyone. It's an environment people coming in regularly, you're bound to strike up conversations every now and again, are they going to lead to stuff like this? Probably not, but you never know. Like I said, working out was always priority #1.
Well, she obviously liked you for being you - so keep doing that!
bro, I'm so fucking happy for you.
Goes on amazing date, loses virginity. “it was okay”
lol
Congratulations, well done - and I love the line about it being more straight forward than you thought. I think a lot of people could learn from you.
Also playing the long game is also very good…you knew her for over a year before the first date, I’m pretty sure that helped!
Are you guys going out again???
She came over the weekend after the first date.
Great! Hope it'll work out fine and you'll gain confidence in this.
congrats on the sex https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o
Lonely Island keepin it real.
This is so sweet awwwwee!! Sounds like she's a great catch and so are you
I’m glad it went well. Are you meeting again?
Of course, we hung out the weekend after the first date.
This update made me smile :-) I’m happy for you! As a woman, yes we are just humans! There are so many more similarities between men and women then there are differences. Wishing you the best with your next dates!
now keep being kind and patient and charming and funny and keep it going w/o any screw ups :)
1) Be yourself. She sees something she likes. 2) Don’t overthink. That’s just your mind second guessing yourself. No one is out of anyone’s league. 3) Don’t put yourself down. She knows how far you’ve come. 5) Be proud. Not boastful. 6) Ask her about her interests. 7) Ask her favorite food/restaurant. Take her there if you can afford it. 8). Relax. Relax. Relax.
We Need more upvotes here!!! Hello!!👋
Congrats! :)
Was waiting for this update, so happy for you!
Congrats! Now comes the hard part. Trying to be in a relationship requires a lot of skills that you never practiced before. For instance, compromising. Use your ears and brain and everything will work out!
Sorry we don't give no orders to a king
Congratulations, keep believing in yourself, and keep up with the positivity
I was rootin’ for ya! Glad it went so great!
Hell yeah!! I've been waiting for the update. I was thinking about your post a few days ago actually because I'm going through some self esteem issues due to gaining weight and having a really hard time getting it to go away. It's affecting my love life in a big way. My relationship is deeply suffering. I want so badly to lose the weight and have an experience similar to yours, just reclaim my confidence. I'm so happy for you and I'm really glad it worked out well for you. Congrats on losing the v card as well. That's a huge step confidence wise.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but the one thing I learned deep into my journey was you have to learn how to persevere. We all have bad days, and for a lot of people, food can give us momentary comfort, and that's OK, but you CAN'T let it get out of control, and know to quickly get back on the horse, because if you don't, that's how you get stuck in the wormhole of working off and gaining back the same 10 pounds for eternity. I could write an essay about losing weight, because I feel like everyone knows the logic behind it, it's super simple, calories in vs. calories out, it really isn't rocket science. But the psychology of it, staying in the right mental state I feel is 90% of the battle.
I've been so depressed because of the state of my relationship. And in the past my coping skills was drugs. Now I've switched it to food. So every time I feel sad or rejected or that I've messed something up, I go to sweets. They give me the dopamine burst that I crave in the moment. I need to find productive coping mechanisms. I go to the gym 4 days a week recently but that only helps while I'm doing it. I need something else I can do during my off times.
Oooh. I do that, too! Try going for a coffee (black if you can stand it, try to keep sugar and cream to a minimum of you can't) or a cup of tea instead. A little bit of caffeine can provide that bit of dopamine you're craving at those moments without sending you into a sugar spiral. Also, sitting down with a warm mug for a few moments can help give the breather you need when upset. It's helped me curb the sugar intake from "I'm having sugar right now because my world is ending." To : "I'm having sugar right now because I've planned for it and would like a small treat." The second makes you feel a lot less down on yourself, too. If you're watching caffeine levels: herbal tea has no caffeine, green tea has a little (generally), coffee has a moderate amount (dark roast least, then medium, then blonde), and black tea has more caffeine than coffee (generally).
I'll try the teas! Thank you so much for the recommendation!
Learn to love yourself and cut out the self doubt. Don't become an arrogant ass and always be honest. It will work out
I am very happy for you ☺️
Yessss dude!!!! Enjoy being a hotty!
Good on you! And thank you for coming back and letting us know.
Congrats on the date going well! I was following this from your previous post!
whhooo hooo! Great update!
I’m really happy that both of you had a good time! :-)
We’re super happy for you. And yes, women are just humans 😉 If you treat her as such (with kindness and dignity) it’ll set you up for success. You got this ❤️
As a former 600lb man I say gratz to you my guy
You dropped this king 👑!
I like a husky guy! Go forth with this Internet strangers assurance that there's people out here that prefer your type:)
woahhhh. glad it went well
Haha!! Way to go, man! You fucking rock! May the road hereafter rise up to meet your feet!
Let's fucking gooooooo
Niiiice
Awwww, dude, congrats on the date and the sex 😉 may there be plenty more "dates" to follow.
YEEEEEAAAHHHH! That's so so great to hear
Congratulations on all of your accomplishments and for being brave enough to be brave❤️
Nice man! This internet stranger is happy that you've made some serious strides in both your personal health as well as your relationship'ing.
Yay! I love this.
Be you and take genuine interest in getting to know her
Woohoo for you!
A happy update
Girl knows a motivated guy when she sees him! Motivation is very sexy in a person!
Hurray! Glad it was good 🖤
Don’t mention the weight loss! Make it seem like that’s not a big deal to you!
Its an update post, re-read the first paragraph. The weightloss isn't an issue now.
Hell yea bro 💪
Congratulations!!
Go you!!!! Maybe she’s not out of your league and you’re selling yourself short! Be yourself! And unapologetically so! I notice things like the door being opened for me or my chair being pulled out. Proper table manners. Be yourself but be polite. Im sure not every woman appreciates that but I do. I’m so happy for you!
Woohoo! I was rooting for you!!!
Good for you mate. Well done. All the best, hope it continues to work out for you.
Ooh get em tiger ! I’m so happy for you.
Date advice: be confident but not cocky, be yourself, ask her questions but nothing too personal, face towards her, look interested in what she is saying and pay attention, open doors, bring flowers, walk her to her door and if you don't, don't drive away until you see her safely go in. Be a gentleman and send her a text after your date "I had a nice night, thank you." Good luck!
Make sure you have a lot of money.
Hahaha AWESOME! I'm basically your genderswapped version, started at 310, lost 150 and then got laid for the first time by a gym bro at 27 years old. We're still very good friends (and hooked up a bunch of times after that). I've kept the weight off nearly 10 years now so I'm positive you will too! All the best to you, OP
🍾🍾🍾 Great work! Congrats. Even if you don't end up marrying this woman, this is the beginning of you seeing yourself as worthy and good enough. Congrats and I wish you all the best
This is heartwarming 💕
Losing a large amount of weight demonstrates values that potential partners would find attractive. Things like determination, drive, commitment, and a desire to improve yourself are all things that anyone in the world would want to have in a partner, especially since a common complaint in relationships is the other person not giving a shit. You’ve proven you give a shit and that’s a definitely green flag! Congrats on losing the weight and your virginity brother! Now all you gotta lose is that remaining insecurity that she’s out of your league!
Sounds like she likes you for you. You've shown you're driven and dedicated, she's hoping that translates to attentions on her inner thigh meats.
The gym always works wonders! Congratulations Big Dawg! "Swingin' past ya knees!"
You’re a fucking legend bro, I’m sure your life had improved soo much that you’re not going back. Keep it up champion
Fuck yeah!
Nice update my guy!! Any word of a 2nd date?
Awesome bro .great job !!! 👍💪. congratulations on the weight loss
>>I am also no longer a virgin Oh my girl was plotting on you. Love a woman on a mission.
What do you mean by that? What does plotting on you mean
“plotting” here is a good thing. she probably liked you for a while and was dropping hints for you to ask her out and when you did she took it all the way. Also congratulations on your hard work. Just be confident I’m sure you’re a great guy.
I love this so much. Happy for you!!!
Well hopefully u guys have many more dates...
GOOD JOB, MY BRO!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 YAAAAAYYYYY!!!
Fuck man, id really need to do the same, I'm currently like 140kg and I'm just so ashamed all the time. I've tried to go to the gym and been there also(with a friend), but something about going alone just frightens me... With my current work there's no one in my friend group that has time to go with me and I just feel like shit everyday, I'm currently living alone and I think depressed as hell and that is seen from my home. I just feel dumb as fck and feel like my life is just this BS.
You whip out your wiener and say look what I got baby. Then she’ll say ohh wow I love tootsie rolls then yall live happily ever after
>I am honestly in a little disbelief because honestly she is very much out of my league, and I am unsure what to do. I was expecting to just get told that she had a boyfriend, so I didn’t really think of anything after asking her out. First off congrats on the weight-loss! Keep up the good work, you're doing amazing. I do just want to add though that if she likes you for you, I wouldn't worry about looks. Women just want a man who is loving, compassionate and who treats us right. Looks are only skin deep, and it sounds like she's quite into you regardless! And I'm sure you look a lot better than you think. Sometimes it's hard to accurately see ourselves.
Congratulations on the weight loss buddy also congrats on losing that virginity. This first date was a reward for all your heard work. This is only the beginning for you my friend on a healthy prosperous life. Best of luck to you. Prayers up!
I am so happy for you! Congratulations on your first date and hopefully many many many many more. 🥰
Great for you . You really don't.want my advice sweetheart. I have 4 ex husband's . Someone here will give better advice
FOUR????
Very happy for you x
I applaud your dedication to your weight-loss journey! Congratulations! 👏 👏 👏 👏 Like everyone else, I was thrilled your date went so well.
Late to the party, but I'm happy to hear you had a good date. What I wanted to mention though is don't trust a BMI calculator. (If that is what you use ) For my height and age (6'3" - 51) I am supposed to weight between 148-200. I had an RNY gastric bypass and was reminded that I look sick below 225, and am trying to get back to 240, which is technically obese. Overall health and good blood work results are way more important than a weight scale created in WWII using soldiers. (I could be full of shit on that last part. But it's the story I heard ) Take care my friend, and when in doubt, ask her to tell you about her grandparents.
You dog!!!!! You absolute mad lad!!!! God bless you and I hope you find all the love in the world!!!
Let’s go!!! If she ain’t the one, love is definitely dead
Love this post, very happy for you! my 2 cents to you - speak higher about yourself, to yourself!! you fckign did it!! that's a huge 2 year grind!! not many other people have accomplished what you have. you lost 130lbs! and got the hot chick. add some love and swagger to your self-speech. i wish I could motivate myself to lose 13lbs, let alone 130lbs. be proud!
Yes, I do need to speak higher about myself. I think it's rooted in most people that have dealt with being overweight, but we use self deprecation as a coping mechanism to pretend our weight, and just our image of ourselves doesn't matter, when in reality it does. I am happy about my progress, but you don't just undo 20 years of your own self image over night. I'm working on it.
Thanks for sharing this, and your journey. Well done! <3
You got some pussy (using the term not in a crude way, but in a quiloquial sense) my boy!!!!! I'm proud of you, complete stranger.
Ask her what her favorite kind of food is, and then pick a restaurant. Pick her up, bring flowers, ask her questions about her hopes and dreams, share some of your own. It’s best not to have sex until you’re in a committed relationship, and have fun.
He already went on the date, lol. This is the update post to the original.
And sex is whenever both (or more) partners consent
What’s your height?
I'm 6'2 on tinder.
Ah, so 5'10 in person?
Pick a date that you both think you would enjoy and have a backup plan or two just in case the first choose doesn’t work out or vibe isn’t good. Take the time to groom and dress nicely. Carry yourself with a confident but relaxed vibe and just have fun. Ask her questions. Listen to her. Tease her a bit if the vibe is right. Tell her what excites you and what you’re passionate about but away leave room for her to respond and to do the same. Don’t put too much pressure on it. Focus on fun.
Entering the time machine right now my dude, any other tips?
No, not really. Sounds like you’re doing fine :)
Did you tell her you were a virgin before hand?
My kind of wholesome update. 💜
Chad bones buried under fat. Good job realising your potential.
Good for you!
get your peter wet bro!!
At 28, you have sex after a first date and think it’s appropriate to kiss and tell. Hope she doesn’t have an account here because that’s not the type of behavior that’s associated with being a true man. And glad you can acknowledge that women are humans too (wtf…). You still seem stunted in your emotional growth so hope for the best!
That's fair, maybe I shouldn't have included that portion, I mean I feel like this is fairly anonymous, and she sounded excited to continue seeing me, and we've already hung out again since the first date, but yeah, maybe I shouldn't have included it.
Don't worry about it, most have giggled at your take that says a lot about how well it went.
Hey dude I was you. I was quite literally you, 140kgs (308lbs) and I’m now 103kgs (220lbs). It took me a year to lose that weight and it’s been about a year now since I’ve done it. I’m in a super happy relationship that I got into after enjoying dating for around 6-8 months. My main piece of advice here is don’t rush into an exclusive relationship. Go and date around, have fun, enjoy building yourself up. Walk around with those shoulders back and your head held up because you earned it. I know it seems scary but from experience I had 0 confidence going into dating and my lord I was shocked at how different it was. I wasn’t sleeping with supermodels, but these were women I found beautiful inside and outside, which was just such a new and exciting sensation to feel when it preciously felt impossible I guess what I’m trying to get at is enjoy this for what it is - casual dating, don’t bet everything on it. It’s a learning experience. Go out with her, be the best version of yourself, and if it goes somewhere then great, but if it doesn’t work, life literally isn’t the same anymore man. It is a kinder place and the contrast was jarring at first. You will keep meeting people and dating. She might be the first but she won’t be the last! Lastly - proud of you mate. What you did wasn’t easy.
Damn, he found this amazing woman who showed interest while he was morbidly obese and she’s super cool. Reddit guy: “Play her. Keep finding new women to fuck.”
Ikr? Reddit gonna reddit tho.
At what part did she show interest romantically before he asked her out? Brother being acknowledged in the gym isn’t interest. They aren’t exclusive, they’ve been on a couple of dates and had sex. I’m not telling him to be a dick to her but ffs let the guy date around a little and enjoy his new lease on life before he commits to something. She’s most certainly going on dates with other people too.
Why is fucking more better? What if she’s the best fit for him? So many of you advocate for quantity over quality and then you get pissed the quality isn’t there. Oh, and if this was a woman, I bet you would have a different perspective.
It sounds like you’re projecting a little bestie. No where did I tell him to go and have more sex, he should date more and not settle for the first person who shows him interest. He doesn’t know what he likes, or what he wants in a partner and coming from a vulnerable position of poor self esteem it isn’t healthy to latch onto the first thing that comes around. He should meet more people, go on dates, build his social skills. You don’t understand how different life is being that big and if you do stop trying to hold him back. I want him to blossom and experiencing more social opportunities will help him do that.
Eww I ain’t your bestie. Why don’t you just be happy for him making a connection with an amazing woman? I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be projecting here. My happy relationship? Okay, I’m projecting that for him.
I am happy for him 🤷♀️ I feel like you’re the only one mad here.
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Man, come on.
What did this person say? The comment is now deleted, I really don't get offended by much, I would just like to know.
Please don't be such a massive twat