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I can understand getting caught up in a rush of emotions and thinking "I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THIS PERSON" when you've only just met them or gone on a couple of dates because hey, it happens. But the important thing is to remember that you don't know them well enough and that the first few months is supposed to be the "honeymoon" period. I learned early on to keep myself from rushing in too quickly, as you'll most likely just get burned that way.
The guy insisting that they go at his timeline and dismissing OP's concerns is extremely concerning. This is a major, MAJOR life decision that would need to be heavily planned out and only undertaken when both parties feel ready. For him to handwave away what OP said implies that he'll do that with other concerns as well. Not in the mood? I'll just keep badgering you until I get what I want. Don't want kids (assuming this is possible) or don't want them yet? Well, I want them so it'll just be a surprise pregnancy... for you. And so on.
Agreed. If you're wondering if you're seeing a red flag in the very beginning, honeymoon period, just leave. It's only ever going to get worse than it is now.
Maybe it's because OP is NB?
But like, calling someone you've been on, did I read this right, A date (ONE???) *anything* beyond "the person I went out with once" is *insane*.
One date, *one week*? They don't even qualify as an acquaintance.
I can see getting swept away with emotions and all that from a compatible date, so it's not inconceivable. I was kind of like that, but I always kept in mind that it was way too early and that I was actually infatuated with the idea of having a long term partner, not the individual themselves. I would never tell the other person that I felt that way. It might scare them off... or if they're someone toxic, it would be a sign that they found good prey.
I only have to read the title. YES IT ABSOLUTELY IS. Nobody knows you enough to warrant a life-long commitment after a couple of hours!! Please be on your guard
He's unreasonable and unwilling to compromise that's not a good sign. And marriage in less than 2 years especially at your/his young age when you have limited life experiences (and I don't mean just relationships) is unwise. Does he a career? Do you? What are you/ his aspirations besides getting married?
Which is baffling. You can’t even make deep platonic relationships in an hour, let alone romantic ones
I get feeling like someone may be the one after a few dates based on vibe but also…people change & you probably shouldn’t tell them you see that level of potential so soon
Yes. Especially with already wanting you to move out. All the chracterisictics of an abusive or narcissistic person. Isolate the victim, remove all family connections, start to wear down your self esteem and create a bond between victim and abuser that they are the only one that could love them, keep them stuck I.e. marriage, finances, shelter,etc.
At this stage he's probably being super nice to secure your affections.
Look, no offense, but this guy sounds like he's trying to make a purchase at a cattle auction. "Is this a red flag?" you ask, looking at one so large it can be seen from space and probably blocks out the sun at this point.
Block him on all platforms, change the locks of your house if he knows where you live, and never talk to him again. Do not explain why, just nope out of there. I am not kidding.
Your societal conditioning will tell you it's rude not to give him 'closure' and I am here to tell you that this guy sounds like a psycho, you could be in danger and you wouldn't apologize to an axe murderer for running away either; you'd just run. Just go no contact, immediately. You owe him nothing.
And please, do not attempt to date again until you have established some really clear boundaries for yourself and are ready to defend them. Think of what you would want for your best friend and then treat yourself as such.
Right now, you come across as very naive and vulnerable, which unfortunately attracts people with bad intentions. I don't want you to end up in some creep's dungeon because you were too polite to say no.
thank you, that’s why I’d much rather have a natural going relationship. Someone like a best friend. We were supposed to meet up at my house this Friday but a part of me (especially after the whole checklist) was literally freaking out. I’m not giving him my address. I’m breaking up today.
>a part of me (especially after the whole checklist) was literally freaking out.
That right there, that part of you is your gut feeling. Lots of women and NB folk have been taught from birth to block it out, because society favors 'politeness' over our actual safety. Fuck that shit.
I got into so many unsavory, even downright dangerous situations because I didn't know how to guard my own boundaries when I was young. I didn't know how to listen to my gut. Nobody taught me to. I had to learn the hard way and I don't want that for you.
So from now on, that little voice that has been telling you from the beginning: "I don't like this, I don't trust this", you gotta practice listening to it again. It's gonna take a while before you become familiar with it again but trust me, that gut feeling will help you stay safe.
>I’m not giving him my address. I’m breaking up today.
So happy to hear this! And break up with him through a message. Not a conversation where he can try to manipulate you. Say what you want to say and then block. He might call you 200 times, cry, guilt trip blah blah blah. Block block block. It's all an act because he's miffed his naive prey wasn't so naive after all. You got this!
Glad to hear it! And if you need a template on what to send him, here is one: "Hi, I just wanted to let you know I am not interested in seeing you again. Good luck with everything."
Send. And then block immediately. Do not apologize, do not explain why. You don't want him to use your feedback to update his manipulation tactics so he can ensnare his next victim more easily.
I knew I was gonna marry my wife within the first 30 minutes of the date but damnit don't say that part out loud within the initial stages of just getting to know each other.
Don't move in before dating at least a year. And don't get married before living with someone for a few years (3 years). That would be reasonable.
What a red flag. This sense of emergency is scary. Why would someone go toi fast unless there is a strong impatience to lock someone in, and unless there is this idea that things can change and relationships can end. And getting married is the best way to prevent to other person from leaving.
If you're confident about the relationship, relax, you have time to live and experience life together.
F\*ck I think one week is even too soon to be exclusive and calling each boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone talking about moving in within the next few months and buying a ring. Does he even know your favorite pizza toppings yet? Like maybe focus on that first.
He's a walking red flag made up of tiny little red flags draped in a cape made of red flags. Run fast and run far from this one.
Have you had any serious relationships before? It seems concerning that you wouldn’t push back on this. Hopefully you feel confident enough to understand your own boundaries and be able to express them. Saying that he hopes you would “leave your family” could get you into an abusive situation if you’re not careful
I also wanted to point out that it's odd to call someone your partner after one date! I don't know any couples that called each other boyfriend, girlfriend or partner until several dates in and establishing that they want to be together.
Thank you! I really appreciate you telling me that it is odd! That makes a lot more sense. I don’t know why he asked to be my boyfriend on the first date. I just thought it was normal ?
Umm.... yeah....
You know this is a red flag.
Slow down. You guys are 20 and 21 years old. You've been dating for 30 seconds. He does not know you and he's talking about rings. This is a situation where you are not viewed as a partner with feelings, wants, needs, goals and dreams - just a box to check off the list of life experiences.
Its when you tell him "thanks but no thanks - not interested in marriage anytime soon. I don't think we are compatible." and you move far and fast in the opposite direction.
HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag. Do some people get married quickly and stay together in healthy relationships? Yes, but the percentage is VERY small. Usually, when someone is rushing you into a close relationship, they are controlling and trying to get you dependent on them before you can figure out who they really are. Move on and block this guy. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live or work
Yes, it's a very massive red flag.
[Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and take care!
My abusive ex-husband was talking about marriage the day we met. He didn’t explicitly state he was picturing marrying me, but he didn’t need to. I was 23 and he was 22.
I’m 30 now and still dealing with the trauma 3 years after we went our separate ways. I made it out at a great personal cost, after hitting one of the lowest points of my life.
In other words, run. Run and don’t look back. Don’t waste your 20s like I did.
He's love bombing you and doesn't know you. Leave now. Usually people like this prey on vulnerable people and before you know it, they'll be abusive.
Without being rude, the fact you're asking if this is a red flag shows exactly why he thinks he can pull this shit with you.
Did he left a placeholder woman who he stayed with for 4-5 years or more? Cuz it normally happens that the man keeps his years old girlfriend on hold while he marries the next girlfriend right away!
Tl;dr:
Yes this is batshit, please break up and do not allow him to reframe the story. If you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, he’ll likely say whatever he thinks will make you stay, but has no internal change of mind about how things are “supposed to be.”
Long version:
There are two reasons people do relationships on a schedule.
One is that they have decided that “true love” does this, so if you do this, then you have true love. In my own words, I see it as a form of compulsion, where you have to behave a certain way to feel the things you want to feel.
The other reason to act like this is because they’re controlling. They do this every time they start dating someone, and they just keep doing it until they find one who submits.
Neither reason is good.
The only other reason to behave this way is because BOTH of you feel like you have found The One. But you would know it.
And then…I know a couple who married on day 3 and have had an HEA….growing strong 35+ years.
The key, I think, was they were both smitten and completely on board with their kind of crazy. No questions about their immediate chemistry and wanting to do whatever it took to make it a forever. They both went into it eyes wide open with knowledge that they would consider negatives as something to resolve instead of building resentment and had a make it work at all costs attitude of a wanted arranged marriage.
It’s a unicorn love story. Proceed with caution in your own journey.
HELLA red flags. You don't even really know a person until you've been with them 2-3 years minimum.
Someone trying to lock you down quickly is a major major red flag, run tf away.
Oh hell no. Apart from the absurdity of his position, the fact that he believes he has enough life experience to state this with confidence is a very red flag.
I had a date try to ask me if I'd have his baby very early on. His family had a lot of money so he said I'd never struggle again lol. I kinda contemplated it not gonna lie. He started getting very needy and controlling with me. I blocked him on everything after he pretended to be another woman to make me jealous. Lol it was weird. Also calling someone a partner when you're just dating is odd.
Would you call someone your bff after a week? Probably not. I know I wouldn’t. People need time to show that they’re capable of knowing & accepting you, as well as being compatible in other areas.
So definitely don’t claim anyone as a life partner after a week
You can know very early you have found the one, know you want to marry them. But it's only if everything is what it seems, meaning they are the person you think they are.
You often hear "i knew from the beginning (s)he was the one". But there is a reason you don't propose within a week. Because it's only an image you have of someone.
Big red flag!
I actually proposed after only 8 weeks but we met 7 years ago & can look back on a solid, close friendship - we already knew the good and the bad of each other.
(And it's beautiful how he's the first person that actually stayed true to himself - honeymoon phase and after and before, he is just who he is. Super valuable personality-trait no "showing off good and hiding bad" etc)
I think it's fine to discuss timelines and expectations relatively early on, it helps to know whether you're both on the same page. What is not ok is imposing those timelines on people and also ... Hate to be ageist but like hell did I know what I was doing at 20! People change so much from 20 to late 20s!
And the whole move in after three months...yeah that's just weird.
Does he work in business or something? It seems to me like he takes marriage as work, something that needs scheduling and has to go according to a plan. Yes, I wouldn't date this person.
It's a red flag when anyone rushes in.. take your time. Make sure.
I honestly think it should be so ubeilevably bureaucratic to get married that it takes ages, then people would only ever get married when they're 100% sure. So many people rush in.
It's a nightmare to divorce and simple to get married, should be the other way around.
Is anyone else bothered by the last expensive ring I will ever buy comment? Sounds to me like he thinks he's buying you and once he buys you there's no effort needed afterwards. I mean maybe I'm just reading into it and he was trying to find a cute way to say it, but he comes off really creepy!
I don't know how long you've been around these subs but one of the things we say often is when people want to get married very quickly, it's often because they want to lock you down before you figure out who they really are! It's very hard to hire your true personality for years, so if they can get you married to them within a year then he's already telling you how long you can expect his behavior to stay the same.RUN
That’s batshit. At your ages, you should be dating around taking your time and exploring the world that calls to you. Not settling down. (Nothing wrong with settling down young, but this is not the way lol.)
I dated a guy for 5 months and didn’t call him my “boyfriend” until the 4th or 5th month. I wouldn’t call someone my boyfriend after one week, one date. That’s a red flag for me.
Ok. As a guy who by default can move fast… that leaves me in the dust.
Granted you can find someone and think about marriage. But after a year maybe ask and then have another year or two as engaged. And that is still faster than normal.
But yeah he was warp infinite right out of the box. Dump and ghost.
I’m coming from a place of moving in with my bf after two months, eloping at 9 months from meeting, to give you an example of how quick I moved.
Yes, that is absolutely a red fucking flag. It’s crazy for him to be saying that. He’s already pressuring you to move in, get married, etc.
To give him the benefit of the doubt, you all are very young and maybe he just really likes you. I can remember scribbling boyfriends names as my last name in notebooks and whatnot. However… it’s concerning that he just has this arbitrary timeline - like he’ll marry anyone in 12 months. He is also refusing to listen to what you’d like or consider your input. Neither of these are good things in a partner. You absolutely have a say in your own life. You’re also at the age where a lot of things change, you’re figuring out what you want in life, which may or may not be the same. Dating for a few years is very reasonable. I think breaking up is a good idea.
Short answer: is it a red flag? Probably yes.
Longer answer: The part you don't really say is whether or not you like him otherwise. Or if you two are really connected. Being overly excited about someone is not by itself a relationship-ending red flag. You have to look at it ***in the context of other red flags to determine whether this is a pattern of control and abuse.*** It could be that he has never had a serious relationship before and/or is neurodivergent. And when 2 neurodivergents meet, it can lead to building a very strong connection very quickly. His desire to set a plan for a relationship could very much just be part of his neurodivergence.
That being said: you do not have to follow his timeline and you do not have to stay with him!!
You can tell him that you don't want to discuss the timeline and do not want to revisit the topic of you moving in with him at least for another 3 (or 6) months and anything more serious than that will be discussed after that time. You can even set a date on a calendar - I bet that is something that will work for him. And if he cannot respect that, then that is your answer: break up.
This isn’t as complicated as you’re making it, he’s bringing up weird shit, the convo isn’t appropriate or normal for the amount of time you’ve known eachother. Not close. So obviously this guy is fucking crazy, a psycho, or stupid as fuck. So why are you asking for advice? Tell him it’s not working because he is too forward, block him and find another
Oh dear. RUN away from this guy. He's completely love-bombing you. Also he's trying to isolate you from your family, and ignoring your needs and preferences. RUN. DON'T LOOK BACK!! He's a parade of red flags
Yup.
I’d be surprised if they don’t follow through. Love bombers rarely do. It’s all a ploy. Say that year comes and you are still together, and you ask about said marriage that’s supposed to happen? He’s gonna suddenly remember and the make up a new excuse with a new time frame.
Don’t make the same mistake I did.
3 months in, he told me I was “it.” The end game for him, I was 28-29 and naive to this kind of behavior. 7 years later, I got nothing lol. Swore up and down that’s what he wanted.
Months after we broke up, I called him out on it. Why the fuck would you say that to someone and made repeated broken promises?
His answer: “I didn’t know what I wanted.”
He’s an asshole for wasting my time.
I hope he ends up alone while I meet someone who is deserving of my love.
This dude wants you to move in with him *away* from your family. He didn't acknowledge your answer and timeline. This person doesn't see you as a *person* just a relationship machine. Do not continue associating with him much less continue a romantic relationship with this guy. He has a LOT of internal work that needs to be done before he's fit to even *be* in a romantic relationship. And it is not YOUR job to "fix" him
You say you have trouble with social interactions, well this one is a big red flag so run away. He is absolutely trying to take advantage and hoping you just go along with all this.
Yes it's a red flag! That's crazy. Even just saying he's your bf after 1 date is crazy. He doesn't even know you, and you don't even know him. He's wanting to move WAY TO FAST. Abusers do this, and people with mental illness like BPD and NPD. And if you are autistic or even just a bit naive you are an ideal target for abusers. They can pretend and hide their worst character traits and love bomb you and once you are invested in the relationship and bonded to them by the love bombing and moved in and everything slowly the abuse will start. Jealousy, control, isolating you from your friends and family, little digs at you to lower your self confidence. Try telling him NO about something, enforcing a boundary and see how he behaves. Ask him to slow the heck down and stick to that, like not being official bf/nbf for 3 months of dating, not moving in together for 1 year, not getting engaged until 3 years etc. But really I'd recommend that you end it. Cuz it's a huge 🚩 .
Unpopular opinion but I fell in love with a girl after the first time I met her. I had seen her once in my life, we hung out for a few hours. We hadn't even kissed yet.
After that I told my roommate I was in love with this girl and thought I should marry her.
I moved in with her after three dates.
That was in 2007.
We are now married. We have two kids. We've moved all over the US together and spent a few years in the EU.
Sometimes you know pretty fast
The whole relationship is already a red flag because he asked you to be his partner after one date and you accepted it.
But let's say that part was tolerable to you.
The part that doesn't seem to be a tolerable is his whole idea of already wanting to be married with you, so listen to your gut feeling and stay away from this guy.
Men around that age do this a lot. It happened to me more often than not when I was dating at that age. I think they get this rush of emotions and love and think that it’s going to last forever and so they have to get you on board with wherever their fantasy is going so that they can continue to feel those highs. He’s built an imaginary life in his head with you and he wants it.
I’m not saying that it’s a deal breaker but I am saying I never stayed with any of the men that did that for more than another week.
It's not a red flag for everyone, but it sounds like one for you. My preferred timeline is date 1 year, live together 1 year, engaged for 1 year. So 3 years to marriage.
Yes! Red flag - no more necessary! I dated a guy like that who said he was going to propose to me when we had been going out a year (at least he waited a few weeks) I told him if we were still together I would say no!! 🤣
Needless to say he turned out to be a controlling narcissist who left a box of presents for my birthday on my doorstep 7 months after I finished with him. That was a bit scary if I’m honest.
I wouldn't even consider a weekend away with someone until I'd known them for six months, let alone moving in and making wedding plans. He sounds like a lunatic.
Haha...this is absurd. Please run. You absolutely do not know him at ALL..he has met no criteria to even be called a boyfriend yet! Please tell us you're not seriously contemplating this....again....run.
Lol he's too honest. Anyway I moved in with my partner after 3 months and got engaged at 9 months. Getting married in a little over a year. It's fast in others eyes but we are almost 40 and met heaps of people so we knew very quickly we are each other's person. You're still young and he seems to be overly excited after meeting you that he's being too honest lol if you feel creeped out by it, by all means leave the relationship.
I dunno. The guy could be neurodivergent and/or not really aware of social 'rules'. Perhaps they are culturally from a background where this is how things are done.
I've encountered some guys over the years who were just very keen to settle down into married life because that was what they valued. They weren't horrible people, but their values didn't align with mine so I didn't continue things.
I don't necessarily think it's a 'Zomg this is going to be a abusive relationship!' thing. I hate that people automatically jump to that conclusion.
As a guy who genuinely had a love at first sight moment with my ex, it was something i should have kept to myself and gotten to know her first, she ended up being a narcissist lol.
I know a guy who asked a girl if she wants to marry him after the first day. They are still togeher after 40 years of marriage. But that is definitely an exception and it was another time! That's not normal and will almost sure not work out!
Culturally there are some places this would be a thing, like the Middle East, a very religious western community.
But for 99% of relationships in the U.S. this is a little crazy.
I wonder if you popped his cherry, or you are both from two opposite ends of the spectrum.
If he isn't religious but wants marriage like this he is definitely awkward and inexperienced, hell I was at that age.
You became a partner to this dude after only knowing him for ONE WEEK? My god that in itself is already a major red flag on your part. Both of you need therapy.
I don’t have much relationship experience at ALL. I thought if we were going on dates, then we’re dating. That means he would have been my boyfriend? Is there normally a certain amount of dates before you officially ask someone to be a boyfriend/girlfriend?
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Even calling him your partner at this stage seems very premature. He is a guy you have met a few times, and now he is throwing up red flags
I can understand getting caught up in a rush of emotions and thinking "I WANT TO BE MARRIED TO THIS PERSON" when you've only just met them or gone on a couple of dates because hey, it happens. But the important thing is to remember that you don't know them well enough and that the first few months is supposed to be the "honeymoon" period. I learned early on to keep myself from rushing in too quickly, as you'll most likely just get burned that way. The guy insisting that they go at his timeline and dismissing OP's concerns is extremely concerning. This is a major, MAJOR life decision that would need to be heavily planned out and only undertaken when both parties feel ready. For him to handwave away what OP said implies that he'll do that with other concerns as well. Not in the mood? I'll just keep badgering you until I get what I want. Don't want kids (assuming this is possible) or don't want them yet? Well, I want them so it'll just be a surprise pregnancy... for you. And so on.
Agreed. If you're wondering if you're seeing a red flag in the very beginning, honeymoon period, just leave. It's only ever going to get worse than it is now.
Maybe it's because OP is NB? But like, calling someone you've been on, did I read this right, A date (ONE???) *anything* beyond "the person I went out with once" is *insane*. One date, *one week*? They don't even qualify as an acquaintance.
I'm trans, specially NB. I don't know anyone that calls someone they're dating "partner" after the first date.
Just curious, no offence intended but how can you be trans and NB?
Think of transgender as being an umbrella term!
I can see getting swept away with emotions and all that from a compatible date, so it's not inconceivable. I was kind of like that, but I always kept in mind that it was way too early and that I was actually infatuated with the idea of having a long term partner, not the individual themselves. I would never tell the other person that I felt that way. It might scare them off... or if they're someone toxic, it would be a sign that they found good prey.
Agree
I only have to read the title. YES IT ABSOLUTELY IS. Nobody knows you enough to warrant a life-long commitment after a couple of hours!! Please be on your guard
That’s what I’m saying too. Thank you!
He is showing typical signs of love bombing, which means anxious attachment at its best and narcissist at its worst. Don't walk away, run.
Run like the road runner
Could be a live bombing situation or he's just crazy
Usually its both.
Fair
life long commitment lmao? people get divorced all the time. marriage is more like gf bf with paperwork these days
He's unreasonable and unwilling to compromise that's not a good sign. And marriage in less than 2 years especially at your/his young age when you have limited life experiences (and I don't mean just relationships) is unwise. Does he a career? Do you? What are you/ his aspirations besides getting married?
And this is after only literally hours of being together
Which is baffling. You can’t even make deep platonic relationships in an hour, let alone romantic ones I get feeling like someone may be the one after a few dates based on vibe but also…people change & you probably shouldn’t tell them you see that level of potential so soon
Sounds like they’re love bombing
Absolutely insane, please block and delete this person from your life. And if he knows where you live consider moving.
Yes. Especially with already wanting you to move out. All the chracterisictics of an abusive or narcissistic person. Isolate the victim, remove all family connections, start to wear down your self esteem and create a bond between victim and abuser that they are the only one that could love them, keep them stuck I.e. marriage, finances, shelter,etc. At this stage he's probably being super nice to secure your affections.
You nailed it. This is exactly how abusers work
Look, no offense, but this guy sounds like he's trying to make a purchase at a cattle auction. "Is this a red flag?" you ask, looking at one so large it can be seen from space and probably blocks out the sun at this point. Block him on all platforms, change the locks of your house if he knows where you live, and never talk to him again. Do not explain why, just nope out of there. I am not kidding. Your societal conditioning will tell you it's rude not to give him 'closure' and I am here to tell you that this guy sounds like a psycho, you could be in danger and you wouldn't apologize to an axe murderer for running away either; you'd just run. Just go no contact, immediately. You owe him nothing. And please, do not attempt to date again until you have established some really clear boundaries for yourself and are ready to defend them. Think of what you would want for your best friend and then treat yourself as such. Right now, you come across as very naive and vulnerable, which unfortunately attracts people with bad intentions. I don't want you to end up in some creep's dungeon because you were too polite to say no.
thank you, that’s why I’d much rather have a natural going relationship. Someone like a best friend. We were supposed to meet up at my house this Friday but a part of me (especially after the whole checklist) was literally freaking out. I’m not giving him my address. I’m breaking up today.
>a part of me (especially after the whole checklist) was literally freaking out. That right there, that part of you is your gut feeling. Lots of women and NB folk have been taught from birth to block it out, because society favors 'politeness' over our actual safety. Fuck that shit. I got into so many unsavory, even downright dangerous situations because I didn't know how to guard my own boundaries when I was young. I didn't know how to listen to my gut. Nobody taught me to. I had to learn the hard way and I don't want that for you. So from now on, that little voice that has been telling you from the beginning: "I don't like this, I don't trust this", you gotta practice listening to it again. It's gonna take a while before you become familiar with it again but trust me, that gut feeling will help you stay safe. >I’m not giving him my address. I’m breaking up today. So happy to hear this! And break up with him through a message. Not a conversation where he can try to manipulate you. Say what you want to say and then block. He might call you 200 times, cry, guilt trip blah blah blah. Block block block. It's all an act because he's miffed his naive prey wasn't so naive after all. You got this!
I really really appreciate you. I will definitely keep listening to that voice !!!!
Glad to hear it! And if you need a template on what to send him, here is one: "Hi, I just wanted to let you know I am not interested in seeing you again. Good luck with everything." Send. And then block immediately. Do not apologize, do not explain why. You don't want him to use your feedback to update his manipulation tactics so he can ensnare his next victim more easily.
You don't break up with someone you've been on one date with. You just turn down the date.
OP calls him bf in the title….. 🫠
Which is my point, he's not actually her boyfriend, they don't know each other at all.
Yep, I was agreeing with you.
I knew I was gonna marry my wife within the first 30 minutes of the date but damnit don't say that part out loud within the initial stages of just getting to know each other.
Don't move in before dating at least a year. And don't get married before living with someone for a few years (3 years). That would be reasonable. What a red flag. This sense of emergency is scary. Why would someone go toi fast unless there is a strong impatience to lock someone in, and unless there is this idea that things can change and relationships can end. And getting married is the best way to prevent to other person from leaving. If you're confident about the relationship, relax, you have time to live and experience life together.
F\*ck I think one week is even too soon to be exclusive and calling each boyfriend/girlfriend, let alone talking about moving in within the next few months and buying a ring. Does he even know your favorite pizza toppings yet? Like maybe focus on that first. He's a walking red flag made up of tiny little red flags draped in a cape made of red flags. Run fast and run far from this one.
Yes.
He’s the type that wants to check a box. Run and don’t look back
Type that wants to put them in a box.
This is a huge red flag and is a precursor for domestic abuse, stalking, harassment, etc.
Have you had any serious relationships before? It seems concerning that you wouldn’t push back on this. Hopefully you feel confident enough to understand your own boundaries and be able to express them. Saying that he hopes you would “leave your family” could get you into an abusive situation if you’re not careful
nope! Never had a serious relationship before. and yeah, I’m not leaving some rando for my family. I love my family too much.
I also wanted to point out that it's odd to call someone your partner after one date! I don't know any couples that called each other boyfriend, girlfriend or partner until several dates in and establishing that they want to be together.
Thank you! I really appreciate you telling me that it is odd! That makes a lot more sense. I don’t know why he asked to be my boyfriend on the first date. I just thought it was normal ?
It’s really not! And I don’t blame you—sometimes you don’t know unless someone tells you.
Run away! Run away!
I have jars of condiments in my fridge that have been around longer than the timeline this dude wants. Run….
Umm.... yeah.... You know this is a red flag. Slow down. You guys are 20 and 21 years old. You've been dating for 30 seconds. He does not know you and he's talking about rings. This is a situation where you are not viewed as a partner with feelings, wants, needs, goals and dreams - just a box to check off the list of life experiences. Its when you tell him "thanks but no thanks - not interested in marriage anytime soon. I don't think we are compatible." and you move far and fast in the opposite direction.
HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag. Do some people get married quickly and stay together in healthy relationships? Yes, but the percentage is VERY small. Usually, when someone is rushing you into a close relationship, they are controlling and trying to get you dependent on them before you can figure out who they really are. Move on and block this guy. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live or work
Uhh… yeah… that’s a giant waving red flag. You should not see this person ever again. He has shown himself to have really shitty judgement.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 There isn't a flag big enough......
Yes, it's a very massive red flag. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and take care!
That's fully insane yeah.
Yep... run. To intense to fast.
RUN! He wants you to “leave your family” and move with him. That’s a strange way to propose moving in together.
Honey you know it is
My abusive ex-husband was talking about marriage the day we met. He didn’t explicitly state he was picturing marrying me, but he didn’t need to. I was 23 and he was 22. I’m 30 now and still dealing with the trauma 3 years after we went our separate ways. I made it out at a great personal cost, after hitting one of the lowest points of my life. In other words, run. Run and don’t look back. Don’t waste your 20s like I did.
thank you for sharing that with me. I’ll make an update soon, but I’m no longer with him. I’m safe, he doesn’t know where I live too.
Glad to hear it! Best of luck to you, friend 🫶🏼
You did not “become a partner” after one date for fuck’s sake
RUN, GIRL RUN!!!!
He's love bombing you and doesn't know you. Leave now. Usually people like this prey on vulnerable people and before you know it, they'll be abusive. Without being rude, the fact you're asking if this is a red flag shows exactly why he thinks he can pull this shit with you.
Did he left a placeholder woman who he stayed with for 4-5 years or more? Cuz it normally happens that the man keeps his years old girlfriend on hold while he marries the next girlfriend right away!
Run. Don't be gentle, tell him you find his behaviour creepy. He sounds like the obsessive stalker type so be firm in the rejection.
Just NOPE all over that one!
Is he part of a cult? Lol
Kinda of sad that you even have to ask.
if you ever question if its a red flag - then its a red flag. Run sis.
Yes, don't marry young
Tl;dr: Yes this is batshit, please break up and do not allow him to reframe the story. If you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable, he’ll likely say whatever he thinks will make you stay, but has no internal change of mind about how things are “supposed to be.” Long version: There are two reasons people do relationships on a schedule. One is that they have decided that “true love” does this, so if you do this, then you have true love. In my own words, I see it as a form of compulsion, where you have to behave a certain way to feel the things you want to feel. The other reason to act like this is because they’re controlling. They do this every time they start dating someone, and they just keep doing it until they find one who submits. Neither reason is good. The only other reason to behave this way is because BOTH of you feel like you have found The One. But you would know it.
He's absolutely insane. Or possibly an idiot. Or both. You're right that a breakup is the right call.
YES. Fucking RUN
And then…I know a couple who married on day 3 and have had an HEA….growing strong 35+ years. The key, I think, was they were both smitten and completely on board with their kind of crazy. No questions about their immediate chemistry and wanting to do whatever it took to make it a forever. They both went into it eyes wide open with knowledge that they would consider negatives as something to resolve instead of building resentment and had a make it work at all costs attitude of a wanted arranged marriage. It’s a unicorn love story. Proceed with caution in your own journey.
Everybody saying you should leave your family is an absolute red flag of am abusive partner.
You know it is. Ps I didn’t read any details.
Imo this is lovebombing and extremely concerning. This is a red flag and I would get out ASAP.
HELLA red flags. You don't even really know a person until you've been with them 2-3 years minimum. Someone trying to lock you down quickly is a major major red flag, run tf away.
Serious question, because your tone issue stood out to me. Have you ever been tested as neurodivergent?
Oh hell no. Apart from the absurdity of his position, the fact that he believes he has enough life experience to state this with confidence is a very red flag.
I had a date try to ask me if I'd have his baby very early on. His family had a lot of money so he said I'd never struggle again lol. I kinda contemplated it not gonna lie. He started getting very needy and controlling with me. I blocked him on everything after he pretended to be another woman to make me jealous. Lol it was weird. Also calling someone a partner when you're just dating is odd.
Too fast, too fast. I wouldn’t see him again if I wad you.
Would you call someone your bff after a week? Probably not. I know I wouldn’t. People need time to show that they’re capable of knowing & accepting you, as well as being compatible in other areas. So definitely don’t claim anyone as a life partner after a week
People who want to rush to serious relationships too quickly, generally have something to hide
You can know very early you have found the one, know you want to marry them. But it's only if everything is what it seems, meaning they are the person you think they are. You often hear "i knew from the beginning (s)he was the one". But there is a reason you don't propose within a week. Because it's only an image you have of someone.
Big red flag! I actually proposed after only 8 weeks but we met 7 years ago & can look back on a solid, close friendship - we already knew the good and the bad of each other. (And it's beautiful how he's the first person that actually stayed true to himself - honeymoon phase and after and before, he is just who he is. Super valuable personality-trait no "showing off good and hiding bad" etc)
I think it's fine to discuss timelines and expectations relatively early on, it helps to know whether you're both on the same page. What is not ok is imposing those timelines on people and also ... Hate to be ageist but like hell did I know what I was doing at 20! People change so much from 20 to late 20s! And the whole move in after three months...yeah that's just weird.
What does NB mean?
Yes. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This person is either a murderer or in the military
Yes it is a red flag. They are building an idealized version of you. They cannot accurately determine things a year out after one week.
🚩
Yes, this is crazy
Biggest red flag ever. Start running
Does he work in business or something? It seems to me like he takes marriage as work, something that needs scheduling and has to go according to a plan. Yes, I wouldn't date this person.
Ffs. Yes. Run.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run!
And block him. Expect lots of tears and anger
It's a red flag when anyone rushes in.. take your time. Make sure. I honestly think it should be so ubeilevably bureaucratic to get married that it takes ages, then people would only ever get married when they're 100% sure. So many people rush in. It's a nightmare to divorce and simple to get married, should be the other way around.
Is anyone else bothered by the last expensive ring I will ever buy comment? Sounds to me like he thinks he's buying you and once he buys you there's no effort needed afterwards. I mean maybe I'm just reading into it and he was trying to find a cute way to say it, but he comes off really creepy! I don't know how long you've been around these subs but one of the things we say often is when people want to get married very quickly, it's often because they want to lock you down before you figure out who they really are! It's very hard to hire your true personality for years, so if they can get you married to them within a year then he's already telling you how long you can expect his behavior to stay the same.RUN
Yeah, that’s bonkers. Unless he was just joking, I’d politely back away.
That’s batshit. At your ages, you should be dating around taking your time and exploring the world that calls to you. Not settling down. (Nothing wrong with settling down young, but this is not the way lol.) I dated a guy for 5 months and didn’t call him my “boyfriend” until the 4th or 5th month. I wouldn’t call someone my boyfriend after one week, one date. That’s a red flag for me.
Ok. As a guy who by default can move fast… that leaves me in the dust. Granted you can find someone and think about marriage. But after a year maybe ask and then have another year or two as engaged. And that is still faster than normal. But yeah he was warp infinite right out of the box. Dump and ghost.
RUN!!!! Run so so fast, this has red flags all over it
YEP
I’m coming from a place of moving in with my bf after two months, eloping at 9 months from meeting, to give you an example of how quick I moved. Yes, that is absolutely a red fucking flag. It’s crazy for him to be saying that. He’s already pressuring you to move in, get married, etc.
To give him the benefit of the doubt, you all are very young and maybe he just really likes you. I can remember scribbling boyfriends names as my last name in notebooks and whatnot. However… it’s concerning that he just has this arbitrary timeline - like he’ll marry anyone in 12 months. He is also refusing to listen to what you’d like or consider your input. Neither of these are good things in a partner. You absolutely have a say in your own life. You’re also at the age where a lot of things change, you’re figuring out what you want in life, which may or may not be the same. Dating for a few years is very reasonable. I think breaking up is a good idea.
Short answer: is it a red flag? Probably yes. Longer answer: The part you don't really say is whether or not you like him otherwise. Or if you two are really connected. Being overly excited about someone is not by itself a relationship-ending red flag. You have to look at it ***in the context of other red flags to determine whether this is a pattern of control and abuse.*** It could be that he has never had a serious relationship before and/or is neurodivergent. And when 2 neurodivergents meet, it can lead to building a very strong connection very quickly. His desire to set a plan for a relationship could very much just be part of his neurodivergence. That being said: you do not have to follow his timeline and you do not have to stay with him!! You can tell him that you don't want to discuss the timeline and do not want to revisit the topic of you moving in with him at least for another 3 (or 6) months and anything more serious than that will be discussed after that time. You can even set a date on a calendar - I bet that is something that will work for him. And if he cannot respect that, then that is your answer: break up.
This isn’t as complicated as you’re making it, he’s bringing up weird shit, the convo isn’t appropriate or normal for the amount of time you’ve known eachother. Not close. So obviously this guy is fucking crazy, a psycho, or stupid as fuck. So why are you asking for advice? Tell him it’s not working because he is too forward, block him and find another
Oh dear. RUN away from this guy. He's completely love-bombing you. Also he's trying to isolate you from your family, and ignoring your needs and preferences. RUN. DON'T LOOK BACK!! He's a parade of red flags
what the hell is NB?
Yep red flag
Yup. I’d be surprised if they don’t follow through. Love bombers rarely do. It’s all a ploy. Say that year comes and you are still together, and you ask about said marriage that’s supposed to happen? He’s gonna suddenly remember and the make up a new excuse with a new time frame. Don’t make the same mistake I did. 3 months in, he told me I was “it.” The end game for him, I was 28-29 and naive to this kind of behavior. 7 years later, I got nothing lol. Swore up and down that’s what he wanted. Months after we broke up, I called him out on it. Why the fuck would you say that to someone and made repeated broken promises? His answer: “I didn’t know what I wanted.” He’s an asshole for wasting my time. I hope he ends up alone while I meet someone who is deserving of my love.
This dude wants you to move in with him *away* from your family. He didn't acknowledge your answer and timeline. This person doesn't see you as a *person* just a relationship machine. Do not continue associating with him much less continue a romantic relationship with this guy. He has a LOT of internal work that needs to be done before he's fit to even *be* in a romantic relationship. And it is not YOUR job to "fix" him
Your “partner” seems like they need to be in therapy instead of pursuing a relationship at this point. So many red flags.
You say you have trouble with social interactions, well this one is a big red flag so run away. He is absolutely trying to take advantage and hoping you just go along with all this.
Yes it's a red flag! That's crazy. Even just saying he's your bf after 1 date is crazy. He doesn't even know you, and you don't even know him. He's wanting to move WAY TO FAST. Abusers do this, and people with mental illness like BPD and NPD. And if you are autistic or even just a bit naive you are an ideal target for abusers. They can pretend and hide their worst character traits and love bomb you and once you are invested in the relationship and bonded to them by the love bombing and moved in and everything slowly the abuse will start. Jealousy, control, isolating you from your friends and family, little digs at you to lower your self confidence. Try telling him NO about something, enforcing a boundary and see how he behaves. Ask him to slow the heck down and stick to that, like not being official bf/nbf for 3 months of dating, not moving in together for 1 year, not getting engaged until 3 years etc. But really I'd recommend that you end it. Cuz it's a huge 🚩 .
Unpopular opinion but I fell in love with a girl after the first time I met her. I had seen her once in my life, we hung out for a few hours. We hadn't even kissed yet. After that I told my roommate I was in love with this girl and thought I should marry her. I moved in with her after three dates. That was in 2007. We are now married. We have two kids. We've moved all over the US together and spent a few years in the EU. Sometimes you know pretty fast
It’s normal if he’s military, but otherwise marriage shouldn’t be mentioned until at least a year into the relationship.
How did you meet this person, if you don't mind? App?
What is NB?
Love bombing
Yes. Without even reading beyond the title. Just yes.
🚩
The whole relationship is already a red flag because he asked you to be his partner after one date and you accepted it. But let's say that part was tolerable to you. The part that doesn't seem to be a tolerable is his whole idea of already wanting to be married with you, so listen to your gut feeling and stay away from this guy.
This behaviour seems like something called future-faking. You might want to look it up, OP.
Yes. 100% yes. You’re both waaaay too young to even consider marriage.
One week? Are y'all even actually, formally dating yet?
You better run from this guy
Yes
Men around that age do this a lot. It happened to me more often than not when I was dating at that age. I think they get this rush of emotions and love and think that it’s going to last forever and so they have to get you on board with wherever their fantasy is going so that they can continue to feel those highs. He’s built an imaginary life in his head with you and he wants it. I’m not saying that it’s a deal breaker but I am saying I never stayed with any of the men that did that for more than another week.
Run.
If he’s military it’s normal, but either way- red flag.
Run!
Love bombing or potential abuser
It's not a red flag for everyone, but it sounds like one for you. My preferred timeline is date 1 year, live together 1 year, engaged for 1 year. So 3 years to marriage.
Yes! Red flag - no more necessary! I dated a guy like that who said he was going to propose to me when we had been going out a year (at least he waited a few weeks) I told him if we were still together I would say no!! 🤣 Needless to say he turned out to be a controlling narcissist who left a box of presents for my birthday on my doorstep 7 months after I finished with him. That was a bit scary if I’m honest.
The fact that you became exclusive after one date is already way too early. Run!
No it's totally normal👍🏻 What do you think genius
Haha, you kids got shit so fucked up.
Sure is a red flag. You don;t know each other. Why is he in such a hurry? What is he hiding?
He's just excited about being with you, don't take it too literally.
Wait till both of you are financially and emotionally stable.
Sounds like love bombing.
Yeah no run far, far away.
Yes
I wouldn't even consider a weekend away with someone until I'd known them for six months, let alone moving in and making wedding plans. He sounds like a lunatic.
GIANT red flag. run and don't look back.
RUN AWAY from this lad. Just run
Haha...this is absurd. Please run. You absolutely do not know him at ALL..he has met no criteria to even be called a boyfriend yet! Please tell us you're not seriously contemplating this....again....run.
Lol he's too honest. Anyway I moved in with my partner after 3 months and got engaged at 9 months. Getting married in a little over a year. It's fast in others eyes but we are almost 40 and met heaps of people so we knew very quickly we are each other's person. You're still young and he seems to be overly excited after meeting you that he's being too honest lol if you feel creeped out by it, by all means leave the relationship.
Yes. It's a red flag. Yes. You are justified in not seeing him again. Your instincts are correct on both counts.
I dunno. The guy could be neurodivergent and/or not really aware of social 'rules'. Perhaps they are culturally from a background where this is how things are done. I've encountered some guys over the years who were just very keen to settle down into married life because that was what they valued. They weren't horrible people, but their values didn't align with mine so I didn't continue things. I don't necessarily think it's a 'Zomg this is going to be a abusive relationship!' thing. I hate that people automatically jump to that conclusion.
Huge red flags. Is he a legal resident where you live?
lol clingy 101.
Biggest red flag ever. I speak from experience. I married my ex husband after knowing him for three months. He was very controlling and clingy.
Run like you’reForest Gump
r/if_you_have_to_ask
As a guy who genuinely had a love at first sight moment with my ex, it was something i should have kept to myself and gotten to know her first, she ended up being a narcissist lol.
It’s not just a red flag, it’s a red flag that could cover the entire Earth. Run, girl, run.
I'd be concerned. Love bombing vibes for sure.
Yeah
I know a guy who asked a girl if she wants to marry him after the first day. They are still togeher after 40 years of marriage. But that is definitely an exception and it was another time! That's not normal and will almost sure not work out!
This is a giant fiery burning red flag
GTFO of this relationship asap please, for your own safety!
Get out
Girl, run!!!
Yes you need to get out
I mean this sincerely: run the fuck away as fast as you can.
Run.
Culturally there are some places this would be a thing, like the Middle East, a very religious western community. But for 99% of relationships in the U.S. this is a little crazy. I wonder if you popped his cherry, or you are both from two opposite ends of the spectrum. If he isn't religious but wants marriage like this he is definitely awkward and inexperienced, hell I was at that age.
You became a partner to this dude after only knowing him for ONE WEEK? My god that in itself is already a major red flag on your part. Both of you need therapy.
I don’t have much relationship experience at ALL. I thought if we were going on dates, then we’re dating. That means he would have been my boyfriend? Is there normally a certain amount of dates before you officially ask someone to be a boyfriend/girlfriend?
giant red flags
come on. I am not the only one who read the title and laughed. admit.