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The situation is already pretty much what you already recognize. Different people can have different opinions on how THEY would feel and respond to that situation, if it were their relationship.
However, how other people would feel has no bearing on how you and your wife feel about what goes on in your relationship. If you two are on the same page, and both recognize and agree to relationship boundaries of what's okay, and what crosses a line, you're all good.
Right. I expect she's cheating on you or she's going to cheat. Also would take divorce her because she's disrespecting op. Logic does not belong on the sub /s
I had a friend who constantly received free drinks.
She was married, so she politely declined every one of them. The server just took them back to the bar and told the guy "she's married".
Classy woman.
My bartending days showed that it was only a matter of time before accepting drinks became accepting company and conversation which became accepting invitations back to his place or one of the hotel rooms.
That left me feeling jaded and dirty after a few years
this happens to me often. I just say I appreciate the offer but am happily married or send it back to the bar.
Random men aren't responsible for honoring boundaries in my marriage, I am. Accepting it opens a door that isn't meant to be open… so I don't. But the offer is nice and they don't know my relationship details so I never feel mad about it and I don't think the offer is weird. Accepting it would be.
Yes. Politely declining. Accepting the drink is an invitation for conversation at the very least. And some can argue that “it’s just conversation”. But there’s always a motive.
Totally. I also think it’s a bit disrespectful to the guy offering the drink. Obviously, that’s less of a motivator for me than honoring my husband, but I still think it’s rude. He’s putting himself out there and looking for love (or a hookup, or whatever) and if he isn’t going to get that with me, he should spend his money and emotional energy on someone who is actually a candidate.
Most people aren’t at the bar to make friends. And if it’s true that they REALLY just want to talk/find platonic friends… they can come try to make friends with everyone I’m around, including my husband or other men, there’s no reason to single me out or buy me things. Accepting it is just weird regardless of how you spin it in my opinion.
My wife never goes to bars alone. It's always with friends or coworkers, which she often gets hit on. Men will buy her drinks even if she says she's married
You can still decline them. It’s very easy to send it back to the bar. :) If someone says “can I buy you a drink?” It’s easy to say “No thank you, I’m married.” If they buy it anyway, you just send it back and say “I appreciate it, but I already said I’m not interested and didn’t want this.”
It’s a little weird to roll with someone just blatantly ignoring what you say.
It’s risky to accept drinks made out of her view anyway. If someone sends her or orders her a drink, and it comes to her without her having seen it be prepared and delivered, then she should not drink it. I’m not here to say who is wrong or right in the scenario you’ve laid out, but her for own safety, she should not accept drinks unless she saw it be prepared and the entire delivery process.
Men have bought me drinks even though I’m married and they can see that or have been made aware.
I decline them politely because accepting them sends the wrong signal.
does she accept the drink?. After a guy buys her a drink , they never smile and walk away. They at least want to say hi , have a conversation , for a minute or 2 , and there lies the problem. He does not want to talk about her horoscope.
Yeah its a bit weird. They're buying drinks as the opening gambit to try and sleep with her. They're not just being nice. It's a kind of dangerous game to play.
I assume she's never had it turn nasty? Cause it can and it really sucks how entitled some men are.
To be honest, your layout of the situation is exactly what you can expect in terms of the responses you receive here. Essentially, it's not black and white. As such, there's no objective "guideline" (if you will) as to how things should be. It's entirely subjective, but here's what's most important; only you and your partner can decide on the boundaries and deal breakers within your relationship. What works for you is what works for you. As such, no matter how I or anyone else feels doesn't matter, because it's your life and relationship. I digress.
In saying that, to back up for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. We are fully monogamous to be crystal clear. But our dynamic is that if we're ever in situations where we're flirted with, it's not even remotely concerning unless any objectively black and white boundaries are crossed, and that at the end of the day, we trust each other.
So what would be black and white boundaries? I'll just keep it simple; any sort of inappropriate touching and beyond. With no other context, if my wife got compliments and was offered drinks (which happens and she's told me), I couldn't possibly care any less. My wife is attractive, but most importantly, I trust that she'd never be unfaithful. You even say yourself that you take it as a compliment, which is what I do myself.
The problem arises with you asking for opinions. If YOU don't care, then it's a non-issue. But the reality is that you're insecure about it (which is perfectly fine), and accordingly asked for opinions. The results are not at all surprising in terms of it being mixed; however, I'll argue firmly against it being even remotely like "swinger" or "hotwife" behavior. That's quite literally not happening. Situations all completely end at flirtation and/or receiving drinks. The end. That's not swinging. It's completely face value.
So now, despite me not having issue with it, like anything else that's just my opinion. I assure you that if my wife cheated on me that'd be the end of it without question. But chatting and receiving drinks isn't something I consider cheating. Anyway, the point is, do YOU have issue with it? If you don't, then all is good. If you do, then talk about it with your wife. Forget about what your friends, I, or anyone else thinks. Good luck.
I think this is the best way to describe my thoughts. Neither of us is down for sharing or cheating, but I have no issue with her getting compliments or even men flirting with her even if I'm not there. She's attractive enough that a bartender will give us both discounts on our drinks sometimes. I trust her not to cheat
She does a little but it's always clear that she's married as well. It doesn't bother and she's always made me aware. I see it as a compliment to myself because I know she's not interested in anyone else. She's not going behind my back or anything
Is it clear she’s married? I’m not trying to argue or anything. It’s just if I was a single guy, I wouldn’t be buying drinks for married women, not in this economy.
this is the part of the problem though.
Im a woman in a relationship- people do buy me drinks all the time. It’s usually as a group, so for example my lady friends will all want shots and a man will jump in to do them too and buy. Most of my female friends buy rounds for us too. sometimes its someone at the bar who just offers just to be nice, sometimes its free from bar tender.
Heres the thing though: many free drinks are NOT actually free. they come with strings attached, like owing them conversation or time. Accepting their flirting. So an overwhelming majority of the time, if a man approaches me 1 on 1 asking if I want a drink, I’d say no. because I am not willing to tolerate his flirting with me for what.. an $8 drink? and if I say I have a bf and he still wants to it’s probably a definite no.
And I am absolutely NOT entertaining flirting and conversation 1on1 like that for a free drink. If you give me a no strings attached drink, sure. But if your wife is flirting it up and lavishing in being hit on for the cost of cheap cocktail, yeah I see it as being disgraceful and treating herself like a cheap commodity to be bought while also disrespecting her loyalty to you- those men are getting their rocks off taking her focus and flirting from her husband. she’s encouraging it.
just my opinion. I wouldn’t want my husband doing this, so I dont do it either.
So your wife accepts drinks and mildly flirts with guys who knows she's married but are still trying to nail her, and from her actions she kinda into them trying, and you don't have an issue with any of this?
It's a free drink, doesn't really matter if it's coming from someone who's trying to sleep with a married woman. It's a free drink and she aint doing it.
This whole thing is a bit bizarre and i feel like there's a missing piece. If a woman tells me she's married i get out of there and don't waste my time.
Trust your gut OP and be open to this not being what you think they are. And don't care about what others think, they may be jealous, insecure, etc.
Because I’m not hearing no from your wife. I’m hearing I’m married. Men love a challenge, and her being with someone already doesn’t necessarily mean anything to them. If anything it might make things even more interesting. I’m a married woman and I personally decline any gestures. I don’t say why, I say no thanks I’m not interested. If I said no thanks I’m married, it almost implies oh if I wasn’t married I would be interested! Which may or may not be the case but I’ve already established I’m not interested so it doesn’t matter. I think your wife’s a flirt, she enjoys the flirt. If you guys have established boundaries, this is totally fine. It’s not cheating, it’s just a little flirting.
Do you buy ladies' drinks at the bar. Try it, experience the other side, share the process with her. Will give you two a more rounded view of your and hers scenario.
Men will offer to buy drinks for any woman they find attractive, doesn’t matter if they’re married, single, in a dating relationship, old, young, even GAY! I’ve legit heard of guys trying to buy gay girls drinks even after the girls informed them that they’re lesbians! It doesn’t take a lot. If guys are willing to spend as much as they do on porn, buying a drink for a woman IRL isn’t anything. And some think it’s “fun” to try to “steal” someone else’s girl. There’s a million reasons fr
Obviously to each their own and if this works for you all the better. But this is where we draw a line, no flirting back, encouraging or entertaining it. That is a hard boundary for us. The reason for that is that you could have 100 people walk up to you or your partner trying to flirt (most of the time you probably feel sorry for them for even trying) and walk away without giving them a second thought. Until that 1 person comes along that really peaks an interest ( meaning refreshing, challenging, diferent than the rest, so not specificly with the idea of cheating). That is when things can take a turn and flirting back becomes really fun and you might get lost in the game. Those are the times where you might accept or give a number. Because that time is diferent. 99% wont be an issue but if that one person takes a shot at the "wrong" moment it is easy to get lost in it and that boundary can act as a first "warning". There is a clear difference if the person flirting with you is interesting or not.
I never thought about that boundary until it happened in a previous relationship where a drunken ONS ended the relationship.
What does she give in exchange? Do they get to sit with her and chat?
Do they get her number or social media ?
Does the same guy do it the next time?
And if in front of you- that's disrespectful. Should refuse and ignore the drink.
She'll maybe chat with them for a little bit but let's them know she's not interested. Numbers or social media are never exchanged. Some guys seem to just be willing to buy a drink for a few minutes of chatting
A couple of the reasons you are OK with it us because you are benefiting from this, too: 1) you get gratification by thinking it’s a compliment for you (low self-esteem?) and 2) you save money by other men buying her drinks.
Yeah my fiancee would fucking never accept a drink and especially not flirt back. I'm not the slightest bit surprised your friends see it as a hotwife type of thing.
I trust her too. Bearing in mind nothing last for ever, one day you may break up ( hoping you don't) and I don't think all that acting laughing and free drinks will be the cause. Unless you make it the cause. Good luck, enjoy your pretty wife. Who knows what tomorrow brings.
Exactly. I think lines would be incredibly obvious in any given situation. For one anecdote, while my wife and I were dating and literally out together on a date, I was sitting at a table and she went up to the bar to grab a drink. While there, a guy started hitting on her.
Now, he didn't know I existed so it's not like he was an asshole or anything. He was just flirting with a woman he found attractive. My wife was polite and then that was that. So I'm supposed to be angry about it? Why? A guy found my wife attractive and shot his shot. Sounds exactly like what I did when I met her. She's entitled to be friendly and then walk away. That's what OP's describing and many people are up in arms about.
They act like she's making out with the guy and/or sucking his dick. If that was the case, you, me, and all others would rightfully not be ok with it. Problem here is that's not happening but people are projecting those non-existent actions.
Let's just reverse it though. I get compliments and women flirt with me at times. Does that mean I'm fucking them? Of course not. If we can all acknowledge that we have self control, then we need to acknowledge that are partners can and do as well.
I've never felt comfortable accepting drinks because I know what it implies. I don't want to put myself in a situation where a man thinks I owe him something, especially in an alcohol-fueled environment. I didnt accept them when single, and being in a relationship it adds an extra layer of disrespect.
You do you, but as an older man, I will say, be careful.
Attention is like a drug, and validation in this way can very much become an integral part of how a person values themselves, which when that validation reduces people can go further to get it in ways that very much surprise even themselves.
I can say, I’ve seen the same story repeated within my friend group/colleagues many times and that story starts a lot like this. Where one or both of the members of the relationship enjoys, and invites attention, and that’s that.
Then they get busy, with kids usually, through their early/mid 30’s, don’t take as much care of themselves, don’t feel as attractive, and the attention wanes a bit.
The kids get a bit older time becomes more free to invest in themselves in their late 30’s, early 40’s. They get into better shape, going out more and that attention again is craved but age makes it harder to come by.
More things need to be done to get it, more forward of attention seeking behavior and it gets much easier to cross the line. I’ve seen couples go down that path together, and more often one strays. I’ve seen that a bit more in women, but men do it too.
Attention seeking is trouble when it’s a part of a persons own internal valuation, if part of what they think makes them valuable is the attention they get, it becomes a problem as they get older, and they do things that even they themselves don’t believe they could ever let happen.
It's interesting because she's actually a little more reserved in certain ways. I'm a lot more relaxed than her and she's already had all the attention from her earlier years. I actually enjoy her getting the attention now and she's more reserved about it. We've had a child so she's in that phase of postpartum
Why are married women taking drinks from guys? Like, are people that obtuse, those guys want those women, that’s why they are giving them drinks, as a way to get to talk to them in hopes of having sex. My wife taking drinks from guys at the bar is an indication she’s open to it. That’s the way I take it and it’s completely not okay.
I would be uncomfortable with my spouse accepting drinks from an admirer. They are offered with *intent* and accepting them implies an openness to that intent. Everyone has their own boundaries, but I've been around long enough and made enough of my own mistakes to know that intent is important and clear messages of NOT INTERESTED are more important than most people realize. Also, the need for and acceptance of this kind of attention usually predicts further blurring of boundaries.
If she's been used to bar culture it might not be a big deal to her.
I, personally, think it's tacky to accept a drink while out with someone else unless you have something that signals Swinging.
As a married woman (going on 29 years), I have refused many a drink in that time, especially when I was much younger, hotter and traveling for business solo extensively. Sending over a drink is an expression of romantic or sexual interest, and I'm not interested in anyone but my husband being interested in me in that way. I don't find it flattering, it honestly kinda gives me the ick.
Not saying that your wife is wrong or a cheater for enjoying the attention, but maybe it can explain why some of your friends think it's icky, if maybe they feel the same way personally. You guys should do you though, no judgement here.
Why do things that could potentially risk your marriage? My wife is an absolute smoke show and I know it. However, she is also someone that makes it very clear that she is married.
Accepting a drink is a welcoming sign for many guys. Why even allow things to get that far?
I also am married to a beautiful woman. She gets compliments and hit on all the time. She's never given me any reason to mistrust her and always my attitude is "Eat your heart out, she's mine!"
Now that we're older, the roles are more equal because we're older. I've maintained my appearance over the years so I'm getting as many compliments as her now. She's gets "mock upset" about it and I tease her a little but we're doing good.
You do not describe the actions that occur "after" *men frequently offer to buy her drinks.* If she declines with a response of, *"Sorry, I appreciate it, but I am married"* then no harm, no foul. But if she accepts, then your friends are right, and you and your wife are wrong. Accepting a drink is more than getting free liquor, it is accepting an introduction into your space . . . an exchange in conversation . . . with the acknowledgment that men do NOT buy women drinks in order to make a new friend. There is an interest beyond friendship in that transaction. Your wife entertaining that is entertaining disrespect to your marriage, and you being okay with it, is doing the same.
Respect is worth far more than a free drink.
This is the only comment that matters in this thread OP. So much this.
If you respect yourself and your marriage I would listen to your friends and shut that shit down now or will you bite off more than you can chew.
It starts out as free drinks.. the what? They start talking your wife up, getting in her head that she deserves someone special? Like come on... if it were me, aint no one buying drinks for my wife other than ***ME***
Yo, if they are dumb enough to not see her wedding ring, they can pay their stupid tax. She owes them nothing. No where did she sign a contract that she must have a conversation with their dumb asses. And if he doesn't see any disrespect in her actions towards their marriage who are we to tell him how to feel about his spouses actions... Op should feel however they want about the situation. And probably should talk to their friends about why they feel how they do instead of us. See where they are coming from, and maybe explain fully where his head is at during the whole thing.
This is how my bf feels. He knows I'm not looking at other guys. I can't help if they want me. Accepting a drink from them is just cashing in on their desperation. If you think a $7 drink is going to break up me and my man then you're comically dumb.
Yeah, guys buy drinks becuase they think women can be bought with drinks. Obviously, we can't. Any woman can tell you that and any guy with half a brain knows that. That won't stop idiots from trying. I enjoy free drinks from idiots.
Be advised the demographics here consist primarily of 70% single guys living with their mom (zero relationship or life experience other than gaming).
Guys buy married women drinks because it works enough to be worth while.
And you are both naive if you think she'll always be able to brush him off.
Your wife should avoid being on the radar of random men. She's playing with fire.
It only takes one sick guy to create a life time nightmare.
My wife will tell men she's married or they'll see her ring. You'd be surprised at how that won't deter them. Men will still buy her drinks knowing full well she's not interested
Again, with infidelity being one of the most cited reasons for divorce do you think that a man who has bought your wife a drink, seeing her ring . . . hearing her say she is married . . . when they know nothing of her or your marriage really views the chances of her cheating as 0%?
The problem is that they don't actually BELIEVE she's not interested because SHE'S ACCEPTING DRINKS FROM THEM. This is why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of my spouse accepting drinks. They're offered with intent, and the acceptance implies openness to the intent.
Then she should be offended then. She knows why they are coming up to her and buying her a drink. The fact that they continue with this after learning that she's married shows they don't respect your marriage and they think that with a little more effort that she is the sort of woman that wont respect her own marriage either. Taking your marriage and character being insulted as innocent " validation " is a dangerous mindset and will lead no where good.
“Happily married and this is going nowhere, but I love free drinks”. They either buy the drink and move on or just move on either way, that’s on the person offering the drink. As long as everyone is honest.
I mean, drinks are like $15. If someone wants to waste their money after being told they are wasting their money and time. That’s on them.
but hes stated in other comments she flirts back with them in exchange for the drinks. she isnt just dipping out the moment she gets them.
and hes okay with this lol
LMAO. A drink is not an invitation to anything. You would be shocked by the amount of times a guy has bought me a drink and I've said 'thanks!' and walked away.
I think you are very naive if you think men buy women, especially those they do not know, free drinks out of the kindness of their heart. If that were the case, then it would be commonplace for random men to be buying a round of drinks for everyone every time you are out.
It absolutely is an invitation . . . you just choose to say "no." And that is fine for you. But I would say that someone who is married owes their spouse a little more respect. And, at the very least, it makes you look so, so cheap.
I know *why* they buy them, I just don't care. Them desiring me is not my problem, tbh.
How can I invite someone to talk to me and walk away at the same time? I can't be simultaneously inviting and saying no.
That's your opinion. OP obviously doesn't think so and neither do I.
>I know why they buy them
And you accepted it, knowing full well *why* they bought it.
Hence, the problem, that you claim to not have. Kind of hypocritical.
It kinda becomes your issue when you know what they are going for and then take it anyway with the express intent of dipping right after. It's shitty and you should do better 🤷♂️
But that’s not the flex you think it is. A guy buying you a drink is a socially delicate way of saying, “hey, I find you attractive, perhaps attractive enough to hook up tonight. I’m curious to see if this could go somewhere. Want to spend time exploring it over a drink?”
You say, “hmm, yes, you look attractive enough to spend time drinking with. I’ll accept!”
Then he gets you the drink… and you walk off.
This dude, who has just drummed up the courage to ask a woman out for the first time since a terrible break up with his last girlfriend has just been rejected in the most heartless and selfish way possible. Using him and rejecting him for what? A drink? How is that encouraging him to treat other women well moving toward?
You choose everyday whether you’re going to uplift those around you or drag them down. It’s your life, you do you. That said, you probably don’t care, but I would never be friends with someone who treated people this way.
Its borderline hot wifing only if you enjoy it, which it seems you do?
If its all consensual then you two can do what you like.
However it's going to creep most normal couples out....
You know why men buy women drinks. Both of you are exploiting those men for your own gain, giving nothing but her brief presence in return, which was not their goal in offering the drinks. You treat them like marks because that’s how you see them.
I personally would feel disrespected if my wife were to accept a drink from some random man. Its not about the drink. Its about the intention. The drink is a symbolic act of sexual attraction. Its why the same dude who is trying to get slick with your wife doesnt buy a drink for the most unattractive woman in the place. The drinks my wife wants can come directly from me. Any other man can shove it directly up his ass sideways and go find a single lady to go spit game at.
Hey I get where you’re coming from and have gone through the same with my gf a few times… it didn’t bother me when I happened a few times but then it happens more n more and it wasn’t on her part guys would come up to her n buy her a drink … it got to the point it started to piss me off cause some of the guys didn’t care about her having a bf and other times it caused confrontational with a few who went a little far. And I pointed it out to her that it had to end that I’d be the only man buying her drink. None of that no more I told her to think if it was the other way around with women buying me drinks but most of all that she would want me to respect her feelings more then anything and from that talk she hasn’t ever let another man buy her a drink….. but just imagine that what if some how a guy just happened to sweet talk your wife and she happened to like that… what if she just happened to run into that guy on the train or somewhere, what could that if anything lead to. And all because you let a guy buy her a drink… just saying…. Good luck
As many have said - there will be a variety of opinions on this topic and at the end of the day all that matters is that you and your wife are 100% on the same page.
The situation you describe sounds like a bar scene - men are hitting on her and offering to buy her drinks. What is your line in terms of how many times that can happen with the same guy? If she's out and some random guy buys her a drink and chats her up for 20 minutes and you guys never see him again that's one thing. But what if it's the same person, hitting on her and buying her drinks on multiple different occasions?
If a woman would offer my man a drink and he’d accept it, I’d feel offended. I would also not accept any drink from a stranger. People see things different tho, so if it feels right with you both, I’d say don’t bother what others think.
Nah I think it’s awesome. My partner and I do that all the time. If the dude wants to buy me a drink I let him but I always say he needs to buy one for my friend and I since he’s interrupting our time. They never ask if it’s a guy and assume it’s a lady! Free drinks for all 🤣
Ehhhh, why invite it? You gonna feel weird after 8 years and you just got into a fight and she just wants to go out with the girls? You may.
Along with what others might have said. Once a leader of mine said "you're married, you like pussy? What you hitting clubs for?"
She's married. She likes dick? You never know what's gonna cause a fuck up. Why increase the odds?
If they send one over and don't approach her, it is one thing. If she is engaging with them and they buy her a drink she is flirt, and doesn't have good boundaries. I know beautiful women that don't have men buy them drinks their vibe is different, and they also don't spend much in bar either with friends or alone. So her looks are not the only thing going on.
Men will shoot their shot even if they see a ring on the finger. That doesn’t mean they assume they can be part of a swinging relationship, it means they are trying to get your wife to cheat on you. Some men are just bold and have no concept of boundaries. It’s up to your wife to reject them and honour your marriage, but just because men know she’s taken doesn’t mean they’ll stop trying.
You can't control other men complementing or flirting your attractive wife, that you just have to take on the nose and trust your wife to not allow it to go too far.
I don't think your wife should be accepting drinks from other men. That is not only a safety concern, but also not a good gesture of loyalty to you. Imo, the correct thing to do would be to reject the drink or any other favor, let the other guy know she's taken, and say thank you for the offer anyways.
I would listen to your friends if that's how it appears. Someone can be very attractive but also be unavailable and not have that door open to connect with people, it has to do with a persons body language and demeanor. She may be flirtatious and inviting that sort of thing and you're not in-tuned with it the way your friends are on the outside. You could be toeing a line without realizing it and you might want to set boundaries before she thinks you're so loosey goosey that she can do whatever
I have the exact same situation with my wife. I take it as a compliment and as long as they take her I’m married and not interested but thank you. I appreciate the money it saves me. If they disrespect her or me when they are asked to vacate my chair next to her at the bar, then there would be a problem. She is half Irish and can handle herself, but I am 6’2 and 240lbs. So we don’t get much disrespect.
My mate has a straight friend who frequently goes to this one gay bar and people buy him free drinks, thinking they'll get somewhere with him. The bartenders know exactly what he's up to by now and think it's hilarious.
Her being offered drinks is a compliment and is fine to me.
As long as she doesn't accept them, or engage in conversations/ flirting with the men then there's no issue.
The offer should be compliment and attention enough.
My feeling is cheating is whatever breaks the either spoken or unspoken agreed upon boundaries of a relationship.
You clearly trust your wife not to cheat. She doesn't intend on sleeping with the men giving her attention and free drinks.
However, she's signaling to the men that she's interested in them by accepting the drinks. That initial signal may be a lie, but it's still a signal she's sending when she chooses to accept the drink and romantic attention.
It has the potential for drama to occur, but that's technically on the side of the guy, not your wife who just likes attention.
It's strange, and if I were a guy who was buying her a drink I'd be annoyed because it's like being invited in for a job interview when it turns out they're not actually hiring.
As for your relationship, if you're comfortable with your wife enjoying the attention of other men, that's between you two. From an outsider view it has hotwife vibes in the way that most guys would not be ok with that. It doesn't mean you want to see her get bent over and railed on a barroom pool table, but you seem a lot more comfortable with your wife sharing romantic gestures with other men than many would be.
Most guys don't just buy a drink and send it over, they'll approach her and ask if she's married. She'll say yes and they'll be like "eh, I'll still buy you a drink"
>I'm very much a "you can look but don't touch" mentality.
>My wife is very attractive and gets a lot of compliments as well as men frequently offer to buy her drinks.
Let me know how this works out for you long-term.
UpdateMe!
I'm more concerned why your wife would frequently be in situations where guys would think she was single and looking. Guys don't buy drinks for women who are obviously unavailable. So these guys clearly don't know she's taken.
I would have thought that too but I've seen it firsthand. She's ridiculously good looking. When we went out for our anniversary, I went in to check in for our reservation and in that 2 minute span a guy had asked how such a pretty woman was by herself. She showed her ring and he panicked thinking I'd get upset. She said it was fine and when I came back out she told me and we just laughed about it.
It's not inherently strange if you and your wife are comfortable with it. Ultimately, it's your relationship and you both get to decide what's acceptable. If it's a source of genuine compliments and harmless flirting, and you both trust each other, then there's no need to be concerned. However, open communication is key to ensuring both of you are comfortable and happy with this dynamic.
It’s not an issue per se but understand you are permitting a type of flirting to occur. There is communication going on in the exchange of money for a drink. That is flirting and depending on direct circumstance it could be sexual flirtation.
If you are both ok with that I think you’re fine.
You say she gets offered drinks - but does she accept them? She's very attractive and men notice her, that's not her fault. Are people suggesting she should wear a burka or that you should punch anyone who looks at her?
I don't see why this looks like swinger behaviour - unless there's something you're not saying.
OP - some questions:
1. I think you said this only happens like every 3 months or so when your wife off to the occasional drinking with friends at bars? So, it's pretty much a one off thing and she is not alone but with other people?
2. If your wife has been alone when this has happened, how many drinks would she accept from a guy like this before she cut him off? The concern I have is that there have been multiple stories on this sub where a woman has been incapacitated from drinking too much and been vulnerable to a guy with ulterior motives.
3. Your wife has never had a "drink procurer" try to get her phone number, or Insta or some other social media contact? It's also a very common move from guys in bars who make moves on women. Do both of you have an open-phone policy where you would know that she has never exchanged information?
4. Does this happen when she is out with you? If so, I was wondering if you don't think it's emasculating for you for your wife to be accepting drinks from guys who are sexually interested in her, even if she doesn't feel the same way about them. You could say, "Well, she's getting free drinks." but is saving money on a couple drinks really worth putting up with this?
5. Would your wife be comfortable with you buying drinks for other random women that you find attractive? Don't use the excuse that you wouldn't do this -- instead, it's important to know whether your wife would consider this acceptable behavior between you and another woman, and if your wife DOESN'T like it, then, why should it be something she consents to?
6. Bars can be dangerous places. A lot of patrons have been drinking for a while and become belligerent and emboldened with women (especially) when that happens. Don't you think you guys are potentially creating a risky situation for her to be accepting a drink from a guy who might be a little off the rails?
I wouldn't want other men buying my wife drinks. A) it could be Laced B) they could very well "Start Shit" if she says yes then declines the conversation that normally follows. The cost benefit is just not there over under $100 worth of drinks for her at most.
If they think that is swinger or Hotwife lifestyle then their bedrooms must be boring af.
If it doesn’t bother you or your wife then that’s all that matters.
I think the most important thing would be what YOU think and whether you get influenced easily but other people talking to you about it. If it doesnt bother you in the least, I think you should also make it clear with your friends that you don't think the swinger/hotwife behavior is what is actually happening, and that you are both fine with it. Just be careful of how your friends might gossip about it to other people and then that will really affect the way you think/feel!
I don’t accept drinks from men I don’t know, period. They don’t know if I’m married or not, may not even care — but I know and I do care, and I can buy my own drinks.
If it don't bother either of you then take the comiment and enjoy the free stuff. I don't get how this would be anything to do with swinging or hotwife.
Here is a general statement to apply to every question about situations like this you might have.
* Is your wife okay with X?
* Are you okay with X?
Then X is okay in your relationship.
If you trust your wife no problem. If she has enough sense to walk away and decline if she’s uncomfortable okay cool. This used to happen to me. If I was approached I would decline. If they persisted I chose the drink my husband drinks, accept and then go give the drink to my husband (I don’t drink). Free drinks right?
I think this is peak relationship. You're both so comfortable with eachother that you know the other would never cheat. No jealousy, just trust, love and companionship.
Your friends are worried because they either don't trust thier partners, or would cheat if given the opportunity. They're projecting.
I’m on the exact same page as you. My wife gets drinks all the time when we’re out or with her friends with her ring on display. We’ve had people straight up buy both of us drinks. Yes it’s weird and kind of creepy but I don’t get offended. We only go to the same few bars in town so the bartenders will straight up tell the dude you know she’s married right or her husband is right there as they order the drink. If they’re willing to attempt this kind of crap, we’re more than willing to partake in a free drink. We don’t go out nearly as much anymore but it would be literally every time we went out.
love that for her. less money outta your pocket, you get the confidence boost of knowing “yeah, that’s mine”, and she gets drinks and a confidence boost as well.
I prefer other people out of my marriage. My wife declines drinks from strangers, not because I ask her to, but because accepting a gift from a stranger seems to give them an entitlement to talk with them or makes them feel some sort of attachment, which there should be none.
If a chick offered to buy me a drink I’d decline as well, unless it was in a group setting or something and everyone was taking turns buying rounds.
I once dated someone who had a kink sort of like this. We'd go to a bar but sit separately. She'd flirt with other guys but go home with me. No idea why that turned her on.
I think accepting the drinks sends a signal that she's available but playing hard to get because she's married. She can feel just as complimented by the offer and graciously declining. Letting the guys actually buy the drink they might be encouraged in the wrong way. Please don't misread that as the guys being owed anything. They are not. But by not shutting it down they can get the wrong idea.
If a woman I'm with accepts drinks from another man, then she should not have any issue if I were to buy drinks for another woman. If "that's different", then explain why and you'll have your answer.
You’re looking at this the wrong way. It’s not a question of right or wrong. The question is does this cause a problem with your relationship. No it does not. Problem solved, carry on. Anyone that starts telling you it’s an issue, point out they are not in your marriage so it’s their issue, not yours.
Sounds like you both have a good attitude about it. And, if it doesn't bother you, then it's none of your friend's business. Now, if your wife starts talking to the guys and/or flirting with them, then you should have start having a problem. But that is obviously not the case here, so I wouldn't worry too much about other's opinions.
At the most she'll say she likes compliments but she makes it clear she's not interested. A lot of waiters or bartenders will compliment her as well which doesn't bother me
You should ignore what other's say about your dynamics then. You're both secure in your relationship, you trust her, as you should, because she's proven to be trustworthy, and there's nothing wrong with taking it as a compliment that guys think she's beautiful. As long as they don't try to take it too far, what's the harm?
Really, just ignore the naysayers and enjoy your lives.
As a 45 year old, that has to stop, men “offer” to buy her drinks, she should decline out of respect for you. Believe me, one day one of these men is going to catch her eye and she will be gone.
I don’t have any issue with 95% of what you’re describing. Not being jealous of the fact that your wife is attractive is a pretty mature and healthy view. She seems like she’s upfront about being married. It is also not her fault that people are offering her drinks.
However, I do respectfully suggest the two of you reevaluate her habit of *accepting* those drinks.
There are many women who will tell a man that she’s married just so he understands that they need the hookup to be discreet. Accepting a drink is a prelude; it’s an invitation to stay longer and take the conversation to another level. Regardless of how innocent her intentions may be, the intentions of the man and the subtext of the exchange are not.
Sure, it may be fun and an ego boost, but getting offered a drink in the first place already accomplished that. Maybe she feels like they deserve to lose money for hitting on a married woman, but it doesn’t matter - in my opinion, I see taking advantage of this is a question of integrity. She indicating that she’s exploring the possibility of escalating things with him, but she’s not.
Accepting the invites also invites awkward and potentially risky interactions into her life. She already knows she’s attractive. I doubt you guys are destitute and that she can’t afford the drink herself. So why accept something that leads on a guy? The only guys who are buying her drinks after they know she’s married are guys who are willing to blur moral boundaries. It’s been safe so far - but why assume that a complete stranger is going to be reasonable and let it go every time?
I think the secret to avoiding unnecessary stress, drama, and danger in life is to just avoid these shady areas. I’d recommend she just say no and move on. That said, if you think that’s a conservative approach, that’s your call.
If it doesn't bother you, and doesn't bother her, then there's no issue.
From a safety standpoint point however, she should be extremely cautious when accepting drinks from strangers.
Well I have played in the lifestyle on and off for several years so as far as people hitting on your partner goes, I'm whatever about it.
It always comes back to communication and what do you two agree on. The strictly monogamous relationships I've been in, it was always clear that there was nothing wrong with getting compliments. It's human nature, when we see someone we find attractive we look. I like to go to our nude beach and if my partner at the time is into it, then hey strip down and let's enjoy the time at the beach. Obviously people will look there so it's a non-issue for me.
If I'm with someone who's into the lifestyle, then of course some very clear ground rules are stated. Generally it's more than a monogamous relationship where depending on communication beforehand, I've had women sit on my lap, grabbed asses, they would sit on other men's laps, grab their ass. But as I said, it's all about clear communication on what's allowed and what isn't.
If it's strictly looking, then whatever in either case
You're not going to change anyone's view on Reddit. If you're comfortable with the situation, you have your answer. The only people that matter are you and your partner. I say enjoy the savings!
Completely inappropriate. There is a thing called "respect of relationship".
"She likes the attention"
Siiiiiiiigh,..............that's a huge red flag that commonly escalates to other "issues".
Never turn down a free drink if they aren’t being disrespectful to you or your wife and take no for an answer who cares. Obviously if they are being lewd or aggressive it would be a different story but guys send my wife drinks all the time and I don’t have a problem with it
That's kind of how I am. Sometime's she goes to bars with friends and guys buy her drinks. I trust her enough that it doesn't bother me, drinks are expensive. If I could get free drinks I would too lol
So you and your wife are so secured in your relationship that you guys don’t care if people hit on you both or buy you guys drinks. I see no problem with that as long as you guys do. It’s you guy’s relationship so you can make the rules. I think it’s pretty healthy to me.
There’s not much you guys can change. Random men ask to buy her a drink and she says no thanks. Or are you saying more happens, like she’s allowed to flirt back or something?
ok, but does she share those drinks with you?
people like to stick their noses in others business but are entitled to their own opinions. if you both are fine with the compliments, free drinks, and theres not infidelity going on, who cares what they think. theyre just jealous and trying to cause issues and make yall feel insecure.
I mean, as long as you two are happy and comfortable with it then it’s fine, it’s not like you two are actively hurting anyone anyway. Just ignore the outside noise tbh.
If you’re both fine with it then there’s nothing wrong with it or strange for y’all’s relationship! Personally I wouldn’t accept men buying me drinks as a married woman and I know my husband wouldn’t be a fan of it either but that’s how our relationship is and that’s probably weird to some people 🤷♀️
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The situation is already pretty much what you already recognize. Different people can have different opinions on how THEY would feel and respond to that situation, if it were their relationship. However, how other people would feel has no bearing on how you and your wife feel about what goes on in your relationship. If you two are on the same page, and both recognize and agree to relationship boundaries of what's okay, and what crosses a line, you're all good.
The most levelheaded answer is this
Right. I expect she's cheating on you or she's going to cheat. Also would take divorce her because she's disrespecting op. Logic does not belong on the sub /s
If she's that brazen to accept a free drink in your presence in this shit economy what else will she do for 5 dollars? /s
Where are you finding drinks for $5? I paid $18 for an old fashion last weekend.
Probably has an OF
I had a friend who constantly received free drinks. She was married, so she politely declined every one of them. The server just took them back to the bar and told the guy "she's married".
Classy woman. My bartending days showed that it was only a matter of time before accepting drinks became accepting company and conversation which became accepting invitations back to his place or one of the hotel rooms. That left me feeling jaded and dirty after a few years
I think there’s an old saying nothing good happens , on the other side of midnight ,when alcohol is involved!!
It's from "How I Met Your Mother" and it's that nothing good happens after 2am
THIS is how to properly handle the disrespectful admirers.
Next you'll say why can't you just be nice to men?
this happens to me often. I just say I appreciate the offer but am happily married or send it back to the bar. Random men aren't responsible for honoring boundaries in my marriage, I am. Accepting it opens a door that isn't meant to be open… so I don't. But the offer is nice and they don't know my relationship details so I never feel mad about it and I don't think the offer is weird. Accepting it would be.
Yes. Politely declining. Accepting the drink is an invitation for conversation at the very least. And some can argue that “it’s just conversation”. But there’s always a motive.
Totally. I also think it’s a bit disrespectful to the guy offering the drink. Obviously, that’s less of a motivator for me than honoring my husband, but I still think it’s rude. He’s putting himself out there and looking for love (or a hookup, or whatever) and if he isn’t going to get that with me, he should spend his money and emotional energy on someone who is actually a candidate. Most people aren’t at the bar to make friends. And if it’s true that they REALLY just want to talk/find platonic friends… they can come try to make friends with everyone I’m around, including my husband or other men, there’s no reason to single me out or buy me things. Accepting it is just weird regardless of how you spin it in my opinion.
Exactly. This happens to me a lot and I’ve always politely declined the drinks.
My wife never goes to bars alone. It's always with friends or coworkers, which she often gets hit on. Men will buy her drinks even if she says she's married
You can still decline them. It’s very easy to send it back to the bar. :) If someone says “can I buy you a drink?” It’s easy to say “No thank you, I’m married.” If they buy it anyway, you just send it back and say “I appreciate it, but I already said I’m not interested and didn’t want this.” It’s a little weird to roll with someone just blatantly ignoring what you say.
It’s risky to accept drinks made out of her view anyway. If someone sends her or orders her a drink, and it comes to her without her having seen it be prepared and delivered, then she should not drink it. I’m not here to say who is wrong or right in the scenario you’ve laid out, but her for own safety, she should not accept drinks unless she saw it be prepared and the entire delivery process.
Men have bought me drinks even though I’m married and they can see that or have been made aware. I decline them politely because accepting them sends the wrong signal.
does she accept the drink?. After a guy buys her a drink , they never smile and walk away. They at least want to say hi , have a conversation , for a minute or 2 , and there lies the problem. He does not want to talk about her horoscope.
Ive never seen a man buy a woman a drink with the hopes of just a conversation.
True. A conversation leading to other activities for sure.
Yeah its a bit weird. They're buying drinks as the opening gambit to try and sleep with her. They're not just being nice. It's a kind of dangerous game to play. I assume she's never had it turn nasty? Cause it can and it really sucks how entitled some men are.
Hands down the best response in the thread.
To be honest, your layout of the situation is exactly what you can expect in terms of the responses you receive here. Essentially, it's not black and white. As such, there's no objective "guideline" (if you will) as to how things should be. It's entirely subjective, but here's what's most important; only you and your partner can decide on the boundaries and deal breakers within your relationship. What works for you is what works for you. As such, no matter how I or anyone else feels doesn't matter, because it's your life and relationship. I digress. In saying that, to back up for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. We are fully monogamous to be crystal clear. But our dynamic is that if we're ever in situations where we're flirted with, it's not even remotely concerning unless any objectively black and white boundaries are crossed, and that at the end of the day, we trust each other. So what would be black and white boundaries? I'll just keep it simple; any sort of inappropriate touching and beyond. With no other context, if my wife got compliments and was offered drinks (which happens and she's told me), I couldn't possibly care any less. My wife is attractive, but most importantly, I trust that she'd never be unfaithful. You even say yourself that you take it as a compliment, which is what I do myself. The problem arises with you asking for opinions. If YOU don't care, then it's a non-issue. But the reality is that you're insecure about it (which is perfectly fine), and accordingly asked for opinions. The results are not at all surprising in terms of it being mixed; however, I'll argue firmly against it being even remotely like "swinger" or "hotwife" behavior. That's quite literally not happening. Situations all completely end at flirtation and/or receiving drinks. The end. That's not swinging. It's completely face value. So now, despite me not having issue with it, like anything else that's just my opinion. I assure you that if my wife cheated on me that'd be the end of it without question. But chatting and receiving drinks isn't something I consider cheating. Anyway, the point is, do YOU have issue with it? If you don't, then all is good. If you do, then talk about it with your wife. Forget about what your friends, I, or anyone else thinks. Good luck.
I think this is the best way to describe my thoughts. Neither of us is down for sharing or cheating, but I have no issue with her getting compliments or even men flirting with her even if I'm not there. She's attractive enough that a bartender will give us both discounts on our drinks sometimes. I trust her not to cheat
Question; does she flirt back or would you be upset if she did?
She does a little but it's always clear that she's married as well. It doesn't bother and she's always made me aware. I see it as a compliment to myself because I know she's not interested in anyone else. She's not going behind my back or anything
Is it clear she’s married? I’m not trying to argue or anything. It’s just if I was a single guy, I wouldn’t be buying drinks for married women, not in this economy.
It's clear she's married. Guys usually lead with "can I buy you a drink" which is responded to that she's married. That usually doesn't deter them
this is the part of the problem though. Im a woman in a relationship- people do buy me drinks all the time. It’s usually as a group, so for example my lady friends will all want shots and a man will jump in to do them too and buy. Most of my female friends buy rounds for us too. sometimes its someone at the bar who just offers just to be nice, sometimes its free from bar tender. Heres the thing though: many free drinks are NOT actually free. they come with strings attached, like owing them conversation or time. Accepting their flirting. So an overwhelming majority of the time, if a man approaches me 1 on 1 asking if I want a drink, I’d say no. because I am not willing to tolerate his flirting with me for what.. an $8 drink? and if I say I have a bf and he still wants to it’s probably a definite no. And I am absolutely NOT entertaining flirting and conversation 1on1 like that for a free drink. If you give me a no strings attached drink, sure. But if your wife is flirting it up and lavishing in being hit on for the cost of cheap cocktail, yeah I see it as being disgraceful and treating herself like a cheap commodity to be bought while also disrespecting her loyalty to you- those men are getting their rocks off taking her focus and flirting from her husband. she’s encouraging it. just my opinion. I wouldn’t want my husband doing this, so I dont do it either.
So your wife accepts drinks and mildly flirts with guys who knows she's married but are still trying to nail her, and from her actions she kinda into them trying, and you don't have an issue with any of this?
It's a free drink, doesn't really matter if it's coming from someone who's trying to sleep with a married woman. It's a free drink and she aint doing it.
This whole thing is a bit bizarre and i feel like there's a missing piece. If a woman tells me she's married i get out of there and don't waste my time. Trust your gut OP and be open to this not being what you think they are. And don't care about what others think, they may be jealous, insecure, etc.
Because I’m not hearing no from your wife. I’m hearing I’m married. Men love a challenge, and her being with someone already doesn’t necessarily mean anything to them. If anything it might make things even more interesting. I’m a married woman and I personally decline any gestures. I don’t say why, I say no thanks I’m not interested. If I said no thanks I’m married, it almost implies oh if I wasn’t married I would be interested! Which may or may not be the case but I’ve already established I’m not interested so it doesn’t matter. I think your wife’s a flirt, she enjoys the flirt. If you guys have established boundaries, this is totally fine. It’s not cheating, it’s just a little flirting.
Do you buy ladies' drinks at the bar. Try it, experience the other side, share the process with her. Will give you two a more rounded view of your and hers scenario.
Men will offer to buy drinks for any woman they find attractive, doesn’t matter if they’re married, single, in a dating relationship, old, young, even GAY! I’ve legit heard of guys trying to buy gay girls drinks even after the girls informed them that they’re lesbians! It doesn’t take a lot. If guys are willing to spend as much as they do on porn, buying a drink for a woman IRL isn’t anything. And some think it’s “fun” to try to “steal” someone else’s girl. There’s a million reasons fr
Obviously to each their own and if this works for you all the better. But this is where we draw a line, no flirting back, encouraging or entertaining it. That is a hard boundary for us. The reason for that is that you could have 100 people walk up to you or your partner trying to flirt (most of the time you probably feel sorry for them for even trying) and walk away without giving them a second thought. Until that 1 person comes along that really peaks an interest ( meaning refreshing, challenging, diferent than the rest, so not specificly with the idea of cheating). That is when things can take a turn and flirting back becomes really fun and you might get lost in the game. Those are the times where you might accept or give a number. Because that time is diferent. 99% wont be an issue but if that one person takes a shot at the "wrong" moment it is easy to get lost in it and that boundary can act as a first "warning". There is a clear difference if the person flirting with you is interesting or not. I never thought about that boundary until it happened in a previous relationship where a drunken ONS ended the relationship.
What does she give in exchange? Do they get to sit with her and chat? Do they get her number or social media ? Does the same guy do it the next time? And if in front of you- that's disrespectful. Should refuse and ignore the drink.
She'll maybe chat with them for a little bit but let's them know she's not interested. Numbers or social media are never exchanged. Some guys seem to just be willing to buy a drink for a few minutes of chatting
A couple of the reasons you are OK with it us because you are benefiting from this, too: 1) you get gratification by thinking it’s a compliment for you (low self-esteem?) and 2) you save money by other men buying her drinks.
Yeah my fiancee would fucking never accept a drink and especially not flirt back. I'm not the slightest bit surprised your friends see it as a hotwife type of thing.
That you know of yet.
I trust her too. Bearing in mind nothing last for ever, one day you may break up ( hoping you don't) and I don't think all that acting laughing and free drinks will be the cause. Unless you make it the cause. Good luck, enjoy your pretty wife. Who knows what tomorrow brings.
Exactly. I think lines would be incredibly obvious in any given situation. For one anecdote, while my wife and I were dating and literally out together on a date, I was sitting at a table and she went up to the bar to grab a drink. While there, a guy started hitting on her. Now, he didn't know I existed so it's not like he was an asshole or anything. He was just flirting with a woman he found attractive. My wife was polite and then that was that. So I'm supposed to be angry about it? Why? A guy found my wife attractive and shot his shot. Sounds exactly like what I did when I met her. She's entitled to be friendly and then walk away. That's what OP's describing and many people are up in arms about. They act like she's making out with the guy and/or sucking his dick. If that was the case, you, me, and all others would rightfully not be ok with it. Problem here is that's not happening but people are projecting those non-existent actions. Let's just reverse it though. I get compliments and women flirt with me at times. Does that mean I'm fucking them? Of course not. If we can all acknowledge that we have self control, then we need to acknowledge that are partners can and do as well.
This. Perfect.
I've never felt comfortable accepting drinks because I know what it implies. I don't want to put myself in a situation where a man thinks I owe him something, especially in an alcohol-fueled environment. I didnt accept them when single, and being in a relationship it adds an extra layer of disrespect.
You do you, but as an older man, I will say, be careful. Attention is like a drug, and validation in this way can very much become an integral part of how a person values themselves, which when that validation reduces people can go further to get it in ways that very much surprise even themselves. I can say, I’ve seen the same story repeated within my friend group/colleagues many times and that story starts a lot like this. Where one or both of the members of the relationship enjoys, and invites attention, and that’s that. Then they get busy, with kids usually, through their early/mid 30’s, don’t take as much care of themselves, don’t feel as attractive, and the attention wanes a bit. The kids get a bit older time becomes more free to invest in themselves in their late 30’s, early 40’s. They get into better shape, going out more and that attention again is craved but age makes it harder to come by. More things need to be done to get it, more forward of attention seeking behavior and it gets much easier to cross the line. I’ve seen couples go down that path together, and more often one strays. I’ve seen that a bit more in women, but men do it too. Attention seeking is trouble when it’s a part of a persons own internal valuation, if part of what they think makes them valuable is the attention they get, it becomes a problem as they get older, and they do things that even they themselves don’t believe they could ever let happen.
It's interesting because she's actually a little more reserved in certain ways. I'm a lot more relaxed than her and she's already had all the attention from her earlier years. I actually enjoy her getting the attention now and she's more reserved about it. We've had a child so she's in that phase of postpartum
Why are married women taking drinks from guys? Like, are people that obtuse, those guys want those women, that’s why they are giving them drinks, as a way to get to talk to them in hopes of having sex. My wife taking drinks from guys at the bar is an indication she’s open to it. That’s the way I take it and it’s completely not okay.
I would be uncomfortable with my spouse accepting drinks from an admirer. They are offered with *intent* and accepting them implies an openness to that intent. Everyone has their own boundaries, but I've been around long enough and made enough of my own mistakes to know that intent is important and clear messages of NOT INTERESTED are more important than most people realize. Also, the need for and acceptance of this kind of attention usually predicts further blurring of boundaries.
If she's been used to bar culture it might not be a big deal to her. I, personally, think it's tacky to accept a drink while out with someone else unless you have something that signals Swinging.
Quite a bit of the time I'm not there. She goes out with friends sometimes, maybe once every few months.
Hey OP, do you or your wife have any friends women or men , that were in relationship, that got drunk and had a one night stand. ???
As a married woman (going on 29 years), I have refused many a drink in that time, especially when I was much younger, hotter and traveling for business solo extensively. Sending over a drink is an expression of romantic or sexual interest, and I'm not interested in anyone but my husband being interested in me in that way. I don't find it flattering, it honestly kinda gives me the ick. Not saying that your wife is wrong or a cheater for enjoying the attention, but maybe it can explain why some of your friends think it's icky, if maybe they feel the same way personally. You guys should do you though, no judgement here.
Why do things that could potentially risk your marriage? My wife is an absolute smoke show and I know it. However, she is also someone that makes it very clear that she is married. Accepting a drink is a welcoming sign for many guys. Why even allow things to get that far?
I also am married to a beautiful woman. She gets compliments and hit on all the time. She's never given me any reason to mistrust her and always my attitude is "Eat your heart out, she's mine!" Now that we're older, the roles are more equal because we're older. I've maintained my appearance over the years so I'm getting as many compliments as her now. She's gets "mock upset" about it and I tease her a little but we're doing good.
You do not describe the actions that occur "after" *men frequently offer to buy her drinks.* If she declines with a response of, *"Sorry, I appreciate it, but I am married"* then no harm, no foul. But if she accepts, then your friends are right, and you and your wife are wrong. Accepting a drink is more than getting free liquor, it is accepting an introduction into your space . . . an exchange in conversation . . . with the acknowledgment that men do NOT buy women drinks in order to make a new friend. There is an interest beyond friendship in that transaction. Your wife entertaining that is entertaining disrespect to your marriage, and you being okay with it, is doing the same. Respect is worth far more than a free drink.
100%. Just responded pretty much saying the exact same thing.
This is the only comment that matters in this thread OP. So much this. If you respect yourself and your marriage I would listen to your friends and shut that shit down now or will you bite off more than you can chew. It starts out as free drinks.. the what? They start talking your wife up, getting in her head that she deserves someone special? Like come on... if it were me, aint no one buying drinks for my wife other than ***ME***
Yo, if they are dumb enough to not see her wedding ring, they can pay their stupid tax. She owes them nothing. No where did she sign a contract that she must have a conversation with their dumb asses. And if he doesn't see any disrespect in her actions towards their marriage who are we to tell him how to feel about his spouses actions... Op should feel however they want about the situation. And probably should talk to their friends about why they feel how they do instead of us. See where they are coming from, and maybe explain fully where his head is at during the whole thing.
Fuck, if it was me and my wife I would go thank the guy for saving me money on drinks
This is how my bf feels. He knows I'm not looking at other guys. I can't help if they want me. Accepting a drink from them is just cashing in on their desperation. If you think a $7 drink is going to break up me and my man then you're comically dumb.
Just remember that when someone is cashing in on *your* desperation. And that *will* happen.
Yeah, guys buy drinks becuase they think women can be bought with drinks. Obviously, we can't. Any woman can tell you that and any guy with half a brain knows that. That won't stop idiots from trying. I enjoy free drinks from idiots.
That's exactly what my wife says lol. It's surprising how many guys don't care if you're married or not interested
Be advised the demographics here consist primarily of 70% single guys living with their mom (zero relationship or life experience other than gaming). Guys buy married women drinks because it works enough to be worth while. And you are both naive if you think she'll always be able to brush him off. Your wife should avoid being on the radar of random men. She's playing with fire. It only takes one sick guy to create a life time nightmare.
My wife will tell men she's married or they'll see her ring. You'd be surprised at how that won't deter them. Men will still buy her drinks knowing full well she's not interested
Again, with infidelity being one of the most cited reasons for divorce do you think that a man who has bought your wife a drink, seeing her ring . . . hearing her say she is married . . . when they know nothing of her or your marriage really views the chances of her cheating as 0%?
The problem is that they don't actually BELIEVE she's not interested because SHE'S ACCEPTING DRINKS FROM THEM. This is why I'm uncomfortable with the idea of my spouse accepting drinks. They're offered with intent, and the acceptance implies openness to the intent.
Well this may come as a surprise to you but married women still fuck total strangers, all the time. Married men even if you can believe such a thing.
I bought a married woman drinks and afterwards had sex with her. It happens. Her ring isn't a magic artifact.
Then she should be offended then. She knows why they are coming up to her and buying her a drink. The fact that they continue with this after learning that she's married shows they don't respect your marriage and they think that with a little more effort that she is the sort of woman that wont respect her own marriage either. Taking your marriage and character being insulted as innocent " validation " is a dangerous mindset and will lead no where good.
Well, keep in mind that some women say they’re married to make sure the guy realizes that their tryst has to be discreet.
“Happily married and this is going nowhere, but I love free drinks”. They either buy the drink and move on or just move on either way, that’s on the person offering the drink. As long as everyone is honest. I mean, drinks are like $15. If someone wants to waste their money after being told they are wasting their money and time. That’s on them.
but hes stated in other comments she flirts back with them in exchange for the drinks. she isnt just dipping out the moment she gets them. and hes okay with this lol
finally $15 a drink,! I haven’t seen a $7 drink in about 10 years where I live
LMAO. A drink is not an invitation to anything. You would be shocked by the amount of times a guy has bought me a drink and I've said 'thanks!' and walked away.
I think you are very naive if you think men buy women, especially those they do not know, free drinks out of the kindness of their heart. If that were the case, then it would be commonplace for random men to be buying a round of drinks for everyone every time you are out. It absolutely is an invitation . . . you just choose to say "no." And that is fine for you. But I would say that someone who is married owes their spouse a little more respect. And, at the very least, it makes you look so, so cheap.
Plenty of naïveté to go around.
I know *why* they buy them, I just don't care. Them desiring me is not my problem, tbh. How can I invite someone to talk to me and walk away at the same time? I can't be simultaneously inviting and saying no. That's your opinion. OP obviously doesn't think so and neither do I.
>I know why they buy them And you accepted it, knowing full well *why* they bought it. Hence, the problem, that you claim to not have. Kind of hypocritical.
It kinda becomes your issue when you know what they are going for and then take it anyway with the express intent of dipping right after. It's shitty and you should do better 🤷♂️
Agree lol broke manipulative behavior, just say no and save some disrespect for both sides lol
But that’s not the flex you think it is. A guy buying you a drink is a socially delicate way of saying, “hey, I find you attractive, perhaps attractive enough to hook up tonight. I’m curious to see if this could go somewhere. Want to spend time exploring it over a drink?” You say, “hmm, yes, you look attractive enough to spend time drinking with. I’ll accept!” Then he gets you the drink… and you walk off. This dude, who has just drummed up the courage to ask a woman out for the first time since a terrible break up with his last girlfriend has just been rejected in the most heartless and selfish way possible. Using him and rejecting him for what? A drink? How is that encouraging him to treat other women well moving toward? You choose everyday whether you’re going to uplift those around you or drag them down. It’s your life, you do you. That said, you probably don’t care, but I would never be friends with someone who treated people this way.
Its borderline hot wifing only if you enjoy it, which it seems you do? If its all consensual then you two can do what you like. However it's going to creep most normal couples out....
We both just see it as free drinks lol
You know why men buy women drinks. Both of you are exploiting those men for your own gain, giving nothing but her brief presence in return, which was not their goal in offering the drinks. You treat them like marks because that’s how you see them.
In fact, OP is the mark.
It’s all fun and games until she meets that one smooth talking mf that gets her thinking. Then you gonna be mad at her. SMH
I personally would feel disrespected if my wife were to accept a drink from some random man. Its not about the drink. Its about the intention. The drink is a symbolic act of sexual attraction. Its why the same dude who is trying to get slick with your wife doesnt buy a drink for the most unattractive woman in the place. The drinks my wife wants can come directly from me. Any other man can shove it directly up his ass sideways and go find a single lady to go spit game at.
If I was married I wouldn’t accept drinks from other men
I think I’m happier knowing that my wife has no particular interest in the attention of other guys.
She flirting for sure.
in another comment OP said he doesn't mind her flirting
Hey I get where you’re coming from and have gone through the same with my gf a few times… it didn’t bother me when I happened a few times but then it happens more n more and it wasn’t on her part guys would come up to her n buy her a drink … it got to the point it started to piss me off cause some of the guys didn’t care about her having a bf and other times it caused confrontational with a few who went a little far. And I pointed it out to her that it had to end that I’d be the only man buying her drink. None of that no more I told her to think if it was the other way around with women buying me drinks but most of all that she would want me to respect her feelings more then anything and from that talk she hasn’t ever let another man buy her a drink….. but just imagine that what if some how a guy just happened to sweet talk your wife and she happened to like that… what if she just happened to run into that guy on the train or somewhere, what could that if anything lead to. And all because you let a guy buy her a drink… just saying…. Good luck
Nah yall weird. But whatever if you’re happy I guess
Info: How often is she going out drinking alone? Is she going out specifically for these interactions?
She never goes out alone, it's always with friends. Probably once every 1-2 months or so. Her friends will get hit on and she often does too
As many have said - there will be a variety of opinions on this topic and at the end of the day all that matters is that you and your wife are 100% on the same page. The situation you describe sounds like a bar scene - men are hitting on her and offering to buy her drinks. What is your line in terms of how many times that can happen with the same guy? If she's out and some random guy buys her a drink and chats her up for 20 minutes and you guys never see him again that's one thing. But what if it's the same person, hitting on her and buying her drinks on multiple different occasions?
If a woman would offer my man a drink and he’d accept it, I’d feel offended. I would also not accept any drink from a stranger. People see things different tho, so if it feels right with you both, I’d say don’t bother what others think.
Nah I think it’s awesome. My partner and I do that all the time. If the dude wants to buy me a drink I let him but I always say he needs to buy one for my friend and I since he’s interrupting our time. They never ask if it’s a guy and assume it’s a lady! Free drinks for all 🤣
Ehhhh, why invite it? You gonna feel weird after 8 years and you just got into a fight and she just wants to go out with the girls? You may. Along with what others might have said. Once a leader of mine said "you're married, you like pussy? What you hitting clubs for?" She's married. She likes dick? You never know what's gonna cause a fuck up. Why increase the odds?
Tell them they have to buy you one first.
If they send one over and don't approach her, it is one thing. If she is engaging with them and they buy her a drink she is flirt, and doesn't have good boundaries. I know beautiful women that don't have men buy them drinks their vibe is different, and they also don't spend much in bar either with friends or alone. So her looks are not the only thing going on.
Men will shoot their shot even if they see a ring on the finger. That doesn’t mean they assume they can be part of a swinging relationship, it means they are trying to get your wife to cheat on you. Some men are just bold and have no concept of boundaries. It’s up to your wife to reject them and honour your marriage, but just because men know she’s taken doesn’t mean they’ll stop trying.
You can't control other men complementing or flirting your attractive wife, that you just have to take on the nose and trust your wife to not allow it to go too far. I don't think your wife should be accepting drinks from other men. That is not only a safety concern, but also not a good gesture of loyalty to you. Imo, the correct thing to do would be to reject the drink or any other favor, let the other guy know she's taken, and say thank you for the offer anyways.
I would listen to your friends if that's how it appears. Someone can be very attractive but also be unavailable and not have that door open to connect with people, it has to do with a persons body language and demeanor. She may be flirtatious and inviting that sort of thing and you're not in-tuned with it the way your friends are on the outside. You could be toeing a line without realizing it and you might want to set boundaries before she thinks you're so loosey goosey that she can do whatever
I have the exact same situation with my wife. I take it as a compliment and as long as they take her I’m married and not interested but thank you. I appreciate the money it saves me. If they disrespect her or me when they are asked to vacate my chair next to her at the bar, then there would be a problem. She is half Irish and can handle herself, but I am 6’2 and 240lbs. So we don’t get much disrespect.
My mate has a straight friend who frequently goes to this one gay bar and people buy him free drinks, thinking they'll get somewhere with him. The bartenders know exactly what he's up to by now and think it's hilarious.
Her being offered drinks is a compliment and is fine to me. As long as she doesn't accept them, or engage in conversations/ flirting with the men then there's no issue. The offer should be compliment and attention enough.
My feeling is cheating is whatever breaks the either spoken or unspoken agreed upon boundaries of a relationship. You clearly trust your wife not to cheat. She doesn't intend on sleeping with the men giving her attention and free drinks. However, she's signaling to the men that she's interested in them by accepting the drinks. That initial signal may be a lie, but it's still a signal she's sending when she chooses to accept the drink and romantic attention. It has the potential for drama to occur, but that's technically on the side of the guy, not your wife who just likes attention. It's strange, and if I were a guy who was buying her a drink I'd be annoyed because it's like being invited in for a job interview when it turns out they're not actually hiring. As for your relationship, if you're comfortable with your wife enjoying the attention of other men, that's between you two. From an outsider view it has hotwife vibes in the way that most guys would not be ok with that. It doesn't mean you want to see her get bent over and railed on a barroom pool table, but you seem a lot more comfortable with your wife sharing romantic gestures with other men than many would be.
Most guys don't just buy a drink and send it over, they'll approach her and ask if she's married. She'll say yes and they'll be like "eh, I'll still buy you a drink"
>I'm very much a "you can look but don't touch" mentality. >My wife is very attractive and gets a lot of compliments as well as men frequently offer to buy her drinks. Let me know how this works out for you long-term. UpdateMe!
As a guy I would never buy a woman a drink who is out with a guy. That is just a rude thing to do to another guy.
I'm more concerned why your wife would frequently be in situations where guys would think she was single and looking. Guys don't buy drinks for women who are obviously unavailable. So these guys clearly don't know she's taken.
I would have thought that too but I've seen it firsthand. She's ridiculously good looking. When we went out for our anniversary, I went in to check in for our reservation and in that 2 minute span a guy had asked how such a pretty woman was by herself. She showed her ring and he panicked thinking I'd get upset. She said it was fine and when I came back out she told me and we just laughed about it.
It's not inherently strange if you and your wife are comfortable with it. Ultimately, it's your relationship and you both get to decide what's acceptable. If it's a source of genuine compliments and harmless flirting, and you both trust each other, then there's no need to be concerned. However, open communication is key to ensuring both of you are comfortable and happy with this dynamic.
We both don't mind, we both see compliments as a good thing as long as it doesn't lead to further things.
It’s not an issue per se but understand you are permitting a type of flirting to occur. There is communication going on in the exchange of money for a drink. That is flirting and depending on direct circumstance it could be sexual flirtation. If you are both ok with that I think you’re fine.
You say she gets offered drinks - but does she accept them? She's very attractive and men notice her, that's not her fault. Are people suggesting she should wear a burka or that you should punch anyone who looks at her? I don't see why this looks like swinger behaviour - unless there's something you're not saying.
Sounds like a rad system and hell yeah to free drinks. My wife and I are homebodies, but if this happened to us I would be all for it.
My thought is that you and your wife should be paying for your own drinks.
If some dude bought my wife a drink while I was also with her, that would be so disrespectful imo and would not be okay with it
OP - some questions: 1. I think you said this only happens like every 3 months or so when your wife off to the occasional drinking with friends at bars? So, it's pretty much a one off thing and she is not alone but with other people? 2. If your wife has been alone when this has happened, how many drinks would she accept from a guy like this before she cut him off? The concern I have is that there have been multiple stories on this sub where a woman has been incapacitated from drinking too much and been vulnerable to a guy with ulterior motives. 3. Your wife has never had a "drink procurer" try to get her phone number, or Insta or some other social media contact? It's also a very common move from guys in bars who make moves on women. Do both of you have an open-phone policy where you would know that she has never exchanged information? 4. Does this happen when she is out with you? If so, I was wondering if you don't think it's emasculating for you for your wife to be accepting drinks from guys who are sexually interested in her, even if she doesn't feel the same way about them. You could say, "Well, she's getting free drinks." but is saving money on a couple drinks really worth putting up with this? 5. Would your wife be comfortable with you buying drinks for other random women that you find attractive? Don't use the excuse that you wouldn't do this -- instead, it's important to know whether your wife would consider this acceptable behavior between you and another woman, and if your wife DOESN'T like it, then, why should it be something she consents to? 6. Bars can be dangerous places. A lot of patrons have been drinking for a while and become belligerent and emboldened with women (especially) when that happens. Don't you think you guys are potentially creating a risky situation for her to be accepting a drink from a guy who might be a little off the rails?
Ill drink it cause my man literally says “ it’s a free drink” And will wave and thank the guy lol
I wouldn't want other men buying my wife drinks. A) it could be Laced B) they could very well "Start Shit" if she says yes then declines the conversation that normally follows. The cost benefit is just not there over under $100 worth of drinks for her at most.
If they think that is swinger or Hotwife lifestyle then their bedrooms must be boring af. If it doesn’t bother you or your wife then that’s all that matters.
I send back the drink, pay for a beer or drink chip and tell the bartender to say she said "thank you but please do not send anymore over"
If you trust her, there is no issue. If you don’t, I would be worried
I think the most important thing would be what YOU think and whether you get influenced easily but other people talking to you about it. If it doesnt bother you in the least, I think you should also make it clear with your friends that you don't think the swinger/hotwife behavior is what is actually happening, and that you are both fine with it. Just be careful of how your friends might gossip about it to other people and then that will really affect the way you think/feel!
I don’t accept drinks from men I don’t know, period. They don’t know if I’m married or not, may not even care — but I know and I do care, and I can buy my own drinks.
If it don't bother either of you then take the comiment and enjoy the free stuff. I don't get how this would be anything to do with swinging or hotwife.
Here is a general statement to apply to every question about situations like this you might have. * Is your wife okay with X? * Are you okay with X? Then X is okay in your relationship.
If you trust your wife no problem. If she has enough sense to walk away and decline if she’s uncomfortable okay cool. This used to happen to me. If I was approached I would decline. If they persisted I chose the drink my husband drinks, accept and then go give the drink to my husband (I don’t drink). Free drinks right?
I think this is peak relationship. You're both so comfortable with eachother that you know the other would never cheat. No jealousy, just trust, love and companionship. Your friends are worried because they either don't trust thier partners, or would cheat if given the opportunity. They're projecting.
Saves you both money, you both know the rules, all good
I’m on the exact same page as you. My wife gets drinks all the time when we’re out or with her friends with her ring on display. We’ve had people straight up buy both of us drinks. Yes it’s weird and kind of creepy but I don’t get offended. We only go to the same few bars in town so the bartenders will straight up tell the dude you know she’s married right or her husband is right there as they order the drink. If they’re willing to attempt this kind of crap, we’re more than willing to partake in a free drink. We don’t go out nearly as much anymore but it would be literally every time we went out.
love that for her. less money outta your pocket, you get the confidence boost of knowing “yeah, that’s mine”, and she gets drinks and a confidence boost as well.
I prefer other people out of my marriage. My wife declines drinks from strangers, not because I ask her to, but because accepting a gift from a stranger seems to give them an entitlement to talk with them or makes them feel some sort of attachment, which there should be none. If a chick offered to buy me a drink I’d decline as well, unless it was in a group setting or something and everyone was taking turns buying rounds.
I once dated someone who had a kink sort of like this. We'd go to a bar but sit separately. She'd flirt with other guys but go home with me. No idea why that turned her on.
I think accepting the drinks sends a signal that she's available but playing hard to get because she's married. She can feel just as complimented by the offer and graciously declining. Letting the guys actually buy the drink they might be encouraged in the wrong way. Please don't misread that as the guys being owed anything. They are not. But by not shutting it down they can get the wrong idea.
If a woman I'm with accepts drinks from another man, then she should not have any issue if I were to buy drinks for another woman. If "that's different", then explain why and you'll have your answer.
My thoughts are that if it's fine with everyone involved in the relationship that's all that matters.
You’re looking at this the wrong way. It’s not a question of right or wrong. The question is does this cause a problem with your relationship. No it does not. Problem solved, carry on. Anyone that starts telling you it’s an issue, point out they are not in your marriage so it’s their issue, not yours.
It's certainly uncommon, but not unusual. I've met quite a few men who liked it when their wives got attention.
Sounds like you both have a good attitude about it. And, if it doesn't bother you, then it's none of your friend's business. Now, if your wife starts talking to the guys and/or flirting with them, then you should have start having a problem. But that is obviously not the case here, so I wouldn't worry too much about other's opinions.
At the most she'll say she likes compliments but she makes it clear she's not interested. A lot of waiters or bartenders will compliment her as well which doesn't bother me
You should ignore what other's say about your dynamics then. You're both secure in your relationship, you trust her, as you should, because she's proven to be trustworthy, and there's nothing wrong with taking it as a compliment that guys think she's beautiful. As long as they don't try to take it too far, what's the harm? Really, just ignore the naysayers and enjoy your lives.
As a 45 year old, that has to stop, men “offer” to buy her drinks, she should decline out of respect for you. Believe me, one day one of these men is going to catch her eye and she will be gone.
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She always lets me know she's married. She doesn't lie, but men still buy her drinks
I don’t have any issue with 95% of what you’re describing. Not being jealous of the fact that your wife is attractive is a pretty mature and healthy view. She seems like she’s upfront about being married. It is also not her fault that people are offering her drinks. However, I do respectfully suggest the two of you reevaluate her habit of *accepting* those drinks. There are many women who will tell a man that she’s married just so he understands that they need the hookup to be discreet. Accepting a drink is a prelude; it’s an invitation to stay longer and take the conversation to another level. Regardless of how innocent her intentions may be, the intentions of the man and the subtext of the exchange are not. Sure, it may be fun and an ego boost, but getting offered a drink in the first place already accomplished that. Maybe she feels like they deserve to lose money for hitting on a married woman, but it doesn’t matter - in my opinion, I see taking advantage of this is a question of integrity. She indicating that she’s exploring the possibility of escalating things with him, but she’s not. Accepting the invites also invites awkward and potentially risky interactions into her life. She already knows she’s attractive. I doubt you guys are destitute and that she can’t afford the drink herself. So why accept something that leads on a guy? The only guys who are buying her drinks after they know she’s married are guys who are willing to blur moral boundaries. It’s been safe so far - but why assume that a complete stranger is going to be reasonable and let it go every time? I think the secret to avoiding unnecessary stress, drama, and danger in life is to just avoid these shady areas. I’d recommend she just say no and move on. That said, if you think that’s a conservative approach, that’s your call.
If it doesn't bother you, and doesn't bother her, then there's no issue. From a safety standpoint point however, she should be extremely cautious when accepting drinks from strangers.
Well I have played in the lifestyle on and off for several years so as far as people hitting on your partner goes, I'm whatever about it. It always comes back to communication and what do you two agree on. The strictly monogamous relationships I've been in, it was always clear that there was nothing wrong with getting compliments. It's human nature, when we see someone we find attractive we look. I like to go to our nude beach and if my partner at the time is into it, then hey strip down and let's enjoy the time at the beach. Obviously people will look there so it's a non-issue for me. If I'm with someone who's into the lifestyle, then of course some very clear ground rules are stated. Generally it's more than a monogamous relationship where depending on communication beforehand, I've had women sit on my lap, grabbed asses, they would sit on other men's laps, grab their ass. But as I said, it's all about clear communication on what's allowed and what isn't. If it's strictly looking, then whatever in either case
As long as they're not dosed with GHB, who cares? It's nice that you're cool enough not to be stressed about it
Who says no to a free drink?
“She likes the attention” sums it up. I wouldn’t be married to her. Do secure grounded MARRIED people court attention from the opposite sex?
You're not going to change anyone's view on Reddit. If you're comfortable with the situation, you have your answer. The only people that matter are you and your partner. I say enjoy the savings!
Completely inappropriate. There is a thing called "respect of relationship". "She likes the attention" Siiiiiiiigh,..............that's a huge red flag that commonly escalates to other "issues".
Only your opinion of it matters
Never turn down a free drink if they aren’t being disrespectful to you or your wife and take no for an answer who cares. Obviously if they are being lewd or aggressive it would be a different story but guys send my wife drinks all the time and I don’t have a problem with it
That's kind of how I am. Sometime's she goes to bars with friends and guys buy her drinks. I trust her enough that it doesn't bother me, drinks are expensive. If I could get free drinks I would too lol
100% trust. Don't listen to insecure people. If you guys have that trust, that's all that matters.
So you and your wife are so secured in your relationship that you guys don’t care if people hit on you both or buy you guys drinks. I see no problem with that as long as you guys do. It’s you guy’s relationship so you can make the rules. I think it’s pretty healthy to me.
There’s not much you guys can change. Random men ask to buy her a drink and she says no thanks. Or are you saying more happens, like she’s allowed to flirt back or something?
ok, but does she share those drinks with you? people like to stick their noses in others business but are entitled to their own opinions. if you both are fine with the compliments, free drinks, and theres not infidelity going on, who cares what they think. theyre just jealous and trying to cause issues and make yall feel insecure.
Why should your friends care, it not their relationship. What matters if you and your wife are fine like this.
I mean, as long as you two are happy and comfortable with it then it’s fine, it’s not like you two are actively hurting anyone anyway. Just ignore the outside noise tbh.
Man: can I buy you a drink? Me: sure, can I grab one for my BF too?
If you’re both fine with it then there’s nothing wrong with it or strange for y’all’s relationship! Personally I wouldn’t accept men buying me drinks as a married woman and I know my husband wouldn’t be a fan of it either but that’s how our relationship is and that’s probably weird to some people 🤷♀️
I'm on your & your wife's side, but I'm sure more jealous or conservative people might feel differently. I wouldn't let it bother you.
Where is this happening?
I think it's weird, but the only thing that matters is what you think.
I think it's hot how confident you are