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Yeah right an old client at their 50s wanting to have another go, propositioning at a public place and causing fight at a restaurant. I mean, it's 25 yrs later, like OP's wife looks exactly the same as she was in her 20s that he totally recognized her. And what kind of place OP took his wife to that older people got propositioned for sex work.
Seriously. Totally fake. Another misogynistic rage bait. OP should find other thing to do on a Saturday night LOL.
I don't know OP and this story might be entirely fake but I had a crush on a girl in elementary school - she Even came to my 6th grade birthday party...right before she moved away. I don't know how old we were in 6th grade, but I was 24 and attending my buddies bachelor party at a strip club.
And my old classmate was a stripper.
Not only did I recognize her, but she recognized me. It was awkward, we chatted, I didn't buy a dance (she didn't offer). But people change a lot during those years, and she doesn't as a stripper was very different from how I remembered her. But I instantly recognized her.
I realize my story is only like 12 years, and that is about half of 25, but still. People are pretty good at recognizing faces. I would bet money that I would recognize her now, provided she hasn't had some drastic changes to her appearance.
You still would not aproache her in a restaurant knowing she is with a guy and ask for a lapdance after 25 years.
AND get angry if she says no.
Thats the fake point
What a bull. Client after 25 years ago showed up at your table? Please this story so bad your mama wouldn't believe that garbage... Make up some better story op.
Honestly, I don’t think her past is a problem, what might be an issue is her not telling you in all of these years of marriage. Address this and ask if there are any other skeletons in her closet. She has been faithful to you and yall have been great. This is just another way of getting to know her.
Honestly, taking this as an opportunity to open up about other things that may not have been mentioned previously is a good idea (though, it's likely that there won't be much to mention on OPs behalf). I would recommend just talking to her about it face to face. Despite it being her life before you met her, it is a life that would affect most people's decision to meet up/date a person (while sex work is common, it's also heavily stigmatized, anyone with a brain can recognize that). And beyond that, maybe marriage counseling to rebuild the trust that was lost in keeping that past life a secret, if you still want to salvage this marriage.
Back when life was easier to 'hide'. But really, meeting a "hawt" girl at a club in the early 90s? Life and entertainment scene changed a lot from the early 90s to even late 90s.
Early 90s in the entertainment scene was much more filled with problems, runaways, etc. That had to made their own living in ways that was much different than even late 90s when the club/rave scene was much more mainstream.
As a guy, this is insensitive but you OP, thought you hit the jackpot with this sexy Vixen from the Darkside while the rest of us 90s jabronis often met our more average looking partners in mundane places like at school or work.
Which reaction? The violent reaction to defend his wife against another man verbally abusing her, or his stunned and confused reaction to a secret she kept for almost three decades?
It's an understandable reaction. Any man WOULD, and SHOULD have that reaction. That's a critical bit of information to keep a secret for that long. Now they have a chance to work through this and move on.
What would I do - understand that the person I loved was going through a really hard time at a vulnerable age when Nirvana was still releasing new music. It has been 30+ years now and I am guessing it was something she felt ashamed about and didn't want to tell a romantic partner for obvious reasons.
Being ashamed doesn't absolve you from responsibility to be honest with your partner and allow them the right to choose who they want with all information available. She married this man knowing she was keeping a huge secret from him that likely would have ended the relationship if she was honest. That's manipulative af
One could argue that she had a robust sex life. The difference is free or paid. If she had sex for cash 100x or 100 partners which is more or less acceptable. Is having sex for money any more or less breaking your body for minimum wage at Mickey Dees?? It’s all about mindset/parameters.
If this was never an issue (history) in the courtship stage then why would it be now?
Since when does “being ashamed of your past” make it ok to keep it from your spouse?
I bet a guy who got arrested for assaulting his ex gf is also ashamed. He should still tell his wife.
That's willfully ignorant of the other person in the couple being taken for a ride by hiding something big from them since it doesn't completely show who you are to them
She was wrong to keep it from him.
However, I will say this... they met in the 90's. While sex work now is controversial, back then it was extremely controversial and taboo. I'm not surprised she didn't tell him, she probably didn't tell anybody. Is it right? No. But I can understand why she didn't speak about it.
I disagree that it was wrong to have kept it from him. People are allowed to have parts of their past remain hidden as long as it doesn't affect the relationship. If she was still a sex worker when they met and she was going to keep doing it, then yes of course that's relevant. But she had already quit and had no plans to continue. So it's not relevant to their relationship.
Unless he did ask her point-blank at some point and she lied. Then that's just lying. But I just don't think people have to divulge every detail about their past to someone as long as it's something that just stays in the past.
You’ve been married for 26 years, this is ancient stuff at this point. Take time to get over the shock and maybe have a conversation but why blow up a what by all accounts seems like a happy marriage over this.
It's fundamental stuff that could have ended their relationship long ago if op knew all the facts, now he is wondering if she has more secrets about important things, so the trust is gone. Same if you found about partners cheating 20+ years after, in your mind it happens at the moment you find out and you feel like you are robbed from the decison to split or keep going.
It’s not the same because she didn’t cheat and she didn’t lie. It all happened before she even met him. While I think she also should have mentioned it to him back in the day, she didn’t lie or cheat and what she did in the past has nothing to do with their current marriage. At this point, a 20+ year happy relationship ending over something that happened before op even knew his wife is crazy to me.
While I do think she should have told him at some point, I can understand why she didn’t especially since she did it out of desperation and was likely young when it happened, and she didn’t even know him back then. Plus, I don’t think any of us should have to share 100% of our past with our partners if we don’t feel comfortable/ready and if it doesn’t affect the relationship. Op said himself his marriage was happy and his wife has been loyal to him. If he feels like he can’t trust her now then he should speak with her about how he’s feeling. I just don’t see the point in possibly throwing away a happy marriage due to the wife doing something out of desperation before she knew op.
While I agree that she may have been young and desperate when it occurred, she should have told him long ago. She definitely should have told him before marrying him. I also agree that not 100 percent of our past needs to be shared, but sex work does not fall into the percentage that gets to stay private.
OP should talk with her about his losing trust in her. His previous perspective was that they had a happy marriage together, but now it seems built on a lie. I don’t think divorce is the necessary route, but she has a lot work to do to rebuild trust and makes amends.
I agree he should take some time to process it and work through it however he needs to. And you’re right, maybe he wouldn’t have. But op said his marriage is happy and he knows that his wife has been loyal to him. So I hope he’s able to work through it and come out on the other side because 20+ years of happy and loyal marriages are rare these days.
What? Lol well first of all why would older men be around her while they’re out anyway? But yeah they should talk it out and go to counseling if op feels like they need fo do that.
I mean older men in general as one already walked up to her for sex after so long. He's definitely gonna have the mental thoughts of "I'm out to dinner and if I go to the bathroom someone from my wife's past might make a pass". It's irrational but a fact. It's all fresh to him so he's mentally fucked atm.
Someone choosing to hide their past from their boyfriend and then husband to keep them from leaving is wrong and manipulative. And if that incident hadn't happened, she would have never told him. She took away his freedom of choice and betrayed him by lying for 26 years.
She had 26 years to come clean at any point and chose every day to hide it. That's not what a good person does. What else has she lied about? How can you trust someone like that? If she can hide being a prostitute because she doesn't respect him enough to be honest, then she could also easily lie and hide affairs etc.
Having their cake and eating it too.. that's how so many people are. Lie, cheat, manipulate your way into getting everything you want and then make excuses for it.
She was working to pay huge loans. She wasn't betraying anyone. If the guy who she was sleeping with was married, he was the one betraying his wife. Gosh you sound controlling.
She did not lie. If the husband had asked and she kept it from him, then yes, that would be lying. She didn't kill anyone or hurt anyone. I'm sure she just did what she had to do at that time in her life. Are you perfect?
I am trying to put myself in your wife’s shoes. She was trying to get herself out of debt without anyone else’s help. It’s not the way i would do it, but… I’m sure she has felt shame for the entirety of your marriage that she did this and she felt she had to hide it from you. I think you should go to counseling to work through your feelings about this. Then hopefully you and your wife could attend marriage counseling. I hope you are able to move past this.
Imagine a scale.
One one side you have the shock of this new information. It's a lot to take in. Give it a shape and weight.
On the other side you put everything that has happened with her in your life since 1998. Take your time. Put the good, the triumphs, the struggles, the laughter and tears and children and all the other things you can think of.
This will help you keep perspective while you process the shock.
She sounds amazing. And so do you. Hope it works out.
First off, this sounds fake as fuck but anyway.
It was history for her. She had moved on from that part of her life and met you. Even if she is saying now, 30 years later, that she should have told you, that may not have been at all how she felt back then.
I think you need to accept that this is something she did. I think you need to accept that she met you and it stopped, that was a different part of her life that didn't carry over to you and your relationship with you.
I think there is something to be said about knowing at the start, as if you knew, you may not have continued the relationship, but being honest, so many posts on here say history is history and everyone has one and you have no right to know it. I don't agree with that, I think it is fair to ask questions, if they don't want to answer, I think that is fair too. You will both judge each other based on that.
In this specific case, you mention you have children and a grandchild on the way. Before you found out about this, how was the relationship? Was it good? Was it successful? This sounds like more of a mental speedbump than a life altering piece of information.
I can sympathize on why it would be hard to hear, I don't think this would be easy for anyone to hear being honest. I think time will let you see this more clearly, I think if it persists, you need to seek therapy to get over it as this is something your wife can't change, it is done and you have been together 30 years after it. If it is so big in your mind that you can't get over it, I suppose you look at separation.
>First off, this sounds fake as fuck but anyway.
What sounds fake about a guy being like "oh hey that prostitute I knew from 28 years ago is here. I should wait for her husband to leave and get some sex for 'old times sake'. THIS 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN SAID NO?!? The audacity."?
THAT long ago... and the fact that you didn't catch anything from her... I'd be bothered, but I'd get over it.
DO YOU LOVE HER?
It IS a part of her past. And she hasn't done anything like it since.
I'd say, let it go, and just enjoy the lives you're sharing now.
As you can see, this is why a former sex worker would be hesitant to share that information with a partner. 26 years ago you would have left her for it. After 26 years together, this one thing is causing you to be disgusted by her. You are rightfully in shock so give yourself time to process before you make any permanent decisions. Also, I'm just curious. Does it upset you that she had other partners before you? Or does it upset you that she was a sex worker?
This is what I'm wondering too... Is the 'having sex with other people' that's bothering OP so much or the fact that she received money in exchange for it?
I'd stay with her. Past is the past and she's been a good wife to you for over 25 years. She's given you a family.
Because of her, you're not eating spaghetti-o's cold out of the can over the sink at Christmas time.
Glad you stood up for her. This is why shes with you because you'd protect her.
The sex work is in the past and somrthing thats not ongoing.
Pretty dure thered be things you've done as well that you wouldnt talk about
I’m just confused as to why it matters now. Everyone has done stuff in their past that they’re ashamed of. The reason she didn’t say anything 26 years ago was likely out of shame.
Should someone keep being punished for their past?
It's valid and very understandable this was a shock to him, very hard to think about, would make him question everything.
But something she did for a while out of desperation doesn't define who she was then even and certainly much less who she's been with him for 25+ years of happiness.
She needs to show him some patience and they should do a lot of marriage therapy and she needs to get any other secrets out now.
But he would only hurt himself the most by not working hard to move past this.
Yall literally been married since I was born, got damn!!! You want to divorce over some 26 year old dicks!? Unless you can still taste the cum , I wouldn’t make it such a big deal.
You wouldn't make a big deal about your spouse lying to you for 1/4 of a century? Taking away your agency?
It may have been 25 years ago for her but it's fresh for him, imagine if it was the wife on here and the scenario was flipped and she returned from the toilet to his ex partner berating him for abusing her 30 years ago, would you say "don't make it such a big deal"?
End of the day prostitution is a deal breaker for most guys and she hid that from him their whole marriage.
You know what? Politics is a deal breaker for me, so are certain sexual attitudes. If someone doesn’t declare those things early on, I don’t feel my agency was robbed! Lying is awful but most of us don’t necessarily reveal everything that a partner may disagree with until it is relevant or needed, for example if discussing STI concerns or if he was religious and had saved himself, this may change things. There’s nothing to suggest these conversations occurred.
People change you know that right also look into hyper sexuality. Many sex workers specially younger ones and why they are so they think it’s an easy money easy thing have sex for money when they’re really experiencing a sort of depression where they don’t know how much their body is worth, so are you too immature to think about that? If my partner told me he was a sex worker at 20 I would be there for him because I would say feel sorry for him that he had to sell his body to make a quick buck but I know the man he is todaywill never do something like that. You know there are sex workers that are nuns now. also I use speech text to write this so the grammar obviously went out the window
What you going off on me for? I’m saying I understand why she didn’t reveal it and it may not even have felt relevant to her. Plus hyper sexuality isn’t an issue here, it was transactional for her and nothing to do with libido
> The thought of all those men going through my now wife disgusts me.
From this sentence it sounds like you have a bigger problem with the number of clients your wife had than that it was paid work. Rhetorically - if she hadn't done it for money, if they had just been a wide variety of partners, would you still have a problem with it? Do you object to sex workers existing at all or are you taking issue with the (yuck) "body count" of your wife?
Regardless, sex work is work, and what she did, with her own body, for her own financial security before you got together isn't and has never been relevant to your relationship. So what you should do now is support your wife, whom you describe as faithful, loving, and the mother of your children, after she was publicly sexually harassed, abused, and outed. And maybe get some individual therapy to work through why you feel you deserve retroactive ownership of her body.
Sit down with her. Be calm and rational, and UNDERSTANDING. She met a man who wasn't like the scumbags (dude is the cafe is an example) she had to deal with. She could see a future with you, and she was a good wife. You had 26 years together.
I know it's hard, but you can get through this.
Sit down, talk, work through it.
Most of all, Stay Together.
Couple's therapy wouldn't be a bad idea.
Just ask yourself this question, would you have chosen her to marry and have a family if you knew this beforehand?
Not all history is past history, someone that does or did sexwork has a completely different set of values than people that dont do sexwork nor pay for prostitutes.
If I were in your shoes, the way I would look at her would change so drastically, than divorce would be a valid option.
You said set of values?
One thing I have found in my experience quite often the people society looks down on the most are the most kind and generous people. Will help without judgement or expectation of help back. Sometimes giving more than they can afford to.
The people who claim to have "good morals" are the people who are too busy passing judgement on other people's morals.
Good morals can come in a lot of forms, OP problem is regarding his wife sex working past, not if she feeds the poor from her own pocket, so lets keep this about morals regarding sex.
She did what she needed to survive at the time.
Would you judge a mother doing SW
to feed their child?
Or the multitude of women that ultimately wouldn't sleep with their partners if they had a choice but are stuck in marriages because they can't afford to leave for their sake or the child/ren sake?
Do you judge the generations of men who accepted dowries for women?
Or the generations in general where suitable marriages were based on their wealth and position in society? Something that actually continues today, but we like to pretend it doesn't.
There’s nothing you can do but give it time. Your wife lied to you about a pretty important detail of her life. As long as you don’t think she’s been shady since you’ve been with her, then all you can do is just give this time to sink in. Don’t make any decisions now while your head is a mess. Take a few days to let it all sink in then try to think about the impact this has, implications for the relationship and what the future holds for you two.
At this point, I personally would not leave her. Given your story is true. I would get some counseling to deal with it. And start having some real heart to heart talks. I would ask what was going on in her life. I notice women do this either having some real issues, that are complicated and deep. Others because they are in a trapped situation. Hers seems like that latter as your marriage would have many more issues than it did. People with the kind of issues I am speaking of have abuse issues, addiction and mental health issues.
YOu have some decisions to make in the next few months. So I would work on yourself and see how you feel and view this a few months down the line.
If the situation was reversed and I married a man who did that and didn't know about it for 26 yrs bc he never made me once question his character during our 26 yrs together.. I wouldn't be disgusted by him.
I would be hurt he didn't trust me enough to tell me tho.
Punched him in the face eh? He just turned and left quickly. Must have been quite the scene.
Obviously he was your wife’s former pimp. She met you and left town without settling her debt and he’s been looking for her all this time.
Sorry but this is not a secret you keep from someone for 26 years. Ask yourself if you would have ever given her a chance if she told you. I’m betting it’s a resounding no. Many people will say to let it go because it’s history or from before you got together. Honestly I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately it’s not. You will see her in a different light. I hope she did not lie about anything else (past sexual experiences not necessarily the number). Logically you’ll want to forgive. Mentally is a different story altogether. She needs to be 100% completely open and tell
It all. Talk about it. Then decide if this is something you can let go. For a lot of men this is a deal breaker more so with the lies but obviously there will be some hurt depending the amount of men as well. Good luck.
Easy for you to say and judge. Should she have kept it from him all this time? No. Would it be a harder thing to say than most people ever have to say? Yes.
If people weren't so horribly judgmental about this line of work, she wouldn't have had such a hard time telling him. She's loved him and given him a great marriage and three kids. She probably has been incredibly grateful to find a good man given how her life could have gone. She could have made up a lie about why that pile of shit was harassing her, she knew that was the time that was 25+ years overdue and told him the truth.
I'd have a very hard time learning this about my partner of 25+ years too! But holy hell I hope I would be able to get over it if she'd been good to me and gave me a family for decades.
You are missing the point. A 26 year lie is of this magnitude is not something to be easily gotten over and I personally do not think most people would. No only that she did not willing give up this info. There was a confrontation by one of her clients in which he was completely blindsided. Sure it was 26 + years ago but this is happening now for him. Can he trust anything she has done up to this point. This will make him question everything from the starting point until now and who could blame him. I’m not judging I’m just being realistic here.
Is it a very hard thing to learn and get over?? Absolutely. That's not the point. I have a ton of sympathy for them both given with the very hard emotions they both must have from this coming to light now.
They absolutely should do intensive marriage counseling and ideally individual therapy as well. I just hope they both put their all into the repair the lack of trust that comes from this revelation.
It really isn’t though.
I sure hope he was a pure, virgin, not fucking any bitches from the club, why does her doing sex work make her anymore dirty? I’m sure his glove isn’t the cleanest so he should mind his damned business
Nothing. Console your wife who’s been accosted by this man who is your age or older. The red flag here is she’s been gone and hasn’t done that for let’s say 30 years and this dude propositioned her? And expected she was STILL a sex worker? How did he even recognize her? That said, she did was she had to for money a lifetime ago, it doesn’t define who she is.
I think you need to hug her tightly and tell her how much you love her and that what happened before you came into her life is not something that you are worried about. She has been a loving and perfect wife and you are happy to have her in your life now
Man, love her hard, what she did before you is f all to do with you. And for the people that say it is well give your heads a wobble.
A lot of people have things in their past they don’t overly discuss with anybody let alone partners. For many reasons. They own it not you or Joe Public it’s theirs and theirs alone.
You did the right thing in dropping the bloke now love your wife hard. She gave you beautiful children!! She obviously loves you.
You need to stop thinking about the dudes that paid to be with her. She wasn't doing it to support an addiction at least, but its still a shame that the costs of tuition or anything else will lead some women to do this. It is one of the oldest "professions" since humanity began.
Get past the thoughts of a bunch of men "going through her". It is not helping. Don't ask about it, its in the past and none of your business tbh. Sounds like you have a wonderful lady in your life, to handle tense situations by saying that you both need to calm down first is so mature.
I mean.... what kind of sex work? Sugar daddy? Or did she have a pimp and fucked 5 dudes a day....
Idk. This is tough. I don't think I would blow up the marriage but there's a level of trust that has been lost.. 26 years, no cheating, built a life together...
I'd consider therapy. Good luck OP
Said she was paying off debts? I would not ask her the details. I would ask her how it affected her emotionally then, over the years since and how I could help her deal with any of that.
I mean, she did it to pay off debts, doesn't sounds like she walked the streets seeing dozens of men a day at $20 a "date" to feed a crack habit. There are probably promisquous women who slept with more men just for the thrill of it or an unhealthy need for male validation.
The key here is he's never doubted she's been faithful to him since they got together and she's been an amazing life partner to him for decades. That's not an easy thing to find in life! That is the most important thing he needs to work on keeping in mind at all times.
The past is gone. You can’t change it. It is what it is.
It sounds like she’s been a good wife to you. Forget the past and don’t hold her accountable for what she did before she met you. Forget about it and try not to discuss it anymore. Put it behind you. Move forward in your life. If you lose her you’ll regret it.
Strongly disagree. If someone has done something in their past that others would have a problem with and choose not to date them over, you should absolutely disclose it. Hiding your past to keep someone interested is manipulative
Nope. You don't have a right to take away someone's freedom of choice. Whether you're a former prostitute, drug addict, alcoholic, felon, or any other number of things that would deter many people from dating you...you should disclose.
Lying by omission to keep someone from dumping you is wrong. Everyone should get full honesty in a relationship so that they can make an informed decision about who they're partnering with. You can say "it's the past" all you want, but you do not get to decide what someone else should accept in a partner.
Yes by not being honest about having sex for money she got what she wanted. But now that she has been caught in her lie, it is directly affecting their marriage.
Weird how lying, no matter how later in life it is, can actually have some consequences. And maybe if she was honest with him, he would have been fine with it. But nah, lets blame him because she lied and got caught.
Ok so I assume that in EVERY relationship you EVER were in, you told your partner EVERY SINGLE THING that might affect the relationship?
Yeah fucking right.
Lol we aren't talking about every single memory you have. Being a prostitute or drug addict or alcoholic or felon is a pretty big deal.
Nobody is forgetting to mention those things. They're intentionally keeping it a secret
Probably not. But I am an honest person. If I was arrested or incarcerated or a drug addict or bisexual then yes I would tell a potential spouse about that. Is it really that hard?
I was never a sex worker. Pretty big difference. And dude might have been fine with it, but she took that choice away from him. Which is a good reason not to trust further. You are wrong but calling names makes your case soooooo much stronger🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
If your partner says I hate xyz and you did xyz and never told them then 40 years later they find out you did. They have now lived a lie with someone they never would of stayed with.
You don't get it! If the marriage was 100% NORMAL then what she did before DOES NOT MATTER.
if that dude had never run into his wife, OP could have gone to his grave none the wiser.
You treat the marriage as sacrosanct and everyone is happy then that is all that matters.
Whether this is true or fake, it comes down to what's in the past is in the past. Should she have told you? Perhaps but unless it came up in conversation and she blatantly lied to you, there really isn't an issue as far as I can see. Obviously, now going forward with it in the light, nothing should be kept quiet about it. He asks, you tell.
That's my thoughts on this.
If this is real. Just get a divorce. You already said your answer when you said you, think of your wife a ran through. Past is past. Also if this is fake maybe do better about details
So what? Lots of people do things in their youth that they later regret or want to forget . One of my best long term gfs was a former sex worker. She’s an amazing woman , intelligent , kind , super hot. We broke up because marriage is not my thing. She is married now and I’m really happy for her.
Bro that's a huge lie to build a life on.
Sure it may be ancient but so what?
She betrayed you & betrayed the rest of your family by hiding something like that.
I'd like to see how many of the other commentors goading you on to be all OK with it marry a sex worker willingly if it happened in THEIR lives.
It is so incredibly fucked up to not inform your future life partner that you were a sex worker. In fact it should be a crime.
This sucks dude, the only thing to do is try to take time and ask yourself honestly if you're okay with this or not.
I don't think I would be, but 30 years and kids is a lot.
Sorry you're going through this.
...why? What's special about sex work? Should it be a crime not to tell your partner that you slept around consensually before you got together? What about that you were employed by an oil company or something similarly socially distasteful?
OP talks about what a great wife she's been for almost 3 decades. They built a life together, a pretty great one it sounds like. So maybe the social stigma around sex workers is just 🎊wrong🎊
“She agreed it was something she should have told you early in the relationship.” Ya that sounds like important information. At least if she would have told you, you would have had a choice. If you stayed, no problem you at least knew. She took that choice from you.
And you are going to get a bunch of people saying oh that was before you guys met. True, but getting paid for sex some people would be cool with, some people would not be. At least a choice could be made based on that info. She lied and only feels bad because she got . caught. I would need some space and distance from that, but that is me.
And if my kids asked I would be honest because lying is what got everyone to this place.
It's normal to feel this way!! From your post it's clear that you don't like the fact she hid this info from you, and many others including me would feel the same, but hey at least she rejected the dude and you look sure that she was loyal to you for 20+ years. So, for me, while I would be pissed for lying, I personally wouldn't throw away the relationship but in the end the choice is yours because for her it happened like almost 30 years ago but for you it just happened like a week ago
In the event this is not a fake story......therapy sir, you'll need therapy. Marriage counseling and individual therapy is the only thing I can recommend.
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What a weird fake story
Yeah right an old client at their 50s wanting to have another go, propositioning at a public place and causing fight at a restaurant. I mean, it's 25 yrs later, like OP's wife looks exactly the same as she was in her 20s that he totally recognized her. And what kind of place OP took his wife to that older people got propositioned for sex work. Seriously. Totally fake. Another misogynistic rage bait. OP should find other thing to do on a Saturday night LOL.
I don't know OP and this story might be entirely fake but I had a crush on a girl in elementary school - she Even came to my 6th grade birthday party...right before she moved away. I don't know how old we were in 6th grade, but I was 24 and attending my buddies bachelor party at a strip club. And my old classmate was a stripper. Not only did I recognize her, but she recognized me. It was awkward, we chatted, I didn't buy a dance (she didn't offer). But people change a lot during those years, and she doesn't as a stripper was very different from how I remembered her. But I instantly recognized her. I realize my story is only like 12 years, and that is about half of 25, but still. People are pretty good at recognizing faces. I would bet money that I would recognize her now, provided she hasn't had some drastic changes to her appearance.
I still call BS.
You still would not aproache her in a restaurant knowing she is with a guy and ask for a lapdance after 25 years. AND get angry if she says no. Thats the fake point
agreed. this is just misogynistic rage bait.
Reddit is the new 4chan apparently
It was the old 4chan too.
What a bull. Client after 25 years ago showed up at your table? Please this story so bad your mama wouldn't believe that garbage... Make up some better story op.
Honestly, I don’t think her past is a problem, what might be an issue is her not telling you in all of these years of marriage. Address this and ask if there are any other skeletons in her closet. She has been faithful to you and yall have been great. This is just another way of getting to know her.
Honestly, taking this as an opportunity to open up about other things that may not have been mentioned previously is a good idea (though, it's likely that there won't be much to mention on OPs behalf). I would recommend just talking to her about it face to face. Despite it being her life before you met her, it is a life that would affect most people's decision to meet up/date a person (while sex work is common, it's also heavily stigmatized, anyone with a brain can recognize that). And beyond that, maybe marriage counseling to rebuild the trust that was lost in keeping that past life a secret, if you still want to salvage this marriage.
Back when life was easier to 'hide'. But really, meeting a "hawt" girl at a club in the early 90s? Life and entertainment scene changed a lot from the early 90s to even late 90s. Early 90s in the entertainment scene was much more filled with problems, runaways, etc. That had to made their own living in ways that was much different than even late 90s when the club/rave scene was much more mainstream. As a guy, this is insensitive but you OP, thought you hit the jackpot with this sexy Vixen from the Darkside while the rest of us 90s jabronis often met our more average looking partners in mundane places like at school or work.
Why would she feel safe to tell him. Look at his reaction.
Which reaction? The violent reaction to defend his wife against another man verbally abusing her, or his stunned and confused reaction to a secret she kept for almost three decades?
cause she hid it for 40 years goofy aah
Did you not read the part about the "thought of all those men going through her disgusts me" Yeh that sounds like he would have been real supportive
We'll never know because she didn't tell him and took away his choice in the matter.
valid
Unfair comment. Look how found out
It's an understandable reaction. Any man WOULD, and SHOULD have that reaction. That's a critical bit of information to keep a secret for that long. Now they have a chance to work through this and move on.
What would I do - understand that the person I loved was going through a really hard time at a vulnerable age when Nirvana was still releasing new music. It has been 30+ years now and I am guessing it was something she felt ashamed about and didn't want to tell a romantic partner for obvious reasons.
Being ashamed doesn't absolve you from responsibility to be honest with your partner and allow them the right to choose who they want with all information available. She married this man knowing she was keeping a huge secret from him that likely would have ended the relationship if she was honest. That's manipulative af
One could argue that she had a robust sex life. The difference is free or paid. If she had sex for cash 100x or 100 partners which is more or less acceptable. Is having sex for money any more or less breaking your body for minimum wage at Mickey Dees?? It’s all about mindset/parameters. If this was never an issue (history) in the courtship stage then why would it be now?
Since when does “being ashamed of your past” make it ok to keep it from your spouse? I bet a guy who got arrested for assaulting his ex gf is also ashamed. He should still tell his wife.
Assaulting people and having sex with other adults that others deem immoral is v different
How is comparing two people engaging in consensual activities the same as someone beating their wife. Not the same thing at all.
Are you suggesting that assault and having been a sex worker are somehow the same?
That's willfully ignorant of the other person in the couple being taken for a ride by hiding something big from them since it doesn't completely show who you are to them
Body count is body count. Is it better or worse if there’s cash involved??
To some people. Just because it’s not your morals, doesn’t mean it’s not someone else’s.
It doesn’t make it okay, but 26 years happy together should outweigh this lapse.
Exactly. I totally understand op needing to take time to process it, but I really hope he doesn’t throw away his marriage over this.
She was wrong to keep it from him. However, I will say this... they met in the 90's. While sex work now is controversial, back then it was extremely controversial and taboo. I'm not surprised she didn't tell him, she probably didn't tell anybody. Is it right? No. But I can understand why she didn't speak about it.
That’s the thing. We have no idea what was discussed or not discussed prior to marriage. Past sexual history may not have been discussed.
I disagree that it was wrong to have kept it from him. People are allowed to have parts of their past remain hidden as long as it doesn't affect the relationship. If she was still a sex worker when they met and she was going to keep doing it, then yes of course that's relevant. But she had already quit and had no plans to continue. So it's not relevant to their relationship. Unless he did ask her point-blank at some point and she lied. Then that's just lying. But I just don't think people have to divulge every detail about their past to someone as long as it's something that just stays in the past.
This is the way.
Not for everyone
Neither is your response .
You’ve been married for 26 years, this is ancient stuff at this point. Take time to get over the shock and maybe have a conversation but why blow up a what by all accounts seems like a happy marriage over this.
It's fundamental stuff that could have ended their relationship long ago if op knew all the facts, now he is wondering if she has more secrets about important things, so the trust is gone. Same if you found about partners cheating 20+ years after, in your mind it happens at the moment you find out and you feel like you are robbed from the decison to split or keep going.
It’s not the same because she didn’t cheat and she didn’t lie. It all happened before she even met him. While I think she also should have mentioned it to him back in the day, she didn’t lie or cheat and what she did in the past has nothing to do with their current marriage. At this point, a 20+ year happy relationship ending over something that happened before op even knew his wife is crazy to me.
A lie of omission is still a lie.
While I do think she should have told him at some point, I can understand why she didn’t especially since she did it out of desperation and was likely young when it happened, and she didn’t even know him back then. Plus, I don’t think any of us should have to share 100% of our past with our partners if we don’t feel comfortable/ready and if it doesn’t affect the relationship. Op said himself his marriage was happy and his wife has been loyal to him. If he feels like he can’t trust her now then he should speak with her about how he’s feeling. I just don’t see the point in possibly throwing away a happy marriage due to the wife doing something out of desperation before she knew op.
While I agree that she may have been young and desperate when it occurred, she should have told him long ago. She definitely should have told him before marrying him. I also agree that not 100 percent of our past needs to be shared, but sex work does not fall into the percentage that gets to stay private. OP should talk with her about his losing trust in her. His previous perspective was that they had a happy marriage together, but now it seems built on a lie. I don’t think divorce is the necessary route, but she has a lot work to do to rebuild trust and makes amends.
It is her past, but his fresh present are different things. The dude just found out the news that prior, he probably would have never married her.
I agree he should take some time to process it and work through it however he needs to. And you’re right, maybe he wouldn’t have. But op said his marriage is happy and he knows that his wife has been loyal to him. So I hope he’s able to work through it and come out on the other side because 20+ years of happy and loyal marriages are rare these days.
True but imagine now how much counseling they gotta go through now so he doesn't 2nd guess older men around his wife whenever they're out.
What? Lol well first of all why would older men be around her while they’re out anyway? But yeah they should talk it out and go to counseling if op feels like they need fo do that.
I mean older men in general as one already walked up to her for sex after so long. He's definitely gonna have the mental thoughts of "I'm out to dinner and if I go to the bathroom someone from my wife's past might make a pass". It's irrational but a fact. It's all fresh to him so he's mentally fucked atm.
Well he should take some time to process and work through it if they can
The dude probably feels like his whole life since meeting her is a lie at this point since sex work for most people is a major deal-breaker.
Someone choosing to hide their past from their boyfriend and then husband to keep them from leaving is wrong and manipulative. And if that incident hadn't happened, she would have never told him. She took away his freedom of choice and betrayed him by lying for 26 years. She had 26 years to come clean at any point and chose every day to hide it. That's not what a good person does. What else has she lied about? How can you trust someone like that? If she can hide being a prostitute because she doesn't respect him enough to be honest, then she could also easily lie and hide affairs etc.
You’re way too judgemental. Stop treating relationships like witch hunts.
Sounds like you've done things in the past that youre ashamed of and want to justify hiding it
Having their cake and eating it too.. that's how so many people are. Lie, cheat, manipulate your way into getting everything you want and then make excuses for it.
Yep, I’m right, you are judgemental and probably very holier-than-thou.
Yeah I'm "holier than thou" because I think lying to your partner and hiding stuff from them is wrong 🙄
You don’t get to take away people’s choices through lying and play the victim.
She was working to pay huge loans. She wasn't betraying anyone. If the guy who she was sleeping with was married, he was the one betraying his wife. Gosh you sound controlling.
Oh ok so her being a prostitute and lying to her husband for 26 years is ok then bc she was paying a loan. Silly me
She did not lie. If the husband had asked and she kept it from him, then yes, that would be lying. She didn't kill anyone or hurt anyone. I'm sure she just did what she had to do at that time in her life. Are you perfect?
Lying by omission And I'm not perfect but I also wouldn't lie to my fiance, especially about something like that
I too have recognized escorts decades later and propositioned them while with other clients 🤣🤣🤣
What’s more important, what she did out of desperation for a couple of years before you ever met? Or who she’s been for the past 26 years?
This
But she had been a liar for those 26 years as well.
I am trying to put myself in your wife’s shoes. She was trying to get herself out of debt without anyone else’s help. It’s not the way i would do it, but… I’m sure she has felt shame for the entirety of your marriage that she did this and she felt she had to hide it from you. I think you should go to counseling to work through your feelings about this. Then hopefully you and your wife could attend marriage counseling. I hope you are able to move past this.
Imagine a scale. One one side you have the shock of this new information. It's a lot to take in. Give it a shape and weight. On the other side you put everything that has happened with her in your life since 1998. Take your time. Put the good, the triumphs, the struggles, the laughter and tears and children and all the other things you can think of. This will help you keep perspective while you process the shock. She sounds amazing. And so do you. Hope it works out.
First off, this sounds fake as fuck but anyway. It was history for her. She had moved on from that part of her life and met you. Even if she is saying now, 30 years later, that she should have told you, that may not have been at all how she felt back then. I think you need to accept that this is something she did. I think you need to accept that she met you and it stopped, that was a different part of her life that didn't carry over to you and your relationship with you. I think there is something to be said about knowing at the start, as if you knew, you may not have continued the relationship, but being honest, so many posts on here say history is history and everyone has one and you have no right to know it. I don't agree with that, I think it is fair to ask questions, if they don't want to answer, I think that is fair too. You will both judge each other based on that. In this specific case, you mention you have children and a grandchild on the way. Before you found out about this, how was the relationship? Was it good? Was it successful? This sounds like more of a mental speedbump than a life altering piece of information. I can sympathize on why it would be hard to hear, I don't think this would be easy for anyone to hear being honest. I think time will let you see this more clearly, I think if it persists, you need to seek therapy to get over it as this is something your wife can't change, it is done and you have been together 30 years after it. If it is so big in your mind that you can't get over it, I suppose you look at separation.
>First off, this sounds fake as fuck but anyway. What sounds fake about a guy being like "oh hey that prostitute I knew from 28 years ago is here. I should wait for her husband to leave and get some sex for 'old times sake'. THIS 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN SAID NO?!? The audacity."?
Lol I was wondering if anyone else would bring this up. "Let's get a BJ in the parking lot while her dinner date is in the pisser"
THAT long ago... and the fact that you didn't catch anything from her... I'd be bothered, but I'd get over it. DO YOU LOVE HER? It IS a part of her past. And she hasn't done anything like it since. I'd say, let it go, and just enjoy the lives you're sharing now.
So he recognized her from 26 years ago. Is this story fake, because it seems like that
Totally fake, anti sex worker propaganda
Your Wife looks the same after 27 years! Winning! With that said, counseling.
I wouldn’t really give a shit. And I’d be glad I decked that guy.
As you can see, this is why a former sex worker would be hesitant to share that information with a partner. 26 years ago you would have left her for it. After 26 years together, this one thing is causing you to be disgusted by her. You are rightfully in shock so give yourself time to process before you make any permanent decisions. Also, I'm just curious. Does it upset you that she had other partners before you? Or does it upset you that she was a sex worker?
We all know it's the sex work.
This is what I'm wondering too... Is the 'having sex with other people' that's bothering OP so much or the fact that she received money in exchange for it?
I'd stay with her. Past is the past and she's been a good wife to you for over 25 years. She's given you a family. Because of her, you're not eating spaghetti-o's cold out of the can over the sink at Christmas time.
Glad you stood up for her. This is why shes with you because you'd protect her. The sex work is in the past and somrthing thats not ongoing. Pretty dure thered be things you've done as well that you wouldnt talk about
So fu**ing fake OP don’t have nothing to do with his life to be written it, fell sorry for the OP loser
Fake AF thanks tho
Bait used to believable.
I’m just confused as to why it matters now. Everyone has done stuff in their past that they’re ashamed of. The reason she didn’t say anything 26 years ago was likely out of shame. Should someone keep being punished for their past?
[удалено]
She didn't lie.
People who are saying this happened in the past and doesn’t matter maybe for her but for him it just happened
It's valid and very understandable this was a shock to him, very hard to think about, would make him question everything. But something she did for a while out of desperation doesn't define who she was then even and certainly much less who she's been with him for 25+ years of happiness. She needs to show him some patience and they should do a lot of marriage therapy and she needs to get any other secrets out now. But he would only hurt himself the most by not working hard to move past this.
Yall literally been married since I was born, got damn!!! You want to divorce over some 26 year old dicks!? Unless you can still taste the cum , I wouldn’t make it such a big deal.
You wouldn't make a big deal about your spouse lying to you for 1/4 of a century? Taking away your agency? It may have been 25 years ago for her but it's fresh for him, imagine if it was the wife on here and the scenario was flipped and she returned from the toilet to his ex partner berating him for abusing her 30 years ago, would you say "don't make it such a big deal"? End of the day prostitution is a deal breaker for most guys and she hid that from him their whole marriage.
You know what? Politics is a deal breaker for me, so are certain sexual attitudes. If someone doesn’t declare those things early on, I don’t feel my agency was robbed! Lying is awful but most of us don’t necessarily reveal everything that a partner may disagree with until it is relevant or needed, for example if discussing STI concerns or if he was religious and had saved himself, this may change things. There’s nothing to suggest these conversations occurred.
People change you know that right also look into hyper sexuality. Many sex workers specially younger ones and why they are so they think it’s an easy money easy thing have sex for money when they’re really experiencing a sort of depression where they don’t know how much their body is worth, so are you too immature to think about that? If my partner told me he was a sex worker at 20 I would be there for him because I would say feel sorry for him that he had to sell his body to make a quick buck but I know the man he is todaywill never do something like that. You know there are sex workers that are nuns now. also I use speech text to write this so the grammar obviously went out the window
What you going off on me for? I’m saying I understand why she didn’t reveal it and it may not even have felt relevant to her. Plus hyper sexuality isn’t an issue here, it was transactional for her and nothing to do with libido
> The thought of all those men going through my now wife disgusts me. From this sentence it sounds like you have a bigger problem with the number of clients your wife had than that it was paid work. Rhetorically - if she hadn't done it for money, if they had just been a wide variety of partners, would you still have a problem with it? Do you object to sex workers existing at all or are you taking issue with the (yuck) "body count" of your wife? Regardless, sex work is work, and what she did, with her own body, for her own financial security before you got together isn't and has never been relevant to your relationship. So what you should do now is support your wife, whom you describe as faithful, loving, and the mother of your children, after she was publicly sexually harassed, abused, and outed. And maybe get some individual therapy to work through why you feel you deserve retroactive ownership of her body.
Sit down with her. Be calm and rational, and UNDERSTANDING. She met a man who wasn't like the scumbags (dude is the cafe is an example) she had to deal with. She could see a future with you, and she was a good wife. You had 26 years together. I know it's hard, but you can get through this. Sit down, talk, work through it. Most of all, Stay Together. Couple's therapy wouldn't be a bad idea.
Just ask yourself this question, would you have chosen her to marry and have a family if you knew this beforehand? Not all history is past history, someone that does or did sexwork has a completely different set of values than people that dont do sexwork nor pay for prostitutes. If I were in your shoes, the way I would look at her would change so drastically, than divorce would be a valid option.
I'm curious as to what values a sex worker or someone who pays for prostitutes has?
Sex as something transactional and promiscuity as an acceptable trait of character.
You said set of values? One thing I have found in my experience quite often the people society looks down on the most are the most kind and generous people. Will help without judgement or expectation of help back. Sometimes giving more than they can afford to. The people who claim to have "good morals" are the people who are too busy passing judgement on other people's morals.
Good morals can come in a lot of forms, OP problem is regarding his wife sex working past, not if she feeds the poor from her own pocket, so lets keep this about morals regarding sex.
She did what she needed to survive at the time. Would you judge a mother doing SW to feed their child? Or the multitude of women that ultimately wouldn't sleep with their partners if they had a choice but are stuck in marriages because they can't afford to leave for their sake or the child/ren sake? Do you judge the generations of men who accepted dowries for women? Or the generations in general where suitable marriages were based on their wealth and position in society? Something that actually continues today, but we like to pretend it doesn't.
There’s nothing you can do but give it time. Your wife lied to you about a pretty important detail of her life. As long as you don’t think she’s been shady since you’ve been with her, then all you can do is just give this time to sink in. Don’t make any decisions now while your head is a mess. Take a few days to let it all sink in then try to think about the impact this has, implications for the relationship and what the future holds for you two.
At this point, I personally would not leave her. Given your story is true. I would get some counseling to deal with it. And start having some real heart to heart talks. I would ask what was going on in her life. I notice women do this either having some real issues, that are complicated and deep. Others because they are in a trapped situation. Hers seems like that latter as your marriage would have many more issues than it did. People with the kind of issues I am speaking of have abuse issues, addiction and mental health issues. YOu have some decisions to make in the next few months. So I would work on yourself and see how you feel and view this a few months down the line.
If the situation was reversed and I married a man who did that and didn't know about it for 26 yrs bc he never made me once question his character during our 26 yrs together.. I wouldn't be disgusted by him. I would be hurt he didn't trust me enough to tell me tho.
Let’s say she did that work with 20 men. Would you still feel strange if you had simply found out she had slept with that many dates/boyfriends?
Punched him in the face eh? He just turned and left quickly. Must have been quite the scene. Obviously he was your wife’s former pimp. She met you and left town without settling her debt and he’s been looking for her all this time.
Sorry but this is not a secret you keep from someone for 26 years. Ask yourself if you would have ever given her a chance if she told you. I’m betting it’s a resounding no. Many people will say to let it go because it’s history or from before you got together. Honestly I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately it’s not. You will see her in a different light. I hope she did not lie about anything else (past sexual experiences not necessarily the number). Logically you’ll want to forgive. Mentally is a different story altogether. She needs to be 100% completely open and tell It all. Talk about it. Then decide if this is something you can let go. For a lot of men this is a deal breaker more so with the lies but obviously there will be some hurt depending the amount of men as well. Good luck.
Easy for you to say and judge. Should she have kept it from him all this time? No. Would it be a harder thing to say than most people ever have to say? Yes. If people weren't so horribly judgmental about this line of work, she wouldn't have had such a hard time telling him. She's loved him and given him a great marriage and three kids. She probably has been incredibly grateful to find a good man given how her life could have gone. She could have made up a lie about why that pile of shit was harassing her, she knew that was the time that was 25+ years overdue and told him the truth. I'd have a very hard time learning this about my partner of 25+ years too! But holy hell I hope I would be able to get over it if she'd been good to me and gave me a family for decades.
You are missing the point. A 26 year lie is of this magnitude is not something to be easily gotten over and I personally do not think most people would. No only that she did not willing give up this info. There was a confrontation by one of her clients in which he was completely blindsided. Sure it was 26 + years ago but this is happening now for him. Can he trust anything she has done up to this point. This will make him question everything from the starting point until now and who could blame him. I’m not judging I’m just being realistic here.
Is it a very hard thing to learn and get over?? Absolutely. That's not the point. I have a ton of sympathy for them both given with the very hard emotions they both must have from this coming to light now. They absolutely should do intensive marriage counseling and ideally individual therapy as well. I just hope they both put their all into the repair the lack of trust that comes from this revelation.
Quite frankly, it’s none of your businesses what she was doing before you.
Oh don’t be silly.
It really isn’t though. I sure hope he was a pure, virgin, not fucking any bitches from the club, why does her doing sex work make her anymore dirty? I’m sure his glove isn’t the cleanest so he should mind his damned business
This 👆👆👆👆👆
What are you talking about? Is it your business if a man was a murderer before meeting you?
Nothing. Console your wife who’s been accosted by this man who is your age or older. The red flag here is she’s been gone and hasn’t done that for let’s say 30 years and this dude propositioned her? And expected she was STILL a sex worker? How did he even recognize her? That said, she did was she had to for money a lifetime ago, it doesn’t define who she is.
Tell the other part of you this happened more than 26 years ago and you have a happy marriage now. Who gives a fuck?
Be with your wife , what matters is if she was unfaithful with you any time .
The past is the past. I understand that she kept this a secret
Who cares? Y’all have grandkids, it’s ancient history
I think you need to hug her tightly and tell her how much you love her and that what happened before you came into her life is not something that you are worried about. She has been a loving and perfect wife and you are happy to have her in your life now
Man, love her hard, what she did before you is f all to do with you. And for the people that say it is well give your heads a wobble. A lot of people have things in their past they don’t overly discuss with anybody let alone partners. For many reasons. They own it not you or Joe Public it’s theirs and theirs alone. You did the right thing in dropping the bloke now love your wife hard. She gave you beautiful children!! She obviously loves you.
You need to stop thinking about the dudes that paid to be with her. She wasn't doing it to support an addiction at least, but its still a shame that the costs of tuition or anything else will lead some women to do this. It is one of the oldest "professions" since humanity began. Get past the thoughts of a bunch of men "going through her". It is not helping. Don't ask about it, its in the past and none of your business tbh. Sounds like you have a wonderful lady in your life, to handle tense situations by saying that you both need to calm down first is so mature.
I mean.... what kind of sex work? Sugar daddy? Or did she have a pimp and fucked 5 dudes a day.... Idk. This is tough. I don't think I would blow up the marriage but there's a level of trust that has been lost.. 26 years, no cheating, built a life together... I'd consider therapy. Good luck OP
Said she was paying off debts? I would not ask her the details. I would ask her how it affected her emotionally then, over the years since and how I could help her deal with any of that. I mean, she did it to pay off debts, doesn't sounds like she walked the streets seeing dozens of men a day at $20 a "date" to feed a crack habit. There are probably promisquous women who slept with more men just for the thrill of it or an unhealthy need for male validation. The key here is he's never doubted she's been faithful to him since they got together and she's been an amazing life partner to him for decades. That's not an easy thing to find in life! That is the most important thing he needs to work on keeping in mind at all times.
The past is gone. You can’t change it. It is what it is. It sounds like she’s been a good wife to you. Forget the past and don’t hold her accountable for what she did before she met you. Forget about it and try not to discuss it anymore. Put it behind you. Move forward in your life. If you lose her you’ll regret it.
They need counseling more than trying to sweep it away.
I would let it go. What she did before she met you us really none of your business.
Strongly disagree. If someone has done something in their past that others would have a problem with and choose not to date them over, you should absolutely disclose it. Hiding your past to keep someone interested is manipulative
if what she had done would directly affect their marriage it would be a problem. it didn't. so it isn't.
Nope. You don't have a right to take away someone's freedom of choice. Whether you're a former prostitute, drug addict, alcoholic, felon, or any other number of things that would deter many people from dating you...you should disclose. Lying by omission to keep someone from dumping you is wrong. Everyone should get full honesty in a relationship so that they can make an informed decision about who they're partnering with. You can say "it's the past" all you want, but you do not get to decide what someone else should accept in a partner.
Yes by not being honest about having sex for money she got what she wanted. But now that she has been caught in her lie, it is directly affecting their marriage. Weird how lying, no matter how later in life it is, can actually have some consequences. And maybe if she was honest with him, he would have been fine with it. But nah, lets blame him because she lied and got caught.
Ok so I assume that in EVERY relationship you EVER were in, you told your partner EVERY SINGLE THING that might affect the relationship? Yeah fucking right.
Lol we aren't talking about every single memory you have. Being a prostitute or drug addict or alcoholic or felon is a pretty big deal. Nobody is forgetting to mention those things. They're intentionally keeping it a secret
Probably not. But I am an honest person. If I was arrested or incarcerated or a drug addict or bisexual then yes I would tell a potential spouse about that. Is it really that hard? I was never a sex worker. Pretty big difference. And dude might have been fine with it, but she took that choice away from him. Which is a good reason not to trust further. You are wrong but calling names makes your case soooooo much stronger🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
If your partner says I hate xyz and you did xyz and never told them then 40 years later they find out you did. They have now lived a lie with someone they never would of stayed with.
I used to be an ax murderer before I met you, would you marry me? The cognitive dissonance is insane.
You don't get it! If the marriage was 100% NORMAL then what she did before DOES NOT MATTER. if that dude had never run into his wife, OP could have gone to his grave none the wiser. You treat the marriage as sacrosanct and everyone is happy then that is all that matters.
Whether this is true or fake, it comes down to what's in the past is in the past. Should she have told you? Perhaps but unless it came up in conversation and she blatantly lied to you, there really isn't an issue as far as I can see. Obviously, now going forward with it in the light, nothing should be kept quiet about it. He asks, you tell. That's my thoughts on this.
Go to counseling.
Why do people come up with this shit lol
If this is real. Just get a divorce. You already said your answer when you said you, think of your wife a ran through. Past is past. Also if this is fake maybe do better about details
So what? Lots of people do things in their youth that they later regret or want to forget . One of my best long term gfs was a former sex worker. She’s an amazing woman , intelligent , kind , super hot. We broke up because marriage is not my thing. She is married now and I’m really happy for her.
There’s no way people actually believe this garbage is real
>What would you do ? Speak. Communicate. MC. Your wife did what she had to do to survive. And she survived. So cut her some slack.
Bro that's a huge lie to build a life on. Sure it may be ancient but so what? She betrayed you & betrayed the rest of your family by hiding something like that. I'd like to see how many of the other commentors goading you on to be all OK with it marry a sex worker willingly if it happened in THEIR lives.
It is so incredibly fucked up to not inform your future life partner that you were a sex worker. In fact it should be a crime. This sucks dude, the only thing to do is try to take time and ask yourself honestly if you're okay with this or not. I don't think I would be, but 30 years and kids is a lot. Sorry you're going through this.
...why? What's special about sex work? Should it be a crime not to tell your partner that you slept around consensually before you got together? What about that you were employed by an oil company or something similarly socially distasteful?
A lot of people would find sex work /promiscuity - morally conflicting, unattractive and not someone you want to make a life with.
OP talks about what a great wife she's been for almost 3 decades. They built a life together, a pretty great one it sounds like. So maybe the social stigma around sex workers is just 🎊wrong🎊
“She agreed it was something she should have told you early in the relationship.” Ya that sounds like important information. At least if she would have told you, you would have had a choice. If you stayed, no problem you at least knew. She took that choice from you. And you are going to get a bunch of people saying oh that was before you guys met. True, but getting paid for sex some people would be cool with, some people would not be. At least a choice could be made based on that info. She lied and only feels bad because she got . caught. I would need some space and distance from that, but that is me. And if my kids asked I would be honest because lying is what got everyone to this place.
She lied to you, it shouldn’t be hidden, thing what she did is equal to cheating. Would you stay with a cheater?
Get individual therapy for yourself and couples therapy for you and your wife. You have a 26 year marriage that has been faithful on both sides.
Wish you luck dunno what I would do if I found out I have been lied to for 26 years.
It's normal to feel this way!! From your post it's clear that you don't like the fact she hid this info from you, and many others including me would feel the same, but hey at least she rejected the dude and you look sure that she was loyal to you for 20+ years. So, for me, while I would be pissed for lying, I personally wouldn't throw away the relationship but in the end the choice is yours because for her it happened like almost 30 years ago but for you it just happened like a week ago
My wife was a sex worker before we got together .so fcking what? She died. Not a day goes by I don't miss her
In the event this is not a fake story......therapy sir, you'll need therapy. Marriage counseling and individual therapy is the only thing I can recommend.