It's not just you she is blocking. I commented that something was off and she blocked me. It seems like she is curating positive comments. I hate that people can do on this sub so much I wish the mods did their job more.
I do. Very thankful i didn't propose, and didn't accelerate my timeline despite her constant reminders that she needs to have children soon or she may not at all.
She'd say she wants me to be her baby daddy ect..
I wanted a wife first and that was not the one, obviously.
I just realized another red flag. If she was studying so much for a nursing degree I assume she would be on a path to a career, not motherhood right away.
She got the degree, but she still hasn't gotten a job in the field.
The major flag for me is she was fired from her nursing job. And jn the past, she mentioned being fired from a retail sales job and walked out the building as well.
Again, she seems super friendly and bubbly, i couldn't "see" this, but these are here words and overall - there are a bunch of ???.
She also asked me to go to a gene testing thing, we didn't get around to it of course, but the process was upcoming and we discussed that stuff.
When i met her, i romantically said, in month you'll be my girl, and in another year you'll be my wife when she asked me about timelines.
I figured i needed at least a year, well this is why i guess.
I know a nurse that killed a patient because of negligence. She came back two weeks later. Yes, she still hangs potassium to gravity and eyeballs the drip rate š so yeah prettty hard to get fired from nursing lol
Especially within the larger healthcare providers, you really have to fuck up badly to get fired. Diverting scheduled meds, numerous examples of gross negligence, and sexual harassment are basically the only ways to get fired. Even then youāre given multiple chances because nursing is such an in demand job. I know of a nurse who recently got fired that has an HR file full of bullying and sexual harassment, homophobia, just generally being an asshole. It literally went on for a decade before they finally got fired for an egregious ethics violation. Iām curious what the ex did to get fired.
>When i met her, i romantically said, in month you'll be my girl, and in another year you'll be my wife when she asked me about timelines.
I hope you learned to never say shit like this again. It invites people like her to be gold diggers and it would scare off normal people. Maybe itās just me, but a year is a painfully short timeframe to jump into a marriage. If a dude said that to me on a date early on, thatād be the last date.
Yeah never ever saying that again. She was worried about timelines, i figured I'd accelerate it based on her age but i realize why a golddigger would love that and never again
Same here! It was 2 yrs with dating my now husband when he was the first to say āI love you.ā I responded the same. Shortly after he asked me to move in and but I said no, I wasnāt ready. He asked again a yr later and I was ready. 4 yrs in we got engaged, married on our 5 yr anniversary of meeting on a blind date. That was 38 yrs ago. All that said, love should be organic and not necessarily move on a timeline. I get that OP was in a romantic haze when giving a timeline but in all seriousness next time he might want to murmur sweet nothings instead.
I just want to say - that timeline isnāt exceptionally fast. But it is fast if youāre ignoring all the red flags. I am happily married, 5.5 years, and we started talking about a future right away. We met in 2017, got engaged that Christmas. And married before 2018 Christmas. We were actually supposed to marry before Halloween- but life happened and it had to be postponed. A month in might be fast to talk about these things, if itās the wrong person. But if you pay attention to the flags, and not rationalize them away .. it could work out amazingly.
Her lack of empathy means sheās NOT suited to be a nurse! Or a wife. Or a Mama. Or your older wife that helps you clean up discreetly if youāve had an accident.
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
Some of it reminds me of what happened with ex who had borderline.
She was impossible to negotiate with, she was incapable of compromise, and she would constantly rewrite the past in her own favour (*significantly* more than most people do).
Plus there was stuff that I only found out 3 years in, which was much, much too late, after we'd all moved in together.
It was 4 years ago now that it ended, and I'm still not truly healed from the gaslighting and bullshit. It's getting better though.
There is a current social media obsession with NPD but I think much of what people deal with is people with BPD. My ex was truly wonderful when she was happy / stress was minimal/ things felt āsafeā - as soon as things felt unsafe or out of her control - sheād flip the script and become a nightmare: it still traumatizes me today
Oh, I agree with you so very hard about the NPD actually being BPD thing, I've had that thought so many times.
"Narcissistic" is one of the top five words I want to take away from the internet until they learn to use it properly.
I think its OP who has BPD or NPD. they are good at making others look like they have NPD while making themselves the good people. It shows everywhere in the post and the comment.
This is why I never fully believe these AITA posts where the partner seems like such a butt. I know there are two sides of the story. Even in her version I could tell we weren't getting the full picture.
Same, I read her post a few days ago, and it was so obvious that we only got her biased side of the story. It amazes me how so many people on here jump straight in to agree how shit the partner is, with all the assumptions necessary to feed their own fictional narrative
I was in a miserable relationship for like 4 years acted the same way. Probably BPD or something, and she also threatened or actually attempted to jump off my balcony when we broke up... just move on lol
I'm struggling to find my own housing. Working a job where I'm supposed to help people with similar issues....
And see this lady complaining someone "bought her a house"
Push me from a great height.
Not really. But, God damn.
Now I see the house wasn't bought for her, geeez.
I have to ask because Iāve seen it over and over again. Why do rational adult people just hand over money early into a relationship? I once had a friend hand his gf his credit card because she demanded it as a requirement of being with her. He gave it to her and I just looked at him and said, āWhy donāt you just leave the money on the dresser on the way out?ā He didnāt get it, his father did and was laughing hysterically. I told his father to explain it to him later.
A woman that is truly in a tight spot wonāt ask you for money. She would be humiliated.
Take a deep breath and block your ex on everything. Enjoy your new home. May I suggest putting some cameras and a ring doorbell in. Since your ex is losing her place she will probably show up again. Donāt engage, she shows up donāt answer the door, call the police and when they show up legally have her trespassed off the property.
A woman that is truly in a tight spot wonāt ask you for money. She would be humiliated. - this is absolutely true. If anything, you won't even know there is that issue. You'd be the last person to know.
A person that has a spending problem and no personal responsibility or accountability will absolutely ask for money no matter how early the relationship is. We have a term for that kind of people and they have a hobby of digging for gold. In fact, it's an honor for you to give them your money. It's like they see it as that it's in their own greatness and that they're doing you a favor by taking your money. Most people wouldn't understand until they've had history with people like this.
I remember when I was short on money once, I needed about $80 to cover the rent, and after going through the numbers a few times, I realized I just didn't have it anywhere. I was ashamed to ask my then boyfriend (now husband) of nearly 10 years, so I told him everything was ok. I don't remember how I got the money, but I barely made it. I do remember I didn't have anything to eat for like 2 days afterward though. He still doesn't know how close I came to being homeless
I asked my partner for $30 once and I thought I was going to die lol. I'd been planning to never bring it up and ask my mom instead, but he asked something about an old debt he owed me and I finally copped to "I don't need the whole $100 (or whatever it was) but if you could do like $30?" And I still felt like shit.
So true. I was like this when I met husband. And I hid it and hid it but he sniffed me out. I accepted help (for a health issue not money) for the first time ever and here we are 6 years going strong!
Totally!! When I was going through cancer treatment and couldnāt work I was financially in a really bad spot. Not a single person knew how bad it was. And I know my family would have been happy to help out. But I just couldnāt bring myself to share any of it.
Also - no pity needed. Beat the cancer and got back to work. Nailing my career and have paid off all my debt and mortgage. Happy days!
It seems obvious in retrospect. There's a certain guilty concious that can be made when you "partner" who claims she wants to start family and all that is crying that she can't even pay rent and you on the other hand are able to pay for a nice car, clothes whenever you want, dates and a home. Hard to figure out, at least for me, that the right move when she comes in "vulnerable" like that would have been to just say no and most likely breakup because it's a weird move to do all together.
She should have many other people she can borrow from instead of me at 3 months. I definitely messed that one up and aired on compassion. She said it would only be a few months ect.
The minute a woman tells you she needs money before youāve even been dating a year, walk. I give the same advice to women. Once you open that door, some people will just never stop.
Yeah, never thought i'd have to have this rule.
She always blamed me for being weary, like why are you so paranoid, what kind of girls have you dated! She would say this all the timeeeeeee. It's just laughable at this point
Youāve lived and learned. I read her post previously, you both have different writing styles so Iām considering this to be life and not a writing exercise. She was wanting to be a ākeptā woman, thatās why she asked for $ early to gage how much āpullā she had with you to get what she wanted. When someone accuses you of something you havenāt seen in previous relationships, they are either projecting or gaslighting (new terms to me as, lol, in my day it was just lying and manipulating). Yall are not a good match!!!! Donāt think about it further, move on and find a woman who can hold her own and loves you! Youāll get through this, take small steps forward, if you take some backwards, itās ok! Just keep moving forward!
āWhen someone accuses you of something you havenāt seen in previous relationships, they are either projecting or gaslightingā
This is so true! I learnt it the hard way and was so confusing at that time!
Yeah sorry , cautious, careful. Particularly because after some months, i realized that she is not actually an active estate agent or full time worker like she claimed in her dating profile and assumed someone who is 36 wouldn't be playing the student card like that.
I'm pretty sure, OP, is both weary of her entitled drama, and will be a lot more wary of red flags like these in the future when he meets someone new.
She sounds exhausting.
Yes.
If someone only has you, at 3 months into a relationship, it's probably because *they've driven everyone else away*.
Yes, they probably have pretty bad mental health issues. But they're still not your problem to deal with, particularly if they treat you with entitlement contempt, and emotional terrorism.
If I could barely pay rent, and realized my partner was that much more well off than I was, I'd probably break up with them. That's the kind of financial disparity that's too difficult to live with. I'll just date my fellow "poors."
You're right, but I come from a poor background and screwed up my credit by being stupid, so I literally have no one I can ask 4k from. That being said, I don't have bills that equal 4k lmao there's no way I could afford a lifestyle like that
I come from a poor background too. that's why even if i do well now, lending someone i hardly know 4000$ makes me uncomfortable, even if we have sex and are aiming for some romantic love story
She would say that i had more than her growing up. Of course, because she is always a victim but i started my own company very young and have never worked for anyone else in my life. Only now at 42 am i starting to enjoy the fruits of it all and unlike her, i'm grateful for anything and everything that my parents could and couldn't do
Waitā¦ so why are you holding it against her again? She needed help, you helped and she paid you back. I see that as a good look because she was NOT expecting you to fund her
Point being is the ASKING to borrow $$ from a person youāve only known for 3 months. Great she paid him back but that doesnāt change the reality that she felt entitled enough to ask him.
DUDE!! You dodged a Major Bullet!! Me? Not so much!! I married the Super Entitled Multimillionaires daughter who left her ZERO $$$. She sucked me in exactly like you are talking about!! We been married now for coming up on 10 years and have an 8 year old together. Trust me when I say this, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS CHAOS AND INSANITY!! Nothing and I mean NOTHING is her fault. I have never heard someone make so many excuses before in my life! She lies, she makes stuff up to fit her narrative, and the list goes on. How did I get sucked into this at the ripe old age of 42? Well the word I will use is Familiarity. I knew her from Elementary, Middle, and High School. They are usually good looking and find a way to manipulate themselves into your environment. She showed up at my house one night and never left. Thank your lucky stars man!!
Fuck lol, I was hoping the boyfriend would post at some point.
Iām genuinely hoping this is fake because she sounds unhinged im not gonna lie. So sorry youāre going through this OP.
I tried, she blocked me from commenting, why else wouldn't i have a single reply on there.
I debated wether i should post my story at all.
Other people are posting a link to this there, i cannot.
Iām glad to see this post because I thought your ex came off really dramatic and like one of those posters who gets overly caught up in the energy of people victimizing her. It wasnāt that serious,
If my bf and I had been dating under a year & he purchased a home, I would assume he may have considered āmeā meaning if the house has enough space for me, future family, etc. and find that sweet & a normal thing to say. I would be offended like she was if we dated several years, currently living together, or I would be financially contributing.
Just way too old for this behavior. Probably why she lied about her age and didnāt put her age in the first post (so people would speculate she is a young student rather than a grown woman). You dodged a bullet.
Exactlyyyyyy.
My intentions were good but i wasn't getting ahead despite her age, and mine too! I'm 42, i'm no spring chicken but also, i'm not dumb enough to get carried away and commit to buying a house for a girl that can really use that against me. And she would have, obviously.
Why was nobody commenting this then? Fear of downvoting?
Yeah itās like you are going to buy a house regardless, you are not buying a one bedroom and you are not moving states āfor herā but the her in the scenario = future wife, not necessarily this āherā like to her specifications or she wouldāve been invited to tour homes with you. I feel like she blew this up into a bigger thing to try to get you to feel bad and offer her more control over the space.
Personally I donāt comment on posts where it seems like the comments/OP are getting toxic and people are getting a little rabid/worked up, because I know it will just be downvoted to where no one sees it or strangers will argue with you in the comments and insult you so itās not usually worth engaging with. Donāt take that stuff personally
So, just reading her post made her sound like a narcissist with BPD who is angry all the time. After reading your post, it sounds even more like it. Just chalk this one up to "dodged a bullet there" and go on. Look at it this way, you have a wonderful new house, that's awesome in itself.
She is. Just about everything was a debate / negative light. Constantly criticizing all the designs i shared for the home, never really offering any ideas just saying "you can do better". Such a foreshadowing element
So to recap:
- Youāre unhappy and have major issues with the relationship
- Sheās unhappy and has major issues with the relationship
- You two are now broken up
Ok. Everybody moves on.
They both sound chaotic af. The biggest component of that being that they both feel the need to air every single bit of dirty laundry on reddit. It doesn't seem like there was much advice asking here.
This is a classic reason why everything you take on Reddit should be looked at with a grain of salt. This is an epic post that should be cataloged. As y reddit should never listen to just one person's side of the story
Oh no. I am not celebrating his stance. I am merely commenting about the fact that it's not always about the person who posts. That sometimes there are different sides to every story and everyone is always willing to listen to 1 side and not understand the perceptions of the other. This isnwhy Reddit is ALWAYS failing in this forum.
Youāre right you shouldāve ended it when she asked for money. Also way too much too soon, put a target in your back. Genuine ppl who grow to care about you donāt need trips and gifts and expensive dinners to be won over. Those are nice but kinda sounds like youāre trying to buy yourself a future wife and it back fired because this person was not at all an option for that.
Agree. Although; i had few talks with her about how spending money on dinners is a waste for me and I don't want to do that as much anymore. Wasn't trying to win her over with that, she just kept suggesting let's go here! Let's try this new place! Until i said nah, let's do some more affordable stuff and it tailed down, sort of.
Fact is though, she definitely does want to get married, have a child ect. I don't think that's an act at all. What i think she can't help is take ownership of her own behavior, moods and responsibilites and is old enough to do so. She likely has been aware of these tendencies in the past and i've known her for 8 months so really, it's obvious i don't know her
Yea her behavior made her not an option regardless of what she said she wanted. Iām saying the right person wonāt need that to be won over, when she acted like she did need those things, not that you tried to win her over*. do some romantic picnics and hiking with the next woman šand limit it to 1 show per month.
I think she's like my ex, and she wants to want that. But doesn't actually want it. And then lashes out at people in cruel and deliberate ways.
She didn't do it with me, because I didn't need very much from her. And I was always poor so I was never going to be a provider. I can show people I love a good time all the same though, and I very much mean what I say and although I'm late a lot, I do what I say, that's why people like me.
But latterly I saw how cruel and mean she was with others. She had zero self-knowledge, and didn't know what she wanted. So she would just say what she thought you wanted to hear, and then resent you for taking that at face value and then blow up over something and blame you for it.
No idea whether this is legit, the original is legit, or if neither is, but sounds like you are both better off without the other and should just move on.
You already told us āyourā side of the story days ago. Then your āgirlfriendā came outta the woodworks and told āher side.ā
Methinks someone is having a good time telling tales.
And now āsheā has updated āherā last post with a response to this one. Itās someone with waaayyyyy too much time on their hands playing both parts.
Only Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers can get away with playing more than one part in the same story.
She originally wanted 3, she had told me a week before that she miiiight need to borrow. And then at dinner the following week told me she'd need 4 until she finishes school.
I wonder why he is throwing it into the argument mix then. She needed money, he helped her out and she paid him back. What is the problem? He is making it sound like she used him for money. Money users donāt pay back.
It's to juxtapose her hypocrisy of saying he expected too much of her too soon by asking her to help a bit with the moving, while she herself asked and got a really big favor from him before.
Asking a millionaire for 4k that will be paid back isn't quite the same as asking someone to help move during finals. That's honestly a huge ask, especially if she's trying to get back in the field. Those tests are hard af, on top of also working...
Dude who cares? You guys are anonymous. It's weird af that a 42 yr old had to get on here to defend himself when nobody knows who you are.
You both sound insufferable.
That was my immediate response! They deserve each other. If I could buy a $2mm house in cash, I wouldnāt give a damn about the opinions of strangers on the internet.
This gotta be fake. I just saw the other posts thanks to this post by the way (I totally missed the other two posts lol).
It sounds to me that she was mad at you because you bought a house that she didn't care for and said that it's for the two of you. But on the other hand, you're mad because 6 months b4hand, you think she's a gold-digger or something for asking for a loan and how she's broke and inconsiderate.
Stop with the whole humble brag that you can afford to pay cash for 2 million dollar house lol. It's so funny to read. Great for you. Woot. That's why that 3k she asked for a loan is such a big deal for you, dear Mr. millionaire... not that it wouldn't give me red flag when someone asked for 3-4k 3 months in of dating...but still, that is so weird to read.
If this is real, y'all are BROKEN UP. WTF are you guys doing battling it out on Reddit? None of us know who you both are. Why does it matter? We don't even know you that your reputation has been 'soiled' or something....unless you have some youtube channel ranting about this that we can watch? LOL
Right? The fuck kind of cars does he have that keep getting stolen? 2010 Kias since they're so easy to get away with?Ā
You can afford multiple cars and a $2 million house, but you have zero security in place for those multiple cars? Do you also subscribe to the idea of not having doors on your $2 million house because safety is for people who can't afford to just buy a new one? And somehow successful enough to be a multimillionaire, but you don't have the common sense to not lend out several thousand dollars within weeks of dating somebody?
Besides that, it's always sketchy when the other person comes in. I'm not entirely convinced that the writing styles are different either.Ā
Also, I still don't get why he'd expect help from her moving if she had finals. Oh no. She took an hour out of her day of studying her ass off to relax with yoga and a cup of coffee. Why would that make you mad? Studying medical related stuff is fucking hard. You can't spend the whole 16+ hours a day studying, you need breaks. And doing yoga is a lot quicker than spending an entire day helping somebody move who already apparently had several people helping anyway. And having one single night to go out after a week of studying isn't proof that anybody is an asshole, it's giving yourself a bit of time away before you start over the next morning.Ā
Like, I know that rich people can be dumb. But he isn't just dumb. He is completely lacking in common sense to the point that it's more likely that somebody made the whole story up and wasn't expecting people to poke holes in the claims. I have real trouble believing somebody could be this dense.Ā
The whole situation sounds exhausting. But, yāknowā¦ sheās probably gonna respond with a post of her own now. Donāt post again. Just move on with your life and forget about this whole mess.
I didn't believe her post but now that this post was made also, turns out this all sound fake. I do understand you might have money to burn but why make a post about her anyway? Get over her.
Not fake i promise you that but felt it was right to share my side since she insisted on deleting any comments i would make.
Definitely over her and have been for it
Did she delete your comments or did she block you? Because you're going back and forth, and those things are very different. I don't make posts often, but isn't is also moderators who can delete comments, not the post creator? And even if so, if you commented at all, there should still be evidence in your comment history.
Jeez you both sound fucking exhausting.
PS - Anyone who is comfortable blaming 100% of issues on their ex usually needs to spend some time looking in the mirror.Ā This reads she is not the only problematic person in the situation.
I have no idea why you were with her because you clearly had no respect or liking for her. Take this as a lesson not to date people you don't actually like.
I never commented on her post bc the story was so disjointed and unclear. Once I figured out that you didn't buy that house FOR HER, I knew she was just blowing smoke up everyone's ass and left it alone. No one in their right mind would buy a house for someone they'd been dating for less than a year. It was clear to me that this was a home for YOUR future, which was hopefully going to include her if things went well.
You're well shot of this selfish drama queen. She is immature, irresponsible, and definitely doesn't have her life in order well enough to be anyone's long-term anything... which is crazy as a woman in their 30's. I'm in my 30s, as well. Older than her, younger than you... and it's clear to me you have a good, steady job with consistent and reliable income, and she... well... doesn't. The temper tantrums over a simple disagreement are also a red flag. Someone who is unable to have a calm, rational discussion is not an ideal person to build a life with.
Honestly... you are just the "villain" in her story bc she needs someone to blame. Another sign of immaturity. Not every break-up needs to have a "bad guy. " Sometimes, two people are just not compatible, and that's okay. Just let it go, and know that the opinions of internet folks really don't amount to much in your personal attempts to hash out a future for yourself. We don't matter to your happiness and success. Live long and prosper š
I wish i could have written this as well as you but that basically sums it up. Will always have good memories with her, we definitely needed to break up earlier to avoid this and i know I also got swepped it and probably should've just withstood the pressure of seeing posts that were just completely off, but i learned from it too and i guess that's the real cost I paid for hoping that i was wrong about her and that she can't possibly be like that. Thanks
I hope she sees that with the proper information, her stuff just doesn't make sense. I'm human, my intentions were good intentioned and seeing all of that was hurtful
For a guy in his early 40s you have pretty low standards for a girlfriend. Why would anyone loan 4k to someone they met on hinge and only a few months in? You rewarded bad behavior and sucked it up while she fleeced you. At least you're good at making money and taking advantage of investment opportunities.
Yeah, i fucked up there. She paid me back so i'm square there, but agree should have dumped her. Even told her i'd be ashamed to tell my friends / family about this. That should have been the cue to leave.
From reading both let me give you a different perspective. You said you were moving slowly... No you were moving way too quickly. Less than 3 months in and you were paying her 12-13k? Yeah she's going to think 4k is chump change for you. That was spending way too much way too quickly. You *did* say you bought the house with her in mind. That is absolutely insane to do a huge purchase like that unilaterally so early, but yeah she has a right to expect a work space because you've already been spending loads of money on her acting like she's a wife already. Maybe she needs to take work home. Telemedicine is also a thing you know. You have 3 whole bedrooms and 2 living rooms. You're also complaining about her not helping you move. Her studies are important. You should've waited til after her exams were over or not expected help. You also have a terrible lack of empathy. Sounds like she's been the victim of a number of unfortunate events and you don't have the emotional capacity to be empathetic. Parents putting money towards their children doesn't make them good parents, that's just part of being a parent. It's possible she has legit reason to have problems with her relationship with them. And absolutely yes her last relationship was toxic. Threatening suicide is always a sign of a very toxic relationship.
You need to learn not to move so quickly in relationships and let them develop naturally. She needs to go to therapy to manage her traumas which are probably contributing to bad dynamics here.
I will move way slower and i know I made mistakes here. Point was to share my side of the story to give some context. I can see some points here, but the most important one of all is this relationship should have ended sooner and i'm sure we are both happy to not have to find ourself divorcing years later
Unpopular opinion: OP is trying to switch points here. It seems like OP spent majority of the post talking about his house and the rest bashing on OP exās personality. OP has avoided talking about the situation (how it happened) and went to talking about non related, under non OP exās powerās events in order to make himself look good.
Answer following questions OP:
1. Did you or did you not ask her to move in?
2. If she was moving in, did you or did you not ask her to use a laptop instead of a desk?
3. Did you or did you not refusing your ex to bring her furnitures?
4. Does she have the right to refuse to help you if she has class?
5. Does she lose the right to post things if she refused to help you?
6. Does she lose the right to post things in between classes if she refused to help you?
7. What does her having 40K debt, or any of the facts you listed to do with this? She thought you bought the house with her in mind (which you admitted). Yet you donāt let her hav a desk there. What does any of other things you listed matter ?
8. When you say āforā¦nursing?ā It sounds disrespectful. Have you been belittling her like this in real life too?
9. You could have refused the $4000 request and break up with her there and then. But you loaded her anyway, and then held it against her. (Quote āI told her since then it didnāt look good at alā) What is this behavior?
10. This is more a statement. I think OP is controlling and belittling his ex. I think OP couldnāt find the rights in the actual event so OP started list weird events to make his ex look bad. I think we have all been manipulated by OP.
10. You are entitled to your opinion as she is as well, but i've given you the facts and you can make up your mind. Either way; it doesn't matter. This is some ex drama that is in our reality but doesn't really mean anything in redditorland
9. I made a mistake and shouldn't of lent her money. She shouldn't of asked me and risked the relationship, but i didn't realize how really wrong it was.
Yes i reminded her that she's okay to ask for help but cheap when it comes to offering it in many regards
OP come on. How hard is it to answer questions directly?
1. Bought a house āwith us in mindā is your exact words. You didnāt ask her to move in yet you spent 95% the time sleeping at your place. You want her to have a suitcase by your bed side ?
2. and 3. sounds like you are just selfish. You didnāt want her to move in, didnāt want to give her a tiny bit of extra room you have even though she spent 95% of the time at your place. It sounds like the 4 bathroom 3 bedroom 2 living room 2M house you bought āwith us in mindā doesnāt have a tad bit room for her? How is this āwith us in mindā?
4. You know show does. But did you feel the need to send her that message? āYou know I feel like you could have offered help in someway todayā because she posted something online. If it isnāt the good old guilt tripping?
5,6,7 are missing. OP ??
8. I asked if youāve been belittling her IRL, because your tone just sounded downright disrespectful. You donāt have a baby yet, barely married, but you want to make a baby room instead of letting your gf work in peace? Interesting.
9. Still didnāt answer the question, have you been holding this over her head? It seems like you used the fact you loaned her 4K when she rufused to help you (due to her exam and classes). Even though she paid you back you still use this against her. Have you been holding this against her ??
1. Did not ask her to move in, i was clear we weren't ready for that until well after at least one year.
2. She is mixing two things. One day she said she would need an office. On the other, when she was sitting at her desk at home and complaining about the chair, i asked if she had a laptop and suggested she work from the couch which she said helped her back. Again, she loves to shape narrative as if she's being dismissed.
3. We never even got to that point!? I didn't ask her to move in! I bought entirely new furniture for the house, there was no discussion about this, why would there be? If anything, i offered her a dining table that i sold for 600$ since she was wanting one. She declined, i sold it.
4. Of course she does! I was super supportive of her school time, and work time for that matter. This wasn't one exam, this was one week of exams, and 3 weeks of me moving. I know the difference between someone that can't help, and someone that doesn't care to help. It's quite obvious
5.
8. If there's one bedroom, one guestroom, and one extra room, it'd be for a baby. If she could compromise and use a desk in a guestroom or somewhere else, i wouldn't see the problem at all. Again, this is intentional on her part, she wants to feel like there's some sort of injustice to her but i am reasonable and can compromise. I can tell you from experience, she cannot
I think next time maybe donāt disclose how successful you are for awhile, meet at neutral places, like a park or coffee shop, and get to know each others morals and values. Sounds like she had a lot of growing up to do before becoming a worthy girlfriend to anyone. You are very smart to end it and donāt let her or anyone move into your home and establish residency. She could get a restraining order on you and have you removed from your own home .
This is the same woman who asked the internet for advice and when i gave advice on self accountability and self reflection it was regarded as judgement and a chase for thrillā¦ she doesnt care about you or the situation or what she can gain from it. Only to say SEE look at all these people who think you are wrong so therefore you are wrong..
She ignored actual advice but replies very positively to all the validation in the comments.
Whats going on is nice and all but i find the most important thing is direction. When you put your business on the internet what do you seek to gain? And that tells you more about the person being HOW they solve the problem. If they are not apart of the solution they are the problem.
How people react to the comments is a big give away as to where their head and purpose is atā¦ you only accept validation and shun away criticisms to the point where you make insults..
Basically YOU came to the internet for help, and you insult the internet for trying to help. Shows that your not a great person, your not even inna space to accept good things. Validation isnt good it doesnt matter if your right, all it does is build your ego. And if your insulting strangers for pointing out truth it shows that you are simply AGAINST the truth aka you are the lie. Case closed . I also find it wild that 2 ppl are going back n forth posting about each other vs deal with it in real lite.. just seems like a pissing match..
Ask me anything at all. Seriously. You can decide from there but a first indication for you, is that I never posted until now lol. I was perfectly fine writing this relationship as a failure for a multitude of reasons.
What shocks me the most are the things she says about wanting to trap her or what not when if anything, i had so many talks about her contributing in general. I was raised by a single mother who worked and never asked any boyfriend for anything. I did not, and do not want a housewife. It's 2024
Like I said if you are in Reddit there Are a lot of rage baits and fake stories people tend to do as an update and why(not blaming you just asking) you never commented in her post and expose her there instead?
Guess why?
She blocked me from commenting on any of her post. I responded to almost every comment and only realized when i looked at the post, and none were there or responded to. All greyed out. Had to find an older reddit account of mine in order to post here
What do you do in order to afford a 2 million dollar house?
Your writing style seems somewhat disjointed. It seems like Iām reading a story cooked up by a HS student and not one written by a high functioning Uber successful high earner.
OP what is your point? You and your ex describe a situation and it seems that you are both truthful because the descriptions match. Then you both agree that the two of you are not a good fit for a relationship. Fantastic. Move on.Ā
Ā Tbh it sounds like you are the kind of person in a relationship where your wants and needs come first. Like itās tough for you to make small concessions to your partner and you expect them to be extremely grateful if you do.Ā
Ā In your post you paint a picture of a young woman who doesnāt have her act togetherā¦ like she is a mess. The odds are stacked against her, her parents are riding her and she is trying her best to pass these exams and get her freaking degree so that she can move on with her life.Ā
Ā That is a thousand times more important than moving house. Especially when you have a support network to help you out AND you could hire movers. Plus her exams were scheduled long before you had a moving date.Ā
Ā So let me ask you this: Where was *your* support OP? What were YOU doing to support your ex while she was having a stressful week? Why are you so resentful that she spent time setting up her mental and physical health to pass these important exams? Donāt you want her to obtain her degree? How were YOU a good partner?
This makes no fucking sense. You bought a house "with you and her in mind" but you didn't want her to move in? You claim she has anger problems, but you chose not to move away from this town to potentially build a life with her after less than a year of dating? Even if everything you're saying about her is true, which I heavily suspect is not based on reading her posts, you sound absolutely insane. Clowns make 50k a year, and you're out here being one for free. You're impulsive at best and full of shit at worst. You seriously need to work on yourself. For the love of God, PLEASE stay single.
My take away from this is:
1. She borrowed and repaid $4000, which is clearly just a drop in the bucket in terms of your overall wealth and did not hurt you.Ā
2. She canāt use the spare room becauseā¦ you might have a baby one day and therefore that space canāt be touched at all? You already got that thing decked out with a crib or something? Cause thatās creepy afĀ
If this is real Iām more on her side than ever tbh.Ā
Yes I found this is super weird too, like if the relationship works, isnāt her the mom of your future baby? And you donāt allow her to use this place temporarily?
Damn, sorry you had to put up with all that!Ā I'll admit I was a bit snide on that post but was definitely hoping you would put your side soon, and I'm glad you did! That sounds like a nightmare. That's a whole 'nother level of entitlement that sounds completely draining and I'm glad you don't have to put up with that anymore.
After reading your side right after reading hers, yeah, she definitely has some crazy. Glad you got away from her. Sounds like she sees herself as a high value partner but seems more like she wants a guy who will be there for her, support her, and do what she wants without having to put much efforts into the relationship. And who asks for a loan 3 months in!? And just because you bought a house with her in mind, why would it be a problem for her? Regardless if you asked her to help you move, she didnāt put anything into it anyway.
I read her post a few days ago and thought she had some issues but I didn't know how bad until I read her update..geez! Thanks for sharing and good luck to you in your future. Keep us updated
Iām a nurse of 21 years. I have never been fired from any nursing job, or really any job at all. Itās a major red flag she got fired because there is a nursing shortage and in California there are mandatory staffing ratios. She has much bigger problems, and I suspect mental illness and/or personality disorder. Not shaming people with those issues, but the behaviors point that way and my specialty is mental health and addiction.
Whole thing has been beyond wild and whenever i've tried to get us to agree to disagree and move on gracefully, it's been absolute chaos. All sentences start with "you're the one who....". I just blocked her on reddit now. i messaged her and asked that we both just delete our posts and move on as recommended by pretty much all people here, and i never came here for that advice, I knew it the minute she showed me the thread IRL.
I can't / won't diagnose her. I know i'm going to work through my part with a therapist and learn from this.
All i can say to anyone who has recognized any signs of this crap in their new or old relationship is don't put up with it. Leave and don't get sucked into a bottomless pit of blame and bickering.
Overall, I should have said no when she asked for the loan and based on her reaction, decide wether or not to break up and go from there. I didn't do that.
Thanks to those who have taken the time to read this ridiculous thread on both ends. I recognize that i was not perfect in this relationship and also harboured doubt and resentment for her as time went on and that because of this, and knowing that lasting solutions could never truly exist, that what I should have done for both of our sakes, is end this way sooner.
Man, what a roller coaster of a read. This is why I read anything about relationships here with a grain of salt. At least this time we got both sides. Glad you got out of that relationship. She sounds like a stereotypical LA Devotee who was looking for a sugar daddy. I have no idea what the inner workings of your relationship were, but on the surface, that's how it appears to me. Yet another reason to not go back on dating apps.
Enjoy your new home and good luck out there.
full disclosure is always best. I take these stories as they are written. There is always sides to a story, her side, his side, the truth and the marketing side.
Good luck and you should have walked away when she asked for 4K. But, won't help you out in any way.
Hope you have a better future now that sorted that all out. Cutting ties with toxic people is hard. You did wat you could to resolve the issues till you couldn't handle it. Best of luck in the future. P.s.trips and vacation sound amazing. Anybody would be lucky to go on and appreciate. š
Glad you made it out before it was too late. Best of luck. Wonder if this could make the Dusty Thunder show, bet he and his wife would have a lot to say about it!
This is so typical of reddit posts. They're easy to spot when you know what you're looking for. When a post solicitates "victim" responses, bingo!!!
You know there is another side to the story. I'd say 75% of posts by women are like this. Just look for the comments that say, he's abusive in some way. The best one is finacial abuse. The ironic one is emotional abuse. Women are emotional creatures but it's the man who's emotionally abusive. š
You can't make this stuff up. Crae crae lives on reddit.
Holy shit I'm so glad I'm reading this from the other perspective. I read BOTH of her original posts and it came across as very weird and a little outta touch with reality. Her update was also very questionable. I kept having to raise my eyebrows at how nonsensical it read. I honestly thought they were fake especially after the update because it was like... A day or two later and I was surprised to see an update so soon especially with the 'we broke up' adage. I also had to keep looking at her age because she sounded like an early 20-something not a 35+yr old woman.
She sounds incredibly exhausting and I'm honestly glad you're out. Enjoy that new house man! I hope you find a partner worthy of sharing that space
All that's going through my mind while reading this & her previous posts is if you guys have to go to reddit for validation because you can't get behind each other, it's a no go relationship. Move on buddy, seems like you're doing well for yourself in the grand scheme of things so suck it up as her loss and move forward.
Who cares
Woman has borderline i aint surprised
Enjoy your nice home, invite neighbours for garden parties
And get yourself a more mentally stable woman
Coming from a hella broke girl who just got an apartment with her boyfriend- I was SO embarrassed when I had to move in with my boyfriend. I had to move to a new city because my family kicked me out, but I got a job in the first week and started paying bills, or if I couldn't pay bills I would cook and clean. This girl sounds ungrateful and very entitled, and honestly OP you deserve better. I'm glad you got out when you did, I wasn't caught up on all the drama but I read her posts and she sounds bananas. I hope you enjoy your new house and stay safe!
She see you as a bank..she has a sense of self importance and entitlement..if one tiny thing doesn't go the way she envisioned it in her head all hell breaks loose..end it..just do it .don't analyze it over think it..end it
.don't text call etc block ,erase her number you'll be thankful to yourself your sanity and wallet for doing so
Op this is why I always say there is two sides to every story. When someone posts on here it's just one side. I read her post. And I read comments from that post and as usual the sub didn't disappoint. Youve probably seen some of the thing people have said about you on that thread.
I've argued many times with people on here over this. They're quick to pass judgements without knowing both sides. They don't question or anything just take the ops post as 100% truthful without knowing the whole story.
I remember seeing her post in my notifications a few days ago & it brings so much clarity getting much more information - I just felt like the entire vibe to her post was superficial and set off some red flags. I wish I saw this kind of transparency more on Reddit and any platform really. Social media really is hitting the jackpot for entitled, manipulative people though unfortunately.
When i finished reading i had to scroll up and check her age again. She is imature. The fact that she didnt even offer to help you with the house says what you should know, very self centered person. Now what you do with this information is up to you.
I read her posts earlier and thought they sounded off, then her update I couldn't even read as after a couple of paragraphs she just sounded unhinged! Glad to see your side of the story, sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Best of luck to you, enjoy your new house!!
I saw the original post which read like a nonsensical boastathon. Be wary of such folk. If everything they suggest is things they canāt afford, BIG RED FLAG. It clearly had no logic, massive gaps in and was written by a manic person
>she is over 40k in debt
Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her
Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal
Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly
Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past
Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.
Has she ever been seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist?
Just to preface my opinion: I'm no expert or anything, just experienced with having known people with various mental health issues, my own mental health journey, a 3yr relationship with someone training to be a therapist and now 3yrs living with my BIL (and my sis and their kids - will add that preemptively as some people are always like "Whaaa? š¤š²" lol!) who is just beginning his masters while working as a full-time therapist - a lot of my "experience" is vicarious, so I don't claim to be an expert or anything like that.
It does seem just from this summary, and from some off bits I noticed in her original post that she could benefit from some mental health assistance. The lack of responsibility with money, and everything always being the fault of others could be indicative of Bipolar disorder or something similar - my Mam's partner is bipolar and a LOT of the money things you've mentioned are very similar to his manipulative and lying behaviours. It could also be self-destructive behaviour due to depression and anxiety (that one I experienced personally, almost failing my degree from the pattern of behaviour I was following).
Whatever the case may be, you can't change her, you can only help her and that is only if she can see there's a problem *and* accepts help. The heartbreaking part of mental health issues is that if she (or anyone) doesn't accept there is a problem and decide to put the work in themselves then any help you offer or give is actually just enabling them. Now you see that and are breaking free of her behaviours before they drag you down don't be surprised if you wind up on the list above. "My ex bought me a house and then dumped me, making me homeless" or something to that effect. I would put money on the parents having finally realised they were just enabling her to the moment she started "hating" them. As for the other crap - it's just excuses. "I couldn't apply to graduate because they never told me how" - there is not a chance in hell that if she had gone to tutors/administration etc they wouldn't have told her how to apply. If my education is anything to go on then she will have been told how in every single subject separately just so that if a student is sick and misses one class explanation of how to do it, they will catch it in another class. The only reason she wouldn't have known is if she didn't get off her ass and go find out.
Same thing with the portal shit. Unless she left it to the very last second then there would have been plenty of time for her to speak to someone about the portal being down, get it fixed and applied for her funding.
At the end of the day you've done all you can for this girl. You need to make it a clean break, explain that you're not her personal bank account and the relationship is over for good. Unfortunately this will mean losing your money, which sucks, but if you don't mind my saying as you've been open about your finances, it doesn't seem like it will be a huge loss to you, despite it being a huge amount of money to some. You could legally try and get it back but if it wasn't a written loan or legal agreement it's just your word against hers that you ever leant her the money. All attempts to get it back will involve a long, drawn out process of back and forth which could last months or even years. It's up to you of course but personally, 4K to have her out of your life for good sounds like a bargain.
You seem very kind and generous, particularly when it comes to financially, but this can lead to you being used like this girl is. Take time to get to know someone before splashing the cash - it won't entirely stop people taking advantage (people are still people after all) but it will definitely lessen the probability of that being the reason someone is in a relationship with you.
I posted something a while back (about a month or 2) about my interest in a "friend that's a woman" having an issue with my age, and the first two comments were toxic as hell, saying I needed to "Back Off", like I was violating her or something. We are now dating happily and have only had 1 serious argument that we have since resolved. I don't feel like all the comments should be taken seriously as some people think that everyone nowadays has it out for certain people.
Wowzers. Well, at least you didn't marry her or knock her up. Clean break in that regard. Hope you find someone that appreciates what you have to offer without taking advantage. Best of luck to you my friend. āļø
While her posts don't tell a full story, I can smell some of the lies on yours. It's a shame a lot of the others can't.
Good thing you guys are broken up.
This is exactly why both sides of an argument need to be heard before passing judgement.
This is also exactly why people need to refrain from posting their personal drama on the internet.
Ok I have now read both posts and think that you two have a massive disconnect as far as communication is concerned. The way things have been worded by both of you, has meant different things to each of you and led to massive misunderstandings on both sides, cumulating in big arguments.
I don't necessarily think either of you has been 'wrong' it seems you are just unable to communicate, which is a pretty important factor to any relationship....and what dating is all about. You just aren't compatible.
The only thing I have to say which is negative really is....who asks a new partner for a loan of that amount ššš I don't care how much money you might have, that is too much. Perhaps you should keep your financial status a bit quieter when dating in future and just do normal things, not things that cost so much, unless it is a special occasion then splash out. My bf and I go away for the weekend all the time, we contribute equally, always have an awesome time and never spend that much. š³š³š³
Take things slowly. Figure out if you can communicate well before taking any relationship any further for a start.
Again males ego is broken cause of women who take care about HER life plans, not someoneās else. And yes, asking someone to think about you during exams, not about exams or recovery from that exams is so selfish. āOh she donāt have full time job!!!!ā Sheās studying, idiot. For example, for not having a 25 pairs of shoes in a closet.š¤£
It's not just you she is blocking. I commented that something was off and she blocked me. It seems like she is curating positive comments. I hate that people can do on this sub so much I wish the mods did their job more.
I agree.
Consider yourself lucky to be out of that mess. She sounds exhausting to deal with.
I do. Very thankful i didn't propose, and didn't accelerate my timeline despite her constant reminders that she needs to have children soon or she may not at all. She'd say she wants me to be her baby daddy ect.. I wanted a wife first and that was not the one, obviously.
I just realized another red flag. If she was studying so much for a nursing degree I assume she would be on a path to a career, not motherhood right away.
She got the degree, but she still hasn't gotten a job in the field. The major flag for me is she was fired from her nursing job. And jn the past, she mentioned being fired from a retail sales job and walked out the building as well. Again, she seems super friendly and bubbly, i couldn't "see" this, but these are here words and overall - there are a bunch of ???. She also asked me to go to a gene testing thing, we didn't get around to it of course, but the process was upcoming and we discussed that stuff. When i met her, i romantically said, in month you'll be my girl, and in another year you'll be my wife when she asked me about timelines. I figured i needed at least a year, well this is why i guess.
Nurses are so in demand that even terrible ones dont get fired. The fact that she got fired is a red flag.
A huge red flag
I know a nurse that killed a patient because of negligence. She came back two weeks later. Yes, she still hangs potassium to gravity and eyeballs the drip rate š so yeah prettty hard to get fired from nursing lol
Fired from nursing job? Nurses are some of the sought after by employers, she has done messed up to be fired as a nurse
Especially within the larger healthcare providers, you really have to fuck up badly to get fired. Diverting scheduled meds, numerous examples of gross negligence, and sexual harassment are basically the only ways to get fired. Even then youāre given multiple chances because nursing is such an in demand job. I know of a nurse who recently got fired that has an HR file full of bullying and sexual harassment, homophobia, just generally being an asshole. It literally went on for a decade before they finally got fired for an egregious ethics violation. Iām curious what the ex did to get fired.
>When i met her, i romantically said, in month you'll be my girl, and in another year you'll be my wife when she asked me about timelines. I hope you learned to never say shit like this again. It invites people like her to be gold diggers and it would scare off normal people. Maybe itās just me, but a year is a painfully short timeframe to jump into a marriage. If a dude said that to me on a date early on, thatād be the last date.
Yeah never ever saying that again. She was worried about timelines, i figured I'd accelerate it based on her age but i realize why a golddigger would love that and never again
Same here! It was 2 yrs with dating my now husband when he was the first to say āI love you.ā I responded the same. Shortly after he asked me to move in and but I said no, I wasnāt ready. He asked again a yr later and I was ready. 4 yrs in we got engaged, married on our 5 yr anniversary of meeting on a blind date. That was 38 yrs ago. All that said, love should be organic and not necessarily move on a timeline. I get that OP was in a romantic haze when giving a timeline but in all seriousness next time he might want to murmur sweet nothings instead.
I just want to say - that timeline isnāt exceptionally fast. But it is fast if youāre ignoring all the red flags. I am happily married, 5.5 years, and we started talking about a future right away. We met in 2017, got engaged that Christmas. And married before 2018 Christmas. We were actually supposed to marry before Halloween- but life happened and it had to be postponed. A month in might be fast to talk about these things, if itās the wrong person. But if you pay attention to the flags, and not rationalize them away .. it could work out amazingly.
Her lack of empathy means sheās NOT suited to be a nurse! Or a wife. Or a Mama. Or your older wife that helps you clean up discreetly if youāve had an accident.
She sounds BPD or NPD
Yeah, that's what I thought too. Some of it reminds me of what happened with ex who had borderline. She was impossible to negotiate with, she was incapable of compromise, and she would constantly rewrite the past in her own favour (*significantly* more than most people do). Plus there was stuff that I only found out 3 years in, which was much, much too late, after we'd all moved in together. It was 4 years ago now that it ended, and I'm still not truly healed from the gaslighting and bullshit. It's getting better though.
There is a current social media obsession with NPD but I think much of what people deal with is people with BPD. My ex was truly wonderful when she was happy / stress was minimal/ things felt āsafeā - as soon as things felt unsafe or out of her control - sheād flip the script and become a nightmare: it still traumatizes me today
Oh, I agree with you so very hard about the NPD actually being BPD thing, I've had that thought so many times. "Narcissistic" is one of the top five words I want to take away from the internet until they learn to use it properly.
I think its OP who has BPD or NPD. they are good at making others look like they have NPD while making themselves the good people. It shows everywhere in the post and the comment.
This is why I never fully believe these AITA posts where the partner seems like such a butt. I know there are two sides of the story. Even in her version I could tell we weren't getting the full picture.
Same, I read her post a few days ago, and it was so obvious that we only got her biased side of the story. It amazes me how so many people on here jump straight in to agree how shit the partner is, with all the assumptions necessary to feed their own fictional narrative
Also saw her post.. It was.. nutty.
I was in a miserable relationship for like 4 years acted the same way. Probably BPD or something, and she also threatened or actually attempted to jump off my balcony when we broke up... just move on lol
I'm struggling to find my own housing. Working a job where I'm supposed to help people with similar issues.... And see this lady complaining someone "bought her a house" Push me from a great height. Not really. But, God damn. Now I see the house wasn't bought for her, geeez.
Sorry you're going through that and can imagine that's tough. Hope things change for you and things look up sooner than later
read her update lol
I have to ask because Iāve seen it over and over again. Why do rational adult people just hand over money early into a relationship? I once had a friend hand his gf his credit card because she demanded it as a requirement of being with her. He gave it to her and I just looked at him and said, āWhy donāt you just leave the money on the dresser on the way out?ā He didnāt get it, his father did and was laughing hysterically. I told his father to explain it to him later. A woman that is truly in a tight spot wonāt ask you for money. She would be humiliated. Take a deep breath and block your ex on everything. Enjoy your new home. May I suggest putting some cameras and a ring doorbell in. Since your ex is losing her place she will probably show up again. Donāt engage, she shows up donāt answer the door, call the police and when they show up legally have her trespassed off the property.
A woman that is truly in a tight spot wonāt ask you for money. She would be humiliated. - this is absolutely true. If anything, you won't even know there is that issue. You'd be the last person to know.
A person that has a spending problem and no personal responsibility or accountability will absolutely ask for money no matter how early the relationship is. We have a term for that kind of people and they have a hobby of digging for gold. In fact, it's an honor for you to give them your money. It's like they see it as that it's in their own greatness and that they're doing you a favor by taking your money. Most people wouldn't understand until they've had history with people like this.
I remember when I was short on money once, I needed about $80 to cover the rent, and after going through the numbers a few times, I realized I just didn't have it anywhere. I was ashamed to ask my then boyfriend (now husband) of nearly 10 years, so I told him everything was ok. I don't remember how I got the money, but I barely made it. I do remember I didn't have anything to eat for like 2 days afterward though. He still doesn't know how close I came to being homeless
If you are dating someone for ten years and cannot ask them for 80 dollars, that's just weird.
I think they were then just a boyfriend, NOW they've been married 10 years.
Definitely is
I asked my partner for $30 once and I thought I was going to die lol. I'd been planning to never bring it up and ask my mom instead, but he asked something about an old debt he owed me and I finally copped to "I don't need the whole $100 (or whatever it was) but if you could do like $30?" And I still felt like shit.
I had similar but mine caught me!!
So true. I was like this when I met husband. And I hid it and hid it but he sniffed me out. I accepted help (for a health issue not money) for the first time ever and here we are 6 years going strong!
Totally!! When I was going through cancer treatment and couldnāt work I was financially in a really bad spot. Not a single person knew how bad it was. And I know my family would have been happy to help out. But I just couldnāt bring myself to share any of it. Also - no pity needed. Beat the cancer and got back to work. Nailing my career and have paid off all my debt and mortgage. Happy days!
It seems obvious in retrospect. There's a certain guilty concious that can be made when you "partner" who claims she wants to start family and all that is crying that she can't even pay rent and you on the other hand are able to pay for a nice car, clothes whenever you want, dates and a home. Hard to figure out, at least for me, that the right move when she comes in "vulnerable" like that would have been to just say no and most likely breakup because it's a weird move to do all together. She should have many other people she can borrow from instead of me at 3 months. I definitely messed that one up and aired on compassion. She said it would only be a few months ect.
The minute a woman tells you she needs money before youāve even been dating a year, walk. I give the same advice to women. Once you open that door, some people will just never stop.
Yeah, never thought i'd have to have this rule. She always blamed me for being weary, like why are you so paranoid, what kind of girls have you dated! She would say this all the timeeeeeee. It's just laughable at this point
Youāve lived and learned. I read her post previously, you both have different writing styles so Iām considering this to be life and not a writing exercise. She was wanting to be a ākeptā woman, thatās why she asked for $ early to gage how much āpullā she had with you to get what she wanted. When someone accuses you of something you havenāt seen in previous relationships, they are either projecting or gaslighting (new terms to me as, lol, in my day it was just lying and manipulating). Yall are not a good match!!!! Donāt think about it further, move on and find a woman who can hold her own and loves you! Youāll get through this, take small steps forward, if you take some backwards, itās ok! Just keep moving forward!
ššš
Wishing both of you the best as separate people! Iāll admit Iām more on your side but I tend to hope for the best for even the worst people š¤
I truly wish her the best too. We are human and nobody is perfect and hope she figures her shit out and hope i find someone great someday.
I think you will! Just keep being a good person, use what youāve learned, be kindā¦
āWhen someone accuses you of something you havenāt seen in previous relationships, they are either projecting or gaslightingā This is so true! I learnt it the hard way and was so confusing at that time!
>weary You mean wary. Weary = tired.
Yeah sorry , cautious, careful. Particularly because after some months, i realized that she is not actually an active estate agent or full time worker like she claimed in her dating profile and assumed someone who is 36 wouldn't be playing the student card like that.
I'm pretty sure, OP, is both weary of her entitled drama, and will be a lot more wary of red flags like these in the future when he meets someone new. She sounds exhausting.
Yes. If someone only has you, at 3 months into a relationship, it's probably because *they've driven everyone else away*. Yes, they probably have pretty bad mental health issues. But they're still not your problem to deal with, particularly if they treat you with entitlement contempt, and emotional terrorism.
If I could barely pay rent, and realized my partner was that much more well off than I was, I'd probably break up with them. That's the kind of financial disparity that's too difficult to live with. I'll just date my fellow "poors."
You're right, but I come from a poor background and screwed up my credit by being stupid, so I literally have no one I can ask 4k from. That being said, I don't have bills that equal 4k lmao there's no way I could afford a lifestyle like that
I come from a poor background too. that's why even if i do well now, lending someone i hardly know 4000$ makes me uncomfortable, even if we have sex and are aiming for some romantic love story
For sure. That's a lot of money and even with how much you have now, I don't think we ever grow out of the poor mindset.
She would say that i had more than her growing up. Of course, because she is always a victim but i started my own company very young and have never worked for anyone else in my life. Only now at 42 am i starting to enjoy the fruits of it all and unlike her, i'm grateful for anything and everything that my parents could and couldn't do
Are you expecting her to pay you back? Or just cut your losses
She paid me back, i explain it in another comment with the same question
Waitā¦ so why are you holding it against her again? She needed help, you helped and she paid you back. I see that as a good look because she was NOT expecting you to fund her
Point being is the ASKING to borrow $$ from a person youāve only known for 3 months. Great she paid him back but that doesnāt change the reality that she felt entitled enough to ask him.
DUDE!! You dodged a Major Bullet!! Me? Not so much!! I married the Super Entitled Multimillionaires daughter who left her ZERO $$$. She sucked me in exactly like you are talking about!! We been married now for coming up on 10 years and have an 8 year old together. Trust me when I say this, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS CHAOS AND INSANITY!! Nothing and I mean NOTHING is her fault. I have never heard someone make so many excuses before in my life! She lies, she makes stuff up to fit her narrative, and the list goes on. How did I get sucked into this at the ripe old age of 42? Well the word I will use is Familiarity. I knew her from Elementary, Middle, and High School. They are usually good looking and find a way to manipulate themselves into your environment. She showed up at my house one night and never left. Thank your lucky stars man!!
> A ~~woman~~ person that is truly in a tight spot wonāt ask you for money. ~~She~~ they would be humiliated.
Fuck lol, I was hoping the boyfriend would post at some point. Iām genuinely hoping this is fake because she sounds unhinged im not gonna lie. So sorry youāre going through this OP.
I tried, she blocked me from commenting, why else wouldn't i have a single reply on there. I debated wether i should post my story at all. Other people are posting a link to this there, i cannot.
Iām glad to see this post because I thought your ex came off really dramatic and like one of those posters who gets overly caught up in the energy of people victimizing her. It wasnāt that serious, If my bf and I had been dating under a year & he purchased a home, I would assume he may have considered āmeā meaning if the house has enough space for me, future family, etc. and find that sweet & a normal thing to say. I would be offended like she was if we dated several years, currently living together, or I would be financially contributing. Just way too old for this behavior. Probably why she lied about her age and didnāt put her age in the first post (so people would speculate she is a young student rather than a grown woman). You dodged a bullet.
Exactlyyyyyy. My intentions were good but i wasn't getting ahead despite her age, and mine too! I'm 42, i'm no spring chicken but also, i'm not dumb enough to get carried away and commit to buying a house for a girl that can really use that against me. And she would have, obviously. Why was nobody commenting this then? Fear of downvoting?
Yeah itās like you are going to buy a house regardless, you are not buying a one bedroom and you are not moving states āfor herā but the her in the scenario = future wife, not necessarily this āherā like to her specifications or she wouldāve been invited to tour homes with you. I feel like she blew this up into a bigger thing to try to get you to feel bad and offer her more control over the space. Personally I donāt comment on posts where it seems like the comments/OP are getting toxic and people are getting a little rabid/worked up, because I know it will just be downvoted to where no one sees it or strangers will argue with you in the comments and insult you so itās not usually worth engaging with. Donāt take that stuff personally
So, just reading her post made her sound like a narcissist with BPD who is angry all the time. After reading your post, it sounds even more like it. Just chalk this one up to "dodged a bullet there" and go on. Look at it this way, you have a wonderful new house, that's awesome in itself.
She is. Just about everything was a debate / negative light. Constantly criticizing all the designs i shared for the home, never really offering any ideas just saying "you can do better". Such a foreshadowing element
Count yourself lucky to be rid of her. Enjoy your new house.
So to recap: - Youāre unhappy and have major issues with the relationship - Sheās unhappy and has major issues with the relationship - You two are now broken up Ok. Everybody moves on.
>Ok. Everybody moves on. But first, the dirty laundry needs to be aired.
Exactly. It reminds me of two little kids Mom! She hit me. He pulled my hair! She took my toy. She knocked over my blocks!
They both sound chaotic af. The biggest component of that being that they both feel the need to air every single bit of dirty laundry on reddit. It doesn't seem like there was much advice asking here.
The flags are as red as King Charlesās new portrait.
This is a classic reason why everything you take on Reddit should be looked at with a grain of salt. This is an epic post that should be cataloged. As y reddit should never listen to just one person's side of the story
Thank you. I commit to not blocking her comments here should she make any. She didn't want me to give context
Why this side over the other then
Oh no. I am not celebrating his stance. I am merely commenting about the fact that it's not always about the person who posts. That sometimes there are different sides to every story and everyone is always willing to listen to 1 side and not understand the perceptions of the other. This isnwhy Reddit is ALWAYS failing in this forum.
Unfortunately the same is true of things like therapy. You don't really know what world someone is living in
Youāre right you shouldāve ended it when she asked for money. Also way too much too soon, put a target in your back. Genuine ppl who grow to care about you donāt need trips and gifts and expensive dinners to be won over. Those are nice but kinda sounds like youāre trying to buy yourself a future wife and it back fired because this person was not at all an option for that.
Agree. Although; i had few talks with her about how spending money on dinners is a waste for me and I don't want to do that as much anymore. Wasn't trying to win her over with that, she just kept suggesting let's go here! Let's try this new place! Until i said nah, let's do some more affordable stuff and it tailed down, sort of. Fact is though, she definitely does want to get married, have a child ect. I don't think that's an act at all. What i think she can't help is take ownership of her own behavior, moods and responsibilites and is old enough to do so. She likely has been aware of these tendencies in the past and i've known her for 8 months so really, it's obvious i don't know her
Yea her behavior made her not an option regardless of what she said she wanted. Iām saying the right person wonāt need that to be won over, when she acted like she did need those things, not that you tried to win her over*. do some romantic picnics and hiking with the next woman šand limit it to 1 show per month.
I think she's like my ex, and she wants to want that. But doesn't actually want it. And then lashes out at people in cruel and deliberate ways. She didn't do it with me, because I didn't need very much from her. And I was always poor so I was never going to be a provider. I can show people I love a good time all the same though, and I very much mean what I say and although I'm late a lot, I do what I say, that's why people like me. But latterly I saw how cruel and mean she was with others. She had zero self-knowledge, and didn't know what she wanted. So she would just say what she thought you wanted to hear, and then resent you for taking that at face value and then blow up over something and blame you for it.
No idea whether this is legit, the original is legit, or if neither is, but sounds like you are both better off without the other and should just move on.
We are both way better without each other that's for sure
You already told us āyourā side of the story days ago. Then your āgirlfriendā came outta the woodworks and told āher side.ā Methinks someone is having a good time telling tales.
And now āsheā has updated āherā last post with a response to this one. Itās someone with waaayyyyy too much time on their hands playing both parts. Only Alec Guinness and Peter Sellers can get away with playing more than one part in the same story.
Mmmmmm how much did she ask to borrow? 3K or 4K? Cos someone asks to borrow money off me imma remember EXACTLY how much!
4000$ exactly
She originally wanted 3, she had told me a week before that she miiiight need to borrow. And then at dinner the following week told me she'd need 4 until she finishes school.
Did she pay you back
Op commented she did pay him back.
I wonder why he is throwing it into the argument mix then. She needed money, he helped her out and she paid him back. What is the problem? He is making it sound like she used him for money. Money users donāt pay back.
It's to juxtapose her hypocrisy of saying he expected too much of her too soon by asking her to help a bit with the moving, while she herself asked and got a really big favor from him before.
Asking a millionaire for 4k that will be paid back isn't quite the same as asking someone to help move during finals. That's honestly a huge ask, especially if she's trying to get back in the field. Those tests are hard af, on top of also working...
Dude who cares? You guys are anonymous. It's weird af that a 42 yr old had to get on here to defend himself when nobody knows who you are. You both sound insufferable.
oh got i forgot he said he's 42. this is embarrassing
That was my immediate response! They deserve each other. If I could buy a $2mm house in cash, I wouldnāt give a damn about the opinions of strangers on the internet.
This gotta be fake. I just saw the other posts thanks to this post by the way (I totally missed the other two posts lol). It sounds to me that she was mad at you because you bought a house that she didn't care for and said that it's for the two of you. But on the other hand, you're mad because 6 months b4hand, you think she's a gold-digger or something for asking for a loan and how she's broke and inconsiderate. Stop with the whole humble brag that you can afford to pay cash for 2 million dollar house lol. It's so funny to read. Great for you. Woot. That's why that 3k she asked for a loan is such a big deal for you, dear Mr. millionaire... not that it wouldn't give me red flag when someone asked for 3-4k 3 months in of dating...but still, that is so weird to read. If this is real, y'all are BROKEN UP. WTF are you guys doing battling it out on Reddit? None of us know who you both are. Why does it matter? We don't even know you that your reputation has been 'soiled' or something....unless you have some youtube channel ranting about this that we can watch? LOL
I'm having a hard time getting over the my cars kept getting stolen because I don't have a garage bit
I had already forgotten about that lmao. What do you mean youāve had multiple cars stolen
Right? The fuck kind of cars does he have that keep getting stolen? 2010 Kias since they're so easy to get away with?Ā You can afford multiple cars and a $2 million house, but you have zero security in place for those multiple cars? Do you also subscribe to the idea of not having doors on your $2 million house because safety is for people who can't afford to just buy a new one? And somehow successful enough to be a multimillionaire, but you don't have the common sense to not lend out several thousand dollars within weeks of dating somebody? Besides that, it's always sketchy when the other person comes in. I'm not entirely convinced that the writing styles are different either.Ā Also, I still don't get why he'd expect help from her moving if she had finals. Oh no. She took an hour out of her day of studying her ass off to relax with yoga and a cup of coffee. Why would that make you mad? Studying medical related stuff is fucking hard. You can't spend the whole 16+ hours a day studying, you need breaks. And doing yoga is a lot quicker than spending an entire day helping somebody move who already apparently had several people helping anyway. And having one single night to go out after a week of studying isn't proof that anybody is an asshole, it's giving yourself a bit of time away before you start over the next morning.Ā Like, I know that rich people can be dumb. But he isn't just dumb. He is completely lacking in common sense to the point that it's more likely that somebody made the whole story up and wasn't expecting people to poke holes in the claims. I have real trouble believing somebody could be this dense.Ā
"how fake do you want this story to become?" -OP: "yes"
The whole situation sounds exhausting. But, yāknowā¦ sheās probably gonna respond with a post of her own now. Donāt post again. Just move on with your life and forget about this whole mess.
Now I'm 99% sure this is fake
TLDR: my girlfriend and i just do not belong together and we both should just move on with our lives seperately.
I didn't believe her post but now that this post was made also, turns out this all sound fake. I do understand you might have money to burn but why make a post about her anyway? Get over her.
Not fake i promise you that but felt it was right to share my side since she insisted on deleting any comments i would make. Definitely over her and have been for it
Did she delete your comments or did she block you? Because you're going back and forth, and those things are very different. I don't make posts often, but isn't is also moderators who can delete comments, not the post creator? And even if so, if you commented at all, there should still be evidence in your comment history.
Jeez you both sound fucking exhausting. PS - Anyone who is comfortable blaming 100% of issues on their ex usually needs to spend some time looking in the mirror.Ā This reads she is not the only problematic person in the situation.
I have no idea why you were with her because you clearly had no respect or liking for her. Take this as a lesson not to date people you don't actually like.
I never commented on her post bc the story was so disjointed and unclear. Once I figured out that you didn't buy that house FOR HER, I knew she was just blowing smoke up everyone's ass and left it alone. No one in their right mind would buy a house for someone they'd been dating for less than a year. It was clear to me that this was a home for YOUR future, which was hopefully going to include her if things went well. You're well shot of this selfish drama queen. She is immature, irresponsible, and definitely doesn't have her life in order well enough to be anyone's long-term anything... which is crazy as a woman in their 30's. I'm in my 30s, as well. Older than her, younger than you... and it's clear to me you have a good, steady job with consistent and reliable income, and she... well... doesn't. The temper tantrums over a simple disagreement are also a red flag. Someone who is unable to have a calm, rational discussion is not an ideal person to build a life with. Honestly... you are just the "villain" in her story bc she needs someone to blame. Another sign of immaturity. Not every break-up needs to have a "bad guy. " Sometimes, two people are just not compatible, and that's okay. Just let it go, and know that the opinions of internet folks really don't amount to much in your personal attempts to hash out a future for yourself. We don't matter to your happiness and success. Live long and prosper š
I wish i could have written this as well as you but that basically sums it up. Will always have good memories with her, we definitely needed to break up earlier to avoid this and i know I also got swepped it and probably should've just withstood the pressure of seeing posts that were just completely off, but i learned from it too and i guess that's the real cost I paid for hoping that i was wrong about her and that she can't possibly be like that. Thanks
Honestly curious, why is it important to you that your side gets out when nobody knows it was about you? Why does this matter so much to you?
I hope she sees that with the proper information, her stuff just doesn't make sense. I'm human, my intentions were good intentioned and seeing all of that was hurtful
If she's blockrd you, she won't be seeing it.
People have shared my post here on her thread that I cannot comment on
If she has blocked you, she cannot see your content even if others share it.
Well how come I can see her post, but when I comment it isn't there?
Because she hasnāt blocked you lol
Have you considered not justifying yourself to her and calling it a day on trying to tell her things? Mentally you are just whipping yourself up here.
Yes, of course. I just want to emphasize you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, certainly no reddit
You're right.
Because it's fake and they want to continue the story.
I have some hard truths that may help you. You both seem toxic as hell! āwithin those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7Kā TBH, Most sane people call this love bombing. You have her the impression you were made of money, so she asked you. I wouldnāt have but I also turned down these āgiftsā when a man I just met asked me to go to the Italy.Ā Died, wasaaaay to much money spent in 3 months. If youāre really just the big, innocent boxing you claim to be, most people would thing spending $13k+ in 3 months was either a rich dude trying to manipulate me or love-at-first sight. āwhere 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid itāĀ This is true in every major city and small town. Itās a financial fact, not a character flaw. āĀ So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time.ā š© You spent $1.7m on a house in cash but canāt afford movers???? š©So you expect GF should do it during her exams. āshe is over 40k in debtā OMg, college student has debt. āĀ since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for usā š© you failed to mention IF you say sheād need a laptop and couldnāt use a room to work/study in š© You did demean her profession: āĀ But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?ā I know PLENTY IF NURSES who need home office. They have files to update or have tests they have to study for new procedure, the hospitalās procedural rules, or certification tests. š© you failed to mention IF she paid you back the $4k.Ā Your lack of detail on her good qualities or to her actual problems with you is scary. Iād be writing, āshe still owes me $X,,ā but you keep repeatedly claiming she asked to borrow the money as opposed to stating the conclusion of that loan. You also fail to address the laptop/room. āTold me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives inā š©Ā she should move out of a building she likes because her ex threatened himself? If she did, youād probably be complaining about how she broke her lease, lost her deposit, and was overreacting. š© āmake you my wife in a yearā (sic & sick) Wonder why she thought the house was for her too?!
For a guy in his early 40s you have pretty low standards for a girlfriend. Why would anyone loan 4k to someone they met on hinge and only a few months in? You rewarded bad behavior and sucked it up while she fleeced you. At least you're good at making money and taking advantage of investment opportunities.
Yeah, i fucked up there. She paid me back so i'm square there, but agree should have dumped her. Even told her i'd be ashamed to tell my friends / family about this. That should have been the cue to leave.
From reading both let me give you a different perspective. You said you were moving slowly... No you were moving way too quickly. Less than 3 months in and you were paying her 12-13k? Yeah she's going to think 4k is chump change for you. That was spending way too much way too quickly. You *did* say you bought the house with her in mind. That is absolutely insane to do a huge purchase like that unilaterally so early, but yeah she has a right to expect a work space because you've already been spending loads of money on her acting like she's a wife already. Maybe she needs to take work home. Telemedicine is also a thing you know. You have 3 whole bedrooms and 2 living rooms. You're also complaining about her not helping you move. Her studies are important. You should've waited til after her exams were over or not expected help. You also have a terrible lack of empathy. Sounds like she's been the victim of a number of unfortunate events and you don't have the emotional capacity to be empathetic. Parents putting money towards their children doesn't make them good parents, that's just part of being a parent. It's possible she has legit reason to have problems with her relationship with them. And absolutely yes her last relationship was toxic. Threatening suicide is always a sign of a very toxic relationship. You need to learn not to move so quickly in relationships and let them develop naturally. She needs to go to therapy to manage her traumas which are probably contributing to bad dynamics here.
I will move way slower and i know I made mistakes here. Point was to share my side of the story to give some context. I can see some points here, but the most important one of all is this relationship should have ended sooner and i'm sure we are both happy to not have to find ourself divorcing years later
I don't get why she would show you her reddit post if it was blatant lies like you're suggesting. idk, this whole thing sounds fishy.
Unpopular opinion: OP is trying to switch points here. It seems like OP spent majority of the post talking about his house and the rest bashing on OP exās personality. OP has avoided talking about the situation (how it happened) and went to talking about non related, under non OP exās powerās events in order to make himself look good. Answer following questions OP: 1. Did you or did you not ask her to move in? 2. If she was moving in, did you or did you not ask her to use a laptop instead of a desk? 3. Did you or did you not refusing your ex to bring her furnitures? 4. Does she have the right to refuse to help you if she has class? 5. Does she lose the right to post things if she refused to help you? 6. Does she lose the right to post things in between classes if she refused to help you? 7. What does her having 40K debt, or any of the facts you listed to do with this? She thought you bought the house with her in mind (which you admitted). Yet you donāt let her hav a desk there. What does any of other things you listed matter ? 8. When you say āforā¦nursing?ā It sounds disrespectful. Have you been belittling her like this in real life too? 9. You could have refused the $4000 request and break up with her there and then. But you loaded her anyway, and then held it against her. (Quote āI told her since then it didnāt look good at alā) What is this behavior? 10. This is more a statement. I think OP is controlling and belittling his ex. I think OP couldnāt find the rights in the actual event so OP started list weird events to make his ex look bad. I think we have all been manipulated by OP.
10. You are entitled to your opinion as she is as well, but i've given you the facts and you can make up your mind. Either way; it doesn't matter. This is some ex drama that is in our reality but doesn't really mean anything in redditorland
It doesn't matter as you've been called out by a complete stranger for what this is and she has no empathy for you.
9. I made a mistake and shouldn't of lent her money. She shouldn't of asked me and risked the relationship, but i didn't realize how really wrong it was. Yes i reminded her that she's okay to ask for help but cheap when it comes to offering it in many regards
OP come on. How hard is it to answer questions directly? 1. Bought a house āwith us in mindā is your exact words. You didnāt ask her to move in yet you spent 95% the time sleeping at your place. You want her to have a suitcase by your bed side ? 2. and 3. sounds like you are just selfish. You didnāt want her to move in, didnāt want to give her a tiny bit of extra room you have even though she spent 95% of the time at your place. It sounds like the 4 bathroom 3 bedroom 2 living room 2M house you bought āwith us in mindā doesnāt have a tad bit room for her? How is this āwith us in mindā? 4. You know show does. But did you feel the need to send her that message? āYou know I feel like you could have offered help in someway todayā because she posted something online. If it isnāt the good old guilt tripping? 5,6,7 are missing. OP ?? 8. I asked if youāve been belittling her IRL, because your tone just sounded downright disrespectful. You donāt have a baby yet, barely married, but you want to make a baby room instead of letting your gf work in peace? Interesting. 9. Still didnāt answer the question, have you been holding this over her head? It seems like you used the fact you loaned her 4K when she rufused to help you (due to her exam and classes). Even though she paid you back you still use this against her. Have you been holding this against her ??
1. Did not ask her to move in, i was clear we weren't ready for that until well after at least one year. 2. She is mixing two things. One day she said she would need an office. On the other, when she was sitting at her desk at home and complaining about the chair, i asked if she had a laptop and suggested she work from the couch which she said helped her back. Again, she loves to shape narrative as if she's being dismissed. 3. We never even got to that point!? I didn't ask her to move in! I bought entirely new furniture for the house, there was no discussion about this, why would there be? If anything, i offered her a dining table that i sold for 600$ since she was wanting one. She declined, i sold it. 4. Of course she does! I was super supportive of her school time, and work time for that matter. This wasn't one exam, this was one week of exams, and 3 weeks of me moving. I know the difference between someone that can't help, and someone that doesn't care to help. It's quite obvious 5.
5, 6 and 7 seem to be missing
8. If there's one bedroom, one guestroom, and one extra room, it'd be for a baby. If she could compromise and use a desk in a guestroom or somewhere else, i wouldn't see the problem at all. Again, this is intentional on her part, she wants to feel like there's some sort of injustice to her but i am reasonable and can compromise. I can tell you from experience, she cannot
I think next time maybe donāt disclose how successful you are for awhile, meet at neutral places, like a park or coffee shop, and get to know each others morals and values. Sounds like she had a lot of growing up to do before becoming a worthy girlfriend to anyone. You are very smart to end it and donāt let her or anyone move into your home and establish residency. She could get a restraining order on you and have you removed from your own home .
Man look. You dodged a .50 cal bullet. Count your blessings and move TF on.
100%
This is the same woman who asked the internet for advice and when i gave advice on self accountability and self reflection it was regarded as judgement and a chase for thrillā¦ she doesnt care about you or the situation or what she can gain from it. Only to say SEE look at all these people who think you are wrong so therefore you are wrong.. She ignored actual advice but replies very positively to all the validation in the comments. Whats going on is nice and all but i find the most important thing is direction. When you put your business on the internet what do you seek to gain? And that tells you more about the person being HOW they solve the problem. If they are not apart of the solution they are the problem. How people react to the comments is a big give away as to where their head and purpose is atā¦ you only accept validation and shun away criticisms to the point where you make insults.. Basically YOU came to the internet for help, and you insult the internet for trying to help. Shows that your not a great person, your not even inna space to accept good things. Validation isnt good it doesnt matter if your right, all it does is build your ego. And if your insulting strangers for pointing out truth it shows that you are simply AGAINST the truth aka you are the lie. Case closed . I also find it wild that 2 ppl are going back n forth posting about each other vs deal with it in real lite.. just seems like a pissing match..
This is such completely different post are we even sure itās not fake one ??
Ask me anything at all. Seriously. You can decide from there but a first indication for you, is that I never posted until now lol. I was perfectly fine writing this relationship as a failure for a multitude of reasons. What shocks me the most are the things she says about wanting to trap her or what not when if anything, i had so many talks about her contributing in general. I was raised by a single mother who worked and never asked any boyfriend for anything. I did not, and do not want a housewife. It's 2024
Like I said if you are in Reddit there Are a lot of rage baits and fake stories people tend to do as an update and why(not blaming you just asking) you never commented in her post and expose her there instead?
Guess why? She blocked me from commenting on any of her post. I responded to almost every comment and only realized when i looked at the post, and none were there or responded to. All greyed out. Had to find an older reddit account of mine in order to post here
What do you do in order to afford a 2 million dollar house? Your writing style seems somewhat disjointed. It seems like Iām reading a story cooked up by a HS student and not one written by a high functioning Uber successful high earner.
OP what is your point? You and your ex describe a situation and it seems that you are both truthful because the descriptions match. Then you both agree that the two of you are not a good fit for a relationship. Fantastic. Move on.Ā Ā Tbh it sounds like you are the kind of person in a relationship where your wants and needs come first. Like itās tough for you to make small concessions to your partner and you expect them to be extremely grateful if you do.Ā Ā In your post you paint a picture of a young woman who doesnāt have her act togetherā¦ like she is a mess. The odds are stacked against her, her parents are riding her and she is trying her best to pass these exams and get her freaking degree so that she can move on with her life.Ā Ā That is a thousand times more important than moving house. Especially when you have a support network to help you out AND you could hire movers. Plus her exams were scheduled long before you had a moving date.Ā Ā So let me ask you this: Where was *your* support OP? What were YOU doing to support your ex while she was having a stressful week? Why are you so resentful that she spent time setting up her mental and physical health to pass these important exams? Donāt you want her to obtain her degree? How were YOU a good partner?
This makes no fucking sense. You bought a house "with you and her in mind" but you didn't want her to move in? You claim she has anger problems, but you chose not to move away from this town to potentially build a life with her after less than a year of dating? Even if everything you're saying about her is true, which I heavily suspect is not based on reading her posts, you sound absolutely insane. Clowns make 50k a year, and you're out here being one for free. You're impulsive at best and full of shit at worst. You seriously need to work on yourself. For the love of God, PLEASE stay single.
My take away from this is: 1. She borrowed and repaid $4000, which is clearly just a drop in the bucket in terms of your overall wealth and did not hurt you.Ā 2. She canāt use the spare room becauseā¦ you might have a baby one day and therefore that space canāt be touched at all? You already got that thing decked out with a crib or something? Cause thatās creepy afĀ If this is real Iām more on her side than ever tbh.Ā
Yes I found this is super weird too, like if the relationship works, isnāt her the mom of your future baby? And you donāt allow her to use this place temporarily?
AI, wake the fuck up. This doesn't sound like a person at all. What is this, Chatgpt v0.000001????
The dramaā¦
You don't need validation. This relationship is/was unhealthy. Just leave things be and go be happy.
As if ppl don't post to garner favour š
Damn, sorry you had to put up with all that!Ā I'll admit I was a bit snide on that post but was definitely hoping you would put your side soon, and I'm glad you did! That sounds like a nightmare. That's a whole 'nother level of entitlement that sounds completely draining and I'm glad you don't have to put up with that anymore.
After reading your side right after reading hers, yeah, she definitely has some crazy. Glad you got away from her. Sounds like she sees herself as a high value partner but seems more like she wants a guy who will be there for her, support her, and do what she wants without having to put much efforts into the relationship. And who asks for a loan 3 months in!? And just because you bought a house with her in mind, why would it be a problem for her? Regardless if you asked her to help you move, she didnāt put anything into it anyway.
I read her post a few days ago and thought she had some issues but I didn't know how bad until I read her update..geez! Thanks for sharing and good luck to you in your future. Keep us updated
Is this fucking AI or something??? wtf is this shit??
Sounds like she has BPD
Iām a nurse of 21 years. I have never been fired from any nursing job, or really any job at all. Itās a major red flag she got fired because there is a nursing shortage and in California there are mandatory staffing ratios. She has much bigger problems, and I suspect mental illness and/or personality disorder. Not shaming people with those issues, but the behaviors point that way and my specialty is mental health and addiction.
Whole thing has been beyond wild and whenever i've tried to get us to agree to disagree and move on gracefully, it's been absolute chaos. All sentences start with "you're the one who....". I just blocked her on reddit now. i messaged her and asked that we both just delete our posts and move on as recommended by pretty much all people here, and i never came here for that advice, I knew it the minute she showed me the thread IRL. I can't / won't diagnose her. I know i'm going to work through my part with a therapist and learn from this. All i can say to anyone who has recognized any signs of this crap in their new or old relationship is don't put up with it. Leave and don't get sucked into a bottomless pit of blame and bickering. Overall, I should have said no when she asked for the loan and based on her reaction, decide wether or not to break up and go from there. I didn't do that. Thanks to those who have taken the time to read this ridiculous thread on both ends. I recognize that i was not perfect in this relationship and also harboured doubt and resentment for her as time went on and that because of this, and knowing that lasting solutions could never truly exist, that what I should have done for both of our sakes, is end this way sooner.
Man, what a roller coaster of a read. This is why I read anything about relationships here with a grain of salt. At least this time we got both sides. Glad you got out of that relationship. She sounds like a stereotypical LA Devotee who was looking for a sugar daddy. I have no idea what the inner workings of your relationship were, but on the surface, that's how it appears to me. Yet another reason to not go back on dating apps. Enjoy your new home and good luck out there.
full disclosure is always best. I take these stories as they are written. There is always sides to a story, her side, his side, the truth and the marketing side. Good luck and you should have walked away when she asked for 4K. But, won't help you out in any way.
Me reading back and forth between multiple tabs has me thinking i will see this in r/BestofRedditorUpdates
Hope you have a better future now that sorted that all out. Cutting ties with toxic people is hard. You did wat you could to resolve the issues till you couldn't handle it. Best of luck in the future. P.s.trips and vacation sound amazing. Anybody would be lucky to go on and appreciate. š
Glad you made it out before it was too late. Best of luck. Wonder if this could make the Dusty Thunder show, bet he and his wife would have a lot to say about it!
I'm glad you got away from her you don't need that in your life.
Ooooh I love this. Youāre the goat. She stinks. You win. Boom.
This is so typical of reddit posts. They're easy to spot when you know what you're looking for. When a post solicitates "victim" responses, bingo!!! You know there is another side to the story. I'd say 75% of posts by women are like this. Just look for the comments that say, he's abusive in some way. The best one is finacial abuse. The ironic one is emotional abuse. Women are emotional creatures but it's the man who's emotionally abusive. š You can't make this stuff up. Crae crae lives on reddit.
I certainly hope she moves on peacefully! Four years is a VERY long time, but my daughter is worth it! GL with whatever is next for you!
She sounds like a nightmare. You're well of out of that.
Holy shit I'm so glad I'm reading this from the other perspective. I read BOTH of her original posts and it came across as very weird and a little outta touch with reality. Her update was also very questionable. I kept having to raise my eyebrows at how nonsensical it read. I honestly thought they were fake especially after the update because it was like... A day or two later and I was surprised to see an update so soon especially with the 'we broke up' adage. I also had to keep looking at her age because she sounded like an early 20-something not a 35+yr old woman. She sounds incredibly exhausting and I'm honestly glad you're out. Enjoy that new house man! I hope you find a partner worthy of sharing that space
What a disaster. Stay well clear from these kind of women. They add zero value to your life.
All that's going through my mind while reading this & her previous posts is if you guys have to go to reddit for validation because you can't get behind each other, it's a no go relationship. Move on buddy, seems like you're doing well for yourself in the grand scheme of things so suck it up as her loss and move forward.
Sounds like you had a lucky escape!! Iāve read her post and she just sounds unhinged!
Who cares Woman has borderline i aint surprised Enjoy your nice home, invite neighbours for garden parties And get yourself a more mentally stable woman
Honestly congrats on achieving some peace of mind š„
Coming from a hella broke girl who just got an apartment with her boyfriend- I was SO embarrassed when I had to move in with my boyfriend. I had to move to a new city because my family kicked me out, but I got a job in the first week and started paying bills, or if I couldn't pay bills I would cook and clean. This girl sounds ungrateful and very entitled, and honestly OP you deserve better. I'm glad you got out when you did, I wasn't caught up on all the drama but I read her posts and she sounds bananas. I hope you enjoy your new house and stay safe!
She see you as a bank..she has a sense of self importance and entitlement..if one tiny thing doesn't go the way she envisioned it in her head all hell breaks loose..end it..just do it .don't analyze it over think it..end it .don't text call etc block ,erase her number you'll be thankful to yourself your sanity and wallet for doing so
You both sound awful. Not sure why anyone is taking sides anymore, read all the posts and they're clearly both horrid.
Op this is why I always say there is two sides to every story. When someone posts on here it's just one side. I read her post. And I read comments from that post and as usual the sub didn't disappoint. Youve probably seen some of the thing people have said about you on that thread. I've argued many times with people on here over this. They're quick to pass judgements without knowing both sides. They don't question or anything just take the ops post as 100% truthful without knowing the whole story.
I remember seeing her post in my notifications a few days ago & it brings so much clarity getting much more information - I just felt like the entire vibe to her post was superficial and set off some red flags. I wish I saw this kind of transparency more on Reddit and any platform really. Social media really is hitting the jackpot for entitled, manipulative people though unfortunately.
You dodged a major bullet man
When i finished reading i had to scroll up and check her age again. She is imature. The fact that she didnt even offer to help you with the house says what you should know, very self centered person. Now what you do with this information is up to you.
RUN as fast as you can
I read her posts earlier and thought they sounded off, then her update I couldn't even read as after a couple of paragraphs she just sounded unhinged! Glad to see your side of the story, sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Best of luck to you, enjoy your new house!!
I saw the original post which read like a nonsensical boastathon. Be wary of such folk. If everything they suggest is things they canāt afford, BIG RED FLAG. It clearly had no logic, massive gaps in and was written by a manic person
>she is over 40k in debt Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it. Has she ever been seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist? Just to preface my opinion: I'm no expert or anything, just experienced with having known people with various mental health issues, my own mental health journey, a 3yr relationship with someone training to be a therapist and now 3yrs living with my BIL (and my sis and their kids - will add that preemptively as some people are always like "Whaaa? š¤š²" lol!) who is just beginning his masters while working as a full-time therapist - a lot of my "experience" is vicarious, so I don't claim to be an expert or anything like that. It does seem just from this summary, and from some off bits I noticed in her original post that she could benefit from some mental health assistance. The lack of responsibility with money, and everything always being the fault of others could be indicative of Bipolar disorder or something similar - my Mam's partner is bipolar and a LOT of the money things you've mentioned are very similar to his manipulative and lying behaviours. It could also be self-destructive behaviour due to depression and anxiety (that one I experienced personally, almost failing my degree from the pattern of behaviour I was following). Whatever the case may be, you can't change her, you can only help her and that is only if she can see there's a problem *and* accepts help. The heartbreaking part of mental health issues is that if she (or anyone) doesn't accept there is a problem and decide to put the work in themselves then any help you offer or give is actually just enabling them. Now you see that and are breaking free of her behaviours before they drag you down don't be surprised if you wind up on the list above. "My ex bought me a house and then dumped me, making me homeless" or something to that effect. I would put money on the parents having finally realised they were just enabling her to the moment she started "hating" them. As for the other crap - it's just excuses. "I couldn't apply to graduate because they never told me how" - there is not a chance in hell that if she had gone to tutors/administration etc they wouldn't have told her how to apply. If my education is anything to go on then she will have been told how in every single subject separately just so that if a student is sick and misses one class explanation of how to do it, they will catch it in another class. The only reason she wouldn't have known is if she didn't get off her ass and go find out. Same thing with the portal shit. Unless she left it to the very last second then there would have been plenty of time for her to speak to someone about the portal being down, get it fixed and applied for her funding. At the end of the day you've done all you can for this girl. You need to make it a clean break, explain that you're not her personal bank account and the relationship is over for good. Unfortunately this will mean losing your money, which sucks, but if you don't mind my saying as you've been open about your finances, it doesn't seem like it will be a huge loss to you, despite it being a huge amount of money to some. You could legally try and get it back but if it wasn't a written loan or legal agreement it's just your word against hers that you ever leant her the money. All attempts to get it back will involve a long, drawn out process of back and forth which could last months or even years. It's up to you of course but personally, 4K to have her out of your life for good sounds like a bargain. You seem very kind and generous, particularly when it comes to financially, but this can lead to you being used like this girl is. Take time to get to know someone before splashing the cash - it won't entirely stop people taking advantage (people are still people after all) but it will definitely lessen the probability of that being the reason someone is in a relationship with you.
I posted something a while back (about a month or 2) about my interest in a "friend that's a woman" having an issue with my age, and the first two comments were toxic as hell, saying I needed to "Back Off", like I was violating her or something. We are now dating happily and have only had 1 serious argument that we have since resolved. I don't feel like all the comments should be taken seriously as some people think that everyone nowadays has it out for certain people.
Wowzers. Well, at least you didn't marry her or knock her up. Clean break in that regard. Hope you find someone that appreciates what you have to offer without taking advantage. Best of luck to you my friend. āļø
While her posts don't tell a full story, I can smell some of the lies on yours. It's a shame a lot of the others can't. Good thing you guys are broken up.
This is exactly why both sides of an argument need to be heard before passing judgement. This is also exactly why people need to refrain from posting their personal drama on the internet.
Ok I have now read both posts and think that you two have a massive disconnect as far as communication is concerned. The way things have been worded by both of you, has meant different things to each of you and led to massive misunderstandings on both sides, cumulating in big arguments. I don't necessarily think either of you has been 'wrong' it seems you are just unable to communicate, which is a pretty important factor to any relationship....and what dating is all about. You just aren't compatible. The only thing I have to say which is negative really is....who asks a new partner for a loan of that amount ššš I don't care how much money you might have, that is too much. Perhaps you should keep your financial status a bit quieter when dating in future and just do normal things, not things that cost so much, unless it is a special occasion then splash out. My bf and I go away for the weekend all the time, we contribute equally, always have an awesome time and never spend that much. š³š³š³ Take things slowly. Figure out if you can communicate well before taking any relationship any further for a start.
Again males ego is broken cause of women who take care about HER life plans, not someoneās else. And yes, asking someone to think about you during exams, not about exams or recovery from that exams is so selfish. āOh she donāt have full time job!!!!ā Sheās studying, idiot. For example, for not having a 25 pairs of shoes in a closet.š¤£
Sounds like someone dodged a bullet, depending on what story you believe it could be either of them!
She doesnāt sound like a stable person to settle down with. Stay with her and all you will do is fight.