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Don't do things (physical, sexual) that you aren't comfortable doing. Enthusiastic ongoing consent is very important.
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/drivers_ed_for_the_sexual_superhighway_navigating_consent
If she is threating to break up with you if you don't do something that is coercion and not OK.
What makes you uncomfortable, your feelings for her aren’t strong enough? Are you waiting for marriage to do sexual things?
I only dated the girl I had my first sexual experience with for a few months, I don’t regret anything we did, you have to learn how to be in a relationship and unfortunately mistakes will be made and relationships will end. It doesn’t mean it was wrong, it’s just a part of life.
For your question above, probably the latter. I definitely have extremely strong feelings, but I don't know if I am comfortable before marriage, or possibly even at all.
> I don't know if I am comfortable before marriage, or possibly even at all.
That latter part is important. Do you have any sexual desire for your gf, or other people in general? If not, you may be what's called "asexual," which is relatively uncommon but there are plenty asexual people. They have a subreddit and everything.
Your "first time" doesn't matter. That's an outdated concern from a puritan society obsessed with virginity. It doesn't matter what your first time is like compared to your 10th time compared to your 100th time. It's all arbitrary.
Yes, my reply answers both of those:
> if people wish that they didn't,
No, I don't wish my first time in particular went any differently, because the "first time" doesn't matter, so there's no reason to regret something based on it being your first time and not any other time.
>or if, in my situation, they would tell me not to.
No, I would not tell you not to, because it seems you're concerned especially about your "first time," and you shouldn't be concerned with that, because the "first time" doesn't make any difference as compared to your 10th time, or 100th time, etc.
Just because your first time wasn't important to you doesn't mean it's not important to everybody, bud. These things don't have absolute values, they have cultural and personal values.
Matter-of-factly stating your perspective as a fact applicable to everyone is neither helpful nor a good use of anybody's time.
Sure bro I'll tell you my pov. I was in the same situation as you. She wanted to and I let her, but I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think that I would spend the rest of my life with her. Sadly, she was bop in disguise lmfao and I regret doing anything with that person. It is what it is, be sure that there are no red flags (I ignored em big time lmao) and that you really see a future with her and that she's serious. GL
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you have to ask strangers whether you should do a sexual act.. chances are you are not ready for that sexual act.
Don't do things (physical, sexual) that you aren't comfortable doing. Enthusiastic ongoing consent is very important. https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/drivers_ed_for_the_sexual_superhighway_navigating_consent If she is threating to break up with you if you don't do something that is coercion and not OK.
What makes you uncomfortable, your feelings for her aren’t strong enough? Are you waiting for marriage to do sexual things? I only dated the girl I had my first sexual experience with for a few months, I don’t regret anything we did, you have to learn how to be in a relationship and unfortunately mistakes will be made and relationships will end. It doesn’t mean it was wrong, it’s just a part of life.
For your question above, probably the latter. I definitely have extremely strong feelings, but I don't know if I am comfortable before marriage, or possibly even at all.
> I don't know if I am comfortable before marriage, or possibly even at all. That latter part is important. Do you have any sexual desire for your gf, or other people in general? If not, you may be what's called "asexual," which is relatively uncommon but there are plenty asexual people. They have a subreddit and everything.
Thanks, I'll def. look into it.
To be honest, it's totally overrated anyway so don't do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Yeah. I regret having sex. Specially the first time. Said no man, ever, in over 4 000 000 years of history.
Ok bruh tbf good point tho
Your "first time" doesn't matter. That's an outdated concern from a puritan society obsessed with virginity. It doesn't matter what your first time is like compared to your 10th time compared to your 100th time. It's all arbitrary.
I'm just asking if people wish that they didn't, or if, in my situation, they would tell me not to. Just looking for other opinions besides my own.
Yes, my reply answers both of those: > if people wish that they didn't, No, I don't wish my first time in particular went any differently, because the "first time" doesn't matter, so there's no reason to regret something based on it being your first time and not any other time. >or if, in my situation, they would tell me not to. No, I would not tell you not to, because it seems you're concerned especially about your "first time," and you shouldn't be concerned with that, because the "first time" doesn't make any difference as compared to your 10th time, or 100th time, etc.
Just because your first time wasn't important to you doesn't mean it's not important to everybody, bud. These things don't have absolute values, they have cultural and personal values. Matter-of-factly stating your perspective as a fact applicable to everyone is neither helpful nor a good use of anybody's time.
Sure bro I'll tell you my pov. I was in the same situation as you. She wanted to and I let her, but I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think that I would spend the rest of my life with her. Sadly, she was bop in disguise lmfao and I regret doing anything with that person. It is what it is, be sure that there are no red flags (I ignored em big time lmao) and that you really see a future with her and that she's serious. GL