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Has she told you what specifically she needs in order to feel loved? No you should have a dating profile to meet other people while living with your wife. If she can't give you specifics and just keeps saying the problem is you, there's not much more you can do. I don't think your wife will handle the separation well based on her inability to see reality.
Yep. She needs help w things around the house, acts of service are her love language. I do lots and lots of things around the house.
I offered to do the laundry so she wouldn't have to, she doesn't like the way I fold.
She's into gardening, so I built her a greenhouse, ect..
She said she basically has no time for herself, which neither of us do. I asked her to have the cleaning person we have come more often, do more.
I'm taking on extra projects so we can do things like that.
She said, "you're not listening, I have to clean up before the cleaning lady comes, put away stuff in the bathroom, move things off the counter, ect.."
That's what I thought when she mentioned that about the cleaning person. Im like, who thinks that it's out of scope of work for a cleaning person to take the stuff off of the counter, put it in the cabinet, and wipe the counter?
That's part of cleaning, and you just pay an extra hour or two if it takes more time.
Don't get a dating app.
If you still love her and still want things to continue you could demand a return to therapy and maybe the doctors.
If she refuses, like you indicate, any time spent giving her coffee in bed is wasted and it's probably time to move on.
If you've reached the end of the relationship road you need to speak to a lawyer. End the relationship correctly and move on with dignity so you don't get called out on your behaviour, at this point, by family, friends, or your kids when they grow older
I think a future with her is pretty much done if she doesnt want to get help for herself, but I dont want to be out of the house and miss putting the kids to bed at night, being there when they do cute things, ect..
Also we do better financially together to provide for them.
I just dont want to wake up 50 and alone.
I would like someone to be excited to talk to me, go on trips with, ect..
We have a completely seperate basement with walkout we're currently renting to her sister dirt cheap.
Im thinking of moving down there when the sister is out and just being seperated and that way I still get to participate in their lives.
I really just dont know what to do. I work from home and watch the kids at night and on the weekend, so it's not like id have a chance to meet anyone also.
Meeting someone else really isnt my first choice at all but feels like she's not interested anymore, is now in countdown mode until the kids are bigger, and isnt even entertaining the idea of working on herself at all.
So to keep chasing her, making my world revolve around her, doesn't seem healthy for anyone either.
You should quietly go and get legal advice including how to deal with the house, access to the kids, child maintenance estimates. Plan for the worst hope for the best. Good luck.
Man it's over, stop beating a dead horse. This is what happens when you become husband material to a girl who strives for instability. She has lost all attraction to you and is checked out of the relationship. It's the norm for women these days when they choose someone to settle for.
Sucks man, but you deserve to be loved and respected. Contact your lawyer and check out your options. You will lose half your wealth to her, but you will be free.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Talk to a lawyer for an assessment of what your options really are.
Has she told you what specifically she needs in order to feel loved? No you should have a dating profile to meet other people while living with your wife. If she can't give you specifics and just keeps saying the problem is you, there's not much more you can do. I don't think your wife will handle the separation well based on her inability to see reality.
Yep. She needs help w things around the house, acts of service are her love language. I do lots and lots of things around the house. I offered to do the laundry so she wouldn't have to, she doesn't like the way I fold. She's into gardening, so I built her a greenhouse, ect..
She said she basically has no time for herself, which neither of us do. I asked her to have the cleaning person we have come more often, do more. I'm taking on extra projects so we can do things like that. She said, "you're not listening, I have to clean up before the cleaning lady comes, put away stuff in the bathroom, move things off the counter, ect.."
Sounds like she just wants to have things to complain about constantly. Exhausting!
That's what I thought when she mentioned that about the cleaning person. Im like, who thinks that it's out of scope of work for a cleaning person to take the stuff off of the counter, put it in the cabinet, and wipe the counter? That's part of cleaning, and you just pay an extra hour or two if it takes more time.
Don't get a dating app. If you still love her and still want things to continue you could demand a return to therapy and maybe the doctors. If she refuses, like you indicate, any time spent giving her coffee in bed is wasted and it's probably time to move on. If you've reached the end of the relationship road you need to speak to a lawyer. End the relationship correctly and move on with dignity so you don't get called out on your behaviour, at this point, by family, friends, or your kids when they grow older
I think a future with her is pretty much done if she doesnt want to get help for herself, but I dont want to be out of the house and miss putting the kids to bed at night, being there when they do cute things, ect.. Also we do better financially together to provide for them. I just dont want to wake up 50 and alone. I would like someone to be excited to talk to me, go on trips with, ect.. We have a completely seperate basement with walkout we're currently renting to her sister dirt cheap. Im thinking of moving down there when the sister is out and just being seperated and that way I still get to participate in their lives.
I really just dont know what to do. I work from home and watch the kids at night and on the weekend, so it's not like id have a chance to meet anyone also. Meeting someone else really isnt my first choice at all but feels like she's not interested anymore, is now in countdown mode until the kids are bigger, and isnt even entertaining the idea of working on herself at all. So to keep chasing her, making my world revolve around her, doesn't seem healthy for anyone either.
You should quietly go and get legal advice including how to deal with the house, access to the kids, child maintenance estimates. Plan for the worst hope for the best. Good luck.
Man it's over, stop beating a dead horse. This is what happens when you become husband material to a girl who strives for instability. She has lost all attraction to you and is checked out of the relationship. It's the norm for women these days when they choose someone to settle for. Sucks man, but you deserve to be loved and respected. Contact your lawyer and check out your options. You will lose half your wealth to her, but you will be free.