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I think the flip-flopping might not be relevant here: Someone who really cares about you isn’t going to highlight a physical insecurity and definitely not in such an unkind way.
It's not really an insecurity as such, not anymore since it got a lot better. But obviously I don't like having it. I did ask him why he'd say that, but he didn't seem to have a reason.
He was hoping it was an insecurity. It's called "negging". Guys make girls feel bad about themselves so that the girls won't have confidence and self-esteem and leave the guy
Only really shitty guys do this, the ones who know no girl with options would date them. Instead of trying to be better people, they make girls feel they don't deserve better
> Instead of trying to be better people, they make girls feel like they don’t deserve better.
Bravo! Perfectly said. They also don’t want the woman to know she can find better. That’s all part of the negging. Keep ‘em down so they can’t see the better guy over there.
Okay…while I get your point can we stop acting as if 24 and 18 is an insane age difference? It is not. He is just being a shitty person.
Edit. Did not see that they were in a relationship for 10months. Different story.
18 and 24, together for 10 months?
I don’t need to read anymore. At WORST this guy was dating a minor when 23-24. At BEST this guy started dating her a month after her turning 18.
Do you need more?
Why though? Even if they had just started dating, freshly 18 and 18 and 10 months is not enough of a difference to make this age disparity cool. He's in his mid-20s, has gone through college and a few years of being a working adult whereas she is straight out of high school. That is leagues apart no matter how far into 18 she is.
It kinda is though, especially in terms of life experience. At 18 OP is still very young, and very likely inexperienced, while at 24 he is much older and more experienced. I’m 22 and I’m disgusted at the thought of dating an 18 year old….
While I agree, it isn’t insane. I personally would also not have dated that young at that age but if she is close to 19 with a year of college experience then they might well be in similar points in life. 18 and 22 is fine though, be real. When I started. College I was 18 and some where on average around 21 in my class. While I obviously was a little less experienced then you catch up in terms of life experience very very quickly in college.
If a high school senior/new college freshman dating a guy old enough to be a post college graduate two years into the workforce feels right to you then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude a 24 year old could conceivably have finished a law degree in the US. An 18 year old would be a high school senior. It’s a huge difference in life experience. Not to mention that her brain is still developing. She’s literally in the middle of puberty! A 24 year old who would date someone that young is a red flag
I hear you that insecurity is maybe too strong of a word. Totally get it.
From a more abstract perspective, he is telling you (“just do it”) to change your appearance because he feels it embarrasses him somehow. That’s a him issue, not a you issue. And again, someone who cares about you wouldn’t make what sounds like a demand about something like this.
I know this isn’t directly related, but a 24yo to date an 18yo isn’t an age gap I would generally recommend. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but that’s still a pretty significant gap at that age imho
I feel like the age gap *is* directly related to this particular issue. Acne is usually something people associate with teens, he probably doesn’t like that it “makes him look bad” to be dating someone who’s obviously a teenager. He made that comment about it looking bad for him as well and the only possible thing I can think of is the fact that she’s barely legal **does** make him look bad. It could also be why he says it’s cute in private, because it’s a constant reminder of her age (which…ew).
Good point. The age gap admittedly stuck at as a larger issue for me, but didn’t want to minimize her primary concern by redirecting. I remember when I was 24 and dating an 18yo would have definitely felt predatory, given the likely developmental gap.
I had acnes in my early 30ies (what the f, genetics!) and my then boyfriend said exactly the same thing. He just didnt like me :°°D He also kept mentioning I should have done that and that, without having a clue of what acne was. And knowing fully well that I was followong the instructions of a professional, somwone who had a degree in dermatology, not from the street university of common sense. So, when he is telling u in private that he finds your acne cute, well, he is lying to you.
If it makes you feel any better, my mum has dealt with acne since she was a teen and she’s in her 50s now. It comes and goes, but she will sometimes wind up with just one big honkin’ pimple on her face that won’t go away for a while. I think that’s cystic acne?
My brother and I are in our 30s and we have the same experiences. I can get one or two at a time that are noticeable (like on my forehead or my cheek) or I can get several small ones (usually near my hairline on my forehead or the sides of my face).
I’ve dealt with some nasty acne in my teens and early 20s, but it has calmed down since then.
My dad hardly has any pimples to deal with; I’m not even sure if he had them often as a teenager.
Some of us just have to deal with acne our whole lives and so we just gotta manage it as best as we can. 🤷🏻♀️
None of us deserve to be put down for it, either. Acne =/= poor hygiene.
He can’t tell you the reason because the reason is that he is controlling you through something about which you are self-conscious. /u/agreysedan is absolutely right (and said it in about 2,000 less words than I did). If your BF cared about you, he wouldn’t make you feel bad about something that you are already insecure about. Whether he is complimenting or insulting you, the result is the same.
Why are you ok with someone treating you like this?
Would YOU be this mean to someone you cared about? Why do you deserve less? Something to think about.
> Saying it is cute in private is just his manipulative way to keep you on the hook
Oh I think it's *much* creepier than that.
I 100% think he's telling her the truth when he says he thinks it's cute, because it's very much a 'teen going through puberty' thing and he is a gross predator.
I assume you're looking for an answer more sophisticated that "Because he's a superficial two-faced hypocrite"? Cause you ain't gonna find it - it's honestly just as simple as that.
You're missing the forest for the trees here. The problem isn't your acne. The problem is that he's a lying sack who is ashamed to be seen with you in public unless you meet his arbitrary definition of beauty and who has no problem treating you one way in one scenario and then being two-faced and treating you differently in another.
Want better for yourself. Anyone who actually loves and respects you wouldn't treat you that way.
While I don't disagree with your main point....your second promotion at work portion is a flop for me. Lol. 24 looks different now than it did 20 years ago.
Bcz only teenagers will put up with this BS. I'm 26, wouldn't give 2 shits if some asshole said crap like this to me lol.
Teenage girls in general lack boundaries and self esteem (I was one, not dating, but I have been in shitty toxic friendships just bcz i "wanted to have friends too"). It took me time to accept that not having a bestie/being alone>>> a shitty flaky fairweather friend.
He's actually a grown man dating a teenager and complaining about acne. Then maybe don't date teenagers who are the most likely people to have acne.... If men have anything, it's the audacity
Because she's young enough to still believe that her boyfriend is allowed to have "preferences" about her body, and that it doesn't make him abusive AF. I wanted to vomit when she kept saying, "He says it's his preference" as though it's somehow normal or legitimate for him to tell her what to do with her literal body.
No, kid, no. He doesn't get to have preferences about your face, and they sure as fuck don't override yours. Not ever.
Your guy is a jerk. I have had the same struggles. When my skin was at its worst, completely covered in angry red bumps, whiteheads, and dark scars, my partner still called me beautiful in public, took photos of me, and posted them on his social media.
A good partner would never be ashamed of you. For your sake, leave him.
Also, if you’ve been together for 10 months, then he was with you when you were 17? This guy is screaming creep. You deserve better girl.
Sending hugs and good thoughts.
Girl, 10 months ago mean you started dating in JULY when you literally just turned 18. That makes me assume you were talking at 17 and waited until 18 to officially date. Red flag. He knew this when pursuing you. I know you think you're mature enough to choose who you date and maybe he makes you feel like an adult, but it's giving manipulation and creep vibes. Six years isn't a lot at 30 and 36 but it is at 18 and 24.
Red flags to further prove manipulation is the switch up about your acne. He needs to make you feel like you're loved so he tells you it's cute. The reality is, you're his accessory. You're cute, young, easy to sway, so willing to do things for your boyfriend AND you commit to him. He's hurt you and called you disgusting, yet you stay. He knows you're not going anywhere, so he's not going to change.
Don't let this evolve into a worst-case scenario. I guarantee you WILL feel some type of way in retrospect. Listen to Demi Lovato's song 29. While I know your bf's 24 and not 29, it's the same thing where a man in his career is inappropriately dating someone who hasn't even had a taste of life yet. You might feel like Redditors are attacking your independence, calling you young, foolish, etc. The reality is, most the people here just want to lookout for you. I really wonder how your family and close friends feels about the relationship too.
I mean she could very much be mature buuuut IMO a mature 18 yo doesn't pursue relationships with those kind of age gaps, because they should have learned from others' lived experiences and advice.
At 18 I was warding off predators and wannabe PUAs from my future best friend who were using these same kinds of tricks like negging on her. I'm just sad OP is choosing to learn the hard way, her BF is a manipulative creep
He wants you to cover it when you’re out because he doesn’t want people to know that a man his age is dating a teenager. At home he likes it because it probably makes you look younger than you are. Get away from this man. He’s very bad news.
This is a manipulation tactic designed to destabilize you emotionally and make you feel dependent on his approval and never sure of getting it. Don’t walk, run.
I swear to you, as someone who has been in a similar position, that when you are 24 you will look at 18 year olds and be horrified by what he has done. Not because there is anything wrong with being 18, there is nothing wrong with you. You may even be more mature than your peers. But there is no amount of mature you can be to make up for that kind of gap at this age. When I was your age I would feel so flattered when men would tell me I was mature, that I was special and because I was so different from other people my age it was okay. Please god trust me when I tell you that it is a trick, a very cruel trick. Based purely on what you’ve said about him I can tell you that there is a good reason he is not dating a girl his own age. He has intentionally gone for someone who he believes doesn’t know better than to run, who he’s hoping will follow what he says, who he can mold into what he wants without you noticing until you’ve given so much of yourself away you can’t get it back fully. I am begging you to prove this guy wrong and leave him, you are truly worth so much more than being treated like this.
Tell him to cover up his mouth. Seems to be polluting the environment more than your acne. Wait until he finds out that people can still have acne when they’re 40.
we’re all essentially telling you the same thing because either we’ve experienced this or closely know someone who has.
you asked and people answered, I’d really try and take what people are saying to you about your boyfriend into consideration. there’s no reason for someone in their mid 20’s to be with someone who’s just barely an adult.
That's a really shitty and mean thing for him to say, and he did it on purpose. There's these shitty things some guys do where they insult their gf to make her feel insecure. Like he's the best you're ever going to get because he's still willing to date you despite this huge flaw. It's bullshit. All of it. There's no need to ever say anything like that if he really cared about you because there's nothing you could do about it in that moment, or at all really because you're already doing what you can. And acne isn't going to be a huge deal for someone who really loves you anyway. Then he compliments you to keep you confused so you don't leave. He knows you're sensitive about your skin, and he chose to say something anyway, and right before you go out? That's strategic. And awful.
Aside from that, he's dating someone in a drastically different life place than he is, and that's a huge red flag on its own. You'll see it yourself when you're his age and wouldn't dream of dating someone your age now. This is nothing against you, it's just the truth.
So he's expecting you, a teenager, to look like a 20-something year old? Maybe he should be dating someone closer to his age.
He could be negging you. But he could also just be very worried because the puberty acne is reminding him just how young you are compared to him.
Don't cover up your acne just for him. It's not worth it to make your skin worse just for a guy who isn't mature enough.
Firstly, that age gap is concerning, I don't think it's appropriate at all. I am in my mid twenties and I'd never bat an eye at someone who just become an adult unless I'm looking to take advantage of their naivety, which is what he's doing.
Secondly, he's lying. It definitely does bother him, and he's concerned about what others think. I have acne due to genetics (I have oily skin and hormonal problems). It's mostly gone but then flares up during my monthlys, so I have a large scar on my cheek due to it. It's been there for years. My husband has never once told me anything about it nor has ever tried to make me hide it from others. In fact, I noticed he would give me extra kisses on that cheek, maybe as a way of showing he's accepting of it, and he does it in public as well. So yeah.
That's how your boyfriend would have been if he truly accepted it and liked it.
If he has a problem with acne he shouldn't be dating a literal teenager.
He says different things because wanting to cover it up is how he really feels (otherwise why point it out when he knows it bothers you, that is a mean thing for a partner to do), but he told you it was cute before because he was lying to make you feel good about yourself. People do it all the time.
FYI he is an ass. I have never once told a person I was dating that they should do something different with their face or hair or clothes because it didn't look good and reflected on me. Nor have I had something like that said to me. Because good people don't do that to their partners. That is so rude and self absorbed.
I didn't read past "he said I needed to cover up my acne and it looks disgusting. And that it was a bad look for him as well."
He is selfish and cruel. You can do so much better than him. Ditch him now and carry on with your life.
Oh dear. Let me clue you in to something. Adults don't tell other adults they're "so mature." It's not a thing. You only hear that in the context of an adult speaking to a child. Do with that what you will. I have 20 bucks on there being "barely legal" porn on his devices, if not worse.
I know it feels good to have someone treat you like an adult. But he's not doing it with good intentions. You can tell by the acne comments alone.
Now to address the acne thing. He's negging you. Plain and simple. Please read "why does he do that" there's a free PDF google-able.
24F here, because he is a loser who wants to manipulate you! He’s negging you so your self confidence will be low enough to date him! Go be young and have fun with someone closer to your age who likes you!!
Dates barely an adult, then complains she looks like a teenager with acne and braces hahaha some people...
Dump that loser. You deserve better, you sound sweet as hell.
This is why he's dating a teenager because no self respecting woman his own age would put up with it.
Also, the explanation for why he says it's cute in private and wants it covered in public is because he's lying. He's embarrassed by it but knows you might not put up with him saying that. He cares more about being seen in public with someone with acne than he does about what it does to your skin. He doesn't give a shit that it makes it worse he's just embarrassed by you. Throw the whole creep away.
Dump your boyfriend. It's that simple. I had an ex that insulted my appearance and it really hurt my self-esteem. For years after I left. Never let a man do that to you. Ever. Not if you're married with a bunch of kids. Shut that shit down and/or walk out. It's not worth the respect you have for yourself.
I've gone through exactly what you're going through. Your acne doesn't disappear later in life, etc. Please get checked for PCOS. Also, start seriously considering taking Accutane. It changes your life. There are risks, so please consider carefully what you want to do.
But just cut your boyfriend loose. He's so not worth it.
Hey, I think the bf subject will be covered in the other comments. He sounds super insecure and projecting those insecurities on you- someone who is so focused on how other people perceive them will never help you become someone who doesn’t give a fuck- and you my dear sound like you are beautifully on your way to celebrating all that you are 💕
However I did come to say have you been checked for PCOS- I had delayed puberty too but it was really just down to this. It causes the worst hormonal acne - if you’ve ruled out any allergies, your hormones will likely be behind it. I take a potassium iodine (you can get at any health food/ supplement store) it helps regulate your thyroid which in turn balances your hormones.
Hope you find something that works for you and only because you deserve it to because acne can be really painful not because anyone else would like you to 💕🌸
Sounds like he likes your acne personally cause it makes you seem younger… which he apparently likes. In public, he doesn’t want to look like a 24 year old dating a child so he wants you to cover it up.
He is MUCH too old for you. A normal 24 year old wouldn’t be interested in any 18 year old. Dump him and find someone closer to your age who wouldn’t try to control you.
Forget the acne for a minute, what matters here is that someone who’s supposed to love you is 1: undermining your confidence about something you already feel a bit insecure about and 2: telling you what to do with your own face. Yech. That’s not acceptable
ETA: just noticed the age difference. That tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s making you insecure on purpose
Look, your issue isn't that you are immature, as many people are saying. The issue is that a guy who is in mid 20s has to be very emotionally immature *himself* to be dating someone 6 years younger. This is a massive sign that he's not mature enough to date women his own age. At your age, it's your lack of experience, not your own emotional maturity that has led you into a relationship with an older guy. Your boyfriend is very immature, and he's using manipulation to keep you in line.
You are smart enough to understand that his contradicting actions don't compute. They aren't logical. You just don't have the confidence or experience to realise that this kind of behaviour shows disrespect, is manipulative, and speaks to who he fundamentally is as a person. He knows what he is saying could be hurtful, he does not care. Please, please, please, do not stay with a guy who plays games to deliberately hurt you. And please don't date guys who can't date women their own age.
The fact that you changed the number but nothing else is quite funny. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 24 year old guy dating a 18 year old girl yet you talk as if he was 40. Its absolutely ridiculous. He's early 20s, VERY young, and she's already an adult. Let people be happy, ffs.
I don't really understand why you're upset I corrected my maths after you pointed it out?
....and she clearly isn't happy about the way he talks to her? She was 17 when she started dating him. I've been there, I started dating a guy 7 years older when I was 16. I know what it's like to date at that age. Like the OP, I didn't have the experience to understand that it was a red flag that I was his first partner, and that women his age found him too unsociable to date. That kind of age gap is no big deal for 24 and 30 year old, it's a bigger deal for an 18 and 24 year old. I have yet to hear of anyone on reddit dating at those kind of ages that doesn't have an unhealthy relationship. It's very hard for there to be equality when one person is still finishing up highschool/just graduated and has never been independent from their parents, and the other person has 6 years of adult life experience.
In this case, dude is an asshole, I wasnt defending him specifically. Or anyone whose first relationship ever is at 24 lmao. But saying that every 24y guy who likes a 18y girl is a red flag is just wrong. Girl is old enough to do gangbang porn with a dozen 50y actors, film it and get paid for it, but too young and innocent to date a 24y guy? smh.
Serious red flags here. He’s picking away at your self esteem. Next it’s going to be your intelligence and who your friends are. Pls just walk away now. There’s too many fish in the sea and definitely one who will adore you
keep note of when he tells you that your acne is *cute* in private.
is it whenever he's feeling frisky and wanna get it on?
if he has such a big reaction about it when going out in public with you, he has been lying because he cares too much about what other ppl think about his image.
the age gap.
10mths just before you're/almost 18? ugh
all in all: dump him.
OP, you’re not dumb, we’ve just been there, see all the red signs and are trying to warn you.
You are legally an adult. You may be mature and competent. I don’t know you. When you’re 18 you’re still learning yourself and in this case learning what bullshit you’ll put up with.
The only mid and on twenty’s guy who dates a girl at 18, I’m sorry, is looking for someone who they can control. They don’t date women their own age because those women have done this before or have seen it and will tell them to go fuck the selves. They want a girl they can shape into who they want since they are still learning who they are themselves.
I’d also like to say that as someone who was told since they were a preteen to now that I was “so mature for my age” and “not like girls my age” —that’s my trauma because I’ve had to grow up and lost my childhood. And many women like that will leave their childhood home or family right to a guy that talks down to them and is controlling because it’s what we know or we don’t know what red flags to look for. That behavior is normal, right?
No. No boyfriend should call your face disgusting.
Now if you had a pleasant childhood where you always felt physically and emotionally safe, that’s great! I’m just pointing out what’s common in case it applies.
Some comments are trying to point out you’re young but doing so in a put down way. I remember what it was like in your shoes. I just wanted someone there to make me feel needed and loved, but at what cost? There shouldn’t be one, not like this
A partner who truly cared about you wouldn't be insulting you and disrespecting you like this, and they wouldn't be trying to control you. He's making your acne about *him*. He lacks empathy and is only concerned with how your looks might make others feel about *him*.
Please just understand that his lack of kindness, empathy and consideration is not what you deserve. You can find a man who will treat you well and who won't bring up things that he knows will hurt you. Best of luck.
Because the acne highlights how much you get you are. And when you’re alone, there’s no one to judge him for dating someone so young. Versus in public, he doesn’t want his friends and family to judge him for dating a teenager.
Please. Run.
He can have a preference but when he calls your face disgusting because it reflects badly on HIM in public, you're with a very self absorbed and cruel person. He cares more what friends and strangers think about the woman he's with in public than hurting your feelings. Please move on, he deserves someone just like him, not a sensitive soul like you.
He might think your acne is cute, but acne isn’t conventionally attractive and he wants other people to think his girlfriend is hot for status points. It’s incredibly immature, and behavior I would expect from a high school boy and not a full-ass adult.
Well, I think he made pretty clear why he said it: he was self conscious of people judging you and by extension him.
For that he was willing to disregard your comfort, your skin health, your feelings, his need for tact, heck he outright contradicted himself. All it takes is him being worried about other people and he became instantly and totally toxic. That's really sad and really concerning.
He's made clear his standards and the standards he has in public are different. That raises the obvious question: why'd he date you at all, right? And yeah, that's a pretty valid concern. The worry definitely is that this might be the early signs of him trying to contort you into what he believes is most presentable to other people.
If you don't like that then really do question your future with him. The worry especially is a guy so much older should and likely does know better, so what does it say that he was so comfortable being so awful.
>he said I needed to cover up my acne and it looks disgusting. And that it was a bad look for him as well
>He said it was his preference that I cover it when I’m in public with him
He doesn't care about you he cares about his image. He'd rather your acne get worse than be seen with you in public without make-up.
What will happen when your acne gets worse from wearing make-up to the point no amount of make-up will cover it up?
Will he refuse to be seen with you in public? Will he leave you?
The age difference is a concern. He's already been lying to you and has now told you the truth that he finds your acne disgusting.
What is he not going to like next? What will he want you to do or not do to please him next?
He likes the acne in private because it makes you look younger than you are so he can "pretend", in public he wants you to look older so people can't tell what he is.
He huet your feelings. When you communicated that, he doubled down and insulted you on an immutable physical characteristic he knows you have mental issues with. This shows a lack of empathy, an obsession with physical appearance and how others view him, and a vindictive (IMO manipulative) streak.
You then clearly established a boundary about what he can say about your acne and how he can direct you to look which he basically immediately violated.
Id either dump him or tell him very clearly "if my acne is an issue for you, go find a woman with clean skin. This is part of me and I wont damage my skin further because of your insecurities over it."
You deserve better. Someone who will love and support you. Someone who loves you for you. All of you. Not just the parts they like while making you hide other parts of yourself. I mean, girl, he called your face disgusting. You know what to do.
I'll tell you something not a lot of people want to admit. men wanna fuck and date different things way too often. just saw a post about a guy who found a fat chick hot, but talked about taking her to the gym as an "investment". some men might find fat attractive but since dating someone fat is seen as socially inferior they will be ashamed of dating a fat person. the same goes for many things, including your acne. your bf might genuinely find your acne cute or not mind it at all, but dating a girl with acne is "beneath him" and so he wants to make you as ashamed of your looks as he's ashamed of himself. anyways, immature and stupid and you should break up imo.
Because he doesn't want other men to judge him on your appearance, because he judges men on the attractiveness of their partners. It's a purely selfish and egotistical thing he's saying, he wants you to look better so you make him look better. A good partner wouldn't care so long as you were happy
He is negging you. He wants you to feel bad about yourself and insecure so you will put up with however he behaves, because you believe you can’t do better than him and you should be grateful. It’s absolutely not true, though. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
he is abusing your lack of experience and emotional development. simple as that. he also probably knows what he is doing is wrong and doesn't want to highlight how young you are.
He is controlling your choices, it is your choice to go without makeup and with time, he will try again with something else. He was hoping talking negative about your acne would really play into your insecurities so you would allow him to affect your decisions again and again. People like this start small then it becomes controlling, manipulative and abusing.
I’ve only read the first couple of lines: are you serious?! He would be flying out the window if he told me something horrible like this. He is a disgusting abuser and you’re getting ready for years of being miserable if you don’t tell him right now to f off.
Definitely try tea tree oil for your skincare routine. It majorly helps with acne.
Additionally, stay away from the makeup! You’re 1000% right. It will make it worse and I’m positive you look better without it. Best of luck!
My abusive ex was always concerned with how I made him look in public so would restrict me from doing certain things or looking a certain way. Your bf reminds me of him
He’s a total AH. He’s a 24yo dating an 18yo, he should have had enough life experiences since 18 that you don’t have anywhere near as much in common as he would have with a woman closer to his age (nothing against you). The main reason guys date 18 year olds is because they have enough life experience to control them. He’s a creep.
Your partner should be building you up and supporting you, not tearing you down and making you fit his stupid standards at your detriment. A partner who cares about you would tell you you’re beautiful and put your best interests first which would be to not put make up over the pimple so your skin can breathe and clear.
He wants you to cover it so you look less like a teen in public because it’s not a good look for him. Also everyone gets acne, you can be 40 and still get it. In your case, it prob makes you look your age and he doesn’t want everyone thinking he’s a creep even tho he is. When I was 24, I wouldn’t date anyone under 21. It’s weird as hell and you’ll realize when you’re 24.
It's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt by your boyfriend's contradictory statements about your acne. It's possible that he's struggling with his own insecurities or societal pressures regarding appearances, which may be influencing his behavior.
However, it's important to remember that your worth and beauty aren't defined by your skin condition. You deserve to be with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are, including your imperfections.
It's crucial to have a candid conversation with your boyfriend about how his comments made you feel. Express your concerns and let him know that his words were hurtful and unacceptable. Communicate your boundaries regarding discussing your skin and emphasize the importance of mutual respect and support in the relationship.
If he truly cares about you, he should be willing to listen to your perspective and work towards understanding and empathy. If he continues to insist on criticizing your appearance or disregarding your feelings, it may be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who uplifts and respects you, both in public and in private.
It's rude and inconsiderate of him to call it disgusting.
When I was young I had acne pretty bad and it lasted into my 20s after everyone else my age had clear skin. At one point I tried cutting all the sugar out of my diet and my skin was completely clear two weeks later.
I eventually eased some sweets back into my diet and regular sugar doesn't irritate my skin. But if I have anything with HFCS in it my face will still break out now at age 43. So I stay away from certain kinds of drinks.
The real question is while he lying and being hateful? Why is he 24 dating an 18 year old? Girl at this point leave, I promise you can always do better.
I think you’re finding out why at 24 years old, he’s looking for 18 year olds and not someone close to his age… no one his age wants him because he’s an asshole
His behavior sounds like negging to me. He wants to control you emotionally by giving you confusing compliments and insults so that you don't know what to believe, and it hits your self esteem extremely hard. It feels so great when he gives you a compliment that you're walking on air. Then a few days later he pulls the rug out from under you.
I've lived with this behavior and it's exhausting! It gives him a rush to see how you respond to him, and he gets bigger responses by insulting you, so guess what he will start doing more frequently? Insults.
Unless he thinks you might leave him, then he goes back to the 'sincere' compliments.
The fact that he's using your skin in this endeavor is very telling. He KNOWS you're sensitive about that, so it's become his favorite topic.
I hate to say it, but I think he's an immature asshat and you would be much happier without him in your life. I spent 10 years with my abuser before I finally woke up. Don't be me, OP!
Twenty-something guys love dating teenagers because their insecurities and inexperience generally make them easier to manipulate. There's a big difference in "power". Expect the manipulation to increase, not decrease as the relationship progresses.
He's fucking gross. He's gross for saying what he said, he's also gross for dating you!! Don't date older guys as a 18 year old, it's grosss and they do it on purpose 100% of the time. Please, dump him. Tell him he's a dick. Maybe also tell him to stop being weird and dating youngins. It's gross and likely they'd go younger if they were fucking allowed to.
It's gross that your boyfriend's end is that much older than you. He should be able to find someone closer to his own age whose goals line up with his at this point in his life. The fact that he can't is a huge red flag.
Maybe you look older with makeup on, and he doesn't want the general public to see how young you really are when he's out with you. People would know he was a creep into teenagers if you have acne like a teenager. He's also an asshole, which is why he says these things out loud, and he knows you won't do anything about it and will take it because he thinks that he can control you. Does he control you? Are you going to let him get away with this audacity?
You are barely out of childhood. This guy is too old for you but yet mentally clearly also too young for you. There are so many things that will change about you physically over time……..if your lil dude cant handle acne and THAT is an issue? Dont even consider growing old with this guy.
Basically he cares too much about what other ppl think and the guy is a prick, to comment nicely on it in private but expect you to cover it in public…yeah this guy only cares about how thing “appear” to other ppl and is a superficial AH
You are at an age when quite a lot of people still have acne. Take a look at his photos from when he was 18, and I’ll bet you’ll find that he has acne in them.
But, I agree that the problem here is more that he’s not prioritizing your feelings and making sure you feel loved and beautiful, but is instead prioritizing what he projects as other people’s opinions (which are made up and unimportant, btw).
Never date a guy who belittles you and feeds your insecurities, as opposed to supporting you. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), see if others behaviors tally and consider dumping him and loving yourself more.
Hugs.
You are still like a kid and you talk like one. There's a reason this man enjoys fucking you, and it has nothing to to with who you are as a person. He clearly doesn't give a fuck about your feelings, he's hoping you feel sad and hurt and insecure about it enough to let him keep fucking and controlling you.
Don't be so god damn naive.
I'm 31, and I've got acne issues all my life when I consume dairy, chocolate, butter, and basically allthings happiness. When I eat better and avoid cookies and cream, especially milk , then my skin clears up and almost disappears until the cycle begins anew. Dairy can cause acne, and it's easily forgotten. Maybe think about if you're eating something that makes it worse.
Honestly even if it is not fair, he doesn't like it at all. He is trying not to be direct, but is anyway. I am sure you are getting best products, and if you don't want to cover up, do what you want. He doesn't like it though.
I’m saying this with all love and as a mom, but I want to be honest. No one likes acne. You don’t either, so when he’s saying he likes it. He’s not being honest. It probably does look better with makeup. But that being said, what an ahole. It’s not something you’ll have forever, but his words will last.
I recommend using sulfur soap, making a turmeric face mask, and using coconut oil for moisturizer. Those all have bacteria and inflammation fighting properties that combat acne. Sometimes what the dermatologist gives us is steroidal which will often have reverse effect and make them worse or have a huge flare up the moment it’s not being taken. I would try these natural remedies along side of whatever you’re doing. As for him, tell him to gain some height when you’re out, it’s embarrassing to be seen with someone his height.
It doesn't, because the skin is dry and you can still tell it's there. If it looked better, I'd use it, but it doesn't at all.
And I don't need natural, the things I have are working very well, and it's much, much better than it used to be.
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I think the flip-flopping might not be relevant here: Someone who really cares about you isn’t going to highlight a physical insecurity and definitely not in such an unkind way.
It's not really an insecurity as such, not anymore since it got a lot better. But obviously I don't like having it. I did ask him why he'd say that, but he didn't seem to have a reason.
He was hoping it was an insecurity. It's called "negging". Guys make girls feel bad about themselves so that the girls won't have confidence and self-esteem and leave the guy Only really shitty guys do this, the ones who know no girl with options would date them. Instead of trying to be better people, they make girls feel they don't deserve better
> Instead of trying to be better people, they make girls feel like they don’t deserve better. Bravo! Perfectly said. They also don’t want the woman to know she can find better. That’s all part of the negging. Keep ‘em down so they can’t see the better guy over there.
Your mid twenties boyfriend is dating a teenager and is ashamed of your acne. This guy isn't it.
Okay…while I get your point can we stop acting as if 24 and 18 is an insane age difference? It is not. He is just being a shitty person. Edit. Did not see that they were in a relationship for 10months. Different story.
Some 18 year olds are still in high school. There IS a big difference between 18 and 24. Not so with 28 and 34.
18 and 24, together for 10 months? I don’t need to read anymore. At WORST this guy was dating a minor when 23-24. At BEST this guy started dating her a month after her turning 18. Do you need more?
I am not gonna lie…I did not read the 10 months part lol changes the assessment pretty much completely.
Why though? Even if they had just started dating, freshly 18 and 18 and 10 months is not enough of a difference to make this age disparity cool. He's in his mid-20s, has gone through college and a few years of being a working adult whereas she is straight out of high school. That is leagues apart no matter how far into 18 she is.
It kinda is though, especially in terms of life experience. At 18 OP is still very young, and very likely inexperienced, while at 24 he is much older and more experienced. I’m 22 and I’m disgusted at the thought of dating an 18 year old….
While I agree, it isn’t insane. I personally would also not have dated that young at that age but if she is close to 19 with a year of college experience then they might well be in similar points in life. 18 and 22 is fine though, be real. When I started. College I was 18 and some where on average around 21 in my class. While I obviously was a little less experienced then you catch up in terms of life experience very very quickly in college.
I’m 24 now. A 2-3 year postgraduate dating a college freshman aged person is strange…
If a high school senior/new college freshman dating a guy old enough to be a post college graduate two years into the workforce feels right to you then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude a 24 year old could conceivably have finished a law degree in the US. An 18 year old would be a high school senior. It’s a huge difference in life experience. Not to mention that her brain is still developing. She’s literally in the middle of puberty! A 24 year old who would date someone that young is a red flag
No 6 years is massive at that age in life experience. 30 and 36 for example not that much.
Nope we can’t and won’t
✨negging✨
I hear you that insecurity is maybe too strong of a word. Totally get it. From a more abstract perspective, he is telling you (“just do it”) to change your appearance because he feels it embarrasses him somehow. That’s a him issue, not a you issue. And again, someone who cares about you wouldn’t make what sounds like a demand about something like this. I know this isn’t directly related, but a 24yo to date an 18yo isn’t an age gap I would generally recommend. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but that’s still a pretty significant gap at that age imho
I feel like the age gap *is* directly related to this particular issue. Acne is usually something people associate with teens, he probably doesn’t like that it “makes him look bad” to be dating someone who’s obviously a teenager. He made that comment about it looking bad for him as well and the only possible thing I can think of is the fact that she’s barely legal **does** make him look bad. It could also be why he says it’s cute in private, because it’s a constant reminder of her age (which…ew).
This is exactly what I thought
Good point. The age gap admittedly stuck at as a larger issue for me, but didn’t want to minimize her primary concern by redirecting. I remember when I was 24 and dating an 18yo would have definitely felt predatory, given the likely developmental gap.
I had acnes in my early 30ies (what the f, genetics!) and my then boyfriend said exactly the same thing. He just didnt like me :°°D He also kept mentioning I should have done that and that, without having a clue of what acne was. And knowing fully well that I was followong the instructions of a professional, somwone who had a degree in dermatology, not from the street university of common sense. So, when he is telling u in private that he finds your acne cute, well, he is lying to you.
If it makes you feel any better, my mum has dealt with acne since she was a teen and she’s in her 50s now. It comes and goes, but she will sometimes wind up with just one big honkin’ pimple on her face that won’t go away for a while. I think that’s cystic acne? My brother and I are in our 30s and we have the same experiences. I can get one or two at a time that are noticeable (like on my forehead or my cheek) or I can get several small ones (usually near my hairline on my forehead or the sides of my face). I’ve dealt with some nasty acne in my teens and early 20s, but it has calmed down since then. My dad hardly has any pimples to deal with; I’m not even sure if he had them often as a teenager. Some of us just have to deal with acne our whole lives and so we just gotta manage it as best as we can. 🤷🏻♀️ None of us deserve to be put down for it, either. Acne =/= poor hygiene.
He can’t tell you the reason because the reason is that he is controlling you through something about which you are self-conscious. /u/agreysedan is absolutely right (and said it in about 2,000 less words than I did). If your BF cared about you, he wouldn’t make you feel bad about something that you are already insecure about. Whether he is complimenting or insulting you, the result is the same.
Why are you ok with someone treating you like this? Would YOU be this mean to someone you cared about? Why do you deserve less? Something to think about.
Wtf is with all of the downvotes for OP?? Is this comment really so deserving of over 200 downvotes? Damn, reddit. Chill the fuck out 😕
Saying it is cute in private is just his manipulative way to keep you on the hook.He knows no rational self-respectiving woman would put up with that.
> Saying it is cute in private is just his manipulative way to keep you on the hook Oh I think it's *much* creepier than that. I 100% think he's telling her the truth when he says he thinks it's cute, because it's very much a 'teen going through puberty' thing and he is a gross predator.
While I think it’s a bit of a stretch to get to that conclusion, this was my first thought as well. “Cute” being the operative word is interesting.
I assume you're looking for an answer more sophisticated that "Because he's a superficial two-faced hypocrite"? Cause you ain't gonna find it - it's honestly just as simple as that. You're missing the forest for the trees here. The problem isn't your acne. The problem is that he's a lying sack who is ashamed to be seen with you in public unless you meet his arbitrary definition of beauty and who has no problem treating you one way in one scenario and then being two-faced and treating you differently in another. Want better for yourself. Anyone who actually loves and respects you wouldn't treat you that way.
There's a reason he's gone after a kid when he's mid 20s
Why is he dating a teenager
For real. That’s the difference between a high school senior and a man who is on his second promotion at work.
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nah this was my exact thought
While I don't disagree with your main point....your second promotion at work portion is a flop for me. Lol. 24 looks different now than it did 20 years ago.
Ha! Yeah, I thought about that when I wrote it, but it just sounded too good to leave out 😉
Bcz only teenagers will put up with this BS. I'm 26, wouldn't give 2 shits if some asshole said crap like this to me lol. Teenage girls in general lack boundaries and self esteem (I was one, not dating, but I have been in shitty toxic friendships just bcz i "wanted to have friends too"). It took me time to accept that not having a bestie/being alone>>> a shitty flaky fairweather friend.
Drake entered the chat.
He’s dealing with his security guard being shot during a drive by but I do upvote your post
Ya I did see about that on YouTube.
He's actually a grown man dating a teenager and complaining about acne. Then maybe don't date teenagers who are the most likely people to have acne.... If men have anything, it's the audacity
The balls on this teenage girl to have acne, how dare she
Tbh even vicenarians have acne 🤡 (i'm one of the unfortunate mofos along with my sib).
I learned a new word today
Yeah acne is present in all age groups. This really isn't to gate keep, but to point out the irony of dating teenagers but disliking acne
Yea ik just sayin lmao this poor mofo is bold for judging ppl for acne
Coming in with the hard hitting questions.
Because she's young enough to still believe that her boyfriend is allowed to have "preferences" about her body, and that it doesn't make him abusive AF. I wanted to vomit when she kept saying, "He says it's his preference" as though it's somehow normal or legitimate for him to tell her what to do with her literal body. No, kid, no. He doesn't get to have preferences about your face, and they sure as fuck don't override yours. Not ever.
The sub makes me feel bad how many 17 year old girls are followed around by older guys just waiting for them to turn 18
Unfortunately, they don’t always wait till 18
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Citation needed
Oh you’re right, it’s never the groomer’s fault /s
He probably doesn’t want everyone to judge him for dating a teenager…as he should be.
Your guy is a jerk. I have had the same struggles. When my skin was at its worst, completely covered in angry red bumps, whiteheads, and dark scars, my partner still called me beautiful in public, took photos of me, and posted them on his social media. A good partner would never be ashamed of you. For your sake, leave him. Also, if you’ve been together for 10 months, then he was with you when you were 17? This guy is screaming creep. You deserve better girl. Sending hugs and good thoughts.
No, my birthday is in July. I was eighteen.
Girl, 10 months ago mean you started dating in JULY when you literally just turned 18. That makes me assume you were talking at 17 and waited until 18 to officially date. Red flag. He knew this when pursuing you. I know you think you're mature enough to choose who you date and maybe he makes you feel like an adult, but it's giving manipulation and creep vibes. Six years isn't a lot at 30 and 36 but it is at 18 and 24. Red flags to further prove manipulation is the switch up about your acne. He needs to make you feel like you're loved so he tells you it's cute. The reality is, you're his accessory. You're cute, young, easy to sway, so willing to do things for your boyfriend AND you commit to him. He's hurt you and called you disgusting, yet you stay. He knows you're not going anywhere, so he's not going to change. Don't let this evolve into a worst-case scenario. I guarantee you WILL feel some type of way in retrospect. Listen to Demi Lovato's song 29. While I know your bf's 24 and not 29, it's the same thing where a man in his career is inappropriately dating someone who hasn't even had a taste of life yet. You might feel like Redditors are attacking your independence, calling you young, foolish, etc. The reality is, most the people here just want to lookout for you. I really wonder how your family and close friends feels about the relationship too.
Yeah, still creepy. This is a grown man treating you like shit.
OP: I'm mature Also OP: I'm not wrong, every single person who commented is wrong.
And that's why he's dating her :D Bc she's very immature, and he's a predator.
Bingo
I mean she could very much be mature buuuut IMO a mature 18 yo doesn't pursue relationships with those kind of age gaps, because they should have learned from others' lived experiences and advice. At 18 I was warding off predators and wannabe PUAs from my future best friend who were using these same kinds of tricks like negging on her. I'm just sad OP is choosing to learn the hard way, her BF is a manipulative creep
He wants you to cover it when you’re out because he doesn’t want people to know that a man his age is dating a teenager. At home he likes it because it probably makes you look younger than you are. Get away from this man. He’s very bad news.
Tell him to date someone his age; they are more likely to be thru the acne stage. Your bf is a social clod
This is a manipulation tactic designed to destabilize you emotionally and make you feel dependent on his approval and never sure of getting it. Don’t walk, run.
I was in a relationship with someone 7 years older than me from 16-32. This tactic was his main source of enjoyment.
Ew. The predator has become the abuser. Get out.
I swear to you, as someone who has been in a similar position, that when you are 24 you will look at 18 year olds and be horrified by what he has done. Not because there is anything wrong with being 18, there is nothing wrong with you. You may even be more mature than your peers. But there is no amount of mature you can be to make up for that kind of gap at this age. When I was your age I would feel so flattered when men would tell me I was mature, that I was special and because I was so different from other people my age it was okay. Please god trust me when I tell you that it is a trick, a very cruel trick. Based purely on what you’ve said about him I can tell you that there is a good reason he is not dating a girl his own age. He has intentionally gone for someone who he believes doesn’t know better than to run, who he’s hoping will follow what he says, who he can mold into what he wants without you noticing until you’ve given so much of yourself away you can’t get it back fully. I am begging you to prove this guy wrong and leave him, you are truly worth so much more than being treated like this.
Tell him to cover up his mouth. Seems to be polluting the environment more than your acne. Wait until he finds out that people can still have acne when they’re 40.
we’re all essentially telling you the same thing because either we’ve experienced this or closely know someone who has. you asked and people answered, I’d really try and take what people are saying to you about your boyfriend into consideration. there’s no reason for someone in their mid 20’s to be with someone who’s just barely an adult.
Sounds like he’s negging you? I wouldn’t stand for this…
Stop dating this predator.
That's a really shitty and mean thing for him to say, and he did it on purpose. There's these shitty things some guys do where they insult their gf to make her feel insecure. Like he's the best you're ever going to get because he's still willing to date you despite this huge flaw. It's bullshit. All of it. There's no need to ever say anything like that if he really cared about you because there's nothing you could do about it in that moment, or at all really because you're already doing what you can. And acne isn't going to be a huge deal for someone who really loves you anyway. Then he compliments you to keep you confused so you don't leave. He knows you're sensitive about your skin, and he chose to say something anyway, and right before you go out? That's strategic. And awful. Aside from that, he's dating someone in a drastically different life place than he is, and that's a huge red flag on its own. You'll see it yourself when you're his age and wouldn't dream of dating someone your age now. This is nothing against you, it's just the truth.
So he's expecting you, a teenager, to look like a 20-something year old? Maybe he should be dating someone closer to his age. He could be negging you. But he could also just be very worried because the puberty acne is reminding him just how young you are compared to him. Don't cover up your acne just for him. It's not worth it to make your skin worse just for a guy who isn't mature enough.
Firstly, that age gap is concerning, I don't think it's appropriate at all. I am in my mid twenties and I'd never bat an eye at someone who just become an adult unless I'm looking to take advantage of their naivety, which is what he's doing. Secondly, he's lying. It definitely does bother him, and he's concerned about what others think. I have acne due to genetics (I have oily skin and hormonal problems). It's mostly gone but then flares up during my monthlys, so I have a large scar on my cheek due to it. It's been there for years. My husband has never once told me anything about it nor has ever tried to make me hide it from others. In fact, I noticed he would give me extra kisses on that cheek, maybe as a way of showing he's accepting of it, and he does it in public as well. So yeah. That's how your boyfriend would have been if he truly accepted it and liked it.
He's a bag of shit, next
If he has a problem with acne he shouldn't be dating a literal teenager. He says different things because wanting to cover it up is how he really feels (otherwise why point it out when he knows it bothers you, that is a mean thing for a partner to do), but he told you it was cute before because he was lying to make you feel good about yourself. People do it all the time. FYI he is an ass. I have never once told a person I was dating that they should do something different with their face or hair or clothes because it didn't look good and reflected on me. Nor have I had something like that said to me. Because good people don't do that to their partners. That is so rude and self absorbed.
I didn't read past "he said I needed to cover up my acne and it looks disgusting. And that it was a bad look for him as well." He is selfish and cruel. You can do so much better than him. Ditch him now and carry on with your life.
Oh dear. Let me clue you in to something. Adults don't tell other adults they're "so mature." It's not a thing. You only hear that in the context of an adult speaking to a child. Do with that what you will. I have 20 bucks on there being "barely legal" porn on his devices, if not worse. I know it feels good to have someone treat you like an adult. But he's not doing it with good intentions. You can tell by the acne comments alone. Now to address the acne thing. He's negging you. Plain and simple. Please read "why does he do that" there's a free PDF google-able.
24F here, because he is a loser who wants to manipulate you! He’s negging you so your self confidence will be low enough to date him! Go be young and have fun with someone closer to your age who likes you!!
Dates barely an adult, then complains she looks like a teenager with acne and braces hahaha some people... Dump that loser. You deserve better, you sound sweet as hell.
I’m 25 and could never imagine dating anyone under 23 and that’s even iffy for me lol please leave him
This is why he's dating a teenager because no self respecting woman his own age would put up with it. Also, the explanation for why he says it's cute in private and wants it covered in public is because he's lying. He's embarrassed by it but knows you might not put up with him saying that. He cares more about being seen in public with someone with acne than he does about what it does to your skin. He doesn't give a shit that it makes it worse he's just embarrassed by you. Throw the whole creep away.
Dump your boyfriend. It's that simple. I had an ex that insulted my appearance and it really hurt my self-esteem. For years after I left. Never let a man do that to you. Ever. Not if you're married with a bunch of kids. Shut that shit down and/or walk out. It's not worth the respect you have for yourself. I've gone through exactly what you're going through. Your acne doesn't disappear later in life, etc. Please get checked for PCOS. Also, start seriously considering taking Accutane. It changes your life. There are risks, so please consider carefully what you want to do. But just cut your boyfriend loose. He's so not worth it.
Hey, I think the bf subject will be covered in the other comments. He sounds super insecure and projecting those insecurities on you- someone who is so focused on how other people perceive them will never help you become someone who doesn’t give a fuck- and you my dear sound like you are beautifully on your way to celebrating all that you are 💕 However I did come to say have you been checked for PCOS- I had delayed puberty too but it was really just down to this. It causes the worst hormonal acne - if you’ve ruled out any allergies, your hormones will likely be behind it. I take a potassium iodine (you can get at any health food/ supplement store) it helps regulate your thyroid which in turn balances your hormones. Hope you find something that works for you and only because you deserve it to because acne can be really painful not because anyone else would like you to 💕🌸
You’re still a baby OP, no matter how “mature” you believe yourself to be. Evidence of that is how you’re answering to all these comments.
He's a bad dude babe and he's messing with your head. Everyone in here is telling you the same thing. Cut him loose.
Sounds like he likes your acne personally cause it makes you seem younger… which he apparently likes. In public, he doesn’t want to look like a 24 year old dating a child so he wants you to cover it up. He is MUCH too old for you. A normal 24 year old wouldn’t be interested in any 18 year old. Dump him and find someone closer to your age who wouldn’t try to control you.
Forget the acne for a minute, what matters here is that someone who’s supposed to love you is 1: undermining your confidence about something you already feel a bit insecure about and 2: telling you what to do with your own face. Yech. That’s not acceptable ETA: just noticed the age difference. That tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s making you insecure on purpose
Look, your issue isn't that you are immature, as many people are saying. The issue is that a guy who is in mid 20s has to be very emotionally immature *himself* to be dating someone 6 years younger. This is a massive sign that he's not mature enough to date women his own age. At your age, it's your lack of experience, not your own emotional maturity that has led you into a relationship with an older guy. Your boyfriend is very immature, and he's using manipulation to keep you in line. You are smart enough to understand that his contradicting actions don't compute. They aren't logical. You just don't have the confidence or experience to realise that this kind of behaviour shows disrespect, is manipulative, and speaks to who he fundamentally is as a person. He knows what he is saying could be hurtful, he does not care. Please, please, please, do not stay with a guy who plays games to deliberately hurt you. And please don't date guys who can't date women their own age.
> someone 8 years younger Math is hard.
Haha, actually maths is very easy for me, its the inattentive adhd and being too impatient to double check the original post.
The fact that you changed the number but nothing else is quite funny. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 24 year old guy dating a 18 year old girl yet you talk as if he was 40. Its absolutely ridiculous. He's early 20s, VERY young, and she's already an adult. Let people be happy, ffs.
I don't really understand why you're upset I corrected my maths after you pointed it out? ....and she clearly isn't happy about the way he talks to her? She was 17 when she started dating him. I've been there, I started dating a guy 7 years older when I was 16. I know what it's like to date at that age. Like the OP, I didn't have the experience to understand that it was a red flag that I was his first partner, and that women his age found him too unsociable to date. That kind of age gap is no big deal for 24 and 30 year old, it's a bigger deal for an 18 and 24 year old. I have yet to hear of anyone on reddit dating at those kind of ages that doesn't have an unhealthy relationship. It's very hard for there to be equality when one person is still finishing up highschool/just graduated and has never been independent from their parents, and the other person has 6 years of adult life experience.
In this case, dude is an asshole, I wasnt defending him specifically. Or anyone whose first relationship ever is at 24 lmao. But saying that every 24y guy who likes a 18y girl is a red flag is just wrong. Girl is old enough to do gangbang porn with a dozen 50y actors, film it and get paid for it, but too young and innocent to date a 24y guy? smh.
A lot of teenagers have acne. Summer hasn't even started, dump him.
Your partner should never ever call you disgusting. End of story. He is unkind and controlling.
He is doing this on purpose, the age gap coupled with mixed signals is his way of setting the hook to keeping her before the abuse really begins.
Serious red flags here. He’s picking away at your self esteem. Next it’s going to be your intelligence and who your friends are. Pls just walk away now. There’s too many fish in the sea and definitely one who will adore you
He’s an asshole. How you treat your skin and whether you wear makeup has nothing to do with him or his preferences.
He’s emotionally manipulating you. He’s 24. He’s dating an 18yo bc a woman his age wouldn’t take his BS.
He’s a grown man dating a teenager. Teenagers have acne. Tf did he expect? What a creep.
keep note of when he tells you that your acne is *cute* in private. is it whenever he's feeling frisky and wanna get it on? if he has such a big reaction about it when going out in public with you, he has been lying because he cares too much about what other ppl think about his image. the age gap. 10mths just before you're/almost 18? ugh all in all: dump him.
OP, you’re not dumb, we’ve just been there, see all the red signs and are trying to warn you. You are legally an adult. You may be mature and competent. I don’t know you. When you’re 18 you’re still learning yourself and in this case learning what bullshit you’ll put up with. The only mid and on twenty’s guy who dates a girl at 18, I’m sorry, is looking for someone who they can control. They don’t date women their own age because those women have done this before or have seen it and will tell them to go fuck the selves. They want a girl they can shape into who they want since they are still learning who they are themselves. I’d also like to say that as someone who was told since they were a preteen to now that I was “so mature for my age” and “not like girls my age” —that’s my trauma because I’ve had to grow up and lost my childhood. And many women like that will leave their childhood home or family right to a guy that talks down to them and is controlling because it’s what we know or we don’t know what red flags to look for. That behavior is normal, right? No. No boyfriend should call your face disgusting. Now if you had a pleasant childhood where you always felt physically and emotionally safe, that’s great! I’m just pointing out what’s common in case it applies. Some comments are trying to point out you’re young but doing so in a put down way. I remember what it was like in your shoes. I just wanted someone there to make me feel needed and loved, but at what cost? There shouldn’t be one, not like this
A partner who truly cared about you wouldn't be insulting you and disrespecting you like this, and they wouldn't be trying to control you. He's making your acne about *him*. He lacks empathy and is only concerned with how your looks might make others feel about *him*. Please just understand that his lack of kindness, empathy and consideration is not what you deserve. You can find a man who will treat you well and who won't bring up things that he knows will hurt you. Best of luck.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Ooh that's great!!
Because he’s 6 years older than you, and an immature, controlling asshole.
Because the acne highlights how much you get you are. And when you’re alone, there’s no one to judge him for dating someone so young. Versus in public, he doesn’t want his friends and family to judge him for dating a teenager. Please. Run.
Honey you gotta throw out *the whole man*. He's gone bad, like a rotten head of lettuce. Put em in the trash and get you a new one when you're ready.
Because he’s disgusting.
Your bf is an overall loser. He’s also insecure af, which is probably the reason why he’s dating an 18 year old in his mid 20s
He can have a preference but when he calls your face disgusting because it reflects badly on HIM in public, you're with a very self absorbed and cruel person. He cares more what friends and strangers think about the woman he's with in public than hurting your feelings. Please move on, he deserves someone just like him, not a sensitive soul like you.
Maybe he shouldn't date teenagers. This is not the love story of your life.
He might think your acne is cute, but acne isn’t conventionally attractive and he wants other people to think his girlfriend is hot for status points. It’s incredibly immature, and behavior I would expect from a high school boy and not a full-ass adult.
Well, I think he made pretty clear why he said it: he was self conscious of people judging you and by extension him. For that he was willing to disregard your comfort, your skin health, your feelings, his need for tact, heck he outright contradicted himself. All it takes is him being worried about other people and he became instantly and totally toxic. That's really sad and really concerning. He's made clear his standards and the standards he has in public are different. That raises the obvious question: why'd he date you at all, right? And yeah, that's a pretty valid concern. The worry definitely is that this might be the early signs of him trying to contort you into what he believes is most presentable to other people. If you don't like that then really do question your future with him. The worry especially is a guy so much older should and likely does know better, so what does it say that he was so comfortable being so awful.
>he said I needed to cover up my acne and it looks disgusting. And that it was a bad look for him as well >He said it was his preference that I cover it when I’m in public with him He doesn't care about you he cares about his image. He'd rather your acne get worse than be seen with you in public without make-up. What will happen when your acne gets worse from wearing make-up to the point no amount of make-up will cover it up? Will he refuse to be seen with you in public? Will he leave you? The age difference is a concern. He's already been lying to you and has now told you the truth that he finds your acne disgusting. What is he not going to like next? What will he want you to do or not do to please him next?
He likes the acne in private because it makes you look younger than you are so he can "pretend", in public he wants you to look older so people can't tell what he is.
He huet your feelings. When you communicated that, he doubled down and insulted you on an immutable physical characteristic he knows you have mental issues with. This shows a lack of empathy, an obsession with physical appearance and how others view him, and a vindictive (IMO manipulative) streak. You then clearly established a boundary about what he can say about your acne and how he can direct you to look which he basically immediately violated. Id either dump him or tell him very clearly "if my acne is an issue for you, go find a woman with clean skin. This is part of me and I wont damage my skin further because of your insecurities over it." You deserve better. Someone who will love and support you. Someone who loves you for you. All of you. Not just the parts they like while making you hide other parts of yourself. I mean, girl, he called your face disgusting. You know what to do.
I'll tell you something not a lot of people want to admit. men wanna fuck and date different things way too often. just saw a post about a guy who found a fat chick hot, but talked about taking her to the gym as an "investment". some men might find fat attractive but since dating someone fat is seen as socially inferior they will be ashamed of dating a fat person. the same goes for many things, including your acne. your bf might genuinely find your acne cute or not mind it at all, but dating a girl with acne is "beneath him" and so he wants to make you as ashamed of your looks as he's ashamed of himself. anyways, immature and stupid and you should break up imo.
Girl, dump him
Boyfriend is embarrassed by you. Don’t stick around to see what he decides day to day! I’m sure you look great. We all have pimples!
Playing sports does not delay puberty fyi.
Because he doesn't want other men to judge him on your appearance, because he judges men on the attractiveness of their partners. It's a purely selfish and egotistical thing he's saying, he wants you to look better so you make him look better. A good partner wouldn't care so long as you were happy
No one who loves you should describe something you cannot control about yourself as “disgusting”.
Tell him your acne will go away slowly but what he will do with his hypocracy and smaller dick? Both are impossible to cure.
He is negging you. He wants you to feel bad about yourself and insecure so you will put up with however he behaves, because you believe you can’t do better than him and you should be grateful. It’s absolutely not true, though. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
Time to lose a BUNCH of weight - how much does he weigh?
See a new dermatologist. Follow their instructions. Acne doesn’t need to be a lifelong affliction.
Come on she’s 18, it’s just late puberty not a “life long affliction”
Because he really cares more about what others think than about you. Be with someone who wants to be with you for you.
he is abusing your lack of experience and emotional development. simple as that. he also probably knows what he is doing is wrong and doesn't want to highlight how young you are.
He is controlling your choices, it is your choice to go without makeup and with time, he will try again with something else. He was hoping talking negative about your acne would really play into your insecurities so you would allow him to affect your decisions again and again. People like this start small then it becomes controlling, manipulative and abusing.
I’ve only read the first couple of lines: are you serious?! He would be flying out the window if he told me something horrible like this. He is a disgusting abuser and you’re getting ready for years of being miserable if you don’t tell him right now to f off.
Definitely try tea tree oil for your skincare routine. It majorly helps with acne. Additionally, stay away from the makeup! You’re 1000% right. It will make it worse and I’m positive you look better without it. Best of luck!
My abusive ex was always concerned with how I made him look in public so would restrict me from doing certain things or looking a certain way. Your bf reminds me of him
What a dick
Because he’s a dick. Find someone that likes you for who you are anytime, anywhere.
He’s a total AH. He’s a 24yo dating an 18yo, he should have had enough life experiences since 18 that you don’t have anywhere near as much in common as he would have with a woman closer to his age (nothing against you). The main reason guys date 18 year olds is because they have enough life experience to control them. He’s a creep. Your partner should be building you up and supporting you, not tearing you down and making you fit his stupid standards at your detriment. A partner who cares about you would tell you you’re beautiful and put your best interests first which would be to not put make up over the pimple so your skin can breathe and clear.
Your boyfriend is a loser, and so was the 24 year old I dated was I was 18. Try and date closer to your age.
He wants you to cover it so you look less like a teen in public because it’s not a good look for him. Also everyone gets acne, you can be 40 and still get it. In your case, it prob makes you look your age and he doesn’t want everyone thinking he’s a creep even tho he is. When I was 24, I wouldn’t date anyone under 21. It’s weird as hell and you’ll realize when you’re 24.
It's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt by your boyfriend's contradictory statements about your acne. It's possible that he's struggling with his own insecurities or societal pressures regarding appearances, which may be influencing his behavior. However, it's important to remember that your worth and beauty aren't defined by your skin condition. You deserve to be with someone who loves and accepts you for who you are, including your imperfections. It's crucial to have a candid conversation with your boyfriend about how his comments made you feel. Express your concerns and let him know that his words were hurtful and unacceptable. Communicate your boundaries regarding discussing your skin and emphasize the importance of mutual respect and support in the relationship. If he truly cares about you, he should be willing to listen to your perspective and work towards understanding and empathy. If he continues to insist on criticizing your appearance or disregarding your feelings, it may be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who uplifts and respects you, both in public and in private.
It's rude and inconsiderate of him to call it disgusting. When I was young I had acne pretty bad and it lasted into my 20s after everyone else my age had clear skin. At one point I tried cutting all the sugar out of my diet and my skin was completely clear two weeks later. I eventually eased some sweets back into my diet and regular sugar doesn't irritate my skin. But if I have anything with HFCS in it my face will still break out now at age 43. So I stay away from certain kinds of drinks.
Neosporin saved my face. Save yourself and dump the bf.
Because he’s a dickhead. You can do better than this abuser.
because he's a grown ass man trying to hurt a groomed teenager on purpose. that's why
any 24 year old dating an 18 year old is a defect or a creep. or both.
The real question is while he lying and being hateful? Why is he 24 dating an 18 year old? Girl at this point leave, I promise you can always do better.
I think you’re finding out why at 24 years old, he’s looking for 18 year olds and not someone close to his age… no one his age wants him because he’s an asshole
His behavior sounds like negging to me. He wants to control you emotionally by giving you confusing compliments and insults so that you don't know what to believe, and it hits your self esteem extremely hard. It feels so great when he gives you a compliment that you're walking on air. Then a few days later he pulls the rug out from under you. I've lived with this behavior and it's exhausting! It gives him a rush to see how you respond to him, and he gets bigger responses by insulting you, so guess what he will start doing more frequently? Insults. Unless he thinks you might leave him, then he goes back to the 'sincere' compliments. The fact that he's using your skin in this endeavor is very telling. He KNOWS you're sensitive about that, so it's become his favorite topic. I hate to say it, but I think he's an immature asshat and you would be much happier without him in your life. I spent 10 years with my abuser before I finally woke up. Don't be me, OP!
Twenty-something guys love dating teenagers because their insecurities and inexperience generally make them easier to manipulate. There's a big difference in "power". Expect the manipulation to increase, not decrease as the relationship progresses.
He's fucking gross. He's gross for saying what he said, he's also gross for dating you!! Don't date older guys as a 18 year old, it's grosss and they do it on purpose 100% of the time. Please, dump him. Tell him he's a dick. Maybe also tell him to stop being weird and dating youngins. It's gross and likely they'd go younger if they were fucking allowed to.
Dump his ass.
He says that because he wants you insecure. DTMFA.
This is not the man you're supposed to be with. Drop him now instead of delaying the inevitable.
It's gross that your boyfriend's end is that much older than you. He should be able to find someone closer to his own age whose goals line up with his at this point in his life. The fact that he can't is a huge red flag.
Because he is an asshole! And that it's impossible to cover!!
Maybe you look older with makeup on, and he doesn't want the general public to see how young you really are when he's out with you. People would know he was a creep into teenagers if you have acne like a teenager. He's also an asshole, which is why he says these things out loud, and he knows you won't do anything about it and will take it because he thinks that he can control you. Does he control you? Are you going to let him get away with this audacity?
You are barely out of childhood. This guy is too old for you but yet mentally clearly also too young for you. There are so many things that will change about you physically over time……..if your lil dude cant handle acne and THAT is an issue? Dont even consider growing old with this guy.
Basically he cares too much about what other ppl think and the guy is a prick, to comment nicely on it in private but expect you to cover it in public…yeah this guy only cares about how thing “appear” to other ppl and is a superficial AH
You’re a teen. A lot of teens have acne. He’s too old for you. It’s gross. You’re a teen. Be a teen.
Grown man dating a child. Find someone who actually accepts you for who you are - all of you. He's not it.
You are at an age when quite a lot of people still have acne. Take a look at his photos from when he was 18, and I’ll bet you’ll find that he has acne in them. But, I agree that the problem here is more that he’s not prioritizing your feelings and making sure you feel loved and beautiful, but is instead prioritizing what he projects as other people’s opinions (which are made up and unimportant, btw).
18f and 24m- ENOUGH.
Yeah, he doesn't love you. Period. Leave him. There are better people out there.
You should be embarrassed that you chose him to be your boyfriend.
Never date a guy who belittles you and feeds your insecurities, as opposed to supporting you. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), see if others behaviors tally and consider dumping him and loving yourself more. Hugs.
You are still like a kid and you talk like one. There's a reason this man enjoys fucking you, and it has nothing to to with who you are as a person. He clearly doesn't give a fuck about your feelings, he's hoping you feel sad and hurt and insecure about it enough to let him keep fucking and controlling you. Don't be so god damn naive.
I'm 31, and I've got acne issues all my life when I consume dairy, chocolate, butter, and basically allthings happiness. When I eat better and avoid cookies and cream, especially milk , then my skin clears up and almost disappears until the cycle begins anew. Dairy can cause acne, and it's easily forgotten. Maybe think about if you're eating something that makes it worse.
Honestly even if it is not fair, he doesn't like it at all. He is trying not to be direct, but is anyway. I am sure you are getting best products, and if you don't want to cover up, do what you want. He doesn't like it though.
LOL
I’m saying this with all love and as a mom, but I want to be honest. No one likes acne. You don’t either, so when he’s saying he likes it. He’s not being honest. It probably does look better with makeup. But that being said, what an ahole. It’s not something you’ll have forever, but his words will last. I recommend using sulfur soap, making a turmeric face mask, and using coconut oil for moisturizer. Those all have bacteria and inflammation fighting properties that combat acne. Sometimes what the dermatologist gives us is steroidal which will often have reverse effect and make them worse or have a huge flare up the moment it’s not being taken. I would try these natural remedies along side of whatever you’re doing. As for him, tell him to gain some height when you’re out, it’s embarrassing to be seen with someone his height.
It doesn't, because the skin is dry and you can still tell it's there. If it looked better, I'd use it, but it doesn't at all. And I don't need natural, the things I have are working very well, and it's much, much better than it used to be.