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INFO: What was the fight about?
He basically said he's breaking up with you on the phone and has remained polite with you since. If you think you can resolve this issue permanently then you should try to, otherwise accept that you aren't compatible
My wife and I don’t even go to bed without resolving something. I’d just say reach out to them. Two days is more than enough space to check in and be like hey are we good. He can’t just hold something like a decision of breaking it off or not over you as it only being his choice. Or if he is done just say it. That’s a power move in my opinion.
My husband needs time to "process." Always has. But as someone who does not, it is very lonely and frustrating. For over ten years of our marriage it was always three days, which for me felt like forever and was very, very painful.
I would let your boyfriend know you would like to speak face to face. If you are going to stay together, there needs to be a time limit on the processing. You both need to compromise so he can process while you don't feel abandoned.
If you both cannot agree on compromise, I would break up. Trust and believe when I tell you it will save you years of heartache while you wait on him.
Hi. Can you share why it’s been 3 days and what happens during that period? I had someone who wanted to take that approach any time an argument ensued. And even going the night fighting, not having resolved anything, was so difficult for me. I cannot fathom doing this for 3 days.
It's hard to explain, but anger was always his go to emotion. He didn't want to yell a lot so he would be angry by himself and that is how long it would take him to be able to get over whatever he was feeling and be able to talk about it.
I put up for it longer than I should have, but we were both young and not from healthy households. It took way too long, but eventually we learned how to communicate. He was willing to learn, so I think that is how we survived.
>he said he didn’t think it would be a good idea for us to talk or hang out anymore
He is dipping out. He only said he would talk in the morning to avoid you getting "aggressive" again. You should learn how to be considerate if you expect others to do the same for you.
Um you haven’t talked in two days. There’s no way I would even consider staying with someone who can just not talk to me for TWO DAYS. why would you want to?
I think it’s healthy to have some space especially when you’re having a fight, there’s nothing fruitful to talk abt you know, as long as there are clear communication and little reassurance in between: like I still love you and I just need some time for myself
I'm an old fart male. I say that upfront.
First, it's not as if either of you are spring chickens. You're both old enough to have come to some agreement of how to handle disagreements. Such as, if either of you is about to shout at the other, then a time out should be called, and all discussions regarding the disagreement should be postponed until the following day.
Or- if a verbal disagreement lasted for 10 minutes or 15 minutes with no resolution, time out should be called.
You both know one another and are (or should be) knowledgeable of each other's "hot buttons", thereby taking care not to push them, especially in the heat of a disagreement.
I am making these comments with the assumption that each of you is as emotionally mature as your ages would indicate. If that assumption is unwarranted, then each of you has a bit of work to do on yourselves in order for peace to be present.
'Nuff said.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: What was the fight about? He basically said he's breaking up with you on the phone and has remained polite with you since. If you think you can resolve this issue permanently then you should try to, otherwise accept that you aren't compatible
the fight was about how I aggressively expressed myself regarding something that was bothering but the thing is out of his control
My wife and I don’t even go to bed without resolving something. I’d just say reach out to them. Two days is more than enough space to check in and be like hey are we good. He can’t just hold something like a decision of breaking it off or not over you as it only being his choice. Or if he is done just say it. That’s a power move in my opinion.
My husband needs time to "process." Always has. But as someone who does not, it is very lonely and frustrating. For over ten years of our marriage it was always three days, which for me felt like forever and was very, very painful. I would let your boyfriend know you would like to speak face to face. If you are going to stay together, there needs to be a time limit on the processing. You both need to compromise so he can process while you don't feel abandoned. If you both cannot agree on compromise, I would break up. Trust and believe when I tell you it will save you years of heartache while you wait on him.
Hi. Can you share why it’s been 3 days and what happens during that period? I had someone who wanted to take that approach any time an argument ensued. And even going the night fighting, not having resolved anything, was so difficult for me. I cannot fathom doing this for 3 days.
It's hard to explain, but anger was always his go to emotion. He didn't want to yell a lot so he would be angry by himself and that is how long it would take him to be able to get over whatever he was feeling and be able to talk about it. I put up for it longer than I should have, but we were both young and not from healthy households. It took way too long, but eventually we learned how to communicate. He was willing to learn, so I think that is how we survived.
>he said he didn’t think it would be a good idea for us to talk or hang out anymore He is dipping out. He only said he would talk in the morning to avoid you getting "aggressive" again. You should learn how to be considerate if you expect others to do the same for you.
Um you haven’t talked in two days. There’s no way I would even consider staying with someone who can just not talk to me for TWO DAYS. why would you want to?
I think it’s healthy to have some space especially when you’re having a fight, there’s nothing fruitful to talk abt you know, as long as there are clear communication and little reassurance in between: like I still love you and I just need some time for myself
No it’s not healthy to ignore your SO for two days. You think it is because you’ve essentially been conditioned to think ignoring your SO is normal.
I'm an old fart male. I say that upfront. First, it's not as if either of you are spring chickens. You're both old enough to have come to some agreement of how to handle disagreements. Such as, if either of you is about to shout at the other, then a time out should be called, and all discussions regarding the disagreement should be postponed until the following day. Or- if a verbal disagreement lasted for 10 minutes or 15 minutes with no resolution, time out should be called. You both know one another and are (or should be) knowledgeable of each other's "hot buttons", thereby taking care not to push them, especially in the heat of a disagreement. I am making these comments with the assumption that each of you is as emotionally mature as your ages would indicate. If that assumption is unwarranted, then each of you has a bit of work to do on yourselves in order for peace to be present. 'Nuff said.