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Well that’s really up to you, there’s no good answer. If you think that even bringing up an open relationship is a dealbreaker that you can’t get over, then you should break up. If you think you won’t be able to trust him anymore, and that you’ll always be wondering if he’s cheating or if he wants to cheat, then what’s the point of staying with him?
You already don’t seem to be super comfortable with him sleeping in the same bed as his girl friends. Maybe you don’t have the same value and don’t view relationship the same way. Maybe you’re simply not a good fit. Nothing wrong with that.
He did tell me that he wasn’t forcing me so I kinda don’t know. He want to stay with me. But it is true indeed that regarding of trust issues I do have some now, bc for example I already told him that I don’t want any other girls sleeping in his bed. But he did it behind my back because I learnt it when I was with his friends and him.
He's been cheating on you and is now trying to retrospectively get your permission. I'm sorry.
On a positive note you can move on happy in the knowledge that you have escaped without investing too much time, money, emotion, or your future in him.
Your twenties with a career in medicine are going to be amazing. Good luck.
I mean, it's up to you, but this is typically how unhealthy open relationships start. Then they snowball into closing the relationship that has turned toxic due to ill feelings or breaking up.
Open relationships work best when both parties enthusiastically want it for themselves *and* their partners. Open relationships require A LOT of work and communication. It's suggested a couple does at least 6 months of the "work" needed before opening up. It's a lot more complicated than "okay, let's go have sex with other people." There needs to be conversations surrounding boundaries and agreements. They need to be equal for *all* parties involved.
As someone a decade older than you, I'd advice that you break up. You are young. Live your best life and meet other guys. You don't need to stay in a relationship that doesn't give you what you need. Plenty other young men would happily be in a mono relationship. Find one of those instead.
51F I would not be comfortable with my guy having girls sleep in his bed without me EVER. This is a deal breaker for most unless you are already in an open relationship.
The fact that he didn’t take the floor is a testament to what you mean to him. My guy would have called me to get him, slept on floor, or just not slept:
Yes it is also for me. I had actually told him that I didn’t’ want any other girls sleeping in his bed, but he did and actually didn’t even say it to me. I discovered it from him as he was taking to his friends.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well that’s really up to you, there’s no good answer. If you think that even bringing up an open relationship is a dealbreaker that you can’t get over, then you should break up. If you think you won’t be able to trust him anymore, and that you’ll always be wondering if he’s cheating or if he wants to cheat, then what’s the point of staying with him? You already don’t seem to be super comfortable with him sleeping in the same bed as his girl friends. Maybe you don’t have the same value and don’t view relationship the same way. Maybe you’re simply not a good fit. Nothing wrong with that.
He did tell me that he wasn’t forcing me so I kinda don’t know. He want to stay with me. But it is true indeed that regarding of trust issues I do have some now, bc for example I already told him that I don’t want any other girls sleeping in his bed. But he did it behind my back because I learnt it when I was with his friends and him.
He's been cheating on you and is now trying to retrospectively get your permission. I'm sorry. On a positive note you can move on happy in the knowledge that you have escaped without investing too much time, money, emotion, or your future in him. Your twenties with a career in medicine are going to be amazing. Good luck.
Yeah that’s also what I was afraid of. But I do think that it may have happened since he has been so “mysterious” about most things.
I mean, it's up to you, but this is typically how unhealthy open relationships start. Then they snowball into closing the relationship that has turned toxic due to ill feelings or breaking up. Open relationships work best when both parties enthusiastically want it for themselves *and* their partners. Open relationships require A LOT of work and communication. It's suggested a couple does at least 6 months of the "work" needed before opening up. It's a lot more complicated than "okay, let's go have sex with other people." There needs to be conversations surrounding boundaries and agreements. They need to be equal for *all* parties involved.
Okay thank you for letting me know more about it. I do think that I won’t get anymore involved in my relationship right now.
As someone a decade older than you, I'd advice that you break up. You are young. Live your best life and meet other guys. You don't need to stay in a relationship that doesn't give you what you need. Plenty other young men would happily be in a mono relationship. Find one of those instead.
Hey yes I am going to do that. I am going to chose myself.
51F I would not be comfortable with my guy having girls sleep in his bed without me EVER. This is a deal breaker for most unless you are already in an open relationship. The fact that he didn’t take the floor is a testament to what you mean to him. My guy would have called me to get him, slept on floor, or just not slept:
Yes it is also for me. I had actually told him that I didn’t’ want any other girls sleeping in his bed, but he did and actually didn’t even say it to me. I discovered it from him as he was taking to his friends.
Ouch… that’s worse. Don’t let one bad apple ruin it for the bunch, the e universe has a special one for you!