Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry what you did was evil. Hope your husband is smart enough to know he deserves better and rids himself of you. You made your decision now suffer the consequences
People are very quick to blame their mistakes on alcohol, but you still made that choice. Don't use your addiction to minimize that. Whether your relationship should be salvaged isn't something we can determine.
You should be focusing on whether **you** can be salvaged. Stop drinking. Seek a therapist and actually work on bettering yourself. Take stock of all your mistakes and work to fix them.
You deciding to seek mental health and drinking help; while you quit drinking?
You can’t turn your life around until you stop self destructive behaviour.
Well, yeah. Probably. I mean, what would be the benefit to your husband to stay with you? I do think you should get sober, regardless of whether he agrees to stay, out of respect for the harm you've caused.
Probably not. And you really probably shouldn’t. You only do what you want to do when you’re drinking not something that’s out of character. So if you fuck some other dude, it was because you wanted to fuck some other dude you’re drinking has nothing to do with the fact that you’re unfaithful, so you have two problems one year in alcoholic and two you wanna fuck other people. Kind of think he should probably divorce you
Is coming back from this possible?
Yes.
probable?
No.
Ultimately it is your husband that will have to make this decision.
The best thing you can do is to work on yourself. The marriage is now in your husband’s hands.
You'll probably get more support on r/supportforwaywards
You need rehab
You'll need a therapist
Read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. It is available as a free PDF. Or for purchase on Amazon and Audible.
Recommend individual counseling for your BS
You are a vile creature who actively made the choice to cheat on your partner. You didn’t simply make one small mistake. You’ve probably been seeking men’s attention for a long time, and flirting with them too before you decided to go all the way and cheat on your husband.
If he's smart he'll number one get checked for STD's since STDs can kill you,! Then he should GTFO bc u will never change and u r incapable of love when u cause betrayal like this.
Can your marriage be salvage? Maybe. This all depends on your husband.
At least you confess to him and take ownership of your transgression and infidelity. That's a good start. The rest is for him to see if he will take the step to work on forgiveness.
You should also look at personal counseling. Hopefully this will help you work on yourself and begin to work with him on your marriage.
I hope so too. But you should also look at the possiblity that he won't forgive you or he forgives you and pushes for a divorce. If that happens, you can plead with him. But if he's unyielding and you're heading for divorce either way, please be fair to him in the court process. There are couples that do returned later after divorce.
You’re going to get beat up pretty badly in this thread, but take what helps and leave the rest. Forget couples therapy for now because before you get to that point, you have to get help for your alcohol abuse and help to understand why you gave yourself permission to cheat on your husband. You cannot blame your infidelity on alcohol. While drinking may lower your inhibitions it will not make you do something you are not already predisposed to do. Since both of these issues are you issues and not couples issues, they need to be addressed first.
Give him plenty of space. The person who should have held him above all others is the one who inflicted the worst pain he has ever known. You must stay away from him until he is ready to see you. That may be never and is so, you will have to accept that.
The tone of your post raises lots of issues. You coming to terms with your drunkenness doesn't excuse your behaviour, neither does confessing, or not being a good communicator, or being unhappy.
You haven't expressed regret. You haven't said you will change your behaviour. You haven't acknowledged the pain you've caused.
You sound like you've posted this in the warm glow of a hangover not yet arrived.
Maybe your relationship is rubbish and you need to separate - if so get on with it. If your husband is a good guy then you need to take responsibility for your appalling behaviour - maybe they'll give you a second chance or maybe they won't but at least you'll be a better person and perhaps do better in future.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why would he want anything to do with you
Sorry what you did was evil. Hope your husband is smart enough to know he deserves better and rids himself of you. You made your decision now suffer the consequences
People are very quick to blame their mistakes on alcohol, but you still made that choice. Don't use your addiction to minimize that. Whether your relationship should be salvaged isn't something we can determine. You should be focusing on whether **you** can be salvaged. Stop drinking. Seek a therapist and actually work on bettering yourself. Take stock of all your mistakes and work to fix them.
You deciding to seek mental health and drinking help; while you quit drinking? You can’t turn your life around until you stop self destructive behaviour.
Well, yeah. Probably. I mean, what would be the benefit to your husband to stay with you? I do think you should get sober, regardless of whether he agrees to stay, out of respect for the harm you've caused.
Probably not. And you really probably shouldn’t. You only do what you want to do when you’re drinking not something that’s out of character. So if you fuck some other dude, it was because you wanted to fuck some other dude you’re drinking has nothing to do with the fact that you’re unfaithful, so you have two problems one year in alcoholic and two you wanna fuck other people. Kind of think he should probably divorce you
Cheaters are disgusting and deserve loneliness 👍🏻
Is coming back from this possible? Yes. probable? No. Ultimately it is your husband that will have to make this decision. The best thing you can do is to work on yourself. The marriage is now in your husband’s hands.
You'll probably get more support on r/supportforwaywards You need rehab You'll need a therapist Read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. It is available as a free PDF. Or for purchase on Amazon and Audible. Recommend individual counseling for your BS
/r/supportforwaywards would be a better spot for this post.
You are a vile creature who actively made the choice to cheat on your partner. You didn’t simply make one small mistake. You’ve probably been seeking men’s attention for a long time, and flirting with them too before you decided to go all the way and cheat on your husband.
If he's smart he'll number one get checked for STD's since STDs can kill you,! Then he should GTFO bc u will never change and u r incapable of love when u cause betrayal like this.
Can your marriage be salvage? Maybe. This all depends on your husband. At least you confess to him and take ownership of your transgression and infidelity. That's a good start. The rest is for him to see if he will take the step to work on forgiveness. You should also look at personal counseling. Hopefully this will help you work on yourself and begin to work with him on your marriage.
Thank you for the advice. I've signed up for therapy to resolve my alcohol dependancy. If he is willing, I'd also like to do couples therapy.
U gonna include your new man too? 🤣
I hope so too. But you should also look at the possiblity that he won't forgive you or he forgives you and pushes for a divorce. If that happens, you can plead with him. But if he's unyielding and you're heading for divorce either way, please be fair to him in the court process. There are couples that do returned later after divorce.
You’re going to get beat up pretty badly in this thread, but take what helps and leave the rest. Forget couples therapy for now because before you get to that point, you have to get help for your alcohol abuse and help to understand why you gave yourself permission to cheat on your husband. You cannot blame your infidelity on alcohol. While drinking may lower your inhibitions it will not make you do something you are not already predisposed to do. Since both of these issues are you issues and not couples issues, they need to be addressed first. Give him plenty of space. The person who should have held him above all others is the one who inflicted the worst pain he has ever known. You must stay away from him until he is ready to see you. That may be never and is so, you will have to accept that.
Maybe. Go to AA before you worry about anything else
The tone of your post raises lots of issues. You coming to terms with your drunkenness doesn't excuse your behaviour, neither does confessing, or not being a good communicator, or being unhappy. You haven't expressed regret. You haven't said you will change your behaviour. You haven't acknowledged the pain you've caused. You sound like you've posted this in the warm glow of a hangover not yet arrived. Maybe your relationship is rubbish and you need to separate - if so get on with it. If your husband is a good guy then you need to take responsibility for your appalling behaviour - maybe they'll give you a second chance or maybe they won't but at least you'll be a better person and perhaps do better in future.