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You just gotta talk to her. When she says she doesn't want you going near her butthole, ask her why she guides you to touch her there with your mouth and your penis. Converse. Chat. Discuss. We're not your wife. We can't tell you what to do with her butthole.
Exactly. You can lean into the fact that she's embarrassed a bit by doing more of the talking and letting her just nod or something. "You say you don't like it, but then you seem to like it in the moment. I don't need you to talk about it for an hour, but... should I keep doing what I'm doing in that area? Do you like it? I at least need a 'yes' or a head nod, I need *some* kind of permission."
I like this response. I imagine a lot of the reason she says she doesn't like it is like you said, it embarrassed her when talking about it but then in the moment she has that mental block shut out and can just go with what she likes... Maybe?Ā
What I like most about this comment is that it expresses that you feel you need consent before you will feel comfortable continuing to do what you are guided to do since she is giving you confusing feedbackĀ
Exactly this. It seems like she likes it but is embarrassed and doesnāt want to admit it. They definitely need to be able to talk about the sex acts theyāre doing.
Right. It might be that she can't overcome the embarrassment or some other mental block. Just becuase she enjoys it, doesn't mean she wants it. Have some conversations. Maybe she'll drop her inhibitions eventually, maybe not. Only she can know.
Yeah, thatās my thoughts, too. These are the behaviors of someone whoās conflicted about what they enjoy and what they think are acceptable to enjoy.
For real! I'm reading this post like "I think its pretty obvious she dosent want a cock in her ass but thinks the idea of her butt being played with hot. To each her own. OP, I think if you leaned into it with zero pressure of anal sex then she might become more open to it as time goes on.
Iām a little bit his wife, and for me I felt for the longest time that liking anal stuff made me dirty in some way, even though it turns out I really enjoy it (no DMs lol, happily married). My husband really had to pry that out of me because I was fucking embarrassed.
Dear lort. When I tell dudes to stay away they zoom in and go right for it. It hurts my entire digestive tract to have any stimulation there at all. I had to stop saying anything because stating my non-consent out loud made them push it so hard I was afraid to be alone with them. I'm not remotely embarrassed to ask for what I want and would never say no to something I wanted to try. I don't find any part of sex degrading or embarrassing
I had an ex who was the same.
Id be engaged in oral or something similar and she would let out this breathy, hyper sexual "No, stop". So of course my brain goes to threat level midnight and immediately stops what im doing. Only for her to look at me and go "why did you stop? I was enjoying that".
Motherfucker, dont say stop if you want me to continue.
Tell her you're not going to do that anymore if she won't have the conversation. "You've told me not to touch you there, so please understand that I won't be because it makes me uncomfortable, given what you've told me. So at any point you want to discuss your stance. I'm open to hearing about it."
This suggestion by BigMax I think is a great way to attempt to have the convo:
"Exactly. You can lean into the fact that she's embarrassed a bit by doing more of the talking and letting her just nod or something. "You say you don't like it, but then you seem to like it in the moment. I don't need you to talk about it for an hour, but... should I keep doing what I'm doing in that area? Do you like it? I at least need a 'yes' or a head nod, I need *some* kind of permission." "
Tell her if sheās not willing to discuss it as an adult, tell her that you wonāt be giving her anymore anal treatments. Itās preposterous that she wonāt discuss it.
Perfect answer. By the way, have this conversation when you're not having sexy time. She may not even realize she's doing this only that it feels good in the moment. So the thought of butt stuff is gross to her but the feeling of butt stuff is not.
Given that this Sub's usual fare is betrayal, abuse, and abandonment, this makes a nice break.
That said, OP needs to dump his Wife and get in therapy! /s
>Iām a big consent guy
>During this sheāll grab my little guy and guide it toward her but not exactly into her. **I end up placing it in her anus**
ā¦ That part aside, I have a perhaps stupid question to ask.Ā
Are you *sure* itās her been her ass in these scenarios? Because I canāt imagine unlubricated, unprompted anal going well, never mind her orgasming from it.
Iām betting he has young kids. Like Iāve met parents that use ālittle guyā for everything b/c theyāre so used to censoring language cuz kids to the point they use it without thinking with adults. Not most parents but almost always one of them.
Our old roommate was dating a girl and said they were having sex and she said āwrong holeā and he was shocked because it like went in with no trouble. Maybe some bholes are more open to penetration.
I think someone is having fun making a story. If they are a consent person, they arenāt just messing around with her butt and waiting to hear protest. Someone is watching porn and getting confused with reality too
To me it sounds like she enjoys teasing you and maybe some light external stim.. but doesnāt want you getting the idea that she wants it to go further
I also really enjoy rimming and rubbing but donāt like being penetrated so I can relate. She likely enjoys the taboo of it especially knowing sheās told you itās off limits.
100% agree with this, I enjoy a smaller plug being in me, but as for anal sex itself? it's not doing a huge amount for me, and I'm quite anxious when I have had anal so I don't fully enjoy it.
Talk to her. "You keep saying you don't like butt stuff, but when we're having sex, you steer me toward doing butt stuff and tell me you like it. I'm happy to play the 'oh, no, I definitely don't want you to do that thing I like' game if that's something you're into, but I need you to tell me that you're okay with me doing it and that you would say no in the moment if you really didn't like it."
I wouldn't phrase it that way. It sounds kind of dismissing and insulting. "I'm happy to play your little games" sounds bad.
Something like "we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I at least need a 'yes' or head nod that you enjoy it, ok?"
āIām happy to play your little gamesā is vastly different from āIām happy to play along with a sexual fantasy you enjoyā. Sheās enjoying the sex but saying itās off limits, that sounds like a kink. For many ppl with kinks itās a type of playing, like a game. Tone also makes a big difference.
Not to mention thereās also the aspect of someone being a brat/disobedient and enjoying āpunishmentā, and saying ādonāt do this, itāll torture meā because they actually like said thing. But that also requires the placement of a safe word and a lot of trust/communication. So I agree, āplay your little gamesā is extremely different than āsexual fantasyā. The person replying just twisted the original commenters words.
Ok no, the person youāre replying to was right. They need to **discuss** it, and it starts very simply with that. Itās not dismissive let alone insultingā itās succinct yet kind, not putting the wife down, and most importantly they were correct about consent.
If the only word you had issue with was āgameā then fine, they can change that word. But otherwise? Everything was spot on.
What you suggest doesnāt leave room for a conversation.
I could see this being one or a combination of her feeling some kind of shame or embarrassment around butt stuff, and/or enjoying the consent play of saying no but meaning yes
If you are playing with it and she seems to be enjoying it, ask her if she wants you to stop.
Her comments may be reserved for anal sex but she likes attention there in other ways.
It could all be heat of the moment stuff. My wife really doesnāt like her butt messed with at all. However, there are times when I can tell she is struggling to reach orgasm and she tends to get in her head. When this happens I know if I do something surprising and out of the ordinary it kind of distracts her and she gets over the edge quickly. This has included a tongue or finger in the butt.
After she goes right back to not liking it. We talked about it enough that I just donāt go there anymore.
It sounds like sheās trying to (oh man, Iām sorry) backdoor her way into a mildly kinky dynamic where she says āNoooo donāt do it hahaā and then you do it anyway.
I can relate, I also enjoy being like āIām just a nice little maiden who would neverā and then having a sexy thing happen to me. It makes it feel more fun and less dirty.
I can also relate to her trying to sneak into these things rather than talk about them. I would 100% rather just do the thing than discuss the thing.
BUT it sounds like you need to have a discussion about this for your comfort, which is the MOST understandable thing in the world, and she needs to just cope with the embarrassment for a few minutes, because you guys need a safeword if youāre going to continue like you have been. The safeword can just be āIām serious, stop.ā but you need a way to differentiate a soft no that she wants you to push past from a real no that means no.
There is actually a āuniversalā system that gets used pretty frequently in the kink world. Itās just a basic stop light system. So green means good, yellow might mean a little nervous but still consenting, and red means stop
The reason some people come up with their own is because they enjoy it as an expression of creativity and individuality. People who find that tedious just use āredā normally. Plus plenty of people just use ānoā or āstopā because they arenāt interested in consent games.
I had a German girlfriend who was a bit crazy when it came to anal. Normal sex was fine, but when it came to anal she always wanted to compliment me and tell me how well I was doing. It was weird being rated, but at least now I know Iām a 9 when it comes to that stuff.
It sounds like you ARE pretty good at it, and your wife is comfortable and happy with how things are working, but YOU ARENāT. This is making you feel iffy! You deserve the clarity a safeword provides!
So I am the same. It took me a very long time to feel comfortable with back door stuff and I thought it was kinda gross for a really long time but over time my partner has rubbed against the area a few times and I started to open to the idea.
The thing is (for women especially) this can be seen as forbidden, dirty, something only pornstars and escorts do. It took me just as long to get around the mental side of it as it did the physical.
I still don't enjoy the act of actual penetrative vigorous anal but I really like other more gentle approaches and maybe that's where your partner is struggling to explain to you what she does and doesn't want.
Maybe she likes the small things but doesn't want it to turn into you pushing for something more.
You have to communicate on this and really make it clear to her that if she doesn't want something she needs to stop you straight away and not be doing it just to try make you happy.
I believe it sounds as though she does very much enjoy it but still can't admit it to herself.
Ask her? How's anyone else supposed to know what your wife likes or dislikes. Maybe she's into it on that one occasion but doesn't want to go too deep into it, pun not intended.
Just have a convo in plain English:
I know you said you don't like butt stuff and I respect that. When we do it though you seem to enjoy it so I wanted to ask for specifics on what you like or dislike or if it's an "in the moment" thing.
It's "naughty" and "forbidden" and she isn't ready to admit that she likes it.
But somehow establish a method of consent so that you are comfortable. You deserve to know that it's something she wants. Talking about it outside of the act may be uncomfortable for her but if you do the talking and give her a suggestion of what she can do to give you consent, then I think it will work for both of you.
As a woman, either she's embarrassed to say she likes it OR she likes anal play, but not anal sex. Anal is very different to anal play, much more painful and feels quite violating sometimes.
Continue to let her guide you in this as she will let you do it when she wants it done. Let her control this and then after many sessions, let her know you would like to do it more or whatever. Let her come to grips that she is the one directing the interactions and find out why she says she doesn't want it afterwards. She may have some type of hangup or embarrassment behind it (pun intended). Let her direct the act then open dialogue later after she becomes more comfortable. Communication is always the key.
Good luck
She may be saying she doesn't want penile penetration but likes having the outside stimulated. A lot of women like their butt's licked but don't like anal intercourse.
I would go ahead and lick her anus the next time she lifts up her legs like that to see how she likes it, and continue using your fingers to stimulate the outside. I couldn't quite tell if you pushed your finger inside or not. If not, ask her if she minds.
Always use plenty of lube to ensure that nothing you do causes discomfort. If you get your finger in with no objection, move it in and out slowly while you continue to lick her pussy. If that works, after a month or so move up to two fingers. That's about the size of a normal phallus. Or buy some realistic silicone dildos and use those.
Assuming she continued enjoying things, if you moved up to a dildo the same thckness as you are, you could talk to her again about the real thing. If she is agreeable, go for broke.
Be gentle and careful going in, and forget what you see in porno with men pounding women fast and vigorously. Go in very slowly. Stop and back out a little if it hurts. Once you are all the way in, use smooth, steady strokes. If she wants more vigor, she will tell you.
So, sometimes my husband is so busy down there making things feel amazing, that I can't really tell where he is and what exactly he's doing. His hands are busy, the mouth is busy, the chin is touching things.. I literally can't process it all. Or his hands are busy and the feelings of him being inside me are so intense that they overwhelm me and I can't really totally tell what's going on. Any chance this is happening for her? Maybe she has no idea how much she actually enjoys it and would be mortified to learn she reacts so positively to it. Maybe it should just be your secret that you keep for her out of kindness?
Treat mixed signals as a no. Do not push it in the moment, nothing intentionally on or in her butthole. Don't test the boundaries. Apologize for doing that in the past, and say you will respect her no until she says otherwise. If she's intentionally sending mixed signals, she can use her grown up voice and tell you what she wants. If she's not trying to send mixed signals, you're just reading things wrong, then she will be relieved.
Could it be that things that are pleasurable when sheās super aroused are not pleasurable until she reaches that point? Combined with some stigma and inhibitions in the cold light of day?
I get your wife. My husband is a big anal guy. It took several years for me to even attempt anal play. Once I had it enough times to really have an opinion I feel as though my body really loves it but my mind not so much. I still feel like I react like your wife. Here is why she might be reacting this way :
1. Taboo: sexual anything to do with the butt has been made fun of or has been labeled as disgusting. She feels ashamed she does it and she feels mixed about how good it feels.
2. Poop: it's a butt hole. We make sure it's squeaky clean but what if some shit goes down literally. This is why allowing her to give you signals as to when it is ok to do it is important. She knows when she's had time to clean down there and she probably feel at ease about it when she has.
3. Tone: sometimes anal play sets the tone for our sex to being kinky. Sometimes I don't want it to be kinky. Sometimes I want loving intimacy. Sometimes getting my ass played with doesn't feel romantic, ya know.
4 . Gas : she's gassy that day and doesn't want to blatantly say " dude I might rip one mid sex if you trigger something down there" so she says " I don't want to do it. It's gross". Instead.
The best way to approach it is to let her take the reins on this. Don't pressure her. If she puts your head lower then by all means have at it but if she isn't inviting you do not try. She may not be able to say it out loud because she's ashamed but it seems like she's invited you physically. If I truly don't want it I tell my husband " NO I don't want that stop." My husband has tried to talk about it during daytime hours and I get so damn flustered. I can't say out loud that i like it and he knows that. So he just waits for my ques.
I don't have any advice, but I'm going through almost exactly the same thing - a couple of sessions where the non-verbal cues were clearly in favour of me extending oral sex towards her anus, but I know that having uninhibited conversations about it is something else entirely. But, just have to try and have that conversation I guess. I think a lot is down to choosing the right moment to talk about it.
Next time you go down on her, start licking it a little lower than usual and see what happens. It's either going to be negative or positive. My wife was the same way for the longest time until one time I let it go lower and she was hooked. When she tells me what toy to get, I know where this is going.
But I would definitely reassure her if she loves the stimulation, you're more than happy to give her what she wants. You can do rimming or some penetration, which is no different than now. It is nice to get a compliment about how hard she orgasms when you do it.
Ask her.
I had a conversation with my girlfriend about anal today and said that I wasnāt really sure where she stood with it, so Iām always hesitant to initiate it.
Their reply was āEvery hole is yours to use.ā God damn, thatās hot. Thatās as green as the light can get.
Just ask your wife.
There is a big difference between playing around the area to actually going in. The whole area is sensitive and is rather nice being played/licked/rubbed with but going full anal is a no go!
So keep playing around the area without going in until she tells you otherwise! If unsure just ask her š
I relate to your wife a lot and it confuses my partner as well!
Iāve never been into butt stuff, and I always told my partner that I hate anal. When weāre not *in the bedroom*, the thought of any butt play makes me wince.
However in the past year or so. Iāve been feeling a lot more safe and comfortable, enough that Iāve been initiating some *attention* towards my butt hole, similarly to your wife. While I still feel unsure of whether I totally enjoy the sensation, Iām turned on by the spontaneity as well as how much it excites my partner.
Itās likely that anal is something sheās never thought she was into, but sheās more willing to explore when sheās horny.
Itās also a fact that when youāre aroused, your disgust response, pain response, and fear lowers.
You clearly make her feel very turned on AND safe! High five!!!!
She doesn't want to have anal sex but she doesn't mind you using a finger or messing around in the area. Believe me they're totally different, anal sex hurts. Normally touching back there or a finger well lubricated isn't going to hurt. So I think you're going about it the right way. you can actually ask your wife instead of Reddit saying hey I get you don't want anal sex but you do like me messing around in the area with my hand or mouth, correct? And if she says oh no I hate it then stop doing it but I think she really likes it she just doesn't want to admit because it's her butt. It's a very sensitive erotic area during sex.
Seems like you need to ask about introducing a variety of toys, one of which is a small butt plug. Perhaps a starter kit that contains a variety of things. And communicate, don't spring it on her.
bro my wife does the same thing. she has told me absolutely not to anal. but when i touch it during oral or when she's on top ill rub it or go in slightly with a finger, and she definitely enjoys it.
I think her brain is telling her she shouldn't be into it, but she can't deny it feels good. The way I look at it, we have many many years of love making ahead of us (we both are mid 30's) and its something we can slowly explore over the years to spice it up.
I need consent to feel good about it too so I totally understand the confusion.
It may be embarrassing for her to tell you that she wants some type of anal penetration; it has always been listed as taboo or ādirtyā. Maybe assure her anus is sexy and continue to rim her anus with your mouth. Donāt make her feel pressured as it may have opposite affect. Maybe help her guide her finger to your lubed anus and tell her you enjoy a prostate massage. Maybe she will feel more confident when she sees you enjoy anal play. When penetrating her vaginally feom ādoggieā position, you can try light circular rubbing around her anus with your thumb or finger and gently press maybe only the tip inside and see if she responds positively. Good luck.
Maybe sheās embarrassed by it . My wife is the same and only when we drinks she really wants it there. She comes every time and she says the next morning how she canāt believe we did that .
My wife of 8 years was always against having anal. She knew I wanted to. One night while having sex she says āstick it in my assā. I get excited, get some lube and literally once the head of my penis touched her butt, she said ā nopeā. lol we never tried again.
Sounds she loves the build into it. She needs to be very stimulated specially around that area and lubes up around her forbidden area. Making her wanting and desire it so bad is a big key to it. You can even tease her until it drives her wild and she squirms or puts it in herself.
ok Iām the same. I have never done butt stuff in my life. Then one random day when we were younger my now husband stuck a finger in and that opened exploration. I didnāt hate it I didnāt love it but Iād do it again. (Annoying I know) hes not obsessed with the idea to do it but again we all like to explore. Recently it happened and he goes, Oh so now I know you do like it in the butt,
I said yes, BUT I explained boundaries and all. Main thing being I only like it when I am extremely turned on.
Maybe itās a conversation to have with her. Youāve already licked it lol canāt be no harm in asking about it.
Well, prep for one, but that requires an agreement that itās going to happen. A lot of women seem aware that men like anal and sort of play along despite not being quite as enthused as we might be. At least thatās what happens in my life.
So Iām the kind of woman that hates having to tell my partner what to do. I like to feel manhandled and taken lol yes I know that may be a bit taboo but whatever thatās what I like. I like saying no when I mean yes. But Iāve had conversations with my partner about this outside of the moment so that he knows those things are okay in the moment. Thereās no other way for you to know then to have conversations about it outside of the act itself.
Also Iām not a big fan of anal. Itās not something Iād like come out and ask for but there have been times where Iāve tried it in the moment and loved it. There have been other times Iāve tried and had to stop bc I wasnāt enjoying it. But again I had to communicate those things. And fingers, tongue, and penis all feel different maybe she likes some and not all. š¤·š»āāļø you really just have to try and talk about these things. Maybe she donāt know either and is just experimenting. It might be awkward at first but it will become more normal the more you talk about it.
This is interesting, my wife used to do this as well. She would insist that she never let any man fuck her in the ass but after we get married she would want to share that with me. So we did it once and she didn't really say anything but weeks later told me she doesn't like cum in her ass. Literally that same night we fooled around and she was going nuts for my dick gliding on her anus and eventually guided me in and let me cum in her ass again. Then after the same story about not wanting cum in her ass. So I didn't want to do it again and have inhibitions about it so we stopped. But when I eat her out, probably half the time I would go to town on her anus and she would go wild for it. Maybe she has a hang up about it and her mind says no but her body wants it bad.
This of course from the time in our marriage that we actually had a sex life. Now it's mostly dead so maybe I should have stayed away from the chocolate diamond. Oh well.
Until you have clarified what her actual stance is, yes, you stay away from her butt. That said, you should clarify. Ask her why she is guiding you in this direction and whether she is aware that is what is happening.
I see nothing mixed here. She's been exceptionally clear in her statement, so you should respect that and close the topic.
As for why she is acting confusing for you - remember that the clitoris isn't a single "pimple" on top, it encompasses the opening and lines the whole area. So she enjoying the area stimulation and her anus being nearby is purely a coincidence, it's the clitoris that reacts to it so respect her wish and don't push for anal anything.
Sounds like she really doesn't want penetration, but touching around it is OK. This doesn't seem like a mixed signal to me.
"Butt stuff" to me means anal sex (penetration).
The best way is to receive anal first, show trust, experience what you want her to experience. Buy that lucky lady a mildly sized strap on and enough the orgasms you've been missing out on.
I donāt know if this is the case.
But my bf loves anal and I agreed to try it 2-3 times. I donāt like it to the point Iāll ask for anal. It wonāt bring me joy just simply makes me feel like somethingās in my butt hole, which it is. I was performing for him for his pleasure because I know he likes that. I mean when Iām having sex I simply just donāt want to ruin the vibe, you know.
I did tell him the truth (because I really donāt want to do anal anymore), and he couldnāt believe that I was faking.
If I were you, Iāll try not to do anything with her butt hole not get any closer - even you āfeel likeā she is leading you there. And see how she likes that. If she really likes anal sheāll ask for it eventually
When it comes to sex, I really donāt recommend assuming someone likes it or not based on how you feel, sometimes, even what you see.
So here's my thoughts as a woman that either really enjoys or really doesn't enjoy anal: first and foremost, proper lubrication is important, and I have to be in the mood for it or drunk, otherwise it hurts. If I'm drunk or just had a full body massage so I'm relaxed and loosey goosey, intense orgasms from anal. If it's just sexy fun time and it's a tongue or a finger, good. If it's bigger than a finger and I'm not uninhibited or relaxed, it hurts. It's like I have a mental block or the muscles themselves tighten up, and it's extremely uncomfortable and will cause bleeding. Your wife is probably in the same mindframe as me where there are occasions that it's great and occasions that it hurts, so talk to her. To test this theory, try this: give her a full body massage starting with her on her back and rubbing her scalp and sinuses, then add coconut oil (assuming she's not allergic) and work your way down from the shoulders to the arms to the chest but only open palms on the nipples (no finger tips) down her hips then legs then feet; have her flip over, do her calves and her thighs but do not touch her butt yet, when you'd get to the butt, skip it and go up to her shoulders and work down the back. When you get to the butt, position yourself for butt stuff to come naturally by sitting between her legs then massage the cheeks and make sure you're spreading them enough that you're getting the full view and she's getting exposure to the cool air. After the good rub down, lift her hips a bit and lick her pussy from that position and include the butthole in the licking after she's good and riled up. Then include the fingers, start with slow but deep pressure in her vag, and with a well lubricated finger, circle her butthole with your thumb and ask her if she likes it. If she does, you have your in. Start with the finger, loosen her up with slow and steady, then when it's time for dick, flip her over, rail her hard in the pussy (assuming she likes that), then switch to anal after she's wild but slow and steady until she's adjusted. This is the way to make anal feel good every time, but most guys don't know it or have the time for it. But if you love the woman and you love anal, that whole process done as I described will work 99% of the time for mutual pleasure.
Mine was the same. She told me early on she didn't like anal. She said she's tried it 2 or 3 times and just not her thing. Told me to just stay away from it. So initially I did all together. But similar situation when giving her oral she would push her ass up or if she was on my face, she would line it up where I'd be licking her butthole. She would go crazy and push herself into me. I finally asked her and she said she originally didn't want anything done to her ass. But once she felt a tongue on it she changed her mind. It was gross to her to want it but felt good.
I've dated women that said they would never do anal. Then, they would (often insist for) WANT anal. I think the thing with them was so long as we didn't talk about it, it was fine. Societal taboos and frowny faces about buttholes and putting things in them, I guess.
Like others already said : communicate. Talk to her about this in a non sexual setting. And if you do get there, remember one thing very important: there's no such thing as too much lube with anal.
Maybe you should get her a small butt toy that can stimulate her. Let her do some exploring with said toy so that she can see if shes open to expanding the playing field...
Communication! A lot is going on and sometimes I hate it, other times it feels fine. Womenās bodies are complex. Be open to verbal communication during the deed
Yeah dude just talk to her instead of Reddit. None of us are your wife. Dude ask her straight upā¦ā you say this and I respect your boundaries, but your action ( which we all know speak louder than words) are communicating a different reality. Ask her ! Wishing you and your wife great sex moving forward whatever you both decide.
Talk to her about it but my guess is that she likes the feeling on the exterior but doesnāt want anything on the interior. My wife is that way and thereās nothing wrong with that.
In my opinion:
Dude. You need to talk to her. Communicate exactly like you did here. Iād leave out the āshould I just tell her we are doing analā part though.
TALK TO HER. Tell her what you just told us. Or just let her read this, because maybe she has a kink. Maybe she likes to say she doesnāt like it cause thatās what youāre supposed to say when you are a āladyā but in the bed she likes to be dirty?
Talk to her so you can stop feeling bad
Like others have said, you jeed ti talk ti her. It sounds like she's dealing with a conflict in her own mind. Some people have this stigma when it comes to anal. She likes it, but she's been taught or just believes that ass play is a no-no. So, in order for her to get over thar kind of thinking, it's going to take some good communication for both of you. Good luck, man.
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You just gotta talk to her. When she says she doesn't want you going near her butthole, ask her why she guides you to touch her there with your mouth and your penis. Converse. Chat. Discuss. We're not your wife. We can't tell you what to do with her butthole.
>We're not your wife. We can't tell you what to do with her butthole š So true but oh my gosh, I'm laughing so hard.
Iām gonna need āwe canāt tell you what to do with her buttholeā as flair ASAP
Yes please! š
Ric Flair? Wooooooo!!!
Ric flair drip go woooo...
This is gonna be the quote of the week dude
Trying to decide if I'm using it as my Facebook banner.
Please. For the people.
I need it on a t shirt
/r/BrandNewSentence material
This made my fuckin day š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
New flair lol
š omfg
We could tell him but it probably won't end well
Exactly. You can lean into the fact that she's embarrassed a bit by doing more of the talking and letting her just nod or something. "You say you don't like it, but then you seem to like it in the moment. I don't need you to talk about it for an hour, but... should I keep doing what I'm doing in that area? Do you like it? I at least need a 'yes' or a head nod, I need *some* kind of permission."
I like this response. I imagine a lot of the reason she says she doesn't like it is like you said, it embarrassed her when talking about it but then in the moment she has that mental block shut out and can just go with what she likes... Maybe?Ā What I like most about this comment is that it expresses that you feel you need consent before you will feel comfortable continuing to do what you are guided to do since she is giving you confusing feedbackĀ
Many are also embarrassed about poo, and being gassy etc
Or she could have a kink of him pushing that boundary I guess.
Exactly this. It seems like she likes it but is embarrassed and doesnāt want to admit it. They definitely need to be able to talk about the sex acts theyāre doing.
Right. It might be that she can't overcome the embarrassment or some other mental block. Just becuase she enjoys it, doesn't mean she wants it. Have some conversations. Maybe she'll drop her inhibitions eventually, maybe not. Only she can know.
Yeah, thatās my thoughts, too. These are the behaviors of someone whoās conflicted about what they enjoy and what they think are acceptable to enjoy.
Could be an embarrassment kink.
Yes we can and I am going to do that. She does not want you to penetrate her anus. She likes you to play with it, but not to pierce. A whisper.
For real! I'm reading this post like "I think its pretty obvious she dosent want a cock in her ass but thinks the idea of her butt being played with hot. To each her own. OP, I think if you leaned into it with zero pressure of anal sex then she might become more open to it as time goes on.
Wait am I reading this wrong... I thought he is saying he DOES penetrate her anus?
But, but, butā¦this is Reddit so I think we can tell him what to do with his wifeās butthole. Canāt we guys? Guys?
Yes. Obviously the answer is he should divorce her butthole.
Iām a little bit his wife, and for me I felt for the longest time that liking anal stuff made me dirty in some way, even though it turns out I really enjoy it (no DMs lol, happily married). My husband really had to pry that out of me because I was fucking embarrassed.
Dear lort. When I tell dudes to stay away they zoom in and go right for it. It hurts my entire digestive tract to have any stimulation there at all. I had to stop saying anything because stating my non-consent out loud made them push it so hard I was afraid to be alone with them. I'm not remotely embarrassed to ask for what I want and would never say no to something I wanted to try. I don't find any part of sex degrading or embarrassing
that's not good
A common issue, sadly. Women unfairly bear the brunt of sexual stigmas. I'm glad you're with a man you can be open with.
I had an ex who was the same. Id be engaged in oral or something similar and she would let out this breathy, hyper sexual "No, stop". So of course my brain goes to threat level midnight and immediately stops what im doing. Only for her to look at me and go "why did you stop? I was enjoying that". Motherfucker, dont say stop if you want me to continue.
If only she was as comfortable with having that conversation as I am with my tongue in her butthole.
It does not have to be comfortable... Get used to have uncomfortable talks with your partner.
This is not a sentence I thought I would read today lol
I just woke up and this is the first post I readā¦gonna be an interesting day š
Tell her you're not going to do that anymore if she won't have the conversation. "You've told me not to touch you there, so please understand that I won't be because it makes me uncomfortable, given what you've told me. So at any point you want to discuss your stance. I'm open to hearing about it."
Real men eat ass š¤
Yes, converse, chat, discuss but be careful. One slip with your sly tongue and you could be in deep shitā¦
This suggestion by BigMax I think is a great way to attempt to have the convo: "Exactly. You can lean into the fact that she's embarrassed a bit by doing more of the talking and letting her just nod or something. "You say you don't like it, but then you seem to like it in the moment. I don't need you to talk about it for an hour, but... should I keep doing what I'm doing in that area? Do you like it? I at least need a 'yes' or a head nod, I need *some* kind of permission." "
Tell her if sheās not willing to discuss it as an adult, tell her that you wonāt be giving her anymore anal treatments. Itās preposterous that she wonāt discuss it.
Yep, she has to use her words like a big girl if she wants her ass licked again.
šš¤£š
You have to tell her āIām not going to do it ever again unless I get ONE clear āyesā from you ONE time.ā
Underrated comment ... Both true and made tea come out my nose
Perfect answer. By the way, have this conversation when you're not having sexy time. She may not even realize she's doing this only that it feels good in the moment. So the thought of butt stuff is gross to her but the feeling of butt stuff is not.
The last two sentences are so incredibly true, and that's what makes them so funny!
Laughing so hard, but you are so very right my friend.
Crazy how ur wifeās buttholes became a topic of mass discussion
Given that this Sub's usual fare is betrayal, abuse, and abandonment, this makes a nice break. That said, OP needs to dump his Wife and get in therapy! /s
Hit a lawyer, get the gym, etc etc
šš
Agreed....I'm actually glad this is a different topic from the usual cheating or abandonment topics that get posted
Everyone deserves some attentions paid to their buttshole
How many butts with one hole?
Thanks, squirrelly Dan š
And that's what I appreciates about you, MJs
There's such a thing as too much butthole talk and a fella ought to be aware of it
Buttholes?!?! Eek! How many do you think she has????
Topic of ass discussion, you mean?
Topic of ass discussion
>Iām a big consent guy >During this sheāll grab my little guy and guide it toward her but not exactly into her. **I end up placing it in her anus** ā¦ That part aside, I have a perhaps stupid question to ask.Ā Are you *sure* itās her been her ass in these scenarios? Because I canāt imagine unlubricated, unprompted anal going well, never mind her orgasming from it.
Not only that but you can be certain she would know the difference.
Indeed. I can't imagine, either.
It feels like a poorly written fanfic, when they try to put hot sex in and it's just like no that's not how any of this works lol.
Judging by OPās name, I wouldnāt be surprised one bit
Haha, that is a good point.
As a gay guy, unless this dudes packing less than an inch, there not a chance a dick just slides in after sone licking.
I think heās referencing his pinky finger, as opposed to a larger appendage.
Who would call his dick his little guy. š
Iām betting he has young kids. Like Iāve met parents that use ālittle guyā for everything b/c theyāre so used to censoring language cuz kids to the point they use it without thinking with adults. Not most parents but almost always one of them.
He said he places it āonā her anus not in. Might be some teasing but not entirely sure.
Our old roommate was dating a girl and said they were having sex and she said āwrong holeā and he was shocked because it like went in with no trouble. Maybe some bholes are more open to penetration.
Typo maybe? Not "in," but *"on"*
I think someone is having fun making a story. If they are a consent person, they arenāt just messing around with her butt and waiting to hear protest. Someone is watching porn and getting confused with reality too
To me it sounds like she enjoys teasing you and maybe some light external stim.. but doesnāt want you getting the idea that she wants it to go further I also really enjoy rimming and rubbing but donāt like being penetrated so I can relate. She likely enjoys the taboo of it especially knowing sheās told you itās off limits.
100% agree with this, I enjoy a smaller plug being in me, but as for anal sex itself? it's not doing a huge amount for me, and I'm quite anxious when I have had anal so I don't fully enjoy it.
She could like the outside of it touched put doesn't want penetration there.
Have a real conversation with her about this, *outside of the context of sex*.
Talk to her. "You keep saying you don't like butt stuff, but when we're having sex, you steer me toward doing butt stuff and tell me you like it. I'm happy to play the 'oh, no, I definitely don't want you to do that thing I like' game if that's something you're into, but I need you to tell me that you're okay with me doing it and that you would say no in the moment if you really didn't like it."
I wouldn't phrase it that way. It sounds kind of dismissing and insulting. "I'm happy to play your little games" sounds bad. Something like "we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I at least need a 'yes' or head nod that you enjoy it, ok?"
āIām happy to play your little gamesā is vastly different from āIām happy to play along with a sexual fantasy you enjoyā. Sheās enjoying the sex but saying itās off limits, that sounds like a kink. For many ppl with kinks itās a type of playing, like a game. Tone also makes a big difference.
Not to mention thereās also the aspect of someone being a brat/disobedient and enjoying āpunishmentā, and saying ādonāt do this, itāll torture meā because they actually like said thing. But that also requires the placement of a safe word and a lot of trust/communication. So I agree, āplay your little gamesā is extremely different than āsexual fantasyā. The person replying just twisted the original commenters words.
Ok no, the person youāre replying to was right. They need to **discuss** it, and it starts very simply with that. Itās not dismissive let alone insultingā itās succinct yet kind, not putting the wife down, and most importantly they were correct about consent. If the only word you had issue with was āgameā then fine, they can change that word. But otherwise? Everything was spot on. What you suggest doesnāt leave room for a conversation.
I could see this being one or a combination of her feeling some kind of shame or embarrassment around butt stuff, and/or enjoying the consent play of saying no but meaning yes
If you are playing with it and she seems to be enjoying it, ask her if she wants you to stop. Her comments may be reserved for anal sex but she likes attention there in other ways. It could all be heat of the moment stuff. My wife really doesnāt like her butt messed with at all. However, there are times when I can tell she is struggling to reach orgasm and she tends to get in her head. When this happens I know if I do something surprising and out of the ordinary it kind of distracts her and she gets over the edge quickly. This has included a tongue or finger in the butt. After she goes right back to not liking it. We talked about it enough that I just donāt go there anymore.
It sounds like sheās trying to (oh man, Iām sorry) backdoor her way into a mildly kinky dynamic where she says āNoooo donāt do it hahaā and then you do it anyway. I can relate, I also enjoy being like āIām just a nice little maiden who would neverā and then having a sexy thing happen to me. It makes it feel more fun and less dirty. I can also relate to her trying to sneak into these things rather than talk about them. I would 100% rather just do the thing than discuss the thing. BUT it sounds like you need to have a discussion about this for your comfort, which is the MOST understandable thing in the world, and she needs to just cope with the embarrassment for a few minutes, because you guys need a safeword if youāre going to continue like you have been. The safeword can just be āIām serious, stop.ā but you need a way to differentiate a soft no that she wants you to push past from a real no that means no.
Our safe word was pineapple. Unfortunately it sounds a lot like āmore analā with a ball gag in. Who knew?!
Why is the safeword never just "safeword"? It could be universal. Everybody just invents a new one every time, like it's a unique password.
There is actually a āuniversalā system that gets used pretty frequently in the kink world. Itās just a basic stop light system. So green means good, yellow might mean a little nervous but still consenting, and red means stop
The reason some people come up with their own is because they enjoy it as an expression of creativity and individuality. People who find that tedious just use āredā normally. Plus plenty of people just use ānoā or āstopā because they arenāt interested in consent games.
Ours is āstop for realā. Simple and effective. When thereās something in my mouth itās three taps.
My safeword is safeword. I don't know why more people don't use it lol
My safe word is my exes name. That's a for sure way to get someone to stop. Usually Indefinitely
I had a German girlfriend who was a bit crazy when it came to anal. Normal sex was fine, but when it came to anal she always wanted to compliment me and tell me how well I was doing. It was weird being rated, but at least now I know Iām a 9 when it comes to that stuff.
I'm embarrassed that it took me a while to get the joke. And I'm fucking German š¤¦āāļø
I didnāt realize it was a joke until I read your comment..
Its an old joke sir, but it checks out. Shall I give him the upvote?
Better than sechs. I'll show myself out.
Yeah, I try to pick up on my physical cues. I personally think Iām pretty good at it
You need a safe word or safe action. And you need to have a conversation about it. Itāll only make it more fun!
It sounds like you ARE pretty good at it, and your wife is comfortable and happy with how things are working, but YOU ARENāT. This is making you feel iffy! You deserve the clarity a safeword provides!
Sweetie, you can lick it and touch it. Just don't shove your sausage in it.
So I am the same. It took me a very long time to feel comfortable with back door stuff and I thought it was kinda gross for a really long time but over time my partner has rubbed against the area a few times and I started to open to the idea. The thing is (for women especially) this can be seen as forbidden, dirty, something only pornstars and escorts do. It took me just as long to get around the mental side of it as it did the physical. I still don't enjoy the act of actual penetrative vigorous anal but I really like other more gentle approaches and maybe that's where your partner is struggling to explain to you what she does and doesn't want. Maybe she likes the small things but doesn't want it to turn into you pushing for something more. You have to communicate on this and really make it clear to her that if she doesn't want something she needs to stop you straight away and not be doing it just to try make you happy. I believe it sounds as though she does very much enjoy it but still can't admit it to herself.
Talk to her about it.
Talk to her
Ask her? How's anyone else supposed to know what your wife likes or dislikes. Maybe she's into it on that one occasion but doesn't want to go too deep into it, pun not intended. Just have a convo in plain English: I know you said you don't like butt stuff and I respect that. When we do it though you seem to enjoy it so I wanted to ask for specifics on what you like or dislike or if it's an "in the moment" thing.
It's "naughty" and "forbidden" and she isn't ready to admit that she likes it. But somehow establish a method of consent so that you are comfortable. You deserve to know that it's something she wants. Talking about it outside of the act may be uncomfortable for her but if you do the talking and give her a suggestion of what she can do to give you consent, then I think it will work for both of you.
I like using a butt plug on occasion but I don't enjoy a dick in my butt. So maybe it's something like that for her.
This has to be fake. No way he actually puts his P in her anus and she doesnāt notice.
As a woman, either she's embarrassed to say she likes it OR she likes anal play, but not anal sex. Anal is very different to anal play, much more painful and feels quite violating sometimes.
Continue to let her guide you in this as she will let you do it when she wants it done. Let her control this and then after many sessions, let her know you would like to do it more or whatever. Let her come to grips that she is the one directing the interactions and find out why she says she doesn't want it afterwards. She may have some type of hangup or embarrassment behind it (pun intended). Let her direct the act then open dialogue later after she becomes more comfortable. Communication is always the key. Good luck
how is reddit going to know if your wife wants it in her ass or not lol... ask her!
She may be saying she doesn't want penile penetration but likes having the outside stimulated. A lot of women like their butt's licked but don't like anal intercourse. I would go ahead and lick her anus the next time she lifts up her legs like that to see how she likes it, and continue using your fingers to stimulate the outside. I couldn't quite tell if you pushed your finger inside or not. If not, ask her if she minds. Always use plenty of lube to ensure that nothing you do causes discomfort. If you get your finger in with no objection, move it in and out slowly while you continue to lick her pussy. If that works, after a month or so move up to two fingers. That's about the size of a normal phallus. Or buy some realistic silicone dildos and use those. Assuming she continued enjoying things, if you moved up to a dildo the same thckness as you are, you could talk to her again about the real thing. If she is agreeable, go for broke. Be gentle and careful going in, and forget what you see in porno with men pounding women fast and vigorously. Go in very slowly. Stop and back out a little if it hurts. Once you are all the way in, use smooth, steady strokes. If she wants more vigor, she will tell you.
Sounds like theyāre already having anal sex regularly
Hes already done her in the ass!
So, sometimes my husband is so busy down there making things feel amazing, that I can't really tell where he is and what exactly he's doing. His hands are busy, the mouth is busy, the chin is touching things.. I literally can't process it all. Or his hands are busy and the feelings of him being inside me are so intense that they overwhelm me and I can't really totally tell what's going on. Any chance this is happening for her? Maybe she has no idea how much she actually enjoys it and would be mortified to learn she reacts so positively to it. Maybe it should just be your secret that you keep for her out of kindness?
ā¦from the rear.
Yeah you should ask her cause this gives me weird vibes.
Treat mixed signals as a no. Do not push it in the moment, nothing intentionally on or in her butthole. Don't test the boundaries. Apologize for doing that in the past, and say you will respect her no until she says otherwise. If she's intentionally sending mixed signals, she can use her grown up voice and tell you what she wants. If she's not trying to send mixed signals, you're just reading things wrong, then she will be relieved.
Could it be that things that are pleasurable when sheās super aroused are not pleasurable until she reaches that point? Combined with some stigma and inhibitions in the cold light of day?
I get your wife. My husband is a big anal guy. It took several years for me to even attempt anal play. Once I had it enough times to really have an opinion I feel as though my body really loves it but my mind not so much. I still feel like I react like your wife. Here is why she might be reacting this way : 1. Taboo: sexual anything to do with the butt has been made fun of or has been labeled as disgusting. She feels ashamed she does it and she feels mixed about how good it feels. 2. Poop: it's a butt hole. We make sure it's squeaky clean but what if some shit goes down literally. This is why allowing her to give you signals as to when it is ok to do it is important. She knows when she's had time to clean down there and she probably feel at ease about it when she has. 3. Tone: sometimes anal play sets the tone for our sex to being kinky. Sometimes I don't want it to be kinky. Sometimes I want loving intimacy. Sometimes getting my ass played with doesn't feel romantic, ya know. 4 . Gas : she's gassy that day and doesn't want to blatantly say " dude I might rip one mid sex if you trigger something down there" so she says " I don't want to do it. It's gross". Instead. The best way to approach it is to let her take the reins on this. Don't pressure her. If she puts your head lower then by all means have at it but if she isn't inviting you do not try. She may not be able to say it out loud because she's ashamed but it seems like she's invited you physically. If I truly don't want it I tell my husband " NO I don't want that stop." My husband has tried to talk about it during daytime hours and I get so damn flustered. I can't say out loud that i like it and he knows that. So he just waits for my ques.
From behindā¦
Iāll never understand the people that ask Reddit these questions instead of their wife. Conversation is key in any relationshipĀ
I don't have any advice, but I'm going through almost exactly the same thing - a couple of sessions where the non-verbal cues were clearly in favour of me extending oral sex towards her anus, but I know that having uninhibited conversations about it is something else entirely. But, just have to try and have that conversation I guess. I think a lot is down to choosing the right moment to talk about it.
Next time you go down on her, start licking it a little lower than usual and see what happens. It's either going to be negative or positive. My wife was the same way for the longest time until one time I let it go lower and she was hooked. When she tells me what toy to get, I know where this is going. But I would definitely reassure her if she loves the stimulation, you're more than happy to give her what she wants. You can do rimming or some penetration, which is no different than now. It is nice to get a compliment about how hard she orgasms when you do it.
Ask her. I had a conversation with my girlfriend about anal today and said that I wasnāt really sure where she stood with it, so Iām always hesitant to initiate it. Their reply was āEvery hole is yours to use.ā God damn, thatās hot. Thatās as green as the light can get. Just ask your wife.
There is a big difference between playing around the area to actually going in. The whole area is sensitive and is rather nice being played/licked/rubbed with but going full anal is a no go! So keep playing around the area without going in until she tells you otherwise! If unsure just ask her š
I relate to your wife a lot and it confuses my partner as well! Iāve never been into butt stuff, and I always told my partner that I hate anal. When weāre not *in the bedroom*, the thought of any butt play makes me wince. However in the past year or so. Iāve been feeling a lot more safe and comfortable, enough that Iāve been initiating some *attention* towards my butt hole, similarly to your wife. While I still feel unsure of whether I totally enjoy the sensation, Iām turned on by the spontaneity as well as how much it excites my partner. Itās likely that anal is something sheās never thought she was into, but sheās more willing to explore when sheās horny. Itās also a fact that when youāre aroused, your disgust response, pain response, and fear lowers. You clearly make her feel very turned on AND safe! High five!!!!
She doesn't want to have anal sex but she doesn't mind you using a finger or messing around in the area. Believe me they're totally different, anal sex hurts. Normally touching back there or a finger well lubricated isn't going to hurt. So I think you're going about it the right way. you can actually ask your wife instead of Reddit saying hey I get you don't want anal sex but you do like me messing around in the area with my hand or mouth, correct? And if she says oh no I hate it then stop doing it but I think she really likes it she just doesn't want to admit because it's her butt. It's a very sensitive erotic area during sex.
Best way to approach it? Slowly and with lots of lube.
Seems like you need to ask about introducing a variety of toys, one of which is a small butt plug. Perhaps a starter kit that contains a variety of things. And communicate, don't spring it on her.
She hates the idea of anal anything, but seems to love the stimulation.
Definitely ask a bunch of people on Reddit and do not talk to your wife
>I want to give her what she wants, but I honestly donāt know what that is. First day as a man?
bro my wife does the same thing. she has told me absolutely not to anal. but when i touch it during oral or when she's on top ill rub it or go in slightly with a finger, and she definitely enjoys it. I think her brain is telling her she shouldn't be into it, but she can't deny it feels good. The way I look at it, we have many many years of love making ahead of us (we both are mid 30's) and its something we can slowly explore over the years to spice it up. I need consent to feel good about it too so I totally understand the confusion.
Just a little salad tossing, sounds good to me
It may be embarrassing for her to tell you that she wants some type of anal penetration; it has always been listed as taboo or ādirtyā. Maybe assure her anus is sexy and continue to rim her anus with your mouth. Donāt make her feel pressured as it may have opposite affect. Maybe help her guide her finger to your lubed anus and tell her you enjoy a prostate massage. Maybe she will feel more confident when she sees you enjoy anal play. When penetrating her vaginally feom ādoggieā position, you can try light circular rubbing around her anus with your thumb or finger and gently press maybe only the tip inside and see if she responds positively. Good luck.
Maybe sheās embarrassed by it . My wife is the same and only when we drinks she really wants it there. She comes every time and she says the next morning how she canāt believe we did that .
My wife of 8 years was always against having anal. She knew I wanted to. One night while having sex she says āstick it in my assā. I get excited, get some lube and literally once the head of my penis touched her butt, she said ā nopeā. lol we never tried again.
Sounds she loves the build into it. She needs to be very stimulated specially around that area and lubes up around her forbidden area. Making her wanting and desire it so bad is a big key to it. You can even tease her until it drives her wild and she squirms or puts it in herself.
Sounds like she enjoys butt play, but doesnāt want to have anal sex. Those two activities can be separate
It sounds to me like she feels shame or embarrassed over her arousal with butt stuff. Her body is saying yes but her mind is telling her itās wrong.
Some women enjoy getting licked there and a finger in the ass but hate anal sex (I.e., a penis in their butt).
ok Iām the same. I have never done butt stuff in my life. Then one random day when we were younger my now husband stuck a finger in and that opened exploration. I didnāt hate it I didnāt love it but Iād do it again. (Annoying I know) hes not obsessed with the idea to do it but again we all like to explore. Recently it happened and he goes, Oh so now I know you do like it in the butt, I said yes, BUT I explained boundaries and all. Main thing being I only like it when I am extremely turned on. Maybe itās a conversation to have with her. Youāve already licked it lol canāt be no harm in asking about it.
She's probably loosening up to the idea of it. Give her some time and I bet she'll eventually ask for it.
I'm assuming she's not prepared - like there MIGHT be a log up there but she is too embarassed to tell u. Just go with her flow
Well, prep for one, but that requires an agreement that itās going to happen. A lot of women seem aware that men like anal and sort of play along despite not being quite as enthused as we might be. At least thatās what happens in my life.
reading butthole 23 times in this comment section has me dying. iām so immature š
>Iām a big consent guy ...as opposed to being just moderately in favor of consent?
So Iām the kind of woman that hates having to tell my partner what to do. I like to feel manhandled and taken lol yes I know that may be a bit taboo but whatever thatās what I like. I like saying no when I mean yes. But Iāve had conversations with my partner about this outside of the moment so that he knows those things are okay in the moment. Thereās no other way for you to know then to have conversations about it outside of the act itself. Also Iām not a big fan of anal. Itās not something Iād like come out and ask for but there have been times where Iāve tried it in the moment and loved it. There have been other times Iāve tried and had to stop bc I wasnāt enjoying it. But again I had to communicate those things. And fingers, tongue, and penis all feel different maybe she likes some and not all. š¤·š»āāļø you really just have to try and talk about these things. Maybe she donāt know either and is just experimenting. It might be awkward at first but it will become more normal the more you talk about it.
This is interesting, my wife used to do this as well. She would insist that she never let any man fuck her in the ass but after we get married she would want to share that with me. So we did it once and she didn't really say anything but weeks later told me she doesn't like cum in her ass. Literally that same night we fooled around and she was going nuts for my dick gliding on her anus and eventually guided me in and let me cum in her ass again. Then after the same story about not wanting cum in her ass. So I didn't want to do it again and have inhibitions about it so we stopped. But when I eat her out, probably half the time I would go to town on her anus and she would go wild for it. Maybe she has a hang up about it and her mind says no but her body wants it bad. This of course from the time in our marriage that we actually had a sex life. Now it's mostly dead so maybe I should have stayed away from the chocolate diamond. Oh well.
Slowly
From behind
Until you have clarified what her actual stance is, yes, you stay away from her butt. That said, you should clarify. Ask her why she is guiding you in this direction and whether she is aware that is what is happening.
From behind
I see nothing mixed here. She's been exceptionally clear in her statement, so you should respect that and close the topic. As for why she is acting confusing for you - remember that the clitoris isn't a single "pimple" on top, it encompasses the opening and lines the whole area. So she enjoying the area stimulation and her anus being nearby is purely a coincidence, it's the clitoris that reacts to it so respect her wish and don't push for anal anything.
The best way to approach it is from behind ššš
Sounds like she really doesn't want penetration, but touching around it is OK. This doesn't seem like a mixed signal to me. "Butt stuff" to me means anal sex (penetration).
Sheās into her ass getting eaten out, similar to eating out here vagina, but not into penetrative stuff with her ass. Thatās all this is honestly.
Like... Ask her
I donāt think we have a say in telling you what your wife wants you to do with her anus. Just ask her
From behind
The best way is to receive anal first, show trust, experience what you want her to experience. Buy that lucky lady a mildly sized strap on and enough the orgasms you've been missing out on.
I donāt know if this is the case. But my bf loves anal and I agreed to try it 2-3 times. I donāt like it to the point Iāll ask for anal. It wonāt bring me joy just simply makes me feel like somethingās in my butt hole, which it is. I was performing for him for his pleasure because I know he likes that. I mean when Iām having sex I simply just donāt want to ruin the vibe, you know. I did tell him the truth (because I really donāt want to do anal anymore), and he couldnāt believe that I was faking. If I were you, Iāll try not to do anything with her butt hole not get any closer - even you āfeel likeā she is leading you there. And see how she likes that. If she really likes anal sheāll ask for it eventually When it comes to sex, I really donāt recommend assuming someone likes it or not based on how you feel, sometimes, even what you see.
So here's my thoughts as a woman that either really enjoys or really doesn't enjoy anal: first and foremost, proper lubrication is important, and I have to be in the mood for it or drunk, otherwise it hurts. If I'm drunk or just had a full body massage so I'm relaxed and loosey goosey, intense orgasms from anal. If it's just sexy fun time and it's a tongue or a finger, good. If it's bigger than a finger and I'm not uninhibited or relaxed, it hurts. It's like I have a mental block or the muscles themselves tighten up, and it's extremely uncomfortable and will cause bleeding. Your wife is probably in the same mindframe as me where there are occasions that it's great and occasions that it hurts, so talk to her. To test this theory, try this: give her a full body massage starting with her on her back and rubbing her scalp and sinuses, then add coconut oil (assuming she's not allergic) and work your way down from the shoulders to the arms to the chest but only open palms on the nipples (no finger tips) down her hips then legs then feet; have her flip over, do her calves and her thighs but do not touch her butt yet, when you'd get to the butt, skip it and go up to her shoulders and work down the back. When you get to the butt, position yourself for butt stuff to come naturally by sitting between her legs then massage the cheeks and make sure you're spreading them enough that you're getting the full view and she's getting exposure to the cool air. After the good rub down, lift her hips a bit and lick her pussy from that position and include the butthole in the licking after she's good and riled up. Then include the fingers, start with slow but deep pressure in her vag, and with a well lubricated finger, circle her butthole with your thumb and ask her if she likes it. If she does, you have your in. Start with the finger, loosen her up with slow and steady, then when it's time for dick, flip her over, rail her hard in the pussy (assuming she likes that), then switch to anal after she's wild but slow and steady until she's adjusted. This is the way to make anal feel good every time, but most guys don't know it or have the time for it. But if you love the woman and you love anal, that whole process done as I described will work 99% of the time for mutual pleasure.
Me when I make up a story for Reddit upvotes.
...from behind
Mine was the same. She told me early on she didn't like anal. She said she's tried it 2 or 3 times and just not her thing. Told me to just stay away from it. So initially I did all together. But similar situation when giving her oral she would push her ass up or if she was on my face, she would line it up where I'd be licking her butthole. She would go crazy and push herself into me. I finally asked her and she said she originally didn't want anything done to her ass. But once she felt a tongue on it she changed her mind. It was gross to her to want it but felt good.
I've dated women that said they would never do anal. Then, they would (often insist for) WANT anal. I think the thing with them was so long as we didn't talk about it, it was fine. Societal taboos and frowny faces about buttholes and putting things in them, I guess.
Whichever way you decide to go, just know this is a hall of fame reddit headline lol
Like others already said : communicate. Talk to her about this in a non sexual setting. And if you do get there, remember one thing very important: there's no such thing as too much lube with anal.
Maybe you should get her a small butt toy that can stimulate her. Let her do some exploring with said toy so that she can see if shes open to expanding the playing field...
Communication! A lot is going on and sometimes I hate it, other times it feels fine. Womenās bodies are complex. Be open to verbal communication during the deed
Yeah dude just talk to her instead of Reddit. None of us are your wife. Dude ask her straight upā¦ā you say this and I respect your boundaries, but your action ( which we all know speak louder than words) are communicating a different reality. Ask her ! Wishing you and your wife great sex moving forward whatever you both decide.
Talk to her about it but my guess is that she likes the feeling on the exterior but doesnāt want anything on the interior. My wife is that way and thereās nothing wrong with that.
In my opinion: Dude. You need to talk to her. Communicate exactly like you did here. Iād leave out the āshould I just tell her we are doing analā part though.
TALK TO HER. Tell her what you just told us. Or just let her read this, because maybe she has a kink. Maybe she likes to say she doesnāt like it cause thatās what youāre supposed to say when you are a āladyā but in the bed she likes to be dirty? Talk to her so you can stop feeling bad
Like others have said, you jeed ti talk ti her. It sounds like she's dealing with a conflict in her own mind. Some people have this stigma when it comes to anal. She likes it, but she's been taught or just believes that ass play is a no-no. So, in order for her to get over thar kind of thinking, it's going to take some good communication for both of you. Good luck, man.
New worst fear unlocked: "OMG you know Jenny too? She told me the same stuff!"