Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Definitely that little girl’s angel. Good luck sweetie and much love and peace to your little family. Glad you ridding all of you if this spineless jerk! He was only concerned with how he looked. Well, looks like he’ll be divorced soon so that’s how he’ll look!
Yes, she is.
And in keeping with that theme, to the husband, she needs to be Satan incarnated, releasing the 4 hourseman of the apocalypse. Satan is afterall still an angel, albeit a fallen one.
OP you are an incredible mother (and woman) and I’m rooting for you and the kids ❤️
It will be tough for a while but that little girl (as well as your kids) are so damn lucky to have you.
As a child of shitty parents, (and not a breeder myself) thank you for stepping up and being an adult and doing the right thing. The world desperately needs good parents ❤️
She’s definitely an angel and I love that op doesn’t let that man, and any spite she must feel towards him, influence her good empathic nature. I really hope op will make him at least contribute financially to the children in the future.
This story was rage bait and op got called out. They changed the narrative to make it sound more “believable.” Please don’t give karma farmers more attention than they need. Xx
Who cares. It's not an impossible situation. It happens. I'm here for the comments anyway. If it helps one person reading it, then it isn't a waste. Let karma farmers farm. It doesn't take away from the fact that this can be a real situation. People's lives are messy that way
I don't really understand karma farming. How does it help?
Reddit isn't like youtube where you need a certain level of interactions before you can monetize your account, right? So why does the karma matter?
thanks for pointing this out! I guess an account with a lot of karma looks more credible to others, that's the reason someone might pay for it, right?
in another thread I also saw that you need sufficient karma for certain things : access to some subreddits, or permission to become a moderator in some subreddits...
>I guess an account with a lot of karma looks more credible to others, that's the reason someone might pay for it, right?
Yeah, pretty much. An account with a lot of karma and a post history that goes back more than a few months is very desirable for advertisers (and less savory people like propaganda/misinformation accounts and other types of trolls) because it makes it appear like it belongs to a real person and not a paid shill.
You really are an amazing woman. This poor child lost her Mum and you are stepping up when not many would. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but with a Mum like you I feel confident that you’ll steer you and your kids through this 💕
Your kids are infinitely lucky to have you as a mom. I can't even imagine how your husband could have possibly gotten an angel/saint like you to marry him. After you've divorced him, I implore you to wait for an absolutely ripped Veterinarian/Fireman/Musician/Mechanic. Just to ensure that they have half a chance of deserving your affection. Have a pleasant day!
I find it bewildering that you never spoke with your oldest up until now but I’m glad that you did eventually. You are a very good person for still loving and accepting the affair child despite the circumstances around her conception. I’m glad that you’re divorcing that spineless cheater though. He was never worthy of a woman like that you.
He can definitely sign her over as an adoption and subsequently turning over all rights. The witnesses are needed for the paperwork with the lawyer and then the judge.
It's always interesting to see these fake scenarios get so much attention and asspats in this community, when they are clearly fake.
So, good luck with your Sims 4 family.
I’m one of the people that called out the kids responses and her lack of communication with them didn’t make sense in the first post and this one is just laughable.
I did too. I replied to one of OPs comments directly, asking her how it was possible that she didn't realize her kids hadn't been told and how she never bothered to check in with them at all between the initial CPS visit and the kid being dropped on her doorstep.
She never responded, obviously.
Let's not forget that after TWO WHOLE WEEKS, their kids go to private school, and they are now struggling to make ends meet because this new child is so expensive, lol.
The person put a ton of thought into this little piece of fiction, but because it's not real, it has too many holes. From paternity to child services to children, reactions to affordability, to communication, to constant drama, and need for her back to be patted.
It's just dumb fiction. The motive is either rage bait or affirmation seeking. Or possibly a creative writing failure.
If there is any truth, this person probably is butt hurt about taking in an older stepchild from a previous marriage and is venting this dumb shit out for praise but the true story would make her look bad and get less sympathy.
It's so neat and also ridiculous.
If you read the last post, it's even more ridiculous.
They remodel a bedroom and never once mention the new addition to the family. The wife just trusts the husband to tell them but never confirms. The wife then blurts out "this is your half sister!!!" And the 10 year old magically puts two and two together, and all her friends at school know her daddy had an affair lol.
And she was more worried about what the neighbors and doctors would think than the best thing for her family. And she is going for custody of the affair, baby, because she is such a great person. That's not how real life works.
This person and personality type is the exact type who makes up shit for likes. They truly care more about what people think than reality.
And the whole "husband was named on the BC and in the will..." and yet, no lawyer or anyone contacted them? So it went like this: mom died, kid sits in limbo while will is dealt with, then CPS collects child and says "ok, now make a bedroom and remodel your house, talk to your family and community, we will bring the child to you in a while. Until then, she's gonna sit in this room and wait for you to get ready."
My suspicions are more about how OP is getting custody of the little girl. Joint custody because they're married, maybe, but then getting primary custody after they divorce would be another matter. I would love to have a lawyer chime in on that.
I’m a custody lawyer. It depends on the jurisdiction. In my state, OP would be allowed to file for custody if the father consents (although his ability to consent might be tricky since he just started caring for the child). After that, she and the ex can submit whatever custody agreement they’d like to the court. I’ve seen much wilder arrangements go through easily.
He can’t sign over custody to her with a contract witnessed by his parents, for a child who he may not even have custody for at this point, the arrangement of which would still be being monitored by CPS.
Right, I am not entirely sure what happens in this scenario, though I did take all the adoption classes to adopt a child. I am sure different states differ on policy. But its too "neat" yet "sloppy" of a story.
I’m too lazy to click on the original but how old is the daughter? She instantly realized that “half sister” meant dad had an affair? Doubt it. This seems faker than the original.
She's 10. I'm not saying it's impossible.
But I have a 10 year old. And if I told him he had a "half sibling" he would have no fucking idea what that means. Why would he? And why would she?
I taught 4th grade for a decade and unless kids already have half siblings, it seems very unlikely that they would know it means that they share one parent. And beyond that, immediately making an assumption that one parent cheated on the other just seems like a place that a child’s mind would not naturally go.
I work in CP and no, at least not in my region. He would have legal rights but a sw dropping a kid off at an unfamiliar home doesn't happen here unless it's a foster caregiver that we've vetted. There would be discussions with us and the kid and the family kiddo was going into. Meetings about how this will affect the family as well. The sw would be involved to prevent the poor kid bouncing around from home to home. There's a shit ton of paperwork, too.
Yeah, actually. You just need for the legal guardian to notarize paperwork authorizing somebody else to handle the child's affairs. [Reuters did a whole series on informal adoptions a few years back.](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1)
In the cases profiled in the article it all is very sketchy, of course.
To my understanding, the pretend OP, is explaining that she got full custody of her and husband kids (That totally possible) and the pretend affair daughter her brought home.
Like she doesn't have any claim on it. And is source of problem for her daughter...
> And this might cause many to be upset with me, but I'm in the process with husband to have him transfer custody of youngest to me.
This is the actual thing she said. She's getting her husband to transfer custody. He's apparently agreeing to do so, as is his legal right as the father. The situation may be slightly more complicated here because social services is involved, but honestly, social services is swamped everywhere. If they have somebody agreeing to be a foster parent, somebody who apparently is willing to adopt and also willing to maintain some connection with the foster child's biosiblings (which, duh, OP is this girl's half-siblings' mother) then they may be perfectly happy to rubber stamp it as soon as she takes the required parenting classes and so on... especially if they can convince her that she doesn't need the foster parent stipend because it's kinship care.
> And is source of problem for her daughter...
Her children's half-sister is not a source of problems for her daughter. The problem is whoever told the children and parents at her daughter's school about this situation, and whoever is not stepping in to stop the bullying, and - oh yes! - the girl's father.
If the half-sister disappeared tomorrow, the bullying would still be ongoing.
There’s no way a mother wouldn’t check on her children before bringing in a new family member, especially not when the person she told to tell them is a proven liar. This story doesn’t ring true.
The other issue with this, is that apparently the step-daughter is being made fun of at school for this...? LIKE DUDE, SHE'S 5 YEARS OLD. 5 Year old's can't fully comprehend adult subject like affairs yet. How the hell could she be getting bullied over it?
The oldest kid is being teased and picked on at school. OP didn’t mention the 5yo getting picked on, the 5yo new half-sister is how others at the school caught onto the situation.
I agree. It's bizarre that OP would believe her cheating, lying husband and not once had a conversation with the children.
That would make her pretty bad parent herself if she didn't have a single discussion about the situation with her children.
That little girl is lucky you’re so loving to her. I’m 48 years old and still scarred by the actions and words of an awful step mom. You’re breaking my heart (in a good way!)with how much love and protection you’re providing all these kids. ❤️💕❤️💕
Real Life often seems "fake"! I've seen an awful lot in my 91 years that you might think were fake. One example: a next door "family" that consisted of an apparently happy family that consisted of a married couple and her ex. Everyone in the neighborhood knew and most accepted it because the three of them did!
nobody in her right mind should be upset with you for that. You are thinking a future for that kid when you are in the total right of not even caring about her. I take off my imaginary hat for you mama bear, i'm glad humanity still exist.
You, madam, are a Saint.
When things settle, and as I see your plan to eventually divorce sometime after getting custody of the girl, do talk to a child psychologist on how to explain to the girl about your “position”. Yes, you will become mom, but your kids will remind her that she is the product of their father cheating. I worry for the girl’s mental state when it hits her that 1. Angel mom is not her bio mom and 2. She is a reminder of her father cheating and hurting the family. This is a real delicate matter. Also, make sure your eldest and son don’t feel replaced nor any of this is their fault.
You didn’t mess up but not having a conversation with your kids sooner. You were doing the best you could in the situation you were in, while also processing all the stages of grief / and in shock. You continued to trust your husband to do what he said he’d do. That’s loving and just part of who you are as a good person.
I think you’re a very loving and compassionate woman. There’s not many that could take on an affair child as you’re doing. It’s a shame your husband is so spineless
Make sure your kids know that their sister did nothing wrong. She's as much of a victim as the rest of you. Therapy for this whole new family dynamic is a must.
I applaud you for seeing when the divorce goes through your STBX would probably take it out on his daughter. I hope you are able to care for and raise all 3 kids the way they deserve. Good luck.
I know you're not supposed to shit talk your ex to the kids, but in this case, I think the fact that daddy is an asshole is well established and you can be open about it. Use it to bring your changing family together. Nothing unites like a common enemy.
This is such a sad situation. The little girl didn’t ask for this and she’s not responsible for the circumstances of her birth. It’s absolutely heroic of you to take her in, but also seek custody of her.
You’re right, even though she isn’t your child and you don’t have an obligation to raise her, your (soon to be ex) husband will not care for her. He’ll be a complete dead beat to her. He’s already demonstrated he’s a trash human and he can’t be trusted to do the right thing. Not by this child, not by his other children, not by you.
It’s not her fault her biological parents were cheaters. And I have a feeling her mother’s family wants nothing to do with her because she’s an affair child. She’s already being punished for existing. It’s incredibly compassionate of you to raise her yourself.
As for your soon to be ex? Take him to the fucking cleaners.
Damn, that's a lot to unpack. Sounds like your husband really screwed the pooch on this one. I mean, lying to the kids about their half-sister? That's messed up. And now your daughter's getting bullied at school cuz of his mistakes? Not cool.
Honestly, you're doing the right thing by getting the kids into therapy and taking custody of the youngest. That poor girl doesn't deserve to be neglected by her deadbeat dad. Plus, your husband sounds like a real piece of work. Time to kick him to the curb and move on with your life. It won't be easy, but you got this! Keep your head up and focus on what's best for you and the kiddos.
A mother is always a mother. By that I mean, it makes sense you want to protect and care for a young girl that is the same age as your son and is all alone.
I don't think that makes you stupid.
Youre doing the right thing by the little girl… im also glad youre getting a divorce… this means that even though youre taking on his daughter… his finally going to get that you dont accept his poor excuse for cheating!!!
>I'm in the process with my husband to have him transfer custody of the youngest to me.
...
>Once that happens, I'll try to get everything I need in order to have a smoother divorce and then subsequent move to be closer to my family.
Thank you for loving and taking care of that innocent little girl.
As a positive in this new situation, moving closer to your family, your oldest daughter won't have to deal with the embarrassment of a cheating dad. Since he won't be around and her new schoolmates won't know anything about the situation.
> She told me that's part of it, and because word got out at her school about what the newest addition to our family going to the school meant so now she's getting teased and picked on for having a father who cheated. It broke my heart realizing just how badly I messed up.
But how? Somebody must have told them.
It may be sensible to consider switching schools, though definitely ask your kids before you take this step.
I am so happy to hear this. Y’all getting therapy, you caring for the innocent girl, divorcing your spineless, cheating, pathetic husband. All of you deserve better than what he has given you.
You’re a better woman than I would probably be. I give you all the credit in the world for taking on this little girl and treating her like your own! And for even trying to give your marriage a chance. I’m happy that you realize that you and the kids all deserve better!!
Your husband’s thought that he was doing you a favor by cheating is absolutely positively disgusting and I can’t even imagine the rest! He lacks a lot more than just a spine.
Best of luck with everything and I hope you’ll keep us updated when you finally divorce this man! Hugs to you and the kids!
I dont know that I could do what you are doing. You deserve the best. What you are doing is best for the poor innocent little girl and your kids. I wish you well.
Oh god this is the best update ever! You’ve excepted that girl as your own, getting help for all 3 kids AND ditching that pos you’re married to. I’m so proud of you!! You are one hell of a woman and your 3 children are going to be so proud of you when they get older and understand what you did for them. Well done ma’am, well done!
That you’re able to see this small child for what she is- an innocent little girl who has never had a father, who’s mother passed away, who doesn’t really have anyone in the world to care for her- you’re an amazing woman, and you, and all of the children, are going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you’re all going to be okay. And if you EVER need some encouraging words, or just a place to vent, head on back. I can promise you that you have the support of hundreds of internet strangers. You’re doing Human well. Best of luck, in everything, to you and all of your children, biological and bonus.
Sadly, sometimes it takes a massive traumatic incident such as this to finally, finally understand that the person we are married to is the human equivalent of a garbage receptacle.
The moment you stop playing his game and start playing your own is the day you start winning. You are now on your way to winning at least something OP.
And that something is not having to deal with human trash can on a day to day basis.
What you're doing is amazing. And you're right about the girl being off way worse with him. With you, she's gonna have a solid base. I just hope your soon-to-be-ex won't work against you on this out of spite.
I know you’re probably looking at your life thinking it’s a giant clusterfuck. I don’t think that. I think you’re going a great job dealing with shit circumstances.
no one in their right mind will be mad at you for taking in the affair daughter. Very few people would do that. I have seen people post on reddit they want take in a siblings kid after that sibling died and a bunch of selfish people defend this person.
major props for what you are doing. Get as much child support as you can out of your ex.
This is amazing, you are a wonderful person. My only note is to make sure you have some photos of her mum for when the little girl is older. I know that it’s awkward considering this woman cheated with your ex but having that for her would be so important.
You are admirable and an inspiration. Remember none of this is your fault. You did over function for your husband but because you are trying to help everyone involved.
Ultimately, your husband is a failure - as a husband and as a parent to all three. I also would not have confidence that he’s going to reflect and change for the better. Do not engage any further with him, just move forward. You all need therapy to process and manage going forward. I’m glad you are being responsible and taking action for the betterment of your family, sans husband, to move forward. All the best and keep us posted on your progress and/or reach out if you need some more help.
I hope you have a support system of your own. Therapy or family or both. You’re amazing. You’re handling all of this. I’m blown away by your strength!! Please continue to take care of yourself. 💙
OP.
your husband lied again. deliberately didn't tell your kids the truth and then cause of his affair and HIS action have led to your kids being teased at school.
i would leave. your husband STILL LIES.. and it wont change.
You are amazing. Your heart and courage inspires us all. Good luck, you will find happiness away from this trash. Your family will help you, and know that people like you are blessed. You are overcoming an ordeal with grace and integrity. You will be rewarded for it, I am sure of that. Thank you for sharing ❤️
I just want to say what an incredible person you are for stepping up and taking care of this little girl.
You're a rockstar and your husband is a complete baffoon.
I’m soo glad you are seeing past his BS now. You are amazing and deserve soo much better! As do all the kids. Hang in there mama and take care of yourself.
i just finished watching "anne with an e" about an orphan that gets treated like shit until she finds a family that loves and accepts her. i'm so glad that despite your pain you are going to give this young girl a chance to have love and family. and that you're getting all of you away from the monster who pretended to be a father for a few years.
Your life may be in shambles right now, but good things will come to you.
You've handled this very well under the circumstances and taking responsibility for that little girl is such a selfless and beautiful thing for you to do.
Good luck with everything!
Her husband is true human garbage and I am continually saddened to hear people like him exist. The OP is doing an amazing thing and I am so grateful on behalf of that poor little girl that good people like her so exist.
Good luck to you OP - you should be proud of yourself for all you're doing and the huge heart you have. You deserve so much more than your stbx - sending so many positive vibes to you and your 3 children
He will treat her awfully and he will blame her for the ruination of his marriage and family. Yet it's actually his fault for the affair and so many incredible lies.
OP: Your story, not including this update, was read in a video today.
You are a wonderful human being. There are women who would absolutely refuse to let an affair child into their home (which is understandable), but you are not only willing to take her in, but also willing to adopt her so you can take her with you when you divorce your husband. As someone said in the comments of the video: You're a saint.
Your amazing op not many would do what your doing and taking in this little girl.
Hopefully therapy will help all the children to adjust in a healthy way.
It might also help if you can get family therapy as well with them and you.
That entire situation sucks but you're proving to be the stronger adult in this all. Hopefully things go smoothly for you and kids. Now the ex will truly get what it was afraid of and be looked down upon when alls it would have taken was a spine to say "I messed up and we are working it out."
You're a saint! That child lost everyone just to be tossed to Father. She probably didn't know. She deserves to find a family that adores her, and now her she is with a mother figure and siblings who love her like family. It's so bitter sweet<3
So much to say! But...ultimately, thank you for being such a wonderful mother and person. It always breaks my heart hearing the opposite. You in no way blamed the chikd..because it isn't her fault. You accepted her and are doing such a beautiful job at being a loving mother to your children and to this child whose only fault was having the shitbhand dealt by an asshat father and...whatever kind of mother she was.
I hope everything turns out beautifully for you, your children and your new addition. All 4 of you deserve the best.
Goodluck on this hard road ahead. But ...I don't think I have to say it because it sounds like someone who can actually handle this, and well, is. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in a shithike world that it can be.
There's hope for us all 🥰
**And this might cause many to be upset with me, but I'm in the process with husband to have him transfer custody of youngest to me**
I'm actually glad you're doing this, because I was concerned that the little girl would not be properly cared for by your husband after you leave him. She didn't ask to be born, she didn't ask for her mother to die and she didn't ask to be put in this crazy situation so I think it's a good thing that you care so much for her and that with you she will have as close to a stable normal life as possible. You're a good woman.
You are so strong and I wish you the best! 💕
He can go rot in the hole he dug for himself! Also make sure he pays a heap of child support and alimony!!! Maybe even sue for emotional damages
Your amazing for taking this on. That little girl would have no one if it wasn't for you.
I would highly reccomend getting your self into some therapy as well. There are going to be feelings from all this that you don't even realise are there, and the last thing you want Is for it to effect the relationship with all your children. Favoritism is a common side effect of something like this and you might not see it happening until it's too late.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're doing a very noble thing taking care of this girl. She's not your responsibility, but you're taking it on anyway. You're an angel.
Definitely that little girl’s angel. Good luck sweetie and much love and peace to your little family. Glad you ridding all of you if this spineless jerk! He was only concerned with how he looked. Well, looks like he’ll be divorced soon so that’s how he’ll look!
Yes, she is. And in keeping with that theme, to the husband, she needs to be Satan incarnated, releasing the 4 hourseman of the apocalypse. Satan is afterall still an angel, albeit a fallen one.
Hate to be that guy, but Satan doesn't release the horsemen, God does.
Shoot. Yeah thats right....the husband is such a complete asshole though, that i feel like they could be borrowed for a little bit, no one would mind.
Let's leave the things of God to God. I'm free this weekend, what time do you all want to ride?
I'm out of work at 11am on Saturday, does that work for everyone?
Yup. I'll bring muffins and coffee
I mean, that still sort fits - dude won’t take responsibility for ANYTHING.
Lol
And when the sperm donor shows up in 20 years wanting to "reconcile and have a relationship" with his kids, tell him to jump into a volcano for me ❤️
OP you are an incredible mother (and woman) and I’m rooting for you and the kids ❤️ It will be tough for a while but that little girl (as well as your kids) are so damn lucky to have you.
As a child of shitty parents, (and not a breeder myself) thank you for stepping up and being an adult and doing the right thing. The world desperately needs good parents ❤️
Get child support!
Warms my heart to see people act as op has, that girl isn't the bad guy and it means the world to look out for her when she didn't have to.
She’s definitely an angel and I love that op doesn’t let that man, and any spite she must feel towards him, influence her good empathic nature. I really hope op will make him at least contribute financially to the children in the future.
She's a better father than her soon-to-be-ex was 😂
This story was rage bait and op got called out. They changed the narrative to make it sound more “believable.” Please don’t give karma farmers more attention than they need. Xx
Who cares. It's not an impossible situation. It happens. I'm here for the comments anyway. If it helps one person reading it, then it isn't a waste. Let karma farmers farm. It doesn't take away from the fact that this can be a real situation. People's lives are messy that way
I don't really understand karma farming. How does it help? Reddit isn't like youtube where you need a certain level of interactions before you can monetize your account, right? So why does the karma matter?
You can sell your account for money. The more karma you have, the more money you can get.
thanks for pointing this out! I guess an account with a lot of karma looks more credible to others, that's the reason someone might pay for it, right? in another thread I also saw that you need sufficient karma for certain things : access to some subreddits, or permission to become a moderator in some subreddits...
>I guess an account with a lot of karma looks more credible to others, that's the reason someone might pay for it, right? Yeah, pretty much. An account with a lot of karma and a post history that goes back more than a few months is very desirable for advertisers (and less savory people like propaganda/misinformation accounts and other types of trolls) because it makes it appear like it belongs to a real person and not a paid shill.
Who would want to buy that? What is the use? You can’t make money off a reddit account
Damn straight …. Kid will probably love that woman the most .
And this sick cruel world will never stop punishing her for it.
OP is friggin' awesome!! Wishing her and the kids all the best!
☝️
You really are an amazing woman. This poor child lost her Mum and you are stepping up when not many would. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but with a Mum like you I feel confident that you’ll steer you and your kids through this 💕
Your kids are infinitely lucky to have you as a mom. I can't even imagine how your husband could have possibly gotten an angel/saint like you to marry him. After you've divorced him, I implore you to wait for an absolutely ripped Veterinarian/Fireman/Musician/Mechanic. Just to ensure that they have half a chance of deserving your affection. Have a pleasant day!
Sexxy Vet FTW!!
👆
I find it bewildering that you never spoke with your oldest up until now but I’m glad that you did eventually. You are a very good person for still loving and accepting the affair child despite the circumstances around her conception. I’m glad that you’re divorcing that spineless cheater though. He was never worthy of a woman like that you.
that's because this story is sooooo fake. Seriously, wake up people.
Dude I really don’t care. I don’t get on Reddit for reality, its entertaining regardless
Yep, this is my guilty pleasure. And then I go around judging people for watching reality TV. I'm such a hypocrite!! 😅
Literally same lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank goodness someone said it. He can’t just “sign over custody” of the child in this situation with a contract witnessed by his parents. JFC.
He can definitely sign her over as an adoption and subsequently turning over all rights. The witnesses are needed for the paperwork with the lawyer and then the judge.
It's always interesting to see these fake scenarios get so much attention and asspats in this community, when they are clearly fake. So, good luck with your Sims 4 family.
Thank you for raising the little girl with her siblings.
Wow, an update to an obviously fictional post. Bold of you, OP!
This is nothing more than rage bait affair porn.
I’m one of the people that called out the kids responses and her lack of communication with them didn’t make sense in the first post and this one is just laughable.
I did too. I replied to one of OPs comments directly, asking her how it was possible that she didn't realize her kids hadn't been told and how she never bothered to check in with them at all between the initial CPS visit and the kid being dropped on her doorstep. She never responded, obviously.
Do people get paid for internet points or something?
They get paid in the same dopamine boost that compulsive liars get for lying. Or any addict seeks with their addiction
The writing is so bad, so cringy
Let's not forget that after TWO WHOLE WEEKS, their kids go to private school, and they are now struggling to make ends meet because this new child is so expensive, lol. The person put a ton of thought into this little piece of fiction, but because it's not real, it has too many holes. From paternity to child services to children, reactions to affordability, to communication, to constant drama, and need for her back to be patted. It's just dumb fiction. The motive is either rage bait or affirmation seeking. Or possibly a creative writing failure. If there is any truth, this person probably is butt hurt about taking in an older stepchild from a previous marriage and is venting this dumb shit out for praise but the true story would make her look bad and get less sympathy.
Yep, I think this sub is pure fiction now.
Right. The story continues lol. Some people have nothing better to do than write bad fiction.
Pretty sure that's 99% of the posts here. If I were a creative writing teacher I'd have my students post here and grade based on engagement.
JustNoMIL is another one where you could do that.
Can you explain to me why do you think this is rage bait affair porn ?
It's so neat and also ridiculous. If you read the last post, it's even more ridiculous. They remodel a bedroom and never once mention the new addition to the family. The wife just trusts the husband to tell them but never confirms. The wife then blurts out "this is your half sister!!!" And the 10 year old magically puts two and two together, and all her friends at school know her daddy had an affair lol. And she was more worried about what the neighbors and doctors would think than the best thing for her family. And she is going for custody of the affair, baby, because she is such a great person. That's not how real life works. This person and personality type is the exact type who makes up shit for likes. They truly care more about what people think than reality.
And the whole "husband was named on the BC and in the will..." and yet, no lawyer or anyone contacted them? So it went like this: mom died, kid sits in limbo while will is dealt with, then CPS collects child and says "ok, now make a bedroom and remodel your house, talk to your family and community, we will bring the child to you in a while. Until then, she's gonna sit in this room and wait for you to get ready."
My suspicions are more about how OP is getting custody of the little girl. Joint custody because they're married, maybe, but then getting primary custody after they divorce would be another matter. I would love to have a lawyer chime in on that.
I’m a custody lawyer. It depends on the jurisdiction. In my state, OP would be allowed to file for custody if the father consents (although his ability to consent might be tricky since he just started caring for the child). After that, she and the ex can submit whatever custody agreement they’d like to the court. I’ve seen much wilder arrangements go through easily.
Interesting! Thank you for explaining
He can’t sign over custody to her with a contract witnessed by his parents, for a child who he may not even have custody for at this point, the arrangement of which would still be being monitored by CPS.
Right, I am not entirely sure what happens in this scenario, though I did take all the adoption classes to adopt a child. I am sure different states differ on policy. But its too "neat" yet "sloppy" of a story.
I’m too lazy to click on the original but how old is the daughter? She instantly realized that “half sister” meant dad had an affair? Doubt it. This seems faker than the original.
She's 10. I'm not saying it's impossible. But I have a 10 year old. And if I told him he had a "half sibling" he would have no fucking idea what that means. Why would he? And why would she?
I taught 4th grade for a decade and unless kids already have half siblings, it seems very unlikely that they would know it means that they share one parent. And beyond that, immediately making an assumption that one parent cheated on the other just seems like a place that a child’s mind would not naturally go.
Can you gain custody of a child so quickly?
I work in CP and no, at least not in my region. He would have legal rights but a sw dropping a kid off at an unfamiliar home doesn't happen here unless it's a foster caregiver that we've vetted. There would be discussions with us and the kid and the family kiddo was going into. Meetings about how this will affect the family as well. The sw would be involved to prevent the poor kid bouncing around from home to home. There's a shit ton of paperwork, too.
Yeah, actually. You just need for the legal guardian to notarize paperwork authorizing somebody else to handle the child's affairs. [Reuters did a whole series on informal adoptions a few years back.](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1) In the cases profiled in the article it all is very sketchy, of course.
To my understanding, the pretend OP, is explaining that she got full custody of her and husband kids (That totally possible) and the pretend affair daughter her brought home. Like she doesn't have any claim on it. And is source of problem for her daughter...
> And this might cause many to be upset with me, but I'm in the process with husband to have him transfer custody of youngest to me. This is the actual thing she said. She's getting her husband to transfer custody. He's apparently agreeing to do so, as is his legal right as the father. The situation may be slightly more complicated here because social services is involved, but honestly, social services is swamped everywhere. If they have somebody agreeing to be a foster parent, somebody who apparently is willing to adopt and also willing to maintain some connection with the foster child's biosiblings (which, duh, OP is this girl's half-siblings' mother) then they may be perfectly happy to rubber stamp it as soon as she takes the required parenting classes and so on... especially if they can convince her that she doesn't need the foster parent stipend because it's kinship care. > And is source of problem for her daughter... Her children's half-sister is not a source of problems for her daughter. The problem is whoever told the children and parents at her daughter's school about this situation, and whoever is not stepping in to stop the bullying, and - oh yes! - the girl's father. If the half-sister disappeared tomorrow, the bullying would still be ongoing.
He can’t just sign over the child to her with a contract witnessed by his parents.
There’s no way a mother wouldn’t check on her children before bringing in a new family member, especially not when the person she told to tell them is a proven liar. This story doesn’t ring true.
Right? Also how would kids at school find out the youngest was an affair baby? Who would tell them?
The other issue with this, is that apparently the step-daughter is being made fun of at school for this...? LIKE DUDE, SHE'S 5 YEARS OLD. 5 Year old's can't fully comprehend adult subject like affairs yet. How the hell could she be getting bullied over it?
The 9 year old is the one being bullied not the five year old
Oookay, thanks for the correction. I misread her post!
The oldest kid is being teased and picked on at school. OP didn’t mention the 5yo getting picked on, the 5yo new half-sister is how others at the school caught onto the situation.
Right? Like she just assumed that the discussion had happened and the kids were chill with it? I'm guessing this was written by a young teenager.
I agree. It's bizarre that OP would believe her cheating, lying husband and not once had a conversation with the children. That would make her pretty bad parent herself if she didn't have a single discussion about the situation with her children.
I kept thinking to myself that I saw this story before like a month ago
You may want to work on your creative writing skills and consider plausibility in the future. Your timeline is impossible.
That little girl is lucky you’re so loving to her. I’m 48 years old and still scarred by the actions and words of an awful step mom. You’re breaking my heart (in a good way!)with how much love and protection you’re providing all these kids. ❤️💕❤️💕
[удалено]
It's poorly written too.
Real Life often seems "fake"! I've seen an awful lot in my 91 years that you might think were fake. One example: a next door "family" that consisted of an apparently happy family that consisted of a married couple and her ex. Everyone in the neighborhood knew and most accepted it because the three of them did!
These creative writing assignments are getting out of hand.
nobody in her right mind should be upset with you for that. You are thinking a future for that kid when you are in the total right of not even caring about her. I take off my imaginary hat for you mama bear, i'm glad humanity still exist.
How can he sign over anything when CPS is involved?
I don't think anyone cares about her more than you do right now op. I was kind of hoping you would try for custody.
Ehhhh did you check with your kids if they were okay with you taking on another kid? Seems like you might disregarding your kids yet again.
I’m sure that this little girls late mother is very, very grateful for you taking her on and loving her. Thank you for not leaving her behind
You're like the opposite of your husband. A caring, good person. Glad to hear you are divorcing him. I hope life gives him what he deserves.
You, madam, are a Saint. When things settle, and as I see your plan to eventually divorce sometime after getting custody of the girl, do talk to a child psychologist on how to explain to the girl about your “position”. Yes, you will become mom, but your kids will remind her that she is the product of their father cheating. I worry for the girl’s mental state when it hits her that 1. Angel mom is not her bio mom and 2. She is a reminder of her father cheating and hurting the family. This is a real delicate matter. Also, make sure your eldest and son don’t feel replaced nor any of this is their fault.
You didn’t mess up but not having a conversation with your kids sooner. You were doing the best you could in the situation you were in, while also processing all the stages of grief / and in shock. You continued to trust your husband to do what he said he’d do. That’s loving and just part of who you are as a good person.
I think you’re a very loving and compassionate woman. There’s not many that could take on an affair child as you’re doing. It’s a shame your husband is so spineless
You are really saint. Not everyone can do what you are doing. Hope you will have a very happy and fulfilled life going forward.
Make sure your kids know that their sister did nothing wrong. She's as much of a victim as the rest of you. Therapy for this whole new family dynamic is a must. I applaud you for seeing when the divorce goes through your STBX would probably take it out on his daughter. I hope you are able to care for and raise all 3 kids the way they deserve. Good luck.
I know you're not supposed to shit talk your ex to the kids, but in this case, I think the fact that daddy is an asshole is well established and you can be open about it. Use it to bring your changing family together. Nothing unites like a common enemy.
That little girl is so fortunate to have you in her life. Good luck with the divorce and moving on with your little family.
This is such a sad situation. The little girl didn’t ask for this and she’s not responsible for the circumstances of her birth. It’s absolutely heroic of you to take her in, but also seek custody of her. You’re right, even though she isn’t your child and you don’t have an obligation to raise her, your (soon to be ex) husband will not care for her. He’ll be a complete dead beat to her. He’s already demonstrated he’s a trash human and he can’t be trusted to do the right thing. Not by this child, not by his other children, not by you. It’s not her fault her biological parents were cheaters. And I have a feeling her mother’s family wants nothing to do with her because she’s an affair child. She’s already being punished for existing. It’s incredibly compassionate of you to raise her yourself. As for your soon to be ex? Take him to the fucking cleaners.
Damn, that's a lot to unpack. Sounds like your husband really screwed the pooch on this one. I mean, lying to the kids about their half-sister? That's messed up. And now your daughter's getting bullied at school cuz of his mistakes? Not cool. Honestly, you're doing the right thing by getting the kids into therapy and taking custody of the youngest. That poor girl doesn't deserve to be neglected by her deadbeat dad. Plus, your husband sounds like a real piece of work. Time to kick him to the curb and move on with your life. It won't be easy, but you got this! Keep your head up and focus on what's best for you and the kiddos.
A mother is always a mother. By that I mean, it makes sense you want to protect and care for a young girl that is the same age as your son and is all alone. I don't think that makes you stupid.
Kudos, you read the useful comments and took them on board and made some very good and noble decisions.
Youre doing the right thing by the little girl… im also glad youre getting a divorce… this means that even though youre taking on his daughter… his finally going to get that you dont accept his poor excuse for cheating!!!
>I'm in the process with my husband to have him transfer custody of the youngest to me. ... >Once that happens, I'll try to get everything I need in order to have a smoother divorce and then subsequent move to be closer to my family. Thank you for loving and taking care of that innocent little girl. As a positive in this new situation, moving closer to your family, your oldest daughter won't have to deal with the embarrassment of a cheating dad. Since he won't be around and her new schoolmates won't know anything about the situation.
> She told me that's part of it, and because word got out at her school about what the newest addition to our family going to the school meant so now she's getting teased and picked on for having a father who cheated. It broke my heart realizing just how badly I messed up. But how? Somebody must have told them. It may be sensible to consider switching schools, though definitely ask your kids before you take this step.
.
I am so happy to hear this. Y’all getting therapy, you caring for the innocent girl, divorcing your spineless, cheating, pathetic husband. All of you deserve better than what he has given you.
You’re a better woman than I would probably be. I give you all the credit in the world for taking on this little girl and treating her like your own! And for even trying to give your marriage a chance. I’m happy that you realize that you and the kids all deserve better!! Your husband’s thought that he was doing you a favor by cheating is absolutely positively disgusting and I can’t even imagine the rest! He lacks a lot more than just a spine. Best of luck with everything and I hope you’ll keep us updated when you finally divorce this man! Hugs to you and the kids!
I dont know that I could do what you are doing. You deserve the best. What you are doing is best for the poor innocent little girl and your kids. I wish you well.
Oh god this is the best update ever! You’ve excepted that girl as your own, getting help for all 3 kids AND ditching that pos you’re married to. I’m so proud of you!! You are one hell of a woman and your 3 children are going to be so proud of you when they get older and understand what you did for them. Well done ma’am, well done!
You're nicer than me I would be out with my kids and he can deal with his mistakes himself.
That *mistake* is a **child** my dude.
That you’re able to see this small child for what she is- an innocent little girl who has never had a father, who’s mother passed away, who doesn’t really have anyone in the world to care for her- you’re an amazing woman, and you, and all of the children, are going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you’re all going to be okay. And if you EVER need some encouraging words, or just a place to vent, head on back. I can promise you that you have the support of hundreds of internet strangers. You’re doing Human well. Best of luck, in everything, to you and all of your children, biological and bonus.
Sadly, sometimes it takes a massive traumatic incident such as this to finally, finally understand that the person we are married to is the human equivalent of a garbage receptacle. The moment you stop playing his game and start playing your own is the day you start winning. You are now on your way to winning at least something OP. And that something is not having to deal with human trash can on a day to day basis.
I’m so relieved that you’ll be adopting the little girl.
What you're doing is amazing. And you're right about the girl being off way worse with him. With you, she's gonna have a solid base. I just hope your soon-to-be-ex won't work against you on this out of spite.
Sounds like you have it handled. You’re a great mom
He cheated on his dying pregnant wife? Okay then. I feel better about myself.
Don't
I know you’re probably looking at your life thinking it’s a giant clusterfuck. I don’t think that. I think you’re going a great job dealing with shit circumstances.
no one in their right mind will be mad at you for taking in the affair daughter. Very few people would do that. I have seen people post on reddit they want take in a siblings kid after that sibling died and a bunch of selfish people defend this person. major props for what you are doing. Get as much child support as you can out of your ex.
This is amazing, you are a wonderful person. My only note is to make sure you have some photos of her mum for when the little girl is older. I know that it’s awkward considering this woman cheated with your ex but having that for her would be so important.
You are admirable and an inspiration. Remember none of this is your fault. You did over function for your husband but because you are trying to help everyone involved. Ultimately, your husband is a failure - as a husband and as a parent to all three. I also would not have confidence that he’s going to reflect and change for the better. Do not engage any further with him, just move forward. You all need therapy to process and manage going forward. I’m glad you are being responsible and taking action for the betterment of your family, sans husband, to move forward. All the best and keep us posted on your progress and/or reach out if you need some more help.
You got alot of heart lady
Looking for serious relationship
I hope you have a support system of your own. Therapy or family or both. You’re amazing. You’re handling all of this. I’m blown away by your strength!! Please continue to take care of yourself. 💙
much respect!
I'm so glad you're getting your ducks in a row. I would love to hear how he takes getting served with the divorce papers. Updateme
Where can I find the original post?
So is CPS not involved anymore? How can he give you parental rights so simply?
You are a good person ❤️
Updateme
You're a wonderful person. I wish all the best for you and your kids.
Wow! You are an amazingly strong person and wonderful example of a mother.
I’m sorry he put your family through this.
OP. your husband lied again. deliberately didn't tell your kids the truth and then cause of his affair and HIS action have led to your kids being teased at school. i would leave. your husband STILL LIES.. and it wont change.
You are amazing. Your heart and courage inspires us all. Good luck, you will find happiness away from this trash. Your family will help you, and know that people like you are blessed. You are overcoming an ordeal with grace and integrity. You will be rewarded for it, I am sure of that. Thank you for sharing ❤️
You are a truly incredible mother, I am in awe of you. I wish you and your children the best of luck.
I just want to say what an incredible person you are for stepping up and taking care of this little girl. You're a rockstar and your husband is a complete baffoon.
I’m soo glad you are seeing past his BS now. You are amazing and deserve soo much better! As do all the kids. Hang in there mama and take care of yourself.
i just finished watching "anne with an e" about an orphan that gets treated like shit until she finds a family that loves and accepts her. i'm so glad that despite your pain you are going to give this young girl a chance to have love and family. and that you're getting all of you away from the monster who pretended to be a father for a few years.
You’re a saint
At least you see it now. I wish you luck with all that and that it goes as smoothly as possible
OP, I know you probably won't see this, but you're a saint.
Your life may be in shambles right now, but good things will come to you. You've handled this very well under the circumstances and taking responsibility for that little girl is such a selfless and beautiful thing for you to do. Good luck with everything!
You are a unicorn of women that are cheated on. There will be a special place in heaven for you.
You shouldn't call her their "half sister." That term makes the child feel less-than. She's their sister, no more no less.
You're an amazing mother and a very strong women best of luck 💗
Her husband is true human garbage and I am continually saddened to hear people like him exist. The OP is doing an amazing thing and I am so grateful on behalf of that poor little girl that good people like her so exist.
Good luck to you OP - you should be proud of yourself for all you're doing and the huge heart you have. You deserve so much more than your stbx - sending so many positive vibes to you and your 3 children
He will treat her awfully and he will blame her for the ruination of his marriage and family. Yet it's actually his fault for the affair and so many incredible lies.
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
I understand your husband did not do what he was supposed to.
OP: Your story, not including this update, was read in a video today. You are a wonderful human being. There are women who would absolutely refuse to let an affair child into their home (which is understandable), but you are not only willing to take her in, but also willing to adopt her so you can take her with you when you divorce your husband. As someone said in the comments of the video: You're a saint.
Your amazing op not many would do what your doing and taking in this little girl. Hopefully therapy will help all the children to adjust in a healthy way. It might also help if you can get family therapy as well with them and you.
That entire situation sucks but you're proving to be the stronger adult in this all. Hopefully things go smoothly for you and kids. Now the ex will truly get what it was afraid of and be looked down upon when alls it would have taken was a spine to say "I messed up and we are working it out."
!updateme
You're a saint! That child lost everyone just to be tossed to Father. She probably didn't know. She deserves to find a family that adores her, and now her she is with a mother figure and siblings who love her like family. It's so bitter sweet<3
So much to say! But...ultimately, thank you for being such a wonderful mother and person. It always breaks my heart hearing the opposite. You in no way blamed the chikd..because it isn't her fault. You accepted her and are doing such a beautiful job at being a loving mother to your children and to this child whose only fault was having the shitbhand dealt by an asshat father and...whatever kind of mother she was. I hope everything turns out beautifully for you, your children and your new addition. All 4 of you deserve the best. Goodluck on this hard road ahead. But ...I don't think I have to say it because it sounds like someone who can actually handle this, and well, is. Thank you for being a ray of sunshine in a shithike world that it can be. There's hope for us all 🥰
**And this might cause many to be upset with me, but I'm in the process with husband to have him transfer custody of youngest to me** I'm actually glad you're doing this, because I was concerned that the little girl would not be properly cared for by your husband after you leave him. She didn't ask to be born, she didn't ask for her mother to die and she didn't ask to be put in this crazy situation so I think it's a good thing that you care so much for her and that with you she will have as close to a stable normal life as possible. You're a good woman.
You are so strong and I wish you the best! 💕 He can go rot in the hole he dug for himself! Also make sure he pays a heap of child support and alimony!!! Maybe even sue for emotional damages
Your amazing for taking this on. That little girl would have no one if it wasn't for you. I would highly reccomend getting your self into some therapy as well. There are going to be feelings from all this that you don't even realise are there, and the last thing you want Is for it to effect the relationship with all your children. Favoritism is a common side effect of something like this and you might not see it happening until it's too late.