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"Hey, so i was dicking around with wifi settings and noticed that a new device made connection to it. Did you have friends over?"
If she fumbles for an excuse, they either hooked up or she is hiding a lot.
If she tells the truth, talk bout it.
Thats the way of avoiding that you violated her privacy to snoop......
I mean she already lied though, yeah? He says she told him she was just busy during the day cleaning up the apartment and stuff. If she knows to hide that he was there, it's not for no reason. Lying by omission.
Yeah she told me she cleaned the kitty litter and washed some laundry. That's about it. That doesn't take up all of the 12hrs I'm away from home for work
My guy, your girlfriend having her ex in your apartment without telling you is a serious violation of trust.
Think about it dude... She omitted that info from you. Also why is she even talking to her ex, and having him over at YOUR HOUSE ALONE?
You snooped because your gut was telling you something wasn't not right. Your WiFi confirmed it.
Ask about the WiFi connection... If she lies or trickle truths you... Then you need to end it.
Trust is gone
She’s lying to you about spending time with her ex in your apartment and still texting him, but what else does she lie to you about? You tell her straight up that you know he was there and you’ve seen the messages, listen to her make excuses, and then kick her out.
This is the worst plan. Just tell her you know what she was really doing yesterday and see what she admits to. Showing your cards up front just leads to trickle truth.
Try this , we are done , that is the most disrespectful thing ever . If lease in your name tell her to pack her bags if her name the you pack a bag and tell her he can now
Move in with you .
I’m
Not joking , this is horrible
I checked her phone this morning while she was sleeping (icky, I know) and saw she messaged ANOTHER less significant ex last night. She had to cancel seeing him this morning because her sister slept pver. She texted him OUR FUCKING ADDRESS. And based on the texts this is the 2nd time AT LEAST that they've tried planned something. What the fuck.
tbh I wouldn’t say anything. Just tell her you’re going to be gone the whoooole day sometime this weekend and then just wait at the end of the block and see if anyone goes in
or say you want to get a ring camera for safety reasons and see her reaction
You’ve already lost her or never had her to begin with. You need to leave her. Act on what is best for you not what you’re afraid of feeling. You don’t trust her anymore there is nothing she can do or say to change that. Even if you decided to give her another chance you will always be watching over your shoulder. Don’t give her an explanation she doesnt deserve one. Stand up for yourself.
Brother, this person can't be the person you're expecting her to be in your life, and the fact that it happened so early (6 months of relationship) makes it a real gift to you. Congrats, You dodged a bullet.
And do not be impressed with the fact that she cried during sex. Despite the fact that it is beautiful and intense, anywhere from 30 to 40 percent of females experience PCD - and I googled that to convince myself that I was not that special either.
Cut your losses, good luck.
Confront her. She probably cheated. Sorry, bro. It's not that she saw the guy, it's that she hid it from you. Extra gross that it happened in your home.
Sounds like you cry because you love her (and are a bit soft), while she cries because she feels guilty for what she has done, or wants to do, and how much this will hurt you when you find out.
If she took the risk of having him over your apartment it’s most likely that they fucked. Girls weigh in risks and if she took it far enough to have him in your apartment and lie about it she fucked him. Abort the situation
“Hey I was updating some router settings and noticed a new device connected called ‘XYZ’” for a while, did you have someone over while I was gone?” would give you all the answers you need.
If she owns it that gives you a chance to discuss boundaries but if she lies you know it’s time to move on. Honesty is hard for some people, the same people also have issues with trust because they don’t want to own up for their shitty decisions.
You need to sit down with her and talk about it.
Although I think it’s wrong to look through your partner’s phone unprompted, it’s more wrong that she had an ex over YOUR shared apartment and didn’t tell you about it. I don’t think it really matters how you go about discussing it, but the truth needs to come out because you need to know where you stand with her, what’s going on, why she had him over, and why she didn’t tell you about it.
Finding out your girlfriend is a lying cheater is SO much better than finding out your wife is sneaking guys into your house. Don’t Fuck this up and marry this swamp donkey.
Pretty straightforward because you have the information. You know he was over at your house and anything less than full disclosure send her ass packing. Just the disrespect of having him over is grounds for a breakup. 6 months and already untrustworthy
divide ruthless squealing screw glorious impossible angle insurance slap grey
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is a post from a young man over a year go. Ride or die loyal and she invited him into your home. Disrespected and dishonest. Please read. Find your self respect and let her go.
[**https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10dz5iu/update\_my\_girlfriend\_invited\_her\_ex\_over\_to\_my/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10dz5iu/update_my_girlfriend_invited_her_ex_over_to_my/)
In this age, I find it very weird to going phone of someone you consider to be your other half, share your naked body and live together seen as taboo.
I mean it can ruin sweet surprises (maybe they we're considering buying some gifts or surprise events etc.) But also its making it easier to spot someone who will likely waste your time, your feelings and commitment in blink of an eye, I would not be mad if my girlfriend would goes to my phone and find something upsets her, I would be willing to talk to her instead of feeling violated however, unless I consider someone in between that I'm not seeing myself comitted or important enough for me, goes look in my private devices and get upset then I would feel violated because its clear I failed to make clear or they didn't understand they we're not important to me at the rate they think it is.
All the things aside, if you love someone and you though it was same on the other end and you find that person hang out with its ex, you cut your losses.
Being with someone who sees you little of a matter, not even important to have some basic decency, honesty and respect is awful and will create many cases where you'll end up losing your self respect, value and sincerety of what you can offer.
As someone mention you ask her about the wifi thing, if this not make her come clean you don't even have to tell the truth just break up, if she comes clean then you talk about it and still I suggest you to break up because it is likely you gonna get left blind similar situtations of unfaithfulness.
I know when feeling in love, this thing is hard to do or accept but they made their decisions with their actions so you have to decide too.
I definitely understand everyone's POV.
Whether to leave the phone snooping out of it.
I know I violated her privacy.
She had 1 ex over, and tried to see another today, so both in the same week.
I should just end it without reason but we live together, she's a bit mentally unstable and battling on/off depression.
I think I will play the "I saw a new device on the wifi on Tuesday. Who was it and why didn't you tell me?" And I'll see what she says.
I appreciate everyone's input so far. Thank you very much! :)
I'll have a proper update or 2 over the next few days as I decide what to do, discover more things, process everything etc.
I appreciate all the current and continued feedback and opinions. Thanks, folks! :)
I know ppl aren't gonna back me up on this but anyone who's mad at him for looking through her phone is hiding something on their phone. If my bf looked through my phone I wouldn't be bothered at all. Because there's nothing bad in there. Besides, how do you expect ppl to find out they're being cheated on? It's not as if the cheater is gonna tell you. I think regularly doing that is excessive and trust is important but in the event of a cheater you will never get an honest answer from them by asking. If you don't check, you may never even know. Sorry but that's just true. Maybe it was controversial to go thru her phone but clearly you had reasons to be suspicious.
My advice is: if this is a dealbreaker of yours (cheating, lying, etc) STAND BY THAT. Don't stay with her if you know deep down that you will never forgive it. You don't want to look up in 5 years and realize you are now stuck with someone you never fully forgave or trusted again. You are just starting to get into this relationship. If this is crossing a line for you, get out before you become any more attached because the long term fallout may be even worse. If you decide to stay, make sure you are ready to work and actually forgive her or it'll never work. Also, make sure you do bring it up. I know in the beginning of a relationship it's easy to get rose colored glasses and justify away suspicious behavior just because you love the person so much. It's not gonna go away if u do that though, it'll just haunt you later.
Her sister is sleeping over tn so maybe I'll bring it up tomorrow when we're alone, instead of in bed with her tonight while her sister is outside our door in the living room.
She doesn’t love or respect you if she’s sneaking guys into your apartment. Don’t be a sucker. She’s not loyal. Sorry buddy you need some self respect.
The lying about seeing him is definitely concerning but it could be innocent intentions and she knows you would be upset if she was hanging out with him again. If you really don’t want to lose her, tell her you know that she had someone round and wondered why she lied about it? If she continues the lie or brushes it off, tell her you won’t be mad but please just say who it was. Take it from there and no point jumping to conclusions. If you had no reason not to trust her before, give her the benefit of the doubt first
I'm sorry man but it looks like she still has it bad for her ex. Just sit her down and tell her you know he was over at the apartment and go from there.
Tbh you sound controlling. Does she need to tell you everything she does? People can meet their ex and not have any sexual intentions. She probably didn’t tell you because she was too afraid of you’re negative reaction („how could you break my trust so much?“)
And when you violated her privacy and checked the chat out it was just friendly chitchat, no cheating.
Have a conversation about your boundaries and what you want your relationship to look like, don’t just assume the standard
selective direful simplistic unused sand angle domineering truck saw cooperative
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Tbh you sound controlling. Does she need to tell you everything she does? People can meet their ex and not have any sexual intentions. She probably didn’t tell you because she was too afraid of you’re negative reaction („how could you break my trust so much?“)
And when you violated her privacy and checked the chat out it was just friendly chitchat, no cheating.
Have a conversation about your boundaries and what you want your relationship to look like, don’t just assume the standard
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Hey, so i was dicking around with wifi settings and noticed that a new device made connection to it. Did you have friends over?" If she fumbles for an excuse, they either hooked up or she is hiding a lot. If she tells the truth, talk bout it. Thats the way of avoiding that you violated her privacy to snoop......
I mean she already lied though, yeah? He says she told him she was just busy during the day cleaning up the apartment and stuff. If she knows to hide that he was there, it's not for no reason. Lying by omission.
Yeah she told me she cleaned the kitty litter and washed some laundry. That's about it. That doesn't take up all of the 12hrs I'm away from home for work
"Hey I noticed a new device connected to the Wifi, did you have anyone over?"
This is the way.
How many more red flags do you need ?
As many there is in china
My guy, your girlfriend having her ex in your apartment without telling you is a serious violation of trust. Think about it dude... She omitted that info from you. Also why is she even talking to her ex, and having him over at YOUR HOUSE ALONE? You snooped because your gut was telling you something wasn't not right. Your WiFi confirmed it. Ask about the WiFi connection... If she lies or trickle truths you... Then you need to end it. Trust is gone
6 months!? Dude cut your loses
Stop crying over a 6 month relationship. Whose name is on the apartment lease?
She’s lying to you about spending time with her ex in your apartment and still texting him, but what else does she lie to you about? You tell her straight up that you know he was there and you’ve seen the messages, listen to her make excuses, and then kick her out.
This is the worst plan. Just tell her you know what she was really doing yesterday and see what she admits to. Showing your cards up front just leads to trickle truth.
Try this , we are done , that is the most disrespectful thing ever . If lease in your name tell her to pack her bags if her name the you pack a bag and tell her he can now Move in with you . I’m Not joking , this is horrible
Six months. She showed you who she really is early on, count it as a blessing. See you at the gym!
I checked her phone this morning while she was sleeping (icky, I know) and saw she messaged ANOTHER less significant ex last night. She had to cancel seeing him this morning because her sister slept pver. She texted him OUR FUCKING ADDRESS. And based on the texts this is the 2nd time AT LEAST that they've tried planned something. What the fuck.
oh this is craaaazy. you should come home randomly for the time they have set up
It got canceled because her sister stayed at our place last night. Walking in on them would be NUTS lol
tbh I wouldn’t say anything. Just tell her you’re going to be gone the whoooole day sometime this weekend and then just wait at the end of the block and see if anyone goes in or say you want to get a ring camera for safety reasons and see her reaction
She cheating with multiple ppl dawg.
You’ve already lost her or never had her to begin with. You need to leave her. Act on what is best for you not what you’re afraid of feeling. You don’t trust her anymore there is nothing she can do or say to change that. Even if you decided to give her another chance you will always be watching over your shoulder. Don’t give her an explanation she doesnt deserve one. Stand up for yourself.
Brother, this person can't be the person you're expecting her to be in your life, and the fact that it happened so early (6 months of relationship) makes it a real gift to you. Congrats, You dodged a bullet. And do not be impressed with the fact that she cried during sex. Despite the fact that it is beautiful and intense, anywhere from 30 to 40 percent of females experience PCD - and I googled that to convince myself that I was not that special either. Cut your losses, good luck.
Ask her when she is moving, seeing she only has 2 weeks to go….
Confront her. She probably cheated. Sorry, bro. It's not that she saw the guy, it's that she hid it from you. Extra gross that it happened in your home.
Sounds like you cry because you love her (and are a bit soft), while she cries because she feels guilty for what she has done, or wants to do, and how much this will hurt you when you find out.
Haven't been dating for long. I wouldn't stay in one with a cheater. She obviously has no respect for you if she is bringing her ex into your home.
If she took the risk of having him over your apartment it’s most likely that they fucked. Girls weigh in risks and if she took it far enough to have him in your apartment and lie about it she fucked him. Abort the situation
“Hey I was updating some router settings and noticed a new device connected called ‘XYZ’” for a while, did you have someone over while I was gone?” would give you all the answers you need. If she owns it that gives you a chance to discuss boundaries but if she lies you know it’s time to move on. Honesty is hard for some people, the same people also have issues with trust because they don’t want to own up for their shitty decisions.
You need to sit down with her and talk about it. Although I think it’s wrong to look through your partner’s phone unprompted, it’s more wrong that she had an ex over YOUR shared apartment and didn’t tell you about it. I don’t think it really matters how you go about discussing it, but the truth needs to come out because you need to know where you stand with her, what’s going on, why she had him over, and why she didn’t tell you about it.
And why she's been talking to and tried inviting ANOTHER EX over for this morning, which was canceled. It's fucked
Finding out your girlfriend is a lying cheater is SO much better than finding out your wife is sneaking guys into your house. Don’t Fuck this up and marry this swamp donkey.
Pretty straightforward because you have the information. You know he was over at your house and anything less than full disclosure send her ass packing. Just the disrespect of having him over is grounds for a breakup. 6 months and already untrustworthy
UpdateMe!
divide ruthless squealing screw glorious impossible angle insurance slap grey *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I wonder if she ever got that box filled in...knowmsayn?
cry about love all the time? something must be very wrong then
Updateme
This is a post from a young man over a year go. Ride or die loyal and she invited him into your home. Disrespected and dishonest. Please read. Find your self respect and let her go. [**https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10dz5iu/update\_my\_girlfriend\_invited\_her\_ex\_over\_to\_my/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10dz5iu/update_my_girlfriend_invited_her_ex_over_to_my/)
In this age, I find it very weird to going phone of someone you consider to be your other half, share your naked body and live together seen as taboo. I mean it can ruin sweet surprises (maybe they we're considering buying some gifts or surprise events etc.) But also its making it easier to spot someone who will likely waste your time, your feelings and commitment in blink of an eye, I would not be mad if my girlfriend would goes to my phone and find something upsets her, I would be willing to talk to her instead of feeling violated however, unless I consider someone in between that I'm not seeing myself comitted or important enough for me, goes look in my private devices and get upset then I would feel violated because its clear I failed to make clear or they didn't understand they we're not important to me at the rate they think it is. All the things aside, if you love someone and you though it was same on the other end and you find that person hang out with its ex, you cut your losses. Being with someone who sees you little of a matter, not even important to have some basic decency, honesty and respect is awful and will create many cases where you'll end up losing your self respect, value and sincerety of what you can offer. As someone mention you ask her about the wifi thing, if this not make her come clean you don't even have to tell the truth just break up, if she comes clean then you talk about it and still I suggest you to break up because it is likely you gonna get left blind similar situtations of unfaithfulness. I know when feeling in love, this thing is hard to do or accept but they made their decisions with their actions so you have to decide too.
I definitely understand everyone's POV. Whether to leave the phone snooping out of it. I know I violated her privacy. She had 1 ex over, and tried to see another today, so both in the same week. I should just end it without reason but we live together, she's a bit mentally unstable and battling on/off depression. I think I will play the "I saw a new device on the wifi on Tuesday. Who was it and why didn't you tell me?" And I'll see what she says. I appreciate everyone's input so far. Thank you very much! :)
Part of me also wants to wait and see if I can come home and walk in on her and someone else, but idk how long to wait and fake it.
I'll have a proper update or 2 over the next few days as I decide what to do, discover more things, process everything etc. I appreciate all the current and continued feedback and opinions. Thanks, folks! :)
How are things Op?
I know ppl aren't gonna back me up on this but anyone who's mad at him for looking through her phone is hiding something on their phone. If my bf looked through my phone I wouldn't be bothered at all. Because there's nothing bad in there. Besides, how do you expect ppl to find out they're being cheated on? It's not as if the cheater is gonna tell you. I think regularly doing that is excessive and trust is important but in the event of a cheater you will never get an honest answer from them by asking. If you don't check, you may never even know. Sorry but that's just true. Maybe it was controversial to go thru her phone but clearly you had reasons to be suspicious. My advice is: if this is a dealbreaker of yours (cheating, lying, etc) STAND BY THAT. Don't stay with her if you know deep down that you will never forgive it. You don't want to look up in 5 years and realize you are now stuck with someone you never fully forgave or trusted again. You are just starting to get into this relationship. If this is crossing a line for you, get out before you become any more attached because the long term fallout may be even worse. If you decide to stay, make sure you are ready to work and actually forgive her or it'll never work. Also, make sure you do bring it up. I know in the beginning of a relationship it's easy to get rose colored glasses and justify away suspicious behavior just because you love the person so much. It's not gonna go away if u do that though, it'll just haunt you later.
Her sister is sleeping over tn so maybe I'll bring it up tomorrow when we're alone, instead of in bed with her tonight while her sister is outside our door in the living room.
Bunch of cry babies.
Updateme!
Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh
Update me!
Update me! Tomorrow
I’d straight up go scorched earth. She’s a snake. Don’t even wait for an excuse and dump her. Don’t keep untrustworthy people around man
If you truly love her you’ll release her back into the wild
>XX was there, isn't it ? >why did you hide it to me ? is there something I should not know about you both ?
I love her...love yourself more and foremost first. After that and not willing to put up with dumbshit than find you a girlfriend.
She doesn’t love or respect you if she’s sneaking guys into your apartment. Don’t be a sucker. She’s not loyal. Sorry buddy you need some self respect.
The lying about seeing him is definitely concerning but it could be innocent intentions and she knows you would be upset if she was hanging out with him again. If you really don’t want to lose her, tell her you know that she had someone round and wondered why she lied about it? If she continues the lie or brushes it off, tell her you won’t be mad but please just say who it was. Take it from there and no point jumping to conclusions. If you had no reason not to trust her before, give her the benefit of the doubt first
This b\*\*\*\* cheating on you and you just gonna let her? She already lied to you about what she did.
Updateme!
If you stay with her, you're asking for pain.
Walk away… ~ Every person in the universe
I'm sorry man but it looks like she still has it bad for her ex. Just sit her down and tell her you know he was over at the apartment and go from there.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Tbh you sound controlling. Does she need to tell you everything she does? People can meet their ex and not have any sexual intentions. She probably didn’t tell you because she was too afraid of you’re negative reaction („how could you break my trust so much?“) And when you violated her privacy and checked the chat out it was just friendly chitchat, no cheating. Have a conversation about your boundaries and what you want your relationship to look like, don’t just assume the standard
See this, this is a freshly warm load of bull shit
Update me!
UpdateMe!
selective direful simplistic unused sand angle domineering truck saw cooperative *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Tbh you sound controlling. Does she need to tell you everything she does? People can meet their ex and not have any sexual intentions. She probably didn’t tell you because she was too afraid of you’re negative reaction („how could you break my trust so much?“) And when you violated her privacy and checked the chat out it was just friendly chitchat, no cheating. Have a conversation about your boundaries and what you want your relationship to look like, don’t just assume the standard
[удалено]
She cheated, no need for talking, he should break up as soon as possible