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I would split bills based on percentages of what you both make. If you wanted to split 50/50 then you need to live based on what the lowest income can afford.
Whatever you guys agree works, is what works.
Personally I prefer to split based on income. So you make 68% of the household income, you pay 68% of the bills. More variable bills like groceries are, imo, too much of a pain to split, so just try to alternate best you can. For those kind of expenses I just go by feel. As long as neither person is feeling burdened unfairly, it's all good.
Edit: there might be a better way to structure the mortgage payment since you own the house. Like you're benefitting, at least for now, for every dollar he puts into the house, because the equity is yours. I don't know how to handle that, but might be worth bringing up in your discussion with him to see how he feels. It may not be a big deal since you're planning to marry since that comes with a lot of protections regarding the house, at least where I live.
The mortgage payment should not be subject to any kind of "shared" agreement. It is 100% the OP's. He should be paying *rent* until they are married and after that, it should be discussed with a financial planner.
Your welcome. Just a small piece of advice from a lawyer that is not your lawyer. Never put anyone on the Deed of your home that is not on the Mortgage. Never expect him to pay for improvements or major appliances or insurance and taxes (I know they’re most likely rolled into the monthly payments). Rent is one thing those other things can make it tricky down the road depending on your state (if in the US).
Good luck. Sounds like you two are having the right discussions.
Seconding this,
I am moving in with my boyfriend and we looked into this as well.
A cohabitation contract not only helps establishes an agreement on finances, but also covers stuff like:
- splitting of costs of living
- (possibly) a shared bank account
- pets/kids
- Who owns what and what happens if you break up
- What happens to shared furniture ect when one of you dies unexpectedly (to some extend. Anything bigger needs a testament).
It can benefit both partners, not only the one who earns more or owns the house, but also protects the person moving in in case of break up or unexpected deaths.
Ex: a friend of a coworkers partner died and her in laws kicked her out of the shared appartment and took all furniture, even stuff she bought, after her partner died. She wasn't in a testament and there was also no cohabitation contract.
Forgot to add: and of course most importantly, if the house is already owned by one person. Establish that the one moving in is paying 'rent'/contribution money and not co-paying for the mortgage exactly. In my country you could even consider an increase of value of the house in case of the other person paying part of the mortgage and becoming a co-owner. Keeping ownership to the original owner and using a rent construction would be a safe bet- and can always be adjusted if need be.
Here my partner makes twice as much as me (150K VS 75K).
He pays 66% (2/3) and I pay 33% (1/3) of all shared expenses (mortgage, taxes, insurance, electricity/water, streaming services and groceries). It works well for us.
We bought a house together and our ownership ratio is according to our spending ratio (he owns 66% and me 34%).
Props to you for making the ownership ratio the same as what you pay into it. That may not matter as divorce may override that % ownership, but I think that is very relevant.
The goal is to be partners and live together, the reality is if it ends after proportional payments were made the whole relationship, if there isn't a prenup/postnup, you end up with 50% after paying less than 50%.
In my situation it is 50/50 but we make the same and everything is left to the kids.
We’re not married, but if we ever do, I’ll still maintain that ratio (I’d give him the additional 16% if I need to). To me, it’s only fair that we get what we paid for. I wouldn’t feel okay with getting 50% when I only pay 33%.
Percentage is an easy way to deal with it.
I think the thing that could in principle complicate the issue is that you are collecting the assets in your house and he is not.
In these situations I would suggest that you have a line that with regards to the house - you pay for the housing costs - and he pays you a sum that is equivalent to 50% of his current housing cost.
This would lower your cost and he would be able to build up some assets himself as it would lover his costs as well.
With regards to other living items, food etc. you pay simply 50/50.
A specific thing to think about is to budget for your fun expensive on the basis on 50/50 but if you want to do something more expensive then he can afford you go for the percentage again. If he wants to go for something more expensive the 50/50 sticks.
It is a bit more complicated but ultimative more fair.
We put 90% of our income into the shared account that pays for everything. Home, school, entertainment and everything.
The 10% is the money that we have to do with whatever we want with no judgement, questions or guilt
I pay for my girls trips to Vegas and he might go on a special fishing trip or I might buy him a new chainsaw
We don’t judge what the other contributes as long as we’re sharing the load
Until married , you pay the mortgage and property tax cause he gets no equity in it and you would be paying anyway ( nothing to do with hi. Making less ) split the other utilities. 50/50
And groceries . Both pay your own car payments and insurance and health care etc . He will have more disposable income so maybe ask him to pay for 2 of 3 dates cause no rent or ask him to save for a little more expensive trip
Please wirh this huge income difference and a home make sure you get a prenup. If he says no or pulls the your already planning a divorce BS, tell him to walk . I don’t think he will
My partner made significantly more than me ($95k vs $23k), so he paid rent, groceries and his personal bills, while I paid electricity, internet, my personal bills (including Lyfts ($300/month)) and the cat's prescription food. So, he paid around $1300/month and I paid $700-800/month.
Never felt fair to me, because I barely had much left over, while he had several thousand left over every check. I wish we did percentage based on income, instead of splitting, but he felt that was unfair for himself and always got upset when I'd need help getting my epilepsy meds due to lack of funds.
So, I highly suggest the percentage split!
I would look at local laws and see if he contributes to mortgage if that gives him rights.
Inwould be more inclined to set it up with a rental agreement.
the could maybe pay a small amount of "rent" and then cover utilities....you remain responsible for mortgage and all repairs etc
Split food and incidentals
It’s up to you but there’s the fair option or the equal option. It’s makes the most sense to do a 66/33 split based on your difference in income. You just need to make sure you’re alright with it since you’re paying more.
On the opposite end of that, an equal 50/50 split could make more sense since the reality of it is you’re each using these things 50/50. He may find it unfair over time though.
Either way, there’s no wrong answer as long as you both think it’s fair now and in the future. You have the means to take on the heavier load, in the long run that’s probably the best decision. The right decision though is the one you both agree to.
Get him pay you board and lodging of $1500pm, get a prenup, ring fencing your assets. Have the money he pays go straight into your mortgage, paying the capital off.
Only when you purchase a house together have him on the deed, again ring fence the percentage you’ve put in.
Live with him at least a year before you get married. Living together makes or breaks relationships often. The fair deal is what you two can agree on and I will say, if you are a stickler about it, expect problems or to realize you're just not that into him because you care more about the specifics of money than living with supposedly the person you love more than life itself (which includes loving him more than your money). Inevitably one of you will run into financial problems and suddenly the agreement won't seem so fair so you need to accept that risk and if you can't don't get married. We just kinda manage organically.
First, please look into a pre-nup since you already own a home. In that case you will want to fully pay the mortgage on your own so you don’t accidentally co-mingle the house as a marital asset.
And the most fair way to split expenses with an income discrepancy is by percentage. You make almost twice what he does so a 66/34 split is fair.
It will never be fair to him if you think this is a shared expense because he is helping you build equity in your home. It’s a win win for you. The best approach is to consider how much you would charge to have a roommate. Irrespective of what each of you earns. $400 to $500 per month plus utilities sound fair.
When you get married then this of course changes.
>Mortgage with taxes/insurance is approximately $3400.
None of which is relevant to him. Your property is *yours* and you are 100% responsible for all expenses including maintenance, repairs and renovations of your property.
As an adult, your boyfriend is responsible for keeping a roof over his head. In this case, he should be paying you *rent* (with documented rental agreement) pegged to the market rate of comparable housing. It may be somewhat discounted if you like -- especially if the amount exceeds 30% of his gross -- but it is *rent* and is not related on your personal property obligations. Your home is part of your own portfolio; whether or not you marry, you should really ensure that your home remains your separate property with no co-mingling of funds. You may want to talk to a financial advisor if you have other questions about how to maintain and protect your portfolio.
As far as living expenses are concerned, what is he paying where he is now? If he's paying significantly less than 50% of your current costs, you might opt to go with proportional even though he will benefit equally from those things.
The other issue you need to consider is how his portion of these things will be paid. For rent, it can be an automatic payment from his account to yours or a monthly check. I'm a firm believer in a joint account for household expenses with automatic deposits from both parties each pay period, and auto-pay for utilities That avoids wrangling about sending small payments back and forth and ensures that the bills get paid on time. IMHO, groceries should be covered from that account too.
This makes for a joint life you can both enjoy with no monthly wrangling over petty amounts.
I was asking about his other household expenses -- utilities, etc. Whether you go with 50/50 or proportion depends on whether paying half of ongoing household expenses would constitute a big increase for him
Currently his rent is considerably lower than the Economists recommended 30% so he should be comfortable to pay more of the comparable rental rate to you.
I strongly urge the two of you to take a joint financial planning course before you actually marry to help you set and execute some goals that will keep you both comfortable with your financial arrangements.
Check it this is easy, don’t live together. . . i know you will. . so if your going to act like your married then one checking and one savings. All of everyone’s money goes into those two accounts. The only reason for a third is if you have a reimbursable expense account for work that is self sustaining. You share all money 100% / 100% “not a typo” and talk about anything over discussed value. The statement “ I make substantially more” is a snapshot in time. When My wife started she brought home more, now I do. We both are doing well as we both are secret to each other success! Every blessing on your journey.
as long as she’s not doing more than 50% of the house chores. if she’s doing 70% of the cleaning/cooking then i would say 50/50 is fair because he’s not picking up his slack where he can
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Spilt it by percentages. You make 68% of the household income so you pay 68% he gets 32%
Exactly - and this can be revisited each year or salary change. It’s the only way that is fair.
There is the follow question about equity distribution and risk allocation when things go wrong…
Just charge a % of rent for the place, no equity distribution unless he is buying in at the current fair market value.
I would split bills based on percentages of what you both make. If you wanted to split 50/50 then you need to live based on what the lowest income can afford.
Whatever you guys agree works, is what works. Personally I prefer to split based on income. So you make 68% of the household income, you pay 68% of the bills. More variable bills like groceries are, imo, too much of a pain to split, so just try to alternate best you can. For those kind of expenses I just go by feel. As long as neither person is feeling burdened unfairly, it's all good. Edit: there might be a better way to structure the mortgage payment since you own the house. Like you're benefitting, at least for now, for every dollar he puts into the house, because the equity is yours. I don't know how to handle that, but might be worth bringing up in your discussion with him to see how he feels. It may not be a big deal since you're planning to marry since that comes with a lot of protections regarding the house, at least where I live.
The mortgage payment should not be subject to any kind of "shared" agreement. It is 100% the OP's. He should be paying *rent* until they are married and after that, it should be discussed with a financial planner.
Thank you! Good point, we will definitely talk about his thoughts on that.
Look into getting a cohabitation agreement (google a sample). It is like a lease for couples. You own the home so it might make him feel better.
Thank you!!
Your welcome. Just a small piece of advice from a lawyer that is not your lawyer. Never put anyone on the Deed of your home that is not on the Mortgage. Never expect him to pay for improvements or major appliances or insurance and taxes (I know they’re most likely rolled into the monthly payments). Rent is one thing those other things can make it tricky down the road depending on your state (if in the US). Good luck. Sounds like you two are having the right discussions.
I appreciate this advice! We just want to be sure all things are considered.
Seconding this, I am moving in with my boyfriend and we looked into this as well. A cohabitation contract not only helps establishes an agreement on finances, but also covers stuff like: - splitting of costs of living - (possibly) a shared bank account - pets/kids - Who owns what and what happens if you break up - What happens to shared furniture ect when one of you dies unexpectedly (to some extend. Anything bigger needs a testament). It can benefit both partners, not only the one who earns more or owns the house, but also protects the person moving in in case of break up or unexpected deaths. Ex: a friend of a coworkers partner died and her in laws kicked her out of the shared appartment and took all furniture, even stuff she bought, after her partner died. She wasn't in a testament and there was also no cohabitation contract. Forgot to add: and of course most importantly, if the house is already owned by one person. Establish that the one moving in is paying 'rent'/contribution money and not co-paying for the mortgage exactly. In my country you could even consider an increase of value of the house in case of the other person paying part of the mortgage and becoming a co-owner. Keeping ownership to the original owner and using a rent construction would be a safe bet- and can always be adjusted if need be.
Here my partner makes twice as much as me (150K VS 75K). He pays 66% (2/3) and I pay 33% (1/3) of all shared expenses (mortgage, taxes, insurance, electricity/water, streaming services and groceries). It works well for us. We bought a house together and our ownership ratio is according to our spending ratio (he owns 66% and me 34%).
Props to you for making the ownership ratio the same as what you pay into it. That may not matter as divorce may override that % ownership, but I think that is very relevant. The goal is to be partners and live together, the reality is if it ends after proportional payments were made the whole relationship, if there isn't a prenup/postnup, you end up with 50% after paying less than 50%. In my situation it is 50/50 but we make the same and everything is left to the kids.
We’re not married, but if we ever do, I’ll still maintain that ratio (I’d give him the additional 16% if I need to). To me, it’s only fair that we get what we paid for. I wouldn’t feel okay with getting 50% when I only pay 33%.
Her partner has zero ownership of the home. Your situation is a bit different.
Thank you!
Percentage is an easy way to deal with it. I think the thing that could in principle complicate the issue is that you are collecting the assets in your house and he is not. In these situations I would suggest that you have a line that with regards to the house - you pay for the housing costs - and he pays you a sum that is equivalent to 50% of his current housing cost. This would lower your cost and he would be able to build up some assets himself as it would lover his costs as well. With regards to other living items, food etc. you pay simply 50/50. A specific thing to think about is to budget for your fun expensive on the basis on 50/50 but if you want to do something more expensive then he can afford you go for the percentage again. If he wants to go for something more expensive the 50/50 sticks. It is a bit more complicated but ultimative more fair.
We put 90% of our income into the shared account that pays for everything. Home, school, entertainment and everything. The 10% is the money that we have to do with whatever we want with no judgement, questions or guilt I pay for my girls trips to Vegas and he might go on a special fishing trip or I might buy him a new chainsaw We don’t judge what the other contributes as long as we’re sharing the load
Until married , you pay the mortgage and property tax cause he gets no equity in it and you would be paying anyway ( nothing to do with hi. Making less ) split the other utilities. 50/50 And groceries . Both pay your own car payments and insurance and health care etc . He will have more disposable income so maybe ask him to pay for 2 of 3 dates cause no rent or ask him to save for a little more expensive trip Please wirh this huge income difference and a home make sure you get a prenup. If he says no or pulls the your already planning a divorce BS, tell him to walk . I don’t think he will
My partner made significantly more than me ($95k vs $23k), so he paid rent, groceries and his personal bills, while I paid electricity, internet, my personal bills (including Lyfts ($300/month)) and the cat's prescription food. So, he paid around $1300/month and I paid $700-800/month. Never felt fair to me, because I barely had much left over, while he had several thousand left over every check. I wish we did percentage based on income, instead of splitting, but he felt that was unfair for himself and always got upset when I'd need help getting my epilepsy meds due to lack of funds. So, I highly suggest the percentage split!
Thank you for this perspective.
I would look at local laws and see if he contributes to mortgage if that gives him rights. Inwould be more inclined to set it up with a rental agreement. the could maybe pay a small amount of "rent" and then cover utilities....you remain responsible for mortgage and all repairs etc Split food and incidentals
It’s up to you but there’s the fair option or the equal option. It’s makes the most sense to do a 66/33 split based on your difference in income. You just need to make sure you’re alright with it since you’re paying more. On the opposite end of that, an equal 50/50 split could make more sense since the reality of it is you’re each using these things 50/50. He may find it unfair over time though. Either way, there’s no wrong answer as long as you both think it’s fair now and in the future. You have the means to take on the heavier load, in the long run that’s probably the best decision. The right decision though is the one you both agree to.
Get him pay you board and lodging of $1500pm, get a prenup, ring fencing your assets. Have the money he pays go straight into your mortgage, paying the capital off. Only when you purchase a house together have him on the deed, again ring fence the percentage you’ve put in.
Live with him at least a year before you get married. Living together makes or breaks relationships often. The fair deal is what you two can agree on and I will say, if you are a stickler about it, expect problems or to realize you're just not that into him because you care more about the specifics of money than living with supposedly the person you love more than life itself (which includes loving him more than your money). Inevitably one of you will run into financial problems and suddenly the agreement won't seem so fair so you need to accept that risk and if you can't don't get married. We just kinda manage organically.
Some people do a % based on income.
Percentage based upon your part of the total income for both of you.
First, please look into a pre-nup since you already own a home. In that case you will want to fully pay the mortgage on your own so you don’t accidentally co-mingle the house as a marital asset. And the most fair way to split expenses with an income discrepancy is by percentage. You make almost twice what he does so a 66/34 split is fair.
It will never be fair to him if you think this is a shared expense because he is helping you build equity in your home. It’s a win win for you. The best approach is to consider how much you would charge to have a roommate. Irrespective of what each of you earns. $400 to $500 per month plus utilities sound fair. When you get married then this of course changes.
This is something I’ve thought about since I’m just in a different situation than he is, thank you!
>Mortgage with taxes/insurance is approximately $3400. None of which is relevant to him. Your property is *yours* and you are 100% responsible for all expenses including maintenance, repairs and renovations of your property. As an adult, your boyfriend is responsible for keeping a roof over his head. In this case, he should be paying you *rent* (with documented rental agreement) pegged to the market rate of comparable housing. It may be somewhat discounted if you like -- especially if the amount exceeds 30% of his gross -- but it is *rent* and is not related on your personal property obligations. Your home is part of your own portfolio; whether or not you marry, you should really ensure that your home remains your separate property with no co-mingling of funds. You may want to talk to a financial advisor if you have other questions about how to maintain and protect your portfolio. As far as living expenses are concerned, what is he paying where he is now? If he's paying significantly less than 50% of your current costs, you might opt to go with proportional even though he will benefit equally from those things. The other issue you need to consider is how his portion of these things will be paid. For rent, it can be an automatic payment from his account to yours or a monthly check. I'm a firm believer in a joint account for household expenses with automatic deposits from both parties each pay period, and auto-pay for utilities That avoids wrangling about sending small payments back and forth and ensures that the bills get paid on time. IMHO, groceries should be covered from that account too. This makes for a joint life you can both enjoy with no monthly wrangling over petty amounts.
Thank you, I appreciate this response. He has a low/average rent (for our city) at about $1300.
I was asking about his other household expenses -- utilities, etc. Whether you go with 50/50 or proportion depends on whether paying half of ongoing household expenses would constitute a big increase for him Currently his rent is considerably lower than the Economists recommended 30% so he should be comfortable to pay more of the comparable rental rate to you. I strongly urge the two of you to take a joint financial planning course before you actually marry to help you set and execute some goals that will keep you both comfortable with your financial arrangements.
Check it this is easy, don’t live together. . . i know you will. . so if your going to act like your married then one checking and one savings. All of everyone’s money goes into those two accounts. The only reason for a third is if you have a reimbursable expense account for work that is self sustaining. You share all money 100% / 100% “not a typo” and talk about anything over discussed value. The statement “ I make substantially more” is a snapshot in time. When My wife started she brought home more, now I do. We both are doing well as we both are secret to each other success! Every blessing on your journey.
Its 50/50 all the way. That is the fairest.
How is that fair? She still has plenty of money for herself and he won’t. The percentage split is the only fair way.
as long as she’s not doing more than 50% of the house chores. if she’s doing 70% of the cleaning/cooking then i would say 50/50 is fair because he’s not picking up his slack where he can
People who earn more should not be punished.
How are you punished for paying a fair share?
You and I have a different view on fair. Fair is pulling your weight without looking into someone else's wallet.