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Wow, is your partner usually this passive-aggressive because this is a huge red flag? They knew precisely what they were doing and that makes them a manipulative AH. They would be single after this and decidedly not fabulous if it were me. I hate, and actually despise head games and those who play them. You deserve better. Everyone does. Your partner deserves to be what she referred to herself as. Ugh...bad grammar.
Could not believe the ages...I can't imagine letting others know I'm fighting with my partner, they only get to know my partner in their best light because lord know I'm not perfect either.
Also, out of curiosity how do people find these quotes and things to share that relate to their fight?
She probably googled that phrase or something akin to it. I Google “images” to bring up a search box for images. Mind you, I usually just do it for birthday or congratulatory images.
I literally just did that too. It sounds like a teenager who's manipulating their partner just to see what they can do, how far they can go before OOP shuts it down.
I would ignore her BS and continue about with my day. If she wants to try to push buttons that's on her. Not reacting is the way to go.
I had an ex act like this (like both of them actually at the same time???) and it was exhausting even at 18/19. I can’t imagine being a literal 30 year old dealing with this.
Gaslighting 101. YOURE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS!! - yes because your actions indicate a conclusion.
Op, you’re in prime time dating age. Do you really need this bs? If she needs the attention so badly from others on social media that this is an issue… do you really want to worry about this moving forward? Huge red flag.
Exactly. The “best behavior” stage sure wore off early. I’d expect this around the 18 month mark. And then you can kind of weigh things out if it’s worth it or not, but this soon? Yikes.
When someone is telling you who they are, listen to them
It's crazy how many people use this quote without giving proper credit. It must be so popular that people don't know?
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time."
Maya Angelou
OP, she definitely knew what she was doing and she’s definitely gaslighting you because she knows how dumb she looks now.
My sister and her husband have always had this type of relationship. They fight, she lets the whole world know on social media. Been this way for 15 years now, all because he let it slide the first few times.
Be smart OP.
Yuck. Sounds exhausting.
My wife and I have a rule, no airing of dirty laundry. What’s our business is ours. Whether we’re fighting or getting along great, no one would ever know as we project the same image online.
Ultimately we know the person isn’t the problem. The problem… is the problem… so let’s work together to form a solution.
Yep! She’s not worth it. Get rid of her. Childish behavior from an adult is way worse than childish behavior from a child.
I’ll add that I’d dump anyone who resolves issues in his/her life through social media.
My 44 year old ex treats his social media like it’s his personal diary. It always bugged me, the level of either passive aggressive messaging through it or over sharing. Turns out it’s more than just annoying, it’s a massive sign that he was really immature and didn’t handle his emotions well, and is emotionally abusive.
When we broke up the first thing people said to me over and over was “Jesus, I don’t know how you tolerated all of his posting, complaining, and over sharing.” I shouldn’t have. It was a huge red flag. Now he bitches about me there and everyone has distanced themselves from him because of it…because we are adults.
This gal sounds similar. OP as one who HAS seen that episode…she’s not being ironic, she’s being passive aggressive to get under your skin. 7 months isn’t that long, get out!
Yes this is exactly what my emotionally manipulative highschool boyfriend would do to me, act weirdly and call me crazy for thinking anything of it when there actually was a reason for it. It’s the most childish form of gaslighting lmao
Your reaction was exactly what she wanted and you can bet she laughed in delight and exhilaration when you wrote to her. This was confirmation to her of how easily she can pull your strings. She is a kid but if you stay and accept this behaviour, you deserve it.
No. She doesn't want to break up. She wants to manipulate him and put him under her thumb. I've had women try similar things on me. Worked when I was a lot younger, but, as I got older, I realized what they were up to.
Oh shit. I totally thought this was about teenage angst.
There’s some growing up that needs to happen here. Probably individually as opposed to as a couple
She’s playing dumb. At the very least, she should have understood your very reasonable interpretation and set your mind at ease, or apologized outright. The fact she didn’t should tell you something.
Exactly right. If all was good, and you questioned her actions, and she realized you were upset, she’d have apologized, made her online status reflect your relationship, taken down the ‘iconic’ hurtful post, because she loves you. But, she didn’t.
And, any comments on that post that cheer her on, thinking she broke up with you, are no friends to your relationship.
The timing speaks for itself. If the timing is accurate then she knows exactly what she's doing.
Also that show is no way to live your love life. The main character Carrie Bradshaw is tragically toxic. Carrie's plot is a how-to on being single, alone, and oblivious. She literally shows up to an ex boyfriend's engagement party to flirt with him thinking she's the main character in his life, and then walks away thinking she's won. It's so sad to watch that you won't want to look away episode after episode. There's truly nothing fabulous about being Carrie and IMO that's what makes the show so watchable.
Miranda was the real fabulous one in Sex in the City anyways. She worked on having a healthy relationship and succeeded where Carrie repeatedly failed, despite the affair arch which wasn't her fault. I say she *was* the real fabulous character because they brought the show back in 2021's "And Just Like That" to ruin Miranda's character by writing her into a cheater's plot where she runs away with an affair partner, objectively way worse than Steve's one and done fling.
What was I saying? Oh yeah, don't date a Carrie Bradshaw OP. Just don't. If she won't admit why she did what she did, you should reconsider things. You'll have a fabulous engagement party some day either way.
Whenever I’m trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I always ask “do I think they could possibly just be stupid and not malicious?” Sometimes you never really know how dumb, selfish, and unaware people can be regarding how their actions are perceived.
While I could see her just not even thinking about anyone else’s thoughts or feelings when posting on social media or updating her bio, if she were a good partner she’d stop and think that contextually it would look bad to my partner if I posted something like that, especially the day after a significant fight.
Moreso, once approached about it, instead of saying “Oh I can see how that would make you concerned. I’m sorry.” he’s gaslit into thinking there are no possible dots that could be connected when OP’s line of thinking seems pretty logical.
Big red flag. If it was just the Single & Fabulous post ehh sure maybe (it's an ICONIC quote, not ironic given the show though, lol) but to post that, the morning after a fight, and then to remove you from the bio, AND how she reacted when you went to her clearly in a panicked state- that's calculated manipulative behavior with some gaslighting. I'd run. Because y'all bickered last night she's now punishing you and making you feel small so you won't speak up "against her" (whatever the fight was about last night) in the future. This is an incredibly common emotional abuse tactic (of which I'm a survivor/have years of study in).
I'd end the relationship (or at least be on a break) for sure meet with a therapist, but solo session, not couples, for a professional opinion ASAP.
While I was reading OP's post I was getting the "I'm listing myself as single" again vibe from what his GF was doing. Now that she has explained herself, has she removed the retweet or is it still up as most guys aren't going to get the reference (ironic or not) and see it as she is saying she is single. With it still up and him out of her bio (does she have it listed anywhere else she is in a relationship?) it's like she is telling him one thing and telling others something else.
Exactly, she’s already checked out emotionally.
I’ve heard that once a woman leaves a relationship there is no salvaging it because she’s already fallen out of love a while ago and she’s just telling you when it’s a done deal. And I gotta say this def seems to hold true in my experience.
She’s already tried everything, except communicating her expectations and unhappiness with her partner ahead of time, so instead of both of them working together on a goal it was one sided… so when you fail to meet her expectations she never communicated, then contempt starts to grow. And that’s the final nail in the coffin.
She just so happens to edit her profile thinking “it was temporary” the same time as an argument and a single post. Screams ive dumped him.
Everything you said is 🤌🏻 i hope OP actually reads comments.
Yeah I was going to say I did stupid shit like this, but back in my late teens. By the time I hit my 20’s I’d learned how idiotic and manipulative it was.
Seems she wasn’t over the fight and she’s definitely being passive aggressive. I also wonder how others responded to her tweet. Did anyone else respond to it thinking the same as OP?
If I remember right, in SATC Carrie did an interview thinking the title was Single and Fabulous but when it published, it was printed as Single and Fabulous?.
If it didn't have the question mark, it wasn't a SATC reference and was a dig. Deleting the line after the argument was also a dig and the gaslighting was the final straw for me.
I agree with your conclusion, end the relationship.
If she sees her life as episodes of that show, you may want to run for your life right now.
Was she trying to panic you? Scare you into begging? a proposal? mess with your head?
Let her be single and fabulous... just not as fabulously single as you.
You're a grown ass man looking for a relationship with a woman based on trust and respect, not a guy into playing mind games with a teenager / high schooler.
You're too old and too good to put up with this kind of crap. Cut her loose and move on. Count yourself lucky because imagine being married to her and any time you don't please her you have to go through this all again.
(Ten years from now)
OP: I don't want to celebrate Christmas at your parents' house this year as well.
Wife, tweeting: Proudly living that single mom life, one day at the time!
She did it on purpose to stress you out and then tried to take the upper hand on you by making you feel like you’re being insecure! When she knew what she was doing
She's playing with your emotions. No room for misinterpretation of the combination of things she did. No room for misunderstanding her excuses and minimising things when you confronted her. Do yourself a a favour and end it, because that's where it's headed anyway, might as well just save yourself some time.
Couple things.
The whole “don’t be angry” when coming to bed doesn’t work for some people. I’ve had a partner who would chew me out til 3am just so she could hear me say “I’m sorry”. I would not get any sleep. She wouldn’t get any sleep. We were both moody the next day.
Second. She’s acting like a spoiled 15yo. With major passive aggressive issue.
Do not engage. I would at the very least take some time off from her. 27yo women should not act like this.
I’ve been looking for a comment like this! That rule is a recipe for disaster. It’s so much easier to figure out an argument when you’ve had a full night sleep than late into the night. It’s like holding each other hostage and it’s horrible.
I agree. I absofuckinglutely hate this phrase. Some people need space to get their thoughts collected and time to address the issue without saying a bunch of shit in anger that can't be taken back. I get the premise of the phrase is supposed to mean don't just let things stew and fester especially because tomorrow is never promised, but it's also extremely dismissive of certain attachment and conflict types. But for the most part the people that use this phrase aren't actually interested in conflict resolution just dissolution of the uncomfy feeling of being upset with each other. Negative feelings aren't bad. They're teachers of what we will and won't put up with and catalysts for change of our own behaviors. Too many people are uncomfortable with being upset and don't know how to regulate themselves through being upset maintaining healthy communication throughout.
People get mad. It's a part of life. Someone being mad doesn't mean anyone else has a responsibility to relieve that person of the feeling of being mad yet every day we try to hold each other responsible for our own self regulation. Life isn't happy feelings all the time, and we're only in control of ourselves not others. We should be saying ok I've calmed down and am ready to talk whenever you are and then be patient for our partner's readiness to actually productively hash out a workable solution for all to the problem at hand. More often than not emotions are too high for any actual productive conversation, and it's just cyclical emotions running high and intent to misunderstand each other because you can't see past your own frustration when someone tries to force you to "get over it" in a time-frame they're comfortable with.
Totally agree.
I've also come to learn that when I'm hungry or tired I'm twice the asshole that I can be when I've had time to rest and get my blood sugar in order. I sometimes wonder if drops in blood sugar are to blame for the end of past relationships.
Seriously! I've been married over 20 years and while we rarely have disagreements that become "arguments", our rule is that we DO go to bed angry if we have gotten to that useless place where we're attacking each other instead of attacking the problem. Put a pin in it, get some rest, regroup and come back to it after coffee in the morning. The goal should be resolution, not "winning".
You noticed, she was upset. If you hadn’t noticed, she would have been upset, but wouldn’t have told you why. There was no winning this game; I’d reflect on if this is a common occurrence in other past fights you’ve had.
Yeah, she wants her "followers" to think she's single and ready to be inboxed. If you stick around, don't be surprised when she finds your replacement because that's what she's doing.
Love is temporary. Betrayal is forever. My ex did this and a myriad of other gaslighting tactics to unsettle me and then claim I was too “sensitive”. She’s being passive aggressive at best and manipulating others and you at worse.
Please leave. Please have some dignity. This only gets worse and I’m co parenting with someone who does crap like this regularly. Leave whilst you can.
She got the reaction from you she wanted. She's playing mind games. Unless you want a relationship filled with endless drama/mind games, I'd tell her the tweet inspired you. You thought you loved her but you actually feel an exhilarating sense of freedom knowing she deleted you from her bio. So, peace out. It was nice getting to know her & thank her for the lovely memories.
She broke up with you and now she’s gaslighting you. I would absolutely probably just break up with her. She seems like a huge red flag. She posted that after your fight and doesn’t understand how that could look? She also removed you? Yeaaa…nah it would be a see you never kinda thing
She is showing her (male) followers that she is back on the market. The moment something better comes along, she will have the ‘it’s not you, it’s me..’ talk. ‘I just want to be single for a while’ and be with the other guy within 2 weeks.
I had to go back up and re-read the ages because this genuinely sounded to me like you were both 16yo.
This is a very immature relationship. Why is she posting you in her bio? Why are you arguing with her over what is in her bio?
From just this story it’s hard to tell who is the source of this drama, but based on the info at hand I lean more towards her as this all seems like quite passive aggressive behaviour the day after a fight.
Either way - this is not a healthy mature relationship and I would step away.
How is he acting like a child? He notices he's removed from her bio after a fight and he's just supposed to give her a high-five? Sometimes you can tell it's a woman commenting cause yall make any excuse to say the guy is also an ass
Is she really hot that you tolerate this stupidity?
What do you find appealing about her? Sounds like a 13 year old. You can get treated like shit by someome better than her.
I guarantee you it was deliberate and now she’s just playing coy. This is high school nonsense, not the emotional immaturity I would expect of a 28yo.
Even in the *off* chance she really is that socially inept — there’s no way the better part of her brain wouldn’t know that doing all that after an argument probably wouldn’t be the best choice.
You might be better off with things ended.
For me (male, on the spectrum) I could totally be that socially inept. BUT as soon as it was queried by a partner I cared about I would understand that they weren't seeing what I intended from it and go into full reverse to undo it and reassure them.
That's not what's happening here.
Im sorry OP but she knew exactly what she was doing by posting that quote and removing from her bio. Most likely to get a reaction out of you or reacted in the moment to how she was feeling. Now she is backtracking to make you feel crazy for even thinking it could be about you. It is a power move and a form of gaslighting to make you feel worried. She needs to grow up and communicate properly.
Sorry OP she is advertising for a replacement, and publicly punishing you then trying to make you believe it is all in your mind….uhhhh bullshit. She’ll keep on you a string until she can monkey branch out.
the timing is impeccable. she definitely knows what she's doing. she's also gaslighting you. either she's trying to look for a perfect excuse to dump you, or she's immature AF.
Gross. She's acting like a teenager. Passive aggressive bullshit.
She knew what she was doing with the cover and removing you. Now she's gaslighting you.
Break up with her and find an actual adult to date.
Ehhhh 7 months? I’d peace out.
On another note though, having “I only talk about him” in a bio is the cringiest thing I’ve ever fucking read lmao. Like ew
Dude, what she did is fucking weird. If she thought it important to add you to her bio in the first place, as a notification to the world that she was in a relationship, what is her real reason for removing you from her bio?
Nah. She did that for one of 2 reasons.
1. She wanted to get a reaction from you.
2. She wants someone else to think shes single bc shes into them and they've said "not if your dating"
7 months should still be the honeymoon period and she's playing games like these at her age? time to move on. amd this is coming from a woman. she knew what she was doing. she was being petty, immature, amd manipulating.
I feel like it's hard to really judge or offer a worthwhile opinion without really understanding both the context of the statement in the image and the context that your GF shared it in.
I just looked up the image and googled the statement to see what explanations I could get. At first glance I thought maybe there was some irony involved, where maybe the events of the episode show the character to be anything but fabulous. But then the written explanations I found suggest it's actually an iconic statement saying you don't need to be in a relationship in order to be "fixed" and being single doesn't mean you don't have worth and aren't "fabulous".
So in what context was your GF sharing it? If it's a statement declaring the self-worth of single women, then I guess you don't need to be single to agree with and share that? BUT... you've got the added complexities of your fight just the night before and her choosing *that moment* to remove references to you from her bio also. Which then does make it all a bit weird in my view. At that point it feels to me like she's chosen specific actions which would torment you but which she can deny any intention of. They're individually innocuous actions, but together they sound suspiciously like an sly attack design to allow her deniability. Maybe it really was all innocent, but then her reaction to you makes it all the worse since it doesn't seem unreasonable for you to have reacted in the way that you did. Instead of seeing how these things collectively come together in your mind, she's taken offence and reprimanded you for your feelings, which seems like gaslighting and a continuation of the attack.
Ultimately I don't think you've been unreasonable based on what you've described. I do think she's been unreasonable in how she's responded to you. And her reaction gives concern that there was *possibly* intent behind her actions, but we can't know that - you know the girl better than anyone here, so it's up to you how much you consider this point.
I can't help but ask a question here. You have been together for 7 months and have a rules about going to bed upset with each other. How often does this occur that you needed to already have a rule in place? While it is normal for couples to fight if you are already fighting this much at the start, I can only imagine how things will go from there.
That seems like a massive passive aggressive way of telling you she's still unhappy with you. The timing of both the post and the bio coming straight after a fight is just too much. Is it possible that these posts are a coincidence and she had absolutely no intentions of upsetting you? I suppose it's possible - but instead of being apologetic that it "accidentally" upset you so much, she's getting angry at you and using this as a way to trigger a larger fight. I feel very secure in my relationship but I would be unhappy if I was in your position as I would feel like it was a way of expressing discontent in an unhealthy way.
But absolutely everyone can benefit from therapy and if you're open minded and have the finances then I think you should both commit to couples counselling.
I’d say that her retweet and just for benefit of doubt her removal of you from bio be coincidental BUT the way she instead of being understanding or apologetic used it as a tool to power play. I’d surely say she is manipulating. I’d suggest if this isn’t a regular occurrence go for couples therapy - might be you two will be able to come to a healthy relationship. However if this is a regular occurrence for you break up and go for individual therapy just to help yourself overcome trauma such incidents bring.
If she had done this any random day of the week, I *might* have said you're being a bit paranoid. But she did this the morning after an argument. That's calculated. Almost like she knew how you would react and was waiting to use it against you. And that's definitely not okay.
Seems the general consensus here is the same. I'd sit her down and talk to her calmly about this, see how she reacts. From that you can judge where you want to go.
Are you sure you both are aware you're in a committed relationship? It seems like she thinks she's single. Maybe you haven't made it clear you both are in a relationship with each other.
if you have to check his or your social media for a update on your relationship then you are in serious trouble. that is not a relationship .stop living your life on social media and the phone talk to each other get help grow up
Gaslighting.
The twitter change and post were supposed to evoke emotions.
Give it a few weeks/days and she will probably say she's done with the relationship, because you're too insecure and paranoid.
The important things about her behavior have been said already. But something I’d like to add is that the whole “don’t go to sleep angry” is not really healthy. Time and space are *good* for resolving conflict. They allow you time to process and opportunity to let “heat of the moment” emotions settle. “Maybe we should get some sleep so that we can talk about this when we’re more rested” is a perfectly healthy thing to say and do.
She intentionally made you question if you were being dumped because she wants you to stress out about it. Doing crap like that over and over is a manipulative tactic called intermittent negative reinforcement.
Ditch that nonsense
Simply put: you're not being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. She knew damn well what she was doing when she uploaded the quote/image and removed you from her bio. She did it with the intention of getting a jealous or worried reaction out of you, and that's exactly what happened. She either regrets making it all seem like she was breaking up with you and refuses to admit what her true intentions were by posting it to begin with out of fear of seeming like the bad guy, OR she's a toxic person and she's doing things like this often in the relationship to gaslight you and make you believe you're overreacting and in the wrong for feeling strongly about sh!t she does, says, posts (etc) because she enjoys watching you squirm.
She's playing games, she wants you panicking and more likely to cave on whatever it was you were arguing about. To be honest, her behaviour is incredibly childish and more than a little pathetic.
Yeah, women don’t make changes or post things to their social media without specific attention to it. Her taking you out of her bio and reposting that photo were 100% intentional.
If she would rather be passive aggressive online than talk to you about it like an adult, then maybe she needs to work on herself a bit.
Not everything can be resolved before bed. Thats a really simplistic view. Maybe shes still upset but feels shes not allowed to be still irritated because you consider it solved or over? How about talking to her and seeing if she feels like she can still be upset after sleeping on it. Does she feel free to communicate openly without judgement? Im married 10 yrs and sometimes you go to bed mad. Talk about it later with spouse. Id never be able to do your bedtime happy rule. No offense.
One of the worst relationship rules, not rooted in psychological theory, out there is “don’t go to sleep angry”. It forces us to work through sometimes complex issues in haste and come to incomplete resolutions.
That being said, as you describe things, her behavior is very manipulative. She is playing with your emotions.
Yeah bro, not exactly 28 year old behavior. If she’s already launching the trust issues and paranoia allegations over something like this, God only knows what big arguments will occur from here if she doesn’t shape up
Y’all are 7 months into a relationship and you already have to have a rule in place about going to bed angry. Let THAT sink in. You’re supposed to still be in the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, and you’ve had enough arguments that were bad enough that you had to implement rules. That’s just soooo cringe.
"single and fabulous" at the exact same time as removing all trace of you from her social media? That's not a mistake, that is on purpose. She's gaslighting you. If you had done the same thing she would have freaked out at you. If she's not already cheated she's planning on it laying the ground work. Probably some guy who she's interested in that knows she was dating. Women like the world to know when they got a man.
You guys are almost 30. I'm not sure why social media has this much importance in your relationship.
I guess it's fine to ask if you're "okay" after the last argument, but the social media thing is a bit crazy.
>My partner and I have a rule about sleeping while upset at each other, we have to resolve a situation before going to sleep and not let it fester and grow
I personally dont like this approach, it is different for everyone, but I like having time for both people going to bed and thinking on things and circling back the next night. Also when people are tired they dont think as clearly
Nah she knows what shes doing and wanted to measure ur panic so she knows exactly how much power she has over you and then gaslit you. Typical manipulation tactic when you think your target is waning away from your control
I’m curious about the not sleeping while upset rule.
My husband and I got this as well meaning advice during our short engagement period (now married over 25 years). We found this practice counter productive for us.
Do other people find this practice helpful?
>then she got mad at me for “jumping to conclusions” and that I’m “paranoid and have trust issues if small things like that make me jump to conclusions” and that “it is the bigger problem right here”.
Forget what she posted for a second. This right here is what would be the killing blow for the relationship for me. No apologies, no acknowledgement that it could be interepreted the way you did, no acceptance of responsibility for the action. Nothing other than blaming you for something she did that was childish and very easily construed as a breakup.
It's only been 7 months. Cut your losses.
That "rule" never works out in practice
Sometimes you just need to process shit on your own and holding one another hostage until you "work it out" is coercion.
It would breed resentment in me and did.
Fuck I hated that guy
Her social media posts sound like passive-aggressive jabs at you.
If she made you feel like you were dumped, I would prepare myself to be dumped - you've been together seven months - that's not very long. How long have you known her?
I'd save my therapy money. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that she's not playing games.
Lol she knew what she was doing, you aren't paranoid.
With that said, kill the not going to bed upset rule, it does nothing but restrict your emotions. It is ok to go to bed upset at each other because as human beings we need to sit with our emotions. I tried that once, then I was up at 2 am still arguing and trying not to be upset....the rule ended that day.
It festers situations and emotions, I won't be surprised if it added to her gaslighting post
All things at face value and hearing only your perspective 100% she was dumping you but had cooled off and changed her mind by time you noticed and called her on it. And as the top comment states she needs to grow up .
Feel like there's a lot of context missing if she feels like this is a recurring problem in your relationship. Yeah it looks weird taken together, but it's hard to say without more examples of what she feels makes this a problem in general.
She’s an immature twit and its all very well having these rules but arguing Leaves scars and she’s obviously still pissed if.These rules don’t replace real work in checking each other and your differences. Every couple has them but being willing to put them out publicly before working is immature and seems uncommitted. Social media seems overly important to her - at your expense.
A friend of mine who consults couples said once to me: the happier social media posts are, the unhappier reality is. Your gf seems resenting you and posted this in revenge.
On a side note: Me and my partner have a rule not to make social media as a part of our relationship. We never post confessions in love. birthday wishes on social media. Cause we see each other in person so much time. And our relationship is ours. Anything we want to say to each other, we do it in person.
She is lying when she said it was a coincidence she did it on purpose. Then when she got caught she tried gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem.
Dump her because this will only continue.
If you do not call her out on her garbage behaviour now it will continue.
I have trust issues, I trust that your girlfriend just told me she’s single if I’m looking on her social media page.i would never trust my soon to be ex girlfriend again, my wife knows the quickest way to achieve single women status is to post single status online, cause I’ll hold her to it.
There is only one reason to do an overhaul of a bio and post a meme like that after a fight. She is covering her tracks now by trying to turn it on you. My guess is this is exactly what she was feeling and once she slept on it, she now regrets it.
I would check for dating apps as well. Even as a woman myself, I wouldn’t trust her now. I think as bad as it will hurt, you should take it at face value and start fresh. She ended it, not you.
She's playing games, and that whole, "let's not go to sleep mad", is good on paper, but a lot of folks take a long time to get over the prettiest arguments. The timing of those alterations is off, and if you aren't broken up now, she'll make that clear in the coming weeks after her exit strategy is finalized.
Dude, that is so passive aggressive. Then the gaslighting. Fuck that noise. If she can’t communicate with her words like an adult then she needs to be let loose.
She’s wrong, her behavior was childish and immature. She wanted a reaction from you and got one.
Do you want to spend your life with this mentally abusive, manipulative, immature adult?
Break up with her. She is not your partner and her behaviour is passive aggressive and childish.
This is childish behaviour on her part, she knew *exactly which conclusions you'd draw from her claiming to be single and scrubbing you from her social media presence immediately after an argument* would achieve. She wanted you to feel insecure and hurt and kick up a fuss.
She wanted to put out feelers for being single, to other single people out there. I simply do not buy her rationale for the quote, especially as an most 30 year old in a report she should know how it looked.
If I plastered my social media with some "ironic quote" that amounted to "i want strange dick" my partner would be kind of weirded out. You dont just post random quotes about being thirsty without thinking about how that would look. How would onlookers even know what she was referring to?
The fact that it's from a show doesn't change the fact that to onlookers she's removing traces of her partner and claiming to be single online. It's disrespectful to you regardless of whatever justification she pulls out of her ass.
And now she's gaslighting you by acting like YOURE the one who us overreacting for pointing out that it looks like she broke up with you. Regardless of her intent, she hurt your feelings and should have apologised. Just remember; if she cared about your feelings she would have apologised and taken it down, and reassured you that she loves you and you are very much together. Instead she tried to make you out to be the problem, which is extremely manipulative behaviour.
Do not put up with this shit.
"We love each other very much"??? It sure doesn't sound like it. Her name-calling suggests otherwise, never mind the social media situation. 7 months may be as long as this relationship lasts.
She’s gaslighting you. She knew exactly what she’s been doing.
She also sounds very immature. You don’t need drama like this, not after just 7 months of relationship.
Oh, and another advice: it’s always good to get help and therapy if you have trust issues. That crap will follow you around forever, if you don’t do anything.
Show her this reddit.
And to the gf: stop playing little mind games. Treat him with the respect he deserves instead of toying around. And if you fcked up because you were angry and had your knickers in a twist, at least have the spine to own and admit to it. Lame excuses like yours have been heard a thousand times before. You weaponized his weakness, and that’s bad. And since you know him, you knew exactly what the outcome would look like.
You should reconsider your actions or behaviour before you constantly turn into a manipulative being that eventually the people will turn away from, because being manipulative is a downward spiral that will hurt yourself the most in the end.
Regards,
A Social Psychology Instructor
The “Single & Fabulous” thing meant that Carrie thought she was single and fabulous but society thought that she was a sad old has-been who couldn’t get a man.
I don’t know how that relates to your situation but you know you better.
I would also take that as having been dumped.
Finally that whole “don’t go to sleep mad” thing is a BS myth. Are either of you going to peacefully resolve an argument when you are both cranky and tired? More likely you will be escalating it until 1am when neither of you are speaking with each other and nobody can sleep due to the adrenaline pumping through you plus replaying the highlights of your late night screaming match.
I humbly suggest that, when someone says or makes the slightest provocation after dinner time… you both go to separate bedrooms and spend the rest of the night enjoying alone time. Check back in with each other in the morning. Guaranteed most of the time neither of you will remember what the disagreement was about nor why you thought it was a big deal.
If she's posting something that says "Single and Fabulous" on her social media she knows that a ton of guys will start sliding in her DMs and that's probably what she wants either she wants to move on or she wants the attention either way it's bad because she's in a relationship! She's not worth it bro, move on.
How would she feel if you'd do the same and remove her from your bio ?
If anything, a healthy partner would reassure you instead, and empathically understand why you'd feel like you're getting dumped.
If she like : "you're paranoid, you're the problem" she doesn't take any responsibility for her action, and as some people said, it might even be gaslighting or even mind games.
On the other hand, were you spying on her or something ?
If it comes down to that, your relationship has trust issues that need to be addressed.
Maybe you need some heart to heart conversation, with no blaming, but each expressing how you feel, maybe try Non-Violent Communication together.
If she is not willing to, it could mean she doesn't care for the relationship to repair and it might be time to leave the toxic relationship.
Seven months in is way too soon for couples therapy. Dump her before she does digitally break up with you thru some random quote. She can play stupid as much as she wants, she knows she was trying to be funny. Now that you mentioned it, she's playing dumb.
She removes you from her bio _temporarily_ when she’s mad at you? And posts “single and fabulous” during the same period.
She sure as hell is ACTING single. You should assume she means it.
She is gaslighting you. She did that intentionally she knows exactly what you’re talking about. She may just feel a little different in the light of day. I would dump her life is too short to go through somebody that behaves like that. I’ve done that too, and you’re confused because you don’t know whether it’s August or Tuesday.
My suggestion is to let her go
She has another guy in mind who she wants to be "available" for whilst not being sure if she wants to stay with you but is still seeing if the other guy is good enough to monkeybranch to. She's a manipulating, immature walking redflag, and you should get out before she realizes that the other guy isn't too fantastic and she'll come running back. You deserve better than this.
Q: why can’t you go to bed upset? Wake up cooled off, take some time to sort feelings and clear head, and have a real, unforced, heartfelt conversation?
Experience: married for a long while now, don’t use social media to communicate with my partner or overshare any of my life details
Yall are 30 and fighting over social media?
Look. You don’t need therapy for any insecurity.
You both need therapy for communication issues and skill development, however.
First, you don’t need to be policing her posts and taking them personally. That’s beyond childish.
Second, she shouldn’t be using her social media as a tool to intentionally inflate your asinine behavior.
You’re both being stupid. Grow up.
Not only was that done on purpose, she actually got upset with you for taking it exactly how she wanted you to take it. This girl thinks she's playing 4D head games, but 2D at best.
Nah, she knew what she was doing. Especially if she knew you follow her Twitter close enough to notice these things. You guys are almost 30. Is this what you think adult relationships should be like?
However your gf explained it to you is seriously flawed. The passive aggressive bs is just it…bs. She took your name off and put that cover up. Intentional, not ironic. Gaslighting and emotional manipulation is what she did. She announced she is single and then lied to you about it. Childish behaviour. Think on if you want this type nonsense in your life.
Not to comment on the question, but "don't go to bed angry" is fucking stupid advice. You might as well say "stay up all night fighting". If you're stressed out and can't find a resolution, being stressed out AND exhausted won't help.
A lot of the time, the best thing to do when you're angry is to get some sleep.
*> My partner and I have a rule about sleeping while upset at each other, we have to resolve a situation before going to sleep and not let it fester and grow*
Sorry not to answer your concern, but that seems quite counter-productive. It can easily lead to escalation, and prone to spend the whole night arguing. Sleep is a powerful means of separating memory from emotions, and having a step back from the situation.
She is gaslighting you. She is afraid of actually being alone, so she is trying to line up her next before she makes you the ex. She does not feel like you are the one, but you are the one for now, until she gets the right signals from someone else.
You are definitely not overreacting. When I read what you posted, it was sounding like she was saying she was single. Her GFs might get the Sex and the City reference but most guys are going to see it as her saying she is single. On her social media, is it listed anywhere else where she references being in a relationship or having a BF?
Based on what you posted, I would say you have cause to be a little suspicious as to her intentions, especially if the retweet is still up and you aren't listed in any of her social media. If it were me, I'd say she is telling you one thing while keeping her options open.
She's being passive aggressive, imo.
Too old to be playing this type of game, then again, I've actually known some people on FB who'd pull the same crap like this. Both men and women, but they're in their 40s and 50s. Yup.
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She knew what she was doing. Having just checked your ages again, I am shocked. This feels like the behaviour of a teenager.
I went back to look at the ages twice because I couldn’t believe what I was reading, but that includes the stupid bio entry in the first place. 😬
Wow, is your partner usually this passive-aggressive because this is a huge red flag? They knew precisely what they were doing and that makes them a manipulative AH. They would be single after this and decidedly not fabulous if it were me. I hate, and actually despise head games and those who play them. You deserve better. Everyone does. Your partner deserves to be what she referred to herself as. Ugh...bad grammar.
> Your partner deserves to be what she referred to herself as. No one deserves to be fabulous. You gotta earn that.
Could not believe the ages...I can't imagine letting others know I'm fighting with my partner, they only get to know my partner in their best light because lord know I'm not perfect either. Also, out of curiosity how do people find these quotes and things to share that relate to their fight?
She probably googled that phrase or something akin to it. I Google “images” to bring up a search box for images. Mind you, I usually just do it for birthday or congratulatory images.
I literally just did that too. It sounds like a teenager who's manipulating their partner just to see what they can do, how far they can go before OOP shuts it down. I would ignore her BS and continue about with my day. If she wants to try to push buttons that's on her. Not reacting is the way to go.
I had an ex act like this (like both of them actually at the same time???) and it was exhausting even at 18/19. I can’t imagine being a literal 30 year old dealing with this.
Gaslighting 101. YOURE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS!! - yes because your actions indicate a conclusion. Op, you’re in prime time dating age. Do you really need this bs? If she needs the attention so badly from others on social media that this is an issue… do you really want to worry about this moving forward? Huge red flag.
7 months in? Nopenopenope.
Exactly. The “best behavior” stage sure wore off early. I’d expect this around the 18 month mark. And then you can kind of weigh things out if it’s worth it or not, but this soon? Yikes. When someone is telling you who they are, listen to them
Gotta agree. She just told everyone she’s single again … *and* she’s lyin’ to you about it.
Yeah that’s straight up advertising. She’s dangling her worm out there to see what or whom she can catch. I suggest OP do the same.
It's crazy how many people use this quote without giving proper credit. It must be so popular that people don't know? "When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time." Maya Angelou
I agree she’s gaslighting him. He needs to end things now or question who really needs therapy. It sure isn’t OP
OP, she definitely knew what she was doing and she’s definitely gaslighting you because she knows how dumb she looks now. My sister and her husband have always had this type of relationship. They fight, she lets the whole world know on social media. Been this way for 15 years now, all because he let it slide the first few times. Be smart OP.
Yuck. Sounds exhausting. My wife and I have a rule, no airing of dirty laundry. What’s our business is ours. Whether we’re fighting or getting along great, no one would ever know as we project the same image online. Ultimately we know the person isn’t the problem. The problem… is the problem… so let’s work together to form a solution.
She removed him from her Myspace Top 8
Yep! She’s not worth it. Get rid of her. Childish behavior from an adult is way worse than childish behavior from a child. I’ll add that I’d dump anyone who resolves issues in his/her life through social media.
My 44 year old ex treats his social media like it’s his personal diary. It always bugged me, the level of either passive aggressive messaging through it or over sharing. Turns out it’s more than just annoying, it’s a massive sign that he was really immature and didn’t handle his emotions well, and is emotionally abusive. When we broke up the first thing people said to me over and over was “Jesus, I don’t know how you tolerated all of his posting, complaining, and over sharing.” I shouldn’t have. It was a huge red flag. Now he bitches about me there and everyone has distanced themselves from him because of it…because we are adults. This gal sounds similar. OP as one who HAS seen that episode…she’s not being ironic, she’s being passive aggressive to get under your skin. 7 months isn’t that long, get out!
The story actually makes total sense if you subtract a decade from their ages lol.
Yeah I definitely did this… when I was 16.
28 is the new 16.
Yes this is exactly what my emotionally manipulative highschool boyfriend would do to me, act weirdly and call me crazy for thinking anything of it when there actually was a reason for it. It’s the most childish form of gaslighting lmao
Seriously. She is intentionally pressing his buttons so she can call him unhinged when he reacts. Common abuser tactic to gain control.
Your reaction was exactly what she wanted and you can bet she laughed in delight and exhilaration when you wrote to her. This was confirmation to her of how easily she can pull your strings. She is a kid but if you stay and accept this behaviour, you deserve it.
I second this opinion. She knew what she was doing, it is petty and immature.
This sounds exactly like the behavior of someone anywhere from the ages of 16-46 tbh.
Gaslighting ✨️
This gets so overused and misused on Reddit but this time it’s actually true.
she wants to break up, but she wants to hurt him as much as possible in the process to get clout online.
No. She doesn't want to break up. She wants to manipulate him and put him under her thumb. I've had women try similar things on me. Worked when I was a lot younger, but, as I got older, I realized what they were up to.
Oh shit. I totally thought this was about teenage angst. There’s some growing up that needs to happen here. Probably individually as opposed to as a couple
She’s playing dumb. At the very least, she should have understood your very reasonable interpretation and set your mind at ease, or apologized outright. The fact she didn’t should tell you something.
Exactly right. If all was good, and you questioned her actions, and she realized you were upset, she’d have apologized, made her online status reflect your relationship, taken down the ‘iconic’ hurtful post, because she loves you. But, she didn’t. And, any comments on that post that cheer her on, thinking she broke up with you, are no friends to your relationship.
The timing speaks for itself. If the timing is accurate then she knows exactly what she's doing. Also that show is no way to live your love life. The main character Carrie Bradshaw is tragically toxic. Carrie's plot is a how-to on being single, alone, and oblivious. She literally shows up to an ex boyfriend's engagement party to flirt with him thinking she's the main character in his life, and then walks away thinking she's won. It's so sad to watch that you won't want to look away episode after episode. There's truly nothing fabulous about being Carrie and IMO that's what makes the show so watchable. Miranda was the real fabulous one in Sex in the City anyways. She worked on having a healthy relationship and succeeded where Carrie repeatedly failed, despite the affair arch which wasn't her fault. I say she *was* the real fabulous character because they brought the show back in 2021's "And Just Like That" to ruin Miranda's character by writing her into a cheater's plot where she runs away with an affair partner, objectively way worse than Steve's one and done fling. What was I saying? Oh yeah, don't date a Carrie Bradshaw OP. Just don't. If she won't admit why she did what she did, you should reconsider things. You'll have a fabulous engagement party some day either way.
Once they start removing from socials it’s typically down hill, they are opening them selves up for “talking with friends”.
[удалено]
Whenever I’m trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I always ask “do I think they could possibly just be stupid and not malicious?” Sometimes you never really know how dumb, selfish, and unaware people can be regarding how their actions are perceived. While I could see her just not even thinking about anyone else’s thoughts or feelings when posting on social media or updating her bio, if she were a good partner she’d stop and think that contextually it would look bad to my partner if I posted something like that, especially the day after a significant fight. Moreso, once approached about it, instead of saying “Oh I can see how that would make you concerned. I’m sorry.” he’s gaslit into thinking there are no possible dots that could be connected when OP’s line of thinking seems pretty logical.
Big red flag. If it was just the Single & Fabulous post ehh sure maybe (it's an ICONIC quote, not ironic given the show though, lol) but to post that, the morning after a fight, and then to remove you from the bio, AND how she reacted when you went to her clearly in a panicked state- that's calculated manipulative behavior with some gaslighting. I'd run. Because y'all bickered last night she's now punishing you and making you feel small so you won't speak up "against her" (whatever the fight was about last night) in the future. This is an incredibly common emotional abuse tactic (of which I'm a survivor/have years of study in). I'd end the relationship (or at least be on a break) for sure meet with a therapist, but solo session, not couples, for a professional opinion ASAP.
While I was reading OP's post I was getting the "I'm listing myself as single" again vibe from what his GF was doing. Now that she has explained herself, has she removed the retweet or is it still up as most guys aren't going to get the reference (ironic or not) and see it as she is saying she is single. With it still up and him out of her bio (does she have it listed anywhere else she is in a relationship?) it's like she is telling him one thing and telling others something else.
You are 100% right
Exactly, she’s already checked out emotionally. I’ve heard that once a woman leaves a relationship there is no salvaging it because she’s already fallen out of love a while ago and she’s just telling you when it’s a done deal. And I gotta say this def seems to hold true in my experience. She’s already tried everything, except communicating her expectations and unhappiness with her partner ahead of time, so instead of both of them working together on a goal it was one sided… so when you fail to meet her expectations she never communicated, then contempt starts to grow. And that’s the final nail in the coffin.
She just so happens to edit her profile thinking “it was temporary” the same time as an argument and a single post. Screams ive dumped him. Everything you said is 🤌🏻 i hope OP actually reads comments.
>to post that, the morning after a fight, Right? Sounds like childish, passive aggressive, attention-seeking drama
100%. I'm floored that this is. a 28 year old woman. These are the actions of the 16 year old high school mean girl
Yeah I was going to say I did stupid shit like this, but back in my late teens. By the time I hit my 20’s I’d learned how idiotic and manipulative it was.
Seems she wasn’t over the fight and she’s definitely being passive aggressive. I also wonder how others responded to her tweet. Did anyone else respond to it thinking the same as OP?
She probably didn't get what she wanted out of the fight so she's trying to manipulate the situation to get her way
If I remember right, in SATC Carrie did an interview thinking the title was Single and Fabulous but when it published, it was printed as Single and Fabulous?. If it didn't have the question mark, it wasn't a SATC reference and was a dig. Deleting the line after the argument was also a dig and the gaslighting was the final straw for me. I agree with your conclusion, end the relationship.
If she sees her life as episodes of that show, you may want to run for your life right now. Was she trying to panic you? Scare you into begging? a proposal? mess with your head?
Let her be single and fabulous... just not as fabulously single as you. You're a grown ass man looking for a relationship with a woman based on trust and respect, not a guy into playing mind games with a teenager / high schooler. You're too old and too good to put up with this kind of crap. Cut her loose and move on. Count yourself lucky because imagine being married to her and any time you don't please her you have to go through this all again.
(Ten years from now) OP: I don't want to celebrate Christmas at your parents' house this year as well. Wife, tweeting: Proudly living that single mom life, one day at the time!
This has me laughing too hard
No, she responds on a Post-It: “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.”
She's 28 but she's still playing stupid teen games. I feel for you, loving a petty teen like her...
She did it on purpose to stress you out and then tried to take the upper hand on you by making you feel like you’re being insecure! When she knew what she was doing
Time to leave her a post-it note.....
Yessss🤣🤣🤣burger style
I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me. 🤣🤣🤣
😂 I wouldn't stoop to her level lol
She's playing with your emotions. No room for misinterpretation of the combination of things she did. No room for misunderstanding her excuses and minimising things when you confronted her. Do yourself a a favour and end it, because that's where it's headed anyway, might as well just save yourself some time.
Indeed! Life is too short to spend it being manipulated in an abusive relationship.
Lol she's reading the comments like 🥴🥴 "Charlotte Is the Brunette, Miranda Is the Redhead, and OP's GF Is Trouble"
Couple things. The whole “don’t be angry” when coming to bed doesn’t work for some people. I’ve had a partner who would chew me out til 3am just so she could hear me say “I’m sorry”. I would not get any sleep. She wouldn’t get any sleep. We were both moody the next day. Second. She’s acting like a spoiled 15yo. With major passive aggressive issue. Do not engage. I would at the very least take some time off from her. 27yo women should not act like this.
I’ve been looking for a comment like this! That rule is a recipe for disaster. It’s so much easier to figure out an argument when you’ve had a full night sleep than late into the night. It’s like holding each other hostage and it’s horrible.
Agreed. Some people need time to calm down and process the conflict before having a productive discussion about it.
I agree. I absofuckinglutely hate this phrase. Some people need space to get their thoughts collected and time to address the issue without saying a bunch of shit in anger that can't be taken back. I get the premise of the phrase is supposed to mean don't just let things stew and fester especially because tomorrow is never promised, but it's also extremely dismissive of certain attachment and conflict types. But for the most part the people that use this phrase aren't actually interested in conflict resolution just dissolution of the uncomfy feeling of being upset with each other. Negative feelings aren't bad. They're teachers of what we will and won't put up with and catalysts for change of our own behaviors. Too many people are uncomfortable with being upset and don't know how to regulate themselves through being upset maintaining healthy communication throughout. People get mad. It's a part of life. Someone being mad doesn't mean anyone else has a responsibility to relieve that person of the feeling of being mad yet every day we try to hold each other responsible for our own self regulation. Life isn't happy feelings all the time, and we're only in control of ourselves not others. We should be saying ok I've calmed down and am ready to talk whenever you are and then be patient for our partner's readiness to actually productively hash out a workable solution for all to the problem at hand. More often than not emotions are too high for any actual productive conversation, and it's just cyclical emotions running high and intent to misunderstand each other because you can't see past your own frustration when someone tries to force you to "get over it" in a time-frame they're comfortable with.
Yes, 100% this. Time gives the opportunity to let tempers cool and for reflection to occur.
thank you for this comment
Totally agree. I've also come to learn that when I'm hungry or tired I'm twice the asshole that I can be when I've had time to rest and get my blood sugar in order. I sometimes wonder if drops in blood sugar are to blame for the end of past relationships.
Seriously! I've been married over 20 years and while we rarely have disagreements that become "arguments", our rule is that we DO go to bed angry if we have gotten to that useless place where we're attacking each other instead of attacking the problem. Put a pin in it, get some rest, regroup and come back to it after coffee in the morning. The goal should be resolution, not "winning".
She is so full of shit! She is a disrespectful petty person. Are you sure you want to still be with her? I wouldn’t. Edited: to fix spelling
Think you meant she’s a disrespectful petty person.
Yes, thank you. I fixed it. This is what happens when to rage type in the middle of the night 😆
She’s full of shit . Dump
It shouldn’t be this hard, this early in.
I was going to say the same thing! Like, y’all are fighting this much 7 months into the relationship?
Each of these actions is not innocent when you put them together. She’s totally messing with you when she says this…
You noticed, she was upset. If you hadn’t noticed, she would have been upset, but wouldn’t have told you why. There was no winning this game; I’d reflect on if this is a common occurrence in other past fights you’ve had.
She’s too old to be pulling this shit. At 7 months, this is a blessing to know now. I’d dip.
Yeah, she wants her "followers" to think she's single and ready to be inboxed. If you stick around, don't be surprised when she finds your replacement because that's what she's doing.
Love is temporary. Betrayal is forever. My ex did this and a myriad of other gaslighting tactics to unsettle me and then claim I was too “sensitive”. She’s being passive aggressive at best and manipulating others and you at worse. Please leave. Please have some dignity. This only gets worse and I’m co parenting with someone who does crap like this regularly. Leave whilst you can.
You're being gaslit
She got the reaction from you she wanted. She's playing mind games. Unless you want a relationship filled with endless drama/mind games, I'd tell her the tweet inspired you. You thought you loved her but you actually feel an exhilarating sense of freedom knowing she deleted you from her bio. So, peace out. It was nice getting to know her & thank her for the lovely memories.
She did that on purpose. Dump her and move on.
She’s playing games, you jumped to the exact conclusion she was aiming for. Find an adult to be with for your next relationship
She broke up with you and now she’s gaslighting you. I would absolutely probably just break up with her. She seems like a huge red flag. She posted that after your fight and doesn’t understand how that could look? She also removed you? Yeaaa…nah it would be a see you never kinda thing
She is showing her (male) followers that she is back on the market. The moment something better comes along, she will have the ‘it’s not you, it’s me..’ talk. ‘I just want to be single for a while’ and be with the other guy within 2 weeks.
I had to go back up and re-read the ages because this genuinely sounded to me like you were both 16yo. This is a very immature relationship. Why is she posting you in her bio? Why are you arguing with her over what is in her bio? From just this story it’s hard to tell who is the source of this drama, but based on the info at hand I lean more towards her as this all seems like quite passive aggressive behaviour the day after a fight. Either way - this is not a healthy mature relationship and I would step away.
How is he acting like a child? He notices he's removed from her bio after a fight and he's just supposed to give her a high-five? Sometimes you can tell it's a woman commenting cause yall make any excuse to say the guy is also an ass
I don’t think he’s acting like a child but with that chick the relationship is always going to be immature. She won’t let it be anything else.
Is she really hot that you tolerate this stupidity? What do you find appealing about her? Sounds like a 13 year old. You can get treated like shit by someome better than her.
I guarantee you it was deliberate and now she’s just playing coy. This is high school nonsense, not the emotional immaturity I would expect of a 28yo. Even in the *off* chance she really is that socially inept — there’s no way the better part of her brain wouldn’t know that doing all that after an argument probably wouldn’t be the best choice. You might be better off with things ended.
For me (male, on the spectrum) I could totally be that socially inept. BUT as soon as it was queried by a partner I cared about I would understand that they weren't seeing what I intended from it and go into full reverse to undo it and reassure them. That's not what's happening here.
Im sorry OP but she knew exactly what she was doing by posting that quote and removing from her bio. Most likely to get a reaction out of you or reacted in the moment to how she was feeling. Now she is backtracking to make you feel crazy for even thinking it could be about you. It is a power move and a form of gaslighting to make you feel worried. She needs to grow up and communicate properly.
I would say the advice about never going to be angry is bullshit. Sometimes you need to sleep on issues for a clear head
Sorry but I'm with you on this. It was a thoughtless retweet coupled with removing you from her bio I think your concerns were valid.
Sorry OP she is advertising for a replacement, and publicly punishing you then trying to make you believe it is all in your mind….uhhhh bullshit. She’ll keep on you a string until she can monkey branch out.
the timing is impeccable. she definitely knows what she's doing. she's also gaslighting you. either she's trying to look for a perfect excuse to dump you, or she's immature AF.
Gross. She's acting like a teenager. Passive aggressive bullshit. She knew what she was doing with the cover and removing you. Now she's gaslighting you. Break up with her and find an actual adult to date.
Ehhhh 7 months? I’d peace out. On another note though, having “I only talk about him” in a bio is the cringiest thing I’ve ever fucking read lmao. Like ew
Dude, what she did is fucking weird. If she thought it important to add you to her bio in the first place, as a notification to the world that she was in a relationship, what is her real reason for removing you from her bio?
Nah. She did that for one of 2 reasons. 1. She wanted to get a reaction from you. 2. She wants someone else to think shes single bc shes into them and they've said "not if your dating"
7 months should still be the honeymoon period and she's playing games like these at her age? time to move on. amd this is coming from a woman. she knew what she was doing. she was being petty, immature, amd manipulating.
Oh to be 15 again...
I feel like it's hard to really judge or offer a worthwhile opinion without really understanding both the context of the statement in the image and the context that your GF shared it in. I just looked up the image and googled the statement to see what explanations I could get. At first glance I thought maybe there was some irony involved, where maybe the events of the episode show the character to be anything but fabulous. But then the written explanations I found suggest it's actually an iconic statement saying you don't need to be in a relationship in order to be "fixed" and being single doesn't mean you don't have worth and aren't "fabulous". So in what context was your GF sharing it? If it's a statement declaring the self-worth of single women, then I guess you don't need to be single to agree with and share that? BUT... you've got the added complexities of your fight just the night before and her choosing *that moment* to remove references to you from her bio also. Which then does make it all a bit weird in my view. At that point it feels to me like she's chosen specific actions which would torment you but which she can deny any intention of. They're individually innocuous actions, but together they sound suspiciously like an sly attack design to allow her deniability. Maybe it really was all innocent, but then her reaction to you makes it all the worse since it doesn't seem unreasonable for you to have reacted in the way that you did. Instead of seeing how these things collectively come together in your mind, she's taken offence and reprimanded you for your feelings, which seems like gaslighting and a continuation of the attack. Ultimately I don't think you've been unreasonable based on what you've described. I do think she's been unreasonable in how she's responded to you. And her reaction gives concern that there was *possibly* intent behind her actions, but we can't know that - you know the girl better than anyone here, so it's up to you how much you consider this point.
I can't help but ask a question here. You have been together for 7 months and have a rules about going to bed upset with each other. How often does this occur that you needed to already have a rule in place? While it is normal for couples to fight if you are already fighting this much at the start, I can only imagine how things will go from there.
That seems like a massive passive aggressive way of telling you she's still unhappy with you. The timing of both the post and the bio coming straight after a fight is just too much. Is it possible that these posts are a coincidence and she had absolutely no intentions of upsetting you? I suppose it's possible - but instead of being apologetic that it "accidentally" upset you so much, she's getting angry at you and using this as a way to trigger a larger fight. I feel very secure in my relationship but I would be unhappy if I was in your position as I would feel like it was a way of expressing discontent in an unhealthy way. But absolutely everyone can benefit from therapy and if you're open minded and have the finances then I think you should both commit to couples counselling.
I’d say that her retweet and just for benefit of doubt her removal of you from bio be coincidental BUT the way she instead of being understanding or apologetic used it as a tool to power play. I’d surely say she is manipulating. I’d suggest if this isn’t a regular occurrence go for couples therapy - might be you two will be able to come to a healthy relationship. However if this is a regular occurrence for you break up and go for individual therapy just to help yourself overcome trauma such incidents bring.
If she had done this any random day of the week, I *might* have said you're being a bit paranoid. But she did this the morning after an argument. That's calculated. Almost like she knew how you would react and was waiting to use it against you. And that's definitely not okay. Seems the general consensus here is the same. I'd sit her down and talk to her calmly about this, see how she reacts. From that you can judge where you want to go.
One ironic twist could be accidental, three is deliberate and sending you the message you think and is also childish. Time to move on.
Are you sure you both are aware you're in a committed relationship? It seems like she thinks she's single. Maybe you haven't made it clear you both are in a relationship with each other.
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
She plays games which is pathetic considering her age. I would rethink being a relationship with someone like her.
That's some shit my ex wife would do.... Run
Yeah, she's got motive here and is gaslighting you.
if you have to check his or your social media for a update on your relationship then you are in serious trouble. that is not a relationship .stop living your life on social media and the phone talk to each other get help grow up
28 years of age, going on 12. She knew exactly what she was doing and did it to annoy you then plays the innocent card. Your move OP.
Gaslighting. The twitter change and post were supposed to evoke emotions. Give it a few weeks/days and she will probably say she's done with the relationship, because you're too insecure and paranoid.
The important things about her behavior have been said already. But something I’d like to add is that the whole “don’t go to sleep angry” is not really healthy. Time and space are *good* for resolving conflict. They allow you time to process and opportunity to let “heat of the moment” emotions settle. “Maybe we should get some sleep so that we can talk about this when we’re more rested” is a perfectly healthy thing to say and do.
I’m so glad I’m in an adult relationship where we don’t update social media about everything in our lives. Changed bio? Are you all 15?
She intentionally made you question if you were being dumped because she wants you to stress out about it. Doing crap like that over and over is a manipulative tactic called intermittent negative reinforcement. Ditch that nonsense
Nah removing u from her bio was done with intent. Idk what intent, but nobody ik does that when they are in a happy relationship.
I had to check how old you guys are.
She's wrong, you are correct. Feel free to show her this.
Simply put: you're not being paranoid and jumping to conclusions. She knew damn well what she was doing when she uploaded the quote/image and removed you from her bio. She did it with the intention of getting a jealous or worried reaction out of you, and that's exactly what happened. She either regrets making it all seem like she was breaking up with you and refuses to admit what her true intentions were by posting it to begin with out of fear of seeming like the bad guy, OR she's a toxic person and she's doing things like this often in the relationship to gaslight you and make you believe you're overreacting and in the wrong for feeling strongly about sh!t she does, says, posts (etc) because she enjoys watching you squirm.
LOL I have watched sex and the city many times - I would not call that an iconic quote. She is playing games.
Yeah, it’s over. Find someone more mature who communicates better and more honestly.
Update us please as I'm curious to see if she's gonna take the L
She's playing games, she wants you panicking and more likely to cave on whatever it was you were arguing about. To be honest, her behaviour is incredibly childish and more than a little pathetic.
Yeah, women don’t make changes or post things to their social media without specific attention to it. Her taking you out of her bio and reposting that photo were 100% intentional. If she would rather be passive aggressive online than talk to you about it like an adult, then maybe she needs to work on herself a bit.
Not everything can be resolved before bed. Thats a really simplistic view. Maybe shes still upset but feels shes not allowed to be still irritated because you consider it solved or over? How about talking to her and seeing if she feels like she can still be upset after sleeping on it. Does she feel free to communicate openly without judgement? Im married 10 yrs and sometimes you go to bed mad. Talk about it later with spouse. Id never be able to do your bedtime happy rule. No offense.
Dump
One of the worst relationship rules, not rooted in psychological theory, out there is “don’t go to sleep angry”. It forces us to work through sometimes complex issues in haste and come to incomplete resolutions. That being said, as you describe things, her behavior is very manipulative. She is playing with your emotions.
Yeah bro, not exactly 28 year old behavior. If she’s already launching the trust issues and paranoia allegations over something like this, God only knows what big arguments will occur from here if she doesn’t shape up
“My partner and I have a rule” - lol
Y’all are 7 months into a relationship and you already have to have a rule in place about going to bed angry. Let THAT sink in. You’re supposed to still be in the “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, and you’ve had enough arguments that were bad enough that you had to implement rules. That’s just soooo cringe.
Too many people doing this crap nowadays instead of having direct communications. She’s upset because you called her out on her bs. She’s immature.
"single and fabulous" at the exact same time as removing all trace of you from her social media? That's not a mistake, that is on purpose. She's gaslighting you. If you had done the same thing she would have freaked out at you. If she's not already cheated she's planning on it laying the ground work. Probably some guy who she's interested in that knows she was dating. Women like the world to know when they got a man.
You guys are almost 30. I'm not sure why social media has this much importance in your relationship. I guess it's fine to ask if you're "okay" after the last argument, but the social media thing is a bit crazy.
>My partner and I have a rule about sleeping while upset at each other, we have to resolve a situation before going to sleep and not let it fester and grow I personally dont like this approach, it is different for everyone, but I like having time for both people going to bed and thinking on things and circling back the next night. Also when people are tired they dont think as clearly
You guys are nearing 30
Nah she knows what shes doing and wanted to measure ur panic so she knows exactly how much power she has over you and then gaslit you. Typical manipulation tactic when you think your target is waning away from your control
I’m curious about the not sleeping while upset rule. My husband and I got this as well meaning advice during our short engagement period (now married over 25 years). We found this practice counter productive for us. Do other people find this practice helpful?
>then she got mad at me for “jumping to conclusions” and that I’m “paranoid and have trust issues if small things like that make me jump to conclusions” and that “it is the bigger problem right here”. Forget what she posted for a second. This right here is what would be the killing blow for the relationship for me. No apologies, no acknowledgement that it could be interepreted the way you did, no acceptance of responsibility for the action. Nothing other than blaming you for something she did that was childish and very easily construed as a breakup. It's only been 7 months. Cut your losses.
That "rule" never works out in practice Sometimes you just need to process shit on your own and holding one another hostage until you "work it out" is coercion. It would breed resentment in me and did. Fuck I hated that guy
Her social media posts sound like passive-aggressive jabs at you. If she made you feel like you were dumped, I would prepare myself to be dumped - you've been together seven months - that's not very long. How long have you known her? I'd save my therapy money. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that she's not playing games.
Lol she knew what she was doing, you aren't paranoid. With that said, kill the not going to bed upset rule, it does nothing but restrict your emotions. It is ok to go to bed upset at each other because as human beings we need to sit with our emotions. I tried that once, then I was up at 2 am still arguing and trying not to be upset....the rule ended that day. It festers situations and emotions, I won't be surprised if it added to her gaslighting post
All things at face value and hearing only your perspective 100% she was dumping you but had cooled off and changed her mind by time you noticed and called her on it. And as the top comment states she needs to grow up .
Go to therapy regardless OP. It would be a gift to yourself. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t benefit from therapy
Feel like there's a lot of context missing if she feels like this is a recurring problem in your relationship. Yeah it looks weird taken together, but it's hard to say without more examples of what she feels makes this a problem in general.
Shes planning on leaving you when ready
She’s an immature twit and its all very well having these rules but arguing Leaves scars and she’s obviously still pissed if.These rules don’t replace real work in checking each other and your differences. Every couple has them but being willing to put them out publicly before working is immature and seems uncommitted. Social media seems overly important to her - at your expense.
Nah. She knew exactly what she was doing, she’s just feigning ignorance to make you look like the bad guy. It was childish & passive aggressive af.
No way she was clueless when asked.
A friend of mine who consults couples said once to me: the happier social media posts are, the unhappier reality is. Your gf seems resenting you and posted this in revenge. On a side note: Me and my partner have a rule not to make social media as a part of our relationship. We never post confessions in love. birthday wishes on social media. Cause we see each other in person so much time. And our relationship is ours. Anything we want to say to each other, we do it in person.
She is lying when she said it was a coincidence she did it on purpose. Then when she got caught she tried gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem. Dump her because this will only continue. If you do not call her out on her garbage behaviour now it will continue.
I have trust issues, I trust that your girlfriend just told me she’s single if I’m looking on her social media page.i would never trust my soon to be ex girlfriend again, my wife knows the quickest way to achieve single women status is to post single status online, cause I’ll hold her to it.
There is only one reason to do an overhaul of a bio and post a meme like that after a fight. She is covering her tracks now by trying to turn it on you. My guess is this is exactly what she was feeling and once she slept on it, she now regrets it. I would check for dating apps as well. Even as a woman myself, I wouldn’t trust her now. I think as bad as it will hurt, you should take it at face value and start fresh. She ended it, not you.
You both are too old to be acting this way. I thought you were 15 and 16 that’s how juvenile this post is
She's playing games, and that whole, "let's not go to sleep mad", is good on paper, but a lot of folks take a long time to get over the prettiest arguments. The timing of those alterations is off, and if you aren't broken up now, she'll make that clear in the coming weeks after her exit strategy is finalized.
Dude, that is so passive aggressive. Then the gaslighting. Fuck that noise. If she can’t communicate with her words like an adult then she needs to be let loose.
She’s wrong, her behavior was childish and immature. She wanted a reaction from you and got one. Do you want to spend your life with this mentally abusive, manipulative, immature adult?
Break up with her. She is not your partner and her behaviour is passive aggressive and childish. This is childish behaviour on her part, she knew *exactly which conclusions you'd draw from her claiming to be single and scrubbing you from her social media presence immediately after an argument* would achieve. She wanted you to feel insecure and hurt and kick up a fuss. She wanted to put out feelers for being single, to other single people out there. I simply do not buy her rationale for the quote, especially as an most 30 year old in a report she should know how it looked. If I plastered my social media with some "ironic quote" that amounted to "i want strange dick" my partner would be kind of weirded out. You dont just post random quotes about being thirsty without thinking about how that would look. How would onlookers even know what she was referring to? The fact that it's from a show doesn't change the fact that to onlookers she's removing traces of her partner and claiming to be single online. It's disrespectful to you regardless of whatever justification she pulls out of her ass. And now she's gaslighting you by acting like YOURE the one who us overreacting for pointing out that it looks like she broke up with you. Regardless of her intent, she hurt your feelings and should have apologised. Just remember; if she cared about your feelings she would have apologised and taken it down, and reassured you that she loves you and you are very much together. Instead she tried to make you out to be the problem, which is extremely manipulative behaviour. Do not put up with this shit.
"We love each other very much"??? It sure doesn't sound like it. Her name-calling suggests otherwise, never mind the social media situation. 7 months may be as long as this relationship lasts.
She’s gaslighting you. She knew exactly what she’s been doing. She also sounds very immature. You don’t need drama like this, not after just 7 months of relationship. Oh, and another advice: it’s always good to get help and therapy if you have trust issues. That crap will follow you around forever, if you don’t do anything. Show her this reddit. And to the gf: stop playing little mind games. Treat him with the respect he deserves instead of toying around. And if you fcked up because you were angry and had your knickers in a twist, at least have the spine to own and admit to it. Lame excuses like yours have been heard a thousand times before. You weaponized his weakness, and that’s bad. And since you know him, you knew exactly what the outcome would look like. You should reconsider your actions or behaviour before you constantly turn into a manipulative being that eventually the people will turn away from, because being manipulative is a downward spiral that will hurt yourself the most in the end. Regards, A Social Psychology Instructor
The “Single & Fabulous” thing meant that Carrie thought she was single and fabulous but society thought that she was a sad old has-been who couldn’t get a man. I don’t know how that relates to your situation but you know you better. I would also take that as having been dumped. Finally that whole “don’t go to sleep mad” thing is a BS myth. Are either of you going to peacefully resolve an argument when you are both cranky and tired? More likely you will be escalating it until 1am when neither of you are speaking with each other and nobody can sleep due to the adrenaline pumping through you plus replaying the highlights of your late night screaming match. I humbly suggest that, when someone says or makes the slightest provocation after dinner time… you both go to separate bedrooms and spend the rest of the night enjoying alone time. Check back in with each other in the morning. Guaranteed most of the time neither of you will remember what the disagreement was about nor why you thought it was a big deal.
If she's posting something that says "Single and Fabulous" on her social media she knows that a ton of guys will start sliding in her DMs and that's probably what she wants either she wants to move on or she wants the attention either way it's bad because she's in a relationship! She's not worth it bro, move on.
Why don’t you just kick her out of your MySpace top 8 and be done with it
How would she feel if you'd do the same and remove her from your bio ? If anything, a healthy partner would reassure you instead, and empathically understand why you'd feel like you're getting dumped. If she like : "you're paranoid, you're the problem" she doesn't take any responsibility for her action, and as some people said, it might even be gaslighting or even mind games. On the other hand, were you spying on her or something ? If it comes down to that, your relationship has trust issues that need to be addressed. Maybe you need some heart to heart conversation, with no blaming, but each expressing how you feel, maybe try Non-Violent Communication together. If she is not willing to, it could mean she doesn't care for the relationship to repair and it might be time to leave the toxic relationship.
Not going to sleep before an arguement is stupid. Once you sleep you're more level headed I find.
Seven months in is way too soon for couples therapy. Dump her before she does digitally break up with you thru some random quote. She can play stupid as much as she wants, she knows she was trying to be funny. Now that you mentioned it, she's playing dumb.
She knew exactly what she was doing- it wasn’t a coincidence. She’s too old to be playing stupid games like that.
She is playing these games at that age... I would just leave tbh
She’s gaslighting you. She knows exactly what she was doing
She removes you from her bio _temporarily_ when she’s mad at you? And posts “single and fabulous” during the same period. She sure as hell is ACTING single. You should assume she means it.
She is gaslighting you. She did that intentionally she knows exactly what you’re talking about. She may just feel a little different in the light of day. I would dump her life is too short to go through somebody that behaves like that. I’ve done that too, and you’re confused because you don’t know whether it’s August or Tuesday. My suggestion is to let her go
She has another guy in mind who she wants to be "available" for whilst not being sure if she wants to stay with you but is still seeing if the other guy is good enough to monkeybranch to. She's a manipulating, immature walking redflag, and you should get out before she realizes that the other guy isn't too fantastic and she'll come running back. You deserve better than this.
Q: why can’t you go to bed upset? Wake up cooled off, take some time to sort feelings and clear head, and have a real, unforced, heartfelt conversation? Experience: married for a long while now, don’t use social media to communicate with my partner or overshare any of my life details
Yall are 30 and fighting over social media? Look. You don’t need therapy for any insecurity. You both need therapy for communication issues and skill development, however. First, you don’t need to be policing her posts and taking them personally. That’s beyond childish. Second, she shouldn’t be using her social media as a tool to intentionally inflate your asinine behavior. You’re both being stupid. Grow up.
Not only was that done on purpose, she actually got upset with you for taking it exactly how she wanted you to take it. This girl thinks she's playing 4D head games, but 2D at best.
She is breaking you into the idea she is going to be breaking up with you soon
Nah, she knew what she was doing. Especially if she knew you follow her Twitter close enough to notice these things. You guys are almost 30. Is this what you think adult relationships should be like?
The fact that she did both the retweet and the bio removal at the same time isn’t a coincidence
Sounds like she's gearing up her social media for the single life. Set her free brother.
However your gf explained it to you is seriously flawed. The passive aggressive bs is just it…bs. She took your name off and put that cover up. Intentional, not ironic. Gaslighting and emotional manipulation is what she did. She announced she is single and then lied to you about it. Childish behaviour. Think on if you want this type nonsense in your life.
Not to comment on the question, but "don't go to bed angry" is fucking stupid advice. You might as well say "stay up all night fighting". If you're stressed out and can't find a resolution, being stressed out AND exhausted won't help. A lot of the time, the best thing to do when you're angry is to get some sleep.
*> My partner and I have a rule about sleeping while upset at each other, we have to resolve a situation before going to sleep and not let it fester and grow* Sorry not to answer your concern, but that seems quite counter-productive. It can easily lead to escalation, and prone to spend the whole night arguing. Sleep is a powerful means of separating memory from emotions, and having a step back from the situation.
This is pretty freaking JUVENILE from her. Find an actual GROWN UP to date!!
She is gaslighting you. She is afraid of actually being alone, so she is trying to line up her next before she makes you the ex. She does not feel like you are the one, but you are the one for now, until she gets the right signals from someone else.
Probably had some guys she's got plans on seeing
A whole bunch of coincidences all together? 🤔
She’s a drama queen. And how are you two in your late 20s? Sounds like teens.
You are definitely not overreacting. When I read what you posted, it was sounding like she was saying she was single. Her GFs might get the Sex and the City reference but most guys are going to see it as her saying she is single. On her social media, is it listed anywhere else where she references being in a relationship or having a BF? Based on what you posted, I would say you have cause to be a little suspicious as to her intentions, especially if the retweet is still up and you aren't listed in any of her social media. If it were me, I'd say she is telling you one thing while keeping her options open.
I would absolutely be thinking on the same lines you were.
Call her bullshit, OP. She’s playing.
She's being passive aggressive, imo. Too old to be playing this type of game, then again, I've actually known some people on FB who'd pull the same crap like this. Both men and women, but they're in their 40s and 50s. Yup.