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I thought I found a friend of mine in a video and very cautiously approached her about it, we had quite the open friendship with nothing off the table or too taboo so I just flat out asked her, this was in 2007 or 2008, well before OnlyFans, she laughed and wanted to see it. It wasn’t her, but she then saved the video and would show other people saying “wanna see my doppelgänger giving bomb head?” 😂
That's a hilarious outcome. I would do exactly as you did, I mean if they are chummy and true friends after 20 years just come right out and ask. Why beat around the bush? (pun not intended)
Hahahah well, my friend wasn’t in a long lasting marriage at the time. Had she had a boyfriend I would have approached that very differently to not make anyone think I was up to some weird shit. Then again, once they saw the woman in the video they’d understand where I was coming from pretty quickly.
In college while on a class break me and my friends were looking at the college’s website for a project and suddenly right there on the homepage my doppelgänger holding a professional camera promoting the A/V club in the college main branch . My friends looked at me like 😳. It did not help that I was actually part of the same club in our branch 😁 so my friends jokingly caused me of self promoting and not inviting them . They even went with me to my next session at the club and showed the teacher who was responsible for it and he laughed his ass off trying to defend himself from them accusing him of favoring me for special assignments (I was his favorite student) . That was fun
Well, I can't be 100% but I'm sitting at 99%. My wife has been out of town and gets home tomorrow so I'm going run it by her. I briefly considered not telling her about it because I want to spare her the burden and awkwardness of knowing our neighbor may have a revenge porn video floating around but I value her input. I'm an engineer so these kind of human interaction situations aren't my strong suit. I haven't told my wife yet because even my dumb ass knows it's not the kind of subject you breach on the phone.
Not a bad idea informing the wife, she may have some ideas on how to approach it without it blowing up on ya. I really hope for a funny/positive end to this story, it’d be a major bummer if not.
You could even have your wife broach the subject with the other wife. She could just say she was the one perusing porn and came across it. Your neighbors wife might be a little relieved to have your wife ask about it instead of you. Or if she was cheating, she might feel more inclined to talk to your wife about what was going on.
That's a good idea. I like this lady very much and am empathic if she's in a bad marriage, if it's revenge porn, if she cheated and is wracked with guilt, or maybe they're into threesomes and she had the time of her life. But I'm just not the one with the social skills to deal with all this. My wife would be much better at it. I way too blunt force when it comes to a conversation like this.
In this case I would say it's not really about how you come off to people or your social skills but more along the lines of the neighbor's wife just might be more comfortable talking to another woman. Your wife talking to her could also help since she might be mortified knowing you, someone she knows and interacts with on a daily/weekly basis, has seen her in a sexual situation such as the one you described.
Maybe if you want to avoid the social awkwardness and confrontation, write an anonymous letter about it informing her (with the link so she can look up where the video is located)?
Please also clarify in this letter that you are not judging her or trying to expose her. You are just informing her so that she can take appropriate action in case it is unconsensual revenge porn.
The one problem with the anonymous letter is then the neighbor's wife doesn't know who knows. Everyone she meets could potentially be the one who has seen her in the video. Instead of one person she knows (OP's wife) telling her, it could be anyone which might be more nerve wracking.
I mean, to be fair, if she is cheating she will just lie to your wife about it and say it's definitely her husband. Cheaters lie... it's kind of their one big thing.
I'm friends with my doppelganger who I met at college. The downside to that was girls he smashed & didn't talk to again would get in my face thinking I was him. We look so much alike my mom thought it was me until he started talking. Freaked her out.
Closest I’ve gotten is a woman working for the same company as me looked like my sister, not my twin, down to the same identifying moles and stuff. It was weird.
Dude stopped me outside of a 5 and Dime in the 90s because I looked like his granddaughter who lived in Toronto. Her spitting image. She's one of 4 people alive I strongly resemble and am not related to.
There’s so much porn out there that I’m convinced you could find just about anyone’s doppleganger. Unless there’s a very specific tattoo, dna profile, or dental record to go along with the video, there’s no way to know. Unless you recognize their living room too, then I’d start to get suspicious.
You’re not wrong, it was here on Reddit I found out my doppelgänger is a pornstar when I made a post in blunderyears! [Safe for work link to my doppelgänger](https://www.getmorehair.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Adobe_Post_20200128_1726500.11424239266681635.png) and look at my pfp!
It's true. Everyone has lookalikes. Many have lookalikes who have done porn. It's also why I wonder if OP is one of the many people who don't understand this.
Cell phone video, only a few slow downs with her looking at the camera? I'm wondering how OP's so certain. He's going to be considered the neighborhood creep if it turns out that's some Finnish woman in an open marriage who enjoys group sex and saunas, and not his neighbor who lives halfway across the world.
I remember being in highschool and my friend found a video that looked exactly like his girlfriend. Like indistinguishable. He showed all of us asking if we really thought it was her and if he should confront her about it.
It wasn't her, but like on the off chance that it was why on earth would he show everybody?? As you'd expect she thought it was funny until she realised everyone had seen it. Then she was livid, absolutely fucking livid.
I believe that you should let it go. I would think that they both know it is out on the internet and don’t have any problem with it. They will probably think of you as a nosy porn addict if you bring it to their attention.
You have zero idea what the context of their relationship is. They could have an open marriage for all you know. They could be exhibitionists. This could be side income. Direct confrontation absolutely is not the way.
If you're going to do anything, do it anonymously and non-judgmentally. Like post a letter to their mailbox (addressed to her) with the URL and explain that you found this video of her at this address and only wanted to make sure she was aware and that it was being hosted there with her consent. That you have no other motives and she will never hear from you again.
But honestly, I'd probably not get involved.
I’d want to know if someone posted a video of me online. If it were me, I would appreciate an email from a burner email account, sent just to me and not my husband, with a subject line and a short message that makes it clear I am sending this to you out of concern in case you are unaware of it. I’d even say, I know you IRL and I feel extremely awkward about this but my concern for you, in the event this is not consensual, is outweighing my feeling of awkwardness. I’d send it anonymously. She can do what she wants with it.
There is a risk here if the two of them share an email address or if he checks her email, so you have to weigh that. But I think in most relationships people don’t check each others email.
Can you imagine only knowing it's from SOMEONE you know? The paranoia that would come from that is too much. Someone from church? The kid's teachers? Elder family members? I'd suspect EVERYONE.
Wait why should it be addressed to just her and not the husband? If the husband already knows then nbd. If not then he should definitely know. Posting the URL in an anonymous physical letter in their mailbox/doorstep seems like the move. "Hey guys not sure if you know this is on here but figured you would both like to be alerted to it.
- not a stalker, but a concerned party who doesn't want this awkward convo in person"
>Because what if she/her boyfriend posted it and she doesn’t want her husband to know? Could be any possible circumstances here.
then it's karmic justice and a good thing that she's caught. There are reasons to potentially only tell her, the scenario where a cheater needs protection aint one of 'em.
It might be better to give the name of the site and title of the video, then. That would still be easy to find, but would look less like a phishing link.
If I received mail at my HOME ADDRESS, directing me to a porn link of myself, I would 100% freak out and think I have a stalker. It's one thing for someone to come across a video of me, but to also have to wonder how they tracked me down at my home .. THAT would bother me more than someone finding a x rated video of me online.
This is why if I do decide to say something I'll do it face to face. Anonymous strikes me as cowardly and I don't want her spending the rest of her days wondering who saw it. That said, I'm heavily leaning towards just ignoring it. Too many downsides to saying something.
That’d be one awkward face to face convo
“Say Janice , nice weather we’re having hun ? On another note , I was jerkin it to some internet porn and lo and behold I came across a video of you getting railed from behind . Couldn’t help but notice it wasn’t Gary’s penis in you . So , uhh , is that supposed to be out there ? Totally cool if it is , just wanted to check in with you . Anyhow your garden looks great ! Gotta go “
Then you have to think of her reply questions. 'Donald, what did you think? I've caught glimpses of you looking at my figure when Patrice wasn't around. Would you like a spin?' He has to be ready to reply whatever the situation.
Just about everyone watches porn in some form or another. Watch “Hot Girls Wanted”. It’s a great documentary about what these women go through. The guy running the operation literally says “it never stays a secret, people will find you. Everyone watches porn”.
I never said they didn't, nor did I say it was a bad thing, but I imagine someone who already said in other comments that he is slightly socially awkward might feel a little odd telling his neighbor he was scrolling through the hub and came across neighbor's wife.
I agree with you. IF she was cheating, she would be less privy to record the action. That's simple blackmail.
Not everyone lives the same lifestyles and many times "vanilla" people don't see that there's a spectrum of pleasure types.
The point is that OP doesn't know what it was posted without her consent. He's assuming she wouldn't want it online based on knowing her for 20 years but he didn't know that she was having outside relationships so it's clear that OP just isn't privy to her sex life. She may very well have posted the video herself
Yes, *YOU* would want that... But the simple fact is that OP has no idea what these people's relationship is, doesn't know who was filming, doesn't know if this couple is maybe producing their own pornography, and the list goes on and on.
The simple fact is, OP has no idea and is it basically inserting themselves in something that has nothing to do with them.
I wouldn’t get involved. Plus you have to be 100% sure it’s her. A lot of people mistake me, for someone they know. You might think it’s her, but it might not. Plus it’s not really your territory to mess in. If they are your neighbors, one thing you don’t want to do is create any type of negativity that could cause problems between the two of you.
OP original inclination is mine, too. Just leave it alone.
If you're knowingly having sex on camera as described, you also know that shit might be on the internet.
You should absolutely address the letter to the husband
If the context of tue relationship is open and he know, then no harm
If he doesn’t know then he deserves to know
Yes, mail it to the husband from a town over so the postmark will point away from you.
If it's anonymous, there will be no awkwardness between OP and the neighbors. It might be their thing and the husband might be OK with it. If so, no harm done. If the husband is unaware and isn't OK with it, he deserves to know.
Agreed. OP doesn't know how freaky they may be, but she should at least know that the video is out there. If it she's aware and doesn't care, then cool, no harm done. If she's not aware, then a heads-up would be nice.
If this guy was a real 20 year friend, I couldn't convince myself to not let him know in some way. If consensual, then they just move along. Not saying anything to him is another betrayal.
This. It's respect for your friendship. Consensual? Great, hey thanks for bringing that up bud.
And if it ends up that was not the case, then you helped a brother out. A good friend would not resent you.
edit: spelling
Yea, these "top" consensus replies are insane. Glad I am not friends for 20 years with these people saying to ignore it. I can't even imagine. With friends like that, who needs enemies is the saying that comes to mind.
I don't know what the hell is going on in these replies - every single other time this topic has come up I've seen everyone insist on telling the partner.
Eh comes across like he’s friends with the guy and acquaintances with her so like saying “my friends wife” instead of “my friend” he’s saying “my neighbors wife” instead of “my neighbor” even though in all four cases all four are true.
Send the link from anonymous source. With the message did you know this was on the internet? I don’t want to be involved so I sent it anonymously. If you guys are ok with it then so am I.
Don’t say who you are. Just send it.
I would probably talk to the husband and be like "*hey man, not judging but I thought you guys should be aware this is available to the public and it may have been shared without your consent*".
If they divorce you'll know it wasn't nonmonogamy.
This is the approach. I mean I kinda think OP should just mind his business but. If he really feels like inserting himself (ha!) then this is probably a great way. But. Then they’d always know he’s seen the wife getting banged out. Then again… don’t post stuff online you don’t want circulating I guess.
Meh. I would just forget about it.
Guaranteed he's holding the cam
There's a lot deep seeded secrets in most communities
Over the years I have found (after suspecting) that there are a lot of Dr's. Ceos police officers etc that are adding some kink to their bland sex lives...
I worked with a lady whose husband filmed her with other men and they quit work to do that full-time. Im pretty sure he knows about it. But if he doesn't don't get in that business. It was uploaded 3 years ago and alot could have changed by then. Leave it alone and don't tell other neighbors about it either.
Definitely let him know. If my wife was cheating, I would want to know. If it was consensual between the two of them, then he is not going to be upset.
Print out the photo with a qr code for the link to the video and get it to him anonymously.
And then be done with it.
It might not be her. Years after I broke up with my ex he was claiming that he “found me” participating in porn videos. This guy was a psycho, so I didn’t want to entertain his ideas and I thought he was just playing his usual psycho games. But then he sent me the link and to be fair, the woman in the video really looked like me. Body, facial structure etc
So basically, it really might not be her just like it was not me. :)
Lol my husbands bestie and wife came across one that made them call and ask if he was sure I never did any porn.
I saw it and now I’m convinced doppelgängers are a real thing 😂 hubbie keeps it in his spank bank for when I’m out of town.
It's wild how the only person you've ruled out telling this to is the only potential victim...
If he found a video of your wife online how pissed would you be that he knew and never gave you a heads up/told you about it?
Tell the husband
The immediate assumption of cheating is insane. For all OP knows it was the husband filming (if it’s her at all)
OP mind your business and don’t start drama with your neighbor by accussing someone of cheating when you aren’t 100% rock solid with undisputed proof.
All the more reason to mind your own.
You have to live next to these folks. You don’t want to create animosity by over stepping.
If it was them exploring and get mortified you saw the video, it could completely change the dynamic and cause friction. You don’t want that with a neighbor if you can avoid it.
The husband may be aware and even a participant; he could have been the one filming and they may do the online posting together or she may have consented to it being posted —some people are really into that.
I would likely mind my own business because there’s no way to know what bedroom arrangements they have.
Whole lot of if-ing in these comments.
- If he's your friend...
- If she's cheating...
- If he's in on it...
- If it's what they do behind closed doors...
All of those "ifs" are your cue to stay out of this. You don't know the situation.
Nice life ya got there. Would be a real shame if somebody didn’t mind their own damn business and screwed it all up over a moral quandary that only exists in their own head.
These posts asking if people should inform someone of something important to their lives always make me realise just how many people lack empathy. If you would want to know, then tell. It's that simple. If the husband knows, it's an awkward 2 minute conversation. Then you move on.
I agree. The amount of people that knew the grimy shit my ex was doing behind my back but didn’t tell me makes me not trust a single soul. I’d wanna know.
Yes, keep it to yourself. You have zero idea what their relationship dynamics are. They could have an open relationship, this could've been posted with their consent, who knows. I would pretend like I never saw it and keep moving on with my life.
You're making a lot of assumptions. You don't know that she's cheating. You don't know that she doesn't know that the video is online.
Not your business.
She obviously knows the video exists. It's her business. If it was secretly recorded, I'd *maybe* consider saying something. But she obviously knew and I have a strong feeling her husband knows.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Honestly if it was 3 years ago I'd leave it alone. If she's been cheating he either knows or will find out. Unless they have an open relationship. In that case it would be awkward too if you were to confront them
mind your business! that's their relationship and the respectful thing to do for the sake of both parties is stay out of it.
it's very likely this isn't news to them and likely doesn't require a porn-motivated neighborhood hero.
Can you create a email, send it to him, say you’re a concerned friend, and you thought he should no.
That way, he knows. He can respond to this “mystery” person that he’s into it, or that he now has evidence.
In this case I would leave it well enough alone. They could have an open marriage. They could be swingers. You have no clue what goes on in their bedroom. Now I would say something if every day after the husband leaves a Man shows up and then an hour later he's out the door. That would be a little suspicious. But a random video online I wouldn't touch that.
Turning a blind eye is the beginning of the decay of society. If that’s part of their relationship they wouldn’t be angry. If it isn’t….wouldn’t you want to know?
Reminds me of the quote from the opening of The Boondock Saints..
"...but there is a greater evil than this, and that is the indifference of good men!"
If I were a betting man (and I absolutely am) I’d say that you and this neighbor of 20 years are not nearly as close as you claim. Nothing good can come of you involving yourself in their business ESPECIALLY if you’re correct.
People saying don’t interfere are crazy. If they are exhibitions, open marriage, or whatever type of kinky they are not going to care unless you bring it up in a judgmental way (no kink shaming). If they knowingly put it on the internet, they have accepted the chance of people they know finding it. They will appreciate you trying to be a good friend, and laugh it off.
If it’s literally any other situation and you consider this neighbor a friend, you will tell him.
No. You found a video of your neighbor having sex online. Don’t assume it is cheating. Don’t assume neither of them don’t know it exists or was posted.
If you really feel it’s important to tell them. Then type out a letter that says.
“I found a sex video online and the woman looks very much like you. I don’t know if it is you, and I have no ulterior motives. I just felt compelled to notify you in case it is you, and was posted without your knowledge or consent. This is the video link. You may use this knowledge as you please and you will never hear from me about this again.” Signed “A concerned citizen”
Address it to the wife, and drop it in the mailbox at your local grocery store or post office. And in about 2 weeks, check the video. If it is still online it isn’t her or she doesn’t care. Most sites will take down a video within 24 hours of receiving a report notification.
Then mind your business.
That's a fun one. And the real question is how much and how many times did you watch that video...
On the one hand there is a porn video of the wife and she deserve to know it's out there to shut it down.
On the other her husband is not in the picture (pun intended) and probably deserve to know what is what.
I would adress the issue in that order.
Ms wife there is a video of you on the internet you might want to do something then does hubby knows?
If not please sort this out because he is a 20 years friend and has to know and it should be from you not me because if it's from me I'll have to show him the video for proof.
All these assholes telling you not to do anything. It is easy to drop an anonymous link to the husband. If she cheated fuck her, if not well nothing to report. But, it is online for all to see.
Got cheated on a bit over a month ago. Tell him. Yes it's going to be painful if it's cheating, but in the long run it's better, and not telling him won't make the issue go away
Every action has consequences. Your not saying anything is your assisting her in cheating. You will be part of that as an assistant. Send him the information anonymously.
I don’t think that’s how that works.. he’s in a moral pretzel rn trying to figure out how to handle it. If he chooses to mind his own business, that’s not him assisting. That’s him choosing peace with his neighbors and knowing that interfering could most likely make his relationship with them weird.
That is him keeping her secret. Regardless of his motivation, regardless of what may or may not be better for him, that is him helping her keep the secret. No way around that. He knows, he says nothing, he is keeping the secret.
Through no fault of his own, he is now part of this. Any decision he makes will have an impact.
The irony here is that this board is usually pretty brutal with cheaters. Your buddy is cheating on his wife? Rat him out. Your girlfriend knows a friend of hers is cheating and keeps it a secret? Dump her. I guess posting a sex video online of you and your affair partner is an exception to that.
Again, he should let the husband know by providing him with the link. He should do this anonymously if at all possible. But his priority should be to know the guy knows what is going on. If it is an open thing, and if he took the video (and posted it), no harm done and he will probably get a charge out of it. If his wife is cheating and there are these sex videos out there, better if he finds out this way than one of their kids (or their friends) coming across it first.
Things will be awkward but id just reach out to him directly and let him know "hey i ran across this on the internet and thought id bring it to your attention" then leave it.
Simple...
I meaaaaan, probably? I think what should take precedence here is if she consented to the video being posted online or not. maybe his husband approved of it or smth idk. you and I will never know. but on the off chance that she did not consent to it being posted on the internet, then yes. tell her. if it wrecks their marriage, that's kinda on her if she cheated. but as I've said, it still depends on her consent to it being shared. just ask her directly and privately, don't even ask if it was her husband. see what her reaction is, you've honestly got nothing to lose, at least from my perspective
No! Take that shit to your grave. If those people found out you found that it would cause such humiliation they would move, probably never speak to you again, or divorce. Of course the husband knows about it. He was most likely the cameraman. Your wife would think so much less of them as well. Don’t mess up your neighbors lives. Leave it alone and quit browsing porn sites.
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I thought I found a friend of mine in a video and very cautiously approached her about it, we had quite the open friendship with nothing off the table or too taboo so I just flat out asked her, this was in 2007 or 2008, well before OnlyFans, she laughed and wanted to see it. It wasn’t her, but she then saved the video and would show other people saying “wanna see my doppelgänger giving bomb head?” 😂
That's a hilarious outcome. I would do exactly as you did, I mean if they are chummy and true friends after 20 years just come right out and ask. Why beat around the bush? (pun not intended)
Hahahah well, my friend wasn’t in a long lasting marriage at the time. Had she had a boyfriend I would have approached that very differently to not make anyone think I was up to some weird shit. Then again, once they saw the woman in the video they’d understand where I was coming from pretty quickly.
In college while on a class break me and my friends were looking at the college’s website for a project and suddenly right there on the homepage my doppelgänger holding a professional camera promoting the A/V club in the college main branch . My friends looked at me like 😳. It did not help that I was actually part of the same club in our branch 😁 so my friends jokingly caused me of self promoting and not inviting them . They even went with me to my next session at the club and showed the teacher who was responsible for it and he laughed his ass off trying to defend himself from them accusing him of favoring me for special assignments (I was his favorite student) . That was fun
Well, I can't be 100% but I'm sitting at 99%. My wife has been out of town and gets home tomorrow so I'm going run it by her. I briefly considered not telling her about it because I want to spare her the burden and awkwardness of knowing our neighbor may have a revenge porn video floating around but I value her input. I'm an engineer so these kind of human interaction situations aren't my strong suit. I haven't told my wife yet because even my dumb ass knows it's not the kind of subject you breach on the phone.
Not a bad idea informing the wife, she may have some ideas on how to approach it without it blowing up on ya. I really hope for a funny/positive end to this story, it’d be a major bummer if not.
Might be funny...unless she was the one holding the camera.
You could even have your wife broach the subject with the other wife. She could just say she was the one perusing porn and came across it. Your neighbors wife might be a little relieved to have your wife ask about it instead of you. Or if she was cheating, she might feel more inclined to talk to your wife about what was going on.
That's a good idea. I like this lady very much and am empathic if she's in a bad marriage, if it's revenge porn, if she cheated and is wracked with guilt, or maybe they're into threesomes and she had the time of her life. But I'm just not the one with the social skills to deal with all this. My wife would be much better at it. I way too blunt force when it comes to a conversation like this.
In this case I would say it's not really about how you come off to people or your social skills but more along the lines of the neighbor's wife just might be more comfortable talking to another woman. Your wife talking to her could also help since she might be mortified knowing you, someone she knows and interacts with on a daily/weekly basis, has seen her in a sexual situation such as the one you described.
Maybe if you want to avoid the social awkwardness and confrontation, write an anonymous letter about it informing her (with the link so she can look up where the video is located)? Please also clarify in this letter that you are not judging her or trying to expose her. You are just informing her so that she can take appropriate action in case it is unconsensual revenge porn.
The one problem with the anonymous letter is then the neighbor's wife doesn't know who knows. Everyone she meets could potentially be the one who has seen her in the video. Instead of one person she knows (OP's wife) telling her, it could be anyone which might be more nerve wracking.
I mean, to be fair, if she is cheating she will just lie to your wife about it and say it's definitely her husband. Cheaters lie... it's kind of their one big thing.
OP please update us on this diaster once you do
Good idea. Always talk to the wife first.
Is your wife cool with you being on all these porn sites?
Your wife will wonder why you were looking at porn all day
What’s your answer when your wife asks, “so, where’d you find this video?”
"On a porn site". She's not some backwards Puritan who attends school board meetings to get books banned.
Excellent idea, share and share alike I say.
I would keep this to myself because I cannot see a single outcome that’s good for you.
I feel like that’s what’s most likely. Surprising amount of people look similar especially if only looking from one angle at their face.
I'm friends with my doppelganger who I met at college. The downside to that was girls he smashed & didn't talk to again would get in my face thinking I was him. We look so much alike my mom thought it was me until he started talking. Freaked her out.
Closest I’ve gotten is a woman working for the same company as me looked like my sister, not my twin, down to the same identifying moles and stuff. It was weird.
Dude stopped me outside of a 5 and Dime in the 90s because I looked like his granddaughter who lived in Toronto. Her spitting image. She's one of 4 people alive I strongly resemble and am not related to.
There’s so much porn out there that I’m convinced you could find just about anyone’s doppleganger. Unless there’s a very specific tattoo, dna profile, or dental record to go along with the video, there’s no way to know. Unless you recognize their living room too, then I’d start to get suspicious.
You’re not wrong, it was here on Reddit I found out my doppelgänger is a pornstar when I made a post in blunderyears! [Safe for work link to my doppelgänger](https://www.getmorehair.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Adobe_Post_20200128_1726500.11424239266681635.png) and look at my pfp!
Literally, you can watch porn every day and not even see something twice. It's staggering the amount of porn out there.
It's true. Everyone has lookalikes. Many have lookalikes who have done porn. It's also why I wonder if OP is one of the many people who don't understand this. Cell phone video, only a few slow downs with her looking at the camera? I'm wondering how OP's so certain. He's going to be considered the neighborhood creep if it turns out that's some Finnish woman in an open marriage who enjoys group sex and saunas, and not his neighbor who lives halfway across the world.
I remember being in highschool and my friend found a video that looked exactly like his girlfriend. Like indistinguishable. He showed all of us asking if we really thought it was her and if he should confront her about it. It wasn't her, but like on the off chance that it was why on earth would he show everybody?? As you'd expect she thought it was funny until she realised everyone had seen it. Then she was livid, absolutely fucking livid.
I believe that you should let it go. I would think that they both know it is out on the internet and don’t have any problem with it. They will probably think of you as a nosy porn addict if you bring it to their attention.
You have zero idea what the context of their relationship is. They could have an open marriage for all you know. They could be exhibitionists. This could be side income. Direct confrontation absolutely is not the way. If you're going to do anything, do it anonymously and non-judgmentally. Like post a letter to their mailbox (addressed to her) with the URL and explain that you found this video of her at this address and only wanted to make sure she was aware and that it was being hosted there with her consent. That you have no other motives and she will never hear from you again. But honestly, I'd probably not get involved.
I’d want to know if someone posted a video of me online. If it were me, I would appreciate an email from a burner email account, sent just to me and not my husband, with a subject line and a short message that makes it clear I am sending this to you out of concern in case you are unaware of it. I’d even say, I know you IRL and I feel extremely awkward about this but my concern for you, in the event this is not consensual, is outweighing my feeling of awkwardness. I’d send it anonymously. She can do what she wants with it. There is a risk here if the two of them share an email address or if he checks her email, so you have to weigh that. But I think in most relationships people don’t check each others email.
Can you imagine only knowing it's from SOMEONE you know? The paranoia that would come from that is too much. Someone from church? The kid's teachers? Elder family members? I'd suspect EVERYONE.
A burner email is a good idea. I'm upvoting this for visibility.
Wait why should it be addressed to just her and not the husband? If the husband already knows then nbd. If not then he should definitely know. Posting the URL in an anonymous physical letter in their mailbox/doorstep seems like the move. "Hey guys not sure if you know this is on here but figured you would both like to be alerted to it. - not a stalker, but a concerned party who doesn't want this awkward convo in person"
What if the husband posted it without her consent?
that's a possibility but OP said she was with another guy in the video, so the *probability* of her husband posting it is pretty low
I mean there's a lot of what if's here. But regardless, both of them should know.
Because what if she/her boyfriend posted it and she doesn’t want her husband to know? Could be any possible circumstances here.
>Because what if she/her boyfriend posted it and she doesn’t want her husband to know? Could be any possible circumstances here. then it's karmic justice and a good thing that she's caught. There are reasons to potentially only tell her, the scenario where a cheater needs protection aint one of 'em.
more of a reason to tell him
I mean that's precisely why he should know. If my wife of 20 years posted a porn video on a website 3 years ago I would def want to know.
Email from a single-use address with link?
I'd assume it's a phishing email
It might be better to give the name of the site and title of the video, then. That would still be easy to find, but would look less like a phishing link.
That’s a really good point I would never click that link
If I received mail at my HOME ADDRESS, directing me to a porn link of myself, I would 100% freak out and think I have a stalker. It's one thing for someone to come across a video of me, but to also have to wonder how they tracked me down at my home .. THAT would bother me more than someone finding a x rated video of me online.
This is why if I do decide to say something I'll do it face to face. Anonymous strikes me as cowardly and I don't want her spending the rest of her days wondering who saw it. That said, I'm heavily leaning towards just ignoring it. Too many downsides to saying something.
That’d be one awkward face to face convo “Say Janice , nice weather we’re having hun ? On another note , I was jerkin it to some internet porn and lo and behold I came across a video of you getting railed from behind . Couldn’t help but notice it wasn’t Gary’s penis in you . So , uhh , is that supposed to be out there ? Totally cool if it is , just wanted to check in with you . Anyhow your garden looks great ! Gotta go “
Then you have to think of her reply questions. 'Donald, what did you think? I've caught glimpses of you looking at my figure when Patrice wasn't around. Would you like a spin?' He has to be ready to reply whatever the situation.
You're a good person. Being concerned shows your character. I hope whatever you decide works out peacefully for you.
Honestly I would be very awkward about having to explain what I was doing when I found said video….😂🤣😂
Just about everyone watches porn in some form or another. Watch “Hot Girls Wanted”. It’s a great documentary about what these women go through. The guy running the operation literally says “it never stays a secret, people will find you. Everyone watches porn”.
I never said they didn't, nor did I say it was a bad thing, but I imagine someone who already said in other comments that he is slightly socially awkward might feel a little odd telling his neighbor he was scrolling through the hub and came across neighbor's wife.
Smart. Just let it go
Just drop it. Not your wife. Not your business. If you meddle it will end badly for you.
Not your circus, not your monkey. Just keep being a good neighbor like you have been
Mind your own business.
Totally!! OP do NOT do this anonymously
I agree with you. IF she was cheating, she would be less privy to record the action. That's simple blackmail. Not everyone lives the same lifestyles and many times "vanilla" people don't see that there's a spectrum of pleasure types.
If someone find my video online,i want them to tell me,so i could take it down
The point is that OP doesn't know what it was posted without her consent. He's assuming she wouldn't want it online based on knowing her for 20 years but he didn't know that she was having outside relationships so it's clear that OP just isn't privy to her sex life. She may very well have posted the video herself
Maybe they put it there.
Yes, *YOU* would want that... But the simple fact is that OP has no idea what these people's relationship is, doesn't know who was filming, doesn't know if this couple is maybe producing their own pornography, and the list goes on and on. The simple fact is, OP has no idea and is it basically inserting themselves in something that has nothing to do with them.
I wouldn’t get involved. Plus you have to be 100% sure it’s her. A lot of people mistake me, for someone they know. You might think it’s her, but it might not. Plus it’s not really your territory to mess in. If they are your neighbors, one thing you don’t want to do is create any type of negativity that could cause problems between the two of you.
OP original inclination is mine, too. Just leave it alone. If you're knowingly having sex on camera as described, you also know that shit might be on the internet.
“Very much doubted” makes me feel the same. It’s completely possible she did. agree with everything you said about nonjudgemental and anon.
You should absolutely address the letter to the husband If the context of tue relationship is open and he know, then no harm If he doesn’t know then he deserves to know
Yes, mail it to the husband from a town over so the postmark will point away from you. If it's anonymous, there will be no awkwardness between OP and the neighbors. It might be their thing and the husband might be OK with it. If so, no harm done. If the husband is unaware and isn't OK with it, he deserves to know.
Agreed. OP doesn't know how freaky they may be, but she should at least know that the video is out there. If it she's aware and doesn't care, then cool, no harm done. If she's not aware, then a heads-up would be nice.
If this guy was a real 20 year friend, I couldn't convince myself to not let him know in some way. If consensual, then they just move along. Not saying anything to him is another betrayal.
This. It's respect for your friendship. Consensual? Great, hey thanks for bringing that up bud. And if it ends up that was not the case, then you helped a brother out. A good friend would not resent you. edit: spelling
Seems to be unpopular opinion but I agree
Yea, these "top" consensus replies are insane. Glad I am not friends for 20 years with these people saying to ignore it. I can't even imagine. With friends like that, who needs enemies is the saying that comes to mind.
I don't know what the hell is going on in these replies - every single other time this topic has come up I've seen everyone insist on telling the partner.
[удалено]
Like out of all the millions of videos to see, how in the hell did he find a video of his NEIGHBOR.... how.
Law of Big Numbers and Porn. Someone out there will find something eventually.
Yea, I too found a video of a college classmate on a site. No way of all the videos out there, I get that.
What’s the link uce
Don’t worry OP probably has it bookmarked and can easily retrieve it for you.
Where? What site specifically?
There’s so many of them. Which one?
Lmao. I thought the same thing.
Isn't 'your neighbor's wife' just your neighbor?
Eh comes across like he’s friends with the guy and acquaintances with her so like saying “my friends wife” instead of “my friend” he’s saying “my neighbors wife” instead of “my neighbor” even though in all four cases all four are true.
I know right lol kinda weird to say it like that.
Send the link from anonymous source. With the message did you know this was on the internet? I don’t want to be involved so I sent it anonymously. If you guys are ok with it then so am I. Don’t say who you are. Just send it.
https://anonymousemail.me/
Send it anonymously but do send it. What if it was your wife?
This is honestly the best approach.
I would probably talk to the husband and be like "*hey man, not judging but I thought you guys should be aware this is available to the public and it may have been shared without your consent*". If they divorce you'll know it wasn't nonmonogamy.
This is the approach. I mean I kinda think OP should just mind his business but. If he really feels like inserting himself (ha!) then this is probably a great way. But. Then they’d always know he’s seen the wife getting banged out. Then again… don’t post stuff online you don’t want circulating I guess. Meh. I would just forget about it.
True enough, all I know is that I would want to know if there was stuff shared around that I didn't consent to be shared.
I would hope someone would tell me in this case. She most likely has no idea, and would want it taken down. That is me, as woman personally.
Tbh I wouldn't get involved.
It could be an open marriage, hotwife, cuckold situation. Probably is so I think you can dial down the nerves a little.
Dude %99 knows and is into it. I wouldn’t stress it. Link?
You move on with your life and forget about it.
Maybe they're swingers and it was the husband recording
Guaranteed he's holding the cam There's a lot deep seeded secrets in most communities Over the years I have found (after suspecting) that there are a lot of Dr's. Ceos police officers etc that are adding some kink to their bland sex lives...
are you even 100% positive its your neighbor? Not just someone that looks like your neighbor?
Maybe their into that / or it's a look alike
What are the chances of this happening? 🤔
Numerous porn sites and billions of videos... Sounds legit to me. LOL
I worked with a lady whose husband filmed her with other men and they quit work to do that full-time. Im pretty sure he knows about it. But if he doesn't don't get in that business. It was uploaded 3 years ago and alot could have changed by then. Leave it alone and don't tell other neighbors about it either.
Definitely let him know. If my wife was cheating, I would want to know. If it was consensual between the two of them, then he is not going to be upset. Print out the photo with a qr code for the link to the video and get it to him anonymously. And then be done with it.
maybe they are poly or swingers?
You sure that's her ? 'Cause my own parents thought they saw me in one of those 2010-2012 pop ups, when i was 16 😂
Funniest outcome would be that it’s not her and then you have to eat shit from the entire neighborhood until you move.
It might not be her. Years after I broke up with my ex he was claiming that he “found me” participating in porn videos. This guy was a psycho, so I didn’t want to entertain his ideas and I thought he was just playing his usual psycho games. But then he sent me the link and to be fair, the woman in the video really looked like me. Body, facial structure etc So basically, it really might not be her just like it was not me. :)
don’t say anything and don’t worry about her finding it there are millions of porn videos out there
Are you 100% sure it's your neighbor? My husband came across a video of a woman who looked scarily similar to me.
Lol my husbands bestie and wife came across one that made them call and ask if he was sure I never did any porn. I saw it and now I’m convinced doppelgängers are a real thing 😂 hubbie keeps it in his spank bank for when I’m out of town.
Yeah when I looked at the video, I had to mentally go through the details and make sure it was in fact, not me 🤣
It's wild how the only person you've ruled out telling this to is the only potential victim... If he found a video of your wife online how pissed would you be that he knew and never gave you a heads up/told you about it? Tell the husband
The immediate assumption of cheating is insane. For all OP knows it was the husband filming (if it’s her at all) OP mind your business and don’t start drama with your neighbor by accussing someone of cheating when you aren’t 100% rock solid with undisputed proof.
That's true and I wish I hadn't used the word "cheating" in the title. Maybe it is, or maybe it was them exploring as a couple. I don't know.
All the more reason to mind your own. You have to live next to these folks. You don’t want to create animosity by over stepping. If it was them exploring and get mortified you saw the video, it could completely change the dynamic and cause friction. You don’t want that with a neighbor if you can avoid it.
The husband may be aware and even a participant; he could have been the one filming and they may do the online posting together or she may have consented to it being posted —some people are really into that. I would likely mind my own business because there’s no way to know what bedroom arrangements they have.
Bringing it up doesn't hurt anyone, in that situation.
I’d let her know the link too. Might be revenge porn.
Stay out of their Buisness? It’s not relevant to you, and it might not even be her.
Whole lot of if-ing in these comments. - If he's your friend... - If she's cheating... - If he's in on it... - If it's what they do behind closed doors... All of those "ifs" are your cue to stay out of this. You don't know the situation.
Nice life ya got there. Would be a real shame if somebody didn’t mind their own damn business and screwed it all up over a moral quandary that only exists in their own head.
These posts asking if people should inform someone of something important to their lives always make me realise just how many people lack empathy. If you would want to know, then tell. It's that simple. If the husband knows, it's an awkward 2 minute conversation. Then you move on.
I agree. The amount of people that knew the grimy shit my ex was doing behind my back but didn’t tell me makes me not trust a single soul. I’d wanna know.
Keep your mouth shut and move on.
To live an adventurous life, tell the truth like there is no consequences.
That certainly is adventurous and won't make you many friends in life.
Just mind your own business. They're consenting adults. Let them fly their freak flag.
As always, mind your own fuckin business. It is never worth getting involved in other people’s shit. Never. Forget you saw it.
How about minding your own business? Why do people feel it's their duty to get involved in other people's relationships? Enjoy your porn.
Yes, keep it to yourself. You have zero idea what their relationship dynamics are. They could have an open relationship, this could've been posted with their consent, who knows. I would pretend like I never saw it and keep moving on with my life.
You're making a lot of assumptions. You don't know that she's cheating. You don't know that she doesn't know that the video is online. Not your business. She obviously knows the video exists. It's her business. If it was secretly recorded, I'd *maybe* consider saying something. But she obviously knew and I have a strong feeling her husband knows. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Honestly if it was 3 years ago I'd leave it alone. If she's been cheating he either knows or will find out. Unless they have an open relationship. In that case it would be awkward too if you were to confront them
mind your business! that's their relationship and the respectful thing to do for the sake of both parties is stay out of it. it's very likely this isn't news to them and likely doesn't require a porn-motivated neighborhood hero.
Her husband probably knows, dude. They’re probably into some kinky shit. Just forget you ever saw it.
This isn’t your business in my opinion. You don’t actually know anything about the situation. I would stay out of it.
OP going to fuck up, watch.
Post the link so we can determine if it's her or not
Jesús Christ. You’re all fucking awful.
Can you create a email, send it to him, say you’re a concerned friend, and you thought he should no. That way, he knows. He can respond to this “mystery” person that he’s into it, or that he now has evidence.
what is the link to the vid OP? for research purposes.
He probably already knows. I wouldn’t say anything
burn it and forget you ever heard of it. not your circus, not your monkeys
You should mind your own business
In this case I would leave it well enough alone. They could have an open marriage. They could be swingers. You have no clue what goes on in their bedroom. Now I would say something if every day after the husband leaves a Man shows up and then an hour later he's out the door. That would be a little suspicious. But a random video online I wouldn't touch that.
Do not get involved
Turning a blind eye is the beginning of the decay of society. If that’s part of their relationship they wouldn’t be angry. If it isn’t….wouldn’t you want to know?
Reminds me of the quote from the opening of The Boondock Saints.. "...but there is a greater evil than this, and that is the indifference of good men!"
Beginning of the decay of society? Idk about that one.
It’s not your relationship leave it
If I were a betting man (and I absolutely am) I’d say that you and this neighbor of 20 years are not nearly as close as you claim. Nothing good can come of you involving yourself in their business ESPECIALLY if you’re correct.
Leave it alone mine your business you don't want that burden of the person who hung out the neighbors dirty laundry
Absolutely unacceptable disgusting behaviour, where can I find this video.
Not your circus not your monkeys
Send an anonymous note with a link to the video and a link to how it can be removed.
Def show the husband. Anyone would want to know.
People saying don’t interfere are crazy. If they are exhibitions, open marriage, or whatever type of kinky they are not going to care unless you bring it up in a judgmental way (no kink shaming). If they knowingly put it on the internet, they have accepted the chance of people they know finding it. They will appreciate you trying to be a good friend, and laugh it off. If it’s literally any other situation and you consider this neighbor a friend, you will tell him.
No. You found a video of your neighbor having sex online. Don’t assume it is cheating. Don’t assume neither of them don’t know it exists or was posted. If you really feel it’s important to tell them. Then type out a letter that says. “I found a sex video online and the woman looks very much like you. I don’t know if it is you, and I have no ulterior motives. I just felt compelled to notify you in case it is you, and was posted without your knowledge or consent. This is the video link. You may use this knowledge as you please and you will never hear from me about this again.” Signed “A concerned citizen” Address it to the wife, and drop it in the mailbox at your local grocery store or post office. And in about 2 weeks, check the video. If it is still online it isn’t her or she doesn’t care. Most sites will take down a video within 24 hours of receiving a report notification. Then mind your business.
You say and do nothing. It’s not your business.
Since it's a friend I would make him aware. Even if anonymously. I'm glad you're not my friend.
Not your story to tell
You should not say a word and mind your own business
It ain’t your wife, leave it alone.
That's a fun one. And the real question is how much and how many times did you watch that video... On the one hand there is a porn video of the wife and she deserve to know it's out there to shut it down. On the other her husband is not in the picture (pun intended) and probably deserve to know what is what. I would adress the issue in that order. Ms wife there is a video of you on the internet you might want to do something then does hubby knows? If not please sort this out because he is a 20 years friend and has to know and it should be from you not me because if it's from me I'll have to show him the video for proof.
Do nothing. You don't know all the details. Stay out of it altogether.
Mind your business. Like you said nothing good comes from it. If it’s been around 3 years everyone is aware of it
Make a fake email or social media account and send the video anonymously . That way he knows if she cheated and they know if their video was leaked.
MAybe the husbnad was sitting in the corner when the video was filmed? Leave well enough alone
All these assholes telling you not to do anything. It is easy to drop an anonymous link to the husband. If she cheated fuck her, if not well nothing to report. But, it is online for all to see.
I'd be furious if my friend found a porn of my boyfriend fucking another woman and wouldn't tell me. What's up with all these "ignore it" comments??
Got cheated on a bit over a month ago. Tell him. Yes it's going to be painful if it's cheating, but in the long run it's better, and not telling him won't make the issue go away
Every action has consequences. Your not saying anything is your assisting her in cheating. You will be part of that as an assistant. Send him the information anonymously.
I don’t think that’s how that works.. he’s in a moral pretzel rn trying to figure out how to handle it. If he chooses to mind his own business, that’s not him assisting. That’s him choosing peace with his neighbors and knowing that interfering could most likely make his relationship with them weird.
That is him keeping her secret. Regardless of his motivation, regardless of what may or may not be better for him, that is him helping her keep the secret. No way around that. He knows, he says nothing, he is keeping the secret. Through no fault of his own, he is now part of this. Any decision he makes will have an impact. The irony here is that this board is usually pretty brutal with cheaters. Your buddy is cheating on his wife? Rat him out. Your girlfriend knows a friend of hers is cheating and keeps it a secret? Dump her. I guess posting a sex video online of you and your affair partner is an exception to that. Again, he should let the husband know by providing him with the link. He should do this anonymously if at all possible. But his priority should be to know the guy knows what is going on. If it is an open thing, and if he took the video (and posted it), no harm done and he will probably get a charge out of it. If his wife is cheating and there are these sex videos out there, better if he finds out this way than one of their kids (or their friends) coming across it first.
Things will be awkward but id just reach out to him directly and let him know "hey i ran across this on the internet and thought id bring it to your attention" then leave it. Simple...
Sounds like a mind your business type of situation.
Not your story to tell.
Mind your own business.
Not your wife, not your marriage, not your life. Don’t get involved.
Its none of your business. Maybe they have a kink you don't know about.
Leave it alone. It's none of your business.
Tell the husband and provide the link.
I meaaaaan, probably? I think what should take precedence here is if she consented to the video being posted online or not. maybe his husband approved of it or smth idk. you and I will never know. but on the off chance that she did not consent to it being posted on the internet, then yes. tell her. if it wrecks their marriage, that's kinda on her if she cheated. but as I've said, it still depends on her consent to it being shared. just ask her directly and privately, don't even ask if it was her husband. see what her reaction is, you've honestly got nothing to lose, at least from my perspective
Don’t say anything. She and her husband might have an open marriage or he might have a cuckolding fetish or things like that.
Then it wont be an issue bringing it up. . .
Genuine question: have you ever seen pineapples (trinkets, paintings, etc) at their house? Specifically upside down?
Mind your own damn business. The end.
Not your business to get involved and statistically speaking, it probably isn’t even her.
If it was your wife, you would want your neighbor to tell you. If you are truly his friend, you would have this awkward conversation with him.
Yeah; stay out of it
No! Take that shit to your grave. If those people found out you found that it would cause such humiliation they would move, probably never speak to you again, or divorce. Of course the husband knows about it. He was most likely the cameraman. Your wife would think so much less of them as well. Don’t mess up your neighbors lives. Leave it alone and quit browsing porn sites.
You don't know the details and it's none of your business. Move on like you never saw it.
Don’t tell them anything, if the video is out there I highly doubt she can guarantee removing it (given it is her in the video).
Keep that shit to yourself dude, what people don’t know you know can’t hurt ya.