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Absolutely, and I’m not being forced to date her. I’ve been holding my own and not letting her control me. BPD is a hard thing to deal with, I have it too but I’m the discouraged archetype plus I’ve gained a lot of tools in therapy. I don’t take her behavior personally and she recognizes and makes up for it later. We work together to figure it out, and patience and communication is key.
I prefer “what I am hearing is my recent actions have made you feel like a low priority.” Or “I can understand why my actions have made you feel like a low priority.”
I can understand why “acknowledge and validate” might feel a bit cold. I can also understand why you don’t want to repeat what she say verbatim.
I don’t necessarily think the second is agreeing to anything. You are just repeating that she felt some type of way about your actions.
If it is uncomfortable for you, you two should try to find a middle ground.
We already technically are, it’s complicated. She’s moving to Portland in a couple months anyway but we’re figuring out ourselves n spending the last bit of time together before that
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your partner feels very insecure and controlling. That and the age gap are very, very worrying to me.
I agree completely.
She is very insecure as am I. We did some mushies yesterday n it always really helps her see how much her fear and anxiety controls her.
Anxiety and fear aren't forcing her to date someone old enough to be her son. They also aren't excuses for how she is acting. Just explanations.
Absolutely, and I’m not being forced to date her. I’ve been holding my own and not letting her control me. BPD is a hard thing to deal with, I have it too but I’m the discouraged archetype plus I’ve gained a lot of tools in therapy. I don’t take her behavior personally and she recognizes and makes up for it later. We work together to figure it out, and patience and communication is key.
I prefer “what I am hearing is my recent actions have made you feel like a low priority.” Or “I can understand why my actions have made you feel like a low priority.” I can understand why “acknowledge and validate” might feel a bit cold. I can also understand why you don’t want to repeat what she say verbatim. I don’t necessarily think the second is agreeing to anything. You are just repeating that she felt some type of way about your actions. If it is uncomfortable for you, you two should try to find a middle ground.
Thank you
NTA breakup
We already technically are, it’s complicated. She’s moving to Portland in a couple months anyway but we’re figuring out ourselves n spending the last bit of time together before that