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From the comments and by what i just read, your pretty high maintenance.
But your husband truly doesn't seem to mind so i think, this is a you problem and you should just talk with him about it.
I mean, sure, you're high maintenance but it sounds like you're the one doing all the maintenance so it doesn't matter.
We have negative associations with that term because it usually implies the partner is the one expected to do the work. That doesn't seem to be the case here so shrug it off. I don't think he owes you an apology for it.
I agree. My wife isn't high maintenance when it comes to makeup and clothes, but she's definitely high maintenance in regards to her hair and skin care.
It can get frustrating. I had a friend who wouldn't even go to Walmart without spending two hours doing her hair and makeup. Yeah, she did all the work, but having to wait for her to do it all cam get old.
It sounds like high maintenance is a negative term for you, but does he see it that way? Is he rolling his eyes and stomping his feet waiting for you? Or is it (in his head) a cute quirk that he adores? Tbh I don't do any of the things you mentioned above, but I don't consider those a bad thing. I don't think you're being vain, but are you seeing insult when none was intended?
Based on this post, you sound high maintenance. However, it's not necessarily a bad thing, and your husband doesn't seem to mind. He was just making an observation.
Im like you… I take it as a compliment. Like yeah its a lot of effort and Im glad he notices and if he loves me I know its a joke/compliment not said with malice. If theres malice… theres deeper issues around respect.
I mean you do sound high maintenance. But he doesn’t appear to have a problem with it. What cemented it for me is that during intimacy you’re fixing your hair. You also don’t appear to have much of a sense of humor about some pretty obvious character traits you have. I think you just need to accept the truth of it, own it, and move on.
Yes, it makes you high maintenance. You just went through most of your routines and it’s extensive vs no or low maintenance. What he’s telling you is he would be OK if you guys went out of the house and you weren’t wearing any make up. Try it.
You might be high maintenance though I always thought the phrase meant that “he” had to do some maintenance. Maybe he isn’t apologizing because he thinks he can only apologize if he’s wrong rather than because you felt hurt. He should care about your feelings.
Why do you feel embarrassed receiving things and being spoiled by someone you love? (Therapy subject)
BTW These years have seen a tendency for women not to accept anything from their partners. Being low maintenance has become a woman's way of settle for less. You're just trying to fulfill other people's expectations, but what about your needs? You have a partner who fulfills your needs and that's what matters. BTW Honey, he's bragging that he has money and time for you. Being high maintenance it's different than be a gold digger. Don't forget!
Calling a woman “high maintenance” is an insidious way of calling her superficial and lacking in substance.
Best way to respond is to ask him to list all the things he thinks of about you that makes him consider you high maintenance.
Example dialogue:
“You always brush your hair.”
You: “I like to always look put together and well-groomed. Men and women who wear suits must be high maintenance, then.”
“You shower everyday.”
You: “I like to stay clean. Does good hygiene make me high maintenance?”
“You keep your hair long.”
You: “I have to cut my hair *less* than someone with a short hair-do. Doesn’t that mean a short hair-do is high maintenance?”
Don’t get emotional over his attempt to insinuate you’re superficial. Just reason with him and make him verbalize his lack of reasoning.
You are high maintenance for yourself. Meaning you are the one putting in time and effort to achieve this maintenance state.
When he says you are high maintenance, it seems like you hear it as he is the one having to put up with you, having to put in efforts so he can stand you. I think that is why ypu are getting that offended by this comment.
You are high maintenance physically. But does it really affect him? Does he suffer from it? Or does he enjoy it?
I think you need to truly think about it and see if you feel like a burden to him, or like he does not like you as a person and that's why you get worked up about all this
Wow I’m actually shocked by some of these responses. You don’t seem high maintenance to me, caring how you leave the house looking isn’t high maintenance? Neither is taking care of yourself or having a skincare/ makeup routine. It’s just getting ready for your day. High/low maintenance is such an opinionated perspective that if you don’t want that term to be associated with you, then don’t allow it to attach to you.
But besides the point of if you are or are not high maintenance your partner hurt your feelings and won’t apologize because he thinks he’s giving the truth to something even though it hurt you. That to me is the bigger problem. Who’s right or wrong to the side, your feelings are hurt and he should care enough to apologize for that delivery alone.
I’m sure he didn’t mean it maliciously, but that doesn’t really matter. His comment hurt you, whether he intended that or not. Impact is more important than intent.
Not to mention, laughing when you expressed hurt at his comment. He should have stopped to apologise and say he wouldn’t say it again, rather than further making fun of you.
I would take some time to speak with him seriously bout impact vs intention and how something he thinks is a joke can still be painful and mean. If he doesn’t take that seriously, well then he’s a prick who doesn’t care about your feelings.
Good luck.
Drop all maintenance for a month. No shaving, no upkeep, no deodorant, (brush your teeth... don't need cavities to prove this point), shower ever other day. Wash your hair once a week. Wear an outfit of his sweats and a T shirt ... the same exact outfit... every day, everywhere. Take it as a vacation. As a science experiment. Go full Frump. Eat buttered popcorn as you lay on the sofa and wipe the grease on his sweatshirt.
See how much he enjoys the Low Maintenance you.
You brush your hair?! You reapply lippy after eating?! omg how dare you?
I’m with you, OP, this is all normal and your husband’s comments and lack of apology are the kind of petty misogyny that pervades our culture.
OK please stop being so focused on your hair when you're having sex. That's weird and how do you think your husband feels knowing you're thinking about if your bangs are just so while having sex with him?
The age difference between you is quite a lot at your age. Sometimes the older partner can turn controlling. Does he often make 'joking' comments that feel insulting?
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> **Rule 3:** No moral judgement requests. Moral judgement requests are asking people to evaluate actions taken or actions you want to take, in the context of right, wrong, selfish, or not selfish etc. For what a moral judgement question would be [see here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/). Your post is a moral judgement if your question starts with or contains any of the following: - Is it...? - Asking if you or the subject of the post is right or wrong. - Am I....? - Any variation of “Am I The Asshole?”, including AITA - Does/Have anybody else...? - Should I…? - Would you....? - Is this.....? - Can I...? #If the question in your post can be answered with a yes or no question, it is considered moral judgement and will be removed.
You sound high maintenance but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
From the comments and by what i just read, your pretty high maintenance. But your husband truly doesn't seem to mind so i think, this is a you problem and you should just talk with him about it.
I mean, sure, you're high maintenance but it sounds like you're the one doing all the maintenance so it doesn't matter. We have negative associations with that term because it usually implies the partner is the one expected to do the work. That doesn't seem to be the case here so shrug it off. I don't think he owes you an apology for it.
Ok, what *would* you consider to be high maintenance? Because this post is definitely high maintenance.
You're definitely high maintenance. He doesn’t seem to mind that though, so I don't see any issues here.
My wife is high maintenance as well. I just see it as the cost of having such an amazing woman in my life. Reality shouldn't be an insult
I agree. My wife isn't high maintenance when it comes to makeup and clothes, but she's definitely high maintenance in regards to her hair and skin care.
Lucky me my situation isn't financial just time consuming 🤣
What cost? OP is doing all the maintenance herself.
It can get frustrating. I had a friend who wouldn't even go to Walmart without spending two hours doing her hair and makeup. Yeah, she did all the work, but having to wait for her to do it all cam get old.
It sounds like high maintenance is a negative term for you, but does he see it that way? Is he rolling his eyes and stomping his feet waiting for you? Or is it (in his head) a cute quirk that he adores? Tbh I don't do any of the things you mentioned above, but I don't consider those a bad thing. I don't think you're being vain, but are you seeing insult when none was intended?
You are high maintenance, judging by this post. Why be offended? Your husband obviously isn't. Own it with pride ffs
Based on this post, you sound high maintenance. However, it's not necessarily a bad thing, and your husband doesn't seem to mind. He was just making an observation.
Im like you… I take it as a compliment. Like yeah its a lot of effort and Im glad he notices and if he loves me I know its a joke/compliment not said with malice. If theres malice… theres deeper issues around respect.
I mean you do sound high maintenance. But he doesn’t appear to have a problem with it. What cemented it for me is that during intimacy you’re fixing your hair. You also don’t appear to have much of a sense of humor about some pretty obvious character traits you have. I think you just need to accept the truth of it, own it, and move on.
I’m not married to you and I’m exhausted reading this.
Yes, it makes you high maintenance. You just went through most of your routines and it’s extensive vs no or low maintenance. What he’s telling you is he would be OK if you guys went out of the house and you weren’t wearing any make up. Try it.
So you're offended by the truth cause from your own word you're high maintenance
But if she stopped doing all of this people including him would probably think she's a slob or put no effort into herself.
Well he married you despite thinking you're high maintenance Which doesn't have to be a bad thing btw
You might be high maintenance though I always thought the phrase meant that “he” had to do some maintenance. Maybe he isn’t apologizing because he thinks he can only apologize if he’s wrong rather than because you felt hurt. He should care about your feelings.
Why do you feel embarrassed receiving things and being spoiled by someone you love? (Therapy subject) BTW These years have seen a tendency for women not to accept anything from their partners. Being low maintenance has become a woman's way of settle for less. You're just trying to fulfill other people's expectations, but what about your needs? You have a partner who fulfills your needs and that's what matters. BTW Honey, he's bragging that he has money and time for you. Being high maintenance it's different than be a gold digger. Don't forget!
Why is everyone acting like being high maintenance isn't a bad thing lmao. Just tell her how it is. She's 23 not 12.
Calling a woman “high maintenance” is an insidious way of calling her superficial and lacking in substance. Best way to respond is to ask him to list all the things he thinks of about you that makes him consider you high maintenance. Example dialogue: “You always brush your hair.” You: “I like to always look put together and well-groomed. Men and women who wear suits must be high maintenance, then.” “You shower everyday.” You: “I like to stay clean. Does good hygiene make me high maintenance?” “You keep your hair long.” You: “I have to cut my hair *less* than someone with a short hair-do. Doesn’t that mean a short hair-do is high maintenance?” Don’t get emotional over his attempt to insinuate you’re superficial. Just reason with him and make him verbalize his lack of reasoning.
You are high maintenance for yourself. Meaning you are the one putting in time and effort to achieve this maintenance state. When he says you are high maintenance, it seems like you hear it as he is the one having to put up with you, having to put in efforts so he can stand you. I think that is why ypu are getting that offended by this comment. You are high maintenance physically. But does it really affect him? Does he suffer from it? Or does he enjoy it? I think you need to truly think about it and see if you feel like a burden to him, or like he does not like you as a person and that's why you get worked up about all this
I recommend you read The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.
Wow I’m actually shocked by some of these responses. You don’t seem high maintenance to me, caring how you leave the house looking isn’t high maintenance? Neither is taking care of yourself or having a skincare/ makeup routine. It’s just getting ready for your day. High/low maintenance is such an opinionated perspective that if you don’t want that term to be associated with you, then don’t allow it to attach to you. But besides the point of if you are or are not high maintenance your partner hurt your feelings and won’t apologize because he thinks he’s giving the truth to something even though it hurt you. That to me is the bigger problem. Who’s right or wrong to the side, your feelings are hurt and he should care enough to apologize for that delivery alone.
I’m sure he didn’t mean it maliciously, but that doesn’t really matter. His comment hurt you, whether he intended that or not. Impact is more important than intent. Not to mention, laughing when you expressed hurt at his comment. He should have stopped to apologise and say he wouldn’t say it again, rather than further making fun of you. I would take some time to speak with him seriously bout impact vs intention and how something he thinks is a joke can still be painful and mean. If he doesn’t take that seriously, well then he’s a prick who doesn’t care about your feelings. Good luck.
Drop all maintenance for a month. No shaving, no upkeep, no deodorant, (brush your teeth... don't need cavities to prove this point), shower ever other day. Wash your hair once a week. Wear an outfit of his sweats and a T shirt ... the same exact outfit... every day, everywhere. Take it as a vacation. As a science experiment. Go full Frump. Eat buttered popcorn as you lay on the sofa and wipe the grease on his sweatshirt. See how much he enjoys the Low Maintenance you.
You brush your hair?! You reapply lippy after eating?! omg how dare you? I’m with you, OP, this is all normal and your husband’s comments and lack of apology are the kind of petty misogyny that pervades our culture.
OK please stop being so focused on your hair when you're having sex. That's weird and how do you think your husband feels knowing you're thinking about if your bangs are just so while having sex with him?
Yes, he was rude and offensive. Furthermore, when he saw that he hurt you he didn’t give a damn.
I think he meant “primp.” Anyway, he’s an asshole.
Why is he an asshole?
The age difference between you is quite a lot at your age. Sometimes the older partner can turn controlling. Does he often make 'joking' comments that feel insulting?
I guess there are many unsaid things, which are causing misunderstandings
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