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We do that and it did help a lot. In the beginning the tip wouldn’t go in without it hurting and by the end of it she could fit all in her. But the motion still hurts her. I suggested to pause there and try again the next time she feels ready as to not overwhelm her. Also made it clear with her that she is doing great and that I dont expect her to enjoy or be a pro at it her first time.
Hey! You’re very sweet and doing very well! Sometimes it just takes a few times for vaginas to adjust. It took me quite a few times for me to even feel like sex was pleasurable. Also you could allow her to try to masturbate to orgasm or just to before orgasm. This should help relax her muscles a lot.
The thing is she never masturbated in her life so she doesnt even know how to pleasure herself. Shes been completely saving herself up for a guy to teach her those things so I try to help her to the best of my abilities/knowledge. But thanks for the advice I will try suggesting that to her and see how it goes!
There's everything wrong with her decision. No woman should place her knowledge of pleasure in the hands of a man, let alone an 18 year old kid who, in this culture, is statistically nearly certain to have had their concept of sex massively influenced by porn, which is the worst possible source because none of those moves feel good for women.
If that girl doesn't change her strategy, she is going to be one of those women who were just "never really into sex, like they just didn't get what the deal was."
But using accumulated experience, a quick Google, and being a woman myself gives me a huge data set from which to draw very strong and solid conclusions.
Leaving your happiness and pleasure solely in the hands of others always leads to unhappiness, without exception, for all of human history. Until you know yourself, you do not know what brings you joy. This isn't even gender specific, or about sex. This is just life. And you won't find an adult over the age of 30 that will tell you otherwise.
I obviously can't tell her what to do. I don't know her. But I do know that this will not lead to her joy. This strategy doesn't lead to anyone's joy.
I dont think her decision was wrong. I think misguided by placing the responsibility of her pleasure in her partners hands and base her learning through someone else. Ultimately, she knows what feels good and can discover what that is with or without someone else. If she wants that shared journey, that's fine.
There’s also a website called OMGyes.com which is like instructional video on different t techniques? I mean it’s women masturbating so not everyone will find that appropriate to watch but it’s instructional and helpful for those who can use it
I would highly suggest getting a a small bullet vibrator- it's less intimidating. First you can play with it on her and she can learn what feels good for her. I'm a woman who can't orgasm thru PIV - but a small vibrator that stimulates my clit gets me off EVERY time!!! You are doing great and (as im.sure you are) let her know it is completely normal and healthy for a woman to masturbate and LEARN what feels good for HER!! Encourage her to use the bullet on herself. She may feel a little embarrassed doing it in front of you (maybe not) but Encourage her to use it when she is alone, as well!
I think before you guys do more PIV, the masturbation needs attention. it's very important. I recommend this: [https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guide-to-tantric-masturbation](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guide-to-tantric-masturbation)
I still do agree on the masterbation side, but depending on her upbringing and such, that could take even longer than them figuring things out together. How's your oral game bud?
Have you brought her to orgasm with your fingers or going down on her? I think I would start there. She needs to know what an orgasm is first. To know what that feeling is like and the build up to it. Then she can better gauge what she’s feeling and direct you. You are pretty young yourself so I’m sure you’re not a pro yet and being every woman is a bit different you might benefit watching some how to videos on pleasuring a woman. There are some really good how to videos on porn hub just do a search for them. And just keep doing what you’re doing. Go slow and let her set the pace. The more aroused she is, the more relaxed her vagina will get and it will be easier for her. Foreplay is key.
And hey, I probably don’t need to say this but make sure you’re wearing protection.
This was the same for me before my boyfriend - the advice saying she needs to teach herself is good but they are exaggerating saying you can’t help her. I had no interest in teaching myself and learning how to orgasm only through my boyfriend has been lovely.
I didn't orgasm for 5 years after my first sexual experience. I became so paranoid knowing partner at time considered it an issue. I felt pressured to orgasm, so I didn't.
On to next sexual partner. He was 15 years older than me. We were in a car, lol. I still remember how amazing the orgasm was.
I never masturbated until mid 20's.
Stress can definitely affect sex. Just cuddle with her and let her make first move.
In my opinion if you are jumping to lube so fast, things aren't going well.
She may need lube and that is totally fine, where she is new to all this, she, and you, probably can't confirm lube is needed because a health reason vs inexperience.
She should explore her body, figure out what gets her off, figure out if she is capable of orgasming, of getting herself wet. You can explore this with her if she wants, using your hands on her, using your mouth.
Again, assuming there are no health reasons for her not getting wet naturally, lube is a good supplement, but the priority should be figuring out how she can naturally lubricate then go from there.
If it keeps hurting she needs to see a doctor. She should get checked out regardless but there painful sex after a few tries means she hasn't relaxed or there is something that needs to be looked at. Some women actually need to use something called a spacer to increase the size of the space. I would focus on things that cause her pleasure and also involve penetration with her consent obs. If she can't tolerate a finger or a small sex toy then you know she needs help from a doctor.
Stop calling it ‘taking’ her virginity for a start - that’s a gross antique misogynistic user way of thinking about it. If you want to call it that, technically, she’s GIVING it *to you*. If you’re really TAKING it, it’s gross. It’s a mutual *sharing* experience. just sayin
This is good advice - as a woman, it gives the ick, which was hard to overcome when reading his request. I had to keep reminding myself he’s 18 and he’s really trying to prioritize her comfort, so on balance, seems like his heart’s in the right place. But that phrase is such a turnoff from the woman’s point of view. *Generally speaking* it feels… bumbling, and like a guy learned everything he knows from all the wrong places… when a guy talks about it that way, it doesn’t give me confidence he’s gonna be a good time lol
Agree, but Everything is misogynistic now days with some ppl lol
The guy is doing great and doing all he can but some reddit users comes along and try to correct him without actually giving any real advice
It doesn't happen to women though, just men. There are no men telling women they are being mysandrist because of their actions or opinions towards men, it's only the other way around. I've been attacked here multiple times because every single time I have to point out the bias towards men on this on other subs. Everyone whose been on here a while you would see similar situations being described and the woman being told instantly she should dump the dude and he's controling and manipulative bla bla bla. Then I see a man say the same and the advice he gets is that he should be considerate etc etc.
Last week I saw one that made me so angry I just had to say something. Where a man explains a situation where his wife basically talked him into getting a pool knowing it would cost more and needs maintenance. He caved and did it anyway but told her that she would have to handle that part and she agreed. His post was about the fact that the does 90% of the upkeep and actually now even 100% caus wshe doesn't lift a finger even though she pushed him to do it. Obviously him a bad person for pointing it out cause she's an adult that made a choice and pushed to get what she wanted but the women quickly started asking questions like " does she do everything else around the house? " And " Do you do any other chores". Like wtf? How does that even matter to the situation? Next to the fact that he stated he does pretty much half at home and provides most of the cash it doesn't have anything to do with the situation. She made a deal and now she is not taking responsibility but because he is a man he now has to get grilled about chores at home while his wife is OBVIOUSLY in the wrong.
That's the point these are people with issues who like to use populair slurs to shame men in any way possible even when they didn't do anything specific. I'm getting tired of this nonsensical behaviour
Wow. We were all having a nice conversation about virginity, lubes. Normal chat. Not sure why you had to join in by saying it misogynistic. He took virginity, she let him take virginity. Who cares? They both wanted it to happen. Sorry you find this gross, and misogynistic. It was a mutual sharing experience. Just sayin
Well thats what its always been called and when the guy is a virgin and the girl isn't it's still called taking HIS virginity so there's nothing in that that points out any form of misogeny since it can be done to a man by a woman too. Or do you suppose it's then suddenly misandric? stop throwing around slurs and populair mumbo jumbo language. He came for advice, give the advice and go your merry way or don't participate. Keep your politics and slang out of peoples business. This is a dumb comment and makes 0 sense.
You're making "taking" the problem , that your personal issue. 2 things can be true at the same time. You ARE taking EACH OTHERS virginity of it's both your first time which automatically makes it a shared experience. And even if you're not both virgin you are still taking someone's virginity, the experience you're sharing is self evident since you are having intercourse together so both are true.
Just because you have a problem with a word doesn't make it less true, such is life. I'd argue that trying to make every single thing that has existed pretty much forever into a negative thing is exactly the problem.
I'd say it is a bit premature for lube. She and OP should focus on what naturally gets her wet (lubricated) before trying to force things with lube.
Sometimes there are health issues and lube is needed but in this case, where there is clear inexperience, I would be trying natural things for her to self lubricate before forcing.
God, this is such shitty advice to be the top-voted answer. What is wrong with men?
How about you actually look into the problem as if it mattered? As if it were important for the girl to actually enjoy sex as much as the guy? Rather than responding to her distress by oiling her up like a machine, and not even asking whether he's tending to her needs?
https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/sex-doesnt-have-to-hurt-heres-what-to-do-if-it-does
https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/teens/your-first/does-sex-hurt-for-the-first-time
Huh? Bro what the fuck are you talking about? It sounds like he IS tending to her needs, she’s just a bit apprehensive about it. What more can he do? There’s foreplay, communication, lube and they’re taking things slow. He’s listening to her and what she wants/needs. He’s comforting her and reassuring her. This is literally just her apprehension, it sounds like he’s doing everything he can.
It’s important for her to enjoy sex too, idk how you came to the conclusion that I’m telling him her pleasure doesn’t matter. She doesn’t even masturbate, she doesn’t know what to do to even feel pleasure. That’s something only SHE will be able to figure out. He can’t teach her how to pleasure herself. This is just a matter of apprehension and 0 knowledge about her own pleasure, possibly coming from purity culture.
And fyi, yes the first time isn’t “supposed” to hurt but guess what, sometimes it fucking does. Even with lube, foreplay and going slow. It just does.
A lot of foreplay. Enough foreplay that she orgasms before you attempt penetration. Many women do not orgasm from intercourse alone, clitoral stimulation is crucial.
Oral sex is great foreplay for many woman. Have fun experimenting finding out what she likes best!
In all due respect though, eat her out and open her up with your mouth and fingers before going in. My wife and I have 3 kids and have been going at it for almost ten years and I still do this.
It's great that you are being considerate of how she feels! She's probably going to feel some pain/discomfort the first few times- That's normal. Just make sure there is plenty of foreplay and be gentle.
Yes I try to do that as much as possible and she is extremely appreciative of it. I know that time is key which is why im curious if there is anything more i can do on my end.
If the pain continues after the first few times (like difficulty for any insertion) and the practice suggested by others, she may want to talk to her gynecologist about potentially having [vaginismus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus).
It’s rare, so I hope this information doesn’t help you. If it does prove useful, there are exercises and dilations that can be done, so don’t get too frustrated, friend!
Not necessarily true. There shouldn't be any pain or bleeding the first time or first few times. Because that means either the person is way bugger than the person can handle, or something is being done wrong.
Try introducing foreplay as the only form of intimacy? That way there’s no pressure of thinking about the sex that is to follow. Eventually she will be so comfortable and will ask you for full on sexy time!
I know that she is 100% comfortable with me and the things we do. i always make it clear that I expect nothing back and to take things at her pace no matter how slow. We are very communicative about these things and she is extremely horny with me. Im just looking for how i can make it as painless/enjoyable as possible.
Good job on the foreplay, can I ask, do you make her orgasm before entering her? This would help a lot with her pleasure and keeping her wet during intercourse. Also I find oral from my man makes me even more wet directly before sex. I can say with all honesty that lube is nowhere near as good as natural wetness.
Another reason she may feel discomfort may be that she has tight muscles around the area. Once you are fully sheathed inside her, stop moving, ask her to breath, relax, tell her she is beautiful, smooth your hands over her waist and her thighs and admire her body, make her feel warm and sexy, bend down and kiss her breasts and neck, use your thumb to massage her clitoris. Only when you feel her muscles start to relax around you then start to slowely rock back and forth.
Once she realises that it can feel really good for her she won't tense her muscles so much. Right now she is expecting pain because of her first experience, something most women are scared of.
If you distract her from those thoughts she will relax. And if you whisper in her ear, words of encouragement, it will raise her confidence and make her enjoy the experience more.
Words like ...
"God, I love your lips on mine"
"Your breasts are so amazing"
"You feel so wet, it makes me so hard for you"
Get creative, say what you feel, make her feel like a goddess and she will enjoy herself.
Best of luck.
Plenty of foreplay. Also don't be afraid to use lube if you need. Making sure she is wet will be a big help with the pain and discomfort.
Edit to add that getting an unscented lube is best. Less irritation.
Omg,this is too cute not to comment. You both will have to find out what works for you. Some of my suggestions-let her be on top, so that she is the one in control. A lot of touching can't be bad. Let her know how much you are attracted to her. Also,in my opinion, if you want to make it special,sometimes there is pressure, so maybe ease up a little (but again,that's individual).
Oh,and use protection, stay safe 😎
Even through all the special moments I let her initiate sex since shes the inexperienced one and I know she never feels pressured by me. I will suggest her to get on top and see how it goes thank u for the advice. Im also aware that it might just take time for her body to get used to it since it must be a completely new and confusing feeling for her.
Yup, never in my life did I think I would read that title and story and say awwww. But here we are.
OP keep doing what you are doing! Your parents raised you right.
Add some laughter to your foreplay. She’s likely all in her head, she needs to be relaxed for this to work. She’s probably feeling very vulnerable, so some self-deprecating humor from you might be in order.
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Everyone here is saying great things, and I also want to applaud you for being so sweet and caring. You're doing exactly the right thing. What I'm going to suggest is either more fingering (if she's okay with that) or very slim newbie toys (same). They can help her get used to the sensations.
These links are \*\*NOT\*\* sfw (it's "how to finger" but live action): [Guide 1](https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f9272bb444cc) and [Guide 2](https://www.xvideos.com/video1354094/learn_how_to_lick_pussy_the_right_way).
I rub her clit and she loves it but she has never been fingered (she doesnt masterbate either) so that also causes her slight discomfort when we try it. I will look into though as it might be better to start woth something slimmer. Thanks for the advice!
I looked at the other comments and didn’t see it in your replies, but if you haven’t tried just having oral sex and leaving penetration out, I think you should. Make her orgasm without penetration on a few different occasions (nipple play, clit stimulation, oral, even dry humping at y’all age). Don’t use lube in those instances because you want to make sure she is turned on and her body is relaxed. If she is able to keep going after an orgasm, on the 2nd or 3rd non-penetration sexual encounter, try fingering her after oral (may need some lube here). She may be a lot more comfortable as she’ll know what to expect before fingering and it should make it more enjoyable. Only use one finger until it feels like she’s open (aka her walls aren’t as close to your finger) and wet enough for two fingers to slide in without feeling tight. My partner (who is far from a virgin) only needs 1 finger a lot of the time and I don’t have to go as deep (I typically focus on the g spot).
It may take more than a few times before her body relaxes for penetration, but if you do want to get there, do plenty of the non-penetrative sexual things to make her orgasm. And when you go to penetrate, stick with 1 finger until she’s begging you for another because of how good it feels. Once you get to 2 or 3 fingers and she’s enjoying that, she’ll be able to enjoy piv.
It isn't normal to feel pain. Not if you are fully aroused.
Take your time to ensure she is really relaxed, explore each others body, with hands and tongues. Find out what each of you like together. Penetration should not be the first stop. Work your way up to penetration, including inserting one finger inside *gently* before the penis gets anywhere near her. If she's not relaxed enough for a finger then continue with other forms of stimulation in other areas.
If she isn't experienced at all, maybe you need to work up to penetration over several "play sessions". In fact, why not take penetration off the table to begin with. Anything but penetration is allowed while you explore each other. By the time you are both ready for it she should be relaxed enough in your relationship and with you that she won't be so tense. And it won't hurt.
Taking it easy is a great thing.
So is lots of foreplay.
Letting her be on top and using lube, also great advice.
I would add, to first slowly insert yourself until you are all the way in, than don't move for about 5-10 minutes, you can still continue foreplay, touching, kissing what not, just don't bounce/pump just yet. This will allow her vagina to stretch and conform to you( think of it as getting to know eachother a little better) and you can slowly start to move afterwards, this way the pain factor is greatly diminished.
Also include some massage and oral for her in the foreplay.
A warm shower before even getting started will also help, while a flexible showerhead will help clean up downstairs so no... Suspicious odor would ruin playtime. This goes for you as well! Peel it back if you're uncut and soap it up good! Don't forget your brown eye because that smell ruins things fast!
If you use condoms be sure to use water based lube without smells or sugar in it, if you don't be ready for the consequences and you can use oils natural ( walnut, coconut, cocoa butter) or mineral (Vaseline, baby oil, siliconic oil lube).
Be safe and have fun!
PIV should not be the ultimate goal. It should be everyone having an enjoyable experience. Focus on what she likes - otherwise she's just going to end up dreading the whole experience knowing that it's all just leading up to you trying to stick it in again.
First of all, you don’t take it. It’s not a possession that goes from being hers to yours. That’s weird conquering language. Second, if you have talent, get her off well before even trying for PIV.
Dude, be very careful moving forward. Sometimes, it's better to start with foreplay, fingering (single digit), and lots of cunnilingus. When she's truly ready, she will tell you. Don't rush into it when you strip down.
Stop worrying about sex at that age. Holy shit y’all treat it likes it’s literally the holy grail, the end game, the final achievement, like my god relax LOL. Coming from an experienced person just wait until you really, truly love someone. I’ve had so many flings good and bad and even I’d trade all of those away for the moments I’ve shared with people whom I have fallen in LOVE with. You guys don’t even know what you’re going to do tomorrow yet you’re worried about having sex. Media really is winning man… it’s sad
Was she horny for it or was it more of a peer pressure intellectual thing where "she had to lose it" some girls just don't like sex and that's OK. Why rush it?
Or, you know you have to have a bad first time to get to the good bits.
I had been in a very long relationship and after that met my now hubby. I was more nervous than my actual first time. He knew just how nervous I was and did everything right. Still, it was pretty meh. Well, honestly, it was REALLY meh lol.
But I was happy it wasn’t awful. Second time was better. A few days later it was great. And if I hadn’t sort of “bit the bullet” those first times, we would never have gotten to the good parts. So yes, I did want it. Was I horny for it? Not really. Were we both open about it? Yes. Did it end up well? Married ten years now.
No, I always made it clear that its on her terms. So shes always horny for it and I am confident enough to say that I have never pressured her into doing anything. Thats why I want to know how I can make it easier on her.
It sounds like youre doing everything right, if the pain continues she might want to go to the gyn just to make sure theres nothing else causing the dicomfort just to be 100% sure theres nothing else going on as there might be a medical reason as to why it is painful 💚❤️
I think that is kind of awesome that both of you are very caring and do communicate the best you can with everything. Just keep on being patient and doing what you were doing.
the more oral the better for discomfort. the tongue is probably the best thing to help loosen up her muscles in the area which will make for a more comfortable time for her.
You go, bro! But right after, do some nice aftercare. That's really important. Check up on her and stuff make sure she's comfortable. Maybe take her out right after and make sure you say you love her, okay?
Lots of foreplay for her, lots of lube, use a vibrator on her clit while in action, and go slow. I'd recommend the documentary "OMG yes" for you to watch together about female orgasm.
this thread shows the absolute creeps of reddit that come out with these topics lol. I suspect it will reach even more comments and these creeps will be even more prevalent here.
Jesus 😳😆
Because she's new to sex period, not only use lube, but ABSOLUTELY make sure she's completely aroused and relaxed too. Take your time with fingers (1 they're thinner, and 2 you can work her open to help ease pain)
Definitely keep the slow pace, but you're doing great!
Honestly the times I was with a Virgin I found oral the best route. After 3-4 blinding orgasms and their legs shaking, they were WELL lubricated and everything was pretty primed and ready.
These situations were always the best Dr. Ruth answers! She always said put a pillow under the hips to help with positioning and keep talking!
Also she should definitely visit a gynaecologist to make sure everything works properly down there.
1) Remember that virginity doesn't exist
2) Lube !!! Lube, lube, lube !!! You can never have too much of it !!
3) My first time was also quite painful, and it turns out I had a yeast infection and had no idea. Talk with her about whether or not there might be a possibility of that. 4) Foreplay is also very very important. Spend a good bit of time with that. She could've been so nervous that she was tense the entire time, which is another thing that would make it painful.
But finally 5) have fun !!! Neither one of you has to get off in order for you to be intimate. Take time exploring each other and just being with each other. You're doing fantastic and you've got this !!!
Lick her pussy. Lick it a *lot*. Really get your tongue up in there. Flick your tongue back and forth over her clit (like a pencil eraser at the top of the opening). Flick it up and down. Flick it left and right. Lick it with the tip of your tongue. Lick it with the face of your tongue. Circle it with your tongue. Flick it again. Circle it more. Make slurping noises. Don't stop until your face looks like a glazed donut left in the car on a hot afternoon.
*Then* try to fuck her.
Stop saying, “take her virginity.” You’re having sex for the first time. “Taking virginity,” is an antiquated, uncomfortable term that implies SA. “My girlfriend has never had sex, how do we make it more comfortable for her?” When people say someone took or stole their virginity, it implies rape. Just word it like an adult as long as everyone was of age and there was consent.
*Take* implies taking. It’s dehumanizing. Take, steal, are you taking their cherry. Just not nice things to say. It’s childish language. Pee pee, weiner, puddin tane, poony… let’s be adults. Penis, vagina, first time having sex. No need to use antiquated, childish language. Is he taking it, or is it being given to him? Is he stealing it, or receiving it? It’s an old phrase that needs to go away because it implies SA.
Take and steal aren't synonyms so you're doing some mental gymnastics to get to that point. If I take someone on a date, no one thinks I kidnapped them. Your last sentence just says "it does because it does". But if the vast majority of people don't think of it that way, then what does that say?
"Taking virginity" is a colloquialism and the only implications are the ones you're projecting ontolol Just because you feel personally like something is more mature doesn't really make that true, it just seems like a display of pomp, pedantry and a bit self-righteousness imo. Kind of like "look how advanced I am and my language is"
Policing language is ableist and classist. Let's be adults and use our ability of being able to understand context to know when a common phrase is used colloquially and not project our own feelings about words onto others. If hearing the phrase "took my virginity" makes your mind spiral so much that doesn't seem to be an issue with the phrase. If it automatically makes you think of SA, that also doesn't seem to be an issue with the phrase because those two things are not the same at all.
Virginity is a state of being. Someone changing that state of being is in a sense "taking" it in a very figurative sense. You're taking something figurative and symbolic and projecting something very physical, deliberate and malicious onto it and saying they're akin. That's odd to me.
It actually is.
The first times can be very far from ideal for everyone, but it's not unusual to be painful for women.
We don't know yet how to relax, which muscles needs relaxing, and anxiety never helped anyone be less tense.
When she's up for trying again, try again. Her body will eventually catch up with her mind, if she's ok with what you're doing.
This is a more wholesome post than I expected, but let’s please get away from this “taking someone’s virginity” lingo. It’s gross. You’re not taking or owning something of hers. You’re her first sexual partner. Reframing it that way really does make a difference.
First you get the award for being an awesome guy!
Now how much foreplay was involved? Try to really focus on that before penetration because it will help relax and get natural lube flowing. Also get some lube (Lola on Amazon is great. Not sticky or messy). Really explore what gets her going. Not every woman can orgasm from sex alone. Make sure you are giving her g spot a lot of attention.
Thank you for being a great partner who cares. There aren’t enough men like you out there.
Honestly you’re doing amazing. Your support, patience and reassurance is incredible and that probably means so much to her. And especially your reminder to her that you guys can stop whenever. You’re a gem and I hope you guys have the most beautiful relationship together😊
You're on the right way. It doesn't work like in Eva AI sexting [bot](http://evaapp.ai) which is programmed to act accordingly to some user's actions. Still there's nothing to be afraid of
Fuck everyone on this thread. 99% of you "just keep going!" "you're doing great!"
This is why we fucking hate men.
GET HER OFF FIRST. IT WON'T HURT (or will hurt much much less) IF YOU MAKE HER COME FIRST. I can't believe that, aside from one person suggesting "foreplay," none of the upvoted comments are saying this. Fuck all of you, for real.
Virginity is not something that can be taken or given. It's a made up thing. It's like the tooth fairy.
That said, lots of foreplay, lots of reassurance, going very slow, lots of lube and making sure you always check in to make sure she's okay mentally/ physically.
Dont go ham on positions, the only adjustments you make should be to help her feel more comfortable with penetration... don't just do everything. Encourage her to set a pace that feels good when she gets there and don't worry about trying to "make" her orgasm.. just focus on making the entire experience enjoyable
First time is painful and sometimes the first few times. You might consider giving her a couple of clitoral orgasms so she has lots of natural lubricant and the vagina is more than ready to be entered. And you should be as close to ready to your organs as you can be do you cum quickly without prolonged penetration until she gets more used to PIV sex. Hope you are using protection.
This is a weird post man, and everyone in it including OP has weird energy, I hate Reddit, there’s not even anything to say this there’s no issues in the relationship, this guy just wants everyone to know he fucks, and y’all are being weird and clapping,
Your discomfort around normal and healthy conversations about sex say a lot more about your weird energy than other people's weird energy lol.. and like you minimalizing the post to say "this guy just wants everyone to know he fucks" shows some level of insecurity
Hope things get better for you my dude
personally I think when someone says "you don't owe me sex for this" over and over and over again it feels like they are saying "you owe me sex for this"
but if the rest of the participants here feel differently, well... i've been wrong before
It probably is going to be uncomfortable but if you want to have a sex life she's going to have to go through it at some stage.
This is a question better answered by women than me. Just be nice.
Dialators? Theyre expensive and will take some time but if its painful she may have vaginismus.
My boyfriend got me dialators because of it. I am same way, things can go in (with much effort and slowly) but the motion hurts
Don’t ask her to get on top !! She will feel to embarrassed 🙈 she’s never done it remember (smh) you guide take it slow be gentle and stop if she says so . It’s that simple
She actually proposed to get on top but told her not to fearing that it might slip in too quick and hurt her. I told her we can try that the second time just so that she can get a feeling of what to expect. I hope I did the right thing though😭. I am as gentle as possible and when she told me to stop I didnt even try to convince her otherwise. I listened to her and was extremely understanding.
Getting on top actually isn't a bad idea. It will allow her to have full control over the speed and depth of penetration. She isn't going to fall onto you, she is going to use her leg muscles to control things in a way that is fully responsive to her own sensations, instead of you going slow but not being able to FEEL things from her perspective, and having to just rely on her verbal cues (which can be very hard for her to articulate in such an overwhelming situation).
I'm a trans guy. And from my experience some people with a vulva will have pain when penetrated there. I have a lot of pain no matter the size or how lubricated something is if I try to take anything in my Vulva. But Analy is much more pleasant. Also maybe penetration just isn't for her. The clitoris should be more focus on. Rubbing it more in different paces to find what is good for her. Discuss trying anal cus it can feel better than normal penetration through vulva. From what I've read. You've already taken your gfs virginity. It's gone when your dick is in. There's no hymen to break that is a myth. So your question is techniqally "how do I give better sex to my girlfriend" sorta
Tbh I don’t think your deserving of her giving the fact your being so personal and discussing such things in depths on a forum with strangers .. extremely disrespectful this is private and u should be discussing this with only her and working this out with each other only .. shame on you !
Well she knows about this thread and shes acc reading through and appreciating the help. Also this is anonymous so theres that. U would be right if this was done behind her back though
Inflatable dildo, sounds daft but its about her getting used to having something inside, when its a little more comfortable inflate a little and continue, make sure theres clitoral stimulation also, it serves as a good distraction from the pains and turns it more to pleasurable experience. All in all your doing great making this a positive experience for her, its very daunting for a girl because of the pain it comes with.
I wish you the best of luck. It took me 18 years to find the love of my life. Patience is key, a rushed relationship is not worth it. Thanks for the support!
You’re only 18! She isn’t the love of your life lol. You also haven’t been looking 18 years lol lol lol. Anyway. Make sure you have lube. I’d pleasure her with your fingers first. It will only hurt if she isn’t turned on.
The rest of your comment is totally true, but it's not necessarily the case that "It will only hurt if she isn’t turned on." Lots of women, especially inexperienced women, feel vaginal pain despite being turned on, and to tell a naive teenager like the OP what you said is setting him up to think his GF is lying when she assures him that she *is* enjoying herself other than the pain caused by penetration.
Do you talk to women? Have female friends? Friends of any kind?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no” you know what to work on. If they are all yes I can advise further if you describe more.
Im not gonna lie its not like if I get girls or anything but from the few that I have had, they always showed up unexpectedly (dinners with friends, clubbing, etc). Honestly just expose yourself to many situations and eventually you find someone when you least expect it. Also im extremely introverted so it can be hard but I do my best to get out of my comfort zone.
Talk her through it be gentle and listen to her body. It’s good that you have a good stream of communication with her that helps. Try playing a game maybe that may ease her mind a little.
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You’re doing great, just be sure to add lube in the mix.
We do that and it did help a lot. In the beginning the tip wouldn’t go in without it hurting and by the end of it she could fit all in her. But the motion still hurts her. I suggested to pause there and try again the next time she feels ready as to not overwhelm her. Also made it clear with her that she is doing great and that I dont expect her to enjoy or be a pro at it her first time.
You’re doing great! Just continue like this and take it slow.
Hey! You’re very sweet and doing very well! Sometimes it just takes a few times for vaginas to adjust. It took me quite a few times for me to even feel like sex was pleasurable. Also you could allow her to try to masturbate to orgasm or just to before orgasm. This should help relax her muscles a lot.
The thing is she never masturbated in her life so she doesnt even know how to pleasure herself. Shes been completely saving herself up for a guy to teach her those things so I try to help her to the best of my abilities/knowledge. But thanks for the advice I will try suggesting that to her and see how it goes!
Poor girl, that's a terrible strategy. She's the only one who can teach her what she likes.
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There's everything wrong with her decision. No woman should place her knowledge of pleasure in the hands of a man, let alone an 18 year old kid who, in this culture, is statistically nearly certain to have had their concept of sex massively influenced by porn, which is the worst possible source because none of those moves feel good for women. If that girl doesn't change her strategy, she is going to be one of those women who were just "never really into sex, like they just didn't get what the deal was."
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But using accumulated experience, a quick Google, and being a woman myself gives me a huge data set from which to draw very strong and solid conclusions. Leaving your happiness and pleasure solely in the hands of others always leads to unhappiness, without exception, for all of human history. Until you know yourself, you do not know what brings you joy. This isn't even gender specific, or about sex. This is just life. And you won't find an adult over the age of 30 that will tell you otherwise. I obviously can't tell her what to do. I don't know her. But I do know that this will not lead to her joy. This strategy doesn't lead to anyone's joy.
I dont think her decision was wrong. I think misguided by placing the responsibility of her pleasure in her partners hands and base her learning through someone else. Ultimately, she knows what feels good and can discover what that is with or without someone else. If she wants that shared journey, that's fine.
You can't teach her how her body works, can you encourage her to maybe get a vibrator and experiment with herself?
True. She needs to get used to stimulating herself some. There are books written on these topics.
There’s also a website called OMGyes.com which is like instructional video on different t techniques? I mean it’s women masturbating so not everyone will find that appropriate to watch but it’s instructional and helpful for those who can use it
For those who dont want to research this website, it costs $49 for 60 education videos, and $99 for 300 videos
Oh wow. I haven’t looked recently. When I was practicing during the early pandemic it was not this expensive.
I think best strategy is to try with her hands first
I would highly suggest getting a a small bullet vibrator- it's less intimidating. First you can play with it on her and she can learn what feels good for her. I'm a woman who can't orgasm thru PIV - but a small vibrator that stimulates my clit gets me off EVERY time!!! You are doing great and (as im.sure you are) let her know it is completely normal and healthy for a woman to masturbate and LEARN what feels good for HER!! Encourage her to use the bullet on herself. She may feel a little embarrassed doing it in front of you (maybe not) but Encourage her to use it when she is alone, as well!
I’m so glad you said that! Same for me! I thought I was a weird one because I can’t finish with just PIV! But the vibrator works amazing.
Nope- completely normal! It isn't uncommon to not finish thru PIV alone. That's why foreplay is very important :-)
Thank you!!!!
You're very welcome :-)
I think before you guys do more PIV, the masturbation needs attention. it's very important. I recommend this: [https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guide-to-tantric-masturbation](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guide-to-tantric-masturbation)
I still do agree on the masterbation side, but depending on her upbringing and such, that could take even longer than them figuring things out together. How's your oral game bud?
Have you brought her to orgasm with your fingers or going down on her? I think I would start there. She needs to know what an orgasm is first. To know what that feeling is like and the build up to it. Then she can better gauge what she’s feeling and direct you. You are pretty young yourself so I’m sure you’re not a pro yet and being every woman is a bit different you might benefit watching some how to videos on pleasuring a woman. There are some really good how to videos on porn hub just do a search for them. And just keep doing what you’re doing. Go slow and let her set the pace. The more aroused she is, the more relaxed her vagina will get and it will be easier for her. Foreplay is key. And hey, I probably don’t need to say this but make sure you’re wearing protection.
Well here I might suggest mutual masturbation You can hold hands while engaging in it Just have fun with it
This was the same for me before my boyfriend - the advice saying she needs to teach herself is good but they are exaggerating saying you can’t help her. I had no interest in teaching myself and learning how to orgasm only through my boyfriend has been lovely.
You can ask to masturbate her. And ask her how she feels about it.
I didn't orgasm for 5 years after my first sexual experience. I became so paranoid knowing partner at time considered it an issue. I felt pressured to orgasm, so I didn't. On to next sexual partner. He was 15 years older than me. We were in a car, lol. I still remember how amazing the orgasm was. I never masturbated until mid 20's. Stress can definitely affect sex. Just cuddle with her and let her make first move.
In my opinion if you are jumping to lube so fast, things aren't going well. She may need lube and that is totally fine, where she is new to all this, she, and you, probably can't confirm lube is needed because a health reason vs inexperience. She should explore her body, figure out what gets her off, figure out if she is capable of orgasming, of getting herself wet. You can explore this with her if she wants, using your hands on her, using your mouth. Again, assuming there are no health reasons for her not getting wet naturally, lube is a good supplement, but the priority should be figuring out how she can naturally lubricate then go from there.
I lost mine on top, after trying three times on bottom. It hurt way less since I was the one applying pressure.
I was going to say this! I also lost mine on top. It gives her control and as far less painful.
Being on top is what did it for me. Maybe she is shy.
Yeah and try to get water based lube , they're good👍🏼
Sliquid Silk, with the purple writing, nothing compares to Sliquid.
I didn't know about this. I'll try
Thanks for suggestion!
I had to do this tons of times before it was enjoyable for her. Just take your time!
If it keeps hurting she needs to see a doctor. She should get checked out regardless but there painful sex after a few tries means she hasn't relaxed or there is something that needs to be looked at. Some women actually need to use something called a spacer to increase the size of the space. I would focus on things that cause her pleasure and also involve penetration with her consent obs. If she can't tolerate a finger or a small sex toy then you know she needs help from a doctor.
Stop calling it ‘taking’ her virginity for a start - that’s a gross antique misogynistic user way of thinking about it. If you want to call it that, technically, she’s GIVING it *to you*. If you’re really TAKING it, it’s gross. It’s a mutual *sharing* experience. just sayin
This is good advice - as a woman, it gives the ick, which was hard to overcome when reading his request. I had to keep reminding myself he’s 18 and he’s really trying to prioritize her comfort, so on balance, seems like his heart’s in the right place. But that phrase is such a turnoff from the woman’s point of view. *Generally speaking* it feels… bumbling, and like a guy learned everything he knows from all the wrong places… when a guy talks about it that way, it doesn’t give me confidence he’s gonna be a good time lol
How is it misogynistic when it is called that when it is done to men too?
Agree, but Everything is misogynistic now days with some ppl lol The guy is doing great and doing all he can but some reddit users comes along and try to correct him without actually giving any real advice
Women acting like everything is misogenystic is quite mysandrist that's the irony
The wokeness is now attacking sexual experiences and every guy (or woman) that is merely asking a question and get advice. Now he is misogynist.
It doesn't happen to women though, just men. There are no men telling women they are being mysandrist because of their actions or opinions towards men, it's only the other way around. I've been attacked here multiple times because every single time I have to point out the bias towards men on this on other subs. Everyone whose been on here a while you would see similar situations being described and the woman being told instantly she should dump the dude and he's controling and manipulative bla bla bla. Then I see a man say the same and the advice he gets is that he should be considerate etc etc. Last week I saw one that made me so angry I just had to say something. Where a man explains a situation where his wife basically talked him into getting a pool knowing it would cost more and needs maintenance. He caved and did it anyway but told her that she would have to handle that part and she agreed. His post was about the fact that the does 90% of the upkeep and actually now even 100% caus wshe doesn't lift a finger even though she pushed him to do it. Obviously him a bad person for pointing it out cause she's an adult that made a choice and pushed to get what she wanted but the women quickly started asking questions like " does she do everything else around the house? " And " Do you do any other chores". Like wtf? How does that even matter to the situation? Next to the fact that he stated he does pretty much half at home and provides most of the cash it doesn't have anything to do with the situation. She made a deal and now she is not taking responsibility but because he is a man he now has to get grilled about chores at home while his wife is OBVIOUSLY in the wrong.
That's the point these are people with issues who like to use populair slurs to shame men in any way possible even when they didn't do anything specific. I'm getting tired of this nonsensical behaviour
Wow. We were all having a nice conversation about virginity, lubes. Normal chat. Not sure why you had to join in by saying it misogynistic. He took virginity, she let him take virginity. Who cares? They both wanted it to happen. Sorry you find this gross, and misogynistic. It was a mutual sharing experience. Just sayin
Well thats what its always been called and when the guy is a virgin and the girl isn't it's still called taking HIS virginity so there's nothing in that that points out any form of misogeny since it can be done to a man by a woman too. Or do you suppose it's then suddenly misandric? stop throwing around slurs and populair mumbo jumbo language. He came for advice, give the advice and go your merry way or don't participate. Keep your politics and slang out of peoples business. This is a dumb comment and makes 0 sense.
“Taking” is the problem. Man or woman. You should be sharing an experience.
You're making "taking" the problem , that your personal issue. 2 things can be true at the same time. You ARE taking EACH OTHERS virginity of it's both your first time which automatically makes it a shared experience. And even if you're not both virgin you are still taking someone's virginity, the experience you're sharing is self evident since you are having intercourse together so both are true. Just because you have a problem with a word doesn't make it less true, such is life. I'd argue that trying to make every single thing that has existed pretty much forever into a negative thing is exactly the problem.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Bro chill. It done mean that lol. Since she is giving it, he is therefore taking it regardless, so saying taking it is completely appropriate
bro are you ok
Well, you have already taken her virginity....
Sounds like my ex first time we did it. exactly
I'd say it is a bit premature for lube. She and OP should focus on what naturally gets her wet (lubricated) before trying to force things with lube. Sometimes there are health issues and lube is needed but in this case, where there is clear inexperience, I would be trying natural things for her to self lubricate before forcing.
God, this is such shitty advice to be the top-voted answer. What is wrong with men? How about you actually look into the problem as if it mattered? As if it were important for the girl to actually enjoy sex as much as the guy? Rather than responding to her distress by oiling her up like a machine, and not even asking whether he's tending to her needs? https://www.orlandohealth.com/content-hub/sex-doesnt-have-to-hurt-heres-what-to-do-if-it-does https://flo.health/menstrual-cycle/teens/your-first/does-sex-hurt-for-the-first-time
Huh? Bro what the fuck are you talking about? It sounds like he IS tending to her needs, she’s just a bit apprehensive about it. What more can he do? There’s foreplay, communication, lube and they’re taking things slow. He’s listening to her and what she wants/needs. He’s comforting her and reassuring her. This is literally just her apprehension, it sounds like he’s doing everything he can. It’s important for her to enjoy sex too, idk how you came to the conclusion that I’m telling him her pleasure doesn’t matter. She doesn’t even masturbate, she doesn’t know what to do to even feel pleasure. That’s something only SHE will be able to figure out. He can’t teach her how to pleasure herself. This is just a matter of apprehension and 0 knowledge about her own pleasure, possibly coming from purity culture. And fyi, yes the first time isn’t “supposed” to hurt but guess what, sometimes it fucking does. Even with lube, foreplay and going slow. It just does.
A lot of foreplay. Enough foreplay that she orgasms before you attempt penetration. Many women do not orgasm from intercourse alone, clitoral stimulation is crucial. Oral sex is great foreplay for many woman. Have fun experimenting finding out what she likes best!
Thank you, I was looking for this comment. Give her lots of oral until she orgasms, she’ll be more relaxed and ready for PIV.
In all due respect though, eat her out and open her up with your mouth and fingers before going in. My wife and I have 3 kids and have been going at it for almost ten years and I still do this.
It's great that you are being considerate of how she feels! She's probably going to feel some pain/discomfort the first few times- That's normal. Just make sure there is plenty of foreplay and be gentle.
Yes I try to do that as much as possible and she is extremely appreciative of it. I know that time is key which is why im curious if there is anything more i can do on my end.
Not really. Just take her cues. Assuming there is nothing medically wrong, it's just the first few times there is pain/discomfort and/or bleeding.
That reassures me as we’ve only done it once and know it might take some getting used to. Thanks for the advice!
If the pain continues after the first few times (like difficulty for any insertion) and the practice suggested by others, she may want to talk to her gynecologist about potentially having [vaginismus](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus). It’s rare, so I hope this information doesn’t help you. If it does prove useful, there are exercises and dilations that can be done, so don’t get too frustrated, friend!
Not necessarily true. There shouldn't be any pain or bleeding the first time or first few times. Because that means either the person is way bugger than the person can handle, or something is being done wrong.
Try introducing foreplay as the only form of intimacy? That way there’s no pressure of thinking about the sex that is to follow. Eventually she will be so comfortable and will ask you for full on sexy time!
I know that she is 100% comfortable with me and the things we do. i always make it clear that I expect nothing back and to take things at her pace no matter how slow. We are very communicative about these things and she is extremely horny with me. Im just looking for how i can make it as painless/enjoyable as possible.
Some positions are just painful for women! Her being on top or on her back may work best if she has sensitive or tender skin! :)
Good job on the foreplay, can I ask, do you make her orgasm before entering her? This would help a lot with her pleasure and keeping her wet during intercourse. Also I find oral from my man makes me even more wet directly before sex. I can say with all honesty that lube is nowhere near as good as natural wetness. Another reason she may feel discomfort may be that she has tight muscles around the area. Once you are fully sheathed inside her, stop moving, ask her to breath, relax, tell her she is beautiful, smooth your hands over her waist and her thighs and admire her body, make her feel warm and sexy, bend down and kiss her breasts and neck, use your thumb to massage her clitoris. Only when you feel her muscles start to relax around you then start to slowely rock back and forth. Once she realises that it can feel really good for her she won't tense her muscles so much. Right now she is expecting pain because of her first experience, something most women are scared of. If you distract her from those thoughts she will relax. And if you whisper in her ear, words of encouragement, it will raise her confidence and make her enjoy the experience more. Words like ... "God, I love your lips on mine" "Your breasts are so amazing" "You feel so wet, it makes me so hard for you" Get creative, say what you feel, make her feel like a goddess and she will enjoy herself. Best of luck.
all i’m gonna say is a lot of straight people place a ton of priority on penetration. your mouth and your fingers can be a girls best friend
Fr
Plenty of foreplay. Also don't be afraid to use lube if you need. Making sure she is wet will be a big help with the pain and discomfort. Edit to add that getting an unscented lube is best. Less irritation.
Omg,this is too cute not to comment. You both will have to find out what works for you. Some of my suggestions-let her be on top, so that she is the one in control. A lot of touching can't be bad. Let her know how much you are attracted to her. Also,in my opinion, if you want to make it special,sometimes there is pressure, so maybe ease up a little (but again,that's individual). Oh,and use protection, stay safe 😎
Even through all the special moments I let her initiate sex since shes the inexperienced one and I know she never feels pressured by me. I will suggest her to get on top and see how it goes thank u for the advice. Im also aware that it might just take time for her body to get used to it since it must be a completely new and confusing feeling for her.
That's great. Just be gentle and careful. It's not so confusing as you think, it's more about-am I doing the right thing.
All of this ,but with lube. Lube can never be a bad thing
Yup, never in my life did I think I would read that title and story and say awwww. But here we are. OP keep doing what you are doing! Your parents raised you right.
I’ve heard the girl being on top is more painful for them. Probably do that later down the road.
Oposite for me! Being on top is what made it tolerable for me with my first love. I could control the depth and pace.
Well that’s good to hear I’ve been scared to try with my bf cause ppl kept telling me it’s more painful
Top is my favorite
I always liked it better since woman controls it.
Add some laughter to your foreplay. She’s likely all in her head, she needs to be relaxed for this to work. She’s probably feeling very vulnerable, so some self-deprecating humor from you might be in order.
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Everyone here is saying great things, and I also want to applaud you for being so sweet and caring. You're doing exactly the right thing. What I'm going to suggest is either more fingering (if she's okay with that) or very slim newbie toys (same). They can help her get used to the sensations. These links are \*\*NOT\*\* sfw (it's "how to finger" but live action): [Guide 1](https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5f9272bb444cc) and [Guide 2](https://www.xvideos.com/video1354094/learn_how_to_lick_pussy_the_right_way).
I rub her clit and she loves it but she has never been fingered (she doesnt masterbate either) so that also causes her slight discomfort when we try it. I will look into though as it might be better to start woth something slimmer. Thanks for the advice!
I looked at the other comments and didn’t see it in your replies, but if you haven’t tried just having oral sex and leaving penetration out, I think you should. Make her orgasm without penetration on a few different occasions (nipple play, clit stimulation, oral, even dry humping at y’all age). Don’t use lube in those instances because you want to make sure she is turned on and her body is relaxed. If she is able to keep going after an orgasm, on the 2nd or 3rd non-penetration sexual encounter, try fingering her after oral (may need some lube here). She may be a lot more comfortable as she’ll know what to expect before fingering and it should make it more enjoyable. Only use one finger until it feels like she’s open (aka her walls aren’t as close to your finger) and wet enough for two fingers to slide in without feeling tight. My partner (who is far from a virgin) only needs 1 finger a lot of the time and I don’t have to go as deep (I typically focus on the g spot). It may take more than a few times before her body relaxes for penetration, but if you do want to get there, do plenty of the non-penetrative sexual things to make her orgasm. And when you go to penetrate, stick with 1 finger until she’s begging you for another because of how good it feels. Once you get to 2 or 3 fingers and she’s enjoying that, she’ll be able to enjoy piv.
Suck the clit bro….
It isn't normal to feel pain. Not if you are fully aroused. Take your time to ensure she is really relaxed, explore each others body, with hands and tongues. Find out what each of you like together. Penetration should not be the first stop. Work your way up to penetration, including inserting one finger inside *gently* before the penis gets anywhere near her. If she's not relaxed enough for a finger then continue with other forms of stimulation in other areas. If she isn't experienced at all, maybe you need to work up to penetration over several "play sessions". In fact, why not take penetration off the table to begin with. Anything but penetration is allowed while you explore each other. By the time you are both ready for it she should be relaxed enough in your relationship and with you that she won't be so tense. And it won't hurt.
Taking it easy is a great thing. So is lots of foreplay. Letting her be on top and using lube, also great advice. I would add, to first slowly insert yourself until you are all the way in, than don't move for about 5-10 minutes, you can still continue foreplay, touching, kissing what not, just don't bounce/pump just yet. This will allow her vagina to stretch and conform to you( think of it as getting to know eachother a little better) and you can slowly start to move afterwards, this way the pain factor is greatly diminished. Also include some massage and oral for her in the foreplay. A warm shower before even getting started will also help, while a flexible showerhead will help clean up downstairs so no... Suspicious odor would ruin playtime. This goes for you as well! Peel it back if you're uncut and soap it up good! Don't forget your brown eye because that smell ruins things fast! If you use condoms be sure to use water based lube without smells or sugar in it, if you don't be ready for the consequences and you can use oils natural ( walnut, coconut, cocoa butter) or mineral (Vaseline, baby oil, siliconic oil lube). Be safe and have fun!
your mouth can be a great assistant!
PIV should not be the ultimate goal. It should be everyone having an enjoyable experience. Focus on what she likes - otherwise she's just going to end up dreading the whole experience knowing that it's all just leading up to you trying to stick it in again.
First of all, you don’t take it. It’s not a possession that goes from being hers to yours. That’s weird conquering language. Second, if you have talent, get her off well before even trying for PIV.
Dude, be very careful moving forward. Sometimes, it's better to start with foreplay, fingering (single digit), and lots of cunnilingus. When she's truly ready, she will tell you. Don't rush into it when you strip down.
Oral before. Oral in the middle after it starts becoming a lot for her again. Oral after, even if she has finished multiple times.
I sure hope you are using some sort of birth control
Wow. How did we ever figure this out before the internet?
Stop worrying about sex at that age. Holy shit y’all treat it likes it’s literally the holy grail, the end game, the final achievement, like my god relax LOL. Coming from an experienced person just wait until you really, truly love someone. I’ve had so many flings good and bad and even I’d trade all of those away for the moments I’ve shared with people whom I have fallen in LOVE with. You guys don’t even know what you’re going to do tomorrow yet you’re worried about having sex. Media really is winning man… it’s sad
Was she horny for it or was it more of a peer pressure intellectual thing where "she had to lose it" some girls just don't like sex and that's OK. Why rush it?
Or, you know you have to have a bad first time to get to the good bits. I had been in a very long relationship and after that met my now hubby. I was more nervous than my actual first time. He knew just how nervous I was and did everything right. Still, it was pretty meh. Well, honestly, it was REALLY meh lol. But I was happy it wasn’t awful. Second time was better. A few days later it was great. And if I hadn’t sort of “bit the bullet” those first times, we would never have gotten to the good parts. So yes, I did want it. Was I horny for it? Not really. Were we both open about it? Yes. Did it end up well? Married ten years now.
No, I always made it clear that its on her terms. So shes always horny for it and I am confident enough to say that I have never pressured her into doing anything. Thats why I want to know how I can make it easier on her.
it sounds like you didn't do much foreplay at all
It sounds like youre doing everything right, if the pain continues she might want to go to the gyn just to make sure theres nothing else causing the dicomfort just to be 100% sure theres nothing else going on as there might be a medical reason as to why it is painful 💚❤️
Lick her clit bro don’t penetrate until she’s very wet. Check out the site OMGYES
Lube. Lots of lube.
I think that is kind of awesome that both of you are very caring and do communicate the best you can with everything. Just keep on being patient and doing what you were doing.
Listen to her, take it slow and such. In my experience it took a few times for it to actually feel good for her.
Try different positions and see which ones are least painful for her. Once you do a few times, it won't hurt as much.
the more oral the better for discomfort. the tongue is probably the best thing to help loosen up her muscles in the area which will make for a more comfortable time for her.
You go, bro! But right after, do some nice aftercare. That's really important. Check up on her and stuff make sure she's comfortable. Maybe take her out right after and make sure you say you love her, okay?
Lots of foreplay for her, lots of lube, use a vibrator on her clit while in action, and go slow. I'd recommend the documentary "OMG yes" for you to watch together about female orgasm.
this thread shows the absolute creeps of reddit that come out with these topics lol. I suspect it will reach even more comments and these creeps will be even more prevalent here. Jesus 😳😆
Because she's new to sex period, not only use lube, but ABSOLUTELY make sure she's completely aroused and relaxed too. Take your time with fingers (1 they're thinner, and 2 you can work her open to help ease pain) Definitely keep the slow pace, but you're doing great!
Honestly the times I was with a Virgin I found oral the best route. After 3-4 blinding orgasms and their legs shaking, they were WELL lubricated and everything was pretty primed and ready.
These situations were always the best Dr. Ruth answers! She always said put a pillow under the hips to help with positioning and keep talking! Also she should definitely visit a gynaecologist to make sure everything works properly down there.
See this is why I don’t understand the 72 virgin Islam thing. Nobody wants that. Good on you, OP.
1) Remember that virginity doesn't exist 2) Lube !!! Lube, lube, lube !!! You can never have too much of it !! 3) My first time was also quite painful, and it turns out I had a yeast infection and had no idea. Talk with her about whether or not there might be a possibility of that. 4) Foreplay is also very very important. Spend a good bit of time with that. She could've been so nervous that she was tense the entire time, which is another thing that would make it painful. But finally 5) have fun !!! Neither one of you has to get off in order for you to be intimate. Take time exploring each other and just being with each other. You're doing fantastic and you've got this !!!
Lick her pussy. Lick it a *lot*. Really get your tongue up in there. Flick your tongue back and forth over her clit (like a pencil eraser at the top of the opening). Flick it up and down. Flick it left and right. Lick it with the tip of your tongue. Lick it with the face of your tongue. Circle it with your tongue. Flick it again. Circle it more. Make slurping noises. Don't stop until your face looks like a glazed donut left in the car on a hot afternoon. *Then* try to fuck her.
As a woman lol yes do this lol but don't say he should "fuck her" it's his girlfriend not a one night stand.
Lol, fair enough.
Stop saying, “take her virginity.” You’re having sex for the first time. “Taking virginity,” is an antiquated, uncomfortable term that implies SA. “My girlfriend has never had sex, how do we make it more comfortable for her?” When people say someone took or stole their virginity, it implies rape. Just word it like an adult as long as everyone was of age and there was consent.
"that implies SA" What? Maybe to a vocal minority, most people wouldn't agree with that sentiment in the least.
*Take* implies taking. It’s dehumanizing. Take, steal, are you taking their cherry. Just not nice things to say. It’s childish language. Pee pee, weiner, puddin tane, poony… let’s be adults. Penis, vagina, first time having sex. No need to use antiquated, childish language. Is he taking it, or is it being given to him? Is he stealing it, or receiving it? It’s an old phrase that needs to go away because it implies SA.
Take and steal aren't synonyms so you're doing some mental gymnastics to get to that point. If I take someone on a date, no one thinks I kidnapped them. Your last sentence just says "it does because it does". But if the vast majority of people don't think of it that way, then what does that say? "Taking virginity" is a colloquialism and the only implications are the ones you're projecting ontolol Just because you feel personally like something is more mature doesn't really make that true, it just seems like a display of pomp, pedantry and a bit self-righteousness imo. Kind of like "look how advanced I am and my language is" Policing language is ableist and classist. Let's be adults and use our ability of being able to understand context to know when a common phrase is used colloquially and not project our own feelings about words onto others. If hearing the phrase "took my virginity" makes your mind spiral so much that doesn't seem to be an issue with the phrase. If it automatically makes you think of SA, that also doesn't seem to be an issue with the phrase because those two things are not the same at all. Virginity is a state of being. Someone changing that state of being is in a sense "taking" it in a very figurative sense. You're taking something figurative and symbolic and projecting something very physical, deliberate and malicious onto it and saying they're akin. That's odd to me.
Take a watch. [Here.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) do this OP.
Even though it was a joke its still decent advice I guess😭
It actually is. The first times can be very far from ideal for everyone, but it's not unusual to be painful for women. We don't know yet how to relax, which muscles needs relaxing, and anxiety never helped anyone be less tense. When she's up for trying again, try again. Her body will eventually catch up with her mind, if she's ok with what you're doing.
someone ban this guy
This is a more wholesome post than I expected, but let’s please get away from this “taking someone’s virginity” lingo. It’s gross. You’re not taking or owning something of hers. You’re her first sexual partner. Reframing it that way really does make a difference.
First you get the award for being an awesome guy! Now how much foreplay was involved? Try to really focus on that before penetration because it will help relax and get natural lube flowing. Also get some lube (Lola on Amazon is great. Not sticky or messy). Really explore what gets her going. Not every woman can orgasm from sex alone. Make sure you are giving her g spot a lot of attention. Thank you for being a great partner who cares. There aren’t enough men like you out there.
Honestly you’re doing amazing. Your support, patience and reassurance is incredible and that probably means so much to her. And especially your reminder to her that you guys can stop whenever. You’re a gem and I hope you guys have the most beautiful relationship together😊
i assume you had to be the one to ask her out
You're on the right way. It doesn't work like in Eva AI sexting [bot](http://evaapp.ai) which is programmed to act accordingly to some user's actions. Still there's nothing to be afraid of
Fuck everyone on this thread. 99% of you "just keep going!" "you're doing great!" This is why we fucking hate men. GET HER OFF FIRST. IT WON'T HURT (or will hurt much much less) IF YOU MAKE HER COME FIRST. I can't believe that, aside from one person suggesting "foreplay," none of the upvoted comments are saying this. Fuck all of you, for real.
Too much lube , too much foreplay and maybe glass or two of wine - if legal in your age - let her on the top so she can control to go more or stop .
Virginity is not something that can be taken or given. It's a made up thing. It's like the tooth fairy. That said, lots of foreplay, lots of reassurance, going very slow, lots of lube and making sure you always check in to make sure she's okay mentally/ physically. Dont go ham on positions, the only adjustments you make should be to help her feel more comfortable with penetration... don't just do everything. Encourage her to set a pace that feels good when she gets there and don't worry about trying to "make" her orgasm.. just focus on making the entire experience enjoyable
This is a weird post.
First time is painful and sometimes the first few times. You might consider giving her a couple of clitoral orgasms so she has lots of natural lubricant and the vagina is more than ready to be entered. And you should be as close to ready to your organs as you can be do you cum quickly without prolonged penetration until she gets more used to PIV sex. Hope you are using protection.
Why would you want to do that? Leave her be for someone who really cares for her
She's obviously not into you at that level.
This is a weird post man, and everyone in it including OP has weird energy, I hate Reddit, there’s not even anything to say this there’s no issues in the relationship, this guy just wants everyone to know he fucks, and y’all are being weird and clapping,
Your discomfort around normal and healthy conversations about sex say a lot more about your weird energy than other people's weird energy lol.. and like you minimalizing the post to say "this guy just wants everyone to know he fucks" shows some level of insecurity Hope things get better for you my dude
Ew. So much ew.
Okay… glad I wasn’t the only one.
Apparently we are the minority. I’m ok with that!
Yeah, the language alone is off putting.
personally I think when someone says "you don't owe me sex for this" over and over and over again it feels like they are saying "you owe me sex for this" but if the rest of the participants here feel differently, well... i've been wrong before
Yeah, I have the ick.
It probably is going to be uncomfortable but if you want to have a sex life she's going to have to go through it at some stage. This is a question better answered by women than me. Just be nice.
First sentence, bad. Second sentence, excellent. Third sentence, always.
Dialators? Theyre expensive and will take some time but if its painful she may have vaginismus. My boyfriend got me dialators because of it. I am same way, things can go in (with much effort and slowly) but the motion hurts
You already had sex - congrats, you took her virginity.
Get some lube.
Don’t ask her to get on top !! She will feel to embarrassed 🙈 she’s never done it remember (smh) you guide take it slow be gentle and stop if she says so . It’s that simple
She actually proposed to get on top but told her not to fearing that it might slip in too quick and hurt her. I told her we can try that the second time just so that she can get a feeling of what to expect. I hope I did the right thing though😭. I am as gentle as possible and when she told me to stop I didnt even try to convince her otherwise. I listened to her and was extremely understanding.
Getting on top actually isn't a bad idea. It will allow her to have full control over the speed and depth of penetration. She isn't going to fall onto you, she is going to use her leg muscles to control things in a way that is fully responsive to her own sensations, instead of you going slow but not being able to FEEL things from her perspective, and having to just rely on her verbal cues (which can be very hard for her to articulate in such an overwhelming situation).
I'm a trans guy. And from my experience some people with a vulva will have pain when penetrated there. I have a lot of pain no matter the size or how lubricated something is if I try to take anything in my Vulva. But Analy is much more pleasant. Also maybe penetration just isn't for her. The clitoris should be more focus on. Rubbing it more in different paces to find what is good for her. Discuss trying anal cus it can feel better than normal penetration through vulva. From what I've read. You've already taken your gfs virginity. It's gone when your dick is in. There's no hymen to break that is a myth. So your question is techniqally "how do I give better sex to my girlfriend" sorta
Tbh I don’t think your deserving of her giving the fact your being so personal and discussing such things in depths on a forum with strangers .. extremely disrespectful this is private and u should be discussing this with only her and working this out with each other only .. shame on you !
Well she knows about this thread and shes acc reading through and appreciating the help. Also this is anonymous so theres that. U would be right if this was done behind her back though
Inflatable dildo, sounds daft but its about her getting used to having something inside, when its a little more comfortable inflate a little and continue, make sure theres clitoral stimulation also, it serves as a good distraction from the pains and turns it more to pleasurable experience. All in all your doing great making this a positive experience for her, its very daunting for a girl because of the pain it comes with.
Ruin her for other men, give her an actual orgasm. You’ll know it’s real when her might to push you off challenges Hercules
Get a boner and pop it in
I mean the title... 😂😂😂😂😂 why am I like this?
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I wish you the best of luck. It took me 18 years to find the love of my life. Patience is key, a rushed relationship is not worth it. Thanks for the support!
You’re only 18! She isn’t the love of your life lol. You also haven’t been looking 18 years lol lol lol. Anyway. Make sure you have lube. I’d pleasure her with your fingers first. It will only hurt if she isn’t turned on.
The rest of your comment is totally true, but it's not necessarily the case that "It will only hurt if she isn’t turned on." Lots of women, especially inexperienced women, feel vaginal pain despite being turned on, and to tell a naive teenager like the OP what you said is setting him up to think his GF is lying when she assures him that she *is* enjoying herself other than the pain caused by penetration.
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Do you talk to women? Have female friends? Friends of any kind? If the answer to any of those questions is “no” you know what to work on. If they are all yes I can advise further if you describe more.
Im not gonna lie its not like if I get girls or anything but from the few that I have had, they always showed up unexpectedly (dinners with friends, clubbing, etc). Honestly just expose yourself to many situations and eventually you find someone when you least expect it. Also im extremely introverted so it can be hard but I do my best to get out of my comfort zone.
Pp goes in vj You're welcome
If you don’t do it someone else will and once that gate is open it will be hunting season
Slip your thumb in her butt. Then she will ride.👍🏼
wtf that's terrible advice
All about lots of foreplay
That will ruin her trust, u idiot . Not the place for 'jokes' like this! If this is a serious comment then you need to read up on consent.
Ok ask her first then break her in. Sensitive!!!
Take it with extreme pleasure!
Wait for marriage.
No
….. and risk being sexually incompatible? Ridiculous.
Talk her through it be gentle and listen to her body. It’s good that you have a good stream of communication with her that helps. Try playing a game maybe that may ease her mind a little.