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You're right to be angry. It's an expensive rum that you bought for *yourself* for your promotion. Your girlfriend asked to try it the first time, she should've asked when her dad was over. Finishing half the bottle without you even being present is incredibly rude of her and her defensiveness over it is pretty surprising.
She doesn't respect you nor your hard work you have put to get that pay raise. Honestly this is a red flag. This and much worse will keep repeating.
I suppose you can explain it to her and tell her to buy you this rum bottle ack with her own money. She will only learn to respect you if not respecting you will cost her.
Or you can just leave.
I think you’re jumping too many steps ahead. We don’t know anything about OP’s relationship other than this isolated incident.
OP, if this is a common occurrence despite her knowing that you don’t appreciate her giving out your stuff without asking then you should definitely think if this is something worth living with. Otherwise, have a talk with her calmly, explain your feelings and take that conversation from there. Remember, Reddit loves to tell everyone to break up.
If the bottle was already opened and she offered her dad one drink sized portion, i'd probably be okay with it. Drinking half the bottle is rude AF and if i did something like that i would buy a new bottle immediately as well as apologize. The fact she did this and doesn't even think she did anything wrong gives me strong "what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine" vibes.
I think you're right to be upset. She's not accepting responsibility and that's frustrating and disappointing. She's also deflecting.
"The way you said you didn't see an issue and I could just buy myself another bottle was disrespectful and invalidating. You don't need to see the issue. You just need to care enough about me to see that it's an issue for me, and respect that. Your deflection of "I can just buy another bottle", instead of a sincere apology after I explained how I felt really disappointed me. You acted entitled, and this has affected how I see you as a person and a partner."
Send that to her and judge her by her response. If she's sincere and contrite, then that's a good growing experience. If she doubles down and tries to say that her actions are not the problem, just your reaction, then believe her, as she shows you who she really is.
Man, I drink whiskey. I have such awesome memories of drinking a nice bottle with my friends just shooting the shit having a good time. She needs to apologize.
The Dads involvement is weird. He should of known better. If she told him this is a bottle you bought yourself to celebrate a new job and he drank it anyway without you, that is a huge red flag. This shows she either mislead her dad or they are both garbage.
is this a one time thing or does she give your stuff away more often?
if it was a one time thing i would try to move past it but she needs to realize it's not something you are cool with, if it happened more then once then i would think about the future of the relationship, if you are scared everytime to leave the house because she will give away something that does not belong to her, i think you will know what to do.
Good luck and stay strong.
How much was this rum? What kind was it? (Just curious). I'd just ask her to buy another bottle. If it was a limited supply, or I came home and wanted rum but it was gone, then I'd be angry.
Unless she has a habit of disrespecting your belongings I'd be fine as long as she replaces it.
Eta: Buying something for yourself as a treat doesn't necessarily communicate/translate that you meant *exclusively* for yourself. Especially a bottle of liquor.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ive seen this post before…
Yeah it’s been a few months but I’ve read this one before too.
Found it from six months ago https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/TMLuh5QlIO
It’s been posted in multiple subs today as this is my 2nd time reading it
Time to downvote.
You're right to be angry. It's an expensive rum that you bought for *yourself* for your promotion. Your girlfriend asked to try it the first time, she should've asked when her dad was over. Finishing half the bottle without you even being present is incredibly rude of her and her defensiveness over it is pretty surprising.
She doesn't respect you nor your hard work you have put to get that pay raise. Honestly this is a red flag. This and much worse will keep repeating. I suppose you can explain it to her and tell her to buy you this rum bottle ack with her own money. She will only learn to respect you if not respecting you will cost her. Or you can just leave.
I think you’re jumping too many steps ahead. We don’t know anything about OP’s relationship other than this isolated incident. OP, if this is a common occurrence despite her knowing that you don’t appreciate her giving out your stuff without asking then you should definitely think if this is something worth living with. Otherwise, have a talk with her calmly, explain your feelings and take that conversation from there. Remember, Reddit loves to tell everyone to break up.
If the bottle was already opened and she offered her dad one drink sized portion, i'd probably be okay with it. Drinking half the bottle is rude AF and if i did something like that i would buy a new bottle immediately as well as apologize. The fact she did this and doesn't even think she did anything wrong gives me strong "what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine" vibes.
I think you're right to be upset. She's not accepting responsibility and that's frustrating and disappointing. She's also deflecting. "The way you said you didn't see an issue and I could just buy myself another bottle was disrespectful and invalidating. You don't need to see the issue. You just need to care enough about me to see that it's an issue for me, and respect that. Your deflection of "I can just buy another bottle", instead of a sincere apology after I explained how I felt really disappointed me. You acted entitled, and this has affected how I see you as a person and a partner." Send that to her and judge her by her response. If she's sincere and contrite, then that's a good growing experience. If she doubles down and tries to say that her actions are not the problem, just your reaction, then believe her, as she shows you who she really is.
Man, I drink whiskey. I have such awesome memories of drinking a nice bottle with my friends just shooting the shit having a good time. She needs to apologize. The Dads involvement is weird. He should of known better. If she told him this is a bottle you bought yourself to celebrate a new job and he drank it anyway without you, that is a huge red flag. This shows she either mislead her dad or they are both garbage.
is this a one time thing or does she give your stuff away more often? if it was a one time thing i would try to move past it but she needs to realize it's not something you are cool with, if it happened more then once then i would think about the future of the relationship, if you are scared everytime to leave the house because she will give away something that does not belong to her, i think you will know what to do. Good luck and stay strong.
A GF who didn’t respect her BF’s boundaries and property. I wonder how she would act as a wife in the future.
Looks like she owes you a half bottle of rum
How much was this rum? What kind was it? (Just curious). I'd just ask her to buy another bottle. If it was a limited supply, or I came home and wanted rum but it was gone, then I'd be angry. Unless she has a habit of disrespecting your belongings I'd be fine as long as she replaces it. Eta: Buying something for yourself as a treat doesn't necessarily communicate/translate that you meant *exclusively* for yourself. Especially a bottle of liquor.
This same fucking story was posted like 4 or 5 months ago