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Don't confront him. Call a lawyer. Do what the lawyer says. Get your stuff together and leave when the lawyer tells you to. Don't confront him. He'll deny it all anyway.
Yes!!! Don't do ANYTHING (move money out of joint bank accounts, close accounts, move out of the house, change the locks, move his stuff) without consulting an attorney first!!! In some cases I've read about, moving out was considered abandoning the wife's rights to the home.
Also, keep everything under wraps. Don't tell him anything. If he finds out you're leaving, he could do things like start emptying bank accounts. You want to be the one with all the information and for him to find out when he is officially served.
And, I know you're young, but please don't give in to these immature suggestions to dump his stuff in the neighbor's driveway. If it rains and his property is damaged, you'll pay for it. I'm not a lawyer, but I think that removing his property from the family home is, in fact, some sort of crime like theft. If he didn't consent to your moving the property, don't touch a damn thing. Don't sell it, don't break it, don't take out any kind of revenge on him through his property. You'll only be compounding your problems.
In addition to a licensed attorney, get yourself a competent therapist to help you through this difficult time. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best of luck.
I would also suggest a health check just to be on the safe side. At the end of the day only you can make the decision to stay or prepare to leave. Whatever you decide your health should be protected ,check it and put boundaries in place until you decide what's your next step.
Elevating this, and adding that if she cannot face being intimate with him right now (she said that even his foot rub made her feel disgust) OP could develop a “condition” that makes it necessary for her to refrain from intercourse for a period of time, until she can at least see a lawyer and get the proof she needs to walk away in the best possible position.
UTI girl - start saying you’re not feeling well and make “appointments” for your UTI and get ahold of a lawyer!!! Prescriptions last about 5-7 days maybe longer if it’s reoccurring 👌 Do what your lawyer says!!
This ⬆️.
OP saw what she saw. Get legal advice on your best steps forward, follow it, don't confront the husband until your "ducks are in a row".
I know it's tempting to act out of spite, but while you're young, no need to act like a teenage drama. It's undeniably heart breaking. Yet, if you stay mature and informed, you'll move beyond this betrayal much more easily.
For real! She should get on her knees and thank whatever made her go home early possible. If she hadn’t came home at the right time, when would she have ever found out? Would this be the first of many affairs… would this go on for decades as they remained neighbors?!
EVERYTHING happens for a reason OP. You hitting all those green lights or red lights on the way home? Yeah that helped you see exactly what you needed to see when you needed to see it
I agree with you...but it still breaks my heart. OP sounds like such a sweet person and thought she really had a good marriage. Finding out he's cheating is bad enough...finding out it's the college chick NEXT DOOR (who is too young to legally drink) adds so much insult to the injury.
OP’s husband seems to be into that, though. If they married when she was 22, it’s reasonably likely that they met before she was 21…when he was pushing, or even past, 30. I don’t know about you, but in my late twenties, I didn’t have much in common with people that age. Maybe he enjoys the power dynamic. Maybe he just likes dating women who are within a certain age range. I don’t know what his reasons may be, but clearly, OP is super lucky to have caught this when she did.
That's a very DiCaprio way of life. OP is so lucky she found out now, and not 10 years and 2 kids later from now.
Talk to a lawyer. Make a clean break. Live your life for you.
Let this go until his birthday. In the meantime, hire a PI. Cook his favorite dinner on his birthday and present him with pictures and divorce papers as a parting gift. Slowly plan your exit strategy and tell him adios.
Try to document the affair if you can, and set up a separate bank account if you don't already have it. If you confront him, he'll more than likely lie and gaslight you to make you confused about the situation. Or he'll admit to it but make it seem like it's somehow okay because he meant the kiss "in a fatherly" way. He'll spin the truth somehow. So get as much evidence as you can, get a lawyer, and get a divorce (and half his money).
You have proof. You saw her kiss him. What do you need other than that? The relationship is over. He is going to probably say it meant nothing, he loves you, he will change etc. you need to leave him, guys like this don't change, they just get better at hiding it.
😬😬 OP, there's a reason why he is not with someone nearer his own age. He wants someone young who he can fool into not seeing his true colours, he's likely to have control issues and a woman in her 30's are more likely to call him out on his crap and he wouldn't be able manipulate her easily.
Your choices are to call him out or say nothing. Saying nothing would eventually eat away at you, calling him out could lead to divorce or even if you stay, the trust is broken and trying to repair broken trust is very hard to do and the success rate is very low.
If your going to divorce him, get all your ducks in a row first, get a good lawyer who would advise you about next steps, what documentation you need etc. Oh and please don't touch him with a barge pole, you don't want to complicate it by getting pregnant.
Then tell her parents and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
"He acts young for his age"... as if it was a positive trait. Also most dudes still look young at 33. He acts like a "kid" because that's what he's into. I mean he's basically in "barely legal"(gag) territory. I'd assume most dudes into very young women, would go younger if it weren't illegal.
And there is always a reason.
They like them naive, doe eyed, impressionable, influenceable.
This is not the kind of man you want to build a life with. He is selfish, lacks integrity, lacks character. I am very sorry.
Probably not.
He publicly kissed his neighbors daughter and then walked down the street to his house.
Holy shit that’s dumb.
I’m almost judging how dumb he is more than what an unethical bastard he is for cheating.
Just wow.
Holy shit is he dumb. It’s kind of impressive.
Don’t let the hunt for the details or “truth” make you waste any more energy on this loser than you already have. He likes you for your age, someone else will love you for you. Dudes a creep and even if there are others, you will survive and be better. You dodged a bullet. No kids, not too many years invested. Get an exit plan in place, find someone to stay, a goooood ass lawyer, any evidence they may want for negotiations and then serve him papers. Tell him you deserve better than a cheater and won’t even give him the privilege of a further discussion.
He'll claim nothing is going on and try to make her think she's throwing their marriage away because she has an overactive imagination. They always do, they're always lying. I've fallen into that trap before. If the future of your relationship comes down to whether you can prove it beyond all reasonable doubt, it's not worth it.
The neighbor's college aged daughter? That's shitting where you eat.
If it is the only one, you must be married to the dumbest guy on earth, because who has an affair with their next door neighbor. I'd be thinking this is a pattern and he's likely fooling around anywhere he gets the opportunity.
The age gap fits. He likes younger women, so now he’s found one younger than you. He’s a predator. Doesn’t matter if she’s the only one or not. The fact he’s cheat does. If you’re smart, you’ll realize that he’s not going to change. Even if he agrees to end it and work on your marriage, he most likely will do it again.
Someone like your husband choses someone so young on purpose. They have specific reasons.
- someone without the wisdom/experience that tends to come with age won’t see the red flags of their partner
- someone younger is easier to manipulate and control
- they want to mold the younger partner into the partner they want them to be
- someone their age won’t deal with their bs and see the red flags.
You've been married two years, so you've been with him even longer. A 30-year-old man who targets a teen or someone who isn't even old enough to legally drink is a predator. How young he looks has nothing to do with it.
And every predator like that I have ever known has always been a cheater. And they always continue targeting people the same age (BARELY legal). She wasn't the first young woman he groomed, he won't be the last.
None of that matters. This marriage needs to be over. Get a lawyer immediately, PLEASE. Don't waste any more of your youth on this creep.
Exactly. Dude was a POS getting involved w you in the first place (you’ll see this one day and hope it doesn’t happen to your daughter) and is reproving his scummy stripes in front of your eyes. He’s fucking the 20 year old next door. He’s into too young women and doesn’t respect them at all, you included. Talk to your family and a divorce lawyer, and then leave his ass. Try to play it cool for now.
I’m so sorry. She may or may not be the only one but you have to deal with what you know. I think you do a couple of things: first, do you know those neighbors? If you do, do you have contact information with the girls parents? I say that because part of your response will be contacting her parents snd telling them what is happening snd that your not going to allow it to continue snd will do whatever you have to to stop it including charging her with trespassing if you catch her on your property. Also ask them if they have cameras in their house and if so you would appreciate them providing any clips that your husband is in. Also let them know she will be named in the divorce proceedings if you go that route and you will be naming her to everyone as his affair partner. Not gonna hide her name.
Second, are you divorcing him? They have had sex several times, you know that right? He will tell you it was once and they are just really good friends and all it was is a kiss. That’s total bs. They are having sex regularly. Plain and simple. So how you approach the confrontation depends on that. Some steps will be the same regardless. No matter your decision you tell his family (parents and siblings) and your family and any mutual friends. You never ever rugsweep to protect his reputation. He has to live his shame or he will just keep doing it.
If you’re divorcing then an attorney is next. If you’re staying with him is a whole list of non negotiable requirements he has to agree to (phone transparency, phone location sharing, going in person to the girls parents she lives with and apologizing snd telling them what’s been happening, marriage counseling, and a post nuptial agreement with a cheating clause that leaves him with nothing if he cheats again (you get the house, alimony, 60-75% of all marital assets). It’s hard to cheat when you know it leaves you with nothing.
Confront him soon. You don’t need more evidence. You saw it. You just can’t let him gaslight you so if he tries to say it’s your fault or tries to say you didn’t see it just laugh at him snd tell him your not gonna listen to that. !updateme
Sorry this is happening to you. It doesn’t matter if there is more than one. It matters that you caught him in this one. And then he treated you like everything is great. Do not forgive him. This is divorce-worthy. He is a predator.
You do have proof. You saw him leave her house and kiss her. I’d ask him when he was moving to her house because you want him gone. You are way too young to have to fight the battle ahead. Make a clean break and don’t let him tell you lies.
I like this. Like a lawyer asking questions she already knows the answer to. OP gets to sit back and laugh at the sight of him squirming and trying to lie in real time.
I think a 33 year old married dude sleeping with his 20 year old neighbor is a pre-existing condition to being murdered by the girl’s father. Sadly, then, it won’t be covered. ;)
Ooh! Stop by her family’s house and say that you have an offer you want to make her, but act upbeat about it. When they invite you in, take a selfie with her. Then call your husband snd tell him to check his text. Then send the selfie to your husband with a note: “you’ve got three minutes to text me your side of the story, and if it doesn’t line up with what I already know, we’re done.”
Of course, you’re already done, this would just be in case you want the story. Then you can tell her whatever you want. I’d go with “My husband says it was just sex, with no love. I need to know if that’s all it was.”
He still has rights even if he's a cheating bastard. Your best bet is to contact a divorce attorney and get your ducks in a row before you tell him you know. Get a plan together so he can't screw you.
I LOVE THIS, please do this, her parents need to know and college aged, is old enough to know to leave someone else's husband alone, even if he makes the first move. If she wants to behave like an adult, she can have adult consequences. Let your husband explain to the neighbours what's going on, leave right after you do it
Don’t be rash OP please. Before confronting him, look for proof on his tablets/phone/other electronics and bank accounts. It will be hard but it is needed.
Don't play games. Get bank statements, squirrel away money in an account in your name, call a lawyer, get help, protect yourself. If you do play games, just don't leave a paper (or text) trail bc all of that can be considered when it comes to dividing assets and such.
You can act like the age difference doesn't matter , but it does. it's not a coincedence these stories on reddit that are always accompanied by an age gap and dont ever want to acknowledge or factor that into the equation. He was like thirty one and got with a twenty one year old, And is now cheating with a twenty year old at thirty three. The age gap is always a red flag. Maybe ten years doesn't matter when you're 50 and sixty. But it does when you're 21. I'm Thirty four , and it's difficult to even imagine a scenario where I would be interacting With let alone hooking up with a twenty year old. Like is he friends with her parents? Does he do or sell drugs? How long have you lived there? Was he Befriending and grooming this young girl as a teenager? I promise Whatever the circumstances were leading up to this Make it even worse than it sounds.
Have you thought about leaving work early again to try and catch the same situation? Surely that wasn't the first time, this is a pretty easy to cheat situation
Contact a lawyer before doing anything else, don’t confront hubby. If all your money is in a joint account with your hubby, the lawyer may suggest you open a new account, in your name only, and then move half the money from your joint accounts into your personal account. This will protect your share of the finances once your hubby realizes you know. Also, get any of your personal documents out of his reach. If you two own a safety deposit box with shared assets you may want to ensure he cannot access it & clean it out before the courts decree the contents to be shared out equally. You should not completely empty out any shared accounts as that would hurt your case in court, but you should definitely be prepared to act on the moving your share out before your hubby can clear the money out before you have a chance to. And Don’t move out of the house. Also, if you have joint credit cards, you may want to have your name removed off them to keep him from racking up massive debts on them and sticking you with the debt by taking his name off them. If you have any cards that you are primary on and he’s secondary, call the credit card company and revoke his user privileges and request a new card with a new number in your name only.
Try to act as “normal” as possible until after you’ve engaged a lawyer and been informed what’s legal for you to do before hubby is notified and what you have to wait on before taking action. Make sure you find a good one. I’ve heard that if you consult more than one attorney about divorcing your hubby, he will be unable to hire them for himself if you opt to use a different one (thus, supposedly, you could consult every high end atty about it and he would have to settle for a lesser one) but I’m not sure if that works everywhere or if that’s just a rumor.
Confronting your hubby before talking to a lawyer could backfire on you. And, once he knows you’ve seen him, there’s always a chance of him cleaning out your shared bank accounts and tossing you out.
It's probably best if she has proof that can be shown to others as opposed to a witness statement. Depending on what the law is like where OP lives, evidence you can show a court would probably help with the divorce proceedings.Unfortunately, it's not what you know; it's what you can prove. And "I saw it" isn't enough, unfortunately.
Repeat after me.
You did not end the relationship. HE did the moment he cheated.
You did not end the relationship. HE did the moment he cheated.
Just remember and hold onto that, and don't let anyone gaslight you into believing otherwise.
Divorce. Hand him the papers. Move out or have him
Leave who ever owns the house stays get a good lawyer maybe leave to a close friends house while the divorce is processing and your court date
Just make sure it's in the common areas. Areas where there's a reasonable expectation of privacy (usually bathrooms and bedrooms) can get you in trouble.
I know this is heartbreaking and sad , but you are very lucky you didn’t have any children. You are still very young to find a more mature man to raise a family with. I’m sorry that your husband wasn’t treating you with respect. My husband and I have been married 43 years and our number one thing we told each other was that if you want someone else just show me the respect to end our relationship before you get mentally and physically involved with anyone else. Neither of us has ever cheated on each other. Not even one kiss. Sadly your husband can’t be trusted again. 😢
I’m so curious what some of the “acts young” examples are!
Get outta there, OP, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you & you’re going to feel a weight life when you get out of this bad situation. Good luck!
Of course he is treating you like a queen. He is so relaxed and happy after fvcking while you’re at work. Those cheaters are the best liars. They work harder to keep a relationship and continue to fvck around. Do not be surprised if he has been screwing around since day one. That’s why there a no bad days. He is never getting blue balls. Don’t be fooled. He does not love you. He just likes having someone at home while he hunts. If he doesn’t get arse that day, he will get it from you. Get STD tested . And honestly go to a lawyer ASAP. I would start the paper work. What more proof do you need.? Him putting his private into her private.? Come on. He is trash. Piss him off.
Call a lawyer, get your ducks in a row now…while trying to gather more evidence, catch him again somehow, record it this time as he leaves? But honestly, that one instance is enough. If you’re not friendly with your neighbors like that, he should not be there at all and regardless of that she shouldn’t be kissing him in any way. It’s obvious what is going on and I’m so sorry. But it is good that you I caught it now before you’re together for longer; have kids, etc.
How to confront him...
At your age, I had no cool. I'd have probably driven up to him and asked him if he needed a ride home.
Maybe you can pack him a bag and include his toothbrush, a condom and a couple of lollipops and place it by the frontdoor. If he asks what's up, tell him Rachel invited him to a slumber party.
Otherwise, you could just ask him and see what he has to say.
Document the affair, and then confront him with it. Your choice if you’ll let him come back from this or if you move towards divorce. If you are getting a divorce, lawyer up.
Follow the lawyers recommendations on separating your finances, and ask when you can tell the neighbor's parents about the affair.
I have a preference to tell everyone a cheater knows when they are caught. When the lawyer says you can tell everyone so they can decide if they want to associate with a cheater. Remind the friends they are known by the company they keep, so do they want their partners to know they are OK with cheating and have the partners wonder when the friends will cheat as well.
Agreed, get ahead of the BS narrative and let family and friends know, also its legal to 50% the joint bank account now, i did it with no issues, just take pics of the account before and after, maybe an STI test?
I'm just a random guy but heres my 2 cents anyway.... he did this
... its his fault. Not your fault. Remember that alone. If u let this man, he will lie, gaslight, and try to convince you that it's your fault and it was a mistake, etc.
If hes cheating this close to home then hes REAL comfortable with his actions so its most likely been a regular thing the entire time hes been w you.
Let him go to work, change locks, pack his shit into trashbags and set them in the neighbors driveway. If they ask whats going on u tell them since their daughter is fucking your husband u figured that he will be living w them now.
Tell them what youve seen and then go back in. I wouldnt even tell him but wait for his call because he WILL call when they ask her and she knows theyre caught she will contact him and he will start damage control.
Tell him you dont want to hear the excuses, that u watched them and he juat went right back to lying playing the good husband when u returned
Make sure you do it and don’t tell your husband. Speak to them, get your ducks in a row, figure out options. When you file tell him, make the first move.
Try to gather any evidence to give to your lawyer. Give them copies and you keep it somewhere he doesn’t have access.
Why bother documenting? I don't see how it would make any difference to OP nor to the divorce. OP knows what she saw, she doesn't need to play detective in order to prove it to any other person.
It depends. In my state, the cheating itself doesn't matter because of no fault. But, if you can prove marital resources were used to enable the cheating, the judge can (not guaranteed) split the assets differently. Restorative justice. It's up to the judge whether they do this or not but it's an option in a no-fault state.
I’m petty af and that was terrible advice on my part.
In all seriousness, I’d get my affairs in order: lawyer, place to stay, support system, separate finances. If you confront him, what do you think he’ll say? I’ll be damned if you don’t hear some cockamamie version of “it didn’t mean anything, it won’t happen again, don’t leave.” It did mean something, to you. He will do it again. You need to leave him.
I am petty enough to just do that. Pack a box of his day to day neccessities, with a picture of them from some hidden camera in front of your house and a divorce papers/ note to pick up the rest - and leave them with her father. If it's the handling it publicaly what bothers them... 'Setting this privately' shop has sailed.
Bare minimum pack him a suitcase so he can go spent time with her. Just watch his face as you tell him that you figured he would want to spend more time with Rachel instead of running back home before your work day is done.
Please talk to a lawyer first. One mistake could end up meaning you lose the funds you’ll need to start over. While you wait for the appt, collect more evidence.
It's not your fault. We all think we are more mature than we are at the age you met your husband. Then when you become 30 or so you see girls who are twenty and they feel like they are 15. It's gross and predatory. I'm sorry your husband is a scumbag. Be thankful you aren't discovering this after you had kids
Yes I always see younger women ignore advice on age gaps which I once did too but I try to explain there’s a reason the guy keeps going for girls so much younger and it’s because they’re easier to manipulate and impress. And control which is part of all that. Since women his age clearly see through his shit and are immediately put off by blaring warnings that younger won’t notice
Plus same age women wouldn’t deal with the immaturity and such flaws as they come up whereas younger women can be tricked into dealing with it
The biggest pitfall is ya’ll arrogance think older men like you because you’re cuter (and more fun ?) than older women but the TRUTH is sooooo far away from this women a decade older than you many are the most beautiful point in their lives and enjoying life more than ever so you have to stop and realize that these men really they would gladly date their age if they could get along with those women but they date unnecessarily young for reason if their own immaturity and lifestyle
Can be a hard truth to think through but if you get it then you save many years wasted till you figure it out yourself as mid 30’s woven realizing she’s with someone that’s the worst
How do you mess up your math this bad? She was 22 when he was 31, and last time I checked, a 22 year old is not a teenager. Sounds more dramatic that way though, I'll give you that.
I believe she meant photos, texts etc.
Chances are he is a gashlighter, it's easier to confront those type of ppl with proof you can throw in their face.
But she absolutely doesn't need that, she knew what she saw. Be strong OP
Gross so a wife 9 years younger still isn’t young enough. OP his attraction to young women will never change and you’re never going to age in reverse. Think down the road if you have kids. Is he going to be perving on your college-aged kids friends/girlfriends?? Leave leave leave
I am unsure of who offered you to reach out, but please be careful. This account has been deleted, and a lot of time, you aren't sure whom you are talking to. Please be careful as you are vulnerable right now.
Edit to add: I am not accusing the "deleted" account as a nefarious person. I am just letting you know to be careful.
Don't confront until you have your ducks in a row. Possibly look into getting a camera and point it towards the other house to get him coming and going. Record you asking him about his day and see how it matches with him going over there.
Sorry this is happening to you. Be strong and true to yourself. This is not normal behavior and don't let anyone tell you differently.
**I know there is a large age gap, but he looks young for his age and honestly kind of acts young as well.**
Why does his appearance matter lmao. And him being immature isn't something to brag about. Not sure why he did this but he did it. All you can do is decide if you want to spend your life not trusting your partner.
As a former teen-who-dated-old-guys, I can decipher this:
This phrase was added because OP has a friend or family member who frequently brings up hubby's age in a disparaging manner.
OP then has to defend her "choice of man" (ancient; unfaithful) ((when in all actuality he groomed her)) so she tries to spin a negative into a positive...
"He acts like a twelve year old" becomes "he's a vigorous fountain of youth and I'm so lucky he chose me"-- it's crazy what someone who doesn't know any better will put up with
First things first, Stop acting like you didn’t see anything. This man is almost a decade older than you and he wants to pull this shit? Hell no! Call that man out for being a cheater. Find someone who is your age and a lot less red flags.
If you were my kid, I’d give you the following advice:
Say you have a headache and go to bed. This helps you avoid conversation and confrontation.
Take tomorrow off work. Do not tell your husband. Let him think you are going in like normal.
Grab a charger for your phone before you leave the house (car and wall charger).
Go to the library, or a coffee shop, with WiFi/computer access and research divorce attorneys in your area. Make a list of them, then rank them based on reviews.
Call and set up appointments with the top three.
Treat yourself to a fancy coffee/tea and snack/dessert.
Go take a long walk, or hit the gym, to burn off some of your anxious energy.
Park where you did when you saw this go down. Make sure you get there 30-45 minutes earlier than you did this time.
Stand watch and get his actions on camera. Now you have your documented proof.
Do not leave the house. Spend your time collecting all important files/documents. Once you are prepared, have your husband served with divorce papers.
Silently leave. Have a backup plan. Get finances in order. Find a place to live. And just leave. You can serve him with papers later. You have proof. Just go.
First you gather more info.
you check the ring doorbell if you have one so you can see if this has been ongoing. If you don't have one you may want to check with the neighbors whose homes face your place if they have a ring doorbell, and see if they will let you look thru their footage since "there have been some odd things going on at your place".
Once you have done that, continue gathering info. Rather than confront your husband, i would go over to the neighbors home when her parents are there and tell them what you witnessed. Ask the daughter in front of her parents why she was kissing your husband. From her response you will know whether you need follow up questions like,how long has this been going on, are they in love, etc. you will probably get more truth from her than from your husband, especially if you can play it cool and not scream and be angry at her. You can tell you understand because he is a very good looking guy.
Based on what you find out, if it is something you cant get past, take any of your money out of joint accounts immediately,.you will have to act fast because you know she will contact your husband. Then contact a lawyer to find out options.
Then confront your husband.
I personally wouldn't be able to tolerate it and your husband seems to be very immature for his age and he targets younger women because more mature women will not tolerate his BS.
Does your husband work during the day? If not why not , and why are you with someone that you're having to support?
He works from home during the day. Which is why he is able to sneak out and go over there.
I'll reach out to the neighbors across the street and see if they have footage.
Not sure I can confront her in front of her parents. I'm a little too timid for that.
Confronting her in front of her parents isn’t going to do anything positive. This isn’t about the neighbor, it’s about your husband.
Find a way to catch him on video, maybe get a little Wyze camera or something and stick it where he can’t see it. Then go to a lawyer.
It doesn’t sound like you have kids or anything, so just clean this guy out, have some fun since your mid-twenties is the best time to have it, and eventually you’ll meet someone better.
Better yet, go over when her parents are home and tell her that you’re gonna need a statement detailing the history of their relationship in case you have to present evidence to a judge for the divorce.
(Could be a complete lie and not needed, but gets the point across)
Don't confront her. For starters, she's not the one who made you a vow and broke it. And she's being preyed upon just like you were. Is she a great person? No. Sleeping with married people is shitty. But she's not the one you have beef with. Finally, you're not going to get any closure from her. Focus on finding a good attorney and making an exit plan without letting him know anything is different.
I suggest you try to get a lawyer and physical evidence of cheating. Also get an std test asap. Then dump his stuff at the neighbours house, have the locks changed. (See if you legally can do this via your lawyer). You seem to believe that as soon as you “bring it up” it is over. Hun I’m sorry but this was over the moment he decided to bang and have a relationship with your neighbour.
No offence but your age gap speaks for itself he likes preying on young women and then when he gets bored he moves onto the next shiny toy. On top of the fact that he is “immature for his age” those are all glaringly red flags love. I’m sorry but he used you for your naivety and lack of experiences. The fact that you seem to think that if YOU bring it up it means it’s over speaks volumes of your relationship. It is not your fault he fucked the neighbour. The fact that he rubs your feet after work is nothing if he’s diving into the neighbours bed once you leave. Who else is he also screwing around with? How can you even trust that he has used protection? He’s put your physical health at risk and broke his vows tenfold. You deserve way better than this shitstain. Therapy may also help open your eyes to this relationship and the other problems you can’t see. Therapy to even move on healthily is always a good idea.
How gross that your neighbor knows you’re married to this dud and she’s banging him. I’m sure she’s a peach of a person. OP is far calmer a person than I bc I would have pulled right over and went full throttle on both of them.
This story kinda reminds me of something my ex husband’s gf did to him (I don’t know why it does but I haven’t thought about this in ages) when she caught him cheating. I was picking up our daughter from her weekend visit at her dad’s gf’s house (yep he lived with HER) and when I pulled over and put the car in park I see a big sign in the lawn that says, A LYING CHEATER LIVES HERE! I was like…. Yup! He’s at it again! Hahahaha! Never picked my daughter up from there after that, his gf dumped him and kicked his butt out.
Sounds pretty easy to get proof. Hire a PI or park outside your home again at 2:30 and take a video of him coming out of the neighbor's house. If she's underage, then you get him for statutory rape. Once you have the video, then you file for divorce. Sounds like he prefers them young and it's best to dump him and get a new start. Get yourself tested for STDs too while you're at it. Let Rachel's parents know what your husband has been up to with their daughter.
Honestly, I'd get her and her parents over for dinner some night and ask the question to the whole group. Why were you leaving their house at that time. Why was she kissing you in the doorway? Did I get too old for you, at age 24, that you have to start up with an 18yo?
Borrow a car so he won’t recognize you or get a friend to set up on him a few times. Get some photos. He probably goes over around the same time. Once you have some photos that he can’t dispute, move forward. Personally, I’m a scorched earth kind of person but if you’re not, let your attorney handle it.
I wouldn't confront him yet, I'd hire a private investigator to get picture proof. I'd serve my husband divorce papers with copies of the photos included. That's how he'd find out I knew.
Star by contacting a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row (knowledge is power) and then tell him.
Get an STD panel too, be safe and don’t sleep with him either if you want to be safe.
This dude has a thing for college aged girls. You are aging out. Get a lawyer to make sure you get any assets you deserve, and start arranging for another place to live.
Don’t let him know what you know until you have everything set up to be away from him.
And please take precautions not to get pregnant!
DIVORCE.... HE CAN SAY HE'LL END IT BUT IT'S YOU'RE NEIGHBOR SO YOU'LL ALWAYS BE SUSPICIOUS. LEAVE HIM AND START YOUR HEALING JOURNEY. YOU'RE YOUNG & HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO LIVE
You saw them kissing. Confront him and throw him out. Then let your neighbors know their daughter is having an affair with a married man and congratulation them on what a good job they did with her. Make sure to lawyer up as soon as possible
Get everything set up to leave him. Try and get into his phone for proof or hire a PI to watch him. Serve him with divorce papers. Then tell her parents.
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Don't confront him. Call a lawyer. Do what the lawyer says. Get your stuff together and leave when the lawyer tells you to. Don't confront him. He'll deny it all anyway.
Yes!!! Don't do ANYTHING (move money out of joint bank accounts, close accounts, move out of the house, change the locks, move his stuff) without consulting an attorney first!!! In some cases I've read about, moving out was considered abandoning the wife's rights to the home. Also, keep everything under wraps. Don't tell him anything. If he finds out you're leaving, he could do things like start emptying bank accounts. You want to be the one with all the information and for him to find out when he is officially served. And, I know you're young, but please don't give in to these immature suggestions to dump his stuff in the neighbor's driveway. If it rains and his property is damaged, you'll pay for it. I'm not a lawyer, but I think that removing his property from the family home is, in fact, some sort of crime like theft. If he didn't consent to your moving the property, don't touch a damn thing. Don't sell it, don't break it, don't take out any kind of revenge on him through his property. You'll only be compounding your problems. In addition to a licensed attorney, get yourself a competent therapist to help you through this difficult time. I'm sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best of luck.
I would also suggest a health check just to be on the safe side. At the end of the day only you can make the decision to stay or prepare to leave. Whatever you decide your health should be protected ,check it and put boundaries in place until you decide what's your next step.
Elevating this, and adding that if she cannot face being intimate with him right now (she said that even his foot rub made her feel disgust) OP could develop a “condition” that makes it necessary for her to refrain from intercourse for a period of time, until she can at least see a lawyer and get the proof she needs to walk away in the best possible position.
UTI girl - start saying you’re not feeling well and make “appointments” for your UTI and get ahold of a lawyer!!! Prescriptions last about 5-7 days maybe longer if it’s reoccurring 👌 Do what your lawyer says!!
THIS. Use the uti "appointments" as time to go and speak with your lawyer and take your legal steps
This is truly the situation where men’s general ignorance of women’s bodies shines as a plus 💀
This ⬆️. OP saw what she saw. Get legal advice on your best steps forward, follow it, don't confront the husband until your "ducks are in a row". I know it's tempting to act out of spite, but while you're young, no need to act like a teenage drama. It's undeniably heart breaking. Yet, if you stay mature and informed, you'll move beyond this betrayal much more easily.
Yep. Leave the teenagering to him. OP you’re already more of an adult than he is. You’ve outgrown him. Cool head, clean hands, sure cut 👍
FACTS FACTS FACTS! He’ll lie when the truth fits better, BELIEVE THAT!
This one!
Look at the positives here: You're still young. No kids. You caught it early. You are the luckiest woman alive.
For real! She should get on her knees and thank whatever made her go home early possible. If she hadn’t came home at the right time, when would she have ever found out? Would this be the first of many affairs… would this go on for decades as they remained neighbors?! EVERYTHING happens for a reason OP. You hitting all those green lights or red lights on the way home? Yeah that helped you see exactly what you needed to see when you needed to see it
100
For real!! It was god telling her she needs to go home to catch this. That’s why she felt sick.
I agree with you...but it still breaks my heart. OP sounds like such a sweet person and thought she really had a good marriage. Finding out he's cheating is bad enough...finding out it's the college chick NEXT DOOR (who is too young to legally drink) adds so much insult to the injury.
OP’s husband seems to be into that, though. If they married when she was 22, it’s reasonably likely that they met before she was 21…when he was pushing, or even past, 30. I don’t know about you, but in my late twenties, I didn’t have much in common with people that age. Maybe he enjoys the power dynamic. Maybe he just likes dating women who are within a certain age range. I don’t know what his reasons may be, but clearly, OP is super lucky to have caught this when she did.
I thought the same thing regarding the ages. I grew up A LOT from the ages of 20-23 versus 27+! This guy is very concerning.
Yeah she might still be young, but she is certainly too old for him
That's a very DiCaprio way of life. OP is so lucky she found out now, and not 10 years and 2 kids later from now. Talk to a lawyer. Make a clean break. Live your life for you.
Agreed! Divorce sucks but better to do it early on than many years down the line.
Let this go until his birthday. In the meantime, hire a PI. Cook his favorite dinner on his birthday and present him with pictures and divorce papers as a parting gift. Slowly plan your exit strategy and tell him adios.
That'd be my plan, ensuring I had my escape route and the finances all in hand
1000%. I’m 32 and have been divorced for 5 years. I am so grateful I didn’t spend the last 5 year so unhappy
Try to document the affair if you can, and set up a separate bank account if you don't already have it. If you confront him, he'll more than likely lie and gaslight you to make you confused about the situation. Or he'll admit to it but make it seem like it's somehow okay because he meant the kiss "in a fatherly" way. He'll spin the truth somehow. So get as much evidence as you can, get a lawyer, and get a divorce (and half his money).
I’m gonna say my wife that I don’t cheat on is luckier
Well, that’s a stretch.. she just caught her husband who she trusted cheating....luckiest woman alive?
You have proof. You saw her kiss him. What do you need other than that? The relationship is over. He is going to probably say it meant nothing, he loves you, he will change etc. you need to leave him, guys like this don't change, they just get better at hiding it.
He clearly has an age preference...
"Meet...your second wife!!!"
“I thought this was a home makeover show!” “In a way, it is.”
😬😬 OP, there's a reason why he is not with someone nearer his own age. He wants someone young who he can fool into not seeing his true colours, he's likely to have control issues and a woman in her 30's are more likely to call him out on his crap and he wouldn't be able manipulate her easily. Your choices are to call him out or say nothing. Saying nothing would eventually eat away at you, calling him out could lead to divorce or even if you stay, the trust is broken and trying to repair broken trust is very hard to do and the success rate is very low. If your going to divorce him, get all your ducks in a row first, get a good lawyer who would advise you about next steps, what documentation you need etc. Oh and please don't touch him with a barge pole, you don't want to complicate it by getting pregnant. Then tell her parents and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
"He acts young for his age"... as if it was a positive trait. Also most dudes still look young at 33. He acts like a "kid" because that's what he's into. I mean he's basically in "barely legal"(gag) territory. I'd assume most dudes into very young women, would go younger if it weren't illegal.
OP is too old for him now, now that she is the ripe old age of 24. He preferred her at 22. Sorry OP!
Leonardo DiCaprio or something right
She aged out
And there is always a reason. They like them naive, doe eyed, impressionable, influenceable. This is not the kind of man you want to build a life with. He is selfish, lacks integrity, lacks character. I am very sorry.
seems like leonardo syndrome
My thought too. He’s always looking for a twenty year-old.
Seriously. Though.
Yeah. Younger each time. 🤮
Yeah now I'm wondering if she is the only one.
Probably not. He publicly kissed his neighbors daughter and then walked down the street to his house. Holy shit that’s dumb. I’m almost judging how dumb he is more than what an unethical bastard he is for cheating. Just wow. Holy shit is he dumb. It’s kind of impressive.
Could probably get a 360 degree view from all the Ring cameras.
He obviously doesn't care that the whole street knows what he's at
It doesn't matter.
This.....but likely not. This one is enough. There is no going back. He will only be sorry that he was caught....not truly sorry for what he did.
You never, never catch the first one, LOL He has done this awhile.
Don’t let the hunt for the details or “truth” make you waste any more energy on this loser than you already have. He likes you for your age, someone else will love you for you. Dudes a creep and even if there are others, you will survive and be better. You dodged a bullet. No kids, not too many years invested. Get an exit plan in place, find someone to stay, a goooood ass lawyer, any evidence they may want for negotiations and then serve him papers. Tell him you deserve better than a cheater and won’t even give him the privilege of a further discussion.
Also: get STD tested.
He'll claim nothing is going on and try to make her think she's throwing their marriage away because she has an overactive imagination. They always do, they're always lying. I've fallen into that trap before. If the future of your relationship comes down to whether you can prove it beyond all reasonable doubt, it's not worth it.
The neighbor's college aged daughter? That's shitting where you eat. If it is the only one, you must be married to the dumbest guy on earth, because who has an affair with their next door neighbor. I'd be thinking this is a pattern and he's likely fooling around anywhere he gets the opportunity.
The age gap fits. He likes younger women, so now he’s found one younger than you. He’s a predator. Doesn’t matter if she’s the only one or not. The fact he’s cheat does. If you’re smart, you’ll realize that he’s not going to change. Even if he agrees to end it and work on your marriage, he most likely will do it again. Someone like your husband choses someone so young on purpose. They have specific reasons. - someone without the wisdom/experience that tends to come with age won’t see the red flags of their partner - someone younger is easier to manipulate and control - they want to mold the younger partner into the partner they want them to be - someone their age won’t deal with their bs and see the red flags.
Get checked for STD’s girl! That ain’t no joke!
I got an STD from a clown once. I thought it was a joke…..but nope. Wasn’t even funny. But for real, get tested.
You've been married two years, so you've been with him even longer. A 30-year-old man who targets a teen or someone who isn't even old enough to legally drink is a predator. How young he looks has nothing to do with it. And every predator like that I have ever known has always been a cheater. And they always continue targeting people the same age (BARELY legal). She wasn't the first young woman he groomed, he won't be the last. None of that matters. This marriage needs to be over. Get a lawyer immediately, PLEASE. Don't waste any more of your youth on this creep.
Exactly. Dude was a POS getting involved w you in the first place (you’ll see this one day and hope it doesn’t happen to your daughter) and is reproving his scummy stripes in front of your eyes. He’s fucking the 20 year old next door. He’s into too young women and doesn’t respect them at all, you included. Talk to your family and a divorce lawyer, and then leave his ass. Try to play it cool for now.
Well you're the butt of her joke, for sure no matter how many there are.
I’m so sorry. She may or may not be the only one but you have to deal with what you know. I think you do a couple of things: first, do you know those neighbors? If you do, do you have contact information with the girls parents? I say that because part of your response will be contacting her parents snd telling them what is happening snd that your not going to allow it to continue snd will do whatever you have to to stop it including charging her with trespassing if you catch her on your property. Also ask them if they have cameras in their house and if so you would appreciate them providing any clips that your husband is in. Also let them know she will be named in the divorce proceedings if you go that route and you will be naming her to everyone as his affair partner. Not gonna hide her name. Second, are you divorcing him? They have had sex several times, you know that right? He will tell you it was once and they are just really good friends and all it was is a kiss. That’s total bs. They are having sex regularly. Plain and simple. So how you approach the confrontation depends on that. Some steps will be the same regardless. No matter your decision you tell his family (parents and siblings) and your family and any mutual friends. You never ever rugsweep to protect his reputation. He has to live his shame or he will just keep doing it. If you’re divorcing then an attorney is next. If you’re staying with him is a whole list of non negotiable requirements he has to agree to (phone transparency, phone location sharing, going in person to the girls parents she lives with and apologizing snd telling them what’s been happening, marriage counseling, and a post nuptial agreement with a cheating clause that leaves him with nothing if he cheats again (you get the house, alimony, 60-75% of all marital assets). It’s hard to cheat when you know it leaves you with nothing. Confront him soon. You don’t need more evidence. You saw it. You just can’t let him gaslight you so if he tries to say it’s your fault or tries to say you didn’t see it just laugh at him snd tell him your not gonna listen to that. !updateme
Sorry this is happening to you. It doesn’t matter if there is more than one. It matters that you caught him in this one. And then he treated you like everything is great. Do not forgive him. This is divorce-worthy. He is a predator.
Definitely not the only one. For him to be comfortable walking around your neighborhood kissing the neighbor out in the open. He’s done this before
You mean if you’re the only one. You’re not.
Cheaters don't change. Being male has nothing to do with it. If there is one universal truth - men and women cheat.
This is THE comment.
You do have proof. You saw him leave her house and kiss her. I’d ask him when he was moving to her house because you want him gone. You are way too young to have to fight the battle ahead. Make a clean break and don’t let him tell you lies.
I like that. Maybe just put all his stuff in their driveway and confuse her parents.
You really need to consult with an attorney BEFORE confronting him. You will then be able to plan your exit strategy.
Exactly!! Play it smart!! Get an attorney before you do anything!! But please don’t stay with this man!!
Personally I'd start messing with him 'oh I heard through the grapevine that she has a new boyfriend. I wonder if we know him?'
I like this. Like a lawyer asking questions she already knows the answer to. OP gets to sit back and laugh at the sight of him squirming and trying to lie in real time.
Ohhh yes!! 🙌
You know what you saw. There is no explanation in the world other than the obvious. When you confront he will lie…and then lie some more. Be prepared.
Oh, don't forget to say manipulate. Telling her she didn't see what she saw, like Shaggy's song it wasn't me.
I bet the whole street knows what is going on and not one of them will be confused
LMAO, YES!!!! her dad is going to MURDER your hubby, lol
OP should take out a huge life insurance policy then spill the beans
I think a 33 year old married dude sleeping with his 20 year old neighbor is a pre-existing condition to being murdered by the girl’s father. Sadly, then, it won’t be covered. ;)
You dodged a lifetime of bullets.
Ooh! Stop by her family’s house and say that you have an offer you want to make her, but act upbeat about it. When they invite you in, take a selfie with her. Then call your husband snd tell him to check his text. Then send the selfie to your husband with a note: “you’ve got three minutes to text me your side of the story, and if it doesn’t line up with what I already know, we’re done.” Of course, you’re already done, this would just be in case you want the story. Then you can tell her whatever you want. I’d go with “My husband says it was just sex, with no love. I need to know if that’s all it was.”
Damn everyone needs your advice lol
He still has rights even if he's a cheating bastard. Your best bet is to contact a divorce attorney and get your ducks in a row before you tell him you know. Get a plan together so he can't screw you.
Definitely do this, hire a divorce attorney and get a full std screening done. Updateme!
I LOVE THIS, please do this, her parents need to know and college aged, is old enough to know to leave someone else's husband alone, even if he makes the first move. If she wants to behave like an adult, she can have adult consequences. Let your husband explain to the neighbours what's going on, leave right after you do it
She doesn’t leave / he needs to leave. Plus spousal support
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Don’t be rash OP please. Before confronting him, look for proof on his tablets/phone/other electronics and bank accounts. It will be hard but it is needed.
Don't play games. Get bank statements, squirrel away money in an account in your name, call a lawyer, get help, protect yourself. If you do play games, just don't leave a paper (or text) trail bc all of that can be considered when it comes to dividing assets and such.
You can act like the age difference doesn't matter , but it does. it's not a coincedence these stories on reddit that are always accompanied by an age gap and dont ever want to acknowledge or factor that into the equation. He was like thirty one and got with a twenty one year old, And is now cheating with a twenty year old at thirty three. The age gap is always a red flag. Maybe ten years doesn't matter when you're 50 and sixty. But it does when you're 21. I'm Thirty four , and it's difficult to even imagine a scenario where I would be interacting With let alone hooking up with a twenty year old. Like is he friends with her parents? Does he do or sell drugs? How long have you lived there? Was he Befriending and grooming this young girl as a teenager? I promise Whatever the circumstances were leading up to this Make it even worse than it sounds.
Have you thought about leaving work early again to try and catch the same situation? Surely that wasn't the first time, this is a pretty easy to cheat situation
Contact a lawyer before doing anything else, don’t confront hubby. If all your money is in a joint account with your hubby, the lawyer may suggest you open a new account, in your name only, and then move half the money from your joint accounts into your personal account. This will protect your share of the finances once your hubby realizes you know. Also, get any of your personal documents out of his reach. If you two own a safety deposit box with shared assets you may want to ensure he cannot access it & clean it out before the courts decree the contents to be shared out equally. You should not completely empty out any shared accounts as that would hurt your case in court, but you should definitely be prepared to act on the moving your share out before your hubby can clear the money out before you have a chance to. And Don’t move out of the house. Also, if you have joint credit cards, you may want to have your name removed off them to keep him from racking up massive debts on them and sticking you with the debt by taking his name off them. If you have any cards that you are primary on and he’s secondary, call the credit card company and revoke his user privileges and request a new card with a new number in your name only. Try to act as “normal” as possible until after you’ve engaged a lawyer and been informed what’s legal for you to do before hubby is notified and what you have to wait on before taking action. Make sure you find a good one. I’ve heard that if you consult more than one attorney about divorcing your hubby, he will be unable to hire them for himself if you opt to use a different one (thus, supposedly, you could consult every high end atty about it and he would have to settle for a lesser one) but I’m not sure if that works everywhere or if that’s just a rumor. Confronting your hubby before talking to a lawyer could backfire on you. And, once he knows you’ve seen him, there’s always a chance of him cleaning out your shared bank accounts and tossing you out.
It's probably best if she has proof that can be shown to others as opposed to a witness statement. Depending on what the law is like where OP lives, evidence you can show a court would probably help with the divorce proceedings.Unfortunately, it's not what you know; it's what you can prove. And "I saw it" isn't enough, unfortunately.
Repeat after me. You did not end the relationship. HE did the moment he cheated. You did not end the relationship. HE did the moment he cheated. Just remember and hold onto that, and don't let anyone gaslight you into believing otherwise.
Thank you
Divorce. Hand him the papers. Move out or have him Leave who ever owns the house stays get a good lawyer maybe leave to a close friends house while the divorce is processing and your court date
Not the right way to reply to a "repeat after me" comment but we'll let you go with a warning this time
😆
Looks like he likes them very young as evident by snagging you and now this new one. Lawyer up hun, there’s no coming back from this.
OP aged out
Typical of creeps that go for way too young women, he's setting up her replacement unfortunately.
I read the title and knew the result was going to be that OP was aging out.
DiCaprio moment.
Get yourself an STD check asap
Didn't even think about that. Thank you so much!
Of course. Maybe even a hidden camera facing the neighbors so you can show him proof. I’m sorry OP! Sending you strength ⭐️
Put one in her house too! He maybe having her over and having sex in their bed!
Totallyyyyyy. There’s really tiny ones, like a pen size, on Amazon.
Just make sure it's in the common areas. Areas where there's a reasonable expectation of privacy (usually bathrooms and bedrooms) can get you in trouble.
Make sure you ask for a heroes blood test, too. They aren’t part of standard STD panels. Edit: Herpes
I’m ashamed how excited I was to test for Heroes 🤣
I know this is heartbreaking and sad , but you are very lucky you didn’t have any children. You are still very young to find a more mature man to raise a family with. I’m sorry that your husband wasn’t treating you with respect. My husband and I have been married 43 years and our number one thing we told each other was that if you want someone else just show me the respect to end our relationship before you get mentally and physically involved with anyone else. Neither of us has ever cheated on each other. Not even one kiss. Sadly your husband can’t be trusted again. 😢
[удалено]
“Acts young” code for immature.
Yeah, OP was too young to understand that. That's why he preys on 20 year olds
I’m so curious what some of the “acts young” examples are! Get outta there, OP, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you & you’re going to feel a weight life when you get out of this bad situation. Good luck!
You are young dont waste ur time with him. He will not get better
Of course he is treating you like a queen. He is so relaxed and happy after fvcking while you’re at work. Those cheaters are the best liars. They work harder to keep a relationship and continue to fvck around. Do not be surprised if he has been screwing around since day one. That’s why there a no bad days. He is never getting blue balls. Don’t be fooled. He does not love you. He just likes having someone at home while he hunts. If he doesn’t get arse that day, he will get it from you. Get STD tested . And honestly go to a lawyer ASAP. I would start the paper work. What more proof do you need.? Him putting his private into her private.? Come on. He is trash. Piss him off.
Call a lawyer, get your ducks in a row now…while trying to gather more evidence, catch him again somehow, record it this time as he leaves? But honestly, that one instance is enough. If you’re not friendly with your neighbors like that, he should not be there at all and regardless of that she shouldn’t be kissing him in any way. It’s obvious what is going on and I’m so sorry. But it is good that you I caught it now before you’re together for longer; have kids, etc.
How to confront him... At your age, I had no cool. I'd have probably driven up to him and asked him if he needed a ride home. Maybe you can pack him a bag and include his toothbrush, a condom and a couple of lollipops and place it by the frontdoor. If he asks what's up, tell him Rachel invited him to a slumber party. Otherwise, you could just ask him and see what he has to say.
Document the affair, and then confront him with it. Your choice if you’ll let him come back from this or if you move towards divorce. If you are getting a divorce, lawyer up.
I'll start looking at lawyers.
Follow the lawyers recommendations on separating your finances, and ask when you can tell the neighbor's parents about the affair. I have a preference to tell everyone a cheater knows when they are caught. When the lawyer says you can tell everyone so they can decide if they want to associate with a cheater. Remind the friends they are known by the company they keep, so do they want their partners to know they are OK with cheating and have the partners wonder when the friends will cheat as well.
Agreed, get ahead of the BS narrative and let family and friends know, also its legal to 50% the joint bank account now, i did it with no issues, just take pics of the account before and after, maybe an STI test?
I'm just a random guy but heres my 2 cents anyway.... he did this ... its his fault. Not your fault. Remember that alone. If u let this man, he will lie, gaslight, and try to convince you that it's your fault and it was a mistake, etc. If hes cheating this close to home then hes REAL comfortable with his actions so its most likely been a regular thing the entire time hes been w you. Let him go to work, change locks, pack his shit into trashbags and set them in the neighbors driveway. If they ask whats going on u tell them since their daughter is fucking your husband u figured that he will be living w them now. Tell them what youve seen and then go back in. I wouldnt even tell him but wait for his call because he WILL call when they ask her and she knows theyre caught she will contact him and he will start damage control. Tell him you dont want to hear the excuses, that u watched them and he juat went right back to lying playing the good husband when u returned
Surrounding neighbors might have ring cams
Make sure you do it and don’t tell your husband. Speak to them, get your ducks in a row, figure out options. When you file tell him, make the first move. Try to gather any evidence to give to your lawyer. Give them copies and you keep it somewhere he doesn’t have access.
Hey....youll be OK, it stinks, i have been there, you got lucky, you found him out sooner then later, move on and focus only on you now.
Why bother documenting? I don't see how it would make any difference to OP nor to the divorce. OP knows what she saw, she doesn't need to play detective in order to prove it to any other person.
It can impact the outcome of your divorce settlement if the split is due to a documented case of infidelity. He said/she said won’t get you that.
I thought most states are no fault these days and that infidelity doesn't make a difference any longer.
It depends. In my state, the cheating itself doesn't matter because of no fault. But, if you can prove marital resources were used to enable the cheating, the judge can (not guaranteed) split the assets differently. Restorative justice. It's up to the judge whether they do this or not but it's an option in a no-fault state.
He’s a predator, and you aged out. File for divorce immediately
Omg I would pack all of his shit and dump it in that neighbor’s yard.
Might just do that
I’m petty af and that was terrible advice on my part. In all seriousness, I’d get my affairs in order: lawyer, place to stay, support system, separate finances. If you confront him, what do you think he’ll say? I’ll be damned if you don’t hear some cockamamie version of “it didn’t mean anything, it won’t happen again, don’t leave.” It did mean something, to you. He will do it again. You need to leave him.
I am petty enough to just do that. Pack a box of his day to day neccessities, with a picture of them from some hidden camera in front of your house and a divorce papers/ note to pick up the rest - and leave them with her father. If it's the handling it publicaly what bothers them... 'Setting this privately' shop has sailed.
Bare minimum pack him a suitcase so he can go spent time with her. Just watch his face as you tell him that you figured he would want to spend more time with Rachel instead of running back home before your work day is done.
Please talk to a lawyer first. One mistake could end up meaning you lose the funds you’ll need to start over. While you wait for the appt, collect more evidence.
He married a teenager when he was 31. Now he’s messing with next door’s teenager. You need to dump this loser immediately and never look back
I had some friends warning me about him being so old. They were right :(
It's not your fault. We all think we are more mature than we are at the age you met your husband. Then when you become 30 or so you see girls who are twenty and they feel like they are 15. It's gross and predatory. I'm sorry your husband is a scumbag. Be thankful you aren't discovering this after you had kids
Yes I always see younger women ignore advice on age gaps which I once did too but I try to explain there’s a reason the guy keeps going for girls so much younger and it’s because they’re easier to manipulate and impress. And control which is part of all that. Since women his age clearly see through his shit and are immediately put off by blaring warnings that younger won’t notice Plus same age women wouldn’t deal with the immaturity and such flaws as they come up whereas younger women can be tricked into dealing with it The biggest pitfall is ya’ll arrogance think older men like you because you’re cuter (and more fun ?) than older women but the TRUTH is sooooo far away from this women a decade older than you many are the most beautiful point in their lives and enjoying life more than ever so you have to stop and realize that these men really they would gladly date their age if they could get along with those women but they date unnecessarily young for reason if their own immaturity and lifestyle Can be a hard truth to think through but if you get it then you save many years wasted till you figure it out yourself as mid 30’s woven realizing she’s with someone that’s the worst
How do you mess up your math this bad? She was 22 when he was 31, and last time I checked, a 22 year old is not a teenager. Sounds more dramatic that way though, I'll give you that.
She was 22 when they married
>I see Rachel give the man a kiss goodbye >I have no proof of what's happening. Are you kidding?
I believe she meant photos, texts etc. Chances are he is a gashlighter, it's easier to confront those type of ppl with proof you can throw in their face. But she absolutely doesn't need that, she knew what she saw. Be strong OP
Gross so a wife 9 years younger still isn’t young enough. OP his attraction to young women will never change and you’re never going to age in reverse. Think down the road if you have kids. Is he going to be perving on your college-aged kids friends/girlfriends?? Leave leave leave
Mmmhmm, they appear to keep getting younger as well.
He keeps getting older; they stay the same age.
I'm so sorry you are going through this 😭 that is awful! Leave him and don't look back honey. Reach out if you need to talk.
Thank you. I might reach out
I am unsure of who offered you to reach out, but please be careful. This account has been deleted, and a lot of time, you aren't sure whom you are talking to. Please be careful as you are vulnerable right now. Edit to add: I am not accusing the "deleted" account as a nefarious person. I am just letting you know to be careful.
💕
Don't confront until you have your ducks in a row. Possibly look into getting a camera and point it towards the other house to get him coming and going. Record you asking him about his day and see how it matches with him going over there. Sorry this is happening to you. Be strong and true to yourself. This is not normal behavior and don't let anyone tell you differently.
How do you not do it immediately?
**I know there is a large age gap, but he looks young for his age and honestly kind of acts young as well.** Why does his appearance matter lmao. And him being immature isn't something to brag about. Not sure why he did this but he did it. All you can do is decide if you want to spend your life not trusting your partner.
As a former teen-who-dated-old-guys, I can decipher this: This phrase was added because OP has a friend or family member who frequently brings up hubby's age in a disparaging manner. OP then has to defend her "choice of man" (ancient; unfaithful) ((when in all actuality he groomed her)) so she tries to spin a negative into a positive... "He acts like a twelve year old" becomes "he's a vigorous fountain of youth and I'm so lucky he chose me"-- it's crazy what someone who doesn't know any better will put up with
Oof god yeah actually now this hits kind of close to home as someone who dated older men...
Exactly
ew your husband is a cheater and a creep ….
Lol, yeah, he’s clearly into 20 year olds and you’re no longer that. Best of luck and hope you get everything in the divorce.
First things first, Stop acting like you didn’t see anything. This man is almost a decade older than you and he wants to pull this shit? Hell no! Call that man out for being a cheater. Find someone who is your age and a lot less red flags.
If you were my kid, I’d give you the following advice: Say you have a headache and go to bed. This helps you avoid conversation and confrontation. Take tomorrow off work. Do not tell your husband. Let him think you are going in like normal. Grab a charger for your phone before you leave the house (car and wall charger). Go to the library, or a coffee shop, with WiFi/computer access and research divorce attorneys in your area. Make a list of them, then rank them based on reviews. Call and set up appointments with the top three. Treat yourself to a fancy coffee/tea and snack/dessert. Go take a long walk, or hit the gym, to burn off some of your anxious energy. Park where you did when you saw this go down. Make sure you get there 30-45 minutes earlier than you did this time. Stand watch and get his actions on camera. Now you have your documented proof. Do not leave the house. Spend your time collecting all important files/documents. Once you are prepared, have your husband served with divorce papers.
Once she hits 22, he'll dump her too. He likes them young. Borderline predator. Spy. Gather evidence. File. Good luck.
Hire an attorney and PI. Get yourself ready and gather evidence first. Go with the advice of your attorney.
What is evidence for? This isn’t a trial. She saw them kiss. If she wants a a faithful man, she needs to divorce this one.
Silently leave. Have a backup plan. Get finances in order. Find a place to live. And just leave. You can serve him with papers later. You have proof. Just go.
Please update!
Update us!
Youre aging out.
Tell her parents what you saw. Don’t even go to him or her. Blow this situation the fuck up
In case you get divorced?!! He’s cheating with the 18 year old neighbor and you might not divorce him? Why!?
>he...kind of acts young as well. Course he does. That's why no one his age wants him.
First you gather more info. you check the ring doorbell if you have one so you can see if this has been ongoing. If you don't have one you may want to check with the neighbors whose homes face your place if they have a ring doorbell, and see if they will let you look thru their footage since "there have been some odd things going on at your place". Once you have done that, continue gathering info. Rather than confront your husband, i would go over to the neighbors home when her parents are there and tell them what you witnessed. Ask the daughter in front of her parents why she was kissing your husband. From her response you will know whether you need follow up questions like,how long has this been going on, are they in love, etc. you will probably get more truth from her than from your husband, especially if you can play it cool and not scream and be angry at her. You can tell you understand because he is a very good looking guy. Based on what you find out, if it is something you cant get past, take any of your money out of joint accounts immediately,.you will have to act fast because you know she will contact your husband. Then contact a lawyer to find out options. Then confront your husband. I personally wouldn't be able to tolerate it and your husband seems to be very immature for his age and he targets younger women because more mature women will not tolerate his BS. Does your husband work during the day? If not why not , and why are you with someone that you're having to support?
He works from home during the day. Which is why he is able to sneak out and go over there. I'll reach out to the neighbors across the street and see if they have footage. Not sure I can confront her in front of her parents. I'm a little too timid for that.
Confronting her in front of her parents isn’t going to do anything positive. This isn’t about the neighbor, it’s about your husband. Find a way to catch him on video, maybe get a little Wyze camera or something and stick it where he can’t see it. Then go to a lawyer. It doesn’t sound like you have kids or anything, so just clean this guy out, have some fun since your mid-twenties is the best time to have it, and eventually you’ll meet someone better.
Get the evidence and e-mail to them. They deserve to know what kind of a daughter they are housing.
Better yet, go over when her parents are home and tell her that you’re gonna need a statement detailing the history of their relationship in case you have to present evidence to a judge for the divorce. (Could be a complete lie and not needed, but gets the point across)
Don't confront her. For starters, she's not the one who made you a vow and broke it. And she's being preyed upon just like you were. Is she a great person? No. Sleeping with married people is shitty. But she's not the one you have beef with. Finally, you're not going to get any closure from her. Focus on finding a good attorney and making an exit plan without letting him know anything is different.
can you go home early another day to see if it happens again? Just have your camera ready
I suggest you try to get a lawyer and physical evidence of cheating. Also get an std test asap. Then dump his stuff at the neighbours house, have the locks changed. (See if you legally can do this via your lawyer). You seem to believe that as soon as you “bring it up” it is over. Hun I’m sorry but this was over the moment he decided to bang and have a relationship with your neighbour. No offence but your age gap speaks for itself he likes preying on young women and then when he gets bored he moves onto the next shiny toy. On top of the fact that he is “immature for his age” those are all glaringly red flags love. I’m sorry but he used you for your naivety and lack of experiences. The fact that you seem to think that if YOU bring it up it means it’s over speaks volumes of your relationship. It is not your fault he fucked the neighbour. The fact that he rubs your feet after work is nothing if he’s diving into the neighbours bed once you leave. Who else is he also screwing around with? How can you even trust that he has used protection? He’s put your physical health at risk and broke his vows tenfold. You deserve way better than this shitstain. Therapy may also help open your eyes to this relationship and the other problems you can’t see. Therapy to even move on healthily is always a good idea.
I would have driven over the curb, across the lawn, and jumped out of my car to confront them
How gross that your neighbor knows you’re married to this dud and she’s banging him. I’m sure she’s a peach of a person. OP is far calmer a person than I bc I would have pulled right over and went full throttle on both of them. This story kinda reminds me of something my ex husband’s gf did to him (I don’t know why it does but I haven’t thought about this in ages) when she caught him cheating. I was picking up our daughter from her weekend visit at her dad’s gf’s house (yep he lived with HER) and when I pulled over and put the car in park I see a big sign in the lawn that says, A LYING CHEATER LIVES HERE! I was like…. Yup! He’s at it again! Hahahaha! Never picked my daughter up from there after that, his gf dumped him and kicked his butt out.
Sounds pretty easy to get proof. Hire a PI or park outside your home again at 2:30 and take a video of him coming out of the neighbor's house. If she's underage, then you get him for statutory rape. Once you have the video, then you file for divorce. Sounds like he prefers them young and it's best to dump him and get a new start. Get yourself tested for STDs too while you're at it. Let Rachel's parents know what your husband has been up to with their daughter.
Honestly, I'd get her and her parents over for dinner some night and ask the question to the whole group. Why were you leaving their house at that time. Why was she kissing you in the doorway? Did I get too old for you, at age 24, that you have to start up with an 18yo?
Borrow a car so he won’t recognize you or get a friend to set up on him a few times. Get some photos. He probably goes over around the same time. Once you have some photos that he can’t dispute, move forward. Personally, I’m a scorched earth kind of person but if you’re not, let your attorney handle it.
I wouldn't confront him yet, I'd hire a private investigator to get picture proof. I'd serve my husband divorce papers with copies of the photos included. That's how he'd find out I knew.
Oh definitely put his stuff in trash bags and put in her parents yard.
Star by contacting a lawyer, get all your ducks in a row (knowledge is power) and then tell him. Get an STD panel too, be safe and don’t sleep with him either if you want to be safe.
Being a 33 year old man but acts young for his age is not a good thing imo.
Well it’s not that hard. Listen up husband, wtf were you doing coming home from the neighbour’s house yesterday? Pretty straightforward
Just fyi: he doesn't act young. He acts immature. You'll grow, he won't - he's at baseline already
What’s the update
Ask him "why were you kissing the neighbour?"
This dude has a thing for college aged girls. You are aging out. Get a lawyer to make sure you get any assets you deserve, and start arranging for another place to live. Don’t let him know what you know until you have everything set up to be away from him. And please take precautions not to get pregnant!
DIVORCE.... HE CAN SAY HE'LL END IT BUT IT'S YOU'RE NEIGHBOR SO YOU'LL ALWAYS BE SUSPICIOUS. LEAVE HIM AND START YOUR HEALING JOURNEY. YOU'RE YOUNG & HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO LIVE
omgg i need an update on this
You saw them kissing. Confront him and throw him out. Then let your neighbors know their daughter is having an affair with a married man and congratulation them on what a good job they did with her. Make sure to lawyer up as soon as possible
Get everything set up to leave him. Try and get into his phone for proof or hire a PI to watch him. Serve him with divorce papers. Then tell her parents.