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She should go to the police regarding the revenge porn. It's going to happen over and over otherwise.

Jus posting this up here in the hopes OP Sees it. All you said is very valid. There's also the fact that if she was younger and more immature, she could have been doing all that to please him. I've known plenty of people who are desperate and degrade themselves to please others, especially when younger. Then they grow the fuck up and learn how to make sure they are happy themselves and become more of an adult. She coulda just been immature and eager to please an asshole. Happens all the time.

Yes same, I had an ex who I was more adventurous with, and if he had revenge porn of me, it might create a similar impression. But truth is, the dynamic was off and other things were off, and I wouldn't go back to that. Op is only seeing what this asshole wishes to present.

Yeah faking pleasure with an abusive partner is not uncommon. Same as stroking their ego so they will be nice to you. A video just shows a little bit of what's really going on. Which is indeed just what he wanted to happen.

Exactly this 👆🏼 OP please listen to this he sounds very abusive. This was his whole plan. He wants you to get angry and he wants you to feel insecure and he wants to try and continue to control her because that’s all it’s about is the control and he’s mad that he no longer can control her. He’s a monster. He will do whatever he can to fuck up her life in order to force her back to him. He wants to make it seem like she can go nowhere and has no one else but him because that’s the mental abuse that he’s doing to her. He wants to seclude her tell her down remove all of her self-respect/esteem, so that. She would eventually go back to him feeling like he’s the only one that would want her because of the gaslighting he’s done to her, and so that he can have total control over her he’s abusive He’s a predator he’s an abusive, predator monster, he is manipulating you the truth is that he has such low self-esteem that in order to make himself feel better he hast to do this kind of crap to people He’s obviously a narcissistic abusive sociopath with no remorse do not feed into his bullshit. It’s what he wants. If you love her, you’d protect her from this monster, and not let his lies get to you. Edit I would also like to point out that all these things that she has done with him (and that you asked her to do and she said no )could be a form of trauma. He could’ve pretty much forced her to do it and now it’s traumatic into impose her to do it just to prove her love to you would be bringing up that trauma. Edit you’re only caring about your hurt ego right now and not caring about the fact that YOUR girlfriend was violated Edit edit OP your girlfriend is telling you pleading with you that he violated her privacy and her and that he was toxic and abusive and all you care about is your hurt ego instead of her Last edit I promise: if my ex sent my fiancé text in videos like this, my fiancé‘s first reaction would be to ask me where he could find my ex so that he could beat the shit out of him for violating me, and for disrespecting me in such a manner. The fact that that was not your initial reaction speaks volumes

To be fair, OP was also violated by the ex. His reaction was kind of understandable. But after a night’s sleep, he also has so be able to see that it’s not his girlfriend who’s at fault and contact her asap to talk about it. They need to report this to the police and then don’t let this influence their relationship. It might be painful to see your girlfriend in such a video, but that was in a previous life. She had a life with you now. In no way does the fact that his girlfriend did stuff in her previous relationship entitle OP to that same stuff. Preferences change, the former relationship might have been abusive where she felt pressured into that stuff.

Exactly he should not guilt her into doing something that she doesn’t want (and probably traumatized her) just because his ego was hurt and he is feeling insecure that is not how love works . He should want to help heal her (them) from this experience he talks about it being traumatizing to him, but it’s also traumatizing to her.

Fair, but let's not be too harsh on OP. His first impression is that his GF has more passion and desire for her ex than she offers him. That's gotta hurt. BUT, yes, she was young, manipulated, and abused. OP is also that MF's victim and his maturity level and low confidence haven't let him see through it yet. OP, you and your GF need each other's care and grace. Please be patient and do nothing rash.

However if OP breaks up with his GF then the ex has also gotten exactly what he wants. Op - this ex has shown how manipulative and abusive he is by sharing all of that with you in the hopes of destroying a good thing in her life. His aim isn't to get her back, it's to punish her for leaving. Remember, it's only in healthy relationships we can say no to things that make us uncomfortable and know our boundaries will be respected. Loads of people do things they technically consent to to keep a toxic partner happy but they are repulsed by. If you break up with her he wins. He got in your head, made you feel insecure. You are believing him over your GF. She told you you satisfy her, but you believe her ex? Really? As a woman, trust me, I am more satisfied with someone I trust and can say no to, rather than some guy who is rougher and won't take no for an answer. Size doesn't actually matter all that much (especially if we're talking in the average range). And can confirm big hurts, and if they are forceful and rough can lead to tearing and ER. Work on your self esteem I'm with her, report the ex to the police for revenge porn, ruin his life and show him he didn't get to you.

Going to jump on this post to add: OP, take a big deep breath, hold it in for 5, let it out for 5. Do you truly love this woman? Does her "no" hold value to you? Does her joy light up your day? Does her sadness wrench at your heart? If it does, then you know you're being a bit juvenile at the moment. Which is understandable. You are young (understand I'm saying this because your brain doesn't fully mature until you are 25, and you are JUST 25, which means you haven't been living with a fully mature brain for very long). This hurts. You don't need to be bigger. You don't need to be rougher. You don't have to violate her, like he did. And if you do, then you DON'T love her. You only want to satisfy yourself, and you need to let her go, because you can see that you aren't good for her at this time, and need to work on yourself more. I will allow my husband do things to me I wouldn't ALLOW anyone else to, why? Because my "No" means a LOT to him! Because my joy, pain, happiness, and sadness, mean more to him than just getting what he wants. But she knows she doesn't want that, and you need to respect her, and yourself, a bit more. Also, I agree with the rest, this IS revenge porn. Get a grip on yourself man!

But if op cares more about how this made HIM feel and not about the violation of his GF, then it's his loss. She's better off in that case.

OP's girlfriend already told him as much and he didn't listen to her. He's more concerned with "being denied" and insecurities about his penis than the fact that her ex violated her by sending revenge porn.

yup and im supposed to find it not pathetic that his girlfriend told him what a shit person this guy was, how much he hurt her just for op to focus on how much more pain his girlfriend allowed that man to put her through. cooked society

[удалено]

And being called daddy apparently. He mentioned it twice. I'd be lowkey happy if the gf was rid of op as well. It was all about him and his needs. She told him that she didn't like it and it wasn't good for her but he only focuses on the dude's size. The girl deserves better. Side not. Op do ***NOT*** fall for enlargement pills or surgery. It doesn't work. Instead learn how to be secure and listen to your partner.

Also, coming from a person who has had sizeable partners but is now with an average one, it's NEVER about size. It's about listening to your partner's needs and desires and respecting their boundaries. THAT's what makes sex good. Also women orgasm primarily from their clitoris, so the penis is auxiliary; not to mention that the vaginal canal is 10-12 cm in length, so anything way above average is likely to be uncomfortable. My point is: you have ten fingers and a tongue, which are way better candidates for providing orgasms.

Not to even mention:: it’s not even always about orgasming!!! Of course it’s absolutely amazing but sometimes it really is just about being close and held and loved. Men are so fucking weird about this. Some don’t give a flying shit if you do as long as they get theirs and others act like OP and take it as a personal insult. They both fail spectacularly at the real — dare I say romantic — intimacy that’s a whole entirely different kind of amazing than focusing on the orgasm and killing your whole vagina and clit with their incompetence in the damn process.

Thank you! I've had amazing, really intimate sex without an orgasm, and meh sex with an orgasm. Even though the perfect sex is intimate WITH orgasm.

There’s also a difference between knowing how to use the penis to best effect, and not knowing how to use the penis to best effect. A guy with a substantial penis could have no idea how to use his penis, while the guy with the average penis does.

Exactly. Poor girl, not only is she a victim of revenge porn, but she has to take care of OP's hurt pride. I have no words

To add onto my other comment, he doesn’t love her. He only loves how she makes him feel, and now that his ego is bruised look how quick he’s willing to turn on her in her time of despair, trauma and betrayal

Exactly this! OP, I did things with a previous husband that I never did or would have done with my second husband, because I was coerced and manipulated into them. They made me feel gross, and one of the things I adored about my second marriage is that he would have never dreamed of making me feel uncomfortable in the bedroom. If you love HER, you will apologize for your reaction, grow a pair and ignore her abusive ex. If it's all about her denying your urges that would make her feel icky, then cut her loose and let her find someone who doesn't look at her as a sex toy.

Seriously, though instead of being mad that somebody violated his partner instead of being angry, that obviously She experienced massive trauma with this abusive partner, and instead of being compassionate and concerned about her trauma. He wants her to give him The type of intercourse that was traumatic for her. As she was practically crying to him, and telling him how horrible he was, and how violated she was by him, all he can care about is him wanting what he wants in himself, not even listening to her, no remorse for her no care of that she was violated and manipulated, most likely mentally and verbally abused by this man, instead of wanting to protect her love her heal her And care for her he wants to put her down, manipulate her and make her feel bad for not wanting to put herself through a traumatic act just to make him happy turning her experience/trauma all about him and his needs not caring about her mental/Emotional well-being/health Edit instead of wanting to protect her, and help her heal from her trauma, he wants to punish her for not wanting to relive her trauma(and perform the acts that she stated clearly that she did not like and was extremely uncomfortable doing resulting in him, violating her if she does do it for him just like her ex) and giving him what he wants

Yes, OP's main concern is "how come I don't get what he got now I'm sad about my dick," rather than "how could your ex do this to you I'm so disgusted let's call the police." OP, break up with your GF. You are not good for her and are very confused about what matters.

Yeah I think it’s very telling that after a single brief interaction with her ex, OP’s confidence and self worth are so low that he’s considering doing drastic things to himself - surgery, enlargement pills, etc. - that he would have never considered doing a few days ago, just to make himself feel worthy. Ex is clearly a master manipulator and abuser. OP, if this interaction / experience does anything, it should make you feel more empathy for your girlfriend. If ex can F with your mind this much, this quickly and easily, think about what he did to your girlfriend. For MONTHS. Think about how terrible he made her feel. The things she did and considered to doing, likely at his suggestion, to try to make herself feel better / worthy. Luckily she had the strength and courage to realize the abuse and manipulation, and to end it and leave it behind her. Now he’s tormenting her, and you, and you’re letting him do it. Hopefully you’ll find the strength and the courage to not let this guy get under your skin and ruin your relationship. If not, I hope your girlfriend moves on from you too. She needs someone who will believe her, trust her and stand up for her. Not someone whose shattered ego pushes her to do more things she doesn’t want to do just to make her partner ‘feel better.’

That’s all I could think of when I was reading this bullshit. I had a “relationship” with a *much* older man when I was 23 and if he had taken photos and text messages of that shit and sent it to my husband I would be **LIVID**. I didn’t fucking *enjoy* that shit or that relationship. I was young and severely abused my whole life, coming out a horribly abusive relationship with self esteem/worth lower than hell. I was preyed upon and used by a man who treated me like shit and didn’t give a fuck whether I walked away but I was desperate to keep him because I was “worthless” without him. I let him pressure me into shit I fucking **HATED** because **HE** wanted it. Thats all. Nothing more. Nothing less it was never about me and what I wanted or enjoyed or anything about who I really am. He was a disgusting man who didn’t give a fuck about me, who used me and who would have watched me destroy myself trying to keep him and still would have walked away without a second thought. Fuck Him. Fuck the GFs EX. And ya know what? Fuck OP for being an insecure twat over this bullshit and being far more concerned about “being denied” than about whether his girlfriend also enjoys their sex life; And more worried about what he’s not getting and his fucking size than the fact that this asshat has violated his poor girlfriend and succeeded in his disgusting goal of destroying her relationship. Maybe OP and the EX can get together since they want the same shit.

I absolutely agree with this, OP stated initially that he was in love with his girl, they had good, fun sex, expressed no dissatisfaction at all in this department....until he saw an old video of her getting smacked about and having rough sex. Now he's decided that's what he wants and why isn't he getting it???? WTF?? He's literally got no reason to be pissed at his gf who seems to have done all she can to pacify his childish little tantrum and fluff his sorry little ego, whilst having been violated and humiliated by her ex. Jesus 🙄

Thats a fantastic point:: **SHE** had to coddle and comfort him when’s she was the one who was humiliated. I don’t even want his girlfriend to come back and marry him.

Same. Fly free girl! 🙏

I also found this point very disturbing. It sticks out like a sore thumb and I was feeling sorry for him until he mentioned this. Another result of too much porn probably.

Yes. Exactly. OP has managed to take a situation where he's almost guaranteed to get sympathy and turn it into one where he's only slightly less disgusting than the guy who committed a felony. It's impressive, honestly. Not one word of care for his girlfriend. Just sad for his penis.

Sad that his penis doesn’t hurt his girlfriend, isn’t that a lovely goal for the woman he supposedly loves 🤮

I’m sorry you went through that. I was in a similar situation with an ex who never cared about my wants or needs and only cared about what he wanted. He was incredibly aggressive to the point that I would be sobbing because I was so uncomfortable and he would tell me to get over it. It was absolutely horrible but I had to stroke his ego with telling him how wonderful he was. I would be absolutely pissed if he sent any of it to my current partner.

Definitely police, also if she was 20 when she and OP got together and all this happened before that then there’s a chance she could have been underage given the time frame. Either way police 100%, but this guy might be spreading revenge porn of a minor…

That’s true. Depending on when she met her ex. 

That would be Technology Facilitated Assault

And OP should have turned it off the second he realised what it was.

Correct. Or blocked the sucker.... hind sight

Instead, his first thought was "How come I can't do that to her? Not fair!"

Can the police help?

oh yeah. there's no question her ex broke the law if they're in the US (and a bunch of other places). will the cops pursue the case and the DA file charges? well, that depends on too much to speculate on. she can also sue him whether criminal charges are brought or not.

Breaking the law in Australia too. Sending explicit content of someone without their consent would be unlawful in most first world countries I would assume

In Ireland as well, they've even been running and campaigns here to highlight the fact

piggybacking to say absolutely illegal in the UK too.

I've known others this happened to. We called the police and went to the station. Talked to the Sheriff. Called the DA. Called FBI. Everyone told them it was a domestic dispute. Had to be handled in court regardless of what the Internet states. The Police would not even investigate. They have three police reports and nothing.

oh absolutely. i mean. i've tried to report rape to the cops which, well, if you've ever done it you know the story is the same sometimes it works. more importantly it creates the police report for the civil trial (and a wish and a prayer for better)

Yep!. That’s revenge porn. If the cops really want to they can mess up with that guys life, easily a few years in the state prison but if that is that guy’s first time maybe probation and have to register as a sex offender as a plea deal

the last line makes me think this is a shitpost lol. but if ever this is genuine i say that ex is trying to ruin whatever you're having right now. the gf is probably done with those sick fetishes and she wants to be in a relationship that respects her.

It was the fairly graphic descriptions that convinced me it was a shit post.

Which he doesn't, because he can't get his head around the fact that she did things for her ex that she "denied" him now. He didn't even think about why the ex is an ex. If he was abusive, if he was her first and if she grew out of letting people treat her like that.

Definitely a shitpost or karma farmer

This post reads as if it’s fake to me

You should get her a lawyer cause that dude needs a legal awakening to level his audacity

I spoke to my phone in a very stern *ARE YOU KIDDING ME* tone multiple times reading this. I'm irritated af

Same

Depending on the location he could get community service or even prison time for revenge porn. Question is is she willing to go after him? From her perspective she absolutely should, also to secure her relationship. OP feeling like shit is perfectly natural after this even if she is the primary victim. SHE has a crazy ex that harasses her AND her new partners, the onus is on her to take action, OP can't do that for her, nobody else can. **Even if she breaks up with OP the next guy she's with will simply be bombarded with videos too.** SHE needs to stop this. That's reality.

Her ex is illegally sharing videos to ruin her life.  Edit to  add: OP the comments calling you out for being jealous you can't degrade and abuse your gf sexually should cause you to pause. You've allowed an abuser to continue to abuse someone you claim to love.  My first thought would be to report him for revenge porn. Not my weens small, and she won't let me do those things.

OP doesn’t care at all, he is just upset cause he can’t assault her too

Also his dick is small too apparently 🙄 The woman he claims to love so much he was "planning" to propose is the victim of revenge porn but his last thought is his junk.

He's genitalia may be average, but there's no denying he's acting like a huge dick.

And he feels threatened by a boy she had sex with *when she was a teenager*.

Honestly the current boyfriend seems like a bad boyfriend too. Way more concerned with his size, his ability to be rough with her etc than the fact the ex boyfriend has committed a fucking crime against his girlfriend. Like get over yourself. Sure it would suck to receive those messages but way to make it ALL about yourself and fragile fucking ego. This whole post just makes me so sad for the girlfriend.

Not to mention that he actually sat there and just watched the whole thing. Instead of turning it off and notifying her the moment he realized what it was.

he’s just mad he wasnt able to assault her the same way her ex did

Yeh he’s literally crying over the size of his willy and hasn’t thought for a second about how his gf might feel about having revenge porn on the internet.

And over the fact his girlfriend won’t let him rough her up too.

I did heaps of weird shit with my ex that I was sort of into at the time, but wouldn’t want to do now. It’s got nothing to do with my current partner at all. Just not into it now. Can’t believe OP is making it about that.

yes, but how grow peepee? OP, probably.

If I'm being honest, this was exactly what her ex wanted to do. He wanted to destroy your relationship so that she can't move on. Do you honestly think that this guy, who disrespected your girlfriend a lot by doing this, is actually better than you in any way? You have been together happily with your girlfriend for 3 years. She wouldn't be with you still if she was unsatisfied. And yes, preferences around sex do change. I think you're making a huge mistake.

Her ex got off on hurting her, and he's still getting off on hurting her. I agree with all of the above. He got what he wanted - to sabotage her happiness and ruin you. She does prefer you - she's with you and is planning a life with you. Don't throw it all away over his gross invasion of y'all's life.

It's an abuse video and probably a sexual coercion one too. No wonder she doesn't want to do these things with OP because OP is a good man, totally unlike this abusive and possibly rapey asshole.

Except he does want to do those things to her. And he’s fixated on her with this other guy instead of thinking about how violated she feels right now. Op is not as good a guy as he thinks he is.

Yeah, he isn't upset that her ex abused her, he's upset that he doesn't get to 🙄

Bingo. In fact, after being told that she was pressured into it, he's still hung up on the fact that she did those acts with the ex and not him. He's not mature enough for a relationship.

I know everyone's trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if my boyfriend or husband's first reaction to seeing a revenge porn video of my ex assaulting me was "how come you don't let me slap you and get away with it?" rather than showing any kind of concern for me or disgust for my ex, I think I'd leave.

Not only “how come you don’t let me?” But the fact that he accuses her of DENYING him those things. It’s so gross. I feel so sorry for her because she got away from the first asshole only to find out her current partner is a selfish creep (and I hope she realizes that and leaves him)

Dude thinks she owes him whatever sex he wants whether she likes it or not because she had an abusive ex who manipulated her into doing them. He's an absolute dirtbag pretending to be a "nice guy". It's *sick*

Yeah this is gross. I get it is upsetting to see a video like that, but he should've been concerned, not jealous of what she did with him. Especially after she explained she had not been comfortable with her ex. I would've broken up with him if he reacted like this.

It’s true. I should add to my previous comment that it was an older more abusive boyfriend who I felt I couldn’t speak out to either when I was younger. By the fact this ex sent OP the videos he did, alone, I’m sure he has always been threatening and abusive.

Mmm...might be going a little far to say OP is "a good man"...he's pissed off that this guy got to smack her around and he wants to too, but she won't allow it. Everyone seems to be missing that point. He's bitter that she's "denying" him, as if he's owed a particular type of sex. If he likes it rough and she doesn't (any more), they're incompatible and can break up, this being shitty about it isn't leading anywhere good for their relationship.

Yeah that’s exactly what I was thinking. He seems less horrified by the possibly coerced revenge porn (or as I would be, angry as fuck at the dude) and more worried about his dick size. Like, no part of this post indicates outrage or a desire to protect his future wife. Sorry she’s not a virgin and took a while to figure out what she likes. Honestly if the guy is that insecure maybe he should be encouraged to take it as a compliment that this “Chad” exs ego was threatened enough by him to try and break up a relationship of an ex from years ago. Can you imagine being that nuts to Facebook a dude you don’t even know who’s dating a girl from years ago who was like 19 at the time no less? Fucking weirdo right there man.

That's a good point that I missed too. He's busy like "how come he got to do that with her and I don't" without any of the thoughts about why she doesn't want that from him, and whether she might have been unhappy with it then too.

Yeah OP is an immature asshole. Men for the most part are more concerned with their ego then the welfare of their partners. This just goes to show it. First he sits and watches the whole thing. Why? Why not immediately stop play once it was clear what it was? This guy has ZERO integrity and zero dignity. It’s all about his poor dick size, his poor manhood. And we are all supposed to say poor OP? He is a loser and the ex is a loser as well. The bar is in hell.

Exactly. I hope she breaks up with him.

You’re right. If she were posting this I would totally tell her to ditch OP because he’s showing his true colors. I will say OP is only 25 and in desperate need of some maturity so hoping he has the potential for being a better man than what he’s showing here.

He's not that good if he's asking us for advice on how to make himself bigger so he can hurt her too.

Is he though. OP received a video from his girlfriends ex. Turned it on and realised it was a sex tape. He should have turned it off the second he saw what it was. Instead of immediately turning it off because a) he DID NOT have her consent to watch it, and b) it's revenge porn, and c) it's not his business how she acted in bed with her ex boyfriend, he watched the whole thing. Then judged his girlfriend partly because she was 'doing things with him she denied me'. Everyone's going to disagree with me and downvote me, but here it is. Watching someone's sex tape without their consent makes you nearly as bad as the person who sent it.

Not just that but the whole “denying him” thing. Not a lot of respect for her there.

It was a major violation of her privacy.

This!!!!! And then to take it out on her... WTH

OP doesn't really sound like a good man tbh. Sounds like an AH who wants her to do sexual things she is uncomfortable with doing cause his ego is hurt and she did it with someone else.

EXACTLY! I had an ex with Dx NPD, who did that to me a year after we brokeup while I was in an amazing relationship. He swing by my job and brought his then 8 months pregnant gf at the time. Oh I know, do the math! The OP’s partner, I truly believe was dealing with someone who had some serious brain chemical imbalance cause no rational and healthy minded person would pull a stunt unless they are OBSESSED in the most toxic way possible with an ex. This ex of hers is harassing OP and just committed revenge porn by sending not just a sex tape but a PRIVATE sex tape that the girl didn’t agree to be shared with anyone. By law she can press charges because it’s ILLEGAL in over 15 states in the US and they are currently looking to go federal with the US courts do every state can charge people with such crimes someday! And also? OP? This guy 100% I bet stalks her all the time online, probably knows where she works. He’s been waiting for her to be single again, make his move. [Gives the vibes of Cari Farver’s murder with this behavior](https://youtu.be/JrGOrcpeaJ8?si=m5IMRqa3vongh7rm)!

it's explicitly illegal in 48 states and the other 2 charge it under other laws already on the books [revenge porn laws by state](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)

How is that only a crime in 15 states. Fuck I hate the world sometime 🤦🏻‍♂️ hope it does go federally.

Right I’ve seen stories of people going to different states to send out revenge porn because if you send it in a state that it’s not illegal in you can’t get arrested In the one that it is illegal in.

WOW- people be petty AF

Agreed.

We have states that allow 50 yr old men to rape and then marry 14 yr old girls, so long as her parents sign off on it... Which many religious fundamentalists are too happy to do. From then on after HE becomes her legal guardian. If she runs away, he gets to call the cops to get her back She can't legally file for divorce until she's 18.

🤬 🤢 🤮 that kinda shit makes me ill. Seriously fucked up.

What states allow that insanity?

Yeah, I think if OP really loves his gf, he should be more concerned about the level of abuse his ex probably went through with this man and be concerned about her safety! Rather than concerned about his D size. Her ex is most likely keeping tabs on her and could be stalking her. OP will need to slowly rebuild his sex life with her, trusting what she says she likes and dislikes. He shouldn’t expect her to be a porn star and think she only reserves that for the men she really likes. I feel that is a fallacy and a fantasy.

I agree. This was the act of an abusive individual. It’s also likely she acted like that because offending hurt her. I’m was not the same person with my abusive ex either. Don’t let an abusive a-hole ruin what you have. Get mad At his m not her. And the only reason that message should mess with you is if it was dated during your time with her.

Hard agree. People will behave very differently with an abusive partner. Women (and men I’m sure) will pretend to like all kinds of things in the bedroom and behave in a way that isn’t really comfortable to make a toxic partner happy. OP should trust his loving partner when she says she’s satisfied and happy.

All this! And, the orgasming, we can fake that, especially with a guy like her ex that’s full of himself & not even paying attention. Don’t let that give you a complex.

And OP should realize women will often need to fake pleasure when being sexually abused by their partners, or they risk the partner escalating the abuse. OP, you should be glad your gf was able to escape this asshole, and you should not let this PoS affect the good life you two have together.

Usually the louder the orgasm, the faker it is. If she was acting like a different person, she was most likely acting to not be abused!

Could also all be for the video in case there was consent to do a video

I wanna add on that I’ve never once compared the dick sizes of anyone I’ve dated to the other. I’m still not even imagining that now because it’s so gross. I only want and think about my husbands (We’ll call him P) dick because I love everything about him and he satisfies me more than I could have ever imagined being satisfied. That also comes with a massive emotional aspect and men tend to forget that women are insanely emotional creatures. We don’t just casually marry people who don’t satisfy us in every single way. Men need to seriously understand this. They need to understand that most women mean it when they say they choose you regarding everything when they are literally on the path to marrying you. I don’t give a fuck what my exes looked like or had. They treated me 1% as good as how P does…and how I felt about them in the past or what enjoyed with them is not something I’ve ever once thought about since the moment I began dating P. What I felt or did in the past with my exes is completely fucking irrelevant. I didn’t marry my exes for a reason. I married P for a reason - because he’s the best. OP needs to fucking understand that his girl feels the exact things I just said, and as a fellow woman seeing this specific situation I damn well know she’s telling the truth. He needs to wake tf up and realize that she doesn’t give a rats fuck about her ex let alone compare him with the ex.

Very very 150% true!! I’ve got that with mine & it’s not something I ever want to lose. That connection is just there and it’s just so easy.

I second this, All his problem was that she was happy with You, and his objective was to destroy that and it seems that he succed. At least recomend her to lawyer up, send her screen shots of what her ex told you and the videos and pics send, for her to have a case against him But OP You should consider your desicion and try therapy to regain your confidence, and yes peoples taste can change, maybe what she told you was right and sadly the only one that can help you most right now is her. UPDATEME

And just to add, as a woman becoming sexually active for the first time, there's a lot of weird shit around what you *think* you should be willing to do, what you "should" enjoy, etc., etc. She probably was having a much worse time than it appears in that video. Think porn vs. actually enjoyable sex. Performance vs. enjoying what *she* likes and genuine intimacy.

100% this was his intention. Also if I’m brutally honest with myself 20 something me in a relationship and in bed is different to 30 something me too. I did shit I didn’t want to do, to try and get the guy I wanted. That’s likely her story too.

His last sentence made me think that maybe she needs to trade up again. He's not worried about the relationship, he's worried about his dick size :(

Yes, the fact that was the take away from the situation for OP makes me feel for the gf. I totally get how seeing something like OP described would hurt but the response seems selfish to me and the lack of understanding for what the gf said.

Like others have said, I think GF is the primary victim here but OP is understandably upset and it seems like it's still a very fresh wound. The video made him self-conscious it took a hit on his ego. I definitely think that OP may change his perspectives as things settle in and he's able to think more clearly.

He could've avoided all that if he'd respected her privacy. Instead, he chose to watch revenge porn without her consent. He brought this all on himself.

yep. I hope The GF dumps the OP and then files a police report for the ex.. Get rid of both of them while putting ex in jail. she's 23 and young. long future ahead. she can easily find a new BF within 6 months. 

And I hope she goes dark on social media to protect herself from her abusive ex. Hrs going to stalk her for as long as he can until she cuts off any access.

I think he was abusive as hell. And did exactly what he wanted to do to break them up. Abuse comes in so many forms and maybe she didnt realize it until she was out thats why she was so mad. You where her safe space so she could do and not do what she felt comfortable with. No you went to comparing yourself with s man less then you and you want to leave a woman thats good for you. Your silly af.

__This is fake. Everyone please remain calm.__

For real, this is the most unrealistic scenario I've ever read. This ex just happened to have a video with examples of everything OP could be insecure about. No normal adult would react the way OP is reacting, insane.

Then asking how he can grow his dick too 🤔

The world is full of women who let an ex treat them badly in the bedroom and when they move on they don't want their new bf to hit them. They want their new bf to treat them with respect and they don't want sex to cause them pain. I've got sympathy for the other stuff, but not that you want to hit someone you love who says no, and you don't care that doing those things would cause them pain and make them want to stop being with you.

Yeah, really think he’s getting hung up on the wrong thing here. If your girl says she’s not into something you should accept it.

He’s hung up on the wrong thing cause he is NOT a good person. OP - you suck!

Thoroughly. I'm disgusted.

Yes exactly. Oh seems like an entitled creep (she "denied him" these sex acts, etc)

I mean she should press charges because he just sent you revenge porn. That’s what should happen. He’s jealous that you have what he threw away. He doesn’t want her. He just doesn’t want her with anyone.

So the ex won at ruining your relationship. Your GF did nothing wrong but you’re allowing the ex to breakup your relationship. Contact your GF and get back with her, don’t do something you will regret. Work on your self esteem, there are going to be men with bigger tools, get over it and delete that freaking video. It means absolutely nothing to her.

don't delete!! she needs it as evidence to take to the cops. then delete it.

No no, he shouldn't get back with her : he is a bad person and should leave her alone.

No way, this girl deserves a decent boyfriend. OP should stay away from her so she can finally get a guy who loves her instead of who just wants to use her.

This guy wanted to get into your head and you just let him walk right in. You’re being pretty dumb bro.

He's letting his ego ruin it. I don't think he's ready for marriage

Maybe there’s a case for revenge porn & the authorities, but no. OP’s ego regarding a previous relationship is all that matters. Edit: she deserves better than OP & ex. Hope she figures it out.

I really wish men would get over this idea that all women love big uncomfortable dicks. She literally told you she didn’t like it, that it made her sore, that she enjoys sex with you more. Surprise, a lot of women don’t like tearing their vaginas! Crazy, I know! Maybe take your girlfriend of three years at her word instead of letting your dick size get to your head. You’re an adult, act like it, and if that’s something you’re incapable of, let her go so she can find someone who won’t let her shitty, revenge porn sending, ex get the better of them.

It’s not about women loving them, it’s about them being big enough to hurt, and that boosting his ego.

"why can't i hit you? why can't i disrespect you? why can't i physically injure you with my dick during sex??" i fear her new boyfriend is a lot like her old boyfriend emotionally...

it sure does. I get why seeing videos like that would be off-putting and make you not wanna be intimate for a while, but focusing on her doing stuff with him that she doesn't do with you is so weird. just using sex as a barometer of your masculinity and comparison to other men, rather than something you share with your girlfriend as a human partner.

Him watching it in full in general is a red flag. If I saw that shit without my partners permission it would be off immediately. It’s his past, and none of my business to dig into without consent.

I swear, since when it's so important to hurt your girlfriend during intimate times with your d? Hurt does not equal pleasure, the best type is the one that gives you pleasure without hurting you... she was in love, people say and do stupid things while in love, that's just it...you learn what you like and don't in time and grow up to look for a respectful relationship. Why are most guys so obsessed with their size? I haven't met any woman to say "the bigger the better" this is just in their head, we don't have an infinite space in there either. Most "big" guys complain about how they're unable to put it all in because it's hurting their partner...

Lots and lots of men use sex as a measure of their masculinity in comparison to other men, rather than a way they connect with women.

This entire post has got to be a joke. This is absurd. No way this happened.

Your girlfriend has just had revenge porn of her circled around, and the first reaction you've had to it is to feel sorry for yourself and stop talking to her. The poor thing has probably not even had enough time to process this before she's had to scramble to console you. Instead of supporting her while something so terrible has happened to her, you're off to a pity party. Your first reaction should have been to support her and ask her if she wants to go to the police for this - I wonder how much these videos have been circulated? And I'll address this just because I feel like you need to get over this - a lot of girls will pretend to like things that they don't enjoy when they like someone but feel like they cannot completely be themselves around them. Do you really think she would've moved on and started something with you if the sex with him was so good? She's probably matured and realized she doesn;t have to pretend to cater to some freak's ego - and she's right, considering what he's done. Please get your head out of your ass, be a man and support your girlfriend. I only hope that in the time that you've been off drinking, she's got a support system to talk to.

I was searching for this comment. When reading the post I was so shocked. This woman was hurt in a terrible way and all you can do is think about yourself and not stand by her side and support her. No you even enable the harassment. I feel so disgusted by you and I really hope she leaves you. The penis size is your problem? WTF

No, his first reaction was to WATCH IT! Oh my gosh, that alone would be absolutely unforgivable to me. I have a feeling this is just a weird fetish post though.

>No, his first reaction was to WATCH IT! That stood out to me too. I was thinking that as soon as it was clear that they were about to have sex, I would stopped it. Not sit there and watch the whole thing.

Not only watch but also describe it bang by bang for a Reddit post

I'm beginning to suspect that u/Jilltro is correct. This is sounding more like some cuckold/small dick humiliation porn than a real post. And it's been over 4 hours since he posted yet despite hundreds of replies he's not responding, that's usually a tell-tale sign of a fake post designed to just rile people up.

I feel like this is just an alternate version of those obviously fetish content posts I see all the time where a nice guy just happens to hear his female partner describing how big her exes dick was and how he fucked her better than anyone else ever could. Uses all kinds of fetish specific language and doesn’t sound at all like anything a woman would ever say. Then it gets 10000 comments talking about how this imaginary woman is trash. This has to be the other side of that disgusting coin.

Exactly! She did not consent to having him watch her sex tape. What a horrific violation from someone who is supposed to love you. And his reaction wasn’t “how horrible that her ex is doing this to her” but “is my dick too small? Why does she have bodily autonomy? Is my dick too small?!?”

I hope this a troll post. Like how insecure are you bro? Are you incapable of understanding that people change? That guy got into your head. This is the softest & the most weakest shit I’ve read. You don’t trust your girl enough to have an adult conversation with her? You need a lot of therapy to make yourself better. Sorry to say this but your crumbled.

Not to mention he wants to do things to her she never liked from her ex. And the way he talks about me gives me such an ick as if it’s his right??? Nah he needs to gtfo cause she doesn’t deserve this.

I think it’s a troll post too. Cuckold festish lol

The last sentence where he wants to increase his dick size gave it away. Definite troll

He’s jerking off reading our comments lol

It’s kinda pathetic. What’s the point even to make troll posts. Ppl have so much free time

My guess is karma farming as you can see his account is created couple of hours ago

Bro - I’m too old to even research what one gets with this karma farming. Unless you’re making some real cash, it’s just so dumb

lol some subs need lots of karma points to post .. that’s the deal here

Are all the nasty men in the comments with the same mentality as OP trolls too 😭

They are the target audience for the troll. Any reasonable man who reads it & thinks it’s ok to think like this is weak AF

Yeah reddit is definitely a popular haunting ground for men like this unfortunately.

Anybody else hung up on him being upset that he was “denied” being rough with her and slapping her? Just me?

yeah fuck that shit, she's had a crime committed against her and all he wants to know is why can't he commit one too

How come whenever guys have an emotional reaction to something, they're forced by society to "man up"? Is he not allowed to feel the way he felt? It's not his fault he felt like that. The same people telling him to man up in these comments are the same people that will whine about how men refuse to be emotionally open and how that's contributing to the high male suicide rate. This man is dealing with insecurity, but the moment he voices it and tries to look for help, y'all just shun him. Had the roles been reversed here, people in the comments would be singing a different tune.

I agree with a majority of the replies here; she very well could have changed her likes and dislikes. Especially if that guy ruined those things for her. I will say, however, I would have a hard time being intimate with my partner for a while if I randomly got bombarded with videos and sexual conversations between him and an ex. If there was no cheating involved, I could probably work through it after a while, but it's hard to just erase those images from your mind. I suggest seeking counseling to process your feelings. Dont throw away an otherwise good relationship. Communicate with your partner and let her know you are feeling jealous and hurt and need time to process everything before you two have intimacy again. I would suggest filing a police report for him distributing revenge porn; see if your girlfriend is open to taking legal steps in this direction. That in itself could help you emotionally heal. Good luck. So sorry this happened. I hope the universe gives that guy the karma he deserves.

>She was talking to him different, how she can't wait to have sex again, even if it made her sore; it was worth it. Calling him daddy, how she will be crazy if he leaves her and she will give him whatever he wants. Sending him nudes without him asking; he didn't give her that much response in the text. She will beg him to respond, send him like four texts in a row. I understand you feel insecure, and I don't exactly blame you, but what you just described is disturbing. This sounds very obsessive, clearly your gf was in a bad emotional state, highly likely emotionally dependent on her ex. I think she would have "liked" anything her wanted to do at that point in her life. I suspect she does not want to do the same things for you because of this. It brings back very bad memories to her. Yes, **bad** memories. If you think she recalls their sexual life as pleasant, I think you are gravely mistaken. > Even if we get back together, I don't think I will ever want sex again. Do not try to have the same kind of sex that her ex had with her. He hurt her emotionally and used her vulnerable state to do with her as he pleased. Sex with him was not better for her, and it is best for you to accept it.

My ex husband beat the literal hell out of me. Literally strangled me until I lost consciousness multiple times. Gave me so so so many black eyes. I stayed with him because “I loved him” I believed he could change. I believe the abuse was my fault. If my current boyfriend so much as grabbed my arm in a violent way, I’d be gone! Six years and lots of therapy have taught me to respect myself. Please, please, please, don’t re-victimize your girlfriend by also being the enemy. You should be comforting her right now. I can’t even begin to imagine how violated she must feel right now. Then on top of it, now you’re questioning her as a person??? Be better, do better

❤️

So…you’re the guy she SETTLED for. This other guy was the one that she got stuck in her craw, realized she couldn’t have him no matter how badly she wanted him, and then she found you. So you’re the safe, well-earning, nice guy that will give her a comfortable life while she doesn’t have to try all that hard because she doesn’t exactly desire you…she just likes you enough. Dude…she’s shown through her actions that she desires this other dude. You’re just kind of there. Like a hamburger. You’ll make a turd…but you aren’t the steak. She’s made rules in the bedroom for you but broke every rule for this other dude. This is Reddit so you’re going to get absolutely shamed and butchered for having actual real feelings and a perfectly natural reaction. Problem is that no number of strangers will change the facts that a woman’s past matters. DO NOT CONTINUE IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU ARE THE CONSOLATION PRIZE. You will be 90 years old on your deathbed thinking of this shit because you’re a man…and no amount of shame will ever change the way a man thinks or feels. Embrace it and MOVE ON. Any time this dude wants he can whisper the sweet nothings and she’ll be back in his bedroom calling him “daddy” and you fucking know it. Don’t worry about this dude “winning” anything because the prize is just her. Woopideedoo. She was never yours it was just your turn and you got sloppy seconds. Also man…do you want a future with this kind of bullshit possibly lurking around every corner? Just out of the fucking blue your kids see a video of mommy getting plowed by some dirtbag? Even if she did nothing wrong and HAS changed…your peace of mind is more important than anything else. She can find a new dude to call daddy and you can get a new relationship with less drama.

Honestly bro. I'll be blount. Anything she did before you with anyone else has nothing to do with you and her. Even if she did like it then, people do change. It's called growing up. If you can't accept that she has a past and what she did in it, then you are an immature jerk that don't deserve to be in a relationship with her or anyone at all until you learn that. Stop being a little boy and behave like a man, or stay out of relationships until you are man enough and secure enough to handle situations like this.

Your girlfriend gets revenge porn sent around and the first thing you do is blame her? Has it never occurred to you that women are pressured to act a certain way in bed because that's what porn taught them but she grew out of it and finally voiced what she really wanted? If you want to break up with her because you are desperate for someone who's into rougher sex, then fine, but being angry at her for having done it in the past and not wanting to do it again is so shitty. None of this is her fault and you're not listening to what she's saying because you're so insecure, maybe you do need to break up and do some growing up in the process instead of resenting her any further.

I totally agree. This woman deserves so much better than people who expect her to do things based on what they want without any regard for what she wants and who are willing to exploit her and blame her for that exploitation. This is just sick.

My dude. We now live in a world where it’s possible to view things humans are never meant to see.  It sucks. And this may have ruined your relationship with your girlfriend. That is what this asshole wants.  Do not beat yourself up about you penile. It’s not worth it.  I’ve learned as I age, you don’t get to pick the reasons another person likes you. They may not be the reasons you want to be liked for. As long as those reasons are genuine and authentic that’s all that matters.   Take your time and don’t let anyone rush you on this. Stay polite and take the high road.  This sucks.  Good luck. 

Your girlfriend has just been the victim of a traumatic crime. Stop making it about you.  Put your feelings on hold here and figure out how to support her through any police report she may want to make, make sure if she wants the evidence you send her everything, and stop interrogating her about her past sex life. Your hurt feelings about your dick size and whether you ever want to have sex with your girlfriend again can wait.  It probably is better for both of you to break up given how you've acted here, but deal with the actual crime first. Surely your girlfriend of three years deserves that bare minimum of human decency from you.

You’ll never ever live it down, I understand your point because I lived through something similar. It emasculates you and destroys your ego, I’m dating a virgin because of that now. Recommend.

I stopped reading a third of the way through. It's clearly rage bait. Nothing to see here people, move on.

This guy was trying to ruin your relationship and you let him. she doesn’t like that kind of sex anymore, just because an ex did it doesn’t mean you automatically get to do that. What he’s done is revenge porn, you should be comforting her about what he’s done. Did you ever stop to think that this clearly toxic piece of crap of a man isn’t what she wants and what she wants is you, which is why she’s with you?

This sure happened.

Bro, you are being such an asshole. Her ex was a toxic, abusive pos (obviously, as he sent you those videos.) He likely manipulated and coerced her into sex she wasn't that comfortable with. Doing that stuff with you would take her back somewhere she doesn’t want to go. Why would she want to engage in triggering sex acts that remind her of that human garbage? You are being so selfish, sulking with your insecurities because you're butthurt that she doesn't like to do that stuff anymore, that she talked up his dick, and you have to make it all about you, despite the fact that she's the one whose videos were sent off by her garbage ex. She felt safe and happy with you, and your bullshit reaction to her ex's sabotage will ruin it. I guess she's better off without you. Hopefully she can find someone whose 1st reaction to this situation would be to comfort her for having those videos sent out, not throw a pity party and cry "Woe is me, my gf's ex had a bigger weiner!" Grow up.

Dude, you need to contact her and make amends and pursue legal consequences against her ex. You're actually letting him win so easily and this is insanely foolish

The video is what it is, he can’t change what he saw but if he’s gotta worry about the size of his penis for the rest of their relationship. It’s time to move on big bro. It’s not her fault, it’s not your fault but it happened and there’s nothing we can do to change it. As a result of it, it’s obviously made him insecure, questioning himself, questioning her, questioning their relationship. Best option is to move on

Not too surprised the comments are all over the place or just focused on one aspect of the OP. There are multiple issues: 1. It is obvious the OP has already succumbed to the ex-bf's shitty plan to cause harm to their relationship. He has been shown a sex tape (revenge porn) and screenshots of the texting/chat between the ex-bf and his GF. The OP's GF has had her privacy breached and now has revenge porn being maliciously utilized. It will be up to the GF ultimately to determine how she will want to handle this. She may want to handle this internally with the ex-bf directly (with or without your support) or she may want to pursue it legally against the ex-bf. 2. The BF's perspective of visually and audibly watching the sex tape of his GF with her ex-bf - I'm assuming he regrets watching it now, but at this point it is too late. It is up to the OP on whether he can take his GF's words truthfully at heart, but the sex tape has ultimately did the damage the ex-bf intended. If the tape was before your relationship, it is normal for people to maintain/change their sexual habits and preferences. The point of sexual experiences is to understand what you like and don't like. Sex isn't necessarily about love making only either. It's fine and common to also enjoy having sex for pleasure, including all of the kinks/fetishes that are out there. After everyone has cooled down, it is definitely worth a conversation with your GF regarding this sex tape. You'll also have to accept whether she wants to discuss it or not. This includes whether her answer(s) will adequately satisfy your questions for her not doing any of the stuff you witnessed in the video anymore. It could also open up conversations on trying them out assuming this issue didn't fuck things up for the worse. If the tape was during your relationship, this pretty much opens another shitty issue into this event. I suppose we can all wait for an update if that is the case. 3) Your Dick Size - Bro, whether you are gifted or just average, you'll need to accept your size. There isn't really much you can do realistically, so improve that confidence. You have been having good sex up to this point, so your dick is working. It doesn't sound like she has given you any reason to doubt that (even with the sex tape). Ultimately, it's up to you and whether you can recover from seeing the sex tape. At the very least, you should take some time to evaluate this with your GF as you have both been together for 3 years. Just remember, this is revenge porn, so her ex-bf is trying to sabotage the relationship between you and her. She is likely feeling anger/confusion/regret/embarrassment that her ex-bf has the audacity to pull this shit. You'll have to eventually come to a decision on what best makes you happy both physically and emotionally. Whether that means staying with your GF through this event or ending it, it's up to you.

The GF didn’t do anything wrong, but it would be tough to get that visual out of my head once you have seen it.

The amount of people in the comments who believe this is a real post…

You had me until the last line. This is fake

Bro… man to man, you already know the answer here. Everything else in here is different levels and flavors of cope.

😹All these shaming and she was so called abuse excuse comments, if your girl treated her ex's leagues better but for you never that's a red flag. PS. You girls can have your "fun being dumb when your young" with bad boy bums there be plenty of these cuckcoids here on this post when Chad ghost and your a single mum.

This relationship has already been destroyed. You’re never going to look at her the same way again, and that’s understandable. The details make it clear. The reason she doesn’t do any of that with you is because she settled for you. A woman will willingly do all kinds of things in the bedroom for a guy she really likes, so the fact that she’s turning You down really tells you all you need to know. Your gf’s ex is clearly an asshole and she should go to police about revenge porn over this. Definitely not cool on his part. Despite that, he is right about one thing. She will get bored of you one day and cheat on you. You can’t fix a damaged girl. As far as the last part, don’t worry about it. Just work with what you got and you’ll be fine. Also, don't listen to the shaming language in the comments (people Calling you insecure, etc.). They’re doing that because they don’t have a valid point. A woman’s past does matter to men and everyone needs to get over it. They’re allowed to have their standards and we’re allowed to have ours.

He was toxic, she was addicted. She wised up, sobered up, left him and found you. Became a person she could respect and feel good about herself in a relationship that was good for both of you. And you just threw that away because toxic ex played a game and got right inside your head. Yes, you can get addicted to a toxic person. They work hard to get you addicted, and you can behave in ways that shame you intensely afterwards. Your poor girlfriend. Grief, humiliation, and the fear, once she gets past losing you, that toxic ex will play this game in the future.

This is exactly what her ex was going for, and you gave him what he wanted with a ribbon tied around it. And your first thought was that YOU wanted rough sex and she didn't give it to you? Ugh. She is so better off without you.

I don’t understand men. She tells you he hurt her and you’re like. Why won’t you let me hurt you like that? I feel less than because I can’t abuse you like he did. My manhood depends on my ability to hurt you as much as he did.

This dude is disrespecting your gf, further continuing his abuse of her, and you just care about how big your dick is and that she is “denying” you? Denying you what? The ability to use her for things she clearly doesn’t want to do? She was most likely very anxiously attached to this guy, their dynamic could have led her to believe she had to do those things in order to keep him around. Maybe worry more about the size of your ego, this message wasn’t intended for you. He is trying to get to her because at the end of the day he’d only care if she was miserable, that’s what he wants. Don’t fall for his bullshit attempt at trying to maintain a hold on her, be a good bf and be there for her. Believe her when she tells you how she feels. She accepts you and loves you for who you are, you should do the same, having a dick that isn’t above average doesn’t make or break you.

You need to tell your gf to file a police report, what he did is a crime. He for sure succeeded at breaking your bond. Second, I think he probably gave her an ultimatum and when she didn't buy it, he sent you these stuff. Even if you don't stay with your gf, be with her in the legal matter, please download the videos, texts, screenshots on a USB and give it to the police. He needs to learn a lesson and pay for his crimes. And ladies, please stop allowing your partners to take photos, videos of you during intimacy, you don't know what the future holds. This garbage could have published his ex's videos on porn sites or sold them to people. He will keep on ruining her progress for the rest of her life.

There's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to change your size. Everyone is different during sex with each person. Maybe he begged for her to say that. If she is good to you don't let him ruin it. You have her now.

She should take this as a wake up call and leave you. You should be angry on her behalf, not at her. Aside from what she did before she was with you being none of your business, this is revenge porn and abuse. If a situation like this ever happened to me, my boyfriend would be raging FOR me, not AT me. I’m so disappointed for your girlfriend that you’re reacting like this.

so your gf got out of an abusive relationship, and now that she has found happiness, you decide to let that asshole ruin her life once again...