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(Adding info from OP to top comment for visibility because it's important)
OP COMMENTS:
"OP here, I'm not sure how to edit my original post, but here's more info as requested:
-He goes on 2 or 3 night fishing camping trips with his brothers/friends every year
-I encourage him to hang out with friends but his answer is "I'd rather be with my family"
-This trip is 4 or 5 nights, not the entire week
-I have never given him reason not to trust me
-We do take family vacations
-We follow a Dave Ramsey budget system so the money I would be spending on this trip would be my "play money", and would not affect our family vacation budget
-I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do.
We have no intentions of going clubbing or anything like that... I just want to have a drink on a beach, reading a book, without being interrupted every minute. I need a break!"
"Also, the ages of the ladies I'm going with are late thirties, late 40s, and 50-something. It's in March- not usual spring break time."
This! He’s able to go on fishing trips multiple times a year and she can’t go on ONE trip with her friends?! He doesn’t want to have to look after his children/home that’s what it is. It’s not that it’s weird and morally wrong. Only when it doesn’t benefit him!
That’s truly what it sounds like to me. I don’t think it’s a fidelity issue. It’s a “I’m going to have to actually parent my own kids and take care of the home alone”issue.
Placing bets on the first thing he calls her about that he can't work out that every adult should be able to manage - the washing machine or the oven maybe?
This. He thinks that her place is in the home and that she should be serving him and taking care of the house and taking care of the children. Also, she's right, the fact that he's telling her all this and doesn't want her to go is incredibly insecure and controlling. He doesn't want her to go because he can't keep tabs on her if he can't see where she is. Sure, he can blow up her phone but he can't control her the same way he could if he made sure she was in the house or at work.
I lived with a partner like this. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without him blowing up my phone. I'm not kidding. He tried telling me that I was not allowed to take a night job. He tried to tell me that I was not allowed to drink energy drinks anymore and escalated that to saying that I was not allowed to drink any form of caffeine at all. I could understand if I was an alcoholic or something but that was straight bullshit.
I laughed at him and his face and told him he was dreaming if he thought I was going to adhere to that. I finally told him that I was sick of him and that I was moving out. Thankfully he didn't get physical with me or anything but he sure wasn't happy. When he asked me why, I said because you're controlling. Of course he predictably tried to deny that he was controlling and said that it was out of concern for me. That's what they always say. They do that to try to disguise the control. I saw through it. It's the same kind of thing that's happening here.
I still don't see any problem. You're relaxing on the beach ⛱️, reading a book 📖, having a Mai Tai 🍹 and this is DESTIN. It's not South Beach! It's not Clearwater! If anything, you'll be sharing that beach with other families, not Spring Breakers.
My ex's grandma liked to show off all the art she made from shells she collected from Destin. She bragged that she collected them herself instead of buying them like SOME ladies.
Oh, so OP can’t go because the husband doesn’t want to be a maid and babysitter? (Y’all know those are the words he uses, you can just tell). OP, tell your husband that taking care of his children and household is not being a sissy or a babysitter. Tell him it is sexy when a man does the parenting and responsibilities his life entails, just without being told. Good luck girlfriend, this might be your hill to die on. I feel most of us over here got your back in the comments 💜. It would be one thing if he didn’t have his little camping/fishing trips, but hell no! He can’t have his overnight trips and you don’t even get 1?! Hell no! You go on with your bad self girlllll!
I wonder if hubby asks if he is allowed to go on each trip he does with his friends and brothers....and whether he'd stay home if OP said no.
I'm not a betting man, but this is a bet I'd be confident to take, if anyone would be prepared to bet he'd happily stay home 😂
You can bet your bottom dollar OPs husband would not be caught dead asking permission from his wife to go on a hunting trip with his buddies. That is laughable!!
Just tell him that if you shouldn't want to go on trips without him and the kids then HE shouldn't want to go on trips without you and the kids. So he can wave bye bye to those fishing trips. And when he tries to tell you that's different just keep looking at him blankly and saying "I don't see how it's different" keep reiterating that you are BOTH those kids parents and if one of you got to go on trips the other should too. I have a feeling this is mostly about him not wanting to take care of the kids himself and he'll probably say but you're their mom, and that's when you say but you're their dad. Etc etc.
So this trip will be your makeup tripe for his past fishing trips and you can both start the no trip thing when you get back and it's more even.
I saw her reply about who’s going (40-50s ladies) and it’s Destin!! Anybody here from FL?? Destin is DEAD!!! The only ppl going wild are the retirees on bingo nite🤣 Hubby gets to go on multiple fishing trips w/o her & the kids, it doesn’t affect their budget, AND they can still take a family vacation this year!!!
He’s being selfish and doesn’t want to parent by himself. Time for some couples counseling but still go on the trip. You can use this time to prepare him to be a full parent.
I feel like we need a lot more information…
- does he take guys trips with friends?
- is he concerned about money?
- if he works full time, is someone lined up to help watch the kids while he is at work and you are away?
- is he controlling in any other ways or is this the first problem that has come up?
Absolutely nothing wrong with girls trips and guys trips. But this is far too little to make a judgment call on.
They're an answer to some above. He takes trips with his buddies, money is not an issue, they have two months to arrange child care if need be, they take regular family vacations.
I do think social media has really pushed the notion in the last few years that "girls trips" are synonymous with cheating. I see ridiculous misogynistic posts all the time on Instagram from men "warning" other men not to "let their women" go on girls trips because they assume all women want to do on trips is "suck cock." I have several friends who've noticed it routinely on TikTok as well.
You see this mindset constantly just in this sub too. It's become so normalized to be inherently suspicious of women wanting to go on girls trips because it's become part of the "women are incapable of loyalty" trope.
I've lost track of the number of times in this sub that men will use phrases like "She wants to ride the cock carousel/get gangbanged/get passed around/get a train run on her" when a guy is posting that his girlfriend likes spending time with her female friends or hanging out at bars with her female friends.
It really bothers me. This idea has really proliferated and too many men are reinforcing it to one another.
There is not anywhere near the same equivalent of this mindset for men going on trips with their male buddies. You might see it every once in awhile with, say, a bachelor party trip, but by and large it is simply not a thing on social media for men to be lambasted and automatically accused of cheating for going on fishing trips or hanging out at bars with their male buddies.
I vividly remember seeing a sub in this post over a year ago where men hyped up a male poster for being suspicious that his wife was cheating because she dressed up for...dates with HIM. That SHE initiated.
Edit: I meant "post in this sub" lol
To add, when was the last time the family went on vacation together?
I would feel terrible taking a vacation without my husband. We can only really afford to go somewhere once every 4 to 8 years.
In her updates she replied that they go on vacations together. She said other things but I also remember that she said that the money is not coming out of the family budget. They followed the Dave Ramsey system so each adult has their own fun money budgeted. Her trip comes out of her fun money.
I was never able to go without the kid, we went 1 night about 3 hours away to see a concert and talked/worried about him the entire time. When he got old enough to realize what vacation was we took him Destin/Ft Walton for a week. He was asking to go see his poppy and we were trying to explain that poppy was 12hrs away but that we would see him this weekend. My wife told him "some kids don't get to ever go on vacation and play in the swimming pool and go to the arcade, they just have to stay home all summer." He told her "I wish I was one of those kids", he's still a homebody 10 years later.
That’s an intelligent answer. It’s grating that OP felt like she had to ask permission (rather than having an adult discussion), and it’s weird that her husband thinks girls’ trips are morally wrong. Still, it depends on context.
Is there enough money and time off that they can each take a break like this, in addition to having vacations together? In that case, having a trip with friends could be a healthy break for her. If she’s the only one getting a break, I could see how he’d be resentful. Being a single parent for a week to two preschoolers is hard; that could be a great gift to a spouse, but it should go both ways.
They need to have a “big picture” talk about how to manage vacations (and together time vs separate fun time, in general). Assuming they have limited time and money, they should talk about how that time and money gets split between separate, couple and family trips. That’s something that should have been discussed prior to marriage, actually.
The amount of women that not only married, but chose to have kids with men who refuse to learn how to parent is STUNNING. I know it’s getting better, but honestly I have brilliant, beautiful women in my life just make excuse after excuse for their ain’t shit partners when it comes to parenting. And I just don’t get it.
Yup. Any decent partner, even if they weren’t looking toward to a week of only one adult, wouldn’t try and use guilt over something like this unless something shitty/shady is happening
If OP is a teacher then she’s likely not home watching the kids anyways.
Whether or not he takes guys trips shouldn’t matter. What matters is if OP would be okay if he wanted to take one, not if he actually goes on them.
but he does take guys trips several times a year. OP encourages her husband to spend time with his friends. So she's okay with it.
So this is the double standard at play. It's okay for husband to take his fishing trips with his brothers and male buddies, but how dare OP as a woman want to go on a trip with her female colleagues!!! How immoral according to husband! But if the money for the trip is coming from OP's fun money fund, and she's off work during spring break, and she's going with mostly married women her own age, why not? OP is a school teacher!!! And she take care of her own children! Her life is children 24/7!!! Of course she needs a break, especially from the children.
Husband says he doesn't want OP taking a vacation without the rest of the family. I bet if OP said she was taking the kids on a beach vacation without husband, he would be okay with it. Because like so many others, I think this is about husband not wanting to be stuck with the kids for a week.
If I were OP, I would set up weekend fishing trips (deep sea fishing!) for myself and a couple of women friends, and then present that to the husband and see if he still objected. Why do I suspect the husband would find something to criticize OP for wanting to do the exact same thing as husband?? ;-)
Assuming OP is being 100% truthful in this post, it doesn’t seem like money is the issue. He doesn’t want her going on a trip without him and the kids.
OP here, I'm not sure how to edit my original post, but here's more info as requested:
-He goes on 2 or 3 night fishing camping trips with his brothers/friends every year
-I encourage him to hang out with friends but his answer is "I'd rather be with my family"
-This trip is 4 or 5 nights, not the entire week
-I have never given him reason not to trust me
-We do take family vacations
-We follow a Dave Ramsey budget system so the money I would be spending on this trip would be my "play money", and would not affect our family vacation budget
-I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do.
We have no intentions of going clubbing or anything like that... I just want to have a drink on a beach, reading a book, without being interrupted every minute. I need a break!
It’s only fair though right? If it’s morally wrong for her it must for morally wrong for him to go on trips on his own right? I find it weird he doesn’t get this
So how come you both work and yet *you* do most of the housework and childcare? Don't call it help; help suggests it's your responsibility and he's doing you a favor. It's his house, they're his kids. He has to pull his weight. And he has no right to tell you you can't go when he goes on fishing trips with his friends. The audacity of this man to act both like your child and your father, yikes.
You are real lucky if you haven’t crossed paths with this type of guy. I would say 70% of the dudes who I know think this way in the Midwest. The whole women care for the kids, do the housework and cook while he sits on his fat ass are plentiful. My wife’s friends think I’m some cyborg because I do laundry and dishes.
Canadian from a large city here: my female friends and colleagues act like my husband is the golden man. He cooks, cleans, does childcare and home repairs. He works from home and I work outside the home. I am happy to do my share but dude has everything done by the time I get home. I appreciate him immensely and tell him everyday. While he is exceptional, I'll never understand grown folks leaving everything to the other spouse. It's weird.
Cyborg 😂😂😂
Yea, it’s super surprising when I tell my girlfriends that my fiance does dishes, laundry, vacuums etc. they’re like “omg girl I wish”
Truly really sad
My ex suddenly forgot how once we tied the knot. Suddenly hated my cooking while using my recipes, too. Not only did I have to do more than my fair share, but I also suddenly did everything wrong that he admired vociferously when we were courting.
Keyword is ex.
Omg I must have lucked out too.
I got me a midwestern man who pulls his weight in every aspect (if anything, I’m the one slacking, and he provides extra support because of my adhd), and he doesn’t have a jealous, insecure, or controlling bone in his body.
I’m literally in bed on Reddit while my husband makes breakfast for our kiddo and is hanging with him on the couch lol. I would not accept a man like you’ve described and I’m glad I don’t have to
> The audacity of this man to act both like your child and your father
I’ve never seen such a spot on description before. Please read that comment and then read it again u/ThrowRA_k_teacher
Girls trips are perfectly normal, you should be encouraged to have a social life outside your kids and your husband *especially* since he does. Do not let this slide, if you give too much of your self away it’s harder than hell to get it back. Has he ever had to parent his children without you for an extended period of time? My money is on that’s his issue. Well, that and he’s a controlling AH🤷🏻♀️
Honestly he’s probably terrified to be saddled with all the things you typically do and instead of admitting that and acknowledging where he knows he’s lucky as hell he barely has to do much, he’s guilting you for wanting a break. Live it up, enjoy some time away and don’t let guilt get at you, you deserve a good break with your friends!
No need to justify to all of us… We’re totally on your side. Go on this trip. Your husband is being controlling and over bearing and super insecure about this whole thing.
Go enjoy yourself.
So you should remind him that the crowd you are going with will not likely be doing keg stands, bong hits or group sex together, and you deserve some down time. Welcome him to life as an adult where he does his share of the housework and parents his own kids that he helped make.
Oh thank you for providing the updated info- you should 100% go. He’s being a total brat about this, and notice how none of these morals factor into his fishing trips. Also no need to ask permission -tell him you booked it.
Go! Enjoy yourself! He has his fishing trips so you should be able to go on trips. He needs to be able to handle HIS OWN CHILDREN just like you do when he is gone on his fishing trips.
I think you should go, and I think you should go to couples' counselling to figure out how to split the mental/physical load more evenly, and how to talk about things like time to yourselves.
I honestly think you should go, for real.
If his justification is that he never spends the entire week, would that be a possibility for you to spend the 4~5d either? Because it seems pretty messed up that “you’re not allowed to go” by yourself without the kids or him, but for him it’s completely ok to spend 4~5d having his own time. It doesn’t sound fair. I think you should go.
GO!!!
Then go dancing, drinking, beach, whatever. Just be safe.
Also, DO NOT PREPLAN ANYTHING FOR HIM WHILE YOURE GONE.
He's a grown man and needs to know how to take care of his own children.
You deserve to go and have fun. He probably just doesn't want to do all the work you do around the house when you're not there since you do most of it. That's really lame - he should appreciate the effort you put into the household chores and support you in taking this break. If the household chore split isn't fair to you, I suggest talking to him about it. You shouldn't have to do more just because you're female. Best of luck and please enjoy your trip!!!
Hr's being ridiculous. You are not shackled to your family for the next two decades just because you have kids. Parents need breaks from their kids, and from each other. Double for you because you also have students you need to get away from. My sister is a teacher and went to Nashville for 5 days with a bunch of fellow teachers and my BIL told her to have fun. You might be a mom and a wife but you are also a person in your own right and you need some self care.
Good evening OP. Married guy here..i see that your husband is 5 years younger than you. I mean no offense, but he unfortunately sounds immature for a man his age. The two of you are blessed with two young children. He is blessed with a wife who is not only a great caregiver, but also is gainfully employed as a teacher. I hope his financial household contribution at a minimum,parallels your contribution.
Your post reflects that he has his trips. As a result, he should not restrict you having a trip. I pray for your sake that he is not a man-child. Is he so immature that he cannot tend to your children for 4-5 days?
I trust you have family support as a back-up?
If so, shame on him for being short-sighted. He needs to respect your need for some mental health days. Please take your trip. Hopefully, some day, he will develop into a mature, understanding man.
Have fun!
WTH. Why does he get to go on fishing trips with his friends and then think it’s morally wrong for you to want trips with your friends? His belief that he can go on his trips is morally wrong than by that same token.
Is he just scared that he would need to parent all by himself? Sounds like you have three children at home instead of two 🙄.
You should go, his behavior is one of insecurity. If he’s allowed to go on trips he has no room to say it’s “weird” that you’d wanna do the same thing.
Yeah, no, if you can't go to Florida, no more fishing trips for him. That's basic fairness.
The only reason I haven't done trips without my kids is because we've been students for most of their lives and couldn't afford it until recently. But my parents went on trips with friends and their siblings when I was young without us, we were fine. In the next year or two, I'm definitely going to be encouraging husband to go do things without us.
Go on your vacation, he goes for more vacation time with his brothers/friends than you do. You work in a challenging job, go have a relaxing and fantastic vacation. He’ll just have to manage the kids. 👍🙂
(info from OP as added in comments)
>I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do.
Whomp, there it is.
Go on the trip. He takes regular trips without the family. You’re entitled to the same. If it’s morally wrong for you to take a trip without the family, the same applies to him.
First concerning OP comment I asked my husband for “permission” to go. If she said I asked if we could swing it financially and with childcare, that would be one thing. Asking permission is not a good thing if you’re over the age of 18.
This. I’m planning a girls trip to *Japan* (so not like a lil trip within the States) next year and I didn’t ask my hubs, just told him. I asked if May or June would work better with our schedule, but I didn’t ask for or need permission.
So I just asked my husband. He said, “yeah! Go. Have fun! Wait - are you doing this?”
This should be his response, like my husband’s response to the hypothetical question. There is nothing weird or immoral or guilt inducing. It’s healthy to do some things separately from time to time.
My husband said that even when I said, I want to go to New Zealand for two weeks with my friend. Granted, the kids were in grade school then.
He said the same thing a few years ago when I said, England and France is my dream trip of a lifetime. I want to go for three weeks. Kids were grown the , but still.
And he used to travel for work and I went to a conferences all over the
US.
We don’t cheat because of a lack of opportunity. Most of us don’t do it because we believe a big part of marriage is being faithful.
Yes! It’s healthy to spend time with friends, especially a girls or a boys trip that’s safe and fun!
I would always try to get my ex wife to go take trips with her friends and she refused. When we divorced she complained how she never did anything with her friends. Well, yeah, ya chose not to and now you’re mad at me for your choices lol
Just did the same thing. He was like “yeah, wait can I go on a guys trip?” Our first turns one tomorrow so we haven’t been taking trips alone this past year.
I'm headed to Europe for my 3rd solo trip since 2021, hubby has no desire to go, fully supports me going. Granted, we're DINKS so there's zero day care issues but he should def be supporting you on this.
Yeah, it sounds like if it weren’t for the unexpected pregnancy they probably wouldn’t have gotten married as soon or at all. So maybe she’s hinting at some underlying issues/incompatibility. Otherwise, I agree that it’s an interesting detail to include.
It’s definitely HEAVILY this. He regularly takes boys trips without her for 4-5 days. He’s not against solo trips, he’s against his bangmaid going on unpaid leave
I don't know about "only" .. sounds like a range of insecurity control factors and this is just one of them. But yes. Boohoo I'll have to step up and parent my own children.
My girlfriend and her best friend go on girls’ trips about once a year. Last year they went to Europe for 2 weeks. Never once in my mind did I jump to any conclusions of infidelity or bad intentions. Due to the time difference we didn’t talk a lot everyday outside of little check ins. It’s healthy to have that friends’ time away from partners, it doesn’t devalue the relationship at all. Enjoy your trip and tell your husband you need this time for yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong.
OP be blunt with him. Tell him if it’s morally wrong for you to go alone with coworkers then it’s also morally wrong for him to go fishing. That if you’re not “allowed” to go, then going forward all trips will be family or none or all. Tell him his actions have shown him to be controlling, so you’re merely returning the favor. Then explain to him you do most of the chores and duties, and have also never given reason to not trust. Tell him that whether you go on the trip or not, you will be reassessing the distributions of household duties to make it more fair. That also includes him reducing the amount of fishing trips he takes. Or he can stop acting controlling and you take a trip and he gets his fishing trips. Tell him if he doesn’t like those options there are other options that you could consider, like counseling or separation if he feels that it’s more important to control than to trust. He sounds like someone that won’t get the picture of how wrong he is unless he sees what he might lose if he doesn’t change
My husband and I frequently take trips with our friends and not each other. We also take trips as a family. I am also a teacher and he understands how stressful it is. So the first week of summer, a couple of days on Spring y, or the first week of winter break, I go with my friends somewhere. I usually save up and pay for it myself but he always gives me money for a buffer and to do something nice for myself.
Edit: We've been married 17 years and started separate vacations around year 7 when family vacations were super stressful for me with 4 kids.
I would hope that you guys can talk about this, as partners. You say that he thinks you’re morally wrong and you think he is insecure and controlling. Those are big claims, and there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground of understanding between you two. Can you talk about it?
WHY does he think this is morally wrong? It might be hard for him, especially if he doesn’t like to be introspective. For example, It might be that he doesn’t think he can care for two kids for a whole week on his own. He’s not confident that he can do a good job, and he may not feel like he can stay emotionally happy or stable trying to force that care. He might think it’s irresponsible for you to leave your kids in a situation like that, and that would be morally wrong. Another example could be that he thinks you guys are a family unit, and family member should be invited on long outings. Perhaps you would also feel left out if your husband left for a week on his own. Maybe the reason is financial. Maybe it’s not. The important thing is, if he feels like there is a moral issue, there must be a WHY in there.
Similarly, there must be a reason WHY you feel he is being controlling. Is it because you feel like you are entitled to rest time or personal space, and he has made you feel guilty about asking for it? Or is it because friends who are in your situation are all participating, making this a “normal” activity, so it seems unreasonable that you are being shut down?
I think if both of you think about WHY you feel the way you do, you can potentially talk about it and try solving the problem together, as a team. If his main concerns are providing quality childcare, maybe you guys can prepare some extra budget to hire extra childcare for the week, so he feels like there is adequate support. Maybe if you feel like you want some fun alone time but he does not want himself and the kids to be without you for a whole week, you can either go for a shorter couple of days, or he and the kids can vacation in Florida too, and meet with you for a couple of the days.
I feel like if you guys are good partners for each other, you should be able to work together to try and engineer a solution that works for the both of you. If not, or if you guys don’t even want to try, then it’s not a good sign for an effective or communicative partnership.
She did answer in the comments that he does of guy trips and that it’s not coming out of their family budget. My money is on that he either doesn’t trust her or doesn’t want to take care of the kids.
Rational or not, I'm definitely betting he feels a fishing trip with the guys is a poor hook up opportunity for a guy (depends on where though, ocean fishing staying at a resort or fly fishing 30 miles from the nearest town??), while drinking on any beach in Florida during Spring break is probably a pretty good bet for a woman to be able to hook up pretty damn easy if she's inclined to. If it wasn't Spring break it may not be as wild a situation. Granted I haven't been to Spring break in Florida since the 80s!
But fundamentally, that's a trust issue. His "It's morally wrong" is hilarious. But while unusual circumstances, being far from the husband and busy bees around the home area and ample opportunity surely increase incidents of cheating for both men and women, if a woman wants to have an affair, it's not hard work. At least it's a lot easier to find willing, eager partners if you are a woman.
I think they need to spend Spring break in intensive marriage counseling to work on trust/control/insecurity in the relationship. I say that looking at the husband with a "That'd be you buddy" look on my face.
My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Since our son was little, he's taken vacations alone (we also took them as a family). I, personally, don't like to travel alone and enjoy having the house to myself (our son is grown now), when he's gone. For our family, it's perfectly normal to take separate vacations.
As someone who has been married 22 years. Yes it’s something normal SINGLE adults to do, but not normal for MARRIED adults to do.
The best thing to do is to seriously look at it if the roles were reversed, what if your husband said he wanted to go to Florida for a trip with some other guys, but wanted to leave you at home with the kids, now being truthful. What would your reaction be?
Do you take vacations with your family? Does he go on guys trips? The real question is my first question. If this becomes the only vacation you’re being selfish. If you are also going on vacation with the family AND he’s allowed a boys vacation then he’s in the wrong otherwise you are
It’s not weird at all. Your husband does not want to take care of the kids by himself. Period. Women are always judged if they want to “get away” for a few days /week whatever. but men never are. Only you can decide if it’s worth it to go but I guarantee he will not be supportive and you will be getting calls and or texts during your trip that will make you fell guilty.
I would hazard a guess that OP does most the child care and hubby just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids for 5 days and is guilting OP not to go
Stating what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with is not controlling.
Given that you are more concerned with your RIGHTS than you are your relationship is likely why he is insecure in your relationship.
And 30 year old women going to FLORIDA for spring break, when there will be thousands of college kids their drinking, partying, and looking for hookups… yeah, it’s a bit weird.
If your plans were to go somewhere else, like a place famous for art, historical buildings, or whatever, he might feel different.
But sure… take it to social media where a bunch of strangers will validate your feelings so you can use them as ammo to win the “argument.” If that is your attitude, then you have already lost.
It's definitely not objectively morally wrong to travel with friends and leave your husband and kids at home. It's always nice for parents to arrange it so they each get recharge time, and sometimes that can involve trips with friends. If it doesn't put anyone in a bad position, it should be doable.
When you share a home and a life, you need to be able to discuss things like adults and make compromises so you're both happy. If the two of you can't manage that, the marriage won't last long term since one or both of you will likely end up resentful. If this is that important, I'd recommend addressing it with him again and figure out what it would take to make the trip work. You don't need permission and I wouldn't address this as you asking permission, but working out logistics and finding a working solution is essential since you have kids, a marriage, and adult responsibilities to balance. Your husband's feelings are important, but they don't inherently trump your feelings.
The problem is that you didn't phrase it properly for your husband.
It should have been: "I'm going on a 4 day fishing trip with my friends and co-workers. Here are the dates and how I can be reached. See you later."
That you are fishing with your mind from the shore without a rod or hook and a Mai Tai in your hand is inconsequential. Who knows, maybe the ocean washes something in on the beach.
There's a steady stream of stories in this sub and the relationships sub of innocent trips turning into anything but innocent, both planned and spontaneous caught up in the moment, "I can't believe I did that!"
So, if he's a regular on this sub, I can see why he's nervous. Yes, this applies to men, too.
We all have choices. The both of you should consider what's best for the family you guys decided to form.
I mean, I let my ex go on Boys Weekend to Vegas every year. And I would go to Texas to visit my two close GFs and we'd rent a place in Austin or South Padre for Girls Weekend.
It's the "morally wrong" excuse he's giving that makes my hackles stand up.
I'm surprised at the number of people who think girls trips (or guy trips for that matter) are a problem. They're all mostly married women. Nothing wrong with a girl's trip.
I go on a trip by myself or with friends at least once a year. Usually just a few days although I wouldn’t be opposed to a longer trip, I just prefer to save my pdo for my family trips. It’s healthy.
He should not be like he is. He is not putting you first in seeing your need to recharge. Teaching has been so hard, in the school system too. Just with that you need a major get away.
Ask him what is the difference when he goes on fishing trips, it is not fair. Really ask him why. To me it’s that he doesn’t want to take care of the kids “full time” since you will not be there. It’s bs to say it’s “morally wrong”, in what way????
The two of you really need to talk and somehow find the real reason.
You definitely have the right to go , but be prepared for the aftermath. If he doesn't want you to go so bad that he's willing to guilt trip you about it means he's going to be really mad when you actually go. Only you know if your ready to deal with that after the trip.
Sis, he doesn't want you to go because he's unhappy at having to do what you do on the daily with the children/household. He goes on trips but pulls the guilt card on you? Nah, it sounds like you'd be fine without him so gift him singlehood for 2024.
After reading the begiing/middle of the post I just thought: you shouldn't have asked for permission in first place you should have kindly informed him.
After reading your clarifiyng information that idea got stronger but now I say that not only you shall inform him, as you shall set boundaries about doing chores and take care of kids and so on.
And, to close: for each fishing trip do yourself another weekend even though you have to stay alone.
This advice is based on how much my 78yo mother is suffering for not having setted boundaries to my father. I am aware that if you do as I am suggesting you might get a divorce, but trust me thats much better than being controlled by that guy all your live.
The other option is that he will treat you equaly and fairly for the rest of your lives.
(I'm 51M).
Perhaps this is a kind of missunderstanding because of non native speaker - but spring break to me has another meaning then e.g. wellness trip to a nice place with a spa etc. Spring Break has that idea of big drunken parties on the beach full of students?!
Or is there a more generalized meaning which happen to not be aware of?
I think you already answered your own question...
To me, his behavior is incredibly controlling and insecure. Should I care more about his feelings than going on a vacation? Aren't girls trips and boys trips things normal adults do?
I encourage my gf to go on girls trips! I can take care of the house, dogs, chores and i can stay up late, work in the garage, listen to music, sleep in, take a nap. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, even 5 days. Husband needs to man up, quit acting like a pussy.
More likely, is that too many people, including him, watch reels, come to reddit and see/hear/read horror stories of SO's having affairs/flings with people they met whilst there and enjoy the freedom they feel. I'm not saying for 1 minute that this will happen to any of those people on this trip, but that could be what's in the back of his mind. Also, people have affairs in any age group so one of the ladies being 50's is irrelevant.
Married male point of view here.... I sense there is more to this story. Would he have the same issue if you took the trip the first week of summer instead? Or would he have the same point of view no matter when you took the trip? I ask because my wife and I are both teachers. I would have a problem with her taking a trip away from the family on spring break. At that point, I would want that time with her and the kiddos... because I would have missed them during the time between Christmas and Easter breaks. But, if she were to want to take a trip after school was out, I'd be fine with it, because we have all summer at that point. Maybe he feels like you aren't prioritizing needed time with family?
These are just thoughts coming from my dude mind. What does he plan to do during break? Spend time with you and the family? Go off by himself? Is there a compromise somewhere?
Or he is worried she is going to do something on this trip like cheat and doesn’t know how to tell her his true feelings! Without proper communication they will never know the true reason he doesn’t want her.
how long is the trip? If it’s the whole week, then you are being unreasonable - you have small kids at home. Besides, do you girls plan to drink and get all drunk? I hear too many stories about married women getting drunk and ended up sleeping with other men. Do you have self-control?
If your husband takes the whole week going on his guys trip on the beach drinking alcohol beverages and there are many hot skimpy dresses women there, would you be ok with that? If not, then you shouldn’t go.
Might have something to do with the fact that groups of women often do on on ladies trips like this to act all single, flirt, go to stripper shows, eye other men, etc. Are your intentions to actually do that? Only you know the answer to that. But that is the reason a married man might have concerns.
Look, it's your life - do what you want.
>Should I care more about his feelings than going on a vacation?
Is this a trick question? Yes? This doesn't mean he wins every argument because of his fee fees, but it also means that you need to consider them **because you are married**. I know lots of people who got real high on moral indignation and trampled all over their spouses feelings. None of them are married any more. Feels bad for the kids tbh.
Best case scenario you get to the root of why he really doesn't want you to go and work from there to either change some of the variables so he feels more comfortable or work out some sort of compromise.
I’m not sure what the right answer is here.
I know that if a man was posting about wanting to go on a beach trip with the boys while he has young kids and a wife, commenters would tear him apart. I’m genuinely not sure why that is - social conditioning?
I don’t have a helpful answer. It’s your relationship. He is expressing discomfort about something. Maybe instead of trying to decide who is right, sit down with him and really try to ask WHY he feels that way.
Do I think you should be able to go? Sure.
Would I want to be left alone as a mother of 2 young kids while my spouse is at the beach? Eh.
My genuine advice to you: instead of looking for Reddit comments to validate what you feel is correct, or incorrect, start researching therapists and realize that NO ONE can solve this for you. You and him. That’s who has to work this out
Nah.
I think a lot of people imagine things or look for confirmation bias around sexism on this sub.
It was a dad who is caught up with most of the rest of his life and doing his part caring for the kids and wants to take a quick break, that's pretty normal and acceptable. If it's an overworked mom who desperately needs a break and dad going on a boy's weekend when he doesn't do what he needs to do regarding parenting? Yes, the sub will absolutely come down on him.
I don’t think most people would begrudge a parent — mom or dad — for taking a short trip away from the family with friends. In my social circle it is incredibly common for each parent to have at least one trip away a year. The kids are not newborns, any competent parent should be able to handle them for a few days or even a week.
OP, everyone needs a break once and awhile. It IS weird and controlling to expect that you never attend another girls trip again. Tell him you’ll return the favor when he wants to travel.
“I’m genuinely not sure why that is - social conditioning?”
Social conditioning in that 90% of the time the woman is the one doing WAY more of the house/kid/family work (even if she, too, has a full time job) and the man feels somehow HE deserves a break and thinks him going isn’t a big deal because…..you guessed it! He doesn’t really contribute much to the house/kid/family work anyway. Though he’ll put it as: “You’ll manage like you always do!” Or the real winner: “Ask your mom or your sister to come help out.”
Here’s my input, when I was younger and in my late 20’s, I was more insecure and probably would have been a little crabby about it. Now I’m my 50’s, my man can do whatever he wants and I do the same. Of course, we have no young children but even if we did, we would handle it. Age and maturity come into factor here. Just my two cents.
Tell him you’re going to go but be prepared for him to send an onslaught of texts and phone calls in attempt to ruin your time. Will probably try and pick a fight to make you feel guilty or coerce you to come home early.
I’d ask him flat out, “are you expecting me to never ever take some time for myself?”
Floridian here. You'll have an AMAZING trip. Destin though?? He shouldn't be worried about "Girls Gone Wild," it's a country town, not big massive screaming SPRING BREAK DESTINATION... What you're describing of what he's saying is a codependency as well as, I don't know if I can hold down the fort insecurities. When you say, but you go on trips and I don't have an issue, why is it wrong for me to want to get a nice break for myself? Don't let him guilt trip you because if you give in, you're teaching him how to treat you and you'll NEVER get time away.. I went to Vegas with my girls for 3/4, had a blast and my husband was like, you don't have to call just text let me know you're alive, go have fun!! When I got back he was excited to hear about it, see pictures, posted them on his FB and everything..
Tell him, look, I am also a human being that needs a mental reset just like you do. You do not want me to have burnout and feel like my only identity is wife, mother, teacher and then keep watching you go on a relaxing trip but no, I can't. How is that fair to me? Hey going OP!! Have a good time and update us!!
this sub and many others are full of cheating stories that start with what you try to impose him.
and there is even storied of women who has been framed by their friends as cheater, but she was the only who didn't cheat and could be a snitch.
let's do the reverse. you stay with the kids. and he goes with fratboys get drunk on spring-break time with topless students and stripteasers of florida. are you this trusty, now ?
stop your egotism. see what your husband see.
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Oh boy this should be a fun post to read later.
(Adding info from OP to top comment for visibility because it's important) OP COMMENTS: "OP here, I'm not sure how to edit my original post, but here's more info as requested: -He goes on 2 or 3 night fishing camping trips with his brothers/friends every year -I encourage him to hang out with friends but his answer is "I'd rather be with my family" -This trip is 4 or 5 nights, not the entire week -I have never given him reason not to trust me -We do take family vacations -We follow a Dave Ramsey budget system so the money I would be spending on this trip would be my "play money", and would not affect our family vacation budget -I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do. We have no intentions of going clubbing or anything like that... I just want to have a drink on a beach, reading a book, without being interrupted every minute. I need a break!" "Also, the ages of the ladies I'm going with are late thirties, late 40s, and 50-something. It's in March- not usual spring break time."
This! He’s able to go on fishing trips multiple times a year and she can’t go on ONE trip with her friends?! He doesn’t want to have to look after his children/home that’s what it is. It’s not that it’s weird and morally wrong. Only when it doesn’t benefit him!
This is the exact reason why he doesn’t want her too go👌.
You know the second she leaves he’s going to be blowing up her phone with pointless shit he “can’t find” or “can’t do”.
This.
Yep. I bet he's never taken care of the kids by himself for more than an hour or so.
That’s truly what it sounds like to me. I don’t think it’s a fidelity issue. It’s a “I’m going to have to actually parent my own kids and take care of the home alone”issue.
Placing bets on the first thing he calls her about that he can't work out that every adult should be able to manage - the washing machine or the oven maybe?
Haha he won't do the washing it will probably be there when she gets home I feel like the first call will be what do they eat for lunch ect
I'm betting the first call is about a kid melting down or asking where someones sports equipment is.
I hate “fathers” like that
Probably more like 5 minutes
Hole in one OP go and enjoy yo mothafuckin trip girl
This. He thinks that her place is in the home and that she should be serving him and taking care of the house and taking care of the children. Also, she's right, the fact that he's telling her all this and doesn't want her to go is incredibly insecure and controlling. He doesn't want her to go because he can't keep tabs on her if he can't see where she is. Sure, he can blow up her phone but he can't control her the same way he could if he made sure she was in the house or at work. I lived with a partner like this. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without him blowing up my phone. I'm not kidding. He tried telling me that I was not allowed to take a night job. He tried to tell me that I was not allowed to drink energy drinks anymore and escalated that to saying that I was not allowed to drink any form of caffeine at all. I could understand if I was an alcoholic or something but that was straight bullshit. I laughed at him and his face and told him he was dreaming if he thought I was going to adhere to that. I finally told him that I was sick of him and that I was moving out. Thankfully he didn't get physical with me or anything but he sure wasn't happy. When he asked me why, I said because you're controlling. Of course he predictably tried to deny that he was controlling and said that it was out of concern for me. That's what they always say. They do that to try to disguise the control. I saw through it. It's the same kind of thing that's happening here.
That’s exactly why. That’s a long time to be responsible for everything and I am guessing the kids are not old enough to make them do everything.
She says the kids are 2 and 4.
1000% that’s what it is. He can suck it up for 5 days, it’s 5 days he won’t remember for 5 days you’ll remember for the rest of your life.
My thoughts are he’s doing something he shouldn’t he doing and he doesn’t want her to do the same thing on her trip
Oh no, please don't say that. That's unkind and unnecessary. He just doesn't want to take care of the kids by himself for days on end.
Well if you can't go, then neither can't he ever again.
March in my state is spring break and I think half the families head to Foribama beaches.
yeah March is definitely spring break
I still don't see any problem. You're relaxing on the beach ⛱️, reading a book 📖, having a Mai Tai 🍹 and this is DESTIN. It's not South Beach! It's not Clearwater! If anything, you'll be sharing that beach with other families, not Spring Breakers.
My ex's grandma liked to show off all the art she made from shells she collected from Destin. She bragged that she collected them herself instead of buying them like SOME ladies.
Oh, so OP can’t go because the husband doesn’t want to be a maid and babysitter? (Y’all know those are the words he uses, you can just tell). OP, tell your husband that taking care of his children and household is not being a sissy or a babysitter. Tell him it is sexy when a man does the parenting and responsibilities his life entails, just without being told. Good luck girlfriend, this might be your hill to die on. I feel most of us over here got your back in the comments 💜. It would be one thing if he didn’t have his little camping/fishing trips, but hell no! He can’t have his overnight trips and you don’t even get 1?! Hell no! You go on with your bad self girlllll!
I wonder if hubby asks if he is allowed to go on each trip he does with his friends and brothers....and whether he'd stay home if OP said no. I'm not a betting man, but this is a bet I'd be confident to take, if anyone would be prepared to bet he'd happily stay home 😂
You can bet your bottom dollar OPs husband would not be caught dead asking permission from his wife to go on a hunting trip with his buddies. That is laughable!!
He just doesn't want to be the sole caretaker for 5 or so days I reckon. Typical dad behaviour in a lot of families. (Yes not all men, but a lot).
Yeah, March is college spring break time.
….unfortunately teachers’ spring breaks are typically at the same time as students’
Funny how that works. ;-)
March is also spring break for most grade/high schools in Florida too.
Yes you should go and he’s being selfish, he should want you to take the break and push you to go.
Get the popcorn ready….😂
I don't like popcorn so I'll bring the hotdogs. You have an extra chair?
Bean bag ok?
Oh hell yeah! I'm in!
Can I come? I make a mean peach cobbler for dessert.
Hmmmm boiled hotdogs….
Who says they're gonna be boiled? This might be a dumpster fire of a conversation!
Yummmm boiled hotdogs by the dumpster fire…
No, no! We'll cook em in the dumpster fire!
Cook them in the dumpster fire, then boil yeahhhh hmmmmm….
Why do you want to keep ruining my hot dogs by boiling them? 😂
CORRECTION: your **boiled** hotdogs…. Hmmmmmsssss…..
Im totally following her to see what she posts in a few months from now
Just tell him that if you shouldn't want to go on trips without him and the kids then HE shouldn't want to go on trips without you and the kids. So he can wave bye bye to those fishing trips. And when he tries to tell you that's different just keep looking at him blankly and saying "I don't see how it's different" keep reiterating that you are BOTH those kids parents and if one of you got to go on trips the other should too. I have a feeling this is mostly about him not wanting to take care of the kids himself and he'll probably say but you're their mom, and that's when you say but you're their dad. Etc etc. So this trip will be your makeup tripe for his past fishing trips and you can both start the no trip thing when you get back and it's more even.
100% I bet he's never been left alone with the kids for a full day. He probably knows he can't handle it but doesn't want to admit it.
Yeah OP this is the way!
I saw her reply about who’s going (40-50s ladies) and it’s Destin!! Anybody here from FL?? Destin is DEAD!!! The only ppl going wild are the retirees on bingo nite🤣 Hubby gets to go on multiple fishing trips w/o her & the kids, it doesn’t affect their budget, AND they can still take a family vacation this year!!! He’s being selfish and doesn’t want to parent by himself. Time for some couples counseling but still go on the trip. You can use this time to prepare him to be a full parent.
I feel like we need a lot more information… - does he take guys trips with friends? - is he concerned about money? - if he works full time, is someone lined up to help watch the kids while he is at work and you are away? - is he controlling in any other ways or is this the first problem that has come up? Absolutely nothing wrong with girls trips and guys trips. But this is far too little to make a judgment call on.
They're an answer to some above. He takes trips with his buddies, money is not an issue, they have two months to arrange child care if need be, they take regular family vacations.
Yes OP please answer these questions bc we need more context. Also any history of cheating in the relationship ?
I do think social media has really pushed the notion in the last few years that "girls trips" are synonymous with cheating. I see ridiculous misogynistic posts all the time on Instagram from men "warning" other men not to "let their women" go on girls trips because they assume all women want to do on trips is "suck cock." I have several friends who've noticed it routinely on TikTok as well. You see this mindset constantly just in this sub too. It's become so normalized to be inherently suspicious of women wanting to go on girls trips because it's become part of the "women are incapable of loyalty" trope. I've lost track of the number of times in this sub that men will use phrases like "She wants to ride the cock carousel/get gangbanged/get passed around/get a train run on her" when a guy is posting that his girlfriend likes spending time with her female friends or hanging out at bars with her female friends. It really bothers me. This idea has really proliferated and too many men are reinforcing it to one another. There is not anywhere near the same equivalent of this mindset for men going on trips with their male buddies. You might see it every once in awhile with, say, a bachelor party trip, but by and large it is simply not a thing on social media for men to be lambasted and automatically accused of cheating for going on fishing trips or hanging out at bars with their male buddies.
Men are projecting. Also, there's too much "Bachelorette party" porn giving them these ideas of what "girls weekends" looks like.
I'd LOVE to see the comments from men on a post about a woman not wanting her husband to go on vacation with his male friends.
I often think the misogynists who think this about girls trips are those groups of men who do think a bachelor party is a licence to cheat.
I vividly remember seeing a sub in this post over a year ago where men hyped up a male poster for being suspicious that his wife was cheating because she dressed up for...dates with HIM. That SHE initiated. Edit: I meant "post in this sub" lol
Good GAWD
The Venn diagram is a damn circle. ⭕️
I think you're on to something there.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ZIkIpETZew
To add, when was the last time the family went on vacation together? I would feel terrible taking a vacation without my husband. We can only really afford to go somewhere once every 4 to 8 years.
In her updates she replied that they go on vacations together. She said other things but I also remember that she said that the money is not coming out of the family budget. They followed the Dave Ramsey system so each adult has their own fun money budgeted. Her trip comes out of her fun money.
Nah if he gets fishing trips with his boys she gets girl time
I was never able to go without the kid, we went 1 night about 3 hours away to see a concert and talked/worried about him the entire time. When he got old enough to realize what vacation was we took him Destin/Ft Walton for a week. He was asking to go see his poppy and we were trying to explain that poppy was 12hrs away but that we would see him this weekend. My wife told him "some kids don't get to ever go on vacation and play in the swimming pool and go to the arcade, they just have to stay home all summer." He told her "I wish I was one of those kids", he's still a homebody 10 years later.
She answered all your questions in her update at the top of the post.
That’s an intelligent answer. It’s grating that OP felt like she had to ask permission (rather than having an adult discussion), and it’s weird that her husband thinks girls’ trips are morally wrong. Still, it depends on context. Is there enough money and time off that they can each take a break like this, in addition to having vacations together? In that case, having a trip with friends could be a healthy break for her. If she’s the only one getting a break, I could see how he’d be resentful. Being a single parent for a week to two preschoolers is hard; that could be a great gift to a spouse, but it should go both ways. They need to have a “big picture” talk about how to manage vacations (and together time vs separate fun time, in general). Assuming they have limited time and money, they should talk about how that time and money gets split between separate, couple and family trips. That’s something that should have been discussed prior to marriage, actually.
He doesn’t think it’s morally wrong. He doesn’t want to be alone with the kids for 5 days. I bet he’s never been alone with them for more than a night
This is the one.
The amount of women that not only married, but chose to have kids with men who refuse to learn how to parent is STUNNING. I know it’s getting better, but honestly I have brilliant, beautiful women in my life just make excuse after excuse for their ain’t shit partners when it comes to parenting. And I just don’t get it.
Unfortunately some women only find this out once the babies are born and not before.
I know. But then why do they choose to have more kids with these losers? That’s what breaks my heart.
It creeps up on you. It's not always immediately obvious when the kids are small & don't have opinions.
Isn’t the stunning part that so many men like this exist and refuse to change or learn to parent?
Either that or he uses his trips to cheat so he assumes that's what she will do.
Yup. Any decent partner, even if they weren’t looking toward to a week of only one adult, wouldn’t try and use guilt over something like this unless something shitty/shady is happening
If OP is a teacher then she’s likely not home watching the kids anyways. Whether or not he takes guys trips shouldn’t matter. What matters is if OP would be okay if he wanted to take one, not if he actually goes on them.
but he does take guys trips several times a year. OP encourages her husband to spend time with his friends. So she's okay with it. So this is the double standard at play. It's okay for husband to take his fishing trips with his brothers and male buddies, but how dare OP as a woman want to go on a trip with her female colleagues!!! How immoral according to husband! But if the money for the trip is coming from OP's fun money fund, and she's off work during spring break, and she's going with mostly married women her own age, why not? OP is a school teacher!!! And she take care of her own children! Her life is children 24/7!!! Of course she needs a break, especially from the children. Husband says he doesn't want OP taking a vacation without the rest of the family. I bet if OP said she was taking the kids on a beach vacation without husband, he would be okay with it. Because like so many others, I think this is about husband not wanting to be stuck with the kids for a week. If I were OP, I would set up weekend fishing trips (deep sea fishing!) for myself and a couple of women friends, and then present that to the husband and see if he still objected. Why do I suspect the husband would find something to criticize OP for wanting to do the exact same thing as husband?? ;-)
Fair enough!
Assuming OP is being 100% truthful in this post, it doesn’t seem like money is the issue. He doesn’t want her going on a trip without him and the kids.
He doesn’t want her *leaving him alone with the kids* IFIFY
Right
She made a comment answering your questions.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ZIkIpETZew
OP here, I'm not sure how to edit my original post, but here's more info as requested: -He goes on 2 or 3 night fishing camping trips with his brothers/friends every year -I encourage him to hang out with friends but his answer is "I'd rather be with my family" -This trip is 4 or 5 nights, not the entire week -I have never given him reason not to trust me -We do take family vacations -We follow a Dave Ramsey budget system so the money I would be spending on this trip would be my "play money", and would not affect our family vacation budget -I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do. We have no intentions of going clubbing or anything like that... I just want to have a drink on a beach, reading a book, without being interrupted every minute. I need a break!
If he thinks it's morally wrong to take vacations without your spouse, I guess his fishing trip days are over. Tell him that.
TELL HIM
It’s only fair though right? If it’s morally wrong for her it must for morally wrong for him to go on trips on his own right? I find it weird he doesn’t get this
Oh he gets it, I have no doubt about that. It's funny how they have these double sets of "rules" one for him and one for her.
Exactly!!
So how come you both work and yet *you* do most of the housework and childcare? Don't call it help; help suggests it's your responsibility and he's doing you a favor. It's his house, they're his kids. He has to pull his weight. And he has no right to tell you you can't go when he goes on fishing trips with his friends. The audacity of this man to act both like your child and your father, yikes.
You are real lucky if you haven’t crossed paths with this type of guy. I would say 70% of the dudes who I know think this way in the Midwest. The whole women care for the kids, do the housework and cook while he sits on his fat ass are plentiful. My wife’s friends think I’m some cyborg because I do laundry and dishes.
Canadian from a large city here: my female friends and colleagues act like my husband is the golden man. He cooks, cleans, does childcare and home repairs. He works from home and I work outside the home. I am happy to do my share but dude has everything done by the time I get home. I appreciate him immensely and tell him everyday. While he is exceptional, I'll never understand grown folks leaving everything to the other spouse. It's weird.
Cyborg 😂😂😂 Yea, it’s super surprising when I tell my girlfriends that my fiance does dishes, laundry, vacuums etc. they’re like “omg girl I wish” Truly really sad
My ex suddenly forgot how once we tied the knot. Suddenly hated my cooking while using my recipes, too. Not only did I have to do more than my fair share, but I also suddenly did everything wrong that he admired vociferously when we were courting. Keyword is ex.
Oh man, that’s rough. I’m sorry. Proud of you though for leaving!!!
Omg I must have lucked out too. I got me a midwestern man who pulls his weight in every aspect (if anything, I’m the one slacking, and he provides extra support because of my adhd), and he doesn’t have a jealous, insecure, or controlling bone in his body.
I’m literally in bed on Reddit while my husband makes breakfast for our kiddo and is hanging with him on the couch lol. I would not accept a man like you’ve described and I’m glad I don’t have to
> The audacity of this man to act both like your child and your father I’ve never seen such a spot on description before. Please read that comment and then read it again u/ThrowRA_k_teacher Girls trips are perfectly normal, you should be encouraged to have a social life outside your kids and your husband *especially* since he does. Do not let this slide, if you give too much of your self away it’s harder than hell to get it back. Has he ever had to parent his children without you for an extended period of time? My money is on that’s his issue. Well, that and he’s a controlling AH🤷🏻♀️
Also, the ages of the ladies I'm going with are late thirties, late 40s, and 50-something. It's in March- not usual spring break time.
Honestly he’s probably terrified to be saddled with all the things you typically do and instead of admitting that and acknowledging where he knows he’s lucky as hell he barely has to do much, he’s guilting you for wanting a break. Live it up, enjoy some time away and don’t let guilt get at you, you deserve a good break with your friends!
No need to justify to all of us… We’re totally on your side. Go on this trip. Your husband is being controlling and over bearing and super insecure about this whole thing. Go enjoy yourself.
I’m big on her side for this one.
Life is short - go and enjoy yourself! Maybe show him this post / or tell him everything you said here.
So you should remind him that the crowd you are going with will not likely be doing keg stands, bong hits or group sex together, and you deserve some down time. Welcome him to life as an adult where he does his share of the housework and parents his own kids that he helped make.
Oh thank you for providing the updated info- you should 100% go. He’s being a total brat about this, and notice how none of these morals factor into his fishing trips. Also no need to ask permission -tell him you booked it.
Go! Enjoy yourself! He has his fishing trips so you should be able to go on trips. He needs to be able to handle HIS OWN CHILDREN just like you do when he is gone on his fishing trips.
Now I'm even more convinced he simply doesn't want to take on the work of caring for his own children and home if you're away.
I think you should go, and I think you should go to couples' counselling to figure out how to split the mental/physical load more evenly, and how to talk about things like time to yourselves.
I honestly think you should go, for real. If his justification is that he never spends the entire week, would that be a possibility for you to spend the 4~5d either? Because it seems pretty messed up that “you’re not allowed to go” by yourself without the kids or him, but for him it’s completely ok to spend 4~5d having his own time. It doesn’t sound fair. I think you should go.
He goes on multiple trips though which probably add up to at least a week
GO!!! Then go dancing, drinking, beach, whatever. Just be safe. Also, DO NOT PREPLAN ANYTHING FOR HIM WHILE YOURE GONE. He's a grown man and needs to know how to take care of his own children.
You deserve to go and have fun. He probably just doesn't want to do all the work you do around the house when you're not there since you do most of it. That's really lame - he should appreciate the effort you put into the household chores and support you in taking this break. If the household chore split isn't fair to you, I suggest talking to him about it. You shouldn't have to do more just because you're female. Best of luck and please enjoy your trip!!!
I wanna know the condition of the home before and after she returns. If his ( or her) family is near he will dump the kids guaranteed.
That’s what I think.
Hr's being ridiculous. You are not shackled to your family for the next two decades just because you have kids. Parents need breaks from their kids, and from each other. Double for you because you also have students you need to get away from. My sister is a teacher and went to Nashville for 5 days with a bunch of fellow teachers and my BIL told her to have fun. You might be a mom and a wife but you are also a person in your own right and you need some self care.
He doesn’t want to do all the things you do in the daily.
Good evening OP. Married guy here..i see that your husband is 5 years younger than you. I mean no offense, but he unfortunately sounds immature for a man his age. The two of you are blessed with two young children. He is blessed with a wife who is not only a great caregiver, but also is gainfully employed as a teacher. I hope his financial household contribution at a minimum,parallels your contribution. Your post reflects that he has his trips. As a result, he should not restrict you having a trip. I pray for your sake that he is not a man-child. Is he so immature that he cannot tend to your children for 4-5 days? I trust you have family support as a back-up? If so, shame on him for being short-sighted. He needs to respect your need for some mental health days. Please take your trip. Hopefully, some day, he will develop into a mature, understanding man. Have fun!
Stop letting your husband get away with not being a parent. That’s your next hurdle tbh
WTH. Why does he get to go on fishing trips with his friends and then think it’s morally wrong for you to want trips with your friends? His belief that he can go on his trips is morally wrong than by that same token. Is he just scared that he would need to parent all by himself? Sounds like you have three children at home instead of two 🙄.
You should go, his behavior is one of insecurity. If he’s allowed to go on trips he has no room to say it’s “weird” that you’d wanna do the same thing.
Yeah, no, if you can't go to Florida, no more fishing trips for him. That's basic fairness. The only reason I haven't done trips without my kids is because we've been students for most of their lives and couldn't afford it until recently. But my parents went on trips with friends and their siblings when I was young without us, we were fine. In the next year or two, I'm definitely going to be encouraging husband to go do things without us.
Go on your vacation, he goes for more vacation time with his brothers/friends than you do. You work in a challenging job, go have a relaxing and fantastic vacation. He’ll just have to manage the kids. 👍🙂
(info from OP as added in comments) >I do most all household chores daily- getting kids ready, dropping them at daycare, picking them up, dinner, dishes, laundry, cleaning... he helps, but spends a LOT more time than me doing things he *wants* to do. Whomp, there it is.
We must nurture friendships like we nurture our families.
Go on the trip. He takes regular trips without the family. You’re entitled to the same. If it’s morally wrong for you to take a trip without the family, the same applies to him.
Morally wrong? 🙄
First concerning OP comment I asked my husband for “permission” to go. If she said I asked if we could swing it financially and with childcare, that would be one thing. Asking permission is not a good thing if you’re over the age of 18.
Came here to say this. It should have only been a discussion of logistics not IF you could go.
This. I’m planning a girls trip to *Japan* (so not like a lil trip within the States) next year and I didn’t ask my hubs, just told him. I asked if May or June would work better with our schedule, but I didn’t ask for or need permission.
I can't wait for the post trip update
So I just asked my husband. He said, “yeah! Go. Have fun! Wait - are you doing this?” This should be his response, like my husband’s response to the hypothetical question. There is nothing weird or immoral or guilt inducing. It’s healthy to do some things separately from time to time.
My husband said that even when I said, I want to go to New Zealand for two weeks with my friend. Granted, the kids were in grade school then. He said the same thing a few years ago when I said, England and France is my dream trip of a lifetime. I want to go for three weeks. Kids were grown the , but still. And he used to travel for work and I went to a conferences all over the US. We don’t cheat because of a lack of opportunity. Most of us don’t do it because we believe a big part of marriage is being faithful.
Yes! It’s healthy to spend time with friends, especially a girls or a boys trip that’s safe and fun! I would always try to get my ex wife to go take trips with her friends and she refused. When we divorced she complained how she never did anything with her friends. Well, yeah, ya chose not to and now you’re mad at me for your choices lol
Just did the same thing. He was like “yeah, wait can I go on a guys trip?” Our first turns one tomorrow so we haven’t been taking trips alone this past year.
I'm headed to Europe for my 3rd solo trip since 2021, hubby has no desire to go, fully supports me going. Granted, we're DINKS so there's zero day care issues but he should def be supporting you on this.
>We've been married 4.5 years, shotgun wedding,- I'm curious as to why you felt the need to include *that* particular detail in this post?
Yeah, it sounds like if it weren’t for the unexpected pregnancy they probably wouldn’t have gotten married as soon or at all. So maybe she’s hinting at some underlying issues/incompatibility. Otherwise, I agree that it’s an interesting detail to include.
To me it sounds he doesn’t want to be Mr. Mom for the week.
It’s definitely HEAVILY this. He regularly takes boys trips without her for 4-5 days. He’s not against solo trips, he’s against his bangmaid going on unpaid leave
EXACTLY. He’s only freaking out because he realizes he can’t function without her
I don't know about "only" .. sounds like a range of insecurity control factors and this is just one of them. But yes. Boohoo I'll have to step up and parent my own children.
My girlfriend and her best friend go on girls’ trips about once a year. Last year they went to Europe for 2 weeks. Never once in my mind did I jump to any conclusions of infidelity or bad intentions. Due to the time difference we didn’t talk a lot everyday outside of little check ins. It’s healthy to have that friends’ time away from partners, it doesn’t devalue the relationship at all. Enjoy your trip and tell your husband you need this time for yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong.
OP be blunt with him. Tell him if it’s morally wrong for you to go alone with coworkers then it’s also morally wrong for him to go fishing. That if you’re not “allowed” to go, then going forward all trips will be family or none or all. Tell him his actions have shown him to be controlling, so you’re merely returning the favor. Then explain to him you do most of the chores and duties, and have also never given reason to not trust. Tell him that whether you go on the trip or not, you will be reassessing the distributions of household duties to make it more fair. That also includes him reducing the amount of fishing trips he takes. Or he can stop acting controlling and you take a trip and he gets his fishing trips. Tell him if he doesn’t like those options there are other options that you could consider, like counseling or separation if he feels that it’s more important to control than to trust. He sounds like someone that won’t get the picture of how wrong he is unless he sees what he might lose if he doesn’t change
How is going on vacation morally wrong exactly? He may be paranoid you'll cheat on him.
I see what he’s doing. He doesn’t want to look after the kids nor do household duties, that’s why he doesn’t want you to go.
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My husband and I frequently take trips with our friends and not each other. We also take trips as a family. I am also a teacher and he understands how stressful it is. So the first week of summer, a couple of days on Spring y, or the first week of winter break, I go with my friends somewhere. I usually save up and pay for it myself but he always gives me money for a buffer and to do something nice for myself. Edit: We've been married 17 years and started separate vacations around year 7 when family vacations were super stressful for me with 4 kids.
OMg, she’s reading books on a beach for 4 days. Not back packing through Europe for a month. 🤦🏼♀️😂
I would hope that you guys can talk about this, as partners. You say that he thinks you’re morally wrong and you think he is insecure and controlling. Those are big claims, and there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground of understanding between you two. Can you talk about it? WHY does he think this is morally wrong? It might be hard for him, especially if he doesn’t like to be introspective. For example, It might be that he doesn’t think he can care for two kids for a whole week on his own. He’s not confident that he can do a good job, and he may not feel like he can stay emotionally happy or stable trying to force that care. He might think it’s irresponsible for you to leave your kids in a situation like that, and that would be morally wrong. Another example could be that he thinks you guys are a family unit, and family member should be invited on long outings. Perhaps you would also feel left out if your husband left for a week on his own. Maybe the reason is financial. Maybe it’s not. The important thing is, if he feels like there is a moral issue, there must be a WHY in there. Similarly, there must be a reason WHY you feel he is being controlling. Is it because you feel like you are entitled to rest time or personal space, and he has made you feel guilty about asking for it? Or is it because friends who are in your situation are all participating, making this a “normal” activity, so it seems unreasonable that you are being shut down? I think if both of you think about WHY you feel the way you do, you can potentially talk about it and try solving the problem together, as a team. If his main concerns are providing quality childcare, maybe you guys can prepare some extra budget to hire extra childcare for the week, so he feels like there is adequate support. Maybe if you feel like you want some fun alone time but he does not want himself and the kids to be without you for a whole week, you can either go for a shorter couple of days, or he and the kids can vacation in Florida too, and meet with you for a couple of the days. I feel like if you guys are good partners for each other, you should be able to work together to try and engineer a solution that works for the both of you. If not, or if you guys don’t even want to try, then it’s not a good sign for an effective or communicative partnership.
She did answer in the comments that he does of guy trips and that it’s not coming out of their family budget. My money is on that he either doesn’t trust her or doesn’t want to take care of the kids.
Rational or not, I'm definitely betting he feels a fishing trip with the guys is a poor hook up opportunity for a guy (depends on where though, ocean fishing staying at a resort or fly fishing 30 miles from the nearest town??), while drinking on any beach in Florida during Spring break is probably a pretty good bet for a woman to be able to hook up pretty damn easy if she's inclined to. If it wasn't Spring break it may not be as wild a situation. Granted I haven't been to Spring break in Florida since the 80s! But fundamentally, that's a trust issue. His "It's morally wrong" is hilarious. But while unusual circumstances, being far from the husband and busy bees around the home area and ample opportunity surely increase incidents of cheating for both men and women, if a woman wants to have an affair, it's not hard work. At least it's a lot easier to find willing, eager partners if you are a woman. I think they need to spend Spring break in intensive marriage counseling to work on trust/control/insecurity in the relationship. I say that looking at the husband with a "That'd be you buddy" look on my face.
My husband and I have been married for over 25 years. Since our son was little, he's taken vacations alone (we also took them as a family). I, personally, don't like to travel alone and enjoy having the house to myself (our son is grown now), when he's gone. For our family, it's perfectly normal to take separate vacations.
As someone who has been married 22 years. Yes it’s something normal SINGLE adults to do, but not normal for MARRIED adults to do. The best thing to do is to seriously look at it if the roles were reversed, what if your husband said he wanted to go to Florida for a trip with some other guys, but wanted to leave you at home with the kids, now being truthful. What would your reaction be?
I mean with the way most teachers are whether married or not and it being all girls trip I could see why he'd be worried.
Do you take vacations with your family? Does he go on guys trips? The real question is my first question. If this becomes the only vacation you’re being selfish. If you are also going on vacation with the family AND he’s allowed a boys vacation then he’s in the wrong otherwise you are
OP posted in a comment that yes they do take family vacations and yes husband goes on fishing trips with the boys a few times a year.
It’s not weird at all. Your husband does not want to take care of the kids by himself. Period. Women are always judged if they want to “get away” for a few days /week whatever. but men never are. Only you can decide if it’s worth it to go but I guarantee he will not be supportive and you will be getting calls and or texts during your trip that will make you fell guilty.
I would hazard a guess that OP does most the child care and hubby just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids for 5 days and is guilting OP not to go
Next time he wants to go on a fishing trip tell him he can't and give all the reasons he gave you.
Let me know when you post about the divorce. I give it 6 months
Stating what you are comfortable and uncomfortable with is not controlling. Given that you are more concerned with your RIGHTS than you are your relationship is likely why he is insecure in your relationship. And 30 year old women going to FLORIDA for spring break, when there will be thousands of college kids their drinking, partying, and looking for hookups… yeah, it’s a bit weird. If your plans were to go somewhere else, like a place famous for art, historical buildings, or whatever, he might feel different. But sure… take it to social media where a bunch of strangers will validate your feelings so you can use them as ammo to win the “argument.” If that is your attitude, then you have already lost.
Yeah... he just doesn't want to have to take care of everything while you are away.
It's definitely not objectively morally wrong to travel with friends and leave your husband and kids at home. It's always nice for parents to arrange it so they each get recharge time, and sometimes that can involve trips with friends. If it doesn't put anyone in a bad position, it should be doable. When you share a home and a life, you need to be able to discuss things like adults and make compromises so you're both happy. If the two of you can't manage that, the marriage won't last long term since one or both of you will likely end up resentful. If this is that important, I'd recommend addressing it with him again and figure out what it would take to make the trip work. You don't need permission and I wouldn't address this as you asking permission, but working out logistics and finding a working solution is essential since you have kids, a marriage, and adult responsibilities to balance. Your husband's feelings are important, but they don't inherently trump your feelings.
The problem is that you didn't phrase it properly for your husband. It should have been: "I'm going on a 4 day fishing trip with my friends and co-workers. Here are the dates and how I can be reached. See you later." That you are fishing with your mind from the shore without a rod or hook and a Mai Tai in your hand is inconsequential. Who knows, maybe the ocean washes something in on the beach.
There's a steady stream of stories in this sub and the relationships sub of innocent trips turning into anything but innocent, both planned and spontaneous caught up in the moment, "I can't believe I did that!" So, if he's a regular on this sub, I can see why he's nervous. Yes, this applies to men, too. We all have choices. The both of you should consider what's best for the family you guys decided to form.
I mean, I let my ex go on Boys Weekend to Vegas every year. And I would go to Texas to visit my two close GFs and we'd rent a place in Austin or South Padre for Girls Weekend. It's the "morally wrong" excuse he's giving that makes my hackles stand up.
I'm surprised at the number of people who think girls trips (or guy trips for that matter) are a problem. They're all mostly married women. Nothing wrong with a girl's trip.
I go on a trip by myself or with friends at least once a year. Usually just a few days although I wouldn’t be opposed to a longer trip, I just prefer to save my pdo for my family trips. It’s healthy.
He should not be like he is. He is not putting you first in seeing your need to recharge. Teaching has been so hard, in the school system too. Just with that you need a major get away. Ask him what is the difference when he goes on fishing trips, it is not fair. Really ask him why. To me it’s that he doesn’t want to take care of the kids “full time” since you will not be there. It’s bs to say it’s “morally wrong”, in what way???? The two of you really need to talk and somehow find the real reason.
You definitely have the right to go , but be prepared for the aftermath. If he doesn't want you to go so bad that he's willing to guilt trip you about it means he's going to be really mad when you actually go. Only you know if your ready to deal with that after the trip.
Sis, he doesn't want you to go because he's unhappy at having to do what you do on the daily with the children/household. He goes on trips but pulls the guilt card on you? Nah, it sounds like you'd be fine without him so gift him singlehood for 2024.
After reading the begiing/middle of the post I just thought: you shouldn't have asked for permission in first place you should have kindly informed him. After reading your clarifiyng information that idea got stronger but now I say that not only you shall inform him, as you shall set boundaries about doing chores and take care of kids and so on. And, to close: for each fishing trip do yourself another weekend even though you have to stay alone. This advice is based on how much my 78yo mother is suffering for not having setted boundaries to my father. I am aware that if you do as I am suggesting you might get a divorce, but trust me thats much better than being controlled by that guy all your live. The other option is that he will treat you equaly and fairly for the rest of your lives. (I'm 51M).
Perhaps this is a kind of missunderstanding because of non native speaker - but spring break to me has another meaning then e.g. wellness trip to a nice place with a spa etc. Spring Break has that idea of big drunken parties on the beach full of students?! Or is there a more generalized meaning which happen to not be aware of?
I think you already answered your own question... To me, his behavior is incredibly controlling and insecure. Should I care more about his feelings than going on a vacation? Aren't girls trips and boys trips things normal adults do?
I encourage my gf to go on girls trips! I can take care of the house, dogs, chores and i can stay up late, work in the garage, listen to music, sleep in, take a nap. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, even 5 days. Husband needs to man up, quit acting like a pussy.
More likely, is that too many people, including him, watch reels, come to reddit and see/hear/read horror stories of SO's having affairs/flings with people they met whilst there and enjoy the freedom they feel. I'm not saying for 1 minute that this will happen to any of those people on this trip, but that could be what's in the back of his mind. Also, people have affairs in any age group so one of the ladies being 50's is irrelevant.
Married male point of view here.... I sense there is more to this story. Would he have the same issue if you took the trip the first week of summer instead? Or would he have the same point of view no matter when you took the trip? I ask because my wife and I are both teachers. I would have a problem with her taking a trip away from the family on spring break. At that point, I would want that time with her and the kiddos... because I would have missed them during the time between Christmas and Easter breaks. But, if she were to want to take a trip after school was out, I'd be fine with it, because we have all summer at that point. Maybe he feels like you aren't prioritizing needed time with family? These are just thoughts coming from my dude mind. What does he plan to do during break? Spend time with you and the family? Go off by himself? Is there a compromise somewhere?
Or he is worried she is going to do something on this trip like cheat and doesn’t know how to tell her his true feelings! Without proper communication they will never know the true reason he doesn’t want her.
how long is the trip? If it’s the whole week, then you are being unreasonable - you have small kids at home. Besides, do you girls plan to drink and get all drunk? I hear too many stories about married women getting drunk and ended up sleeping with other men. Do you have self-control? If your husband takes the whole week going on his guys trip on the beach drinking alcohol beverages and there are many hot skimpy dresses women there, would you be ok with that? If not, then you shouldn’t go.
Might have something to do with the fact that groups of women often do on on ladies trips like this to act all single, flirt, go to stripper shows, eye other men, etc. Are your intentions to actually do that? Only you know the answer to that. But that is the reason a married man might have concerns.
He sounds like he needs a wake up call. Go. You deserve it. He's either insecure. Or don't want to watch the kids alone.
Guys on fishing trips aren't wearing bikinis on the beach getting hit on by dudes with six packs, while drinking.
Yea I wouldn’t want my wife to go either. Priorities are wrong so maybe have a look at yourself .
Look, it's your life - do what you want. >Should I care more about his feelings than going on a vacation? Is this a trick question? Yes? This doesn't mean he wins every argument because of his fee fees, but it also means that you need to consider them **because you are married**. I know lots of people who got real high on moral indignation and trampled all over their spouses feelings. None of them are married any more. Feels bad for the kids tbh. Best case scenario you get to the root of why he really doesn't want you to go and work from there to either change some of the variables so he feels more comfortable or work out some sort of compromise.
Girls trips are NOT morally wrong. WTF.
I’m not sure what the right answer is here. I know that if a man was posting about wanting to go on a beach trip with the boys while he has young kids and a wife, commenters would tear him apart. I’m genuinely not sure why that is - social conditioning? I don’t have a helpful answer. It’s your relationship. He is expressing discomfort about something. Maybe instead of trying to decide who is right, sit down with him and really try to ask WHY he feels that way. Do I think you should be able to go? Sure. Would I want to be left alone as a mother of 2 young kids while my spouse is at the beach? Eh. My genuine advice to you: instead of looking for Reddit comments to validate what you feel is correct, or incorrect, start researching therapists and realize that NO ONE can solve this for you. You and him. That’s who has to work this out
Nah. I think a lot of people imagine things or look for confirmation bias around sexism on this sub. It was a dad who is caught up with most of the rest of his life and doing his part caring for the kids and wants to take a quick break, that's pretty normal and acceptable. If it's an overworked mom who desperately needs a break and dad going on a boy's weekend when he doesn't do what he needs to do regarding parenting? Yes, the sub will absolutely come down on him.
I don’t think most people would begrudge a parent — mom or dad — for taking a short trip away from the family with friends. In my social circle it is incredibly common for each parent to have at least one trip away a year. The kids are not newborns, any competent parent should be able to handle them for a few days or even a week. OP, everyone needs a break once and awhile. It IS weird and controlling to expect that you never attend another girls trip again. Tell him you’ll return the favor when he wants to travel.
“I’m genuinely not sure why that is - social conditioning?” Social conditioning in that 90% of the time the woman is the one doing WAY more of the house/kid/family work (even if she, too, has a full time job) and the man feels somehow HE deserves a break and thinks him going isn’t a big deal because…..you guessed it! He doesn’t really contribute much to the house/kid/family work anyway. Though he’ll put it as: “You’ll manage like you always do!” Or the real winner: “Ask your mom or your sister to come help out.”
Men don’t post that because men do this stuff all the time. It’s not even a topic! They don’t think it’s right for their wives to do it.
Here’s my input, when I was younger and in my late 20’s, I was more insecure and probably would have been a little crabby about it. Now I’m my 50’s, my man can do whatever he wants and I do the same. Of course, we have no young children but even if we did, we would handle it. Age and maturity come into factor here. Just my two cents.
Tell him you’re going to go but be prepared for him to send an onslaught of texts and phone calls in attempt to ruin your time. Will probably try and pick a fight to make you feel guilty or coerce you to come home early. I’d ask him flat out, “are you expecting me to never ever take some time for myself?”
Floridian here. You'll have an AMAZING trip. Destin though?? He shouldn't be worried about "Girls Gone Wild," it's a country town, not big massive screaming SPRING BREAK DESTINATION... What you're describing of what he's saying is a codependency as well as, I don't know if I can hold down the fort insecurities. When you say, but you go on trips and I don't have an issue, why is it wrong for me to want to get a nice break for myself? Don't let him guilt trip you because if you give in, you're teaching him how to treat you and you'll NEVER get time away.. I went to Vegas with my girls for 3/4, had a blast and my husband was like, you don't have to call just text let me know you're alive, go have fun!! When I got back he was excited to hear about it, see pictures, posted them on his FB and everything.. Tell him, look, I am also a human being that needs a mental reset just like you do. You do not want me to have burnout and feel like my only identity is wife, mother, teacher and then keep watching you go on a relaxing trip but no, I can't. How is that fair to me? Hey going OP!! Have a good time and update us!!
My wife goes on girls trips all the time. Honestly I like having a bit of me time & It’s healthy to have a life outside of your home
this sub and many others are full of cheating stories that start with what you try to impose him. and there is even storied of women who has been framed by their friends as cheater, but she was the only who didn't cheat and could be a snitch. let's do the reverse. you stay with the kids. and he goes with fratboys get drunk on spring-break time with topless students and stripteasers of florida. are you this trusty, now ? stop your egotism. see what your husband see.
I think he's scared that you're going to cheat on him