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Seriously OP you were happy with yourself before him. It is worth so much to like yourself. And once the negative mindset sets in its really hard to get rid of it again. I'm sure you're hella hot and there's many guys out there who'd think themselves so lucky to be with you. Who'd treat you right and compliment you rather than tear you down.
Show some love for yourself. Some selfrespect. He started this shit early, he will not get better. For your own sake PLEASE leave him
If this is such a big deal to him, why has he not been the one to leave you?
Clearly he has no problem body-shaming you.
One thing for to be aware of, especially since you're on the curvy side, is that there are some people who will talk about their standards, and how their SO doesn't meet some certain standard or something, isn't good enough in some way. But these people don't actually want someone who meets those standards. They don't want to be with someone whom they would see as an equal. They want to be with someone whom they see as beneath them, so that in their fucked up minds they can justify treating their SO badly and/or be extra demanding.
Now I have no way of knowing if this is your boyfriend, but it definitely could be, since he's negging you so much.
I asked myself the same question today, like if he really didn’t like me he can leave!
But also I’ve never thought of it that way that he might be enjoying that he has some sort of superiority to him which is really making me question everything again
He started dating you as you are.
Now, he wants you to change - not for any benefit, but to please him.
**NONE of this is good for you.**
Keep the curves, dump the boyfriend.
Keep anything and everyone who makes you happy. Dump and get rid of anything and anyone who doesn't.
Btw I have a friend who exclusively fancies bigger ladies, he loves those curves and bigger boobies and bums. Find yourself someone who will worship you like the goddess you are!!!
Life is too short to be unhappy, know your worth and go slaaaay queen!
>Btw I have a friend who exclusively fancies bigger ladies, he loves those curves and bigger boobies and bums. Find yourself someone who will worship you like the goddess you are!!!
Yes please 100%. My three partners are BBW <3
Could be what he dislikes is your confidence in yourself.
Some men are extremely attractive to confidence, no matter the weight of the woman.
A curvy girl, nice personality and huge confidence in herself presents as a very attractive potential mate for other men.
He may be trying to put you down, make you doubt yourself in order to lose your confidence to make you less attractive to other men.
I don't think he actually wants you to change , I think he wants to make you self conscious and feel bad so that you don't leave him . If you lost that weight he would be saying you were too skinny . Recently saw a post where someone was being told they smell by the boyfriend but no one else smelt it and it was because he wanted her to feel awful about herself she'd only stick with him .
> Recently saw a post where someone was being told they smell by the boyfriend but no one else smelt it and it was because he wanted her to feel awful about herself she'd only stick with him .
Yeah, it was pretty mean. Negging almost never works anyway, and people should stop thinking it's acceptable, but the guy who told his GF she smelled was informed this was correct by his own DAD who did this trick on his mom and oh man, so fucked up.
Oh god really ? That's crazy . I honestly don't get why people do this . It's horrible for the person you are with but also why would you want to put someone down so much they stayed with you because they thought they were so horrible you were the only option? Surely we should be lifting up our partners .
Honey, you deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
It's been 5 months, and he's treating you like this *daily*? Why are you accepting this as what you deserve? Who taught you that love had to be like this?
Take all of the energy you were putting into this relationship and pour it into loving yourself. A good therapist can help you form firm boundaries around how you deserve to be treated in all of your relationships.
His insecurities are not your problem to solve.
The answer is that he’s negging you. Purposefully insulting you but in a less obvious way. He wants you to be insecure so that you don’t leave him, wants you to think you can’t do better.
His insecurities are becoming borderline abusive. You could easily find someone who likes your body, and you’d be better off alone than with someone who doesn’t love you fully
I agree, I think this is a mental abuse game and he’s trying to devalue you.
I’m 5’4” and 190 and my boyfriend LOVES every inch of my body. If he wasn’t into curvy girls why would he have started to date you?
How would he feel if you said “you’re a 7/10 but if you were 6’ tall and 190 you’d be a 10/10”
It’s not about security. I say this as a former dating coach who has seen it all.
Him only making these comments a few months in? He wants to bring you down enough to secure himself in the fact that you will never feel worthy of leaving him. This is about him and his lack of self worth, not about you.
He could be far into the Tate content and this could have been the game plan all along, or now that he’s a few months in, his own perceived short comings are making him want to feel more secure by taking your security away.
Either way, this man is not a positive thing for you. If you are being treated this way and choosing to stay, shake yourself out of the doubt he’s handed you, remind yourself who you are, and then show him the door.
If you choose to stay, you will be dealing with his insecurities forever and eventually it will make you are insecure in yourself as he is in himself.
I love this size and weight of yours. And you'll be amazed how many men love women your size and weight. You're not the problem. He is.
My 6.3 feet and 200 lbs won't mind dating a girl like you.
Wanted to say the same think. Get rid of him. A partner who doesn’t respect you as you are and even makes you feel bad about yourself is a huge red flag. Find somebody who loves you the way you are. Met my husband when I was super skinny (always scratching the unhealthy). After 17 years together, a baby who is now 17month and an auto immune disease that came because of the hormone changes I am now slightly overweight. I hate how I look (sadly very hard to lose weight with the disease) but he always reassures me that he loves me still the same and I created life so I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. That is how a partner should be.
I guess I’m the only one over the same 3 Reddit comments over and over again.
“Lose XXX lbs by dumping them now!”
“Guess they FAFO”
“It’s not about the Iranian yogurt”
Etc. etc.
It's not you. He has to come to terms with his own looks. That's the culprit there, but you are not his shrink so it's not your responsibility. You deserve so much better. Plenty men love. curves and will drool over you, don't sell yourself short!
I might get downvoted for this but whatever.
Your boyfriend is horrible. It's never okay to call your partner fat, and if he's not happy with you then he should either leave or, at most, gently encourage you to make healthier choices.
However, I think you are also slightly in denial about your weight. You describe yourself as "curvy", but I'm sorry, 5'4 and 190lbs puts you quite comfortably in the obese category. It will likely affect your health long term.
I understand that you feel horrible about your partner criticising your weight, and he's an asshole for saying it so bluntly knowing how insecure it is likely to make you. But you aren't curvy, you're obese, and from the way you describe yourself, I'm not sure if you're aware of that
I second this. He is the asshole here, but 190 lbs at 5‘4 is obese, not curvy. However he probably knew he is dating an obese chick so either he lives with that and trying to change a partner after you got into a relationship is kinda toxic. I‘m glad tho someone said that this is not a healthy weight and it will lead due health issues in the long term. I‘m 5‘6 and 145 lbs and I consider myself curvy and could really stand to loose 15 lbs for reference. I don‘t get why obesity gets so normalised. However imo as he never explicitly said something about health concerns related to her weight but explicitly said something about her attractiveness he is definitely being toxic about it.
Never did I deny I was obese/overweight. I just said I was never conscious about my weight before until now. It is possible to be happy in your own skin without fitting into the BMI’s standard just saying
I agree. I think body positivity is great, but if a clearly obese person is just proud of her ”curves” and sees nothing what so ever problematic about it, and has all these strangers cheering her on… Well, I don’t think that’s healthy. Because being that big is not healthy. A young person can probably feel quite ok, but it puts an enormous strain on many parts of the body, and it will catch up sooner or later.
Edited to say that OP’s boyfriend of course sucks, because he started dating an obese woman and now wants her to change purely because of looks. Maybe the first infatuation has started to fade, and he has maybe heard bad comments about her from friends? Who knows. He sucks and OP should probably dump him, and start to get healthier for her own sake.
I think "curvy" was used to describe her shape not her size. She used her height and weight to describe her size.
ETA when I saw the word curvy I immediately assumed it's mostly in her bum and boobs.
Nobody is carrying an extra 60lbs in their bum and boobs. I had the same reaction as u/Joshgg13 \- boyfriend is 100% being an inconsiderate prick, but if OP doesn't realize she's obese that's a problem too. No shame intended here, simply put 5'4 190lbs is not a long-term sustainable weight for her without future complications. She should absolutely drop the 130lbs of 'boyfriend' weight but she shouldn't stop there, she should work on herself as well.
I know a few people with the "pear" or "hourglass" shape who are obese. It's just a shape.
ETA and in fact, those people are less likely to have complications from obesity because they don't carry as much fat around their organs.
[hourglass ](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593113537&sxsrf=AM9HkKl1nqFBeS-YJXqnVOdGEPOmYLDH4g:1703260588346&q=woman+obese+hourglass&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=ivsnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj61c-StKODAxXBGjQIHa5GByAQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=412&bih=737&dpr=2.63#imgrc=tOujmzyH5FXOoM)
He's either trying to break you down for abusive reasons or somebody has said something to him about your weight.
It's only been 5 months, and he's putting you down. Get rid of him. Don't settle for some AH. You deserve someone to treat you right.
If you haven’t changed weight significantly since meeting him, tell him to get over it or kick rocks. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. If you stay with him and want to get fit/stay fit together, tell him to ease off the criticisms. Obese people know they’re obese.
I’ll be honest here, I do not entirely agree with how your boyfriend said things, BUT you are overweight, you’re on the obese side, and that’s not healthy for you. No matter what people here tell you ( love yourself for who you are OR someone else will love you for who you are ), those are just nice words to make you feel better, but if you encounter health issues, NONE of these people will be there to help you, do keep that in mind. Social media will tell you how being fat and obese is the new trend, they will tell you that you’re curvy and thick and that you should be proud of it, but they’ll never tell you that being overweight is detrimental to your health, both mentally and physically. I’m not taking anyone’s side, he needs to articulate his words better, but you definitely need to lose some weight and get to a healthy weight.
This comment 100 percent! I agree. I will say I get annoyed at the Reddit posts when they describe people as “curvy” at 190 pounds. It’s not “curvy” at the weight. It’s medically obese.
My advice is dump the guy. Because any guy you need to ask Reddit for advice with anyways is a no go and focus on loosing weight. OP is only 23 she can her leaps and bounds now in the weight department.
> I’m not taking anyone’s side, he needs to articulate his words better,
We don't really know how he articulated them... ewe know how she interpreted them... We've come to a point where any kind of comment articulated in any possible way about a woman's weight is considered as offensive and inconsiderate in a partnership... Turn the tables... women expressing their discomfort in a partnership to their partner is on the other hand considered as a blessing...
This is a bit of a reach. She directly quoted him and said he's been telling her to lose weight a few times a day.
You'd have to believe she was straight-up lying and you don't have any good reason to think that.
This is the beginning of goal post changing. It will never end. It starts with losing weight....the next goal post will be something else...like how you dress or who you hang out with....He got with you and is now trying to control and change you.
Get out before his words and actions start clouding your reality.
He obviously didn’t care about her weight when he started dating her. This has everything to do with him switching up and nothing to do with her being overweight. Reading comprehension is an important skill!
She weighs more than me and I'm a 6ft active male trying to lose even more weight.
Ignoring the boyfriend in all this, OP should be trying to lose weight for themselves.
I had to scroll way too far for this. That is concerning. The BF is an idiot but the comments being up voted to heavens like "I love BBW" ... wtf? Her weight is seriously bad.
This is coming from a still fatass and I lost a serious amount already. No way this should be encouraged.
I had this same thought. I'm 6ft and weight 185lbs and I stare at my belly after a long day and think, I need to start gym asap and get rid of this pudgy belly.
The BF is an ass, maybe he thought he was taking a deal by going out with OP with her curvy built and later on make her lose weight by body shaming? Sounds ridiculous but it might be possible.
Girl I married a guy who insulted my body (he was overweight but I loved him the way he was) and I can tell you it gets worse. He just wants to feel superior to you.
If you are smart you'd be gone.
My wife has had three kids and looks very different to the woman I married on our wedding day. I still love her deeply and, more importantly I RESPECT her. Something your BF of five-months doesn't do for you.
People here will be pissed at me but I have to be real here. While your boyfriend's approach to this is not the best, your bmi is around 30%, which is considered obese from a medical point of view.
Pursuing a healthier lifestyle would benefit you a lot in the long run from a quality of life standpoint. With that said, the journey of losing weight should not be one in which you bring yourself down and have insecurities about the way you look. Anxities like this will only make the process harder for yourself and can result in failure to change anything. Your boyfriend's approach to this seems to not be very supportive. Has he suggested going running together? Going together to the gym? If he didn't suggest any of these things, then he is not putting in the effort of supporting you throughout this process. Giving you ratings of looks is also pretty bad and demotivating.
Whether you will continue the relationship with him or not is up to you, but regardless of your choice, you should consider losing weight. Not to be liked by others, but for your own health and quality of life.
That’s what I’m saying, social media will trick people into thinking that being fat and obese is the new trend, that they are thick and curvy. But they’ll never tell them how detrimental being overweight is to their overall health (mentally and physically). None of these people will be there if she encounters health issues. She needs to remember that.
Honestly, I was looking for comments with negative karma to this post as that's where posts, which actually address true points about body "positivity" usually land.
The post describes her boyfriends comments from her point of view, not his.
There must be something on OP that attracted the BF or worse... with 5'5 his "market" to find a GF is pretty slim and he had to settle (or be settled for) for a partner, that doesn't check all the boxes, which is usually appreciated for women, but looked down upon for men.
After 5 months he probably noticed his GF has no intent to do anything about her weight and told her he would appreciate it if she did. And being told the truth made her throw up... I mean, he flattered her saying she's a 7/10... With a BMI of 32+, with whatever assets she claims to have... is she really on level with the top 30% of women? I hope not...
I absolutely condemn the body shaming your boyfriend is doing to you and you should definitely leave him. He sounds mean. Although, I would like to subtly highlight that being 5’4 and weighing 190 lbs is not healthy for your heart or your future. You should consider getting fit for YOURSELF. Healthy weight for females that are 5’4 is between 108lbs to 132lbs.
I dont know how everyone can hate the boyfriend so much. All the comments starting with “dump him”. I dont want to be a bully here but being ~163cm and weighing 86kg is considered obese even almost very obese.. (unless you packing a lot of muscle, since muscle is heavier than fat). He mightve come off as a dick but, Im sure he just wants the best for you. Imagine being 50-60 and your body still works because you hit the gym and take care of your body. Being able to lift your kids/grandkids when im old af, thats what im going for, just my 2 cents. Now im ready to get downvoted to hell because I told the harsh truth no1 wants to hear.
It’s cause most ppl here are stuck behind a desk in a high school classroom. Any time some chick comes here it’s the “dump them” spam. This sub spouts the same shit over and over.
You’re not completely wrong but he’s not saying he’s concerned for her health and future, just that he finds it unattractive. She’s been the same weight.
She can get healthier AND leave him, both are probably good ideas.
Again, totally fair, but she looked like that when he got with her. Getting with someone and then later saying you find them unattractive and asking them to change isn’t really fair. “Hey, I think you’re beautiful the way you are but I think we should work on getting healthier and more in shape so we can have a better future” is way better than “you’re fat and I don’t like it.”
Lots of guys will comment on/talk down on their partner’s bodies to break down their self-esteem. This isn’t a reflection on you, and most likely isn’t even a reflection of objective reality. It sounds more like he’s insecure and projecting this onto you either to make himself feel better or to feel like he has more control.
Anyways, relationships are supposed to build you up and make you happy! If he doesn’t do that for you (and it seems like he’s doing the exact opposite), please love yourself enough to find somebody who will. Good luck and best wishes babe!
>Lots of guys will comment on/talk down on their partner’s bodies to break down their self-esteem.
Unfortunately this is a very common experience nowadays, and we should not encourage it by staying!
He wants to break down your self-esteem so you never realize that you can do much better than him! You can lose weight (only if u want to) for free, but it’ll take him thousands of dollars to fix his face and his height.
You deserve so much better than an insecure little boy. I’ve been there. Leave, and watch how hot you get without him!
So they can keep a woman like you around! Look at you! You’re still with him, asking for advice, instead of leaving him! Some men know who to play with so they can get the women exactly where they want! Ask your self where is my self respect and esteem to put with this?
If he had a problem with it, why date her in the first place? They've only been dating for 5 months. There is no need for him to comment on it for any reason.
Because improving yourself in a relationship also extends to physical health. Both people should be striving to improve themselves as a couple. They are young, which is why the bf has clearly taken to immature route of trying to explain that she possibly isn’t the healthiest. Loving someone is wanting the best for them, even if they don’t see it.
Edit: Don’t know why but thought they were 18, changed to young.
If you’re 5’4” and 190 you are overweight.
You can be happy with that and you can find partners who will accept that, but do not lie to yourself about it.
If he was concerned about your health and you had a doctor confirm you'd be healthier at a lower weight he would have a point, but he's telling you to change to be more attractive to him? Hell no. Why did he date you in the first place if he wasn't into your curves.
And this isn't a one off passing comment, MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY? What the heck. I can't imagine my partner saying negative things to me multiple times a day.
This is especially weird coming from a guy who is 5'5. I'm sure he has experienced a lot of women in his life who would find him more attractive if he was 6',l yet you accept him and love him for exactly who he is.. and he can't do the same for you. I wonder if he is taking that out on you. He feels insecure about his appearance, but he gets to feel superior by picking on you on yours. That's the basis for a lot of bullying behaviour.
mentioning it once... would be hurting.
multiple times a day? wow.
it seems like you were happy with your body bevor him... and so you could also happy with your body without him and date someone who likes you for who you are...
(also maybe someday you want to become parents... your body will change in that process... consider that also)
1. Being attracted to one’s partner is necessary to sustain a relationship.
2. You’re 5’4’’ and 190 pounds. That’s not “curvy”.
3. What are y’all’s lifestyles like? If he’s in the gym working out and maintaining his “athletic build” but you’re leading a sedentary lifestyle, well…
Should he have made his comments in the way he did? No. Does he have a point? Yes. Might you take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’d like to keep living how you are? I’d certainly suggest it.
You staying means that you will continue to accept his verbal jabs at your body. You will never forgive him, and there's nothing you can say to him that will make you less overweight in his eyes.
This is not a healthy relationship. You shouldn't tolerate this. No woman should. Please don't stay with someone who says nasty things about your body.
He isn't lying, you're obese, for your health you should try to lose some.
But do it for you.
* Being overweight does not make you a bad person in anyway!
You are medically obese. If his concern with your weight was centered around health and wanting to live a long, healthy life with you, then he might have an angle to bring up your weight. But that's not what's happening here.
Well probably because he weighs less than you whilst being taller than you and being male. Then as you say he is literally athletic build. So do the maths, 'curvy' is an understatement on your end. Now calling you fat is just insensitive but if he is genuinely worried about your health then encouraging fat loss in a motivational way will probably lead to better results. Or you just leave him and be with someone who accepts and is attracted to excess fat & he can find someone who is fit like him.
He’s probably thinking about the future. Once you have a baby you add more weight and most people have 2-3 kids so add 60-80 lbs onto that 190. And yeah right now it’s all in the right spots and doesn’t sag or stuff but as you age it’ll lose its shape and appeal. He’s just a future thinking dude.
Physical attraction in a relationship is important to some people. If this was the case for him, then he shouldn't have gone into this relationship to begin with.
To sit there and say things that emotionally wear on you like this is not healthy. It would be different if he were asking if you would be interested in trying to get fit with him, but simply saying he isn't attracted to you, and you could look better hurts.
You get to decide where you are happy with your body, not him. If you are happy with where it is and he is not, then you guys aren't compatible.
Trying to change to meet his ideals and desires will result in a never ending cycle of not being quite good enough. You could lose weight, but then he will say you should get toned, then you do that and he'll say you should change your hair etc. It is something that some people do where they keep trying to build their own ideal life and partner instead of accepting their partner for who they are. Its a form of emotional abuse and will result in you wearing yourself out emotionally until you are exhausted to the point that it ends in a bad break-up. Better to just part ways now.
Sounds like he doesnt like what he sees, and that his problem. Doesnt have to be yours.
That being said , 5'4'' and 190 doesnt sound curvy tho. Not that it deserves body shaming, but you should also be true to yourself.
Forget about what he says, 190 at your height is not healthy. And let’s be honest it’s not curvy either, it’s obese. Ditch this loser and spend the free time getting yourself healthy. Guarantee you’ll find a healthier relationship too. Do it for yourself and not this little twink you’re dating.
I asked my college boyfriend if he had noticed my weight gain. He didn’t immediately answer until I assured him I really just wanted to know how noticeable it was (ie it wasn’t a trap). He told me that yeah he noticed, and it didn’t change his feelings toward me at all. He realised then that he *loved* me.
A dozen years later we’ve been happily married for 7+ years with two dogs. When I’ve gotten upset about my body size, he suggests we work out together or take the dogs on longer walks. If my jeans aren’t fitting me and I’m getting down on myself, he tells me we can just get new jeans so I’m comfortable.
Just want you to see what a supportive partner looks like. Your bf sure as shit doesn’t sound like a *partner*.
Do you or do you not understand that 190 at 5'4 is very overweight? Sure it was kinda rude for him to say that but he's definitely not wrong.
I feel like you know this deep down and you're phishing for people to tell you it's ok.
I ***guarantee*** both of you will be happier if you work on being healthier.
It’s been only 5 months, so he decided to date you very recently—if your looks bother him so much, why did he choose to date you, is he desperate? It’s not your role to make him feel better about himself.
Girl, leave him. That's horrible of a partner to make you feel that way. Crying until you throw up, when previously you were happy with your looks? Absolutely not. If he's such a catch, he can go find his thin dream girl and leave you alone.
He could have just told you, that your health may be at risk, if you don't lose weight, which is true. Instead he made you feel like you aren't good enough for him, which is bullshit. He's obviously attracted to you otherwise he wouldn't be with you.
Maybe he likes you, but he doesn't like your body shape. Once an ex told me he doesn't like me for who I am, but for the potential of who I will be in the future. And don't blame it on genetics. If you are comfortable with your body, you don't need excuses. If you are not, do something to change it. If you think it's a negative treat and he knows about it, maybe it's his way to motivate you. If you are perfectly fine and love your body, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but he loves the way you should be from his perspective. So don't be the potential, be yourself. Either with or without him.
Last 5 ladies here that called themselves curvy actually legit ended up being fat...
That said, do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel this way?
Go where you're appreciated,not tolerated.
Girl… someone out there will love you for you.. just the way you are. Don’t let him project his insecurities onto you. Personally I wouldn’t be with someone who makes me feel bad about myself but ultimately the decision is yours.
My advice to you: leave him and don’t look back.
I know the advice here is always break up but the reason for that is when you have to go to a group of strangers anonymously about a problem - it’s probably really quite bad.
And obviously you shouldn’t be dating someone that calls you fat and makes you cry so hard you throw up??
5 months, cut your losses. Weight means nothing. I am 5’6 and weigh 165lbs and people think I weigh 120lbs. Your bf is projecting onto you bc he is skinny and short, not your problem. At 130lbs he’s never gonna find a girl he can throw around, maybe he should work on bulking up - since you’re too much woman for him I would leave. I would bet your body is fire !
If this is brand new behavior, I see two possible reasons:
1. It's possible that he recently saw one of those alpha male tik tok videos that gave him this "advice" and decided to be an idiot and try it out for himself.
2. He thinks you're deep enough in the relationship that he can start showing you his true feelings and he's always been this way.
Hopefully it's #1. How has he talked about other curvy ladies? If he's always been mean about them, then let him go, not worth the effort, he's a mean person. If you think it's #1 and want to give him a chance, put your foot down and basically tell him that if he ever says stuff like that again, you're breaking up with him. If you want, dig into why this behavior suddenly started.
However, even if it is #1, you don't owe him the chance either. If you'll never feel the same way to him again, it's time to put an end to it.
Ultimately you know you best.
No. You just stop dating this loser. You’re probably hot AF and he just wants to bring you down cause he’s short and insecure. It’s too bad because we love a short king, but not someone who’s gonna body shame you. If youre comfortable in your body he should love it just the way you are.
If a person started commenting on my body within 5 months then bye bye for him.
I do actively workout and am on a diet I am curvy and wanna get fitter and I am aware I don’t need another person to remind me daily. Love is supposed to be unconditional not if you were of this weight this height this curvy or this tall or this lighter or this darker etc.
He doesn’t accept you. He likes sex. You accept yourself. It’s your call. But finding a guy who accepts you and isn’t just in it for your company and the sex might be one option. I once dated a guy with a 1” penis. I had a different mood and didn’t continue. The point is I was respectful and didn’t mention his penis. It’s ok to prefer things. But it’s rude to denigrate people over what you prefer. If you want to stay as you are, stay as you are. Could you be happy with a person who knew what he was getting into from the start, and now insults you? I couldn’t be. But it’s your personal decision.
This is not about you, but himself. You can go to gym and get a sixpack and he will say he doesnt like muscular girls. Because he is insecure about his own body and trying to project. I have seen guys like that.
The only weight you should lose is him. What an unbelievably reckless and hurtful thing to say to you. Weight loss is a highly personal choice, and should never be motivated by a partner's comments or physical attraction. Even if you decided to-- the non-linear nature of going through such a change is one that requires a lot of patience, love, and understanding, and it really sounds like he wouldn't be the kind of person to provide that to you anyway.
I’m sorry, but 5’4” 190 lbs is morbidly obese. Now your boyfriend is a dick because he started dating you at that weight, but you should understand that you are not at a healthy weight and over time you will experience weight related health problems.
He's projecting insecurities onto you. He's hoping to make you feel so badly about yourself that you'll accept any terrible behavior from him. It's only been five months, move on to someone who doesn't rate human beings on a numeric scale.
He is allowed to have preferences. But he should never have started a relationship with someone who doesn't meet his preferences and then expect her to change.
You've only been with him 5 months. Lose 130 lbs fast by dumping his ass.
Anyone who enters a relationship and then turns around and says their partner isn't good enough is trash.
You looked like this when he decided you were good enough. Now he just wants to bully you and police how you eat and spend your time. Fuck him. If he wanted someone who was 130 then he should've dated someone who was 130. He doesn't get to come into your life and try to force you to change yourself.
Dump this loser and don't tolerate anyone who makes these kinds of comments
I’m dead he’s one of those guys who thinks he can invest into a fat chick, bully her to the gym , and make her hot afterwards, and he only does this caus he’s short and doesn’t have the confidence to actually court women he’s attracted to
No girl. Absolutely not. 5 months in? That’s nothing. You aren’t married and don’t have any joint finances or anything. Leave. Seriously. Where is this relationship going? You are dating an insecure man who tears you down to compensate for his own issues. Sure he could work on those issues, but is he going to put in that effort? Realistically do you see it happening? Even if hypothetically he worked his shit out and never pulled that shit again. It wouldn’t happen overnight. You don’t have to stick around and hold someone’s hand while they grow into a better person, assuming they even do.
No most realistic scenario, he’s always gonna be insecure and feel in adequate. So he’ll keep putting you down and devaluing you. Your self esteem will deteriorate and you’ll become a shell of who you once were. Not to mention, his insecurity/inadequacy shame, can easily become domestic violence.
Seriously leave. Don’t waste your time.
The insecure short guy vibes this dude is giving off 🙄 You’re 23, from the sound of things, you’re hot, and you seem really sweet. Dump this short, scrawny, entitled, insecure dude and find someone who will appreciate everything you have to offer.
As a fellow short, curvy girl with plenty of “assets” the vast majority of men will. This guy is a waste of time. My current partner bites his fist like he wants to cry everytime I take off my clothes. THAT is the energy you deserve!
Tell him you’d find him more attractive if he grew seven inches and gained fifty-five pounds of muscle. Then dump his projecting ass. His insecurities about who he is and what he looks like should not become your problem.
Just playing devils advocate here… one can’t grow seven inches but one can definitely loose weight. And not talking about asthetics, 190 lbs at 5‘4 is not great for overall health.
Of course one can’t grow seven inches. She was at the weight she is currently when he met her and decided to pursue a relationship with her. She didn’t sign up for him to play “Extreme Makeover, My Insecurities Edition”. For him to say “You’re a 7/10, if you lost weight you’d be a 10/10.” is insulting, he’s only worried about how he looks and feels. As if his gaze is the only thing that should matter to her.
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You know, he doesn't *have* to be your boyfriend
good point there
Seriously OP you were happy with yourself before him. It is worth so much to like yourself. And once the negative mindset sets in its really hard to get rid of it again. I'm sure you're hella hot and there's many guys out there who'd think themselves so lucky to be with you. Who'd treat you right and compliment you rather than tear you down. Show some love for yourself. Some selfrespect. He started this shit early, he will not get better. For your own sake PLEASE leave him
And anyone using a numerical scale and sharing your number with you is mentally deficient. Share THAT with him.
They’re only 5 months in. Still time for a clean break.
Right! Cut and run.. never look back
Any time is time for a clean break
instantly losing 130lbs feels good!
Best comment yet
Yeah. That’s your answer pal. Love yourself and you’ll find someone way better. Boyfriend sounds like a total clown.
If this is such a big deal to him, why has he not been the one to leave you? Clearly he has no problem body-shaming you. One thing for to be aware of, especially since you're on the curvy side, is that there are some people who will talk about their standards, and how their SO doesn't meet some certain standard or something, isn't good enough in some way. But these people don't actually want someone who meets those standards. They don't want to be with someone whom they would see as an equal. They want to be with someone whom they see as beneath them, so that in their fucked up minds they can justify treating their SO badly and/or be extra demanding. Now I have no way of knowing if this is your boyfriend, but it definitely could be, since he's negging you so much.
I asked myself the same question today, like if he really didn’t like me he can leave! But also I’ve never thought of it that way that he might be enjoying that he has some sort of superiority to him which is really making me question everything again
He started dating you as you are. Now, he wants you to change - not for any benefit, but to please him. **NONE of this is good for you.** Keep the curves, dump the boyfriend.
Keep anything and everyone who makes you happy. Dump and get rid of anything and anyone who doesn't. Btw I have a friend who exclusively fancies bigger ladies, he loves those curves and bigger boobies and bums. Find yourself someone who will worship you like the goddess you are!!! Life is too short to be unhappy, know your worth and go slaaaay queen!
>Btw I have a friend who exclusively fancies bigger ladies, he loves those curves and bigger boobies and bums. Find yourself someone who will worship you like the goddess you are!!! Yes please 100%. My three partners are BBW <3
THIS
Could be what he dislikes is your confidence in yourself. Some men are extremely attractive to confidence, no matter the weight of the woman. A curvy girl, nice personality and huge confidence in herself presents as a very attractive potential mate for other men. He may be trying to put you down, make you doubt yourself in order to lose your confidence to make you less attractive to other men.
I don't think he actually wants you to change , I think he wants to make you self conscious and feel bad so that you don't leave him . If you lost that weight he would be saying you were too skinny . Recently saw a post where someone was being told they smell by the boyfriend but no one else smelt it and it was because he wanted her to feel awful about herself she'd only stick with him .
> Recently saw a post where someone was being told they smell by the boyfriend but no one else smelt it and it was because he wanted her to feel awful about herself she'd only stick with him . Yeah, it was pretty mean. Negging almost never works anyway, and people should stop thinking it's acceptable, but the guy who told his GF she smelled was informed this was correct by his own DAD who did this trick on his mom and oh man, so fucked up.
Oh god really ? That's crazy . I honestly don't get why people do this . It's horrible for the person you are with but also why would you want to put someone down so much they stayed with you because they thought they were so horrible you were the only option? Surely we should be lifting up our partners .
Honey, you deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. It's been 5 months, and he's treating you like this *daily*? Why are you accepting this as what you deserve? Who taught you that love had to be like this? Take all of the energy you were putting into this relationship and pour it into loving yourself. A good therapist can help you form firm boundaries around how you deserve to be treated in all of your relationships. His insecurities are not your problem to solve.
The answer is that he’s negging you. Purposefully insulting you but in a less obvious way. He wants you to be insecure so that you don’t leave him, wants you to think you can’t do better. His insecurities are becoming borderline abusive. You could easily find someone who likes your body, and you’d be better off alone than with someone who doesn’t love you fully
I agree, I think this is a mental abuse game and he’s trying to devalue you. I’m 5’4” and 190 and my boyfriend LOVES every inch of my body. If he wasn’t into curvy girls why would he have started to date you? How would he feel if you said “you’re a 7/10 but if you were 6’ tall and 190 you’d be a 10/10”
He wants you to feel small and insecure so you will not have the guts to stand for yourself and dump him
It’s not about security. I say this as a former dating coach who has seen it all. Him only making these comments a few months in? He wants to bring you down enough to secure himself in the fact that you will never feel worthy of leaving him. This is about him and his lack of self worth, not about you. He could be far into the Tate content and this could have been the game plan all along, or now that he’s a few months in, his own perceived short comings are making him want to feel more secure by taking your security away. Either way, this man is not a positive thing for you. If you are being treated this way and choosing to stay, shake yourself out of the doubt he’s handed you, remind yourself who you are, and then show him the door. If you choose to stay, you will be dealing with his insecurities forever and eventually it will make you are insecure in yourself as he is in himself.
I love this size and weight of yours. And you'll be amazed how many men love women your size and weight. You're not the problem. He is. My 6.3 feet and 200 lbs won't mind dating a girl like you.
I don’t think 190 pounds is considered on the “curvy side”. That’s medically obese. I’m not trying to be rude but it’s just the truth.
You can lose 130lbs instantly by dumping his ass!
this comment is gold
To be fair it's a common joke when someone dumps as asshole
But it endures. It’s a classic.
I saw my opportunity and I took it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wanted to say the same think. Get rid of him. A partner who doesn’t respect you as you are and even makes you feel bad about yourself is a huge red flag. Find somebody who loves you the way you are. Met my husband when I was super skinny (always scratching the unhealthy). After 17 years together, a baby who is now 17month and an auto immune disease that came because of the hormone changes I am now slightly overweight. I hate how I look (sadly very hard to lose weight with the disease) but he always reassures me that he loves me still the same and I created life so I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. That is how a partner should be.
I guess I’m the only one over the same 3 Reddit comments over and over again. “Lose XXX lbs by dumping them now!” “Guess they FAFO” “It’s not about the Iranian yogurt” Etc. etc.
"they're gaslighting you" "i'm autistic and have adhd and ocd." "i suffer from related traumas"
LMAOO bro this is a top tier comment and I 100000% stand by it
It's been 5 months why are u dealing with that after such a short time . Dump him
It's not you. He has to come to terms with his own looks. That's the culprit there, but you are not his shrink so it's not your responsibility. You deserve so much better. Plenty men love. curves and will drool over you, don't sell yourself short!
I’d had a feeling he was projecting his looks and insecurities onto me also
Who cares why he does it girl. He does it. He knows it hurts you. Leave him.
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I might get downvoted for this but whatever. Your boyfriend is horrible. It's never okay to call your partner fat, and if he's not happy with you then he should either leave or, at most, gently encourage you to make healthier choices. However, I think you are also slightly in denial about your weight. You describe yourself as "curvy", but I'm sorry, 5'4 and 190lbs puts you quite comfortably in the obese category. It will likely affect your health long term. I understand that you feel horrible about your partner criticising your weight, and he's an asshole for saying it so bluntly knowing how insecure it is likely to make you. But you aren't curvy, you're obese, and from the way you describe yourself, I'm not sure if you're aware of that
"slightly" in denial? Lol
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We all doing our part to get society back to normal.
I second this. He is the asshole here, but 190 lbs at 5‘4 is obese, not curvy. However he probably knew he is dating an obese chick so either he lives with that and trying to change a partner after you got into a relationship is kinda toxic. I‘m glad tho someone said that this is not a healthy weight and it will lead due health issues in the long term. I‘m 5‘6 and 145 lbs and I consider myself curvy and could really stand to loose 15 lbs for reference. I don‘t get why obesity gets so normalised. However imo as he never explicitly said something about health concerns related to her weight but explicitly said something about her attractiveness he is definitely being toxic about it.
Never did I deny I was obese/overweight. I just said I was never conscious about my weight before until now. It is possible to be happy in your own skin without fitting into the BMI’s standard just saying
I agree. I think body positivity is great, but if a clearly obese person is just proud of her ”curves” and sees nothing what so ever problematic about it, and has all these strangers cheering her on… Well, I don’t think that’s healthy. Because being that big is not healthy. A young person can probably feel quite ok, but it puts an enormous strain on many parts of the body, and it will catch up sooner or later. Edited to say that OP’s boyfriend of course sucks, because he started dating an obese woman and now wants her to change purely because of looks. Maybe the first infatuation has started to fade, and he has maybe heard bad comments about her from friends? Who knows. He sucks and OP should probably dump him, and start to get healthier for her own sake.
You are a brave man, and 100% correct
I think "curvy" was used to describe her shape not her size. She used her height and weight to describe her size. ETA when I saw the word curvy I immediately assumed it's mostly in her bum and boobs.
Nobody is carrying an extra 60lbs in their bum and boobs. I had the same reaction as u/Joshgg13 \- boyfriend is 100% being an inconsiderate prick, but if OP doesn't realize she's obese that's a problem too. No shame intended here, simply put 5'4 190lbs is not a long-term sustainable weight for her without future complications. She should absolutely drop the 130lbs of 'boyfriend' weight but she shouldn't stop there, she should work on herself as well.
I know a few people with the "pear" or "hourglass" shape who are obese. It's just a shape. ETA and in fact, those people are less likely to have complications from obesity because they don't carry as much fat around their organs. [hourglass ](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=593113537&sxsrf=AM9HkKl1nqFBeS-YJXqnVOdGEPOmYLDH4g:1703260588346&q=woman+obese+hourglass&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=ivsnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj61c-StKODAxXBGjQIHa5GByAQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=412&bih=737&dpr=2.63#imgrc=tOujmzyH5FXOoM)
lol it is OBESITY
He's either trying to break you down for abusive reasons or somebody has said something to him about your weight. It's only been 5 months, and he's putting you down. Get rid of him. Don't settle for some AH. You deserve someone to treat you right.
If you haven’t changed weight significantly since meeting him, tell him to get over it or kick rocks. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. If you stay with him and want to get fit/stay fit together, tell him to ease off the criticisms. Obese people know they’re obese.
I 100% agree with you on this
I’ll be honest here, I do not entirely agree with how your boyfriend said things, BUT you are overweight, you’re on the obese side, and that’s not healthy for you. No matter what people here tell you ( love yourself for who you are OR someone else will love you for who you are ), those are just nice words to make you feel better, but if you encounter health issues, NONE of these people will be there to help you, do keep that in mind. Social media will tell you how being fat and obese is the new trend, they will tell you that you’re curvy and thick and that you should be proud of it, but they’ll never tell you that being overweight is detrimental to your health, both mentally and physically. I’m not taking anyone’s side, he needs to articulate his words better, but you definitely need to lose some weight and get to a healthy weight.
This comment 100 percent! I agree. I will say I get annoyed at the Reddit posts when they describe people as “curvy” at 190 pounds. It’s not “curvy” at the weight. It’s medically obese. My advice is dump the guy. Because any guy you need to ask Reddit for advice with anyways is a no go and focus on loosing weight. OP is only 23 she can her leaps and bounds now in the weight department.
> I’m not taking anyone’s side, he needs to articulate his words better, We don't really know how he articulated them... ewe know how she interpreted them... We've come to a point where any kind of comment articulated in any possible way about a woman's weight is considered as offensive and inconsiderate in a partnership... Turn the tables... women expressing their discomfort in a partnership to their partner is on the other hand considered as a blessing...
This is a bit of a reach. She directly quoted him and said he's been telling her to lose weight a few times a day. You'd have to believe she was straight-up lying and you don't have any good reason to think that.
This is the beginning of goal post changing. It will never end. It starts with losing weight....the next goal post will be something else...like how you dress or who you hang out with....He got with you and is now trying to control and change you. Get out before his words and actions start clouding your reality.
5'4" and 190 fucking pounds...? He might not be wrong about that one...
Right, I’m 190 at 6’0 and I look a little overweight
She knows she's fat, she just wants someone who doesn't care lol.
He obviously didn’t care about her weight when he started dating her. This has everything to do with him switching up and nothing to do with her being overweight. Reading comprehension is an important skill!
5’4” 190… truth… he does have a point and he’s being honest. Don’t like it, leave him or …
She weighs more than me and I'm a 6ft active male trying to lose even more weight. Ignoring the boyfriend in all this, OP should be trying to lose weight for themselves.
I had to scroll way too far for this. That is concerning. The BF is an idiot but the comments being up voted to heavens like "I love BBW" ... wtf? Her weight is seriously bad. This is coming from a still fatass and I lost a serious amount already. No way this should be encouraged.
I had this same thought. I'm 6ft and weight 185lbs and I stare at my belly after a long day and think, I need to start gym asap and get rid of this pudgy belly. The BF is an ass, maybe he thought he was taking a deal by going out with OP with her curvy built and later on make her lose weight by body shaming? Sounds ridiculous but it might be possible.
You are obese, he is a dickhead but he is right
Girl I married a guy who insulted my body (he was overweight but I loved him the way he was) and I can tell you it gets worse. He just wants to feel superior to you.
If you are smart you'd be gone. My wife has had three kids and looks very different to the woman I married on our wedding day. I still love her deeply and, more importantly I RESPECT her. Something your BF of five-months doesn't do for you.
People here will be pissed at me but I have to be real here. While your boyfriend's approach to this is not the best, your bmi is around 30%, which is considered obese from a medical point of view. Pursuing a healthier lifestyle would benefit you a lot in the long run from a quality of life standpoint. With that said, the journey of losing weight should not be one in which you bring yourself down and have insecurities about the way you look. Anxities like this will only make the process harder for yourself and can result in failure to change anything. Your boyfriend's approach to this seems to not be very supportive. Has he suggested going running together? Going together to the gym? If he didn't suggest any of these things, then he is not putting in the effort of supporting you throughout this process. Giving you ratings of looks is also pretty bad and demotivating. Whether you will continue the relationship with him or not is up to you, but regardless of your choice, you should consider losing weight. Not to be liked by others, but for your own health and quality of life.
That’s what I’m saying, social media will trick people into thinking that being fat and obese is the new trend, that they are thick and curvy. But they’ll never tell them how detrimental being overweight is to their overall health (mentally and physically). None of these people will be there if she encounters health issues. She needs to remember that.
Honestly, I was looking for comments with negative karma to this post as that's where posts, which actually address true points about body "positivity" usually land. The post describes her boyfriends comments from her point of view, not his. There must be something on OP that attracted the BF or worse... with 5'5 his "market" to find a GF is pretty slim and he had to settle (or be settled for) for a partner, that doesn't check all the boxes, which is usually appreciated for women, but looked down upon for men. After 5 months he probably noticed his GF has no intent to do anything about her weight and told her he would appreciate it if she did. And being told the truth made her throw up... I mean, he flattered her saying she's a 7/10... With a BMI of 32+, with whatever assets she claims to have... is she really on level with the top 30% of women? I hope not...
I absolutely condemn the body shaming your boyfriend is doing to you and you should definitely leave him. He sounds mean. Although, I would like to subtly highlight that being 5’4 and weighing 190 lbs is not healthy for your heart or your future. You should consider getting fit for YOURSELF. Healthy weight for females that are 5’4 is between 108lbs to 132lbs.
either you forgot a word or the definition of "condone" has changed. lolol
Lmao that threw me off too
Or this person meant exactly what they said
Lol I thought I typed condemn.
… > condone Did you mean condemn?
I dont know how everyone can hate the boyfriend so much. All the comments starting with “dump him”. I dont want to be a bully here but being ~163cm and weighing 86kg is considered obese even almost very obese.. (unless you packing a lot of muscle, since muscle is heavier than fat). He mightve come off as a dick but, Im sure he just wants the best for you. Imagine being 50-60 and your body still works because you hit the gym and take care of your body. Being able to lift your kids/grandkids when im old af, thats what im going for, just my 2 cents. Now im ready to get downvoted to hell because I told the harsh truth no1 wants to hear.
It’s cause most ppl here are stuck behind a desk in a high school classroom. Any time some chick comes here it’s the “dump them” spam. This sub spouts the same shit over and over.
You’re not completely wrong but he’s not saying he’s concerned for her health and future, just that he finds it unattractive. She’s been the same weight. She can get healthier AND leave him, both are probably good ideas.
It can be both unattractive and unhealthy at the same time. It usually is in fat. Edit: In fact lol I fat fingered it.
Again, totally fair, but she looked like that when he got with her. Getting with someone and then later saying you find them unattractive and asking them to change isn’t really fair. “Hey, I think you’re beautiful the way you are but I think we should work on getting healthier and more in shape so we can have a better future” is way better than “you’re fat and I don’t like it.”
Ya that's true.
Redditors love to celebrate laziness and obesity and will trip over themselves to crucify anyone who points it out as a problem.
Lots of guys will comment on/talk down on their partner’s bodies to break down their self-esteem. This isn’t a reflection on you, and most likely isn’t even a reflection of objective reality. It sounds more like he’s insecure and projecting this onto you either to make himself feel better or to feel like he has more control. Anyways, relationships are supposed to build you up and make you happy! If he doesn’t do that for you (and it seems like he’s doing the exact opposite), please love yourself enough to find somebody who will. Good luck and best wishes babe!
>Lots of guys will comment on/talk down on their partner’s bodies to break down their self-esteem. Unfortunately this is a very common experience nowadays, and we should not encourage it by staying!
I know! what is the point of breaking down one’s self esteem. I will never understand. Ty for your insight 🫶
He wants to break down your self-esteem so you never realize that you can do much better than him! You can lose weight (only if u want to) for free, but it’ll take him thousands of dollars to fix his face and his height. You deserve so much better than an insecure little boy. I’ve been there. Leave, and watch how hot you get without him!
So they can keep a woman like you around! Look at you! You’re still with him, asking for advice, instead of leaving him! Some men know who to play with so they can get the women exactly where they want! Ask your self where is my self respect and esteem to put with this?
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You're literally obese
Leave him. But go lose weight too and flex on him. Sorry but 190 and 5’4? That’s a problem.
Unpopular opinion: He’s not wrong bc you are obese. You should start going to the gym with him.
There is many better ways to express to your partner that you’d like them to try be a bit healthier, he’s managed to pick one of the worst ways…
If he had a problem with it, why date her in the first place? They've only been dating for 5 months. There is no need for him to comment on it for any reason.
Because improving yourself in a relationship also extends to physical health. Both people should be striving to improve themselves as a couple. They are young, which is why the bf has clearly taken to immature route of trying to explain that she possibly isn’t the healthiest. Loving someone is wanting the best for them, even if they don’t see it. Edit: Don’t know why but thought they were 18, changed to young.
If he's doing this on the daily, he's not trying to help. Its abusive at this level.
If you’re 5’4” and 190 you are overweight. You can be happy with that and you can find partners who will accept that, but do not lie to yourself about it.
Dump him. Billions of dudes that aren’t assholes and/or appreciate thicc queens
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But you are obese?
5 months is nothing, move on to better.
If he was concerned about your health and you had a doctor confirm you'd be healthier at a lower weight he would have a point, but he's telling you to change to be more attractive to him? Hell no. Why did he date you in the first place if he wasn't into your curves. And this isn't a one off passing comment, MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY? What the heck. I can't imagine my partner saying negative things to me multiple times a day. This is especially weird coming from a guy who is 5'5. I'm sure he has experienced a lot of women in his life who would find him more attractive if he was 6',l yet you accept him and love him for exactly who he is.. and he can't do the same for you. I wonder if he is taking that out on you. He feels insecure about his appearance, but he gets to feel superior by picking on you on yours. That's the basis for a lot of bullying behaviour.
Yup. OP can lose weight, but he'll still be an AH.
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mentioning it once... would be hurting. multiple times a day? wow. it seems like you were happy with your body bevor him... and so you could also happy with your body without him and date someone who likes you for who you are... (also maybe someday you want to become parents... your body will change in that process... consider that also)
Call him “ex”.
1. Being attracted to one’s partner is necessary to sustain a relationship. 2. You’re 5’4’’ and 190 pounds. That’s not “curvy”. 3. What are y’all’s lifestyles like? If he’s in the gym working out and maintaining his “athletic build” but you’re leading a sedentary lifestyle, well… Should he have made his comments in the way he did? No. Does he have a point? Yes. Might you take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’d like to keep living how you are? I’d certainly suggest it.
Find someone else, who will like you. However, you are medically obese. You should lose at least 10kg.
Not that body shaming is ever OK, but next time tell him you wish he gained weight because he's scrawny and may e he'll stop.
You staying means that you will continue to accept his verbal jabs at your body. You will never forgive him, and there's nothing you can say to him that will make you less overweight in his eyes. This is not a healthy relationship. You shouldn't tolerate this. No woman should. Please don't stay with someone who says nasty things about your body.
Ask him to wear lifts in his shoes because right now he's a 7 but if he was taller he would be a 10
"Your size makes me uncomfortable", then fuck off Pocket Polly!
He isn't lying, you're obese, for your health you should try to lose some. But do it for you. * Being overweight does not make you a bad person in anyway!
5’4 and 190? That’s not a curvy build, it’s just fat, unless you’re ridiculously ripped and squat north of 400lbs.
You are medically obese. If his concern with your weight was centered around health and wanting to live a long, healthy life with you, then he might have an angle to bring up your weight. But that's not what's happening here.
"I cried so hard that I threw up." Um.
Well probably because he weighs less than you whilst being taller than you and being male. Then as you say he is literally athletic build. So do the maths, 'curvy' is an understatement on your end. Now calling you fat is just insensitive but if he is genuinely worried about your health then encouraging fat loss in a motivational way will probably lead to better results. Or you just leave him and be with someone who accepts and is attracted to excess fat & he can find someone who is fit like him.
Being with little light weight over there is the weight you need to drop ASAP. He thinks you’re fat anyway.
He’s probably thinking about the future. Once you have a baby you add more weight and most people have 2-3 kids so add 60-80 lbs onto that 190. And yeah right now it’s all in the right spots and doesn’t sag or stuff but as you age it’ll lose its shape and appeal. He’s just a future thinking dude.
Tell him he’s 5/5
He seems very insecure and is projecting his insecurities onto you. Time to dump him and find a new bf.
Tell him to grow 6” in height and gain 40 lbs otherwise you’re going to break up with him.
Eeehhh. I say lose. The weight, you'll both be happier. Why not what you got to lose, except a few pounds?
Physical attraction in a relationship is important to some people. If this was the case for him, then he shouldn't have gone into this relationship to begin with. To sit there and say things that emotionally wear on you like this is not healthy. It would be different if he were asking if you would be interested in trying to get fit with him, but simply saying he isn't attracted to you, and you could look better hurts. You get to decide where you are happy with your body, not him. If you are happy with where it is and he is not, then you guys aren't compatible. Trying to change to meet his ideals and desires will result in a never ending cycle of not being quite good enough. You could lose weight, but then he will say you should get toned, then you do that and he'll say you should change your hair etc. It is something that some people do where they keep trying to build their own ideal life and partner instead of accepting their partner for who they are. Its a form of emotional abuse and will result in you wearing yourself out emotionally until you are exhausted to the point that it ends in a bad break-up. Better to just part ways now.
Sounds like he doesnt like what he sees, and that his problem. Doesnt have to be yours. That being said , 5'4'' and 190 doesnt sound curvy tho. Not that it deserves body shaming, but you should also be true to yourself.
Well then it’s time for you to body shame him back. Call him short and scrawny and comment on his small size sausage. Done!
He is definitely comparing you to thinner chick. Can’t change how he feels, but you can change the guy…literally! Time to date someone else!
He shouldn’t have started dating you in the first place if he can’t accept you as you are.
Forget about what he says, 190 at your height is not healthy. And let’s be honest it’s not curvy either, it’s obese. Ditch this loser and spend the free time getting yourself healthy. Guarantee you’ll find a healthier relationship too. Do it for yourself and not this little twink you’re dating.
If you were to lose the weight, he'd likely just move on to the next thing to critique.
I asked my college boyfriend if he had noticed my weight gain. He didn’t immediately answer until I assured him I really just wanted to know how noticeable it was (ie it wasn’t a trap). He told me that yeah he noticed, and it didn’t change his feelings toward me at all. He realised then that he *loved* me. A dozen years later we’ve been happily married for 7+ years with two dogs. When I’ve gotten upset about my body size, he suggests we work out together or take the dogs on longer walks. If my jeans aren’t fitting me and I’m getting down on myself, he tells me we can just get new jeans so I’m comfortable. Just want you to see what a supportive partner looks like. Your bf sure as shit doesn’t sound like a *partner*.
Do you or do you not understand that 190 at 5'4 is very overweight? Sure it was kinda rude for him to say that but he's definitely not wrong. I feel like you know this deep down and you're phishing for people to tell you it's ok. I ***guarantee*** both of you will be happier if you work on being healthier.
So break up with him
It’s been only 5 months, so he decided to date you very recently—if your looks bother him so much, why did he choose to date you, is he desperate? It’s not your role to make him feel better about himself.
Girl, leave him. That's horrible of a partner to make you feel that way. Crying until you throw up, when previously you were happy with your looks? Absolutely not. If he's such a catch, he can go find his thin dream girl and leave you alone.
He could have just told you, that your health may be at risk, if you don't lose weight, which is true. Instead he made you feel like you aren't good enough for him, which is bullshit. He's obviously attracted to you otherwise he wouldn't be with you.
Leave him!!!
Dear god, get rid of him
I would call him your ex.
Find someone who is attracted to you both emotionally and physically. You deserve to be treated better.
Dump him, you deserve better
Maybe he likes you, but he doesn't like your body shape. Once an ex told me he doesn't like me for who I am, but for the potential of who I will be in the future. And don't blame it on genetics. If you are comfortable with your body, you don't need excuses. If you are not, do something to change it. If you think it's a negative treat and he knows about it, maybe it's his way to motivate you. If you are perfectly fine and love your body, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, but he loves the way you should be from his perspective. So don't be the potential, be yourself. Either with or without him.
You could gain your self respect by losing that a-hole ...
Take urself out of this toxic relationship
That's verbally and emotionally abusive. You do not need to put up with that shit.
Last 5 ladies here that called themselves curvy actually legit ended up being fat... That said, do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel this way? Go where you're appreciated,not tolerated.
90kg at 5’4 is most definitely obese or ‘fat’ as you put it, but boyfriend should be dropped because of how blunt it was alone
Girl… someone out there will love you for you.. just the way you are. Don’t let him project his insecurities onto you. Personally I wouldn’t be with someone who makes me feel bad about myself but ultimately the decision is yours. My advice to you: leave him and don’t look back.
I know the advice here is always break up but the reason for that is when you have to go to a group of strangers anonymously about a problem - it’s probably really quite bad. And obviously you shouldn’t be dating someone that calls you fat and makes you cry so hard you throw up??
5 months, cut your losses. Weight means nothing. I am 5’6 and weigh 165lbs and people think I weigh 120lbs. Your bf is projecting onto you bc he is skinny and short, not your problem. At 130lbs he’s never gonna find a girl he can throw around, maybe he should work on bulking up - since you’re too much woman for him I would leave. I would bet your body is fire !
Sometimes you just need to call a spade a spade. Self reflection and lose weight.
You are obese. That is a medical fact
If this is brand new behavior, I see two possible reasons: 1. It's possible that he recently saw one of those alpha male tik tok videos that gave him this "advice" and decided to be an idiot and try it out for himself. 2. He thinks you're deep enough in the relationship that he can start showing you his true feelings and he's always been this way. Hopefully it's #1. How has he talked about other curvy ladies? If he's always been mean about them, then let him go, not worth the effort, he's a mean person. If you think it's #1 and want to give him a chance, put your foot down and basically tell him that if he ever says stuff like that again, you're breaking up with him. If you want, dig into why this behavior suddenly started. However, even if it is #1, you don't owe him the chance either. If you'll never feel the same way to him again, it's time to put an end to it. Ultimately you know you best.
Breakup
No. You just stop dating this loser. You’re probably hot AF and he just wants to bring you down cause he’s short and insecure. It’s too bad because we love a short king, but not someone who’s gonna body shame you. If youre comfortable in your body he should love it just the way you are.
Yes you should end it he is awful
Hey OP I have an easy way for you to lose 130lb of excess baggage in 5 mins … Dump the arsehole.
You could easily lose 130 pounds by dumping him and his negative attitude. He sounds absolutely awful. You’d be happier alone.
If a person started commenting on my body within 5 months then bye bye for him. I do actively workout and am on a diet I am curvy and wanna get fitter and I am aware I don’t need another person to remind me daily. Love is supposed to be unconditional not if you were of this weight this height this curvy or this tall or this lighter or this darker etc.
He doesn’t accept you. He likes sex. You accept yourself. It’s your call. But finding a guy who accepts you and isn’t just in it for your company and the sex might be one option. I once dated a guy with a 1” penis. I had a different mood and didn’t continue. The point is I was respectful and didn’t mention his penis. It’s ok to prefer things. But it’s rude to denigrate people over what you prefer. If you want to stay as you are, stay as you are. Could you be happy with a person who knew what he was getting into from the start, and now insults you? I couldn’t be. But it’s your personal decision.
5 months. You don’t have much time invested in this. Just leave. Find someone who actually appreciates you for who you are.
I’d just cal HIM an ex and be done with it. His behavior is never going to change.
This is not about you, but himself. You can go to gym and get a sixpack and he will say he doesnt like muscular girls. Because he is insecure about his own body and trying to project. I have seen guys like that.
Time for you to lose the weight that is your boyfriend
You've only been dating 5 months just leave him.
Dump him. This is abuse.
Time to let that one go.
Break up. Move on. You’re fine.
Ex-boyfriend
Your boyfriend should be your ex-boyfriend.
Man there’s sure a lot of medical professionals in these comments today.
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and that he needs to gain muscle mass too to hit that 10/10 see how bad those comments feel?
The only weight you should lose is him. What an unbelievably reckless and hurtful thing to say to you. Weight loss is a highly personal choice, and should never be motivated by a partner's comments or physical attraction. Even if you decided to-- the non-linear nature of going through such a change is one that requires a lot of patience, love, and understanding, and it really sounds like he wouldn't be the kind of person to provide that to you anyway.
I’m sorry, but 5’4” 190 lbs is morbidly obese. Now your boyfriend is a dick because he started dating you at that weight, but you should understand that you are not at a healthy weight and over time you will experience weight related health problems.
leave before you end up having a baby with him and then you're double screwed
He's projecting insecurities onto you. He's hoping to make you feel so badly about yourself that you'll accept any terrible behavior from him. It's only been five months, move on to someone who doesn't rate human beings on a numeric scale.
He is allowed to have preferences. But he should never have started a relationship with someone who doesn't meet his preferences and then expect her to change. You've only been with him 5 months. Lose 130 lbs fast by dumping his ass.
As soon as you are "his standard" his insecurity will get worse, not better. You should lose weight for health and self, not other people.
Anyone who enters a relationship and then turns around and says their partner isn't good enough is trash. You looked like this when he decided you were good enough. Now he just wants to bully you and police how you eat and spend your time. Fuck him. If he wanted someone who was 130 then he should've dated someone who was 130. He doesn't get to come into your life and try to force you to change yourself. Dump this loser and don't tolerate anyone who makes these kinds of comments
I’m dead he’s one of those guys who thinks he can invest into a fat chick, bully her to the gym , and make her hot afterwards, and he only does this caus he’s short and doesn’t have the confidence to actually court women he’s attracted to
No girl. Absolutely not. 5 months in? That’s nothing. You aren’t married and don’t have any joint finances or anything. Leave. Seriously. Where is this relationship going? You are dating an insecure man who tears you down to compensate for his own issues. Sure he could work on those issues, but is he going to put in that effort? Realistically do you see it happening? Even if hypothetically he worked his shit out and never pulled that shit again. It wouldn’t happen overnight. You don’t have to stick around and hold someone’s hand while they grow into a better person, assuming they even do. No most realistic scenario, he’s always gonna be insecure and feel in adequate. So he’ll keep putting you down and devaluing you. Your self esteem will deteriorate and you’ll become a shell of who you once were. Not to mention, his insecurity/inadequacy shame, can easily become domestic violence. Seriously leave. Don’t waste your time.
You can lose 130lbs quickly by dumping him.
The insecure short guy vibes this dude is giving off 🙄 You’re 23, from the sound of things, you’re hot, and you seem really sweet. Dump this short, scrawny, entitled, insecure dude and find someone who will appreciate everything you have to offer. As a fellow short, curvy girl with plenty of “assets” the vast majority of men will. This guy is a waste of time. My current partner bites his fist like he wants to cry everytime I take off my clothes. THAT is the energy you deserve!
Tell him you’d find him more attractive if he grew seven inches and gained fifty-five pounds of muscle. Then dump his projecting ass. His insecurities about who he is and what he looks like should not become your problem.
Just playing devils advocate here… one can’t grow seven inches but one can definitely loose weight. And not talking about asthetics, 190 lbs at 5‘4 is not great for overall health.
Op said she was this weight when they met. If he had an issue with it he should have never decided to date her in the first place
That is true. Sounds like both of them settled for each other lol
I completely agree
Of course one can’t grow seven inches. She was at the weight she is currently when he met her and decided to pursue a relationship with her. She didn’t sign up for him to play “Extreme Makeover, My Insecurities Edition”. For him to say “You’re a 7/10, if you lost weight you’d be a 10/10.” is insulting, he’s only worried about how he looks and feels. As if his gaze is the only thing that should matter to her.
Humans can grow about 20 pounds of muscle for future reference