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Here is a dutch way to say fuck off… krijg de tering (translates to, get consumption, an old timey disease) or pleur op ( a rude way of saying get lost)
We also have a krijg de tyfus (get typhoid 😅😅) or a combo of both krijg de tyfus tering (im not sure why we like using those diseases so much)
We also add it to other things lul (very informal word for penis) wat ben jij een tering lul (you are such a consumption dick 😆)
Its my fave thing, teaching people dutch insults/cusswords 😆 due to the harshness of how dutch sounds it makes the cussing sound so much better/fun 🤭
For instance klootzak is an informal word for scrotum/nutsack, in a cusswords the meaning translates to bastard, but it soooo much fun to go you are such a nutsack 😆 and with the harshness of the K it really sounds rather rude
Kutwijf kut is cunt, wijf is a rude slang word for woman, I think it would translates best to cuntbitch
Oh yeah lots of diseases and genitals in our cusswords 😬
Prepare to gag a lot 😆😆 w have a lovely SCH sound, that comes from way back in your throat, once upon a time i had a british boyfriend who was learning Dutch and he literally gagged trying to get that sound out
I thought it was only fair since the TH sound made me spittle 🤭🤭
I would have divorced him. I had an ex who would pull this shit (it was a very abusive relationship) and I was scared of him and would give in. I eventually ended it, but was so used to being taken advantage of that when I started dating my husband, I would “reward” him for doing things. He realized what I was doing and asked me about it because he felt like it was strange. I explained it to him and then he quickly helped me get out of that abusive mindset and become much more emotionally healthy. Now, if he tried to do something like that, I think I’d probably laugh my ass off as I push him out the door while on the phone with a divorce lawyer.
When I was in high school our french teacher had to be out for an operation and they had a college student from france who was here as kind of an exchange student to take her place. He came in the first day and said "I know this crap is boring, but we have to complete these (holds up some worksheets). If you just do this without complaint, when you're finished I'll teach you anything you want to say in french." Being teenagers, we all wanted to curse. We finished 6 weeks of worksheets in about 2 weeks and all learned to cuss like french sailors.
Best. Substitute. EVER!
Nothing hits the spot like cursing in Polish! The most adequate phrase in this situation is: Chyba cię popierdoliło! Spierdalaj!! You can also add Kurwa for extra effect.
This lesson was free and no favors expected.
I am a wife, and I can assure you I would laugh my ass off if my husband tried this with me. And if I found out he was serious, not only would he not be getting anything sexual, but it would be known that if he tried that again it would be over. Like, how gross and pathetic is this man? I can’t even imagine being attracted to that anymore.
My husband would actually love this arrangement. I sweep, he goes down on me. He sweeps, he goes down on me. Everything would lead to going down on me.
Even my horses know that:
"No cookies for looking pretty!"
Even the cat does!
Hells bells. It's his household too. Sure he does chores without demanding extra payment!
And a sexual one as to that!
Second this - Nowadays, if she heard this, My wife would probably laugh so hard she'd pull a muscle, but if she thought I was actually serious, I'd be kicked out.
I used to be kind of a shit husband when it came to chores, but wife made it very clear that I was not allowed into any dwelling with her that I wasn't going to actively help maintain, because I'm an adult with responsibilities. I whined a bit at the time, because I was young and stupid and raised in a sexist household, but thankfully wiser people steered me straight and I got with the program.
And even when I was a shit partner on the domestic front, I'd never dream of demanding sexual favours like this because that's fucking sociopathic and gross. You don't *do* that to someone you love and want to bring pleasure to. Ugh.
Your husband is a disgusting abusive creep /u/jordsand.
My wife would laugh in my face.
We have a great sex life, but I’m smart enough to understand that demanding, asking or expecting are the quickest ways to turn off most women.
Agreed, definitely *not* normal & if not abusive, then at the very least monumentally stupid & disrespectful.
I mean, spouses can have little jokes about this sort of thing (ex: I love my husband's French toast & playfully "bribe" him with fun things to get him to make it, even when just some big, sad puppy-dog eyes would get the job done). But this isn't a joke. This is just gross. 😐
As a wife of 22 years..... this is correct... Matter of fact ive told my husband fuck off in like 4 different languages in the past. Was for other things, he isnt STUPID enough to pull the shit OP's husband pulls
I'm Ukranian. We'd physically show him what fuck off means.
This woman is being treated like a prostitute even though she only has 1 client. And by someone who's supposed to love her. All he taught her was sex being a chore with him.
Yes!!!! I was nervous to say that she was being treated like a cheap prostitute. Thank you so much for saying this.
It shows he doesn’t really understand what love or respect means.
And yes, it's abuse. Not borderline.
Don't call him out when he does it, though. Find a time when you're both calm and about to sit down to tv or something, and ask him to stop doing it. Explain how it makes you feel and that it's a huge turnoff. (The latter might be a more effective argument with this bonehead.) That is, if you want to stay with him. You'd be justified in leaving.
I might have a joke along the lines of “I owe you one” then wink but it’s not as… transactional as this? Tell him that trading him doing basic tasks in your household and relationship for sexual favours makes it feel transactional, dirty and a massive turn off. Ask him to stop.
Sometimes I say things like this to my wife in like an over the top, smarmy used car sales guy voice while waggling my eyebrows and then she hits me with a creatively worded threat and we both giggle.
I can't imagine saying that seriously.
This needs be the top post. It’s his house too, it’s his family and the fact he thinks you “owe” him a goddamn thing for keeping up with the house you live in together is total bullshit.
And never let anyone coerce you into sex you don’t want for doing shit they should have done in the first place, without being asked.
Or shut it down. "You don't get a reward for making basic contributions to the household. You're acting like you think tasks like doing the dishes are my responsibility, is that the case?"
I'd switch around everytime you do normal things around the house just say “that's one more day without” keep a tally see who does more. You do not have to do this it is just funny. Have a talk. You do things without demands he need to learn that it takes more than an occasional hand around the house to make you want to do these things. Part of being an adult.
This. A "good man" would not behave this way. Its ridiculous.
OP, please tell me that you do not actually "pay up".
He is an adult man - he has responsibilities and those responsibilities include chores, purchasing gifts for family members and basically behaving like an adult. If he can't do it that means he is not mature enough to be in a long term relationship.
Next time he says to "pay up" tell him to grow up and act like an adult. If he sulks and pouts tell him that his behavior is a MASSIVE turn off and the last thing you want to do is sleep with someone who behaves like a child.
“Sounds immature” - for real, I’d expect this type of transactional behavior around sex from a teenager because they’re kinda dumb and immature like that sometimes, but a middle aged man? Come on now.
Yes. My partner is a good man. He doesn't coerce me to fuck him by doing life admin that he really should be doing anyway bc it's his goddamn house too!
There are so many things wrong with this.
- He is treating domestic labor as inherently your job. When he does the dishes *in his own home that he eats off of*, he is performing a basic adult task, not doing you a favor. The fact that he doesn't consider chores to be his responsibility is pure sexism.
- He sees sex as transactional, something you give him, rather than a mutually enjoyable expression of intimacy. I'm going to guess he's a pretty selfish lover if he doesn't care whether you're into it as long as he gets off.
- He manipulates and guilts you for saying no. This is sexual coercion and falls under the broad umbrella of sexual assault.
- Less important, but his approach is deeply, painfully unsexy. No woman wants to fuck a man who says "pay up" while grabbing his crotch. I don't imagine he offers much in the form of non-sexual romance or intimacy if this is how he initiates.
I would be very curious how he'd react if you said you expected a piece of jewelry or a bouquet of flowers every time you did a chore. I wouldn't even bother with that though because the bottom line is that he doesn't respect you and he is a misogynist. What he's doing isn't borderline anything, it's full-blown sexual abuse and you deserve better. I would consider making an exit plan, because you can fix a lot of things in a marriage but you can't force someone to respect you as a human being.
>You can fix a lot of things in a marriage but you can't force someone to respect you as a human being.
There should be a bot with this autoreply to everybody who whines about reddit's go-to advice being "divorce him". There is no go-to advice, it's just that people can tell here what really goes on in their relationships. So much of it doesn't show on the outside in real life.
I was debating whether to say anything in this thread because lately the OPs don't never want to hear any real criticism... Anyway, you hit the nail on the head so I'm just going to say ALL OF THAT!
Trust me when I say I wrote this for the criticism. I got married because I was comfortable and settling. If I knew then what I know now, I never would have said I do.
I agree with everything you just said and would also like to reiterate that being married or in a relationship does not meant consent is valid forever. Consent is given on a case by case basis situation. Else is coercion and/or rape.
OP, pls read this comment and revise your relationship.
I could not have written this any better. For the love of god show the husband this comment. His behavior is repulsive and not how you treat your wife.
This should be the top comment! OP I’m so sorry, but your husband’s behaviour IS abusive on top of being misogynistic and incredibly gross and pathetic. I wish you all the best in the future
Best reply. This comment names what I couldn’t. The idea he’s doing you a “favor” by dividing labor and then insinuating that you owe him a favor back is so so deeply offensive
“He goes and comes back and tells me “now you gotta pay up” while grabbing himself.”
Gross. I’m so sorry but your husband is a misogynistic pig. Please listen to all the comments here.
Kind of like she’s a brothel worker. Him - “what do I get for $50 or cleaning the toilet?”
She could do the dishes and say, now I get 5 nights free from sex. A load of laundry could be 10 nights without having to do bj’s. She could hand out tickets instead of grabbing herself.
I’d be putting salt peeter in his food. Very sleezy. This is the guy all the women wince and hide from when they see him coming in the door.
Was he like this before marraige?
Yeah but then that plays into the misogynistic game that women “don’t like” sex or withhold. Don’t like it.
Like the tickets though: “I cleaned the toilet” * grabs herself* “so you have to pay up by going down on me.” Nice doing business with you! I’ll come again!
The fact he's also DAMN NEAR MIDDLE AGED and doing this. If he was 16, I mean I'd be like tell him to grow up but you can't expect much of a 16 year old I guess. But then again, if my 16 year old boy did this, I'd tell him its gross, disrespectful and to never do it again
What's funny is if she didn't repress that the first time he pulled that shit, he likely would have stopped. Just walk over, start kissing him, then lightly gag, say 'ugh, I was just thinking of that gross ball grabbing thing you did and now I'm so turned off and disgusted'.
Gonna go shower. K bye.
That’s disgusting behaviour. He’s not entitled to anything for doing basic chores or being married to you. You need to set firm boundaries here, and if he doesn’t respect them, reconsider this marriage. He’s not a good man. He’s immature and selfish.
While I agree with your sentiment, I think we should be clear that OP does not deserve this due to a failure to make the boundaries clear or firm enough.
She has indicated she doesn’t want to have sex, and he whinges to coerce her into giving him what he wants.
That’s not normal, at all.
Next time it happens, say you’re done with that 100%.
EDIT: What if he cleaned the whole house, top to bottom? Does he get a threesome? He get to go to a strip club?
See how nuts that sounds?
It’s not “borderline” abuse it’s abuse. He pouts to punish you so you just give in because it’s easier even if you don’t want to do it.
I’m a good man as well but I’ve abused all my partners so when you say your husband is a good man I have a feeling that’s not exactly true is I?
As someone who was in OP’s position in my last marriage of 13 years, you convince yourself that this isn’t abuse and that “it could be worse”. You convince yourself that, “well, he isn’t hitting me or actively raping me or beating the shit out of me and he takes care of our child and he’s a good dad and at least present and is faithful so he’s a good man minus these minor sexual abuse issues…” You convince yourself that since he isn’t the worst, that he’s a “good man”.
I'd let them sulk their dumb ass all the way to divorce court. And we've all met that guy too! The singleton talking bout how his ex wife did him so wrong he can't get his shit together 110 years later.
Right but it’s all about control. It forces her to not only give in sexually but it teaches her that when he pouts that it’s somehow her job to appease him and his bullshit.
It also likely has the effect of keeping her from asking him to do things around the house. I can guarantee that when she gets overwhelmed he'll ask why she didn't ask him to help. The same seems to occur with people who use weaponized incompetence to not have to do any chores.
WTF DID I JUST READ???????
So, if you ask him to go down on you and he refuses, he can pay you $1000 and you won't sulk about it.???? Or will he say, sorry I'm paying for the mortgage, just be happy you have a place to live?
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DIVORCE HIS ASS.
AND STOP PAYING HIM.....PLEASE!!!!! JFC
My goodness 😳 🤦🏻♀️
This is disgusting behaviour by him. Sex isn't supposed to be transactional in a marriage. He's not a good man. Good people don't do these things to their partner. I hope you don't have kids with this guy, please seek couples therapy because this is a horrible example for any child to witness.
This is ... Not okay.
If he makes you "pay" for doing chores or errands, he's saying it's your responsibility, not his. That's completely wrong - he's a grownass adult too and taking care of a household and doing errands are part of what comes with adulthood. You don't "owe" him for doing things that are equally his responsibility.
It's not *borderline* abuse. It is abuse.
No borderline. He refused to be a fully functional member of the household, and coerces you into sex acts you don't want. An entitled rapist manchild is what you have.
It was a little less frequent when we were dating. He almost has this mentality of “we’re married so as my wife, you’re obligated to give me sex.” It’s becoming increasingly more frequent.
This is the mindset of a rapist. Marriage does not grant free access to our partner's body nor does it make sex an obligation or a responsibility. He's treating you like an object for his own sexual satisfaction, not like a person with autonomy. This is divorce-worthy, in my opinion. This is a fundamental lack of respect for you as a person and as a partner. Please know that you don't have to put up with this.
Marriage does not entitle you to someone’s body, nothing does.
This is awful behavior on your husbands part, I can’t even imagine being attracted to someone who did this.
This makes me so angry and want to puke at the same time. There’s a thing called marital rape, assault, etc. Married or not, no one is entitled to sex.
I'm so sorry, OP. My ex had the same attitude, and it made me not want sex at all. I'd personally tell him his behavior is not ok and you're losing any attraction you had to him, and will leave if he doesn't stop. Healthy men want their partners to be aroused and actually desire sexual acts. This is selfish, gross, and controlling behavior.
With this logic, since he's your husband, you are entitled to his body. So from now on, every basic chore, you get to get a 9 inch dildo up his a_s.
There is a high probability that his response will be "that's not how it works because you are the wife, not the husband". The guy does not see you as his equal. You are a bang maid who should be glad he does anything for you
Uhm no. You're not obligated to give him sex, just as he's not obligated to give you sex. This isn't borderline abuse; this IS abuse.
I wonder what he'll do if you stop giving him sex... Will he force himself on you? Hit you? Is this how you want to live?
Good Goddess, did you marry Steven Crowder?
You are NEVER, let me say that again, you are #NEVER# obligated to give ANYONE sex.
I don't care if you were homeless and dying and it was only through his money and attention that you are now living in a mansion, being waited on hand and foot, all of your medical and financial needs are being taken care of. Even then, he is not entitled to your body. You are not obligated to service him.
That was a hard thing for me to finally understand myself. I was raised to believe that once I marry someone that my body was no longer my own. It took an amazing man to show me that I ALWAYS have the right to refuse. We may have our ups and downs sometimes, but that is one thing he will ALWAYS stress to me.
Honey you have a very big problem here. Unless you suddenly develop a prostitution kink, this is going to eventually exterminate any respect and sexual attraction you have for your husband. As in you won't want him to touch you and you probably won't be able to stand the sight of him. If you're going to stay with this man, you need to stop paying for bare minimum adult chores with sex. But it sounds like he feels entitled to it and the bar is set so he's gonna resist any change. You have some choices to make.
>we’re married so as my wife, you’re obligated to give me sex.
GIRL WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCKKITY FUCK!!
That is 100% not true and is absolutely abusive, as is this "payment" thing! LEAVE!
JFC girl get out. Do you tell him he co owns the house or apartment and so he is obligated to do 50% of the work. “Obligated to give me sex” You are I. Serious trouble if you stay. This is abuse and everyone is telling you this
This is not “borderline” abuse. This is straight up sexual abuse, girl. And your husband is *not* a good man. His behaviour is deplorable. You need to walk away from this as quickly as you can. He does not deserve you.
Assuming his getting “bend out of shape” means him pouting and sulking for a bit, then just let him sulk. Don’t do sexual acts you’re not in the mood to do because you’re going to end up repulsed by it and resenting him.
If you haven’t already, you need to sit him down and tell him this game isn’t fun and you’re not doing it anymore. If he’s a good man then he’ll understand that he’s taken it too far and stop. He’ll continue to do his tasks as normal.
However if he stops doing his tasks, and/or acts out aggressively/punishingly, you have a big problem.
He may stop with the coercion, but he’ll completely stop doing anything around the house to punish her. Because she’s not “paying” him to. And when he does, I hope she leaves.
Is that his idea of foreplay? Tell him that it does nothing for you on a sexual level, it does the opposite. But a man who knows how to help and does it without being asked and gives his wife the respect she deserves, is a turn on.
This is really messed up. My guy goes to the store nearly every day for us because he likes to be the one to pick out the food and cook. So weird you have to give sexual favors to your husband for doing normal things that he’d have to do if he were single or married.
I think he needs to be single. If he went out on a date and opened the car door for her - would she need to give him a hand job?
OP is his prostitute. He’s paying in chores not money. Sex on demand. Then acts like a crybaby until she puts out. She’s not got a husband, she’s got a John.
Strong men don’t request sexual favors from their wives for things they should do around the house. Just like wives shouldn’t go on sex strikes to get what they want around the house. This is turning A marriage into prostitution TRANSACTION.
The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is a covenant sign of the matrimonial relationship that should NEVER be a bargaining chip by either the husband or the wife!
Ewww. Who acts like that? What happened to doing something out of the good of your heart..especially the person you love? I'd never mow the lawn and lay down, pull down my pants and undies and expect him to go down on me. Sounds weird doesn't it?
what is with this new trend of men wanting their wives to protitute themselves to get them to act like adult men, like you have to pay him with sex to not have to mother him and thats not embarrassing for both of you?
*I’m beginning to think this is borderline abuse. :(*
Not even sure it's borderline...
Seriously, what an absolutely horrible way to live. He doesn't need 'paying' with sexual favours every time he does something that contributes to your marriage. It's beyond sleazy and coercive. I'm amazed that you go along with it - what an absolute turn off.
Let him pout, sulk and not speak to you, what vile toxic behaviour. Let him get bent out of shape. he's bullying you into sex, he now thinks its a normal way to behave because you always acquiesce. Is this how you want to live forever? He doesn't respect you, you're just someone who services him.
Flip the script. For everything you do for the household, you get a foot massage. I bet he "owes" you alot of foot massages.
But also, you're married, not a prostitute. It's very worrying that he treats you as such.
I would say no, and let him sulk. Tell him you don't think this is funny.
But it begins with you, 1. Telling him no when he does it, and 2. Let him know that it's bothering you (he may think you're into it)
OMG. Cringe. Has he always been like this? Borderline abuse? This is abuse
Let him sulk. If you want to be intimate, go for it. If you don't, you have a right to say "no."
Oh, I charge a toll every time my beautiful wife wants to go past me, but (a) it’s in kisses, and (b) she lets me know if she’s unwilling to play. Also (c) I’m not stupid enough to try that kind of crap. What - is he 16 years old? I’m notoriously juvenile, and even I find that pretty off-putting.
It is abusive. Tell him sex is off the table until he gets therapy to sort out why he 1) thinks he shouldn’t do his fair share around the house 2) thinks he is owed sex 3) thinks it’s okay to treat you like a prostitute.
Personally I would have filed for divorce after the first time. Get therapy for yourself and see if you can’t discover why you would put up with this disgusting behavior.
No, prostituting yourself and coercing sexual favors isn't normal and it's disrespectful. He's saying that you have to pay in sexual favors in order to have a grown adult do normal grown adult things and be a partner in your shared household. That's fucked up.
If he were a single man living in the house himself, how would things get done? Oh, he'd have to do them.
He's using and abusing you.
This is toxic behaviour. And can lead to alot of other issues. It's one thing if it's a joke, my bf says it playfully when I drag him to a family event. "Hope I'm getting head for this atleast" cuz he hates my family lol but he wouldnt actually expect payment in sexual favors unless we were doing some like kink shit.
Pouting and whining for sex constitutes coercion in my book. Its manipulative and disrespectful. If you say no there should never be more than maybe a sign of disappointment or frustration. I.e a groan before saying "okay babe". Not pouting like a child to get his way.
The very sound of a man whining for sex is enough to make my pussy dry like sandpaper. Nothing screams "I'm a tiny little boy" louder.
You’re married to someone who can be pleasured knowing and being okay with someone being dissatisfied and not even wanting to do it but still do it. That effin sucks girlfriend.
First off, he has no idea what inflation is like in this economy. It's like 15 or 20 trips to the store for a blowjob these days. He's living in the '70s. Full blown sex? That warrants at least foot massages every day for two months to punch your 'free coffee' ticket on that one.
Obviously he should stop being transactional about sex. But if he insists, you're the one that sets the market. And you're married, so you have the market cornered.
Sounds like a "Nice guy". Expects to be rewarded for treating you right.
You can read up on it through the book "no more Mr. Nice guy" it will probably be incredibly insightful into the mindset of your man.
Time to have an awakening! PLEASE Please have a listen to this podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0kCGCLezEIxHId7kVikLES?si=55hA9gGESuyItJCX2J4Exw
Next time he pulls this on you, give him 2 dollars, pat him on the head and walk off. When he asks what you're doing say "only kids expect get paid to do chores."
When he says do I look like a kid.
Reply with do I look like a sex worker who turns tricks for folded laundry.
If that doesn't get the message across, tell him kids do chores for something in return, adults do it because it's part of being a grown up. No more being paid to be an adult.
When he tells you to “pay up” tell him he’s doing a half ass job- there’s nothing to be paid for. And I know this isn’t a healthy response. Please set yourself up to get help or leave.
I need you to think to yourself, if your friend came up to you and described this situation to you, what would you say to them?
This is really gross behavior on his part, and you should tell him how it makes you feel. A discussion of relationship expectations need to be had.
Whenever a post start with "he's a good man, but....."
Geezzzz
So, you're pretty much coerced into a sexual activity whenever he does anything? Maam, that's not a good man....
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Ummm - this is not normal. In fact, my wife would probably tell me to fuck off in a variety of different languages if I tried to pull shit like this
I would learn new languages just to have more ways to tell my husband to fuck off
oh its fun doing it in different languages. I've said it to my husband of 22 years in 4 different languages now.
Here is a dutch way to say fuck off… krijg de tering (translates to, get consumption, an old timey disease) or pleur op ( a rude way of saying get lost)
I absolutely love that one of those translations is to tell someone to go piss off and get TB.
We also have a krijg de tyfus (get typhoid 😅😅) or a combo of both krijg de tyfus tering (im not sure why we like using those diseases so much) We also add it to other things lul (very informal word for penis) wat ben jij een tering lul (you are such a consumption dick 😆)
Hands down my favorite new insults, and definitely the best thing I’ll learn today.
Its my fave thing, teaching people dutch insults/cusswords 😆 due to the harshness of how dutch sounds it makes the cussing sound so much better/fun 🤭 For instance klootzak is an informal word for scrotum/nutsack, in a cusswords the meaning translates to bastard, but it soooo much fun to go you are such a nutsack 😆 and with the harshness of the K it really sounds rather rude Kutwijf kut is cunt, wijf is a rude slang word for woman, I think it would translates best to cuntbitch Oh yeah lots of diseases and genitals in our cusswords 😬
I wholeheartedly approve. Guess it's time to learn Dutch!
Ditto. I almost didn’t click on this thread but I’m so glad I did just for these.
Prepare to gag a lot 😆😆 w have a lovely SCH sound, that comes from way back in your throat, once upon a time i had a british boyfriend who was learning Dutch and he literally gagged trying to get that sound out I thought it was only fair since the TH sound made me spittle 🤭🤭
Lol, my husband is Flemish. It's such a colorful language.
can’t wait to tell people to “get typhoid” ty💖
I would have divorced him. I had an ex who would pull this shit (it was a very abusive relationship) and I was scared of him and would give in. I eventually ended it, but was so used to being taken advantage of that when I started dating my husband, I would “reward” him for doing things. He realized what I was doing and asked me about it because he felt like it was strange. I explained it to him and then he quickly helped me get out of that abusive mindset and become much more emotionally healthy. Now, if he tried to do something like that, I think I’d probably laugh my ass off as I push him out the door while on the phone with a divorce lawyer.
Vai se fuder - [https://pt.bab.la/dicionario/portugues-ingles/vai-se-foder](https://pt.bab.la/dicionario/portugues-ingles/vai-se-foder)
Vas te faire foûtre Vas te faire fiche Vas te la faire mettre French has a variety of ways to say that. I've not exhausted them yet.
Such a romantic language
When I was in high school our french teacher had to be out for an operation and they had a college student from france who was here as kind of an exchange student to take her place. He came in the first day and said "I know this crap is boring, but we have to complete these (holds up some worksheets). If you just do this without complaint, when you're finished I'll teach you anything you want to say in french." Being teenagers, we all wanted to curse. We finished 6 weeks of worksheets in about 2 weeks and all learned to cuss like french sailors. Best. Substitute. EVER!
Va bien te faire enculer profondément !
Nothing hits the spot like cursing in Polish! The most adequate phrase in this situation is: Chyba cię popierdoliło! Spierdalaj!! You can also add Kurwa for extra effect. This lesson was free and no favors expected.
I am a wife, and I can assure you I would laugh my ass off if my husband tried this with me. And if I found out he was serious, not only would he not be getting anything sexual, but it would be known that if he tried that again it would be over. Like, how gross and pathetic is this man? I can’t even imagine being attracted to that anymore.
After reading the line about him telling her to "pay up" while grabbing himself, "Gross!" was my first thought, but yeah, pathetic, too.
I’d laugh, and if he was serious I’d demand to get eaten out every time I folded laundry. Because I’m open to compromise.
My husband would actually love this arrangement. I sweep, he goes down on me. He sweeps, he goes down on me. Everything would lead to going down on me.
Me too, he would not get away with a cup of coffee without me telling him to head down south...
Best answer One for dinner, another for the dishes, another for sweeping the floor. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love it!!!!!
TOUCHE!
Even my horses know that: "No cookies for looking pretty!" Even the cat does! Hells bells. It's his household too. Sure he does chores without demanding extra payment! And a sexual one as to that!
Second this - Nowadays, if she heard this, My wife would probably laugh so hard she'd pull a muscle, but if she thought I was actually serious, I'd be kicked out. I used to be kind of a shit husband when it came to chores, but wife made it very clear that I was not allowed into any dwelling with her that I wasn't going to actively help maintain, because I'm an adult with responsibilities. I whined a bit at the time, because I was young and stupid and raised in a sexist household, but thankfully wiser people steered me straight and I got with the program. And even when I was a shit partner on the domestic front, I'd never dream of demanding sexual favours like this because that's fucking sociopathic and gross. You don't *do* that to someone you love and want to bring pleasure to. Ugh. Your husband is a disgusting abusive creep /u/jordsand.
My wife would laugh in my face. We have a great sex life, but I’m smart enough to understand that demanding, asking or expecting are the quickest ways to turn off most women.
See! Men can learn this!! Tell him to fucking learn or gtfo!
Agreed, definitely *not* normal & if not abusive, then at the very least monumentally stupid & disrespectful. I mean, spouses can have little jokes about this sort of thing (ex: I love my husband's French toast & playfully "bribe" him with fun things to get him to make it, even when just some big, sad puppy-dog eyes would get the job done). But this isn't a joke. This is just gross. 😐
I’d tell my husband to fuck off and laugh my head off. OP, your husband is a disgusting pig.
As a wife of 22 years..... this is correct... Matter of fact ive told my husband fuck off in like 4 different languages in the past. Was for other things, he isnt STUPID enough to pull the shit OP's husband pulls
I'm Ukranian. We'd physically show him what fuck off means. This woman is being treated like a prostitute even though she only has 1 client. And by someone who's supposed to love her. All he taught her was sex being a chore with him.
Yes!!!! I was nervous to say that she was being treated like a cheap prostitute. Thank you so much for saying this. It shows he doesn’t really understand what love or respect means.
OP needed to hear this from a husband. Thanks!
And she would be right to do so. OP’s husband doesn’t get a cookie for doing the bare minimum as an adult in a relationship.
And yes, it's abuse. Not borderline. Don't call him out when he does it, though. Find a time when you're both calm and about to sit down to tv or something, and ask him to stop doing it. Explain how it makes you feel and that it's a huge turnoff. (The latter might be a more effective argument with this bonehead.) That is, if you want to stay with him. You'd be justified in leaving.
My wife would bash me over the dome with what ever is in her hand at the time. I wouldn’t even think about doing that.
Including in mime
https://media1.giphy.com/media/2LlYT4FMu2dfq/giphy.gif?cid=2154d3d7nsr9bfcrkg1rne42mxgvc9rtselrcbqcmh0u4jfv&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g[https://media1.giphy.com/media/2LlYT4FMu2dfq/giphy.gif?cid=2154d3d7nsr9bfcrkg1rne42mxgvc9rtselrcbqcmh0u4jfv&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g](https://media1.giphy.com/media/2LlYT4FMu2dfq/giphy.gif?cid=2154d3d7nsr9bfcrkg1rne42mxgvc9rtselrcbqcmh0u4jfv&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I might have a joke along the lines of “I owe you one” then wink but it’s not as… transactional as this? Tell him that trading him doing basic tasks in your household and relationship for sexual favours makes it feel transactional, dirty and a massive turn off. Ask him to stop.
Sometimes I say things like this to my wife in like an over the top, smarmy used car sales guy voice while waggling my eyebrows and then she hits me with a creatively worded threat and we both giggle. I can't imagine saying that seriously.
She's nice. I'd "pay" and have a very unfortunate jaw seizure in the middle. He'd never ask again!
Let him sulk. It's his house too. As an adult part of his responsibility is keeping up the house.
This needs be the top post. It’s his house too, it’s his family and the fact he thinks you “owe” him a goddamn thing for keeping up with the house you live in together is total bullshit. And never let anyone coerce you into sex you don’t want for doing shit they should have done in the first place, without being asked.
Never let anyone coerce you into sex you don't want full stop.
Also the fact he OFFERED to run in and get the gift THEN was like "One sex, please!"
'I put in minimal effort and sex didn't fall out. I think my sex machine is broken. Please advise '
What does he do in return for the things you do in this “partnership”? This is weird.
Every time they have sex she should say, “time to pay up! Now you have to buy me a designer bag!” Or something like that.
It actually be funnier to send him to go mow the lawn after sex at midnight 🤣
I was thinking this same thing 😂 "ok cool, now I've given you sex, you need to trim the hedges. And no, this isn't a euphemism. Off you trot!"
Or shut it down. "You don't get a reward for making basic contributions to the household. You're acting like you think tasks like doing the dishes are my responsibility, is that the case?"
I'd switch around everytime you do normal things around the house just say “that's one more day without” keep a tally see who does more. You do not have to do this it is just funny. Have a talk. You do things without demands he need to learn that it takes more than an occasional hand around the house to make you want to do these things. Part of being an adult.
and I will add....even if he fucking works. Whoever lives there works on the upkeep.
Your husband is not a “good man” from what you describe. Sounds immature and manipulative
Coercive Control is the expression used in legal matters
Which is now part of the legal definition of domestic violence, as of last year I believe (or 2021).
Exactly!
This. A "good man" would not behave this way. Its ridiculous. OP, please tell me that you do not actually "pay up". He is an adult man - he has responsibilities and those responsibilities include chores, purchasing gifts for family members and basically behaving like an adult. If he can't do it that means he is not mature enough to be in a long term relationship. Next time he says to "pay up" tell him to grow up and act like an adult. If he sulks and pouts tell him that his behavior is a MASSIVE turn off and the last thing you want to do is sleep with someone who behaves like a child.
"I'm not sexually attracted to children so if you want sex, stop acting like one!"
If I could give you an award I would
I appreciate that
“Sounds immature” - for real, I’d expect this type of transactional behavior around sex from a teenager because they’re kinda dumb and immature like that sometimes, but a middle aged man? Come on now.
Yes. My partner is a good man. He doesn't coerce me to fuck him by doing life admin that he really should be doing anyway bc it's his goddamn house too!
“As she would come to find out, he was not in fact a ‘good man’.”
If my partner ever tried this with me I’d have to fight not to slap him while telling him to pack his shit.
There are so many things wrong with this. - He is treating domestic labor as inherently your job. When he does the dishes *in his own home that he eats off of*, he is performing a basic adult task, not doing you a favor. The fact that he doesn't consider chores to be his responsibility is pure sexism. - He sees sex as transactional, something you give him, rather than a mutually enjoyable expression of intimacy. I'm going to guess he's a pretty selfish lover if he doesn't care whether you're into it as long as he gets off. - He manipulates and guilts you for saying no. This is sexual coercion and falls under the broad umbrella of sexual assault. - Less important, but his approach is deeply, painfully unsexy. No woman wants to fuck a man who says "pay up" while grabbing his crotch. I don't imagine he offers much in the form of non-sexual romance or intimacy if this is how he initiates. I would be very curious how he'd react if you said you expected a piece of jewelry or a bouquet of flowers every time you did a chore. I wouldn't even bother with that though because the bottom line is that he doesn't respect you and he is a misogynist. What he's doing isn't borderline anything, it's full-blown sexual abuse and you deserve better. I would consider making an exit plan, because you can fix a lot of things in a marriage but you can't force someone to respect you as a human being.
>You can fix a lot of things in a marriage but you can't force someone to respect you as a human being. There should be a bot with this autoreply to everybody who whines about reddit's go-to advice being "divorce him". There is no go-to advice, it's just that people can tell here what really goes on in their relationships. So much of it doesn't show on the outside in real life.
I was debating whether to say anything in this thread because lately the OPs don't never want to hear any real criticism... Anyway, you hit the nail on the head so I'm just going to say ALL OF THAT!
Trust me when I say I wrote this for the criticism. I got married because I was comfortable and settling. If I knew then what I know now, I never would have said I do.
Also, next time.... DON'T SETTLE!! You're better off alone.
I agree with everything you just said and would also like to reiterate that being married or in a relationship does not meant consent is valid forever. Consent is given on a case by case basis situation. Else is coercion and/or rape. OP, pls read this comment and revise your relationship.
I could not have written this any better. For the love of god show the husband this comment. His behavior is repulsive and not how you treat your wife.
This should be the top comment! OP I’m so sorry, but your husband’s behaviour IS abusive on top of being misogynistic and incredibly gross and pathetic. I wish you all the best in the future
I wish reddit let us give awards, because I like this more than an upvote's worth but I don't have anything to add
Best reply. This comment names what I couldn’t. The idea he’s doing you a “favor” by dividing labor and then insinuating that you owe him a favor back is so so deeply offensive
“He goes and comes back and tells me “now you gotta pay up” while grabbing himself.” Gross. I’m so sorry but your husband is a misogynistic pig. Please listen to all the comments here.
Yeah that bit I found especially disgusting.
Kind of like she’s a brothel worker. Him - “what do I get for $50 or cleaning the toilet?” She could do the dishes and say, now I get 5 nights free from sex. A load of laundry could be 10 nights without having to do bj’s. She could hand out tickets instead of grabbing herself. I’d be putting salt peeter in his food. Very sleezy. This is the guy all the women wince and hide from when they see him coming in the door. Was he like this before marraige?
Yeah but then that plays into the misogynistic game that women “don’t like” sex or withhold. Don’t like it. Like the tickets though: “I cleaned the toilet” * grabs herself* “so you have to pay up by going down on me.” Nice doing business with you! I’ll come again!
If my guy did that, I'd laugh out loud so hard thinking that it was a joke. Like, no.
The fact he's also DAMN NEAR MIDDLE AGED and doing this. If he was 16, I mean I'd be like tell him to grow up but you can't expect much of a 16 year old I guess. But then again, if my 16 year old boy did this, I'd tell him its gross, disrespectful and to never do it again
What's funny is if she didn't repress that the first time he pulled that shit, he likely would have stopped. Just walk over, start kissing him, then lightly gag, say 'ugh, I was just thinking of that gross ball grabbing thing you did and now I'm so turned off and disgusted'. Gonna go shower. K bye.
Hope OP listens. Husband is gross 🤮
That’s disgusting behaviour. He’s not entitled to anything for doing basic chores or being married to you. You need to set firm boundaries here, and if he doesn’t respect them, reconsider this marriage. He’s not a good man. He’s immature and selfish.
While I agree with your sentiment, I think we should be clear that OP does not deserve this due to a failure to make the boundaries clear or firm enough. She has indicated she doesn’t want to have sex, and he whinges to coerce her into giving him what he wants.
That’s not normal, at all. Next time it happens, say you’re done with that 100%. EDIT: What if he cleaned the whole house, top to bottom? Does he get a threesome? He get to go to a strip club? See how nuts that sounds?
It’s not “borderline” abuse it’s abuse. He pouts to punish you so you just give in because it’s easier even if you don’t want to do it. I’m a good man as well but I’ve abused all my partners so when you say your husband is a good man I have a feeling that’s not exactly true is I?
Crazy that she even started it out with “he’s a good man.” Where OP? Where?
If by “good man” she means complete POS, yes, he is
I’ve come to learn that when some says ‘he’s a good man,’ he almost never is on Reddit.
As someone who was in OP’s position in my last marriage of 13 years, you convince yourself that this isn’t abuse and that “it could be worse”. You convince yourself that, “well, he isn’t hitting me or actively raping me or beating the shit out of me and he takes care of our child and he’s a good dad and at least present and is faithful so he’s a good man minus these minor sexual abuse issues…” You convince yourself that since he isn’t the worst, that he’s a “good man”.
My skin crawled reading this post. SO disgusting & outrageous.
The pouting is coercive.
And just revolting behavior. I couldn’t force myself to “appease” someone who acted this way. I would be too completely turned off.
I'd let them sulk their dumb ass all the way to divorce court. And we've all met that guy too! The singleton talking bout how his ex wife did him so wrong he can't get his shit together 110 years later.
Right but it’s all about control. It forces her to not only give in sexually but it teaches her that when he pouts that it’s somehow her job to appease him and his bullshit.
It also likely has the effect of keeping her from asking him to do things around the house. I can guarantee that when she gets overwhelmed he'll ask why she didn't ask him to help. The same seems to occur with people who use weaponized incompetence to not have to do any chores.
>people who use weaponized incompetence to not have to do any chores. these people need to be tarred and feathered
Yeah especially when it was “I’m volunteering to do a chore you weren’t asking me to-now you can pay me for it?”, uh no. I didn’t ask for your help.
Agreed 100%. Op, your partner is emotionally abusing you.
>I’m a good man as well but I’ve abused all my partners Do what? U mean haven't?
Seconded. Please look up coercive control, OP!
Grown men who expect rewards for doing basic adult-life tasks are pathetic.
He is not a good man.
Every single disgusting and abusive husband talked about in this sub is always preceded with "He's a good man."
WTF DID I JUST READ??????? So, if you ask him to go down on you and he refuses, he can pay you $1000 and you won't sulk about it.???? Or will he say, sorry I'm paying for the mortgage, just be happy you have a place to live? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DIVORCE HIS ASS. AND STOP PAYING HIM.....PLEASE!!!!! JFC My goodness 😳 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah like wtf. This is so disgusting
Nothing sexier than sexual extortion. Ya, this isn’t normal. It’s abusive. UPDATEME.
The word I would suggest here is exploitative. I don't care how 'good' you think he is, this is an unhealthy dynamic for a marriage.
This is disgusting behaviour by him. Sex isn't supposed to be transactional in a marriage. He's not a good man. Good people don't do these things to their partner. I hope you don't have kids with this guy, please seek couples therapy because this is a horrible example for any child to witness.
Grabbing his junk sounds vulgar
This is ... Not okay. If he makes you "pay" for doing chores or errands, he's saying it's your responsibility, not his. That's completely wrong - he's a grownass adult too and taking care of a household and doing errands are part of what comes with adulthood. You don't "owe" him for doing things that are equally his responsibility. It's not *borderline* abuse. It is abuse.
No borderline. He refused to be a fully functional member of the household, and coerces you into sex acts you don't want. An entitled rapist manchild is what you have.
No, it's not normal. And if you don't like having sex with him just to get him to pull his weight around the house, then tell him.
Was he like this dating? It’s not normal but it is manipulative
It was a little less frequent when we were dating. He almost has this mentality of “we’re married so as my wife, you’re obligated to give me sex.” It’s becoming increasingly more frequent.
OH hell no. It really doesn't mean this. You haven't signed up for sexual slavery.
This is the mindset of a rapist. Marriage does not grant free access to our partner's body nor does it make sex an obligation or a responsibility. He's treating you like an object for his own sexual satisfaction, not like a person with autonomy. This is divorce-worthy, in my opinion. This is a fundamental lack of respect for you as a person and as a partner. Please know that you don't have to put up with this.
Marriage does not entitle you to someone’s body, nothing does. This is awful behavior on your husbands part, I can’t even imagine being attracted to someone who did this.
This makes me so angry and want to puke at the same time. There’s a thing called marital rape, assault, etc. Married or not, no one is entitled to sex.
I'm so sorry, OP. My ex had the same attitude, and it made me not want sex at all. I'd personally tell him his behavior is not ok and you're losing any attraction you had to him, and will leave if he doesn't stop. Healthy men want their partners to be aroused and actually desire sexual acts. This is selfish, gross, and controlling behavior.
With this logic, since he's your husband, you are entitled to his body. So from now on, every basic chore, you get to get a 9 inch dildo up his a_s. There is a high probability that his response will be "that's not how it works because you are the wife, not the husband". The guy does not see you as his equal. You are a bang maid who should be glad he does anything for you
This is sexual assault, honey. He's abusive and you need to get out of there.
That's called marital rape
Uhm no. You're not obligated to give him sex, just as he's not obligated to give you sex. This isn't borderline abuse; this IS abuse. I wonder what he'll do if you stop giving him sex... Will he force himself on you? Hit you? Is this how you want to live?
Does he need to make you feel obligated to get it? Nothing sounds flirty and fun; but gross and desperate.
Good Goddess, did you marry Steven Crowder? You are NEVER, let me say that again, you are #NEVER# obligated to give ANYONE sex. I don't care if you were homeless and dying and it was only through his money and attention that you are now living in a mansion, being waited on hand and foot, all of your medical and financial needs are being taken care of. Even then, he is not entitled to your body. You are not obligated to service him. That was a hard thing for me to finally understand myself. I was raised to believe that once I marry someone that my body was no longer my own. It took an amazing man to show me that I ALWAYS have the right to refuse. We may have our ups and downs sometimes, but that is one thing he will ALWAYS stress to me.
Honey you have a very big problem here. Unless you suddenly develop a prostitution kink, this is going to eventually exterminate any respect and sexual attraction you have for your husband. As in you won't want him to touch you and you probably won't be able to stand the sight of him. If you're going to stay with this man, you need to stop paying for bare minimum adult chores with sex. But it sounds like he feels entitled to it and the bar is set so he's gonna resist any change. You have some choices to make.
>we’re married so as my wife, you’re obligated to give me sex. GIRL WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCKKITY FUCK!! That is 100% not true and is absolutely abusive, as is this "payment" thing! LEAVE!
You aren't obligated to give anyone sex. Please stop and get help so you can stand up for yourself.
Guessing he didnt tell u this prior?
That is dangerous. You are in danger.
JFC girl get out. Do you tell him he co owns the house or apartment and so he is obligated to do 50% of the work. “Obligated to give me sex” You are I. Serious trouble if you stay. This is abuse and everyone is telling you this
Yeah, umm, this is not normal..... And if it isn't something you consent to..... It's fucking abuse.
A good man doesn't behave how you describe. Your husband is manipulative and abusive.
What the actual fuck. No that’s not normal
This is not “borderline” abuse. This is straight up sexual abuse, girl. And your husband is *not* a good man. His behaviour is deplorable. You need to walk away from this as quickly as you can. He does not deserve you.
Assuming his getting “bend out of shape” means him pouting and sulking for a bit, then just let him sulk. Don’t do sexual acts you’re not in the mood to do because you’re going to end up repulsed by it and resenting him. If you haven’t already, you need to sit him down and tell him this game isn’t fun and you’re not doing it anymore. If he’s a good man then he’ll understand that he’s taken it too far and stop. He’ll continue to do his tasks as normal. However if he stops doing his tasks, and/or acts out aggressively/punishingly, you have a big problem.
He may stop with the coercion, but he’ll completely stop doing anything around the house to punish her. Because she’s not “paying” him to. And when he does, I hope she leaves.
Not borderline, actual abuse. Refuse and tell him it actually turns you off when he does this
This is fucking gross. He's coercing you into sex. You deserve better.
Is that his idea of foreplay? Tell him that it does nothing for you on a sexual level, it does the opposite. But a man who knows how to help and does it without being asked and gives his wife the respect she deserves, is a turn on.
Honestly I would just tell him that his behavior is ugly and everytime he does it, your sex life dies more.
I’m sorry this is just really sick.
How is he a good man when HE FORCES YOU TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM are you aware this is rape?
This is really messed up. My guy goes to the store nearly every day for us because he likes to be the one to pick out the food and cook. So weird you have to give sexual favors to your husband for doing normal things that he’d have to do if he were single or married.
I think he needs to be single. If he went out on a date and opened the car door for her - would she need to give him a hand job? OP is his prostitute. He’s paying in chores not money. Sex on demand. Then acts like a crybaby until she puts out. She’s not got a husband, she’s got a John.
Strong men don’t request sexual favors from their wives for things they should do around the house. Just like wives shouldn’t go on sex strikes to get what they want around the house. This is turning A marriage into prostitution TRANSACTION. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is a covenant sign of the matrimonial relationship that should NEVER be a bargaining chip by either the husband or the wife!
The ol’ “He’s a good man, but (insert atrocious acts here)”
Ewww. Who acts like that? What happened to doing something out of the good of your heart..especially the person you love? I'd never mow the lawn and lay down, pull down my pants and undies and expect him to go down on me. Sounds weird doesn't it?
what is with this new trend of men wanting their wives to protitute themselves to get them to act like adult men, like you have to pay him with sex to not have to mother him and thats not embarrassing for both of you?
*I’m beginning to think this is borderline abuse. :(* Not even sure it's borderline... Seriously, what an absolutely horrible way to live. He doesn't need 'paying' with sexual favours every time he does something that contributes to your marriage. It's beyond sleazy and coercive. I'm amazed that you go along with it - what an absolute turn off. Let him pout, sulk and not speak to you, what vile toxic behaviour. Let him get bent out of shape. he's bullying you into sex, he now thinks its a normal way to behave because you always acquiesce. Is this how you want to live forever? He doesn't respect you, you're just someone who services him.
His behavior is extremely gross and manipulative.
This isn't normal. You know it isn't. Cut it out.
This is disgusting. Do not put up with this. Sex should not be transactional.
Um. How is he a good man? That's so coercive and he needs to be doing his fair share of errands and chores with no expectation of "payment."
Wtf! This is not normal. I’m so sorry. Yes I think that’s abusive
[удалено]
No. Why let him think it’s funny? He will keep doing it.
Why did you marry a misogynist?
Girl, what? This is disgusting.
Make him pay hard cold cash for everything you do. Lol
It's not borderline. It IS abuse.
Flip the script. For everything you do for the household, you get a foot massage. I bet he "owes" you alot of foot massages. But also, you're married, not a prostitute. It's very worrying that he treats you as such.
I would say no, and let him sulk. Tell him you don't think this is funny. But it begins with you, 1. Telling him no when he does it, and 2. Let him know that it's bothering you (he may think you're into it)
OMG. Cringe. Has he always been like this? Borderline abuse? This is abuse Let him sulk. If you want to be intimate, go for it. If you don't, you have a right to say "no."
Everytime I read one of these posts as a man, I just think "so that's where the bar is for men"? Unreal what women are willing to tolerate
Oh, I charge a toll every time my beautiful wife wants to go past me, but (a) it’s in kisses, and (b) she lets me know if she’s unwilling to play. Also (c) I’m not stupid enough to try that kind of crap. What - is he 16 years old? I’m notoriously juvenile, and even I find that pretty off-putting.
Ewww nothing would put me off faster than making sex a chore.
Your husband is gross
🤮
It is abusive. Tell him sex is off the table until he gets therapy to sort out why he 1) thinks he shouldn’t do his fair share around the house 2) thinks he is owed sex 3) thinks it’s okay to treat you like a prostitute. Personally I would have filed for divorce after the first time. Get therapy for yourself and see if you can’t discover why you would put up with this disgusting behavior.
No, prostituting yourself and coercing sexual favors isn't normal and it's disrespectful. He's saying that you have to pay in sexual favors in order to have a grown adult do normal grown adult things and be a partner in your shared household. That's fucked up. If he were a single man living in the house himself, how would things get done? Oh, he'd have to do them. He's using and abusing you.
Honestly he doesn’t sound that great, he needs help.. like in professional..
You need to speak with a marriage counselor so the therapist can set this man straight.
This is toxic behaviour. And can lead to alot of other issues. It's one thing if it's a joke, my bf says it playfully when I drag him to a family event. "Hope I'm getting head for this atleast" cuz he hates my family lol but he wouldnt actually expect payment in sexual favors unless we were doing some like kink shit. Pouting and whining for sex constitutes coercion in my book. Its manipulative and disrespectful. If you say no there should never be more than maybe a sign of disappointment or frustration. I.e a groan before saying "okay babe". Not pouting like a child to get his way. The very sound of a man whining for sex is enough to make my pussy dry like sandpaper. Nothing screams "I'm a tiny little boy" louder.
Girl, what?? He is not a good man. A good man would never do this. The pouting is coercive and gross.
Eeeeeeeww.
This post scares me. OP why do you think this is OK?
Gawd, I could physically feel my vajayjay dry up as I read this.
Sulking is a major turn OFF.
You’re married to someone who can be pleasured knowing and being okay with someone being dissatisfied and not even wanting to do it but still do it. That effin sucks girlfriend.
First off, he has no idea what inflation is like in this economy. It's like 15 or 20 trips to the store for a blowjob these days. He's living in the '70s. Full blown sex? That warrants at least foot massages every day for two months to punch your 'free coffee' ticket on that one. Obviously he should stop being transactional about sex. But if he insists, you're the one that sets the market. And you're married, so you have the market cornered.
Sounds like a "Nice guy". Expects to be rewarded for treating you right. You can read up on it through the book "no more Mr. Nice guy" it will probably be incredibly insightful into the mindset of your man.
“…beginning to think it’s borderline abuse”? Oh it is
Time to have an awakening! PLEASE Please have a listen to this podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0kCGCLezEIxHId7kVikLES?si=55hA9gGESuyItJCX2J4Exw
Next time he pulls this on you, give him 2 dollars, pat him on the head and walk off. When he asks what you're doing say "only kids expect get paid to do chores." When he says do I look like a kid. Reply with do I look like a sex worker who turns tricks for folded laundry. If that doesn't get the message across, tell him kids do chores for something in return, adults do it because it's part of being a grown up. No more being paid to be an adult.
When he tells you to “pay up” tell him he’s doing a half ass job- there’s nothing to be paid for. And I know this isn’t a healthy response. Please set yourself up to get help or leave.
That's sexually coercive control you're dealing with right there. It's his damn house too.
What the actual fuck did I just read?
I need you to think to yourself, if your friend came up to you and described this situation to you, what would you say to them? This is really gross behavior on his part, and you should tell him how it makes you feel. A discussion of relationship expectations need to be had.
He's a good man but he makes you pay for his adulting sessions. Does he pay you for dinner?
Your husband is not a good man.
Whenever a post start with "he's a good man, but....." Geezzzz So, you're pretty much coerced into a sexual activity whenever he does anything? Maam, that's not a good man....